April 16, 2025 • 46 mins
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tiktok : / thesafebois
music credit : @m16_r
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:16):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (00:17):
Yeah, yeah, how was your did you did you plug
your phone in? And no? I played Naprilette. You played
nap Roulette?
Speaker 1 (00:25):
Yeah, no, so phone was dead. Yeah, phone was dead
when didn't started the nap at twelve? Woke up at
like four thirty, twelve to four.
Speaker 2 (00:38):
Yeah, it was. It was quite a big nap. That's
a nice little nap. Yeah, that's the bigges nap you've had. Actually,
I got six hours last night. Six hours last night.
Speaker 1 (00:47):
Nothing is more terrifying though, when you have a nap
at like three o'clock as a sixteen year old and
then you wake up at seven and it's dark outside
and you've gone, fuck, I've missed my entire afternoon and
I'm not ready for school yet. You get up and
mum's making dinner and he's like, what the fuck are
going up? And why are you making tacos?
Speaker 2 (01:07):
Have you? Yeah? I used to fall asleep, like when
I was an apprentice, So I'd get home from work,
fall asleep, and like wake up and like see the
timers like six point thirty. I'm like, fuck, I'm late
for work. Jump up and Mum's cooking dinner. I'm like,
oh fuck, I've run it.
Speaker 1 (01:23):
I've run out of the door once and I'm like,
I got my clothes on, I'm running and I'm like, fuck, mom,
I'm so late. She goes late. Yeah, yeah, because you
got home two hours ago. I'm like, what you felt
like you've slept through an entire day?
Speaker 2 (01:35):
Yeah, you feel like shit?
Speaker 1 (01:37):
Ye be welcome to feeling like shit on your Thursday.
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to the afternoon detention. One
hundred behind us one hundred to keep going. Let's talk
about some fun. Let's talk about some shit, all right?
We got right right? The man the absolute the best.
You do know he looks after and make a wish?
Speaker 2 (01:57):
Kid? Does he is that you?
Speaker 1 (02:00):
I don't thinkbody's got that joke, but in reference, yeah
we can't.
Speaker 2 (02:04):
Don't. It was an inside joke. Don't dive into it
because we've got a whole segment, right right. How are
you feeling today? Bud? Awful? Awful? We're all nappy. No,
I'm not wrong. I'm like, my foot's killing me.
Speaker 1 (02:16):
Oh, massage place then rubb and Doug rubbing Doug, you're happy? Ending?
Speaker 2 (02:21):
Or of course, do you recommend any medial? I do not?
Why not? I haven't been to any You haven't been
to rub No, I have not, have you not for
a happy ending, more like a sad ending happen but.
Speaker 1 (02:39):
Not a happy ending. But you've had your dick rubbed
at by nation. Oh no, no, oh, he hasn't had
yellow face yet.
Speaker 2 (02:48):
I can. I can show you. There's one around the
corner in my house.
Speaker 1 (02:51):
I haven't been there, very very I haven't been there yet.
Speaker 2 (02:58):
I haven't.
Speaker 1 (02:58):
I haven't meant to that one. There's been around being
like drunk at eighteen. It's like, oh, man, I would
have a fucking and.
Speaker 2 (03:03):
You're right now, oh yeah, yeah, you're walking past and
you're like, this is a great idea if I had money.
I got home and I looked it up and I
was like, oh it was a rubber dug fuck. And
I think I'm on like seventy bucks in the pokes.
Speaker 1 (03:16):
Fuck. But yeah, are they that cheap? I assumed so
jep Brockets worked for pretty cheap. And I'm sure their
wife just gives cheap hand jobs. Anyway, Mitchell, how are
you feeling? But yeah, but they're good with their hands.
Feeling pretty good, Let's switch into that one. Feeling a
bit late today feeling very late today. I woke up
at what the time was supposed to record going off. Fuck,
(03:39):
got a phone call from the mechanics say, my car's
ready be picked up. So you got to pick that
up afterwards? Oh, your car's ready. Yeah, other than that,
pick it up after it's fucking nearly six o'clock.
Speaker 2 (03:50):
Yeah, I know they going to be open, Yeah they are.
Speaker 1 (03:54):
Yeah, just leave it out the front of the keys
on the wheel exactly, yeah, steal the car anyway, made
to keep the camera on you. Bro, you've asked for
the top of the show. Now, look you're late to
the train, but you've hopped on. Tell us what you've
hopped on? What have I hopped on? Actually that tired?
(04:14):
I am that tired selling drugs? Ah yeah, bugs dwugs blugs.
So me and my missus have been playing, uh, the
new indie game Schedule one. You guys have also been
playing it because you guys recommended.
Speaker 2 (04:28):
It to me.
Speaker 1 (04:28):
Complete yet mate, Yeah it is. It's a great game,
isn't it. So I actually had two computers in at
home and one of the things I did was fuck it,
let's set up my two fucked the computer, man, he
fucked the computer fucked the missus and played to the computer.
Speaker 2 (04:48):
And he had a threesome with the computer and his girlfriend.
Speaker 1 (04:51):
Oh that's so weird because MIDI was the middle one.
He got peaked by his computer.
Speaker 2 (04:58):
I was not acting.
Speaker 1 (05:00):
Oh yes, I love the way that your USB c
tickles my fucking bumbo.
Speaker 3 (05:06):
Oh oh, disconnect safely, please, I don't want a virus.
Oh download download into my bumber.
Speaker 1 (05:24):
Oh I love it when your software turns hardware. You've
made my butthole look like Windows.
Speaker 2 (05:37):
You guys.
Speaker 1 (05:37):
Oh you're so deep you're about to touch my start button.
Oh you've been has it ever fucking so hard that
you came so hard that you basically factory reset list.
Speaker 2 (05:53):
We were pretty good.
Speaker 1 (05:54):
Then you asked for more and I already I already
went through. I was like, all right, now, you know
when you like you start the ice cream.
Speaker 2 (06:02):
You're in the middle. Now.
Speaker 1 (06:03):
I got to the n il was scraping the edges,
and I was like, oh, come on, I put some
ice cream together.
Speaker 2 (06:08):
I went for you to hit the cardboard.
Speaker 1 (06:11):
Oh that's right, you yea, it's all in cardboard. Now
old neapold, oh the old plastic plastic. Maybe polets and
ice cream when mum would bring it home and a
brother would just eat all the chocolate and then you're like, oh,
it's okay, I only want strawberry and white ye ye.
Speaker 2 (06:27):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yep yeah. Anyway, my sister
was a fat cunt and ate all the fucking chocolate.
So fu, fat bitch, fat bitch, Jessica. And actually Nathan
was a problem.
Speaker 1 (06:38):
Fuck you, Nathan, you little French fuck all right, man,
to keep on schedule one, say, explain the premise. So
the premise of the game is to basically make drugs,
deal drugs, make connections and have good friendships. Would you
agree with that, Ryan, I'm not buying it right now.
(06:58):
I'm not buying it. You need to sell it.
Speaker 2 (06:59):
Mine know about that, bro. One of the characters name
is Peter Phile.
Speaker 1 (07:05):
Would you say you have a good connection with Peter Phile?
Is he a good but the dealer does?
Speaker 2 (07:10):
Are you? Benji? Yeah?
Speaker 1 (07:14):
Benji, I didn't give him Molly yeah, and all the
names of the blown in your face, dighead passive. Yeah.
So look, it's in a small town, small lovely little town.
You have to start from nothing, absolutely fresh. Well, your
RV does get blown off, your RV gets blown out
(07:37):
stem you have to turn out to start off as
a little shitty weed dealer, because we all know weeds
down the bottom of the drug chain.
Speaker 2 (07:45):
It only loses weed.
Speaker 1 (07:47):
But but yes, you sell weed, you've got the possibilities
to mix it in with some fucked up things.
Speaker 2 (07:55):
Mitched, do you mix your drugs? I do mix my drugs.
What do you mix yours with? Oh?
Speaker 1 (08:02):
No, I just I don't mix my drugs. I just
sell them as is because there are high quality. But
whenever I get drugs, and I do mean Ryan go
to the casino together, I give him the most fucked
up meth or the most fucked up coke I've ever made,
so like his hair's falling out, he's on fire, and
he's fucking got low gravity and vomiting and shitting himself.
(08:22):
The one that I've been selling the most of that
I've actually got a like employees to make.
Speaker 2 (08:27):
Is called dick cheese. What's in dick cheese.
Speaker 1 (08:30):
Dick cheese is viagra, paracetamol, bananas, and donuts. It's pretty stand.
Speaker 2 (08:37):
Pretty, it's pretty low. Yeah, I've got to mix at
the moment, which is donuts, banana coke, like can of
coke coo, Yeah, cook in the game, paracetamol, gasoline and
something else, and it's like it's like one hundred bucks per.
Speaker 1 (08:59):
Okay, so this is the one that I got one
or something like that. Yeah, you sell it for like
one sixty Yeah, of course.
Speaker 2 (09:06):
Everyone else. Yeah, just get a wait for Gerald Deane
to ask. Yeah, Gerald Deane's a fucking g ra He
fucking he asked for Yeah, can I have? He's pretty
much a drug deal. Can I have six hundred grams
of purple Daddy please?
Speaker 1 (09:20):
He wants he wants, fuck bro let me grow for
like another six days. No, no, no, Jesse Esse, Jesse
buys anything, just buy big quantities.
Speaker 2 (09:30):
Okay, that's fair.
Speaker 1 (09:32):
So obviously there's different people that you learn and meet
throughout your experience in the town. You give out free samples,
and there's different characters. Jesse is a chick that walks
around with a shirt and undies on and has tats
all over her face and will literally buy anything off you,
anything at all. Any Like you can make the most
(09:53):
fuck drug combination and she'll just smoke it and turn
into a fucking gremlin.
Speaker 2 (09:57):
He looks like someone the would.
Speaker 1 (10:00):
Fuck Yeah mmmmmm Jack, Yeah, probably probably could that fits. Actually, well,
who's your top three customers?
Speaker 2 (10:11):
Minty?
Speaker 1 (10:11):
Oh, at the moment, I don't have any of the
I think I've just done Lockdowntown. No not, is it
downtown or the docks? I think the last one is no, no, no, no.
I think I don't think I have docs yet.
Speaker 2 (10:27):
It's no. You'd have downtown because that's the barn.
Speaker 1 (10:30):
Downtown's three, Yeah, the third, I've just hit the third one,
so we're doing that. I think the most common one
for me is miss Ming miss Me loves Meth. Miss
Meg's are fucking ge her and Kyle Carl loves Car's
a bit of a fucking done because we've been playing it.
(10:53):
We've been playing sort of. I've been getting the weeds
side going and she's been getting the meth side going.
Speaker 2 (11:01):
You gotta you got her in Judge of Men, Yeah.
Speaker 1 (11:03):
Of course you do. You How immersive do you reckon?
You just get into it?
Speaker 2 (11:08):
Oh, quite a bit.
Speaker 1 (11:09):
Like would you say like he's immersive, like he's played
together and you talk like that, or like immersive like
you treat her like a Colombian pick that's wearing a
bella claver and just bikini while she's playing, because you
know how like you know that, you know, like all
those fucking cartail videos where all the chicks that are
packing the coke just have a belly on and like
the most skimpiest bikini in the world. That's fair. I
(11:32):
wish you could do that. That'd be kind of way
more fun as well. You just get skimpy Hawes packing
your fucking coke. Get your pack Your packers are just
skimpy hawse. Yeah, that might be developers actually in Australian. Yeah,
allowed in Australia. Like I was thinking when I bought it,
(11:52):
I was like, how long until this game gets taken
down steam like because Australia like never allowed. Well, it's
currently going through a lawsuit because drug dealer assuming like too,
is trying to sue it. It is No, it's the publisher. No,
that's the publisher is suing. They had to do an investigation,
or said they had to do an investigation because it
was very similar to their topic, but they were not
(12:13):
actually suing them until their investigation was done, and they've
actually said to the developer, now we're sorry for investigating.
Speaker 2 (12:23):
It's both close enough. The two developers were like buddies.
They were like they were friends. Yeah, they knew each
other from working on their games. They were like, oh,
we'd run. Like they're so happy that the schedule one
was blown up because.
Speaker 1 (12:39):
Yeah, because it also brings other ones into the up
until that they come out and said they're going to
investigate because it's one of the biggest down votes in
twenty four hours. If the Drug Dealer simulator really fucked
them over, it really fucked.
Speaker 2 (12:53):
Them Bye by Steam. But you know what, I've got
to say.
Speaker 1 (12:57):
The one thing like the in the gaming community why
indie games are fucking doing pretty well, that would be
because they've already got a roadmap of what they're trying
to do, and it's quick. It's very fucking quick. They're
bringing it. They're not like you see you call a
duty and like they go, oh, yeah, he's fucking four
(13:21):
mediocre maps and two good ones and the game's broken.
And for the first three months, we're just going to
try to fix the game, and then we'll bring out
a map and then you're like, by that time, you
don't care. Yeah, this game's been out for three weeks now,
I think three weeks maybe four. They've already released a
(13:42):
content update, have they Yeah, already a content update, and
they're planning I think by the end of this month.
Speaker 2 (13:48):
To have shrooms acid I can't remember.
Speaker 1 (13:54):
But there's also like in game events like you can
get like say, there's a business aardy coming out, like
all his business suits.
Speaker 2 (14:02):
They all want to.
Speaker 1 (14:02):
Buy fuck loads of coke, so your bricks and ship
will be sold. Oh so like you get bikes. The
bikes want to buy the meth right ship. That's going
to be cool. Oh you know they're also bringing out fingers.
Are they going to expand the map? I think they are.
That's good. I think they are. Well, that's what the
overpass is for. That makes sense because then you can
(14:23):
jump to the next map.
Speaker 2 (14:25):
The overpasses there.
Speaker 1 (14:26):
But yeah, so pretty much the roadmap is straight out
saying like it's just going to be fucking You're going
to get sick of that one update and then it's
just going to be shipp to do straight away. That's
good to hear. Yeah, and it's also because he's working
on that game only Yeah, because he's a multimillionaire. Now
just like three people, isn't it's not just one three three,
(14:46):
there's three devs on the team okay, because it was
originally started by one block and then I'm guessing he's
brought more into f SH So yeah, no, no, no three,
there's been three deps since Beta like early on. But yeah,
so pretty much like so you're going to be able
to gross rooms, You're going to be able to do
pingers and acid in the next update.
Speaker 2 (15:08):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (15:09):
Also they're bringing out I'm pretty sure there'll be a
next segment next area. But yeah, in game events as well.
And I think they're upping the cop activity in a
sense of like it's not so just easy to sell. Okay,
do you know how like everyone just takes a free sample.
I think I've seen something where like no, no, but
(15:30):
like I've seen ones where if you offer someone a
three free sample, call the cops. They the wrong person
will call the cops. Like someone else will call the cops.
Oh no, like that person. Like you'll be like, you
want a free sample and you can give them the drugs.
They'll just go, nah, I don't need drugs bad.
Speaker 2 (15:45):
But they like make super meth and give it to
them and they're like, yeah, give me that ship. Yeah. Yeah,
Apparently there's like a there's a chance.
Speaker 1 (15:52):
Sometimes if you offer them a drug that they don't
do or something like that, like say they're a meth
head and you offer them weed, they just fucking all
the cops on you.
Speaker 2 (16:01):
Yeah. Yeah, and the colts cuts become totally realistic meth
heads calling the cops or like a weed heead getting offered?
Myth is more like it.
Speaker 1 (16:09):
Yeah, so it's it's it's like I think they're adding
a bit more jeopardy to it. Yeah yeah, yeah, m
but yeah, I recommend it. Recommend the game good fun.
It is very much fun anyway, bit and do myth
(16:36):
yo yoke. All right, Look, Rara has brought a news
article to wear our attention? Right?
Speaker 2 (16:46):
Is it much of an article I saw on the news?
Like that counts as an article? Okay? That journalist has
written it. Okay, it's just been presented as a video
rather than a like a text source. Right. Ye. Interesting.
So there's a Sydney boy. He's pretty naughty. He I
think he deserves to be in the afternoon attention. Yeah, yeah,
(17:09):
he definitely, he's been a naughty boy. Was ordering some
plutonium and uranium to not commit terroristic acts, but to
complete a periodic table. I don't know what. I thought
it was pretty dumb because he's he might go to jail,
(17:29):
might or will No, I don't think he will go
to jail because he's white. Oh he looks a bit.
He looks a bit like you cun't well, he looks
like like you fuck up.
Speaker 1 (17:41):
He looks like a second roller, bro. He looks like
he's slightly uso or maybe like you know when he
liked fucking How many second rollers do you know? Know
what the fucking periodic table is? How many second rolls
have you spoken to without ship in your pants? You're
fucking pussy.
Speaker 2 (17:55):
I haven't ever shipped my pants. Bullshit, You've one some
pretty questionable thing a book because this himself bought a book.
Never trust the fight. You were the one that bought that. Yeah,
I bought it for him, but I don't know what You're.
Speaker 1 (18:13):
Couple, aren't you yead buying gifts for each other? Yeah,
it started off with it, but my book was worth more.
So well I can look up how I will say though,
never trust the fart book club. That's what I was
going to say, Never trust the fart While before we
get into periodic tables and stuff, I will read as
much as I can. I'm not going to complete it
(18:36):
one page, but I will give it. I will give
an update on what it's like a little a little bit.
Speaker 2 (18:42):
Please please if you can get if you can get
through it, bro, Like I read the first one, it's flady,
I'll get through it. I'll speed read it right now.
I'll tell you what it's about. Read it. It's about
a bunch of guys that ship their pants. No, but
it's the situation. It's the situation that is really funny. Yeah, well,
i'll read it. I'll give it up. They anyway, look
some stories or are they long? They're true stories.
Speaker 1 (19:03):
They're true stories, true stories, So their stories are they're
like short?
Speaker 2 (19:07):
Yeah, it's one in that six or seven stories about
like people that that guy knows, like about their thory
of them Jazz. Well there's one of them that I
was I sort of blazer through. Then was like, fuck,
it sounds like a lot like jazz, Like it's a
that just keeps farighting. No wait, hold on, like these
are all these mates stories. I don't know if they're
(19:29):
his mates, but they're people that he knows.
Speaker 1 (19:32):
Because if it's all his mates story, the problem is
all I can see there is that they all do.
Like the reason that a lot of blokes in their
mid twenties, early twenties, late twenties, maybe thirties as well
would shit their pants is because.
Speaker 2 (19:46):
Of good rack. Seems like you've got knowledge of that.
So one of them, I know, nevitiate it. One of
his stories is he's takes his kid to a fucking
baseball game, like a kid baseball game. So I don't
know if they're doing rack at the baseball game, Bro,
you'd be surprised, man, you'd be.
Speaker 1 (20:10):
Mitchell. That's called pool, that's called snooker. Close close, same premise.
One's on the table speaking about table, and the other
one you do drugs there when your kids playing?
Speaker 2 (20:26):
Ye, speaking about tables. Would you ever do a periodic table? Yeah?
Speaker 1 (20:35):
Would find a girl with every single us. It would
actually look but do you go off their weights? Yes,
it would be sick. It would actually be I feel
bad for the kid. I feel bad for the kids.
So what's he Let's let's talk about what he's done.
Why is he facing jail time?
Speaker 2 (20:52):
Right right? I'm assuming because you can't you shouldn't be
allowed to buy a plutonium or uranium.
Speaker 1 (20:58):
So it's actually domestic terrorism charge as that he's under
importing and distributing. Yeah, radioactive material, thank you, because we
do not own we do, but like you can't personally
possess radioactive material in Australia, but companies can not necessarily,
(21:20):
not any company. It's like, we do mine. I think
we do mine uranium and plutonium. I'm pretty sure.
Speaker 2 (21:28):
I don't know we have it. We do have like
some sort of radioactive mind here.
Speaker 1 (21:31):
It's not massive, it's not massive, it's not a big
export of us, but we do mind it. And I
think you have to have like full clearances, like you
pretty much got to be like, oh, yeah, I make
batteries to have it.
Speaker 2 (21:44):
Or I'm we have I think we have lithium.
Speaker 1 (21:47):
We do have lithium mines, but yes, you're pretty much
you're pretty much like got to be like I make batteries.
Speaker 2 (21:52):
Do we have dying Africans in those lithium mines? Not yet? Damn.
Speaker 1 (21:57):
We got to catch up. Blood diamonds. I think we
should have blood diamond now, our back blood diamond. Right,
it's got racist already, all right.
Speaker 2 (22:09):
Right, keep going. I'm just saying that we should have
our back blood diamond. I don't see what they're racist
is better? Well, we've got opals. My mum can star
as the as Leonardo DiCaprio. I'm very confused about that.
You know who starts?
Speaker 1 (22:25):
You know who stars as Leonardo DiCaprio based off the
way that he approaches women racist and the way that
he approaches women. Pinchy, we've got a mate, right. He
dates eighteen year old girls. As soon as they get
twenty five, he leaves them twenty five. I think it's
a bit younger. Now he's like twenty five.
Speaker 2 (22:43):
He might be Leo Leo without talent or lord. Yeah,
he might be Leo. We still have the beard beard,
yeah he does. He still has the terrorst beard. He
was saying, my brother rocked up the soccer on the weekend,
shaved his disgusting beard. Yeah looks great. Yeah right. I
thinks his brother's hot. Yeah, I reckon my brother's boy
to the me. You don't you think he still looks
like creep? Well, I just think you're hot as fuck.
(23:06):
So it's been hard the USB cable and Mitchell's why
do you think he keeps joking your Ryan jokes? Ryan?
That's fucking gay? You were just doing it? Then I wasn't.
What were you joking? Then you fucking can get the footage?
What were you joking the couch was? I was actually
(23:27):
joking the ghost that's fair. Was he enjoying it?
Speaker 1 (23:32):
Ah?
Speaker 2 (23:34):
What do you recommend? This is great comedy, This is
great comedy. This is awesome, this is really good.
Speaker 1 (23:42):
Mitchell just wants to talk about blokes jacking each other
off while we're trying to talk about radioactive materials. Radioactive
materials makes Mitchell think of gay porn, all right. He
just goes, damn radioactive material imagine dragons fuck porn, all right?
Speaker 2 (24:00):
I'm in Why is that Jesus fucking thought part?
Speaker 1 (24:06):
Because radioactive the song is gay? Yes, but why it's
in your playlist, isn't?
Speaker 2 (24:14):
It isn't.
Speaker 1 (24:15):
Actually you don't have Imagine dragons in your playlist? No,
but you have one republic. Yes, are they like the
same beat? You can say that to them, but they're not.
It's all right, men. Our taste is terrible. Our taste
is like, man, remember how twenty sixteen was cool? And
(24:36):
then that's all me and Ryan listen. Yeah, yeah, we're
so left in the in the past. I can't wait
to one of us have kids and be like, your
music sucks, man, you should listen to this. I can't
we put on ocean elly knees. Yeah, they're gonna love that.
Speaker 2 (24:49):
Yeah, dude, I can't wait for my kid to start
bullying me about my music taste, and I just fucking
give him a right hook. My dad has shit teaching music.
Have you ever heard of sticky Fingers? Even everyone else?
Speaker 1 (25:03):
Oh, my dad listens to Sabrina carp Ander, My dad
listens stick to Drake.
Speaker 2 (25:07):
What is your dad listen to rum jungle? Don't fucking
this rum jungle. If you keep this in rum jungle,
Ryan's going to be on you. Yeah, I might give
you the black eye. Bees. You're gonna have to get
the wife better shirt for Yeah, I'll start wearing it
so plutonium. You can't import it. You cannot import it.
(25:30):
This kid he ordered it from America and customs were
like fuck no, brother, they went but it's weird. They
went straight to it delivered, it got delivered to his house. Yeah,
he received it received and customs came and we're like, well,
like border patrol or some ship.
Speaker 1 (25:46):
It's like a fuck Yeah, get full like sweat and
border patrol that he had there was edible.
Speaker 2 (25:52):
Yeah, and I heard that, Yes, you could eat that
fucking amount and nothing would happen to you. Yeah. So
I think the government had just hated his bro. I
think that kid actually making something cool and then the
government were like naba.
Speaker 1 (26:04):
But the problem is is if you say you're making
something cool and then you buy six times of it
and put it together, then you can make a dirty bomb.
Speaker 2 (26:13):
That might be cooler than a periodic table. To be honest,
a dirty bomb going off.
Speaker 1 (26:19):
I reckon, if you're in a bar and you're trying
to pick up a bird, yeah, Like, I'm not saying
you're picking up like Madelineklin or whatever else, but you're
picking up like a good solid six out of ten.
Speaker 2 (26:31):
I reckon.
Speaker 1 (26:31):
If you said you had a bomb in your garde,
she'd be like, all right, I'll come, oh, come look.
But if you're like, I have a periodic table on
the wall of all the elements, she'd be like fuck,
I'll go fuck the hobo Ryan shut up. Depends if
with a periodic table, you definitely can't be a periodic team.
Speaker 2 (26:54):
At a periodic table. And I'm homeless.
Speaker 1 (26:58):
I'd lost my money for what happened. I was buying rare,
I was buying uranium. It's trying to build a dirty
bomb in my backyard. I mean, my three legged cats
have to eat the fucking elements to stay live.
Speaker 2 (27:16):
What do you reckon? What element do you reckon? Taste
the burst? Well, it would be a.
Speaker 1 (27:22):
Very very dependent on what your taste buds are. But
I'm guessing you both have tried some sort of steel,
some sort of alley and some sort of like alimi
doesn't taste nice, still tastes better than aluminium, Yeah, steel does.
Speaker 2 (27:37):
How dare you assume that I've eaten metal? Cun't. He's
eating copper, for sure, he's eating copper. He's definitely had
copper coppers a fork before. Damn brass. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (27:50):
Mm, sodium, I reckon sodium salts. Yeah, you would love sodium,
your fucking freak. I've got two, got three fucking vials
of it on the fucking computer. You're gonna die of
fucking you. Got cholesterol for sure, that's my periodic table
right there. Chicken salt, Now, that's that's cholesterol. Chicken salt
(28:11):
right there too. I bet your veins are clogged up.
I bet your buttholes cloged up.
Speaker 2 (28:18):
It is.
Speaker 1 (28:33):
A Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Jez's Comedy Club. Very
exciting times. Look, as you can remember earlier in the
podcast throughout the year, I was challenged by Right Right
and by Mitchell to do a stand up set, and
(28:53):
I think it's time for an update. That little sound
there means that we're in the comedy club. So a
bit of an update on my side. Now, Look, I
want used to to judge on my training and also
give me a bit of like feedback and what you
think I should be doing. So look, I haven't been writing,
(29:14):
but I have been noting down ideas of like ideas
that have legs in notes. So you have been writing.
But it's not like not like writing the joke, it's
like that counts. It's like I'll go on my notes
and I'll be like, I think I can make a
joke about cancer, and I'll write cancer.
Speaker 2 (29:31):
In the notes. Okay, that doesn't care. That's not it's
not I wouldn't count you go. It's a it was
like situation. You're like situational starting narrowing. It's a bit
a bit. I'll give you one of them. What's one
of them. That's not it. There. Let's see the notes
that you've got.
Speaker 1 (29:47):
Well, one of them I used and I need to
get rid of, which was a braille on a TV remote,
which I thought was fucking weird.
Speaker 2 (29:55):
Well, there is brail on TV remotes. Yeah, I know.
That's what I'm trying to say. Why people listen to
the TV you're a retire get a radio, then you're
a fucking idiot.
Speaker 1 (30:06):
That's what a radio is called. That's what we're doing.
We're creating TV for blind people right now. We're doing
a podcast.
Speaker 2 (30:14):
Any other ones, there's other ones I got. I was
going to run with the way of like Jackson, I
would have, honestly, I would have taken that one out too.
Speaker 1 (30:24):
I'm probably gonna take it. It didn't work on TikTok.
But there's one that I'm definitely gonna run with, and
it's probably most of my set might be this, and
it might just be things that Jackson has said to me. Okay,
there's one that he's mentioned about gay guys.
Speaker 2 (30:42):
What that he says?
Speaker 1 (30:43):
Sorry, a lot, there's there's a few. There's like when
he sees crosses across the other guy's cock.
Speaker 2 (30:54):
So yeah, Jackson, fucking Jackson.
Speaker 1 (30:58):
So yeah, there's there's one on gay dudes. It's to
do with sex. I think it's got legs. I do
think it has legs, and I think I can write
this right, Okay, But yeah, so look, we haven't judged
on a location yet. But also I don't know why
I skip my training bit. I've been watching a fair
bit of comedy now boys, I need your help on
(31:21):
a bit of suggestions. It seems to be that I'm
just watching Jeordie's and Luke Kidgell. Okay, I tried to
watch Frenchie a bit too, Bogan. That's fair bit too, bogn.
What what comedian ideas do we have?
Speaker 2 (31:37):
Gas? You'd probably want Australian. There's probably be more. That's
what I'm thinking.
Speaker 1 (31:43):
It needs to be more Australian because my audience is
Australian and I think you can tell I'm Australian. Yes,
so I think I need a bit more Australian. Well,
what I was saying with Gabriel glacis, instead of watching
it for the stories, watch it for the.
Speaker 2 (31:59):
Like. Instead of watching it for the jokes, watch it
for how he portrays the stories out.
Speaker 1 (32:03):
But the hardest thing about the way he portrays his
stories out is if I did it, it's cultural appropriation. Okay,
because he's extremely Mexicana. You shouldn't be telling his fucking jokes.
You're both fat. Oh well, just watch fucking Bert Kreischer,
then another fat cunt. Yeah, let me pick a fat
(32:25):
white cunt. Then let me just watch Shane Gillis you
really like Shane though? I know, but that's not any help.
He probably is probably the most American, the most American
help that I could get. Yeah, because his comedy is
so fucking.
Speaker 2 (32:40):
On the edge. Yeah, I'm not saying anything, but it
nicked me.
Speaker 1 (32:47):
The reckon I should finish all my jokes, like if
I crack at jack and like Jackson said this to
me once and I just go.
Speaker 2 (32:54):
Yeah, I think you should learn how to like like
do that thing with the eyes, like he's like your
lazy eyes. Yeah, you just keep it on that phase up.
Speaker 1 (33:04):
Yeah, look like we did it with Mitch. We're going
on to phase two. What do you think we need
to do for phase two?
Speaker 2 (33:11):
For this? So I reckon, you start narrowing down what
I don't know, probably writing a fucking joke.
Speaker 1 (33:18):
Wait, wait, instead of writing cancer you cancering dogs.
Speaker 2 (33:26):
Yeah, I don't know. Maybe phase two you should fucking
write something down your actually.
Speaker 1 (33:32):
Specify what you want to specifications. That was an example.
I don't have cancer in my fucking I don't have cancer.
Speaker 2 (33:39):
In my notes. You don't eating away at it. I
don't have cancer in my notes. I'm not writing a
joke about fucking cancer. What are you going to cancer?
I'd love to like all their stickers on.
Speaker 1 (33:50):
The back of every fucking v y comodoll with clapped
out fucking fenders Fuckenham.
Speaker 2 (33:56):
But cause it by doing Yeah, brother, you you've fucking
you've solve the problem.
Speaker 1 (34:00):
May you know what if I was a chick with
breast cancer and I was going through the hardest time
of my life and I saw a VU cancer on
the back, I'd be like, Shit, everything's gonna be all right,
because that fucking bogan hates cancer too.
Speaker 2 (34:13):
Blokes can get breast cancer as well, bro, Is that
another fact joke? I don't think so. I don't think
you can. You don't necessarily have to be fat to
have breast breast cancer. No you don't. It's pretty rare.
Speaker 1 (34:25):
But so my point is right, it's probably got a
mid No, I don't know if that is too many legs,
what like a spider. Mmmm, it's more like your cats
there doesn't know that many legs. But yeah, v wis
havn't fuck cancer?
Speaker 2 (34:42):
H you reckon? They do? You reckon? They think they're
doing something. Well, they have done something. They've paid for
the sticker.
Speaker 1 (34:49):
Yeah, a sticker that probably has nothing to do with
an association. It probably is just from Ali Express. Possibly,
would you have a fuck cancer on your car?
Speaker 2 (34:59):
Probably not. I don't have stickers on my cars, you
know what.
Speaker 1 (35:02):
I do notice as well, everyone would like suicide prevention stickers.
But they're like, it's not weak to speak speak to
me whatever like that, and normally like the most insufferable
people to speak to You're like, okay, I can speak
to you, and you speak to me like, oh fuck,
I really don't want to tell you my problems. Yeah,
this is going to go to everyone.
Speaker 2 (35:20):
Mmmm.
Speaker 1 (35:21):
Anyway, look, not too much on it. I think Ryan
is probably the most correct with my training.
Speaker 2 (35:28):
Maybe I should just be brutally. Maybe I should just
write jokes. That's a hard thing.
Speaker 1 (35:33):
I'm trying to make a content out of it, but
I don't really need to because we've made seven minutes
out of so far.
Speaker 2 (35:38):
But uh yeah, I think right's right. I think I
just got to start writing. Yeah, really yelling, like one joke.
Speaker 1 (35:47):
One joke that I could stretch. Yeah, yeah, my brother,
it's not like he's cock. My brother is funny as
fuck without being funny, Like, yeah, talk to fucking I
just hang out more with Jackson. Oh, Harry, I was
gonna say, because Harry the.
Speaker 2 (36:01):
Ship my brother's do. Harry's really funny. Problem is I
just can't drop n words. You just take him out then.
Speaker 1 (36:10):
The joke goes away. But Jackson, Jackson doing dumb ship,
it's funny. Yeah, why don't you make it instead of
just Jackson doing dumb ship what my brothers have done,
because Jackson's the only dumb one.
Speaker 2 (36:23):
If you met Harry, you'd be like, oh, this kid
doesn't do dumb ship. He is. You can make it
a comparison. Oh no.
Speaker 1 (36:29):
There's one thing that he did very funny, and that
was pissing the lego what he had a stage, very
pissed there. He was a piss cuverared kid. He had
a piss cupboard. He pissed in the lego and he
used to watch Sam play with it.
Speaker 2 (36:41):
That's crazy, Like I would like I I'm not, no,
but like I'm not, like I wouldn't, wouldn't. I wouldn't
endorse hitting a kid. But if I found out my
kid was pissing in a cupboard, like he's in the
back of his head caved in a.
Speaker 1 (37:01):
Fucking I think I've told his multiple times on the
on the podcast, but Jackson wouldn't let him on the
Xbox and he went and pissed in jackson school shoes.
Speaker 2 (37:08):
That's fine. If like my oldest son had was getting
fucked around with, I'd cop that. That's phio logical water funny,
that's funny. But if I owned my house and my
son started pissing in a cupboard, I would be waiting
for that little kind of go to sleep and I'll
be dropping bombs on his head. I'm telling you, you.
Speaker 1 (37:28):
Get a ship on his kid's head, that'll teach you
to piss and the he's a turn on your face.
The worst part is I reckon it would come back
to him twenty years later. Bro, he's not looking after me. Yeah,
because docs are going.
Speaker 2 (37:47):
The therapy O. The kids are going to be fucking
astronomically expensive. What do you mean I need therapy for
fucking cleaning up some piss cupboard? Piss cupboard? How did
your dad deal with that ship? Just apartment off the Claire.
Probably I've got a business. Run after woman. Clean my
fucking cupboard, clean.
Speaker 1 (38:08):
His cupboard, clean his pissed cupboards.
Speaker 2 (38:11):
Blakes.
Speaker 1 (38:13):
Yeahs he pissed in the lego so many times he's
been sam used to play with it.
Speaker 2 (38:18):
It's so sad.
Speaker 1 (38:19):
It's so sad, man, it's so fucking sad. He used
to watch his two younger siblings play with the lego
after he pissed in it. He talks about it now,
He talks about how he's like, oh, are you.
Speaker 2 (38:29):
Still to be fair? If that was me, I'd be
bragging about it too. Yeah. But if, like, as if
I was a dad in that situation like that kids
having two black eyes. M maybe he got on the
Lego set. The Lego Set's fine because I'm not touching
that ship. Yeah, i'd cop that. Yeah, No, i'd cop that.
If it's like a toy toy, little toy box, you
(38:50):
can piss in that.
Speaker 1 (38:51):
Yeah, fair pissing the Lego box. But yeah, so look
just a point on the comedy. I did make a
vow to say that I was going to go to
some comedy shows this year, and so me and Ryan
we both went to Friendly Jeordy's. We took sixteen with us.
Speaker 2 (39:11):
Mate.
Speaker 1 (39:11):
Look just I've got a little video. It's some footage
of the show, or not of the show. I wasn't
allowing to film the show, but I do have footage
of before and after the show. And mind you, we
got quite drunk at the end. You can tell after
the show when we're fucking a bit tipsy, especially Russia.
Speaker 2 (39:26):
Year was fucked. Yeah, but what were your thoughts on
the show?
Speaker 1 (39:28):
Mate?
Speaker 2 (39:29):
Yeah, it was cool. It was a very informative. But
see it was like a Year ten presentation from a
cool teacher.
Speaker 1 (39:36):
Except every third slide was his asshole, which was yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2 (39:40):
But yeah a couple of times. Yeah, we saw his
bum a couple of times. But he's very funny. Actually,
something I would say is that I don't know, you
might have it on the video of me chat and
shit about it that the crowd was just a bunch
of redditors.
Speaker 1 (39:52):
I don't think redditors, yeah, don't. I couldn't get that
video across. I don't know why.
Speaker 2 (39:56):
Yeah, I said something about like it's just pretty much
like Edge Lords. Well I did say at the pub that.
I was like, I was like, bro, we're gonna be
the only normal one. No, no, you said it's probably
gonna be a bunch of freaks like us. And then
I looked at you and said, what do you mean
like us? And then I was like to me, I'm
like me and rusty and normal. You're the fucking break
And then we sat down and he went, oh, no, no.
(40:17):
As soon as we walked in, it was like, I
know what you mean. I know what you mean. He's
just a bunch of like fucking Reddit trolls. Like it's
dead set, like they all would be. Obviously we had
the fucking souts fan next to like Big Dog and
school Shooter.
Speaker 1 (40:35):
Yeah, well, like this guy's a souse. There was a
guy jersey man, red Souse Fan's there, the Big Dog.
He said he plays magic the gathering. He was obsessed
with Mount Droy. He must have thought that's just funny.
He's like, damn, if I mentioned Mount Drew, Jeordie's just
going to think it's very funny. No, but he thought
it was very funny when I got he doesn't even
(40:57):
live in Mount Drey, probably lives in like Rudy Hill.
Speaker 2 (40:59):
I reckon he lives somewhere like Warrington Downs. Probably I
live in Man Druid. I'm on Dune Vid Road.
Speaker 1 (41:07):
Shut up your fact, hun't go like go play magic
the gathering, your fucking loser.
Speaker 2 (41:11):
And then one of them was sitting there like this
like that, and Ryan's like that, dude's pretty. It looks
like a school shooter.
Speaker 1 (41:18):
And I just went pumped up kickster the people.
Speaker 2 (41:23):
But anyway, look, look we're going to finish the pod
this week with a video.
Speaker 1 (41:28):
You can listen to it, but as Mitch probably you
can give us a shout out at the end or
now where could people find the video, Mitch, Well, check
us out on YouTube at the Safe Boys Podcast. It
will be the episode that you're watching it on or
whatever we call this. I'm yes, and we're gonna go
call it like friendly Jordie's episode or something.
Speaker 2 (41:49):
No, I'm more creaving that. Yeah, that's fine, Friend's episode
would be if he actually called in. That's fair. So
we got to actually be funny. Someone might have to
write something down and be funny this week yeah, you
may have to write a joke. Can't. Can't. All I
can think about is just going to go on the
stage and say cancer and walk off. Now that's pretty alpha,
(42:13):
that's pretty sigma. It's not really funny though, is it. Yeah?
Speaker 1 (42:16):
But I reckon that would be like that'd make a
point yep. What if Mitchell agrees it, don't worry came on.
Speaker 2 (42:23):
The stage with blackface and then said cancer. What if
I just came on the stage.
Speaker 1 (42:29):
It's a video and I walk out and the music
stops and I just I just shuffle out with my
pants around my angles and just joking on the stage.
Is just do that?
Speaker 2 (42:40):
Grab the mic? Cancer and then walks no, no, no,
no words, no words, no words.
Speaker 1 (42:46):
Or not.
Speaker 2 (42:47):
After I come, we call the video. We'd call the
video of that is amateur comedian has a stroke on stage.
Mitchell play the clip.
Speaker 1 (42:58):
Play the clip, Mitchell play. Thanks for listening, guys, enjoy
the video. This is my editing skills and probably big
day out at Friendly Jordie's. I'm a longtime fan, been
looking forward to is for age. It's met up with
Rusty and Ryan at the pup. As you can see here,
we tried to get backstage.
Speaker 2 (43:15):
That we actually didn't need to.
Speaker 1 (43:16):
We're in the front row. You can see there's Ryan's
lovely mustache, and there's the stage here were rusty.
Speaker 2 (43:24):
We're walking through the show.
Speaker 4 (43:25):
Mate, got your brido, what do you reckon?
Speaker 2 (43:27):
Do you? What are your thoughts on the show?
Speaker 4 (43:29):
What are you expecting?
Speaker 2 (43:31):
I'm expecting a little bit of something funny, a little
bit of maybe politics, maybe it's about aliens. Okay, well
I don't know that. I'm going to be expecting a
little bit of alien humor, a bit of alien commentary.
How's the breeder?
Speaker 3 (43:45):
Ryan?
Speaker 2 (43:47):
How's the breeder?
Speaker 3 (43:50):
So?
Speaker 4 (43:51):
Look we're this track that you can hear behind Sam sixteen.
He just told me he's not going to copy right
strike it. What a fucking beto? Hey what oh you
can have my work?
Speaker 1 (44:02):
Good on you.
Speaker 2 (44:03):
Yeah, and I'll go back in second round. I had
three of the pub let's go us.
Speaker 1 (44:08):
He looked. Look, Jordan's was the main guy.
Speaker 2 (44:11):
But we're going to start of the show.
Speaker 1 (44:12):
Come up on stage.
Speaker 2 (44:13):
We got a guest appearance, isn't it.
Speaker 1 (44:15):
They talk about your experience on stage with Jordan.
Speaker 2 (44:18):
So I stood up to take a piss, and then
I just heard Jordan, go, boy, you can't.
Speaker 1 (44:23):
Where are you going? And that's where I interjected when
he was gone and said, ask him about his music.
So as you come back, what happened?
Speaker 2 (44:31):
I come back and he goes tell us about your band, mate,
and I'm like, oh, it's not exactly your band and
he's like, oh what is it? And I'm like, oh,
more of a more of a single.
Speaker 1 (44:39):
Individual in it.
Speaker 4 (44:41):
Yeah, to be funny, To be frank, it was supposed
to be funny.
Speaker 1 (44:43):
He ended up just glazing.
Speaker 2 (44:46):
On your creativity. It was I think it was supposed
to be a roast and it just turned into a bit.
Speaker 1 (44:50):
Of self from it.
Speaker 2 (44:51):
So that's all right. And then your boy he had
the piss and I got brought on stage and inter jacked.
I said, ask him about his podcast. The other in
attention got a full plug and Jordan himself did.
Speaker 1 (45:07):
He not want to say, I'm gonna listen.
Speaker 2 (45:10):
He said, I'll listened to a mate.
Speaker 4 (45:11):
So Jordan, this is yeah, that mate tears the show.
Speaker 1 (45:14):
It was fucking awesome.
Speaker 4 (45:16):
Midway through planning on pissing on Jordan's car, Ryan, you
haven't said much for mate, What do you reckoning out
the show?
Speaker 2 (45:23):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (45:23):
It's pretty funny.
Speaker 2 (45:24):
What was your favorite bit of the Aliens.
Speaker 1 (45:27):
Or the fact that you had told everyone that I'm
a make a wish kid.
Speaker 2 (45:30):
Yeah, I think the part of that I said that
I went up there and said that you're a maker
whish kid is pretty funny. That probably the second funniest
thing that was said. I think the first funny thing
was said was something about Aliens.
Speaker 4 (45:42):
So, after seeing Jordan's way on comedy, how bad do
you reckon?
Speaker 2 (45:46):
I'm going to fucking bomb. I still have teamed my
opinion that you're going to be worse than they kind
of keep sending to you.
Speaker 1 (45:56):
I can't wait there, Jordan, if you've watched it, I'm
going to tell you comes to me comedy show, it's
gonna be terrible fucking.
Speaker 2 (46:03):
Touch because don't touch me. I started to go down
my worst night man. So I can't really be a
part of this, to be honest. What's na M sixteen?
Not my name is M sixteen dash uh If you
want to look it up accurately, and if you want
to look it up on Instagram, it's M sixteen Underscore
Underscore Official, Bye Bye Me in Prison, I go away
(46:25):
for a wrong time robo boop h
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (00:17):
Yeah, yeah, how was your did you did you plug
your phone in? And no? I played Naprilette. You played
nap Roulette?
Speaker 1 (00:25):
Yeah, no, so phone was dead. Yeah, phone was dead
when didn't started the nap at twelve? Woke up at
like four thirty, twelve to four.
Speaker 2 (00:38):
Yeah, it was. It was quite a big nap. That's
a nice little nap. Yeah, that's the bigges nap you've had. Actually,
I got six hours last night. Six hours last night.
Speaker 1 (00:47):
Nothing is more terrifying though, when you have a nap
at like three o'clock as a sixteen year old and
then you wake up at seven and it's dark outside
and you've gone, fuck, I've missed my entire afternoon and
I'm not ready for school yet. You get up and
mum's making dinner and he's like, what the fuck are
going up? And why are you making tacos?
Speaker 2 (01:07):
Have you? Yeah? I used to fall asleep, like when
I was an apprentice, So I'd get home from work,
fall asleep, and like wake up and like see the
timers like six point thirty. I'm like, fuck, I'm late
for work. Jump up and Mum's cooking dinner. I'm like,
oh fuck, I've run it.
Speaker 1 (01:23):
I've run out of the door once and I'm like,
I got my clothes on, I'm running and I'm like, fuck, mom,
I'm so late. She goes late. Yeah, yeah, because you
got home two hours ago. I'm like, what you felt
like you've slept through an entire day?
Speaker 2 (01:35):
Yeah, you feel like shit?
Speaker 1 (01:37):
Ye be welcome to feeling like shit on your Thursday.
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to the afternoon detention. One
hundred behind us one hundred to keep going. Let's talk
about some fun. Let's talk about some shit, all right?
We got right right? The man the absolute the best.
You do know he looks after and make a wish?
Speaker 2 (01:57):
Kid? Does he is that you?
Speaker 1 (02:00):
I don't thinkbody's got that joke, but in reference, yeah
we can't.
Speaker 2 (02:04):
Don't. It was an inside joke. Don't dive into it
because we've got a whole segment, right right. How are
you feeling today? Bud? Awful? Awful? We're all nappy. No,
I'm not wrong. I'm like, my foot's killing me.
Speaker 1 (02:16):
Oh, massage place then rubb and Doug rubbing Doug, you're happy? Ending?
Speaker 2 (02:21):
Or of course, do you recommend any medial? I do not?
Why not? I haven't been to any You haven't been
to rub No, I have not, have you not for
a happy ending, more like a sad ending happen but.
Speaker 1 (02:39):
Not a happy ending. But you've had your dick rubbed
at by nation. Oh no, no, oh, he hasn't had
yellow face yet.
Speaker 2 (02:48):
I can. I can show you. There's one around the
corner in my house.
Speaker 1 (02:51):
I haven't been there, very very I haven't been there yet.
Speaker 2 (02:58):
I haven't.
Speaker 1 (02:58):
I haven't meant to that one. There's been around being
like drunk at eighteen. It's like, oh, man, I would
have a fucking and.
Speaker 2 (03:03):
You're right now, oh yeah, yeah, you're walking past and
you're like, this is a great idea if I had money.
I got home and I looked it up and I
was like, oh it was a rubber dug fuck. And
I think I'm on like seventy bucks in the pokes.
Speaker 1 (03:16):
Fuck. But yeah, are they that cheap? I assumed so
jep Brockets worked for pretty cheap. And I'm sure their
wife just gives cheap hand jobs. Anyway, Mitchell, how are
you feeling? But yeah, but they're good with their hands.
Feeling pretty good, Let's switch into that one. Feeling a
bit late today feeling very late today. I woke up
at what the time was supposed to record going off. Fuck,
(03:39):
got a phone call from the mechanics say, my car's
ready be picked up. So you got to pick that
up afterwards? Oh, your car's ready. Yeah, other than that,
pick it up after it's fucking nearly six o'clock.
Speaker 2 (03:50):
Yeah, I know they going to be open, Yeah they are.
Speaker 1 (03:54):
Yeah, just leave it out the front of the keys
on the wheel exactly, yeah, steal the car anyway, made
to keep the camera on you. Bro, you've asked for
the top of the show. Now, look you're late to
the train, but you've hopped on. Tell us what you've
hopped on? What have I hopped on? Actually that tired?
(04:14):
I am that tired selling drugs? Ah yeah, bugs dwugs blugs.
So me and my missus have been playing, uh, the
new indie game Schedule one. You guys have also been
playing it because you guys recommended.
Speaker 2 (04:28):
It to me.
Speaker 1 (04:28):
Complete yet mate, Yeah it is. It's a great game,
isn't it. So I actually had two computers in at
home and one of the things I did was fuck it,
let's set up my two fucked the computer, man, he
fucked the computer fucked the missus and played to the computer.
Speaker 2 (04:48):
And he had a threesome with the computer and his girlfriend.
Speaker 1 (04:51):
Oh that's so weird because MIDI was the middle one.
He got peaked by his computer.
Speaker 2 (04:58):
I was not acting.
Speaker 1 (05:00):
Oh yes, I love the way that your USB c
tickles my fucking bumbo.
Speaker 3 (05:06):
Oh oh, disconnect safely, please, I don't want a virus.
Oh download download into my bumber.
Speaker 1 (05:24):
Oh I love it when your software turns hardware. You've
made my butthole look like Windows.
Speaker 2 (05:37):
You guys.
Speaker 1 (05:37):
Oh you're so deep you're about to touch my start button.
Oh you've been has it ever fucking so hard that
you came so hard that you basically factory reset list.
Speaker 2 (05:53):
We were pretty good.
Speaker 1 (05:54):
Then you asked for more and I already I already
went through. I was like, all right, now, you know
when you like you start the ice cream.
Speaker 2 (06:02):
You're in the middle. Now.
Speaker 1 (06:03):
I got to the n il was scraping the edges,
and I was like, oh, come on, I put some
ice cream together.
Speaker 2 (06:08):
I went for you to hit the cardboard.
Speaker 1 (06:11):
Oh that's right, you yea, it's all in cardboard. Now
old neapold, oh the old plastic plastic. Maybe polets and
ice cream when mum would bring it home and a
brother would just eat all the chocolate and then you're like, oh,
it's okay, I only want strawberry and white ye ye.
Speaker 2 (06:27):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yep yeah. Anyway, my sister
was a fat cunt and ate all the fucking chocolate.
So fu, fat bitch, fat bitch, Jessica. And actually Nathan
was a problem.
Speaker 1 (06:38):
Fuck you, Nathan, you little French fuck all right, man,
to keep on schedule one, say, explain the premise. So
the premise of the game is to basically make drugs,
deal drugs, make connections and have good friendships. Would you
agree with that, Ryan, I'm not buying it right now.
(06:58):
I'm not buying it. You need to sell it.
Speaker 2 (06:59):
Mine know about that, bro. One of the characters name
is Peter Phile.
Speaker 1 (07:05):
Would you say you have a good connection with Peter Phile?
Is he a good but the dealer does?
Speaker 2 (07:10):
Are you? Benji? Yeah?
Speaker 1 (07:14):
Benji, I didn't give him Molly yeah, and all the
names of the blown in your face, dighead passive. Yeah.
So look, it's in a small town, small lovely little town.
You have to start from nothing, absolutely fresh. Well, your
RV does get blown off, your RV gets blown out
(07:37):
stem you have to turn out to start off as
a little shitty weed dealer, because we all know weeds
down the bottom of the drug chain.
Speaker 2 (07:45):
It only loses weed.
Speaker 1 (07:47):
But but yes, you sell weed, you've got the possibilities
to mix it in with some fucked up things.
Speaker 2 (07:55):
Mitched, do you mix your drugs? I do mix my drugs.
What do you mix yours with? Oh?
Speaker 1 (08:02):
No, I just I don't mix my drugs. I just
sell them as is because there are high quality. But
whenever I get drugs, and I do mean Ryan go
to the casino together, I give him the most fucked
up meth or the most fucked up coke I've ever made,
so like his hair's falling out, he's on fire, and
he's fucking got low gravity and vomiting and shitting himself.
(08:22):
The one that I've been selling the most of that
I've actually got a like employees to make.
Speaker 2 (08:27):
Is called dick cheese. What's in dick cheese.
Speaker 1 (08:30):
Dick cheese is viagra, paracetamol, bananas, and donuts. It's pretty stand.
Speaker 2 (08:37):
Pretty, it's pretty low. Yeah, I've got to mix at
the moment, which is donuts, banana coke, like can of
coke coo, Yeah, cook in the game, paracetamol, gasoline and
something else, and it's like it's like one hundred bucks per.
Speaker 1 (08:59):
Okay, so this is the one that I got one
or something like that. Yeah, you sell it for like
one sixty Yeah, of course.
Speaker 2 (09:06):
Everyone else. Yeah, just get a wait for Gerald Deane
to ask. Yeah, Gerald Deane's a fucking g ra He
fucking he asked for Yeah, can I have? He's pretty
much a drug deal. Can I have six hundred grams
of purple Daddy please?
Speaker 1 (09:20):
He wants he wants, fuck bro let me grow for
like another six days. No, no, no, Jesse Esse, Jesse
buys anything, just buy big quantities.
Speaker 2 (09:30):
Okay, that's fair.
Speaker 1 (09:32):
So obviously there's different people that you learn and meet
throughout your experience in the town. You give out free samples,
and there's different characters. Jesse is a chick that walks
around with a shirt and undies on and has tats
all over her face and will literally buy anything off you,
anything at all. Any Like you can make the most
(09:53):
fuck drug combination and she'll just smoke it and turn
into a fucking gremlin.
Speaker 2 (09:57):
He looks like someone the would.
Speaker 1 (10:00):
Fuck Yeah mmmmmm Jack, Yeah, probably probably could that fits. Actually, well,
who's your top three customers?
Speaker 2 (10:11):
Minty?
Speaker 1 (10:11):
Oh, at the moment, I don't have any of the
I think I've just done Lockdowntown. No not, is it
downtown or the docks? I think the last one is no, no, no, no.
I think I don't think I have docs yet.
Speaker 2 (10:27):
It's no. You'd have downtown because that's the barn.
Speaker 1 (10:30):
Downtown's three, Yeah, the third, I've just hit the third one,
so we're doing that. I think the most common one
for me is miss Ming miss Me loves Meth. Miss
Meg's are fucking ge her and Kyle Carl loves Car's
a bit of a fucking done because we've been playing it.
(10:53):
We've been playing sort of. I've been getting the weeds
side going and she's been getting the meth side going.
Speaker 2 (11:01):
You gotta you got her in Judge of Men, Yeah.
Speaker 1 (11:03):
Of course you do. You How immersive do you reckon?
You just get into it?
Speaker 2 (11:08):
Oh, quite a bit.
Speaker 1 (11:09):
Like would you say like he's immersive, like he's played
together and you talk like that, or like immersive like
you treat her like a Colombian pick that's wearing a
bella claver and just bikini while she's playing, because you
know how like you know that, you know, like all
those fucking cartail videos where all the chicks that are
packing the coke just have a belly on and like
the most skimpiest bikini in the world. That's fair. I
(11:32):
wish you could do that. That'd be kind of way
more fun as well. You just get skimpy Hawes packing
your fucking coke. Get your pack Your packers are just
skimpy hawse. Yeah, that might be developers actually in Australian. Yeah,
allowed in Australia. Like I was thinking when I bought it,
(11:52):
I was like, how long until this game gets taken
down steam like because Australia like never allowed. Well, it's
currently going through a lawsuit because drug dealer assuming like too,
is trying to sue it. It is No, it's the publisher. No,
that's the publisher is suing. They had to do an investigation,
or said they had to do an investigation because it
was very similar to their topic, but they were not
(12:13):
actually suing them until their investigation was done, and they've
actually said to the developer, now we're sorry for investigating.
Speaker 2 (12:23):
It's both close enough. The two developers were like buddies.
They were like they were friends. Yeah, they knew each
other from working on their games. They were like, oh,
we'd run. Like they're so happy that the schedule one
was blown up because.
Speaker 1 (12:39):
Yeah, because it also brings other ones into the up
until that they come out and said they're going to
investigate because it's one of the biggest down votes in
twenty four hours. If the Drug Dealer simulator really fucked
them over, it really fucked.
Speaker 2 (12:53):
Them Bye by Steam. But you know what, I've got
to say.
Speaker 1 (12:57):
The one thing like the in the gaming community why
indie games are fucking doing pretty well, that would be
because they've already got a roadmap of what they're trying
to do, and it's quick. It's very fucking quick. They're
bringing it. They're not like you see you call a
duty and like they go, oh, yeah, he's fucking four
(13:21):
mediocre maps and two good ones and the game's broken.
And for the first three months, we're just going to
try to fix the game, and then we'll bring out
a map and then you're like, by that time, you
don't care. Yeah, this game's been out for three weeks now,
I think three weeks maybe four. They've already released a
(13:42):
content update, have they Yeah, already a content update, and
they're planning I think by the end of this month.
Speaker 2 (13:48):
To have shrooms acid I can't remember.
Speaker 1 (13:54):
But there's also like in game events like you can
get like say, there's a business aardy coming out, like
all his business suits.
Speaker 2 (14:02):
They all want to.
Speaker 1 (14:02):
Buy fuck loads of coke, so your bricks and ship
will be sold. Oh so like you get bikes. The
bikes want to buy the meth right ship. That's going
to be cool. Oh you know they're also bringing out fingers.
Are they going to expand the map? I think they are.
That's good. I think they are. Well, that's what the
overpass is for. That makes sense because then you can
(14:23):
jump to the next map.
Speaker 2 (14:25):
The overpasses there.
Speaker 1 (14:26):
But yeah, so pretty much the roadmap is straight out
saying like it's just going to be fucking You're going
to get sick of that one update and then it's
just going to be shipp to do straight away. That's
good to hear. Yeah, and it's also because he's working
on that game only Yeah, because he's a multimillionaire. Now
just like three people, isn't it's not just one three three,
(14:46):
there's three devs on the team okay, because it was
originally started by one block and then I'm guessing he's
brought more into f SH So yeah, no, no, no three,
there's been three deps since Beta like early on. But yeah,
so pretty much like so you're going to be able
to gross rooms, You're going to be able to do
pingers and acid in the next update.
Speaker 2 (15:08):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (15:09):
Also they're bringing out I'm pretty sure there'll be a
next segment next area. But yeah, in game events as well.
And I think they're upping the cop activity in a
sense of like it's not so just easy to sell. Okay,
do you know how like everyone just takes a free sample.
I think I've seen something where like no, no, but
(15:30):
like I've seen ones where if you offer someone a
three free sample, call the cops. They the wrong person
will call the cops. Like someone else will call the cops.
Oh no, like that person. Like you'll be like, you
want a free sample and you can give them the drugs.
They'll just go, nah, I don't need drugs bad.
Speaker 2 (15:45):
But they like make super meth and give it to
them and they're like, yeah, give me that ship. Yeah. Yeah,
Apparently there's like a there's a chance.
Speaker 1 (15:52):
Sometimes if you offer them a drug that they don't
do or something like that, like say they're a meth
head and you offer them weed, they just fucking all
the cops on you.
Speaker 2 (16:01):
Yeah. Yeah, and the colts cuts become totally realistic meth
heads calling the cops or like a weed heead getting offered?
Myth is more like it.
Speaker 1 (16:09):
Yeah, so it's it's it's like I think they're adding
a bit more jeopardy to it. Yeah yeah, yeah, m
but yeah, I recommend it. Recommend the game good fun.
It is very much fun anyway, bit and do myth
(16:36):
yo yoke. All right, Look, Rara has brought a news
article to wear our attention? Right?
Speaker 2 (16:46):
Is it much of an article I saw on the news?
Like that counts as an article? Okay? That journalist has
written it. Okay, it's just been presented as a video
rather than a like a text source. Right. Ye. Interesting.
So there's a Sydney boy. He's pretty naughty. He I
think he deserves to be in the afternoon attention. Yeah, yeah,
(17:09):
he definitely, he's been a naughty boy. Was ordering some
plutonium and uranium to not commit terroristic acts, but to
complete a periodic table. I don't know what. I thought
it was pretty dumb because he's he might go to jail,
(17:29):
might or will No, I don't think he will go
to jail because he's white. Oh he looks a bit.
He looks a bit like you cun't well, he looks
like like you fuck up.
Speaker 1 (17:41):
He looks like a second roller, bro. He looks like
he's slightly uso or maybe like you know when he
liked fucking How many second rollers do you know? Know
what the fucking periodic table is? How many second rolls
have you spoken to without ship in your pants? You're
fucking pussy.
Speaker 2 (17:55):
I haven't ever shipped my pants. Bullshit, You've one some
pretty questionable thing a book because this himself bought a book.
Never trust the fight. You were the one that bought that. Yeah,
I bought it for him, but I don't know what You're.
Speaker 1 (18:13):
Couple, aren't you yead buying gifts for each other? Yeah,
it started off with it, but my book was worth more.
So well I can look up how I will say though,
never trust the fart book club. That's what I was
going to say, Never trust the fart While before we
get into periodic tables and stuff, I will read as
much as I can. I'm not going to complete it
(18:36):
one page, but I will give it. I will give
an update on what it's like a little a little bit.
Speaker 2 (18:42):
Please please if you can get if you can get
through it, bro, Like I read the first one, it's flady,
I'll get through it. I'll speed read it right now.
I'll tell you what it's about. Read it. It's about
a bunch of guys that ship their pants. No, but
it's the situation. It's the situation that is really funny. Yeah, well,
i'll read it. I'll give it up. They anyway, look
some stories or are they long? They're true stories.
Speaker 1 (19:03):
They're true stories, true stories, So their stories are they're
like short?
Speaker 2 (19:07):
Yeah, it's one in that six or seven stories about
like people that that guy knows, like about their thory
of them Jazz. Well there's one of them that I
was I sort of blazer through. Then was like, fuck,
it sounds like a lot like jazz, Like it's a
that just keeps farighting. No wait, hold on, like these
are all these mates stories. I don't know if they're
(19:29):
his mates, but they're people that he knows.
Speaker 1 (19:32):
Because if it's all his mates story, the problem is
all I can see there is that they all do.
Like the reason that a lot of blokes in their
mid twenties, early twenties, late twenties, maybe thirties as well
would shit their pants is because.
Speaker 2 (19:46):
Of good rack. Seems like you've got knowledge of that.
So one of them, I know, nevitiate it. One of
his stories is he's takes his kid to a fucking
baseball game, like a kid baseball game. So I don't
know if they're doing rack at the baseball game, Bro,
you'd be surprised, man, you'd be.
Speaker 1 (20:10):
Mitchell. That's called pool, that's called snooker. Close close, same premise.
One's on the table speaking about table, and the other
one you do drugs there when your kids playing?
Speaker 2 (20:26):
Ye, speaking about tables. Would you ever do a periodic table? Yeah?
Speaker 1 (20:35):
Would find a girl with every single us. It would
actually look but do you go off their weights? Yes,
it would be sick. It would actually be I feel
bad for the kid. I feel bad for the kids.
So what's he Let's let's talk about what he's done.
Why is he facing jail time?
Speaker 2 (20:52):
Right right? I'm assuming because you can't you shouldn't be
allowed to buy a plutonium or uranium.
Speaker 1 (20:58):
So it's actually domestic terrorism charge as that he's under
importing and distributing. Yeah, radioactive material, thank you, because we
do not own we do, but like you can't personally
possess radioactive material in Australia, but companies can not necessarily,
(21:20):
not any company. It's like, we do mine. I think
we do mine uranium and plutonium. I'm pretty sure.
Speaker 2 (21:28):
I don't know we have it. We do have like
some sort of radioactive mind here.
Speaker 1 (21:31):
It's not massive, it's not massive, it's not a big
export of us, but we do mind it. And I
think you have to have like full clearances, like you
pretty much got to be like, oh, yeah, I make
batteries to have it.
Speaker 2 (21:44):
Or I'm we have I think we have lithium.
Speaker 1 (21:47):
We do have lithium mines, but yes, you're pretty much
you're pretty much like got to be like I make batteries.
Speaker 2 (21:52):
Do we have dying Africans in those lithium mines? Not yet? Damn.
Speaker 1 (21:57):
We got to catch up. Blood diamonds. I think we
should have blood diamond now, our back blood diamond. Right,
it's got racist already, all right.
Speaker 2 (22:09):
Right, keep going. I'm just saying that we should have
our back blood diamond. I don't see what they're racist
is better? Well, we've got opals. My mum can star
as the as Leonardo DiCaprio. I'm very confused about that.
You know who starts?
Speaker 1 (22:25):
You know who stars as Leonardo DiCaprio based off the
way that he approaches women racist and the way that
he approaches women. Pinchy, we've got a mate, right. He
dates eighteen year old girls. As soon as they get
twenty five, he leaves them twenty five. I think it's
a bit younger. Now he's like twenty five.
Speaker 2 (22:43):
He might be Leo Leo without talent or lord. Yeah,
he might be Leo. We still have the beard beard,
yeah he does. He still has the terrorst beard. He
was saying, my brother rocked up the soccer on the weekend,
shaved his disgusting beard. Yeah looks great. Yeah right. I
thinks his brother's hot. Yeah, I reckon my brother's boy
to the me. You don't you think he still looks
like creep? Well, I just think you're hot as fuck.
(23:06):
So it's been hard the USB cable and Mitchell's why
do you think he keeps joking your Ryan jokes? Ryan?
That's fucking gay? You were just doing it? Then I wasn't.
What were you joking? Then you fucking can get the footage?
What were you joking the couch was? I was actually
(23:27):
joking the ghost that's fair. Was he enjoying it?
Speaker 1 (23:32):
Ah?
Speaker 2 (23:34):
What do you recommend? This is great comedy, This is
great comedy. This is awesome, this is really good.
Speaker 1 (23:42):
Mitchell just wants to talk about blokes jacking each other
off while we're trying to talk about radioactive materials. Radioactive
materials makes Mitchell think of gay porn, all right. He
just goes, damn radioactive material imagine dragons fuck porn, all right?
Speaker 2 (24:00):
I'm in Why is that Jesus fucking thought part?
Speaker 1 (24:06):
Because radioactive the song is gay? Yes, but why it's
in your playlist, isn't?
Speaker 2 (24:14):
It isn't.
Speaker 1 (24:15):
Actually you don't have Imagine dragons in your playlist? No,
but you have one republic. Yes, are they like the
same beat? You can say that to them, but they're not.
It's all right, men. Our taste is terrible. Our taste
is like, man, remember how twenty sixteen was cool? And
(24:36):
then that's all me and Ryan listen. Yeah, yeah, we're
so left in the in the past. I can't wait
to one of us have kids and be like, your
music sucks, man, you should listen to this. I can't
we put on ocean elly knees. Yeah, they're gonna love that.
Speaker 2 (24:49):
Yeah, dude, I can't wait for my kid to start
bullying me about my music taste, and I just fucking
give him a right hook. My dad has shit teaching music.
Have you ever heard of sticky Fingers? Even everyone else?
Speaker 1 (25:03):
Oh, my dad listens to Sabrina carp Ander, My dad
listens stick to Drake.
Speaker 2 (25:07):
What is your dad listen to rum jungle? Don't fucking
this rum jungle. If you keep this in rum jungle,
Ryan's going to be on you. Yeah, I might give
you the black eye. Bees. You're gonna have to get
the wife better shirt for Yeah, I'll start wearing it
so plutonium. You can't import it. You cannot import it.
(25:30):
This kid he ordered it from America and customs were
like fuck no, brother, they went but it's weird. They
went straight to it delivered, it got delivered to his house. Yeah,
he received it received and customs came and we're like, well,
like border patrol or some ship.
Speaker 1 (25:46):
It's like a fuck Yeah, get full like sweat and
border patrol that he had there was edible.
Speaker 2 (25:52):
Yeah, and I heard that, Yes, you could eat that
fucking amount and nothing would happen to you. Yeah. So
I think the government had just hated his bro. I
think that kid actually making something cool and then the
government were like naba.
Speaker 1 (26:04):
But the problem is is if you say you're making
something cool and then you buy six times of it
and put it together, then you can make a dirty bomb.
Speaker 2 (26:13):
That might be cooler than a periodic table. To be honest,
a dirty bomb going off.
Speaker 1 (26:19):
I reckon, if you're in a bar and you're trying
to pick up a bird, yeah, Like, I'm not saying
you're picking up like Madelineklin or whatever else, but you're
picking up like a good solid six out of ten.
Speaker 2 (26:31):
I reckon.
Speaker 1 (26:31):
If you said you had a bomb in your garde,
she'd be like, all right, I'll come, oh, come look.
But if you're like, I have a periodic table on
the wall of all the elements, she'd be like fuck,
I'll go fuck the hobo Ryan shut up. Depends if
with a periodic table, you definitely can't be a periodic team.
Speaker 2 (26:54):
At a periodic table. And I'm homeless.
Speaker 1 (26:58):
I'd lost my money for what happened. I was buying rare,
I was buying uranium. It's trying to build a dirty
bomb in my backyard. I mean, my three legged cats
have to eat the fucking elements to stay live.
Speaker 2 (27:16):
What do you reckon? What element do you reckon? Taste
the burst? Well, it would be a.
Speaker 1 (27:22):
Very very dependent on what your taste buds are. But
I'm guessing you both have tried some sort of steel,
some sort of alley and some sort of like alimi
doesn't taste nice, still tastes better than aluminium, Yeah, steel does.
Speaker 2 (27:37):
How dare you assume that I've eaten metal? Cun't. He's
eating copper, for sure, he's eating copper. He's definitely had
copper coppers a fork before. Damn brass. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (27:50):
Mm, sodium, I reckon sodium salts. Yeah, you would love sodium,
your fucking freak. I've got two, got three fucking vials
of it on the fucking computer. You're gonna die of
fucking you. Got cholesterol for sure, that's my periodic table
right there. Chicken salt, Now, that's that's cholesterol. Chicken salt
(28:11):
right there too. I bet your veins are clogged up.
I bet your buttholes cloged up.
Speaker 2 (28:18):
It is.
Speaker 1 (28:33):
A Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Jez's Comedy Club. Very
exciting times. Look, as you can remember earlier in the
podcast throughout the year, I was challenged by Right Right
and by Mitchell to do a stand up set, and
(28:53):
I think it's time for an update. That little sound
there means that we're in the comedy club. So a
bit of an update on my side. Now, Look, I
want used to to judge on my training and also
give me a bit of like feedback and what you
think I should be doing. So look, I haven't been writing,
(29:14):
but I have been noting down ideas of like ideas
that have legs in notes. So you have been writing.
But it's not like not like writing the joke, it's
like that counts. It's like I'll go on my notes
and I'll be like, I think I can make a
joke about cancer, and I'll write cancer.
Speaker 2 (29:31):
In the notes. Okay, that doesn't care. That's not it's
not I wouldn't count you go. It's a it was
like situation. You're like situational starting narrowing. It's a bit
a bit. I'll give you one of them. What's one
of them. That's not it. There. Let's see the notes
that you've got.
Speaker 1 (29:47):
Well, one of them I used and I need to
get rid of, which was a braille on a TV remote,
which I thought was fucking weird.
Speaker 2 (29:55):
Well, there is brail on TV remotes. Yeah, I know.
That's what I'm trying to say. Why people listen to
the TV you're a retire get a radio, then you're
a fucking idiot.
Speaker 1 (30:06):
That's what a radio is called. That's what we're doing.
We're creating TV for blind people right now. We're doing
a podcast.
Speaker 2 (30:14):
Any other ones, there's other ones I got. I was
going to run with the way of like Jackson, I
would have, honestly, I would have taken that one out too.
Speaker 1 (30:24):
I'm probably gonna take it. It didn't work on TikTok.
But there's one that I'm definitely gonna run with, and
it's probably most of my set might be this, and
it might just be things that Jackson has said to me. Okay,
there's one that he's mentioned about gay guys.
Speaker 2 (30:42):
What that he says?
Speaker 1 (30:43):
Sorry, a lot, there's there's a few. There's like when
he sees crosses across the other guy's cock.
Speaker 2 (30:54):
So yeah, Jackson, fucking Jackson.
Speaker 1 (30:58):
So yeah, there's there's one on gay dudes. It's to
do with sex. I think it's got legs. I do
think it has legs, and I think I can write
this right, Okay, But yeah, so look, we haven't judged
on a location yet. But also I don't know why
I skip my training bit. I've been watching a fair
bit of comedy now boys, I need your help on
(31:21):
a bit of suggestions. It seems to be that I'm
just watching Jeordie's and Luke Kidgell. Okay, I tried to
watch Frenchie a bit too, Bogan. That's fair bit too, bogn.
What what comedian ideas do we have?
Speaker 2 (31:37):
Gas? You'd probably want Australian. There's probably be more. That's
what I'm thinking.
Speaker 1 (31:43):
It needs to be more Australian because my audience is
Australian and I think you can tell I'm Australian. Yes,
so I think I need a bit more Australian. Well,
what I was saying with Gabriel glacis, instead of watching
it for the stories, watch it for the.
Speaker 2 (31:59):
Like. Instead of watching it for the jokes, watch it
for how he portrays the stories out.
Speaker 1 (32:03):
But the hardest thing about the way he portrays his
stories out is if I did it, it's cultural appropriation. Okay,
because he's extremely Mexicana. You shouldn't be telling his fucking jokes.
You're both fat. Oh well, just watch fucking Bert Kreischer,
then another fat cunt. Yeah, let me pick a fat
(32:25):
white cunt. Then let me just watch Shane Gillis you
really like Shane though? I know, but that's not any help.
He probably is probably the most American, the most American
help that I could get. Yeah, because his comedy is
so fucking.
Speaker 2 (32:40):
On the edge. Yeah, I'm not saying anything, but it
nicked me.
Speaker 1 (32:47):
The reckon I should finish all my jokes, like if
I crack at jack and like Jackson said this to
me once and I just go.
Speaker 2 (32:54):
Yeah, I think you should learn how to like like
do that thing with the eyes, like he's like your
lazy eyes. Yeah, you just keep it on that phase up.
Speaker 1 (33:04):
Yeah, look like we did it with Mitch. We're going
on to phase two. What do you think we need
to do for phase two?
Speaker 2 (33:11):
For this? So I reckon, you start narrowing down what
I don't know, probably writing a fucking joke.
Speaker 1 (33:18):
Wait, wait, instead of writing cancer you cancering dogs.
Speaker 2 (33:26):
Yeah, I don't know. Maybe phase two you should fucking
write something down your actually.
Speaker 1 (33:32):
Specify what you want to specifications. That was an example.
I don't have cancer in my fucking I don't have cancer.
Speaker 2 (33:39):
In my notes. You don't eating away at it. I
don't have cancer in my notes. I'm not writing a
joke about fucking cancer. What are you going to cancer?
I'd love to like all their stickers on.
Speaker 1 (33:50):
The back of every fucking v y comodoll with clapped
out fucking fenders Fuckenham.
Speaker 2 (33:56):
But cause it by doing Yeah, brother, you you've fucking
you've solve the problem.
Speaker 1 (34:00):
May you know what if I was a chick with
breast cancer and I was going through the hardest time
of my life and I saw a VU cancer on
the back, I'd be like, Shit, everything's gonna be all right,
because that fucking bogan hates cancer too.
Speaker 2 (34:13):
Blokes can get breast cancer as well, bro, Is that
another fact joke? I don't think so. I don't think
you can. You don't necessarily have to be fat to
have breast breast cancer. No you don't. It's pretty rare.
Speaker 1 (34:25):
But so my point is right, it's probably got a
mid No, I don't know if that is too many legs,
what like a spider. Mmmm, it's more like your cats
there doesn't know that many legs. But yeah, v wis
havn't fuck cancer?
Speaker 2 (34:42):
H you reckon? They do? You reckon? They think they're
doing something. Well, they have done something. They've paid for
the sticker.
Speaker 1 (34:49):
Yeah, a sticker that probably has nothing to do with
an association. It probably is just from Ali Express. Possibly,
would you have a fuck cancer on your car?
Speaker 2 (34:59):
Probably not. I don't have stickers on my cars, you
know what.
Speaker 1 (35:02):
I do notice as well, everyone would like suicide prevention stickers.
But they're like, it's not weak to speak speak to
me whatever like that, and normally like the most insufferable
people to speak to You're like, okay, I can speak
to you, and you speak to me like, oh fuck,
I really don't want to tell you my problems. Yeah,
this is going to go to everyone.
Speaker 2 (35:20):
Mmmm.
Speaker 1 (35:21):
Anyway, look, not too much on it. I think Ryan
is probably the most correct with my training.
Speaker 2 (35:28):
Maybe I should just be brutally. Maybe I should just
write jokes. That's a hard thing.
Speaker 1 (35:33):
I'm trying to make a content out of it, but
I don't really need to because we've made seven minutes
out of so far.
Speaker 2 (35:38):
But uh yeah, I think right's right. I think I
just got to start writing. Yeah, really yelling, like one joke.
Speaker 1 (35:47):
One joke that I could stretch. Yeah, yeah, my brother,
it's not like he's cock. My brother is funny as
fuck without being funny, Like, yeah, talk to fucking I
just hang out more with Jackson. Oh, Harry, I was
gonna say, because Harry the.
Speaker 2 (36:01):
Ship my brother's do. Harry's really funny. Problem is I
just can't drop n words. You just take him out then.
Speaker 1 (36:10):
The joke goes away. But Jackson, Jackson doing dumb ship,
it's funny. Yeah, why don't you make it instead of
just Jackson doing dumb ship what my brothers have done,
because Jackson's the only dumb one.
Speaker 2 (36:23):
If you met Harry, you'd be like, oh, this kid
doesn't do dumb ship. He is. You can make it
a comparison. Oh no.
Speaker 1 (36:29):
There's one thing that he did very funny, and that
was pissing the lego what he had a stage, very
pissed there. He was a piss cuverared kid. He had
a piss cupboard. He pissed in the lego and he
used to watch Sam play with it.
Speaker 2 (36:41):
That's crazy, Like I would like I I'm not, no,
but like I'm not, like I wouldn't, wouldn't. I wouldn't
endorse hitting a kid. But if I found out my
kid was pissing in a cupboard, like he's in the
back of his head caved in a.
Speaker 1 (37:01):
Fucking I think I've told his multiple times on the
on the podcast, but Jackson wouldn't let him on the
Xbox and he went and pissed in jackson school shoes.
Speaker 2 (37:08):
That's fine. If like my oldest son had was getting
fucked around with, I'd cop that. That's phio logical water funny,
that's funny. But if I owned my house and my
son started pissing in a cupboard, I would be waiting
for that little kind of go to sleep and I'll
be dropping bombs on his head. I'm telling you, you.
Speaker 1 (37:28):
Get a ship on his kid's head, that'll teach you
to piss and the he's a turn on your face.
The worst part is I reckon it would come back
to him twenty years later. Bro, he's not looking after me. Yeah,
because docs are going.
Speaker 2 (37:47):
The therapy O. The kids are going to be fucking
astronomically expensive. What do you mean I need therapy for
fucking cleaning up some piss cupboard? Piss cupboard? How did
your dad deal with that ship? Just apartment off the Claire.
Probably I've got a business. Run after woman. Clean my
fucking cupboard, clean.
Speaker 1 (38:08):
His cupboard, clean his pissed cupboards.
Speaker 2 (38:11):
Blakes.
Speaker 1 (38:13):
Yeahs he pissed in the lego so many times he's
been sam used to play with it.
Speaker 2 (38:18):
It's so sad.
Speaker 1 (38:19):
It's so sad, man, it's so fucking sad. He used
to watch his two younger siblings play with the lego
after he pissed in it. He talks about it now,
He talks about how he's like, oh, are you.
Speaker 2 (38:29):
Still to be fair? If that was me, I'd be
bragging about it too. Yeah. But if, like, as if
I was a dad in that situation like that kids
having two black eyes. M maybe he got on the
Lego set. The Lego Set's fine because I'm not touching
that ship. Yeah, i'd cop that. Yeah, No, i'd cop that.
If it's like a toy toy, little toy box, you
(38:50):
can piss in that.
Speaker 1 (38:51):
Yeah, fair pissing the Lego box. But yeah, so look
just a point on the comedy. I did make a
vow to say that I was going to go to
some comedy shows this year, and so me and Ryan
we both went to Friendly Jeordy's. We took sixteen with us.
Speaker 2 (39:11):
Mate.
Speaker 1 (39:11):
Look just I've got a little video. It's some footage
of the show, or not of the show. I wasn't
allowing to film the show, but I do have footage
of before and after the show. And mind you, we
got quite drunk at the end. You can tell after
the show when we're fucking a bit tipsy, especially Russia.
Speaker 2 (39:26):
Year was fucked. Yeah, but what were your thoughts on
the show?
Speaker 1 (39:28):
Mate?
Speaker 2 (39:29):
Yeah, it was cool. It was a very informative. But
see it was like a Year ten presentation from a
cool teacher.
Speaker 1 (39:36):
Except every third slide was his asshole, which was yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2 (39:40):
But yeah a couple of times. Yeah, we saw his
bum a couple of times. But he's very funny. Actually,
something I would say is that I don't know, you
might have it on the video of me chat and
shit about it that the crowd was just a bunch
of redditors.
Speaker 1 (39:52):
I don't think redditors, yeah, don't. I couldn't get that
video across. I don't know why.
Speaker 2 (39:56):
Yeah, I said something about like it's just pretty much
like Edge Lords. Well I did say at the pub that.
I was like, I was like, bro, we're gonna be
the only normal one. No, no, you said it's probably
gonna be a bunch of freaks like us. And then
I looked at you and said, what do you mean
like us? And then I was like to me, I'm
like me and rusty and normal. You're the fucking break
And then we sat down and he went, oh, no, no.
(40:17):
As soon as we walked in, it was like, I
know what you mean. I know what you mean. He's
just a bunch of like fucking Reddit trolls. Like it's
dead set, like they all would be. Obviously we had
the fucking souts fan next to like Big Dog and
school Shooter.
Speaker 1 (40:35):
Yeah, well, like this guy's a souse. There was a
guy jersey man, red Souse Fan's there, the Big Dog.
He said he plays magic the gathering. He was obsessed
with Mount Droy. He must have thought that's just funny.
He's like, damn, if I mentioned Mount Drew, Jeordie's just
going to think it's very funny. No, but he thought
it was very funny when I got he doesn't even
(40:57):
live in Mount Drey, probably lives in like Rudy Hill.
Speaker 2 (40:59):
I reckon he lives somewhere like Warrington Downs. Probably I
live in Man Druid. I'm on Dune Vid Road.
Speaker 1 (41:07):
Shut up your fact, hun't go like go play magic
the gathering, your fucking loser.
Speaker 2 (41:11):
And then one of them was sitting there like this
like that, and Ryan's like that, dude's pretty. It looks
like a school shooter.
Speaker 1 (41:18):
And I just went pumped up kickster the people.
Speaker 2 (41:23):
But anyway, look, look we're going to finish the pod
this week with a video.
Speaker 1 (41:28):
You can listen to it, but as Mitch probably you
can give us a shout out at the end or
now where could people find the video, Mitch, Well, check
us out on YouTube at the Safe Boys Podcast. It
will be the episode that you're watching it on or
whatever we call this. I'm yes, and we're gonna go
call it like friendly Jordie's episode or something.
Speaker 2 (41:49):
No, I'm more creaving that. Yeah, that's fine, Friend's episode
would be if he actually called in. That's fair. So
we got to actually be funny. Someone might have to
write something down and be funny this week yeah, you
may have to write a joke. Can't. Can't. All I
can think about is just going to go on the
stage and say cancer and walk off. Now that's pretty alpha,
(42:13):
that's pretty sigma. It's not really funny though, is it. Yeah?
Speaker 1 (42:16):
But I reckon that would be like that'd make a
point yep. What if Mitchell agrees it, don't worry came on.
Speaker 2 (42:23):
The stage with blackface and then said cancer. What if
I just came on the stage.
Speaker 1 (42:29):
It's a video and I walk out and the music
stops and I just I just shuffle out with my
pants around my angles and just joking on the stage.
Is just do that?
Speaker 2 (42:40):
Grab the mic? Cancer and then walks no, no, no,
no words, no words, no words.
Speaker 1 (42:46):
Or not.
Speaker 2 (42:47):
After I come, we call the video. We'd call the
video of that is amateur comedian has a stroke on stage.
Mitchell play the clip.
Speaker 1 (42:58):
Play the clip, Mitchell play. Thanks for listening, guys, enjoy
the video. This is my editing skills and probably big
day out at Friendly Jordie's. I'm a longtime fan, been
looking forward to is for age. It's met up with
Rusty and Ryan at the pup. As you can see here,
we tried to get backstage.
Speaker 2 (43:15):
That we actually didn't need to.
Speaker 1 (43:16):
We're in the front row. You can see there's Ryan's
lovely mustache, and there's the stage here were rusty.
Speaker 2 (43:24):
We're walking through the show.
Speaker 4 (43:25):
Mate, got your brido, what do you reckon?
Speaker 2 (43:27):
Do you? What are your thoughts on the show?
Speaker 4 (43:29):
What are you expecting?
Speaker 2 (43:31):
I'm expecting a little bit of something funny, a little
bit of maybe politics, maybe it's about aliens. Okay, well
I don't know that. I'm going to be expecting a
little bit of alien humor, a bit of alien commentary.
How's the breeder?
Speaker 3 (43:45):
Ryan?
Speaker 2 (43:47):
How's the breeder?
Speaker 3 (43:50):
So?
Speaker 4 (43:51):
Look we're this track that you can hear behind Sam sixteen.
He just told me he's not going to copy right
strike it. What a fucking beto? Hey what oh you
can have my work?
Speaker 1 (44:02):
Good on you.
Speaker 2 (44:03):
Yeah, and I'll go back in second round. I had
three of the pub let's go us.
Speaker 1 (44:08):
He looked. Look, Jordan's was the main guy.
Speaker 2 (44:11):
But we're going to start of the show.
Speaker 1 (44:12):
Come up on stage.
Speaker 2 (44:13):
We got a guest appearance, isn't it.
Speaker 1 (44:15):
They talk about your experience on stage with Jordan.
Speaker 2 (44:18):
So I stood up to take a piss, and then
I just heard Jordan, go, boy, you can't.
Speaker 1 (44:23):
Where are you going? And that's where I interjected when
he was gone and said, ask him about his music.
So as you come back, what happened?
Speaker 2 (44:31):
I come back and he goes tell us about your band, mate,
and I'm like, oh, it's not exactly your band and
he's like, oh what is it? And I'm like, oh,
more of a more of a single.
Speaker 1 (44:39):
Individual in it.
Speaker 4 (44:41):
Yeah, to be funny, To be frank, it was supposed
to be funny.
Speaker 1 (44:43):
He ended up just glazing.
Speaker 2 (44:46):
On your creativity. It was I think it was supposed
to be a roast and it just turned into a bit.
Speaker 1 (44:50):
Of self from it.
Speaker 2 (44:51):
So that's all right. And then your boy he had
the piss and I got brought on stage and inter jacked.
I said, ask him about his podcast. The other in
attention got a full plug and Jordan himself did.
Speaker 1 (45:07):
He not want to say, I'm gonna listen.
Speaker 2 (45:10):
He said, I'll listened to a mate.
Speaker 4 (45:11):
So Jordan, this is yeah, that mate tears the show.
Speaker 1 (45:14):
It was fucking awesome.
Speaker 4 (45:16):
Midway through planning on pissing on Jordan's car, Ryan, you
haven't said much for mate, What do you reckoning out
the show?
Speaker 2 (45:23):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (45:23):
It's pretty funny.
Speaker 2 (45:24):
What was your favorite bit of the Aliens.
Speaker 1 (45:27):
Or the fact that you had told everyone that I'm
a make a wish kid.
Speaker 2 (45:30):
Yeah, I think the part of that I said that
I went up there and said that you're a maker
whish kid is pretty funny. That probably the second funniest
thing that was said. I think the first funny thing
was said was something about Aliens.
Speaker 4 (45:42):
So, after seeing Jordan's way on comedy, how bad do
you reckon?
Speaker 2 (45:46):
I'm going to fucking bomb. I still have teamed my
opinion that you're going to be worse than they kind
of keep sending to you.
Speaker 1 (45:56):
I can't wait there, Jordan, if you've watched it, I'm
going to tell you comes to me comedy show, it's
gonna be terrible fucking.
Speaker 2 (46:03):
Touch because don't touch me. I started to go down
my worst night man. So I can't really be a
part of this, to be honest. What's na M sixteen?
Not my name is M sixteen dash uh If you
want to look it up accurately, and if you want
to look it up on Instagram, it's M sixteen Underscore
Underscore Official, Bye Bye Me in Prison, I go away
(46:25):
for a wrong time robo boop h
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