December 2, 2025 • 36 mins
I’m joined once again by Morgan Fraser Mouchette, Vice Chair of the Matrimonial & Family Law Practice Group at Blank Rome, to talk about setting priorities in divorce.
Morgan brings a wealth of experience representing clients in all aspects of family law—including divorce, custody, and high-net-worth financial matters—and her approach is as strategic as it is compassionate.
In this conversation, we explore:
- How to define and protect your top priorities
- Choosing (and using) the right lawyer
- Building your support team
- Managing emotional and mental health
- Supporting children and daily life
- Avoiding financial pitfalls
If you’re navigating divorce—or supporting someone who is—this episode is packed with grounded guidance and clarity from one of the best in the field.
Connect with Morgan: https://www.blankrome.com/people/morgan-f-mouchette
Morgan brings a wealth of experience representing clients in all aspects of family law—including divorce, custody, and high-net-worth financial matters—and her approach is as strategic as it is compassionate.
In this conversation, we explore:
- How to define and protect your top priorities
- Choosing (and using) the right lawyer
- Building your support team
- Managing emotional and mental health
- Supporting children and daily life
- Avoiding financial pitfalls
If you’re navigating divorce—or supporting someone who is—this episode is packed with grounded guidance and clarity from one of the best in the field.
Connect with Morgan: https://www.blankrome.com/people/morgan-f-mouchette
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome to The Rewrite, a podcast about divorce, choice and
new beginnings. I'm your host Wendy Sloan, former TV producer,
mom of two and one sweet golden retriever. This is
a space for real talk about the moments that break us,
the choices that define us, and the power we have
to begin again. You'll hear personal stories, heartfelt insights, and
(00:22):
honest conversations about healing relationships and reclaiming your life one
choice at a time. I'll be joined by experts in divorce, finance,
mental health, wellness and more and everything you need to
support your next chapter. The most powerful chapters might be
the ones you write next. Let's begin your rewrite together.
This episode is brought to in part by the Needle
(00:44):
Kuda Law Firm guidance that moves lives forward. Welcome back
to the Rewrite. I'm your host Wendy Sloan, and today
we're diving into the complex, emotional and deeply human side
of family law and welcoming back. Morgan Musche, vice chair
of the Matrimonial and Family Law practice at Blank rome LLP.
Morgan brings extensive experience helping clients navigate every facet of
(01:07):
family law from divorce, child custody, property distribution, to preduptial
and post nuptial agreements. With a compassionate yet strategic approach,
she helps families find clarity and resolution during some of
life's most challenging transitions. Today, we're diving deep into setting
priorities in divorce and we'll explore what it really means
to rewrite your story through the lens of family law,
(01:29):
the choices, the consequences, and the path forward when life
takes that unexpected turn. Welcome back to my show. I'm
so excited to have you back. Welcome back Morgan.
Speaker 2 (01:39):
Thank you so much.
Speaker 3 (01:39):
Wendy, I'm so happy to be here and to talk
to you again. Thank you for the opportunity.
Speaker 1 (01:44):
Oh and thank you for sharing all this because you
know it's setting priorities and divorce, especially when you you know,
get blindsided or you're not really sure you want this
to happen, or this is just you know, something that
you've been thinking about. It's not easy because you're kind
of like all over the place in that space.
Speaker 3 (02:04):
It's extremely difficult for people, and as everyone knows, going
through a divorce is one of the most traumatic experiences
that a person can go through similar to experiencing the
death of a loved one, losing.
Speaker 2 (02:16):
A major job, major.
Speaker 3 (02:19):
Life changes, and it's a huge source of stress and trauma,
and so it's really important for people to be honest
about that with themselves and to kind of arm themselves
so that they can move through the process and come
out on the other side in the best process, in
the best way possible.
Speaker 1 (02:35):
I like it exactly what you said, come out on
the other side, because you eventually will come out on
the other side, even though it seems dark and stormy
going through it, you will and the sun will rise
and everything will be okay. It's just hard to see
that when you're going through it.
Speaker 3 (02:50):
That's absolutely right, And that's why I think, you know
it's so I think it's unrealistic for people to think
that they will be the ones who can keep.
Speaker 2 (02:59):
Reminding them that.
Speaker 3 (03:01):
But when they're in the middle of it, in the
eye of the storm, with your children maybe, and with
your life and your finances and where you live all
maybe up in the air. But the professionals that you
bring around you, and your family and friends and your
support system can all help keep you focused on the end,
on the end result, which would be honestly, for everyone,
(03:23):
practically a new beginning, So seizing that new beginning at
the end as something that's going to be even better
than where you came from, even though your life may
not look the way that you anticipated that it might.
Speaker 1 (03:35):
Absolutely so on the onset of divorce, what do we take?
Where do we go? Where do we start?
Speaker 3 (03:44):
So I think the first thing people need to do
is get an excellent advocate, and that means that you
need to take a look, do some research and help
find find a lawyer who can set out a strategy
and deliver on your behalf.
Speaker 2 (04:03):
But there are lots and lots.
Speaker 3 (04:04):
Of lawyers out there, lots of excellent lawyers out there,
lots of maybe not as excellent lawyers, and people with
different priorities, in different styles, and so I think it's
important for each person to take stock of what it
is that they would like to achieve and say, okay,
well I'd like to see myself in this type of
position and what will it take for me to get there?
So you should consult with several lawyers and see who
(04:28):
who you feel comfortable with, who you feel is going
to give you honest feedback, and someone who will help
you make smart choices along the way. It's really hard
to know what you don't know in the beginning of
a divorce, and so getting a lawyer who communicates clearly
with you you can understand what they're saying, they take
(04:50):
the time to explain it to you is very important.
And I also think in those beginning stages of the divorce,
when you're meeting with your lawyer and your lawyers getting
their arms around the facts of your case and the
logistics of your life, that you start to set priorities
about what it is that you.
Speaker 2 (05:07):
Would like to achieve.
Speaker 3 (05:09):
The reality is that in most cases a lawyer can
pretty much if they have the honest facts, give you
a decent assessment of where your case should end up.
And really a lot of the divorce is getting the
client to that place. And so if you have a
lawyer who's honest with you and sets forth a strong
(05:33):
plan where you're not wasting your money in your time
working with them to try to achieve outcomes that may
not ultimately serve your bottom line, it can be very beneficial.
Speaker 1 (05:45):
I think one thing is also, like just a little example,
maybe if someone says, oh, I want to keep the house,
I want to keep the kids in the house, which
was me way back bad, but realistically was that in
my best interest? Right?
Speaker 2 (05:59):
That's right?
Speaker 3 (06:00):
Or maybe there's more than one property, and you say,
I want to keep this house, but I also want
to keep the weekend house, and I also want to
keep these four cars, and I also want to have
tuition paid, and I also want to have this and
that and the other. And it might be that that
is possible, and your lawyer should push for all of that,
but the dollars and cents may not add up. You
may end up being house for if you get all
(06:21):
of those things which you truly think you want and
do want in the beginning of your divorce, but it
may not be the most practical thing for you to
end up with. And that's why kind of leading me
to the next point is you need a team of support.
And it's not just the lawyer who can be beneficial
to you. So I really think that people are best
(06:42):
served by having mental health support. So an excellent therapist,
if you're not in therapy, having strong team of friends
with whom you can discuss and give you, you know,
real feedback about processing, you know, processing the grief.
Speaker 2 (07:00):
Of maybe letting go of one of those.
Speaker 3 (07:02):
Homes, processing the visualizing what your life could be if
you're not in that house, but maybe it could be
a different house that feels and looks even better than
the one that you're in right now. So mental health
support is extremely, extremely important, and your lawyer can provide
support to you, but we are not your therapist, and frankly,
it's not the best usage of your money to you,
(07:24):
right but a therapist is extremely important. And then I
would also say that an excellent financial advisor can be
kind of the third leg of the school to provide
really great support to someone who wants to set themselves
up for success. So when you're setting your priorities and
you have to have some degree of reality, if you
(07:46):
have an excellent financial advisor who's working alongside your attorneys,
they can model out various visions of the future. And
maybe you've never actually been the one who paid all
the carrying costs of that house, and so you may
not know what your budget would need to be to
keep these properties and what that would look like. And
(08:07):
if the money is being rooted in that way, what
does it mean for the rest of your budget and
the rest of the assets that you might get. What
does it mean for your retirement? You know, are you
going to end up taking less of that in order
to get a certain asset which might feel good in
the moment but may not ultimately be the best thing
to serve you long term. And so it's always best
to surround yourself with professionals who are working in your
(08:30):
best interest, meaning a professional who you've chosen, not someone
who your spouse has chosen. And so that's really something
that I see more and more clients doing.
Speaker 2 (08:43):
And I find that there are lots.
Speaker 3 (08:44):
Of professionals who are interested in working on behalf of
a client to help them, not just so that they
get the business, but to help them in a fully
integrated way kind of right, So like providing a team
for someone and looking at them and helping them visualize
(09:05):
what their life can look like on the other side,
not just kind of moving the dollars around.
Speaker 1 (09:10):
It makes so much sense because having that team around
you is going to build your confidence, is going to
take a lot of the stress off of you, because
these are the people in these specific fields that know
what it takes to move you forward.
Speaker 3 (09:23):
That's right, that's right, And I actually would say that
I've recently in some of my cases starting working with
some divorce consultants and divorce coaches that work one on
one with clients, and that can be of great value
as well, as long as you find the right fit.
They can help provide day to day support in a
(09:45):
way that is more cost effective than an attorney perhaps.
Speaker 1 (09:50):
Then texting and emailing your attorney twelve Rights right draft emails.
Speaker 3 (09:55):
And things like that, and it can be very very helpful. So,
of course, all of this depends on your resources and
what really makes sense for you, but these are things
to think about.
Speaker 1 (10:07):
All really good things to think about. Getting it. Assembling
a panel of supportive professionals around you is a big help. Okay,
So let's talk about using your divorce lawyer strategically.
Speaker 3 (10:23):
So I think people a good lawyer will walk you
through the outline of what you have to do, what
your spouse has to do, What are the things that
have to occur before you can really start finalizing hopefully
a settlement or preparing for trial. And while the goal
(10:46):
is always to settle a case and ideally have people
not have to set foot in court, sometimes that's absolutely
what's required if you're dealing with someone who you know
who is not being reasonable and you need the help
of the court system to move things along.
Speaker 2 (11:01):
So I find that.
Speaker 3 (11:05):
A really practical approach is the best way, So hire
a lawyer who can kind of do it all in
that realm. Meaning if you hire a collaborative lawyer, you're
putting yourself in one kind of box and it's always
and they are wonderful and they have a great service.
But sometimes collaborative law is really not the right fit
(11:26):
because your spouse, no matter how collaborative you might want
to be, is really not interested in doing that and
wants to take more of a scorched earth approach, or
really wants to be far more adversarial than a collaborative
divorce allows. So I think you have to be open
to moving forward with a lawyer who can litigate when
(11:47):
needed if needed, and also can put that aside and
try to get a deal done when the time comes.
And there are lots of good lawyers who do that.
That's the way I like to practice is basically, you know,
I will negotiate all day to try to get you
a settlement, which is always the most efficient thing. But
if it's not available and you can't do it, then
you absolutely have to go and fight for what you
(12:08):
need to fight for in court, and that hopefully moves
the ball forward so you can get back on the
settlement track. If you need to go to trial, fine,
but usually it's always better. And I think we talked
about this on the last time. You know, it's better
to have a settlement where you can craft the terms,
you can deal with the details, whereas a decision after
(12:29):
trial is much more stringent and set forth by a
judge who may or may not be paying to all
of the minutia that would have otherwise been in your agreement.
Speaker 2 (12:40):
And lawyers we have.
Speaker 3 (12:41):
As saying, you know, it's better to use a scalpel
rather than a hatchet, and that's why that's probably describe
settlement agreements as opposed to a decision after trial.
Speaker 2 (12:50):
But that being said, we have another.
Speaker 3 (12:53):
Saying, you can't negotiate with a terrorist, and so sometimes
if you're married to a terrorist, you just have to
do what you have to do and take it all
the way.
Speaker 1 (13:01):
Very very good points. And also like once the judge
rules that you have to go back in refile for
other things, refile for things, and then it becomes costly,
so costly.
Speaker 2 (13:12):
We're talking about.
Speaker 1 (13:13):
Setting priorities and divorce. We're going to take a very
quick break for one of our sponsors and we'll be
right back right after this. You're listening to the rewrite
I'm on with Morgan Musche. You can listen to her
first interview as well. She's vice chair of Matrimony and
Family Law practice at Blank Rome LP. Will be right back,
and I'm going to ask her about supporting your children
(13:33):
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(15:01):
Vice Chair of Matrimony and Family Law Practice at Blank
rom LLP. Morgan most importantly the children. The children when
you have children, when you're going through a divorce, supporting
your children and everything in daily life that comes with this,
because their life is going on. Their everyday activities need
(15:22):
to still go on, and they still need to feel safe.
Speaker 3 (15:26):
It's absolutely paramount that people make a plan to help
support their children in the midst of a divorce. Your children,
of course, are your most precious, precious.
Speaker 2 (15:42):
People in your life.
Speaker 3 (15:43):
And oftentimes many people are going through a divorce because
they want to ensure that the children are going to
have the kind of life that they want for them
when they don't see that happening in their married life.
And people, I think often underestimate the amount of time
that a divorce can take for a party involved, meaning
(16:04):
we lawyers send emails. You need to be responsive, you
have to gather financial information, you have to send along
the communications that you're having with your spouse, particularly as
it relates.
Speaker 2 (16:16):
To your children.
Speaker 3 (16:17):
You have to be sure that you're making choices that
are in your child's best interest, not necessarily in your
best interests, but always thinking about what's in your child's
best interests, and also knowing that the eye of the
court and the eye of the other lawyer.
Speaker 2 (16:31):
Is upon you.
Speaker 3 (16:33):
So it requires a great degree of strategy and self assessment.
And while your children have sports, they've got theater, they
have got extracurricular activities, you have childcare and needs. You
have to make a plan to make sure that your
kids' lives can move forward as unimpeded as possible, so
they are not damaged by this process as much as possible.
(16:58):
And so I think people have to ensure that they
are thinking ahead to get the coverage that they need.
Sometimes you have to nowadays there's there's very little virtual court.
You have to be in court in person, and that
might be at the same time that you're supposed to
go pick up your child from school or drop them off.
And so you have to rely on and plan for
(17:23):
the support of your family, friends, your community childcare providers
to make sure that your kids' lives can move forward
as as smoothly as possible while you go through this
whole process, and in some ways, your spouse may be
being educated at the first time about all the things
that are actually goes into a prestively parents and kids
(17:45):
defending how you have wait, wait, I.
Speaker 1 (17:47):
Have to do this after school, and that I have
to take them to this doctor's appointment, and I have
to do that, and they have this sports and they
have this play date and they have Yes, that's great.
Speaker 3 (17:54):
That's right, and so, but that's life, right, and that's how,
that's what, that's the reality of kids' lives, and so
sometimes it's both scary and satisfying to expose your spouse
to the reality of what your kids, the amount of time, effort,
and attention it takes to get your kids where they
need to go doing all the things they need to
(18:16):
do on a daily basis, but kind of understanding that
the time will come where you have to allow. Obviously,
this is assuming that there isn't any domestic violence or
safety concern with respect to the other.
Speaker 2 (18:30):
Spouse, but it's part of the divorce process.
Speaker 3 (18:34):
Letting go a little bit to see to let the
other person pick up the pieces and see what that
life is like is usually part of the process. And
it can be very difficult for primary parents to let go,
unclench your hands a little right and let the other
person take the driving take the driver's seat with respect
(18:56):
to the kids, but it's often required depending on what
court you're in in the circumstances of your case, because
even if you end up with legal custody, full soul
legal custody and primary residential custody, there will absolutely be
times where your children will be spending time with your
spouse without you, not in your home, and things.
Speaker 1 (19:21):
Are going to be done differently than you would do things.
Speaker 2 (19:23):
That's right.
Speaker 3 (19:24):
And even with legal custody, you know, you can't legislate
what they feed them for dinner, you know, and it's
a very difficult reality check sometimes. And so I think
it also goes back to have you hired a lawyer
who you trust, and so when they tell you now
(19:44):
is the time you got to let it go. You
got to stop calling and texting and you know, interrogating
the kids that you trust that what they're telling you
is not because they don't think that you have a great,
solid custody case, but truly that what this process needs you.
That's what you have to do in the process. And
you can end up hurting yourself when you hold you tight,
(20:06):
and it can backfire. So it's something that people have
to know is coming a little bit and have a
lawyer who's willing to hold your hand through it, but
tell you the.
Speaker 1 (20:17):
Hard truth, right, not easy. Those are those are the
I think some of the hardest. Right, those are the
hardest because when you're used to you know, and you
kids need consistency and sometimes in divorce, you're not going
to get that with the kids aren't going to have
as much consistency because they're going to be from one
(20:37):
house to the other house. Things aren't going to be
done the same. And it's you know, maybe they're going
to come home with dirty clothes and their clothes aren't
going to be washed or whatever. But as long as
they come home safe and happy and well, that's what matters.
Doesn't matter.
Speaker 2 (20:56):
I mean, I I won't. I won't. I won't say.
Speaker 3 (20:58):
You know, every case has aff and circumstance, and I
think some people feel very strongly about about these things.
And the truth is is that, yeah, they may come
home in the same clothes you sent them to and
you'll say, oh my gosh, this person hasn't bought clothes
for these children in the whole you know, eight months
that we've been going through this. That's true something it's
something else you can't legislate in a custody agreement.
Speaker 1 (21:21):
So they have clean clothes and they you know, or right.
Speaker 3 (21:26):
But the goal is to have a partner right in
the process with you, because maybe your circumstances are different,
and maybe your kids have certain special needs that that
must be attended to, and maybe it won't be quite
as simple. I don't want to kind of dumb it down,
but the goal is to have someone who has a
partner who is giving you honest feedback so that you
don't spend time in your own kind of emotional angst
(21:49):
thinking that there are things that you can control which
frankly no judge will give you or can give you,
for example, and level setting in that way, only someone
who knows truly the process, very very well and the
system that you're operating in can give you that advice.
Speaker 1 (22:08):
So true, not easy, the toughest, the toughest, toughest part
of it all because you don't want them, you really
their lives are going to be disrupted no matter which
way you look at it. You want to say it
is as easy as possible. And just because you got
divorce doesn't mean your kids are going to wind up
on the other side of the tracks or they're going
to become as long as you want your kids, like
(22:32):
you could be have your two kids and have your
your marriage, and it can be the most horrible thing
for the kids because you're always fighting and arguing in
there's this and that going on, so you know doesn't
take a mom and a dad to be together to
have wonderful kids.
Speaker 3 (22:48):
Oh, absolutely, Wendy. And I actually when I talk to
sometimes I talk to people for years before they actually
kind of pull the trigger and are ready to actually
move forward with a divorce and pop up, and they'll say, oh,
you know, this is what's happening. That's what happening. And
the truth is that your children also want you to
be happy.
Speaker 2 (23:09):
Right.
Speaker 3 (23:09):
The atmosphere of growing up in a household with a
lot of strife and anger and yelling and unhappiness and
potentially abuse between parents people being in the same house,
but in that kind of environment is usually not better
for the children. It's certainly not better for you. And
(23:32):
you have to keep in mind your own mental health.
And I find it to be one of those scenarios
where people have to pause and stop and say, well,
if I don't advocate for myself, no one else will
advocate for me. You have to ask, You have to
seize what you want out of your life, even if
(23:53):
it doesn't look the way that you anticipated. And yes,
you wanted your kids to grow up in a house
with you and your spouse, but if your house is
now a place of peace and serenity and support and
the way that you want it to be.
Speaker 2 (24:05):
Isn't that better for your children?
Speaker 3 (24:08):
My parents were divorced, you know, I did not do
this work, you know, because of that, I kind of
fell into doing matrimonial law. But I love it and
I love advocating for people, and I think I'm far
better off because my parents were happier people and we're
able to fill their lives with the things that were
important to them when they did their rewrite right and
(24:28):
started over.
Speaker 2 (24:29):
But it ended up so much better for my brother
and myself, And.
Speaker 3 (24:32):
So I think you can raise very successful, resilient children.
Speaker 1 (24:38):
Even after this process that's right, and then you'll get there.
It might the road might be longer for some than others,
but you will eventually get there. And I think all
these points that we've been talking about, that you've been
bringing up have been so helpful. I want to go
back to the financial guidance and beyond that, financial advisors
are so key. That was one of the best things
(24:58):
that I did in my divorce is Fine, a financial
person that is with me to this day. And I
got divorced back in two thousand and eight and they
have supported me every step of the way because they
were like, what do you want your life to look like?
And then they build it around that and they have
been such a support in my life since then. And
(25:20):
they're like my they're you know, they're like family friends.
They're friends to have met mine now. But we made
a life plan for me and it's worked out well.
So I think it's so important because what you're going through,
you know, and your life, your life, you may want
your life to look way different than what it is
when you were married.
Speaker 3 (25:40):
Yeah, there are some really excellent, wonderful uh financial advisors
and planners, managers and planners all around the country who
I think are embracing a more holistic, whole person view
(26:00):
of their advice, and they want to know about your priorities,
not just okay, you know, saving for retirement or saving
for education.
Speaker 2 (26:10):
They want to know.
Speaker 3 (26:11):
How do you visualize happiness? What do you need to
have resources for in order to do the things that
really make you happy, Budgeting for your mental health, budgeting
for your physical health, budgeting for your pets, budgeting for
your children.
Speaker 2 (26:29):
And I have found that.
Speaker 3 (26:34):
That type of advice for a client, especially a client
who has great fear or trepidation of managing their own money.
I mean, money is very emotional, wendy as you know,
like people. It's such a source of fear and shame
and people. I think, if you didn't grow up with
(26:56):
a parent who is maybe educating you on the intricacies
of the market.
Speaker 2 (27:00):
Or you know, the import.
Speaker 3 (27:04):
Or even understanding the diversification of your portfolio and all
those things, people.
Speaker 2 (27:10):
Just are avoidant.
Speaker 3 (27:14):
And that avoidant nature, even after you've gone through a
whole divorce, it may be gotten a really great deal
can end up backfiring on people, and they end up
making choices that ultimately don't serve them, and the divorce
(27:34):
that could have been the great launchpad for them ends
up being kind of the beginning of the downfall. So
I really think it's important for people to have those conversations.
Don't be afraid to have the conversations with someone they
want to do the work right. A lot of them
will do free modeling for you to see, you know,
(27:57):
what your cash flow could look like, which your retirement
plan could look like, and take.
Speaker 2 (28:04):
Advantage of that.
Speaker 3 (28:06):
A lot of lawyers, a lot of divorce lawyers have
great contacts with bankers in different places and different institutions,
and you should ask your attorney for some recommendations and
then see who you like, or you take those recommendations
and get other recommendations. It's never a hard sell. Let's
really just get the data so you can be empowered
(28:26):
and understand what your options are when you're going to
be calling the shots with your money. And it's quite
sad when you see it go the other way because
as a lawyer, we work very hard to try to
set you up and then kind of send you on
your way, and then what happens after that is between
you and your financial planner.
Speaker 1 (28:43):
Absolutely. One of the sponsors of the Rewrite, Phil Wise,
from a Prize Wealth Management, We just did a whole
episode on a life plan and he told a story
about this woman we named her Linda, in his story
about how her whole life plan just switched in what
is enough and what does it mean to each person?
(29:03):
And then the reflective message was really simple, what kind
of life do I want to live? And then you
plan it out from there, and then then this question
you may have enough money, but do you have enough life?
Speaker 2 (29:15):
Mm hmmm, yeah, that's what I mean.
Speaker 1 (29:16):
Because everyone's is I and I that's really stuck with
me a lot when we when we talked about like
her story, it's a it's a wonderful episode to listen
to when he shared what he what he had, how
he had helped her with financially, but it was it
was just more than that. It was just so powerful
because you know, depending on if you're if you're thirty
(29:37):
when you're going through divorce, or you're fifty or you're seventy,
and what do you have? And do I have enough
life to have this? Because you can't take it with you?
Speaker 2 (29:45):
Right? So remember that that's right. And while you may
be very focused, for example, on.
Speaker 3 (29:53):
Saving for your children, right, saving to leave them a
strong foundation, think also about the memories that they're going
to take with them. Right, Are you putting enough money
in that pot to have the memories and the experiences
with your family before you die and leave your assets
to your children, which is of course wonderful and very important,
(30:13):
but you know, you have to enjoy your life as
well and give people not just the tangible assets, but
the memories of what you've wi you're.
Speaker 2 (30:22):
Avel to do with you.
Speaker 1 (30:23):
Absolutely, so life after divorce, let's talk a little bit
about that, and then I'm going to ask you about
your rewrit and or if you have a story one
of your clients, we won't name them, but about one
of their rewrits that has really stuck with you. I'm
sure there's many.
Speaker 3 (30:43):
Yes, almost everyone. I think so life after divorce again,
I think it goes back to kind of the theme
of today, which is I really would call it preparation.
I would call it self advocacy in the form of preparation.
And if there's something you don't know, go find the
person to help you get that answer instead of feeling stuck. Right, So,
(31:09):
if you have questions about your money and your budget,
talk to your lawyer and talk to a professional wealth manager.
If you have questions about how to make sure that
you're emotionally set, that you're not passing along your trauma
along to your children, talk to your therapist. If you're
feeling lonely, there's an epidemic of loneliness in this country,
and of course during a divorce, when you're resetting your
(31:33):
entire identity as a person, having a strong group of friends,
making new friendships, strengthening old friendships like these are all
things that people can be doing. It might sound like
a long list, but these are the things that human
beings need to be successful, right resources, support, family, and
(31:55):
intellectual and emotional resilience. So I think it's really life
after divorce, think about how to set yourself up for success.
Sometimes you just need to get jogged kind of out
of a negative spiral, and all these people can help
you do that, and.
Speaker 2 (32:17):
Don't be afraid to ask for help.
Speaker 3 (32:19):
I think. Also is the other thing. I think there's
less and less stigma about divorce. There's less and less
stigma about utilizing professionals to help get you where you
need to go. There are life coaches, there are divorce coaches,
people who truly want to help you kind of get
out of your own box, get out of your own way,
(32:39):
because it really can be so much better on the
other side.
Speaker 1 (32:43):
Absolutely, And what about your rewrite, Marien, I think.
Speaker 2 (32:49):
I would say my rewrite would be more So. I
didn't expect to do this work.
Speaker 3 (32:59):
I did not kind of go out go and grow
up a child of a divorced family and claim that
as my identity.
Speaker 2 (33:09):
But I took.
Speaker 3 (33:11):
I've taken all the things that I experienced and that
my family has experienced, and I use it to motivate
myself in my practice where I really try to help people.
My goal is really for people to see that life
can be so much better. You're going to get through
this very very difficult time, and I'm going to help
you do it with my team. But there's so much
(33:34):
more on the other side. And for some of my clients.
I had one client who was a business owner and
owned several hospitality businesses with her spouse, extremely smart, wonderful woman,
and she negotiated and we negotiated very aggressively for her
(33:57):
to keep these businesses, and she really didn't know if
it was going to work right, you know, multi multi
multimillion dollar businesses, ongoing businesses where she was going to
be shouldering all of the work herself. And she has
turned those into continued their success and built on it
even more. So I see her now and she kind
(34:19):
of she bet on herself, you know, and.
Speaker 2 (34:22):
That's not.
Speaker 3 (34:24):
She bet on herself and she made it happen through
very difficult times, but she's absolutely thriving, running the show
and living her best life. And so I think people
you have to seize that for yourself, even if the
divorce is not what you wanted, or even if you
(34:44):
don't end up with all the things that you thought
you wanted on day one.
Speaker 1 (34:49):
You can have that too, well said, Well said, any
last minute thoughts. We were talking about setting priorities and
divorce and so much more. What a great episode this was,
with so much great information packed into it for someone
going through divorce or thinking about it, or in the
(35:09):
process of it, or like at the tail end of it.
Because there is life after and we have to remember
that that we will go on to live a wonderful,
great life and we'll get to rewrite it maybe again
and again and again, which is that's what life's all about.
Speaker 3 (35:26):
That's right, It's kind of the beauty of it all.
Thank you so much for having me, Wendy.
Speaker 1 (35:31):
Thank you. Morgan Muche, vice chair of Matrimonial Family Law
Practice at Blank Rome LLC. She has another episode that's
up as well. That's a lot of great information that too.
Thank you, come back anytime. Thanks again so much, Morgan,
Thank you. Nito Kuda. Divorce and family laws attorneys have
guided Connecticut and New York families through complex divorce actions,
(35:51):
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Their Connecticut and New York attorneys have extensive experience in
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(36:34):
zero zero
Welcome to The Rewrite, a podcast about divorce, choice and
new beginnings. I'm your host Wendy Sloan, former TV producer,
mom of two and one sweet golden retriever. This is
a space for real talk about the moments that break us,
the choices that define us, and the power we have
to begin again. You'll hear personal stories, heartfelt insights, and
(00:22):
honest conversations about healing relationships and reclaiming your life one
choice at a time. I'll be joined by experts in divorce, finance,
mental health, wellness and more and everything you need to
support your next chapter. The most powerful chapters might be
the ones you write next. Let's begin your rewrite together.
This episode is brought to in part by the Needle
(00:44):
Kuda Law Firm guidance that moves lives forward. Welcome back
to the Rewrite. I'm your host Wendy Sloan, and today
we're diving into the complex, emotional and deeply human side
of family law and welcoming back. Morgan Musche, vice chair
of the Matrimonial and Family Law practice at Blank rome LLP.
Morgan brings extensive experience helping clients navigate every facet of
(01:07):
family law from divorce, child custody, property distribution, to preduptial
and post nuptial agreements. With a compassionate yet strategic approach,
she helps families find clarity and resolution during some of
life's most challenging transitions. Today, we're diving deep into setting
priorities in divorce and we'll explore what it really means
to rewrite your story through the lens of family law,
(01:29):
the choices, the consequences, and the path forward when life
takes that unexpected turn. Welcome back to my show. I'm
so excited to have you back. Welcome back Morgan.
Speaker 2 (01:39):
Thank you so much.
Speaker 3 (01:39):
Wendy, I'm so happy to be here and to talk
to you again. Thank you for the opportunity.
Speaker 1 (01:44):
Oh and thank you for sharing all this because you
know it's setting priorities and divorce, especially when you you know,
get blindsided or you're not really sure you want this
to happen, or this is just you know, something that
you've been thinking about. It's not easy because you're kind
of like all over the place in that space.
Speaker 3 (02:04):
It's extremely difficult for people, and as everyone knows, going
through a divorce is one of the most traumatic experiences
that a person can go through similar to experiencing the
death of a loved one, losing.
Speaker 2 (02:16):
A major job, major.
Speaker 3 (02:19):
Life changes, and it's a huge source of stress and trauma,
and so it's really important for people to be honest
about that with themselves and to kind of arm themselves
so that they can move through the process and come
out on the other side in the best process, in
the best way possible.
Speaker 1 (02:35):
I like it exactly what you said, come out on
the other side, because you eventually will come out on
the other side, even though it seems dark and stormy
going through it, you will and the sun will rise
and everything will be okay. It's just hard to see
that when you're going through it.
Speaker 3 (02:50):
That's absolutely right, And that's why I think, you know
it's so I think it's unrealistic for people to think
that they will be the ones who can keep.
Speaker 2 (02:59):
Reminding them that.
Speaker 3 (03:01):
But when they're in the middle of it, in the
eye of the storm, with your children maybe, and with
your life and your finances and where you live all
maybe up in the air. But the professionals that you
bring around you, and your family and friends and your
support system can all help keep you focused on the end,
on the end result, which would be honestly, for everyone,
(03:23):
practically a new beginning, So seizing that new beginning at
the end as something that's going to be even better
than where you came from, even though your life may
not look the way that you anticipated that it might.
Speaker 1 (03:35):
Absolutely so on the onset of divorce, what do we take?
Where do we go? Where do we start?
Speaker 3 (03:44):
So I think the first thing people need to do
is get an excellent advocate, and that means that you
need to take a look, do some research and help
find find a lawyer who can set out a strategy
and deliver on your behalf.
Speaker 2 (04:03):
But there are lots and lots.
Speaker 3 (04:04):
Of lawyers out there, lots of excellent lawyers out there,
lots of maybe not as excellent lawyers, and people with
different priorities, in different styles, and so I think it's
important for each person to take stock of what it
is that they would like to achieve and say, okay,
well I'd like to see myself in this type of
position and what will it take for me to get there?
So you should consult with several lawyers and see who
(04:28):
who you feel comfortable with, who you feel is going
to give you honest feedback, and someone who will help
you make smart choices along the way. It's really hard
to know what you don't know in the beginning of
a divorce, and so getting a lawyer who communicates clearly
with you you can understand what they're saying, they take
(04:50):
the time to explain it to you is very important.
And I also think in those beginning stages of the divorce,
when you're meeting with your lawyer and your lawyers getting
their arms around the facts of your case and the
logistics of your life, that you start to set priorities
about what it is that you.
Speaker 2 (05:07):
Would like to achieve.
Speaker 3 (05:09):
The reality is that in most cases a lawyer can
pretty much if they have the honest facts, give you
a decent assessment of where your case should end up.
And really a lot of the divorce is getting the
client to that place. And so if you have a
lawyer who's honest with you and sets forth a strong
(05:33):
plan where you're not wasting your money in your time
working with them to try to achieve outcomes that may
not ultimately serve your bottom line, it can be very beneficial.
Speaker 1 (05:45):
I think one thing is also, like just a little example,
maybe if someone says, oh, I want to keep the house,
I want to keep the kids in the house, which
was me way back bad, but realistically was that in
my best interest? Right?
Speaker 2 (05:59):
That's right?
Speaker 3 (06:00):
Or maybe there's more than one property, and you say,
I want to keep this house, but I also want
to keep the weekend house, and I also want to
keep these four cars, and I also want to have
tuition paid, and I also want to have this and
that and the other. And it might be that that
is possible, and your lawyer should push for all of that,
but the dollars and cents may not add up. You
may end up being house for if you get all
(06:21):
of those things which you truly think you want and
do want in the beginning of your divorce, but it
may not be the most practical thing for you to
end up with. And that's why kind of leading me
to the next point is you need a team of support.
And it's not just the lawyer who can be beneficial
to you. So I really think that people are best
(06:42):
served by having mental health support. So an excellent therapist,
if you're not in therapy, having strong team of friends
with whom you can discuss and give you, you know,
real feedback about processing, you know, processing the grief.
Speaker 2 (07:00):
Of maybe letting go of one of those.
Speaker 3 (07:02):
Homes, processing the visualizing what your life could be if
you're not in that house, but maybe it could be
a different house that feels and looks even better than
the one that you're in right now. So mental health
support is extremely, extremely important, and your lawyer can provide
support to you, but we are not your therapist, and frankly,
it's not the best usage of your money to you,
(07:24):
right but a therapist is extremely important. And then I
would also say that an excellent financial advisor can be
kind of the third leg of the school to provide
really great support to someone who wants to set themselves
up for success. So when you're setting your priorities and
you have to have some degree of reality, if you
(07:46):
have an excellent financial advisor who's working alongside your attorneys,
they can model out various visions of the future. And
maybe you've never actually been the one who paid all
the carrying costs of that house, and so you may
not know what your budget would need to be to
keep these properties and what that would look like. And
(08:07):
if the money is being rooted in that way, what
does it mean for the rest of your budget and
the rest of the assets that you might get. What
does it mean for your retirement? You know, are you
going to end up taking less of that in order
to get a certain asset which might feel good in
the moment but may not ultimately be the best thing
to serve you long term. And so it's always best
to surround yourself with professionals who are working in your
(08:30):
best interest, meaning a professional who you've chosen, not someone
who your spouse has chosen. And so that's really something
that I see more and more clients doing.
Speaker 2 (08:43):
And I find that there are lots.
Speaker 3 (08:44):
Of professionals who are interested in working on behalf of
a client to help them, not just so that they
get the business, but to help them in a fully
integrated way kind of right, So like providing a team
for someone and looking at them and helping them visualize
(09:05):
what their life can look like on the other side,
not just kind of moving the dollars around.
Speaker 1 (09:10):
It makes so much sense because having that team around
you is going to build your confidence, is going to
take a lot of the stress off of you, because
these are the people in these specific fields that know
what it takes to move you forward.
Speaker 3 (09:23):
That's right, that's right, And I actually would say that
I've recently in some of my cases starting working with
some divorce consultants and divorce coaches that work one on
one with clients, and that can be of great value
as well, as long as you find the right fit.
They can help provide day to day support in a
(09:45):
way that is more cost effective than an attorney perhaps.
Speaker 1 (09:50):
Then texting and emailing your attorney twelve Rights right draft emails.
Speaker 3 (09:55):
And things like that, and it can be very very helpful. So,
of course, all of this depends on your resources and
what really makes sense for you, but these are things
to think about.
Speaker 1 (10:07):
All really good things to think about. Getting it. Assembling
a panel of supportive professionals around you is a big help. Okay,
So let's talk about using your divorce lawyer strategically.
Speaker 3 (10:23):
So I think people a good lawyer will walk you
through the outline of what you have to do, what
your spouse has to do, What are the things that
have to occur before you can really start finalizing hopefully
a settlement or preparing for trial. And while the goal
(10:46):
is always to settle a case and ideally have people
not have to set foot in court, sometimes that's absolutely
what's required if you're dealing with someone who you know
who is not being reasonable and you need the help
of the court system to move things along.
Speaker 2 (11:01):
So I find that.
Speaker 3 (11:05):
A really practical approach is the best way, So hire
a lawyer who can kind of do it all in
that realm. Meaning if you hire a collaborative lawyer, you're
putting yourself in one kind of box and it's always
and they are wonderful and they have a great service.
But sometimes collaborative law is really not the right fit
(11:26):
because your spouse, no matter how collaborative you might want
to be, is really not interested in doing that and
wants to take more of a scorched earth approach, or
really wants to be far more adversarial than a collaborative
divorce allows. So I think you have to be open
to moving forward with a lawyer who can litigate when
(11:47):
needed if needed, and also can put that aside and
try to get a deal done when the time comes.
And there are lots of good lawyers who do that.
That's the way I like to practice is basically, you know,
I will negotiate all day to try to get you
a settlement, which is always the most efficient thing. But
if it's not available and you can't do it, then
you absolutely have to go and fight for what you
(12:08):
need to fight for in court, and that hopefully moves
the ball forward so you can get back on the
settlement track. If you need to go to trial, fine,
but usually it's always better. And I think we talked
about this on the last time. You know, it's better
to have a settlement where you can craft the terms,
you can deal with the details, whereas a decision after
(12:29):
trial is much more stringent and set forth by a
judge who may or may not be paying to all
of the minutia that would have otherwise been in your agreement.
Speaker 2 (12:40):
And lawyers we have.
Speaker 3 (12:41):
As saying, you know, it's better to use a scalpel
rather than a hatchet, and that's why that's probably describe
settlement agreements as opposed to a decision after trial.
Speaker 2 (12:50):
But that being said, we have another.
Speaker 3 (12:53):
Saying, you can't negotiate with a terrorist, and so sometimes
if you're married to a terrorist, you just have to
do what you have to do and take it all
the way.
Speaker 1 (13:01):
Very very good points. And also like once the judge
rules that you have to go back in refile for
other things, refile for things, and then it becomes costly,
so costly.
Speaker 2 (13:12):
We're talking about.
Speaker 1 (13:13):
Setting priorities and divorce. We're going to take a very
quick break for one of our sponsors and we'll be
right back right after this. You're listening to the rewrite
I'm on with Morgan Musche. You can listen to her
first interview as well. She's vice chair of Matrimony and
Family Law practice at Blank Rome LP. Will be right back,
and I'm going to ask her about supporting your children
(13:33):
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and build lasting financial stip We're back with Morgan Mouche,
(15:01):
Vice Chair of Matrimony and Family Law Practice at Blank
rom LLP. Morgan most importantly the children. The children when
you have children, when you're going through a divorce, supporting
your children and everything in daily life that comes with this,
because their life is going on. Their everyday activities need
(15:22):
to still go on, and they still need to feel safe.
Speaker 3 (15:26):
It's absolutely paramount that people make a plan to help
support their children in the midst of a divorce. Your children,
of course, are your most precious, precious.
Speaker 2 (15:42):
People in your life.
Speaker 3 (15:43):
And oftentimes many people are going through a divorce because
they want to ensure that the children are going to
have the kind of life that they want for them
when they don't see that happening in their married life.
And people, I think often underestimate the amount of time
that a divorce can take for a party involved, meaning
(16:04):
we lawyers send emails. You need to be responsive, you
have to gather financial information, you have to send along
the communications that you're having with your spouse, particularly as
it relates.
Speaker 2 (16:16):
To your children.
Speaker 3 (16:17):
You have to be sure that you're making choices that
are in your child's best interest, not necessarily in your
best interests, but always thinking about what's in your child's
best interests, and also knowing that the eye of the
court and the eye of the other lawyer.
Speaker 2 (16:31):
Is upon you.
Speaker 3 (16:33):
So it requires a great degree of strategy and self assessment.
And while your children have sports, they've got theater, they
have got extracurricular activities, you have childcare and needs. You
have to make a plan to make sure that your
kids' lives can move forward as unimpeded as possible, so
they are not damaged by this process as much as possible.
(16:58):
And so I think people have to ensure that they
are thinking ahead to get the coverage that they need.
Sometimes you have to nowadays there's there's very little virtual court.
You have to be in court in person, and that
might be at the same time that you're supposed to
go pick up your child from school or drop them off.
And so you have to rely on and plan for
(17:23):
the support of your family, friends, your community childcare providers
to make sure that your kids' lives can move forward
as as smoothly as possible while you go through this
whole process, and in some ways, your spouse may be
being educated at the first time about all the things
that are actually goes into a prestively parents and kids
(17:45):
defending how you have wait, wait, I.
Speaker 1 (17:47):
Have to do this after school, and that I have
to take them to this doctor's appointment, and I have
to do that, and they have this sports and they
have this play date and they have Yes, that's great.
Speaker 3 (17:54):
That's right, and so, but that's life, right, and that's how,
that's what, that's the reality of kids' lives, and so
sometimes it's both scary and satisfying to expose your spouse
to the reality of what your kids, the amount of time, effort,
and attention it takes to get your kids where they
need to go doing all the things they need to
(18:16):
do on a daily basis, but kind of understanding that
the time will come where you have to allow. Obviously,
this is assuming that there isn't any domestic violence or
safety concern with respect to the other.
Speaker 2 (18:30):
Spouse, but it's part of the divorce process.
Speaker 3 (18:34):
Letting go a little bit to see to let the
other person pick up the pieces and see what that
life is like is usually part of the process. And
it can be very difficult for primary parents to let go,
unclench your hands a little right and let the other
person take the driving take the driver's seat with respect
(18:56):
to the kids, but it's often required depending on what
court you're in in the circumstances of your case, because
even if you end up with legal custody, full soul
legal custody and primary residential custody, there will absolutely be
times where your children will be spending time with your
spouse without you, not in your home, and things.
Speaker 1 (19:21):
Are going to be done differently than you would do things.
Speaker 2 (19:23):
That's right.
Speaker 3 (19:24):
And even with legal custody, you know, you can't legislate
what they feed them for dinner, you know, and it's
a very difficult reality check sometimes. And so I think
it also goes back to have you hired a lawyer
who you trust, and so when they tell you now
(19:44):
is the time you got to let it go. You
got to stop calling and texting and you know, interrogating
the kids that you trust that what they're telling you
is not because they don't think that you have a great,
solid custody case, but truly that what this process needs you.
That's what you have to do in the process. And
you can end up hurting yourself when you hold you tight,
(20:06):
and it can backfire. So it's something that people have
to know is coming a little bit and have a
lawyer who's willing to hold your hand through it, but
tell you the.
Speaker 1 (20:17):
Hard truth, right, not easy. Those are those are the
I think some of the hardest. Right, those are the
hardest because when you're used to you know, and you
kids need consistency and sometimes in divorce, you're not going
to get that with the kids aren't going to have
as much consistency because they're going to be from one
(20:37):
house to the other house. Things aren't going to be
done the same. And it's you know, maybe they're going
to come home with dirty clothes and their clothes aren't
going to be washed or whatever. But as long as
they come home safe and happy and well, that's what matters.
Doesn't matter.
Speaker 2 (20:56):
I mean, I I won't. I won't. I won't say.
Speaker 3 (20:58):
You know, every case has aff and circumstance, and I
think some people feel very strongly about about these things.
And the truth is is that, yeah, they may come
home in the same clothes you sent them to and
you'll say, oh my gosh, this person hasn't bought clothes
for these children in the whole you know, eight months
that we've been going through this. That's true something it's
something else you can't legislate in a custody agreement.
Speaker 1 (21:21):
So they have clean clothes and they you know, or right.
Speaker 3 (21:26):
But the goal is to have a partner right in
the process with you, because maybe your circumstances are different,
and maybe your kids have certain special needs that that
must be attended to, and maybe it won't be quite
as simple. I don't want to kind of dumb it down,
but the goal is to have someone who has a
partner who is giving you honest feedback so that you
don't spend time in your own kind of emotional angst
(21:49):
thinking that there are things that you can control which
frankly no judge will give you or can give you,
for example, and level setting in that way, only someone
who knows truly the process, very very well and the
system that you're operating in can give you that advice.
Speaker 1 (22:08):
So true, not easy, the toughest, the toughest, toughest part
of it all because you don't want them, you really
their lives are going to be disrupted no matter which
way you look at it. You want to say it
is as easy as possible. And just because you got
divorce doesn't mean your kids are going to wind up
on the other side of the tracks or they're going
to become as long as you want your kids, like
(22:32):
you could be have your two kids and have your
your marriage, and it can be the most horrible thing
for the kids because you're always fighting and arguing in
there's this and that going on, so you know doesn't
take a mom and a dad to be together to
have wonderful kids.
Speaker 3 (22:48):
Oh, absolutely, Wendy. And I actually when I talk to
sometimes I talk to people for years before they actually
kind of pull the trigger and are ready to actually
move forward with a divorce and pop up, and they'll say, oh,
you know, this is what's happening. That's what happening. And
the truth is that your children also want you to
be happy.
Speaker 2 (23:09):
Right.
Speaker 3 (23:09):
The atmosphere of growing up in a household with a
lot of strife and anger and yelling and unhappiness and
potentially abuse between parents people being in the same house,
but in that kind of environment is usually not better
for the children. It's certainly not better for you. And
(23:32):
you have to keep in mind your own mental health.
And I find it to be one of those scenarios
where people have to pause and stop and say, well,
if I don't advocate for myself, no one else will
advocate for me. You have to ask, You have to
seize what you want out of your life, even if
(23:53):
it doesn't look the way that you anticipated. And yes,
you wanted your kids to grow up in a house
with you and your spouse, but if your house is
now a place of peace and serenity and support and
the way that you want it to be.
Speaker 2 (24:05):
Isn't that better for your children?
Speaker 3 (24:08):
My parents were divorced, you know, I did not do
this work, you know, because of that, I kind of
fell into doing matrimonial law. But I love it and
I love advocating for people, and I think I'm far
better off because my parents were happier people and we're
able to fill their lives with the things that were
important to them when they did their rewrite right and
(24:28):
started over.
Speaker 2 (24:29):
But it ended up so much better for my brother
and myself, And.
Speaker 3 (24:32):
So I think you can raise very successful, resilient children.
Speaker 1 (24:38):
Even after this process that's right, and then you'll get there.
It might the road might be longer for some than others,
but you will eventually get there. And I think all
these points that we've been talking about, that you've been
bringing up have been so helpful. I want to go
back to the financial guidance and beyond that, financial advisors
are so key. That was one of the best things
(24:58):
that I did in my divorce is Fine, a financial
person that is with me to this day. And I
got divorced back in two thousand and eight and they
have supported me every step of the way because they
were like, what do you want your life to look like?
And then they build it around that and they have
been such a support in my life since then. And
(25:20):
they're like my they're you know, they're like family friends.
They're friends to have met mine now. But we made
a life plan for me and it's worked out well.
So I think it's so important because what you're going through,
you know, and your life, your life, you may want
your life to look way different than what it is
when you were married.
Speaker 3 (25:40):
Yeah, there are some really excellent, wonderful uh financial advisors
and planners, managers and planners all around the country who
I think are embracing a more holistic, whole person view
(26:00):
of their advice, and they want to know about your priorities,
not just okay, you know, saving for retirement or saving
for education.
Speaker 2 (26:10):
They want to know.
Speaker 3 (26:11):
How do you visualize happiness? What do you need to
have resources for in order to do the things that
really make you happy, Budgeting for your mental health, budgeting
for your physical health, budgeting for your pets, budgeting for
your children.
Speaker 2 (26:29):
And I have found that.
Speaker 3 (26:34):
That type of advice for a client, especially a client
who has great fear or trepidation of managing their own money.
I mean, money is very emotional, wendy as you know,
like people. It's such a source of fear and shame
and people. I think, if you didn't grow up with
(26:56):
a parent who is maybe educating you on the intricacies
of the market.
Speaker 2 (27:00):
Or you know, the import.
Speaker 3 (27:04):
Or even understanding the diversification of your portfolio and all
those things, people.
Speaker 2 (27:10):
Just are avoidant.
Speaker 3 (27:14):
And that avoidant nature, even after you've gone through a
whole divorce, it may be gotten a really great deal
can end up backfiring on people, and they end up
making choices that ultimately don't serve them, and the divorce
(27:34):
that could have been the great launchpad for them ends
up being kind of the beginning of the downfall. So
I really think it's important for people to have those conversations.
Don't be afraid to have the conversations with someone they
want to do the work right. A lot of them
will do free modeling for you to see, you know,
(27:57):
what your cash flow could look like, which your retirement
plan could look like, and take.
Speaker 2 (28:04):
Advantage of that.
Speaker 3 (28:06):
A lot of lawyers, a lot of divorce lawyers have
great contacts with bankers in different places and different institutions,
and you should ask your attorney for some recommendations and
then see who you like, or you take those recommendations
and get other recommendations. It's never a hard sell. Let's
really just get the data so you can be empowered
(28:26):
and understand what your options are when you're going to
be calling the shots with your money. And it's quite
sad when you see it go the other way because
as a lawyer, we work very hard to try to
set you up and then kind of send you on
your way, and then what happens after that is between
you and your financial planner.
Speaker 1 (28:43):
Absolutely. One of the sponsors of the Rewrite, Phil Wise,
from a Prize Wealth Management, We just did a whole
episode on a life plan and he told a story
about this woman we named her Linda, in his story
about how her whole life plan just switched in what
is enough and what does it mean to each person?
(29:03):
And then the reflective message was really simple, what kind
of life do I want to live? And then you
plan it out from there, and then then this question
you may have enough money, but do you have enough life?
Speaker 2 (29:15):
Mm hmmm, yeah, that's what I mean.
Speaker 1 (29:16):
Because everyone's is I and I that's really stuck with
me a lot when we when we talked about like
her story, it's a it's a wonderful episode to listen
to when he shared what he what he had, how
he had helped her with financially, but it was it
was just more than that. It was just so powerful
because you know, depending on if you're if you're thirty
(29:37):
when you're going through divorce, or you're fifty or you're seventy,
and what do you have? And do I have enough
life to have this? Because you can't take it with you?
Speaker 2 (29:45):
Right? So remember that that's right. And while you may
be very focused, for example, on.
Speaker 3 (29:53):
Saving for your children, right, saving to leave them a
strong foundation, think also about the memories that they're going
to take with them. Right, Are you putting enough money
in that pot to have the memories and the experiences
with your family before you die and leave your assets
to your children, which is of course wonderful and very important,
(30:13):
but you know, you have to enjoy your life as
well and give people not just the tangible assets, but
the memories of what you've wi you're.
Speaker 2 (30:22):
Avel to do with you.
Speaker 1 (30:23):
Absolutely, so life after divorce, let's talk a little bit
about that, and then I'm going to ask you about
your rewrit and or if you have a story one
of your clients, we won't name them, but about one
of their rewrits that has really stuck with you. I'm
sure there's many.
Speaker 3 (30:43):
Yes, almost everyone. I think so life after divorce again,
I think it goes back to kind of the theme
of today, which is I really would call it preparation.
I would call it self advocacy in the form of preparation.
And if there's something you don't know, go find the
person to help you get that answer instead of feeling stuck. Right, So,
(31:09):
if you have questions about your money and your budget,
talk to your lawyer and talk to a professional wealth manager.
If you have questions about how to make sure that
you're emotionally set, that you're not passing along your trauma
along to your children, talk to your therapist. If you're
feeling lonely, there's an epidemic of loneliness in this country,
and of course during a divorce, when you're resetting your
(31:33):
entire identity as a person, having a strong group of friends,
making new friendships, strengthening old friendships like these are all
things that people can be doing. It might sound like
a long list, but these are the things that human
beings need to be successful, right resources, support, family, and
(31:55):
intellectual and emotional resilience. So I think it's really life
after divorce, think about how to set yourself up for success.
Sometimes you just need to get jogged kind of out
of a negative spiral, and all these people can help
you do that, and.
Speaker 2 (32:17):
Don't be afraid to ask for help.
Speaker 3 (32:19):
I think. Also is the other thing. I think there's
less and less stigma about divorce. There's less and less
stigma about utilizing professionals to help get you where you
need to go. There are life coaches, there are divorce coaches,
people who truly want to help you kind of get
out of your own box, get out of your own way,
(32:39):
because it really can be so much better on the
other side.
Speaker 1 (32:43):
Absolutely, And what about your rewrite, Marien, I think.
Speaker 2 (32:49):
I would say my rewrite would be more So. I
didn't expect to do this work.
Speaker 3 (32:59):
I did not kind of go out go and grow
up a child of a divorced family and claim that
as my identity.
Speaker 2 (33:09):
But I took.
Speaker 3 (33:11):
I've taken all the things that I experienced and that
my family has experienced, and I use it to motivate
myself in my practice where I really try to help people.
My goal is really for people to see that life
can be so much better. You're going to get through
this very very difficult time, and I'm going to help
you do it with my team. But there's so much
(33:34):
more on the other side. And for some of my clients.
I had one client who was a business owner and
owned several hospitality businesses with her spouse, extremely smart, wonderful woman,
and she negotiated and we negotiated very aggressively for her
(33:57):
to keep these businesses, and she really didn't know if
it was going to work right, you know, multi multi
multimillion dollar businesses, ongoing businesses where she was going to
be shouldering all of the work herself. And she has
turned those into continued their success and built on it
even more. So I see her now and she kind
(34:19):
of she bet on herself, you know, and.
Speaker 2 (34:22):
That's not.
Speaker 3 (34:24):
She bet on herself and she made it happen through
very difficult times, but she's absolutely thriving, running the show
and living her best life. And so I think people
you have to seize that for yourself, even if the
divorce is not what you wanted, or even if you
(34:44):
don't end up with all the things that you thought
you wanted on day one.
Speaker 1 (34:49):
You can have that too, well said, Well said, any
last minute thoughts. We were talking about setting priorities and
divorce and so much more. What a great episode this was,
with so much great information packed into it for someone
going through divorce or thinking about it, or in the
(35:09):
process of it, or like at the tail end of it.
Because there is life after and we have to remember
that that we will go on to live a wonderful,
great life and we'll get to rewrite it maybe again
and again and again, which is that's what life's all about.
Speaker 3 (35:26):
That's right, It's kind of the beauty of it all.
Thank you so much for having me, Wendy.
Speaker 1 (35:31):
Thank you. Morgan Muche, vice chair of Matrimonial Family Law
Practice at Blank Rome LLC. She has another episode that's
up as well. That's a lot of great information that too.
Thank you, come back anytime. Thanks again so much, Morgan,
Thank you. Nito Kuda. Divorce and family laws attorneys have
guided Connecticut and New York families through complex divorce actions,
(35:51):
contested child custody, and alimony disputes for over thirty years.
Their Connecticut and New York attorneys have extensive experience in
family matater involving substance abuse, domestic violence, mental illness, and
many other X factors that can complicate a divorce. Their
attorneys adeptly manage privacy and reputation concerns inherit to public
(36:12):
divorce proceedings and the related exposure for their ultra high
net worth clients. Find your new path forward, define your
post divorce family, and secure an enforceable agreement to protect
your future with Needlecuda Act. Now put the strength of
their team behind you. Visit them at Needlecuda dot com
or call two O three five five seven nine five
(36:34):
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