Anything for the Cause

Ryan goes the extra mile for a charity event and also tries to gain a tactical advantage on the pickleball court

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
It's a Ride Chronicles podcast. Oh come, these people that
you might not know. Julie is drunk, he said, his unassole,
a tunking Rice and Jacob ver Swelling Collins way deserve
the fight cycle with the Ride Chronicles. Okay, all right,

(00:25):
welcome back to the Roe Chronicles. I'm your hole, Trine Spinnaker.
We got some things we need to talk about today,
and as usual, we got some things we need to discuss.
The first thing comes to mind. Uh so, I've been

(00:46):
trying to figure out a way to keep Beatrice from
constantly hounding me on a pickleball cord. Okay, I have
thought that she, you know, has switched from you know,
playing singles to playing doubles because you know, she wanted

(01:07):
to just, you know it, beat the tar out of
me every day here and there whenever she got the opportunity.
You know, she just wanted to you know, drive it
home that she's better than me on a pickleball court. Well,
it turns out I was wrong about that. Okay, it
turns out Beatrice has a bit of a crush on me. Okay,

(01:32):
And you know I saw a way to use that.
You know, it's my tactical advantage. Okay, So well, I did,
you know, like for a big pickleball game, I you know,
invited Beatrice out, you know, to have dinner with me
on you know, I guess you will call that a zate. Okay.

(01:53):
You know I'm not you know, interest in Beatrice or anything.
She's you know, a nine year old woman will polio.
But at the same time, you know, if I maybe
you know, you know, get her out late, you know,
should be tired for the game tomorrow, I don't know, uh.
And then I realized that Aaron had seduced my mother.

(02:15):
And it never crossed my mind before that, and I
don't think it happened, but he continually says it did.
So what I decided to do, and the plan that
I concocted was I decided, you know, I would take all,
you know, my gear with me. You know that I
used to wear when I worked out at the jail. Okay,

(02:38):
and I left it my car, didn't wear into the
restaurant or anything. By again, the restaurant would Beatrice and
one thing, you know, it leads to another. Okay, and
you know I seduced her a little bit with my
wily charms. Okay, she couldn't resist. Well, I invited her back,
you know, to her place, and really what I did

(03:01):
was ask her if I could come to her place.
You know, I didn't invite her. I can't really invite
her to her own place. But we went back to
her place for you know, little nightcaper. And while she
was pouring to drinks, I decided to go to my
my signature move okay. I took you know, everything off
except my my long socks, okay, and I put on,

(03:22):
you know, the gun belt that I used to wear
when I worked down there to jail. Well, Beatrice turned around,
you know, to Mohito's in hand, and you know, she
absolutely went nuts. You never seen you know, polio victim
move like it before. She's on top of me before
I knew it, okay. And you know, I won't give

(03:45):
you details. I don't kiss and tell, okay, but you
know it was pretty nice and romantic, okay. And then
after I did that, you know, to his mother several times,
I you know, took a picture and I sent it
to Aaron because I want to make sure he understood. Okay.

(04:06):
It was good for the goose. It's also pretty good
for the ganner. Okay, and he didn't know that, and
now he does. And also, you know, Beatrice, you know
we'll be we're out for next day when me and Dinkles,
you know, faced her and her buddy. I don't even
know you know her friend's name, but you know she's

(04:26):
pretty spry, you know, for elderly lady. So I wore
n down, wore Beatrice down a little bit, but I
did not take into account that her buddy was gonna
be so so good and take over the game. Well
we still lost. Okay, so I guess I have to
do it again, you know, a few times, just to
see if it works. Who knows, we'll see. Okay, we're

(04:51):
gonna move on to emails for today. Okay, we'll see
what's happening. We'll see what's going on in emails. Okay,
this first email is uh Okay, Now I forgot to
tell you about this too. Hold on, I forgot to
tell you about this, uh aunt. Dianne was told Bryce

(05:14):
that she lost a baby. Okay, I don't know you
know what that's about, but you know there was a
whole lot of commotion. Bryce has been you prey tore
up about everything. Uh. And the reason why I had
to tell you about that is and I forgot about
it till just now. But uh, aunt Diane sent it
in this email. Okay, and I don't think she really did.

(05:37):
I think she's just trying to, you know, make Bryce upset.
You know, even though it's not his baby, he still
get upset, you know. So it's it's a strange dynamic.
So let's see what this has to say. This is
dear Ryan. This is your aunt Ziane. Hello, aunt Zione.
How are you? And it's been a while. You know
you should come by. We should do a potla dinner. Okay.

(06:00):
You know how I love your green bean cast roles.
Excuse me, god, a bit of a cold. You know,
I love your green being cast roles, ant Zian. They're
one of my favorite foods. Okay, see, yeah, come on over.
I'd love to see you. Let's keep reading it, says Ryan.

(06:20):
I told you in confidence that I was pregnant so
that you would let Bryce know because I know you
cannot keep a secret. That's pretty diabolical, Anzian. It's also hurtful. Okay.
You know, well, I could keep a secret if I
wanted to, but you know, if I try really hard,

(06:41):
I could probably keep it okay, but you know you're
saying it that way really kind of you know, it
upsets me a little bit, you know, and it's me,
you know, your your nephew Ryan, Okay, so you know,
maybe you try to be a little nicer. I know.
You know, this whole relationship with brycele got you tore up. Okay,
you know, but you don't have to, you know, call
me a loose lip because of it. You know. Let's

(07:01):
keep reading it, says Oriyan. I was never pregnant. I
sent you that email to let you know that I
was pregnant so that you would tell Bryce. Well, aunt Zion,
what are you zooing? Why you're zooing it this way?
Why you saying things like this or trying to get

(07:21):
Bryce riled up? If you're not pregnant, Let's keep reading it,
says a Ryan. I was tore up with jealousy. I
couldn't handle the fact that Bryce had been impregnated by
another woman. That's not how it works, aunt Zion. I
don't understand what's wrong with you people? Why y'all don't understand?
And men? Can I be pregnant? Okay? And they can

(07:45):
definitely not get pregnant by a woman even if they could. Okay,
so this is just kind of crazy. I don't understand,
you know, and I know you're you're smarter than that,
aunt Zion. I've literally seen you, you know, sitting on
a couch playing Jeopardy. Okay, you'll you know you love
the literal literations. Okay, I've seen you do it several times,
answer questions left and right. You'll answer here and there.

(08:08):
You'll answer all the questions, but more like ten percent
of them, but you'll answer a few. And that's pretty
good for Jeopardy, because Jeopardy is for really smart people. Okay,
so don't understand why everybody's doing this, but let's keep
reading it, says Ryan. I want to make him so

(08:28):
jealous that he would come running back to my arms
after he beat up every woman in town thinking that
they got me pregnant. Well, why would he think that
a woman got you pregnant, aunt Ziane. I told him
that it was Phil Collins. You told me it was
Phil Collins. I don't think your plan was too good.
To be honest with you, and this doesn't even make sense. Okay,

(08:49):
it's crazy. All right, We're gonna keep reading, though, it
says Ryan Phil Collins was a perfect gentleman. He never
touch me. He had a nightcap, told me about his sorrows,
and then he returned to his own living quarters. I

(09:12):
am not pregnant, but please do not tell Bryce. Well,
aunt Zay, you know Bryce listens to the show. You
know he's gonna find out. I don't even want to
read this him. I don't even know what you're doing,
aunt Zanne. It's like you lost your mind. Okay, you
know that, you know you told me it was Phil Conns.
So I told Bryce it was Phil cons And now
you're saying you want him to beat up women. I

(09:33):
don't get this. I'm concerned about my aunt Zion. I
think she might, you know, be losing her mind a
little bit. We'll have to see, I don't know. We'll
have to see what happens with Aunt Diane. For now,
I gotta move on. I can't keep reading this. All right,
Let's move on to the next email. This next email
is from Edith. Okay, Edith as a pickleball commissioner. And

(09:56):
she's pretty good gal. You know, she likes to you know,
she likes to do things. You know that's pretty fun.
You know, have a little get together's meet and greets
for us. We can go down there and meet and greet, okay,
and do that kind of stuff. And we know we
have little dinners, you know, for awards and things like that, okay,
and I've never won one, okay, but whatever, you know,

(10:17):
it is what it is. So let's let's read this one.
It says de Ryan, we desperately need you to do
something about Jinkle's a clown. Now I need you to
do something about Dnkles the clown, Edith, because I can't
get rid of them. Let's keep reading though, it says Oriyan,
he's scared off all the children at the pickleball games

(10:41):
and the parents aren't wanting to come. Let's spend money
on concessions. We need concession money, Ryan, because we're very
very poor a league. We don't have a lot of money, okay,
And we need you to come down and do something
and tell Zinkles, you know, soften his image a little bit, well, Edith,
If I could do anything with Dingles, I would, but

(11:02):
I'm a little afraid he's gonna kill me. And if
I'm being honest, Edith, I'm afraid he's gonna you know,
kill your family because he said he would. I would
think you would be afraid of that as well. But
you know, let's keep reading it, says Orion. We appreciate
your attention to this matter. Also, one other thing, we
heard that you and Beatrice engaged in the act of coitus.

(11:26):
Well that's a weird way to put it, but yes,
you know we did. We did do that. Okay, that
is true. But you know I don't kiss and tell
or anything. But yes, we did do that, okay, very
much a lot. Okay, for a long time that night.
But let's keep reading, it, says Ryan. That is strictly

(11:48):
against a league policy. Players cannot fraternize outside of the league.
I'm sure there's a loophole somewhere, Edith. Okay, I'll find
it in the bylaws. Just give me a week or
two and I'll get it to you. This is ridiculous, Edith.
Let's keep reading, though, it says a Ryan. If you
start sleeping with Edith, and what stops everybody else from

(12:11):
sleeping with everybody else, and then we don't have a league.
We would appreciate it if you would rethink your relationship. Sincerely, Edith, Well,
Edith I'm not gonna reconsider my relationship. It's not a relationship, Okay.
I'm just you know, trying to get back at Aaron,
you know, ten or fifteen times and trying to you know,

(12:33):
get a competitive advantage on Edith. Okay. So I'm not
gonna do that, but we are gonna move on from this.
I'm gonna Ryan's Week in review. Okay. Uh. This week,
I got a call from where I used to be
the jailer. Okay, I still have a name in this town.
We got called from the local charity and you know,
they want me to come down to the park air

(12:55):
and you know, I was gonna sit out there in
a chair, and that was gonna let people hit me
in a face with pie, you know, if they paid,
you know, a few dollars as a donation for you know,
kids with cancer, you know, cancer and things like that.
You know. So I told him I'd do it, and
I went down there, okay, and uh it was going

(13:15):
fine for a while, you know, and then all of
a sudden, I see, you know, one inmates that you know,
used to be in jail. He got out. Well he
paid you know, his few dollars, okay, and you know,
I took my glasses off, you know, closed my eyes,
you know, waiting for him to hit me with a pie,
and then everything went black. Okay. Well, turns out he

(13:39):
had taken a moth handle and tied a pie to it.
I did not know, you know, this was part of
the rules within the regulations of hit me with a
pie for charity. And he hit me so hard that
knocked me out and bloodied my nose. Okay. And I

(14:01):
didn't come too until hours later, okay, and people have
still been hitting me with pies. I was laying down,
you know, and they hit me with pies left and right,
and you know, I asked, you know what happened, and
they said, Ryan got hit in the face with a
pile and a broomstick. We didn't think it was a
big deal. And I was like, why would you let

(14:21):
that happen? They said, we you know, we thought you
thought it was fine. Boy, I asked him, I said,
did you at least get you know, more money? And
they didn't. So I told them, like, if somebody wants
to hit me with a broomstick, charge my extra ten dollars.
Well that's the Ryan chronicles for today. Yeah, don't forget
to come back here every Wednesday to have conversations with me,

(14:45):
Your buddy or Ryan. Bye,