Meet Scott Woehrer...
Scott was married for 25 years and found the love of his life six years ago who inspired his book "Good Morning, My Queen: How to Keep Up with Your Spiritually-Evolving Partner Before You Lose Her Forever.
Scott shares his journey and roadmap for men to rise in consciousness alongside their partners - before it's too late.
The journey of his first marriage and finding the love of his life.
We talk about why women are outgrowing their relationships and how men can rise to meet them.
The importance of men's groups.
Practical steps men can take to deepen emotional and spiritual intimacy and all about his new book and so much more.
Connect with Scott:
FB: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100094346751206&mibextid=ZbWKwL
IG: https://www.instagram.com/scottware111/
Scott was married for 25 years and found the love of his life six years ago who inspired his book "Good Morning, My Queen: How to Keep Up with Your Spiritually-Evolving Partner Before You Lose Her Forever.
Scott shares his journey and roadmap for men to rise in consciousness alongside their partners - before it's too late.
The journey of his first marriage and finding the love of his life.
We talk about why women are outgrowing their relationships and how men can rise to meet them.
The importance of men's groups.
Practical steps men can take to deepen emotional and spiritual intimacy and all about his new book and so much more.
Connect with Scott:
FB: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100094346751206&mibextid=ZbWKwL
IG: https://www.instagram.com/scottware111/
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hi, I'm Wendy, and this is Divorce Doesn't Suck. I'm
talking all about the life you can live after divorce.
You'll hear regular people's stories about their divorces and how
they reinvented themselves and grew. You'll also get invaluable advice
from experts who serve in the divorce community. A little
about me. I'm a former TV producer and mom of two.
I got divorced in two thousand and eight when there
were really no outlets or platforms for me to turn to.
(00:22):
So I'm paying it forward and have created a platform
to help men and women learn that there absolutely is
a fresh, new and exciting life after divorce. Come with
me on this journey and paint your brand new blank
canvas of happily ever after divorce. This episode is brought
to in part by the Needle Kuda Law Firm Guidance
that Moves Lives Forward. Welcome to another episode of Divorce
(00:43):
Doesn't Suck. I'm your host, Wendy Sloan and my guest today,
a three time cancer survivor and recent stem cell transplant recipient,
the author of the book My Queen, How to Keep
Up with Your Spiritual evolving partner before you lose them forever,
interviewed countless spiritual luminaries, and I want to hear so
much about that and the title of the book. I
(01:05):
love so excited to hear his story, his journey of
resilience and all about his new book. Welcome to my show,
Scott Ware.
Speaker 2 (01:12):
Thank you so much, Wendy. I'm so glad to be here.
Speaker 1 (01:15):
I'm so happy to be here with you too. And
I love the title of your book. Good morning, Mike Queen.
How to keep up with your spiritual evolving partner before
you lose her forever. So I want to hear how
that came the title came up. I want to hear
about the book. I want to hear about your journey,
why you're here today, and what you want us to know.
Do you want to start with your personal story because
(01:37):
I know you were married for twenty five years and
the love of your life six years ago, which inspired
your book.
Speaker 2 (01:46):
Tell us about that, sure, and you know you know
when you know, And it wasn't comfortable. It wasn't a
neat process, as many people know who have had a
second major relationship. But when we saw each when we
(02:08):
when it happened to us. We knew, and now I
knew I was getting into a relationship with a spiritual person.
I'm a spiritual person, and by spiritual, I just be
someone who is has a great relationship with the universe
around them. It's not religious, it's it's it's all about
(02:30):
the relationship you have with yourself. And so we would
call our relationship a conscious relationship, and some people call
it divine union and or twin flames is a popular
one of those terms sound romantic, and they're definitely not
in the traditional sense. It's it's wonderful and but it's
(02:53):
a lot of work because in these kinds of relationships,
you tend to be the relationship with somebody who is
mirroring you your stuff back to you. So but but
before I jump into that too much, I walk this walk,
and I know firsthand. And the reason I wrote it
was because and I mean to share this with other
(03:17):
men who are in this situation where their their their partner,
their female partner is progressing further and quicker than they are.
And uh, you might say she's even kind of tapping
her foot, sort of waiting for the guy to catch
up and hoping he'll catch up and wondering when and
if he will. I I was, I was that person,
(03:40):
that guy, and uh, it's it's a tough road to hoe.
It's it's tough.
Speaker 1 (03:47):
Because before we get into so your twenty five year marriage,
what what happened?
Speaker 2 (03:56):
Sure?
Speaker 1 (03:57):
You know briefly? And how did you get to the
other side?
Speaker 2 (04:02):
Well? Sure, sure, Okay, So I knew uh Maria for
about a year before we fell in love. We were
friends and I was in my marriage. I was sleeping
in a separate bedroom, living in a separate bedroom in
(04:22):
fact pretty much because I also had a business at
home that I was working out of there and just
was there all day in that room, and we were
so it was an unhappy marriage actually for years before
it was just a dead marriage. And and but you know,
you you I just didn't think there was an option
(04:44):
to leave. We did with some older kids, but it
just never presented itself. For I never actually had the
guts to say to say this is over. And and
and I don't want to say I should have everything
happens as it should, but I could have easily and
it would have been understood all around. Now as it happens.
(05:06):
The love of my life. My queen was also sleeping
in a separate bedroom in her marriage. So it was it.
But we did not know this about each other because
we weren't those kinds of friends. We weren't that close
to friends. We were good friends who liked to talk
about spiritual things. We just always had it. But there
(05:27):
was always just I didn't even know about her husband's situation.
She'd know about my wife's situation, because but you had
this friend, that's right, that's correct, Okay, And then it's
hard to explain if you weren't on the inside of it.
But we fell in love. There was a day where
(05:47):
we basically activated. It's like we both opened our eyes
and saw each other for the first time and realized
we'd been looking for each other. It was that kind
of thing which you can't explain to too many people,
you know, So I just throw it out there for
those who understand and those who don't don't. Okay, Okay,
(06:09):
it was It's just like and and now, the kind
of person I am who has written this book and
who I've become, it's not the person I was in
the marriage. I will say I was terrible in the marriage.
I'll admit it in so in so many key ways.
But but we were I believe we were meant to
(06:31):
have children together. I believe my girlfriends and she and
her husband were meant to have children together. But she
and I were meant to spend the rest of our
lives together. And I believe that's how we came down.
That's that's just how it's meant to be. Realizing it
wasn't easy. Realizing it was a bumpy road, of course, but.
Speaker 1 (06:52):
We knew you got to the other.
Speaker 2 (06:53):
Side, that's correct, got to the other side. It was
a matter of, yeah, moving out. She and I moved
out of our respect of our places to separate places
because we knew we couldn't just move right in together
after both of us being in the marriages for decades.
So we we did as although when you're that much
in love, you you're spending so much time together, it's
(07:15):
hard to it's hard to not But we're pretty conscious people,
and we're you know, and a lot of people out
there are getting more conscious. They don't want to be
in a relationship with a narcissist, and so they're just
being more conscious of of of you know, red flags
and and bringing things into their own heart to see
(07:36):
if this is the right thing. Of course, there's much
more like like this podcast, Devan's you know, this podcast
helps people. It supports people in that and uh so
the first year was pretty whirlwind is falling in love.
It was like, oh my god. But here's the thing
I realized, and I was, I would have never been
(07:57):
in love like this in my life. And here I
was past fifty and this happened. I couldn't believe it.
And so but here it's funny because one of the
things that did come out was I was a bit
of a people pleaser and I and I was doing
that in that first year, which is kind of a
it's a narcissist trait, love bombing and all that stuff.
(08:21):
And I thought, that's what, you know, what you did
when you got a new relationship, was you just made
sure everything was great, you know. But that wasn't authentic.
I was doing, you know, kind of jumping ahead here
a little bit, but it wasn't authentic. And I had
to learn to get rid of that people pleaser, which ironically,
you have to get to a point where you don't
even care what people think about you at all, which
(08:43):
is kind of the opposite. But that is a journey
a person must take, a person with that disease to please.
Speaker 1 (08:50):
Why do you think women are Well, I'll answer this
my own way, but I'll ask you why do you
think women are evolving spiritually at an unprecedented rate? And
why do you think men aren't? I mean, I'll say,
and then I'll say, how from what I've read, how
I feel?
Speaker 2 (09:10):
Okay, Well, it's uh, there's been a it's if you
follow these these types of things, astrology and numeralogy and
all these things. Uh, this is uh the age of Aquarius.
Well you've heard the song and and and that is
a it is a time for the feminine to rise.
So if you do this in two thousand year cycles,
(09:31):
for instance, the patriarchy has had a long ride, and
uh it's time to time to bring to women and
see if they can do better, which pretty sure they can. Uh.
There's been plenty of war, plenty of you know, the patriarchy,
and and going after all the women during the crusades,
right that they thought were witches and such. It's it's
(09:55):
it's a time of the feminine rising. And it's the
time of the feminine rising in the masculine as well,
because we all have the masculine feminine inside of us.
We all have both, and chances are they're both wounded,
and we got to take care of them. We got
to heal them up and have them unite. So if
you are someone who's in a relationship that you think
(10:15):
is a divine union, well that will come into play. Now,
you said, why do men not seem to be So
it's always been known that women are more emotionally intelligent
than men. Right, They make many of their decisions in
where their mind, their brain is in connection with the heart. Okay,
(10:38):
and they therefore tend to exhibit more empathy, which is
a trait which is a trait that's in short supply
today not very encouraged by uh, what's everything that's going on? Right?
In fact, some people literally say empathy is the enemy,
someone said, someone out there even said that empathy is
(11:00):
Western culture's greatest weakness. That's one of the people in
power that said that. Musk. Yeah, anyway, why why hide
the name? So, so you have women in this position,
and and but so you have all these things going
on with the feminine. The feminine is rising, I believe,
and and and a lot of spiritual people believe that.
(11:22):
And you know, I knew somebody who even advertised in
the magazine that I used to I used to publish
a metaphysical magazine for five years. And there was a
place in Irvine called Museum of Woman. Museum of Woman,
and it's a wonderful place. You got to see. Uh.
(11:43):
You know, there's a very kind of a small museum
of exhibits with women throughout history and and their importance
and where they were in leadership. And oh my gosh,
I went up on that tangent. I want to forgot
where I was going to take that.
Speaker 1 (11:59):
You know, they've always that, we've it's always been known
that women mature faster than men too. So you know
what you guys are the hunters. It's all that. I
believe in the divine union, the twins. I believe in
all of that, all right, And I've talked a lot
about that on this podcast. So, uh and your book,
(12:21):
which is a roadmap for men to rise and the
conscious alongside their partners before it's too late. Why why
are women outgrowing their relationships and how can men rise
to meet them?
Speaker 2 (12:32):
Sure? Okay, so for one thing, I encourage in the
book for men to form men's groups like women do.
And that's one thing I always recommend women do. Get
get with your get with your with your friends. My
girlfriend is a part of something called the Goddess Group
in our little small town and we're in a red county.
I'm meant to Hatchebye, California, which is in Kern County,
(12:55):
which I think is one of the reddest counties. And
it's it's uh, you know, you might not expect that
there would be, you know, so many people that would
be interested in these elevated and these multi in us
as multi dimensional creatures beings, but there are, and they
support each other. You know, there's someone going through divorce,
there's somebody who's in a relationship with a narcissist, and
(13:17):
they just they support them. And it's great to have that.
And men deserve that too. And so I've just and
I encourage people men in the book, don't wait to
be invited to a men's group. Start your own. There's
a lot of lonely men out there. There's a lot
of men out there that don't feel heard or that
feel judged in their own home with people they live
with and just to have a place to come and
(13:38):
kick it. You know, a bunch of guys are sitting around.
Mostly it's about meeting each other and making friends. A
lot of times you just don't even make friends after
a certain age. Make new friends, right.
Speaker 1 (13:49):
Much harder for men, I agree, much harder.
Speaker 2 (13:51):
Yeah, And there together and we like.
Speaker 1 (13:54):
Talk about everything and men's and men. Yeah right, so
I think I think what you say. It's very important
that men should get out there and have groups and
people to talk about it.
Speaker 2 (14:06):
It is. And and one of one of the groups
I started one time, the first time men just wanted
to talk about engines. I'm like, ah, let's get out
of our heads. Guys, come on, you know. And I
had one for a long time in Long Beach when
I lived down there, and uh, we talked about awesome things.
But this one, so yeah, these guys came out and
(14:29):
learned some things. We got a text thread that we
don't use too much. But and you know, it's just great.
It's guys are suspicious about it, like what is this?
I don't know what this is? And that's what they
say to a man every time they come. I didn't
know what to expect, but afterwards they're awesome. They're like,
they're so relaxed and because all we do, you know,
(14:52):
they say, hey, just want to share what's working for
you in life? Like you can just share whatever's on
your mind and also maybe what's challenging you in life?
What would you like support in you know, do you
have anger issues, do you have addictions? Do you what's
going on, what's disrupting your life? What's making your life
go better? So you can fill an hour and a
half like that easily with about any group of guys, right,
(15:15):
I like that a lot, and I go ahead.
Speaker 1 (15:19):
Is it you find that in those groups that it's
taking men they're opening up that easy, or it's taking
them a little while a couple, a couple of group sessions.
Speaker 2 (15:28):
To open up no first time, first time because and
what and what else is just the first one or
two guys that share. You know, I could use the lingo,
I wouldn't use this lingo with them per se and say, hey,
you got this is really sharing from the heart, you know,
But but that's what happens, that's what ends up happening.
And when guys share honestly about something that's going on
(15:49):
with them, Oh, my god. All the guys in the
room don't know this is happening, but their hearts are opening,
and that guy's touching all their hearts, right, And yeah,
so I don't want to, you know, And I advertise
it in the little Facebook groups in our little town
and say, hey, guys, come on out. But I don't
want to make it too touchy feely that we might
scare some guys away. But it's And I remember when
(16:12):
I was going to say before. One thing I learned
from the lady who ran Museum of Women is she said,
you know, Scott, in patriarchal societies, women tend not to
have leadership roles. But in matriarchal societies they have more
of a balance, and they do have men in positions
of power because women understand that there's a need for
(16:34):
balance and that there are things that the masculine brings
that is very valuable. So I just wanted to introduce
that point of wisdom that women tend to have.
Speaker 1 (16:44):
We're going to take a quick break to listen to
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so Scott. How can men take practical steps to deepen
emotional and spiritual intimacy?
Speaker 2 (17:50):
Oh? Great question. Well, and you know every man out
there wants to be great in their relationship. They want
to be a great lover. They want to be a
great provider, protector, all those things, and so so just
acknowledging that first of all, is a great thing. Just
you know that you want, you have that desire. There's
something innate in the masculine that wants to do those things.
(18:12):
And this gets overlooked so much in the discussion about
the masculine out there, which frequently has the word toxic
attached to it, and Lord knows there's enough examples of
that in the world. But so we use the term
divine masculine to differentiate. Although the masculine on its own
is just fine. You know, It's sort of like the
(18:32):
word love. Do we need to say unconditional love? Because
love is unconditional? But we do, you know, we use
these modifiers to help us. So the divine masculine is
something that can be like uncovered, almost like Michelangel uncovering
David from the marble. There are wonderful things about the
(18:55):
masculine that we do not want to throw the baby
out with the bathwater. We want those things. And what
I say my message to men is there is so
much reward in dedicating yourself to your queen and to
your relationship. So many rewards you will get out of
doing that that will feed into your purpose and help
(19:20):
you learn who you are. Now, do you really need
to learn who you are? Well? Yes, the famous phrase
know thyself is so important because so many people out
there say they want to be free, they want to
have freedom. Well, if you're not free from old programs,
old childhood patterns, from trauma, from times your parents punished you,
(19:44):
beat you, made you feel unloved, unworthy, other people in
your life doing that. Man, that stuff is still buried
inside of you, and it comes out every once in
a while, particularly in the arguments, because they say with arguments,
it's never what you're arguing about out right, it's yeah,
it's the trauma. And there is not much language or
(20:07):
guidance or encouragement for men to look inside ourselves at
these things and free them like a bird, just let
them fly away or let them dissipate like smoke. And
we need more conversation around this because it's not too
touchy feely when you understand what it is, it's you,
(20:28):
it's your shadows, shadows created when a part of you
broke off, when you got hurt, and it happened to
all of us, even the best people with you know,
good childhoods quote unquote, had something happened to them or
they were abandoned. And then you get mad when your
mate leaves you at a party alone and you're standing
there alone and you feel like, what do they do?
(20:49):
They should be with you the whole time, next to you,
you know, or whatever it is, whatever comes out, and
you get in a fight with them about this relationshiphip,
this divine union relationship, this conscious relationship is an opportunity
for men to find out who they are, to learn
about themselves, because, let me tell you, the stuff's flying anyway.
(21:12):
I mean, you're getting in fights, there's problems, there's this,
there's that, and this is an opportunity now as men,
we must not be afraid to look in the shadows,
because there are things in there that have been there
for decades, that have been untouched, that we've left there.
And let's one of the things I talk about in
(21:34):
the book is anything that takes a man's energy away
from his relationship, you want to look at to see
if you want to stop doing that and invest that
energy into the relationship. I'm talking about things like online gambling, gaming,
which can take a lot of time, anything with the phone,
(21:54):
anything with digital technology, and of course the big one pornography. Now,
I know, pornography has been normalized in a lot of
society or mainstreams. You might say, but I and I say,
anybody who wants to do it, I'm not going to
judge you. That's your thing, you want to do it.
I would recommend, however, that that energy that's spilling out
(22:18):
in those directions, or whether you're having an emotional relationship
with somebody in your life, in your office that's not
your partner, right any ways, that your energy is leaking
out of you, you want to pull it back. You
want to be in control and in command of who
you are of your energy. And let me tell you,
(22:39):
your mate will love that you devote put that energy
towards them. You could even say, and this is where
the man can lead, This is where the masculine can lead.
And you can say, you know what, I know, this
has been normalized. Looking at these things, you know, even
on Instagram, even the you know, the p E rated
(23:00):
stuff or whatever it's like, is that really where I
want to put my time and attention? You could say
to her, to your partner. You know what, I would
like to not have this in my life anymore. I
would like to have a cleaner, more pure essence happening here,
and I'd like to lead us away from this sort
of thing. Let's let's walk out of this. It's it's
not serving our highest good. And it's like I would
(23:25):
say this, would you jump in a dirty lake and
jump right into bed afterwards without showering? No, Well, you're
doing that energetically when you're looking at certain things on
the internet, even certain R rated movies. You know, it's
just not the best thing, and it's just not it's
it's not your best look. So again, if it's go ahead.
Speaker 1 (23:47):
When you so, when after your marriage and you were
having these conversations with your your woman friend and you
realize you guys were spiritually connected and all this happened.
How what was the moment that you realized that you
were spiritually connected? Did it just like was it just
an aha moment or was there something?
Speaker 2 (24:08):
It wasn't aha moments it was an aha moments and
where the clouds cleared?
Speaker 1 (24:15):
He changed you or did it just change from the relationship,
Like what made you become this person that wrote this book.
Speaker 2 (24:23):
We weren't this.
Speaker 1 (24:24):
Person that you were in your marriage. But here you
are now. Good morning, you know, my queen.
Speaker 2 (24:30):
Sure, okay. So we always as friends, we always had
these long spiritual talks. We love to talk spirituality. We
would geek out on the stuff three D versus five
D and all that stuff. So we had that as
a friendship, just totally chased and all that. And then
and then, yeah, the moment happened. We were hit by lightning.
(24:53):
Just to make a long story short on that. But
what happened was, so, I'm I'm in a relationship with
a very virtual woman. Some have even called her a shaman.
Shaman is someone who walks between two worlds, and she
she had all those experiences growing up, like being like
sleep paralysis, visitors in the room. I mean, I'll just
(25:13):
leave it at that. So I'm in a relationship with
someone who is very sensitive, spiritually, very and she pays
attention to her body and her body what her body says,
and her body will say, you know, Scott, I'm not
in residence with you right now. I'm not so I
you know, so, and you know, she says something like that,
(25:34):
we're we're not being intimate and she says, there's just
you know, and basically, in that situation, she's made a
shift that I haven't made yet, and I need to
make it so it's really as clear it can be
as clear as that. And now, well, how do I
make this shift? You know, as a guy like, well,
(25:55):
chances are there some things that I need to look
at that I haven't healed inside me that she could sense,
she could feel my trauma and it made her feel
not safe. And women need to feel safe more than
anything in a relationship, which includes trust. She needs to
trust that she's going to be safe with you. She
needs to trust that, you know. I mean, yeah, you'll
(26:16):
protect her from other people, but will you protect her
from yourself?
Speaker 1 (26:20):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (26:21):
That's a big one, right, I mean, so it's not
you know, yeah, and not just like out and out violence,
I mean, which is obviously there as well, but just
everything just you know, anything that's latent inside. And it's
funny because and there's not just one shift. These shifts
can happen every very few months.
Speaker 1 (26:42):
I love I loved I love that this journey happened
for you, and I love it more that you you
put it in a book to share, which is I
believe your mission of this book for men to realize
that they can be vulnerable, that they can dive into
their spiritual self.
Speaker 2 (27:03):
Well, and it's part of my conversation wanting to do
this because there's there's been a lert in the other direction.
You know, you have all these tech bros And investment bros.
And and there the new philosophy is do whatever you want.
You can get away with it, do whatever you want.
You know or you know, say they're selling investments that
they know are terrible, that they know they're going to
(27:24):
take people's money and not give them a return. That's
that's rewarded. That's that kind of Yeah, there's no there's
no integrity, and there's no discussion of it. It's just
get what you can get what yours and and that's
all there is to it. So and that's, like I said,
reward it. So it's it's about going in the other direction.
Those guys are going to realize it one day that
that's that's not the way and that that's not their truth.
(27:49):
And that's another thing I point out in the book
is most men have not found their purpose in life,
and they really need to Okay, there's a quote that
says most men lead lives of quiet desperation. And what
is that about, Well, that's about you. You know. If
you're born a carnation, don't try to be a rose.
You know. If you are meant to be a musician,
(28:10):
be a musician, you know. And what's the first thing
you hear when you want to be an artist and
a writer or a musician, is you can't make money
doing that. Don't do that. So we're told not to cry.
We're told, don't you know, do as I say, not
as I do, and do this thing. Become an attorney.
And our attorneys have the best intentions. Our parents have
(28:30):
the best intentions. They want to make sure we can
make a living, you know, on our own when we
leave the house. But there's not much discussion of well,
what do you care about? What matters to you? What
do you want to do? What makes what fills you up?
And there's a spiritual leader called Bashar who always talks
(28:51):
about the importance of following your highest excitement. What is
your highest excitement at any given moment, do that thing,
follow that and if that's not your highest excitement, it
will lead you to it. I just think that's the
most amazing advice that makes so much sense, because who
else is going to know what your purpose is except
for you and what excites you the most. You know,
(29:14):
is it teaching, is it raising children, is it cooking?
Whatever it is, do that thing. And I say to men, look,
if you need to go out in the wilderness for
a while and go, you know, find yourself, leave your
job or whatever you find, if you know, figure out
a way to do that. But you don't necessarily have to,
because when you make a decision to do something, it
(29:34):
just so happens. Is this is spiritual law. The universe
conspires to work with you when you commit to something,
and you know, it's not that you're going to leave
anything behind. Or let's say you want to be an artist,
but you have kids you got to raise. Okay, move
in the direction of being an artist. Those things will
not be forgotten. Those things will be taken care of
as well. But you've got to be you and drop
(30:00):
the limiting. First of all, realize you have limiting stories.
You have the limiting programs in you that say, oh no,
this is the way the world works. You can't do this.
You can't do that no, you know, you know what
the truth is. The truth is actually inside you. You
might say it's inside your chest, it's inside your body,
and that's the real truth. You should listen to, not
(30:22):
external things. Same with getting validation, you know, don't look
to external things outside of you for your validation. Feed
it inside of you. And man, when you find your purpose,
whether you're a man or a woman, holy cow. And
if you know, if you check out my book on Amazon,
you'll see I think you'll see with the way I
(30:44):
wrote it, I you know, people have given me a
lot of complimence on it, and they and they, you know,
it feels like somebody who is just channeling this from
from God, from source, you know. And and it's it's
my passion, it is my purpose to do this. And
I don't even need ten people to read it. If
five people read it, it doesn't matter because the doing
(31:05):
of it gave me such satisfaction and fulfillment. Well, I
love it.
Speaker 1 (31:11):
I love I love I love your message. I love
what you're doing. I love the book. I love that
you're trying to help people navigate their relationships with more
awareness and connection. And I'm I'm a big fan of
all of this, so everyone should go Scott scott Ware's book,
Good Morning, My Queen, How to Keep up with your
spiritual evolving partner before you lose her Forever. There's so
(31:33):
much more. I'd love to have you back again. We
didn't even get into all the stuff that you went through.
You know, a three time cancer survivor, I mean amazing.
So I want to have you back. We'll talk about
that and more. La You're on. I can't thank you
enough for sharing this in your book. I encourage everyone
to go read it. Thank you so mody for.
Speaker 2 (31:54):
Having me on, Wendy, I appreciate it.
Speaker 1 (31:56):
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(32:42):
two three five, five seven nine to five zero zero
Hi, I'm Wendy, and this is Divorce Doesn't Suck. I'm
talking all about the life you can live after divorce.
You'll hear regular people's stories about their divorces and how
they reinvented themselves and grew. You'll also get invaluable advice
from experts who serve in the divorce community. A little
about me. I'm a former TV producer and mom of two.
I got divorced in two thousand and eight when there
were really no outlets or platforms for me to turn to.
(00:22):
So I'm paying it forward and have created a platform
to help men and women learn that there absolutely is
a fresh, new and exciting life after divorce. Come with
me on this journey and paint your brand new blank
canvas of happily ever after divorce. This episode is brought
to in part by the Needle Kuda Law Firm Guidance
that Moves Lives Forward. Welcome to another episode of Divorce
(00:43):
Doesn't Suck. I'm your host, Wendy Sloan and my guest today,
a three time cancer survivor and recent stem cell transplant recipient,
the author of the book My Queen, How to Keep
Up with Your Spiritual evolving partner before you lose them forever,
interviewed countless spiritual luminaries, and I want to hear so
much about that and the title of the book. I
(01:05):
love so excited to hear his story, his journey of
resilience and all about his new book. Welcome to my show,
Scott Ware.
Speaker 2 (01:12):
Thank you so much, Wendy. I'm so glad to be here.
Speaker 1 (01:15):
I'm so happy to be here with you too. And
I love the title of your book. Good morning, Mike Queen.
How to keep up with your spiritual evolving partner before
you lose her forever. So I want to hear how
that came the title came up. I want to hear
about the book. I want to hear about your journey,
why you're here today, and what you want us to know.
Do you want to start with your personal story because
(01:37):
I know you were married for twenty five years and
the love of your life six years ago, which inspired
your book.
Speaker 2 (01:46):
Tell us about that, sure, and you know you know
when you know, And it wasn't comfortable. It wasn't a
neat process, as many people know who have had a
second major relationship. But when we saw each when we
(02:08):
when it happened to us. We knew, and now I
knew I was getting into a relationship with a spiritual person.
I'm a spiritual person, and by spiritual, I just be
someone who is has a great relationship with the universe
around them. It's not religious, it's it's it's all about
(02:30):
the relationship you have with yourself. And so we would
call our relationship a conscious relationship, and some people call
it divine union and or twin flames is a popular
one of those terms sound romantic, and they're definitely not
in the traditional sense. It's it's wonderful and but it's
(02:53):
a lot of work because in these kinds of relationships,
you tend to be the relationship with somebody who is
mirroring you your stuff back to you. So but but
before I jump into that too much, I walk this walk,
and I know firsthand. And the reason I wrote it
was because and I mean to share this with other
(03:17):
men who are in this situation where their their their partner,
their female partner is progressing further and quicker than they are.
And uh, you might say she's even kind of tapping
her foot, sort of waiting for the guy to catch
up and hoping he'll catch up and wondering when and
if he will. I I was, I was that person,
(03:40):
that guy, and uh, it's it's a tough road to hoe.
It's it's tough.
Speaker 1 (03:47):
Because before we get into so your twenty five year marriage,
what what happened?
Speaker 2 (03:56):
Sure?
Speaker 1 (03:57):
You know briefly? And how did you get to the
other side?
Speaker 2 (04:02):
Well? Sure, sure, Okay, So I knew uh Maria for
about a year before we fell in love. We were
friends and I was in my marriage. I was sleeping
in a separate bedroom, living in a separate bedroom in
(04:22):
fact pretty much because I also had a business at
home that I was working out of there and just
was there all day in that room, and we were
so it was an unhappy marriage actually for years before
it was just a dead marriage. And and but you know,
you you I just didn't think there was an option
(04:44):
to leave. We did with some older kids, but it
just never presented itself. For I never actually had the
guts to say to say this is over. And and
and I don't want to say I should have everything
happens as it should, but I could have easily and
it would have been understood all around. Now as it happens.
(05:06):
The love of my life. My queen was also sleeping
in a separate bedroom in her marriage. So it was it.
But we did not know this about each other because
we weren't those kinds of friends. We weren't that close
to friends. We were good friends who liked to talk
about spiritual things. We just always had it. But there
(05:27):
was always just I didn't even know about her husband's situation.
She'd know about my wife's situation, because but you had
this friend, that's right, that's correct, Okay, And then it's
hard to explain if you weren't on the inside of it.
But we fell in love. There was a day where
(05:47):
we basically activated. It's like we both opened our eyes
and saw each other for the first time and realized
we'd been looking for each other. It was that kind
of thing which you can't explain to too many people,
you know, So I just throw it out there for
those who understand and those who don't don't. Okay, Okay,
(06:09):
it was It's just like and and now, the kind
of person I am who has written this book and
who I've become, it's not the person I was in
the marriage. I will say I was terrible in the marriage.
I'll admit it in so in so many key ways.
But but we were I believe we were meant to
(06:31):
have children together. I believe my girlfriends and she and
her husband were meant to have children together. But she
and I were meant to spend the rest of our
lives together. And I believe that's how we came down.
That's that's just how it's meant to be. Realizing it
wasn't easy. Realizing it was a bumpy road, of course, but.
Speaker 1 (06:52):
We knew you got to the other.
Speaker 2 (06:53):
Side, that's correct, got to the other side. It was
a matter of, yeah, moving out. She and I moved
out of our respect of our places to separate places
because we knew we couldn't just move right in together
after both of us being in the marriages for decades.
So we we did as although when you're that much
in love, you you're spending so much time together, it's
(07:15):
hard to it's hard to not But we're pretty conscious people,
and we're you know, and a lot of people out
there are getting more conscious. They don't want to be
in a relationship with a narcissist, and so they're just
being more conscious of of of you know, red flags
and and bringing things into their own heart to see
(07:36):
if this is the right thing. Of course, there's much
more like like this podcast, Devan's you know, this podcast
helps people. It supports people in that and uh so
the first year was pretty whirlwind is falling in love.
It was like, oh my god. But here's the thing
I realized, and I was, I would have never been
(07:57):
in love like this in my life. And here I
was past fifty and this happened. I couldn't believe it.
And so but here it's funny because one of the
things that did come out was I was a bit
of a people pleaser and I and I was doing
that in that first year, which is kind of a
it's a narcissist trait, love bombing and all that stuff.
(08:21):
And I thought, that's what, you know, what you did
when you got a new relationship, was you just made
sure everything was great, you know. But that wasn't authentic.
I was doing, you know, kind of jumping ahead here
a little bit, but it wasn't authentic. And I had
to learn to get rid of that people pleaser, which ironically,
you have to get to a point where you don't
even care what people think about you at all, which
(08:43):
is kind of the opposite. But that is a journey
a person must take, a person with that disease to please.
Speaker 1 (08:50):
Why do you think women are Well, I'll answer this
my own way, but I'll ask you why do you
think women are evolving spiritually at an unprecedented rate? And
why do you think men aren't? I mean, I'll say,
and then I'll say, how from what I've read, how
I feel?
Speaker 2 (09:10):
Okay, Well, it's uh, there's been a it's if you
follow these these types of things, astrology and numeralogy and
all these things. Uh, this is uh the age of Aquarius.
Well you've heard the song and and and that is
a it is a time for the feminine to rise.
So if you do this in two thousand year cycles,
(09:31):
for instance, the patriarchy has had a long ride, and
uh it's time to time to bring to women and
see if they can do better, which pretty sure they can. Uh.
There's been plenty of war, plenty of you know, the patriarchy,
and and going after all the women during the crusades,
right that they thought were witches and such. It's it's
(09:55):
it's a time of the feminine rising. And it's the
time of the feminine rising in the masculine as well,
because we all have the masculine feminine inside of us.
We all have both, and chances are they're both wounded,
and we got to take care of them. We got
to heal them up and have them unite. So if
you are someone who's in a relationship that you think
(10:15):
is a divine union, well that will come into play. Now,
you said, why do men not seem to be So
it's always been known that women are more emotionally intelligent
than men. Right, They make many of their decisions in
where their mind, their brain is in connection with the heart. Okay,
(10:38):
and they therefore tend to exhibit more empathy, which is
a trait which is a trait that's in short supply
today not very encouraged by uh, what's everything that's going on? Right?
In fact, some people literally say empathy is the enemy,
someone said, someone out there even said that empathy is
(11:00):
Western culture's greatest weakness. That's one of the people in
power that said that. Musk. Yeah, anyway, why why hide
the name? So, so you have women in this position,
and and but so you have all these things going
on with the feminine. The feminine is rising, I believe,
and and and a lot of spiritual people believe that.
(11:22):
And you know, I knew somebody who even advertised in
the magazine that I used to I used to publish
a metaphysical magazine for five years. And there was a
place in Irvine called Museum of Woman. Museum of Woman,
and it's a wonderful place. You got to see. Uh.
(11:43):
You know, there's a very kind of a small museum
of exhibits with women throughout history and and their importance
and where they were in leadership. And oh my gosh,
I went up on that tangent. I want to forgot
where I was going to take that.
Speaker 1 (11:59):
You know, they've always that, we've it's always been known
that women mature faster than men too. So you know
what you guys are the hunters. It's all that. I
believe in the divine union, the twins. I believe in
all of that, all right, And I've talked a lot
about that on this podcast. So, uh and your book,
(12:21):
which is a roadmap for men to rise and the
conscious alongside their partners before it's too late. Why why
are women outgrowing their relationships and how can men rise
to meet them?
Speaker 2 (12:32):
Sure? Okay, so for one thing, I encourage in the
book for men to form men's groups like women do.
And that's one thing I always recommend women do. Get
get with your get with your with your friends. My
girlfriend is a part of something called the Goddess Group
in our little small town and we're in a red county.
I'm meant to Hatchebye, California, which is in Kern County,
(12:55):
which I think is one of the reddest counties. And
it's it's uh, you know, you might not expect that
there would be, you know, so many people that would
be interested in these elevated and these multi in us
as multi dimensional creatures beings, but there are, and they
support each other. You know, there's someone going through divorce,
there's somebody who's in a relationship with a narcissist, and
(13:17):
they just they support them. And it's great to have that.
And men deserve that too. And so I've just and
I encourage people men in the book, don't wait to
be invited to a men's group. Start your own. There's
a lot of lonely men out there. There's a lot
of men out there that don't feel heard or that
feel judged in their own home with people they live
with and just to have a place to come and
(13:38):
kick it. You know, a bunch of guys are sitting around.
Mostly it's about meeting each other and making friends. A
lot of times you just don't even make friends after
a certain age. Make new friends, right.
Speaker 1 (13:49):
Much harder for men, I agree, much harder.
Speaker 2 (13:51):
Yeah, And there together and we like.
Speaker 1 (13:54):
Talk about everything and men's and men. Yeah right, so
I think I think what you say. It's very important
that men should get out there and have groups and
people to talk about it.
Speaker 2 (14:06):
It is. And and one of one of the groups
I started one time, the first time men just wanted
to talk about engines. I'm like, ah, let's get out
of our heads. Guys, come on, you know. And I
had one for a long time in Long Beach when
I lived down there, and uh, we talked about awesome things.
But this one, so yeah, these guys came out and
(14:29):
learned some things. We got a text thread that we
don't use too much. But and you know, it's just great.
It's guys are suspicious about it, like what is this?
I don't know what this is? And that's what they
say to a man every time they come. I didn't
know what to expect, but afterwards they're awesome. They're like,
they're so relaxed and because all we do, you know,
(14:52):
they say, hey, just want to share what's working for
you in life? Like you can just share whatever's on
your mind and also maybe what's challenging you in life?
What would you like support in you know, do you
have anger issues, do you have addictions? Do you what's
going on, what's disrupting your life? What's making your life
go better? So you can fill an hour and a
half like that easily with about any group of guys, right,
(15:15):
I like that a lot, and I go ahead.
Speaker 1 (15:19):
Is it you find that in those groups that it's
taking men they're opening up that easy, or it's taking
them a little while a couple, a couple of group sessions.
Speaker 2 (15:28):
To open up no first time, first time because and
what and what else is just the first one or
two guys that share. You know, I could use the lingo,
I wouldn't use this lingo with them per se and say, hey,
you got this is really sharing from the heart, you know,
But but that's what happens, that's what ends up happening.
And when guys share honestly about something that's going on
(15:49):
with them, Oh, my god. All the guys in the
room don't know this is happening, but their hearts are opening,
and that guy's touching all their hearts, right, And yeah,
so I don't want to, you know, And I advertise
it in the little Facebook groups in our little town
and say, hey, guys, come on out. But I don't
want to make it too touchy feely that we might
scare some guys away. But it's And I remember when
(16:12):
I was going to say before. One thing I learned
from the lady who ran Museum of Women is she said,
you know, Scott, in patriarchal societies, women tend not to
have leadership roles. But in matriarchal societies they have more
of a balance, and they do have men in positions
of power because women understand that there's a need for
(16:34):
balance and that there are things that the masculine brings
that is very valuable. So I just wanted to introduce
that point of wisdom that women tend to have.
Speaker 1 (16:44):
We're going to take a quick break to listen to
one of our sponsors. The book is called good Morning,
My Queen. How to keep up with your spiritual evolving
partner before you lose her forever. Scott Warris, my guest
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so Scott. How can men take practical steps to deepen
emotional and spiritual intimacy?
Speaker 2 (17:50):
Oh? Great question. Well, and you know every man out
there wants to be great in their relationship. They want
to be a great lover. They want to be a
great provider, protector, all those things, and so so just
acknowledging that first of all, is a great thing. Just
you know that you want, you have that desire. There's
something innate in the masculine that wants to do those things.
(18:12):
And this gets overlooked so much in the discussion about
the masculine out there, which frequently has the word toxic
attached to it, and Lord knows there's enough examples of
that in the world. But so we use the term
divine masculine to differentiate. Although the masculine on its own
is just fine. You know, It's sort of like the
(18:32):
word love. Do we need to say unconditional love? Because
love is unconditional? But we do, you know, we use
these modifiers to help us. So the divine masculine is
something that can be like uncovered, almost like Michelangel uncovering
David from the marble. There are wonderful things about the
(18:55):
masculine that we do not want to throw the baby
out with the bathwater. We want those things. And what
I say my message to men is there is so
much reward in dedicating yourself to your queen and to
your relationship. So many rewards you will get out of
doing that that will feed into your purpose and help
(19:20):
you learn who you are. Now, do you really need
to learn who you are? Well? Yes, the famous phrase
know thyself is so important because so many people out
there say they want to be free, they want to
have freedom. Well, if you're not free from old programs,
old childhood patterns, from trauma, from times your parents punished you,
(19:44):
beat you, made you feel unloved, unworthy, other people in
your life doing that. Man, that stuff is still buried
inside of you, and it comes out every once in
a while, particularly in the arguments, because they say with arguments,
it's never what you're arguing about out right, it's yeah,
it's the trauma. And there is not much language or
(20:07):
guidance or encouragement for men to look inside ourselves at
these things and free them like a bird, just let
them fly away or let them dissipate like smoke. And
we need more conversation around this because it's not too
touchy feely when you understand what it is, it's you,
(20:28):
it's your shadows, shadows created when a part of you
broke off, when you got hurt, and it happened to
all of us, even the best people with you know,
good childhoods quote unquote, had something happened to them or
they were abandoned. And then you get mad when your
mate leaves you at a party alone and you're standing
there alone and you feel like, what do they do?
(20:49):
They should be with you the whole time, next to you,
you know, or whatever it is, whatever comes out, and
you get in a fight with them about this relationshiphip,
this divine union relationship, this conscious relationship is an opportunity
for men to find out who they are, to learn
about themselves, because, let me tell you, the stuff's flying anyway.
(21:12):
I mean, you're getting in fights, there's problems, there's this,
there's that, and this is an opportunity now as men,
we must not be afraid to look in the shadows,
because there are things in there that have been there
for decades, that have been untouched, that we've left there.
And let's one of the things I talk about in
(21:34):
the book is anything that takes a man's energy away
from his relationship, you want to look at to see
if you want to stop doing that and invest that
energy into the relationship. I'm talking about things like online gambling, gaming,
which can take a lot of time, anything with the phone,
(21:54):
anything with digital technology, and of course the big one pornography. Now,
I know, pornography has been normalized in a lot of
society or mainstreams. You might say, but I and I say,
anybody who wants to do it, I'm not going to
judge you. That's your thing, you want to do it.
I would recommend, however, that that energy that's spilling out
(22:18):
in those directions, or whether you're having an emotional relationship
with somebody in your life, in your office that's not
your partner, right any ways, that your energy is leaking
out of you, you want to pull it back. You
want to be in control and in command of who
you are of your energy. And let me tell you,
(22:39):
your mate will love that you devote put that energy
towards them. You could even say, and this is where
the man can lead, This is where the masculine can lead.
And you can say, you know what, I know, this
has been normalized. Looking at these things, you know, even
on Instagram, even the you know, the p E rated
(23:00):
stuff or whatever it's like, is that really where I
want to put my time and attention? You could say
to her, to your partner. You know what, I would
like to not have this in my life anymore. I
would like to have a cleaner, more pure essence happening here,
and I'd like to lead us away from this sort
of thing. Let's let's walk out of this. It's it's
not serving our highest good. And it's like I would
(23:25):
say this, would you jump in a dirty lake and
jump right into bed afterwards without showering? No, Well, you're
doing that energetically when you're looking at certain things on
the internet, even certain R rated movies. You know, it's
just not the best thing, and it's just not it's
it's not your best look. So again, if it's go ahead.
Speaker 1 (23:47):
When you so, when after your marriage and you were
having these conversations with your your woman friend and you
realize you guys were spiritually connected and all this happened.
How what was the moment that you realized that you
were spiritually connected? Did it just like was it just
an aha moment or was there something?
Speaker 2 (24:08):
It wasn't aha moments it was an aha moments and
where the clouds cleared?
Speaker 1 (24:15):
He changed you or did it just change from the relationship,
Like what made you become this person that wrote this book.
Speaker 2 (24:23):
We weren't this.
Speaker 1 (24:24):
Person that you were in your marriage. But here you
are now. Good morning, you know, my queen.
Speaker 2 (24:30):
Sure, okay. So we always as friends, we always had
these long spiritual talks. We love to talk spirituality. We
would geek out on the stuff three D versus five
D and all that stuff. So we had that as
a friendship, just totally chased and all that. And then
and then, yeah, the moment happened. We were hit by lightning.
(24:53):
Just to make a long story short on that. But
what happened was, so, I'm I'm in a relationship with
a very virtual woman. Some have even called her a shaman.
Shaman is someone who walks between two worlds, and she
she had all those experiences growing up, like being like
sleep paralysis, visitors in the room. I mean, I'll just
(25:13):
leave it at that. So I'm in a relationship with
someone who is very sensitive, spiritually, very and she pays
attention to her body and her body what her body says,
and her body will say, you know, Scott, I'm not
in residence with you right now. I'm not so I
you know, so, and you know, she says something like that,
(25:34):
we're we're not being intimate and she says, there's just
you know, and basically, in that situation, she's made a
shift that I haven't made yet, and I need to
make it so it's really as clear it can be
as clear as that. And now, well, how do I
make this shift? You know, as a guy like, well,
(25:55):
chances are there some things that I need to look
at that I haven't healed inside me that she could sense,
she could feel my trauma and it made her feel
not safe. And women need to feel safe more than
anything in a relationship, which includes trust. She needs to
trust that she's going to be safe with you. She
needs to trust that, you know. I mean, yeah, you'll
(26:16):
protect her from other people, but will you protect her
from yourself?
Speaker 1 (26:20):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (26:21):
That's a big one, right, I mean, so it's not
you know, yeah, and not just like out and out violence,
I mean, which is obviously there as well, but just
everything just you know, anything that's latent inside. And it's
funny because and there's not just one shift. These shifts
can happen every very few months.
Speaker 1 (26:42):
I love I loved I love that this journey happened
for you, and I love it more that you you
put it in a book to share, which is I
believe your mission of this book for men to realize
that they can be vulnerable, that they can dive into
their spiritual self.
Speaker 2 (27:03):
Well, and it's part of my conversation wanting to do
this because there's there's been a lert in the other direction.
You know, you have all these tech bros And investment bros.
And and there the new philosophy is do whatever you want.
You can get away with it, do whatever you want.
You know or you know, say they're selling investments that
they know are terrible, that they know they're going to
(27:24):
take people's money and not give them a return. That's
that's rewarded. That's that kind of Yeah, there's no there's
no integrity, and there's no discussion of it. It's just
get what you can get what yours and and that's
all there is to it. So and that's, like I said,
reward it. So it's it's about going in the other direction.
Those guys are going to realize it one day that
that's that's not the way and that that's not their truth.
(27:49):
And that's another thing I point out in the book
is most men have not found their purpose in life,
and they really need to Okay, there's a quote that
says most men lead lives of quiet desperation. And what
is that about, Well, that's about you. You know. If
you're born a carnation, don't try to be a rose.
You know. If you are meant to be a musician,
(28:10):
be a musician, you know. And what's the first thing
you hear when you want to be an artist and
a writer or a musician, is you can't make money
doing that. Don't do that. So we're told not to cry.
We're told, don't you know, do as I say, not
as I do, and do this thing. Become an attorney.
And our attorneys have the best intentions. Our parents have
(28:30):
the best intentions. They want to make sure we can
make a living, you know, on our own when we
leave the house. But there's not much discussion of well,
what do you care about? What matters to you? What
do you want to do? What makes what fills you up?
And there's a spiritual leader called Bashar who always talks
(28:51):
about the importance of following your highest excitement. What is
your highest excitement at any given moment, do that thing,
follow that and if that's not your highest excitement, it
will lead you to it. I just think that's the
most amazing advice that makes so much sense, because who
else is going to know what your purpose is except
for you and what excites you the most. You know,
(29:14):
is it teaching, is it raising children, is it cooking?
Whatever it is, do that thing. And I say to men, look,
if you need to go out in the wilderness for
a while and go, you know, find yourself, leave your
job or whatever you find, if you know, figure out
a way to do that. But you don't necessarily have to,
because when you make a decision to do something, it
(29:34):
just so happens. Is this is spiritual law. The universe
conspires to work with you when you commit to something,
and you know, it's not that you're going to leave
anything behind. Or let's say you want to be an artist,
but you have kids you got to raise. Okay, move
in the direction of being an artist. Those things will
not be forgotten. Those things will be taken care of
as well. But you've got to be you and drop
(30:00):
the limiting. First of all, realize you have limiting stories.
You have the limiting programs in you that say, oh no,
this is the way the world works. You can't do this.
You can't do that no, you know, you know what
the truth is. The truth is actually inside you. You
might say it's inside your chest, it's inside your body,
and that's the real truth. You should listen to, not
(30:22):
external things. Same with getting validation, you know, don't look
to external things outside of you for your validation. Feed
it inside of you. And man, when you find your purpose,
whether you're a man or a woman, holy cow. And
if you know, if you check out my book on Amazon,
you'll see I think you'll see with the way I
(30:44):
wrote it, I you know, people have given me a
lot of complimence on it, and they and they, you know,
it feels like somebody who is just channeling this from
from God, from source, you know. And and it's it's
my passion, it is my purpose to do this. And
I don't even need ten people to read it. If
five people read it, it doesn't matter because the doing
(31:05):
of it gave me such satisfaction and fulfillment. Well, I
love it.
Speaker 1 (31:11):
I love I love I love your message. I love
what you're doing. I love the book. I love that
you're trying to help people navigate their relationships with more
awareness and connection. And I'm I'm a big fan of
all of this, so everyone should go Scott scott Ware's book,
Good Morning, My Queen, How to Keep up with your
spiritual evolving partner before you lose her Forever. There's so
(31:33):
much more. I'd love to have you back again. We
didn't even get into all the stuff that you went through.
You know, a three time cancer survivor, I mean amazing.
So I want to have you back. We'll talk about
that and more. La You're on. I can't thank you
enough for sharing this in your book. I encourage everyone
to go read it. Thank you so mody for.
Speaker 2 (31:54):
Having me on, Wendy, I appreciate it.
Speaker 1 (31:56):
Nito Kuda Divorce and Family laws attorneys have guided Connecticut,
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(32:42):
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