October 2, 2023 • 12 mins
Ralan wakes to assassins at his door. Saved by Alard's fierce defense but trapped by archers, his only hope is Maela, a sharp-tongued girl who's definitely not the Craft apprentice she appears to be, leading him down a foul-smelling escape route.
Some secrets are worth dying for. Some are worth killing for.
---
Intimidated that you're dozens of episodes behind and afraid to start listening? Don't be. Here's a handy Listener's Guide that let's you know spots where you can start listening further in the story.
---
Interested in the development of the complex story and want to know how writer Jake Kerr puts it together every week? Want an ad-free experience? Subscribe to his Patreon. Love world building? Want ongoing updates? Free members get ongoing story updates with interesting reference material about the guild hierarchy, geography, and history.
Free Patreon members also receive copies of the first two Thieves Guild ebooks. The next book will be released in 2025 and Patreon members will also receive that book (and all subsequent books!) for free, too. Want to go directly to get your free books? Click here.
---
If you would like to view a map of Ness, you can find it here.
----
Grab some Thieves Guild merch!
https://store.podcastalchemy.studio
----
Check out our other drama podcasts!
Artifacts of the Arcane
A historical urban fantasy set at the beginning of World War Two.
The world has abandoned magic, but magic hasn’t abandoned the world.
https://podcastalchemy.studio/arcane
Thursday
A cyberpunk VR thriller.
No one can be trusted when nothing is real.
https://podcastalchemy.studio/thursday
Jake's Theatre of the Mind
Nebula Award nominee Jake Kerr narrates short stories twice a week.
----
Find out more about writer Jake Kerr: https://www.jakekerr.com
Follow Jake on Bluesky @jakekerr.com
Some secrets are worth dying for. Some are worth killing for.
---
Intimidated that you're dozens of episodes behind and afraid to start listening? Don't be. Here's a handy Listener's Guide that let's you know spots where you can start listening further in the story.
---
Interested in the development of the complex story and want to know how writer Jake Kerr puts it together every week? Want an ad-free experience? Subscribe to his Patreon. Love world building? Want ongoing updates? Free members get ongoing story updates with interesting reference material about the guild hierarchy, geography, and history.
Free Patreon members also receive copies of the first two Thieves Guild ebooks. The next book will be released in 2025 and Patreon members will also receive that book (and all subsequent books!) for free, too. Want to go directly to get your free books? Click here.
---
If you would like to view a map of Ness, you can find it here.
----
Grab some Thieves Guild merch!
https://store.podcastalchemy.studio
----
Check out our other drama podcasts!
Artifacts of the Arcane
A historical urban fantasy set at the beginning of World War Two.
The world has abandoned magic, but magic hasn’t abandoned the world.
https://podcastalchemy.studio/arcane
Thursday
A cyberpunk VR thriller.
No one can be trusted when nothing is real.
https://podcastalchemy.studio/thursday
Jake's Theatre of the Mind
Nebula Award nominee Jake Kerr narrates short stories twice a week.
----
Find out more about writer Jake Kerr: https://www.jakekerr.com
Follow Jake on Bluesky @jakekerr.com
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:01):
The Thieves Guild
by Jake Kerr.
Episode 13:
A Surprise Visitor.
(00:24):
Raylan spent a restless night thinking over hisfuture.
Did he even have a future? He was about to travelto a part of the city that no
one he knew had ever visited due to its filth anddanger.
What kind of future was that?
The Wretched Quarter was occupied by the poorestof the poor, those that wore threadbare
brown due to no guild wanting them, and those thatworked in the dirtiest,
(00:48):
least desired guild jobs, those that cleaned thestables, hauled away human
waste, and toiled in the dirt under a hot sun.
They would shuffle across the great bridge, cleanthe manure from the streets before the sun
came up, and then return across the bridge totheir hovels.
To make matters worse, the Thieves' Tower wasapparently in the remotest
(01:11):
and poorest part of the Wretched Quarter on theedge of the Ash Fields, which were so
barren that rats couldn't even live there.
Raylan knew that the wall extended around theWretched Quarter and the Ash
Fields, but did the knights even bother guardingit that far out of the
proper city?
Raylan eventually fell into a fitful sleep, notsure of anything about his future
(01:36):
other than he had to flee his brother.
At the edge of his dreams, Raylan heard the soundsof shuffling boots and a shout.
The dream disappeared into a cacophony of clangingmetal, louder shouts, and
a scream. He sat up, wondering if someone washaving an argument in his hall in the
merchant tower. But as he rubbed his eyes, heremembered he was in the
(01:57):
basement and in the guild master thief quarters.
(swords clanging) The ringing sound of swords wasmere feet away,
separated from him by the door to his quarters.
Raylan jumped out of bed. He dressed as fast as hecould.
Raylan couldn't quite believe it, but he couldconceive of no other alternative:
(02:18):
his brother was trying to assassinate him.
As he laced up his black boots, Raylan was almostmore sad at the thought than
fearful of the danger he faced. He glanced at thedoor and pictured Allard
beating back soldiers. As intimidating as heseemed, how could even Allard
hold back a group of assailants? Raylan had tohelp him, even as the battle
(02:42):
continued outside. He had no weapon beyond adecorative dagger.
Still, it was sharp, so he held it tight in hishand and approached the door.
He unlatched the door and opened it.
Allard was battling a single man wearing heavyarmor accented in blue.
"My brother's men," Raylan thought.
Two other men wearing the blue of the Merchant'sGuild lay on the floor not moving.
(03:06):
Allard glanced at Raylan.
Get inside and lock the door.
Raylan didn't move. The armored assailant pressedhis attack, and
Allard responded with a dizzying combination ofspinning slashes, kicks, and
parries. Raylan forgot that he was even there tohelp.
He watched in awe as Allard's precise attacks andbrute force blows
(03:28):
pushed the attacker back down the hallway. Raylanbreathed easier.
The opponent was no match for Allard.
There was a flutter of air and then a thunk nextto Raylan's head.
He flinched and looked up. An arrow stuck in theframe of the door.
A scream drew his attention, and Raylan turned tosee Allard pull his sword from
(03:49):
his attacker. Raylan's relief in Allard's victoryended as he watched Allard
lurch backward. A bowman at the base of the stairsat the end of the hall reached
behind his back for another arrow. Allard wastedno time and rushed
toward the bowman. The bowman's eyes opened wide,and he turned and fled
up the staircase. Allard stopped, turned, andyelled down the hall.
(04:13):
Sir, you must stay in your quarters. Lock thedoor. Do not open it for anyone.
I will send someone to help.
Allard turned, his black robe flowing behind him,and rushed up the stairs.
How will I know who you have sent?
Raylan shouted, but Allard was gone.
With the battle over, Raylan could hear groansfrom the prone body in the middle of the
(04:35):
hall. He had considered going to help, but thearrow above his head reminded
him how foolish that would be.
He returned to his quarters, shut the door, andclosed the deadbolt.
He walked over and sat on the bed, laying hisknife next to him. He waited.
It had been only a few moments, but Raylan wasalready second-guessing Allard.
(04:55):
Someone was trying to kill him. Wouldn't it makemore sense to run off and hide somewhere?
Certainly, somewhere out of the way was betterthan being locked in a room and protected only by a
wooden door.
There was a click sound, and before Raylanrealized what was happening, his door opened
and a slight figure darted in. He quickly grabbedhis dagger and stood up.
(05:16):
Facing the intruder, he said-
Who are you?
Shut up.
It was a girl dressed in the yellow of the craftguild.
She looked all around the room, her head moving inshort, sharp motions.
Show some respect. I'm the guild master thief.
What are you doing here and how did you get in?
The girl stormed over to Raylan. She was a goodsix inches shorter than
(05:39):
him and had black curly hair cut unfashionablyshort.
Her arched eyebrows, brown eyes, and sharpfeatures made the whole look
work with her deep brown skin.
Raylan realized that she was quite pretty.
He pushed that thought aside, however, for whatfilled his attention was her
(05:59):
fury. She held her clenched fists on her hips andstared up at him with what
looked like a combination of disdain and anger.
"... Guildmaster thief? Ha!"
She practically spit the words.
"You have the title. We'll see if you have earnedthe respect it brings."
Raylan was going to dispute the point, but shedidn't stop.
(06:20):
"As to your questions, I am Maela.
Allard sent me to save you, and I got in with akey, which should have been obvious by the fact that your
door isn't in splinters."
Allard sent you?
"Are you deaf?"
The girl turned and walked toward the door. Overher shoulder, she added.
"You have 10 seconds to grab anything that'simportant to you."
(06:42):
Raylan had decided he had enough of herimpertinence, even if Allard did
send her.
"Look here, I don't need a craft apprenticetelling me what to do.
Just tell me what Allard told you, and I'll takecare of myself."
Maela turned toward Raylan in an exaggeratedmotion and rolled her
eyes.
"Not just deaf, but dim too."
(07:05):
She pointed toward the door.
"In moments, that hallway will be filled withmerchant guardsmen.
If you want to avoid being tossed in the guilddungeon, or worse, then I recommend you follow me."
She took two steps toward the door, stopped, andturned back to Raylan.
"But of course, you can do what you want, myguildmaster."
She was already out the door by the time Raylanhad glanced around the room and
(07:27):
decided he had nothing of value worth taking. Herushed to follow her.
She was halfway down the hall, and Raylan foundhimself both annoyed and concerned that
she wasn't bluffing. She fully intended on leavinghim there if he didn't
follow. He sprinted past the bodies in the halland reached her as she stopped by the
door that Allard had said contained the linensfrom Guildmaster Gallway's
(07:51):
elevation.
Before Raylan could say anything, Maela said.
"Shut up."
She pulled two small metal rods from her trousersand placed them in the keyhole.
She twisted on the rods, and there was a click.She turned and smiled at Raylan.
He was rather taken aback. If she
was pretty while angry, she was beautiful whilesmiling.
(08:11):
"Simple locks on these doors. Now let's hope theNight Guild didn't block up the entrance
from here, or we'll have some digging to do."
Night Guild?
What do they have to do with rooms in the merchanttower?
She pushed through the door, and Raylan followed.
She closed the door behind him and relocked it.
The room was stocked with napkins and tablecloths,all in the rich blue of the
(08:34):
merchant guild. Gallway's name was sewn into allof them.
Raylan shook his head. It must have taken ages forthe craft guild to do this work.
The room smelled awful, which surprised Raylan, asthe linens looked unused and
clean.
"Not Knight Guild, you idiot. Night Guild,N-I-G-H-T."
She went to the corner of the room where a lowtable stood with piles of napkins on it.
(08:59):
"See that pipe?"
Maela pointed up. There was a thick pipe that ledfrom the ceiling down into the floor.
"Up there is the kitchen bathroom. I'm certainthis used to be a bathroom as well."
"I wish you wouldn't do that,"
Raylan stated as Maela started grabbing napkinsand tossing them off the table toward the
center of the room.
(09:19):
"Do what?"
"Call me an idiot."
Raylan started tossing napkins off the table.
"Oh, I wish you wouldn't do that, too."
With most of the napkins on the floor, she grabbedthe table and pulled it away from the
corner. Raylan grabbed the table and helped.
"Do what?"
Raylan couldn't hide the exasperation in hisvoice.
(09:40):
The girl had never met him, and yet treated himlike a child.
"I wish you wouldn't act like an idiot."
The table had covered a wooden hatch.
"I knew it," Maela said.
She reached down to lift the hatch, but Raylan puthis foot down on it.
"Look, Maela, I appreciate your help, but I don'tneed a craft apprentice treating me like a
(10:01):
child."
She looked up at him with a dumbfounded look.
"Just tell me where I need to go, and I'll take itfrom here."
She stood up and poked her finger in Raylan'schest.
"Allard told me you were new and to beunderstanding, but this is ridiculous.
I'm a thief. Do you think thieves run aroundwearing black?"
She moved her hand up and tapped him on thetemple.
(10:22):
"Use your head."
She sighed.
"Look, I'm sorry. You may not be an idiot, I don'treally know.
But I do know we need to get out of here, andthat-"
She pointed at the hatch.
"... Is the only safe way out."
Raylan nodded and took his foot off the hatch.
For one of the few times in his life, he wasn'tsure what to say.
He leaned down, and as he pulled the hatch up, anoxious smell so
(10:46):
bad that it made Raylan cough hit his nose. Maelasmiled and added.
"This is probably an improvement for you."
Before Raylan could reply, there was the sound ofboots pounding on the stairs outside the
door.
Maela held a finger to her lips, and then pointeddown.
There was a wooden ladder secured against the sideof the rectangular hole.
(11:07):
Maela didn't move, but opened her eyes wide andpointed down again.
Raylan knelt down and swung his legs over theledge. The ladder felt secure.
With little choice, he climbed down, clearlyheading into the waste sewers of
Ness.
As if the Founder's Day Parade was bad enough, nowhe was literally going to wade through
(11:28):
piss and shit.
(dramatic music)
The Thieves Guild
by Jake Kerr.
Episode 13:
A Surprise Visitor.
(00:24):
Raylan spent a restless night thinking over hisfuture.
Did he even have a future? He was about to travelto a part of the city that no
one he knew had ever visited due to its filth anddanger.
What kind of future was that?
The Wretched Quarter was occupied by the poorestof the poor, those that wore threadbare
brown due to no guild wanting them, and those thatworked in the dirtiest,
(00:48):
least desired guild jobs, those that cleaned thestables, hauled away human
waste, and toiled in the dirt under a hot sun.
They would shuffle across the great bridge, cleanthe manure from the streets before the sun
came up, and then return across the bridge totheir hovels.
To make matters worse, the Thieves' Tower wasapparently in the remotest
(01:11):
and poorest part of the Wretched Quarter on theedge of the Ash Fields, which were so
barren that rats couldn't even live there.
Raylan knew that the wall extended around theWretched Quarter and the Ash
Fields, but did the knights even bother guardingit that far out of the
proper city?
Raylan eventually fell into a fitful sleep, notsure of anything about his future
(01:36):
other than he had to flee his brother.
At the edge of his dreams, Raylan heard the soundsof shuffling boots and a shout.
The dream disappeared into a cacophony of clangingmetal, louder shouts, and
a scream. He sat up, wondering if someone washaving an argument in his hall in the
merchant tower. But as he rubbed his eyes, heremembered he was in the
(01:57):
basement and in the guild master thief quarters.
(swords clanging) The ringing sound of swords wasmere feet away,
separated from him by the door to his quarters.
Raylan jumped out of bed. He dressed as fast as hecould.
Raylan couldn't quite believe it, but he couldconceive of no other alternative:
(02:18):
his brother was trying to assassinate him.
As he laced up his black boots, Raylan was almostmore sad at the thought than
fearful of the danger he faced. He glanced at thedoor and pictured Allard
beating back soldiers. As intimidating as heseemed, how could even Allard
hold back a group of assailants? Raylan had tohelp him, even as the battle
(02:42):
continued outside. He had no weapon beyond adecorative dagger.
Still, it was sharp, so he held it tight in hishand and approached the door.
He unlatched the door and opened it.
Allard was battling a single man wearing heavyarmor accented in blue.
"My brother's men," Raylan thought.
Two other men wearing the blue of the Merchant'sGuild lay on the floor not moving.
(03:06):
Allard glanced at Raylan.
Get inside and lock the door.
Raylan didn't move. The armored assailant pressedhis attack, and
Allard responded with a dizzying combination ofspinning slashes, kicks, and
parries. Raylan forgot that he was even there tohelp.
He watched in awe as Allard's precise attacks andbrute force blows
(03:28):
pushed the attacker back down the hallway. Raylanbreathed easier.
The opponent was no match for Allard.
There was a flutter of air and then a thunk nextto Raylan's head.
He flinched and looked up. An arrow stuck in theframe of the door.
A scream drew his attention, and Raylan turned tosee Allard pull his sword from
(03:49):
his attacker. Raylan's relief in Allard's victoryended as he watched Allard
lurch backward. A bowman at the base of the stairsat the end of the hall reached
behind his back for another arrow. Allard wastedno time and rushed
toward the bowman. The bowman's eyes opened wide,and he turned and fled
up the staircase. Allard stopped, turned, andyelled down the hall.
(04:13):
Sir, you must stay in your quarters. Lock thedoor. Do not open it for anyone.
I will send someone to help.
Allard turned, his black robe flowing behind him,and rushed up the stairs.
How will I know who you have sent?
Raylan shouted, but Allard was gone.
With the battle over, Raylan could hear groansfrom the prone body in the middle of the
(04:35):
hall. He had considered going to help, but thearrow above his head reminded
him how foolish that would be.
He returned to his quarters, shut the door, andclosed the deadbolt.
He walked over and sat on the bed, laying hisknife next to him. He waited.
It had been only a few moments, but Raylan wasalready second-guessing Allard.
(04:55):
Someone was trying to kill him. Wouldn't it makemore sense to run off and hide somewhere?
Certainly, somewhere out of the way was betterthan being locked in a room and protected only by a
wooden door.
There was a click sound, and before Raylanrealized what was happening, his door opened
and a slight figure darted in. He quickly grabbedhis dagger and stood up.
(05:16):
Facing the intruder, he said-
Who are you?
Shut up.
It was a girl dressed in the yellow of the craftguild.
She looked all around the room, her head moving inshort, sharp motions.
Show some respect. I'm the guild master thief.
What are you doing here and how did you get in?
The girl stormed over to Raylan. She was a goodsix inches shorter than
(05:39):
him and had black curly hair cut unfashionablyshort.
Her arched eyebrows, brown eyes, and sharpfeatures made the whole look
work with her deep brown skin.
Raylan realized that she was quite pretty.
He pushed that thought aside, however, for whatfilled his attention was her
(05:59):
fury. She held her clenched fists on her hips andstared up at him with what
looked like a combination of disdain and anger.
"... Guildmaster thief? Ha!"
She practically spit the words.
"You have the title. We'll see if you have earnedthe respect it brings."
Raylan was going to dispute the point, but shedidn't stop.
(06:20):
"As to your questions, I am Maela.
Allard sent me to save you, and I got in with akey, which should have been obvious by the fact that your
door isn't in splinters."
Allard sent you?
"Are you deaf?"
The girl turned and walked toward the door. Overher shoulder, she added.
"You have 10 seconds to grab anything that'simportant to you."
(06:42):
Raylan had decided he had enough of herimpertinence, even if Allard did
send her.
"Look here, I don't need a craft apprenticetelling me what to do.
Just tell me what Allard told you, and I'll takecare of myself."
Maela turned toward Raylan in an exaggeratedmotion and rolled her
eyes.
"Not just deaf, but dim too."
(07:05):
She pointed toward the door.
"In moments, that hallway will be filled withmerchant guardsmen.
If you want to avoid being tossed in the guilddungeon, or worse, then I recommend you follow me."
She took two steps toward the door, stopped, andturned back to Raylan.
"But of course, you can do what you want, myguildmaster."
She was already out the door by the time Raylanhad glanced around the room and
(07:27):
decided he had nothing of value worth taking. Herushed to follow her.
She was halfway down the hall, and Raylan foundhimself both annoyed and concerned that
she wasn't bluffing. She fully intended on leavinghim there if he didn't
follow. He sprinted past the bodies in the halland reached her as she stopped by the
door that Allard had said contained the linensfrom Guildmaster Gallway's
(07:51):
elevation.
Before Raylan could say anything, Maela said.
"Shut up."
She pulled two small metal rods from her trousersand placed them in the keyhole.
She twisted on the rods, and there was a click.She turned and smiled at Raylan.
He was rather taken aback. If she
was pretty while angry, she was beautiful whilesmiling.
(08:11):
"Simple locks on these doors. Now let's hope theNight Guild didn't block up the entrance
from here, or we'll have some digging to do."
Night Guild?
What do they have to do with rooms in the merchanttower?
She pushed through the door, and Raylan followed.
She closed the door behind him and relocked it.
The room was stocked with napkins and tablecloths,all in the rich blue of the
(08:34):
merchant guild. Gallway's name was sewn into allof them.
Raylan shook his head. It must have taken ages forthe craft guild to do this work.
The room smelled awful, which surprised Raylan, asthe linens looked unused and
clean.
"Not Knight Guild, you idiot. Night Guild,N-I-G-H-T."
She went to the corner of the room where a lowtable stood with piles of napkins on it.
(08:59):
"See that pipe?"
Maela pointed up. There was a thick pipe that ledfrom the ceiling down into the floor.
"Up there is the kitchen bathroom. I'm certainthis used to be a bathroom as well."
"I wish you wouldn't do that,"
Raylan stated as Maela started grabbing napkinsand tossing them off the table toward the
center of the room.
(09:19):
"Do what?"
"Call me an idiot."
Raylan started tossing napkins off the table.
"Oh, I wish you wouldn't do that, too."
With most of the napkins on the floor, she grabbedthe table and pulled it away from the
corner. Raylan grabbed the table and helped.
"Do what?"
Raylan couldn't hide the exasperation in hisvoice.
(09:40):
The girl had never met him, and yet treated himlike a child.
"I wish you wouldn't act like an idiot."
The table had covered a wooden hatch.
"I knew it," Maela said.
She reached down to lift the hatch, but Raylan puthis foot down on it.
"Look, Maela, I appreciate your help, but I don'tneed a craft apprentice treating me like a
(10:01):
child."
She looked up at him with a dumbfounded look.
"Just tell me where I need to go, and I'll take itfrom here."
She stood up and poked her finger in Raylan'schest.
"Allard told me you were new and to beunderstanding, but this is ridiculous.
I'm a thief. Do you think thieves run aroundwearing black?"
She moved her hand up and tapped him on thetemple.
(10:22):
"Use your head."
She sighed.
"Look, I'm sorry. You may not be an idiot, I don'treally know.
But I do know we need to get out of here, andthat-"
She pointed at the hatch.
"... Is the only safe way out."
Raylan nodded and took his foot off the hatch.
For one of the few times in his life, he wasn'tsure what to say.
He leaned down, and as he pulled the hatch up, anoxious smell so
(10:46):
bad that it made Raylan cough hit his nose. Maelasmiled and added.
"This is probably an improvement for you."
Before Raylan could reply, there was the sound ofboots pounding on the stairs outside the
door.
Maela held a finger to her lips, and then pointeddown.
There was a wooden ladder secured against the sideof the rectangular hole.
(11:07):
Maela didn't move, but opened her eyes wide andpointed down again.
Raylan knelt down and swung his legs over theledge. The ladder felt secure.
With little choice, he climbed down, clearlyheading into the waste sewers of
Ness.
As if the Founder's Day Parade was bad enough, nowhe was literally going to wade through
(11:28):
piss and shit.
(dramatic music)
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