December 3, 2024 • 32 mins
Meet Aprille, a seasoned legal consultant and paralegal with over 30 years of experience specializing in family law, civil litigation, estate planning, and probate. She’s also got her master’s in industrial Organizational Psychology, and she brings that expertise to the negotiation table. Her education and experience in psychology transform how she guides clients through family transitions. She tackles every divorce case - from peaceful splits to complex battles - while ensuring children's needs stay front and center. Beyond the courtroom, she equips female entrepreneurs with airtight contracts and estate plans. Her unique blend of legal and psychological insight creates a fresh approach to family law.
Connect with Aprille!
Web: aprillebarkerparalegal.com
IG: @aprillejameson
FB: @aprillejamesonbarker
LI: Aprille Barker
Connect with Aprille!
Web: aprillebarkerparalegal.com
IG: @aprillejameson
FB: @aprillejamesonbarker
LI: Aprille Barker
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hi, I'm Wendy, and this is Divorce Doesn't Suck. I'm
talking all about the life you can live after divorce.
You'll hear regular people's stories about their divorces and how
they reinvented themselves and grew. You'll also get invaluable advice
from experts who serve in the divorce community. A little
about me. I'm a former TV producer and mom of two.
I got divorced in two thousand and eight when there
were really no outlets or platforms for me to turn to.
(00:22):
So I'm paying it forward and have created a platform
to help men and women learn that there absolutely is
a fresh, new and exciting life after divorce. Come with
me on this journey and paint your brand new blank
canvas of happily ever after divorce. This episode is brought
to in part by the Nito Kuda Law Firm Guidance
that Moves Lives Forward. Welcome to another episode of Divorce
(00:43):
Doesn't Suck. I'm your host, Wendy Sloan, and my guest
today is a season legal consultant and paralegal with over
thirty years of experience, specializes in family laws, civil litigation,
estate planning, and probate. She assists clients and navigating divorce
and offers guidance on post of matters, child support, parenting
plan and so much more. Joining me to share how
(01:04):
she helps people navigate through this divorce process, the divorce
process which is never easy, and we're always so welcoming
to hear this advice. Welcome April Barker, thank you, thank
you for having me today, Thank you for being here. So,
first of all, you have a degree in psychology and
(01:24):
a master's in industrial organizational psychology. Explain to us what
that is.
Speaker 2 (01:30):
Yes, so industrial organizational psychology. What that really is is
it's helping companies and organizations be able to figure out
is their leadership issues, are their morale issues, their motivation issues,
and kind of go in. It's very scientific. There's a
lot of data and testing that goes along with that.
(01:52):
And really what I was looking to do is kind
of like switch gears a little bit and to go
into different companies and to help people. And in doing so,
I was involved in a couple of different organizations and
one individual had suggested, why would I give up thirty
years worth of experience in the legal field, And I
actually gave that some consideration and some thought, and I thought,
(02:13):
you know what, She's right, why would I want to
give that up? And so I can really with my
education in my master's I can actually really kind of
incorporate that in with my business that I have right
now in helping individuals navigate through the divorce process or
post divorce issues or parenting plans, because it even though
(02:35):
it's business oriented, it actually does kind of fall into
personal life because you know, we have to get the
parties together to be able to communicate with one another, Right,
so I've got to discuss what are the issues, what
are their problems? How can I help, you know, these
parties be able to communicate post divorce, especially if they
(02:55):
have children. So the training that I have is actually
really good back around because I can I can understand
the psychology of individuals and how that is going to
play into their lives post divorce.
Speaker 1 (03:08):
I think that makes a lot of sense. That's why
I want you to explain it, because I'm like, Wow,
that really makes sense for you to be able to
do that, especially like, oh God, getting parties together to
communicate is so important. Is probably one of the most
important things besides picking the right person to help you
with the right attorney, the right person, however you go
about it, the communication is key, no matter what, no
(03:31):
matter all the baggage, no matter all the hurt, no
matter all the every all the emotions that you're going
through when you're going through a divorce.
Speaker 2 (03:38):
Exactly, Yes, it is very It's a very emotional process.
Even when you are amicable going through a divorce, it's
still a very emotional process because even if the individual
like really wants the divorce, there's still a grieving process
that you know, that happens. And so I've got to
be able to understand the you know, human emotion and
(04:01):
to be able to help the individual kind of see
that even though you're going through the divorce, there is
a light at the end of the tunnel, and that
I'm here to help them navigate through that process. And
it's not just I'm not just here to help them
fill out the forms and direct them in the right
direction in terms of how it needs to be filed,
what the discovery issues look like, all of that. I
(04:23):
also like to have the human side of it and
to be understanding, sympathetic, compassionate, empathetic, and to really have
them understand I understand and can appreciate the psychology of
going through the divorce, and especially if there are children involved.
And quite honestly, it doesn't matter if the children are
miners or adults, because the whole family unit is actually
(04:46):
going through this grieving process of the children are going
through the process of not having mom and dad together,
and mom and dad are you know, husband and wife
are going through the process because you know, maybe they've
been together for fifteen, twenty thirty years and now they're
separating and now you know, they were accustomed to a
certain way of living and now that's all going to change.
(05:06):
So it's it is a process to go through. So
I like to be able to help the individuals with
that aspect as well, and I feel like my background
in psychology can really help individuals.
Speaker 1 (05:16):
I absolutely one hundred percent degree having gone through a
divorce myself. I mean, it does no matter what age
the kids are. It affects the entire family unit and
the change for the for it could be good or
whatever wherever it works out to be for the better
in the end, when someone helps you go through that
whole process, because you know, everyone's everyone's emotions are different.
(05:39):
How the kids are feeling whatever age they are. Even
we've talked about this in the podcast that sometimes when
they say, oh, it's probably easier if I wait for
the kids to get through school, you know, to get older.
But then again, some of the people that have come
on and share their personal story said, my parents leaned
on me and I was just starting the second part
of my life. I was going to college, I was
going out on my own for the first time, and
(06:00):
then my parents were leaning on me, and it was
so all the stages. It's difficult.
Speaker 2 (06:05):
It is difficult. Yeah, it is difficult. And honestly, you know,
I hear that time and time again. What you just said,
a lot of couples will stay in the marriage for
the benefit of the children, and really what you have
to look at it is that really is not a
benefit to the children. It really can be a detriment
because what they're seeing is and what they're watching is
mom and dad fighting, mom and dad not getting along,
you know, doing things separately, being independent of one another,
(06:28):
and really showing a bad example of what a marriage,
a good marriage can be. So, you know, I understand
that people there their psychology of it because they don't
want to do wrong by their child or children. They
really want to be able to be there for them
and kind of keep the family together. But is it
really helping the child and children? Is it really, you know,
(06:50):
worth staying in a marriage and having your child or
children watch you and your husband or you and your
wife go through this difficult time and fighting all the
time because what the couple perceives is different than what
the children perceive.
Speaker 1 (07:05):
Absolutely so true. Yeah, I always say don't stay, don't
stay for the kids, because you're not helping the kids
in any way, and you're not helping yourself either, because
you know, we say, you know, yes, this is hard,
Yes this is difficult, but there is light at the
end of the tunnel eventually, and you do get there,
and you do get to have a two point h
or a three point h or four point oh or
(07:26):
whatever whatever whatever relationship you're on or divorce you're on.
There is light at the end of the tunnel if
you can get through it in a healthy way as
best as you can. What's your advice. I'm going to
ask that we're going to take a quick We're going
to take a listen to a quick message from our sponsor,
and I'm going to ask you to come back. What's
your advice to someone to stay healthy going through this.
(07:46):
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how do you keep yourself? How do you help your
clients stay healthy during this? Because that's so key too,
(09:34):
because emotionally and physically it's very difficult.
Speaker 2 (09:38):
Right exactly, So I kind of listen. It's a really
case by case situation. Although with that being said, I'm
sure you could kind of blanket it to all the
individuals who are going through a divorce, But depending upon
the severity of the divorce, like the number of years
you were married, whether or not you were an abusive relationship,
you know, how are you gonna be able to manage
(10:00):
life on your own? So one of the things that
I really recommend that you do is make sure you
have a good support base, whether that's family you can
lean on, friends you can lean on, And if you
don't really have that or feel like you don't want
to lean on family of friends, I highly recommend therapy
because therapy can really help an individual see for what
(10:21):
it really is. You know, in their minds, they're perceiving
something that may not it's real to them and thinking
that how am I going to handle life financially? How
am I going to be able to be in a
home where it's just one person's income? How am I
going to be able to deal with all of that?
That's a lot, especially the financial piece. It's a very
(10:42):
big deal, and a lot of people get really, you know,
that's their fear, right, It's all really kind of fear based,
and especially like with women, if they're going through the divorce,
sometimes they have a really great career. You know, they're
making pretty good money, and even though they had their
husband's income, who was also a good earner, they still
get afraid because they're so used to a certain way
(11:03):
of living, a standard of life that they're no longer
going to have because they only have their income, possibly
alimony depending upon the situation, and child support definitely, but
also depending upon the age of the children if they
age out, depending upon the state you live in, that
could be eighteen, it could be twenty four years old
if they if they stay in college, what does all
(11:23):
that look like? So that's difficult, the financial piece of it.
So I try to give them guidance by either a
they might want to go talk with a therapist, or B,
if they do not have a financial advisor, recommend some
financial advisors for them to go speak with so that
they can feel comfortable and confident as to where they're
going financially. And then myself, you know, helping them, directing them,
(11:47):
giving them recommendations, giving them say, you know, I know
great financial advisor, I know a good counselor you know,
I know maybe a women's group that maybe or a
men's group that you might want to go and be
a part of to kind of discs us what it
is that you're going through, especially if there's domestic violence
involved through a divorce. I think some women get a
(12:07):
little or even a man. You know, men can be
abused as well. You know, where do they go? What
do they do? Because they're so used to being beaten
down that they feel like they can't live on their
own and do their own thing, and they have to
get permission to do things. So I want to be
able to be useful and be a catalyst to help
them overcome that hurdle.
Speaker 1 (12:28):
Amazing, It sounds like you really have a plan for everybody.
Where do you start with somebody when they first come
to you.
Speaker 2 (12:36):
So if somebody is looking for a divorce and they
meet with me, we sit down and we have probably
an hour consultation, and I ask them give me, you know,
tell me a little bit about your background, educational. Do
you come from a divorce family? How many children do
you have, What kind of finances do you have? What
is your career? Do you have a career. Have you
(12:56):
been a stay at home mom or if it's the dad,
has your wife always stayed home? You know, what kind
of a lifestyle did you have and how long have
you been married, because that's very important to discuss the
number of years that a couple has been married. Short
term marriages are fairly easy to work with. It's a
long term marriages that can be complex because you're dealing
(13:18):
with so much. You've got to say, it's a thirty
year marriage and you've got a couple, you know they've
really built things up from zero to making all this money,
having maybe multiple homes, multiple cars, boats, things of all that.
That's a lot to consider. So I really need to
get a good background, a bird's eye view. I don't
need to know every single solitary specific, but to have
(13:39):
a good bird's eye view saying, Okay, I've got two homes,
I've got a lake house, I've got a residential home.
I own a business or not. My husband owns a
business or not, my wife owns a business or not.
So it's really kind of going through a lot of
the details of what it is that the individual has,
and then I want to find out what is their goal,
what are they looking to accomplish, what would they like
(14:00):
to see at the end of the divorce. And what
I find is when we're starting the divorce process, they
really then they're sometimes they're not too sure. How do
I answer those questions? Right, it's a lot to think about.
So if we have to break it down and say, okay,
we're going to talk about we'll just talk about the marriage.
When did you get married, how many children do you have?
(14:22):
Do you know? How many homes do you have? One
to know homes, depending upon what all of that is,
and then we just kind of like take baby steps
from there. So I kind of read from the client
as to where they're at, like how nervous are they,
how upset are they, and just kind of go through
through the process that way. But ultimately at the end,
I really kind of want to know what their goal is,
(14:43):
with the understanding that their goal may change from the
first day they meet me until we go to either
a mediation or we go for a temporary hearing, because
things can really change in the course of several months.
Speaker 1 (14:57):
So do you stay with them through the whole process? Yes, yeah,
that has to be helpful, So.
Speaker 2 (15:03):
Yes, exactly. So like hand hauling nobody.
Speaker 1 (15:06):
By your side, because your friends and your family can
be there, you know, you can have been there, but
if they haven't gone through it, or they don't know
and understand the process and everything that involves. It's not
the same thing. As helpful as it can be, it's
not the same thing. So how great that you can
follow somebody and I would have loved to have somebody
(15:27):
like you by my side through the whole process, because
your head can get a little bit confused, and you
can be so emotional and you have the fear running
through you and.
Speaker 2 (15:37):
Everything else exactly exactly. So it's not just the divorce process,
like for example, it's not just okay, you got to
fill out this form. Okay, we've got to fill out
the petition for divorce. We've got to fill out a
financial affidavit, We've got to do a parenting plan, a
final divorce decree, a temporary decree. That's all stuff that, yes,
we can talk about, but it really is it's the
human peace to it, because they're hurting, you know, when
(16:00):
you're when you're going through a divorce. Obviously, people are
not coming to you kicking their heels up and be like, yeah,
I'm getting a divorce. You know, even if you want it.
They're not saying that. They they're they're very they're distraught
because life as they know it will change. And even
though the life that they were living may not have
been under good circumstances, of good conditions, it was still
something they were familiar with. Sometimes the devil you know
is better than the one you don't, so it's hard
(16:21):
to overcome that.
Speaker 1 (16:24):
So true, the devil you know is better than the
devil that you don't know. That's a very very good saying.
Oh boy, so can you share like a story of
somebody like something obviously not was naming names or anything
like that. Share somebody that you that was really difficult
that you got through it. Share a little bit about
(16:45):
that journey.
Speaker 2 (16:46):
Yes. So there was a couple that I was They
were obviously going through a divorce and we had represented
the woman and she was a stay at home mom
and her husband had made a lot of money and
it was they owned a lot of property. He actually
had money. He had a huge inheritance that he was
(17:08):
going to be getting, which actually does get factored into
the divorce, especially the duration of the marriage here in
the state of New Hampshire. You know, inheritance gets factored in.
And of course he didn't want to, you know, lose
his inheritance, but she ultimately got it. They had two
kids together, they were young, and they were constantly fighting
(17:30):
and everything was a battle and everything was emotion, you know.
So it wasn't an amicable divorce or a divorce that
could have gone through mediation. The parties just they couldn't.
They couldn't. They couldn't even agree to disagree. It was
a very difficult situation that they had to go through.
So I was just like there for her, you know,
(17:51):
being her cheerleader, encouraging her, giving her like the ins
and outs of how the divorce would work, how to
how we're going to prepare for her hearing. You know,
he was not forthcoming with disclosing financial documents. We had
to do a motion to compel to the court and
then get attorney's fees for her on that because he
just wouldn't do it. And there are rules where you
(18:12):
have to disclose your finances and he wouldn't do it.
So it was just like being there with her constantly
and encouraging her, telling her it's all going to be fine.
I know what stinks going through this process, but we
will get you to the other end. And we did persevere,
and she.
Speaker 1 (18:29):
Was able to get what was due to her amazing,
amazing that you were standing by her side. Can we
talk about inheritance a little bit because that's a subject
I haven't touched that much on this podcast. How does
that work? I know in different states it's different depending
on the years of marriage. So if you come into
if you inherit it during the marriage or if you
(18:50):
had it before, can you explain all that right?
Speaker 2 (18:53):
So, if you had the inheritance before you were married,
that could be tricky if you go through a divorce,
let's say now instead of like a thirty year marriage,
it's a ten year marriage and husband got an inheritance
and now we're fast forward going through a divorce. He
got the inheritance maybe five years before the marriage had occurred.
(19:16):
Now it's fifteen years later, ten years of marriage.
Speaker 1 (19:19):
What does she get?
Speaker 2 (19:20):
Is she entitled to anything from the inheritance? And the
answer is yes, because it's something that the parties had
lived on and you can't. It's like, okay, so how
much did you spend any of that money? Did you
invest any of that money? Those are things I think
that would have to be discussed through the discovery process,
and if the individual who received the inheritance went ahead
(19:43):
and just put it all away into some sort of
an investment account and never touched for anything. I think
at that point in time, what we could do, knowing
that the money was never used, it was purely invested,
parties didn't live off of it, what we could do
is we could take the valuation from the date of
marriage and then going forward as to what was the
(20:05):
income at that time or what was the investment worth
at the date of the marriage to the date of
the divorce. Doing something like that, what I would recommend
is hiring they have actually financial advisors who work solely
with divorce individuals. And when you have those advisors that
help you with through the divorce process, they actually it's
(20:26):
like a forensic kind of like financial advisor that can
look at what was what was the value at the
date of the marriage, and then now what is the
value now? And then the individual who was the recipient
to receive those funds could receive upwards to fifty percent
of the inheritance. So it really does depend upon the
state that you're living in, because I know some states
(20:48):
that you get to keep your inheritance and others not.
Speaker 1 (20:52):
So inherent money or during your marriage, it.
Speaker 2 (20:56):
Is considered a marital asset.
Speaker 1 (20:59):
Interesting no matter how long you're married.
Speaker 2 (21:03):
Well, you know, if it's a short term marriage, I
would hope that the individual would be like, you know, really,
you've only been married for four or five years, and
it's just seriously, I don't think I would convince the
client to say you should really forfeit it, and I
have done that because it's you know, it's inheritance that
you're getting from a parent, right and that's your parent,
(21:25):
And if it's a short term marriage, you guys really
weren't together financially anyhow, I would really encourage the person
who would be receiving the inheritance to not take it,
because I don't think that that's fair. I think inheritance
sometimes can be a tricky situation, can be unfair, and
I understand we have laws that we have to adhere to. However,
(21:47):
if it's an amicable divorce, I mean, you can forego inheritance.
And the other thing that I might suggest if it's
a short term marriage, like a five to seven year marriage,
is say, okay, how can we how can we make
it make you all whole? So it's if it's an
account that you have that the inheritance is in there,
can we take it from someplace else? Like in other words,
(22:09):
the person who has the inheritance, they may give up
a little some.
Speaker 1 (22:13):
Maybe give up a piece of the house or a
less of the house, or split the split of the
house or the split of something or whatever. It is interesting.
So thirty years of experience specializing in all of this,
what had so much must have changed since the beginning
of time when you first started this.
Speaker 2 (22:31):
Yes, so in the state of New Hampshire in the beginning,
when you were going through a divorce, you would actually
get divorced in the superior court. So probably about I'm
going to say ten to seventeen years ago, maybe even
twenty about thereabouts, we now have circuit courts, so we
actually now have a family division in the State of
New Hampshire throughout the State of New Hampshire, through the
(22:52):
different counties, and the rules have changed. Before it was
there really was no family law. Is like the White
Wild West. There's a lot that you can actually get
away with, but there are rules you have to go
buy and one of them is we have a disclosure
of financials that must be met. So even if the
(23:13):
parties have finances together, you really need to still disclose
unless they waive the right to do that. But sometimes,
like for example, retirement accounts that's not in each other's
names because you're getting it through your employer, and sometimes
spouses don't even know what their spouse has for retirement.
So it's important to understand. Get those financial statements, you know,
(23:33):
exchange those financial statements, exchange credit card debt, exchange bank statements,
you know, annuities, retirements, four oh one ks, pension plans,
certificates of deposit, money market account checking savings because sometimes
some couples they have their own separate accounts, right, So
to make it, New Hampshire is a true fifty to
(23:54):
fifty state. So if you really need to have all
of that disclosure, and if you don't, there is a
case is New Hampshire Supreme Court case Chaft Master that
if you do not disclose your financial records and your
ex spouse finds out about it, you stand to lose
it all.
Speaker 1 (24:12):
Well, so I think that's actually a good one. Yes, right,
So there's no games, you can't play games.
Speaker 2 (24:18):
Right exactly.
Speaker 1 (24:20):
I think every state should have that, don't you?
Speaker 2 (24:24):
Absolutely? Yeah, right, because it's not fair to to either party. Really.
I mean, I know that nobody wants to give up
their money. Nobody wants to give up their home, their cars,
their boats, you know whatever, their houses. Nobody wants to
do that. But the situation is you are going through
a divorce. Life as you know, it will change and
(24:44):
you are going to have to give things up you are,
and you know another thing that you can do going
through your divorce is go through mediation. And I always say,
if both parties walk out of remediation unhappy, then the
job was done correctly because that means that both parties
had to concede when they didn't want to.
Speaker 1 (25:04):
Well, before we go, I want to talk about that.
So you're in mediation training, tell us why you wanted
to do that, and tell us how that's going to
work for you.
Speaker 2 (25:13):
So I'm almost completed with my mediation training. I'm very excited.
I'm going to become from a certified in New Hampshire
family law mediator. And really what that allows me to
do is it allows me to work with couples who
are either court ordered to go through mediation or want
to go through private mediation, and we try to come
to a resolution from beginning to end. So whether it's
(25:34):
a parenting plan, the final divorce, to create division of assets,
you know, alimony, child support, who's going to stay in
the house, who's going to get what car? How are
the retirement account's going to be divided amongst the parties?
And the reason why that I really want to do
this is because I love to help people, and especially
(25:56):
people who are in tough spots, and I really feel
it's a valuable tool to have in my arsenal to
be a mediator to help people and to tell and
to educate them on what the divorce is going to
be and what all that means and what it looks like,
and to help them come to a resolution with the
understanding that somebody or both parties are going to be
(26:19):
a little unhappy, but it's important that at least somebody
gets something that they want out of the divorce so
that they can go on and feel like, Okay, they
got something out of it. Because most people who are
going through divorce, I won't say all, but most can
be very bitter on both sides, very angry, maybe even
a little hostility might be sprinkled in there. So my
(26:42):
hope would be to let them know I understand all
of that. You can be angry, you can be mad,
you can be disappointed, you can be fearful, but also
understand that I'm here to help you guide through this
so that you can see the light at the end
of the tunnel and that you can know that once
the divorce process is over, you will be fine, you
will be happy, and you will move on and there
(27:04):
is life after divorce.
Speaker 1 (27:06):
Absolutely, I feel like you're you would you're very Uh
how do I say the right word? You're you're very fair,
but even your client, your client, you're obviously you're fair too,
But I feel like you're fair. You try to make
it fair to both sides, and you're right. And that's
what I got through this, this whole talk with you,
(27:26):
because you know you, like you said, mediation. If you
walk away and you're both not happy, that's a good thing, right,
because there's no winner, there's no loser, because there's no
winner or.
Speaker 2 (27:35):
Loser in this anyway, no matter what exactly right that
that was.
Speaker 1 (27:39):
I thought, really key what you said. And you're married
to an attorney, I am, so how does that do
you guys talk about this stuff? A lot, or do you.
Speaker 2 (27:47):
Try to like, No, actually, we do, like we'll bounce
things off of one another. He was in family life
for quite some time and stepped out of that role
probably four or five years ago. And it's funny because
now I'm stepping back into that role again of helping
individuals through divorce. But yeah, we do. We do talk
about cases together and it helps me too, and uh
(28:08):
to navigate individuals and write back at him if he's
got a case that he's working on. It's great to
be able to talk about that together. Yeah, I do.
Speaker 1 (28:17):
I feel like having somebody like you by by your
side when you're going through this is so helpful and
and I and I want to say a little bit
cost efficient too, because you can help do a lot
of things that the attorneys do that cost a lot
more money probably, and you stay with them through the
whole process and help them because it's really hard to
navigate the divorce by yourself. It is, and it's and
(28:38):
you want to you want to push that button because
you're probably getting gas lit on the other side or something.
And you want to text that attorney or you want
to email that attorney NonStop, NonStop, and then your bill
just grows astronomically for things that that that you can
get helped the other way you can get help with
someone like you too. I think you kind of ease
(28:59):
that is that angst to want to push that button
for that attorney all the time.
Speaker 2 (29:05):
Right exactly, Yep. I am definitely at a far lesser
rate than what an attorney would be. The one disclaimer
that I want to put out there is that I'm
not allowed to sit at council's table. So if an
individual is going through a divorce and they want my help,
I absolutely can. But the one thing I can't do
is actually sit at council's table. That's like the one
(29:25):
and only thing I cannot do. So the individual is
clear on my role as a paralegal legal consultant, and
then I can educate them, navigate them through the forms,
navigate them through the emotional process of what all this
looks like and what does it mean, and that there is,
like we said, life after divorce, and that everything you
know will be fine. If also sometimes like if the
(29:49):
party comes to me and I say to them, hey,
do you think maybe we might want to try mediation?
You know, because I'm held to a very different standard
than an attorney. I still have to be careful, of course,
because I wouldn't want to be accused of unauthorized practice
of law. But what I can do is say I
can help you through navigate the forms, help you hold
(30:11):
your hand, make sure you got everything right, help you
out emotionally. But also another question that I might ask
in the beginning of the divorce is what you had
asked me previously, is I might ask, do you think
this could be an amicable divorce? Do you think if
that's the case, you know we could mediate and I
could help you mediate through the divorce. I just actually
helped a couple this past spring. There's a thirty year marriage,
(30:34):
and I helped them through their divorce process and they
were very appreciative because it saved them a lot of
time and money and we were able to file everything
in a packet, so nobody ever had a step foot
in court.
Speaker 1 (30:44):
I love that. Try and stay away from court, Try
and stay away from the judge. Don't let the judge
make the decision for you. I mean, if we've learned
anything from this podcast, from all from all my episodes,
don't let the judge make the decision for you. There's
so many resources out there there Now divorce is not
taboo like it used to be. There's people like you,
(31:05):
there's life coaches, there's transformation coaches that I've had on here,
and there's people sharing their real stories that can help
you navigate what you don't want to do, because there's
a lot of things you don't want to do through
this process. So you're a world of knowledge, that is
for sure, and so helpful with your background and with
(31:27):
your training and with all and of course now you're
you're in mediation training, which is so great too. So
thank you for sharing all this and sharing some of
the stories too, and this is so helpful to the listeners.
Speaker 2 (31:39):
Yeah, thank you very much for having me. It was
very enjoyable.
Speaker 1 (31:42):
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dot com or call two three five five seven nine
five zero zero
Hi, I'm Wendy, and this is Divorce Doesn't Suck. I'm
talking all about the life you can live after divorce.
You'll hear regular people's stories about their divorces and how
they reinvented themselves and grew. You'll also get invaluable advice
from experts who serve in the divorce community. A little
about me. I'm a former TV producer and mom of two.
I got divorced in two thousand and eight when there
were really no outlets or platforms for me to turn to.
(00:22):
So I'm paying it forward and have created a platform
to help men and women learn that there absolutely is
a fresh, new and exciting life after divorce. Come with
me on this journey and paint your brand new blank
canvas of happily ever after divorce. This episode is brought
to in part by the Nito Kuda Law Firm Guidance
that Moves Lives Forward. Welcome to another episode of Divorce
(00:43):
Doesn't Suck. I'm your host, Wendy Sloan, and my guest
today is a season legal consultant and paralegal with over
thirty years of experience, specializes in family laws, civil litigation,
estate planning, and probate. She assists clients and navigating divorce
and offers guidance on post of matters, child support, parenting
plan and so much more. Joining me to share how
(01:04):
she helps people navigate through this divorce process, the divorce
process which is never easy, and we're always so welcoming
to hear this advice. Welcome April Barker, thank you, thank
you for having me today, Thank you for being here. So,
first of all, you have a degree in psychology and
(01:24):
a master's in industrial organizational psychology. Explain to us what
that is.
Speaker 2 (01:30):
Yes, so industrial organizational psychology. What that really is is
it's helping companies and organizations be able to figure out
is their leadership issues, are their morale issues, their motivation issues,
and kind of go in. It's very scientific. There's a
lot of data and testing that goes along with that.
(01:52):
And really what I was looking to do is kind
of like switch gears a little bit and to go
into different companies and to help people. And in doing so,
I was involved in a couple of different organizations and
one individual had suggested, why would I give up thirty
years worth of experience in the legal field, And I
actually gave that some consideration and some thought, and I thought,
(02:13):
you know what, She's right, why would I want to
give that up? And so I can really with my
education in my master's I can actually really kind of
incorporate that in with my business that I have right
now in helping individuals navigate through the divorce process or
post divorce issues or parenting plans, because it even though
(02:35):
it's business oriented, it actually does kind of fall into
personal life because you know, we have to get the
parties together to be able to communicate with one another, Right,
so I've got to discuss what are the issues, what
are their problems? How can I help, you know, these
parties be able to communicate post divorce, especially if they
(02:55):
have children. So the training that I have is actually
really good back around because I can I can understand
the psychology of individuals and how that is going to
play into their lives post divorce.
Speaker 1 (03:08):
I think that makes a lot of sense. That's why
I want you to explain it, because I'm like, Wow,
that really makes sense for you to be able to
do that, especially like, oh God, getting parties together to
communicate is so important. Is probably one of the most
important things besides picking the right person to help you
with the right attorney, the right person, however you go
about it, the communication is key, no matter what, no
(03:31):
matter all the baggage, no matter all the hurt, no
matter all the every all the emotions that you're going
through when you're going through a divorce.
Speaker 2 (03:38):
Exactly, Yes, it is very It's a very emotional process.
Even when you are amicable going through a divorce, it's
still a very emotional process because even if the individual
like really wants the divorce, there's still a grieving process
that you know, that happens. And so I've got to
be able to understand the you know, human emotion and
(04:01):
to be able to help the individual kind of see
that even though you're going through the divorce, there is
a light at the end of the tunnel, and that
I'm here to help them navigate through that process. And
it's not just I'm not just here to help them
fill out the forms and direct them in the right
direction in terms of how it needs to be filed,
what the discovery issues look like, all of that. I
(04:23):
also like to have the human side of it and
to be understanding, sympathetic, compassionate, empathetic, and to really have
them understand I understand and can appreciate the psychology of
going through the divorce, and especially if there are children involved.
And quite honestly, it doesn't matter if the children are
miners or adults, because the whole family unit is actually
(04:46):
going through this grieving process of the children are going
through the process of not having mom and dad together,
and mom and dad are you know, husband and wife
are going through the process because you know, maybe they've
been together for fifteen, twenty thirty years and now they're
separating and now you know, they were accustomed to a
certain way of living and now that's all going to change.
(05:06):
So it's it is a process to go through. So
I like to be able to help the individuals with
that aspect as well, and I feel like my background
in psychology can really help individuals.
Speaker 1 (05:16):
I absolutely one hundred percent degree having gone through a
divorce myself. I mean, it does no matter what age
the kids are. It affects the entire family unit and
the change for the for it could be good or
whatever wherever it works out to be for the better
in the end, when someone helps you go through that
whole process, because you know, everyone's everyone's emotions are different.
(05:39):
How the kids are feeling whatever age they are. Even
we've talked about this in the podcast that sometimes when
they say, oh, it's probably easier if I wait for
the kids to get through school, you know, to get older.
But then again, some of the people that have come
on and share their personal story said, my parents leaned
on me and I was just starting the second part
of my life. I was going to college, I was
going out on my own for the first time, and
(06:00):
then my parents were leaning on me, and it was
so all the stages. It's difficult.
Speaker 2 (06:05):
It is difficult. Yeah, it is difficult. And honestly, you know,
I hear that time and time again. What you just said,
a lot of couples will stay in the marriage for
the benefit of the children, and really what you have
to look at it is that really is not a
benefit to the children. It really can be a detriment
because what they're seeing is and what they're watching is
mom and dad fighting, mom and dad not getting along,
you know, doing things separately, being independent of one another,
(06:28):
and really showing a bad example of what a marriage,
a good marriage can be. So, you know, I understand
that people there their psychology of it because they don't
want to do wrong by their child or children. They
really want to be able to be there for them
and kind of keep the family together. But is it
really helping the child and children? Is it really, you know,
(06:50):
worth staying in a marriage and having your child or
children watch you and your husband or you and your
wife go through this difficult time and fighting all the
time because what the couple perceives is different than what
the children perceive.
Speaker 1 (07:05):
Absolutely so true. Yeah, I always say don't stay, don't
stay for the kids, because you're not helping the kids
in any way, and you're not helping yourself either, because
you know, we say, you know, yes, this is hard,
Yes this is difficult, but there is light at the
end of the tunnel eventually, and you do get there,
and you do get to have a two point h
or a three point h or four point oh or
(07:26):
whatever whatever whatever relationship you're on or divorce you're on.
There is light at the end of the tunnel if
you can get through it in a healthy way as
best as you can. What's your advice. I'm going to
ask that we're going to take a quick We're going
to take a listen to a quick message from our sponsor,
and I'm going to ask you to come back. What's
your advice to someone to stay healthy going through this.
(07:46):
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(08:29):
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and save fifty dollars on your device. We're back. So,
how do you keep yourself? How do you help your
clients stay healthy during this? Because that's so key too,
(09:34):
because emotionally and physically it's very difficult.
Speaker 2 (09:38):
Right exactly, So I kind of listen. It's a really
case by case situation. Although with that being said, I'm
sure you could kind of blanket it to all the
individuals who are going through a divorce, But depending upon
the severity of the divorce, like the number of years
you were married, whether or not you were an abusive relationship,
you know, how are you gonna be able to manage
(10:00):
life on your own? So one of the things that
I really recommend that you do is make sure you
have a good support base, whether that's family you can
lean on, friends you can lean on, And if you
don't really have that or feel like you don't want
to lean on family of friends, I highly recommend therapy
because therapy can really help an individual see for what
(10:21):
it really is. You know, in their minds, they're perceiving
something that may not it's real to them and thinking
that how am I going to handle life financially? How
am I going to be able to be in a
home where it's just one person's income? How am I
going to be able to deal with all of that?
That's a lot, especially the financial piece. It's a very
(10:42):
big deal, and a lot of people get really, you know,
that's their fear, right, It's all really kind of fear based,
and especially like with women, if they're going through the divorce,
sometimes they have a really great career. You know, they're
making pretty good money, and even though they had their
husband's income, who was also a good earner, they still
get afraid because they're so used to a certain way
(11:03):
of living, a standard of life that they're no longer
going to have because they only have their income, possibly
alimony depending upon the situation, and child support definitely, but
also depending upon the age of the children if they
age out, depending upon the state you live in, that
could be eighteen, it could be twenty four years old
if they if they stay in college, what does all
(11:23):
that look like? So that's difficult, the financial piece of it.
So I try to give them guidance by either a
they might want to go talk with a therapist, or B,
if they do not have a financial advisor, recommend some
financial advisors for them to go speak with so that
they can feel comfortable and confident as to where they're
going financially. And then myself, you know, helping them, directing them,
(11:47):
giving them recommendations, giving them say, you know, I know
great financial advisor, I know a good counselor you know,
I know maybe a women's group that maybe or a
men's group that you might want to go and be
a part of to kind of discs us what it
is that you're going through, especially if there's domestic violence
involved through a divorce. I think some women get a
(12:07):
little or even a man. You know, men can be
abused as well. You know, where do they go? What
do they do? Because they're so used to being beaten
down that they feel like they can't live on their
own and do their own thing, and they have to
get permission to do things. So I want to be
able to be useful and be a catalyst to help
them overcome that hurdle.
Speaker 1 (12:28):
Amazing, It sounds like you really have a plan for everybody.
Where do you start with somebody when they first come
to you.
Speaker 2 (12:36):
So if somebody is looking for a divorce and they
meet with me, we sit down and we have probably
an hour consultation, and I ask them give me, you know,
tell me a little bit about your background, educational. Do
you come from a divorce family? How many children do
you have, What kind of finances do you have? What
is your career? Do you have a career. Have you
(12:56):
been a stay at home mom or if it's the dad,
has your wife always stayed home? You know, what kind
of a lifestyle did you have and how long have
you been married, because that's very important to discuss the
number of years that a couple has been married. Short
term marriages are fairly easy to work with. It's a
long term marriages that can be complex because you're dealing
(13:18):
with so much. You've got to say, it's a thirty
year marriage and you've got a couple, you know they've
really built things up from zero to making all this money,
having maybe multiple homes, multiple cars, boats, things of all that.
That's a lot to consider. So I really need to
get a good background, a bird's eye view. I don't
need to know every single solitary specific, but to have
(13:39):
a good bird's eye view saying, Okay, I've got two homes,
I've got a lake house, I've got a residential home.
I own a business or not. My husband owns a
business or not, my wife owns a business or not.
So it's really kind of going through a lot of
the details of what it is that the individual has,
and then I want to find out what is their goal,
what are they looking to accomplish, what would they like
(14:00):
to see at the end of the divorce. And what
I find is when we're starting the divorce process, they
really then they're sometimes they're not too sure. How do
I answer those questions? Right, it's a lot to think about.
So if we have to break it down and say, okay,
we're going to talk about we'll just talk about the marriage.
When did you get married, how many children do you have?
(14:22):
Do you know? How many homes do you have? One
to know homes, depending upon what all of that is,
and then we just kind of like take baby steps
from there. So I kind of read from the client
as to where they're at, like how nervous are they,
how upset are they, and just kind of go through
through the process that way. But ultimately at the end,
I really kind of want to know what their goal is,
(14:43):
with the understanding that their goal may change from the
first day they meet me until we go to either
a mediation or we go for a temporary hearing, because
things can really change in the course of several months.
Speaker 1 (14:57):
So do you stay with them through the whole process? Yes, yeah,
that has to be helpful, So.
Speaker 2 (15:03):
Yes, exactly. So like hand hauling nobody.
Speaker 1 (15:06):
By your side, because your friends and your family can
be there, you know, you can have been there, but
if they haven't gone through it, or they don't know
and understand the process and everything that involves. It's not
the same thing. As helpful as it can be, it's
not the same thing. So how great that you can
follow somebody and I would have loved to have somebody
(15:27):
like you by my side through the whole process, because
your head can get a little bit confused, and you
can be so emotional and you have the fear running
through you and.
Speaker 2 (15:37):
Everything else exactly exactly. So it's not just the divorce process,
like for example, it's not just okay, you got to
fill out this form. Okay, we've got to fill out
the petition for divorce. We've got to fill out a
financial affidavit, We've got to do a parenting plan, a
final divorce decree, a temporary decree. That's all stuff that, yes,
we can talk about, but it really is it's the
human peace to it, because they're hurting, you know, when
(16:00):
you're when you're going through a divorce. Obviously, people are
not coming to you kicking their heels up and be like, yeah,
I'm getting a divorce. You know, even if you want it.
They're not saying that. They they're they're very they're distraught
because life as they know it will change. And even
though the life that they were living may not have
been under good circumstances, of good conditions, it was still
something they were familiar with. Sometimes the devil you know
is better than the one you don't, so it's hard
(16:21):
to overcome that.
Speaker 1 (16:24):
So true, the devil you know is better than the
devil that you don't know. That's a very very good saying.
Oh boy, so can you share like a story of
somebody like something obviously not was naming names or anything
like that. Share somebody that you that was really difficult
that you got through it. Share a little bit about
(16:45):
that journey.
Speaker 2 (16:46):
Yes. So there was a couple that I was They
were obviously going through a divorce and we had represented
the woman and she was a stay at home mom
and her husband had made a lot of money and
it was they owned a lot of property. He actually
had money. He had a huge inheritance that he was
(17:08):
going to be getting, which actually does get factored into
the divorce, especially the duration of the marriage here in
the state of New Hampshire. You know, inheritance gets factored in.
And of course he didn't want to, you know, lose
his inheritance, but she ultimately got it. They had two
kids together, they were young, and they were constantly fighting
(17:30):
and everything was a battle and everything was emotion, you know.
So it wasn't an amicable divorce or a divorce that
could have gone through mediation. The parties just they couldn't.
They couldn't. They couldn't even agree to disagree. It was
a very difficult situation that they had to go through.
So I was just like there for her, you know,
(17:51):
being her cheerleader, encouraging her, giving her like the ins
and outs of how the divorce would work, how to
how we're going to prepare for her hearing. You know,
he was not forthcoming with disclosing financial documents. We had
to do a motion to compel to the court and
then get attorney's fees for her on that because he
just wouldn't do it. And there are rules where you
(18:12):
have to disclose your finances and he wouldn't do it.
So it was just like being there with her constantly
and encouraging her, telling her it's all going to be fine.
I know what stinks going through this process, but we
will get you to the other end. And we did persevere,
and she.
Speaker 1 (18:29):
Was able to get what was due to her amazing,
amazing that you were standing by her side. Can we
talk about inheritance a little bit because that's a subject
I haven't touched that much on this podcast. How does
that work? I know in different states it's different depending
on the years of marriage. So if you come into
if you inherit it during the marriage or if you
(18:50):
had it before, can you explain all that right?
Speaker 2 (18:53):
So, if you had the inheritance before you were married,
that could be tricky if you go through a divorce,
let's say now instead of like a thirty year marriage,
it's a ten year marriage and husband got an inheritance
and now we're fast forward going through a divorce. He
got the inheritance maybe five years before the marriage had occurred.
(19:16):
Now it's fifteen years later, ten years of marriage.
Speaker 1 (19:19):
What does she get?
Speaker 2 (19:20):
Is she entitled to anything from the inheritance? And the
answer is yes, because it's something that the parties had
lived on and you can't. It's like, okay, so how
much did you spend any of that money? Did you
invest any of that money? Those are things I think
that would have to be discussed through the discovery process,
and if the individual who received the inheritance went ahead
(19:43):
and just put it all away into some sort of
an investment account and never touched for anything. I think
at that point in time, what we could do, knowing
that the money was never used, it was purely invested,
parties didn't live off of it, what we could do
is we could take the valuation from the date of
marriage and then going forward as to what was the
(20:05):
income at that time or what was the investment worth
at the date of the marriage to the date of
the divorce. Doing something like that, what I would recommend
is hiring they have actually financial advisors who work solely
with divorce individuals. And when you have those advisors that
help you with through the divorce process, they actually it's
(20:26):
like a forensic kind of like financial advisor that can
look at what was what was the value at the
date of the marriage, and then now what is the
value now? And then the individual who was the recipient
to receive those funds could receive upwards to fifty percent
of the inheritance. So it really does depend upon the
state that you're living in, because I know some states
(20:48):
that you get to keep your inheritance and others not.
Speaker 1 (20:52):
So inherent money or during your marriage, it.
Speaker 2 (20:56):
Is considered a marital asset.
Speaker 1 (20:59):
Interesting no matter how long you're married.
Speaker 2 (21:03):
Well, you know, if it's a short term marriage, I
would hope that the individual would be like, you know, really,
you've only been married for four or five years, and
it's just seriously, I don't think I would convince the
client to say you should really forfeit it, and I
have done that because it's you know, it's inheritance that
you're getting from a parent, right and that's your parent,
(21:25):
And if it's a short term marriage, you guys really
weren't together financially anyhow, I would really encourage the person
who would be receiving the inheritance to not take it,
because I don't think that that's fair. I think inheritance
sometimes can be a tricky situation, can be unfair, and
I understand we have laws that we have to adhere to. However,
(21:47):
if it's an amicable divorce, I mean, you can forego inheritance.
And the other thing that I might suggest if it's
a short term marriage, like a five to seven year marriage,
is say, okay, how can we how can we make
it make you all whole? So it's if it's an
account that you have that the inheritance is in there,
can we take it from someplace else? Like in other words,
(22:09):
the person who has the inheritance, they may give up
a little some.
Speaker 1 (22:13):
Maybe give up a piece of the house or a
less of the house, or split the split of the
house or the split of something or whatever. It is interesting.
So thirty years of experience specializing in all of this,
what had so much must have changed since the beginning
of time when you first started this.
Speaker 2 (22:31):
Yes, so in the state of New Hampshire in the beginning,
when you were going through a divorce, you would actually
get divorced in the superior court. So probably about I'm
going to say ten to seventeen years ago, maybe even
twenty about thereabouts, we now have circuit courts, so we
actually now have a family division in the State of
New Hampshire throughout the State of New Hampshire, through the
(22:52):
different counties, and the rules have changed. Before it was
there really was no family law. Is like the White
Wild West. There's a lot that you can actually get
away with, but there are rules you have to go
buy and one of them is we have a disclosure
of financials that must be met. So even if the
(23:13):
parties have finances together, you really need to still disclose
unless they waive the right to do that. But sometimes,
like for example, retirement accounts that's not in each other's
names because you're getting it through your employer, and sometimes
spouses don't even know what their spouse has for retirement.
So it's important to understand. Get those financial statements, you know,
(23:33):
exchange those financial statements, exchange credit card debt, exchange bank statements,
you know, annuities, retirements, four oh one ks, pension plans,
certificates of deposit, money market account checking savings because sometimes
some couples they have their own separate accounts, right, So
to make it, New Hampshire is a true fifty to
(23:54):
fifty state. So if you really need to have all
of that disclosure, and if you don't, there is a
case is New Hampshire Supreme Court case Chaft Master that
if you do not disclose your financial records and your
ex spouse finds out about it, you stand to lose
it all.
Speaker 1 (24:12):
Well, so I think that's actually a good one. Yes, right,
So there's no games, you can't play games.
Speaker 2 (24:18):
Right exactly.
Speaker 1 (24:20):
I think every state should have that, don't you?
Speaker 2 (24:24):
Absolutely? Yeah, right, because it's not fair to to either party. Really.
I mean, I know that nobody wants to give up
their money. Nobody wants to give up their home, their cars,
their boats, you know whatever, their houses. Nobody wants to
do that. But the situation is you are going through
a divorce. Life as you know, it will change and
(24:44):
you are going to have to give things up you are,
and you know another thing that you can do going
through your divorce is go through mediation. And I always say,
if both parties walk out of remediation unhappy, then the
job was done correctly because that means that both parties
had to concede when they didn't want to.
Speaker 1 (25:04):
Well, before we go, I want to talk about that.
So you're in mediation training, tell us why you wanted
to do that, and tell us how that's going to
work for you.
Speaker 2 (25:13):
So I'm almost completed with my mediation training. I'm very excited.
I'm going to become from a certified in New Hampshire
family law mediator. And really what that allows me to
do is it allows me to work with couples who
are either court ordered to go through mediation or want
to go through private mediation, and we try to come
to a resolution from beginning to end. So whether it's
(25:34):
a parenting plan, the final divorce, to create division of assets,
you know, alimony, child support, who's going to stay in
the house, who's going to get what car? How are
the retirement account's going to be divided amongst the parties?
And the reason why that I really want to do
this is because I love to help people, and especially
(25:56):
people who are in tough spots, and I really feel
it's a valuable tool to have in my arsenal to
be a mediator to help people and to tell and
to educate them on what the divorce is going to
be and what all that means and what it looks like,
and to help them come to a resolution with the
understanding that somebody or both parties are going to be
(26:19):
a little unhappy, but it's important that at least somebody
gets something that they want out of the divorce so
that they can go on and feel like, Okay, they
got something out of it. Because most people who are
going through divorce, I won't say all, but most can
be very bitter on both sides, very angry, maybe even
a little hostility might be sprinkled in there. So my
(26:42):
hope would be to let them know I understand all
of that. You can be angry, you can be mad,
you can be disappointed, you can be fearful, but also
understand that I'm here to help you guide through this
so that you can see the light at the end
of the tunnel and that you can know that once
the divorce process is over, you will be fine, you
will be happy, and you will move on and there
(27:04):
is life after divorce.
Speaker 1 (27:06):
Absolutely, I feel like you're you would you're very Uh
how do I say the right word? You're you're very fair,
but even your client, your client, you're obviously you're fair too,
But I feel like you're fair. You try to make
it fair to both sides, and you're right. And that's
what I got through this, this whole talk with you,
(27:26):
because you know you, like you said, mediation. If you
walk away and you're both not happy, that's a good thing, right,
because there's no winner, there's no loser, because there's no
winner or.
Speaker 2 (27:35):
Loser in this anyway, no matter what exactly right that
that was.
Speaker 1 (27:39):
I thought, really key what you said. And you're married
to an attorney, I am, so how does that do
you guys talk about this stuff? A lot, or do you.
Speaker 2 (27:47):
Try to like, No, actually, we do, like we'll bounce
things off of one another. He was in family life
for quite some time and stepped out of that role
probably four or five years ago. And it's funny because
now I'm stepping back into that role again of helping
individuals through divorce. But yeah, we do. We do talk
about cases together and it helps me too, and uh
(28:08):
to navigate individuals and write back at him if he's
got a case that he's working on. It's great to
be able to talk about that together. Yeah, I do.
Speaker 1 (28:17):
I feel like having somebody like you by by your
side when you're going through this is so helpful and
and I and I want to say a little bit
cost efficient too, because you can help do a lot
of things that the attorneys do that cost a lot
more money probably, and you stay with them through the
whole process and help them because it's really hard to
navigate the divorce by yourself. It is, and it's and
(28:38):
you want to you want to push that button because
you're probably getting gas lit on the other side or something.
And you want to text that attorney or you want
to email that attorney NonStop, NonStop, and then your bill
just grows astronomically for things that that that you can
get helped the other way you can get help with
someone like you too. I think you kind of ease
(28:59):
that is that angst to want to push that button
for that attorney all the time.
Speaker 2 (29:05):
Right exactly, Yep. I am definitely at a far lesser
rate than what an attorney would be. The one disclaimer
that I want to put out there is that I'm
not allowed to sit at council's table. So if an
individual is going through a divorce and they want my help,
I absolutely can. But the one thing I can't do
is actually sit at council's table. That's like the one
(29:25):
and only thing I cannot do. So the individual is
clear on my role as a paralegal legal consultant, and
then I can educate them, navigate them through the forms,
navigate them through the emotional process of what all this
looks like and what does it mean, and that there is,
like we said, life after divorce, and that everything you
know will be fine. If also sometimes like if the
(29:49):
party comes to me and I say to them, hey,
do you think maybe we might want to try mediation?
You know, because I'm held to a very different standard
than an attorney. I still have to be careful, of course,
because I wouldn't want to be accused of unauthorized practice
of law. But what I can do is say I
can help you through navigate the forms, help you hold
(30:11):
your hand, make sure you got everything right, help you
out emotionally. But also another question that I might ask
in the beginning of the divorce is what you had
asked me previously, is I might ask, do you think
this could be an amicable divorce? Do you think if
that's the case, you know we could mediate and I
could help you mediate through the divorce. I just actually
helped a couple this past spring. There's a thirty year marriage,
(30:34):
and I helped them through their divorce process and they
were very appreciative because it saved them a lot of
time and money and we were able to file everything
in a packet, so nobody ever had a step foot
in court.
Speaker 1 (30:44):
I love that. Try and stay away from court, Try
and stay away from the judge. Don't let the judge
make the decision for you. I mean, if we've learned
anything from this podcast, from all from all my episodes,
don't let the judge make the decision for you. There's
so many resources out there there Now divorce is not
taboo like it used to be. There's people like you,
(31:05):
there's life coaches, there's transformation coaches that I've had on here,
and there's people sharing their real stories that can help
you navigate what you don't want to do, because there's
a lot of things you don't want to do through
this process. So you're a world of knowledge, that is
for sure, and so helpful with your background and with
(31:27):
your training and with all and of course now you're
you're in mediation training, which is so great too. So
thank you for sharing all this and sharing some of
the stories too, and this is so helpful to the listeners.
Speaker 2 (31:39):
Yeah, thank you very much for having me. It was
very enjoyable.
Speaker 1 (31:42):
Yeah, thanks so much. Nito Kuda Divorce and Family laws
attorneys have guided Connecticut and New York families through complex
divorce actions, contested child custody, and alimony disputes for over
thirty years. They're Connecticut and New York attorneys have extensive
experience in family matters involving substance abuse, domestic violence, mental illness,
and many other X factors that can complicate a divorce.
(32:05):
Their attorneys adeptly manage privacy and reputation concerns inherit to
public divorce proceedings and the related exposure for their ultra
high net worth clients. Find your new path forward, define
your post divorce family, and secure an enforceable agreement to
protect your future with Needle Cuda ACT. Now put the
strength of their team behind you. Visit them at needlecuda
(32:28):
dot com or call two three five five seven nine
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