What is Conscious BDSM with Tash Mia

For more go to ⁠⁠https://pleasuretoyqueen.com⁠⁠

and ⁠⁠https://pleasurelit.com⁠⁠

In this episode we talk about conscious Kink & BDSM, energy and body work, shadow work, healing and nurturing BDSM, motherhood, pleasure, self-love, Tantra, Yoni massages and worship, Sapiosexuality and so much more to inspire and empower you on your pleasure journey.

You find Tash Mia at Instagram @theworldoftashmia

Website: www.tashmia.com

With love & pleasure,

Pleasurelit Patricia

For informative and educational purposes only

Episode Transcript

(00:00):
BDSM king in a conscious mindfulway can be so healing and
nourishing. Used impact play on each other
but spank not for all your naughty bad girl but loving
yourself enough. You have self sabotaged yourself
enough. You're not taking up enough
space saying a yoni massage to saying a yoni worship or pussy
worship. It's been quite a lot of time

(00:22):
looking at Ebola I have seen so yesterday.
It's incredible. Welcome to the Pleasure LED
podcast, a podcast to inspire and empower you on your pleasure
journey to help you unlock and widen your pleasure potential to

(00:44):
be and live pleasure LED. Hi, I am Patricia, the host of
the Pleasure LED podcast. I'm also known as the multi
award-winning a pleasure and toyqueen with a treasury of over
300 and plus Polito toys and kinky tools.
I'm a certified conscious tantric kink and pleasure

(01:05):
educator, trauma informed, a mentor, a creator, a reviewer
and so much more than that. But before we're going to get
into this pleasure LED episode, I would love it if you could
screenshot this podcast episode and share it on your social
medias. Tag me and if there's a guest

(01:26):
speaker, tag the guest speaker with your take away messages so
we can see it and support you onyour pleasure journey.
And today I've got a beautiful guest speaker with me, which is
Tashmiya. She's a former corporate
professional and transformed herlife by embracing her calling as
a professional dominatrix to empower others.

(01:48):
So through her multifaceted brand, she offers trainings,
online courses, products, and coaching services, helping
individuals to uncover their inner dominatrix and culturable
meaningful connections. So currently she's studying
under Leila Martin and she aims to enhance her expertise in
Zoomatics, Tantra, terrorism, and guiding others to lead more

(02:13):
authentic and fulfilling life. So welcome to the podcast.
Thank you so much, Patricia. I love it.
You study under Leila Martin. I love her.
I'm soaking up so much content from her.
And I mean, I've done my Tantra practitioner and I've combined
my yoga teacher, Fitness king pleasure.
And I know where you're coming from.
It's just it all makes sense once you see it. 100% I've been

(02:38):
following her like a really longtime and I saw her coaching
certification, the Vita certified coaching for a while
and I almost considered it like I think it was 2-3 years ago and
just wasn't the right time. And it's so interesting looking
back because I actually like, I need you to be where I am right
now. And it was just like divine

(02:59):
timing. And I'm like, if I had done that
three years ago, I would not nearly have gotten as much out
of it as I'm getting because I've done a lot of the work
myself. And it's just, it's such a
beautiful, as you said, like unity between kink and BDSM.
And I already I've done a lot oftantrum for many years as a
practic, like practicing it myself.

(03:21):
And I bring, I've always bought it into my sessions and like
really using kink as a somatic therapy.
And it's just like enhancing that it's I just, she's an
absolute queen. For me it was kind of like I had
to do my yoga, like fitness yogaand Tantra first and then my
professional dominatrix certificate because I believe if

(03:44):
I would have done that earlier, it would have come out of a
place of hate against towards men and not from like a holistic
approach. Where now when I did my
professional dominatrix, it was really coming from internally
and from like a healing, nourishing aspect to really play
with that power dynamic, to really have it in a conscious,

(04:05):
mindful way. So completely different to if I
would have done that three yearsago or would have been
completely not open to that experience as such.
And I think that's so interesting that because I
always think because I actually started Tantra after I was a
professional Dom not long, but it would have been probably
maybe one or two years. And it's funny because I always

(04:26):
say the Dom that I was when I like five years ago and the Dom
I am now or like, and I think you're right, that's probably
one of the reasons why is because I learned all these
other skills because I think as a professional dominatrix in
particular, you constantly have to be learning.
Like I'm always looking to introduce new modalities and
things like I did a session withMistress Avery a few weeks ago

(04:51):
about hypnosis in kink and things like that.
So I'm always like, it's you never reach like this pinnacle
of like the ultimate dominatrix as I always want to be learning
and you're right. And through doing more like
tantrum somatical like kind of work on myself or just learning
it. It's mean that I've become like
in my sessions. It's just a whole you get to a

(05:12):
whole nother level. Yeah, you know what I mean?
It's not just about, like I always say when I'm teaching
people or training pro doms, I can teach any monkey how to use
the tools like ABC. You need to, you need to know it
because I always say like it's capability and confidence and
the capability ones pretty easy because I, I can teach that.
You need to know it, as I said, because it's safety and you

(05:35):
really should not be doing anything you don't know how to
do. But it's the confidence one
that's actually the, the, the, the crux of it.
And that confidence comes from within our bodies.
Yeah. And it comes from releasing all
the stored stories that we've been told or we've told
ourselves about how we connect with people or how we can

(05:56):
connect in kink or through BDSM.And it's about really like
unlocking those stories. And I think that's where the
depth of my sessions really camefrom now.
And that's what I love about it.Like, like, of course there's
fun tools and there's fun ties and like, you know, all that
stuff. But I'm, I don't, you don't
really need anything. It's about that connection with
that person. And when you get that connection

(06:17):
with that person, it's mind blowing.
Yes, we usually ask our guest speakers a couple questions just
to get to know them at the start.
Where are you currently at on your own pleasure journey?
This is an interesting one because I've always considered
myself very like pro pleasure. And it's funny because the point

(06:39):
I am in doing my studies at the moment, it's a lot of self
pleasure practices. And I kind of thought I'm great
at pleasure. Like I used to run private sex
parties. Yeah.
And like, like very like, you know, I used to be caught a bit
hedonistic when I was in my corporate life, which but I
actually realized I have I held a lot of judgment about too much

(07:03):
pleasure. Oh, and, and when we've been
doing the practices, I think I've been releasing a lot of
that stored. I mean, they use the word
trauma. I don't think it's, you know,
people traditionally think of trauma as like acute trauma,
like a very big event, but they're talking about like, you
know, chronic trauma. And if you're someone that
identifies as an experience as afemale or with a pussy or maybe

(07:27):
non binary, you have just traumaby living that existence through
the negative, you know, messageswe get on the media through
being told we're not sexual enough, from being told that
we're too sexual, from saying don't use your sexual energy.
You know, we're told all these stories and it actually builds
up in our bodies. And so even though I went into
this thinking, what do I have tolearn about pleasure?

(07:49):
I'm great at pleasure. I actually realized, oh wow,
like there's a lot of like unconditioning.
I need to learn, even though I'mnot someone whoever struggled
per SE with pleasure. So at the moment I'm really
discovering it from that somaticexperience, not with my brain,
with my body. And like yesterday actually, I

(08:12):
was doing a pleasure practice and I actually went into it
because they're about an hour and a half long and like like
yourself, like we're moms, we have businesses, like multi
businesses. We're so busy.
I don't actually have an hour and a half one slot that often.
And I had it. I'm like, you've just got to get
this in because you've got to doa few awake.
I'm like, just do it. You don't feel like it.

(08:32):
Just turn off like you don't have because I always say
respect your nose. So if your body is not into what
what just just turn up with yourbrain.
Do you know what I mean? Or your mind just like connect
with your body. And I went into it and then I
think it was like we did quite along body meditation.
It was like 45 minutes of it before we went into anything
else. And just all these like tears

(08:53):
started coming out of me and I didn't even know what it was or
why it was. And I realized I don't need to
know. My mind doesn't need to know.
I obviously have some store because the module was about
releasing store trauma. And I was like, it was the first
time in my life where I didn't leave it thinking, Oh, what was
that about? Or was that, you know, it was

(09:15):
released in my body And then crazily enough, I had the most
mind blowing orgasm about 20 minutes later.
So I was like, it was very like,so at the moment it's just like
connect through my body, don't connect through my mind.
And even though it's something I, I do practice, like the one
thing I do do actually that I, Idid it.

(09:37):
I've learned this like a couple of years ago.
My husband happens to be really good at yoni massage, like crazy
good. And I do this practice where I'm
not allowed to think why he's doing it.
I'm only allowed to feel and then your brain will come into
it like so I've got him to do this with other because

(09:57):
sometimes we'll have other girlswith us.
Sometimes we date girls togetheror apart.
And when I've had them in, I'm like, you've got to do this.
You have to sit here, you'll close your eyes.
You're not allowed to do anything.
And when your brain starts to wander, just go back to what
you're feeling just and don't worry about how long it's
taking. Because as women in particular,
we're always like, oh, I'm taking too long.

(10:19):
And that kind of, I don't know. I often call like the pure
orgasm because I'm not cheating myself out of it by thinking
something really like pornographic in my head.
It's literally through the sensations of my own pleasure
and it brings me to such a, a highest state of consciousness

(10:39):
and I it's just that for me, it's just like there's nothing
better just connecting with the pleasure of my body and it's
allowing it to unleash. Yeah, but Yoni massage, pussy
massage. They're getting quite a name
now. I'm like, so happy that we start
finally talking about it becauseeverybody knows about like, you
know, giving a blowjob or the clock worship or, you know,

(11:00):
doing some more attention towards that.
But what about the pussy and theyoung?
A lot of women struggle to just even later and receive because
someone else is looking at her, smelling her, you know, just
attention on her. It's like, Oh my God, this is
too much. Every woman I've told to do is

(11:21):
to what they start doing is moving their hand to him or to
me. And I'm like, you don't have to
do anything. And it's so hard to just receive
as a female. We're not used to it.
Yes, very true much on that one.And I've actually gone away from
saying a yoni massage to saying a yoni worship or pussy worship
because that sometimes takes also the way of I need to

(11:43):
perform in a certain way to do amassage.
Because sometimes massage we're thinking about there's no
certain structure, but how aboutjust the worship, which includes
and also the word of affirmation.
You know, you can just say like,Oh my God, she looks so amazing,
so gorgeous right now. And yeah, and I love you and you
know, you smell so beautiful. And it's just like adding that

(12:04):
on top of it. It's just like but also that
it's like building up step by step to actually being
completely in that situation that you are now, that you can
fully actually receive and feel the sensation.
Exactly. And I think also like even just
looking at your own Volvo, you know, I've always been someone
I'm like, I have no problem looking at my vulva.

(12:24):
But I'm like, how often do I actually really do it?
And as part of this course, you had to like, spend quite a lot
of time looking at Ebola. And I'm like, yeah, you don't
actually do it that much, really.
And we they did this slideshow where they're like, we're going
to show all types of like vulvasat you right now.
Warning. And I'm Oh yeah, thinking it'll
go for like 5 minutes. I think it was like 35 minutes

(12:47):
slideshow. And I'm like, I have seen so
yesterday. It's incredible.
But just even like we have such story driven into us, even what
Evolver should look like. Yes, but it all comes back to
self pleasure, self love, to really actually connect with
yourself first on a much deeper level to then open yourself up

(13:08):
to connect with others. 100% AndI think sometimes that's the
step people are missing is they're not connected to
themselves and they expect that that they can connect to someone
else. And it's like, if you can't
connect yourself, how are you expecting to connect to someone
else? Yeah, and handing over the
responsibility of like, you're going to have to bring me
pleasure now because they don't even know how to bring
themselves pleasure. What if something that brings

(13:31):
you a lot of pleasure? I mean, I'm a very, I'm
sapiosexual. I used to think I was bisexual
and then I actually realized it wasn't about gender.
It's was my brain and it's aboutenergy.
And it's funny because even whenI was looking for more casual
meet ups with people when I wasn't looking for a

(13:52):
relationship, I would always andI still do this.
I always meet play partners in anon play arena, like for a
coffee for I mean, I'm not a drinker, but a soda water,
whatever. Because it doesn't matter what
they look like or if I think online or on their photos, like
if I'm attractive or they were going to be a good match if I if

(14:15):
they're not turning me on in my brain and like I'm not going to
be into this or if our energy isnot Jelly.
And so I think at the moment like that high vibrational
energy, that's what's bringing me a lot of pleasure these days.
And it's the same thing that's in my sessions, like if I can
connect to someone's energy and that's why I energy attune at

(14:36):
the side of my sessions. So I do it with every client.
I generally what I'll do, like sometimes we'll do some like
breath work, like looking at each other to begin with.
Or sometimes I'll just literallyput them on the cross, come up
behind them, put my hands aroundtheir like chest and rib cage.
Sometimes I'll even lay my head on their back and I'll do deep

(14:57):
breaths together. And what I'm actually doing is
energy, attuning to attune to their energy.
And some people, you can really get in there quite well and get
into their energy and they're very open to it.
And then occasionally you'll meet people who just can't do
it. Like, and you feel and you would
know like you know this yourself, you can feel it.
There's just that wall. And then that dance of that

(15:17):
session is just, it's not, it's not flowing.
Yeah. That, that exchange, that
dynamic, I can't get in there. I can't do the work through the
body because the energy is just so blocked off.
And I can feel it. I know they can feel it.
It's funny. At the end of the session, you
have aftercare and I always havea check in and I always ask you,

(15:38):
how was the session and likes, dislikes, blah, blah, blah.
And when I have those experiences, some people will
admit to it because they can feel I tried to tap into it and
they said, look, I have a lot ofwalls or I've got this going on
at the moment. And then some people will try
and just ignore it and like, oh,it was amazing, la, la, la.
And I'm thinking no matter how good I am at my job, that was

(16:01):
not a mind blowing session because I wasn't in there.
Yeah, I didn't, I didn't, I didn't get in there.
So I think at the moment, like the most amazing thing that's
going to bring me the highest amount of pleasure is that
amazing energy, that high vibrational energy where I can
connect with someone, because that's what's going to bring me
the most intense pleasure. Yes, I'm an energetic erotic

(16:22):
blueprint like that's been shortly followed by Central and
King. So I can relate to the
energetic. I need to feel someone.
I need to meet someone in personto feel the energy.
And also recently, it's so amazing that you just said that
I've realized I'm also psychosexual.
Like on that spectrum, I always thought same.

(16:42):
Like, yeah, OK, you know, if it's female, male, like I'm
attracted. But it's actually what I've
realized for me personally. Can this person teach me
something? Like, I love it when someone can
teach me something new, when I can learn something from
someone, when they've got that emotional intelligence that can
communicate and they are really passionate about something and

(17:06):
they know something where I'm just like being drawn into that.
Oh yeah, that could be anything.And I'm just like, Oh yeah,
yeah, that makes it really attractive as well.
It's so attractive, someone thatI can turn my brain on.
And I like, like you, I'm a big consumer of like education and
learning and like, I'm always a single podcast.
I'm always reading books and if someone can like sit there and

(17:29):
like turn me on that way or tellme about something I don't know.
Or maybe we have a similar interest that just like I'm just
like. Yeah.
Like Take Me Home with you. But if someone sits there and I
get this sometimes, sometimes people just turn off and they're
just like trying to energy suck from you, especially as an
energy worker. You'll get people who I call
them my energy vampires and they're just trying to feed off

(17:52):
your energy and you just left feeling completely like depleted
and they just have not added anything except taken, taken,
taken. And then I'm just like, no.
So what do you believe makes your sessions or the like
conscious King BDSM so differentto a session where you just go

(18:13):
there and then, you know, you say, OK, I want to like have
some impact, get some impact. We.
Forget, I mean the one thing that I've implemented and I've
had a lot of feedback from my clients about because a lot of
clients have seen multiple professional dominatrixes is
that I take it very professionally.
And I don't know if that's because I come from a corporate

(18:35):
background. So I've really applied a
professional stance to my job and I take the fact that I am a
professional dominatrix. And so when I have a very
thorough intake, like, and also even if they do my online intake
forms, I still have an extensiveintake on the day because my
theory is I don't know who answered that form or who sent

(18:57):
me that inquiry. That could be anyone who is
consenting is the person who turns up in my studio on the
day. So that's my first thing is
like, it's, it's got to, you know, it's going to be a hell
yeah from that person in the room, not who sent me the e-mail
or The Who filled out the form. And so I go through a really
extensive intake process, which,you know, deals with, you know,

(19:19):
you know, the basic things like injuries and experience.
But I also look at things like, what is your intention?
Like that is such an important question because what is your
intention to play today? What is, is it your intention
that you've had a really stressful day?
You just want to literally checkout.
I'll be working on some self growth goals.

(19:39):
Like some of my clients, they'reworking on particular things
that they want to get better at.It could be things that are even
outside the studio studio. So like one of my clients is
trying to implement better like health, health plan, like eating
and like exercise and things. So we've got like a goal list
and then you know, they come to the session to be held
accountable for it or get punished or get rewarded for how

(20:01):
they're doing and tracking to their goals.
So for me like intention is such.
A vital step of that really conscious kink because you can
come and tell me like, oh, I'm into corporal punishment.
I like some CBT and I can just like boom, boom, boom.
You're not really going to get much out of the session.
But if I can really understand like why you here?

(20:23):
Do you know what I mean? What, what are we trying to
achieve in this session? That's where like I can really
take the sessions deeper and I think that's where we bring that
more like conscious energy. Like what am I doing?
I'm not just spanking someone. Also, why are we doing a certain
activity? Do you know that like impact
plays a great example. Like sometimes I get a lot of,

(20:46):
for some reason, I get quite a few Sissy clients.
I love Sissy clients. It's one of my favorite
sessions. Love, love, love Sissy clients.
And when I'm doing like, say a bit of impact play, a lot of
times I'm not spanking them for being like a fucking Sissy or
whatever it is. I'm spanking them.
And I'm saying you're receiving this because you're not letting

(21:06):
this beautiful part of yourself out enough.
Do you know, you can really pretty like and, and it's such a
different intention, as if I'm maybe punishing them for being a
dirty little slot or whatever itis that we're we're aiming for.
But it all comes down to intention and it all comes down
to unlocking that, that deeper level of what are we playing

(21:30):
with in our bodies here? What emotions are we playing?
What are we storing in our bodies and, and getting that
unleashed. And you know, we store a lot of
trauma and emotions in our hips and things like that.
So especially if someone's had areally stressful week, they
might say, look, I'm a bit emotional today.
I've had a really stressful weekfor XYZ.
And so we might do a bit of impact play.

(21:51):
It might not be very hard, but it's just to get those emotions
because we store so much in our hip area and they can end up
just like having an emotional release of crying.
Not because it's anything bad, but it's just getting that that
feelings moving. Yeah.
So I think that's really where Icome into it from a more
conscious kink areas. I don't just look at you, come

(22:14):
here, give me money, tell me what you want me to do to you,
then leave. Because to me that's not doing
my job. It's about coming in, trying to
give us. And I try and get as much
information as I can because I say to them, because there are
people who come in as you know, they, they're nervous, they're
not gonna, they don't say much, they don't know what to say.
They might be new. So it's about finding techniques

(22:36):
to try and get as much information as I can because I
always say, look, the more information you give me, the
better the session is going to be.
And I always give a bit of like room to move in the first
sessions as well. I'm getting to know someone
because I'm like, look, there isprotocol.
There is. And it obviously you'll decide
if it's going to be a high, low protocol interaction.
But I always say like, especially during the first

(22:57):
session, if you have questions or requests, let's keep it
within the protocol. Like mistress may ask the
question, Mr. I'll always say yes, because we're still feeling
each other out. Yeah.
And, and to me, that is so important that we have that
unity of our energies and of ourconsciousness during it.
And, but I think it also, you know, practicing conscious kink

(23:19):
is also realizing when there's not, and you're not going to fit
with everyone. Do you know what I mean?
I'm not going to be everyone's dorm.
I'm not going to be able to holdspace the way that everyone
needs me to hold space. And I think that's also a part
of it is understanding when it might not be the right fit.
Are you ready to unlock, widen and deepen your ultimate peak

(23:45):
pleasure potential? Then I invite you to go to
pleasurelit.com for more details.
If you're curious to find out more about me and my own
pleasure journey, highly suggestyou go to pleasuretoyqueen.com
to join. I will see you there also that

(24:07):
you mentioned the intention behind the session, which is so
super important and something that I've picked up along the
way of like yoga teaching and then the breath work.
So what's your intention for this session?
And at the start I was just like, well, why am I doing this?
Yeah, just think the board intention.
But the more you do it, you actually get more clear on the

(24:27):
specific intention just for the session.
And it just really changes on how the session's going to be
and going to go and how you actually also open yourself up
to the experience. And I've recently saw seen a
couple they have used impact play on each other, but only
also because she got spanked. Not for all you're a naughty bad

(24:49):
girl, but for you are not lovingyourself enough.
You have self sabotage yourself enough.
You're not taking enough, you'renot taking up enough space.
Like she's done something where she's pulled herself back and
just put herself in a corner. So he's punishing her for that.
So. I love that.
A cute way of like, you know, helping her to realize why am I

(25:12):
actually doing that? Like I need to take up space.
I need to like prioritize myselfand just helping her to actually
understand and and do it. So it can be like BBSM King in a
conscious mindful way. It can be so healing and
nourishing for both parties. Which is why I love that you are

(25:33):
explaining it in such a beautiful way of the intention,
the intake and the energy feeling of each other to really
have that. You could say you're like a body
worker, a healer. Yeah, it's funny because I've
been playing around with what amI for?
So like free for a year now and I, I go on my profile and I

(25:54):
change it every like I think twomonths because I'm like, I don't
know how to describe what I do. And I'm like body worker,
somatic practitioner. Like I'm like, I don't know.
It's a hard 1, isn't it? It's we don't really have a term
for it. And then I mean, but you could
say like, you know, energy heal.I'm like, there's just no one
word that really most people would at least understand that

(26:18):
encapsulates what we do. Yes.
Unless you've had experience with that.
Yeah, I get that. And then, yeah, it's also the
the, the terminology that you choose kind of should attract
the audience. But some people, what is
somatic, they don't even know what the medic is.
So if you somatic practitioner, unless you've actually explored
that kind of part for a little bit, some people have asked me

(26:41):
because I called myself a dramatic sex coach at the start
when I did my sex dramatic sex coaching certificate.
And they're like, what is dramatic?
I don't get that. And then I've started to
practice around with a lot of words myself because I'm all
over the place too. But it all kind of, I mean, it's
all connected, but there's not just one word for it.

(27:04):
So, but it is what you're doing.It is definitely it's God was
energy, it's God was healing, it's body working, it's in
person, it's got the Zomatic behind it.
It's. You got shadow, You know, we do
a lot of shadow work. Yeah, in what we do, you know,
playing with that, the sides of people, that the only time they
let it out is with you. Yeah.

(27:25):
You know, I'm really accepting the shadow size of our part and
even as the person, you know, asthe dominatrix or the person in
the facilitation or the, the leadership role, we're also
playing with our shadow. You know, that's a big part of
it that people don't. I think, see, I think people
often get that, you know, 50 Shades of Grey or whatever bad
porn they've watched about BDSM and that's their idea of BDSM

(27:50):
and it's so limited. And yes, it can be that and
there's nothing wrong with it being that, but it's so much
more than that. And that's why sometimes when
people ask me what I do, when I say professional dominatrix and
you know, they don't really, sometimes they first say, I
don't know what that is. And then you try and like give
an easy example and then you just see straight where their
brain goes, which is are you? What they always say is also you

(28:12):
bash up other, you bash up men. And I'm like, well, first of
all, it's not just men. And I'm like, no, that's not
what it's about. But that's what that's people's
stereotypical version of what isBDCM.
You are physically harming someone else and it involves
pain. And that's the other thing is
like, I have clients who we do 3-4 hour sessions and there's no

(28:33):
pain involved. You know, that's, that's, that's
not what it's about. Yes, sometimes it does involve
pain, but there's a reason why it involves pain.
And sometimes it doesn't have tobe.
And people automatically assume,well, that's not for me.
I'm not into pain. I'm not someone who's crazy into
pain myself. But I'm like, I love sensory

(28:54):
stuff. I love energy stuff.
I love connecting with someone. I even like light impact because
it's not painful if you do it inthe right way.
Like there's so many aspects that you can incorporate into a
session. Has nothing to do with pain.
Yeah. And even pain doesn't have to be
also just the physical impact pain.
There are other ways, yeah, punishments as well.

(29:17):
And like you mentioned with it'snot all about because that's but
I was one of them who thought professional dominatrix is the
lady on black latex with her whip and she's just, you know,
inflicting pain and she's loving.
It. And then I found I really have
this goddess and queen energy within me.

(29:37):
I'm I love educating, I love teaching.
I love authority. I love when people are listening
to my instructions, but me helping them to become better
versions of themselves. So more under that role, which
doesn't necessarily mean that's why I also don't really relate
to Mistress because I find Mistress is a little bit more
into that. Yeah, I'm doing the impact plan,

(29:59):
Mother, you know, good things. But for me, it's more like the
queen and the goddess energy, the worship and helping men to
really find the purpose in serving women.
Yeah, 100%. And it's funny you say like the
queen and the goddess energy because I really recently I felt

(30:19):
like, so I'm turning 40 this year and I did a, one of my
psilocybin journeys last year, which is like I've done a couple
and they've just been like mind blowing.
And the last one I did was aboutthe transition into my Queen,
Goddess and the wise woman. Oh yes.
And it was about leaving, like, I know I'm not a child.

(30:41):
I mean, I have a child, but it was kind of like you're done
with youth, like you're done with being the kid almost like
this. I'm still very playful and I
love to play and everything, butit's like you now are stepping
into your wise woman years and that I really accepted that
there's a lot of wisdom inside of me and there's a lot of

(31:02):
wisdom inside of a lot of women.And it's not about anymore
because I, you know, I consume alot.
I love listening to people. I love learning, but I'm like,
you have your own wisdom inside of you.
And that's what I love about is like really stepping into that
like and that I always use the word like to me, dominance is

(31:22):
not what people think dominance is.
And that's why it's almost tricky to use that term
dominance because if you use it correctly, it's fine.
But most people think of it as dominating someone, being really
rough with them, making them do something they don't want to do,
being overbearing. But to me, dominance is
leadership, facilitating, holding space.

(31:45):
Like to me, that is what my roleis.
It's not what people traditionally think of
dominance. And I think that's sometimes
where it can get difficult for people to really understand what
it's about. Yes, I can relate to that.
And this is a part of where another similar situation I've
recently, because I love learning, exploring, and I've

(32:06):
studied so many certificates over the last few years.
And just this year, not long ago, last few weeks, I had a lot
of downloads and transmissions coming through.
It must have been also a plan. So I don't know, there's lots
happening, lots of shifting. And I've realized, OK, this is
not enough, Like this year is not studying another
certificate, but actually sharing your own wisdom.

(32:29):
And I feel very like there's a project that I'm cooking that is
something that I'm going to bring alive because now I'm
ready actually to share something that I have learned
and I want to birth into this world so.
Beautiful. Oh, I can totally relate to
that. Yeah, and it's nice like because
everything you'd learn and see, I love it because it's not like

(32:51):
you're going to just cookie cutter one thing.
So that's a good thing about selling lots of different
things. I think on learning about lots
of things because then I find what happens is I make my own
thing. Do you know, I've taken this and
what relates to me or how it relates to me.
And then that's when you actually solidify what you're
offering is and what your purpose is.

(33:14):
And there's only one you do, youknow what I mean?
There's only one you who's livedyour experiences, who's done all
the different things you've done.
And that's what makes it unique.And that's why, you know, I
always struggle with people who have very, you know, scarcity
mindset in this world, you know,oh, but so and so is doing this
or so and so is doing this. I might.
But there's enough for all of usbecause no one's you, no one's

(33:36):
have had your lived experiences,and what you're offering should
be your purpose and is unique towhat you've done.
Yes, and because we all have personal stories, we've all been
through something and have our purpose and when we know that we
can actually really help us along the way as well. 100% what

(33:57):
What can you recommend for beginners or people who are
curious to explore Conscious King BDS and how they can like
overcome fears and like do theirfirst steps?
I mean, I think the first thing I mean, it depends if you're
entering it to as like a solo oras someone's who's trying to do

(34:17):
it with a partner. And I've talked about if you do
want to venture it with a partner, like that conversation
has to be handled very delicately because just because
you're interested in exploring something, it doesn't
necessarily mean your partner is.
And I think, you know, good scenario is they're like, cool,
like, you know, let's try and let's try and like maybe make

(34:39):
some lists and see what overlapsor what we're open to or even
understanding why someone wants to try something helps because
they at first you might be like,Oh, I'm not into that.
But then they actually explainedthe reason why and like, OK, now
I get it. Maybe we can get that need of
yours met this way. You know, there's a lot of
negotiation you can do with a partner.

(35:00):
I mean, it's a bit of a different approach if you're
taking it solar. I mean, there's obviously a lot
of like apps and then says you can try and find fuel.
But I think the first thing is reconnecting with your body
again, like it, it doesn't soundvery beady as Samuel Kink, but
it's about finding what what is your desires.
Because I think a lot of people actually don't know what they

(35:21):
desire or what they even want. And so I think that's kind of
like Step 1 is like just with yourself setting some time to
explore your body, setting some time to just do some.
I mean, there's so much online resources these days, like get
online, do some exploring. There's so many great courses.
Take an online course, maybe geta mentor.

(35:42):
You know, I got in it through mybest friend who was in, in kink
and in a power dynamic relationship.
And then I that's how I got intoit.
So there's, there's a lot of different ways, but I would
always say like start with yourself, even if you have a
partner, start with yourself. Start doing a bit of research,
understand why you desire those things, what you want to

(36:03):
explore, how you want to grow. So yeah.
Yeah, again, that that intention, like why do I want to
explore that? Like what do I want to get out
of it again? And it's OK, but if it's
connected to some sort of, you know, in a child work you need
to do, you know, just because it's not like a positive thing,
that doesn't make it wrong. You know, it could be related

(36:28):
back to I used to, you know, some people have child
experience. I don't know, maybe you had a
parent who shouted at you all the time.
You know, some people bring thatinto a session, not as a way to
relive that trauma, but as a wayto rewrite the narrative and to
take the control back. And that can be extremely
healthy for people. So I think though, but it does

(36:49):
come down to actually understanding that in the 1st
place. So you aren't just, for example,
re traumatizing yourself or justlike going in this with 0
intention or just like, you know, because that can actually
do a lot of damage. Yeah.
Where can people find you if they would like to work with you
or learn from you? Yeah, umm, best way is my
Instagram at the world of Tashmiya and I have all my

(37:14):
links. I have some little free mini
courses, I've got other courses.I've just launched some
products, my cuffs, I've got more products launching soon,
more courses coming out this year.
So yeah, that's that's probably the best way to find me on my
website, iswwe.tashmiya.com. Yeah, I love following your
journey and you're just so like dedicated, passionate, and I can

(37:37):
really feel that energy as well.Yeah, always like I do I love to
my my purpose with my brand was to educate, empower and D shame.
Yeah like they're my 3 pillars and so and it wasn't really
aimed at like of course I have alot of kink following, but that
was never like my target. I love my kink following.

(37:58):
I love my kink audience. Obviously that's the word I
live, but it was actually about people who are kink curious.
I was like, I want them to realize that it doesn't have to
be the extreme that they have intheir head that it can be like
an ex corporate mom who's Co parenting in Australia who has

(38:18):
like, you know, you don't you don't see me walk down the
street and go there's someone who's heavily kinky and a
professional dominatrix. And that's what I really wanted
to provide people was like, it can be anyone.
Anyone is kinky, you just have to tap into it.
I feel like we all have some kinky in us.
We all. People say I'm totally vanilla.

(38:40):
There's something in you that you desire, you just don't
explore it yet. But.
The ones that say they're totally vanilla and often the
kinkiest. There's some desire in you.
You want to do something that you know definitely.
And I feel also king and like vanilla, I don't feel.
I think this is because King is usually supposed to be out of

(39:02):
the norm, but I don't think there is a norm anymore so it's
like it's completely needs restructure in my opinion.
Yeah, we need a rebrand, call it.
Something else? Yeah, exactly.
What is one of your favorite like pleasure products?
Something that brings you a lot of pleasure.

(39:25):
I I wouldn't even go like there's so many toys and stuff
and I love toys and everything. I'm actually really enjoying a
glass dildo at the moment because that's what they make
you do your pleasure practices with, not things that are overly
stimulatory and not even using it as you would think you would
use it. It's actually very subtle and
that's that's been amazing. It also releases a lot of
pressure points inside. But also I love lubes.

(39:49):
I think Lube is the most underrated product, but I don't
know why people think like, if you need to use Lube, you've
like failed. And I'm like one especially for
women. It depends where we are in our
menstrual cycle. They think like, I hate the
narrative. I think it's in the book Come as
You Are. It's a really good book about,
you know, these narratives and these stories we're told,

(40:11):
especially as people who identify as a female experience,
that if you're not wet enough, that you're not turned on.
And so I'm like, just get out the bloody loo.
But so many people don't. And so I'm a huge fan of lubes.
I try so many different lubes. Like if I see new lubes or
something I buy them. I have like 10 lubes just like

(40:33):
randomly all over my house. So I'd say like Lube is my my
big one. I've not long ago put a master
class on loop into my pleasure at school.
Because yeah. Only because I love saying Lube
up but also please take a quality loop that is not
stuffing up your pH flora if it's a.

(40:53):
Yeah, that's why I try so many 'cause there's a lot of really
good ones coming out now becausepeople are more.
Ones coming up. Become more aware.
And so I'm really trying a lot of the ones with, you know,
better ingredients. Yeah.
So yeah, that's why I just had them everywhere.
Yeah, preferably no glycerine orparabet.
Yeah. Yeah, and there are lots more

(41:14):
natural ones now coming out, which is.
Yeah. And just yesterday I've written
6 down which are my favorite andrecommended ones because I get
this question asked so many times.
Oh yeah, so I should do that, right?
Actually, I've had a few people ask me like what's the best one
for anal and things like that, so you know.
And like we've got a menopause, medications, alcohol, there are

(41:35):
so many reasons why you could bedrier and just loop up just.
Exactly and also it makes it more pleasurable.
Even if you are wet you can still add some Lube, you know
what I mean? It makes it even better like.
Make it slider, Yeah. Do you have a favorite book
recommendation? My all time favorite book that I

(41:58):
read many years ago is Untrue byWednesday Martin.
Like literally changed. I've always been very like not
feminist but like yay females, yay pleasure and things like
that. Like, I've always been a very
sexual person. Like, my mom was not like me in

(42:18):
that way at all. She was like very conservative.
And she would say to me like, I don't know how you came from my
body. Like, like, it's just the way I
am. But I love that it made me feel
that I was normal, yeah, that there wasn't anything wrong with
me and that my level because I've always out sex drived any
man I've ever been with always. And if I've almost been shamed

(42:43):
for it, and I've always had to tone it down in my relationships
to make them not feel bad or to make me not look like I'm a
nymphomaniac. And then reading that book and
and the her giving some social science behind things and about
different things she's studied, it really made me realize that,

(43:04):
OK, this is normal. And also how much power we have
as women, how much sexual power we have.
And we're. It's actually like, better than
men. So I'm like, yeah, the other one
that I recently read was The Body Keep Score.
Yes, long book. I actually read it on a Kindle,
so I didn't know how long it was, thank God, because I think,

(43:26):
but that was that was incrediblefor me.
I'm just reading about how much our bodies keep trauma and also
about I for some reason, I really was interested by people
who've dissociated from trauma. Yeah, and the fact that talk
therapy doesn't work. Yeah.
And it's actually they need to do body work.

(43:47):
Body work somatic. I love this.
Yeah, when I was reading it, I'mlike why?
When this book is out, why is noone doing this and listening to
this book? Because he provides so much
research and science behind it. I mean the first half is almost
just brain science. So I came from a nurse nursing

(44:08):
background, so I kind of got it.But for someone else, I'm like,
I'm not sure if people like can follow through.
But towards the end, like the the practices that he provides,
like even just yoga, massage, actually feeling patient, body
work, somatic practices, so muchmore helpful than just talking.
Please have it all. You know, medications like that,

(44:31):
they did, you know, studies and they showed that those groups
actually did worse. The ones that were on medication
compared to ones that were doinglike any type of body work or
therapies or a combination at least.
Like it's, I actually think it should be a prerequisite book
for people who are like practicing kink as well.
I think it's a very important book to read.

(44:52):
The third book that I recommend at the moment, which I'm reading
at the moment, is Gabor Martes, Keep Your Children close.
No, I haven't. Heard about that?
No, it's not the newest one because I'm actually going to
see him in Brisbane next week for the The Myth of Normal.
But this is an older book and I reckon I any parent I've been
meeting recently, I'm like read this book.

(45:15):
It is nuts. It is about how it's about the
adult attachment with children and the fact is up until World
War Two, children were very out raised.
So they're raised by adults being in their lives.
And then post World War 2, because of what happened with
society and working and you know, 2 two people going to work

(45:36):
now is children started to become peer orientated.
Yeah. And it's like the blind, the
leading the blind. And it's about, you know,
because you have some children who, you know, might be
everything's great. And then they get to a certain
age, could be 789, whatever teenage is, and they just kind
of turn on their parents. That's because they're peer
attached. And so they're talking about how

(46:00):
good it is. You know, kids only need one
securely attached adult figure in their lives to be able to
like healthily grow. And it's been amazing reading
that and to watch, you know, that the way you're attaching to
your child is correct. A lot of times we know how to be
parents inside of us, but you know, we've given these messages
like they've got to toughen up. They've, you know, got to do

(46:23):
this. I mean, you know, emotional
resilience is massive and getting your kids to name
feelings is one of the best things you can do for them.
But also like that, that attachment with your child and
really nurturing that for as long as possible.
So that book is is like. Amazing.
Yeah. My like my household, my parents

(46:44):
dies already completely different to how I grew up.
Sex was shamed, there was no communication, there was no
connection, there was no bonding.
Where now it's completely different.
But also the last few years, just the self growth that I've
gone through, what I've learned.And that's why I always say if
you focus on yourself, making yourself a priority and really,

(47:08):
truly, deeply start loving yourself and getting to know
yourself, the more you do, the better you can be a parent and
the better you 100% have patience.
Teach them, educate them, guide them, support them when you are
looking after yourself so. Because to be honest, the best
education you're going to give your kids is not at school.

(47:29):
Like to me, if I, if I was in a position, I would probably home
school. I've got big queer like issues
with the education system. They're actually not raising
good humans. The, you know, the schooling
system was designed of catalogs to raise factory workers, but
that's what our schooling systemis based from.
So it's really important, as yousay, to take me like when you do

(47:51):
have them and teaching these like vital human skills of
communication and connecting and, you know, being emotionally
resilient or just being able to feel their emotions.
You know, how many times have wegrown up if we hurt ourselves to
your parents, be like, don't cry, don't cry, don't cry.
Like now it's like you've hurt yourself.
Cry. It hurts, it sucks.
Or, you know, you're pissed off at me, like I always said to my

(48:14):
daughter, like, you know, every kid has a tantrum.
But I said to her, you're allowed to be angry because
that's another one, especially with women, don't get angry.
And I'm like, you know, you're pissed off at me.
I've told you to get off the iPad, whatever it is.
You're allowed to be angry, but it doesn't excuse bad behavior.
Yes. And that's what I teach her.
You can't throw something at someone.

(48:35):
You can't hit someone. You're allowed to be angry, but
don't let don't let you think that it's going to excuse what
bad behavior follows. And the other thing I always
tell her is like this is I always do this to her.
I'm like, who's the love of yourlife?
And she goes, me. Yeah.
Because that's the other thing. I I want her to know that you're
the love of your life. I said the most important

(48:55):
relationship you'll ever have iswith yourself, so don't go
looking for it outside. And that took me way too long to
realize. Same same and the the kids are
like little sponges. The what you say is one thing,
but you need to follow through with things like your behavior,
how you like, treat yourself, treat others.
This is what they pick up. This is what their norm becomes.

(49:18):
And like, even when I was like on a date and I talked about it
at home and like, oh, yeah, Nah,this wasn't right.
And my daughter just turns around.
Well, he's not treating you likea queen.
And we know you are queen. So next, mom.
Oh, I love that. That's so gorgeous.
They they know their body and they can also say like, no, it's

(49:38):
my body, it's my decision. Or we know body parts, emotions,
we can name them. I'd give them like, I've got
different kind of somatic practices that we can do.
Like if they do feel overwhelmedand they can start voicing it,
I'm like, OK, you know, after a little while, do you want to try
this or do you want to try that?Like, mom, whoever did that,

(50:00):
Yeah, go into. The room and it's amazing how
much they learn. Like my daughter, she's only 8
and I was having a really hard couple of weeks a couple of
weeks ago and she likes snuggles.
We do a bedtime story and then she's like snuggle and we
snuggle And she actually has an eye patch on when she's
snuggling. That's how she goes to sleep.

(50:21):
And I just had like little gentle tears rolling down my
eyes and she had her arm around me and she started doing this
and it felt like I was being hugged by my mother.
So my mom passed a few years ago.
I was very close to her. My daughter's like a cookie
cutter of her. And it was incredible how much
space my daughter could hold forme.
Yes, without even looking at me.She knew.

(50:44):
And it was so special. And I told her the next day, I
said, you know, because I was talking to her dad.
And I told him what happened. And I said, you know, I was just
talking to daddy. And, you know, I said how good
you were last night to me. Your mommy's had a really.
Because I tell her when I've hadstressor weeks and when things
aren't going right, it's important.
Yeah. And I said, and the fact that,
you know, when you're rubbing myback, I said it was like being

(51:06):
hugged by Nana. And it was, it was honestly such
a special moment. And I think that's where I kind
of think, you know, the type of work we do, it can be judged a
lot to be a parent as well. But I'm why I actually feel we
have such advantages in raising really good human beings from
what we do. Yes, because we've also seen we

(51:28):
have these, the shadow within usand we are working with
everything. We are not saying this is bad
and this is good. And you know, we can't do this.
We can't do that. We are allowing space.
We're holding space. We're learning how to hold
space. And just.
Yeah, it's just, it's such a different approach.
And I love that. It's so beautiful.
And yeah, exactly how how I sat with kids being sponges and

(51:52):
absorb and like really absorbingeverything.
Like my son comes up to me, gives me a hug, and I'm like,
and he's like, yeah, mom, that'swhat you do all the time to me
when I'm here. So I want to give you a hug.
Yeah. Get on on my phone.
That's so cute. That's not.
And that that will make them good humans.
Yeah, You know what I mean. And that's what you want.
Well, I don't care what you become, what you do.

(52:14):
I just want you to be a good person and be kind to yourself
and others. Yeah, like that.
What is the last question we're going to leave the audience
with? What's your #1 tip or one of
your best tips that you can recommend for?
I think I'll just go back to thelisten to your body.

(52:36):
Listen to your body when it's a no, let your body become a yes.
You know, so often we've had experiences where we've been
forced, not forced to play, you know, you, it's in a consensual
scenario, but our bodies aren't ready to engage.
Let's just say, and you know, and I didn't realize how much

(52:58):
trauma, especially women's storedown there because we've
actually been penetrated before we're ready.
And so I think my best tip is really like connect with
yourself. Know when you're ready.
No one, it's a no. It's OK if it's a no, It's OK
when it's a yes. But don't think that you have to

(53:19):
believe every thought that comesinto your head.
Like tell it to fuck off. Like that's what I do in these
like Yoni massages, as I said, like if a thought comes into my
head, because sometimes like my head will start going to my day.
Oh shit, I'm going to do this tomorrow.
And I'm like, no, no, no, fuck off.
And sometimes I have to tell herto fuck off 20 times and it will
fuck off. So I think that's my best tip is

(53:41):
like sink into your body. Like like just lean into your
body. You don't even have to know
sometimes what it's saying or what it's releasing, but just
trust. Trust it and feel it.
I love that. Thank you so much for coming
onto the podcast. Thank you for having me, I was
so lovely to chat with you. Thank you so much for tuning
into this pleasure lit episode. I would love it if you could

(54:04):
share this episode along with your loved ones and also make
sure you follow and subscribe tomy channel so you don't miss out
on any future episodes. And if you haven't rated or
reviewed the Polish LED podcast yet, it might be time to do this
now. Will see you or hear you at one
of my next episodes. With love and pleasure.