All Episodes

August 29, 2022 58 mins
Our crew has made it through a few chambers in Davoc’s vacation home full of riddles and traps. But the next room is more of a challenge than all the others combined - it will require both brain and brawn: a real gut check. Can they handle it?

The Night Shift is an actual-play, homebrew D&D Podcast and Youtube series that features the ridiculous antics of Jay Ducote, T-Bob Hebert, Lindsey Duga, and Chuck Pierce playing Dungeons and Dragons version 5e.


Brought to you by Little Wars (https://littlewars.com/) and Pelican Craft Brands (http://pelicancraftbrands.com/).

SUBSCRIBE: to make sure you see new episodes. REVIEW: to ensure we make more.


Content Warning: This episode contains harsh language, violence, and touches on topics like genocide, abuse, and torture.

Links: https://linktr.ee/TheNightShiftRPG
Music by: Jay Parker

Part of Drop Biscuit Studios
Mark as Played
Transcript

Episode Transcript

Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
The Night Shift is a real playD and D video and podcast series for
mature audiences. Content warnings can befound in the episode descriptions Last time on
the night Shift. You're gonna picksomething up. You're gonna pick something up.
We're gonna be a dunce. Imean, I don't know consequences.

(00:23):
I don't want to be a dunce, to be clear. That could be,
could be, that could be likea little classic evil wizard understatement.
And know you're a dunce and here'san infernal demon. If we're gonna touch
something on the table, I wouldvote maybe drink some wine, then at
least get Okay, no, youkind of hi, can't scream together gold

(00:50):
My souls already sold. Swim youtrapped a spell. I wish you well
for creature owns your streets. Youdo better to retreat if you want,
right, don't h a night shaft? Okay? Um? Yeah, you

(01:14):
you turn the key, the doorfolds opens. Yeah. Um. Seems
like a needless flourish, but itis mate oisted on my own patat content.
And as you look into the followingroom I would say, you don't
even have to sort of enter ityet. Um, you can say that
there's like just people standing around lookingkind of let's call it like board,

(01:45):
I guess, but just standing howmany people forty thirty? Maybe hard to
tell. Okay, like human,yeah, humanoid at the least humanoid.

(02:05):
Yeah, like they Elford door forhuman or they have a human shape.
Okay, all mites, not aminute or it's not a grenasity. Do
they do they turn and look atus as we come through this door?
They do not. They're aware ofour look up to the first one slap
one through the door. Okay,they all turn and face you. Oh,

(02:30):
kind of like slack jawed, likelike they're under a trance or yeah,
very good, like they're under atrance. Their mouths are sort of
they're like mouth breathing, like abunch of Eli Mannings in the room.
Apparently a football player, he playedat all miss, he's a retired now

(02:51):
NFL. Thank you. I actuallydid need that. I had no idea.
Yeah whatever, younger, I'll goahead. So they actually are human
like we can. They have skin. It doesn't look just like mannequins or
you make a perception check. Allright, so yeah, all these questions.

(03:14):
Now you gonna do some shit,I'm gonna starts the whole thing.
Start to loosen my lot up alittle nice. Um, okay, I'll
just give it to you straight.Um. Looking at are, let's call

(03:34):
it forty eight. You are ableto just count it real quick, just
a head count, get it realquick? Really eight? Um? Sad?
Do you think counting it's sad?What are you talking about? It
is? I mean, literally sonumbers. The letters of forty eight say

(04:00):
slack jars almost hypnotized humanoids. However, it looks like they're flesh. It's
sort of sagging off their bones.Zombies Okay, yeah, sort of a
zombie look, but maybe recently zombifiedif they don't look super decayed. Um,

(04:23):
pretty much immediately they start ambling towardsyou. That's not good. Soon
as you enter the room, lookout. I don't know if you if
anyone has noticed, but this crowdof people are starting to kind of shamble
away, and I'm feeling really nervousabout this. Well, they're gonna have
a rude awakening when they meet TemboSteel. I agree, dude, Um,

(04:46):
like I kind of just want tofight them. You should hurry.
There's lots of people in here andI don't think that they have the best
of intentions. Hurry where what allalways runs but never walked in, often
murmurs but never talks, has abed but never sleeps A damn river water?

(05:10):
Well so fast, I grew upon the banks of shit. You
completed room three of the getaway chamberstarted, and now all you have to
do is make it past these unfriendlyfolk. Oh great, let's well,

(05:31):
initiative. Do we see a doorin the back? Just we get an
idea of the room, there isa door behind them. Soon as the
word river is said, a doorappears in the back. Guys, don't
worry. Seventeen don't have screamed throughthese riddles. We've been playing D and

(05:57):
D two long I power levels overfive thousand, and your actual level is
six. Apparently we're not good atthe food riddles. It's a good point.
Thank you, Thank you for youhave a dice? I do I
already have one? Use it?Man, I can't give it. We
haven't anybody yet here? All right? Uh? What out tom sixteen telius

(06:25):
zero zero row to two and myinitiative is negative two zero tilius. How
do you want to play? I'mjust going to corner and just chill.
Let them handle this. Just chill, all right, He's gonna good chill.
And you got fourteen? Got up? I was like, that just
makes five fourteen okay, um,zambies get eleven all right? Uh I

(07:00):
believe Timbo goes first. Hey,I don't that you first number? Uh?
Yeah, I might. I'll goto seventeen. M I say about

(07:20):
time we get a fight, andI flix my picks a couple of times,
give them a little dance, anduh, I'll go ahead and inner
a rage. Oh I'm stark,raven mad at these zombies. That's the

(07:45):
bonus action. That's the bonus action. And with missed Weaver in the other
hand, I'll give them. Igive a noise like slash through one of
them, and I want to lookreally cool doing it. I'm starting that's
gonna go right through it. Yeah. Absolutely, it's up to the dice.
But then like I'm spinning as Ido that, like like a baseball

(08:07):
player, like really getting his hipsinto it so that yeah, hits,
so that I could then do likea full three sixty and slash again at
a different one twice. Yeah,in the one turn, I can attack
twice now it feels like a brandnew thing. It is, it is.
I'm this because all she can dois run through grass faster than before.

(08:31):
We'll room I just disintegrate. Yeahyeah, yeah. Also, the
first one, as I described,is a reckless attack. Uh, just
absolutely reckless, giving me an advantage. Well, sure, you're turning your
back to a bunch of zombies.Well, but the first one I'm really

(08:52):
using my full hip swing into it. The second one I don't have advantage
on U because yeah, you know, at that point I've turned my back,
but now they have advantage if theyattack me as well. That's what
happens, all right, all right, so first attack roll add advantage two
handed missedweaver. Um, let's see, it's an eight and a nine,

(09:18):
but it's a plus seven to attackhere, it's a sixteen. Stills at
him, and that's that's going todo. That's a one. Uh,
but that that's still gonna do eightdamage to the zombie. Eight damage.

(09:41):
Yeah. So you you slash itat that one right in front of you,
and it doesn't stop moving, butit's guts just sort of spill out
on the floor in front of it. He continues walking through its own pastard
um gore. But I do myreally cool spin move. You do your
really cool spin move, exposing yourback briefly. Yeah, it was ambi.
Yeah, and and then and andthen I swing the sword again.

(10:05):
That's what I do. Oh andand that's a seven. This I did.
I did declare earlier. It wasat a different one because I was
just anticipating killing the first one immediately. But that's gonna be a twenty four
to hit on the second one.Uh yeah, and that'll do thirteen damage

(10:28):
to the second one. Thirteen damage. So yeah, let's say you,
uh turn all the way around andjust lop this one's head off. Yeah,
the ground body sort of collapses overover the head in fact um,
what else? How cool do Ilook doing that? Team? How cool?
Fucking badass dude, You gutted oneand then chop the head off the

(10:50):
other while spinning. Then yeah,and the head went flying like anime style,
like yeah, an immigrant song playingin the background the whole high sweet
okay, all right, uh yeah, okay, uh yeah. Like now
now I like ripped my vest open, naturally, this you gonna have like
a seamstress one like retainer or something. Well, it's it's like it's it's

(11:16):
asign. It's a barbarians agetation canlike men shit too. It's a design
that's got some leather straps that arejust designed to be ripped apart every now
and then. Truly awful image.I believe Tom Bombo's next. All right,

(11:37):
So with immigrants song rolling, I'mgonna so like Timbo's in front of
me, right, um so Idon't want to hit him, So I'm
gonna kind of roll to the side. I'm gonna pop up and I'll be
like, I'm gonna take my lootand kind of put it on my fucking
hip like a big like you know, predator style, and I'll be like,
guys, follow me. I'm goingto clear a path and then umm

(12:01):
oh, and then you know,like right when the chord strikes lightning bolt
power chord lightning bolt, which isa it is a it is a stroke
of lightning one hundred feet long andfive feet wide. Who in any direction
that you choose, and each creaturein the line must make a dexterity saving

(12:22):
throw. So I got to theside lightning bolt who shotgun blast? Wow?
Is that is that? Where didthat kind? It is a new
spell. Yeah, I got afraturning level six. It's not even a
bard spell. You leveled up too, bite, it's like super powerful does
a lot of damage. Good?All right? Um, yeah, so

(12:46):
how are you kind of directing us? So that's what I'm saying. Okay,
So Timbo's in front of me.So I ran to the side,
like I'm still in the back room, and I'm pointing at that door.
I'm clearing a path through that door. I told them, like, follow
me, bright, do you wantthat? You gotta make a dexterity saving
over these bombs everything that's in theline to the door. All right?

(13:09):
Do you want me to roll liketen different things or do you want to
roll in all or nothing? Check? You're called yeah, yeah, you're
called all or another because it wouldmake sense to like some would dodge and
others one like I fucked it up. If they dodge, I'm keeping it.
I rolled it on accident. I'mkeeping it. I haven't looked at
it. It's on the floor,you lucky dog. What is it?

(13:30):
All right? Uh? Don't havegreat dexterity, I figured, and they
rolled an eight. Okay, sothey get incinerated. Yeah, it's it.
Does eight D six damage each.Oh yeah, I don't know,
it says yeah creature. Creature takeseight D six damage on a failed save
or half as much on a successfulone. Oh so they were dead either

(13:54):
way? Every dead either way?Yeah for sure? Uh okay, Yeah,
roll was a lightning bolt through theroom, out of my loot,
out of this loot, tip ofmy loot that I'm holding, Predator style
greed the loot. Yeah, justfires through all these Then I'm gonna start

(14:16):
running in the little gap that Imade. How much movement you have?
I don't know, thirty character?All right, so you're halfway across the
room. All right, kestrel,what do you want to do? I
have been or any of these zombiesmade of grass, grass mayhaps straw.

(14:48):
Y'all laugh. But I could dosomething with that. Oh yeah, do
it flex um or just follow top. Looks like we're getting out of here.
Yeah, gosh, I wish Ihad m hmmm, wish I could?

(15:09):
Can I Can I hold my turn? Yeah? You can? Um,
you can hold your turn, Butuh, it needs to be sort
of an if then situation, Solike if this happens, then I'll do
this and and that can be assimple as if Attilius takes his turn,
then I'm going to take my turn. I'll let you kind of hold the
whole thing and delay your order.Okay, okay, do you want to

(15:37):
do? Yes? That specifically thething I just said yes, Oh okay,
So after Attiliusis turn is when youwoke up after the zombie turn?
Is zombie come after Attelius. Zombiecomes before Attilius, Um, then after
Attius after Attelius. Okay, zombie'snext. Oh Um. They're going to

(16:00):
attempt to close the gap behind Tom. If very much like a pack mentality,
they see a hole, their goalis to not let you, you
know, sprint through it, andso they kind of move to close that
gap. So I would say prettyquickly that gap Tom behind you starts to
close, and the crowd starts tosplit a little bit. You got like
maybe seven or eight of them comingtowards you Tom, the rest of them

(16:22):
pressing closer. Yes, you haveany kind of died in this tech.
Generally it's five feet wide all theway to the door. Yeah. I
was gonna say they were twelve inthat line. Okay, cool, twelve
completely out of out of commission.So we're down to thirty thirty six something
like that. Yeah, yeah,thirty six. Yeah, well I killed
one two yeah through yeah, thankyou, and one with guts on the

(16:47):
floor. Um okay, So whatwe're gonna do is Timbo one of them
is going to attack you with advantage. Yeah, because he can do that
because you're reckless. Attack basically whileyou're back was turned. He's gonna leap
at you. You know, he'sgot the he's got the right to do
that. Well, hold on onon al maybe he won't because I'm going

(17:11):
to wait, uh, maybe not. I'm curious. I can use my
reaction to expend one of my usesof bartic inspiration and oh, I subtract
some role I thought I could takeaway from your advantage. Give me your
numbers, but don't tell me ifit hits or not. Right? Is
that how it works? Uh?The opposite. You can choose to use

(17:32):
this feature after the creature makes itsroll, but before the d M returns.
Oh okay, okay, um no, let him swing. Good news.
He sucks. He goes to jumpat your back and I think you
just sort of like as you're spinning, Yeah, move you out of the
way, and he just kind ofstumbles pack. He didn't realize that had
a whole pirouette planned. True.All right, you're gonna have four more

(17:56):
coming at you. Yeah, whatmiss hit hit man? This last two
just barely hit two. Um,okay, so we're gonna say they barely

(18:18):
hit you because it literally was likescraping by. So essentially what happens is
they kind of like scratch at you. They're not holding weapons, you know,
they're kind of burying their teeth andscratching at you. And you were
gonna take nine points of damage.Uh, so I have resistance to that

(18:40):
damage, so cut it cuts inhalf? So that does that go to
five? Yeah, let's go five. We'll round up all halves. Attilious,
you said you went into the cornerand just sort of waited, right,
Yeah, all right, we're gonnago three come at you. Yeah,
what's tracy is nine? Miss missand miss um one of them critically

(19:08):
misses, scratches the other one's eyecan't see anymore? Has everyone seen the
new episode of kenoeby No No Jesuswas in a roomful of nerds. Came
out yesterday two in the morning lastnight drunk after going out right real one

(19:29):
right here. I hear you,I hear you. Um, Tom,
You're gonna get three coming at youas they kind of catch up to you.
And zombies. I'm pretty fucking fast, which my ac is. Let
me see it updated. It wasnormally fourteen uh fourteen, all right?
A hit, critical miss, anda critical hit. So I think one

(19:52):
of them is gonna try and scratchat you, and you are so sort
of nimbly and bimble. He tripsup over his own feet and snatches his
head on the on the concrete oron the floor. Yeah. Um,
and his brains just sort of stillout in front of you. That one's
gone. Wow. Um. However, one of them hits you four points

(20:12):
of damage and the other one criticallyhits you seven points of damage. Oh
no, fine voice, I'm fine, Calm down. Um did I do
everybody? Do? I slip onthe brains to set up that critical hit?

(20:37):
I'm guessing zombie like zombies running atme. He falls brain spill.
I'm like, oh, and Ikind of like slip a little bit and
stumble, and then that's when heye catches me with a get grab you
and kind of bite you on yourback. Oh get me being bit right.
Yeah, Lindau, you were tryingto run through the path that you
cleared. Yeah, I thought itwas a good idea. I mean a

(20:59):
little faster. Lindsey's just not acknowledgingmy presence, hoping. I just the
rhyme crown. I have to useone of my spells in order to make
it rhyme. I'm bending the rulespretty big on that one. Like,
oh really, Like I think Iwish I would have known that I'm gonna

(21:21):
modify it to be at a levelthat you could actually wield. Like if
you pick a ninth level spell,I'm gonna have to, you know,
bring that down. Okay, butno, I would say, like magic,
just any magic spell, make itrun. Okay, it's not return
yet. I'm attacking you with zombies, is what I was. Okay,

(21:41):
Okay, Okay, so wrapped up, and I have this idea and I
want to use it, but Ihave to okay, continue freeze ambies um
critical miss hell yeah it critical hitum Okay, so I hit. Okay,

(22:10):
I think again. Uh. Well, let's say let's say one of
them trips over the uh the woundedbody of the one that um Timbo sliced
through and again falls in. Hishead just sort of splits open when he
hits the ground. Um. Theother two, however, I think it's
just like the crowd sort of pressesin Kestrel and kind of pinge you against

(22:33):
the wall a little bit, andyou're kind of fighting back, but there's
just so many hands and teeth andall that crap. Um. One of
them gets a good scratch on you, which is gonna be five points of
damage. Ouch. And then anotherone grabs your arm and chomps down on
a big piece of flesh, andthat's gonna be ten points of damage.

(22:56):
How does that cock taste? Cockress? I was like, Jesus, what
give me a pretty freaked out lookthere listening and not watching, seeing how

(23:18):
how serious he was, just completelyflat affect. Oh that's great that one.
Call that one, call me unawares. That makes me very happy.
Use your inspiration, I so Ican give you more. You have too
many of these moments. Um.Okay, that's all the zombies, which
means it is now Attilius's term,which means next is Kestrel's turn. I

(23:40):
hope she's ready. Okay, shemight not need to worry about it.
Oh really, talk. So asI woke up in front of Timbo and
Kestrel, I say to them,you all have fancy new toy that you've

(24:00):
been displaying here. Well, Itoo have a fancy newti I would like
to put forth. It's a littlenumber I like to call the circle of
death. On this dark magic sphereof negative energy ripples out in a sixty
foot radius spear from a point withinrange. Each creature in that area was

(24:22):
taking constitution. Saving through a targettakes eight dies six necrotic damage on a
failed save, or half as muchdamage on a successful one damage. But
yeah, that's why I stepped infront of them. I think with a
sixty five there's zombies. But stillI think with a sixty foot radius you

(24:45):
can you can probably get I wouldsay, you can get all of the
zombies, but you cannot help butget Tom, damn it. So the
other option would be, you canget all the zombies in front of you
three, but you can't get thezombies surrounding Tom. Yeah, I can't.
Tom is basically pandemic, Castro ispretty pinned in, so you'd probably

(25:07):
get all the zombies except like two, I'm gonna get him. Be like
I can't do it. You cantry to back you off your plan,
trying to make sure you understand thehut we're doing. Just take them all
up. Just don't kill me.I don't want to kill I don't want
to kill Tom. Okay, Soyou're gonna try and hit all the zombies

(25:30):
that you can reasonably hit without hittingfriends especially. Yeah, okay, So
what's gonna happen is basically, there'sgonna be like two or three round kestroll
that aren't hit. There's gonna belike six. I got two on me,
at least two. Well, Imean I have to attacking me.
Yeah, they were like six,there were seven originally one I'm died six
on on Tom. All of theothers are gonna be en circle of death.
Um, they have to make acon save. Is that what it

(25:51):
was? Yeah, I'm absolutely notrolling that thirty times. Well, they
still take half damage if they miss. Yeah. Yeah, so they're dead.
They're dead. I'm gonna roll itin wa let's roll it anyway.
Really, you know, what doesit look like? What does the giant
sphere of negative energy? You haveseen? Here's how I'm envisioning. Let
me paint your little picture. Yes, if you have seen full Metal outcome

(26:14):
aisterr Brotherhood. Yes, a circleof sort of like archanic runs sort of
arcs Outmatilius along the ground and thenstarts spinning and all these ruins, so
the inner circles spinning the opposite directionas the outside circle, and all these
runs start sort of like pointing atone another or connecting to one another.
Whoa, and then it just flashes. And it flashes when I say flashes,

(26:37):
like black energy, just sort ofup and then back. Oh yeah,
oh yeah, they never then Iyeld the time on the back.
Hey, don't worry about immigrants.Loon crank up for whom to beltis by
my tallenge. That actually goes alongwith what I wanted to do. Did
we did? We kill all thezombies, So the only way that it

(26:57):
won't kill the vast majority of themis if they corre. Yeah, that's
the only way they could get outof it. Oh, you're so on
the money. They failed, whichis I believe my first time in a
row yeats by us. So thisin real life he's just fingertutting Tom's finger

(27:18):
cutting, pretending like he's actually doingthe man um. I'm doctor Strange shit.
Yeah, this circle on the ground, it literally just like flashes up
with like a dark energy and thenjust as quickly disappears and nothing is left
in its wake. The sound myplan was, can it make when it

(27:41):
doesn't know? It's specific to thisone? Like it's a very can it
make that sound? Like those depthcharges made an attack of the clones?
And Bobefitt dropped my out of shipslike who I'm gonna need you to find
that sound? Ye and just great, and then in the flames like yeah,

(28:08):
it's a really great sound. Yeahit is. I love that great
rocky Okay, what was that?And now a word from our sponsors?
Who wants to go play Little Wars? Fucked up? Yeah? No,

(28:29):
I think I think we're doing itout of here? Who want? Yeah?
So this past holiday season, youguys, where did you get a
lot of your gifts? Uh?Well, Little Wars? Actually where I
got this sweet D and D sleetthing. He did notice that your character

(28:51):
sheets are Yeah, yeah, finallyfinally remember my spell cards. You can
also buy a Little Wars. Yeah. My brother is actually really big into
random tape top games and I founda couple of new ones from him,
Like what is it the trail atBalder's Gate, which sounds really fun to
D and D Universe technical the IndiaUniverse the only uh. It takes a
little while to set up, butboys are worth it, really a good

(29:15):
payoff. And then a couple ofmy other friends are really into painting those
miniatures, so I got them likea couple of gift cards to like,
go and get that cool. Weshould get some miniatures for us and we
can have them on the table.Like it's a great idea about a Blood
Bowl season two booklet, because Bloodbowls incredible, and actually Little Wars has
like probably legitimately one of the bestBlood Bowl communities in the entire country.

(29:37):
If that sounds like some of yoube in do. They have like thirty
two person leagues that you can goplay in, super super fun. In
general, they have fantasy football isfantasy football where they fantasy is you know
your goblins and orcs and towards me, very very tactical, the most rage
inducing game I've ever played in myentire life. Well, in general,

(30:00):
Little Wars has an amazing community,not Nigel blood Bowl, I mean the
staff there is also super helpful wheneveryou walk in just like, hey,
can we help you find a game? Like what are you looking for?
Yeah? So they're they're really great, easy to kind of dive into exactly
what you might be interested in.It's not clicky like a lot of those
stores are. And if you haven'tbeen in the Little Wars in a few
years, like before Vann and themtook it over, had a little bit

(30:22):
of them. Van just completely turnedit around, he really did. It's
such a r amosphere. It's notlike a you know, sometimes you walk
in and you just feel like anoutsider. Not in the case at Little
Wars. One of Baton Rouge's hiddengems right off of Jefferson Highway in Baton
Rouge. Find them on Instagram atlittle Wars br They've got a Facebook page
as well. Make sure you're checkingthem out. Thanks to Little Wars for

(30:45):
being a sponsor of the Night Shift. Who thanks Little Wars love you.
Welcome the aired house Kickball, turnthem up up necks. We have the
night Shift perennial losers. You know, their legs of I'm stronger, their
hearts have grown three times the sizeand they appear Okay, well, let's

(31:07):
take a little break, ladies.A gentleman, and we'll be back at
five. Feeled a little stronger sincethe last time. We're leveled up,
even though it's been a little while. Wow, Wow, hey Bill,
great job out there. Man,you really uh well, I know you
didn't get on base today, butyour effort was astounding. Great job,
Bill. People keep telling me thatI was, I was, I was
never gonna get to third base,and I I, um, I didn't

(31:30):
know you didn't effort. How didyou missed that ball? I kicked it
right to you, I mean right, gee, I might as well use
you. It's the ball next.Want to be fair, I'm about the
size of the ball, and youkicked it was right. Next time you
climb up, Old Matilius, isis that legal? We look in the
room. Just pour me a drink, okay, whatever, Well, I'm

(31:52):
so angry right now. My goodfriends over at rally cap the liberty of
brewing us a beer named after usa thing that will never truly understand,
and that is victory formation. Andthere's some assessment to be some sort of
runic symbols of some sort from thesecans. Well, yes, the good

(32:14):
news is a hazy i pa eightpercent alcohol by a volume. Victory formation
is very tasty, even though we'llnever really understand what it's like. Hey
it's only fifteen to zero. Okay, y'all, it's free. They still
haven't chance it is for sure.It's a perfect sports brew. Yes,
yeah, quenches the first I reckon. When I crank out, my dingers

(32:38):
are can just trot around the basepath and watch it with the dingers.
This is the family sport. Wedon't want to fucking love American football.
I get it now. It's likeI can read the room. It's football,
man. Fuck. Yeah, thisis actually great. Something happened.

(32:58):
It's all bump over there. Yeah, thank delicious beer. Pelican Craft Brands
distributes this throughout the Greater Louisiana area. Always a fan of bringing delicious craft
beer to the people. To takenotes of Citrus. It's quite delicious palate
various stute over there. She workedon her kickball skills like she's been working

(33:24):
on her beer. Tom's fault.He missed the ball, messed the ball.
You know the game works, Whywould you kicking the field? All

(33:47):
right? Kestrel Okay, So Iuse the rhyme crown and instead of transport
via plants I'm now changing it todance sport via pants, and I want
all of the zombies to start doingthe thriller dance. Yes, really wanting.

(34:15):
I'm gonna start strumming now Brown getat anybody. But they just started,
like they start doing like you know, the showing just like and they
just start dancing and play like foryou. There's three of them and they're

(34:36):
like one of them had his mouthon your arm and he just sort of
sits back and starts dancing. Andyou're still surrounded to some degree, but
like they're just dancing around you.Tom saying for you, it's like not
a super easy pad out, butthey're just like dancing in place. I
feel like Tom starts dancing with them. Tom immediately Tom pulls and and obviously

(34:59):
like you on me. But Ifeel like they would have to roll something
to get out of the dance,like they wouldn't be Oh yeah, I
would consider them charmed and someone cool. Um yeah, I think on well,
I should probably make them roll.As to whether they actually succeed or
fail that role. What does theoriginal spell do? Transport via plants like

(35:22):
not relevant wisdom safe, which they'rereally bad at. Okay um to see
if they enter the strands, theyat least initially hit a few steps because
who can resist? It's Michael jLike, but he did make some star
we separate those things. You hearin the background too, Boom doom doom,

(35:50):
doom doom. Okay, they rolledan eighteen with negatives to wisdom,
but oof, man, that feelslike a real high roll. It feels
like they should pass run. Theystill got distrac Yeah, let's say,
let's say they hit a few steps. Who can resist Mickey j Um?

(36:12):
But yeah, I think they kindof shake it off after a second.
Are you able to do that withentangled? Like like if like if you
roll something, you come mound.That's that's how that spell works, like
it's on the first stry or it'swhen their turn goes. If they're not
actually entangled until they in their turnand entangled, it doesn't entangle them immediately.

(36:35):
I think I'm pretty sure in thiscase, you're like charming them essentially,
So they have to have some way, okay to not just immediately be
ensourceled, you know what I mean. There has to be some sort of
check um. Now, with thatsaid, I think the music continues playing
it on their turn if they ifwe get to it, um, they
would have to make an additional checkto make sure they they don't get reensourceled
Timbo what we do? All right, I'll say that was great. You

(37:06):
were just like waiting for to saysomething had a weird day at work?
Come. Yeah, I realized thatthere there is that brief moment of distraction,
and I say to the door,and I queue up the song from
Disney's Rubbing the Hood where Lady Cluckruns through all the bad guys. I

(37:30):
just starts stiff as I'm running rightand then I pick up I pick up
Tom like a little football, andI keep the door and I tell you
and cast are just like, howis Timbo that fast? Because I also

(37:52):
got faster? Yeah, which canget me all the way to the door
on this turn, by the way, because I was already into the room
after my pirouette from last the GreatestAction. So I mean, if I
need to do some arn arms strikesor something on my stiff arms, I'm

(38:13):
happy to roll for that, uh, because I feel like I'm really getting
them like up in the jaw,I mean, like some real good stiff
arms essentially. But lindsay what wereyou asking? Well, I was gonna
say whenever I did my spell,do I also get a bonus action of
just like running, can I startrunning towards the door? Is all I
meant. You have movement, youcan run? Okay, I'm running toward

(38:35):
the door okay during my turn aswell, and much like Lady Clock,
I mean, if some of thesezombies look like they're coming out always said
that you were just like Lady Clarks. Some of them like, you know,
I'm stiff arming some of them inthe face. But then some of
them like maybe I did a littleleap up and I really like get them
to face planned into the ground.I needs to understand that I have a
deep and abiding law of fact.Yeah, that's like my favorite Disneys.

(38:57):
I'm brilliant speaking to me on likea betual absolutely also Australian. Can he
can he do? Like remember anAntonio Brown like jumped up in the air
and like cleaded that dude in theface and kept on running. Knew that
while he's holding me Brown professional pointis the point is in a game he's

(39:22):
running and he jumped up and puthis foot in some dude's face and literally
ran off it like like an anime, but like in real life. It
was in Jane all keep in mindis a very tavern brawler kind of move,
which is one of my feats thatI had. I am a tavern
brawler. It was a great point. What skill does, well, it

(39:42):
it gives it gives me, h, I'm proficient and improvised weapons, uh,
such as up tom and carry him. I got my nice place kind
of time. Similar my unarmed strikeas a one D four plus my strength
bonus, not just my strength bonus. So it's actually a one day four

(40:05):
plus seven just for an unarmed strike, notre plus seven is I'm assuming,
oh, Castrol, you were surroundedby zombies though, Yeah, but she
started to run. No opportunity attackswhen you're jamming MJ. Everybody knows that.
That's that's basically in the book.Yeah, Gary guy guy said that

(40:29):
himself. All right, um,okay, so I think you see a
zombie sort of stretching out trying tograb Castrol. She runs by. That's
your first move. It's just likestiff arm, stiff arm, a good
steak roll for it, arm strike. What we're going for? Oh good
good that well, that's gonna bea thirteen thirteen. Yeah, um,

(40:51):
here's what I think happens, umtimboon unless you unless you disagree, okay,
Um, I think you kind ofgrab and push like you're kind of
grab him by the elbow and push. That whole arm just comes off.
Now guess what I have an arm? You have an improvised so I think

(41:13):
it's a fourth arm from my vandbecause I'm like down here, your skin
is so moisture, moisture, allright, So and then I think for
for Tom Tom being surrounded by moreof them, your goal here is to

(41:37):
I mean, you get into onethrough the ideal yeah, um so,
but one of them could be likethe cleat move and and you know,
a good high knee while I'm clearingcleat move and arm swing yes, yeah,
alright, so arm swing first.Okay, here's the arm swing.
Oh yeah, that's gonna that's gonnabe a it's a thirteen, but the

(42:00):
plus seven that's a twenty. Uhand that's on that twenty cleat movies in
that twenty to be clear. Yes, okay, rints across the room with

(42:22):
way more speed, and I havethough I'm carrying the arm than a barbarian
of his side. He slams thatarm against the back of the zombies head
and it just slices through it likejello. The head just the head just
and the head sort of rises inthe air. So, from my vantage
point, you that zombie was facingme, his head flies Tim kind of

(42:50):
grabs you by like the scruff ofyour neck essentially, and then leaps and
puts his foot in the next zombie'sface and him. But I don't know
that you understood how much leverage andmomentum you had because you were so rage
filled. Yes, but you plantyour foot on this thing's like chin slash

(43:10):
neck and push, and the threezombies behind it all go with it onto
the ground. One of them hitsthe head, blood, you know,
brain skull out. The others definitelylaying on the ground, tons of damage.
I think that the one you kickedcertainly is dead. Um, the
others are at least going to begrievously injured. Can't can't walk. I
think there's like two on their feetat this point. So uh, yeah,

(43:32):
you can. You continue sprinting,right? Yeah? Yeah? Um,
you get all the way to thedoor and all of your night shift
friends are already there. I tellius. Were you there? Darkness yet?
Oh? You're right? Okay,So Tom, we're still in a store.

(43:55):
Tom, what's your what's your turn? Look like? Try to open
the door? Open the door?All right? Um? You try to
handle here so hard you can't.You haven't finished chamber three? Yeah,
all of them? Okay? Maybe, yeah, Okay. I'll roll my
eyes and I'll get up my crossbowand look shot. This is important.

(44:20):
You're looking at me while shooting.Perfect isn't a no look shot. It's
no look shot. I'm looking atwhere the voice emanated from, like up,
motherfucker. All right, So you'reshooting in one of the zombies,
yeah, okay, and you twoleft? Right? I think there's yeah
three eighteen, yeah, eighteen tothe attack. That's a twenty four.

(44:53):
So make it like the whistle,by the way, I've got still ring
him like a football. And thenjust turned and shot blind two of the
zombies back from or Orchestral Was hadjust exited the third step in the thriller

(45:16):
dance and happened to sort of lineup perfect, and the bolt passes through
both of their heads and ends themto the wall and the back. I
believe there's one left now, um, it's gonna be his turn. He

(45:36):
ambles his way over, He coverslike twenty feet. He doesn't quite get
to you Atilius. I'm gonna eldritchblast his bitch. It's a little like
overkill. But go before I went, you're still the lighting order behind Atilius.
Oh okay, Oh that wasn't justfor one turn. That was once

(46:00):
you do it. It rule,well, the house rule. I don't
know if it's an official rule.It might once. Yeah, otherwise everyone
could kind of like play with thatevery round. So we've always done like
you can delay your order, butyou can't. I can't do it every
turner bit all right, all thatthey do? Yes, thirteen thirteen,

(46:34):
it's thirteen plus six, yeah plussix. It's gonna do one dot ten
plus three roller that uh confute?H no yeah yeah this no, ya,

(46:57):
I got I got it math sixsix plus three nine. That's gonna
be good enough. Um, Ithink for Attilious this part, he sort
of starts like kind of jogging,like he's not putting a ton of effort
in yet. He went last aninitial order on fucking purpose. He's not
in a huge hurry. He wasnever really worried. After the circle of

(47:20):
death. He took it pretty inthe sort of jogs by and then one
of these zombies I approaches him andhe just hand out and blast his head
off and keeps running. Um attilius. I think you know you were some
reason I came out. Does eldblast come out of your hand? Yeah,
came out of his mouth, justlike that's not your breath. It's

(47:40):
definitely yeah, okay, come outof your bro That ship was fire.
That was crazy. What was that? I mean? I just said,
fuck you, zombie was coming atme and I blew your brains out.
Dark matter spell, Yeah, thatwas That was one of my my new
spells. I guess you can sayI have leveled up some. Yeah.

(48:04):
It's a good feeling, isn't It'snot bad. It's not bad. No,
you cat, I saw you justcut through that seaweed. This could
be he created a whole dance number. What are you talking about? Up,
We don't even know what your newspell was. Choreography. Maybe we
don't even know what's in room for. Maybe it was full of vines.

(48:27):
Yes, that's lush for. Iattempted to make it that just so you
can flex a little bout you jumpedin the water earlier and you said,
it's okay, guys, I'm hereto kelp. Wow, do you have
an star? I have? Ihaven't rolled low enough again at this point,

(48:51):
go for go for that and thattwenty baby. All right, Well,
now we'll try the door. Trythe door here. You can't leave
yet. You haven't finished Room three. I use my eagle eyes and scanned
the room. Are there any zombiesleft alive? There's a couple like wriggling.

(49:12):
They were like two that you knockedover the kind of riddle. Zombies
are part of it because the doorappeared whenever we solve the riddle. So
you need to do like a thing, maybe do some sort of river thing
here. I am, I amlegitimately not be very sincere here. Do

(49:34):
we need to do a water thing? Like? Yeah? I think I
think maybe we need to finish offthe couple of zombies. We'll just go,
you know, you go stop theirheads. Yeah, and then we'll
try the door. Try the dooragain. You can't leave room three,
you haven't finished yet. What elseis in the room besides us and dead

(49:54):
people? Just you and like fortyeight zombie bodies. Well, I'm forty
eight because a bunch of this spearbecause he burned them all ash. But
whatever, you know, they didn'tburn ash. They just sort of like
got ripped to shreds. Yeah,okay, yeah, okay, I guess
we investigate the room a little bit. Yeah, walk around, investigation check
to help. Twenty let's got detectivethat on surelock. So we're there two

(50:30):
now twenty. Yes, I gotone. Tom got oh, I was
celebrating yours. I got it.I got an eighth modified eighteen. He
just wanted to live vicariously through yoursuccess. Yeah, yeah, good job.
Okay, so I think Kestral,everybody else sort of siphons away and

(50:52):
starts inspect. Like Tom goes overto a corner, he said, and
just starts looking in the corner.Um, Kestral, you sort of stand
there and you feel kind of drawnto the door, and you notice that
there's a there's a lock on thedoor with a keyhole, and you don't
have a key the door, andyou can turn the doorknob. Last time

(51:13):
you try to, you felt thatturn the doorknob, but it's locked.
Hm, you need a key.Do we have searched the zombies and say
I'll start rumming, Jane, justgive me the word. Yeah, that
sounds like what's something we must do? Then? Um, well, yeah,
guys, we need a key.Could you like just put on that
rhyme crown again and just like makeup a spell that's like find the key.

(51:37):
Yeah, off the top of yourhead. I'd be impressed. Um,
all right, Joe, we dowe think it's in the zombies.
Was there a leader of the ofthe zombies? Did it? Didn't?
Even of the zombies feel like themhave like a red jacket on, and

(51:59):
like I hat did he kind oflike tipped down a little bit just being
an asshole. Check the red jacketguy. Check the red jacket guy with
the one glove. I vaguely lookedlike cassing out with the red jacket.
I think that's the first one Ichopped his head off. Yeh um.
You walk up to the guy inthe red jacket, I think castroll for

(52:21):
your part. When he approaches,You're like, for some reason at the
red jacket one white glove. Hewas like maybe he was a butler of
some sort and he lost his othergloves. He didn't notice until you ruled
that twenty Yeah, prepared to gooutside apparently or something I don't know.
Hard hard to figure out. Butas he approached, you're talking about the
beat it outfit, not because Idon't remember the thriller outfit jacket, but

(52:45):
he didn't have a hat, nohat. Did he have a glove?
Oh? I didn't have a gloveeither. What that probably works better anyway
then, because we like probably wouldto notice the red jacket at first,
and Castro was like, wait,fine, we'll reckon it. It's just
so um god dressed in a redjeet, red leather jacket, a greasy
Jerry curl or like you know,firm hair. Yeah from foot. When

(53:09):
you said it felt problematic, problematicintended to be problem it feels. That's
why I wanted to point it outfor some reason. When he gets close,
When when Timbo gets close to theguy in the red jacket, it
just kestro just feels right. Itfeels like that's where the key is that

(53:29):
one? This one? Yeah,I'm just like knee deep and like some
fucking zombie. I just like rippingguts out to stop Timbo's close. You're
at You're you're not cold, you'rehot. Yeah, so what are you
doing? I give it a littlepat down. I search for a key.
Pockets the jackets way more pockets thanzippers, you know, like why

(53:54):
should somebody have that many zippers?I guy go through them all. I
look for them and find noe.Okay, do zipbers exist in this world?
Check the glove? Do I findany other trinkets? And he rings?
Any jewelry? So you find acouple of gold and I'm on a
random ring. It's on his finger. He's clearly a married person. But
you know, chop off his hand. Yeah, I pocket that. I

(54:19):
chop off his hand and I bringit over to the keyhole and my stuff
his finger into the keyhole. Oh, I'm just kinda stand there brushing off,
like thought I was supposed to comeup with the gross pretty extreme right
there. You just like jam itin there like the flesh chestra. I
don't think it. I don't.I don't. Yeah, as you do
that, that's not a key,you hear the voicecoat up, Uh,

(54:42):
don't don't do that. It's agross. Um. But there's not like
a fingerprint scanner or something that's notit. Definitely doing that. I'm impress
an igetation and get all that gunkout of a Yeah, all right,
and why does it feel right?It goes right? Um? Okay,

(55:04):
hand doesn't the Okay, I'm gonnatake him. I'm gonna drag his head
over and snack it. God,gross, what are you doing? What?
You exploded all over you? Itjust took me a minute. I'm
okay, so again, I'll cleanup. The eyeball scanner doesn't work?

(55:29):
All right, I take off thejacket. Okay, the jacket. You
know, you know what? Istuffed the jackett the keyhole Do you know
what a keyhole is? In whatsense? Everything? Look under the hat.
I'm just trying every days to extremeviolence. So well, even searched

(55:51):
his pockets. So now we gotto jam his whole fucking head and the
keyhole jacket off? What you what? Just that's what she was just talking
about him. He put the jacketon a river and put the jacket on.

(56:15):
You put the jacket one was wayoff eleven. It looks like decent.
Yeah, that's a good books forsure. That's that's a noise jacket.
That's funny. It's such a goodfit. He was. Um,
I could see it. I guessI've never seen well one time he had
the reddress on that was bad.I suppose it's not. You look average?

(56:39):
Wowohut up you? He was like, where's the furbye? Wow?
Well I forget DND what you like? I love you my Pokemon still.

(57:05):
I would just playing with him allday long. Yeah, I'm like he
was. That is one of themost purest things I ever heard, Like
all the time, like it waslike it was a Pokemon I was training.
Yeah, that feels like all thetime, the Pokemon. Um,

(57:28):
It's like drilled into my head.Do we still have the key from under
the pear? Oh? Wow?I pulled it out of my pocket and
try it. We didn't have akey. I said, you didn't have
a key? You didn't have akey? What happened to? Timbo tries
it next time on night shift?Am I finding anything in the guts?

(57:53):
Uh? You? Yeah? Ripopen its guts, um, and you
find a lot of guts and blood. And did you ever dissect owl pellets
in school? Yeah? Yeah,absolutely, A little bit like that.
You find some like digested a littlemouth. He loved eating mice,
Advertise With Us

Popular Podcasts

Stuff You Should Know
Dateline NBC

Dateline NBC

Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com

The Herd with Colin Cowherd

The Herd with Colin Cowherd

The Herd with Colin Cowherd is a thought-provoking, opinionated, and topic-driven journey through the top sports stories of the day.

Music, radio and podcasts, all free. Listen online or download the iHeart App.

Connect

© 2025 iHeartMedia, Inc.