September 18, 2023 • 6 mins
Guildmaster Larsen savors his imminent victory over the Harvest Guild, dismissing his brother Ralan as a solved problem. But just as the banquet begins, Raef's chaotic disruption shatters the calm, proving that Ralan's influence—and Larsen's troubles—may not be over.
Some secrets are worth dying for. Some are worth killing for.
---
Intimidated that you're dozens of episodes behind and afraid to start listening? Don't be. Here's a handy Listener's Guide that let's you know spots where you can start listening further in the story.
---
Interested in the development of the complex story and want to know how writer Jake Kerr puts it together every week? Want an ad-free experience? Subscribe to his Patreon. Love world building? Want ongoing updates? Free members get ongoing story updates with interesting reference material about the guild hierarchy, geography, and history.
Free Patreon members also receive copies of the first two Thieves Guild ebooks. The next book will be released in 2025 and Patreon members will also receive that book (and all subsequent books!) for free, too. Want to go directly to get your free books? Click here.
---
If you would like to view a map of Ness, you can find it here.
----
Grab some Thieves Guild merch!
https://store.podcastalchemy.studio
----
Check out our other drama podcasts!
Artifacts of the Arcane
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The world has abandoned magic, but magic hasn’t abandoned the world.
https://podcastalchemy.studio/arcane
Thursday
A cyberpunk VR thriller.
No one can be trusted when nothing is real.
https://podcastalchemy.studio/thursday
Jake's Theatre of the Mind
Nebula Award nominee Jake Kerr narrates short stories twice a week.
----
Find out more about writer Jake Kerr: https://www.jakekerr.com
Follow Jake on Bluesky @jakekerr.com
Some secrets are worth dying for. Some are worth killing for.
---
Intimidated that you're dozens of episodes behind and afraid to start listening? Don't be. Here's a handy Listener's Guide that let's you know spots where you can start listening further in the story.
---
Interested in the development of the complex story and want to know how writer Jake Kerr puts it together every week? Want an ad-free experience? Subscribe to his Patreon. Love world building? Want ongoing updates? Free members get ongoing story updates with interesting reference material about the guild hierarchy, geography, and history.
Free Patreon members also receive copies of the first two Thieves Guild ebooks. The next book will be released in 2025 and Patreon members will also receive that book (and all subsequent books!) for free, too. Want to go directly to get your free books? Click here.
---
If you would like to view a map of Ness, you can find it here.
----
Grab some Thieves Guild merch!
https://store.podcastalchemy.studio
----
Check out our other drama podcasts!
Artifacts of the Arcane
A historical urban fantasy set at the beginning of World War Two.
The world has abandoned magic, but magic hasn’t abandoned the world.
https://podcastalchemy.studio/arcane
Thursday
A cyberpunk VR thriller.
No one can be trusted when nothing is real.
https://podcastalchemy.studio/thursday
Jake's Theatre of the Mind
Nebula Award nominee Jake Kerr narrates short stories twice a week.
----
Find out more about writer Jake Kerr: https://www.jakekerr.com
Follow Jake on Bluesky @jakekerr.com
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:01):
The Thieves Guild
by Jake Kerr.
Episode 9:
More Mischief.
(00:24):
Larsson surveyed the gathering of dozens of lesserguild masters from his vantage
point in front of the council table, which stoodon a dais overlooking his
large banquet hall.
The results of months of politicking and bribingand blackmailing were
arrayed in front of him. Clearly, two-thirds ofthose in the hall were
(00:45):
adorned in the green of the Harvest Guild, thelargest guild in Ness, and in mere
moments, that guild would no longer exist.
Wait, it would exist. Larsson corrected himself.He must not gloat.
But the guild would now be a sub-guild of his, itsexistence merely ceremonial.
The Merchant Guild would soon be the mostimportant and powerful guild in all of
(01:08):
Ness. In fact, Larsson had no doubt that his powerwould be absolute for all
intents and purposes.
He looked at Sax, the guild master knight.
The arrogant fool took the money and agreed toLarsson's plan, thinking that his
soldiers guaranteed his power.
But Larsson would now control the food supply andthe money.
(01:30):
Sax noticed his attention and gave him aconspiratorial grin.
Larsson smiled back, and looked back out at thegreen robes, soon to be replaced
by royal blue.
The banquet is prepared, sir.
It was Karch, who had returned after checking thekitchen.
Very good, Karch.
His deputy didn't smile, but remained atattention.
(01:53):
Larsson's mood was so light in the moment that hedecided to thank his deputy,
something he never did, lest his ego get too big.
He turned to his deputy and put his arm on hisshoulder.
Karch.
His face was impossible to read, but Larsson likedto think he saw concern.
He liked that.
I wanted to thank you for the idea on handling mybrother.
(02:15):
Larsson allowed himself a chuckle.
Watching the garbage fall off him as he exitedthat wagon was worth it enough, but knowing that
his laziness and embarrassing behavior will now betarnished with a useless guild like the
Thieves rather than my own
has taken a huge weight off my shoulders.
Karch bowed.
I was merely taking advantage of Pietro's demise.
(02:38):
It was as much luck as anything.
Larsson appreciated Karch's humility, false as itmay have been.
Nonsense, it was a masterstroke. My impertinentbrother can do whatever he likes, and the
council will now have to deal with him.
I don't care if they throw him in chains at thispoint.
My familial duty is over.
(02:58):
It was at this point that an apple flew pastLarsson's ear
and landed on the council table. There was acommotion near the other end of the hall,
and Larsson's eye caught someone in a brown cloakrunning down the top of one of the
long banquet tables. He was kicking over carafesand bowls, and
(03:18):
picking up food to throw, which he aimed towardthe council table.
Larsson dodged a roll, and then shouted.
Someone grab him.
A number of the lesser guild masters wereattempting to do just that with little
success.
Sax, aren't your knights good for anything?
That guildless bastard is destroying the banquethall.
(03:39):
Sax and his deputy had already rushed toward theman while his other
knights left their posts at the exit to assist.
As the miscreant got closer, Larsson noticed thathe was more of a young man
or an older boy than an adult. In fact, he lookedfamiliar.
As
Sax approached with his sword unsheathed, theolder boy, yes, it was
(04:03):
definitely a boy, dropped some food and held outhis hands.
I surrender to the guild master knight.
If my bit of Founder's Day fun has offended, I doapologize.
The moment the boy spoke, Larsson knew who it was,his
brother's friend, Rafe.
Sax lifted his sword, and Larsson realized thedolt intended to
(04:24):
dispatch the boy right then and there.
Sax, have you lost your mind?
Larsson shouted.
We have a banquet to attend to. Feel free tobruise the boy as you deliver him to your guild members,
but don't spill his blood.
Aye, Larsson.
Sax sounded disappointed.
We'll take care of him in the dungeons, far fromthe light of day.
(04:44):
He turned to Rafe.
You hear that, boy? That bit of bread you droppedmay be the last food you'll ever touch.
Sax approached the boy, who didn't say anything.
Just as Sax was almost within arm's reach and theother knights had relaxed, the boy
ducked and leapt onto a different table, where heproceeded to kick the place
settings and carafes of wine. He was a third ofthe way toward the
(05:09):
entryway when one of the lesser guild mastersgrabbed his leg,
tripping him. Sax reached him before he couldfight off the arms holding him.
Not bothering to ask him to come peacefully, Saxgrabbed him by his cloak and
roughly pulled him down off the table.
The boy stumbled to the ground, landing hard onhis hands and knees.
(05:31):
Sax then kicked him in the head, and the boy fellunconscious.
You men, clean up this mess.
Sax yelled to his knights, who grabbed Rafe anddragged him away.
Sax sheathed his sword and walked back to thedais. He had a large smile on his face.
Larsson looked out at the boy being dragged awayand the chaos he left behind.
(05:52):
Why did he do such a stupid stunt? Was thisconnected to his brother?
Larsson couldn't see how. His brother didn't evenknow of the banquet until after the
parade.
It didn't matter. It would take a while to cleanup the mess, but once it was done, things
would continue as planned.
Larsson smiled. It would take a lot more than adelay to ruin this
(06:16):
night.
(dramatic music)
The Thieves Guild
by Jake Kerr.
Episode 9:
More Mischief.
(00:24):
Larsson surveyed the gathering of dozens of lesserguild masters from his vantage
point in front of the council table, which stoodon a dais overlooking his
large banquet hall.
The results of months of politicking and bribingand blackmailing were
arrayed in front of him. Clearly, two-thirds ofthose in the hall were
(00:45):
adorned in the green of the Harvest Guild, thelargest guild in Ness, and in mere
moments, that guild would no longer exist.
Wait, it would exist. Larsson corrected himself.He must not gloat.
But the guild would now be a sub-guild of his, itsexistence merely ceremonial.
The Merchant Guild would soon be the mostimportant and powerful guild in all of
(01:08):
Ness. In fact, Larsson had no doubt that his powerwould be absolute for all
intents and purposes.
He looked at Sax, the guild master knight.
The arrogant fool took the money and agreed toLarsson's plan, thinking that his
soldiers guaranteed his power.
But Larsson would now control the food supply andthe money.
(01:30):
Sax noticed his attention and gave him aconspiratorial grin.
Larsson smiled back, and looked back out at thegreen robes, soon to be replaced
by royal blue.
The banquet is prepared, sir.
It was Karch, who had returned after checking thekitchen.
Very good, Karch.
His deputy didn't smile, but remained atattention.
(01:53):
Larsson's mood was so light in the moment that hedecided to thank his deputy,
something he never did, lest his ego get too big.
He turned to his deputy and put his arm on hisshoulder.
Karch.
His face was impossible to read, but Larsson likedto think he saw concern.
He liked that.
I wanted to thank you for the idea on handling mybrother.
(02:15):
Larsson allowed himself a chuckle.
Watching the garbage fall off him as he exitedthat wagon was worth it enough, but knowing that
his laziness and embarrassing behavior will now betarnished with a useless guild like the
Thieves rather than my own
has taken a huge weight off my shoulders.
Karch bowed.
I was merely taking advantage of Pietro's demise.
(02:38):
It was as much luck as anything.
Larsson appreciated Karch's humility, false as itmay have been.
Nonsense, it was a masterstroke. My impertinentbrother can do whatever he likes, and the
council will now have to deal with him.
I don't care if they throw him in chains at thispoint.
My familial duty is over.
(02:58):
It was at this point that an apple flew pastLarsson's ear
and landed on the council table. There was acommotion near the other end of the hall,
and Larsson's eye caught someone in a brown cloakrunning down the top of one of the
long banquet tables. He was kicking over carafesand bowls, and
(03:18):
picking up food to throw, which he aimed towardthe council table.
Larsson dodged a roll, and then shouted.
Someone grab him.
A number of the lesser guild masters wereattempting to do just that with little
success.
Sax, aren't your knights good for anything?
That guildless bastard is destroying the banquethall.
(03:39):
Sax and his deputy had already rushed toward theman while his other
knights left their posts at the exit to assist.
As the miscreant got closer, Larsson noticed thathe was more of a young man
or an older boy than an adult. In fact, he lookedfamiliar.
As
Sax approached with his sword unsheathed, theolder boy, yes, it was
(04:03):
definitely a boy, dropped some food and held outhis hands.
I surrender to the guild master knight.
If my bit of Founder's Day fun has offended, I doapologize.
The moment the boy spoke, Larsson knew who it was,his
brother's friend, Rafe.
Sax lifted his sword, and Larsson realized thedolt intended to
(04:24):
dispatch the boy right then and there.
Sax, have you lost your mind?
Larsson shouted.
We have a banquet to attend to. Feel free tobruise the boy as you deliver him to your guild members,
but don't spill his blood.
Aye, Larsson.
Sax sounded disappointed.
We'll take care of him in the dungeons, far fromthe light of day.
(04:44):
He turned to Rafe.
You hear that, boy? That bit of bread you droppedmay be the last food you'll ever touch.
Sax approached the boy, who didn't say anything.
Just as Sax was almost within arm's reach and theother knights had relaxed, the boy
ducked and leapt onto a different table, where heproceeded to kick the place
settings and carafes of wine. He was a third ofthe way toward the
(05:09):
entryway when one of the lesser guild mastersgrabbed his leg,
tripping him. Sax reached him before he couldfight off the arms holding him.
Not bothering to ask him to come peacefully, Saxgrabbed him by his cloak and
roughly pulled him down off the table.
The boy stumbled to the ground, landing hard onhis hands and knees.
(05:31):
Sax then kicked him in the head, and the boy fellunconscious.
You men, clean up this mess.
Sax yelled to his knights, who grabbed Rafe anddragged him away.
Sax sheathed his sword and walked back to thedais. He had a large smile on his face.
Larsson looked out at the boy being dragged awayand the chaos he left behind.
(05:52):
Why did he do such a stupid stunt? Was thisconnected to his brother?
Larsson couldn't see how. His brother didn't evenknow of the banquet until after the
parade.
It didn't matter. It would take a while to cleanup the mess, but once it was done, things
would continue as planned.
Larsson smiled. It would take a lot more than adelay to ruin this
(06:16):
night.
(dramatic music)
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