May 20, 2023 • 23 mins
https://www.solgood.org - Check out our Streaming Service for our full collection of audiobooks, podcasts, short stories, & 10 hour sounds for sleep and relaxation at our website
Naguib Mahfouz, Egyptian literature, existentialism, identity, love, relationships, social commentary, cultural norms, social class, personal growth, literary style, literary legacy, literary analysis, literary adaptation, literary criticism, Cairo, modernity, cultural influence, societal expectations, individualism, human nature, psychological analysis, Arab culture, family, urbanization
Naguib Mahfouz, Egyptian literature, existentialism, identity, love, relationships, social commentary, cultural norms, social class, personal growth, literary style, literary legacy, literary analysis, literary adaptation, literary criticism, Cairo, modernity, cultural influence, societal expectations, individualism, human nature, psychological analysis, Arab culture, family, urbanization
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Chapter seventeen. The weeks rolled bythe drilling went on. At last word
came that the company was to movefarther toward the front. They prepared for
a long hike, almost eagerly,not knowing yet what was before them.
Anything was better than this intolerable waitingsolemnly under a leaden sky, they gathered
(00:22):
sullenly. They went through their inspectionstolidly. Dully. They marched away through
the rain and mud and desolation.The nights were cold, and their clothes
seemed thin and inadequate. They hadnot been paid since they came over,
so there was no chance to buyany little comfort, even if it had
been for sale. A longing forsuites and home puddings and pies haunted their
(00:45):
waking hours as they trudged wearily,hour after hour, kilometer after kilometer,
coming ever nearer nearer. For twodays they hiked, and then entrained for
a long, uncomfortable night, andall the time Cameron's soul was crying out
within him for the living God.In these days he read much in the
(01:07):
Little Testament whenever there was a restby the wayside, and he could draw
apart from the others. Ever,his soul grew hungrier as he neared the
front and knew his time now wasshort. There were days when he had
the feeling that he must stop trampingand do something about this great matter that
hung over him. And then Wainwrightwould pass by and cast a sharp direction
(01:29):
at him with a sneer in thecurl of his mustache, and all the
fury of his being would rise upuntil he would clench his fists in helpless
wrath, as Wainwright swaggered on tothink how easily he could drag him in
the dust if it only came toa fair fight between them. But Wainwright
had all the advantage now with sucha captain on his side. That Nightwright
(01:52):
was a terrible experience. Cameron,with his thoughts surging and pounding through his
brain, was in no condition tocome out of hardships fresh and fit.
He was overcome with weariness when heclimbed into the box car with thirty nine
other fellows, just as weary,just as discouraged, just as homesick.
There was only room for about twentyto travel comfortably in that car, but
(02:15):
they cheerfully huddled together and took theirturns sitting down and somewhere along in the
night, it came Cameron's turn toslide down on the floor and stretch out
for a while. Or perhaps hisutter weariness made him drop there involuntarily because
he could no longer keep awake.For a few minutes, the delicious ache
of lying flat enveloped him and carriedhim away into unconsciousness with a lulling ecstasy.
(02:39):
Then suddenly Wainwright seemed to loom overhim and demand that he rise and
let him lie down in his place. It seemed to Cameron that the leather
gy that had stolen over him ashe fell asleep was like heavy bags of
sand tied to his hands and feet. He could not rise if he would,
he thought. He tried to tellWainwright that he was unfair, He
(03:00):
was an officer and had better accommodations. What need had he to come back
here and steal a weary private sleep. But his lips refused to open,
and his throat gave out no sound. Wainwright seemed gradually stooping nearer nearer,
with a large soft hand about histhroat, and his little pig eyes gleaming
(03:20):
like two points of green light,his selfish mouth all pursed up as it
used to be when the fellow stolehis all day succor and held it tantalizingly
above his reach. One of hislarge cushiony knees was upon Cameron's chest now,
and the breath was going from him. He gasped and tried to shout
to the other fellows that this wasthe time to do away with this tyrant,
(03:42):
this captain's pet. But still onlya croak would come from his lips.
With one mighty effort, he wrenchedhis hands and feet into action and
lunged up at the mighty bully abovehim, struggling, clutching wildly for his
throat, but with one thought inhis dreaming brain to kill kill. Sound
came to his throat at last actionto his sleeping body, and struggling himself
(04:05):
loose from the two comrades who hadfallen asleep upon him and almost succeeded in
smothering him, He gave a hoarseyell and got to his feet. They
cursed and laughed at him, andsnuggled down good naturedly to their broken slumbers
again. But Cameron stood in hiscorner, glaring out the tiny crack into
the dark, starless night that waswhirling by startled into thoughtfulness. The dream
(04:30):
had been so vivid that he couldnot easily get rid of it. His
heart was boiling hot with rage athis old enemy. Yet something stronger was
there too, a great horror athimself. He had been about to kill
a fellow creature. To what passhad he come? And somewhere out in
that black, wet night, asweet white face gleamed, with brown hair
(04:53):
blown about it, and the midstof the storm in its locks. It
was as if her spirit had followedhim and been it in that dream to
shame him. Supposing the dream hadbeen true and he had actually killed Wainwright,
for he knew, by the wildbeating of his heart, by the
hotness of his wrath as he cameawake, that nothing would have stayed his
(05:14):
hand if he had been placed insuch a situation. It was like a
dream to hover over a poor,worn tempest tossed soul in that way and
make it self verity demand that heshould live it out again and again,
and face the future that would havefollowed such a set of circumstances. He
had to see Ruth's sad, sternface. The sorrowful eyes full of tears,
(05:36):
the reproach, the disappointment, thealien lifting of her chin. He
knew her so well, could soeasily conjecture what her whole attitude would be,
he thought, And then he mustneeds go on to think out once
more just what relation there might bebetween his enemy and the girl he loved,
Think it out more carefully than hehad ever let himself do before.
(05:59):
All he knew about the two,how their home grounds adjoined, how their
social set and standing and wealth wasthe same, how they had often been
seen together, how Wainwright had boastedAll night He stood and thought it out,
glowering between the cracks of the carat the passing whirl, differentiating through
the blackness, now and then agroup of trees or buildings, or a
(06:21):
quick flash of furtive light, butmainly darkness and monotony. It was as
if he were tied to the tailof a comet that dashed hewwards for a
billion years. So long the nightextended till the dull, gray dawn.
There was no God anywhere in thatdark night. He had forgotten about him
entirely. He was perhaps strongly consciousof the devil at his right hand,
(06:46):
they detrained and hiked across a bitof wet country that was all alike,
all mud, in the dull lightthat grew only to accentuate the ugliness and
dreariness of everything Sunny France, Andthis was sunny France. At last,
they halted along a muddy roadside andlined up for what seemed an interminable age,
waiting for something No one knew what, nor cared they were beyond,
(07:11):
carrying, most of them poor boys. If their mothers had appeared with a
bowl of bread and milk and calledthem to bed, they would have wept
in her arms with joy. Theystood apathetically and waited, knowing that sometime
after another interminable age had passed,the red tape necessary to move a large
body like themselves would be unwound,and everything go on again to another dreary
(07:33):
halt. Somewhere Would it ever beover? The long long trail? Cameron
stood with the rest in a dazeof discouragement, not taking the trouble to
think any more. His head washot and his chest felt heavy, reminding
him of Wainwright's fat knee, andhe had an ugly cough. Suddenly,
someone a comrade touched him on theshoulder. Come on and hear, Cammie,
(07:58):
you're all in. This is theSouth Vation Army Hut. Cameron turned
Salvation Army. It sounded like thebells of heaven. Ah. It was
something he could think back to,that little Salvation Army Hut at camp.
It brought the tears into his throatin a great lump. He lurched after
his friend and dropped into the chairwhere he was pushed, sliding his arms
(08:20):
out on the table before him anddropping his head quickly to hide his emotion.
He couldn't think what was the matterwith him. He seemed to be
all giving way, He's all in. He heard the voice of his friend.
I thought, maybe you could dosomething for him. He's a good
old sport. Then a gentle handtouched his shoulder, lightly like his mother's
(08:41):
hand. It thrilled him, andhe lifted his bleared eyes and looked into
the face of a kindly, grayhaired woman. She was not a handsome
woman, though none of the boyswould ever let her be called homely,
for they claimed her smile was soglorious that it gave her precedence in beauty
to the greatest bell on earth.There was a real mother lovelight in her
eyes now when she looked at Cameron, and she held a cup of steaming
(09:03):
hot coffee in her hand, realcoffee with sugar and cream and a rich
aroma that gave life to his sinkingsoul. Here, son, drink this,
she said, holding the cup tohis lips. He opened his lips
eagerly, and then remembered and drewback. No, he said, drawing
away. I forgot. I haven'tany money. We're all dead broke.
(09:26):
He tried to pull himself together andlook like a man, but the coffee
cup came close to his lips again, and the rough motherly hand stole about
his shoulders to support him. That'sall right, she said, in a
low, matter of fact tone.You don't need money here son, You've
got home and I'm your mother.Tonight, just drink this and then come
(09:46):
in there behind those boxes and liedown on my bed and get a wink
of sleep. You'll be yourself againin a little while. That's its,
son. You've hiked a long way. Now forget it and take comfort.
So she s him till he surelymust be dreaming again, and wondered which
was real or if perhaps he hada fever and hallucinations. He reached a
(10:09):
furtive hand and felt of the pinetable and the chair on which he sat
to make sure he was awake,And then he looked into her kind gray
eyes and smiled. She led himinto the little improvised room behind the counter
and tucked him up on her cotwith a big, warm blanket. That's
all right now, son, shewhispered. Don't you stir till you feel
(10:30):
like it. I'll look after you, and your friend will let you know
if there is any call for you. You just rest. He thanked her
with his eyes, too weary tospeak a word, and so he dropped
into a blessed sleep. When heawakened slowly to consciousness again, there was
a smell in the air of morecoffee, delicious coffee. He wondered if
(10:50):
it was the same cup, andthis only another brief phase of his own
peculiar state. Perhaps he had notbeen asleep at all, but had only
closed his eyes and opened them again. But no, it was night,
and there were candles lit beyond thebarricade of boxes. He could see them
flicker through the cracks, and shadowswere falling here and there grotesquely on the
(11:11):
bit of canvas that formed another wall. There was some other odor on the
air, too. He sniffed delightedlylike a little child, something sweet and
alluring, reminding one of the dayswhen mother took the gingerbread and pies out
of the oven. No donuts,that was it. Donuts, Not donuts,
just behind the trenches. How couldthat be? He stirred, and
(11:33):
raised up on one elbow to lookabout him. There were two other cots
in the room, arranged neatly withfolded blankets. A box in between held
a few simple toilet articles, atin basin, and a bucket of water.
He eyed them greedily. When hadhe had a good wash? What
luxury? He dropped back on thecot, and all at once became aware
(11:56):
that there were strange sounds in theair above the building in which he lay,
strange and deep, yet regular andwith a certain booming monotony, as
if they had been going on along time and he had been too preoccupied
to take notice of them. Aqueer frenzy seized his heart. This then
was the sound of battle in thedistance. He was here at the front
(12:16):
at last, And that was thesound of enemy shells. How strange it
seemed, how it gripped the soulwith the audacity of it all. How
terrible and yet how exciting to behere at last, And yet he had
an unready feeling something was still undoneto prepare him for this ordeal. It
(12:37):
was his subconscious self that was cryingout for God. His material self had
sensed the doughnuts that were frying sonear to him, and he looked up
eagerly to welcome whoever was coming tiptoeingin to see if he was awake,
With a nice hot plate of themfor him to eat. He swung to
a sitting posture and received them anda cup of hot chocolate that accompanied them
(12:58):
with eagerness, like a little childwhose mother had promised them if he would
be good. Strange, how easyand natural it was to fall into the
ways of this gracious household. Wouldone call it that it seemed so like
a home? While he was eating, his buddy slipped in, smiling excitedly.
Great news, Cammie, We've gota new captain, and oh boy,
(13:20):
he's a peach. He sat onour Louis. First off, you
ought to have seen poor old Wainwright'sface when he shut him up at the
head quarters. Boy, you'dah croaked, it was rich. Cameron finished the
last precious bite of his third hotdoughnut with a gulp of joy. What's
become of words? He asked,anxiously canned I guess hazarded the private I
(13:43):
did hear they took him to asanitarium nervous breakdown, they said, I'll
tell the world he'd had have onefor fair if he'd stayed with this outfit
much longer. I only wish they'dhave taken his little pet along with him.
This is no place for little Harold, and he'll find it out now
he's got a real captain. Goodnight. How do you suppose he ever
got his commission? Anyway? Well, how are you old top feeling better?
(14:07):
I knew they'd fix you up here. They're regular guys. Well,
I guess we better hit the hay. Come on, I'll show you where
your billet is. I looked outfor a place with a good watertight roof.
What do you think of the orchestraJerry is playin out there on the
front? Some noise AWA say,this little old hut is some good place
to tie up to A pard.I've seen him before. That's how I
(14:28):
knew. During the days that followed, Cameron spent most of his leisure time
in the Salvation Army Hut. Hedid not hover about the victrola as he
would probably have done several months before, nor yet often join his voice in
the ragtime song that was almost continuousat the piano, regardless of nearby shells,
and usually accompanied by another tune onthe victrola. He did not hover
(14:52):
around the cooks and seek to makehimself needful to them there, placing himself
at the seat of supplies and andy. When he was hungry, as did
many, he sat at one ofthe far tables, often writing letters or
reading his little book, or moreoften looking off into space, seeing those
last days at camp and the facesof his mother and Ruth. There was
(15:15):
more than one reason why he spentmuch of his time here. The hut
was not frequented much by officers,although they did come sometimes and were always
welcomed but never deferred to. Wainwrightwould not be likely to be about,
and it was always a relief tofeel free from the presence of his enemy.
But gradually a third reason came toplay a prominent part in bringing him
(15:37):
here, and that was the atmosphere. He somehow felt as if he were
among real people who were living lifeearnestly, as if the present were not
all there was. There came aday when they were to move on up
to the actual front. Cameron wroteletters such as he had not dared to
write before, for he had foundout that these women could get to his
(16:00):
people in case anything should happen tohim. And so he left a little
letter for Ruth and one for hismother, and asked the woman with the
gray eyes to get them back home. Somehow, there was not much of
moment in the letters. Even thus, he dared not speak his heart,
for the iron of Wainwright's poison hadentered into his soul. He had begun
(16:21):
to think that perhaps, in spiteof all her friendliness, Ruth really belonged
to another world, not his world. Yet just her friendliness meant much to
him in his great strait of loneliness. He would take that much of her
at least, even if it couldnever be more. He would leave a
last word for her. If behindhis written words there was breaking heart and
(16:42):
tender love, she would never dreamit. If his soul was really taking
another farewell of her? What harm? Since he said no sad word.
Yet it did him good to writethese letters and feel a reasonable assurance that
they would sometime reach their destination.There was a meeting held that night in
the hut. He had never happenedto attend one before, although he had
(17:06):
heard the boys say they enjoyed them. One of his comrades asked him to
stay, and a quick glance toldhim the fellow needed him and had chosen
him for moral support. So Cameronsat in a shadowy corner of the crowded
room and listened to the singing,wild and strong and with no hint of
coming battle. In its full rollinglilt, he noted, with satisfaction,
(17:29):
hold the long, long trail,and pack up your troubles in your old
kit bag. Gradually gave place totell mother, I'll be there, and
when the roll is called up yonder, growing strong and full and solemn in
the grand old melody of abide withme. There were fellows there who,
but a few hours before, hadbeen shooting crap, whose lips had been
(17:49):
loud with cheerful curses. Now theysat and sang with all their hearts the
hardiest of the lot. It wasa curious psychological study to watch them.
Some of them were just as keennow on the religious side of their natures
as they had been with their sportor their curses. Theirs were primitive natures,
(18:10):
easily wrought upon by the atmosphere ofthe moment, easily impressed by the
solemnity of the hour, nearer perhapsto stopping to think about God and Eternity
than ever before in their lives.But there were also others there, thoughtful
fellows who were strong and brave,who had done their duty and borne their
hardships with the best, yet whosefaces now were solemn with earnestness, to
(18:33):
whom this meeting met a last sacramentbefore they passed to meet their test.
Cameron felt his heart in perfect sympathywith the gathering, and when the singing
stopped for a few minutes and theclear voice of a young girl began to
pray, he bowed his head witha smart of tears in his eyes.
She was a girl who had justarrived that day, and she reminded him
(18:56):
of Ruth. She had pansy blueeyes and long old ripples in her abundant
hair. It soothed him like agentle hand on his heart to hear her
speak those words of prayer to God, praying for them all as if they
were her own brothers, praying asif she understood just how they felt this
night before they went on their way. She was so young and gently cared
(19:18):
for, this girl, with herplain soldier's uniform and her fearlessness, praying
as composedly out there under fire,as if she trusted perfectly that her heavenly
father had control of everything and woulddo the best for them all. What
a wonderful girl? Or no?Was it perhaps a wonderful trust? Stay
(19:38):
was it not? Perhaps a wonderfulheavenly father. And she had found him,
Perhaps she could tell him the wayand how he had missed it in
his search. With this thought inhis mind, he lingered as the most
of the rest passed out, andturning, he noticed that the man who
had come with him lingered also andedged up to the front where the lassie
(20:00):
stood talking with a group of men. Then one of the group spoke up
boldly, say cap. He addressedher, almost reverently, as if he
had called her some queenly name insteadof captain. Say cap I want to
ask you a question. Some ofthose fellows that have preached to us have
been telling us that if we goover there and don't come back, it'll
(20:21):
be all right with us, justbecause we died fighting for liberty. But
we don't believe that, dope.Why do you mean to tell me,
cap, that if a fellow hadbeen rotten all his life, he gets
saved just because he happened to getshot in a battle. Why some of
us didn't even come over here tofight because we wanted to, we had
to, We were drafted. Doyou mean to tell me that makes it
(20:42):
all right over here? I can'tsee that at all, and we want
to know the truth. You dopeit out for us, cap. The
young Captain Lassie slowly shook her head. No, just dying doesn't save you,
son. There was a note oftenderness in that son as those salvation
army Lassie spoke it that put theminfinitely above the common young girl, as
(21:03):
if some angelic touch had set themapart for their holy ministry. It was
as if God were using their lipsand eyes and spirits to speak to these
his children in their trying hour.You see, it's this way everybody has
sinned, and the penalty of sinas death. You all know that her
eyes searched their faces and appealed tothe truth hidden in the depths of their
(21:27):
souls. They nodded those boys whowere going out soon to face death.
They were willing to tell her thatthey acknowledged their sins. They did not
mind if they said it before eachother. They meant it now. Yes,
they were sinners, and it wasbecause they knew they were that they
wanted to know what chances they stoodin the other world. But God loved
(21:49):
us all so much that he wantedto make a way for us to escape
the punishment. Went on the sweet, steady voice, seeming to bring the
very love of the Father down intotheir midst with its forceful, convincing tone.
And so he sent his son JesusChrist to take our place and die
on the cross in our stead.Whoever is willing to accept his atonement may
(22:12):
be saved. And it's all upto us whether we will take it or
not. It isn't anything we cando or be. It's just taking Jesus
as our savior, believing in himand taking him at his word. Cameron
lingered and knelt with the rest whenshe prayed again for them, and in
his own heart he echoed the prayerof acceptance that others were putting up.
(22:34):
As he went out into the blacknight, and later on the silent march
through the dark, he was turningit over in his mind. It seemed
to him the simplest, the mostsensible explanation of the plan of salvation he
had ever heard. He wondered ifthe minister at home knew all this and
had meant it when he tried toexplain. But no, that minister had
(22:56):
not tried to explain. He hadtold him he would throw into it.
And here he was, perhaps almostat the end, and he had not
grown into it yet. That younggirl to night had said it took only
an instant to settle the whole thing, and she looked as if her soul
was resting on it. Why couldhe not get peace? Why could he
not find God? Then out ofthe dark and into his thoughts came a
(23:21):
curse and a sneer and a curtrebuke from Wainwright, and all his holy
and beautiful thoughts fled. He longedto lunge out of the dark and spring
upon that fat, flabby lieutenant,and throttle him so. In bitterness of
spirit, he marched out to facethe foe. End of Chapter seventeen.
Chapter seventeen. The weeks rolled bythe drilling went on. At last word
came that the company was to movefarther toward the front. They prepared for
a long hike, almost eagerly,not knowing yet what was before them.
Anything was better than this intolerable waitingsolemnly under a leaden sky, they gathered
(00:22):
sullenly. They went through their inspectionstolidly. Dully. They marched away through
the rain and mud and desolation.The nights were cold, and their clothes
seemed thin and inadequate. They hadnot been paid since they came over,
so there was no chance to buyany little comfort, even if it had
been for sale. A longing forsuites and home puddings and pies haunted their
(00:45):
waking hours as they trudged wearily,hour after hour, kilometer after kilometer,
coming ever nearer nearer. For twodays they hiked, and then entrained for
a long, uncomfortable night, andall the time Cameron's soul was crying out
within him for the living God.In these days he read much in the
(01:07):
Little Testament whenever there was a restby the wayside, and he could draw
apart from the others. Ever,his soul grew hungrier as he neared the
front and knew his time now wasshort. There were days when he had
the feeling that he must stop trampingand do something about this great matter that
hung over him. And then Wainwrightwould pass by and cast a sharp direction
(01:29):
at him with a sneer in thecurl of his mustache, and all the
fury of his being would rise upuntil he would clench his fists in helpless
wrath, as Wainwright swaggered on tothink how easily he could drag him in
the dust if it only came toa fair fight between them. But Wainwright
had all the advantage now with sucha captain on his side. That Nightwright
(01:52):
was a terrible experience. Cameron,with his thoughts surging and pounding through his
brain, was in no condition tocome out of hardships fresh and fit.
He was overcome with weariness when heclimbed into the box car with thirty nine
other fellows, just as weary,just as discouraged, just as homesick.
There was only room for about twentyto travel comfortably in that car, but
(02:15):
they cheerfully huddled together and took theirturns sitting down and somewhere along in the
night, it came Cameron's turn toslide down on the floor and stretch out
for a while. Or perhaps hisutter weariness made him drop there involuntarily because
he could no longer keep awake.For a few minutes, the delicious ache
of lying flat enveloped him and carriedhim away into unconsciousness with a lulling ecstasy.
(02:39):
Then suddenly Wainwright seemed to loom overhim and demand that he rise and
let him lie down in his place. It seemed to Cameron that the leather
gy that had stolen over him ashe fell asleep was like heavy bags of
sand tied to his hands and feet. He could not rise if he would,
he thought. He tried to tellWainwright that he was unfair, He
(03:00):
was an officer and had better accommodations. What need had he to come back
here and steal a weary private sleep. But his lips refused to open,
and his throat gave out no sound. Wainwright seemed gradually stooping nearer nearer,
with a large soft hand about histhroat, and his little pig eyes gleaming
(03:20):
like two points of green light,his selfish mouth all pursed up as it
used to be when the fellow stolehis all day succor and held it tantalizingly
above his reach. One of hislarge cushiony knees was upon Cameron's chest now,
and the breath was going from him. He gasped and tried to shout
to the other fellows that this wasthe time to do away with this tyrant,
(03:42):
this captain's pet. But still onlya croak would come from his lips.
With one mighty effort, he wrenchedhis hands and feet into action and
lunged up at the mighty bully abovehim, struggling, clutching wildly for his
throat, but with one thought inhis dreaming brain to kill kill. Sound
came to his throat at last actionto his sleeping body, and struggling himself
(04:05):
loose from the two comrades who hadfallen asleep upon him and almost succeeded in
smothering him, He gave a hoarseyell and got to his feet. They
cursed and laughed at him, andsnuggled down good naturedly to their broken slumbers
again. But Cameron stood in hiscorner, glaring out the tiny crack into
the dark, starless night that waswhirling by startled into thoughtfulness. The dream
(04:30):
had been so vivid that he couldnot easily get rid of it. His
heart was boiling hot with rage athis old enemy. Yet something stronger was
there too, a great horror athimself. He had been about to kill
a fellow creature. To what passhad he come? And somewhere out in
that black, wet night, asweet white face gleamed, with brown hair
(04:53):
blown about it, and the midstof the storm in its locks. It
was as if her spirit had followedhim and been it in that dream to
shame him. Supposing the dream hadbeen true and he had actually killed Wainwright,
for he knew, by the wildbeating of his heart, by the
hotness of his wrath as he cameawake, that nothing would have stayed his
(05:14):
hand if he had been placed insuch a situation. It was like a
dream to hover over a poor,worn tempest tossed soul in that way and
make it self verity demand that heshould live it out again and again,
and face the future that would havefollowed such a set of circumstances. He
had to see Ruth's sad, sternface. The sorrowful eyes full of tears,
(05:36):
the reproach, the disappointment, thealien lifting of her chin. He
knew her so well, could soeasily conjecture what her whole attitude would be,
he thought, And then he mustneeds go on to think out once
more just what relation there might bebetween his enemy and the girl he loved,
Think it out more carefully than hehad ever let himself do before.
(05:59):
All he knew about the two,how their home grounds adjoined, how their
social set and standing and wealth wasthe same, how they had often been
seen together, how Wainwright had boastedAll night He stood and thought it out,
glowering between the cracks of the carat the passing whirl, differentiating through
the blackness, now and then agroup of trees or buildings, or a
(06:21):
quick flash of furtive light, butmainly darkness and monotony. It was as
if he were tied to the tailof a comet that dashed hewwards for a
billion years. So long the nightextended till the dull, gray dawn.
There was no God anywhere in thatdark night. He had forgotten about him
entirely. He was perhaps strongly consciousof the devil at his right hand,
(06:46):
they detrained and hiked across a bitof wet country that was all alike,
all mud, in the dull lightthat grew only to accentuate the ugliness and
dreariness of everything Sunny France, Andthis was sunny France. At last,
they halted along a muddy roadside andlined up for what seemed an interminable age,
waiting for something No one knew what, nor cared they were beyond,
(07:11):
carrying, most of them poor boys. If their mothers had appeared with a
bowl of bread and milk and calledthem to bed, they would have wept
in her arms with joy. Theystood apathetically and waited, knowing that sometime
after another interminable age had passed,the red tape necessary to move a large
body like themselves would be unwound,and everything go on again to another dreary
(07:33):
halt. Somewhere Would it ever beover? The long long trail? Cameron
stood with the rest in a dazeof discouragement, not taking the trouble to
think any more. His head washot and his chest felt heavy, reminding
him of Wainwright's fat knee, andhe had an ugly cough. Suddenly,
someone a comrade touched him on theshoulder. Come on and hear, Cammie,
(07:58):
you're all in. This is theSouth Vation Army Hut. Cameron turned
Salvation Army. It sounded like thebells of heaven. Ah. It was
something he could think back to,that little Salvation Army Hut at camp.
It brought the tears into his throatin a great lump. He lurched after
his friend and dropped into the chairwhere he was pushed, sliding his arms
(08:20):
out on the table before him anddropping his head quickly to hide his emotion.
He couldn't think what was the matterwith him. He seemed to be
all giving way, He's all in. He heard the voice of his friend.
I thought, maybe you could dosomething for him. He's a good
old sport. Then a gentle handtouched his shoulder, lightly like his mother's
(08:41):
hand. It thrilled him, andhe lifted his bleared eyes and looked into
the face of a kindly, grayhaired woman. She was not a handsome
woman, though none of the boyswould ever let her be called homely,
for they claimed her smile was soglorious that it gave her precedence in beauty
to the greatest bell on earth.There was a real mother lovelight in her
eyes now when she looked at Cameron, and she held a cup of steaming
(09:03):
hot coffee in her hand, realcoffee with sugar and cream and a rich
aroma that gave life to his sinkingsoul. Here, son, drink this,
she said, holding the cup tohis lips. He opened his lips
eagerly, and then remembered and drewback. No, he said, drawing
away. I forgot. I haven'tany money. We're all dead broke.
(09:26):
He tried to pull himself together andlook like a man, but the coffee
cup came close to his lips again, and the rough motherly hand stole about
his shoulders to support him. That'sall right, she said, in a
low, matter of fact tone.You don't need money here son, You've
got home and I'm your mother.Tonight, just drink this and then come
(09:46):
in there behind those boxes and liedown on my bed and get a wink
of sleep. You'll be yourself againin a little while. That's its,
son. You've hiked a long way. Now forget it and take comfort.
So she s him till he surelymust be dreaming again, and wondered which
was real or if perhaps he hada fever and hallucinations. He reached a
(10:09):
furtive hand and felt of the pinetable and the chair on which he sat
to make sure he was awake,And then he looked into her kind gray
eyes and smiled. She led himinto the little improvised room behind the counter
and tucked him up on her cotwith a big, warm blanket. That's
all right now, son, shewhispered. Don't you stir till you feel
(10:30):
like it. I'll look after you, and your friend will let you know
if there is any call for you. You just rest. He thanked her
with his eyes, too weary tospeak a word, and so he dropped
into a blessed sleep. When heawakened slowly to consciousness again, there was
a smell in the air of morecoffee, delicious coffee. He wondered if
(10:50):
it was the same cup, andthis only another brief phase of his own
peculiar state. Perhaps he had notbeen asleep at all, but had only
closed his eyes and opened them again. But no, it was night,
and there were candles lit beyond thebarricade of boxes. He could see them
flicker through the cracks, and shadowswere falling here and there grotesquely on the
(11:11):
bit of canvas that formed another wall. There was some other odor on the
air, too. He sniffed delightedlylike a little child, something sweet and
alluring, reminding one of the dayswhen mother took the gingerbread and pies out
of the oven. No donuts,that was it. Donuts, Not donuts,
just behind the trenches. How couldthat be? He stirred, and
(11:33):
raised up on one elbow to lookabout him. There were two other cots
in the room, arranged neatly withfolded blankets. A box in between held
a few simple toilet articles, atin basin, and a bucket of water.
He eyed them greedily. When hadhe had a good wash? What
luxury? He dropped back on thecot, and all at once became aware
(11:56):
that there were strange sounds in theair above the building in which he lay,
strange and deep, yet regular andwith a certain booming monotony, as
if they had been going on along time and he had been too preoccupied
to take notice of them. Aqueer frenzy seized his heart. This then
was the sound of battle in thedistance. He was here at the front
(12:16):
at last, And that was thesound of enemy shells. How strange it
seemed, how it gripped the soulwith the audacity of it all. How
terrible and yet how exciting to behere at last, And yet he had
an unready feeling something was still undoneto prepare him for this ordeal. It
(12:37):
was his subconscious self that was cryingout for God. His material self had
sensed the doughnuts that were frying sonear to him, and he looked up
eagerly to welcome whoever was coming tiptoeingin to see if he was awake,
With a nice hot plate of themfor him to eat. He swung to
a sitting posture and received them anda cup of hot chocolate that accompanied them
(12:58):
with eagerness, like a little childwhose mother had promised them if he would
be good. Strange, how easyand natural it was to fall into the
ways of this gracious household. Wouldone call it that it seemed so like
a home? While he was eating, his buddy slipped in, smiling excitedly.
Great news, Cammie, We've gota new captain, and oh boy,
(13:20):
he's a peach. He sat onour Louis. First off, you
ought to have seen poor old Wainwright'sface when he shut him up at the
head quarters. Boy, you'dah croaked, it was rich. Cameron finished the
last precious bite of his third hotdoughnut with a gulp of joy. What's
become of words? He asked,anxiously canned I guess hazarded the private I
(13:43):
did hear they took him to asanitarium nervous breakdown, they said, I'll
tell the world he'd had have onefor fair if he'd stayed with this outfit
much longer. I only wish they'dhave taken his little pet along with him.
This is no place for little Harold, and he'll find it out now
he's got a real captain. Goodnight. How do you suppose he ever
got his commission? Anyway? Well, how are you old top feeling better?
(14:07):
I knew they'd fix you up here. They're regular guys. Well,
I guess we better hit the hay. Come on, I'll show you where
your billet is. I looked outfor a place with a good watertight roof.
What do you think of the orchestraJerry is playin out there on the
front? Some noise AWA say,this little old hut is some good place
to tie up to A pard.I've seen him before. That's how I
(14:28):
knew. During the days that followed, Cameron spent most of his leisure time
in the Salvation Army Hut. Hedid not hover about the victrola as he
would probably have done several months before, nor yet often join his voice in
the ragtime song that was almost continuousat the piano, regardless of nearby shells,
and usually accompanied by another tune onthe victrola. He did not hover
(14:52):
around the cooks and seek to makehimself needful to them there, placing himself
at the seat of supplies and andy. When he was hungry, as did
many, he sat at one ofthe far tables, often writing letters or
reading his little book, or moreoften looking off into space, seeing those
last days at camp and the facesof his mother and Ruth. There was
(15:15):
more than one reason why he spentmuch of his time here. The hut
was not frequented much by officers,although they did come sometimes and were always
welcomed but never deferred to. Wainwrightwould not be likely to be about,
and it was always a relief tofeel free from the presence of his enemy.
But gradually a third reason came toplay a prominent part in bringing him
(15:37):
here, and that was the atmosphere. He somehow felt as if he were
among real people who were living lifeearnestly, as if the present were not
all there was. There came aday when they were to move on up
to the actual front. Cameron wroteletters such as he had not dared to
write before, for he had foundout that these women could get to his
(16:00):
people in case anything should happen tohim. And so he left a little
letter for Ruth and one for hismother, and asked the woman with the
gray eyes to get them back home. Somehow, there was not much of
moment in the letters. Even thus, he dared not speak his heart,
for the iron of Wainwright's poison hadentered into his soul. He had begun
(16:21):
to think that perhaps, in spiteof all her friendliness, Ruth really belonged
to another world, not his world. Yet just her friendliness meant much to
him in his great strait of loneliness. He would take that much of her
at least, even if it couldnever be more. He would leave a
last word for her. If behindhis written words there was breaking heart and
(16:42):
tender love, she would never dreamit. If his soul was really taking
another farewell of her? What harm? Since he said no sad word.
Yet it did him good to writethese letters and feel a reasonable assurance that
they would sometime reach their destination.There was a meeting held that night in
the hut. He had never happenedto attend one before, although he had
(17:06):
heard the boys say they enjoyed them. One of his comrades asked him to
stay, and a quick glance toldhim the fellow needed him and had chosen
him for moral support. So Cameronsat in a shadowy corner of the crowded
room and listened to the singing,wild and strong and with no hint of
coming battle. In its full rollinglilt, he noted, with satisfaction,
(17:29):
hold the long, long trail,and pack up your troubles in your old
kit bag. Gradually gave place totell mother, I'll be there, and
when the roll is called up yonder, growing strong and full and solemn in
the grand old melody of abide withme. There were fellows there who,
but a few hours before, hadbeen shooting crap, whose lips had been
(17:49):
loud with cheerful curses. Now theysat and sang with all their hearts the
hardiest of the lot. It wasa curious psychological study to watch them.
Some of them were just as keennow on the religious side of their natures
as they had been with their sportor their curses. Theirs were primitive natures,
(18:10):
easily wrought upon by the atmosphere ofthe moment, easily impressed by the
solemnity of the hour, nearer perhapsto stopping to think about God and Eternity
than ever before in their lives.But there were also others there, thoughtful
fellows who were strong and brave,who had done their duty and borne their
hardships with the best, yet whosefaces now were solemn with earnestness, to
(18:33):
whom this meeting met a last sacramentbefore they passed to meet their test.
Cameron felt his heart in perfect sympathywith the gathering, and when the singing
stopped for a few minutes and theclear voice of a young girl began to
pray, he bowed his head witha smart of tears in his eyes.
She was a girl who had justarrived that day, and she reminded him
(18:56):
of Ruth. She had pansy blueeyes and long old ripples in her abundant
hair. It soothed him like agentle hand on his heart to hear her
speak those words of prayer to God, praying for them all as if they
were her own brothers, praying asif she understood just how they felt this
night before they went on their way. She was so young and gently cared
(19:18):
for, this girl, with herplain soldier's uniform and her fearlessness, praying
as composedly out there under fire,as if she trusted perfectly that her heavenly
father had control of everything and woulddo the best for them all. What
a wonderful girl? Or no?Was it perhaps a wonderful trust? Stay
(19:38):
was it not? Perhaps a wonderfulheavenly father. And she had found him,
Perhaps she could tell him the wayand how he had missed it in
his search. With this thought inhis mind, he lingered as the most
of the rest passed out, andturning, he noticed that the man who
had come with him lingered also andedged up to the front where the lassie
(20:00):
stood talking with a group of men. Then one of the group spoke up
boldly, say cap. He addressedher, almost reverently, as if he
had called her some queenly name insteadof captain. Say cap I want to
ask you a question. Some ofthose fellows that have preached to us have
been telling us that if we goover there and don't come back, it'll
(20:21):
be all right with us, justbecause we died fighting for liberty. But
we don't believe that, dope.Why do you mean to tell me,
cap, that if a fellow hadbeen rotten all his life, he gets
saved just because he happened to getshot in a battle. Why some of
us didn't even come over here tofight because we wanted to, we had
to, We were drafted. Doyou mean to tell me that makes it
(20:42):
all right over here? I can'tsee that at all, and we want
to know the truth. You dopeit out for us, cap. The
young Captain Lassie slowly shook her head. No, just dying doesn't save you,
son. There was a note oftenderness in that son as those salvation
army Lassie spoke it that put theminfinitely above the common young girl, as
(21:03):
if some angelic touch had set themapart for their holy ministry. It was
as if God were using their lipsand eyes and spirits to speak to these
his children in their trying hour.You see, it's this way everybody has
sinned, and the penalty of sinas death. You all know that her
eyes searched their faces and appealed tothe truth hidden in the depths of their
(21:27):
souls. They nodded those boys whowere going out soon to face death.
They were willing to tell her thatthey acknowledged their sins. They did not
mind if they said it before eachother. They meant it now. Yes,
they were sinners, and it wasbecause they knew they were that they
wanted to know what chances they stoodin the other world. But God loved
(21:49):
us all so much that he wantedto make a way for us to escape
the punishment. Went on the sweet, steady voice, seeming to bring the
very love of the Father down intotheir midst with its forceful, convincing tone.
And so he sent his son JesusChrist to take our place and die
on the cross in our stead.Whoever is willing to accept his atonement may
(22:12):
be saved. And it's all upto us whether we will take it or
not. It isn't anything we cando or be. It's just taking Jesus
as our savior, believing in himand taking him at his word. Cameron
lingered and knelt with the rest whenshe prayed again for them, and in
his own heart he echoed the prayerof acceptance that others were putting up.
(22:34):
As he went out into the blacknight, and later on the silent march
through the dark, he was turningit over in his mind. It seemed
to him the simplest, the mostsensible explanation of the plan of salvation he
had ever heard. He wondered ifthe minister at home knew all this and
had meant it when he tried toexplain. But no, that minister had
(22:56):
not tried to explain. He hadtold him he would throw into it.
And here he was, perhaps almostat the end, and he had not
grown into it yet. That younggirl to night had said it took only
an instant to settle the whole thing, and she looked as if her soul
was resting on it. Why couldhe not get peace? Why could he
not find God? Then out ofthe dark and into his thoughts came a
(23:21):
curse and a sneer and a curtrebuke from Wainwright, and all his holy
and beautiful thoughts fled. He longedto lunge out of the dark and spring
upon that fat, flabby lieutenant,and throttle him so. In bitterness of
spirit, he marched out to facethe foe. End of Chapter seventeen.
Popular Podcasts
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com
The Breakfast Club
The World's Most Dangerous Morning Show, The Breakfast Club, With DJ Envy, Jess Hilarious, And Charlamagne Tha God!