The Mercury Theater - The Man Who Was Thursday

The Mercury Theatre on the Air was a captivating radio series created and hosted by Orson Welles. This weekly hour-long show featured live radio dramas performed by Welles’s celebrated Mercury Theatre repertory company. They presented classic literary works, accompanied by music composed or arranged by Bernard Herrmann.

The series began in July 1938 and aired on the CBS Radio network. Notably, their broadcast of “The War of the Worlds” on October 30 caused quite a stir, allegedly leading to panic among listeners. After this memorable episode, the Campbell Soup Company became the show’s sponsor. The Mercury Theatre on the Air concluded its run on December 4, and shortly thereafter, The Campbell Playhouse took its place.

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Episode Transcript

(00:00):
Wonderful to be famous. According tothe story, that's what the young lady
said to the fat Man, thefabulously, fatly fantastic, the famous fat
Man, when he took it tolunch at a fashionable restaurant, and everybody
turned and stared. Tell me,she said, do people always recognize you?
Does everybody always know who you are? Well, my dear, said

(00:20):
mister Chesterton. If they don't,they ask mister Chesterton's The Man Who Was
Thursday is a little like that.Roughly speaking, it's about anarchists. It
was written remember in the boom ofbomb throwing, in those radical, irresponsible
days of the Nihilists. And roughlyspeaking, it's a mystery story. It
can be guaranteed that you will nevernever guess the solution until you get to

(00:43):
the end. It is even feared, but you may not guess it.
Then you may never guess what TheMan who Was Thursday is about. But
definitely, if you don't, youask. I am Gabriel Sime. I

(01:03):
am the man who was Thursday,that particular evening, if it is remembered
for nothing else would be remembered inthat place for its strange sunset. It
looked like the end of the world. It may be remembered by others too,
because it marked the first appearance inthe place of the second poet of

(01:25):
Saffron Park. For a long time, a red haired revolutionary had reigned without
arrival. It was upon the nightof the sunset that I Gabriel sign ended
his solitude sign. You say youare a poet of law, I say
you are a contradiction. In terms, an artist is identical with an anarchist,
mister Gregory. It is things goingright that is poetical. Our digestions,

(01:48):
for instance, going sacredly and silentlyright. The most poetical thing in
the world is not being sickly,mister Sime. The examples true. I
beg your pardon, mister Gregory,I forgot we had abolished all conventions.
Expect me to revolutionize society on thislaw. No, I don't. But
I suppose that if you are seriousabout your anarchism, that is exactly what
you would do. Don't you thinkthen that I'm serious about my anarchism.
I beg your pardon. Am Inot serious about my anarchism? I strolled

(02:13):
away and left Gregory, but withsurprise and with a curious pleasure I found
a red headed young lady still inmy company. It was Rosamund Gregory's sister.
It's the time. Do the peoplewho talk like you and my brother
often mean what they say? Doyou mean what you say? Now,
my dear miss Gregory, when yousay thank you for the sort, do

(02:35):
you mean what you say? No? When you say the world is round,
you mean what you say? No, it's quite true, but you
don't mean it. Is he reallyan anarchist only in that sense I speak
of, or if you prefer itin that nonsense, you wouldn't really use
bonds. Oh, that's sort ofsaying, thank good Lord. No,
that has to be done anonymously.I strolled with her to a seat in
the corner of the garden, andI defended respectability with violence and exaggeration.

(03:00):
I grew passionate in my praise oftidiness and propriety. All the time.
There was a smell of lilac aroundme, And once I heard, very
faintly, in some distant street,a barrel organ begin to play, and
it seemed to me that my heroicwords were moving to a tiny tune from
under or beyond the world in thewild, events which were to follow.

(03:22):
This girl had no part at allI never saw again until all my teal
was over. And yet in someindescribable way, she kept recurring like a
motive in music through all those madadventures afterwards, And the glory of her
strange hair ran like a red threadthrough those dark and ill drawn tapestries of
the night. For what followed wasso improbable that it might well have been

(03:46):
a dream. When I left theparty and went out into the Starlit street,
I found Gregory waiting for me atime. Mister Gregory, this evening,
you succeeded in doing something rather remarkable. You did something to me that
no man has ever succeeded in doing. The poor you irritated me. I'm
sorry that it is only one wayby which that insult can be erased them
that way I choose. I amgoing, at the possible sacrifice of my

(04:06):
life and honor to prove to youthat you are wrong in what you said.
In what I said, you saidI was not serious about being an
anarchist. Mister Sime, May Iask you to swear by whatever gods or
saints your religion involves, that youwill not reveal what I am now going
to tell you, to any sonof Adam, and especially not to the
police, will you swear that,if you will consent to burden your soul

(04:28):
with a vow that you should nevermake and a knowledge you should never dream
about, I will promise you.In return, you will promise me.
In return, I will promise youa very entertaining Your author is far too
idiotic to be declined. You saythat a poet is always an anarchist.
I disagree, but I hope atleast that he is always a sportsman.
Permit me here and now to swearthat is a Christian, and to promise
is a good comrade and a fellowartist. But I will not report any

(04:51):
of this, whatever it is,to the police. And now what is
it? I think that we willtake a cab. A cab pulled up
before a particularly dreary and greasy beershop. We seated ourselves in a close

(05:14):
and dim sort of bar parlor ata stained wooden table with one wooden leg.
Because I'm if in a few momentsthis table begins to turn around a
little. Please don't put it downto the champagne. I don't wish you
to do yourself an injustice. Well, if I'm not drunk, i'm mad,
But I trust I can behave likea gentleman in either situation. May
I smoke? Suddenly? I wentof't mine. I took this age and
started to light it. Almost beforeI had begun, a table at which
we were sitting began to revolve,first slowly and then rapid. You mustn't

(05:38):
mind it. It's kind of screw. Might so a kind of screw?
How simple that is. The nextmoment we two, with our chairs and
tables, shot down to the flawsof the earth had swallowed us. Gregory
let me down a low vaulted passage, at the end of which was a
heavy iron door. Who is it, mister Joseph Chamberlain. It was obviously

(06:04):
some kind of password. He steppedinto a queer steel chamber whose walls were
hung with dubious and dreadful shapes,things that look like the bulbs of iron
plants or the eggs of iron birds. They were barred. And now,
my dear mister Sime, now weare quite cozy, so let us talk
properly. You said you are quitecertain I was not a serious anarchist.

(06:26):
Does this place strike you as beingserious. It does seem to have a
moral under all of its gaiety.But tell me, for heavy iron door,
you cannot pass it without submitting tothe humiliation of calling yourself mister chamberlain.
You surround yourself with steel instruments,which make the place, if I
may say so, more impressive thanhomelike. Why, after taking all this

(06:46):
trouble to barricade yourself in the bowsof the earth, you then parade your
whole secret by talking anarchism to everysilly woman in saffron parts as are simple.
When first I became one of thenew anarchists, I tried all kinds
of respectable disguises. Last I wentin despair to the president of the Central
Anarchist Council, who is the greatestman in Europe. What's his name?
You wouldn't know it, that ishis greatness. He looked at me.

(07:11):
You want to save disguise, doyou? I nodded, Why then dress
up as an anarchist, you fool. I took his advice and have never
regretted it. I preach blood andmurder to those women day and night,
and by heaven they would let mewield their pabulators. It took me in
What do you call this tremendous presidentof yours? We call him Sunday.

(07:32):
You see, there are seven membersof the Central Anarchist Council, and they
are named after the days of theweek. He is called Sunday by some
of his admirers. Bloody Sunday.It's curious that you should mention the matter,
because this very night we've called ameeting to elect a successor to the
post of Thursday. And I don'tmind telling you that it's almost a settle

(07:55):
thing that I am to be Thursday. Gregory. I gave you a promise
before I came to this place.Would you give me, for my own
safety a little promise of the samekind? Yes, a promise. I
swore before God that I would nottell your secret to the police. Will
you swear by humanity or whatever beastlything you believe in, that you will

(08:20):
not tell my secret to the anarchistYour secret, I have you got?
Yes, I have a secret.Will you swear yes? I will swear
not to tell the anarchists anything youtell me. If you good, look
sharp, they will be here ina couple of months. I don't know
how to tell you the truth moreshortly by saying that your expedient of dressing

(08:43):
up as a nameless poet is notconsigned to you or your president. We've
known the dodge for some time atScotland Yard. What do you say,
Yes, Gregory, I am apolice detective. Chamberlain, did Joseph Chamberlain.
It was repeated twice, and thrice, and then thirty times, and
the crowd of Joseph Chamberlain's a solemnthought could be heard trampling down the corridor

(09:09):
carey of friends, Gregory. ComradeGagory, I suppose this man is a
delegate. The fact is, comrade, I have been specially sent here to
see that you show a due observanceof Sunday. Well, Comrade, I
suppose we'd better give you a seatof the meeting. Gregory, I could
see, was in an agony ofdiplomacy. Yes, I think it is

(09:31):
time we began. The tongue iswaking on the river. I move that,
comrade, Buttons take the chair,I comrade. By comrades, we
all meant the sadest seat of theheroic welcome who occupied the post of Thursday
in the Central Council until last week. He organized the great dynamite comb of

(09:54):
brightem which, under happier circumstances,ought to have killed everybody on the tier.
Upon you tonight, comrades, itdevolves to choose out of the company
present, the man who shall becalled Thursday. If any comrades have gent
the name, I will put itto the boat. I will Comrade Gregory

(10:18):
degage. Any one seconds before Iput the man under the boat, I
will call on Comrade Gregory to makea statement. Gregory rose. He must
have figured out that his best chancewas to make a softened, an ambiguous
speech, such as would leave inmy mind the impression that the Brotherhood was
a very mild affair. After allthy frad and back there it is seep,

(10:43):
seep under the earth, that wethe persecuted uppermitted to a temple as
the Christians, as templed in thecatacombs. Suppose we seem as shocking as
the Christians, because we are reallyas harmless as the Christians. Suppose we
seem as mad as the Christians,because we are really as mean. I

(11:05):
am not me. Comrade with afool tells us that he is not me,
how little he knows himself. Weare simple as they were simple.
Look at Comrade with auspooon, weare modest as they were modest. Look
at me, we are merciful.Now, we are merciful as the early

(11:26):
Christians were merciful. Yet this didnot prevent that they're being accused of eating
flesh. Now we do not eathuman flesh. Shame? Why not?
Comrade with Auspool is anxious to knowwhy nobody eats him in our society at
any rate, which loves him sincerely, which is hounded on love? No,

(11:46):
no, down with lances holding onlove, there will be no difficulty
about the aims which we shall pursueas a body, or which I should
pursue, were I chosen as therepresentative of that body. Does anyone oppose
the election of Comrade Gregory Conrad?Why a real time comerad comrade timeless special

(12:11):
delegation? Can we come in withthis comrace? We line these walls with
weapons and bar that door with deathrest. Anyone should comment here, Comrade
Gregory saying to us, be goodand you will be happy. Honesty is
the best policy, and virtue isits own reward. Comrade Gregory has told

(12:33):
us we are not the enemies ofsociety. But I say that we are
the enemies of society and so muchthe worse for society. Comrade Gregory accuses
me of hypocrisy. He knows that'swhat as I do, that I am
keeping all my engagements and doing nothingbut my duty. I do not mince

(12:54):
words, I do not pretend to. We do not want the Supreme Consul
of and okay infected with a Martinmercil Gregory and his milk and water metas
on the Supreme Consul. I wouldoffer myself for election. Would I tell
you at an amendment of Comrade Time, the appointed of the boat. Stop

(13:16):
all this, I tell you,stop it. It is all impossible.
I make the second election. ComradeI kneel to you. Do not elect
this man. The question is theComrade Time the elected to the post of
Thursday on the General's Council. Andthree minutes afterwards, mister Gabriel's Time of
the Secret Police Service was elected tothe post of Thursday on the General Council

(13:39):
of the Anarchists of Europe. Amoment later, I found myself, somehow
or other, face to face withGregory. And you are a gentleman,
Comrade Thursday. The boat is quiteready. Comrade Gregory. You've kept your
word of honor, and I thankyou. You mean, what did I

(14:03):
promise you? A very entertaining evening. My name is really Gabriel Syme.
I'm not merely a detective who pretendsto be a poet. I am really
a poet who has become a detective. I come of a family of cranks.

(14:28):
One of my uncles always walked aboutwithout a hat, and another had
made an unsuccessful attempt to walk aboutwith a hat and nothing else. Being
surrounded with every conceivable kind of revoltfrom infancy, I had to revolt into
something. So I revolted into theonly thing left, which was sanity.
Now, some months before that eveningin Saffron Park, I appeared before a

(14:50):
high official in Scotland Yard. Iwas led to a side door, and
almost before I knew what I wasdoing, I was suddenly sh down into
a room, the abrupt blackness ofwhich startled me like a blaze of light.
Are you the new recruit? Allright, you're engaged. I really
have no experience. No one hasany experience of the Battle of Armageddon.

(15:13):
But I'm really unfit. You're willingthat is enough? Well, really,
I don't know any profession of whichmere willingness is the final test. I
do, Martyrs, I'm condemning youto death. Good day where my adventure

(15:41):
ultimately led me, I've already toldyou. At about half past one on
a February night, I found myselfsteaming on a small tug up the silent
Thames, the duly elected Thursday ofthe Central Council of Anarchists. As we
came alongside, the great stones ofthe embankment were big and black against the
huge white dawn. I leapt theboat on the slimy steps. A tug

(16:02):
put off again and turned up stream, and I saw that there was a
man leaning over the parakeet and lookingout across the river. And then the
man smiled, And his smile wasa shock, for it was all on
one side, going up the rightcheek and down on the left, with

(16:25):
the dark dawn and the deadly errandand the loneliness and the great dripping stones.
There was something unnerving in it.There was the silent river and the
silent man, and there was thelast nightmare touch that his smile had suddenly
went wrong. Will you walk uptowards Leicester Square. We shall just be

(16:48):
in time for breakfast. Sunday alwaysinsists on an earlid breakfast at one corner
of Leicester Square that projected the balconyof a prosperous but quiet hotel. The
balcony contained a breakfast table, andround the breakfast table, glowing in the
sunlight, were a group of noisyand talkative men, all dressed in the

(17:12):
insolence of fashion. Here then withthe secret conclave of the European dynamiters.
Then, as I continued to stareat them, I saw something that I
had not seen before, literally becauseit was too large to see. At
the nearest end of the balcony,blocking up a great part of the perspective,

(17:33):
with the back of a great mountainof a man, I first thought
that the weight of him must breakdown the balcony of stone. This man
was planned enormously in his original proportions, like a statue, carved deliberately as
colossal. His head, crowned withwhite hair, as seen from behind,
looked bigger than a head ought tobe. The ears that stood out from

(17:55):
it looked larger than human ears.His sense of size were so staggering.
But when I saw him, allthe other figure seemed quite suddenly to dwindle
and become dwarfish. They were stillsitting there as before, with their flowers
and frock coats, but now itlooked as if the big man who was
entertaining five children to tea. Inever thought of asking whether the monstrous man

(18:19):
almost filled and broke the balcony wasthe great President Sunday, whom the others
had stood in awe. I knewit was so. As I walked across
the inner room towards the balcony,the large face of Sunday grew larger and
larger, and I was gripped withthe fear that when he was quite close,
the face would be too big tobe possible, and that I would
scream aloud. I remembered that asa child I would not look at the

(18:41):
mask of Memnon in the British Museum, because it was a face and so
large by an effort braver than thatof leaping over a cliff. I went
to an empty seat at the breakfasttable and sat down. At that moment,
the President was addressing a man,out of whose collar there sprang a
bewildering bush of brown hair and beardthat almost obscured the eyes like those of

(19:03):
a sky terrier. The man's name, it seemed, was Go Go.
He was a pole, and ina circle of days he was called Tuesday,
ah friend. Tuesday insists on theways that the stage considered that,
No, if a gentleman goes aboutLondon in a top captain prop coat,
no one need knows that he's ananarchist. But if a gentleman puts on
the top head and of prop coat, and then goes about on his hands

(19:26):
and knees, well, he madelike the GENI I am not good that
conceal, and I am not ashamedof the cord. If you are,
my boyiam, so he's the causeof you. I am not good that
reception, right, my boy,right, you are good at anything.
As I looked at the others,I began to see each of them exactly
what I had seen in the manby the river. Each man was subtly

(19:48):
and differently wrong. Next to me, said Tuesday, the tozzle headed go
Go. Next was Wednesday, acertain marquis de Saint Eustache. In the
gloom and thickness of his beard,a dark red mouth showed sensual and scornful.
Whatever he was, he was nota Frenchman. Then came me next,
a very old man, Professor deWorms, who was Friday the Red

(20:14):
Flower, and his buttonhole showed upagainst a face that was literally discolored like
lead. The whole hideous effect wasas if some drunken dandies had put their
clothes upon a corpse. And rightat the end sat the man called Saturday.
His name was doctor Ball. Therewas nothing whatever odd about him,
except that he wore a pair ofdark, almost opaque spectacles. And it
occurred to me that his eyes mightbe covered up because they were too frightful

(20:37):
to see. Such were the sixmen who had been sworn to destroy the
world. Only three days afterwards,it appeared the King of England was to
meet the President of the French Republicin Paris, and over their bacon and
eggs upon their sunny balcony, thesebeaming gentlemen had decided how both should die.
Even the instrument was chosen the blackbearded Marquis. He was to carry

(21:00):
the bomb. Most the talker saylittle attention to me, but the President
was always looking at me steadily andwith a great and baffling interest. I
was sure that in some silence anextraordinary way. Sunday had found out that
I was a spy. Meantime,the men were eating as they talked.
The Marquis took a great bite ofbread and jam. I have often wondered

(21:22):
whether it wouldn't be better for meto do it with a knife, And
it would be a new emotion toget a knife into a French president and
wrigle it a wrong You are wrong. A knife was merely the expression of
the old personal quower with a personaltyrant. Dynamite is not only our best
tool, but our best symbol.It expands, it also destroys because it
broadens and brain. A man's brainis a bomb. Mine brain feels like

(21:44):
a bomb night and day. Itmust expand. It must expand. A
man's brain must expand if it breaksthe universe. I don't want the universe
broken up just yet. I wantto do a lot of beastly things before
I dying. I thought of oneyesterday in the question if how comrade Wednesday
is to strike the blow as tothe actual arrangement, I suggest that tomorrow

(22:07):
you should go first. Before wediscussed that, I have something very particular
to say. The instant of choicehad come at last the pistol was at
my head. More speeches, morecompromise. We'll go sit down with the
other judgment at this table for thefirst time this morning, something intelligent is
going to be said. I satdown first. No one except me seemed
to have any notion of the blowthat was about a fall. Comrades,

(22:30):
we have spun out of this passlong enough. We were discussing plans and
naming places. I propose that thosepans and places should be left only in
control of Comrade Saturday comfortabull. Notone word more about the plans and places
must be said at this meeting.They almost feverishly in their seats except me.
I sat stiff in mine, withmy hand in my pocket and on

(22:52):
the handle of my loaded revolver.Gentlemen, there is a spy at this
table. I waste no more words. His name have rose from my seat,
my finger firm on the train ishe said, hairy humbug over there,
who pretends to be a poe man. Hey, gather that you fully
understand your position? You bet ifI see it's a fair cup. All

(23:15):
I say is I don't believe anypoor could have emitted that my accent like
I did his I can see theboy. I believe your excellent to be
inimitable. Who still practice it inmy bar? You may leaving your beard
with your card not a bit uesday. If you ever tell the police or
any human soul about us, Iwould have exactly two and a half minutes

(23:36):
of discoverers. You're discompers. Iwill not dwell. Good day, I'm
the steps. The detective who hadmasqueraded his goggle rose to his feet without
a word and walked out of theroom with an air of perfect nonchial answer.
There was a slight stumble outside thedoor, which showed that the departing

(23:59):
detail had not minded his step.I am miss slaying. I must get
off the plot. I have takencare of the humanitarian meeting. Would not
be better to discuss further the detailsof our project now than that the spy
has left us. Secretary, youtake our head home and boil it for
a turn if it might be useful. I can't say that it might.
I really fail to understand. Whofailed to understand? Are you dancing,

(24:23):
donkey? You didn't want to beoverheard by a spider? You? How
do you know you are overheard now? With these words Sunday showed it his
way out of the room, shakingwith incomprehensible scorn. Now, if the
last words of the President meant anything, they meant that I had, after
all, not passed unsuspected. Theother four got to their feet, but

(24:48):
took themselves elsewhere to find lunch.Only the old anarchist, old professitive worms
remained behind, seated before me atthe table. Mister give your sim yes,
professor, you policeman, policeman?You ever made you think of a

(25:17):
policeman in connection with me? Theprocess was simple enough. I thought you
looked like a policeman. I thinkso. Now why must I be a
policeman? Do let me be apostman? You'll give me ask a plain
question. You're paltering spy? Areyou or are you not? A police
detective? No, you swear it. If you swear falsely, will you

(25:41):
be damned? Will you be surethat the devil dances at your funeral?
Will you see that the nightmare sitson your grave? You are an anarchist,
You are a dynamiter. Above all, you are not in any sense
a detective. You are not inthe British Police. I'm not in the

(26:03):
British police Professor de Worms fell backin his seat with a curious air kindly
collapse. Well, that's a pity, because I am because you are what
I am, A policeman, aspecial policeman, and I serve under the
man in the dark room. Aman in the dark room. I understand

(26:30):
now. Of course you're not anold man at all. I can't take
my face off here. It's ratheran elaborate makeup. Did you know that
that man Gogo was one of us? No? But didn't you? I
knew no more than the day thenthere were three of us. There three
of us sitting here out of seven. And it's a fighting number. If

(26:52):
we don't even known that there werethree were three. If we had been
three hundred, we still could havedone nothing. Not if we were three
hundred against four. Not if wewere three hundred against Sunday Professor, it's
intolerable. Are you afraid of thisman? Yes? I am so,
are you? Yes, you're right, I am afraid of him. Therefore

(27:14):
I swear by God I will seekout this man whom I fear, until
I find him and strike him onthe mouth. If heaven were thrown in
the earth, his footstool. Iswear that I would pull him down.
Now, why because I'm afraid ofhim. No man should leave in the
universe anything of which he is afraid. You any idea exactly what you're going

(27:36):
to do? Yes, I'm goingto prevent this bomb being thrown in Paris?
Any conception? How you remember?Of course, when we broke up
rather hurriedly, the whole arrangements forthe autrocity were left in the private hands
of the Marquis and doctor Bull.The Marquis is by this time probably crossing
the channel. The only man whoknows where he's going is doctor Bull.
Confound it. We don't know whereBull is. Yes, I know where

(27:59):
he is. Will you tell me? I'll take you there? What do
you mean, would you join me? Would you take a risk? Young
man? You think that it ispossible to pull down the president? I
know that it is impossible, andI'm going to try it. Call your

(28:29):
special attention to the new series ofbroadcasts by the Mercury Theater with Orson Wells
as star and director, which willcommence next Sunday night at eight pm Eastern
Daylight Saving time. And now abrief pause for station identification. This is
the Columbia Broadcasting system. We continuenow with the performance of G. K.

(28:53):
Chesterton's The Man Who Was Thursday byOrson Wells and the Mercury Theater on
the air. The Professor let meto a very respectable inn, and in

(29:19):
that place we dine very thoroughly.Can you play the piano? Yes,
I'm supposed to have a good touch. Would have done just as well if
you could work a typewriter. Thankyou, you flatter me. There is
no man except the President who isso seriously startling and formidable as doctor Bull.
That little grinning fellow in goggles dependupon it. Sunday was not asleep

(29:40):
when he locked up all the plansof this outrage in the round black head
of Doctor Bull. Do you thinkthat this unique monster will be soothed if
I play the piano to him?I mentioned the piano because it gives one
quick and independent fingers. Sime,if we are to go through this interview
and come out sane or alive,we must have some code of signals between
us that this we will not see. I have made a rough alphabetical sight

(30:03):
for corresponding to the five fingers likethis. Listen, B A D,
bad a word we may frequently require. I began to study the scheme.
Didn't take me long to learn howwe might convey simple messages about what would

(30:25):
seem to be idle taps upon atable and knee. It was not long
before doctor Bull came in sat downat our table. He smiled brightly.
This evening gentleman, a quiet,good humor of his manner, left us
helpless. We sat staring at eachother and silent. I have an intuition,

(30:49):
and sit on it. TI isquite an extraordinary intuition, extraordinary rut.
I am a poet. You willget scarcely realized how poetic my intuition
is. It has that sudden qualitywe sometimes feel in the coming of sprinkled
blazers. Doctor Ball, Doctor Ball, Doctor Bour, would you do me
a small favor? Would you beso kind as to take off your spectacles?

(31:15):
Doctor Bull rose slowly, still smiling, and took off his spectacles.
He was sitting in the chair beforeus, and we saw there a very
boyish looking young man. The smilewas still there, but it might have
been the first smile of a baby. Doctor Bour. I am a police

(31:36):
officer. The dark room. Thedark room well I'm awfully glad you came
so early, for we can allstart for Flans together. Yes, I'm
in the vores, all right,Good heavens. If this were true,
there were more blasted detectives, andthere were blustered dynamiters of the blusted council,
we might easily have fought. Wewere four against three. No,

(31:59):
no, we were not four againstthree. We were not so lucky.
We are four against one. Anhour later we were already on the Calais
boat. The fact it comes ofit is this, we three are alone

(32:22):
on this planet. Now we mustdo something to keep the Marquee in Calais
till tomorrow midday, while the kinggoes safely through Paris. The only thing
I can see to do is actuallyto take advantage of the very thing that
in the Marquis favor. Gentlemen,I'm going to profit by the fact that
he is a nobleman and has manyfriends and moves in the best society.
The devil you're talking about, theMarquis cannot deny that he is a gentleman.

(32:44):
And in order to put the matterof my social position quite beyond a
doubt, I propose at the earliestopportunity to knock his hat off. But
here we are in the harbor,gentlemen, we've reached Calais. A band

(33:07):
was playing in a cafe Chanta hiddensomewhere among the trees. Where's that the
Marquis de su Stash. The manhad two companions, solemn frenchmen in silk
hats. Who was your sign?I see, and you were the Marquis
de sa Stash. Permit me topull your nose, which I attempted to
do, but the two men intop hats held me back. This man

(33:29):
has insulted, melted your win.Oh, just now he's insulted my mother,
sheltered your mother? Well anyhow,my aunt. But how can the
marquis have insult John Angos? Nowhe's been sitting here all the time,
was what he said? Nothing atPaul, except about the band. I
only said that I like Wagner playedwell. It was an allusion to my
family. My aunt played Wagner badly. It was a painful subject. We
are always being insulted about it,it seems, most boy. I assure

(33:52):
you, the whole of your conversationwas simply packed with sinister allusions to my
aunt's weakness. Oh, this isnonsense. I, for one, have
said nothing for half an hour exceptdid I like to see if that girl
with the black hair there you areagain? My answer was red. It
seems to me that you are simplyseeking a pretext to insert the Marquis.
By George, what a clever chapyou were speaking a quarrel with me.

(34:12):
By Heaven, there was never aman went to seek long. These gentlemen
will perhaps act for me. Thereare still four hours of daylight. Let
us fight this evening. Marquis,your action is worthy of your fame and
blood. Permit me to consult withthe gentleman in whose hands I shall place
myself. Good day, I am, what are you up to? Allison?
Careflly? Poor professor. You aremy seconds, and you must insist

(34:35):
on the due coming off after seventomorrow so as to keep him from catching
the seven forty five for Paris.If he misses that training misses the King
of England, you understand. Soat seven twenty we met on a small
meadow not far from the railway.I'd made up my mind that I could
avoid disabling the Marquis and prevent theMarquis from disabling me. For at least

(34:58):
twenty minutes. In twenty minutes,the Paris train would have gone by,
gentlemen, engage. I'm not abad fighter. Every now and then I
had almost fancied it. I feltmy point go home. But there was
no blood on the blade or myshirt. And now we could hear the
Paris train. There was no doubtabout to hit this time. I was

(35:22):
as certain that I had stuck myblade into my enemy as a gardener.
The circus s fade into the ground, yet there was no blood on it
at all. Monkey thought wildly.He can'taly looked away at the railway line,
almost as if he feared the trainmore than the pointed steel. I
ain't let that the Marquis's body,and more at his throat and head.

(35:43):
A minute and a half afterwards,I felt the point and of the man's
neck below the jaw. It cameout clean. I thrust again and made
what should have been a bloody scaron the Marquis's cheek. There was no
scar. Stop. I want tosay something. It is rather important.
It's the sign you expressed a wishto pull my nose. Would you oblige
by pulling my nose? Now?As quickly as possible. I have to

(36:06):
catch a train that is most regular. Will you or will you not pull
my nose? Come, come,mister Sion, don't be selfish, pull
my nose at once? When Iasked you, I took two paces forward
and seized the Roman nose of thisremarkable nobleman. I pulled it hard,
and it came off in my hands. Anyone has the use for my left

(36:28):
eyebrow, I can have it.Do accept my left eyebrow. It is
the kind of thing that might comein useful any day. The Marquis was
recklessly throwing part of himself right andleft about the field. You are making
a mistake, but it can't beexplained. Just now I tell you the
train has come into the station,yes, Marquis, And the train shall
go out of the station. Itshall go out without you. Will you
drive me mad? You shall notgo by the train? Great fat laugh,

(36:51):
that brairding, wondering, brainless,doddering bloss of pull you great sunny
pink pays fire the train it Youshall not go by this train? And
why is your pudel places? WhatI want to go by the train?
We know all you are going toParis. To throw a barn, going
to cherich or to throw a shabbawak. I didn't care about catching the
train. I care about whether thetrain caught me, and no, by
God, it has caught. Whatdo you mean? It means everything?

(37:13):
The end of everything. Sunday hasus now in the hollow of his hand
life. What do you mean byus the police? Of course, I
am the Marquis, I am InspectorRectliffe of Scotland. Yard. Then it's
then the whole bell A lot ofus on the Anarchist Council. We're against
anarchy. Every born man was adetective, except the President and his personal

(37:34):
secretary. What can it mean?Means that we are struck to death,
don't you know, Sunday? Itell you he's bought every trust, He's
captured every cable. He has controlof every railway line, especially of that
railway line. The whole movement wascontrolled by him. Half the world was
ready to rise for him. Butthere were just five people, perhaps who
could have resisted him, and theold devil put them on the Supreme Consul

(37:54):
to waste their time in watching eachother. Sunday knew that the Professor would
chase Sime. Through London, thatSime would fight me in France, and
he was combining great masses of capitel, seizing great lines of telegraphy, while
we five idiots were running after eachother like a lot of confounded babies playing
blind Man's buff And since you reallywant to know what was my objection to

(38:15):
the arrival of that train, I'lltell you. My objection was that Sunday
or his secretary has just this momentgot out with you. We all turned
our eyes towards the station. Aconsiderable bulk of people seemed to be moving
in our direction. Maybe ordinary touristone a tourists wear black mask halfway down
the face. It was quite truethat the leader in front wore a black
half mask almost down to his mouth, and the mouth was smiling a crooked

(38:38):
smile on one side of the face. Believe it. The thing is nonsense.
A plain people of a peaceable Frenchtower, pray RESUMEI or remarx Douctorbule.
You are talking. I think aboutthe plain people of a peaceable French
town. You come the police,they're changing them out. No, now
they're forming along the praye. Ifone flung their carbinet and the guide of

(38:59):
fire on us only have joined themob. The mob, a dancing steadily,
was almost on top of us.Charge. There was no doubt of
it. The leader was Monday Mondaysecretary of the Council under the black Maskew's
mouth was working horribly. Monday,stop charge the anarchist swords, where our
time has come to die? Somemistake. I hardly think you understand your

(39:23):
position. I arrest you in thename of the law. Law, But
you are the secretary of the AnarchistCouncil. Nonsense. I am a detective
from Scotland. Yard. That night, five bewildered but hilarious detectives returned to

(39:52):
London, and next morning, havingfound Gogle, we marched stolidly toward the
hotel in Miter Square. This ismore cheerful. We are six man going
to ask one man what he means. I think it's a bit queerer than
that. I think it's six mengoing to ask one man what they mean.

(40:16):
We saw at once the little balconyin the figure that looked too big
for it. He was sitting alonewith bent head, pouring over a newspaper.
But all his counselors would come tovote him down cross that square,
as if we were watched out ofheaven by a hundred eyes. We went

(40:36):
up the dark stair in silence,so pleased to see you all? What
an excuse? Day is dead?No, sir, there has been no
massacre. I bring you news ofno such disgusting spectacle. Disgusting spectacles you
mean, doctor Bull spectacle? Ispecatles are blacker, but I'm not.

(40:57):
Look at my face. I daresee it's the sort base that grows on
one. In fact, it growson you. I dare say it will
grow on me some they We havecome here to know what all this means?
Who are you? What are you? I? What am I?
If you want to know what youare? You're a set of highly well

(41:20):
intentioned and jackets and you what areyou? What am I? The President
rose slowly to incredible heights, likesome enormous wave about to arch above us
and break. You want to knowwhat I am? Do you? Bull?
You're a man of science, grabbingthe roots of these trees and find

(41:44):
out the truth about them. Sameyou're a poet. Stare at those mourning
clouds and tell me the truth aboutmourning clouds. I tell you this and
you will have found out the truthof the last tree and the topmost loud
before the truth about me. Youwill understand the sea, and I shall

(42:07):
still be a riddle. You shallknow what the stars are and not know
what I am. Since the beginningof the world, all men have hunted
me like a woman, kings andsieges, and poets and lawgivers, all
the churches and all the philosophies.But I have never been caught yet.

(42:27):
And the skies will fall in thetime I turned to bay. I have
given them a good run for themand ee and I will now before any
of us could move, the monstrousman had swung himself over the balustrade of
the balcony. Yet before he dropped, he pulled himself up again and thrust
his great chin over the edge ofthe balcony. There's one thing I'll tell
you, though, about who Iam. I am the man in the

(42:50):
dark room who made you all policemen. Sunday fell from the balcony, bouncing
on the stones below like a greatball of India rubber, and went bounding
off towards the corner of the Alhambra, where he hailed a handsome cab and

(43:12):
sprang inside of it. Of coursewe all followed him, and at the
highest ecstasy of speed, Sunday turnedround, and sticking his great grinning head
out of the cab, he madea horrible face. That has flung a
ball of paper being vanished. Icaught the paper. Let's see, no
one would regret anything in the natureof an interference by the archdeacon more than
I I trust it will not cometo that. But for the last time,

(43:37):
where are your goloshes? The thingis too bad, especially after what
uncle said. The fire engine appearedat the present, seeped incredibly from his
hansom, caught the back of theengine and slung himself onto it, and

(44:00):
flipped up their hartness in the present, and acknowledged this proximity by coming to
the back of the fire engine,bowing repeatedly, kissing his hand, and
finally flinging out to us a neatlyfolded note. Please read it fly at
once. The proof above us pitcheshis doll off friend. What place is

(44:23):
this? Sunday had jumped from thefire engine over an iron gate, and
we'd follow him to kind of park? Can it be the old Devil's house?
Oh? You pulled the zoo.Come this way, that's what come
where elephant elephant, elephants, menand run away kiss He's run away with
the nose gentlemen, the poor oldgentlemen. It was right there. What
sort of old gentleman, old gentlemen, And like tayl the elephant has not

(44:44):
run away with him. He hasrun away with the elephant. And by
under there he is. There wasno doubt about it, this time,
clean across the space of grass witha crowd, screaming and scampering medium with
a huge gray elephant on its back, present Sunday, with all the vicinity
of a sultan hill beyond the gate. It's a blight. He's out of

(45:12):
the gate. Through street after street, through district after district, went the
prodigy of the flying elephants, andwe followed it through the city, out
into the suburbs, and finally toa fair grounds. The president had disappeared.
Look we're coming there. Look atwhat? Look at the captive balloon?
Why the blages should I look atthe captain balloon? What is that

(45:35):
queer about of captain balloon? Thing? Except that it isn't Captain thousand devils,
He's n we'd followed that balloon allafternoon. We'd followed it, and
then about twilight the preposterous thing hadstaggered in the sky and sunk from view

(45:57):
into the woods. Oh, ifhe's cheating us all by getting killed,
it would be like one of hislocks. And almost at the same moment,
all six of us realized that wewere not alone in the little field.
Across a square of turf, atall man was coming towards us,
leaning on a strange long staff likea scepter. His advance was very quiet.

(46:20):
He might have been one of theshadows of the wood. Gentleman,
my master has a carriage waiting foryou in the road just by. Who
is your master? I was toldyou knew his name. Whereas this carriage
has been waiting only a few moments, my master has only just come home.

(46:47):
All six of us compared notes afterwardsand quarreled, but we all agreed
that, in some unaccountable way,the place where we came that night reminded
us of our boyhood. It waseither this elm top of that crooked path
that was either this scrap of orchardor that shape of a window. But
each man of us declared that hecould remember this place before he could remember

(47:09):
his mother. Refreshments are provided foryou in your room, I under a
splendid suite of apartments that seemed tobe designed specially for me. I have
put out your clothes, sir,clothes. I have no clothes exceptees.
My master asks me to say thatthere is a fancy dress ball tonight.
You are to be dressed as Thursdays. Dressed as Thursday doesn't sound a very

(47:30):
warm costume, Yes, sir,Thursday costume is quite warm, sir.
It fastens up to the chin.I was led on to a very large
old English garden full of torches andbonfires, by the broken light of which

(47:52):
a vast carnival of people were dancingin motley dress. I seem to see
every shape in nature imitated in somecrazy costume. There was a man dressed
as a windmill with enormous sails,a man dressed as an elephant, a
man dressed as a balloon. Therewas a dancing lamp post, a dancing
apple tree, a dancing ship.One would have thought that the untameable tune

(48:14):
of some mad musician had set allthe common objects of field and street dancing
an eternal jig and long afterwards,when I was middle aged and at rest,
I could never see one of thoseparticular objects, a lamp post,
or an apple tree, or awindmill, without thinking that it was a
strayed reveler from that revel of amasquerade. On one side of this lawn,

(48:39):
in a kind of crescent, stoodseven great chairs, the thrones of
the seven days. And so thenight wore on, and finally the last
of the dancers vanished, and thefire faded. At the long, slow,
strong stars came out, and weseven strange men were left alone,

(49:01):
like seven stone statues on our chairsof stone. Then Sunday spoke, we
will eat and drink later. Ithas remained together a little, we who
have loved each other so sadly,and the thought so long I seem to
remember only centuries of heroic war withyou were always heroes, epic on epic

(49:24):
Iliad on iliad, and you alwaysbrothers in ours. Tell me who are
you? I am the seventh,I am the Peace of God. I'm
grateful to you, not only forwine and hospitality here, but for many

(49:45):
a fine scamper and free fight.But I should like to know my soul
and heart are as happy and quiethere as this old garden. But my
reason is still crying out. Ishould like to know. It seems so

(50:06):
silly that you should have been onboth sides and thought yourself, Hey,
have heard your complaints. And here, I think comes another to complain.
You will hear him also. Andwe saw standing before us, the red
headed poet of Saffron Park Gregory.Why this is the real anarchist. Yet

(50:29):
I am the real anarchist. Theycame a day when the sons of God
came before the Lord, and Satanalso came with them. All right,
I am a destroyer. I woulddestroy the world if I could almost unhappy
and try to be happy. YouI've read here, Like your sister,
I know what you are, allof you, from first to last.
You are the people in power.You're the police, the great fat,

(50:50):
smiling man in blue and buttons,God a law, are the seven angels
of heaven. And you had notroubles. Oh, I could forgive you
everything if I could feel once thatyou had suffered for one hour. A
real agon such as I see everything, everything, everything that there is.

(51:12):
Why does each thing on earth waragainst each other thing? Why does a
fly have to fight the whole universe. Why does a dandelion have to fight
the whole universe? For the samereason that I had to be alone in
the dreadful council of the days,so that each thing that obeys law may
have the glory and the isolation ofthe anarchist, So that by tears and

(51:34):
torture we may earn the right tosay to this accuser, we also have
suffered, Hi repel the slander.We have not been happy. I can
answer for every one of the greatgods of law whom he is accused at
least. And I saw suddenly agreat face of Sunday. Have you ever

(52:02):
suffered? As I gazed, thegreat face grew to an awful size,
larger than the colossal mask of Memnon, which had made me scream as a
child. It grew larger and larger, filling the whole sky, then in
the blackness, before it entirely destroyedmy brain. I seemed to hear a

(52:29):
distant voice saying a commonplace text.But I had heard somewhere, can ye
drink of the cup? Could Idrink a When men in books awake from
a vision, they commonly find themselvesin some place in which they might have

(52:52):
fallen asleep. I could only rememberthat gradually and naturally I knew that I
was awake and had been walking alonga country lane. Dawn was breaking over
everything in colors at once clear andtimid, as if nature made a first

(53:12):
attempt at yellow and a first attemptat rose. A breeze blew so clean
and sweet that one could not thinkit blew from the sky. It blew
rather through some hole in the sky. I felt a simple surprise when I
saw, rising all round me onboth sides of the road, the red,

(53:35):
irregular buildings of Saffron Park. Iwalked by instinct along one white road
on which early birds hopped and sang, and found myself outside a fenced garden.
And there I saw the sister ofGregory Rasamond, the girl with a
gold red hair, cutting lilac beforebreakfast, with a great unconscious gravity of

(54:01):
a girl. Tonight, the ColumbiaBroadcasting System, through its member station's Coast

(54:24):
to Coast and the network of theCanadian Broadcasting Corporation, has brought you a
production of GK. Chesterton's The ManWho Was Thursday by orson Wells and the
Mercury Theater on the air. Theadaptation for radio is made by mister Wells.
This Monday night concludes the summer broadcastwhich have introduced the Mercury Theater as

(54:45):
the first complete theatrical producing company inradio. But the tremendous response with their
efforts have drawn from all parts ofthe country has ensured their continuance with us
through the coming months. The ColumbiaBroadcasting System is therefore proud to announce a
new series of weekly productions by OrsonWells and the Mercury Theater on the air,

(55:05):
beginning next Sunday Evening, September theeleventh, from eight to nine o'clock
Eastern daylight saving time. The firstplay next Sunday at eight will be Vincent
Van Gough, an original drama basedon the letters of the famous painter to
his brother Theo and the records ofhis biographers. In the cast this Evening
Sunday, Eustace Wyatt, The Professor, Rag Collins, Gregory, George Coloris,

(55:29):
the Marquis, ed Gebarrier, Gogol, Paul Stewart, Bull, Joseph
Cotton, the Secretary, Erskine SandfordWitherspoon, Alan Debott, Rosamond, Anna
Stafford, and Gabriel Simeon, theMan who was Thursday by Orson Wells.
Davidson Taylor supervised for the Columbia Network. This is Dan Seymour speaking. The

(55:51):
orchestra was directed by Alexander Sembler Woo. Remember next Sunday evening at eight o'clock

(56:24):
Eastern daylight saving time, Orson Wellsand the Mercury Theater on the air in
Vincent van Gork. Be sure tobe at your radio next Monday at nine

(56:49):
pm Eastern daylight saving time. That'swhen the Lux Radio Theater begins its new
series of broadcasts, same stations aslast year. The first presentation will be
Spawn of the North with George Raft, Fred McMurray, John Barrymore, Dorothy
Lamore and Aquem Tamuro next Monday atnine p m. Eastern daylight saving time.

(57:09):
This is the Columbia Broadcasting System.