She Said She Was Spiritually Void- Now What?

A letter from a woman who feels spiritually void. What are your thoughts? Can you relate to her? What advice would you give her?

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:01):
Hey, you are listening to the Muddy Path Podcast. I'm
your host, Michelle Peva, and today we have a letter
that is heartbreaking. Actually, So the woman that has written in,
I think that you'll be able to connect with her
emotions because she feels exhausted, she feels overwhelmed, maybe a

(00:26):
little hopeless, and I think we've all felt that before.
So I'm going to read you the letter, and then
we're going to talk about some different ways that she
might look at her situation and maybe this will help
you in a situation that you might be in so
or someone that you love. So let me go ahead

(00:48):
and just read the letter. Okay, she says, I've been
carrying the weight of trauma for years, but it's only
now that I'm starting to recognize how deeply it's affected me,
not just emotionally, but financially and spiritually. There are days
when I feel completely disconnected from myself, trapped in this

(01:12):
loop of painful memories that resurface without warning. Other days
I feel completely numb. It feels like the past is
always lurking just beneath the surface. At the same time,
I feel like there's a void dragging me back no
matter how much I try to move forward. I've tried therapy, meditation,

(01:36):
and different forms of healing, but the relief is always temporary.
I find myself making impulsive decisions, especially with money. I'm
always trying to find the next thing that will make
me feel better, as if I'm trying to feel avoid.
She has feel avoid, but I don't know if that

(01:58):
meant fill avoid, only to feel more empty afterward. I'm
exhausted by the constant need to control everything around me,
and yet I can't seem to break this cycle. How
can I begin to feel healed when I feel so fragmented?

(02:18):
How do I move beyond these memories and find peace?
Also finding peace financially and spiritually? Sincerely lost in the past.
So first, I'm going to tell you a story. There
is an old Zen Buddhist story a Cohen, and it
goes like this. There was a farmer that had a horse,

(02:41):
and the horse ran away, and his neighbors came to
offer their sympathy, and they were saying, oh, such bad
luck you have, Such bad luck you have, and the
farmer was like, well, maybe a few days later, the
horse returns, bringing several other wild horses with it, and
then the neighbors were clapping, Oh, fortunate. Again the farmer said, well, maybe.

(03:04):
Later on that day, the farmer's son tried to ride
one of the wild horses and he fell, breaking his leg.
Then the neighbors were just so upset and they came over, Oh,
a terrible misfortune, And the farmer once again said maybe.
Soon after, soldiers came to the village to recruit young

(03:25):
men for war, but passed over the farmer's son because
of his injury. The neighbors congratulated the farmer on his
good fortune. Once again, the farmer said maybe. So this Cohen,
this lesson invites us to consider that life's events maybe

(03:45):
are not inherently good or bad. Our suffering comes from
the meaning that we attached to them. And we see
this in a lot of different religions. Right when something
good happens, a lot of people will say, praise God.
When something bad happened, oh it's the devil. So it's
the intention and the idea that we attach to whatever's

(04:08):
happening that really is there. Maybe these events are not
good or bad. In trauma, we label our pain as
something permanent or overwhelming, and sometimes it is. But the
truth is that life like the events in the story,

(04:29):
they're just constantly unfolding. We never really know what any
experience is going to lead to. Healing from trauma requires
accepting the uncertainty of life's outcomes and letting go of
the need to control. So by releasing the constant judgment

(04:49):
of good or bad, we can find space to simply
exist with what is, allowing peace to arise naturally without
chasing it. Now, in Buddhist psychology, there's a principle of impermanence,

(05:09):
and that teaches us that all things, including our sufferings,
are just temporary. Trauma feels eternal because the mind clings
to the pain, replaying it in an effort to resolve it.
I've seen this with people that were connected to narcissists.
They keep clinging to that addiction, the dopamine hit that

(05:33):
the narcissists used to give them, and they can't get
over why that narcissist isn't lovely all over the time.
And when I say narcissists, there are plenty of narcissists
that are not horrible people. I'm talking about the people
that have come to me that have had narcissist abuse. Basically,
so we cling to things. And so going back to

(05:58):
the idea of someone who is with a narcissist or
another type of toxic person, they cling to what could
have been. They cling to the pain. They can't wrap
their head around why the things happened. So it's only
when they let go that they start to heal. So
as long as you're clinging to the pain, you're going

(06:18):
to feel the pain. Whatever is close to you is
what you're aware of. Right when we're young and growing up,
what we're exposed to is what we think we want
to become. So if we're not exposed to, say a dentist,
then we don't know that that could be a possibility
for us to grow up and become a dentist. Right,

(06:38):
So it's only what we are exposed to for the
most part. And then we have financial the financial component here,
and I'm also a financial therapist, so this really speaks
to me. Financial impulsiveness or avoidance in this case is
her attempt I think to gain control or to the discomfort.

(07:02):
And when we recognize this, like everything else in life,
it will pass. We can approach it differently. But if
we can't wrap our head around a different way, if
we keep staying in the loop of this is what
I do when I'm upset, I spend money. Then nothing's
going to change, right. The only thing that might change
is that you're going to go further and further in debt.

(07:23):
So there's a freedom to acknowledging that just as joy
is fleeting, so is suffering. And I remember when I
was younger, my grandmother used to say whenever anything good happened, oh, Nana.
Whenever anything good happens, she would say, well, enjoy it. Now,

(07:43):
it's not going to last. You know what was wrong
with her anyway. But there's a lot of people that
have that attitude, right, And at the same time, when
when things like hit the fan, people don't say that.
Usually sometimes they'll say that too shall pass, but usually
it's oh, what's happening? Ooh, you know. And so there's

(08:06):
a freedom to acknowledging that justice joy is fleeting, so
with suffering. And with this awareness of relationship with money
can shift from one reaction to one of being more mindful,
and you can sit with your trauma without needing to
fix it or escape it, knowing that it too, is
very temporary. And so there's also the duka, the middle

(08:33):
path of sati mindfulness, and so mindfulness is the antidote
the medicine basically of suffering. Suffering is a fundamental part
of the human existence, and Buddha taught that we can
navigate our way through it through sati, through mindful awareness.

(08:59):
And so when you look at say Christianity, we know
that Jesus suffered and suffered for us. So again, even
in the greatest teachers of our time, we see that
suffering was a part of the journey. And mindful awareness,

(09:22):
i would say in Christianity would be recognizing that and prayer.
And so trauma pulls us to extremes of emotional overwhelm
or complete numbness or control or impulsivity. Trauma just takes
us away from ourselves really, and the middle path suggests

(09:43):
moving between these extremes and finding mindful presence. And that's
really hard to do when you've had trauma. Mindfulness invites
you to sit with the discomfort of your trauma, to
observe the patterns of not just reactivity, but how you
feel without judgment. Instead of reacting by spending or retreating

(10:04):
into guilt, Mindfulness helps create a pause, and in that
pause you can choose a compassionate response, one that honors
your healing without punishing or avoiding. Through consistent practice, mindfulness
becomes a tool to navigate both your financial and emotional landscapes.

(10:29):
This guides you towards balance. So think about the last
time you felt really stressed and you were maybe blinded
with sadness or rage or overwhelmed. And then also think
about times where you were just so happy and you
were just walking on a cloud and if it was raining,
who cares. So there's two different extremes there, right, and

(10:52):
in both of those extremes, you're not really living in
the moment. Mindfulness, that pause keeps you in the moment. Now,
I'm not saying that you shouldn't feel joy or that
you shouldn't be in any kind of anger or sadness.
You need to feel all of it. But having that pause,
having that moment where it's okay to feel all of

(11:16):
these things, you don't need to fix yourself. Now. That
doesn't mean to not go to therapy or get help
in any way that you might need it medically, psychologically, whatever.
That is enriching who you are, That is bettering who
you are, But you don't want to inherently change who

(11:36):
you are, and you don't want to just get rid
of emotions because they feel uncomfortable. Now, if you're overwhelmed,
of course you go to your nearest clinic or hospital.
But generally most people are not going to feel so overwhelmed.
They're going to feel overwhelmed. They're going to feel sadness.
But if the phone rings and you need to get

(11:56):
on the phone and talk, or you need to go
to work, you're still going to do it right. I'm
talking about that middleish ground. And when you're feeling one
way or another, I'm not talking about if you're mentally
ill or you feel like you're going to hurt yourself.
So when you're mindful, that is a moment that invites

(12:17):
you to sit with your discomfort and observe what you're feeling.
So by embracing the wisdom of who you are, of
the temporary emotions, practicing mindfulness and presence, and learning from

(12:38):
the story of the Farmer that whole, well, maybe you
can begin to loosen the grip of trauma and loosen
the grip of trauma that it has on your life.
And speaking specifically to the woman who wrote the letter
Healing is not about erasing the past. And there's going
to be times if you've had a lot of trauma

(12:59):
that you're going to have memories or you're going to
feel numb. And the more you think about shifting your
relationship and allowing peace to come from the stillness of being,
that will help you to build resilience. Meaning there's going
to be times that, yeah, you are walking around and

(13:21):
you know deep down there's also some other feelings happening,
but you're able to still have gratitude, You're able to
still love, You're able to still enrich yourself and do
the things and then work on yourself. And that might
mean sometimes sitting in your Buddhism, sitting in your mindfulness

(13:43):
might mean that you're going to go back to Judaism
or back to Christianity. Because remember, secular Buddhism welcomes everything.
It's not about saying, okay, now you're doing this and
you can't do anything else. It's not like that. So
secular Buddhist training and study is about enriching and building

(14:05):
on whatever it is that you have. And I know
a lot of people are going to disagree with me,
but that is because they are thinking about the more
religious aspect of it, not Buddhist psychology. So for me,
with trans personal psychology, which is honoring all belief systems,
I'm more about enjoying the Buddhist psychology and how it

(14:28):
enriches our lives. So someone who has been looking at
their life and reflecting for the most part, especially if
you're in the United States or in Canada, you're coming
from either a Christian or a Judaism background, right, and
so you might feel even a little bit sad, or

(14:50):
you might have people even saying to you, oh, you
can't study, that it's going to bring the devil. Well again,
let's go back to the beginning, the intention. Well, if
you don't think you're bring in the devil, you're probably
not bringing the devil. Okay, It's all about intention. So
the reason why I am saying this is because the
woman that wrote the article or excuse me, the letter

(15:12):
is probably feeling conflicted in a lot of ways. And
if she's feeling conflicted spiritually, I just want her to know,
and maybe this message is for you too, that it's
okay to explore and it's okay to embrace a lot
of different philosophies and create something that's very specific for you.

(15:34):
Because even within say Christianity or Baptist or Catholic or
Reform Jadaism or zen Buddhism, within all of these different groups,
plus many many more, then you have the synagogues, the churches,
the songas okay, And then you have one specific one

(15:56):
and they do things a certain way, and then you
have the groups within it, and then the people within it,
and it keeps whittling down and down and down till
it comes to one person. And that one person usually
does not have one hundred percent the belief of every
single other person in the room. Right, So we all
have our own inner belief systems and inner values, and

(16:19):
there's areas of whatever we're studying that seem more important,
that hold more value for us, and that's okay, and
you don't need to defend it to anyone. So if
you're struggling spiritually, just kind of know that too. So
embrace your own wisdom, practice mindfulness, see where mindfulness brings you,

(16:41):
and know that things are temporary, so you might move
in and out of different areas of your own healing,
your memories, your lack of memory, your relationships, And it
doesn't mean that your relationship is necessarily going to go away.
I just want to kind of put this out here.

(17:02):
It means that sometimes, well not sometimes all the time,
relationships change, dynamics change because people grow and evolve, and
so nothing is specifically permanent. But that doesn't mean that
things are going to go away from you. The great
thing about knowledge and spirituality is that no one can

(17:23):
take these things away from you, and so trauma cannot
take away who you are. It makes us feel that way.
Trauma gets us in a space where we get so distracted,
and that distraction is painful, right, because then we're not
who we are. And I remember times in my life

(17:45):
where I had trauma and I dove into work, or
I dove into being codependent or a people pleaser in
all the things, and all of that just kept me
away from who I was. And it was actually a
little painful reacclimating rewilding with who I was, because I

(18:05):
had to come to grips with my trauma and who
I was after the trauma, Because trauma does change you,
and it takes away some innocence, and it takes away
some trust that you have in humankind generally, So if
your trauma had to do with a human. So anyway,
I hope this has helped you. I hope it's helped her.

(18:28):
If you have any questions, the Muddypath dot org and
when you get there, you're going to see a lot
of different options. You're going to see my financial site,
a button for my wobby Sabby, and all of this
other stuff. But just go to whatever button or link
moves you. But there's also the Muddy Path podcast on

(18:51):
that page as well, So I will talk to you
very soon and let me know. If you have a question,
you can use any of my contact forms and you
can write me a letter and I can answer it
here on the podcast.