Perfectionism is Painfully Overrated

In this episode, Lyndsay Soprano speaks with Lesley ‘Amazing’ Logan, about how perfectionism gets in our own way of making ourselves a PRIORITY in our lives and how self-care is NOT SELFISH. We talk about how a Pilates practice ties into connecting with oneself and the mission of self-care and how that translates into connecting more with others.

She is a certified Pilates teacher, breathwork, habits, and mindset coach, and the founder of OnlinePilatesClasses.com, the first free online catalog of Pilates exercise tutorials, where you can also find weekly Pilates classes and workshops about self-care and perfectionism.

And…she is the host of “Be It Till You See It” podcast. Where each week she hosts inspiring guests from all walks of life, digging into how they prioritized themselves to get to where they are today.

Not to mention she is the QUEEN of self-care!

Listen to this dynamite episode where 2 Beautiful Queens tackle self-care at its core. https://link.chtbl.com/paingamepodcast

You can find Lesley Logan online at:

INSTAGRAM:
https://www.instagram.com/lesley.logan

YOUTUBE:
https://youtube.com/onlinepilatesclasses

WEBSITE:
https://www.onlinepilatesclasses.com

PODCAST:
Be It Till You See It

Episode Transcript

(00:03):
This is Your Pain Game podcast wherewe talk about the game of living in
and with chronic pain and trauma,getting to the heart of how to heal.
I am your host, Lindsay Soprano. On the show, I plan
on discussing with doctors, chronic painpatients, ballistic practitioners, loved ones,
and anybody that is interested in havingtheir voice heard in the chronic pain and

(00:27):
trauma world that we live in.I have spent most of my life as
a hot mess of a perfectionist,right, and not just like hot mess
with perfectionism. I am definitely ahot mess, that is for sure.

(00:49):
But let me tell you how successfulI've been at perfection like zippo, because,
in the words of my guests today, perfect is boring, right,
And I love that so incredibly becauseI've stribed so hard to hit every deadline
on time, if not early,everything in its place, everything just so
color coordinated. I mean, it'sit's unbelievable how much time I spend in

(01:14):
a day to make sure that everythingis just so, and then I start
focusing on things that are actually reallyimportant and some days it's like six hours
later, I'm like Jesus, Lindsay, what the fuck like focus on not
everything being in a great little packagetied up with a bow. Right.
I'm such a mess of a humanand I love being messy. I mean

(01:37):
I do. I love being Ilove being colored, I love being who
I am. But the number onereason that I'm such a messy human is
because I focus on all of thatstuff and I don't prioritize myself first,
I get in my own way.Everybody is before me. Everyone everything is
before me, every every everything rightis before me. And as my listeners

(02:00):
know, the OCD struggle is real. I mean it's legit. I do
have that. I've had it sinceI was a little girl, as many
of you have listened to. Sohow do we shift this? How do
I get out of feeling guilty forcaring for myself? How do I change
that mindset, my mindset and allowmyself to better care for myself? And

(02:22):
my guest today is going to helpme, and more importantly, you,
to shed some light on how wecan love up on some self cheese aluise
a look at me just now.I prioritized you over me while I'm saying,
do not do this, Jesus helpme awareness. It's the first step.
Oh my God, help me,Jesus help me. So let's talk

(02:46):
about this all right. So,without further ado, I'd like to introduce
you today to my guest Leslie AmazingLogan and yes that is her middle name.
She showed me her birth certificate ineverything. So thank you so much
for spending some time with me today, since I guess I need a little
bit of you in my life.We have so much to learn. There's

(03:07):
so much divine timing to today's chat. I feel what it is, so
much divine timing. Guys. Iwoke up this morning, well I didn't
wake up this morning. I wokeup two days ago, and I'm exhausted
and I'm being and I was sobbingand crying and not taking care of myself.
And then this queen of self carepops up into my world today.
So thank you so much again forbeing here. Oh it's a pleasure,

(03:27):
and thank you. I love sharingthis stuff and I want to say I
love being this queen of self care. I call myself like the Queen of
accountability because I too, like burntout, like had major health issues because
I wasn't caring for myself and I'mnot even a mom. I don't even
have the mom guilt, but theylike hand you at the hospital like I,
Like, I don't have that.I don't have any excuse. I
have no one to take care ofbesides myself, and I have a husband

(03:52):
and an amazing team. But likesome I was always putting other people's goals
in front of my own, andNAT led me to like a total panic
attack and really realizing that like Ihad all the research, I've done all
this stuff, and somewhere along thelines, I had stopped taking care of
myself. I had stopped taking careof my health, which I was doing
when I got into what I wasdoing, and I started like trying to

(04:13):
make everything perfect, trying to makesure everyone like me, trying to make
sure that like I didn't disappoint anybody. Oh yeah, which is like impossible.
You're in this appoint everybody when youtry to do that. And then
and then coming out of that panicattack that I hadn't realizing like okay,
like where do we go first?And that led me to what I'm doing
now. It's just like how doI help everybody do this? Because it
is a darn shame when you arenot able to be the most amazing version

(04:39):
of yourself for others. And you'reactually keeping people from having the experience that
they could have from you, andyour experience with you, their experience with
you might just be the thing thatthey need to learn their thing. And
so, like my goodness, wereactually keeping people from possible opportunities because we're
not taking care of ourselves first.We're also not loving people fully. When
we don't take care of ourselves first, we're not loving ourselves. So it's

(04:59):
impossible love. There's more than youlove yourself. And so it just becomes
a ripple effect of everybody just beingexhausted, burnt out, sick and tired
and pain and we wonder why theworld's going to hell. Everything's doing a
hell in a hand basket here itis. Here's your hand out, here's
your hand here's your basket full ofall your shit. Yeah. Well let's
introduce you though, too, Soshe Leslie, let's do that because you're

(05:21):
kind of important here to day.So Leslie is a certified pilates teacher,
and I love that she found itas a joke because she was making fun
of pilates. We'll get into thatshe works with breathwork and habits and mindsets.
She's a mindset coach and founder ofonline plots Classes dot com, which
is a first free online catalog ofPlattis exercise tutorials where you can also find

(05:44):
weekly pilates classes and workshops. Andnot that it's more important, but because
I love podcasting so much. She'salso the host of an amazing show.
And I don't say that often,okay, because there's so much shit out
there in the podcast world, andhers is it is called be It Till
You See It, where each weekshe hosts multiple guests from all walks of

(06:06):
life, digging into how they finallyprioritize themselves to get where they are today.
And I'm hoping that in like sixmonths from now, I'm on your
show talking about how I got thehell out of people pleasing and giving a
little bit more of a shit aboutmyself, right, Okay, accountability Queen
dates that. Yeah, I wantto hear from you, so December six,

(06:30):
yeah, six, So let's talk. Let's talk to you about what
brought you into this world. Iknow you said a panic attack, but
in the world of preaching this messageof self care and as not being selfish,
because I think that that is somethingI struggle with big time and a
lot of other people do as well. As the people pleasing thing is so

(06:50):
incredibly like detrimental to my life.And you're right when you just said earlier
about how we can't even take careof the people in our life and give
them our best version if we're notdoing it toward ourselves. So let's start
from there. Let's rull out thered carpet for you, Thank you,
thank your love, red carpet.So I think I got I was in

(07:11):
retail before Pilates, and I thinkthis is an important thing to share because
I worked in high end accessory storethat they had a location. They're one
of the few privately owned businesses thatwas in South Coast Plaza, and they
had locations all over the boutique mallsin LA one of them being in Fred's
Eagle and they had a shop inVegas. And so I had worked my
way up into that company, andI was I was treating different people,
different stores, and it was notdifficult to sell a five thousand dollars ring

(07:33):
to people like it was just nothard like they would come in sometimes people
would have to think about it sometimeshe would just go, yeah, I
like that, you know, becausethis it's not like cardie stuff. This
is like really unique jewelry, reallyawesome purses. Like if y'all remember the
initial bag caliberry where we sold thatbefore anyone else did, so, like
we were just on top of thetrends and it was hilarious. People would
come in. I'm like, thisis the seven hundred dollars really soft leather,

(07:55):
gonna think its stained on my bluejeans purse that I'm selling, And
people are just like they literally wouldlook at it and have no problems buying
it. But if you ask them, oh, like have you like,
They're like, my back hurts,Oh my gosh, I'm just really exhausted.
So I'm just doing retail therapy.And I'm like, well, have
you done therapy? You know,like like have you done that? I
mean, you know, so likeobviously when my retail I didn't really want

(08:15):
them to dig tell at me,but like I just made me. It
was so interesting. So when Ibecame a Plies instructor, this is in
two thousand and eight, which,if you all are very two thousand and
eight was a very no one forgotthat year. They hit everybody very difficult,
no matter what industry you're in.And here my clients were like going
from buying real other bags. Dowe call them vegan bags? Because I
fell other because we were people weren'tbuying seven hundred back seven hundred dollar backs

(08:37):
anymore, but I could get themby one hundred dollars back because they still
wanted to shop. There was stillthat habit of doing that. And so
I was watching them like like cutoff their you know, Alhambra water delivery
and like all this stuff. AndI but yet I was, you know,
all these place clients. I hadno problems getting plies clients. I
was also super passionate about it.So I think that was that was part
of it. However, what wasinteresting to me is how the same person

(08:58):
who would buy the designer handbag wouldask for the discount on their pilates and
or say it was too expensive altogether, or they would reschedule it all the
time, like oh I have togo this lunch and think, oh I
after this. And it was sointeresting to me because here here I was
giving them this gift, this thispractice that could actually change your life,
change their posture, change their digestion, change how they like moved in this

(09:20):
world and premented injury, and theywere constantly rescheduling it. Four things that
could be done at another time.You could have lunch after your piloty session.
You could buy a bag whenever thefuck you want to, right,
So it was just so fascinating tome the intentionality and like the emphasis people
put on their on their self care. They would either think it's a luxury
or they would just move it around, you know, like just like going

(09:43):
get their nails done. And soI had to figure out a way to
keep them consistent because if they wereconsistent, they got their goals. Be
That's how I made my money becauseI ended up putting retail to be a
full time polies instructor, which isamazing, Like that was such a great
gift and obviously perfect timing Custo industry. I went downhill. However, I
had to figure out a way toget them to be consistent, and I
had to figure out, like whatwhat are the things that are keeping them

(10:05):
from doing that? Why do theythink that it's selfish to come to applies
two times a week instead of theirkid going to some art class, Like
what's going on here? So Ihad to figure that out, and that
is what led me to really divinginto mindset like how we do things,
why we do the things that wedo, habits. And then I had
my own situation where I overworked myselfbecause I said yes to too many things.

(10:28):
I didn't want to disappoint anybody,and then I had to take my
own mess and which was probably thebest experience ever, because it's really easy
to say things, and like ifit comes easy to do, you don't
realize like it's hard for other people. Once I was in that same boat,
realizing how much you have to doto retrain your friends around your boundaries,
like rebuild your own boundaries for yourself, how to do things when you're

(10:50):
not motivated to do them. Ihad to do all of those experiments myself,
and I think that's really got meto where I am now, where
I can tell people I see you, like I didn't want to wake up
this morning either. I did notwant to get in that cold shower this
morning. There was nothing about itthat wanted to get in there. But
motivation is not the person that youasked to pick up at the airport for
an important meeting. It's the personto go to a party with motivation is
super fun when it wants to be. And it's like, but it's not

(11:11):
the thing that gets you there.So you have to use habits. You
have to remember why you do thething that you do, and you have
to just sometimes do the darn thingso that you reap the benefits of it
and you'll never I've never regretted theworkout that I did for myself. I've
never regretted the time I took offcare of myself. You don't regret those
things. I have regretted staying outtoo late. I have regretted saying yes
to a party instead of going todo the thing that was going to make

(11:33):
me feel good. And so it'slike you got to have those experiments,
and then you also have to bekind to yourself, and that always that
journey that kind of got me there. We can dive into any of those
things, though, what in God'sname is being kind to yourself? I
don't understand these words that are comingout of your mouth. I mean,
it really is unbelievable how and Iknow a lot of my self care stuff

(11:56):
has been going on from the beginningof time or my non self care has
been going on since I was alittle girl. Probably was a model for
you, Like was your mom likethe queen of self care? No,
yeah, no, nobody was thequeen or king of anything in that regard.
It was you know, I'm I'ma kid of the late seventies and

(12:16):
early eighties, and it was justlike, well, have at it and
let me know how it all shakesout when you're forty five, right.
Well, I just turned forty fivelast week, and I can tell you
how exhaust I am. Freaking pooped, man, Like I'm halfway to ninety,
which there's no way I'm making itto ninety unless there's some like super
pill that gets launched out there forme. But when it comes down to

(12:39):
like when when I was diagnosed withmy CRPS, I had one mindset at
that time, which was woe isme, and I'm gonna live in pain
for the remainder of my life andI'm just gonna be a drug addict something
or other, you know, becauseI was giving been given all these opiates,
and I was given all these things, and my coping mechanisms were were
just into the ether, and insteadI had to shift my mindset and it

(13:03):
came with a scary night where Iattempted suicide and so on, and when
that happened, everything shifted with mymindset. Now, what happened was my
mindset shifted to handle pain in adifferent way. But I still didn't embrace
the full mode of what I neededto do to take care of myself because
I was still always taking care ofeverybody else. And I've been like that

(13:26):
forever, and so I look backand go is the reason why I am
ill, and the reason why Ihave this diagnosis is because I have not
cared for me when I've cared foreverybody else. The answer is absolutely yes,
absolutely yes. And over the pastcouple of weeks, I've gone through
a bunch of shit that shouldn't havehappened in my world, but it did.
And within that space, I havejust fallen down into this little like

(13:50):
dark dungeon of mine that I'm familiarwith, and I know where it leads.
But I'm healthy enough to pull myselfout of it. But I am
struggling wholeheartedly on boundaries and saying nowhere I say yes, yes, I
did it. Yesterday, I waslike, oh my god, why did
I just say that I would getthat done. Yeah, yeah, I
mean, why do we do thisshit? So you have to so honestly,

(14:11):
like the best thing you can dois like have some canned things in
your notes on your phone so whentext messages or emails come through, you
can just copy and paste. Hey, that sounds amazing. Can I get
back to you in twenty four hours? I love that. Hey, that
sounds awesome. I need to checkmy schedule. And here's the thing.
I know that every person and theplanet has an I has like a phone
that hazard calendar on it, andeveryone knows you have your calendar in your

(14:31):
hand when you're saying this, butno one will actually question you. No
one's ever going to go your calendar'sright there, like they're just not.
So people know that you have tocheck your calendar, like they get that,
right. So one put some cannedresponses that give you space to feel
out what you actually want to say. Because sometimes I want to say yes

(14:52):
to something, but I don't likewhen it's being offered to me. So
I'm like, you know what,I want this to be a yes,
but I hate taking calls before tenam Like that, just don't do it.
There. Anyway we can do itat a time. And what's really
funny, here's the thing that's crazy. When you start putting up boundaries,
there're gon be some people who getreally pissed off about it, because,
like, like I had a clientwho when I first started teaching, I
was so afraid to like to losea client that I would just move her

(15:15):
around when she asked me moved around. The one time I got so busy,
I could ask, like, Ihave nothing, and she got mad
at me, and I realized,oh, I trained her to think that
she could just willy nilly move thingsaround. That's my fault. So she's
mad at me because I'm changing therules of the game without telling her.
So i'd apologize, Hey, I'mso sorry. I should never have let
you do that, because that didn'tactually allow you to like solidify this time

(15:37):
in your schedule. I apologize movingforward though, this is the time,
and if I have any other openings, of course I'll let you have and
have access to those, but youshould probably just protect this time and my
apologies, and like from then onout, I would tell clients, I
don't move you around, willy nilly, it's your plan in advance. This
is my late cancelation because I don'thave the time and you need to protect

(15:58):
this time. So I apologize.If you've trained people to like to treat
you in a different way and nowmoving forward to going this way. Most
people, though, are going tobe like, oh my god, you
don't take calls for ten am?That is so cool. I'm so like
most people. You are going togive people so much permission in your life
because they'll be like, oh,and then guess what then if they don't

(16:21):
take calls before ten am, thenthey're not going to ask you for a
call before ten am because you justtaught them we don't have to do that
anymore. So have some canned answersthat you can like true and then or
give yourself space and time. ButI love a copy and pace of hey,
I'm gonna get back to and twentyfour hours, and then I just
write myself a note to like lookat that thing and make a decision around
that. And sometimes that decision isI need to get back to in a

(16:41):
week. I apologize any more timelike or this is like not right now.
Sometimes I just have to kick itback into their court. But like
you have to fare out what itworks for you, because it can inspire
others to start to do that andthen it's easier for everyone else. The
easiest thing to picture about your selfcare is this. So if I if
it's a hot day and I havelike a big picture of water and it

(17:02):
is overflowing. If people are like, hey, can I get some water,
I'm like, oh yeah, poursome in there, pour some in
there, right, Like it's noproblem. But if it's a hot day
and my picture is half filled andpeople are asking for some water, I'm
like, okay, you could,well you can have some water, but
like I need to keep some living. And then like you start negotiating different
way, you start resenting people.Then someone bumps into you and you're like,
what the fuck You're spilling all ofmy what this is the last I

(17:23):
had of this? Right, Soif you picture in that way, we
are more generous with our time,with our love, with our energy when
our cup is filled first. Andso I know the Edwin's a morning person,
but you have got to make sureyou have self care in your day
protected to fill your cup. Andif you're a night owl, then do
it at night. Have a nighttimeroutine. What's so cool y'all. Is

(17:44):
when you start caring for yourself,even if it's for five minutes, you
will have more energy, which meansyou get more things done, you have
more time for other things, andall of a sudden, your self care
practice get longer the more you letyourself just start with five minutes. Okay,
So there are like seventeen thousand placesI wanted to interrupt you, and
one of them is boundaries. SoI have gotten so much better with boundary

(18:07):
people. I'm not great at it. I am not an Academy Award winner
in this department. I am insome other departments, but this is not
one of them. That's so badass, that's amazing. Thank you. Yes,
our neighbors are very proud of myperformance some nights anyways. So when
it comes down to boundaries, Iliterally had to shut people down completely.
Like my best friend of almost twentyfive years, I told him a little

(18:30):
over a year ago, I'm done, like I am absolutely one hundred percent
done with you. Don't call me, don't talk to me, because his
his behavior in his life was sotoxic it was just like bleeding into my
world. Very proud of that decision, and those are hard to do.
They're really hard to do. ButI'm so of myself that I it was
a really big deal for me.I mean, we're talking about somebody that's

(18:52):
known me for, you know,forever, and that was that was a
big thing for me. And it'ssomething that I still struggle with, like
every now and again, I'm like, should I text them and see how
he's doing it? And I'm like, nope, because we did the blocking
and we did all of these things. And I put it very loud and
clear, this will be the lastconversation that you have with me until you
get yourself healthy. And of coursenothing's happened. In fact, he's gotten

(19:15):
worse. But then there was thetopic of resentment, and I really really
want you to talk about that becauseI deal with resentment in a relationship in
my world with a girlfriend of mine, and I am bottling it and I'm
bottling it and I am not asI don't mind confrontation, like it's not
a big thing for me. Ihave no problem with that, but for

(19:37):
some reason, I do not stickup for myself when it comes to her
and eye relationship, and I amcompletely taking advantage of and I feel like
she's incredibly ungrateful, and here Iam just it's just eating at me and
eating at me, and that resentmentis getting in the way of a decision
that I know I might be needingto make. So resentment comes when we

(19:59):
have right broken a promise with ourself. So it's not her, it's great.
I mean, it was nice knowingyou. Thank you so much.
I mean, look, I meanit is her, but she's also just
being herself. So she there.When the breath work training I was in
there said there are space there arespace takers and space makers in this world,

(20:22):
and neither is wrong. However,if you are a space maker,
you actually just need to acknowledge thatbecause you will tend to just make space
for people, and space takers they'rejust going to take when you make space.
So if you actually stop making space, they'll stop taking there. When
they ask, oh can we doanother? Can do tomorrow? They actually
unless they have some other issues goingon. In general, a healthy space

(20:47):
taker is just asking where the boundaryis. And so if you are like,
oh, yeah, you can totallyborrow my clothes, Oh yeah,
you can totally do that. No, you actually cannot sleep you know,
at my house, they will belike, okay, cool, because you
told them where the line is.So what's happening is it sounds like you
are a spacemaker. You do everythingfor everybody else, and a lot of
people in your life are space takers. What you have to do is be

(21:07):
very clear on like where the linegets drawn, and then you have to
uphold that. What is happening isthe line is blurred or you communicated at
one time a long time ago,but then you actually didn't uphold it.
And so you're hoping that she justlike realizes that she's taking advantage of your
friendship, and she's like, wow, Lindsay's so cool. I could do
all these things. Like she's probablyactually talking about how awesome you are as

(21:30):
a friend versus like how much she'sactually like taking a bit. She's like
probably not going on, God,I'm taking such a bandage of Lindsay,
Like I can do all these things. She doesn't even care, Like she's
just like, Okay, no problem, let's just keep doing this, and
that's what I'm doing. In fact, this past weekend was my birthday,
and I took her on a tripfor the weekend that was fully expense paid
by me, and I didn't geta thank you or a birthday card,

(21:53):
and I'm fucking pissed. Yeah,I told my Sweedios like if she doesn't
bring me a card, I'm leavingher at the resort. What did I
do? Nothing? All I didwas spend more money. Yeah, well
I did nothing. I think,like, what will Probably you don't have
to cut the friendship off right away, but no, because I love her
so much. But you could justsay I love you so much and I

(22:14):
don't mind doing these things, buthere's what I need in advance. And
I guess I have been hoping youwould give it to me and I haven't
gotten it, so like I needthat. It's kind of like your love
language. Before we were recording,I was like, words of information.
My love language is right, Likemy husband is acts of service, so
he fucking does everything for me andsometimes like what are you doing? Like
I'm like, oh, I can'tdo this thing, and helps grab my
computer and he'll fix the thing andhelps do the thing, and I'm like

(22:36):
sometimes like I want to learn howto do it right. But he is
showing his acts of service right,So when I one day, I was
like, okay, he's access service. So I stopped off. This is
when we lived in LA and Icould walk from my studio to my house.
I stopped at the store. Ibought a six pack of beer.
I like brought him home. Iwas like, hey, I brought you
this. You would have thought he'sof the kingdom most amazing wife that ever
into this world, ever ever doesof course you are, I am.

(22:59):
But I spoke to him in hislove language of acts of service. So
sure he makes a point to talkto me like with nice, nice positive
thoughts. So what I'm saying toyou is like, it sounds like you
and your friend have different languages ofhow you appreciate each other, and you
are not feeling appreciated. So youactually just have to say in a very
calm on a day when you're feelinggood, like, Hey, you know,
I don't want to get this abig deal, but it's this is

(23:22):
what I need out of this friendship. And you don't have to stay instument
right now, but I need ournext conversation for us to address this because
it really hurt my feelings when youdidn't even like bring a card on my
birthday trip, and I just shemight not be a gift person. So
it might not even resonate to her. Right. So I think like when
we resent people, we are lettingpeople break in agreement with ourselves, but
we have not actually spoken it tothem, and if we have, we

(23:45):
have not upheld the boundary, andit is not fun. But boundaries are
kind when we don't. There's adifference between between kind and nice. And
when I learned this, you guys, oh my god, my mind was
fucking blown. So kind and niceis different. Nice is like, this
is how we explained to me.So if a little kid asks for candy
and you just give them the candy, you are nice. But if you

(24:07):
say to the kid, you knowwhat, we would have dinner in two
hours. If you're hungry, wecan have a light snack. But I
but we weren't have dinner. Wedon't want to ruin your dinner. We
can have the candy after dinner ifyou still want it. That's been kind.
You're like setting them up to havebetter habits in their life. Of
like, when should I like treatmyself to candy right versus nice is just
giving to them. So you havebeen really nice to this friend, but
you have not been kind to thisfriend. You have not like like you

(24:30):
need to do some more boundary checkswith this person. And it's interesting we
can have really strong boundaries in someplaces and not in others. Like I
have amazingly strong boundaries when it comesto business, like do not you do
not fuck with me there, Yeah, But when it comes to some family
members, I'm like, I havea really hard time. My father just
opens the door, like he justcomes to the house and just like uses

(24:51):
this key, and like we're sittingthere and having a meeting, and I'm
like, it's my dad. Didhe tell you who's coming? No,
he didn't tell you who was coming. And he comes in, he grabs
a mask, he's got to gothe doctor's appointment. I'm like, you
just like no boundaries. So obviouslyI have some things to work on there.
But like so it's okay. Butthat goes back to the point of
being perfect. It is okay tohave to recognize you have a muscle somewhere

(25:12):
else and we can just tap intothat strength when we need it. We
don't have to have to be perfecteverywhere to have good boundaries. I'm exhausted.
Its two days. And also you'redoing so much for so many like
that's so hard. Yeah it is, And I don't want to be like
a martyr about it at all,you know, right, like when but

(25:33):
I do, I give and Igive, I give and I give the
blah blah blah and sometimes just absolutelyagainst my will, and like, how
am I even doing this right now? Like I'm not I'm not gaining anything.
I don't even know if some ofthe people that I help actually gain
anything from it either. Like it'ssuch a weird tug of where I'm a
Gemini of course. So I'm justlike, yeah, I'm fighting myself.
I've Gemini Gemini moon, so Iunderstand. Yeah, and I'm just like

(25:56):
straight down the middle, I'm justso Gemini. It's stupid. But it's
such a challenge because we used tohave all these friends when we were younger,
and I was it was how manypeople that you had in your life
and how many friends you at andhow popul there were for me, I'm
like, I'm good with like too, Yeah, I understand that. I
remember, Like, so I grewup just not feeling like I belonged.

(26:18):
And it's I always preface it isjust in the case anybody ever listened to
a podcast I'm on, that's like, um, I was your friend.
I did have friends, so itwasn't it was like did not have friends.
I had a friend group. Ihad friends for a long time,
but I never actually felt like Ibelonged even in that friend group. I
always felt like I was like theoutsider who's like I kind of felt like
I was like the last one invitedall the time, do you know what
I mean? Like I was invited, but like it felt like I was

(26:40):
the last one. But I too, I did not be invited, like
after I had permbangs, Lindsay andbraces. So pretty sure at thirteen I
was not that friend. Well yeahit turned out fantastic. Yeah, absolutely
absolutely so. I just like dreamedof getting out of the town I was
in. I just dream named abit, and then I went to college
like I made I like took onstudent loans and get the fuck out of

(27:03):
that town because I was like,I'm going to belong in college, and
I just I really didn't belong incollege. It was a private university,
not private just in money, butlike religious, and while like out of
all the religious schools that had theleast rules, it still had like don't
ever fucking send. They didn't usethe afford obviously that would have been a
sin too. But like the kidswere tattooed, there's people who were dating,
like there was things like that.However, I just I really didn't

(27:25):
belong there. Like all the girlshad like their dream husband lists written down,
and I was like, I don'tknow why you'd want to date that
person. Oh yes, Oh mygosh, Oh my gosh, Oh my
god, that's so funny. Ohmy god, that's so funny. So
so I really didn't feel like Ibelong there. And so when I got
this job in retail, and Iwas like I was so quickly promoted and
all this stuff, I was like, oh my gosh, like this is

(27:48):
kind of like I like, I'machieving something. And even though I don't
have any like friends that I likereally want to call tonight, I like
have something to like to do.And was when I discovered pilates that I
actually felt like I belonged to mybody. And what I discovered is this
your ability to be any of thethings out there in this world, you
have to start with yourself. Andso I didn't feel like I belonged to

(28:10):
any of those towns not because anyof them were. There was nothing wrong
with anybody. It was one hundredpercent how I was connecting to myself and
I wasn't. I was like,I'm an Aquarius son, y'all, so
like I'm an air son in myhead. I have multiple conversations with myself
and sometimes you're included. But like, so I do know that you're talking

(28:30):
to me right now, right?Yeah? Yeah, So I just really
didn't. I didn't realize it untilI was like twenty two years old.
But oh oh, this is whyI didn't feel like I belonged. And
what's crazy is I went Applies everysingle day and I got more connected to
myself. And the more connect Igot to myself, the more I realized
I didn't want to live in thattown. I wanted to move. And

(28:51):
then the more I so, Imoved to LA And then the more I
got connected to myself, the moreApplies I did, the more I was
like, I don't want to dothis job anymore. I want to do
this job. And they kept going. And so I say this to say,
like, when it comes to takingcare of yourself and understand what self
care is for you, it couldbe a long journey because you may you
have not taken care of yourself inso long. We don't even know what
to like. You know, youhave to do the runaway bride thing where
she orders every kind of egg andlike sits there and like sees if she

(29:15):
likes by like like this still likeI'm like that. Figure it out.
Yeah, it's just so interesting becauseI was super popular in high school.
Oh my gosh, but I was. But I also was part of like
seventeen different freaking groups. Right.I was in music because I was an
offer major blah blah. So Iwas in music, I was in dance.
I was great. I was greatin school, so I was in

(29:36):
all the honors in ap My highschool sweetheart was the picture of the baseball
team, so I was part ofthe sports side. And then my mom,
so I was a teacher's kid,like I was all of these things.
I did my drugs and my drinkingand my sex and my rock and
roll, and I did all ofthat, and I almost did it as
a guys of different people throughout myentire like junior high, in high school,

(29:57):
even into college. And I neverreally identified with myself of the who
I actually am. Never and evenas I'm saying this, it's almost like
tear jerking because I'm like, doI even know who I am right now?
I'm doing this conversation with my sweetlittle less the amazing logan. I
honestly just like, it's so it'sso hard to self care when you're not

(30:18):
aware of yourself. Yeah, Ithink you just like dropped the mic,
lady, that's thank you, beautiful, thank you. I also just like,
thank you for sharing that. AndI feel like everyone listening is like
nodding, Like I first of all, do not think we are supposed to
know who we are and what wewant until like our brain is fully developed,
which I heard it is like earlytwenties or mid twenties or something like

(30:40):
that, So like forty five forme, So I'm just starting today.
Yeah, I'm like, I alsothink that, like, we don't live
in a society that wants you tostop and check in? Yeah, how
does this feel? We live ina society with like you you meet,
you're getting the most popular guy inschool, when you guys gonna get married,
then when you're mayor when you havekids, when a kid you have
another kid, Like it takes everythingin me too, consciously, Like I

(31:03):
just tell my friends were like tryingto have a kid. I'm like,
just so you know, I'm notnot interested in you have any kid.
I'm not going to ask you aquestion that could bring up trauma about trying
to have a kid. So ifyou want to share your child bearing journey
with me, you need to tellme. Otherwise we're going to talk about
everything else, because I think it'sinappropriate to put that pressure on you to
be one of those other people addingall this pressure. And so we don't

(31:26):
live in a society that lets yougo, so how are you actually today?
Really? And what do you like? We ask you, what what
does that mean? How is itgoing to affect your partner's work? How
was I Oh like if I wheneverI say I'm gonna do something, people
are like, oh, well whatabout these things? And they're all worried
for you. They're just like constantlyworried for you. And You're like,
I wasn't actually thinking about losing everythingin my life. But now that you
put it that way, I thankyou so very much. I guess I'll

(31:48):
stick with a thing that doesn't makeme happy. You know, seriously,
we just don't we are not trainedto actually have conversation with people that can
allow them to just be an explorationof themselves. Everything has to have meaning.
You have to know what it is. You have to have the right
answer, and like, my goodness, if you say I'm having a really
shit day for whatever reason, wedon't know how to sit with you and

(32:12):
go, God, that sucks.We just go, oh, well have
you done these seventeen things? Haveyou done these seventeen things? Lindsay,
because then you probably well that's whyyou feel like shit? Yeah, yeah,
that's so interesting because yeah, likenobody really asks me like, how
are you doing today? I don'tknow because maybe my answer is especially in
the past couple of years with allof my pain stuff, I've had to

(32:35):
kind of ask people to not askme how I'm doing because the answer is
not all that great. I'm like, well, I'm on my way to
Lows to buy a chainsaw so Ican cut my legs off. How are
you doing today? Right? So, like there's this there's this like imbalance
in like where I've created my ownrules for the people in my life on
how they are supposed to respond tome when I am feeling a certain way.

(33:00):
Whether or not they even know howI'm actually feeling because everyone's kind of
like walking on eggshells about it.And I have people that are like,
oh my gosh, back is killingme, and they're like, oh,
I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'msorry. You know that you live in
pain and I'm not complaining, Like, yes, thank you, please complain,
Please let me know that you're inI want you to be in pain,
thank you, which I don't.But you know, it's it's one

(33:22):
of those things where I made theserules without even knowing that I was doing
that. Some reservation is yeah,it's not what I'm saying, Like it's
like it's like you're lose your brain, like going, hey, we need
to protect ourselves, like these arethe rules to play with me. I
grew up, Oh, my father, he turned seventy one yesterday. He
I grew up with him going tothe grocery store and people go, oh,

(33:44):
how are you doing today, andhe's like, I can't complain,
which complain, you can't complain,and then he would follow it up with
not that anyone would listen. Igrew up going, don't complain because no
one gives a fuck, Like,no one cares, and so I think
like he's hilarious and also terrible thatliable, you know, So whenever I

(34:05):
asked him like, hey dad,how are you feeling today? Oh,
like like what happened? And likehe'll like have like some quip or whatever,
and I'm like I'm like, oh, well, that's a bummer,
and he was like, it's uplike this recent time in his life with
happening, like where he's an adultand I'm an adult where you can actually
like he can actually go oh yeah, I guess like I just don't want
to be the old person like hecan actually like have these thoughts about and

(34:27):
like reflect about why he's making thedecision that he's making right. And I
wish that like we just train people, because wouldn't it be nice in his
youth to have said, you know, today was a really rough day,
like today actually sucked at work,But I'm so glad I get to make
this dinner or just have these realthings because what ends up happening. And
even with social media out there,I am someone who doesn't actually want people

(34:49):
to feel sorry for me, SoI do not post about anything that I
am going through until I've gone throughit. Meaning the last three years,
I've been trying to do everything tobake barrow and steel to prove to the
fucking mortgage people that I can affordthe house I've been paying for. So
I was going to contract a deed. Look at me, I'm paying for
it every month, and they're like, still not good enough. You still
don't like we still don't think youmake any money. I'm like, I
make a lot of money. Imake more money every single year, Like,

(35:13):
like I make more than my fuckingfriends who also own a home,
but they happened to buy it whenthey had a job, and like that's
the problem, right, So Ididn't share that with anybody, And of
course there were days where like Iwent dark online, I went dark for
my friends because the stress of itwas so much. But that was my
self care. I'm going to takemyself out of like what people are expecting
of me today. I'm gonna gobe by myself. So then when I

(35:34):
got the house, thank god wegot it in time, I could celebrate,
and I shared in that celebration.It was really hard. If you're
going through this, it's really hard. So I think on social media,
we tend to see the pretty picture, but we don't read the captions,
and there are people who everything isroses and butterflies and fucking rainbows all the
time. But you know, ifyou some people are actually being honest,
Like, here's the journey I wentthrough, And it's so important that we

(35:55):
look at people go they're on ajourney and where you didn't start at the
same starting point, and they're gonnahave a different detour, and so just
being honest and honest with yourself,like and this might be this might be
helpful for people. So when Iwas unsure of what to do with free
time, because I'm someone who's like, oh, there's a free hour,
let me fill that, like letme like, let me show you how
much I can do in a day. Everyone over to recovering over achiever over

(36:17):
here. So I had my assistantlike block out all this like time in
my week to do nothing. Right, So it lily says done for the
day. As soon as we're donewith this podcast, Like on my calendar
it says done for the day.I'm done, Like I've had it there,
right, So but I have theselittle chunks that like to protect and
it was like blocked out. SoI wouldn't see an empty space in the

(36:37):
calendar had to be blocked out likean appointment. But in that I had
a list of things so that Icould do in that time. Some of
those things were free, some ofthose things were paid. Some of it's
like go outside, read a book, some let's go for a walk.
Some of it was workouts. Butit was a list of things so that
when that came up, I cango, what do I want? What's
striking me right now? And sothis is freelancy. You're like, I

(36:57):
don't even know what would be sogood for me right now. It's like
just make a list of anything,and then when you read the list,
to see which thing pops out,and then go try that and and it's
actually really crazy because I did allof that, and now I do have
these things like tried and true.They're in the morning or they're in the
night routine, and they really likewhen I don't have them, I can
go a few days, like Ican be out traveling and not have my

(37:21):
you know, red light. ButI better have something to give myself i'm
traveling, otherwise I'm going to startto get tired. I meant resemble I'm
gonna start to get frustrated, youknow, So I don't know, give
that a trice, you can liketaste test self care. I love that
so much because and I'm not evenshitting you out. Two days ago,
on my calendar for all of therest of June and half of July,

(37:44):
I put in boundaring. That's allI put in, and I put it
for the entire day, so nobodycould put anything on my calendar. That's
all I did. I was like, I didn't there was no rhyme or
reason. I didn't have a listof things I'm gonna fill it with because
there are other things that are inthere. But I knew, especially with
doing the show, and you understandit, Oh my gosh, it's a
lot of work to do it,and to do it well, and to

(38:06):
do it with a kind of loveand heart that we give to what we
do in life, because you're thesame spirit animal as I am in that
regard. But I was finding thatI had my calendar open to anybody at
any time for anything for my guestfor the show, and I had to
like whoa like, I like haveclients and my actual business make making money,

(38:28):
Like I needed to put something inthe calendar. Just made sure that
nobody could put their space on mycalendar unless I'm allowing them to do it.
And I literally did it two daysago. And this morning when I
woke up a sorry, you know, we didn't sleep for forty eight hours.
So let's just say I slept lastnight and I woke up and looked
at my calendar. Let's just dothat. And I was like a boundary

(38:52):
and it was just it was somethingAnd now I have to flesh out what
that actually means. And that totallyhelped me. What you just said,
Like that is awesome. I lovethat. I love that. I also
like so I think sometimes we haveto it is okay to go to the
extreme and like pull back because sometimeswe don't know what the d desires.

(39:13):
So when I started my podcast,of course we put up like, oh,
here's all the hours, like onthe calendarly link. It was like
any hour that is available for coachingor teaching. Then you could put a
podcast in. Well, oh mygosh. I could literally go from doing
a podcast interviewing someone so like thinkingabout my listener, making sure I'm like
asking the questions, to being superpresent, to then teaching someone pilates on

(39:35):
Zoom and then coaching someone about theirbusiness, and then filming for my platform.
I could do that all within fourhours. That is fucking chaos.
That is way too much. Itis I'm thinking about too many there's too
many different people. So what wedid then we were stricted to, Okay,
we'll only let like I only needto record three hours at only three
hours availably for podcasts a week.Okay, but that still didn't cut.

(40:00):
But still like sometimes I can stillhave all the hats. So then we're
like, Okay, on Fridays,we podcast, we don't coach on Fridays.
We tried all this thing. Finally, this is what I ended up
coming doing. And this is whyit's like trying on clothes, y'all.
You don't buy jeans that look likeshit on you. You might wear jeans
and shit on you, but likethat happened over time, Like you didn't
go out and buy them, right, so you didn't settle, so you
keep trying things on. Like forthose of you who have had a wedding

(40:22):
and you want to have this bigdream wedding, you know you didn't just
buy the first wedding dress and goYeah, this is the one you tried
on others. You might have goneback to the first one, but like
you still tried on others. Right, So this is the same thing with
your schedule. So now what wedo is Mondays and Tuesdays are like empty
space days so that I can meetwith my team. We plugged this in
like I but typically like there,I have the whole day to like get

(40:44):
ahead on stuff in theory, right, like no meetings, they have the
day. So Wednesdays and Thursdays andFridays are the days where I can actually
book any kind of anything I dofor the for our clients or members stuff
like that. However, each weekis a different one. So week one
of the month, I too podcasts, week two of the month, I
coach week three of the month,I film week four of the month.

(41:06):
I do these things. And sowhat happens is h I mean, people
complain all the time to me theywant to be on the podcast, like
there's the available you have doesn't workfor me, and there's nothing available to
August. I'm like, okay,well I'll see you in August. Then,
like who do you think you are? Like, are you like Oprah?
No, You're not so I amlike and even Oprah, but that's

(41:27):
gonna say even Oprah. I mean, give me a break. Come on,
Like, I'm sure you have somany people doing shit for you.
I'm sure you can comply with myschedules. So like, so it allows
me. It's so nice. Ohmy god, it's so nice? Is
that? Like it allows me togo this week on my work days,
I am only focused on these people, and so it is easy for me
to keep my brains. Like evenwith your business, you may discover that

(41:49):
like Okay, I'm along in apodcast on these days of the week and
I'm not gonna put and then I'monly new client work on these days.
It helps me, like like lessenthe chaos. I like that a lot,
and I've learned for myself, LikeI was mentioning with the boundary of
my calendar, but I had togo into calendari and do the same thing
where I was like, okay,whoa, whoa. I had my schedule
like looked open like nobody's business andeverybody was jumping in and I'm like,

(42:14):
I cannot do twenty meeting greats andseventeen episodes in a week, Like the
fuck is wrong with me and Idid, and then I ended up going
on vacation and I got so sickthat we were in Paris and Spain over
the Christmas holiday season and we wereboth sick for seven days. It was
just like one of the most expensivenaps we've ever taken. As France is

(42:39):
just flying by us and Barcelona isflying by, We're just like great.
So we're in bed together for sevendays. Even though the rest of the
trip of the book ends were fine, we were sick in the middle and
I was talking to my Sweedie actuallyright before this episode where I'm like,
I am I am sick, likeI feel sick, like I am coming

(43:00):
up aisode and we're leaving in twoweeks. I'm like, we've got to
get a grip on this, Likeright now, I gotta sleep, i
gotta prioritize. I've got to sayno to things and say yes to others
and but something not. It's it'sa learning experience. It doesn't happen overnight,
like you said earlier, like thisis gonna be a journey. Is
it gonna be a three month journeyfor this one? Probably not. There's

(43:24):
a lot that needs to happen overhere. I think that like the hardest
part for a perfectionist is not gettingit right the right the first time.
You're not going to get it rightthe first time. And depending on how
empty like going like going to thegap like a gas tank in your car.
If you let the car get downto beyond e, you know,
we'll all test it. We're likehow far can I go about? Like

(43:46):
that sign build episode. So yougot there and like you made it.
It takes forever to fill that tankup. Holy moly. It's like you're
just there and you're like, ohmy god, can this thing pump any
faster? But if you were tofill it up when it was like half
bill, like when we go ontour, anytime we stopped in the bathroom
and just filled the tank up.Yes, So sometimes it's like, you

(44:06):
know, like a quarter left,like we can fill it up, and
it's like, oh so fast.That'safe to think of your self care.
So you might try things out,but you're so in the negative, like
you haven't slept in forty eight hours. It's not going to be like a
light switch. They're like boom,my cups, fill it. I feel
great. It's gonna it might takeus some time, and so you're not

(44:27):
going to get it in air quotesright the first time, and you're going
to have to test the waters.And then some things that did fill your
cup, some things that were selfcare, you are not self care anymore.
Like some of my friends who Ilike loved hanging out with over time,
I was like, I actually don'tlove that you say things like that.
I actually don't. So I'm notgoing to do these things with you
anymore. Like you know, yourlife changes, so so you know allowing

(44:50):
things and that's so hard for itover to your perfectionist type a personality.
Like also like if I guess cancontrol all the plates myself, then nothing
will break. Like that's kind oflike what the childhood that I came from,
Like if I just make sure everybodyis happy, that no one gets
in trouble, right, So whatsomebody told me, maybe with my therapist,
she said, your first thought iswhat's ingrained in you. Your second

(45:13):
thought is like who you want tobe? It's that be it till you
see it, and so then youtake So if you have this thought like
oh my god, like I'm lettingthese people down, well that's what's ingrained
in you, Lindsay, you todo everything for everybody to let them down.
Not true. You can let themdown by doing everything for them too.
So that's your first thoughts ingrained.So then we have to go second
thought. I am, Lindsay,the person who no longer takes care of

(45:35):
others before I take care of myself. So what's one thing I can do
for myself right now? Can Igive myself a self massage? Can I
dim the lights? Can I golay down for five minutes? Can I
go land the grass and get thesun on me for five like you?
So your second thought, you're anaction. You take some men set And
so what happens is the old you, the you that has this habit of

(45:58):
just doing everything for everybody, Andit takes you ten weeks before you take
some time for yourself until you getsick. Then all of a sudden,
that can become seven weeks and thenfive four and then two and then one
and then an hour. Like youcan react much faster because now you're aware,
and then you start to just buildthe muscle how your brain was in
grained on things. You will Idon't know that you'll ever ditch it will
probably always like have this like thisstory that you have to go. Oh,

(46:21):
but that's not who I am.This is how I am right now.
You just get quicker at the changeand the switch and how you react.
Yeah, it's just like what happenswhen you practice anything, you know,
like, yeah, okay, youdon't just like all of a sudden
become an opera singer. Nothing wedo is overnight. Nothing is actually overnight.
It's all just like consistently showing up. And here's the secret of creating
habits. Everyone. Habits do nothave to take twenty one days or sixty

(46:44):
days. I've read all these differenttimelines. Here's how habits. I mean,
you can make a habit in aninstant. So I study with bj
Fog. He is behavior scientists whocreated the Behavior Science Lab in Stanford,
and he wrote the book Tiny Habits, And you can actually read his book
and you're learn everything that I learnedto be a certified habits coach. Here
is a deal. Habits come fromfeelings. How something makes you feel determines

(47:07):
whether or not it's going to becomea habit. If I want to work
out, but I heard after work, Let's say I go to a job
and I'm like, I'm gonna gothe gym after after work. Let's say
I go to work and I'm like, fuck, I'm such an idiot.
I forgot my gym clothes. I'mlike, just like, oh, all
these things right, we start punishingourselves and start judging ourself. Yes,
aren't shaming ourselves. I'm going toguarantee you right now, your brain is

(47:30):
not going to go, oh thegym, Let's go tomorrow. Your brain's
like, oh, the gym.The gym causes me pain, the gym
causes me stress, the gym causesme all these things. And so we
will actually probably skip the gym again. We probably will take even longer.
But if we go, oh mygod, you know what, I forgot
my clothes. But I'm such I'mso proud of myself for remembering that as

(47:51):
my other gym. In fact,you know what we can do. We
can go for a walk around thisblock because we're so awesome. And you
start creating dopamine highs, then youactually will create a habit so much faster.
So if there's something you want todo, here's a trick. You
need to first make it the smallestversion of itself possible. You have got
to go. It cannot be I'mgoing to run a marathon if you've never

(48:12):
ran. It has to be I'mgonna put running shoes on. I'm gonna
put my running shoes on. Sorry, then right and like and then you
celebrate that. Sorry, guys,I have dogs that are going. They
are celebrating this entire They are soall about it, and it is fine.
We have dogs too, so we'reperfect, all right. So and
if you're not a dog lover,then you can just stop listening, right

(48:35):
what never mind? No, pleasekeeping keep listening and consider rescuing a dog.
Yeah, okay, so m soyou need to you need to um
so like you really do want tomake it the smallest thing and maybe maybe
and maybe like put in the shoesoff. That's so small, especially for

(48:55):
my recovery over jeebers. So wouldyou have to go? Is like,
okay, you can try to runaround the block, but if you find
that that's not happening, then youmust make it smaller and then you have
to celebrate it. The second thingis trying to put habits around things that
you're already doing. So here's thething. You already have habits in the
morning, afternoon, at night,anytime there's a meal, you already have

(49:15):
habits, so you wake up whenyou go too. When Lindsay actually does
go to sleep, she'll wake upin the morning. Well, we can
find out when that happens. Weall get out of bed and we all
put our feet on the ground.So VJ. Fogg has a great,
like a great opportunity to like createa habit of saying today is going to
be an amazing day. And hissister she lost her husband, and so

(49:38):
she couldn't stay today's an amazing daybecause obviously the day she went to go
to his funeral, that's not gonnabe an amazing day. But she said,
day's be full of people who loveme. So you can wow.
Right, So, like you canstill use it to be honest with yourself
because the brain is a like dissonance. But so that's a great place to
practice a habit. Right, Butthen you brush your teeth, So is
there something that you want to doin the bathroom, like I have it

(50:00):
you want to make in the bathroom, Like maybe as you actually want to
start washing your makeup off, Well, you're already brushing your teeth, so
you can make the habit of washingyour face there because you're next to the
sink. If you're trying to makethe habit of going for a run after
you brush your teeth, that's notgoing to be ideal because there's so many
things between the toothbrush and the runningthat have to happen, so many things.

(50:21):
So keep it small and then youcelebrate that you did it. If
you have kids, it's even easierbecause you can high five with them,
you can dance with them, allthat kind of stuff. But that's how
habits are made and solidified, andit's easy to replace them after you come
back from Paris, Like there'll besome habits that you're out of they'll have
to restart. You can start backwhen it's smaller. But yeah, I
mean those little things because I wassitting here thinking about all the things I

(50:43):
do in the morning, and I'mactually fairly disciplined and methodical about the things
that I do, and I haven'tthought as this perfectionist and type of crazy
people are. But I didn't thinknecessarily. I mean, I know it's
been a thought in my head thatI didn't necessarily apply this to what you're
saying. Whereas like just shift onelittle thing or add something new or take

(51:04):
something away and make that little makethat one decision. Like for me,
if I make that one thing inthe morning that will shift me, then
the next day I might try somethingdifferent that works better. And that's great
because I worked from home for twentyfour years. Whoa you are? An
og? I am an og Istarted my business in two thousand, okay,

(51:25):
so twenty three years. My badtwenty three years in May, twenty
three years ago. And so I'veworked from home forever. And so for
me, like I'm not successful becauseI haven't been doing anything and I haven't
been disciplined about it. But Islip in all kinds of bad habits into
that timeframe from working from home aswell as I do all my good habits.

(51:49):
There's no such thing as a badhabit, because the bad habit serves
something. It's giving you something,as giving you a dopamine high. We
don't like the habits. We don'tlike that habit that we have, so
we call it bad or we calllike sort you know, like like you
know, there's some habits that Iwould say are unhealthy for us all,
but it is providing some benefit toyou and that is why you do it.
So, for example, people whocheck their emails as soon as they

(52:12):
wake up, it is providing relief. Relief is part of that dopamine high.
Oh there's nothing going wrong. I'mgood, I'm good, I'm good.
And so literally, parents could createa bad habit of checking their phone
in the middle of the night becausethe school might text at five am that
there's not going to be school.So then they check and they're like,
oh, there's there's school today.Relief. Well, now I don't morning

(52:34):
after these freaking urchins today. Yeah, exactly, She'll they'll check their phone
the next day because it became ahabit so quickly. So when you have
a habit that you are no longerwanting in your life, like you're like,
this habit makes me feel bad aboutmyself, or this habit actually is
causing me to not have enough sleepor whatever. That is bad habits you

(52:57):
have to be unraveled because there isa that is causing that habit to happen.
So think of it like a bellof some kind, right, So
you have to unravel the habit ifyou take the prompt away, if you
don't want to snack, anymore atyour desk, not buying snacks. It's
actually not the answer because it createsa void, and voids creates suction and
creates you binging or doing something worse, and then you shame yourself. So

(53:20):
instead, if you don't want asnack on chips, what would be an
appropriate snack that you would be okaywith? And you put that in your
desk. So maybe it's carrots,or maybe it's I hate celery, but
maybe it's that, or maybe it'sanything else that you can chew on.
Maybe it's gum. Maybe you needto just chew on gum so that you
are replacing a habit with something elsebecause and not creating a void. Yeah,
and I like that because like Ismoked many many years ago, and

(53:43):
I just was like, I'm justgonna just stop smoking because this is stupid,
and please stop smoking, everybody,all right, thank you. And
one of the things that I didwas I just put carrot sticks in my
hands. That's what I did,because I was a major smoker when I
drove, And yes, I hadto eliminate the driving parts as soon as
I eliminated smoking in my car,but I would hold my carrot sticks like

(54:04):
a cigarette in my hand, andit like replaced it so quickly I was
like done, I like stopped smokinginstantly. It was nuts and just such
a quick I mean, obviously someof it's your mindset and making the decision
that you want to do something,but also coupled with something like that,
I think that's that's that's excellent.This is excellent, Mike. I love
it. But what I want todo is I wanted to quick before we

(54:24):
jet out of here. I wantedyou to talk to us about what it
is that you do in relation tohelping us with this mindshift and this with
the mindset and that shift and intocreating better habits. But how your approach
is in some last some last wordsfor us before we before Yeah, and
I've thought about it. I knowthis has been so much fun. This

(54:45):
has been an most enjoyable conversation I'vehad in a long time. So thank
you. Thank you for not sayingjust today, because that would have been
very sad. No. No,So I teach people all this stuff about
self carrot through the lens of poliesbecause that is my special deep So I
believe like it helped me connect tomyself and so If I can use pilates

(55:06):
to help you connect to yourself andfor you to make a habit for you
to have self care, then thatis actually the domino affect you need in
your life and everything that you howwe do one things, how we do
everything. And so if when youwork with us, you are moving on
your body and you're hearing a stay, it's actually brave encourageous to replace this
exercise with one you can do.If you can't do this one, then

(55:27):
you're reminding yourself, oh throughout life. If you actually do that, if
you actually replace the exercise that we'redoing with something you actually can do or
want to do, and your gorogue and you're not being that perfectionist the
person. You're doing what your bodyneeds one. You celebrate that, you
feel good about it, but alsolater in the day when someone is offering
to do something and you don't wantto do it, you can actually go
you can actually remember, that's braveencourage for me to do the thing I
can do another thing I can't do. And so we use we use our

(55:52):
pilates practice to actually help you createhabits to help you take care of yourself
and also to teach you how todo life better, which is our whole
thing. I love it. Anneon her calendar, okay, not yours.
She's not going to move things aroundfor you. She's going to move
things around in your body. That'spursuing. Yeah. And also also because
like so we we're the only platformthat actually takes the class away, so

(56:16):
you show up for yourself. Soliterally there's like the class that drop today,
it's only available for this week.That's it. Nope, you missed
a week, you're on vacation,you don't get to you can't buy it
later, Nope, we don't dothat. We take it away, so
you don't. You've made the decisionto show up and move. When you
log in on your app and youhit play, you'll have depend on your
membership, you'll have between two andsix class to two's from any given time.

(56:37):
Most people it's just two because theyonly have access to a map.
So all you need to have accessto a map and you will hit the
play. And we also believe thatfinishing is optional. So if you show
up for five minutes, that youdid your class that day, and that's
enough, and so we constant remindyou go of that, and that is
our whole thing, and so theclasses are on demand, but they do
have accountability and everyone's taking the sameclass at the same time. So when

(56:59):
you share in the community, likeoh my gosh, today's class was really
hard for me, or today's classI had an aha moment. Everyone knows
what you're talking about. Love thatit's really fun. I was like,
I just really it was really importantto me. I love community. I
think community is the best thing forus all. Even though I'm a totally
high functional introvert, I truly believethat, like we do better when we

(57:20):
feel like we belong in a community. And it's really important that when you
see someone else go, you know, I was in a skip today,
but I actually did it was reallyfun, and then you go, oh
my god, I was in askip today. Okay, I'm gonna go
do it because like you are inspiredby other people. So it's just that's
my thing, and I implize isfor everybody, and if you don't want
to do it with me, that'sfine, But you need to move your
body and it can't just be poundedat the gym. Cardio is not going

(57:43):
to like make you have the bodythat you want or feel super good.
You do not need as much cardiosas you think. You need to really
strengthen your muscles, your muscles,move your bones. If you are in
pain, we need to have moremuscular strength in your body to actually help
you sit out of your lower back, to help you move without hurting yourself.
And like if you have MS orfive of my aages things like that,

(58:05):
loties can actually be one of theonly movement modalities that can actually be
there for you. So there's aSo if you are in pain, there
are teachers who specialize in different pains. And if it's just if it's just
regular like normal aches and pains,we absolutely can do that, or we
can if you have anything that's moremore chronic, then you just let our
customer service team know first and Ican actually jump in and go, yep,

(58:25):
we can solve that. Here's whatyou do to modify that, so
we can be there to help youor not on your own. Just because
it's on demand. Well, I'mjust like absolutely in love with you,
and I know that everybody listening isas well, So let's tell everybody how
we can find l Yeah. SoI love to hang out on Instagram at
Leslie dot logan. If you goto that, my links there will take

(58:50):
you everywhere you need to go foranything for the podcast, for all of
it. But that's where I hangout and you can, you know,
tell me what your takeaways of thisshow and definitely let Lens you know,
because that's how we feel good aspod casters that we helped you. And
if you are high curious, meaningyou're polates curious and you're unsure, you
can actually we have a very beginnerseries. It's called full body in fifteen
and if you at a full bodyin fifteen dot com you can get three

(59:13):
free classes and there's actually a workshopcomponent, so I teach the class.
It's fifteen minutes and then I actuallybreak down each exercise and I answer questions
from people who came to it whenwe did it live. And so we
offer modifications to offer different things andso you don't ever have to pay me.
You can actually just enjoy those forfree and like get your polities and
it will change everything you already loveto do. Well, you couldn't have
sold me any more than that,baby, Well, thank you so much

(59:37):
for your time today. This hasbeen so much fun and I don't ever
want it to end. Thank youvery much for asking me. Thank you
for these amazing questions, and Iwill have to do it again. And
also you'll have to tell me byDecember six if you've been at till you
saw it, so we can shareyour story. Okay, well, I'm
listening to your show and I'm goingto sign up for all this stuff because
I know that I need it likebadly and more more so now than they

(59:57):
did at the beginning of the episode. Let's just put it thought way right.
Thanks again for being with me,sister. Thank you. You are
exclusively invited to share this self carepilates absolutely amazing extravagons of an episode vip
paining journey together. Let's get tothe heart of how to heal with you
by my side. Please follow thePain Game Podcast wherever you digest your podcast

(01:00:22):
content, we will be there.Visit us at the Pain Game podcast dot
com and follow us on all thesocials. Thanks for listening, my little
VIPs. Catch you on the otherside.