December 13, 2023 • 58 mins
As an EMPTY NESTER
Stay Positive 🤔
If your last child will soon leave home, plan ahead to keep empty nest syndrome at bay.
Look for new opportunities in your personal and professional life.
Keeping busy or taking on new challenges at work or home can ease the sense of loss.
There are some excellent resources out there that can guide you as you
adjust to the empty nest, but once that initial period of grief and adjustment is over, the question remains:
What does it mean to find your purpose in the empty nest?
Take a listen and Share your thoughts on
What has LIFE been for you as an Empty Nester?
also the
DID YOU KNOW Segment?
what are some of your Vacation Prep Tips
SHARE YOUR THOUGHTS, LIKE, FOLLOW & SHARE
the NEXT chapter
where we discuss shades of grey...
the revolution has begun
Stay Positive 🤔
If your last child will soon leave home, plan ahead to keep empty nest syndrome at bay.
Look for new opportunities in your personal and professional life.
Keeping busy or taking on new challenges at work or home can ease the sense of loss.
There are some excellent resources out there that can guide you as you
adjust to the empty nest, but once that initial period of grief and adjustment is over, the question remains:
What does it mean to find your purpose in the empty nest?
Take a listen and Share your thoughts on
What has LIFE been for you as an Empty Nester?
also the
DID YOU KNOW Segment?
what are some of your Vacation Prep Tips
SHARE YOUR THOUGHTS, LIKE, FOLLOW & SHARE
the NEXT chapter
where we discuss shades of grey...
the revolution has begun
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:02):
The views and opinions expressed in thisprogram are those of the participants and do
not reflect the views of the streamingplatforms, public access channels, the Kiddie
Rose Lifestyle, or the program underwriters. Sim from my feet, stopping out
(00:27):
the negativity, everybody not in frontof me? Spread the love, the
love move deliberately, doy face,So on, what does happen? Lead
propling girls something love the energy,Love the seventeen Soon take the liberty to
take you on a journey liberally hallwaysand hey, everybody, and welcome back
(00:52):
to another episode of the next chapterwhere we discuss shades of Gray. I
am your host, Minister Cat akaKitty Rose. Hey, and again you
are at the next chapter where wediscuss shades of gray. Happyfore once again,
I am so happy to be inOctober. I love October because it's
(01:17):
sweater weather, sweater weather and blazeof weather. So I enjoyed this even
though today kind of was one ofthose Indian summer type of days. But
we're not complaining because we just cameoff of that horrific rain for four or
five days that we had straight.I'm telling you us New Yorkers, we
are spoiled. Yes we are.So let's get right into this week's topic
(01:44):
of the week. During drum,I have to get a drum roll,
jump roll please, this week's topicof the way you guys ready? I
know you feel like I've discussed thisbefore because when I told de what I
was talking about today, he waslike, didn't he talk about this?
I guess I talk about it alot because this is the next chapter.
But today or this week's topic ofthe week is life as an empty nester?
(02:13):
Weren't life as an empty nester?I've been now an empty nester two
going on. This is my thirdyear, so woof what is that like?
Or how has it been? Orwhat is it like? What am
I going through? How am Idealing with it? I was the stage
production manager for an event this weekendthat just passed in Harlem, and I
(02:37):
happen to bump into a fellow momwho has the same amount of children that
I have in her youngers is alsoher baby girl, and these two young
ladies end up they are friends ofeach other's now. They come from a
two She comes from a two parenthousehold, so she lives with well,
she lived with both of her parentsin the same household growing up. So
(03:00):
these two parents have three children,just like I do, two boys and
a girl, and her youngest oneis her daughter, who's twenty like my
daughter. I said to her atthe bar, so how you doing?
And she just now became like afull empty nester because her daughter officially now
has moved into her own space inFlorida. And she was like, I
(03:24):
don't like I mean, with astraight grill, I don't like it.
I'm not happy. The house istoo quiet. I don't know what to
do. Like literally, it wasnot even sadness. It was anger,
almost like how dare my daughter decidesto become independent and live on her own
(03:46):
at twenty years old? So ooh, I said, there is a need
to bring this topic back up becauseI don't know if I really have had
a full discussion on what life islike as an empty nester. I know
I've talked about it. I knowI've hinted towards it, and I know
I've done a tech talk, Butliterally where we've discussed it on the next
(04:09):
chapter, I'm not sure. Sowhen I went to good old Google,
they suggested that empty nesters empty nesters, Yes, stay positive, stay positive,
right. I know that sounds sobroad. If your last child will
soon leave home, plan I hadto keep empty nest syndrome at bay.
(04:35):
Look for new opportunities in your personaland professional life. Keeping busy or taking
on new challenges at work or homecan ease this sense of loss. There
are some excellent resources out here thatcan help guide or help us adjust to
being an empty nester or living inan empty nest. But once the initial
(04:59):
period of grief and adjustment is over, the question remains, what does it
mean to find your purpose in thisempty nest? I had to ask myself
that question. I'm still asking myselfthat question. So let's go to the
first video that I was able toresearch for you guys, if you want
(05:24):
to look at it some more,because we're not going to play the whole
video. It's Thriving in the EmptyNest Years by Jim Burns, and I'm
just gonna take a snippet out justto kind of introduce us to this topic,
and then when we come back fromthat, we'll discuss it. Okay,
let's go to the next few.Let's go to our first video of
the evening, the empty nest syndromeit's actually not a psychological syndrome. It's
(05:48):
a phenomenon that takes place when kidsleave the home and all of a sudden,
we found that there were millions ofkids who are leaving the home,
and the empty nest syndrome was thatparents know what to do. They had
to reinvent their life. And soin the empty nest syndrome, we started
finding that parents experience loss, theyexperienced grief, they couldn't reinvent their life.
(06:13):
And so there's answers for that.But the truth is is that a
lot of people are not even awarethat they're experiencing the empty nest syndrome because
you know, we've never heard ofit before. So I have a little
test that people can take, anda lot of times they say, well,
I flunked the test. I actuallythink Kathy and I would have flunked
the test, okay, because weweren't preparing for the empty nest. And
in doing that, sometimes you burythings under the mat. If you're married,
(06:36):
sometimes it's a single empty nester.You have a huge loss. You've
lost your soulmates, so to speak. But it's not your spouse, it's
your kids. And then also youhave to deal sometimes with that fact that
you know there was a divorce orthere was a death, and so there's
all kinds of issues within it.And once you know you're experiencing empty nest
(06:56):
syndrome, and people experience in differentways, well then you can do something
about it. I know I experiencedthe empty nest different than my wife.
She was the Sun and my kidswere the planets. I think I was
a planet too, going around theSun. And all of a sudden she
lost her job description because everybody wasgone except for me, and so she
felt some real deep almost depression attimes, and she had to reinvent what
(07:20):
she was going to do with life. For me, I just worked harder
in the morning, I'd go towork earlier, I'd go to work later,
and so I didn't think I wasexperiencing it. And then when I
look back, I went, wow, I'm burying some of this pain and
just working harder instead of really facingit. Burying pain rather than really facing
it. I know that was definitelysomething that happened with me, because I
(07:42):
just felt like I needed to workmore, and I did prepare myself.
The funny thing, or funny ironicthing, is that as I was becoming
an empty nester. Is when COVIDkind of hit. So now let's go
back a little bit. Let's actuallydo some research within my own life in
this journey. As I prepared tobe an empty nester. You know,
(08:03):
twenty twenty, COVID hits. Itake my daughter down south to South Carolina.
This is also the beginning next yearof her senior year. So September
comes, we start her senior year. Now that's twenty twenty one is when
she's now getting getting ready to graduateand go to college. So twenty twenty
one she graduates, twenty twenty one, she goes away to college. So
(08:28):
now we have twenty twenty one,twenty twenty two, twenty twenty three.
Like I said, I'm coming intomy third year. But that senior year,
I realized that as I was preparingfor her to graduate high school,
you know, we forget that we'repreparing for two monumental things to happen,
(08:48):
graduation and then preparing them to takethem to college. So I had already
kind of like mentally started to preparemyself of how I was gonna feel because
emotional, I didn't even have achoice. I was also in my head
pre menopausing, So I was alreadyvery emotional at the sight of any child,
(09:11):
from a small to a teenager.I was just this emotional wreck for
like a year as my daughter wasgetting ready to graduate. But I still
mentally psychotic, psychot psych I hadto psych myself out to prepare myself because
I didn't know that I was goingto experience grief or loss. But I
(09:33):
knew that I was going to experiencea shift because what I do realize is,
like the video said, the jobdescription of my life almost became parenting.
Like when I first became a parentat twenty twenty one, I was
just at the break the beginning partof my professional career, and that shifted
(09:58):
for me because now I have Ihad to get into parent mode. And
then soon after I became a parentto a third I became a parent to
a excuse me, I became aparent to a second. I became a
parent to a third. So thatregiment that I put myself in with the
first one I kind of kept throughoutthe parenting with the other two three in
total. So when I became anempty nester, what was shocking to me
(10:24):
is that I didn't know who Iwas. I realized in therapy that I
didn't even have hobbies. So thisreinventing oneself was really seriously new for me
because literally I have been a parentfull time for twenty five years. That
now the emptiness in the house.One was nerve wracking, but two was
(10:54):
disturbing because I didn't know now whatto do for cat. Oh. On
that note, let's take a break. How do you know when you've made
the right decision. It's the feelingyou get in your gun, the one
that tells you what's right or wrong. It's the one that says, sure,
(11:16):
I can have a drink, orthe feeling that says, okay,
I've been drinking. Now what It'sthe voice inside you that says, I'm
buzzed. Better leave the car whenit's time to go, plan ahead,
catch us override. Buzz driving isdrunk driving. Feel the beat of nature
(11:43):
at a park of forests near you. Find a forest in music inspired by
nature, and discovertheforest dot org.I know what you're thinking, I need
a child. I've been there.I've been there, but you gotta keep
going. You just need the rightskills. Find an apprenticeship. I found
a course online you can do this, you will find something. You will
find something new. So that wasdisturbing to be at a place where I
(12:16):
didn't know who cat was, tobe at a place where I didn't have
any hobbies, well at least didn'thave any hobbies that I could think of.
You know. My therapist said,well, what do you like to
do? And I couldn't think ofanything, And to be honest with you,
two years later, I'm still inthat same kind of place. So
(12:41):
that's why I definitely understand and respecthow Jim Burns mentioned how it's important to
prepare because you can almost find yourselfin a depressed state. And I wasn't
depressed, but I didn't find myplace. I did find me in a
(13:01):
place of sadness. But I foundmyself in a place of sadness because I
felt disappointed. I felt disappointed inmyself that how did I not know who
I was? How did I allowthe last twenty five years of my life
to be so consumed with three otherpeople that I didn't take the time to
know and get to know myself.But then the flip side of that was
(13:26):
I was so angry when I becamea young mother at twenty one. But
now, when I turned forty sevenand I was preparing to be this empty
nester, still such a somewhat fairlyyoung woman, I get to now have
like all the things that I wantedto do, or all the things that
(13:48):
I thought I wanted to do whenI was younger. Now I have the
position to be in a place that'sso much better to receive those endeavors.
You know, I don't know,No, I kind of do know.
I don't believe that the things Iknow now would have been appreciated the same
(14:11):
way in my twenties as I'm ableto appreciate them now in my forties,
getting into going into my fifties.So I think that you know, the
appreciation that comes with this time,that comes with you focusing on being a
parent. You're learning not just howto be a parent, but you're learning
(14:31):
how to help these young people orthese these children become productive adults. But
in teaching them to become productive adults, you're also becoming this productive adult because
you're leading by example. Because howmuch do we all know in our twenties.
So as young parents, yes we'rein this parent to phase, but
(14:52):
we're still new as adults. Sowe have to now take on this role
of being responsible by leading by examplethat the things that we learn in our
parenting we also get to help inour own development of who we are becoming
as productive adults. Does that makesense? That was a mouthful? Does
(15:16):
that make sense? The things Iappreciate now about my life at forty nine,
I'm almost sure I wouldn't have appreciatedat twenty three. However, though
what I have learned the fact thatI'm able to instill those things within my
(15:37):
children, I think that they havean appreciation at twenty, at twenty five,
at twenty eight that I did nothave and would not have been able
to have because I didn't have thesame parent who structure that they have.
Does that make sense? As weevolve as parents, we get to be
(15:58):
different kind of parents and the parentswe had, So since we get to
be these different kind of parents wherewe communicate a little bit more than the
parents before us, our children getto appreciate things in their twenties that we
necessarily didn't appreciate that now we canappreciate in our forties. But outside of
(16:21):
what we've been able to appreciate andwhat we've been able to teach our children
now. It's kind of what isa twofold. We get to benefit from
what we've learned, and they getto benefit by learning these things based off
of how we're learning as we're goingthrough the process. Did you catch that?
(16:44):
Does that make sense? We getto learn and appreciate now as we
go through this process of what we'velearned. But as we were learning,
we got to taught our children asthey were learning, so that they get
an appreciation now in their twenties thatwe couldn't have gotten at our twenties.
(17:07):
Not that our parents didn't love us, but the tools that we have our
parents didn't, So that learning isnow happening at the same time. I've
said it twice, doesn't make senseto you yet, I hope it does.
Let's go to our second video.Now, second video, we're gonna
(17:27):
break up into three parts because Ithought that the video as a whole was
very interesting, but I kind ofwanted to share my opinion in between these
two women because I thought they werefunny as eer. So this video is
from the Bitches in the Kitchen Experttips on emptiness from middle aged moms that
(17:52):
tell the real truth let's take alook at this video, break it up,
and we'll come back and discuss it. Have you heard from your daughter?
I haven't. Actually I haven't either. What is our responsibility in that?
Well? I don't want to botherher because I know she's really busy
and she's just getting used to this. I mean, she's only two weeks
in. This is this is thisis Oh look plucky you look. Oh
(18:17):
that's such a high beautiful Hi.Hi, get We're we're filming today.
That's so weird that you would callright now when we're filming. We say
hi, say hi to all mysad there we go. Are you showered?
Is that wet hair? No?This is completely dry, completely dry.
(18:38):
That's a guy. That's a goodlook for you. I shower.
She did text me last night.She texted me a picture of a bowl
of top ramen and a bottle ofbeer. She's like full college student.
I'm kind of jealous because you gotyou got a text, I got ship.
Whose responsibility is it to keep communicationsgoing when you guys move away?
(19:00):
Yours or ours? We're both bothokay? So when we call you,
are we bothering you? No?I mean it depends though on our schedules.
Okay, So we have our responsibilitiesto know your schedule and then fit
in. It's our responsibility to communicateour schedule with you so that you know
(19:26):
what our schedules are. Like,I think you can then accommodate to our
schedules. Okay. I can livewith that. I like that, And
I have to say that that isa tool that has worked with me and
my family. So I feel badto all the parents out there who don't
get the phone calls, because Itell you, it is not a good
(19:48):
feeling. But I had to eventrain to prepare my children for that early
on. Like I knew eventually everybodywould be leaving the house. So I
started as early as like freshmen inhigh school, with all of them just
kind of doing that call to getthem in the mental state of regularly calling
me so that when they were outof the house, it was almost like
(20:11):
an innate responsibility that, oh Igot to call my mom. Oh I
got to check them with my mom. So I started that way back.
I don't know if you guys caughtlast week's show when we were talking about
parenting adult children, because I'm gonnatell you that guilt trip thing I definitely
have done. Did you call yourmother today? I could have died and
fallen in the shower. So Ihave prepared my children to get in that
(20:33):
mindset of calling. But I likehow the young girl said that it's both
of our responsibilities to know the schedules, my schedule, your schedule, so
that we can communicate with each otherwhen we both have the time. So
with all of my children, Iknow that first thing, early morning is
always a good time to talk tomy young men. I was gonna call
(20:56):
them my boys. I know thatmy daughter has an intense schedule with her
full time's workload and school loads,so I know there are certain times that
in her commute to work is whenwill kind of conversate. All her commute
coming home from work will communicate.So we find our moments in between the
schedules of both of our days offiguring out when it's a good time to
(21:19):
do that check in and call oneanother and not necessarily have long conversations,
but have enough conversations where it's thecheck in and the touch base. Ironically,
my daughter has suggested or requested thatI call her more often than I
(21:40):
was, so I know my boyswill probably agree on that, but knowing
that they actually want to hear fromme was also a good feeling. Before
we go back and dissect that videosome more, let's take another break.
Being prepared as a part of whoyou are, but it's especially important in
(22:03):
the case of a disaster. Beinformed about possible emergencies in your area.
Make a plan that covers where yougo in an emergency, Build a kid
with the things you need to survive. There's no one more capable of planning
for your situation than you start yourplan today. Go ready, dot,
(22:23):
go, slash my plan. Iffact could be you could be me,
but just one hour, walk theall in my shoes, walk on all
my shoes. So we all havehad those girlfriends that, you know,
(22:48):
we get the one kid that callsand then they're looking at the phone like,
where's my kid. Let's go backto the bitches in the kitchen and
see what else they had to talkabout. I remember the very first times.
It can be a little overwhelming.Well, let's face it, they
were so a part of our lives. We knew like it was what's for
dinner? Mom? And can Iborrow the car? Or I'm going to
(23:11):
take the car and I'll be backlater, and now we have no idea
what they're doing. Now you're along distance mom, which is weird when
you're used to being a full timemom and you're a selective mom now because
they can not share everything with us, So now it's filed. Now we're
filtered mom. Goodness, Oh mygoodness, Oh my goodness. When I
(23:33):
heard that, I wanted to screambecause I was like, that's so true.
I have now become the long distancemom, even with my child who
lives in the city, because hedoesn't live with me, So even with
Eric, I'm still a long distancemom. It's so weird because we're in
(23:53):
October. Eric, my middle sonwho's twenty five, went away two months
ago, and I still haven't evenhad dinner with him to talk about his
trip that he went too over thesummer, just because our schedules have been
so crazy. But what I alsofound interesting was who the selective mom the
(24:15):
filtered mom? Because being in control? Really, like I talked about last
week, was the issue that wehave parenting adult children because we've been in
so control handling the day to daythese of our children for so long since
the beginning that now them having todecide what they want to share with us
(24:41):
is interesting. Like my daughter isonly three and a half hours away from
me, but she doesn't check inwhen she's coming home from the club.
She doesn't let me know when herand her girlfriends are going out, her
and her boyfriend. I told youguys last week, they just went on
vacation and I didn't get ax permission. I mean, of course she called
(25:03):
me when they was at the airport, and she called me when they landed,
but I mean I didn't. Ididn't have any say so. And
when they were going how long theywere going for if they were staying in
separate rooms, like I had nosay so. So I think that that's
probably definitely one of the biggest strugglesthat we go through as empty nesters,
(25:23):
is now being this filtered parent,this selective parent, where they get to
decide what they want to share withus. I got one more part of
this video I want to share.Let's go to it again and then we'll
break that down. How long doyou wait before you say, hey,
(25:44):
come clean up your shit or elseit's gone Christmas. If it ain't done
by it ain't done by Christmas.It's out of here. Wow, I'm
not waiting that long. Is itimportant that you saved the room for when
they come back. I just thoughtof that. I think it should become
a guest room because they're gone.You know. I walked into this conversation
feeling really positive, and now I'mreally sad. I'm just gonna say,
(26:07):
and Elsa hasn't called poor thing likeI never hear from her, So I
have to say, my daughter stillhas her room and my home I and
I literally will leave her door openso that I can still even feel like
(26:27):
she's home. I think Bakie's laughingat me right now, like I would
just walk her by her room,you know, and feel like, oh,
she's home. I will make upher bed. I don't keep everything
the same. And the crazy thingis, you know, she does still
come home, because she comes homefor breaks. But I refuse to make
(26:49):
that room into a guest room,even though it is a guest room.
I just had some out of townguests and they stayed in her room because
her room actually feels very comfy,very you know, very warm, you
know, very nice. And thenyou know, we have the boys room
as the guest room. You know, because it's the biggest room in the
house and that has the guest roombathroom. But it's so funny. When
(27:11):
I saw that part of the video, I just chuckle because I definitely did
not change my daughter's room. Andeven though my daughter, you know,
does now have her own apartment inPhilly, you know, she's still in
the lease just like the boys are. They're still in the lease at my
apartment, and at any time theycan come home, they still all have
(27:33):
the keys. So even though mymiddle son lives in Harlem and my oldest
son lives in South Carolina, Iwanted them to have the set of keys
so that they can come home wheneverthey want. I can come home and
EJ can be on the couch orhe can be in his sister's room and
know that he's home. I wantedthem to still have that feeling. I
wasn't ready completely to just take allof their things out, because, to
(27:56):
be honest with you, as independentas they are, you know, and
as much as my daughter is currentlypreparing to live on her own when she
graduates, don't tell anyone. Justbetween you and I. Wait, wre's
that other camera? Just between youand I I'm hoping she'll come back home.
(28:21):
Sh sh, don't tell anybody.And the funny thing is, I
don't even know if I really wantthem to come back home, because I'm
gonna tell you now that I'm comingand going on this three years, I
crave for them to come home,and then every time somebody's home two days
afterwards, I'm ready for them toleave, like either there's clothes on the
(28:47):
floor or there's addition to sink,and that just annoys me that I'm like,
Okay, when are you going home? So I don't know if I'm
really wanting my daughter to come homeas much as I say I want her
to come home. And then onceshe comes home, she's gonna be coming
home as an adult. That meansno curfew. I don't know if I
could take that. So as muchas I miss having them home, I
(29:14):
don't know if I would be comfortableliving with my adult children. Wow.
So I think that's what we haveto also think about parents, Like as
much as we want them to comehome, once we actually begin to live
without them, when they come home, we're actually ready for them to leave.
(29:34):
I guarantee you that happens. Iguarantee you what happens. But while
they're gone, that craving does notgo away. And not only does the
craving not go away. The sadthing about really what I miss the most
about having my children at home isnot all of the chores are depending on
(29:55):
me. I'm the only one whowashes dishes. Now, I'm the only
one leans a bathroom. I'm theonder who does laundry. And even though
it's only me, I find myselfvery annoyed that I'm the only one who
has to do the chores. Sosometimes a largely don't get done. But
once alike that so I miss havingservants. But that's not nice to say.
(30:21):
But yeah, so what does itlook like now when you start to
actually live in that empty nester life. We'll discuss that when we come back
from break Here we go. Everyday thousands of kids start vaping, and
(30:57):
I can't let this happen to mykid. Of course, it's awkward to
talk to your kids about the dangersof vaping. A bestie how sketches me.
It's hard to get their attention ready, go yes, look at that,
yeah, and turn years over.So if you want to talk to
you kids about the dangers of vaping. You have to get a trendy right
(31:18):
back by kid. Let's do itfirst, invide your kid to do the
vakee talk. Let's try this.Why is he here? I gotta get
a trendy. Come on, let'sgo. Oh honey, can we talk?
(31:48):
Yeah? What's up? I seea lot of your friends vapor liz
It talk about vaping dot org fortips on when and how to have the
bake talk. I really wish Ihad more conversations with my order about vaping.
That's why I play this commercial orPSA every week because unfortunately, at
twenty years old, now that mydaughter is a victim of vaping and it
(32:12):
discuss me, I really wish thatshe smoked cannabis over doing vaping. But
hey, you can't choose what yourchildren get into, which I guess is
the other component to life as anempty nester, because now you know their
life decisions are theirs, and youcan't really say too much, Like you
can have your opinion and you cantell them what you think, but ultimately
(32:35):
they're gonna do what they want,which is what they were doing anyway when
they were living in your house.They just hit it better or did it
where you know you didn't know andyou thought you knew because a lot of
times, you know, obviously,we as parents and fully involved parents,
think that we know everything that goeson in the house, that we know
everything that they our children are doing, because we have them on a schedule.
(32:58):
We know what time they should be, we know what time they should
be there, we know what timethey get out of this program. But
however, there's so many things thatwe don't know that happens while we're so
called parenting our young adults or ourteenage children. You know, I was
a very involved parent and years later, you know, now when everybody's comfortable
(33:20):
to have discussions, Now I findout that my daughter at fifteen did this,
and my son at fourteen did this, or my sons did this to
my daughter at ten years old,like all these stories, you're like,
wait a minute, what now,where was I wasn't I home? So
as much as we're involved as parentswho in the house with our children,
there are things that still go onthat we have no clue that goes on.
(33:45):
So now that we're aware that wedon't have a say soul again,
that is what becomes one of thechallenges of being an empty nester. So
ihold you. I showed you howwe feel, what we go through,
what we potentially could go through,what we should do to kind of prepare
(34:09):
for that if we can. ButI think that's all kind of broad and
vain, right, because I kindof just still gave you surface suggestions because
of what I am wanting to easeyou into as we're having this conversation.
So the last video that I wasable to get kind of gives us a
(34:30):
little bit more tips that we canuse. So if we go further into
the video, it's expert tips ondealing with the empty nest syndrome. Because
this actually is a real thing.This is not just, you know,
something that we're pulling out of thesky and now making an excuse to feel
sad or depressed or empty or loss. This is actually something that both fathers
(34:52):
and mothers go through. They maygo through it differently. Women may go
through it differently than men. Doesn'tmean that men don't feel a kind of
way when their children are also outof a house. Women go through it
differently because their roles or responsibilities withthe caregiving is different from a father.
(35:13):
So the pain and the loss isjust as equal. It's not one over
the other because we might perform differently. The father might work more, or
the father might not work more,but be quiet because there's not as much
instruction as going on. So nowthis gives time for these adult parents to
(35:36):
actually get to know one another,so as we are getting to know ourselves.
Because I'm telling you, I'm inthis place of well, who is
cat. I'm not with my husbandmy husband. I'm not in the same
household with my partner, So thatmeans that I'm in my house by myself.
That means I'm in my house whenit's quiet, just me alone.
(36:00):
So what tips am I able touse for myself that I'm able to share
with you. Let's take a lookout our last video and then we'll come
back and discuss it. It isand it's represents so many different feelings and
there's so many sides that come out. And what I like to remind people,
(36:20):
I don't think there are any negativeemotions. Okay, I think it's
important to It's like saying there's anegative color of the rainbow. It's important
to have all your emotions weave together. So there's gonna be grieving. There's
gonna be excitement, there's gonna behope, there's gonna be fear, and
it's important to make room for allof that. But I would imagine you
(36:43):
know, as a parent, mineare still just ten and twelve, so
I got a ways to go.But you know, your child so excited
to be going off, going offto college, and they're so excited,
but inside you're so sad, butyou want to be excited for them,
you do, And I'm so gladyou said that, because one of the
most important things is not to putyour anxiety onto your kid. That child's
(37:05):
going out as a young adult forthe first time, and they do not
need to manage your feelings, butyou can. You can manage your feelings
and take that time to grieve andfeel that, oh my god, it
goes you say, they're twelve,it goes so fast. And then also
it's a chance to repurpose yourself.It's either you've had this be your complete
(37:28):
focus, or you may be grievingthat you didn't have time to spend with
your kid at all because you've beenbusy. But this is really a great
time to repurpose yourself. And it'sfunny that they say empty nest, because
quite often there's a partner in thatnest with you, and it's a really
good chance to reconnect and make eachother a priority again. And so it's
(37:52):
not an empty nest always, butit feels like it. Yeah, now
I have a friend. I'm notgoing to mention her name, so I
shouldn't get you. When her sonwent off to college, she told me
that she drove to the beach andsat there and just sobbed. Yeah.
What are some of the other symptomsthat parents go through it? Oh gosh,
there's well, first of all,there's denial, there's anger, there's
(38:15):
frustration, there's you want to knowthat they're prepared. You want to see
them being prepared. One of thethings I hear a lot is he can't
get up without me waking him.How is he going to make it to
school on time? But they door they don't. They figure it out,
and there's also excitement and hope,and you get to watch them grow.
(38:38):
I actually got the opportunity to drivemy nephew just yesterday away from his
house to go away to college,and he was saying, I feel so
grateful because my parents did such agood job with me as parents, but
like, wow, it's so weirdto leave the house and to watch them
Like yeah, yeah, but exploreand find yourselves. What can parents do
(39:07):
to get through this? Would yousay, you know, talk with your
friends, talk with family, sharewith other people in the community, therapy,
and again, I think exploration,repurposing yourself and looking at what you
have done instead of what you haven'tand really taking that time. I love
(39:30):
that your friend went to the beachand just cried because when we stuffed that
down, you know, we weregood. Yeah, there's cake involved,
she said, this cake involved.That's some white people's stuff. Anyway.
Wow, Okay, I wrote abunch of notes. Okay, where do
(39:52):
we start. So one, don'tput your anxiety and stress onto them.
I I yes, because they're excited, so we don't want to bust their
bubble by having them worry about usworrying about them. Keep that to ourselves
(40:13):
or share it with our component athome, like our husband or boyfriend or
husband or wife. Don't put thatanxiety on them. Repurpose yourself. We're
gonna come back to that one grievingthe time that you thought you lost.
Whoo. So the anchor was talkingabout you know, her kids are twelve,
(40:38):
so she had some time. That'swhat we think. Twenty twenty five
and twenty eight. Wait what now? Twenty twenty five and twenty eight,
Wait what now? Where did thetime go? How do I have grown
(40:59):
people? But I do so.I know, I've thought to myself,
I had to grieve. Did Ido enough? Did I teach them enough?
Did I give them enough guide intheir life to protect them, to
cover them in their decision makings?I know I didn't want to bombard them
with church? But did I teachthem enough scripture? Did I teach them
(41:23):
how to be good people? DidI teach them how to, you know,
get up on time and be responsiblefor work? Did I teach them
how to you know, get onbe responsible for you know, going to
work, going to class on time, doing your laundry, you know,
maintaining your house. And I haveto say, Isaiah checked me a few
(41:43):
years ago when he was eighteen yearsold. Isaiah, my oldest son,
who's now twenty eight. He said, MA, trust what you have taught
us. Last week, when Italked about parenting adult children, I shared
with you guys that during COVID thatI went down South during COVID. I
went down south and I had togo down south to my adult son's home
(42:07):
that he shares with his partner.And I had to go as a guest,
not as his mother, who cansay put this there, do this
what time? I had to goas a guest, and it was impressive
to see my son be a man, be a partner, be responsible for
his own household. So knowing againthat the things that I taught actually did
(42:32):
resonate, actually did work, Andill now watch it with my daughter,
who's responsible for her day to daylife and all the things that she wants
included in that like all of herextra perks, she maintains that lifestyle.
She doesn't, you know, complainthat she can't get a hair done or
get her nails done, to geta lash's done. Guess what, She
(42:54):
makes those things happen for herself.And that is based on the tool and
the foundation that I gave them,or that their father and I gave them
as we were parent as we werepreparing them to be young adults. So
now what's so weird and funny isthat now that that parenting part of the
foundation, because that's all that's donethat part of the parenting. Now we're
(43:17):
parenting adults, but that foundation,since that part is now done. When
they said that it's time to repurposeyourself, they are really right about that
because that denial, that anger,that frustration really only becomes really only comes
(43:40):
from us not having or not knowingwhat to do with our time, filling
in our fingers like okay, whatto do, and that's where the denial,
frustration and anger comes from. Let'stake another break. Good. I
(44:08):
don't want to talk about it.I don't want to talk about it.
I don't want to talk about it. I don't want to talk about it.
(44:44):
Families don't have to talk about everything, but they should talk about how
to plan for an emergency. Yes, you all right, this family's prepared.
Get tips and resources to make yourfamilies emergency plan. Go to NYC
dot gov slash Ready and why Icall three one one for more information.
(45:15):
You're not gonna get it all right. Just make sure you nail the big
stuff like making sure your kids arein the right seat for their agentsize get
it right at NHTSA dot gov slashthe right seat, so wrapping up pointers
that were suggested just in case,I did more complaining about being an empty
(45:37):
nester than actually giving you, guys, some tools and some suggestions. Get
to know yourself again. When Ibecame a parent, I was twenty one
years old. I didn't probably knowmyself then. So now in my forties,
getting ready to go into fifty learningwho cat is? Taking the time
(45:57):
to figure out what you like?Hey, Kat, how you doing?
What do you like? You know, find your passion or passions you know,
join a community organization, do somevolunteering, reach out to your friends,
reach out to your family. Figureout how to now not only date
yourself, but date your significant otheragain. You know, creating even now
(46:23):
adult dating with your children. Youknow, the time that you want to
still spend with them, even ifthey don't live in the same city with
you. You still want to makethose times. So like tomorrow night,
you know, I'm going over mymiddle son's house to make dinner at his
house with him and his friend.And the next weekend, I'm going to
my daughter's apartment and we have adinner schedule. So making time to still
(46:45):
not only date yourself, date yourpartner, but date your children as they
are now adults outside of the household, separate your worth from your work instead
of diving into work like some ofus. I've done, learn how to
(47:07):
in not getting to no process likewho cat is? Like who that empty
nester is now I don't want tosay becoming or now is? And then
preserves preserve. Most things are moredifficult in time consuming than they look.
(47:30):
If you want to find your purposein the empty nest, it will probably
mean sticking with something longer than youinitially think. Preserve and stick with it,
and seek out people who will chairyou on and encourage you in your
pursuit. So that takes us rightinto Jesus' moment. Oh Jesus' moment,
(47:54):
Jesus' moment, because that was mylife bult moment, Jesus moment that gave
me the Holy Spirit God to sharewith you guys. The scriptural text from
Ecclesiastics Ecclesiastics Chapter three, versus one, don't get mad, but it says
(48:15):
there is a season, a timeappointed for everything, and a time for
every delight and event or purpose underheaven. What I feel like that scripture
is helping us to see is thatenjoy the moment that we are in right
(48:36):
now. Don't reject it because foreverything there was a season and a pointed
time. So the season of parentingwas that from birth to eighteen nineteen twenty,
whenever they left the house. Andnow it's time for this place of
(48:57):
it's all about me delight in everyevent or purpose. So yes, embrace
that sadness. But now I'm gettingthe opportunity to delight because this opportunity is
(49:17):
still an opportunity for this next chapterin my life, for me to still
be an adult parent to adult children. But now I get to love on
cat, Learn cat, think aboutcat, make cat that priority. Who
(49:42):
Jesus name a man? Hallelujah onthat note. Let's take our last break,
well not our last break, butour last break before our last break,
and we'll be righted back. Howdo you know when you've made the
right decision? It's the feeling youget in your gun tells you what's right
or wrong. It's the one thatsays, sure I can have a drink,
(50:04):
or the feeling that says, okay, i've been drinking. Now what
It's the voice inside you that saysI'm buzzed. Better leave the car when
it's time to go. Plan ahead, catch us over right, buzz driving
is drunk driving. Welcome back toour new segment did you know? Did
(50:31):
you know? Did you know?Did you know? This week did you
know? Topic is travel, travelprep tips, travel tips that my dear
neighbor, Sharon Edwards gave me becausethis sister raid here. She is not
an elder, she is a littleover sixty and I'm gonna tell you the
(50:52):
last ten fifteen years, this sisterliterally we got twelve months in a year.
I believe she goes away at leastnine or eight times a year,
whether it's weekend excursions, whether it'stwo weeks at a time, whether it's
a week whether it's in the UnitedStates, whether it's outside of the United
(51:15):
States. She has done it all. So she has shared with us some
of her travel tips that has workedwell for her, that she's learned and
that she continues to learn and nowin her next chapter is sharing with us.
So did you know? We havenine tips today? The first one
come on, now, did youknow that you can take frozen water through
(51:39):
the TSA at the airport. Ididn't know that because they always say you
can't bring liquids, but the ruleis as long as the water is frozen
solid, it can pass through security. Number two, turn your travel neck
pillow around. Turn your travel neckpillow around. Most of us wear it
(52:06):
the wrong way. The opening actuallyshould be in the back to support your
neck and chin. People are hurtingthemselves because they are using their pillow the
wrong way. It makes such abig difference when you use it the right
way. Tip number three, usea credit card when booking your flight.
(52:30):
Use a credit card when booking yourflight that is connected to an airline that
you travel with frequently, so thatyou can earn points towards free flights.
So use a credit card with whenbooking your flight with the airline that you
(52:50):
travel the most. I know,I have friends that love Southwestern I choose
I like Delta and Jet Blue,so if I travel a lot on Jet
Blue, so if I use themall the time when using my credit card,
I can get free points towards freewin free flights. For example,
if you fly with Jet Blue,apply for a Jet Blue credit card.
(53:13):
Use this card to book your flight. With most cards, you earn three
times in points the price of yourflight. So example, book a two
hundred dollars flight, you earn sixhundred points. Come on now Number four,
turn in off peak season. Excuseme, travel in off peak season
(53:39):
to get the best value. Travelin the off peak season to get the
best value. So if you can, instead of traveling in peak months like
June, July, and August,try traveling late September through March excluding December.
The weather is still good and therewill be less of a crowd.
(54:02):
Travel when kids are in school.These are typically the months that you can
receive the best value and less leastamount of people least crowds. Number five
Research the country you plan on visiting. Now, before I tell you about
researching the country, not only doyou want to research, but every country.
(54:23):
Don't even take the same charger adaptedwith your phone. When I went
to Africa, they had a completelydifferent outlet that I had no idea that
they even made or created. Sowhen you research the country, you gotta
research all types of things about thatcountry, even what type of socket that
they're using. So it is yourresponsibility to know what the weather, the
(54:45):
climate will be doing your visit.This will help with packing our clothes.
If you're traveling internationally, research whatvaccines and shots are required, so what
visas are required, what currency doesthe country use. You might need to
(55:07):
buy some currency before you leave forvacation. I noticed that every time I've
gone international, the people like thecash from the United States. But it
still made sense to try what theycall transfer my money over to what the
currency was. Number six. Bookyour flight typically six weeks before you travel
(55:28):
for the best price. Book yourflight typically six weeks before you travel for
the best price. The best timeto book is late Monday Tuesday night.
Never book a flight on the weekend, always more expensive. So Monday late
to Tuesday night. Seven eight nine. I'm gonna give it to you.
(55:49):
Ready, I'm about to throw upon you. Do you know if you
rent a car while on vacation,you do not have to buy the insurance
because your car rent to company saysthat they wait. They say that you
have to buy it. But youcan use your own insurance if the trip
is personal, so your personal deductibleswill apply if you have an accident,
(56:12):
So use your insurance, not thecar insurance. Number nine. Keep your
shoes on and invest in the TSA. Pre check it's worth it for about
eighty dollars. The TSA is goodfor five years. Wave goodbye to long
lines and the last one. Takeearly flights if possible, they are less
(56:36):
likely to be canceled. Take earlyflights if possible. They are like they
are less likely to be canceled.Wow, that was good. That was
a mouthful. Thank you sharing.We appreciate those travel tips. So,
guys, that's the end of anotherepisode of the next chapter where we discuss
(56:58):
shades of Grave. We don't haveenough time for an inbox question this week,
but you know what it's time todo. It's time to like,
follow and share, like, followand share because we are here for you.
So go to my instagram, goto my YouTube. Visit us every
(57:19):
Saturday here at Bronx now at eleveno'clock p M where we come to you
weekly sharing the things that I'm learningabout my next chapter and these next chapters
that we are all going through becausethe next chapter is where we discuss shades
of Gray. I am your hostMinister cat aka Kitty Rose, and I
(57:42):
will see you guys next week.Lah Please be safe out there, ways
and naddies. Don't days that caddyshort pains of baddies All days to be
happy when your proprens survive leting neversake forget the emptys and the jobs in
the city never sleeps, slept fromone to five, And when COVID hit
(58:06):
the block and we had to stayinside to club. It's all I know.
So be gentle with myself, learnto navigate once it's when no coked.
If you've never been cold, neverbeing broken in twenty four seven,
just to stay afloat. So NewYork, like down the pizza in that
cold worship, that real life greatfrom the part of the city is as
hard as a gift. Just thatNew Yorkshire, that real life great from
(58:30):
the part of the city is ashard as the gifts. Because that New
Yorkshire, that real life grit fromthe part of the city, He is
as hard as a gift. Becausethat New Yorkshire, that real life great
from the part of the city,is as hard as a gift.
The views and opinions expressed in thisprogram are those of the participants and do
not reflect the views of the streamingplatforms, public access channels, the Kiddie
Rose Lifestyle, or the program underwriters. Sim from my feet, stopping out
(00:27):
the negativity, everybody not in frontof me? Spread the love, the
love move deliberately, doy face,So on, what does happen? Lead
propling girls something love the energy,Love the seventeen Soon take the liberty to
take you on a journey liberally hallwaysand hey, everybody, and welcome back
(00:52):
to another episode of the next chapterwhere we discuss shades of Gray. I
am your host, Minister Cat akaKitty Rose. Hey, and again you
are at the next chapter where wediscuss shades of gray. Happyfore once again,
I am so happy to be inOctober. I love October because it's
(01:17):
sweater weather, sweater weather and blazeof weather. So I enjoyed this even
though today kind of was one ofthose Indian summer type of days. But
we're not complaining because we just cameoff of that horrific rain for four or
five days that we had straight.I'm telling you us New Yorkers, we
are spoiled. Yes we are.So let's get right into this week's topic
(01:44):
of the week. During drum,I have to get a drum roll,
jump roll please, this week's topicof the way you guys ready? I
know you feel like I've discussed thisbefore because when I told de what I
was talking about today, he waslike, didn't he talk about this?
I guess I talk about it alot because this is the next chapter.
But today or this week's topic ofthe week is life as an empty nester?
(02:13):
Weren't life as an empty nester?I've been now an empty nester two
going on. This is my thirdyear, so woof what is that like?
Or how has it been? Orwhat is it like? What am
I going through? How am Idealing with it? I was the stage
production manager for an event this weekendthat just passed in Harlem, and I
(02:37):
happen to bump into a fellow momwho has the same amount of children that
I have in her youngers is alsoher baby girl, and these two young
ladies end up they are friends ofeach other's now. They come from a
two She comes from a two parenthousehold, so she lives with well,
she lived with both of her parentsin the same household growing up. So
(03:00):
these two parents have three children,just like I do, two boys and
a girl, and her youngest oneis her daughter, who's twenty like my
daughter. I said to her atthe bar, so how you doing?
And she just now became like afull empty nester because her daughter officially now
has moved into her own space inFlorida. And she was like, I
(03:24):
don't like I mean, with astraight grill, I don't like it.
I'm not happy. The house istoo quiet. I don't know what to
do. Like literally, it wasnot even sadness. It was anger,
almost like how dare my daughter decidesto become independent and live on her own
(03:46):
at twenty years old? So ooh, I said, there is a need
to bring this topic back up becauseI don't know if I really have had
a full discussion on what life islike as an empty nester. I know
I've talked about it. I knowI've hinted towards it, and I know
I've done a tech talk, Butliterally where we've discussed it on the next
(04:09):
chapter, I'm not sure. Sowhen I went to good old Google,
they suggested that empty nesters empty nesters, Yes, stay positive, stay positive,
right. I know that sounds sobroad. If your last child will
soon leave home, plan I hadto keep empty nest syndrome at bay.
(04:35):
Look for new opportunities in your personaland professional life. Keeping busy or taking
on new challenges at work or homecan ease this sense of loss. There
are some excellent resources out here thatcan help guide or help us adjust to
being an empty nester or living inan empty nest. But once the initial
(04:59):
period of grief and adjustment is over, the question remains, what does it
mean to find your purpose in thisempty nest? I had to ask myself
that question. I'm still asking myselfthat question. So let's go to the
first video that I was able toresearch for you guys, if you want
(05:24):
to look at it some more,because we're not going to play the whole
video. It's Thriving in the EmptyNest Years by Jim Burns, and I'm
just gonna take a snippet out justto kind of introduce us to this topic,
and then when we come back fromthat, we'll discuss it. Okay,
let's go to the next few.Let's go to our first video of
the evening, the empty nest syndromeit's actually not a psychological syndrome. It's
(05:48):
a phenomenon that takes place when kidsleave the home and all of a sudden,
we found that there were millions ofkids who are leaving the home,
and the empty nest syndrome was thatparents know what to do. They had
to reinvent their life. And soin the empty nest syndrome, we started
finding that parents experience loss, theyexperienced grief, they couldn't reinvent their life.
(06:13):
And so there's answers for that.But the truth is is that a
lot of people are not even awarethat they're experiencing the empty nest syndrome because
you know, we've never heard ofit before. So I have a little
test that people can take, anda lot of times they say, well,
I flunked the test. I actuallythink Kathy and I would have flunked
the test, okay, because weweren't preparing for the empty nest. And
in doing that, sometimes you burythings under the mat. If you're married,
(06:36):
sometimes it's a single empty nester.You have a huge loss. You've
lost your soulmates, so to speak. But it's not your spouse, it's
your kids. And then also youhave to deal sometimes with that fact that
you know there was a divorce orthere was a death, and so there's
all kinds of issues within it.And once you know you're experiencing empty nest
(06:56):
syndrome, and people experience in differentways, well then you can do something
about it. I know I experiencedthe empty nest different than my wife.
She was the Sun and my kidswere the planets. I think I was
a planet too, going around theSun. And all of a sudden she
lost her job description because everybody wasgone except for me, and so she
felt some real deep almost depression attimes, and she had to reinvent what
(07:20):
she was going to do with life. For me, I just worked harder
in the morning, I'd go towork earlier, I'd go to work later,
and so I didn't think I wasexperiencing it. And then when I
look back, I went, wow, I'm burying some of this pain and
just working harder instead of really facingit. Burying pain rather than really facing
it. I know that was definitelysomething that happened with me, because I
(07:42):
just felt like I needed to workmore, and I did prepare myself.
The funny thing, or funny ironicthing, is that as I was becoming
an empty nester. Is when COVIDkind of hit. So now let's go
back a little bit. Let's actuallydo some research within my own life in
this journey. As I prepared tobe an empty nester. You know,
(08:03):
twenty twenty, COVID hits. Itake my daughter down south to South Carolina.
This is also the beginning next yearof her senior year. So September
comes, we start her senior year. Now that's twenty twenty one is when
she's now getting getting ready to graduateand go to college. So twenty twenty
one she graduates, twenty twenty one, she goes away to college. So
(08:28):
now we have twenty twenty one,twenty twenty two, twenty twenty three.
Like I said, I'm coming intomy third year. But that senior year,
I realized that as I was preparingfor her to graduate high school,
you know, we forget that we'repreparing for two monumental things to happen,
(08:48):
graduation and then preparing them to takethem to college. So I had already
kind of like mentally started to preparemyself of how I was gonna feel because
emotional, I didn't even have achoice. I was also in my head
pre menopausing, So I was alreadyvery emotional at the sight of any child,
(09:11):
from a small to a teenager.I was just this emotional wreck for
like a year as my daughter wasgetting ready to graduate. But I still
mentally psychotic, psychot psych I hadto psych myself out to prepare myself because
I didn't know that I was goingto experience grief or loss. But I
(09:33):
knew that I was going to experiencea shift because what I do realize is,
like the video said, the jobdescription of my life almost became parenting.
Like when I first became a parentat twenty twenty one, I was
just at the break the beginning partof my professional career, and that shifted
(09:58):
for me because now I have Ihad to get into parent mode. And
then soon after I became a parentto a third I became a parent to
a excuse me, I became aparent to a second. I became a
parent to a third. So thatregiment that I put myself in with the
first one I kind of kept throughoutthe parenting with the other two three in
total. So when I became anempty nester, what was shocking to me
(10:24):
is that I didn't know who Iwas. I realized in therapy that I
didn't even have hobbies. So thisreinventing oneself was really seriously new for me
because literally I have been a parentfull time for twenty five years. That
now the emptiness in the house.One was nerve wracking, but two was
(10:54):
disturbing because I didn't know now whatto do for cat. Oh. On
that note, let's take a break. How do you know when you've made
the right decision. It's the feelingyou get in your gun, the one
that tells you what's right or wrong. It's the one that says, sure,
(11:16):
I can have a drink, orthe feeling that says, okay,
I've been drinking. Now what It'sthe voice inside you that says, I'm
buzzed. Better leave the car whenit's time to go, plan ahead,
catch us override. Buzz driving isdrunk driving. Feel the beat of nature
(11:43):
at a park of forests near you. Find a forest in music inspired by
nature, and discovertheforest dot org.I know what you're thinking, I need
a child. I've been there.I've been there, but you gotta keep
going. You just need the rightskills. Find an apprenticeship. I found
a course online you can do this, you will find something. You will
find something new. So that wasdisturbing to be at a place where I
(12:16):
didn't know who cat was, tobe at a place where I didn't have
any hobbies, well at least didn'thave any hobbies that I could think of.
You know. My therapist said,well, what do you like to
do? And I couldn't think ofanything, And to be honest with you,
two years later, I'm still inthat same kind of place. So
(12:41):
that's why I definitely understand and respecthow Jim Burns mentioned how it's important to
prepare because you can almost find yourselfin a depressed state. And I wasn't
depressed, but I didn't find myplace. I did find me in a
(13:01):
place of sadness. But I foundmyself in a place of sadness because I
felt disappointed. I felt disappointed inmyself that how did I not know who
I was? How did I allowthe last twenty five years of my life
to be so consumed with three otherpeople that I didn't take the time to
know and get to know myself.But then the flip side of that was
(13:26):
I was so angry when I becamea young mother at twenty one. But
now, when I turned forty sevenand I was preparing to be this empty
nester, still such a somewhat fairlyyoung woman, I get to now have
like all the things that I wantedto do, or all the things that
(13:48):
I thought I wanted to do whenI was younger. Now I have the
position to be in a place that'sso much better to receive those endeavors.
You know, I don't know,No, I kind of do know.
I don't believe that the things Iknow now would have been appreciated the same
(14:11):
way in my twenties as I'm ableto appreciate them now in my forties,
getting into going into my fifties.So I think that you know, the
appreciation that comes with this time,that comes with you focusing on being a
parent. You're learning not just howto be a parent, but you're learning
(14:31):
how to help these young people orthese these children become productive adults. But
in teaching them to become productive adults, you're also becoming this productive adult because
you're leading by example. Because howmuch do we all know in our twenties.
So as young parents, yes we'rein this parent to phase, but
(14:52):
we're still new as adults. Sowe have to now take on this role
of being responsible by leading by examplethat the things that we learn in our
parenting we also get to help inour own development of who we are becoming
as productive adults. Does that makesense? That was a mouthful? Does
(15:16):
that make sense? The things Iappreciate now about my life at forty nine,
I'm almost sure I wouldn't have appreciatedat twenty three. However, though
what I have learned the fact thatI'm able to instill those things within my
(15:37):
children, I think that they havean appreciation at twenty, at twenty five,
at twenty eight that I did nothave and would not have been able
to have because I didn't have thesame parent who structure that they have.
Does that make sense? As weevolve as parents, we get to be
(15:58):
different kind of parents and the parentswe had, So since we get to
be these different kind of parents wherewe communicate a little bit more than the
parents before us, our children getto appreciate things in their twenties that we
necessarily didn't appreciate that now we canappreciate in our forties. But outside of
(16:21):
what we've been able to appreciate andwhat we've been able to teach our children
now. It's kind of what isa twofold. We get to benefit from
what we've learned, and they getto benefit by learning these things based off
of how we're learning as we're goingthrough the process. Did you catch that?
(16:44):
Does that make sense? We getto learn and appreciate now as we
go through this process of what we'velearned. But as we were learning,
we got to taught our children asthey were learning, so that they get
an appreciation now in their twenties thatwe couldn't have gotten at our twenties.
(17:07):
Not that our parents didn't love us, but the tools that we have our
parents didn't, So that learning isnow happening at the same time. I've
said it twice, doesn't make senseto you yet, I hope it does.
Let's go to our second video.Now, second video, we're gonna
(17:27):
break up into three parts because Ithought that the video as a whole was
very interesting, but I kind ofwanted to share my opinion in between these
two women because I thought they werefunny as eer. So this video is
from the Bitches in the Kitchen Experttips on emptiness from middle aged moms that
(17:52):
tell the real truth let's take alook at this video, break it up,
and we'll come back and discuss it. Have you heard from your daughter?
I haven't. Actually I haven't either. What is our responsibility in that?
Well? I don't want to botherher because I know she's really busy
and she's just getting used to this. I mean, she's only two weeks
in. This is this is thisis Oh look plucky you look. Oh
(18:17):
that's such a high beautiful Hi.Hi, get We're we're filming today.
That's so weird that you would callright now when we're filming. We say
hi, say hi to all mysad there we go. Are you showered?
Is that wet hair? No?This is completely dry, completely dry.
(18:38):
That's a guy. That's a goodlook for you. I shower.
She did text me last night.She texted me a picture of a bowl
of top ramen and a bottle ofbeer. She's like full college student.
I'm kind of jealous because you gotyou got a text, I got ship.
Whose responsibility is it to keep communicationsgoing when you guys move away?
(19:00):
Yours or ours? We're both bothokay? So when we call you,
are we bothering you? No?I mean it depends though on our schedules.
Okay, So we have our responsibilitiesto know your schedule and then fit
in. It's our responsibility to communicateour schedule with you so that you know
(19:26):
what our schedules are. Like,I think you can then accommodate to our
schedules. Okay. I can livewith that. I like that, And
I have to say that that isa tool that has worked with me and
my family. So I feel badto all the parents out there who don't
get the phone calls, because Itell you, it is not a good
(19:48):
feeling. But I had to eventrain to prepare my children for that early
on. Like I knew eventually everybodywould be leaving the house. So I
started as early as like freshmen inhigh school, with all of them just
kind of doing that call to getthem in the mental state of regularly calling
me so that when they were outof the house, it was almost like
(20:11):
an innate responsibility that, oh Igot to call my mom. Oh I
got to check them with my mom. So I started that way back.
I don't know if you guys caughtlast week's show when we were talking about
parenting adult children, because I'm gonnatell you that guilt trip thing I definitely
have done. Did you call yourmother today? I could have died and
fallen in the shower. So Ihave prepared my children to get in that
(20:33):
mindset of calling. But I likehow the young girl said that it's both
of our responsibilities to know the schedules, my schedule, your schedule, so
that we can communicate with each otherwhen we both have the time. So
with all of my children, Iknow that first thing, early morning is
always a good time to talk tomy young men. I was gonna call
(20:56):
them my boys. I know thatmy daughter has an intense schedule with her
full time's workload and school loads,so I know there are certain times that
in her commute to work is whenwill kind of conversate. All her commute
coming home from work will communicate.So we find our moments in between the
schedules of both of our days offiguring out when it's a good time to
(21:19):
do that check in and call oneanother and not necessarily have long conversations,
but have enough conversations where it's thecheck in and the touch base. Ironically,
my daughter has suggested or requested thatI call her more often than I
(21:40):
was, so I know my boyswill probably agree on that, but knowing
that they actually want to hear fromme was also a good feeling. Before
we go back and dissect that videosome more, let's take another break.
Being prepared as a part of whoyou are, but it's especially important in
(22:03):
the case of a disaster. Beinformed about possible emergencies in your area.
Make a plan that covers where yougo in an emergency, Build a kid
with the things you need to survive. There's no one more capable of planning
for your situation than you start yourplan today. Go ready, dot,
(22:23):
go, slash my plan. Iffact could be you could be me,
but just one hour, walk theall in my shoes, walk on all
my shoes. So we all havehad those girlfriends that, you know,
(22:48):
we get the one kid that callsand then they're looking at the phone like,
where's my kid. Let's go backto the bitches in the kitchen and
see what else they had to talkabout. I remember the very first times.
It can be a little overwhelming.Well, let's face it, they
were so a part of our lives. We knew like it was what's for
dinner? Mom? And can Iborrow the car? Or I'm going to
(23:11):
take the car and I'll be backlater, and now we have no idea
what they're doing. Now you're along distance mom, which is weird when
you're used to being a full timemom and you're a selective mom now because
they can not share everything with us, So now it's filed. Now we're
filtered mom. Goodness, Oh mygoodness, Oh my goodness. When I
(23:33):
heard that, I wanted to screambecause I was like, that's so true.
I have now become the long distancemom, even with my child who
lives in the city, because hedoesn't live with me, So even with
Eric, I'm still a long distancemom. It's so weird because we're in
(23:53):
October. Eric, my middle sonwho's twenty five, went away two months
ago, and I still haven't evenhad dinner with him to talk about his
trip that he went too over thesummer, just because our schedules have been
so crazy. But what I alsofound interesting was who the selective mom the
(24:15):
filtered mom? Because being in control? Really, like I talked about last
week, was the issue that wehave parenting adult children because we've been in
so control handling the day to daythese of our children for so long since
the beginning that now them having todecide what they want to share with us
(24:41):
is interesting. Like my daughter isonly three and a half hours away from
me, but she doesn't check inwhen she's coming home from the club.
She doesn't let me know when herand her girlfriends are going out, her
and her boyfriend. I told youguys last week, they just went on
vacation and I didn't get ax permission. I mean, of course she called
(25:03):
me when they was at the airport, and she called me when they landed,
but I mean I didn't. Ididn't have any say so. And
when they were going how long theywere going for if they were staying in
separate rooms, like I had nosay so. So I think that that's
probably definitely one of the biggest strugglesthat we go through as empty nesters,
(25:23):
is now being this filtered parent,this selective parent, where they get to
decide what they want to share withus. I got one more part of
this video I want to share.Let's go to it again and then we'll
break that down. How long doyou wait before you say, hey,
(25:44):
come clean up your shit or elseit's gone Christmas. If it ain't done
by it ain't done by Christmas.It's out of here. Wow, I'm
not waiting that long. Is itimportant that you saved the room for when
they come back. I just thoughtof that. I think it should become
a guest room because they're gone.You know. I walked into this conversation
feeling really positive, and now I'mreally sad. I'm just gonna say,
(26:07):
and Elsa hasn't called poor thing likeI never hear from her, So I
have to say, my daughter stillhas her room and my home I and
I literally will leave her door openso that I can still even feel like
(26:27):
she's home. I think Bakie's laughingat me right now, like I would
just walk her by her room,you know, and feel like, oh,
she's home. I will make upher bed. I don't keep everything
the same. And the crazy thingis, you know, she does still
come home, because she comes homefor breaks. But I refuse to make
(26:49):
that room into a guest room,even though it is a guest room.
I just had some out of townguests and they stayed in her room because
her room actually feels very comfy,very you know, very warm, you
know, very nice. And thenyou know, we have the boys room
as the guest room. You know, because it's the biggest room in the
house and that has the guest roombathroom. But it's so funny. When
(27:11):
I saw that part of the video, I just chuckle because I definitely did
not change my daughter's room. Andeven though my daughter, you know,
does now have her own apartment inPhilly, you know, she's still in
the lease just like the boys are. They're still in the lease at my
apartment, and at any time theycan come home, they still all have
(27:33):
the keys. So even though mymiddle son lives in Harlem and my oldest
son lives in South Carolina, Iwanted them to have the set of keys
so that they can come home wheneverthey want. I can come home and
EJ can be on the couch orhe can be in his sister's room and
know that he's home. I wantedthem to still have that feeling. I
wasn't ready completely to just take allof their things out, because, to
(27:56):
be honest with you, as independentas they are, you know, and
as much as my daughter is currentlypreparing to live on her own when she
graduates, don't tell anyone. Justbetween you and I. Wait, wre's
that other camera? Just between youand I I'm hoping she'll come back home.
(28:21):
Sh sh, don't tell anybody.And the funny thing is, I
don't even know if I really wantthem to come back home, because I'm
gonna tell you now that I'm comingand going on this three years, I
crave for them to come home,and then every time somebody's home two days
afterwards, I'm ready for them toleave, like either there's clothes on the
(28:47):
floor or there's addition to sink,and that just annoys me that I'm like,
Okay, when are you going home? So I don't know if I'm
really wanting my daughter to come homeas much as I say I want her
to come home. And then onceshe comes home, she's gonna be coming
home as an adult. That meansno curfew. I don't know if I
could take that. So as muchas I miss having them home, I
(29:14):
don't know if I would be comfortableliving with my adult children. Wow.
So I think that's what we haveto also think about parents, Like as
much as we want them to comehome, once we actually begin to live
without them, when they come home, we're actually ready for them to leave.
(29:34):
I guarantee you that happens. Iguarantee you what happens. But while
they're gone, that craving does notgo away. And not only does the
craving not go away. The sadthing about really what I miss the most
about having my children at home isnot all of the chores are depending on
(29:55):
me. I'm the only one whowashes dishes. Now, I'm the only
one leans a bathroom. I'm theonder who does laundry. And even though
it's only me, I find myselfvery annoyed that I'm the only one who
has to do the chores. Sosometimes a largely don't get done. But
once alike that so I miss havingservants. But that's not nice to say.
(30:21):
But yeah, so what does itlook like now when you start to
actually live in that empty nester life. We'll discuss that when we come back
from break Here we go. Everyday thousands of kids start vaping, and
(30:57):
I can't let this happen to mykid. Of course, it's awkward to
talk to your kids about the dangersof vaping. A bestie how sketches me.
It's hard to get their attention ready, go yes, look at that,
yeah, and turn years over.So if you want to talk to
you kids about the dangers of vaping. You have to get a trendy right
(31:18):
back by kid. Let's do itfirst, invide your kid to do the
vakee talk. Let's try this.Why is he here? I gotta get
a trendy. Come on, let'sgo. Oh honey, can we talk?
(31:48):
Yeah? What's up? I seea lot of your friends vapor liz
It talk about vaping dot org fortips on when and how to have the
bake talk. I really wish Ihad more conversations with my order about vaping.
That's why I play this commercial orPSA every week because unfortunately, at
twenty years old, now that mydaughter is a victim of vaping and it
(32:12):
discuss me, I really wish thatshe smoked cannabis over doing vaping. But
hey, you can't choose what yourchildren get into, which I guess is
the other component to life as anempty nester, because now you know their
life decisions are theirs, and youcan't really say too much, Like you
can have your opinion and you cantell them what you think, but ultimately
(32:35):
they're gonna do what they want,which is what they were doing anyway when
they were living in your house.They just hit it better or did it
where you know you didn't know andyou thought you knew because a lot of
times, you know, obviously,we as parents and fully involved parents,
think that we know everything that goeson in the house, that we know
everything that they our children are doing, because we have them on a schedule.
(32:58):
We know what time they should be, we know what time they should
be there, we know what timethey get out of this program. But
however, there's so many things thatwe don't know that happens while we're so
called parenting our young adults or ourteenage children. You know, I was
a very involved parent and years later, you know, now when everybody's comfortable
(33:20):
to have discussions, Now I findout that my daughter at fifteen did this,
and my son at fourteen did this, or my sons did this to
my daughter at ten years old,like all these stories, you're like,
wait a minute, what now,where was I wasn't I home? So
as much as we're involved as parentswho in the house with our children,
there are things that still go onthat we have no clue that goes on.
(33:45):
So now that we're aware that wedon't have a say soul again,
that is what becomes one of thechallenges of being an empty nester. So
ihold you. I showed you howwe feel, what we go through,
what we potentially could go through,what we should do to kind of prepare
(34:09):
for that if we can. ButI think that's all kind of broad and
vain, right, because I kindof just still gave you surface suggestions because
of what I am wanting to easeyou into as we're having this conversation.
So the last video that I wasable to get kind of gives us a
(34:30):
little bit more tips that we canuse. So if we go further into
the video, it's expert tips ondealing with the empty nest syndrome. Because
this actually is a real thing.This is not just, you know,
something that we're pulling out of thesky and now making an excuse to feel
sad or depressed or empty or loss. This is actually something that both fathers
(34:52):
and mothers go through. They maygo through it differently. Women may go
through it differently than men. Doesn'tmean that men don't feel a kind of
way when their children are also outof a house. Women go through it
differently because their roles or responsibilities withthe caregiving is different from a father.
(35:13):
So the pain and the loss isjust as equal. It's not one over
the other because we might perform differently. The father might work more, or
the father might not work more,but be quiet because there's not as much
instruction as going on. So nowthis gives time for these adult parents to
(35:36):
actually get to know one another,so as we are getting to know ourselves.
Because I'm telling you, I'm inthis place of well, who is
cat. I'm not with my husbandmy husband. I'm not in the same
household with my partner, So thatmeans that I'm in my house by myself.
That means I'm in my house whenit's quiet, just me alone.
(36:00):
So what tips am I able touse for myself that I'm able to share
with you. Let's take a lookout our last video and then we'll come
back and discuss it. It isand it's represents so many different feelings and
there's so many sides that come out. And what I like to remind people,
(36:20):
I don't think there are any negativeemotions. Okay, I think it's
important to It's like saying there's anegative color of the rainbow. It's important
to have all your emotions weave together. So there's gonna be grieving. There's
gonna be excitement, there's gonna behope, there's gonna be fear, and
it's important to make room for allof that. But I would imagine you
(36:43):
know, as a parent, mineare still just ten and twelve, so
I got a ways to go.But you know, your child so excited
to be going off, going offto college, and they're so excited,
but inside you're so sad, butyou want to be excited for them,
you do, And I'm so gladyou said that, because one of the
most important things is not to putyour anxiety onto your kid. That child's
(37:05):
going out as a young adult forthe first time, and they do not
need to manage your feelings, butyou can. You can manage your feelings
and take that time to grieve andfeel that, oh my god, it
goes you say, they're twelve,it goes so fast. And then also
it's a chance to repurpose yourself.It's either you've had this be your complete
(37:28):
focus, or you may be grievingthat you didn't have time to spend with
your kid at all because you've beenbusy. But this is really a great
time to repurpose yourself. And it'sfunny that they say empty nest, because
quite often there's a partner in thatnest with you, and it's a really
good chance to reconnect and make eachother a priority again. And so it's
(37:52):
not an empty nest always, butit feels like it. Yeah, now
I have a friend. I'm notgoing to mention her name, so I
shouldn't get you. When her sonwent off to college, she told me
that she drove to the beach andsat there and just sobbed. Yeah.
What are some of the other symptomsthat parents go through it? Oh gosh,
there's well, first of all,there's denial, there's anger, there's
(38:15):
frustration, there's you want to knowthat they're prepared. You want to see
them being prepared. One of thethings I hear a lot is he can't
get up without me waking him.How is he going to make it to
school on time? But they door they don't. They figure it out,
and there's also excitement and hope,and you get to watch them grow.
(38:38):
I actually got the opportunity to drivemy nephew just yesterday away from his
house to go away to college,and he was saying, I feel so
grateful because my parents did such agood job with me as parents, but
like, wow, it's so weirdto leave the house and to watch them
Like yeah, yeah, but exploreand find yourselves. What can parents do
(39:07):
to get through this? Would yousay, you know, talk with your
friends, talk with family, sharewith other people in the community, therapy,
and again, I think exploration,repurposing yourself and looking at what you
have done instead of what you haven'tand really taking that time. I love
(39:30):
that your friend went to the beachand just cried because when we stuffed that
down, you know, we weregood. Yeah, there's cake involved,
she said, this cake involved.That's some white people's stuff. Anyway.
Wow, Okay, I wrote abunch of notes. Okay, where do
(39:52):
we start. So one, don'tput your anxiety and stress onto them.
I I yes, because they're excited, so we don't want to bust their
bubble by having them worry about usworrying about them. Keep that to ourselves
(40:13):
or share it with our component athome, like our husband or boyfriend or
husband or wife. Don't put thatanxiety on them. Repurpose yourself. We're
gonna come back to that one grievingthe time that you thought you lost.
Whoo. So the anchor was talkingabout you know, her kids are twelve,
(40:38):
so she had some time. That'swhat we think. Twenty twenty five
and twenty eight. Wait what now? Twenty twenty five and twenty eight,
Wait what now? Where did thetime go? How do I have grown
(40:59):
people? But I do so.I know, I've thought to myself,
I had to grieve. Did Ido enough? Did I teach them enough?
Did I give them enough guide intheir life to protect them, to
cover them in their decision makings?I know I didn't want to bombard them
with church? But did I teachthem enough scripture? Did I teach them
(41:23):
how to be good people? DidI teach them how to, you know,
get up on time and be responsiblefor work? Did I teach them
how to you know, get onbe responsible for you know, going to
work, going to class on time, doing your laundry, you know,
maintaining your house. And I haveto say, Isaiah checked me a few
(41:43):
years ago when he was eighteen yearsold. Isaiah, my oldest son,
who's now twenty eight. He said, MA, trust what you have taught
us. Last week, when Italked about parenting adult children, I shared
with you guys that during COVID thatI went down South during COVID. I
went down south and I had togo down south to my adult son's home
(42:07):
that he shares with his partner.And I had to go as a guest,
not as his mother, who cansay put this there, do this
what time? I had to goas a guest, and it was impressive
to see my son be a man, be a partner, be responsible for
his own household. So knowing againthat the things that I taught actually did
(42:32):
resonate, actually did work, Andill now watch it with my daughter,
who's responsible for her day to daylife and all the things that she wants
included in that like all of herextra perks, she maintains that lifestyle.
She doesn't, you know, complainthat she can't get a hair done or
get her nails done, to geta lash's done. Guess what, She
(42:54):
makes those things happen for herself.And that is based on the tool and
the foundation that I gave them,or that their father and I gave them
as we were parent as we werepreparing them to be young adults. So
now what's so weird and funny isthat now that that parenting part of the
foundation, because that's all that's donethat part of the parenting. Now we're
(43:17):
parenting adults, but that foundation,since that part is now done. When
they said that it's time to repurposeyourself, they are really right about that
because that denial, that anger,that frustration really only becomes really only comes
(43:40):
from us not having or not knowingwhat to do with our time, filling
in our fingers like okay, whatto do, and that's where the denial,
frustration and anger comes from. Let'stake another break. Good. I
(44:08):
don't want to talk about it.I don't want to talk about it.
I don't want to talk about it. I don't want to talk about it.
(44:44):
Families don't have to talk about everything, but they should talk about how
to plan for an emergency. Yes, you all right, this family's prepared.
Get tips and resources to make yourfamilies emergency plan. Go to NYC
dot gov slash Ready and why Icall three one one for more information.
(45:15):
You're not gonna get it all right. Just make sure you nail the big
stuff like making sure your kids arein the right seat for their agentsize get
it right at NHTSA dot gov slashthe right seat, so wrapping up pointers
that were suggested just in case,I did more complaining about being an empty
(45:37):
nester than actually giving you, guys, some tools and some suggestions. Get
to know yourself again. When Ibecame a parent, I was twenty one
years old. I didn't probably knowmyself then. So now in my forties,
getting ready to go into fifty learningwho cat is? Taking the time
(45:57):
to figure out what you like?Hey, Kat, how you doing?
What do you like? You know, find your passion or passions you know,
join a community organization, do somevolunteering, reach out to your friends,
reach out to your family. Figureout how to now not only date
yourself, but date your significant otheragain. You know, creating even now
(46:23):
adult dating with your children. Youknow, the time that you want to
still spend with them, even ifthey don't live in the same city with
you. You still want to makethose times. So like tomorrow night,
you know, I'm going over mymiddle son's house to make dinner at his
house with him and his friend.And the next weekend, I'm going to
my daughter's apartment and we have adinner schedule. So making time to still
(46:45):
not only date yourself, date yourpartner, but date your children as they
are now adults outside of the household, separate your worth from your work instead
of diving into work like some ofus. I've done, learn how to
(47:07):
in not getting to no process likewho cat is? Like who that empty
nester is now I don't want tosay becoming or now is? And then
preserves preserve. Most things are moredifficult in time consuming than they look.
(47:30):
If you want to find your purposein the empty nest, it will probably
mean sticking with something longer than youinitially think. Preserve and stick with it,
and seek out people who will chairyou on and encourage you in your
pursuit. So that takes us rightinto Jesus' moment. Oh Jesus' moment,
(47:54):
Jesus' moment, because that was mylife bult moment, Jesus moment that gave
me the Holy Spirit God to sharewith you guys. The scriptural text from
Ecclesiastics Ecclesiastics Chapter three, versus one, don't get mad, but it says
(48:15):
there is a season, a timeappointed for everything, and a time for
every delight and event or purpose underheaven. What I feel like that scripture
is helping us to see is thatenjoy the moment that we are in right
(48:36):
now. Don't reject it because foreverything there was a season and a pointed
time. So the season of parentingwas that from birth to eighteen nineteen twenty,
whenever they left the house. Andnow it's time for this place of
(48:57):
it's all about me delight in everyevent or purpose. So yes, embrace
that sadness. But now I'm gettingthe opportunity to delight because this opportunity is
(49:17):
still an opportunity for this next chapterin my life, for me to still
be an adult parent to adult children. But now I get to love on
cat, Learn cat, think aboutcat, make cat that priority. Who
(49:42):
Jesus name a man? Hallelujah onthat note. Let's take our last break,
well not our last break, butour last break before our last break,
and we'll be righted back. Howdo you know when you've made the
right decision? It's the feeling youget in your gun tells you what's right
or wrong. It's the one thatsays, sure I can have a drink,
(50:04):
or the feeling that says, okay, i've been drinking. Now what
It's the voice inside you that saysI'm buzzed. Better leave the car when
it's time to go. Plan ahead, catch us over right, buzz driving
is drunk driving. Welcome back toour new segment did you know? Did
(50:31):
you know? Did you know?Did you know? This week did you
know? Topic is travel, travelprep tips, travel tips that my dear
neighbor, Sharon Edwards gave me becausethis sister raid here. She is not
an elder, she is a littleover sixty and I'm gonna tell you the
(50:52):
last ten fifteen years, this sisterliterally we got twelve months in a year.
I believe she goes away at leastnine or eight times a year,
whether it's weekend excursions, whether it'stwo weeks at a time, whether it's
a week whether it's in the UnitedStates, whether it's outside of the United
(51:15):
States. She has done it all. So she has shared with us some
of her travel tips that has workedwell for her, that she's learned and
that she continues to learn and nowin her next chapter is sharing with us.
So did you know? We havenine tips today? The first one
come on, now, did youknow that you can take frozen water through
(51:39):
the TSA at the airport. Ididn't know that because they always say you
can't bring liquids, but the ruleis as long as the water is frozen
solid, it can pass through security. Number two, turn your travel neck
pillow around. Turn your travel neckpillow around. Most of us wear it
(52:06):
the wrong way. The opening actuallyshould be in the back to support your
neck and chin. People are hurtingthemselves because they are using their pillow the
wrong way. It makes such abig difference when you use it the right
way. Tip number three, usea credit card when booking your flight.
(52:30):
Use a credit card when booking yourflight that is connected to an airline that
you travel with frequently, so thatyou can earn points towards free flights.
So use a credit card with whenbooking your flight with the airline that you
(52:50):
travel the most. I know,I have friends that love Southwestern I choose
I like Delta and Jet Blue,so if I travel a lot on Jet
Blue, so if I use themall the time when using my credit card,
I can get free points towards freewin free flights. For example,
if you fly with Jet Blue,apply for a Jet Blue credit card.
(53:13):
Use this card to book your flight. With most cards, you earn three
times in points the price of yourflight. So example, book a two
hundred dollars flight, you earn sixhundred points. Come on now Number four,
turn in off peak season. Excuseme, travel in off peak season
(53:39):
to get the best value. Travelin the off peak season to get the
best value. So if you can, instead of traveling in peak months like
June, July, and August,try traveling late September through March excluding December.
The weather is still good and therewill be less of a crowd.
(54:02):
Travel when kids are in school.These are typically the months that you can
receive the best value and less leastamount of people least crowds. Number five
Research the country you plan on visiting. Now, before I tell you about
researching the country, not only doyou want to research, but every country.
(54:23):
Don't even take the same charger adaptedwith your phone. When I went
to Africa, they had a completelydifferent outlet that I had no idea that
they even made or created. Sowhen you research the country, you gotta
research all types of things about thatcountry, even what type of socket that
they're using. So it is yourresponsibility to know what the weather, the
(54:45):
climate will be doing your visit.This will help with packing our clothes.
If you're traveling internationally, research whatvaccines and shots are required, so what
visas are required, what currency doesthe country use. You might need to
(55:07):
buy some currency before you leave forvacation. I noticed that every time I've
gone international, the people like thecash from the United States. But it
still made sense to try what theycall transfer my money over to what the
currency was. Number six. Bookyour flight typically six weeks before you travel
(55:28):
for the best price. Book yourflight typically six weeks before you travel for
the best price. The best timeto book is late Monday Tuesday night.
Never book a flight on the weekend, always more expensive. So Monday late
to Tuesday night. Seven eight nine. I'm gonna give it to you.
(55:49):
Ready, I'm about to throw upon you. Do you know if you
rent a car while on vacation,you do not have to buy the insurance
because your car rent to company saysthat they wait. They say that you
have to buy it. But youcan use your own insurance if the trip
is personal, so your personal deductibleswill apply if you have an accident,
(56:12):
So use your insurance, not thecar insurance. Number nine. Keep your
shoes on and invest in the TSA. Pre check it's worth it for about
eighty dollars. The TSA is goodfor five years. Wave goodbye to long
lines and the last one. Takeearly flights if possible, they are less
(56:36):
likely to be canceled. Take earlyflights if possible. They are like they
are less likely to be canceled.Wow, that was good. That was
a mouthful. Thank you sharing.We appreciate those travel tips. So,
guys, that's the end of anotherepisode of the next chapter where we discuss
(56:58):
shades of Grave. We don't haveenough time for an inbox question this week,
but you know what it's time todo. It's time to like,
follow and share, like, followand share because we are here for you.
So go to my instagram, goto my YouTube. Visit us every
(57:19):
Saturday here at Bronx now at eleveno'clock p M where we come to you
weekly sharing the things that I'm learningabout my next chapter and these next chapters
that we are all going through becausethe next chapter is where we discuss shades
of Gray. I am your hostMinister cat aka Kitty Rose, and I
(57:42):
will see you guys next week.Lah Please be safe out there, ways
and naddies. Don't days that caddyshort pains of baddies All days to be
happy when your proprens survive leting neversake forget the emptys and the jobs in
the city never sleeps, slept fromone to five, And when COVID hit
(58:06):
the block and we had to stayinside to club. It's all I know.
So be gentle with myself, learnto navigate once it's when no coked.
If you've never been cold, neverbeing broken in twenty four seven,
just to stay afloat. So NewYork, like down the pizza in that
cold worship, that real life greatfrom the part of the city is as
hard as a gift. Just thatNew Yorkshire, that real life great from
(58:30):
the part of the city is ashard as the gifts. Because that New
Yorkshire, that real life grit fromthe part of the city, He is
as hard as a gift. Becausethat New Yorkshire, that real life great
from the part of the city,is as hard as a gift.
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