The Final Countdown (Or How I Learned To Like Prison Food)

The last one for a while. Find out where Ryan has been and why this might spell the end for the ole Ryan Chronicles.

Episode Transcript

(00:02):
All right, very clown, welcomeback to the Ryan Chronicles. I'm your
host, Ryan Spinnaker. We gota lot of things we've got to talk
about today, me and you.We're gonna have some conversations and we're gonna
get to the root of what's beengoing on here lately. So I haven't

(00:26):
done one reason a while, andunfortunately this one will probably be the last
one for a little bit. Wherehave I been? I'm sure as a
question you're asking yourself, and I'mgonna answer it to yourself for you.
Okay. So Jill Collins apparently isjust as crazy as Dankel's clowns told me

(00:56):
that she was, and she wenton a rampage. Jill Collins, she
tried to kill Phil Collins. Itfeels a pretty crafty guy. Okay.
So Phil escaped unharmed. Phil is, you know, a pretty good guy,

(01:22):
and I like, feel pretty goodand I was concerned when it happened.
Well, Angil Collins decided to togo after Podiitris Gin. Okay.
And what Jin did not know isit Jill it was out for blood.

(01:47):
Okay. So Jill actually ended upkilling Jin a Podiitris Gin and so you
know, that's gonna make it weirdwhen I go back to the podiatrist that
you know, my stalker killed ayou know, old lady who really I
never had anything to do with becauseI decided it was best for her if
I just stayed away from her.And it didn't work, obviously, a

(02:13):
Jill Collins committed an act of murder, okay, which is bad enough,
But then Jill Collins made a fatalerror. Jill Collins decided that she was
gonna make good on her promise tokidnap my mama, and if you know

(02:37):
anything about my Mama, you knowthat Jill Collins was not going to come
out on the top of that interaction. Jill Collins decides to go about it
while e coyote style like that wasa good idea. She waited on the
inside of the door for MoMA tocome home on a platform and she tried

(03:01):
to jump down and capture her witha giant sack. The problem is is
that my Mama knows how to takecare of business, and she also knows
her way around a sack. Okay, so you're not gonna get her that
way. Mama spun out. Shegave her armbar, she did a leg

(03:23):
drag took her straight down to theground. And if you get MoMA on
the ground, you ain't coming backup. Okay. Mama proceeded to twist
and tiring knots until she couldn't evenfill her own limbs. Finally, she
must a gumption that Jill Collins didto stand up and run away. Well,

(03:52):
FBI decided to investigate her crime spree, and when they did, they
found out that I mentioned Jill ColinOnes in this podcast how crazy she was,
and I record this podcast sometimes ina jail down her to county jail.
Well, that led to them chargingme with conspiracy charges. And also

(04:19):
it was official misconduct because I wasin a jail when it happened. Also,
there was something in an indictment aboutme stealing a pudding cup, which
what the FBI doesn't know is thatif you accuse somebody else stealing a pudding
cup and they're going to jail,that's pretty much a death sentence. Okay,

(04:40):
I'm gonna get shanked because they thinkI stole someone's pudding cup. Okay,
and pudding cup coming two things injail. Okay, If they think
I stole someone's food, they're gonnabe really angry. Okay, but even
worse if they think I stole someone'sa mail companion, things would get ugly
quickly. Okay. And I don'tknow what's gonna happen, but I've been

(05:02):
in jail awaiting my trial. Wellfinally, you know, took my medicine.
I took what I had coming tome, and they let me out
for two days only to get myaffairs in order. So I've been out
this whole weekend getting my affairs inorder. Okay, it's by time you

(05:27):
listen, it's I'll already be incarcerated, okay. And I gotta they through
the bucket, mel Okay, Igotta a fifteen year sentence. So you
know it's gonna be you know,bad times for me for a while.
Okay. I don't know if I'mgonna make it out. And you know,
Bryce's been crying. You know,Mama's been trying to advocate for me.

(05:50):
You know, she's been out therewith signs, you know, with
you know, airbrushed t shirt thatsays free Rice Spinnaker. You know,
just all kinds of things like that. People show me, all kinds of
love, you know, community havebeen down there, you know, trying
to trying to talk Chief Menendez.You know what he's doing something. Well,
he can't do anything because it's afederal government. Okay. Also,

(06:14):
you know, as far as JillCollins is concerned, they ain't caught her.
She skipped down, dyed her hair, and put on some makeup,
and she probably gauge to one ofher own eyes out with a spoon,
so she looked different because she iscertifiably insane. Okay. I don't know,

(06:34):
you know, if they're ever gonnafind her. But I'm also in
danger if something happens where I everdo get out, I'm in danger from
Jill Collins. Obviously she'sn't I'm notgonna let this stand, okay. And
if I don't stay close to Mama, who knows what Jill Conins wills do
to me? Okay. I onlygot a yellow belled karate. I don't
know if that's enough to fend heroff. So we'll see, we'll see

(06:56):
what happens with that. And youknow, if I get out, I'll
let you guys, and you knowwhat happens with it. Okay. Uh.
Also, another development has happened.I've been sued obviously by tree hugger
Tommy. Okay, well, treehugger Tommy made a mistake as well,

(07:18):
and I thought for sure I wasgonna end up. I want tree Hugger
Tommy money because you know the wayhe put out to the court and showed
up, you know, to courtin a in a neck brace. And
I had a show up to courtwearing nothing but my uh, nothing but
my my, my jumpsuit because Iwasn't in jail. It's a time.

(07:38):
But tree hugger Tommy made a mistakein two days before he went to jail.
His forging ways got him. He'sout out there trying to, you
know, find mushrooms out there inthe uh in a in a forest,
and he had decided to, youknow, get a little snackle salad while
he was out there looking because he'sgetting hungry, he's getting tired. He's

(07:58):
ben a little sweaty out there,and at himself a little babling brook,
you know, got himself a littlea little handful of water, and he
made him up a little batch ofgreens and he was gonna eat him.
Turns out in that batch of greenshe put some poison oak, which is
not good. You could die fromit. He did not die from it.

(08:20):
He just wheeze quite a bit,and it made his mouth and his
butt hole. It's real bad.So when he's in court, he's constantly
scratching his mouth in his butt hole, and he was wheezing a soul out
into the court recording microphone. Thejudge just couldn't stand it anymore, and
he says, son, what's goingon with you today? Why are you

(08:41):
scratching your butt hole and your mouth'sa heart? And why you wheeze every
time you breathe into into the microphone. I don't understand it. What's going
on with you? And tree huggerTommy proceeded to tell him the story of
him eating the poison oak. Well, the judge just missed his k right
there on the fact that if aman would accidentally poison himself with poison oak,

(09:07):
then surely there wasn't that much damagethat I could have done to him
of feeding him a sausage. Soit's one thing it did go my way.
So I'm feeling pretty good about that, you know. Not everything's you
know, pointing down, you know, for me, everything l some things
are looking up, you know,you know, I might have a losing
hand, but I got a fewwinning cards at least, you know,

(09:28):
so I'm trying to stay positive aboutit, okay. And you know,
and when I was in jail,nothing I forgot to tell you, guys,
it was. It was a horribleexperience. I went in there,
they stripped me down. It mademe wear a paper gown for three weeks,
okay, because one of the otherinmates recognize me, and he told

(09:48):
me. He told them that Itold him I was gonna, you know,
I hang myself with my bed sheets, which I didn't, but then
I had to, you know,wear nothing but paper gown. It was
freezing hole. Didn't you get noyou know, shoes or anything. I
will walk around barefoot. And also, you know, another thing is kind
of looking up for him. Iforgot to tell you guys. I don't

(10:09):
know if the story didn't you makeit to election board or what the deal
is. But technically I am stilla jailer. I have not been,
you know, a serve with anysort of papers. Tell me I can
no longer serve as a jailer.So you know, I don't know if
that will happen. I don't knowif it's because you know, it's a
different case, it's because a federalsystem. But I'm still a jailer.

(10:33):
So we'll see what happens. Okay, Okay, so we'll move on.
We're gonna go ahead and move onto a couple of emails for you.
First one, first email we got. This one's to me for Okay.
This is from Jilly. So thisought to be, you know, pretty
good email. You don't know,you only fell off a wagon pretty hard.

(10:58):
And uh know, she's been drinking, you know, a lot of
a lot tequila drinks here lately,and you know, she's been for most
part pretty festive. You know,we're taking a CSTA one or two.
But at sometimes she drinks it,you know, too hard. She wants
to fight with people, you know. So let's let's read this and see
what it has to say. Saysdear Ryan. Oh, this is Jillian,

(11:24):
your neighbor. You've been in jailfor the past three weeks. Jillian,
I'm well aware of that. Iknow exactly where I've been. You
don't have to tell me. Let'skeep reading it, says Ryan. Your
grass is getting out of control.Yeah, because I don't let anyone touch
my grass. But me, okay, I know how to line it out

(11:46):
perfect, Jillian. I'll know howto raise and lower the deck to do
it correctly. And you get someyou know, jack leg off the street.
You got paid, you know,sixty seventy dollars, come mow your
grass. You don't even know howto line it correctly? Okay? Sometimes
I do, you know, coolthings with it. Sometimes I'll even make
it like a little you know,American flag right there in the yards.

(12:07):
Everybody knows if you come here,if you're on this soil, okay,
and you're you know, protected bythe rights afforded to people in the United
States of America, because that's howI am. Okay, And I ain't
gonna put up with no b sokay from those foreign adversaries, okay,
And then you gotta make sure thatpeople know that. Okay. But yes,

(12:28):
I my grass is gonna out ofcontrol. I haven't had an opportunity
to mow it, and I probablywon't Jillian, for the next fifteen years
or so. Let's keep reading it, says Ryan. If you do not
take care of a situation, Iwill be forced to contact a homeowners association.

(12:50):
I've been a drink at tequila forthe past fourteen days straight, and
I haven't slept but two of thosedays. If I have to come over
there and mow your grass myself,I might accidentally hurt myself and have to
follow lawsuit. Ryan A Jillian,don't you touch my grass? Do you

(13:11):
hear me? This is not ajoke, Jillian. I'm a hardened criminal.
I'm a felon, a convicted felon, Jillian. When I get out
of here, I get out ofthe potentiary, I will find you and
I will do stuff Jillian that willnot please people, Okay, but not
physically. I don't want to hurtyou, okay, because I'm not making
a threat, Jillian, because Idon't want more prison time. Okay,

(13:33):
But do not touch my lawn.Jillian. That is my lawn. Do
you understand me? Technically it's mama'slawn. But it's the point is it
is not yours to touch. Okay, and I'm not gonna have it,
Jillian, Stay out of my lawn. Let's keep reading it, says Ryan.

(13:54):
If I want to fall over andget hurt mow in your lawn,
I'm sure that I could sue youand get money from the county due to
the fact that you're a jailer forthe county. Well, that doesn't matter,
Jillian, because you're not gonna touchmy lawn. Let's keep reading,

(14:18):
Ryan, that money that I getfrom the lawsuit could possibly go toward a
more tequila drinks. I could drinktequila for days. In closing, Ryan,
I would like to say that I'llbe mowing your lawn in the morning.
Oh my god, Jillian, stayoff in my lawn. Okay.
I've done so much for you inthe past two years, or I help

(14:41):
you your soberness, and all you'regonna do is come over and run my
lawn. Jillian, knock it off. You're gonna cut it too low,
Jillian, and it's gonna die,and it's gonna get brown. It's hot,
Jillian. It ain't rained in afew weeks. Okay, leave my
yard alone, Jillian. Hey,let's move on. I'm done. I

(15:03):
can't deal with it, can't dealyou know, I was stress going to
go to prison. Okay, Andnow Jillian's gonna come cut my lawn.
It's not gonna happen. Okay.I'm gonna have to hire security a stand
outside of my house. Twenty fourseven. So Jillian doesn't come over and
mow my lawn, okay, Andthe Hollow Association they don't do nothing anyway,

(15:24):
Jillian. They're just gonna send mea letter says, please mow your
lawn. Ryan. You know,we know you know you've been in jail,
but we like you mow your lawn. I'm not gonna do it,
Okay, I'm gonna be in jail. Okay. And I've I've you know,
told mister Krubiker, and I'll touchit either, okay. And Mama
knows better. Mama knows how muchI loved to landscape. She would never

(15:46):
do that to me. So getused to the lawn, Jillian, you
got fifteen years of it. Let'smove on. Let's go to the next
one. All right, This nextone is addressed who Me from Phil Collins.
Let's see what this has to say, Jie, Ryan, this is
Phil Collins writing you today. Painsme terribly because I feel that I have

(16:10):
to dissolve our friendship. Phil.You're so dramatic. Why are you dissolving
our friendship? Phil? Let's keepreading. Ryan, My wife attempted to
murder me because of your illicit affairthen she did murder pediatrist Gin and then

(16:36):
she tried to kidnap your mama.I feel like your presence in my life
has been very disruptive. Phil.That's not my presence, that's your crazy
wife's presence. How did you evenmeet Jill Collins? Jill Collins is insane.

(16:56):
She seemed like the most docile,loving homemaker that ever met up until
you know, the issue that youhad with a gambling and then Jillian and
then her elaction on to me.And she's got two children, two children,
She's currently on a run from lawenforcement with us. She's a murderer.

(17:22):
How did you meet this woman?Phil Collins? How did you not
vet her any better? You shouldhave known. She's not your average crazy
broad. She's the type of crazythey will kill everybody you know and burn
your life to the ground. PhilCollins. That's something's pretty easy to find
out doing a few simple background checks. Okay, what was her credit score?
Phil Collins? That would have probablybeen a pretty good indicator. Okay,

(17:45):
but you didn't even check it,did you? No? You didn't
Okay, the criminal check? Youknow, did you ever check? Did
you go to the PVA to seeif she even owned the house under the
appropriate name that you guys live inbecause she lived there before you. You
know you got with her, Phil, did you check? Okay? I'm
willing to bet you did not,And that is on you. It's not

(18:07):
me. I'm not a disruptive force, Phil. She is a disruptive force.
She's got issues that you should havevetted thoroughly before you had two children
with her. Okay. And youknow, I get it. You know
she's you know, a hard sevenokay, and you're at best a point
six. Okay, I understand that. You know you were you were batting

(18:32):
out of your league. I getit. Okay. Did you gotta understand?
You know, the whole time youhad to understand it. Your bat
was too short to be able tocover the whole plate, if you know
what I'm saying, Phil Collins.So anyways, keep reading this because I'm
interested to see why he thinks thatI'm a disruptive force in his life.

(18:53):
That says Ryan. She's made severalstatements that she is going to come back
from where she's at, which Iwill not mention. Let's just say that
it's somewhere on the coast, andshe is going to attempt to murder you.
Well, she's gonna have a hellof a time doing it, Phil,

(19:15):
because I'm gonna be behind bars.So I don't know what her plan
is. But she's even crazier thanI thought, as she thinks she can
get to me. Okay, well, let's keep reading. She says she's
gonna burn her whole life down,and she's gonna kill everyone that you love,
and when she's done, me andher can finally be happy again.

(19:40):
Well, Phil, you weren't reallyall that happy in the first place,
but let's keep reading. I desperatelywant that, Ryan. I want my
wife to be a loving person again. Oh Jesus Christ, Phil, Oh
you're being manipulated, Phil, Phil, Phil, watch herself. Okay.

(20:00):
If she could kill my entire family, she can kill Podiitris Gin, she
can kill try kind at my mamaand try to kill you while you're awake,
then she could probably get the jobdone Phil, while you're a sleeping
while you're napping one day, okay, And my advice to you, Phil
is while she's gone, take yourlittle time, figure your own life out.

(20:26):
Go out to go out to Nevada, go down there to that buffalo
buffalo ranch, big gals, prostitutionhouse. Get you a couple of big
gals, you do you do youa big gal? Three way? Okay,
having big gals just you know,work kill left and right, Phil,
Have them just smack you in theface with him their bits and their
pieces, okay, and enjoy yourselffor oh a few days okay, and

(20:49):
then maybe after you know, youget your your life forced drained by you
know, a few big gals outthere, maybe three, depend on how
much money you have, you could, you know, have it. You
gotta be careful with three of them, Phil, that's a lot of weight
going around. You might end upgetting hurt. But if that's what you're
into, you know, three ofthem and you have a little fun and
then you know, get your lifeforce drained by them. And then after

(21:11):
you're done with that, you'll bethinking clearly, Phil, and you'll be
like, Okay, it's time forme to get a divorce, a file
for divorce, and maybe I needto also file for immerged to cussing my
children being as are on the lambor with their mother who is a fugitive
from the law and also a murderer. And maybe you get them back,

(21:32):
and then maybe you can move forwardwith in life, Phil, and build
a life it's decent for them kids, okay, and where they don't turn
out to be just like their crazymother. Okay. But until then,
Okay, you need to enjoy yourself. Go go, you know, have
fun. Go to a gamble okay, go to a baseball game, Go
see see the sights of a youknow, some city. Just take a

(21:55):
trip, Phil. Okay, butzon't sit around and well on this,
because me and you're still friends.You're not You're not done with me.
I'll tell you that if fifteen yearsPhil, when I get out, I'm
gonna come find you and we're gonnaplay Dungeons and Dragons that day. And
I hope to god I don't haveto deal with Jill Collins when it happens.
Hopefully I could come find you andyou're in the middle of a big

(22:17):
Galhogy sandwich okay, out there inthe in the high deserts of Nevada,
Okay, getting smacked around this wayand that, okay, and being you
know, treated rough, you know, at the Buffalo Ranch, Big Gals
prostitution house. Okay, Okay,I'm done. I'm done with that.
Phil, We're still friends. You'renot getting rid of me. We're done.

(22:37):
I'm done. I'm done. We'redone. Let's let's move on,
all right, Let's move on tothe next next segment. In the last
segment for fifteen years. All right. So this is gonna be a Ryan's
Week in review. So, uh, this week, obviously, I'm having
some you know court case of trial. You know, Mom has been in

(23:02):
a whole time advocating for me,and mister Cronbiker has been advocating for me.
And I was hoping my Zaddy willcome and to advocate for me too,
but he must be off, youknow, on mission out there and
you know, South Africa somewhere tryingto you know, save the world because
he's special ops. Okay, butyou know, I'm getting pretty fond of

(23:26):
mister Kronbiker, so you know,he'll do pretty good jobs standing in for
him for now, I guess.And they you know, had you know,
shirts air brushed up for me,and they was in court, you
know, and they was chanting tryingto get me out, almost got kicked
out of court, and just seppy, I mean I never thought would have
My bike was also there and justSeppi bought a whole pot of meat balls,

(23:52):
and the judge saw that just Seppihadn't meatballs, and he thought he
was trying to, you know,do a good thing, you know,
for the community by giving him meatballs, and then he was also gonna
let him. He was also gonnayou know, I thought that he was
trying to influence the deal the trialagainst me. Well, it turns out
that, you know, Giseppi hasa more faughtness for me than he thought,

(24:17):
because Giseeppi and all his three employeesgot into court and they started hurling
meatballs everywhere. It was chaotic andthey were yelling free Ryan Spinnaker, Free,
Ryan Spinnaker, Ryan's an innocent thingslike that. I thought it was
a very touching. So you know, sometimes in your your darkest hour,

(24:44):
people that you know, you thinkare your worst enemy sometimes can be pretty
good friends. Less on Ryan Chroniclesfor Tuesday. Don't forget to don't forget
to follow me on on TikTok atthe Ryan Spinnaker. I follow me on
Twitter at the Ryan Spinnaker. Uh, don't forget to send me email the

(25:04):
Ryan Spinnaker atmail dot com. Ifyou if you want to hear more from
me, if I can possibly getyou know, a cell phone smuggled in
you know, by the button tojail or something and send me an email
let me know that you know,you actually want to hear that, and
uh, that's the Ryan Chronicles fortoday.