Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
Well, look at here.
Speaker 2 (00:03):
You are listening to someone who is bold, authentic, diverse, unpredictable. Baby,
I am unapologetically ramon, and you have entered my zone,
the QB zone.
Speaker 1 (00:13):
Baby. Hello, somebody.
Speaker 2 (00:46):
Rock.
Speaker 1 (00:52):
So.
Speaker 2 (00:52):
I don't know if weird is the right word to use,
but I can definitely say that this is a subject
matter that I personally never spoke about remotely in any
kind of way. Nor do I recall or can think
of any other podcasts, a blog or interview or anything
(01:18):
where I can necessarily say that this subject matter has
been spoken about.
Speaker 3 (01:26):
A lot of times, I just.
Speaker 2 (01:30):
Pray and ask God to give me put it on
my heart what subject I want to write about. I
could be watching TV. I could be on a toilet,
which is where I do some of my best thinking.
I could be at work. I could listen to music.
I could be sleep, I could be cooking in the
midst of a conversation. All different types of things I
(01:53):
could be doing right, and these subject matters would just
come to me. And So, because I always want to
come from a place of transparency, but also come from
a place of I want people to relate, be able
to get something from it, and just be able to
(02:13):
connect with it in some way, shape or form, you
never seeing you know what I'm saying. So this episode
is about something that and part of me wants to
say just in the black community, but I just think
in a lot of cultures and families period, you hear
(02:33):
of people being estranged from their relatives, as strange from
their parents, their siblings, and you know whoever else.
Speaker 3 (02:43):
Sometimes they're even their own children.
Speaker 2 (02:45):
But a lot of times they don't talk about why.
And you know, a lot of times what happened in
his family stay in his family, or to go even
a step further, sometimes you don't even know what's going
on in the household of some of your own relatives
because it's like what happens in this house stays in
this house. And so, yeah, I definitely want to touch
(03:08):
on it a little bit. I can say for me personally, yes,
I definitely can say that I am someone who can
relate to this subject matter.
Speaker 3 (03:17):
On many levels.
Speaker 2 (03:22):
I have been estranged from different relatives for different reasons.
Speaker 3 (03:30):
I think some of the more.
Speaker 2 (03:35):
I'm not gonna say positive, but I say some of
the less traumatic or less negative ways that we become
a strange. I think you just simply grow apart. I
just it's it's not necessarily any kind of disagreement or
(03:56):
falling out. I just think that as you grow older
and you start to have you start to live life,
and you start to have certain life experiences. I think
your values change, I think your priorities change, and so
that can cause you to be extranged.
Speaker 3 (04:15):
From your relative. And so I've definitely can relate to that.
I can. I definitely can relate to that.
Speaker 2 (04:21):
You know, I have cousins, I have uncles and aunts
that you just life take you in different directions, and
especially if part of you living life causes you to
live in a whole different l location, different see, a
different state, different country, hells, sometimes different continent, you can
(04:45):
definitely become as.
Speaker 3 (04:47):
Stranged and go apart.
Speaker 2 (04:50):
Now, of course, many people and I can definitely relate
to this as well.
Speaker 3 (04:56):
One of the many reasons why many.
Speaker 2 (04:57):
People are estranged from their family is because of something
negative and traumatic.
Speaker 3 (05:07):
I have been estranged from relatives because.
Speaker 2 (05:11):
I have been on the receiving end of some physical
abuse and neglect.
Speaker 3 (05:19):
As a minor. I can have, well I can't have.
Speaker 2 (05:26):
I have had times where I have been lied on
or betrayed by relatives.
Speaker 3 (05:37):
And one thing about me is partially because of.
Speaker 2 (05:42):
My policies, but also I do believe that people deserve
chances right, and I do think a lot of times,
especially speaking for myself, I can guarantee you I know
for a fact there are quite a few people I've
given more chances than they deserve right. And so when
I get to the point where I've had enough, I
would cut a person out of my life with no regret.
(06:05):
And because I've I know what I bring to the
table as a loved one, friend, nephew's son, grandson, cousin, whatever, uncle.
I know what I bring to the table, and the
same level of reproach that I hold you, I hold myself.
(06:27):
I was also taught at a very young age the
importance of treating people how you wanna be treated. I'm
not walking around disrespecting it's not people in the bad.
I'm not walking around lying on people and abusing people,
and like I'm not, I'm not doing that, So I'm
not gonna accept that in return.
Speaker 3 (06:46):
And a lot of times in families, I'm trying not
to say.
Speaker 2 (06:49):
I'm try i'm'a try not to say people of color
because that's clearly what I am. I'm just gonna try
to do it and say most people you you would
hear people have this mentality that because we are related,
(07:12):
because we blood, and they love to throw old families everything,
and blood is thicker than water and all this kind
people would love to use that. Let me tell you something,
I don't give a guid during if they are your parent,
your grandparent, your sibling, your god during child, you are
not obligated. And you ain't gonna find no way in
(07:33):
the Bible. If you're a spiritual person, you ain't gonna
find nowhere in the Bible where it says that you
gotta sit here and take this abuse, distance treatment from
someone and tolerated, sweep under the rug and let it
go because you're related. No, it definitely talks about forgiveness,
(07:56):
but let's be clear, forgiveness doesn't equate trusts. Forgiveness does
the mean that I have to fool with you ever again.
I have never and I will never be one of
those people where I'm gonna allow you to treat me
any kind of way, talk to me any kind of way,
(08:16):
do me any kind of way.
Speaker 3 (08:17):
And that's gonna I'm just gonna let it.
Speaker 2 (08:19):
Slide or let you back in my life because we're related. Baby,
you can say sorry, and it can be a genuine
heartfelt apology, but depend on what I needed to do
to heal. Depending on what I needed to do to
(08:41):
have my closure to be able to move on, we
may be at a point or no return. There's nothing
you're gonna be able to do or say that's gonna
let you back in my life. I can be cordial
and speak to you if we see each other. But
there's some people I can care less I ever see
(09:03):
them again. And we're talking about family here, you know,
so I can care less I ever see them again.
There's some people you only see them at funerals. Maybe
I'm perfectly fine with that because part of the thing
is I'm gonna do whatever I need to do to heal.
I don't care what your opinion is. I don't even
(09:25):
regat there how you feel about it, because I do
not feel it is okay for people to dictate how
someone heals from what they've.
Speaker 3 (09:34):
Done to them. You have no business doing whatever the
hell it is that you did.
Speaker 2 (09:39):
And also, I am not a person where I am
gonna go out of my way to fix something I
did not break.
Speaker 3 (09:49):
Okay, So you.
Speaker 2 (09:51):
Know, listen, we often find ourselves faced with challenges that
test our resilience and emotional strength. Being as strains from
your family is one search hurdle that many individual encounter,
Yet it remains a topic often, Like I said, we
don't talk about it, we sleep under rugged.
Speaker 3 (10:10):
Too many people.
Speaker 2 (10:11):
Have it shrouded in silence and stigma. The pain of
being estranged from family members can be can be profound.
It can stir up feelings of guilt, confusion, and loneliness.
But navigating this complex terrain with confidence and compassion, it's
(10:32):
not only possible, but crucial for our mental and emotional
well being. And I'm just gonna go through some reasons
here that you know you can be estranged from your family,
and one of them has to do with abuse and
(10:55):
neglect as I as I said earlier, abuse and neglect.
So when it comes to abuse and neglect, childhood abuse
or neglect by a parent, it can be just a simple,
(11:17):
straightforward reason for estrangement child abuse, childhood abuse and neglect,
simple straightforward, mkay. The next one can be mental illness.
Mental illness in either the parent or child can contribute
(11:37):
to estrangement. For example, a family member with obsessive compulsive
disorder may be pushed away by others who have difficulty.
Speaker 3 (11:45):
Relating to their behaviors. The next one is disagreements.
Speaker 2 (11:56):
Disagreements about a parent's divorce, a child's career choice, or
a child's spouse can lead to, you know, people falling
apart in family estrangement. Then, of course there's value differences,
disagreements about sexual orientation, gender identity, religious beliefs, politics, or race, divorce,
(12:22):
which you know, we simply we know what that is.
You know, it's one of the leading causes of people
being a strange for their parents. Then you have traumatic events.
Childhood traumas such as physical, verbal, emotional, or sexual abuse can.
Speaker 3 (12:38):
Lead to that, you know, lead to estrangement.
Speaker 2 (12:41):
We have parental favoritism. Some blame parental favoritism as the
cause of estrangement.
Speaker 3 (12:48):
When it's amongst the siblings.
Speaker 2 (12:54):
Then we have family dynamics, and some of these causes
for a strange when it comes to FAMO dynamics includes
conflicting expectations in law issues, domestic violence, financial issues, and
unaddressed pain. That's probably a big one. Unaddressed pain you know,
(13:17):
family ideally represents a sectuary of love, support and understanding. However,
when relationships within the family unit deteriorate, the resulting estrangement
can be acutely distressing. It's essential to acknowledge that family
(13:40):
estrangement is a valid experience that affects countless individuals from
all backgrounds. By recognizing and accepting this reality, we can
start to unarrival the intricate emotions that come with it.
We have to first acknowledge it. Just face the silence
and acknowledge it. The next thing we need to do
(14:04):
is we just gonna, like a lot of things, just
break the stigma. Embrace your truth. Just embrace your truth.
One of the most profound challenges of family estrangement is
the pervasive social stigma attached to it. People may feel
pressured to conceal their situation due to fear of judgment
(14:27):
or societal expectations. Embracing your truth and choosing authenticity over
shame is an act of courage that can liberate you
from the burden of secrecy. Remember, your feelings are valid
and your story is yours to own and share. Next,
(14:50):
we're gonna need to We're gonna need to nurture some
self love. Cultivate some compassion by nurturing.
Speaker 3 (14:57):
Some self love.
Speaker 2 (14:59):
And what I mean by this is amidst the tumult
of family estrangement, it's easy to be consumed by self
doubt and self criticism. However, this is precisely the moment
when self compassion becomes paramount.
Speaker 3 (15:18):
Be gentle with yourself.
Speaker 2 (15:20):
Acknowledge your pain, and allow yourself to heal at your
own pace. Nurturing self love is not only an act
of kindness, but a crucial step towards rebuilding your emotional resilience.
Speaker 3 (15:38):
And James.
Speaker 2 (15:38):
With many things we go through, you want to have
a support system. I think it's important to have connections
beyond blood. You know, and I'm pretty sure many of
us have heard situations or have situations where you're so
close to people where blood can have made no closer. So,
while family is stranged may create a void in your life,
(16:03):
remember that connections can be forged beyond blood relations Building
a support system of friends, mentors, or therapists can provide
the understanding and validation you need during difficult times. Surround
yourself with people who uplift and empower you. Nurturing relationships
(16:25):
that nourish your soul. Now we want to try to
move forward with some forgiveness. We want to embrace some
healing and growth, and these are all going to tie
in together and the journey of family estrangement, forgiveness becomes
a potent tool for both healing and growth. Forgiveness does
(16:49):
not excuse the herd cause, but it liberates you from
the chains of resentment and bitterness. Forgiveness as a gift
to yourself, paving the way for emotional liberation and new
found clarity.
Speaker 3 (17:11):
I want us to embrace.
Speaker 2 (17:14):
Possibilities by walking into something that's probably going to be
seeing taboo or known. You know, because as we navigate
the uncharted waters of being a strange from our family,
remember that in every ending lies a new beginning. Embrace
(17:36):
the unknown with confidence, knowing that within the depths of
uncertainty lies endless possibilities for growth, resilience, and self discovery.
Allow yourself to emerge from this chapter with new found
wisdom and a deeper understanding of your inner strength. Listen
(18:04):
your journey, your story. Remember that your journey of whatever
has called you to be a strength from your family,
it is uniquely yours.
Speaker 3 (18:20):
Embrace it. With courage, compassion and confidence. Confidence. Each step
you take towards healing and self discovery is a testament
to your resilience and inner strength.
Speaker 2 (18:35):
Embrace the unknown with an open heart, knowing that you
hold the power to shape your narrative and emerge from
this experience with newfound clarity and self assurance. Embrace your truth,
nurture your soul, and walk forward with confidence. The path
(18:56):
may be unknown, but within you lies the strength to
navigate its twisting turns with grace and resilience. Navigating the
complexities of being estranged from.
Speaker 3 (19:13):
Your family.
Speaker 2 (19:15):
Requires courage, compassion, and above all, a deep understanding of
your worth and inner strength. Embrace the journey ahead with
confidence and resilience, knowing that you hold the power to
(19:35):
shape your narrative and emerge stronger from this experience. Family
may be a source of support, but true strength lies
in the depths of your spirit, guiding you towards healing,
growth and self discovery. This quote that I have for
(20:03):
y'all today, and once again you know I'm always grateful
for y'all coming on down and joining me.
Speaker 3 (20:08):
To the QB zone. Just a sort of short and
simple quote.
Speaker 2 (20:12):
Listen, your strength is not in avoiding challenges, but in
overcoming them.