Journey back to the Middle Ages as The Strange History Podcast explores the hilarious and bewildering world of medieval bestiaries — where lions symbolize Christ, unicorns flirt with virgins, and beavers make shocking life choices. Host Amy takes you through the myths, morals, and mistakes of history’s weirdest animal encyclopedias, complete with humor, true stories, and fake ads scattered throughout.
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This episode of The Strange History Podcast was lovingly crafted with the help of ElevenLabs.io — the magical technology that gives Amy her time to sleep, eat, work and spend time with her dog Jack. While some might say she sounds too good to be true, we assure you, Amy is absolutely a real person… who just happens to have access to studio-grade AI vocal cords and an unnatural ability to pronounce “necromancy” without flinching. Any resemblance to an AI is purely coincidental — and mildly flattering. Dan the announcers name is really Bill and Patrick, the fake ad guy who thinks he is funny? well he is questionable at best. So yes, AI was used but the people are real and the shinanigans are.... well.... shinanigans.
Like and Subscribe:
Apple
Spotify
IHeart
Audible
This episode of The Strange History Podcast was lovingly crafted with the help of ElevenLabs.io — the magical technology that gives Amy her time to sleep, eat, work and spend time with her dog Jack. While some might say she sounds too good to be true, we assure you, Amy is absolutely a real person… who just happens to have access to studio-grade AI vocal cords and an unnatural ability to pronounce “necromancy” without flinching. Any resemblance to an AI is purely coincidental — and mildly flattering. Dan the announcers name is really Bill and Patrick, the fake ad guy who thinks he is funny? well he is questionable at best. So yes, AI was used but the people are real and the shinanigans are.... well.... shinanigans.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome, dear listeners to the Strange History Podcast, where I
your host Amy, crack open the dusty tomes of history
to find all the weird stuff the monks really didn't
want you to notice. Today, we're diving headfirst into the
bizarre and beautiful world of medieval bestiaries, those gloriously illustrated
(00:21):
animal encyclopedias that were equal parts nature guide, Bible lesson,
and fever dream. Imagine a time when people believed beavers
bid off their own testicles, elephants didn't have knees, and
unicorns could only be captured by virgins. Yes, my friends,
it's going to be one of those episodes.
Speaker 2 (00:42):
The birth of the bestiary.
Speaker 1 (00:44):
In the Middle Ages, somewhere between battling the plague and
inventing bad soup, medieval monks created bestiaries, illustrated books describing
real and imaginary animals, plants, and even rocks. The idea
came from an earlier Greek time called the physiologous, kind
of like a second century BuzzFeed article that went viral
(01:05):
in every monastery. You won't believe what this pelican does
to save its chicks. These books weren't just about animals,
oh No, Each creature came with a moral The lion,
for instance, was noble and christ like. The serpent symbolized
Satan as usual, and the weasel. The weasel represented the
(01:26):
virgin birth because apparently medieval scholars thought weasels conceived through
their ears. So next time you see a weasel, maybe
whisper sweet nothings into its ear. You never know what
could happen.
Speaker 3 (01:40):
This first portion of the episode is brought to you
by Brother Benedict's illuminated ink. Perfect for your next moral
manuscript or mildly heretical doodle. Try our new heavenly gold
now thirty percent less likely to summon demons.
Speaker 2 (01:56):
The unicorn problem.
Speaker 1 (01:58):
Now, let's talk unicorns, because no medieval bestiary was complete
without them. The unicorn, were told, was small, fierce, and
totally unapproachable unless you were a young virgin. The story goes,
a pure maiden would sit quietly in a forest and
the unicorn would wander up, lay its head in her lap,
(02:19):
and boom, the hunters would rush in and stab it
lesson of the day. Purity is dangerous, and unicorns have
terrible judgment. Artists often depicted unicorns as a weird cross
between a goat, a horse and a narwhal, and some
scholars even thought narwale tusks were unicorn horns, leading to
(02:40):
kings paying out rageous sums for what was essentially glorified
whale dentistry. Elizabeth the First of England allegedly owned one
worth the price of a castle. I'd say bad investment,
but the resale market for magical horse parts was booming.
Speaker 3 (02:57):
This segment is also supported by Unicorn dating service connecting
virgins and mythical creatures since twelve forty seven. Remember love
is pure, but hunters are not responsible for capture related accidents.
Speaker 2 (03:11):
The elephant and other monumental mistakes.
Speaker 1 (03:14):
Ah the elephant the creature bestiaries loved to get completely wrong.
According to medieval texts, elephants lived near paradise, had deep
moral wisdom and were entirely immune to sin, which is charming.
They also said elephants lacked knees, couldn't lie down, and
reproduced by eating flowers and facing away from each other
(03:37):
out of modesty. Monks used the elephant as a symbol
of Christian purity, marriage, fidelity, and oddly enough, patience. But
the drawings, Oh, the drawings. Many medieval artists had never
seen an elephant, so they went by description. The result
creatures that looked like hairy pigs wearing armor. In one
(04:01):
manuscript from Rochester, two elephants are drawn carrying a castle
on their backs, smiling like they're fine with it. I'd
call it whimsical. The elephants might call it workers compensation.
Speaking of moral lessons, this next ad is all about
knowing your limits, especially if you're a beaver.
Speaker 3 (04:21):
Today's episode is also brought to you by Ya Old
Day Beaver Health Clinic, offering discreete medical services since thirteen
twenty two. If you're feeling testy, don't take matters into
your own teeth. Let our team of trained herbalists handle
it for you.
Speaker 2 (04:38):
Dragons, manticors, and other hr nightmares.
Speaker 1 (04:43):
Every good bestiary needed monsters, because no medieval illustrator could
resist a little chaos. The dragon naturally represented the devil.
They lived in caves, hoarded gold, and strangled elephants with
their tails. Basically, you're a average landlord. Then came the manticore,
a creature with the body of a lion, the tale
(05:06):
of a scorpion, and the face of a man, a
smiling man. It lured travelers in with politeness before devouring
them whole. It's basically your boss during the annual review season.
And then there's my favorite, the Bonican, a bull like
animal that defends itself by firing flaming toxic dung backward
(05:27):
at predators. Yes, someone wrote that down, and yes, monks
drew it seriously and with gold accents. It's the medieval
version of pepper spray, but worse in every way.
Speaker 3 (05:41):
And coincidentally, this part of the show is brought to
you by the Bonnicans barbecue sauce, the only sauce guaranteed
to kick.
Speaker 2 (05:48):
Back the moral menagerie.
Speaker 1 (05:51):
To the medieval mind, animals weren't just animals, they were
moral teachers. The pelican, for example, was believed to peck
open its own to feed its babies with its blood,
a christ allegory. Though a real downer at family dinner,
the ant was a model of industriousness. The owl symbolized
sinners hiding from the light, and the lion represented the
(06:14):
resurrected Christ. One popular tale said the lion's cubs were
born dead, only to be revived three days later when
their father breathed life into them. The beaver of course,
stood for repentance, cutting away sin like it was well,
you know. In short, the Bestiary was a medieval self
help book where the key takeaway was don't sin, don't sloth,
(06:39):
and don't get eaten by a moral allegory.
Speaker 2 (06:42):
From holy symbolism to high art.
Speaker 1 (06:46):
Over time, bestiaries evolved from moral teaching tools to exquisite
works of art. Wealthy nobles commissioned luxurious versions filled with
gold leaf and rare pigments. Some were so ornate they
functioned more like coffee table books, though back then the
coffee part was just a cup of warm ail. Artists
(07:06):
experimented with regional flair. In England, lions looked like golden retrievers.
In France, beavers smiled while mutilating themselves. In Italy, leopards
were part snake. No one knows why. They may have
gotten the animals wrong, but their artistry was breathtaking. The
Bestiary bridged faith and imagination, science and symbolism, and gave
(07:30):
us the first spark of illustrated zoology.
Speaker 3 (07:33):
Speaking of art, a quick word from today's sponsor, Saint
Hildegard's parchment polish. Make your manuscripts shine like the gates
of Heaven, guaranteed to remove even the most stubborn win
stains from your psalms.
Speaker 2 (07:47):
A medieval mindset.
Speaker 1 (07:49):
It's easy to laugh, and we should, but besturies reveal
something profound about how medieval people saw the world. To them,
the natural world was a mirror of gods will. Every bird,
beast and bug had a divine purpose. Science, faith and
morality weren't separate fields. They were one glorious, confusing tapestry.
(08:11):
And while their zoology might make modern scientists faint, their
curiosity and creativity were astonishing. Bestiaries weren't about accuracy, they
were about meaning. They taught that the world itself was
alive with lessons, symbols, and the fingerprints of the divine,
And really, who doesn't want to live in a world
(08:33):
where dragons, unicorns, and flaming cows all have moral significance.
Speaker 3 (08:39):
Before we wrap up, a final thank you to our sponsors,
including the Unicorn Dating Service, ya Olda Beaver Health Clinic,
and the Bonicans Barbecue Sauce. Because nothing says history like
mildly inappropriate medieval marketing.
Speaker 2 (08:54):
Bestiari's strange legacy.
Speaker 1 (08:57):
Today we might laugh at the monk's research methods, but
bestiaries influenced centuries of culture. They helped shape heraldry, Renaissance art,
and even modern fantasy literature. From the Canterbury Tales to
Harry Potter. Echoes of the bestiary live on. Even Pokemon
owes a nod to these ancient animal myths. It's basically
(09:20):
a digital bestiary minus the sermons. So next time you
spot a strange creature in an old manuscript, remember someone
once believed it revealed the mysteries of heaven, or at
least that flaming dung was a valid self defense tactic.
I'm Amy, and this has been the Strange History Podcast.
(09:42):
Don't forget to subscribe, leave a review, and illuminate your
day with a little curiosity. And remember, dear listeners, if
anyone tells you the elephant has no knees, just smile
politely and hand them a biology textbook.
Welcome, dear listeners to the Strange History Podcast, where I
your host Amy, crack open the dusty tomes of history
to find all the weird stuff the monks really didn't
want you to notice. Today, we're diving headfirst into the
bizarre and beautiful world of medieval bestiaries, those gloriously illustrated
(00:21):
animal encyclopedias that were equal parts nature guide, Bible lesson,
and fever dream. Imagine a time when people believed beavers
bid off their own testicles, elephants didn't have knees, and
unicorns could only be captured by virgins. Yes, my friends,
it's going to be one of those episodes.
Speaker 2 (00:42):
The birth of the bestiary.
Speaker 1 (00:44):
In the Middle Ages, somewhere between battling the plague and
inventing bad soup, medieval monks created bestiaries, illustrated books describing
real and imaginary animals, plants, and even rocks. The idea
came from an earlier Greek time called the physiologous, kind
of like a second century BuzzFeed article that went viral
(01:05):
in every monastery. You won't believe what this pelican does
to save its chicks. These books weren't just about animals,
oh No, Each creature came with a moral The lion,
for instance, was noble and christ like. The serpent symbolized
Satan as usual, and the weasel. The weasel represented the
(01:26):
virgin birth because apparently medieval scholars thought weasels conceived through
their ears. So next time you see a weasel, maybe
whisper sweet nothings into its ear. You never know what
could happen.
Speaker 3 (01:40):
This first portion of the episode is brought to you
by Brother Benedict's illuminated ink. Perfect for your next moral
manuscript or mildly heretical doodle. Try our new heavenly gold
now thirty percent less likely to summon demons.
Speaker 2 (01:56):
The unicorn problem.
Speaker 1 (01:58):
Now, let's talk unicorns, because no medieval bestiary was complete
without them. The unicorn, were told, was small, fierce, and
totally unapproachable unless you were a young virgin. The story goes,
a pure maiden would sit quietly in a forest and
the unicorn would wander up, lay its head in her lap,
(02:19):
and boom, the hunters would rush in and stab it
lesson of the day. Purity is dangerous, and unicorns have
terrible judgment. Artists often depicted unicorns as a weird cross
between a goat, a horse and a narwhal, and some
scholars even thought narwale tusks were unicorn horns, leading to
(02:40):
kings paying out rageous sums for what was essentially glorified
whale dentistry. Elizabeth the First of England allegedly owned one
worth the price of a castle. I'd say bad investment,
but the resale market for magical horse parts was booming.
Speaker 3 (02:57):
This segment is also supported by Unicorn dating service connecting
virgins and mythical creatures since twelve forty seven. Remember love
is pure, but hunters are not responsible for capture related accidents.
Speaker 2 (03:11):
The elephant and other monumental mistakes.
Speaker 1 (03:14):
Ah the elephant the creature bestiaries loved to get completely wrong.
According to medieval texts, elephants lived near paradise, had deep
moral wisdom and were entirely immune to sin, which is charming.
They also said elephants lacked knees, couldn't lie down, and
reproduced by eating flowers and facing away from each other
(03:37):
out of modesty. Monks used the elephant as a symbol
of Christian purity, marriage, fidelity, and oddly enough, patience. But
the drawings, Oh, the drawings. Many medieval artists had never
seen an elephant, so they went by description. The result
creatures that looked like hairy pigs wearing armor. In one
(04:01):
manuscript from Rochester, two elephants are drawn carrying a castle
on their backs, smiling like they're fine with it. I'd
call it whimsical. The elephants might call it workers compensation.
Speaking of moral lessons, this next ad is all about
knowing your limits, especially if you're a beaver.
Speaker 3 (04:21):
Today's episode is also brought to you by Ya Old
Day Beaver Health Clinic, offering discreete medical services since thirteen
twenty two. If you're feeling testy, don't take matters into
your own teeth. Let our team of trained herbalists handle
it for you.
Speaker 2 (04:38):
Dragons, manticors, and other hr nightmares.
Speaker 1 (04:43):
Every good bestiary needed monsters, because no medieval illustrator could
resist a little chaos. The dragon naturally represented the devil.
They lived in caves, hoarded gold, and strangled elephants with
their tails. Basically, you're a average landlord. Then came the manticore,
a creature with the body of a lion, the tale
(05:06):
of a scorpion, and the face of a man, a
smiling man. It lured travelers in with politeness before devouring
them whole. It's basically your boss during the annual review season.
And then there's my favorite, the Bonican, a bull like
animal that defends itself by firing flaming toxic dung backward
(05:27):
at predators. Yes, someone wrote that down, and yes, monks
drew it seriously and with gold accents. It's the medieval
version of pepper spray, but worse in every way.
Speaker 3 (05:41):
And coincidentally, this part of the show is brought to
you by the Bonnicans barbecue sauce, the only sauce guaranteed
to kick.
Speaker 2 (05:48):
Back the moral menagerie.
Speaker 1 (05:51):
To the medieval mind, animals weren't just animals, they were
moral teachers. The pelican, for example, was believed to peck
open its own to feed its babies with its blood,
a christ allegory. Though a real downer at family dinner,
the ant was a model of industriousness. The owl symbolized
sinners hiding from the light, and the lion represented the
(06:14):
resurrected Christ. One popular tale said the lion's cubs were
born dead, only to be revived three days later when
their father breathed life into them. The beaver of course,
stood for repentance, cutting away sin like it was well,
you know. In short, the Bestiary was a medieval self
help book where the key takeaway was don't sin, don't sloth,
(06:39):
and don't get eaten by a moral allegory.
Speaker 2 (06:42):
From holy symbolism to high art.
Speaker 1 (06:46):
Over time, bestiaries evolved from moral teaching tools to exquisite
works of art. Wealthy nobles commissioned luxurious versions filled with
gold leaf and rare pigments. Some were so ornate they
functioned more like coffee table books, though back then the
coffee part was just a cup of warm ail. Artists
(07:06):
experimented with regional flair. In England, lions looked like golden retrievers.
In France, beavers smiled while mutilating themselves. In Italy, leopards
were part snake. No one knows why. They may have
gotten the animals wrong, but their artistry was breathtaking. The
Bestiary bridged faith and imagination, science and symbolism, and gave
(07:30):
us the first spark of illustrated zoology.
Speaker 3 (07:33):
Speaking of art, a quick word from today's sponsor, Saint
Hildegard's parchment polish. Make your manuscripts shine like the gates
of Heaven, guaranteed to remove even the most stubborn win
stains from your psalms.
Speaker 2 (07:47):
A medieval mindset.
Speaker 1 (07:49):
It's easy to laugh, and we should, but besturies reveal
something profound about how medieval people saw the world. To them,
the natural world was a mirror of gods will. Every bird,
beast and bug had a divine purpose. Science, faith and
morality weren't separate fields. They were one glorious, confusing tapestry.
(08:11):
And while their zoology might make modern scientists faint, their
curiosity and creativity were astonishing. Bestiaries weren't about accuracy, they
were about meaning. They taught that the world itself was
alive with lessons, symbols, and the fingerprints of the divine,
And really, who doesn't want to live in a world
(08:33):
where dragons, unicorns, and flaming cows all have moral significance.
Speaker 3 (08:39):
Before we wrap up, a final thank you to our sponsors,
including the Unicorn Dating Service, ya Olda Beaver Health Clinic,
and the Bonicans Barbecue Sauce. Because nothing says history like
mildly inappropriate medieval marketing.
Speaker 2 (08:54):
Bestiari's strange legacy.
Speaker 1 (08:57):
Today we might laugh at the monk's research methods, but
bestiaries influenced centuries of culture. They helped shape heraldry, Renaissance art,
and even modern fantasy literature. From the Canterbury Tales to
Harry Potter. Echoes of the bestiary live on. Even Pokemon
owes a nod to these ancient animal myths. It's basically
(09:20):
a digital bestiary minus the sermons. So next time you
spot a strange creature in an old manuscript, remember someone
once believed it revealed the mysteries of heaven, or at
least that flaming dung was a valid self defense tactic.
I'm Amy, and this has been the Strange History Podcast.
(09:42):
Don't forget to subscribe, leave a review, and illuminate your
day with a little curiosity. And remember, dear listeners, if
anyone tells you the elephant has no knees, just smile
politely and hand them a biology textbook.
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