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September 15, 2023 14 mins
Pelted with garbage and scorn, Ralan endures the brutal reality of the Founders Day parade. But instead of breaking, the humiliation fuels a new defiance against his brother, culminating in a bold decision to crash the exclusive Guildmaster Dinner.

Some secrets are worth dying for. Some are worth killing for.

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Free Patreon members also receive copies of the first two Thieves Guild ebooks. The next book will be released in 2025 and Patreon members will also receive that book (and all subsequent books!) for free, too. Want to go directly to get your free books? Click here.

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Transcript

Episode Transcript

Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:01):
The Thieves Guild
by Jake Kerr.
Episode eight.
The Founders Day Parade.

(00:23):
The Founders Day parties didn't begin in earnestuntil the parade ended,
but that didn't mean that half the populacewouldn't be out dancing and drinking the night
before.
Raylan used to like to watch the flickering lightsof the flats from his brother's office on the
night before Founders Day, but since Raylan wasmade Guildmaster thief,

(00:44):
Larson wouldn't even talk to him.
Raylan wanted to walk down to the Painted Sheep orthe Four Triangles,
find Rafe, and just enjoy the festivities, but hewas still feeling
too sick and nervous to do anything more than justrest.
So while Allard finished gathering his guild robesand clothing, Raylan spent a

(01:05):
quiet night underground in his quarters.
The next morning, he stood outside the craft guildtower as Allard secured
the cage on the wooden wagon. The wagon waspainted black, but was
otherwise unadorned, just the large cagesurrounding a wooden stool.
The cage was strong, comprised of metal bars aboutthe thickness of a

(01:30):
thumb. It would stop stones and bricks, and wouldeasily withstand
fruit and vegetables, but that wasn't the point.
As fruit exploded against the cage, juices andpulp would spray the
guildmaster within, showering him with the angerof a populous that lived in a rigid
society of guild order, yet still had to deal withthe outrage of thieves.

(01:52):
Raylan watched as the various Harvest Guild floatsmade their way onto the brick
road that led from the craft tower to the merchanttower, Merchant
Avenue. The parade would end at the merchanttower, and the parties would
then flow into Founders Park, but that wouldn'thappen until the single black
wagon at the rear of the parade made its way downthe road.

(02:15):
"It is time," Allard stated.
Raylan nodded, jumped onto the wagon and climbedinto the cage.
He sat down on the wood stool. It was nailed tothe floor and offered good
support. He arranged his freshly made black robeas Allard
checked the latch. Raylan reached to pull up hishood, but Allard shook his

(02:38):
head. "They have to see your face." "You mean theyhave to see the garbage dripping down my
face?" "That too." Raylan looked ahead.
His wagon would join the parade in moments.
He saw the youngsters pushing to get to the frontof the crowds, rotten produce in hand.
"Where will you be, Allard?" "I'll be rightbehind.

(02:58):
No need to fear anything worse than a goodpelting." Looking over his shoulder, Raylan
replied, "There's a danger of worse than that."
Allard didn't reply, and the wagon started tomove.
The wagon hadn't even made it to the officialparade route when the garbage started to fly.
He had expected to feel juice and bits of fruitand vegetables hit him, and he

(03:20):
had planned on a dignified response worthy ofGuildmaster Pietro.
He would wipe his eyes, smile and wave.
His actual response was to cover his mouth withhis hands as he bent over, doing his
best to stop from retching.
The first deluge was of rotten vegetables.
The cage stopped the vegetables, but not the brownsticky goo, which sprayed

(03:43):
Raylan in the face. He made the mistake ofbreathing in while wiping his face,
and the noxious smell of rot filled his nose. Itonly got worse from there.
While the bars stopped larger rocks, Raylan neverrealized that some boys used
slingshots to launch smaller stones and pebbles.
Many of them ricocheted off the bars, but severalgot through, their impact

(04:06):
leaving welts on his entire body. At one point, hefelt a small stone
hit his ear, and when he reached up, he was surethat it had sliced through and he was
bleeding, but it was only a bit of tomato.
He had given up any pretension of smiling andwaving less than a quarter of the way
down the parade route.

(04:27):
His goal was simply to get through the experiencewith a modicum of dignity.
Every so often, he would glance around and thefaces he saw disturbed him.
He had always approached the parade with an eyetoward drenching Guildmaster Pietro
with tomato juice. For Raylan, it was always witha sense of fun.

(04:47):
In fact, he often used his tosses toward theGuildmaster thief as an excuse to hit
the knights lined up across the road.
Getting hit in the crossfire was to be expected,but Raylan took particular
joy in just missing the cage, only to hit a knightsquarely in the chest.
So as he looked around, he couldn't understand thenumerous scowls and faces

(05:09):
contorted with rage. Screams about stolen itemswere added to the
vilest names imaginable, all aimed at him.
At one point, Raylan turned to Allard to ask whyeveryone was so angry.
The sight shocked him. While not the target Raylanwas, Allard's black
cloak was thick with debris. Even as Raylanwatched, an apple bounced off of

(05:31):
Allard's shoulder. He ignored it, however, andwalked onward, his face lost
in the darkness of his hood. It got worse halfwaythrough the route.
To the north was Founders Park, and the crowdswere thickest at the point the wagon had
just reached. Raylan could barely keep his eyesopen as the rotten fruit,
stones and vegetables rained down on him.

(05:54):
Up ahead, a group of boys wearing the green of theHarvest Guild was gathered.
They started chanting, "Piss on thieves," asRaylan approached....
as his wagon passed, they let loose a volley ofwhat looked like animal skins at him.
These exploded as they hit the cage, showeringRaylan with urine.
There were so many thrown at once that Raylancouldn't stop some from getting up his nose and into his

(06:18):
mouth. He spat and coughed to the sounds ofreceding laughter.
By the time the parade ended, Raylan's eyes, nose,and mouth burned.
His body was covered with welts and bruises, andhe smelled worse than the Barn District.
He wiped off as much of the debris as he could ashe watched Allard climb onto the

(06:39):
wagon.
Despite being covered in filth, Allard carriedhimself with the same military grace and
solidity he always did. He opened the cage andhanded Raylan a towel.
"You did well." Raylan looked up at him throughbleary eyes.
"Well, I didn't throw up." Both of them turned tothe sound of clapping (clapping) .

(06:59):
Larson stood beside the wagon with Karch.
They both wore their formal deep blue robes.
Raylan was tempted to flick a urine-soaked orangerind at his brother.
"All hail the Guildmaster of Filth." Larson bowed.
"My dear brother, I never thought you would everlook worse than in that awful guildless brown,
but I daresay right now you look like you wereborn and raised in the Wretched Quarter." He tapped his chin

(07:22):
with a finger. "But still, I must say, it is animprovement, even with the stench."
Karch snickered. Raylan reached down to pick upsome rotten vegetables, but Allard
put his hand on Raylan's shoulder. "Dignity,Guildmaster," he whispered.
Raylan stood up straight and looked down at Karch."What was it you told me, Karch?

(07:42):
That hurling filth and abuse at the guildmaster,thief, is the practice of a child?
Then look at your guildmaster, acting like thechild you described."
Karch's jaw clenched while Larson frowned.
Raylan rubbed the towel through his hair andlaughed.
"Do you have anything important to tell me,Larson?
I have enough garbage to deal with at the moment."

(08:04):
Larson sneered. "No.
I and the other guildmasters have real business toattend to over dinner.
You and your disgraced knight can go get cleanedup and crawl back under your rock.
I don't believe we need to hear from you foranother year,
which is about the best news I've heard today."
He started to walk toward the merchant tower, butstopped and turned back to face them.
"I forgot to tell you that we found a problem withthe pipes leading to the north wing of the tower, so

(08:29):
you'll have to get washed in the upper trianglebathhouse."
Raylan cursed his brother under his breath.
The one thing he was looking forward to was a hotprivate bath. "Oh, don't worry.
With that stench, I'm sure you'll have yourprivacy.
No one would want to be in the same room withyou."
Larson smiled and started walking toward theentrance to his tower.

(08:49):
He stopped one more time and turned around.
"I would offer my private bath, but my guild hasstandards."
Raylan jumped off the wagon and watched hisbrother retreat.
As he looked over, he almost didn't recognizeAllard.
He had removed his robe and was handing it to aboy standing next to him.
He was wearing a full suit of chain mail with hislarge sword in a sheath

(09:12):
strapped to his back. Anyone would have mistakenhim for one of the night protectors,
except instead of white, his armor was accented inblack.
"Why wasn't I invited to the guildmaster dinner?"Raylan asked
through clenched teeth. Allard shrugged.
"Guildmaster Pietro declined to attend every year.
They probably just stopped sending an invitationto the guild." "I am not Pietro."

(09:37):
His deputy said nothing.
Raylan ran his fingers through his dirty hair.
"Where is the guildmaster dinner?" "I believe itis being hosted by your brother this year."
"That seals it.
We will be attending this year, Allard."
Before Allard could respond, Raylan was slappedhard on the back.
Jolly good show, Guildmaster.

(09:57):
Raylan turned to see Rafe, a wide grin on hisface.
"Rafe, how are you?" Raylan stepped forward, butthen stopped.
"I'd hug you, but..." He waved his hand across hisfilthy robes.
Ah, that's okay, I'm fine. I figured this would bethe best place to find you.
Are you okay?"
"I'm fine, just a little bruised."
Before either of them could continue, Allard spokeup.

(10:20):
"Guildmaster, if you would like to attend theguildmaster dinner, I recommend we get
moving. The bathhouse is a 20-minute walk." "Okay,Allard.
But first, I want to introduce you to my friendRafe."
Allard nodded his head, but said nothing.
Rafe looked Allard up and down.
"I've seen you before. I always thought you wereDeath wandering the streets of Ness."

(10:43):
Raylan punched Rafe in the arm. "Show somerespect, Rafe.
This is my deputy guildmaster, Allard."
"I'm sorry, Deputy, I did not mean offense,
although I doubt I'm the only one who has thatopinion.
Heck, I bet you scare Karch."
"A pleasure to meet you, Rafe."
He bowed his head again and then turned to Raylan.
"We should be going."
"Can I help?"

(11:04):
Rafe blurted out. "I'm sorry. We're just gonna getwashed up before we
go to the guildmaster dinner as uninvited guests."
Raylan grinned. "We're probably going to be anhour late as it is." Raylan handed his
robe to the same boy who took Allard's.
Raylan really didn't want to miss anything, and hewondered how bad the hour

(11:27):
delay would be.
He turned to Allard. "Allard, how bad is it for usto be late?
Do they make any significant decisions?"
Raylan didn't know how it would go or what hewould do.
He just wanted to experience what his brother hadover the past five years.
The prospect of missing out on anything was almostmore than he could stand.

(11:48):
"The major decisions are always made at theFounder's Day Dinner.
It is the only time that the Council ofGuildmasters meets with all of the junior guildmasters.
Your brother's banquet hall will be full." "Willwe miss that,
or do they do official business after dinner?"
Raylan was committed now. If there was a majorinter-guild decision, he wanted to
take part. "I'm afraid they pretty much discussand vote while they eat.""They tend to

(12:13):
start with the big decisions first so that theyaren't made with wine-addled minds later in the
evening." Raylan stamped his foot. (foot stomp)
"It's going to start any minute now, Allard.
We'll never get back in time."
"I'm afraid so."
I can help.
Both Allard and Raylan turned to Rafe, who wasgrinning.
I'll go in and cause a big distraction, somethingthat will take them a while to clean up.

(12:37):
I bet they won't talk major business until thingscalm down.
Raylan turned to Allard.
"Do you think that would work?"
He shrugged.
Before Raylan could give his friend the go-ahead,Rafe blurted out-
"But I won't do it unless you apprentice me to theThieves Guild."
Raylan shook his head and smiled.
"You're crazy.
You want to be a thief?"

(12:58):
His friend nodded.
"I guess that makes three of us."
The two shook hands as Allard added, "We must allget moving if this has any hope of
succeeding." He turned to Rafe. "Apprentice, youwill find access to the
dinner rather difficult. I recommend you disguiseyourself as a, one of the waitstaff."
"I have an even better idea than that."

(13:19):
He slapped Raylan on the shoulder, and thensprinted toward the merchant tower.
"We must hurry," Allard noted, walking brisklytoward Trader's Bridge and the
Upper Triangle. Raylan followed closely behind.
Everyone gave them a wide berth.

(13:40):
(dramatic music)
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