April 8, 2025 • 43 mins
Meet Terry Crawly ... Representative of the Better Sleep Council, registered Nurse and certified clinical sleep educator who specializes in sleep health and wellness. She is also a spreaker, educator, and author on sleep. Terry is the co-founder of a Four-bed sleep disorders clinic and much more.
Terry educates a wide variety of audiences on the critical importance of sleep to physical and psychological health, growth and development, safety, optimum functioning, productivity, peak performance, and quality of life.
For more information:
https://www.instagram.com/bettersleeporg/?hl=en;
https://www.facebook.com/BetterSleepOrg/
Terry educates a wide variety of audiences on the critical importance of sleep to physical and psychological health, growth and development, safety, optimum functioning, productivity, peak performance, and quality of life.
For more information:
https://www.instagram.com/bettersleeporg/?hl=en;
https://www.facebook.com/BetterSleepOrg/
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hi, I'm Wendy, and this is Divorce Doesn't Suck. I'm
talking all about the life you can live after divorce.
You'll hear regular people's stories about their divorces and how
they reinvented themselves and grew. You'll also get invaluable advice
from experts who serve in the divorce community. A little
about me. I'm a former TV producer and mom of two.
I got divorced in two thousand and eight when there
were really no outlets or platforms for me to turn to.
(00:22):
So I'm paying it forward and have created a platform
to help men and women learn that there absolutely is
a fresh, new and exciting life after divorce. Come with
me on this journey and paint your brand new blank
canvas of happily ever after divorce. This episode is brought
to in part by the Needle Kuda Law Firm guidance
that Moves Lives Forward. Welcome to another episode of Divorce
(00:43):
Doesn't Suck and Wendy Sloan, your host and today's guest
is so important. The topic is so important you need
to listen because we all need to sleep. My guest
today is a representative of the better sleep Council. She
is also a registered nurse, clinical sleep educator who's specializes
in sleep, health and wellness, speaker, educator, author on sleep,
(01:04):
and co founder of a four bed sleep disorder clinic,
and so much more. We need you so much in
our life, all of us. I know we all do.
So everyone better be listening. Welcome to my show, Terry Crawley.
Speaker 2 (01:17):
Hey, Wendy, great to be here.
Speaker 1 (01:19):
Sorry, I'm a little bit over excited about this interview.
Speaker 2 (01:23):
Good good. We won't put anyone to sleep, right, No,
we will not.
Speaker 1 (01:26):
We will not be putting any We will let everyone
have a peaceful sleep. I don't sleep all the time,
that is for sure. And I and I and especially
like you know those of us have who have gone
through our journey of divorce or or any kind of journey,
because we've all we've all have something like what you
(01:47):
said when you wrote to me. You divided all your belongings,
the cuig, your steamer, there you, the TV, your table,
the bed, Oh my gosh. So but let's let's first
dive into it. How did this all start for you?
You're a nurse, and how did you get into the
whole sleep stuff?
Speaker 2 (02:04):
Just quite by accident. I kind of fell into it.
I was recruiting sleep doctors for a study I was
I was helping with, and two sleep doctors said, come
to my clinic for a week in Houston, Texas. And
it was fascinating. And I'd been a nurse for a while,
but I didn't know any thing about how important sleep was,
(02:27):
and I had never seen anyone trying to sleep with
sleep apnea. Anyway, I stayed up all night for a
week and slept all day and watched all of it happen,
and it was life changing. And I after that, I
devoted my entire career to getting the message out and
talking about sleep health because sleep effects everything.
Speaker 1 (02:48):
Sleep effects everything everything. When you get a good night's sleep, Wow,
what a difference. Yeah yeah, all right, So how to
stress interfere with our sleep? And how do we fix that?
What are the remedies?
Speaker 2 (03:01):
Okay, so sleep and stress share a really interesting it's
it's what I call a bi directional relationship. If we
are well rested, guess what we are, Wendy. We're resilient,
we can handle stress, We get through the tough times better.
We have better emotional regulation. We don't you know, get
(03:22):
get freaked out over the small things. We handle things better,
but when we're sleep deprived, we that all goes out
the window. I mean, it's it's all gone. So we
have to really and it's tough because if we're stressed out,
then how does that affect our sleep? So it's a
two way street. So we have to prioritize sleep, make
(03:44):
it a daily requirement, and put some effort, you know,
be proactive in setting the stage for a good night's sleep,
and then we're going to handle stress better. So it's
sort of the chicken and egg thing a little bit.
But I tell people, if you focus on getting a
good night's sleep without stressing, I mean we want to relax.
We want to have that bedtime routine. It really practice
(04:08):
good sleep habits and that should come more easily. And
then when that sleep quality is there and the sufficient
sleep time is there, everything else falls in a place
a lot better. And for adults, that means seven to
nine hours every single night. And really, you know, make
that such a point to get that, such a point
(04:30):
to plan your day around that, and see how much
better you feel. You're more when we have sufficient sleep
on board, our mood is better. Are you know, how
we communicate better, how we get things done. We're performing better,
we're more productive, we're happier, I mean, we just enjoy
life better. So it's so important.
Speaker 1 (04:51):
You look better, yes, sleep right, absolutely so, I think
it shows and your energy and your face and your
eyes and your every But how do we do that?
How do we what's the routine that we need to
do to do that right?
Speaker 2 (05:07):
So, good sleep habits are often referred to as sleep hygiene,
and that's just the steps you take to have a nice,
comfortable sleep surface. You know, when's the last time you've
been shopping for a mattress. Some people put it off forever,
and it's so important because the mattress is the vehicle
(05:28):
for sleep. That has to be a priority. If people
haven't gone out and looked at those you know, options
and materials and what's new in the bedding industry, that's
an important step. We want the sleep environment the bedroom
to be dark, quiet and on the cool side to
really help promote a RESTful sleep. And it's important. I
(05:49):
think we a lot of us understand the importance of
the bedtime routine for the little ones, but for us
it's vitally important. We need that transition time from wakefulness
to sleep. I mean our brains and our bodies. It's
not a switch you can flip. It's actually something you
have to sort of relax and so have something pleasant
(06:10):
at night, so you look forward to bedtime, something to
wind down, whether it's a bath, a shower, reading a book,
you know, something relaxing and maybe yeah, yeah, have a
little ritual and and just do that every night, and
it really sort of goes into automatic mode and it
it just helps you sort of set the stage and
(06:31):
get ready because it's that's what it does for the kids.
And I think we have to implement that as well.
And I would always stress in terms of having a
very clutter free sleep environment and don't have a pile
of you know.
Speaker 3 (06:47):
Mail and bills and unfolded laundry and and clutter everywhere,
and get the get the unused uh you know, treadmill
out of the bedroom, put that somewhere.
Speaker 2 (06:58):
I mean, just really make it as sleep sanctuary your bedroom.
And I think it's helpful for people because I know
people tell me a lot often in my seminars and
meetings and things that once their head hits the pillow,
their brain just goes on full alert. They're thinking about
everything they should be doing. Didn't do to do list
(07:20):
is swirling. Yeah. Yeah. So one of the things that
really helps with that is at the end of the
work day, write it all down, right down. Here to
do is write down here to worry about list, what's
bothering you, What do you need to get done? What
did you do? What did you get done? And things
look more manageable. And I think that exercise of actually
(07:41):
writing it out helps kind of reframe it and you
see it, Okay, that's doable. I can get through this.
It's less stressful, and I think it helps you sort
of get in a better mindset at night. And another
thing we can do at night, like not don't do
your to do worry list, or some people call it
the brain dump. Don't do it right before bed, but
(08:03):
right before bed you can do the three good things.
And people I know do this with their little ones
and themselves lists three good things that happen that day,
whether it's written list or you just do it in
your mind. I know one of my friends writes down
what her child says to her every night. Can you
imagine what that will look like in twenty years? You know,
(08:24):
but you know what, I know, it's so cool what
good things happen. I mean reframes the day, because not
only to our children, but for us, we want to
reframe sleep and look at sleep through a different lens
and instead of looking at it as a huge time out,
this is a preparation for having a great day tomorrow.
(08:45):
It's it's it's a we're recharging, restoring, resetting and just
saying we need this time. It's the ultimate self care,
it's the ultimate meee time. And it's doing so many
things for us physically and mentally so that we can
lead our best lives. I love it.
Speaker 1 (09:05):
And then when how you say it makes so much sense,
like when we have young children, how we put them
to bed. I would chuck my kids in, I'd read
them a bedtime story. I'd like get them ready for
But as adults, what do we do. We don't do that.
And one thing is the cell phone. The phone, get it. Oh,
I learned that if I don't have it next to me,
(09:25):
I won't Yeah, it's better for me, absolutely.
Speaker 2 (09:30):
And I tell people, really, if you get up in
the middle of the night for whatever reason, a baby crying,
a dog barking, using the restroom. Don't do the phone.
This is there's a trap people fall into where they
look at it and then go, oh my gosh, look
at that message, and then they find themselves an hour later.
(09:51):
First of all, the light from the phone has messed
up the melotonin production, and then it's hard to fall
back asleep, and then you start stressing about, well, I've
got to be up three hours and now look, you
know it. Just so avoid the phone if you do
get up for any reason, and avoid bright lights, even
have minimal lighting, say to get to the baby's room
(10:11):
or get to the restroom safely, minimal lighting, avoid the
real bright lights. And even while you're getting ready for bed,
you know, no, what's the lighting situation in the hallway
in the bathroom? Are bright lights? You know? Are you?
Are you putting a bunch of toys in there for
the kids to play with? Is it super super alerting
and super exciting. No, we want to make it calm.
(10:33):
You know, one or two toys, but not the bright lights,
not the not the real minty toothpaste. People don't think
about that. Some people have that, you know, the toothpaste
that wakes them up. You know that they use in
the morning, but if you use that at night, it
could be super alerting. You know, go for the more
milder flavored ones that maybe fruitful, you know, something that's
(10:56):
not you know, wait, just alerting.
Speaker 1 (11:00):
Amazing. It's so hard. I know, there are so many
times where I get up in the middle of the
night and I cannot go back to sleep, and I try,
I go just count backwards, and I just can't go
back to sleep.
Speaker 2 (11:14):
What do you do for that? There are a couple
of things to do. I mean, the very first thing
to do is understand what's going on. It is not
abnormal to wake up several times during the night. Now,
if we're comfortable and the sleep environments right, and it's
very dark, that's important, very dark. Typically we fall back asleep.
Now for whatever reason. If you don't fall back asleep,
(11:35):
understand this. We have a different brain chemistry at night.
There's lots of stuff going on in our brains and bodies. Right,
there's repair, and there's all kinds of things from a
cellular level all the way to emptying excess icky proteins
from our brains and things that are just restoring us. Okay,
but it's a brain, it's a different I've had someone
(11:56):
explain it to me like this, it's a different chemical
bath going on. So and it tends to kind of
be a little more anxiety provoking ate by its nature.
So we're just not as calm, cool and collected as
we are during the day. If that happens at night,
everyone can attest to that. So I have to I
(12:18):
just tell myself, well, okay, I'm going to be a
little more freaked out in the middle of the night
than usual because that's just what's going on in my brain.
And have some confidence. What are your affirmations you can
you will fall back asleep if you stay calm and
confident that it will take over and go back. Don't
do anything that will physically or mentally be alerting. Cover that,
(12:43):
but also just have some faith. And if it's something
distracting that doesn't involve light and the phone. Some people
you can have a very very boring book on tape,
and some people say if they just hear that thing again,
it's repetitive. They're not waiting to hear what's happening next.
Something they've listened to, sort of like what a bedtime
story does for a child. I know a lot of
(13:03):
people now are turning to podcasts and book books on
tape just to have sort of an audio distraction that
can be helpful. We want to have it on a
timer where it's not going on and looping and playing continuously,
because that noise and sound will interfere with sleep. But
if it's distracting, that's fine. I would just make sure again,
(13:25):
comfortable environment, comfortable temperature where it's on the cool side,
and confidence you will go back to sleep. Calm down.
What is you mentioned counting? There's something called the cognitive shuffle.
It's a little brain game you can play. You can
make all kinds of lists in your head. Pick a word, elephant,
(13:47):
pick out everything in the first letter of the word
that you find in your house. It starts with it.
You can start doing things like that that just sort
of gets you lost in thought, and it kind of
again distracting, and the monotony and the tediousness of it
all can maybe sort of be calming and distracting and
(14:08):
help you fall back asleep. So I think things like that.
Someone once told me a sleep doctor told me that
he plays movies backwards in his brain, so he'll think
of one of his favorite movies and start at the
end and then kind of work through it backwards. Obviously,
nothing too stimulating. I've had other people tell me they
get up. If you're in your bed for too long
(14:30):
and you're not sleeping, you're tossing and turning and getting anxious,
a problem can ensue. And that means then you start
associating with the bed or with the middle of the
night or awakenings with not sleeping. We don't want to
make that association. So whether it's falling asleep at night,
at your bedtime or in the middle of the night,
(14:51):
if you're in bed for too long stressing out, you
might want to get up, find a dark quiet you know,
is there a chair in the bedroom where you can
sit and do something else? But this, this person told
me it works like a charm when it happens. Is
a puzzle and in dim light, just a very boring,
huge puzzle, and he does a few pieces and then
(15:14):
gets tired and bored and goes back to bed. I mean,
find out what works for you. Is it journaling, is
it just anything but doesn't involve the electronics? We want
to get away from that.
Speaker 1 (15:26):
Yeah, I just I always think of counting sheep or
counting why it seems to work. Yeah, Terry, what do
you think about naps during the day, Like our NAP's
good for us and so we Yeah, that's.
Speaker 2 (15:39):
A great question, and I get asked that a lot.
I think there's just too much out there that naps
are good or bad, and there's sort of naps are
there when you need them, and I use them. If
I have an early flight somewhere and I will, I
will do something called preemptive napping. I might nap the
day before, I might nap two days before. I might
get some extra sleep on board, just to be able
(16:01):
to handle that better. Then if I have something to
do that night, I'll take an afternoon NET. Now the
caveat is that NET I keep under thirty minutes so
I don't get into a deep sleep. You know, we cycle.
We go through different stages while we sleep, and what
happens is the longer we sleep, the more likely we
are to fall into those deeper stages. And what happens,
(16:24):
especially if we're sleep deprived, when we wake up from
a deeper stage. Say I go to sleep for an
hour and ten minutes and I wake up, I could
be super groggy, it's called sleep inertia, and the grogginess
may hang around for a while. So it kind of
depends what you're doing and what you need to do
(16:45):
that day, and how does the rest of your day look.
And then when we get into a longer sleep for
a nap, it might affect what time we go to
bed that night and the ease of falling asleep, So
again keep that in mind. I just think it can
be a game changer, or I call this a day saver.
(17:06):
I mean, if something we can't always control what happens
at night, and we are all going to have a
bad night of sleep now and then, oh my gosh,
you mentioned earlier a puppy. I mean, I just thank
goodness my puppy is getting over that early puppy stage.
But we will all have bad nights of soep. I
think a nap can be again just save the day
(17:29):
that little Even in studies have shown even a ten
minute nap can help sort of revitalize you. Some people
will swap out that coffee break for a nap break.
I've worked with employers who are instituting sanctioned nap areas.
Go take a ten minute, twenty minute I think that
the sweet spot in a nap in terms of if
(17:51):
you do during the day, don't go over thirty minutes.
I think that's a great thing. And I think while
we're on the subject of going to bed at night,
I would definitely shoot for regular bed and wake times
that allow for sufficiencly. I think we found that research
has found that a lot of irregularity, you know, early
(18:12):
bedtime this night, late bedtime that night, really crazy wake
up times are not good. I mean, our bodies like
that consistency. So I would stick to as much as
we can. I mean, real life happens, but as much
as we can stick with that. And I also think.
Speaker 1 (18:30):
To be at a certain time.
Speaker 2 (18:31):
Yes, yes, but make sure that's that's about that seven
and nine hours. Definitely do that. And then I think
you're going to find you're going to be more refreshed
during the day. And that might also call though, for
a bedtime alarm, just so we don't get caught doing
you know, if we're researching something, writing something, reading something,
(18:53):
watching a show at night before bed, that bedtime alarm
can help us stop what we're doing and start getting
ready for bed so we don't find ourselves oh, my gosh,
I didn't realize it was midnight and or under sleeping
during the week during the work week, if you have
a traditional work schedule. Too many people fall into this trap,
(19:14):
and I've run into it, and so many companies I've
worked with under sleep during the week and then sleep
all weekend, long naps, waking up super late, and then
there's going to be that Sunday night insomnia where it's like,
oh God, I've been sleeping all weekend. So don't don't
do that, yo yo, sleeping. Just don't get into that.
I'm not saying, don't have a wakeups representative. Better Sleep.
Speaker 1 (19:36):
Gu's got to take a quick break for one of
our chances. We'll be right back with the representative of
the Better Sleep Council. So many questions to ask, you'll
be right back from spring break to memorrow day weekend.
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Terry Crawley, Representative Better Sleep Counsel. Oh my god, there's
so much information here, so I'm just going to go
out and on and on the social effects of poor sleep.
(20:40):
The UC Berkeley study tell us about that. I mean,
no sleep. Bad sleep affects everything, even our health, I know.
Speaker 2 (20:51):
And that's such a hard message to get across because
here's the first reaction is, Okay, so I'm sleepy, So
what sleepy? I'll drink coffee all day? Oh no, no, no,
it effects our outlook on the world. I think the
research is fascinating. I am such a nerd when it
comes to the research. I love to read it. Do
(21:13):
you know sleep deprivation makes us less ethical? It hurts
our relationships. We have less gratitude when we're not getting
the sleep we need. We are irritable, our moods are terrible,
we look on the we're negative, we're not empathetic when
(21:33):
we're sleep deprived. We have less job satisfaction. I mean,
regardless of our circumstances, we're less motivated, We're more sedentary,
or more apathetic. The way it affects relationships has been
shocking to me, even working with patients one on one
where I've had a spouse, I had the husband, A man,
(21:57):
and a woman came in. A woman had hardable sleep atnea.
Thirty days later, I tell this story a lot because
it was so poignant the way it was presented to me.
He said, we got it treated for sleep atnea. He said,
thank you for giving me my wife back and the
mother of my children back. See that's how much it
affects how we do everything. It's not just being sleepy,
(22:22):
it's being irritable, it's being negative, it's being angry, it's
being aggressive, things like that, And think of how that
affects our performance and our functioning and just the quality
of our lives and our happiness levels. Where more social
when we're well rested. So I think that's the message
that too many people don't get how we learn. Look
(22:44):
at what we're finding out about children, a lot of
things about learning problems. It all goes back to not
getting enough sleep. Do they have attention deficit disorder adhd add?
All these things? Well, let's stop first and say, well,
are they getting sufficient sleep? Kids need a lot of sleep.
We're looking at the problems with teenagers. We work on
(23:08):
school start times, so many high schools start super early.
Teenagers need nine point twenty five hours of sleep a night.
Speaker 1 (23:15):
Who know that that's a lot.
Speaker 2 (23:17):
Of They do not get it. And think of what's
going on. What we may be attribute to teenage angst?
Is it teenage angst? And what is tea that sleep deprivation?
And these kids aren't getting the sleep they need.
Speaker 1 (23:31):
And I there's mental health as well.
Speaker 2 (23:36):
Oh we've heard so much about physical health, but look
at the mental health challenges that are going on, especially
with teenagers, and then especially look at the obesity problems
we're dealing with. And I'm talking about super young kids
all the way through adults. Obesity and sleep deprivation are
parallel epidemics because what happens. Yeah, when they're not getting
(24:01):
enough sleep. And a lot of it has to do
with electronics. We've got to figure out a way to
coexist in a healthy way with our screens. They're always
going to be here, but we can figure it out.
But when people aren't getting the sleep they need, they're
not even getting the exercise they need. They're sedentary, they're apathetic,
they have a bad attitude, they don't have energy. And
(24:22):
guess what else they're doing, Wendy, They're not eating the
way they should it are appetite hormones grellin and leptin are?
I mean, sleep deprivation reeks havoc on them. And I
can tell I mean, here's what I mean. I'm preaching
to everyone about this all day every day. But when
I go to, say, go give a seminar at a company,
(24:45):
and I'm sleep deprived going through the airport, and I
start craving all of the donuts and the cinnamon rolls
and things I'm walking. But I normally don't crave those
because I make sleep such a high priority. But does
it affects us? So people will crave high fats, high sugar,
and of course drink caffeine, throughout the day. So does
(25:07):
a lot of people just start doing that to stay
awake and they don't realize what they're doing. So all
that bad food, what it does is completely messes up
their sleep quality. So then they're under slept again, and
the cycle continues. Now, when we get sleep gets what happens.
Those cravings go away. We want to eat good foods.
We have the energy and the time to prepare a nice,
(25:30):
healthy meal, and we're not reaching for fast foods because
we're exhausted and mentally drained. We're saying, Okay, I want
to eat that, or I'll go grocery shoping and put
a list together, and all those little things that add
up to healthy eating. But when we eat good foods,
guess what, our sleep quality goes way up. And when
that goes up, that cycle continues, and we can walk
(25:52):
by all the bad stuff at the grocery store or
the airport or in the anywhere and not fall into
that trap. So you'll see by by illustrating this, we
can look at sufficient sleep as the foundation. I think
we always looked at the model of wellness and well
being as diet, sleep, and exercise, but now we look
(26:13):
at it as here's the triangle where sleep is at
the foundation. Diet and exercise are completely dependent on how
much sleep we're getting. And people say, well, I don't
have time to sleep, I mean to exercise, or I
don't have the energy. I can't get up at six
am and exercise. That's all right, because if you get
a plenty of sleep, you'll want you, you'll make time.
We can manage our time. When we're more well rested,
(26:35):
we're more organized, we're more productive, and of course obviously
energy goes away up.
Speaker 1 (26:41):
Oh so, so much great information, all right. So the mattress,
the bed, Yeah, I think that's everyone's biggest nightmare and
dread to go pick out a new bed. I literally
I don't even want to tell you how old my
bed was, my mattress was. Don't want to tell you
because will.
Speaker 2 (27:00):
Probably like hang up on me, hang out.
Speaker 1 (27:02):
Well, I was an interview Okay, So I just got
a new bed, and it was so hard to pick
the mattress. It was so hard.
Speaker 2 (27:10):
Oh my gosh. Okay, so full disclosure. My son own
a furniture company, right, and I talked to people I
because I'm writing a book. And I sit back in
the mattress department were writing this new book of mine, okay,
and it's so incredible. People come in and say, I
haven't had a I haven't been shopping in thirty six years.
(27:34):
That's my I keep a list of the record holders.
Thirty somewhere is the record holder. So don't feel bad.
But what I want, you know, I tell people and
they'll or they'll tell me I went to a hotel
and slept great because they lose their point of reference.
You know, you're in the same mattress every single night.
Speaker 1 (27:52):
And I'm like, oh wait, I just full disclosure when
I just got back from an amazing trip and I
that bed and those sheets and the pillow, and I
called the hookcown. I said, oh, and you can't get
them because of course you have to order them in
bulk or have a big company. I'm like, that was
literally the best sleep of my life ever.
Speaker 2 (28:14):
See what the difference it makes. I thank you you
just I mean, it makes such a different. I literally called.
Speaker 1 (28:22):
The manager and said, and I'm like, I didn't even
get it. I would have if I had room. I
had taken the mattress, the bed, the pillows, everything with me, load.
Speaker 2 (28:30):
Them up in the truck, let's take them home. Absolutely,
and when people have that aha moment and it's there's
so many new materials out. I've had people come and say,
oh my god, I'm right in the throes of menopause.
I'm so hot, and I say, come over here, let
me show you a menopause mattress. We call certain mattresses
menopause mattresses. They either have cooling gels or or or
(28:53):
different materials in them that keep it cool, different kinds
of uh everything. It can help cooling sheets. We have
so many options available to us now, no matter what
the issue is, that can just give you that aha
moment and think of how easy it is. We always
tell our patients don't ever try to sleep. I know
(29:15):
that sounds. I mean we always just say relaxed and
sleep will follow, easy peasy. But if you leave out
that ingredient to a good night's sleep, the sleep surface,
I mean, we can't go any further. I mean that's
square one.
Speaker 1 (29:29):
Yeah, about diving into that bed getting crazy was unbelievable.
Speaker 2 (29:37):
Isn't it amazing? And people lose their point of reference.
Speaker 1 (29:39):
How do we pick out the right bed, how do
we pick out the right sheets? The right pillows, because
what do you do just order a million pillows until
you get the one you like? How do you do that?
Speaker 2 (29:49):
I think? All right, okay, So the Better Sleep Council
has fabulous information because there's so many sites that have
good information on sleep, which they do, but they also
take it a step further and really map out how
to go just go shopping for a mattress and bedding
and all the good things and just go on. You know,
(30:13):
I wouldn't rush it. I would take my time, but
you know, wear comfortable clothes. If you have a bed partner,
bring your bed partner. And if you don't, and I
will say this while we're on bed partners, if you
don't sleep well in a bed together, sleep independently. People
call it a sleep divorce. I refuse to refer to
(30:34):
sleeping separately as a sleep divorce. But again, people don't
understand how important sufficient sleep is for good relationships. So
there's no stigma in sleeping apart. And I have worked
with a lot of couples who have just said, hey,
it doesn't work anymore, she's too hot, he's snoring. We're
just going to do this, and then you know, and
(30:55):
then I'm going, but there are so many things now
that I can say. Well, first of all, look at
the adjustable bases. You can put your mattress on adjustable
base instead of box springs. Bring your head up a
few degrees and help with the snoring. Help open up
that airway, help with reflux, Help get off that shoulder
that you hurt playing racquetball. You know, there's so many
(31:17):
things again, like and materials and options that weren't out
there years ago that are out there now that can
help people. So I think if you just I think
it's I don't want to say do your homework. I
don't think there's a whole lot of homework to do.
I think if you I think, if you go and
find that aha mattress. And I had a very sweet,
(31:38):
elderly gentleman, tell me, because Terry, I don't call it
the aha mattress. I call it the hell yeah mattress.
And I said, well, let's go get let's lie down
on these and if you get the hell yeah mattress,
let me know. And I heard this hell yeah from
the back of the room. He found that. I but
I would also also, while we're on the topic, every
(32:00):
year we lose subcutaneous fat and muscle, so we have
less padding every year as we as we age. And
I see too many people coming in and I think
it was sort of an old school mindset where firmer
is better. If I hear that one more time, I
will lose my mind. Firmer is not necessarily better, And
(32:22):
I would caution people to make sure that you can
get a firm mattress, but gosh, get some cushioning on top,
you know. We don't want you to feel like you
have to sleep on a hardboard to stay healthy and
not hurt your back. I think there can be supportive
mattresses and even firm mattresses, but they should be comfortable,
(32:42):
you know. And I think that's the way it should go.
I think warranties now are realistic. Eight to ten years
should be the lifespan of a mattress. Heavier people may
need something more heavy duty and may not last as long.
We have changes in our bodies and see aging injuries
(33:02):
that might say, hey, I might need to look or
you know what, I might just need a topper on
top of my mattress to give a cushion, you know,
or to cool it, or things like that. So anyway,
I love the question. Yeah, it puts some time and
effort into it because it pays off with that wonderful
night of sleep that you just can't put a price
on getting a good sleep every night. One third of
our lives. Everyone says that, but really that one third
(33:26):
of our lives pretty much shapes the other two thirds
in terms of health and happiness. So, you know, when
I see people come in with handbags that cost more
than a nice mattress, and it doesn't have to be
expensive to be good, but priorities, you know, I would
(33:47):
just caution people to or just have some insight into
how important is my sleep and my health and my
mental well being. It's super important. It doesn't have to
be expensive, but it just takes a little time to
find that one. And I learned about it.
Speaker 1 (34:02):
I finally decide, I go, I really have to get
a new bed and a new mattress. And when I
was like, this is something I do every day. This
is not just like a once in a lifetime thing
like when you buy a purse or something like that,
I'm like, yeah, I need a really good bed, Like
what a difference, Yeah, from vacation though, Oh my god,
isn't it.
Speaker 2 (34:21):
Amazing when it does? Like you just want to go,
just go, oh my god, I've slept so.
Speaker 1 (34:27):
Well, and there's just it's so creating, Andreary, Like you said,
I was like, oh my god, I didn't even need
to create it. I just got in it and it
was perfect. Okay, So you're launching a new podcast.
Speaker 2 (34:40):
Yes, the Better Sleep Council will be doing a whole
lot of good podcasting and U yeah, and getting good
some good sleep information out there for everyone. And I
hope that when it gets out to adults that they
spend time and talk to children. We want to get
the message out to children about how important sleep is
(35:01):
because I think for a long time, in our country
and our society or worldwide, we have glamorized and idealized
people who say they don't need sleep, or people who
don't get sleep. We've thought that we've equated that with
good character, ambition, but great work, ethic and self discipline.
It's not any of that. It's a biological requirement that
(35:23):
we need to view through a different lens now. Respect
it be proactive and unapologetic for our need for sleep.
And you're not a weaker person if you need seven
and nine hours, and you never get used to getting
less sleep. You don't get used to it. I cannot
tell you I be a billionaire if I had a
nickel for every person that said I'm getting used to
(35:43):
not getting much sleep. Short sleepers make up less than
one percent of our population. It's a genetic variant, and
I doubt most people have that less than one percent.
Speaker 1 (35:53):
Wow, so much helpful information. Sleep is so important.
Speaker 2 (35:58):
It is is.
Speaker 1 (36:00):
That has to be a priority. Sometimes I used to say, oh,
if I sit down, I won't be able to You know,
I don't sit down because I have to keep going
because then if I sit down, I won't get it
back up. But sometimes I need the rest. Sometimes my
body's telling me you need to go rest. Or sometimes
I'm like I need more rest than I'm actually getting.
So you, yes, listen to your body.
Speaker 2 (36:22):
Listen to your body. And also if you sleep as
a vital sign. If you go see a physician or
a health care provider about anything, go to always address
your sleep. And if a health care provider doesn't ask
you about sleep, bring it up. And I think it
should be always addressed. If there's sleep problems, see a
(36:42):
sleep specialist and don't ignore it. It could be a
sleep disorder that's not being taken care of. We can
manage sleep disorders, and by getting the managed, we're going
to enjoy much better health on every level and prevent
do a lot of prevention of chronic disease.
Speaker 1 (37:00):
It's so eye opening because we go to take we
go to bed every night, so we should prioritize that,
we should get how important sleep is.
Speaker 2 (37:10):
Absolutely, and I think for years just we haven't. It's
a relatively new subspecialty in medicine, and it really hasn't
been until William Dement at Stanford was We call him
the father of sleep medicine. He recently passed away in
his nineties. I had the thrill of meeting him at
a sleep conference. I felt like I was meeting I
(37:32):
always called him the Paul McCartney of I mean, he's
just my I stood there like a fangirl, like I
couldn't even talk. I was so thrilled to meet him.
But that's how new it is in terms of the
research and understanding what's going on. And I think people
didn't know what was going on, and therefore, you know,
just thought, well, it's not that important. But God, when
(37:54):
we connect sleep deprivation now, it's just so associated with
three different types of cancer. Sleep deprivation is connected now
to dementia, Alzheimer's. These are serious, serious things that will
impact our short term and long term health, our longevity,
real serious things. And every day I get up to
(38:17):
Google alerts every morning on sleep research, what's new and
what's different. I am never, ever, not just amazed at
what they're finding out. So I think it's exciting, of
all the things to be described as exciting. Sleep to
me is one of the most exciting specialties in medicine
and in healthcare, and I think paying attention to it
(38:39):
starting kids off, I think we can put children on
a completely different trajectory in life if we get sufficient
sleep as an ingrained health habit early, like we do
teeth brushing. Think of what that can do with learning problems,
behavior problems, and just overall achievement. My first book on
(39:00):
sleep is called Sleeping Your Way to the Top. You know,
we had a big play on words with that, but
we you know, get the sleep you need to succeed
because we always thought of it in the other in
the completely opposite way. Don't sleep if you want to
be successful, Well, guess what, we do more and we
do it better when we get to sleep we need.
(39:20):
So it is actually the key to success. And I
think what we've just had such a horrible understanding of
it and disrespect for it that we haven't taken it
seriously or really ingrained it in our kids. I mean,
look at recently I went to nursing school. Back in
the day, we didn't talk about sleep. We didn't talk
(39:41):
about the dangers of sleep deprivation. We didn't talk about
how it affects your communication, your thought process, how you
make more errors when you're sleep deprived. I mean, none
of that was brought up. And the culture we were
in is you know, laughing at the interns and residents
who were walking through the hallways completely on, you know,
no regard to their sleep, no regard to how they function.
(40:04):
So it's think of that. In healthcare, it's disregarded, It
had been, and it's only been recently where we say,
oh no, no, we're safer. And look at industries, airline pilots,
look at all the big catastrophes attributed to sleep deprivation.
Speaker 1 (40:21):
You know, in the schools now they're studying more that
the younger kids, and then the middle school kids and
then the high school kids, the different sleeps that they need.
I hope they're doing that in their workforce and some
of the out there they're having. These these young adults
work a gazillion hours, which is not terrible.
Speaker 2 (40:41):
It's terrible. It's so it's you know, and I've had
the young adults. I've gone a fortune five hundred companies,
and this one gentleman stood out. He just came up
to me and I noticed him because he was in
the front row during my my talk, you know, and
he kept falling asleep, and I, well, the caveat there
(41:01):
is if I'm boring, guess what you're gonna do. You're
gonna doodle. You're going to text your friends and say
I'm in Terry's seminar, and it's super boring. You're not
going to sleep. You're going to sleep. If you're sleep deprived,
that's when you're going to fall asleep. So anyway, he
came up to me afterwards and he said, guess what,
thank you for the talk, but I don't need to
hear your sufficient sleep talk because I've learned to get
(41:23):
by on less sleep. He said, I get five hours
a night. I've got it. I'm fine with that. Two
seconds later, he goes tells me about his blood pressure's
too high. He starts giving me his laundry list of problems.
And mind you, he's probably mid mid twenties, mid to
(41:45):
late twenties, and he's telling me about diabetes, blood pressure problems,
and he was definitely on the chunky side. And I
was like, what are you. You don't make the connection.
I just told you about the connection between these things,
but you were asleep and you're not, so you don't
(42:06):
get it. And people are still I don't know. And
I went to a health fair. I had this man.
He was laughing and he said, I'll sleep when I'm dead, Terry,
and I said, oh, don't say that. Don't say that.
Speaker 1 (42:19):
I don't say that. Oh my god. Okay, so I'll
put all this stuff up for more information, Terry Crawley,
Oh my gosh, come back again. Better sleep counsel, registered nurse,
certified sleep clinical sleep educators. So much great information. I'm
going to sleep so well tonight. Thank you for thank
(42:40):
you for this, and thank you for Rendy. It's so
so important.
Speaker 2 (42:45):
Oh it is.
Speaker 1 (42:46):
Thanks for that Yeah, thanks so much, Terry, Thank you.
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five seven nine to five zero zero
Hi, I'm Wendy, and this is Divorce Doesn't Suck. I'm
talking all about the life you can live after divorce.
You'll hear regular people's stories about their divorces and how
they reinvented themselves and grew. You'll also get invaluable advice
from experts who serve in the divorce community. A little
about me. I'm a former TV producer and mom of two.
I got divorced in two thousand and eight when there
were really no outlets or platforms for me to turn to.
(00:22):
So I'm paying it forward and have created a platform
to help men and women learn that there absolutely is
a fresh, new and exciting life after divorce. Come with
me on this journey and paint your brand new blank
canvas of happily ever after divorce. This episode is brought
to in part by the Needle Kuda Law Firm guidance
that Moves Lives Forward. Welcome to another episode of Divorce
(00:43):
Doesn't Suck and Wendy Sloan, your host and today's guest
is so important. The topic is so important you need
to listen because we all need to sleep. My guest
today is a representative of the better sleep Council. She
is also a registered nurse, clinical sleep educator who's specializes
in sleep, health and wellness, speaker, educator, author on sleep,
(01:04):
and co founder of a four bed sleep disorder clinic,
and so much more. We need you so much in
our life, all of us. I know we all do.
So everyone better be listening. Welcome to my show, Terry Crawley.
Speaker 2 (01:17):
Hey, Wendy, great to be here.
Speaker 1 (01:19):
Sorry, I'm a little bit over excited about this interview.
Speaker 2 (01:23):
Good good. We won't put anyone to sleep, right, No,
we will not.
Speaker 1 (01:26):
We will not be putting any We will let everyone
have a peaceful sleep. I don't sleep all the time,
that is for sure. And I and I and especially
like you know those of us have who have gone
through our journey of divorce or or any kind of journey,
because we've all we've all have something like what you
(01:47):
said when you wrote to me. You divided all your belongings,
the cuig, your steamer, there you, the TV, your table,
the bed, Oh my gosh. So but let's let's first
dive into it. How did this all start for you?
You're a nurse, and how did you get into the
whole sleep stuff?
Speaker 2 (02:04):
Just quite by accident. I kind of fell into it.
I was recruiting sleep doctors for a study I was
I was helping with, and two sleep doctors said, come
to my clinic for a week in Houston, Texas. And
it was fascinating. And I'd been a nurse for a while,
but I didn't know any thing about how important sleep was,
(02:27):
and I had never seen anyone trying to sleep with
sleep apnea. Anyway, I stayed up all night for a
week and slept all day and watched all of it happen,
and it was life changing. And I after that, I
devoted my entire career to getting the message out and
talking about sleep health because sleep effects everything.
Speaker 1 (02:48):
Sleep effects everything everything. When you get a good night's sleep, Wow,
what a difference. Yeah yeah, all right, So how to
stress interfere with our sleep? And how do we fix that?
What are the remedies?
Speaker 2 (03:01):
Okay, so sleep and stress share a really interesting it's
it's what I call a bi directional relationship. If we
are well rested, guess what we are, Wendy. We're resilient,
we can handle stress, We get through the tough times better.
We have better emotional regulation. We don't you know, get
(03:22):
get freaked out over the small things. We handle things better,
but when we're sleep deprived, we that all goes out
the window. I mean, it's it's all gone. So we
have to really and it's tough because if we're stressed out,
then how does that affect our sleep? So it's a
two way street. So we have to prioritize sleep, make
(03:44):
it a daily requirement, and put some effort, you know,
be proactive in setting the stage for a good night's sleep,
and then we're going to handle stress better. So it's
sort of the chicken and egg thing a little bit.
But I tell people, if you focus on getting a
good night's sleep without stressing, I mean we want to relax.
We want to have that bedtime routine. It really practice
(04:08):
good sleep habits and that should come more easily. And
then when that sleep quality is there and the sufficient
sleep time is there, everything else falls in a place
a lot better. And for adults, that means seven to
nine hours every single night. And really, you know, make
that such a point to get that, such a point
(04:30):
to plan your day around that, and see how much
better you feel. You're more when we have sufficient sleep
on board, our mood is better. Are you know, how
we communicate better, how we get things done. We're performing better,
we're more productive, we're happier, I mean, we just enjoy
life better. So it's so important.
Speaker 1 (04:51):
You look better, yes, sleep right, absolutely so, I think
it shows and your energy and your face and your
eyes and your every But how do we do that?
How do we what's the routine that we need to
do to do that right?
Speaker 2 (05:07):
So, good sleep habits are often referred to as sleep hygiene,
and that's just the steps you take to have a nice,
comfortable sleep surface. You know, when's the last time you've
been shopping for a mattress. Some people put it off forever,
and it's so important because the mattress is the vehicle
(05:28):
for sleep. That has to be a priority. If people
haven't gone out and looked at those you know, options
and materials and what's new in the bedding industry, that's
an important step. We want the sleep environment the bedroom
to be dark, quiet and on the cool side to
really help promote a RESTful sleep. And it's important. I
(05:49):
think we a lot of us understand the importance of
the bedtime routine for the little ones, but for us
it's vitally important. We need that transition time from wakefulness
to sleep. I mean our brains and our bodies. It's
not a switch you can flip. It's actually something you
have to sort of relax and so have something pleasant
(06:10):
at night, so you look forward to bedtime, something to
wind down, whether it's a bath, a shower, reading a book,
you know, something relaxing and maybe yeah, yeah, have a
little ritual and and just do that every night, and
it really sort of goes into automatic mode and it
it just helps you sort of set the stage and
(06:31):
get ready because it's that's what it does for the kids.
And I think we have to implement that as well.
And I would always stress in terms of having a
very clutter free sleep environment and don't have a pile
of you know.
Speaker 3 (06:47):
Mail and bills and unfolded laundry and and clutter everywhere,
and get the get the unused uh you know, treadmill
out of the bedroom, put that somewhere.
Speaker 2 (06:58):
I mean, just really make it as sleep sanctuary your bedroom.
And I think it's helpful for people because I know
people tell me a lot often in my seminars and
meetings and things that once their head hits the pillow,
their brain just goes on full alert. They're thinking about
everything they should be doing. Didn't do to do list
(07:20):
is swirling. Yeah. Yeah. So one of the things that
really helps with that is at the end of the
work day, write it all down, right down. Here to
do is write down here to worry about list, what's
bothering you, What do you need to get done? What
did you do? What did you get done? And things
look more manageable. And I think that exercise of actually
(07:41):
writing it out helps kind of reframe it and you
see it, Okay, that's doable. I can get through this.
It's less stressful, and I think it helps you sort
of get in a better mindset at night. And another
thing we can do at night, like not don't do
your to do worry list, or some people call it
the brain dump. Don't do it right before bed, but
(08:03):
right before bed you can do the three good things.
And people I know do this with their little ones
and themselves lists three good things that happen that day,
whether it's written list or you just do it in
your mind. I know one of my friends writes down
what her child says to her every night. Can you
imagine what that will look like in twenty years? You know,
(08:24):
but you know what, I know, it's so cool what
good things happen. I mean reframes the day, because not
only to our children, but for us, we want to
reframe sleep and look at sleep through a different lens
and instead of looking at it as a huge time out,
this is a preparation for having a great day tomorrow.
(08:45):
It's it's it's a we're recharging, restoring, resetting and just
saying we need this time. It's the ultimate self care,
it's the ultimate meee time. And it's doing so many
things for us physically and mentally so that we can
lead our best lives. I love it.
Speaker 1 (09:05):
And then when how you say it makes so much sense,
like when we have young children, how we put them
to bed. I would chuck my kids in, I'd read
them a bedtime story. I'd like get them ready for
But as adults, what do we do. We don't do that.
And one thing is the cell phone. The phone, get it. Oh,
I learned that if I don't have it next to me,
(09:25):
I won't Yeah, it's better for me, absolutely.
Speaker 2 (09:30):
And I tell people, really, if you get up in
the middle of the night for whatever reason, a baby crying,
a dog barking, using the restroom. Don't do the phone.
This is there's a trap people fall into where they
look at it and then go, oh my gosh, look
at that message, and then they find themselves an hour later.
(09:51):
First of all, the light from the phone has messed
up the melotonin production, and then it's hard to fall
back asleep, and then you start stressing about, well, I've
got to be up three hours and now look, you
know it. Just so avoid the phone if you do
get up for any reason, and avoid bright lights, even
have minimal lighting, say to get to the baby's room
(10:11):
or get to the restroom safely, minimal lighting, avoid the
real bright lights. And even while you're getting ready for bed,
you know, no, what's the lighting situation in the hallway
in the bathroom? Are bright lights? You know? Are you?
Are you putting a bunch of toys in there for
the kids to play with? Is it super super alerting
and super exciting. No, we want to make it calm.
(10:33):
You know, one or two toys, but not the bright lights,
not the not the real minty toothpaste. People don't think
about that. Some people have that, you know, the toothpaste
that wakes them up. You know that they use in
the morning, but if you use that at night, it
could be super alerting. You know, go for the more
milder flavored ones that maybe fruitful, you know, something that's
(10:56):
not you know, wait, just alerting.
Speaker 1 (11:00):
Amazing. It's so hard. I know, there are so many
times where I get up in the middle of the
night and I cannot go back to sleep, and I try,
I go just count backwards, and I just can't go
back to sleep.
Speaker 2 (11:14):
What do you do for that? There are a couple
of things to do. I mean, the very first thing
to do is understand what's going on. It is not
abnormal to wake up several times during the night. Now,
if we're comfortable and the sleep environments right, and it's
very dark, that's important, very dark. Typically we fall back asleep.
Now for whatever reason. If you don't fall back asleep,
(11:35):
understand this. We have a different brain chemistry at night.
There's lots of stuff going on in our brains and bodies. Right,
there's repair, and there's all kinds of things from a
cellular level all the way to emptying excess icky proteins
from our brains and things that are just restoring us. Okay,
but it's a brain, it's a different I've had someone
(11:56):
explain it to me like this, it's a different chemical
bath going on. So and it tends to kind of
be a little more anxiety provoking ate by its nature.
So we're just not as calm, cool and collected as
we are during the day. If that happens at night,
everyone can attest to that. So I have to I
(12:18):
just tell myself, well, okay, I'm going to be a
little more freaked out in the middle of the night
than usual because that's just what's going on in my brain.
And have some confidence. What are your affirmations you can
you will fall back asleep if you stay calm and
confident that it will take over and go back. Don't
do anything that will physically or mentally be alerting. Cover that,
(12:43):
but also just have some faith. And if it's something
distracting that doesn't involve light and the phone. Some people
you can have a very very boring book on tape,
and some people say if they just hear that thing again,
it's repetitive. They're not waiting to hear what's happening next.
Something they've listened to, sort of like what a bedtime
story does for a child. I know a lot of
(13:03):
people now are turning to podcasts and book books on
tape just to have sort of an audio distraction that
can be helpful. We want to have it on a
timer where it's not going on and looping and playing continuously,
because that noise and sound will interfere with sleep. But
if it's distracting, that's fine. I would just make sure again,
(13:25):
comfortable environment, comfortable temperature where it's on the cool side,
and confidence you will go back to sleep. Calm down.
What is you mentioned counting? There's something called the cognitive shuffle.
It's a little brain game you can play. You can
make all kinds of lists in your head. Pick a word, elephant,
(13:47):
pick out everything in the first letter of the word
that you find in your house. It starts with it.
You can start doing things like that that just sort
of gets you lost in thought, and it kind of
again distracting, and the monotony and the tediousness of it
all can maybe sort of be calming and distracting and
(14:08):
help you fall back asleep. So I think things like that.
Someone once told me a sleep doctor told me that
he plays movies backwards in his brain, so he'll think
of one of his favorite movies and start at the
end and then kind of work through it backwards. Obviously,
nothing too stimulating. I've had other people tell me they
get up. If you're in your bed for too long
(14:30):
and you're not sleeping, you're tossing and turning and getting anxious,
a problem can ensue. And that means then you start
associating with the bed or with the middle of the
night or awakenings with not sleeping. We don't want to
make that association. So whether it's falling asleep at night,
at your bedtime or in the middle of the night,
(14:51):
if you're in bed for too long stressing out, you
might want to get up, find a dark quiet you know,
is there a chair in the bedroom where you can
sit and do something else? But this, this person told
me it works like a charm when it happens. Is
a puzzle and in dim light, just a very boring,
huge puzzle, and he does a few pieces and then
(15:14):
gets tired and bored and goes back to bed. I mean,
find out what works for you. Is it journaling, is
it just anything but doesn't involve the electronics? We want
to get away from that.
Speaker 1 (15:26):
Yeah, I just I always think of counting sheep or
counting why it seems to work. Yeah, Terry, what do
you think about naps during the day, Like our NAP's
good for us and so we Yeah, that's.
Speaker 2 (15:39):
A great question, and I get asked that a lot.
I think there's just too much out there that naps
are good or bad, and there's sort of naps are
there when you need them, and I use them. If
I have an early flight somewhere and I will, I
will do something called preemptive napping. I might nap the
day before, I might nap two days before. I might
get some extra sleep on board, just to be able
(16:01):
to handle that better. Then if I have something to
do that night, I'll take an afternoon NET. Now the
caveat is that NET I keep under thirty minutes so
I don't get into a deep sleep. You know, we cycle.
We go through different stages while we sleep, and what
happens is the longer we sleep, the more likely we
are to fall into those deeper stages. And what happens,
(16:24):
especially if we're sleep deprived, when we wake up from
a deeper stage. Say I go to sleep for an
hour and ten minutes and I wake up, I could
be super groggy, it's called sleep inertia, and the grogginess
may hang around for a while. So it kind of
depends what you're doing and what you need to do
(16:45):
that day, and how does the rest of your day look.
And then when we get into a longer sleep for
a nap, it might affect what time we go to
bed that night and the ease of falling asleep, So
again keep that in mind. I just think it can
be a game changer, or I call this a day saver.
(17:06):
I mean, if something we can't always control what happens
at night, and we are all going to have a
bad night of sleep now and then, oh my gosh,
you mentioned earlier a puppy. I mean, I just thank
goodness my puppy is getting over that early puppy stage.
But we will all have bad nights of soep. I
think a nap can be again just save the day
(17:29):
that little Even in studies have shown even a ten
minute nap can help sort of revitalize you. Some people
will swap out that coffee break for a nap break.
I've worked with employers who are instituting sanctioned nap areas.
Go take a ten minute, twenty minute I think that
the sweet spot in a nap in terms of if
(17:51):
you do during the day, don't go over thirty minutes.
I think that's a great thing. And I think while
we're on the subject of going to bed at night,
I would definitely shoot for regular bed and wake times
that allow for sufficiencly. I think we found that research
has found that a lot of irregularity, you know, early
(18:12):
bedtime this night, late bedtime that night, really crazy wake
up times are not good. I mean, our bodies like
that consistency. So I would stick to as much as
we can. I mean, real life happens, but as much
as we can stick with that. And I also think.
Speaker 1 (18:30):
To be at a certain time.
Speaker 2 (18:31):
Yes, yes, but make sure that's that's about that seven
and nine hours. Definitely do that. And then I think
you're going to find you're going to be more refreshed
during the day. And that might also call though, for
a bedtime alarm, just so we don't get caught doing
you know, if we're researching something, writing something, reading something,
(18:53):
watching a show at night before bed, that bedtime alarm
can help us stop what we're doing and start getting
ready for bed so we don't find ourselves oh, my gosh,
I didn't realize it was midnight and or under sleeping
during the week during the work week, if you have
a traditional work schedule. Too many people fall into this trap,
(19:14):
and I've run into it, and so many companies I've
worked with under sleep during the week and then sleep
all weekend, long naps, waking up super late, and then
there's going to be that Sunday night insomnia where it's like,
oh God, I've been sleeping all weekend. So don't don't
do that, yo yo, sleeping. Just don't get into that.
I'm not saying, don't have a wakeups representative. Better Sleep.
Speaker 1 (19:36):
Gu's got to take a quick break for one of
our chances. We'll be right back with the representative of
the Better Sleep Council. So many questions to ask, you'll
be right back from spring break to memorrow day weekend.
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and focus on fun in the coming months. Visit www
dot soberlink dot com forward slash dds to learn more
and save fifty percent on your device. We're back with
Terry Crawley, Representative Better Sleep Counsel. Oh my god, there's
so much information here, so I'm just going to go
out and on and on the social effects of poor sleep.
(20:40):
The UC Berkeley study tell us about that. I mean,
no sleep. Bad sleep affects everything, even our health, I know.
Speaker 2 (20:51):
And that's such a hard message to get across because
here's the first reaction is, Okay, so I'm sleepy, So
what sleepy? I'll drink coffee all day? Oh no, no, no,
it effects our outlook on the world. I think the
research is fascinating. I am such a nerd when it
comes to the research. I love to read it. Do
(21:13):
you know sleep deprivation makes us less ethical? It hurts
our relationships. We have less gratitude when we're not getting
the sleep we need. We are irritable, our moods are terrible,
we look on the we're negative, we're not empathetic when
(21:33):
we're sleep deprived. We have less job satisfaction. I mean,
regardless of our circumstances, we're less motivated, We're more sedentary,
or more apathetic. The way it affects relationships has been
shocking to me, even working with patients one on one
where I've had a spouse, I had the husband, A man,
(21:57):
and a woman came in. A woman had hardable sleep atnea.
Thirty days later, I tell this story a lot because
it was so poignant the way it was presented to me.
He said, we got it treated for sleep atnea. He said,
thank you for giving me my wife back and the
mother of my children back. See that's how much it
affects how we do everything. It's not just being sleepy,
(22:22):
it's being irritable, it's being negative, it's being angry, it's
being aggressive, things like that, And think of how that
affects our performance and our functioning and just the quality
of our lives and our happiness levels. Where more social
when we're well rested. So I think that's the message
that too many people don't get how we learn. Look
(22:44):
at what we're finding out about children, a lot of
things about learning problems. It all goes back to not
getting enough sleep. Do they have attention deficit disorder adhd add?
All these things? Well, let's stop first and say, well,
are they getting sufficient sleep? Kids need a lot of sleep.
We're looking at the problems with teenagers. We work on
(23:08):
school start times, so many high schools start super early.
Teenagers need nine point twenty five hours of sleep a night.
Speaker 1 (23:15):
Who know that that's a lot.
Speaker 2 (23:17):
Of They do not get it. And think of what's
going on. What we may be attribute to teenage angst?
Is it teenage angst? And what is tea that sleep deprivation?
And these kids aren't getting the sleep they need.
Speaker 1 (23:31):
And I there's mental health as well.
Speaker 2 (23:36):
Oh we've heard so much about physical health, but look
at the mental health challenges that are going on, especially
with teenagers, and then especially look at the obesity problems
we're dealing with. And I'm talking about super young kids
all the way through adults. Obesity and sleep deprivation are
parallel epidemics because what happens. Yeah, when they're not getting
(24:01):
enough sleep. And a lot of it has to do
with electronics. We've got to figure out a way to
coexist in a healthy way with our screens. They're always
going to be here, but we can figure it out.
But when people aren't getting the sleep they need, they're
not even getting the exercise they need. They're sedentary, they're apathetic,
they have a bad attitude, they don't have energy. And
(24:22):
guess what else they're doing, Wendy, They're not eating the
way they should it are appetite hormones grellin and leptin are?
I mean, sleep deprivation reeks havoc on them. And I
can tell I mean, here's what I mean. I'm preaching
to everyone about this all day every day. But when
I go to, say, go give a seminar at a company,
(24:45):
and I'm sleep deprived going through the airport, and I
start craving all of the donuts and the cinnamon rolls
and things I'm walking. But I normally don't crave those
because I make sleep such a high priority. But does
it affects us? So people will crave high fats, high sugar,
and of course drink caffeine, throughout the day. So does
(25:07):
a lot of people just start doing that to stay
awake and they don't realize what they're doing. So all
that bad food, what it does is completely messes up
their sleep quality. So then they're under slept again, and
the cycle continues. Now, when we get sleep gets what happens.
Those cravings go away. We want to eat good foods.
We have the energy and the time to prepare a nice,
(25:30):
healthy meal, and we're not reaching for fast foods because
we're exhausted and mentally drained. We're saying, Okay, I want
to eat that, or I'll go grocery shoping and put
a list together, and all those little things that add
up to healthy eating. But when we eat good foods,
guess what, our sleep quality goes way up. And when
that goes up, that cycle continues, and we can walk
(25:52):
by all the bad stuff at the grocery store or
the airport or in the anywhere and not fall into
that trap. So you'll see by by illustrating this, we
can look at sufficient sleep as the foundation. I think
we always looked at the model of wellness and well
being as diet, sleep, and exercise, but now we look
(26:13):
at it as here's the triangle where sleep is at
the foundation. Diet and exercise are completely dependent on how
much sleep we're getting. And people say, well, I don't
have time to sleep, I mean to exercise, or I
don't have the energy. I can't get up at six
am and exercise. That's all right, because if you get
a plenty of sleep, you'll want you, you'll make time.
We can manage our time. When we're more well rested,
(26:35):
we're more organized, we're more productive, and of course obviously
energy goes away up.
Speaker 1 (26:41):
Oh so, so much great information, all right. So the mattress,
the bed, Yeah, I think that's everyone's biggest nightmare and
dread to go pick out a new bed. I literally
I don't even want to tell you how old my
bed was, my mattress was. Don't want to tell you
because will.
Speaker 2 (27:00):
Probably like hang up on me, hang out.
Speaker 1 (27:02):
Well, I was an interview Okay, So I just got
a new bed, and it was so hard to pick
the mattress. It was so hard.
Speaker 2 (27:10):
Oh my gosh. Okay, so full disclosure. My son own
a furniture company, right, and I talked to people I
because I'm writing a book. And I sit back in
the mattress department were writing this new book of mine, okay,
and it's so incredible. People come in and say, I
haven't had a I haven't been shopping in thirty six years.
(27:34):
That's my I keep a list of the record holders.
Thirty somewhere is the record holder. So don't feel bad.
But what I want, you know, I tell people and
they'll or they'll tell me I went to a hotel
and slept great because they lose their point of reference.
You know, you're in the same mattress every single night.
Speaker 1 (27:52):
And I'm like, oh wait, I just full disclosure when
I just got back from an amazing trip and I
that bed and those sheets and the pillow, and I
called the hookcown. I said, oh, and you can't get
them because of course you have to order them in
bulk or have a big company. I'm like, that was
literally the best sleep of my life ever.
Speaker 2 (28:14):
See what the difference it makes. I thank you you
just I mean, it makes such a different. I literally called.
Speaker 1 (28:22):
The manager and said, and I'm like, I didn't even
get it. I would have if I had room. I
had taken the mattress, the bed, the pillows, everything with me, load.
Speaker 2 (28:30):
Them up in the truck, let's take them home. Absolutely,
and when people have that aha moment and it's there's
so many new materials out. I've had people come and say,
oh my god, I'm right in the throes of menopause.
I'm so hot, and I say, come over here, let
me show you a menopause mattress. We call certain mattresses
menopause mattresses. They either have cooling gels or or or
(28:53):
different materials in them that keep it cool, different kinds
of uh everything. It can help cooling sheets. We have
so many options available to us now, no matter what
the issue is, that can just give you that aha
moment and think of how easy it is. We always
tell our patients don't ever try to sleep. I know
(29:15):
that sounds. I mean we always just say relaxed and
sleep will follow, easy peasy. But if you leave out
that ingredient to a good night's sleep, the sleep surface,
I mean, we can't go any further. I mean that's
square one.
Speaker 1 (29:29):
Yeah, about diving into that bed getting crazy was unbelievable.
Speaker 2 (29:37):
Isn't it amazing? And people lose their point of reference.
Speaker 1 (29:39):
How do we pick out the right bed, how do
we pick out the right sheets? The right pillows, because
what do you do just order a million pillows until
you get the one you like? How do you do that?
Speaker 2 (29:49):
I think? All right, okay, So the Better Sleep Council
has fabulous information because there's so many sites that have
good information on sleep, which they do, but they also
take it a step further and really map out how
to go just go shopping for a mattress and bedding
and all the good things and just go on. You know,
(30:13):
I wouldn't rush it. I would take my time, but
you know, wear comfortable clothes. If you have a bed partner,
bring your bed partner. And if you don't, and I
will say this while we're on bed partners, if you
don't sleep well in a bed together, sleep independently. People
call it a sleep divorce. I refuse to refer to
(30:34):
sleeping separately as a sleep divorce. But again, people don't
understand how important sufficient sleep is for good relationships. So
there's no stigma in sleeping apart. And I have worked
with a lot of couples who have just said, hey,
it doesn't work anymore, she's too hot, he's snoring. We're
just going to do this, and then you know, and
(30:55):
then I'm going, but there are so many things now
that I can say. Well, first of all, look at
the adjustable bases. You can put your mattress on adjustable
base instead of box springs. Bring your head up a
few degrees and help with the snoring. Help open up
that airway, help with reflux, Help get off that shoulder
that you hurt playing racquetball. You know, there's so many
(31:17):
things again, like and materials and options that weren't out
there years ago that are out there now that can
help people. So I think if you just I think
it's I don't want to say do your homework. I
don't think there's a whole lot of homework to do.
I think if you I think, if you go and
find that aha mattress. And I had a very sweet,
(31:38):
elderly gentleman, tell me, because Terry, I don't call it
the aha mattress. I call it the hell yeah mattress.
And I said, well, let's go get let's lie down
on these and if you get the hell yeah mattress,
let me know. And I heard this hell yeah from
the back of the room. He found that. I but
I would also also, while we're on the topic, every
(32:00):
year we lose subcutaneous fat and muscle, so we have
less padding every year as we as we age. And
I see too many people coming in and I think
it was sort of an old school mindset where firmer
is better. If I hear that one more time, I
will lose my mind. Firmer is not necessarily better, And
(32:22):
I would caution people to make sure that you can
get a firm mattress, but gosh, get some cushioning on top,
you know. We don't want you to feel like you
have to sleep on a hardboard to stay healthy and
not hurt your back. I think there can be supportive
mattresses and even firm mattresses, but they should be comfortable,
(32:42):
you know. And I think that's the way it should go.
I think warranties now are realistic. Eight to ten years
should be the lifespan of a mattress. Heavier people may
need something more heavy duty and may not last as long.
We have changes in our bodies and see aging injuries
(33:02):
that might say, hey, I might need to look or
you know what, I might just need a topper on
top of my mattress to give a cushion, you know,
or to cool it, or things like that. So anyway,
I love the question. Yeah, it puts some time and
effort into it because it pays off with that wonderful
night of sleep that you just can't put a price
on getting a good sleep every night. One third of
our lives. Everyone says that, but really that one third
(33:26):
of our lives pretty much shapes the other two thirds
in terms of health and happiness. So, you know, when
I see people come in with handbags that cost more
than a nice mattress, and it doesn't have to be
expensive to be good, but priorities, you know, I would
(33:47):
just caution people to or just have some insight into
how important is my sleep and my health and my
mental well being. It's super important. It doesn't have to
be expensive, but it just takes a little time to
find that one. And I learned about it.
Speaker 1 (34:02):
I finally decide, I go, I really have to get
a new bed and a new mattress. And when I
was like, this is something I do every day. This
is not just like a once in a lifetime thing
like when you buy a purse or something like that,
I'm like, yeah, I need a really good bed, Like
what a difference, Yeah, from vacation though, Oh my god,
isn't it.
Speaker 2 (34:21):
Amazing when it does? Like you just want to go,
just go, oh my god, I've slept so.
Speaker 1 (34:27):
Well, and there's just it's so creating, Andreary, Like you said,
I was like, oh my god, I didn't even need
to create it. I just got in it and it
was perfect. Okay, So you're launching a new podcast.
Speaker 2 (34:40):
Yes, the Better Sleep Council will be doing a whole
lot of good podcasting and U yeah, and getting good
some good sleep information out there for everyone. And I
hope that when it gets out to adults that they
spend time and talk to children. We want to get
the message out to children about how important sleep is
(35:01):
because I think for a long time, in our country
and our society or worldwide, we have glamorized and idealized
people who say they don't need sleep, or people who
don't get sleep. We've thought that we've equated that with
good character, ambition, but great work, ethic and self discipline.
It's not any of that. It's a biological requirement that
(35:23):
we need to view through a different lens now. Respect
it be proactive and unapologetic for our need for sleep.
And you're not a weaker person if you need seven
and nine hours, and you never get used to getting
less sleep. You don't get used to it. I cannot
tell you I be a billionaire if I had a
nickel for every person that said I'm getting used to
(35:43):
not getting much sleep. Short sleepers make up less than
one percent of our population. It's a genetic variant, and
I doubt most people have that less than one percent.
Speaker 1 (35:53):
Wow, so much helpful information. Sleep is so important.
Speaker 2 (35:58):
It is is.
Speaker 1 (36:00):
That has to be a priority. Sometimes I used to say, oh,
if I sit down, I won't be able to You know,
I don't sit down because I have to keep going
because then if I sit down, I won't get it
back up. But sometimes I need the rest. Sometimes my
body's telling me you need to go rest. Or sometimes
I'm like I need more rest than I'm actually getting.
So you, yes, listen to your body.
Speaker 2 (36:22):
Listen to your body. And also if you sleep as
a vital sign. If you go see a physician or
a health care provider about anything, go to always address
your sleep. And if a health care provider doesn't ask
you about sleep, bring it up. And I think it
should be always addressed. If there's sleep problems, see a
(36:42):
sleep specialist and don't ignore it. It could be a
sleep disorder that's not being taken care of. We can
manage sleep disorders, and by getting the managed, we're going
to enjoy much better health on every level and prevent
do a lot of prevention of chronic disease.
Speaker 1 (37:00):
It's so eye opening because we go to take we
go to bed every night, so we should prioritize that,
we should get how important sleep is.
Speaker 2 (37:10):
Absolutely, and I think for years just we haven't. It's
a relatively new subspecialty in medicine, and it really hasn't
been until William Dement at Stanford was We call him
the father of sleep medicine. He recently passed away in
his nineties. I had the thrill of meeting him at
a sleep conference. I felt like I was meeting I
(37:32):
always called him the Paul McCartney of I mean, he's
just my I stood there like a fangirl, like I
couldn't even talk. I was so thrilled to meet him.
But that's how new it is in terms of the
research and understanding what's going on. And I think people
didn't know what was going on, and therefore, you know,
just thought, well, it's not that important. But God, when
(37:54):
we connect sleep deprivation now, it's just so associated with
three different types of cancer. Sleep deprivation is connected now
to dementia, Alzheimer's. These are serious, serious things that will
impact our short term and long term health, our longevity,
real serious things. And every day I get up to
(38:17):
Google alerts every morning on sleep research, what's new and
what's different. I am never, ever, not just amazed at
what they're finding out. So I think it's exciting, of
all the things to be described as exciting. Sleep to
me is one of the most exciting specialties in medicine
and in healthcare, and I think paying attention to it
(38:39):
starting kids off, I think we can put children on
a completely different trajectory in life if we get sufficient
sleep as an ingrained health habit early, like we do
teeth brushing. Think of what that can do with learning problems,
behavior problems, and just overall achievement. My first book on
(39:00):
sleep is called Sleeping Your Way to the Top. You know,
we had a big play on words with that, but
we you know, get the sleep you need to succeed
because we always thought of it in the other in
the completely opposite way. Don't sleep if you want to
be successful, Well, guess what, we do more and we
do it better when we get to sleep we need.
(39:20):
So it is actually the key to success. And I
think what we've just had such a horrible understanding of
it and disrespect for it that we haven't taken it
seriously or really ingrained it in our kids. I mean,
look at recently I went to nursing school. Back in
the day, we didn't talk about sleep. We didn't talk
(39:41):
about the dangers of sleep deprivation. We didn't talk about
how it affects your communication, your thought process, how you
make more errors when you're sleep deprived. I mean, none
of that was brought up. And the culture we were
in is you know, laughing at the interns and residents
who were walking through the hallways completely on, you know,
no regard to their sleep, no regard to how they function.
(40:04):
So it's think of that. In healthcare, it's disregarded, It
had been, and it's only been recently where we say,
oh no, no, we're safer. And look at industries, airline pilots,
look at all the big catastrophes attributed to sleep deprivation.
Speaker 1 (40:21):
You know, in the schools now they're studying more that
the younger kids, and then the middle school kids and
then the high school kids, the different sleeps that they need.
I hope they're doing that in their workforce and some
of the out there they're having. These these young adults
work a gazillion hours, which is not terrible.
Speaker 2 (40:41):
It's terrible. It's so it's you know, and I've had
the young adults. I've gone a fortune five hundred companies,
and this one gentleman stood out. He just came up
to me and I noticed him because he was in
the front row during my my talk, you know, and
he kept falling asleep, and I, well, the caveat there
(41:01):
is if I'm boring, guess what you're gonna do. You're
gonna doodle. You're going to text your friends and say
I'm in Terry's seminar, and it's super boring. You're not
going to sleep. You're going to sleep. If you're sleep deprived,
that's when you're going to fall asleep. So anyway, he
came up to me afterwards and he said, guess what,
thank you for the talk, but I don't need to
hear your sufficient sleep talk because I've learned to get
(41:23):
by on less sleep. He said, I get five hours
a night. I've got it. I'm fine with that. Two
seconds later, he goes tells me about his blood pressure's
too high. He starts giving me his laundry list of problems.
And mind you, he's probably mid mid twenties, mid to
(41:45):
late twenties, and he's telling me about diabetes, blood pressure problems,
and he was definitely on the chunky side. And I
was like, what are you. You don't make the connection.
I just told you about the connection between these things,
but you were asleep and you're not, so you don't
(42:06):
get it. And people are still I don't know. And
I went to a health fair. I had this man.
He was laughing and he said, I'll sleep when I'm dead, Terry,
and I said, oh, don't say that. Don't say that.
Speaker 1 (42:19):
I don't say that. Oh my god. Okay, so I'll
put all this stuff up for more information, Terry Crawley,
Oh my gosh, come back again. Better sleep counsel, registered nurse,
certified sleep clinical sleep educators. So much great information. I'm
going to sleep so well tonight. Thank you for thank
(42:40):
you for this, and thank you for Rendy. It's so
so important.
Speaker 2 (42:45):
Oh it is.
Speaker 1 (42:46):
Thanks for that Yeah, thanks so much, Terry, Thank you.
Nito Kuda Divorce and Family Laws attorneys have guided Connecticut
and New York families through complex divorce actions, contested child custody,
and alimony disputes for over thirty Their Connecticut and New
York attorneys have extensive experience in family matters involving substance abuse,
domestic violence, mental illness, and many other X factors that
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can complicate a divorce. Their attorneys adeptly manage privacy and
reputation concerns inherit to public divorce proceedings and the related
exposure for their ultra high net worth clients. Find your
new path forward, define your post divorce family, and secure
an enforceable agreement to protect your future with Needle Cuda
Act now put the strength of their team behind you.
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Visit them at Needlecuda dot com or call two three, five,
five seven nine to five zero zero
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