Episode Transcript
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(00:00):
Scarcity. Like good girls don't ask for
money. I don't want to be too bold.
I don't want to come up with salesy.
Welcome to the Pleasure LED Podcast, a podcast to inspire
and empower you on your pleasurejourney to help you unlock and
widen your pleasure potential tobe and live pleasure lit.
(00:26):
Hi, I am Patricia, the host of the pleasure lit podcast.
I'm also known as the multi award-winning a pleasure and toy
Queen with a treasury of over 300 and plus polito toys and
kinky tools. I'm a certified conscious
tantric king and pleasure educator, trauma informed, a
(00:46):
mentor, a creator, a reviewer and so much more than that.
But before we're going to get into this pleasure LED episode,
I would love it if you could screenshot this podcast episode
and share it on your social medias.
Tag me. And if there's a guest speaker,
tag the guest speaker with your take away messages so we can see
(01:09):
it and support you on your pleasure journey.
TuneIn to be inspired and empowered on your pleasure
chair. So today I've got a beautiful
guest speaker with me, which is Sheridan.
And she's an integrative somaticcoach who helps entrepreneurs
and visionaries to transform stress into clarity, confidence,
(01:31):
and pleasure. Timing modern neuroscience with
somatic tools, she empowers people to align with their
nervous system, tap into embodied wisdom, and create
impact with ease and joy. And her work inspires
individuals to turn challenges into opportunities for deeper
connection and authentic expression.
(01:51):
Welcome to the podcast. Thank you so much for having me
on. I'm really excited to talk about
funny things and pleasure thingsand maybe some money things
even. I don't know where we'll end up.
We're yeah. We usually ask our guest
speakers a couple of starter questions so we can get to know
you. Where are you currently at on
your own pleasure journey? Oh, at the risk of sounding a
(02:15):
little bit arrogant, I'm actually, it's awful.
I listened to a podcast yesterday.
I was like, oh, listen to a podcast.
I'm at this place where being very transparent, there's so
much pleasure that a part of me that is older, younger, you
know, the one that was a decade ago, is in a lot of disbelief
(02:38):
around how much pleasure can be at life.
And it's both incredibly empowering and exciting.
And also for like those really deep, tender parts of me a
little bit, it's confusing and they're they're a bit sad that
they didn't experience this earlier.
I can relate to that. There's this a trend going
around. Have coffee with your younger
(02:58):
self at the. Moment, yeah.
It's interesting to read, but somany actually say how much they
have transformed and changed in that period of time and that
they wish they would have known all of that years ago.
Yeah, yeah. What?
What is something that brings you a lot of pleasure?
(03:20):
Relationships, they're everything.
Relationships, connections. You know when you have those
little moments with people whereyou, you see something deep
inside of them that they hadn't seen in themselves, that is
extremely pleasurable for me. Whether it's just whether it's
in a coaching situation, you seethem have a breakthrough or I
(03:41):
was sitting right talking aroundthe campfire with my friend's
partner and we were talking about love and how you create
it. And that was just amazing
moment. And or you know, last night in
bed with my partner and he just like had this incredibly.
He just did something that surprised me in a really tender
(04:03):
way. It's my birthday soon And he did
something and I was like, oh, wow.
Like you see me, you're excited and little moments like that and
those little moments of connection with people.
Yeah, yes, that connection is a huge part of pleasure.
So when we talk about business, because I'm such an example for
(04:23):
that, I've started my business out of, I want to help people.
And it was really like I was in the flow and creative to a point
where I got to do, do, do, do, do, do very much.
Am I masculine? And I started to skip like
workouts. I couldn't do that later because
(04:43):
I need to get things done. I want to, you know, reach
certain milestones. And then before I know it, I've
realized it reduced my pleasure experience and actually my sales
went down as well. And then for a moment I looked
at it and I'm like, hang on a second, what am I doing here?
I'm not enjoying myself. So I flipped the script and I
(05:06):
took priority of myself again, did my workouts, went for my
walks and started to infuse pleasure in all areas of my life
again, did less work. Sales went up again.
So I'm that I've done that experience.
So I know how important it is the work that you do to help
others experience pleasure and actually approach things from
(05:29):
more of like a pleasure perspective.
Then we know we need to work, work, work, do, do, do.
And I was, I was wondering if wecould chat about sales
specifically because I work in the pleasure industry and I
connect with a lot of people in that industry as well.
And I help and mentor others, especially ones who want to
(05:49):
become pleasure toy reviewers because I've gone through all of
that and they feel sometimes like everything's great.
But when it comes to selling my stuff, it's just gives me
anxiety or like it just feels awkward, feels off.
How can I make that a more pleasurable experience?
So what? What is like your embodied
(06:12):
approach to sales? What does that look like
compared to like a traditional sales method for example?
OK, there are three ways that wecan go with this.
Just writing them down because otherwise I'm going to forget
them one second. OK, there are three ways to go
about this. You can tell me which one feels
exciting to go into completely or first we may be able to get
(06:34):
to all of them. The first one is shame.
So I taught a program called Shameless Sales.
It's currently available where we actually alleviate and we
take shame out. A lot of the reason that people
feel difficulty around sales is because there's a difficulty
receiving or being confident about yourself.
(06:55):
And a lot of the underlying partof that is shame.
So when we develop the body capacity to confidently speak
about what it is that we want toreceive and we kind of heal a
lot of that, you know, scarcity,like good girls don't ask for
money. I don't want to be too bold.
I don't want to come up as salesy that ickiness that we
(07:18):
sometimes feel or perceive from others.
Sales becomes just very much a conversation.
The other part is sounds like what you did, which is the what
we would call regulating. So bringing yourself back to a
pleasureful state, and you can use that by just looking for
pleasure more often. This brings me pleasure, that
brings me pleasure. That type of sale brings me
(07:39):
pleasure. I'm sitting here with a blanket
and that's making this conversation more pleasurable.
So it's just pleasure, pleasure,pleasure, pleasure on top of
pleasure. Or we can get the kinky, we can
get like a little bit kinky and we can go to a practice that
would be inspired by existentialkink, which is a really
wonderful practice where we can actually look at that anxiety
(08:00):
and in the same way that you would in a kink setting.
OK, well, if it's it's uncomfortable until I consent to
it and I get excited about it and there's like a, and we can
actually kind of explore. OK, well, I feel anxiety in my
chest, but like, am I embarrassed?
And I like, am I, am I worried that I'm going to be
embarrassed? Like am I kind of turned on by
(08:21):
being humiliated and kind of like play with that a little
bit? Where would you like to go?
Oh, so first of all, like the second approach is like really
something that I've gone throughand that's something that I
basically do as well and inspireand empower others.
The third one, Existential King,is a book that I've just
finished reading a couple weeks ago.
(08:42):
I don't know where I'm at with that.
Tell me yeah it. Was an interesting book because
it was just different, like written not what I was expected
as a kinky person as well. But then I totally got it.
What she's meant. I'm not so sure everyone can
relate to it because it's definitely something to tap more
(09:04):
in your, your shadow, your darkness.
But I think we should approach that like.
I think that's a good one to unpack.
Yeah, OK. So the reason let's go with
basic idea of what it is, Existential kink for everyone
who hasn't read it, is a book I would recommend for a lot of
people. It's written by Carolyn Elliott
(09:25):
and it essentially has this understanding that there is a
part of us that enjoys our soul sabotaging patterns through the
sensations that it creates inside of us.
So it's under the fundamental understanding that sensation
occurs in the body and that our mind perceives it as good or bad
and labels it. However, there is nothing that
(09:46):
is inherently good or bad. There's comfortable and
uncomfortable and we have control over that.
So even though something might be, we might consciously avoid
something or we might feel discomfort around something.
For example, I hate feeling rejected, so I try to avoid
(10:08):
being rejected. There is an unconscious part of
us, like a shadow part that actually does enjoy being
rejected. And if you look at kind of the
fundamental laws of life is thatwhere there is darkness, there
is light. So wherever you enjoy something,
it would make sense quantum physics that you would not like
(10:28):
it or there would be a part of you that doesn't like it and a
part of you that does. So existential kink is kind of
empowering you to come back to that.
I'm a trauma therapist though. So for me, what I see in
individuals is that when we havea lot of emotional charge around
a trauma and it's an injustice that like was not supposed to
(10:48):
happen. Your fear of rejection maybe is
stemming from a time where you were very like much bullied by
somebody very important to you. Maybe you're cousin or there was
a lot of criticism that came from your mom.
That wound inside is going to betoo emotionally charged for us
to gain pleasure from it until we do the trauma healing.
(11:13):
I came to existential kink because I did the trauma
healing, mastered it, teach it, do it all the time.
And it's still, I still noticed like a little pieces and I was
like, I think I was just curious.
I was like, I could keep trauma healing this thing.
I could like try this approach and both work at different times
(11:33):
depending on how I'm feeling nowI'm feeling basically and what
my needs are. So yeah, does that, do you have
any questions going off of that or do you want to go anywhere?
No. That's fine.
That's exactly what I've got from the book as well.
So you shouldn't be trying to doit when you are like still
(11:54):
grieving or when you're still into like too much of actually
feeling the feelings, but ratherwhen you've already looked at
all of that. And then you can actually
approach it into like more of a now I'm getting off on that
feeling. And then once I do find that
pleasure, I can actually like, OK, now I can put it aside and I
can actually change it. So she kind of like talked about
(12:14):
the manifestation as well, just in a kind of slightly different
approach. But yeah, this is what I've got
out of that as well. So it is an approach.
I don't think it works like for everyone or and also not at the
same time, but it's definitely something to try.
But what's empowering about it and what is the foundation of
what I teach independent of if you go kinky with it or pleasure
(12:37):
full with it, is what is the feedback that my body is giving
me? What is the sensation inside?
And we have different tools thathelp us kind of zoom out from
that sensation and instead provide what it needs.
Like there was a time when I would go into sales calls and I
(12:57):
had, I had money, I was running really well.
I didn't, I don't know why, but at the end of the call, it would
just get weird. Like they would be like, yeah,
OK, I can't remember. I would be really nervous at the
end and I would like, try to like say the right thing.
And sometimes it was like, do I follow up with them?
Do I ask them for the payment? Now what do we do?
(13:18):
And I would like get really in my head and then I would just
like lean forward and start speaking really quickly or I
would make the call go really long.
It was weird. I was weird about it.
It was just odd. And I would always walk away
with anxiety and then I would notice this feeling inside.
And so I went into it and I kindof like, you know, use all the
tools and go back all the stuff that I teach and go back.
And I found that there was a part of me, there was a memory
(13:41):
that was being triggered and it was from this little girl
inside. And my background is that I come
from a single mother who was financially quite disadvantaged
and disabled. And so we had a lot of scarcity.
And my ancestors also had a lot of scarcity.
(14:04):
And so there was a small part ofme that remembers, you know,
standing in line at the food bank type thing, not knowing
when food would come. And quite literally, it sounds
absurd, but she would be on thatcall with me and she would be
like, well, the her story was, if I don't sign this client, how
will I know that I get food? Doesn't logically make any
(14:27):
sense. I had so much money in the bank,
but she didn't know that. And so the healing method that I
did was every day, every day that I did sales call, I would
light a candle, I would put my hand on my heart, I would check
in with her and I would say, I'mnever, ever, ever going to let
you be in a position where we don't have food.
And I would eat my food with her.
(14:50):
And I would also like at the time I was doing boxing.
So sometimes I would boxing and I would kind of be like, this is
me, kind of like I'm always going to protect you.
And really re mothering that child inside of me that hadn't
grown up to understand that eventhough we had scarcity then, we
don't have that now. That's just not the situation.
(15:13):
And I did that for, to be honest, a couple of months, it
kind of became almost like just like a patent.
And then I forgot one day and I forgot many days and then I kind
of checked in. I was like, oh, I don't do that
anymore. And it just, it wasn't
necessary. And the sales, ironically, I was
making the same amount of money.It wasn't one of those
(15:34):
situations where like my income went up heaps.
I made the money. It was the same thing, but my
calls were shorter, they were clearer, I felt more confident
on them, they were more fun, andI had better relationships with
my clients for the entire time that we're working together.
That's so beautiful because not always is it related to the
(15:56):
money, but also to how you approach things then like the
the opportunities that open up that might not directly are
sales related, but like you said, the the deeper connections
to your clients who maybe then also do some more testimony and
your your client eventually. Work with them, like literally
for four years in different aspects of their life.
(16:16):
You feel more confident in it and what you know, just
everything is feeling more pleasurable, like you've got
more time because the sales calls are shorter.
You're not stressing and worrying.
You've actually got the energy to do something else.
Have quality time with your family.
Like it's not always sales related, but it can have so much
more positive. In fact, in impact.
And I love the connection actually from the extension kink
(16:39):
that we've just done is basically the zoomatic practices
approach because existential kink, even though if you don't
like the idea of getting off on,you know, the bad thing that's
happening to you, it is actuallyabout tuning into your body and
feeling aware as a sensation. So it's actually a somatic
practice and you can turn that around to other somatic
(17:02):
practices or like you've also done rituals which are also so
beautiful and with your inner child or like the previous past,
it's just like, oh, all are combined.
Exactly. Yeah.
And I think it's also coming back.
And I think this is also what you've done is like, you were
just like, OK, what do I need? What do I need to make this
(17:23):
experience more pleasurable? In that moment, you needed
pleasure in little days, you needed to go and do your
workout. And I needed like a real tender
loving guidance. And then later I just needed
like some fun. And so it's like, what does your
body need? And developing the skills to
identify and listen to it and the confidence to have done it.
(17:45):
Yeah, that's a lot of self-awareness and checking in
with yourself. For me personally, it's like the
workouts, the the nourishing food, the good connections that
I have with the people around me.
All of that fuels that I'm just a better version of myself.
When I'm a better version of myself, I'm not worrying or
stress or trigger that past version of myself too.
(18:08):
I'm a single mom too, and I camehere from Germany.
No family connections, no government support because I
wasn't a permanent resident. Single moms, young kids.
I was standing in the food bank as well.
And, you know, I had care packages I got weekly from the
ladies and I had a really close connection with.
(18:29):
But stepping from that to now being able to, you know, afford
a three bedroom townhouse all bymyself with the current market,
still putting food on the table and actually living a good life
for my children and with my children.
But yeah, I've got these momentssometimes too, but mostly
thinking back. Wow.
I'm not going to let that happenagain.
(18:50):
Like I'm I'm working towards making it not just income
stable, but also pleasurable. Are you ready to unlock, widen
and deepen your ultimate peak pleasure potential?
Then I invite you to go to pleasurelit.com for more
(19:12):
details. If you're curious to find out
more about me and my own pleasure journey, I suggest you
go to pleasuretoyqueen.com to join.
I will see you there. Is there a certain thematic
practice that you could recommend or suggest for someone
(19:32):
who's now an entrepreneur and really feels like this?
Anxiety before a sales call or 4.
Before a client call. The first thing we need to do is
fill it in the body so it's identifying what is the specific
sensation. Is it?
What's the temperature? Where does it sit?
Does it change? Does it move?
(19:53):
How do I feel towards it? Like I read a book launched
yesterday. Take a moment for that.
Yeah, so here, Oh my God, I can do this, but let's do this
probably so here in my book in chapter.
What's the book? It's called somatic intelligence
for success. So it's about identifying
(20:16):
basically how you can make success a success for you in a,
in a way that the using your nervous system and intelligence
so that you can be happy. Let's just be honest and like
it's having money as well. What we do is we have something
called the self. The self is the part of you that
is really healing and that is really regulating.
(20:38):
And it's also the part of you that sales is very easy because
sales is a transaction. It's just two people connecting.
One person has a problem, the other person has a solution.
There's some type of payment when you are in self.
That dance is very easy. The reason we have anxiety
though, is because a part of us has a discomfort around that
(21:00):
transaction. And it could be for so many
different reasons. Your body could be telling you
that it thinks that you're not worthy of money, but it could
also be telling you that it doesn't think that this is the
correct product on the market, right?
Like it could say this is not something that I want to sell
for some reason. I think it could be better.
What we want to do is learn to understand that.
(21:22):
So my first somatic practice is actually to to identify what
that feels like for you, what you would call this self.
It's like this state of being. And I'm just going to see if I
can find it. It's it's the part of you that
we access when we access regulated nervous system.
So when you exercise, you're accessing that because you're
(21:47):
moving different types of endorphins through your body.
So it helps you access that really calm state when you're
hanging out with your friends oryou have a really good cry.
We also have that experience. We experience this self because
the self is here we go Chapter 6.
(22:08):
I'm going to read the states of it.
So think of things that make youfeel this way.
And then the semantic practice is to think of things that make
you feel this way. Choose a practice that helps you
feel this way. And then from that state, look
at your anxiety from a differentlens.
Am I being clear? Yeah.
OK, I'll read them. So page 101.
(22:30):
Beingness, being pleasure helps us be harmony.
So feeling harmony, like there'sdifferent conflicting avenues
inside, but I could have had harmony with them.
Purity. This is a, a word that some
people find difficult. But what I, my definition of it
is just feeling like you, I really didn't connect it to
(22:52):
yourself and you're free of outside influences.
So a lot of people get this through spending time alone and
kind of sorting through different people's perspectives
in their life, journaling, things like that.
Constructive. So it's, it's uplifting.
You feel when you feel positive,virtuous, also very conflicting
for some people. But I mean, you're guided by
(23:13):
your values, you're guided by your ethics, your morals, what
you want to see in the world. You, you feel like, oh, this is
what I care about. Consciousness or being present
with yourself, compassion, having compassion for yourself
and others, confidence, creativity, connectedness.
So knowing that we're all connected in some way, calmness,
(23:34):
steadiness, embodiment, being inyour body, curiosity,
perspective, seeing things from different angles.
A lot of people get this throughtravel or through mind altering
substances. Purpose, having a meaning in
life, power, feeling that you have the ability to create
change in your environment. Possibility, being open and
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relax my muscles and deep breaths.
So the somatic practice is to take one of those things,
whichever came out to you, and just return to it.
So it's like, what makes me feelrelaxed, What makes me feel
calm? How do I cultivate more of that
in my life? And then and then I would get
curious about the anxiety and you can use the other different
(24:18):
like, you know, we have actual protocols and of what to use in
and the questions you can ask yourself.
But if you can find a somatic way to one of those qualities,
the way you think about your anxiety in sales is going to be
different, and you're going to learn what that somatic feedback
(24:40):
in your body is trying to tell you instead of just trying to
get rid of it. Yeah.
So basically getting an awareness of it first to explore
it, being curious, being open. So what is it actually?
And where does it sit? How does it move?
What, what is, what is, what am I feeling?
What's going on? And then according to that, you
(25:01):
can choose how you can actually help your nervous system to
actually, yeah, dance with it, approach it rather than, you
know, just pushing it, pushing it away.
Yeah, because don't you find that a lot of the coaching or
personal development or therapeutic spaces get rid of
(25:21):
anxiety instead of, oh, what canI learn about myself through
this experience in my body, which is pleasure as well?
What am I learning about how I experienced the world through
the sensations in my body? Yes, this is where self grows
happen. So the magic happens when you
(25:42):
actually step into that uncomfortable feeling and
actually be curious and open minded, explore it.
And then yeah, like like you just said, instead of like the
same as darkness in our shadow side instead of, you know, no,
they're not there. I'm not going to like, you know,
denying it or suppressing it to actually explore, to actually
(26:05):
play with it, to actually embrace it to a certain degree
where you can say, I know that is a part of me and I have got
these in these moments where I can actually let it out and use
it to actually have some pleasure out of it.
Is there anything else that you could suggest someone who wants
to start exploring thematic practices for their business?
(26:30):
Resources I would say in my book, the 1st place is to I
would recommend reading my book and but first get curious about
how your body is responding to your business.
What are you procrastinating? That's a sign.
It's a sign that maybe you need to be better with boredom.
(26:50):
You need to be OK with boredom. A lot of us who are
entrepreneurs dislike boredom, but it is helpful and we can
develop our capacity to be with boredom.
Or what are you procrastinating?I guess that's where we want to
start. What are you procrastinating?
Because your body knows that it will lead to bigger results, and
maybe what you need to do is expand your capacity to be seen
and to be paid. Well, where can people find you?
(27:12):
So we've got the book. It's available on Amazon.
Yeah, yeah, you can just search Sheridan Ruth on Amazon and I
think that's a good way to find me as well.
So under score at at under score, Sheridan Ruth.
Under score will be my Instagram.
You can find the book on Amazon by searching Sheridan Roof
(27:33):
Semantic Intelligence for Success.
You can also find my website which will have a lot of
different have different PDF downloads and things like that
on learning about the different states of your nervous system
through sheridanruth.com. Do you have a favorite pleasure
product item? Something that I don't know if
(27:56):
you wear it, use it. Something that brings you a lot
of pleasure. Coconut oil, does that count?
Yeah, anything I had, I had the best answer so far.
A mirror like sunshine, like like the best answers.
And it's just brings it back to how simple it sometimes can be,
(28:18):
just having one little thing that can bring a lot of pleasure
so. Yeah, I would say coconut oil,
like blathering that on my body and just like all and you know,
it's just nice. Just be in your body and hydrate
yourself in that way. Do you have a specific coconut
oil or is it just? I just, I don't know, I got one.
(28:40):
I got a really big one a while ago and I've just been using
that. Yeah, yeah.
But sometimes I like to put it with a bit of essential oil.
So like a lavender, if it's in the evening, just like drop a
few drops in and like an orange or like I have a tangerine oil
that's really nice. Grapefruit oil.
(29:01):
It's really nice in the morning and particularly in the winter.
I'll put that on my body and it's really regulating way to be
in the body. It's really nice.
Yeah, I can. Already feel it?
It's really good. I'm actually like thinking,
should I do that tonight? Yeah, I think I should do that
tonight, yeah. It's very helpful.
I had someone at the podcast a while ago and we came up with
(29:21):
the idea of writing a pleasure list so and then categorized
that, which is probably something similar to your list
of somatic practices, if you could do so.
That list is when I only have like 5 minutes or 10 minutes
today because there's a 10 minute break.
What can I do from my pleasure list so they could be
categorized And like, this is for half an hour, this is for an
(29:42):
hour. This is for like 5 minutes, 10
minutes. And when you just, oh, I haven't
done anything today for myself, pleasure related, there's a 10
minute thing window. I could do that.
So reminding yourself of like, Oh yeah.
And you actually already get excited when you just read the
list. You're like, Oh, yes.
I love that idea. Yeah, that's really cool.
Very, very cool. Can I ask what yours is at the
(30:02):
moment? What brings me like the
products? Yeah.
What's your thing at the moment?Yeah.
This dress for example, brings me a lot of pleasure at the
moment because I just love that silky feeling.
So that is something that bringsme a lot of pleasure.
That's why I've chosen it today because I've looked I had
something else on 1st. I'm like no, I want to have
something really beautiful pleasure feeling on my body.
(30:24):
So it shows that dress today, even though I had it on on the
podcast before, I thought, whatever.
Yeah, no, fabrics are, I'm noticing more and more and I
leaned into more pleasure how important fabrics are.
Yeah, and I've also got an sleeping mask that is out of
that silky material, so and I had like 1/2 an hour nap today
(30:46):
because I just needed it and I had that one on today too.
So I'm just like passing and silk today.
I love that. That's awesome.
Yeah, I've got one last questionthat we usually ask at the end
to explore a little bit more about pleasure.
What would be one of your best top tips for the audience about
(31:10):
pleasure? Kill your shame, whatever that
means to you, but address that we have a lot of shame around
being in pleasure and be in spaces where it's normalized and
(31:30):
OK and safe to be somebody who enjoys their life.
Yes, love that. Thank you so much for coming
onto the podcast. Yeah.
Thank you so much. It's been really good
conversation. Thank you so much for tuning
into this Pleasure lit episode. I would love it if you could
share this episode along with your loved ones and also make
(31:52):
sure you follow and subscribe tomy channel so you don't miss out
on any future episodes. And if you haven't rated or
reviewed the Polish LED podcast yet, it might be time to do this
now. I will see you or hear you at
one of my next episodes. With love and pleasure.