September 29, 2025 • 40 mins
This week, Christopher Spicer dives into his neurodivergence and the role movies have played in shaping it. He discusses special interests, how film influenced the way he masked, his connection to outsiders on screen, and why Hollywood still struggles to authentically portray “geeky” or neurodivergent-coded characters. Movies have also been a refuge and safe place, and Christopher explores that deeply personal connection here. If you’re curious about who Christopher is, or you want to see movies through a neurodivergent lens, this is a must-listen episode.
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Speaker 1 (00:12):
They're coming to get you, Barbara.
Speaker 2 (00:18):
They're coming for you, Barbara. Look that comes one of them.
Speaker 1 (00:27):
Now, welcome to the latest episode of the Movie Breakdown.
And yes, once again this failed to be a weekly show.
And so let's go through the normal opening ritual where
I apologize that we've missed a few weeks of the
(00:50):
podcast and I mourn how this podcast at one time
was a weekly show for over a decad. We're able
to post an episode almost every single week, and that
was during a time where there was two hosts and
we also reviewed movies every single week. And that is
(01:13):
not the case because I continue my impressive streak of
not reviewing any movies in twenty twenty five, despite the
fact that I said I wanted to have a best
of the year show, which is gonna be really hard
with three months left, and I haven't even seen any
of the movies yet, so it may not be the
(01:35):
most impressive list of all time, that is for sure.
And like I have said a few times, a big
reason why this podcast hasn't been consistent, a big reason
why Beyond the Balcony has not had sort of movie
reviews along the pop culture writing is my Neil divergence.
(02:00):
I'm not making an excuse here, I'm saying I'm doing
an explanation, and a big reason is just almost forty
seven years of my life, I wasn't aware that my
mind was wired differently, and for forty seven years, I
(02:20):
was feeling shamed. I wasn't normal, and I was trying
to do whatever I can do. This is what a
normal person is supposed to do. And I went through
university and I landed some great writing gigs that I've
had many jobs, and I would say there is throughout
my life.
Speaker 2 (02:40):
I have definitely had a lot of.
Speaker 1 (02:42):
Successes and things I've been proud of, but I always
felt like I was working a little harder. Are things
that were easy for everyone else was unbearable for me.
And I know I've mentioned this stuff before on the podcast,
so maybe you've already turned it off or on the sleep,
but I mentioned this because I am realizing, through talking
(03:05):
to a therapist and my own research, that I have
hit autistic burnout. I something that can last for months
or it can last for years. This idea that I
was pushing against my brain for so long that it
(03:26):
is kind of shut down on me. And that is
why I've had sort of the feelings of no energy
and oppression and be more irritable and maybe being angry
and be more in seclusion. I think that's also part
of the reason why in some ways I have been
scared to go back to the movie theater be around.
Speaker 2 (03:50):
People, and.
Speaker 1 (03:52):
Just why I have had a hard time just gave
my career rolling again and me saying that, I do
want to mention that, as I recently put on my
Beyond the Balcony site Beyond the Balcony dot com, i
am writing as a film critic and a calmnist for
(04:14):
the Video Librarian now. So I mean it's not a
huge pain gig. It's definitely not a full time job,
but it's at least some work. It's a step and
I'm continuing to talk to some other agencies and stuff,
and so I'm hoping through therapy and learning tools and strategies,
(04:36):
I will be able to.
Speaker 2 (04:39):
Effectively be able to get you.
Speaker 1 (04:42):
Know, get work again and be effective career wise and
sort of get back into a place where I'm making
a living and helping to support my family, because that's
been a big thing too, is through the last few
years when I've hit through the depression and sort of
had this crash and this burn out. I have not
(05:02):
been pulling my weight when it comes to the finances,
and so in some ways my family is.
Speaker 2 (05:08):
A type tight and tough spot. That's what a type is,
that's tight and tough, and so that's also been a
burden on me.
Speaker 1 (05:18):
And so I have been thankful to the amazing readers
and listeners through the years that have donay's some money
through PayPal help that way, and so I definitely for
people who know for potential leads for work, or if
you yourself are wanting someone to create creative, imagine it
(05:41):
imaginative copy for your social media or your site to
help sort of engage with your customers and grow your
your brand. That's something I have done I would love
to potentially talk to you about. Or I can obviously
I've written about Neil Diverge, mental health, parenting.
Speaker 2 (06:02):
Pop culture.
Speaker 1 (06:03):
You can also mitch all that all up into one
interesting article if you're an editor. And I've also am
completely open to writing a personalized short story which could
be a fantastic gift.
Speaker 2 (06:17):
That you would give to sort of a.
Speaker 1 (06:20):
Loved one, and or even I've recently wrote some plays
for a vocational Bible school in the summer and it
was a huge hit and people like them quite a bit.
So I'd also be open if there's something like that
where you would want me to write a script for
a potential smart small little script that you can do
(06:40):
for your conference or other programs that you have in place.
And obviously, if you've appreciated this podcast, if you've appreciate
the site, another way you can always help again is
my PayPal account and over and beyond the Belkany, I've
had some links that you can find through there if
(07:02):
that's something that you're interested in doing as well. But
that's now what this podcast is about. I just wanted
to start off of explain sort of some of the
things that I've realized of and again I think I
have talked a bit about this in recent episodes too,
but just part of the reason why I know this
podcast and a lot of things that are just not
(07:24):
rolling those roadblocks, I think have come from sort of
a burnout and just trying to figure out what it
is that I could handle this point and trying to
figure out how to effectively use my autism and my
ADHD in sort of conserving my energy and being in
(07:46):
a place where I can be successful, so using my
strengths and using my brain in a way where I
can keep up the energy but also have a successful
career and reach my dreams. And most important to me
is to help and support my family, which right now
(08:06):
I realize is through freelance work and doing sort of
copywriting for different companies and writing for different magazines. Because
I'm not of any kind of delusion that beyond the
balcony or the movie breakdown is going to take off
at any huge level like the next month, especially you know,
when I'm not posting on a regular basis. But one
(08:30):
of the reasons that I wanted to sort of mention
my nail divergence again is that I want to start
talk today on this podcast about sort of how movies
is connected to my nail divergens. No, I'm not blaming
movies on causing me to be nail divergens. I mean,
(08:52):
the movies are not time all, after all, But I
do think that the way that I have viewed movies,
talked about movies connected with movies is definitely been connected
to also with me being a nero divergent person and
(09:15):
The first one that I can really think about is
the fact, and it's me kind of looking back and
realizing now is how much as a young kid who
is unaware that he is autistic but did think he
was kind of weird, it didn't quite fit in.
Speaker 2 (09:34):
How much I watched movies in.
Speaker 1 (09:38):
Some ways to mimic the characters and to sort of understand, Oh,
this is how you're supposed to behave This is how
you're supposed to engage with people. This is what school
looks like. This is what the workplace looks like. This
is what a young boy looks like. He's supposed to
(09:58):
go out, hop on his bike and ride to the
nearest forest and try to build a fort. This is
how you're supposed to make friends in the real world,
because this is what a movie. These are what the
movies are showing me. And this wasn't just as a kid,
like I remember watching a lot of high school movies
(10:21):
throughout high school trying to sort of figure out this
is how you interact with people. This is sort of
how you are to be a friend. This is what
a friend is like. This is what a good student
is like.
Speaker 2 (10:38):
And I'm not saying that so.
Speaker 1 (10:41):
That you have to be nero divergent to sort of
have kind of a movies to beyond your personality your personality.
But I definitely feel for me it was very much
of that idea of when you're autistic, you don't quite
have the manual. You feel like there is a game,
but your instructure manual was lost. You don't quite know
(11:04):
how to interact to the real world. And I remember
as a kid doing a lot of people watching and
looking at because I was the oldest in my family,
I didn't have an older sibling to mimic, and so
I would do a lot of watching the other students.
Speaker 2 (11:25):
And my peers.
Speaker 1 (11:26):
And I remember so many times I'm yelling at me
of like why are you staring at me?
Speaker 2 (11:31):
Why are you looking.
Speaker 1 (11:32):
At and I And to be I didn't really even
understand it, like I'm not staring. I'm trying to sort
of figure things out. I'm just watching. But that was
another thing I had to learn. You know, you can't
look at one person for too long because then they
get creeped out.
Speaker 2 (11:54):
And so because I couldn't necessarily.
Speaker 1 (11:56):
Do that without getting picked on and bullied even more
for you know, being the kid who stares I used
movies a lot to sort of figure out how sort
of trying to figure out what are the rules and
what are they like, how greetings are supposed to be
done and and how and what are the things that
(12:19):
sort of a successful person is. What are the things
that we're supposed to be going after. Oh, yeah, you
need to you need to get a girlfriend, and you
have to do some big heroic feet and then that
will send We'll bring you all these friends. But but
even more so it is sort of learning the type
of dialogue and the type of proper hobbies.
Speaker 2 (12:41):
And I remember there was a girl.
Speaker 1 (12:46):
That I dated for a very very short time, and
at that point I still hadn't even figured out what
my feelings were for her. And then she she broke
up with me. And I think because I had seen
so many of these kind of teen movies, these high
(13:08):
school movies, I almost word for word, we're sort of
using the words of like the broken hearted guy who
was getting dropped by the girl, and I was, and
I was almost, in a way kind of performing what
I thought I was supposed to act out after a breakup.
(13:33):
And it was this idea that I realized that I
think I'm supposed to be broken hearted.
Speaker 2 (13:37):
I'm supposed to take this heart.
Speaker 1 (13:39):
I'm supposed to say no, I don't need a ride
home and take the long walk home with my head down.
And I'm supposed to say these words of like oh.
Speaker 2 (13:52):
Is it me? Like what is it that I did
to make this wrong?
Speaker 1 (13:55):
Like we'd only been together for maybe two weeks at
the most, I said, I'm not even my memory is
that it wasn't this huge kind of emotional.
Speaker 2 (14:07):
Connection to her. She would have been like my first
kind of real girl from me. Even two weeks is
not real.
Speaker 1 (14:14):
But again, like I said, my responses were almost from
what I'd seen in the movies, and my feelings of
heartbreak were that or what sort of what I felt like?
I was supposed to be heartbroken. I was supposed to
be hurt. And I'm not sure if this is necessarily
(14:38):
making a lot of sense to a lot of my listeners,
or if this is You're just like, this is so bizarre,
but this is a bit of the autistic experience, Is
that idea sometimes of we don't quite always understand our emotions,
Like we feel.
Speaker 2 (14:55):
Upset, but we're not quite sure are we angry? Are
we sad?
Speaker 1 (14:59):
Is it this we forgot to eat all day? And
also sometimes not really sure of what are the social
worlds of the etiquette, which is often why so many
autistic people come off as rude or heartless or jerks.
It's because of sometimes they can be more blunt than
(15:20):
they should be, and it's that idea of sometimes you're
not sure how you're supposed to respond, and so I
just think of that moment.
Speaker 2 (15:28):
It was down the.
Speaker 1 (15:28):
Basement of a church where she was broken up with me,
and I don't think I got curie eyed, but I
remember sort of to her being like what can we
do to make this work? Like why have you decided
to let me go? And it was all sort of
these responses that I felt like I needed to do
because it's what I saw on the big screen, and
like I said that I was supposed to sort of
(15:51):
be all down and out when we go upstairs and
then no, no, no, don't get me a ride home
and I wander home, and a lot of it was
I felt like, well, this is what I'm supposed to do, right,
this is how I'm supposed to feel. And so it's
looking back and it's interesting of how much sometimes my
(16:14):
response to things or the way I've interacted.
Speaker 2 (16:18):
Or what I thought was important in my teen.
Speaker 1 (16:21):
Years or early adulthood was based off, well, this is
what I saw on the big screen, so this is
what I'm supposed to do.
Speaker 2 (16:33):
And another thing.
Speaker 1 (16:35):
That sort of was really big, especially as a kid,
for me, what I attached to were the movies that
had sort of the outsiders, the person who was kind
of the loser but in the end triumphs and looking now,
(16:57):
it's obvious why those movies always resonated with me so
much was because of the fact that I never really
felt like I fit in. Like I had a best
friend who was, surprisingly enough now i've learned, is also
now a late dinosed person with autism and AHD. So
(17:19):
it's funny how that happens, and now I can understand
why he's probably my longest friend and why we connected
because there's probably been both of us feeling like we
didn't quite fit into this world. And I've got this before,
how I was teased and bullied in elementary school and
then even high school, never quite felt like sort of
(17:41):
I fit in, and there was often sort of that
idea of trying to just struggling to kind of navigate,
understand the world and things never always kind of feeling
quite real. I mean, even I feel like there was
bits of imposter syndrome of once I got married and
once I became a sort of a parent, wondering like
(18:03):
am I doing this right?
Speaker 2 (18:04):
Is this what I'm.
Speaker 1 (18:05):
Supposed to do? Do I really deserve to be in
this position? And I think again that a lot of
that comes from sort of that neo divergent.
Speaker 2 (18:14):
Part of my brain.
Speaker 1 (18:16):
But taking back as a kid, of why I was
so much into the outsider was because myself I felt
like an outsider, and so I connected to the goonies
and I connected to sort of you know, Luke Skywalker
left on this planet with where he feels like he
(18:38):
has no future, but also now he.
Speaker 2 (18:42):
Goes into a great adventure because.
Speaker 1 (18:44):
There was that hope for me that I'm an outsider,
but one day maybe I could be the hero. I mean,
I remember loving the Any Musical Again. She was an orphan,
she fell unloved, but in the end she's kind of
a great. Marty McFly is told that he's a loser,
but then he goes back into the future and and
(19:06):
it all well, he doesn't go back in the future.
The movie's in just go Back to the Future. He
goes to the past and then he wants to get
back to nineteen eighty five. But my, my big thing
with movies, I mean, I'd liked a huge swath of
movie sci fi, fancy comedy, but there was always sort
(19:27):
of that attachment to the person who was the outsider.
I felt that, and so those movies I those would
kind of almost be sort of my special interests. I'd
watch them over and over because I connect with the
idea of like, Okay, maybe it's all right to not
always be the coolest person, Maybe it's all right to
(19:52):
feel a little bit left out, because look at these
goonies their whole sort of they define themselves as the goony.
He's as sort of the people who are not like
the rich upper class. And so those were sort of
the pictures that meant something to be. One movie that
I remember rewatching so much was Lucas starring Corey Hayne,
(20:17):
and he liked collecting bugs and he had a big
crush on sort of.
Speaker 2 (20:22):
A girl who.
Speaker 1 (20:25):
Ended up sort of becoming a cheerleader and because she
was attractive played by I think her name was Carry
Green Russell and ended up dating the Charlie Sheen character,
and so poor Lucas who gets heartbroken. But Lucas was
one he was picked on by the other football players.
He never quite fit in because he was the smallest
(20:46):
and he had weird interests. And so I connected with Lucas,
even though like I remember, like, well, I'm definitely not
smarts him.
Speaker 2 (20:55):
I don't know many as many.
Speaker 1 (20:56):
Bugs as he does, and I'm not someone who's going
to be fast tracked through school because of my super intelligence.
But I did connect with sort of Lucas being teased
for not being athletic and not quite being like all
the other kids. And then of course Lucas gets his
big moment where he's on the football field and he
catches the ball and gets tackled, and he goes back
(21:19):
to school and he gets the slow clap and he
gets his moment. And I think that's something I always
attached to, is that I'm the outside but hey, you can.
Speaker 2 (21:29):
Finally have your moment.
Speaker 1 (21:31):
But one area where I think the outsider narrative maybe
was dangerous for someone who was near divergent, so neil
divergent being, you know, especially like when you're autistic and
you've got your special interests, you dive in, and so
I was diving into these movies. I think one problem
with a lot of these pictures, and this is something
(21:52):
I really have been trying to pitch around to different
magazines because I think there's a great story idea here.
It's something I want to write about it, and I
think if it doesn't get accepted, all write it on
Beyond the Balcony. But the problem is, Hollywood's outsider has
always been either the outsider is someone who is sort
of that idea of you know, he's on the motorcycle
(22:15):
and he's got the leather jacket and he's an outsider,
but he really is kind of cool, he's a badass,
or the outside of the ones I've mentioned where I
think of something with Back to the Future, where Marty
has his dad, George wick Fly, who is definitely kind
of nerdy and he gets picked on.
Speaker 2 (22:37):
He's a bit of a loser.
Speaker 1 (22:39):
But when the movie ends, George McFly is now best
selling author and he doesn't even really have the dorky
laugh anymore, and he's now almost become cool. And I
think a lot of these outsider narratives if you have
someone where at the beginning, if they seem like a
(22:59):
dork or quirky or don't quite fit in the world,
in the end they prove actually they are cool and
they do have this special talent. And now the success
is when they've been accepted by the group and they
are now the cool person and they lose a lot
of sort of the nerdy attributes and they become quote
(23:26):
sort of normal. They've now been accepted by society. Like
even teen Wolf, this idea of like he's turned to
a wolf again, sort of almost like an allegory of
something that makes you different, makes you not quite fit
in or.
Speaker 2 (23:39):
Feel like you're like everyone else.
Speaker 1 (23:41):
He's still he's able to kind of become cool by
the end of the movie. And that was the one
and especially with sort of the Harry Potter and the
Star Wars thing for sure, where Luke's got the force
and Harry Potter ends up being the best at quitted.
Speaker 2 (23:58):
Quid, which, yeah, I fly around in a broom and
score stuff. But the idea is that they end up
becoming cool at the end.
Speaker 1 (24:10):
And it's very rare that there's movies where they delve
into someone who is nerdy or maybe a little bit
neo divergent coded, which I think in some ways George
McFly is someone who's got these tics, has these routines.
Things have to be a certain way. It's very rare
that they let someone be like that at the beginning
(24:33):
of the movie and then at the end that.
Speaker 2 (24:36):
They remain that way.
Speaker 1 (24:38):
But there's still this sense of success, there's still this
sense of closure. But they didn't have to change who
they are. So many of these movies, it seems like
the transformation has to be that they sort of lose
their geekiness in order to truly have kind of victory
at the end.
Speaker 2 (24:57):
And I mean there are exceptions.
Speaker 1 (25:00):
There's so many people who told me I would love
Napoleon Dynamite, and I was not a fan, but I
will say that one of the things to praise about
Napoleon Dynamite is he is still himself when that movie ends,
when he does his nerdy dance and gets a response
from the from the assembly, He's still Napoleon Dynamite who
(25:26):
he was at the beginning. He still has his quirks,
his weirdness, his response is his tics. It's still there.
And Emilia, the French film, which a lot of people
say that her character is likely autistic. She sort of
remains who she is from the beginning to the end.
And again, I'm not against the character arc. I'm definitely
(25:50):
for someone learning and growing. It's just now looking back
as sort of a film critic, especially now, someone who's autistic,
and some characters that maybe they aren't outright autistic or ADHD,
but the coded a bit sort of when they make
themselves a little bit that outside of that little bit
of weirdness, it's almost like you haven't achieved victory until
(26:13):
you eliminate that part and now you become cool and normal,
and I think that part is almost dangerous, and so
it is worthy praising those movies where the character arc
is maybe learning compassion or empathy for someone, or.
Speaker 2 (26:32):
You can sort of reach success, but.
Speaker 1 (26:35):
You could still be yourself all those little quirts, those
things that makes you nerdy.
Speaker 2 (26:40):
That's not a bad thing.
Speaker 1 (26:42):
And so I think there is something we're worth praising
movies where the person keeps that. And that's just my
sort of observation of sort of a person who definitely
thinks about movies way too much, that that is something
I think that is worth kind of exploring and analyzing
and criticizing in movies. But I love movies, and I
(27:05):
think one thing that's a Neil divergent person. I have
learned that I definitely have my sensory overload, and like
I go to a wedding, and as much as it's
nice to see people again, I find it very hard
to talk or focus because of the blaring music and
(27:25):
the clashing and plates and just so much happening. And
say with restaurants, I mean, going to restaurants with my
family is a nice thing, but sometimes it can be
a little overwhelming with the lights and the smells and
the sounds. But it's interesting that I would say one
of my happy places, one of my safe places is
(27:46):
the movie theater. Now I have confessed I haven't gone
even once this year, and I think in some ways
that's probably been a detriment. I do have some movie passes,
so even though I have no money, I do have
some movie passes, some free movie passes that I can use,
(28:07):
and so I can go to the theater and see
some movies and not put a strain on that a
budget that does not exist, and I can start reviewing
some new movies again and I think in some ways
that may be part of my therapy because movies is
definitely one of my special interests. It's one of those
things you know that I hyper focus and that I've
(28:29):
loved all my life storytelling movies. And when I go
to movies, that's one area where, like I usually do
sit a place where I'm not surrounded by people. I
like kind of saying that little corner where it could
be my little safe place. But I do like the
communal experience.
Speaker 2 (28:44):
I do like hearing the.
Speaker 1 (28:45):
People laugh and gasp and connect, and it's one of
those things where I don't have to worry about communicating
or talking to people, but I can still feel that
shared experience of being a part of a community. We
just all have to sit look at that big screen
and just be yourselves, just enjoy, just be swept into
(29:07):
that different world. And it's something that I have always
deeply loved. I mean, one of my biggest fears of
the current stay of the movie business is that Bradford
loses a movie theater. I mean, right now, it's a
ten minute walk from my house, and my deep hope
is that Brandford never loses a movie theater and that
(29:28):
I can still continue to go there, and it's definitely
been a place where I have seen amazing stories and
felt so many different emotions. And it's sort of two
hours where I could be lost or nowadays three and
a half hours where I could be lost.
Speaker 2 (29:47):
And just sort of connect with the audience and.
Speaker 1 (29:51):
Enjoy this movie with all the other movie goers but
not have to worry about scripting or what I'm gonna say.
Speaker 2 (29:58):
I just need to be lost with them.
Speaker 1 (30:02):
In the world of movies, and speaking of special interests,
I would definitely say that movies has been one. At
certain times, it has been like specific type of movies
for sure, Like I was all in it obsessed with
Indiana Jones and as I mentioned, Goonies and the Karate
(30:24):
Kid and.
Speaker 2 (30:25):
Definitely Star Wars.
Speaker 1 (30:26):
Star Wars has been an everlasting kind of obsession since
the first day I ever seen it. But I think
with Neil divergence where it's important to sort of be
able to have those obsessions and that's all you want
to talk about and think about. One of the things
that's made movies such a great special interests is that
(30:48):
there is so much to analyze and.
Speaker 2 (30:52):
There's so much to sort.
Speaker 1 (30:54):
Of see out on that screen, and my ability to
sort of that pattern seeking behavior year of autism and
ADHD and that sort of seeing things that maybe not
everyone usually does, and being able to make those kind
of leaps and connections to your own life and your
own feelings and connections of like kind of grasping themes
(31:18):
that maybe even the creator himself didn't intend, but you
can see there.
Speaker 2 (31:26):
It has all of that.
Speaker 1 (31:28):
Being able to sort of seek on what are my
strengths is being near divergent has been a huge reason
why I've been attached to movies, and it's allowed me to.
Speaker 2 (31:38):
Sort of kind of do with special interests.
Speaker 1 (31:43):
It's often something you always want to talk about, you
want to go deep on, and one of the great
things of movies being that it's allowed me to do
this podcast. I realize now that probably a big reason
why I started this podcast in twenty thirteen has that
allowed me to just obsessively and dive deep into a
movie with all its themes and nuances and things I
(32:05):
got out of without boring my wife to death. I
can now just do it into a microphone, talk about
it with Scott, and then if people want to listen
to it, that'd be great, and luckily thousands of people
wanted to listen to it, which is awesome and thank
you and I appreciate that. But I think that's one
(32:25):
of the things that has been great about movies is
the fact that it has allowed my special interest then
to lead to other things like the podcast and then
becoming a film critic, did film reviews right now, for
the video Librain of course for my site Buddy tv,
a collective publishing road Runner movie Web, different places throughout
(32:48):
the years that I've wrote for I've been able to
analyze and dive deep into movies and find, like I said,
like these different patterns and these different sort of insights
in this picture because of the way my brain is,
I love just kind of really digging in into why
(33:09):
did they use this shot, why are they using these colors?
What is another broader message of this movie? All that
kind of geekiness that I'd love to do, And so
movies allowed sort of my the things I like to do,
Like I said, that analysis, that pattern seeking, that sort
(33:30):
of deeper thinking that is the movies open that door,
and just the joy of sort of being able to
have a podcast and film criticism allowed me to sort
of do my oversharing, but to an audience rather than
to a person who's eight eyes are glazed over in
a party, which just happened a lot, and which is
(33:51):
probably why I learned I needed to find new outlets,
because all I wanted to do was talk about movies
that you know, that year old kid's birthday party or
the or at someone's wedding. I rape before we're supposed
to go on stage.
Speaker 2 (34:06):
So there's that, and so that that's another thing.
Speaker 1 (34:10):
And this now also leads me to another aspect where
I feel my new divergence has been connected to movies,
and it's sort of well, one of the movies has
sparked my own creativity, my own imagination. I've talked before
about how Star Wars was an impetus to me sort
of becoming a writer and creating stories, and how often
(34:34):
I would just go in the backyard and play these imagine.
Speaker 2 (34:38):
Games by myself. But then I had a notebook and
start writing my own.
Speaker 1 (34:41):
Versions of stories. And so again that obsession obsession size side,
but it's also been really important as a way of
the imagination, the storytelling.
Speaker 2 (34:56):
The ideas that I get from movies has been.
Speaker 1 (35:00):
Huge in a way of sort of doing self therapy
and stemming and calming and regulating me and allowing me
to sort of process the world a bit. When things
get too much, I will hide in a room and
I will just sort of start daydreaming and often thinking
(35:21):
about sort.
Speaker 2 (35:23):
Of movies and scenes or taking.
Speaker 1 (35:27):
An idea of something like goonies and then creating sort
of my own goonies in my head. And sometimes it
leads to writing a story, but other times it's just
it's me in a room sort of daydreaming. And there's
often this talk of with like autistic people are our
(35:48):
inner self, are our thoughts, our imaginations. The world that
we creating our head is often more vivid and more
rewarding than the real world. We actually have a time,
we actually have control. And so there's many times I
think I've confessed on this podcast where I would be
on my own and I would.
Speaker 2 (36:12):
Like I've talked to myself and I would script. But
there is times where I would act out.
Speaker 1 (36:18):
Imagined scenes and they're either imasure scenes from movies or
they're sort of.
Speaker 2 (36:24):
Inspired from movies and imagine play.
Speaker 1 (36:27):
And this was something I did a lot as a kid,
but it's something I still do as an adult, and
it helps sort of stimulate my creativity and get the
process going. And I feel like all these amazing movies
I've seen over the years has helped. We have this
huge bank of different worlds that I can go to
and sort of help my own kind of form of
(36:49):
self therapy and soothing. And I'm not sure of this podcast,
this episode had any value whatsoever for any of you,
and even and if maybe you are autistic or you're
Neil divergent and maybe you could relate to this, or
maybe you can't, maybe you're like, wow, Chris, You're.
Speaker 2 (37:10):
You're out there. Even for me, I shouldn't say that,
but I hope in some ways this meant something for you.
It at least gave you.
Speaker 1 (37:20):
A window into sort of who I am and what
movies has meant to me. And uh, fingers crossed that
We've got an episode next week and maybe i'll finally
it's the biggest running gig of the year. Maybe I'll
have a review for Walton Grammit, Ben's Most Foul or
something else that came out in twenty twenty five.
Speaker 2 (37:40):
Maybe if you want to give me.
Speaker 1 (37:43):
Your thoughts on this episode or things you like to
see in future episodes or whatever. You can do that
by contacting me at the Movie Breakdown at gmail dot com.
Speaker 2 (37:54):
It's just me.
Speaker 1 (37:55):
You can also just go to my personal psite my
personal email Christopher dot D dot Spicer at gmail dot com.
We're also on Twitter at Movie Breakdown one. We have
a Facebook page at the Movie Breakdown, so feel free
to go to those places as well. Please follow us
(38:15):
on the social media. It helps, then, are so the algorithms.
If the more followers have and the more engagement that
there is, then the more people will see it and
then we can lead them to this show. And as always,
please subscribe and rate us on Spreaker, Spotify, cast Box,
(38:37):
Apple podcasts, Amazon Music or wherever you listen to podcasts,
because once again those algorithms, the more people who rate
and subscribe, the more we can grow.
Speaker 2 (38:49):
And another way you can help.
Speaker 1 (38:50):
Out the podcast is listen to us on the Spreaker
app because that means just a little extra bit of
money goes our way if you whose the app, so
that'd be awesome. Please share us on social media and
all those things. And of course there is Beyond the
Balcony my pop culture site and I am writing something
(39:13):
on there every day, or at least posting something on
there every day, even if it's not movie reviews. I
do announce that I'm now writing for Video Librarian, and
I post a link to the first movie I review,
which is a documentary, The Route from China to America.
Speaker 2 (39:31):
I look at a video that talks about why.
Speaker 1 (39:35):
Autistic people tend to be drained by easy things, and
so I sort of share there's a video about these
five things, and then I talk about those five things
of how they drain me and sort of my own
personal antidotes. I write a little bit about different forms
of ADHD and autistic experience on the site. That's a
big thing I've been runing about recently. People have appreciated,
(39:56):
but I do want to to bring it back to
movies as well very soon. I also talked about Sweet Pickles,
which was a book that a book series I absolutely
loved as a kid.
Speaker 2 (40:08):
If you don't know what Sweet Pickles is, go oround
beyond the Balcony.
Speaker 1 (40:12):
It's a recent arcle you can check out and we
can all learn and love Sweet Pickles together.
Speaker 2 (40:18):
But thank you so much for listening to this week's
episode of the movie breakdown. Hopefully they'll be an episode
again next week. I'm Christopher Spicer and have a great
week at the movies.
They're coming to get you, Barbara.
Speaker 2 (00:18):
They're coming for you, Barbara. Look that comes one of them.
Speaker 1 (00:27):
Now, welcome to the latest episode of the Movie Breakdown.
And yes, once again this failed to be a weekly show.
And so let's go through the normal opening ritual where
I apologize that we've missed a few weeks of the
(00:50):
podcast and I mourn how this podcast at one time
was a weekly show for over a decad. We're able
to post an episode almost every single week, and that
was during a time where there was two hosts and
we also reviewed movies every single week. And that is
(01:13):
not the case because I continue my impressive streak of
not reviewing any movies in twenty twenty five, despite the
fact that I said I wanted to have a best
of the year show, which is gonna be really hard
with three months left, and I haven't even seen any
of the movies yet, so it may not be the
(01:35):
most impressive list of all time, that is for sure.
And like I have said a few times, a big
reason why this podcast hasn't been consistent, a big reason
why Beyond the Balcony has not had sort of movie
reviews along the pop culture writing is my Neil divergence.
(02:00):
I'm not making an excuse here, I'm saying I'm doing
an explanation, and a big reason is just almost forty
seven years of my life, I wasn't aware that my
mind was wired differently, and for forty seven years, I
(02:20):
was feeling shamed. I wasn't normal, and I was trying
to do whatever I can do. This is what a
normal person is supposed to do. And I went through
university and I landed some great writing gigs that I've
had many jobs, and I would say there is throughout
my life.
Speaker 2 (02:40):
I have definitely had a lot of.
Speaker 1 (02:42):
Successes and things I've been proud of, but I always
felt like I was working a little harder. Are things
that were easy for everyone else was unbearable for me.
And I know I've mentioned this stuff before on the podcast,
so maybe you've already turned it off or on the sleep,
but I mentioned this because I am realizing, through talking
(03:05):
to a therapist and my own research, that I have
hit autistic burnout. I something that can last for months
or it can last for years. This idea that I
was pushing against my brain for so long that it
(03:26):
is kind of shut down on me. And that is
why I've had sort of the feelings of no energy
and oppression and be more irritable and maybe being angry
and be more in seclusion. I think that's also part
of the reason why in some ways I have been
scared to go back to the movie theater be around.
Speaker 2 (03:50):
People, and.
Speaker 1 (03:52):
Just why I have had a hard time just gave
my career rolling again and me saying that, I do
want to mention that, as I recently put on my
Beyond the Balcony site Beyond the Balcony dot com, i
am writing as a film critic and a calmnist for
(04:14):
the Video Librarian now. So I mean it's not a
huge pain gig. It's definitely not a full time job,
but it's at least some work. It's a step and
I'm continuing to talk to some other agencies and stuff,
and so I'm hoping through therapy and learning tools and strategies,
(04:36):
I will be able to.
Speaker 2 (04:39):
Effectively be able to get you.
Speaker 1 (04:42):
Know, get work again and be effective career wise and
sort of get back into a place where I'm making
a living and helping to support my family, because that's
been a big thing too, is through the last few
years when I've hit through the depression and sort of
had this crash and this burn out. I have not
(05:02):
been pulling my weight when it comes to the finances,
and so in some ways my family is.
Speaker 2 (05:08):
A type tight and tough spot. That's what a type is,
that's tight and tough, and so that's also been a
burden on me.
Speaker 1 (05:18):
And so I have been thankful to the amazing readers
and listeners through the years that have donay's some money
through PayPal help that way, and so I definitely for
people who know for potential leads for work, or if
you yourself are wanting someone to create creative, imagine it
(05:41):
imaginative copy for your social media or your site to
help sort of engage with your customers and grow your
your brand. That's something I have done I would love
to potentially talk to you about. Or I can obviously
I've written about Neil Diverge, mental health, parenting.
Speaker 2 (06:02):
Pop culture.
Speaker 1 (06:03):
You can also mitch all that all up into one
interesting article if you're an editor. And I've also am
completely open to writing a personalized short story which could
be a fantastic gift.
Speaker 2 (06:17):
That you would give to sort of a.
Speaker 1 (06:20):
Loved one, and or even I've recently wrote some plays
for a vocational Bible school in the summer and it
was a huge hit and people like them quite a bit.
So I'd also be open if there's something like that
where you would want me to write a script for
a potential smart small little script that you can do
(06:40):
for your conference or other programs that you have in place.
And obviously, if you've appreciated this podcast, if you've appreciate
the site, another way you can always help again is
my PayPal account and over and beyond the Belkany, I've
had some links that you can find through there if
(07:02):
that's something that you're interested in doing as well. But
that's now what this podcast is about. I just wanted
to start off of explain sort of some of the
things that I've realized of and again I think I
have talked a bit about this in recent episodes too,
but just part of the reason why I know this
podcast and a lot of things that are just not
(07:24):
rolling those roadblocks, I think have come from sort of
a burnout and just trying to figure out what it
is that I could handle this point and trying to
figure out how to effectively use my autism and my
ADHD in sort of conserving my energy and being in
(07:46):
a place where I can be successful, so using my
strengths and using my brain in a way where I
can keep up the energy but also have a successful
career and reach my dreams. And most important to me
is to help and support my family, which right now
(08:06):
I realize is through freelance work and doing sort of
copywriting for different companies and writing for different magazines. Because
I'm not of any kind of delusion that beyond the
balcony or the movie breakdown is going to take off
at any huge level like the next month, especially you know,
when I'm not posting on a regular basis. But one
(08:30):
of the reasons that I wanted to sort of mention
my nail divergence again is that I want to start
talk today on this podcast about sort of how movies
is connected to my nail divergens. No, I'm not blaming
movies on causing me to be nail divergens. I mean,
(08:52):
the movies are not time all, after all, But I
do think that the way that I have viewed movies,
talked about movies connected with movies is definitely been connected
to also with me being a nero divergent person and
(09:15):
The first one that I can really think about is
the fact, and it's me kind of looking back and
realizing now is how much as a young kid who
is unaware that he is autistic but did think he
was kind of weird, it didn't quite fit in.
Speaker 2 (09:34):
How much I watched movies in.
Speaker 1 (09:38):
Some ways to mimic the characters and to sort of understand, Oh,
this is how you're supposed to behave This is how
you're supposed to engage with people. This is what school
looks like. This is what the workplace looks like. This
is what a young boy looks like. He's supposed to
(09:58):
go out, hop on his bike and ride to the
nearest forest and try to build a fort. This is
how you're supposed to make friends in the real world,
because this is what a movie. These are what the
movies are showing me. And this wasn't just as a kid,
like I remember watching a lot of high school movies
(10:21):
throughout high school trying to sort of figure out this
is how you interact with people. This is sort of
how you are to be a friend. This is what
a friend is like. This is what a good student
is like.
Speaker 2 (10:38):
And I'm not saying that so.
Speaker 1 (10:41):
That you have to be nero divergent to sort of
have kind of a movies to beyond your personality your personality.
But I definitely feel for me it was very much
of that idea of when you're autistic, you don't quite
have the manual. You feel like there is a game,
but your instructure manual was lost. You don't quite know
(11:04):
how to interact to the real world. And I remember
as a kid doing a lot of people watching and
looking at because I was the oldest in my family,
I didn't have an older sibling to mimic, and so
I would do a lot of watching the other students.
Speaker 2 (11:25):
And my peers.
Speaker 1 (11:26):
And I remember so many times I'm yelling at me
of like why are you staring at me?
Speaker 2 (11:31):
Why are you looking.
Speaker 1 (11:32):
At and I And to be I didn't really even
understand it, like I'm not staring. I'm trying to sort
of figure things out. I'm just watching. But that was
another thing I had to learn. You know, you can't
look at one person for too long because then they
get creeped out.
Speaker 2 (11:54):
And so because I couldn't necessarily.
Speaker 1 (11:56):
Do that without getting picked on and bullied even more
for you know, being the kid who stares I used
movies a lot to sort of figure out how sort
of trying to figure out what are the rules and
what are they like, how greetings are supposed to be
done and and how and what are the things that
(12:19):
sort of a successful person is. What are the things
that we're supposed to be going after. Oh, yeah, you
need to you need to get a girlfriend, and you
have to do some big heroic feet and then that
will send We'll bring you all these friends. But but
even more so it is sort of learning the type
of dialogue and the type of proper hobbies.
Speaker 2 (12:41):
And I remember there was a girl.
Speaker 1 (12:46):
That I dated for a very very short time, and
at that point I still hadn't even figured out what
my feelings were for her. And then she she broke
up with me. And I think because I had seen
so many of these kind of teen movies, these high
(13:08):
school movies, I almost word for word, we're sort of
using the words of like the broken hearted guy who
was getting dropped by the girl, and I was, and
I was almost, in a way kind of performing what
I thought I was supposed to act out after a breakup.
(13:33):
And it was this idea that I realized that I
think I'm supposed to be broken hearted.
Speaker 2 (13:37):
I'm supposed to take this heart.
Speaker 1 (13:39):
I'm supposed to say no, I don't need a ride
home and take the long walk home with my head down.
And I'm supposed to say these words of like oh.
Speaker 2 (13:52):
Is it me? Like what is it that I did
to make this wrong?
Speaker 1 (13:55):
Like we'd only been together for maybe two weeks at
the most, I said, I'm not even my memory is
that it wasn't this huge kind of emotional.
Speaker 2 (14:07):
Connection to her. She would have been like my first
kind of real girl from me. Even two weeks is
not real.
Speaker 1 (14:14):
But again, like I said, my responses were almost from
what I'd seen in the movies, and my feelings of
heartbreak were that or what sort of what I felt like?
I was supposed to be heartbroken. I was supposed to
be hurt. And I'm not sure if this is necessarily
(14:38):
making a lot of sense to a lot of my listeners,
or if this is You're just like, this is so bizarre,
but this is a bit of the autistic experience, Is
that idea sometimes of we don't quite always understand our emotions,
Like we feel.
Speaker 2 (14:55):
Upset, but we're not quite sure are we angry? Are
we sad?
Speaker 1 (14:59):
Is it this we forgot to eat all day? And
also sometimes not really sure of what are the social
worlds of the etiquette, which is often why so many
autistic people come off as rude or heartless or jerks.
It's because of sometimes they can be more blunt than
(15:20):
they should be, and it's that idea of sometimes you're
not sure how you're supposed to respond, and so I
just think of that moment.
Speaker 2 (15:28):
It was down the.
Speaker 1 (15:28):
Basement of a church where she was broken up with me,
and I don't think I got curie eyed, but I
remember sort of to her being like what can we
do to make this work? Like why have you decided
to let me go? And it was all sort of
these responses that I felt like I needed to do
because it's what I saw on the big screen, and
like I said that I was supposed to sort of
(15:51):
be all down and out when we go upstairs and
then no, no, no, don't get me a ride home
and I wander home, and a lot of it was
I felt like, well, this is what I'm supposed to do, right,
this is how I'm supposed to feel. And so it's
looking back and it's interesting of how much sometimes my
(16:14):
response to things or the way I've interacted.
Speaker 2 (16:18):
Or what I thought was important in my teen.
Speaker 1 (16:21):
Years or early adulthood was based off, well, this is
what I saw on the big screen, so this is
what I'm supposed to do.
Speaker 2 (16:33):
And another thing.
Speaker 1 (16:35):
That sort of was really big, especially as a kid,
for me, what I attached to were the movies that
had sort of the outsiders, the person who was kind
of the loser but in the end triumphs and looking now,
(16:57):
it's obvious why those movies always resonated with me so
much was because of the fact that I never really
felt like I fit in. Like I had a best
friend who was, surprisingly enough now i've learned, is also
now a late dinosed person with autism and AHD. So
(17:19):
it's funny how that happens, and now I can understand
why he's probably my longest friend and why we connected
because there's probably been both of us feeling like we
didn't quite fit into this world. And I've got this before,
how I was teased and bullied in elementary school and
then even high school, never quite felt like sort of
(17:41):
I fit in, and there was often sort of that
idea of trying to just struggling to kind of navigate,
understand the world and things never always kind of feeling
quite real. I mean, even I feel like there was
bits of imposter syndrome of once I got married and
once I became a sort of a parent, wondering like
(18:03):
am I doing this right?
Speaker 2 (18:04):
Is this what I'm.
Speaker 1 (18:05):
Supposed to do? Do I really deserve to be in
this position? And I think again that a lot of
that comes from sort of that neo divergent.
Speaker 2 (18:14):
Part of my brain.
Speaker 1 (18:16):
But taking back as a kid, of why I was
so much into the outsider was because myself I felt
like an outsider, and so I connected to the goonies
and I connected to sort of you know, Luke Skywalker
left on this planet with where he feels like he
(18:38):
has no future, but also now he.
Speaker 2 (18:42):
Goes into a great adventure because.
Speaker 1 (18:44):
There was that hope for me that I'm an outsider,
but one day maybe I could be the hero. I mean,
I remember loving the Any Musical Again. She was an orphan,
she fell unloved, but in the end she's kind of
a great. Marty McFly is told that he's a loser,
but then he goes back into the future and and
(19:06):
it all well, he doesn't go back in the future.
The movie's in just go Back to the Future. He
goes to the past and then he wants to get
back to nineteen eighty five. But my, my big thing
with movies, I mean, I'd liked a huge swath of
movie sci fi, fancy comedy, but there was always sort
(19:27):
of that attachment to the person who was the outsider.
I felt that, and so those movies I those would
kind of almost be sort of my special interests. I'd
watch them over and over because I connect with the
idea of like, Okay, maybe it's all right to not
always be the coolest person, Maybe it's all right to
(19:52):
feel a little bit left out, because look at these
goonies their whole sort of they define themselves as the goony.
He's as sort of the people who are not like
the rich upper class. And so those were sort of
the pictures that meant something to be. One movie that
I remember rewatching so much was Lucas starring Corey Hayne,
(20:17):
and he liked collecting bugs and he had a big
crush on sort of.
Speaker 2 (20:22):
A girl who.
Speaker 1 (20:25):
Ended up sort of becoming a cheerleader and because she
was attractive played by I think her name was Carry
Green Russell and ended up dating the Charlie Sheen character,
and so poor Lucas who gets heartbroken. But Lucas was
one he was picked on by the other football players.
He never quite fit in because he was the smallest
(20:46):
and he had weird interests. And so I connected with Lucas,
even though like I remember, like, well, I'm definitely not
smarts him.
Speaker 2 (20:55):
I don't know many as many.
Speaker 1 (20:56):
Bugs as he does, and I'm not someone who's going
to be fast tracked through school because of my super intelligence.
But I did connect with sort of Lucas being teased
for not being athletic and not quite being like all
the other kids. And then of course Lucas gets his
big moment where he's on the football field and he
catches the ball and gets tackled, and he goes back
(21:19):
to school and he gets the slow clap and he
gets his moment. And I think that's something I always
attached to, is that I'm the outside but hey, you can.
Speaker 2 (21:29):
Finally have your moment.
Speaker 1 (21:31):
But one area where I think the outsider narrative maybe
was dangerous for someone who was near divergent, so neil
divergent being, you know, especially like when you're autistic and
you've got your special interests, you dive in, and so
I was diving into these movies. I think one problem
with a lot of these pictures, and this is something
(21:52):
I really have been trying to pitch around to different
magazines because I think there's a great story idea here.
It's something I want to write about it, and I
think if it doesn't get accepted, all write it on
Beyond the Balcony. But the problem is, Hollywood's outsider has
always been either the outsider is someone who is sort
of that idea of you know, he's on the motorcycle
(22:15):
and he's got the leather jacket and he's an outsider,
but he really is kind of cool, he's a badass,
or the outside of the ones I've mentioned where I
think of something with Back to the Future, where Marty
has his dad, George wick Fly, who is definitely kind
of nerdy and he gets picked on.
Speaker 2 (22:37):
He's a bit of a loser.
Speaker 1 (22:39):
But when the movie ends, George McFly is now best
selling author and he doesn't even really have the dorky
laugh anymore, and he's now almost become cool. And I
think a lot of these outsider narratives if you have
someone where at the beginning, if they seem like a
(22:59):
dork or quirky or don't quite fit in the world,
in the end they prove actually they are cool and
they do have this special talent. And now the success
is when they've been accepted by the group and they
are now the cool person and they lose a lot
of sort of the nerdy attributes and they become quote
(23:26):
sort of normal. They've now been accepted by society. Like
even teen Wolf, this idea of like he's turned to
a wolf again, sort of almost like an allegory of
something that makes you different, makes you not quite fit
in or.
Speaker 2 (23:39):
Feel like you're like everyone else.
Speaker 1 (23:41):
He's still he's able to kind of become cool by
the end of the movie. And that was the one
and especially with sort of the Harry Potter and the
Star Wars thing for sure, where Luke's got the force
and Harry Potter ends up being the best at quitted.
Speaker 2 (23:58):
Quid, which, yeah, I fly around in a broom and
score stuff. But the idea is that they end up
becoming cool at the end.
Speaker 1 (24:10):
And it's very rare that there's movies where they delve
into someone who is nerdy or maybe a little bit
neo divergent coded, which I think in some ways George
McFly is someone who's got these tics, has these routines.
Things have to be a certain way. It's very rare
that they let someone be like that at the beginning
(24:33):
of the movie and then at the end that.
Speaker 2 (24:36):
They remain that way.
Speaker 1 (24:38):
But there's still this sense of success, there's still this
sense of closure. But they didn't have to change who
they are. So many of these movies, it seems like
the transformation has to be that they sort of lose
their geekiness in order to truly have kind of victory
at the end.
Speaker 2 (24:57):
And I mean there are exceptions.
Speaker 1 (25:00):
There's so many people who told me I would love
Napoleon Dynamite, and I was not a fan, but I
will say that one of the things to praise about
Napoleon Dynamite is he is still himself when that movie ends,
when he does his nerdy dance and gets a response
from the from the assembly, He's still Napoleon Dynamite who
(25:26):
he was at the beginning. He still has his quirks,
his weirdness, his response is his tics. It's still there.
And Emilia, the French film, which a lot of people
say that her character is likely autistic. She sort of
remains who she is from the beginning to the end.
And again, I'm not against the character arc. I'm definitely
(25:50):
for someone learning and growing. It's just now looking back
as sort of a film critic, especially now, someone who's autistic,
and some characters that maybe they aren't outright autistic or ADHD,
but the coded a bit sort of when they make
themselves a little bit that outside of that little bit
of weirdness, it's almost like you haven't achieved victory until
(26:13):
you eliminate that part and now you become cool and normal,
and I think that part is almost dangerous, and so
it is worthy praising those movies where the character arc
is maybe learning compassion or empathy for someone, or.
Speaker 2 (26:32):
You can sort of reach success, but.
Speaker 1 (26:35):
You could still be yourself all those little quirts, those
things that makes you nerdy.
Speaker 2 (26:40):
That's not a bad thing.
Speaker 1 (26:42):
And so I think there is something we're worth praising
movies where the person keeps that. And that's just my
sort of observation of sort of a person who definitely
thinks about movies way too much, that that is something
I think that is worth kind of exploring and analyzing
and criticizing in movies. But I love movies, and I
(27:05):
think one thing that's a Neil divergent person. I have
learned that I definitely have my sensory overload, and like
I go to a wedding, and as much as it's
nice to see people again, I find it very hard
to talk or focus because of the blaring music and
(27:25):
the clashing and plates and just so much happening. And
say with restaurants, I mean, going to restaurants with my
family is a nice thing, but sometimes it can be
a little overwhelming with the lights and the smells and
the sounds. But it's interesting that I would say one
of my happy places, one of my safe places is
(27:46):
the movie theater. Now I have confessed I haven't gone
even once this year, and I think in some ways
that's probably been a detriment. I do have some movie passes,
so even though I have no money, I do have
some movie passes, some free movie passes that I can use,
(28:07):
and so I can go to the theater and see
some movies and not put a strain on that a
budget that does not exist, and I can start reviewing
some new movies again and I think in some ways
that may be part of my therapy because movies is
definitely one of my special interests. It's one of those
things you know that I hyper focus and that I've
(28:29):
loved all my life storytelling movies. And when I go
to movies, that's one area where, like I usually do
sit a place where I'm not surrounded by people. I
like kind of saying that little corner where it could
be my little safe place. But I do like the
communal experience.
Speaker 2 (28:44):
I do like hearing the.
Speaker 1 (28:45):
People laugh and gasp and connect, and it's one of
those things where I don't have to worry about communicating
or talking to people, but I can still feel that
shared experience of being a part of a community. We
just all have to sit look at that big screen
and just be yourselves, just enjoy, just be swept into
(29:07):
that different world. And it's something that I have always
deeply loved. I mean, one of my biggest fears of
the current stay of the movie business is that Bradford
loses a movie theater. I mean, right now, it's a
ten minute walk from my house, and my deep hope
is that Brandford never loses a movie theater and that
(29:28):
I can still continue to go there, and it's definitely
been a place where I have seen amazing stories and
felt so many different emotions. And it's sort of two
hours where I could be lost or nowadays three and
a half hours where I could be lost.
Speaker 2 (29:47):
And just sort of connect with the audience and.
Speaker 1 (29:51):
Enjoy this movie with all the other movie goers but
not have to worry about scripting or what I'm gonna say.
Speaker 2 (29:58):
I just need to be lost with them.
Speaker 1 (30:02):
In the world of movies, and speaking of special interests,
I would definitely say that movies has been one. At
certain times, it has been like specific type of movies
for sure, Like I was all in it obsessed with
Indiana Jones and as I mentioned, Goonies and the Karate
(30:24):
Kid and.
Speaker 2 (30:25):
Definitely Star Wars.
Speaker 1 (30:26):
Star Wars has been an everlasting kind of obsession since
the first day I ever seen it. But I think
with Neil divergence where it's important to sort of be
able to have those obsessions and that's all you want
to talk about and think about. One of the things
that's made movies such a great special interests is that
(30:48):
there is so much to analyze and.
Speaker 2 (30:52):
There's so much to sort.
Speaker 1 (30:54):
Of see out on that screen, and my ability to
sort of that pattern seeking behavior year of autism and
ADHD and that sort of seeing things that maybe not
everyone usually does, and being able to make those kind
of leaps and connections to your own life and your
own feelings and connections of like kind of grasping themes
(31:18):
that maybe even the creator himself didn't intend, but you
can see there.
Speaker 2 (31:26):
It has all of that.
Speaker 1 (31:28):
Being able to sort of seek on what are my
strengths is being near divergent has been a huge reason
why I've been attached to movies, and it's allowed me to.
Speaker 2 (31:38):
Sort of kind of do with special interests.
Speaker 1 (31:43):
It's often something you always want to talk about, you
want to go deep on, and one of the great
things of movies being that it's allowed me to do
this podcast. I realize now that probably a big reason
why I started this podcast in twenty thirteen has that
allowed me to just obsessively and dive deep into a
movie with all its themes and nuances and things I
(32:05):
got out of without boring my wife to death. I
can now just do it into a microphone, talk about
it with Scott, and then if people want to listen
to it, that'd be great, and luckily thousands of people
wanted to listen to it, which is awesome and thank
you and I appreciate that. But I think that's one
(32:25):
of the things that has been great about movies is
the fact that it has allowed my special interest then
to lead to other things like the podcast and then
becoming a film critic, did film reviews right now, for
the video Librain of course for my site Buddy tv,
a collective publishing road Runner movie Web, different places throughout
(32:48):
the years that I've wrote for I've been able to
analyze and dive deep into movies and find, like I said,
like these different patterns and these different sort of insights
in this picture because of the way my brain is,
I love just kind of really digging in into why
(33:09):
did they use this shot, why are they using these colors?
What is another broader message of this movie? All that
kind of geekiness that I'd love to do, And so
movies allowed sort of my the things I like to do,
Like I said, that analysis, that pattern seeking, that sort
(33:30):
of deeper thinking that is the movies open that door,
and just the joy of sort of being able to
have a podcast and film criticism allowed me to sort
of do my oversharing, but to an audience rather than
to a person who's eight eyes are glazed over in
a party, which just happened a lot, and which is
(33:51):
probably why I learned I needed to find new outlets,
because all I wanted to do was talk about movies
that you know, that year old kid's birthday party or
the or at someone's wedding. I rape before we're supposed
to go on stage.
Speaker 2 (34:06):
So there's that, and so that that's another thing.
Speaker 1 (34:10):
And this now also leads me to another aspect where
I feel my new divergence has been connected to movies,
and it's sort of well, one of the movies has
sparked my own creativity, my own imagination. I've talked before
about how Star Wars was an impetus to me sort
of becoming a writer and creating stories, and how often
(34:34):
I would just go in the backyard and play these imagine.
Speaker 2 (34:38):
Games by myself. But then I had a notebook and
start writing my own.
Speaker 1 (34:41):
Versions of stories. And so again that obsession obsession size side,
but it's also been really important as a way of
the imagination, the storytelling.
Speaker 2 (34:56):
The ideas that I get from movies has been.
Speaker 1 (35:00):
Huge in a way of sort of doing self therapy
and stemming and calming and regulating me and allowing me
to sort of process the world a bit. When things
get too much, I will hide in a room and
I will just sort of start daydreaming and often thinking
(35:21):
about sort.
Speaker 2 (35:23):
Of movies and scenes or taking.
Speaker 1 (35:27):
An idea of something like goonies and then creating sort
of my own goonies in my head. And sometimes it
leads to writing a story, but other times it's just
it's me in a room sort of daydreaming. And there's
often this talk of with like autistic people are our
(35:48):
inner self, are our thoughts, our imaginations. The world that
we creating our head is often more vivid and more
rewarding than the real world. We actually have a time,
we actually have control. And so there's many times I
think I've confessed on this podcast where I would be
on my own and I would.
Speaker 2 (36:12):
Like I've talked to myself and I would script. But
there is times where I would act out.
Speaker 1 (36:18):
Imagined scenes and they're either imasure scenes from movies or
they're sort of.
Speaker 2 (36:24):
Inspired from movies and imagine play.
Speaker 1 (36:27):
And this was something I did a lot as a kid,
but it's something I still do as an adult, and
it helps sort of stimulate my creativity and get the
process going. And I feel like all these amazing movies
I've seen over the years has helped. We have this
huge bank of different worlds that I can go to
and sort of help my own kind of form of
(36:49):
self therapy and soothing. And I'm not sure of this podcast,
this episode had any value whatsoever for any of you,
and even and if maybe you are autistic or you're
Neil divergent and maybe you could relate to this, or
maybe you can't, maybe you're like, wow, Chris, You're.
Speaker 2 (37:10):
You're out there. Even for me, I shouldn't say that,
but I hope in some ways this meant something for you.
It at least gave you.
Speaker 1 (37:20):
A window into sort of who I am and what
movies has meant to me. And uh, fingers crossed that
We've got an episode next week and maybe i'll finally
it's the biggest running gig of the year. Maybe I'll
have a review for Walton Grammit, Ben's Most Foul or
something else that came out in twenty twenty five.
Speaker 2 (37:40):
Maybe if you want to give me.
Speaker 1 (37:43):
Your thoughts on this episode or things you like to
see in future episodes or whatever. You can do that
by contacting me at the Movie Breakdown at gmail dot com.
Speaker 2 (37:54):
It's just me.
Speaker 1 (37:55):
You can also just go to my personal psite my
personal email Christopher dot D dot Spicer at gmail dot com.
We're also on Twitter at Movie Breakdown one. We have
a Facebook page at the Movie Breakdown, so feel free
to go to those places as well. Please follow us
(38:15):
on the social media. It helps, then, are so the algorithms.
If the more followers have and the more engagement that
there is, then the more people will see it and
then we can lead them to this show. And as always,
please subscribe and rate us on Spreaker, Spotify, cast Box,
(38:37):
Apple podcasts, Amazon Music or wherever you listen to podcasts,
because once again those algorithms, the more people who rate
and subscribe, the more we can grow.
Speaker 2 (38:49):
And another way you can help.
Speaker 1 (38:50):
Out the podcast is listen to us on the Spreaker
app because that means just a little extra bit of
money goes our way if you whose the app, so
that'd be awesome. Please share us on social media and
all those things. And of course there is Beyond the
Balcony my pop culture site and I am writing something
(39:13):
on there every day, or at least posting something on
there every day, even if it's not movie reviews. I
do announce that I'm now writing for Video Librarian, and
I post a link to the first movie I review,
which is a documentary, The Route from China to America.
Speaker 2 (39:31):
I look at a video that talks about why.
Speaker 1 (39:35):
Autistic people tend to be drained by easy things, and
so I sort of share there's a video about these
five things, and then I talk about those five things
of how they drain me and sort of my own
personal antidotes. I write a little bit about different forms
of ADHD and autistic experience on the site. That's a
big thing I've been runing about recently. People have appreciated,
(39:56):
but I do want to to bring it back to
movies as well very soon. I also talked about Sweet Pickles,
which was a book that a book series I absolutely
loved as a kid.
Speaker 2 (40:08):
If you don't know what Sweet Pickles is, go oround
beyond the Balcony.
Speaker 1 (40:12):
It's a recent arcle you can check out and we
can all learn and love Sweet Pickles together.
Speaker 2 (40:18):
But thank you so much for listening to this week's
episode of the movie breakdown. Hopefully they'll be an episode
again next week. I'm Christopher Spicer and have a great
week at the movies.
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