caesar_and_me

Most of the stations aired two episodes each week, usually on the weekends and many times back to back.Many of the stories are based on Rod Serling's scripts from the original Twilight Zone series, and are slightly expanded and updated to reflect contemporary technology and trends and the lack of a visual component. In addition to adapting all of the original episodes aired on the TV series, the radio series has also adapted some Twilight Zone TV scripts which were never produced, scripts from other Serling TV productions, and new stories written especially for the radio series.

Taking Serling's role as narrator is Stacy Keach. Different Hollywood actors, such as Blair Underwood and Jim Caviezel, take the lead role in each radio drama. In addition, several stars who appeared on the original TV series, such as H.M. Wynant, Orson Bean and Morgan Brittany, appear, although purposely not in the roles they originated on television. The series features a full cast, music and sound effects and is produced in the flavor of classic radio dramas but using today's technology.

In addition to being an homage to the original Twilight Zone TV series, the radio dramas pay tribute to the era of classic radio drama, including allusions to radio dramas such as Gunsmoke, the presence of radio legend Stan Freberg in many episodes, and the sons (Stacy Keach, Ed Begley Jr.) of radio drama personalities Stacy Keach Sr. and Ed Begley as stars in the series.

Episode Transcript

(00:10):
You unlock this door with the keyof imagination. Beyond it is another dimension,
a dimension of sound, a dimensionof sight, a dimension of mind.
You're moving into a land of bothshadow and substance of things and ideas.
You've just crossed over into the twilightzone. All right, you got

(00:43):
me? Where are we going?Smart guy? Hang on, Caesar,
you'll see. Ah ah, doctor, A good one, is it?
You know? I can't see nothingin here? Patience? What am I
a doctor? Very funny at leasttry well. Yet it's a virtue ordered
patience. It means it doesn't comenatural. You have to cultivate it,
like like a garden. What doyou think I grow on a tree?

(01:07):
Don't answer it? Here we are. This'll only take a minute. It
better. I can hardly breathe quietnow sees that we're going inside? Mommy,
you just see fat to see what? Dear that me out the suit?
Keith, who's talking to yourself?Now? Don't stare, but he
was honest. Come along, dearHi there, Freddy, Hello, mister

(01:37):
west Hi. You got a lotof new merchandise every day here. Look
at all the TV sets and thewatches. Is that a rolex? Only
a knockoff. I'm afraid something Ican help you with. Well, now
the question is can I help you? And you know I might be able
to do that little thing. Seeit is how business is booming. Looks
can be deceiving. What have yougot for me today, mister West?

(01:57):
Patience, I'll just be putting thecase down if you don't mind not on
the counter please. It's a glass. Oh yes, of course, Oh
quiet season. What's say? Oh? Nothing, nothing to tell now?
Where is it? Right here inmy pocket? Feast your eyes on this.
Did you ever see such a timeand peace? Well, to be

(02:19):
honest, been in the family foryears. Three dollars. Surely you're choking
five times? Oh nah, youmight want to put your glasses on.
It's got a jeweled movement, agold case and chain, gold plated.
Well. Nonetheless, it's this isa real antique. You don't see watches
like this anymore, true enough,people wear wristwatches nowadays. Listen, Freddie,

(02:44):
I'm between engagements at the moment.It's strictly temporary. In fact,
I have an audition this afternoon,a very important audition. Five dollars,
mister West, take it or leaveit? All right? All right.
I'll take it one, two,three, four, and five. Don't

(03:05):
worry your lux bound to change.Sure it is sure, here's a pawn
ticket. Don't lose it. Iwon't. We'll be back to claim it
soon enough. Yeah, Caesar andme, we're a team. You know.
I couldn't do the act without him. They're right the watch. Please
don't sell it. I'll do mybest for thirty days at least, Thank

(03:28):
you kindly, mister West. Yes, what about him? Do you?
You don't mean Caesar. I'll giveyou twenty five dollars for the dummy with
the case, all those stickers onit, from all over the world.
There are collectors, you know,for that sort of thing. Oh well,
thank you, it's just the same. But I'm afraid Caesar is not

(03:49):
for sale. Mister Jonathan West,ben triloquist, comedian and masterminulator of a
dummy, a small splinter with largeideas, very aptly named Caesar, a
wooden tyrant with a mind and avoice of his own. Only a few

(04:12):
minutes from now, he'll do hisbest to talk Jonathan West into a brand
new act to be performed exclusively inthe Twilight Zone. And now the Twilight
Zone and our story Caesar and Mestarring Jason Alexander with Stacy Keach as your
narrator. Hello, missus good anemail for me. Now what was that

(04:45):
got you a hate? See Susan? I thought it be it stung me.
Maybe it did. This is thelast time I'll warn you child.
Stop playing with poisoned darts. Sonot poison at agnes. It's only a
pea shooter. Give it to me. I didn't hurt him. Good morning,
this is good day. He knowI'm done. She missed me.

(05:08):
Now can he go out and play? Good morning, mister West off you'll
go abat you didn't get a job. Well, now, Susan, go
out and play. Yes, ma'am, see you later. Jonathan be gone
with you scat by. Now it'sa lovely child you have. I'm sorry,

(05:28):
mister West I don't know what I'mgoing to do with that girl.
No, I understand, this's goodday. You certainly have your hands full
with the room and house and allthat I do. No, no,
male, I presume not yet,and no calls, none at all.
Well, then I'll just go onup to my room if you don't mind
take him everywhere? Do you?Oh? I wouldn't do to go on

(05:51):
an audition without Cason. Noo,would it? I suppose not? Still
he must be awfully heavy. No, no, no, no, he's
light as a feather. He ismy old friend, Caesar. He's not
heavy. He's my partner. Comealong, Caesar, I'll make us a
bite to eat. Won't that belovely? Oh, mister West, if
I could have a word with you, Oh yes, of course. Just

(06:12):
let me take care of Caesar.Here. I'll be right down there.
We are back safe and sounds abouttime here you go. Watch your legs

(06:34):
mighty stuffy in there? Is it? You're gonna have to get me some
new summer clothes. I'm sweating pinesap. Caesar, you're such a kidder
you are, relax. Why don'tyou better buy some new furniture while you're
at it? A guy could getsplinter sitting in a chair like this?

(06:54):
Where'd you get it? Sing?Sing? That's a good one, sing
sing the chair? Right? Yeah, I think i'll use that in the
act. Wet act. I ain'tseen that audience since they invented vaudeville.
Here's your slippers, I'll just pullthem on for you. Yeah, yeah,
yeah, ain't you forgetting something.What's that? Oh no, no,
no, I didn't forget Caesar.Here's your copy of Variety so you

(07:15):
can keep up with the show business. This is last weeks, is it?
No? Ah? Well no,you see the subscriptions run out.
I've been meaning to renew it.See that you do, right, I'll
fix you some lunch. How's thatsound the least you can do. The
guy deserves a little comfort once ina while. No, that he does.

(07:39):
Let's see here, Well, itlooks like it's soup today. Is
that? Oh yeah, I can't. I'm afraid it's all that's left,
Caesar. But don't you worry.We'll get a booking any day. Now.
We'll be headliners. Yeah, justlike you and that other guy used
to be. Only I won't skipout on you like he did. You'd
better not. No, no,no, no, Now, I won't

(08:01):
run off with some girly and leaveyou're sitting in a paunch up. No,
no, sir, you can counton me. It's you and me
pal forever. You got that right? Ah, the super hit the spot.
Just a light lunch, you knowwhat I mean? My mother used
to say, never eat too muchwhen you're hot and tired. Why don't
you stop kidding yourself? Buddy?How's that? Caesar? Face it?
You're finished? No, why wouldyou go and say a thing like that,

(08:24):
Because I can read the hendwriting onthe wall. You're going nowhere,
fist. But I told you,Caesar, we've got an audition this afternoon.
Today's the day. I can feelit. We're gonna knock him dead.
Yeah, bore them to death.No, no, no, no,
no, you'll see wait till theyhear the new material. We'll be
going in a few minutes, justas soon as I put on my tie

(08:45):
and come here. Wash your facewhile you're at it. You look like
something that cat dragged in right,good idea, Ah, it feels much
better. Who's that? Oh it'syou, Susan. You know you really
ought to knock first. I don'thave to. This is my aunt's house.

(09:09):
Just the same. Show me howto make him talk? Well,
i'd like to, Susan, butwe're on our way downtown. Show me,
Oh, we've got an appointment,a very important appointment, an audition.
Just do it once, Jonathan,the part where he laughs, I
want to see what you do withyour fingers to make his head and back
and forth. Okay, Susan,where are you going to the mirror?

(09:30):
I have to put on me tie. But you can't do it from over
there? Sure I can. Justyou watch, Caesar. What did the
lady say she'd do with he ofyou misbehaved? She said she was gonna
slice me up into a Venetian blind? And what did you say? I
said, Oh, you'll make meshudder? There? How's that? I

(09:50):
didn't see your lips move? That'sright, she didn't. I'm the best
there is. If you're so good, how come you can't get a job.
Oh that's about to change, younglady. It's very day you said
that before, Susan. Susan,where are you better alone? Susan,
come in. You won't get ajob at that. Oh now, Susan,

(10:11):
keep that brat out of this room. Don't listen to her, Susan,
you'll see today we're gonna kill himnow, mister Miller, any game?
All right then? If you're notready, no, we're ready?
Okay, Caesar quite stolen? HelloCaesar. Hey, yeah, I heard

(10:35):
a new one the other day.That's a surprise. I wonder if I
told it to you? Is itfunny? Yes? As a matter of
fact, and you didn't know,Caesar, I think I met your father
the other day in a toothpick factory. Get out of here. No excuse
me, Caesar, it was achopstick factory. A chopstick factory? Or

(10:56):
was it your mother? I thoughtyou were a straight man. Well,
Caesar, at least I can standup straight. I'd like to see you
stand up if I stick my mittenyour back. Sorry, didn't mean to
hurt you. Just watch what you'redoing with those fingers, all right,
don't know where they've been. Letme give you a hand. The hand
you see, he said, isthe microphone on? It's on. Would

(11:20):
you like me to run through thejuvenile delinquent routine? It's very funny.
If I do say so, that'llbe all. But you haven't heard the
last part. No, but I'veheard the first bird and it's more than
enough. We'll be in touch.Okay, mister Miller. I'll leave my
phone number if it's all right withyou. Sure thing. Next, I

(11:41):
must have had a fight with hiswife this morning. Well maybe he got
a new hearing aid so he couldhear your crummy jokes. Come on,
Caesar, we're going on there.I want to do it clean, shirt,

(12:03):
tie or pressed. This suit's justabout had it though. Pardon me
for asking a stupid question, butwhat are you so chipper about? You'll
see tomorrow another lousy audition. Nope, not this time. I am not
talking about a nightclub job. Well, what in blazers are you talking about?

(12:24):
I've been thinking, Caesar and Icame up with a plan. Oh
a plan. You'll see. Thisone may change our lives. Okay,
surprise me, but I'll bet mybottom dollar that whatever it is it flaps.
Don't you have any faith in me? Why should I? I know
you stick by me one more time? Will you, buddy? Just this

(12:50):
once? Things will change? Ipromise, I swear it. Give me
one more chance. Okay, okay, once more, but that's it.
You'll get one less shot after that. We do things my way. As

(13:11):
far as I'm concerned, you're livingunborrowed. Time you get me, Buddy
good Marning, Missus Goodehey, yesit is, Oh, mister West,

(13:35):
there's something I'd like to talk toyou about. I know, Missus goodahe
the rent. I'm sorry to mentionit. Well, you'll be pleased to
know I'll be able to straighten itout this evening. Oh, that would
be very nice. Yes, indeed, I've made a decision. I'm going
to look for a day job,really something temporary, I understand, until
the show business picks up. Ithink that's a splendid idea. In that

(13:56):
case, as long as you're inthis frame of mind, maybe I can
help. I've been saving something foryou. Here take this card card my
cousins. He works at an employmentoffice. You don't say active employment agency.
If we can't place here, thereare no jobs, is clara?

(14:18):
Thank you? Missus. Good you'rea living doll. You're welcome, mister
West. It's not far. Youcan walk there from here. Just turn
right at the first corner, thengo five or six blocks. You can't
miss it. Yes, yes,of course. Well then I might as
well go there right now. Whynot first stop of the day. You
do that, And good luck,mister West. I really mean it,

(14:39):
the very best of luck to you. Well, here's an application for him,
Thank you, mister smiles. Butwe should be able to cut through
some of this, seeing as howyou're no Jennie. I should hope.
So typing, how's that how manywords a minute? I'll fill it in
for you. Well, now,no typing. Well, how about sales?

(15:07):
How do you mean, oh,you know, retail commission that sort
of thing, to be honest,go on, not really, I see
any mechanical aptitudes you mean in thesense of machinery exactly, appliances, automobiles

(15:28):
and so forth. Yes, wellin that case, mister smells no food
preparation, perhaps restaurant work service industriesthat I can recall. Mister West,
have you ever held a position ofany sort, ever made any kind of
a regular salary, at any timein your life, at any time at

(15:50):
all, that is besides show business? Oh? Yes, doing what may
I ask? Well, I onceworked in an office Well that's a start
in an office building. Actually,as an elevator operator, you know,
mister West. Most all buildings todayhave automatically controlled stop and start systems.

(16:11):
A true enough, So there's simplyno call for elevator operators nowadays. No,
of course not, there wouldn't bethere. I'm sorry, there's nothing
I can do for you right atthe moment. I see, Well,
thank you, thank you for yourtime. But if you'll leave your name

(16:32):
with a receptionist, I'll be intouch. Yes, yes, uh,
I'm sure you will. Johnson can'tfind a job. Johnson can't find a

(16:52):
job. Okay, Susan, that'senough. The truth hurts, doesn't it.
What do you know about the truth? You're scared to tell my aunt
because you're behind in your rut.Look, why don't you go out side
and play? Jonathan Bro? JonathanBro? Well, Well what I see?

(17:21):
It's like that? Is it?I told you so, please,
Caesar? Now what I don't know? No matter what I do, it
doesn't work out. What else isnew? If I could just get some
money together, not much enough forthe rent and some food, then I'll
be able to think clearly without thesepressures asking little money for renting food?

(17:47):
Eh, jump? Change? Isthat all you want out of life?
Right now? That'll do? YerickClyde, your real potato head. I
try. I'll give it my best. Your best stinks. I can't even
remember my lines anymore. I'll shakeso bad my lips move. Tell me
something I don't know for a change. That's it, Caesar, I'll give

(18:08):
up. I've had enough. I'mthe one who's had enough. Get that
through a thick skull. You letme spell it out for you. The
cold, hard facts. I thinkI already know this is the way it's
gonna be and what you're gonna do. Save your breath. I'm a failure.
You shut up and listen. Thereare more ways than one to skin

(18:29):
a cat, meaning you, dummy, I'm talking about money, cash,
moolah. There are other ways toget a hold of it. I've tried
everything. You have not tried everything. Now, dummy, up while I
lay it out for you. Whereare we not in front of the furniture

(18:56):
store. I don't mean not stupid, don't mean how far are we from
the delakutus? But so loud?What is anybody around? No? And
followed the plan. You'll remember theplan, don't you. I don't know
about this, Caesar. Will youcross the street? Tell me why we're
in front of our mark? Allright? All right, but please be
quiet? Ay what's going on?I lost my footing on the curb street?

(19:19):
Lamper is out? Good? That'sa break. Are we on the
sidewalk now? Now we're in frontof the deli? All the lights off?
Inside? Held off? He's thepost clear? Yes? Yes,
there's no one coming in either direction. Okay, you know what to do?
Stop wasting time? Move already.Are you sure about this? Sure,

(19:41):
I'm sure. Take the hammer outof your pocket. That's it,
I'll do it. You didn't tellme there'd be an alarm side for somebody
ses o. No, you havegot it, Sundy, go for it.
Business eighty three, eighty four,eighty five. There you are,

(20:11):
missus kiddey, all paid up?Oh my my, isn't it nice to
pay one's bills? The nicest,Ma'm best way to start a grand new
morning? Better kind of again,Aunt Jean, Now, no need for
that. I don't trust him,see if that's real? Now, Susan,
be a good girl and go tidyup your room. Don't be fresh

(20:32):
to mister West. He made anew start in life, heaven't you,
mister West? Ah, sure enough, a new start. Jonathan has a
job. I don't believe it.Pay no attention to her, mister West.
You know how children are these days. Yes, yes, understand.
Now, if you've no objection,I'll be going onto my room. I

(20:55):
want to get these groceries put away. Surely, see you later, mister
West. No doubt, I canhardly believe it. Nothing but a lousy

(21:15):
thief. What a way to makea living, you couldn't make it any
other way. What's happened to me? What am I? No talent?
Guy who throws his voice? That'sworse than that second rate burglar, third
rate starving to death and the onlyprofession I know paying the bills by robing

(21:37):
a restaurant here that show bees Jonathan, Now, who's he talking to?
I wasn't considering it was my openingperformance. Before you start taking too many

(22:00):
bows, let me straighten you out. He's off William Caesar, not the
chance you're running out of time.Let me spell it out. You act
Penny Ante because you think Penny Anty. That's the story of your life.
From now on, you're gonna listento me. We're moving up to the

(22:22):
big time, big time. Lastnight was just for openness. Tell me
something. Your dream was always toplay the Palace? Right? Well,
sure, okay, buddy, stickwith me. Get ready for what You're
gonna play the palace after all.From now on you're on top of the

(22:45):
bill, strictly big time. Theway you make it sound, I don't
know if I like it. Oh, you'll like it all right. You're
gonna be a star, buddy boy. Nothing but first Claire all the way
top of the world, top ofthe world. Oh, missus kday.

(23:23):
Yes, I'll be going out now, what's that just for a few minutes.
If I got a Nicolls take downthe number, will you please,
Shirley, mister West have a pleasantafternoon. Where are you going, Jonathan?
Out of the way, Susan,you better be nice to me or
I'll tell my aunt, tell herwhat? Oh things? I know what

(23:45):
you're doing? You do? Huh? And what's that I heard you talking
in your room. I wasn't talkingto anyone, Yes, you were.
You and Caesar. Listen, Susan, Susan please, you know it isn't
nice to eavesdrop on people. Stayaway from me. I'm not gonna hurt

(24:07):
you, but you shouldn't pry intoother people's business. You don't know what
you might find, like what neveryour mind? Now, I'm going out
to buy the morning paper, andwhen I get back, maybe I will
teach you the art of ventriloquism.That's what you want to know, isn't
it. Won't that be fun?That's what you said before, But this

(24:29):
time I mean it. You'll seenow you'd be a good girl, won't
be right back? Susan is thatyou. Yes, Aunt, Jean,
come here and help me in aminute. Be right there. He's so
dumb you've forgot to lock its door. Doesn't he ever clean this place?

(24:55):
Up? There? You are,Caesar, sitting in that share like you're
real. Well you're not. You'rea dummy. Where'd you get that cigar?
Don't you know there's no smoking.I'll get rid of it for you.
Look at your little clothes in thecloset. I think you're pretty smart,

(25:21):
don't you, mister stuck up?You better answer me or I'll wreck
all your stuff. Come on,say something? I dare you? Uh?
Oh, here he comes? Well, just you wait, I'll be
back. I know you can talk. I heard you. Hello, Jonathan

(25:45):
Susan. I gotta go. Waita minute. You weren't in my room?
Were you? Let go my arm? You're hurting me. It's the
door open. I'll tell my aunt. Didn't you teach you to stay out
of other people's rooms? What wereyou doing in there? When you like
to know your little prep? Tellme? Why don't you ask him?

(26:07):
Caesar? What happened your cigar?What did she do to you? Never?
Mind? Very things? First?Where's my paper? Dear? Open
it? For me later. We'vegot to get out of this place.
Calm down, jerk, I meanit's Caesar. She knows too much.
Hang and after tonight's job will beon Easy Street. I told you I'm

(26:27):
not cut out for this line ofwork. Will you cool it? You're
eating better, aren't you? You'repaying the rent? Where were you before?
Nowhere? Now listen to me.This is the big one, the
really big show. This is thelast time for me, the end.
Sure, sure it is, palNow, I got it all worked out?

(26:52):
Is what we do? Well?Clear, so far there's nobody in
the club. And get a moveon. Where Mike? I told you
the front office? What's that?Nothing? Probably a mouse? Is that
what you are? A mouse?Caesar? Please, I'm doing my best

(27:17):
and stop shaking. You make menervous. Keep walking backstage? Remember I
got it? Where are we now? I think this is the dwarf.
Use the flashlight? What does itsay? Manager Bingo? Now, hurry
up, I'm trying, and don'tforget if the night watchman shows up,
stay cool. You're looking for misterMiller. You were supposed to meet him

(27:41):
here. He was the screwdriver,then the ice pick, nice and slow
like I told you, I supposeI can't open it. You opened the
back door, didn't you. Thisis a different kind of look, I
count Caesar, stop mining. Youwant to be poor again? There I'm
going in cal thing about safe cracking, Caesar, but you're here to it.

(28:03):
Turn the dial till it clicks.Patience, buddy, patience, I'm
not sure that's it. Reverse thata boy pull the handle in your book?
Will you look at all that money, never mind the coins, grab
the real belt. All right,now, let's get out of here.

(28:30):
Hold on, who's there? It'sjust me, Jonathan West ventriloquist. Oh
you remember me. I can't sayas I do. Mister Miller told me
to meet him here after the clubclosed. But I guess I missed him
already gone, has he? That'sright? Oh well then I'll just be
on my way. Hold on,what's in the case this? But you

(28:53):
remember, Caesar, don't you?Caesar? Say hello to the to the
nice gentleman. Howdy duty Arana?Oh sure from the other day the audition.
Yeah, mister Miller left about fifteenminutes ago, did he know?
Uh? Well, I'll give hima call. I would now like to
give you my impression of the greatJimmy Cagney, Oh, dirty backed,

(29:14):
I'm on Kapa. Oh you're theguy, the guy who killed my brother.
Never mind, Caesar. We wewon't be holding you up any longer.
Sure thing. So Mac you gotthere, mister. Ain't you going

(29:34):
to count the money? That wasclose? Too close? What are you
doing? You're not going to bed? Are you the night? Still got
braces on? It's deep. Ifeel a whole lot better if that watchman
hadn't shown up. Not worrying.I'll cover it for you. I'm your
alibi. But if he reports menot, you'll power us. We're a
team. I'm behind you all theway. Sure, sure, I know,

(29:56):
But what is that up about it? Already? You want to turn
in? Go ahead, get yourrest. You're gonna need it. Tomorrow
is a whole new day. We'llbe living the high life from here on
out. Here's Susan. Eat yourbreakfast, Aunt Jean, every bit of

(30:19):
it, Aunt Jeannie. Can Isee the paper? You can read the
funnies later, not the funnies thefront page? Now what would you want
to see that for? Drink yourorange juice? If I do no deals.
You're a growing girl, hm,what's this? Karaoka club robbed last
night? Thieves loot manager's office.Saints preserve us. It's just as well

(30:44):
you don't read the paper. Child. How are you coming with your eggs?
Susan, Susan, Susan, comehere this minute. Hello, police

(31:06):
apartment. You better come quick.I know who robbed the Curioga club last
night. Eat up, pal,I'm not hungry, not even for steak
and eggs. You must be sick. Let me feel your head. When
I think of what it took tobuy that steak, it makes me lose
my appetite. You like a roofover your head, don't you. I'm

(31:29):
a thief, plain and simple.Here we go again. A man has
to live with himself, even ifit's in the gutter. Go on,
and you're going to answer the door. I know it. What am I
going to do, mister West?Relax, buddy boy? Oh hello missus,
mister West. These two gentlemen,they're from the police. They'd like

(31:56):
a word with you, of course, Jonathan West, Yeah, that's me.
What can I do for you?Well, it has to do with
thank you, ma'am. We'll handleit. What seems to be the problem.
Officers we'd like to ask you afew questions. If you don't mind,
of course, I'll just be downstairs. Would you mind waiting a moment,
ma'am you may be of some help. Glad to mister West is one

(32:16):
of my favorite borders. Yeah,missus, good day? He please sit
down. Sorry, I'm a littleshut of chairs. It's just a room
for one me and my friend here, but it suits us fine, does
it? At Caesar, say helloto the gentleman, mister West. Where
were you last night? About midnight? Where was I? Uh? Well,
that's easy right here, same asalways was I? Missus? Gooday?

(32:38):
Well, I do know that youdon't usually go out in the evening,
but I couldn't say for certain.The sergeant down at the desk received
an anonymous phone call, so weshould talk to you. Why I never
got that late? We were hereall night? Why are we? Caesar?
You didn't go to the Karaoka club? You mean the nightclub because the

(33:00):
watchman said he saw you there.Tell them, Caesar, tell them who's
he talking to the dummy? PleCaesar? Tell them tell them how we
wanted to play the palace? MisterWest, you don't believe me? Ask
him Caesar. Tell him how wetried to get a job. We had
nothing to eat. The rent wasoverdue, wasn't it, mister cad Oh,

(33:21):
mister West, Caesar, please tellthem so they'll understand what a failure
I am. How you trying tohelp me? I'm not really a thieves,
Caesar, you're the smart one.I'm telling on my knees. I'm
begging you. Tell them. Standup, mister West, you better come
with us. But Caesar, yousaid it was the two of us from

(33:42):
now on. That's what he said. I swear he said we were a
team. Come on with us,mister West. We need to take you
down to the station. Oh he'salways been such a deacent man. He's

(34:04):
a no good crook, isn't he? Caesar, Come on, he don't
have to pretend I won't tell apromise. Look at this mess. Who's
going to take care of you?Now? Caesar? Okay, go ahead,
act like you don't hear me.I don't care. You won't even

(34:27):
turn your head or blink your eyes. All right, be that way.
Just remember I know you can talkbecause I heard you last night. Hey
you, Caesar, Yeah, youcome on back, honey. I knew
you talked. They knew it,and I know you thinked on him.

(34:52):
Pretty smart the way you made thatcall. You're a hip little kid.
I like you lean down. Iwant to ask you something. What you
like living here with your aunt?That's a stupid question. I bet you'd
like to run away from this fleatrap. Okay, listen. From now

(35:15):
on, it's you and me.We'll go to New York. I'll show
you the bright lights. I knowwhere the money is. What do you
say, Well, you are kindof cute. Don't forget the suitcase.
It's a deal, Caesar, Comeon, just you and me, kid
the big time. We're a team. See a team? An unlikely pair.

(35:46):
A little girl and a wooden doll, a lethal dummy carved in the
shape of a man. This isjust a fantasy, of course, because
everybody knows dummies can't talk unless theyhappen to learn their vocal. In the
Twilight Zone, Caesar and Me,starring Jason Alexander with Stacy Keach as your

(36:15):
narrator, was adapted for radio byDennis Etchison and written for the Twilight Zone
by Adele T. Strassfield. Heardin the cast were Zanni Laird, Meg
Thalcon, Rich Komenik, Lisa Joyce, Jeff Lupeton, Doug James, Roderick
Peeples, c Jmary Lynn Foley,and Carl Amari. To learn more about

(36:36):
the Twilight Zone Radio dramas and toobtain audio cassettes and CDs of these programs,
visit our website at twilight Zone radiodot com. The producers of the
Twilight Zone wished to thank CBS Enterprises, Carol Serling, Dennis Etchison, Claire
Simon Casting, Terry Jennings, EximSatellite Radio, Sirius Satellite Radio, our

(36:58):
sponsors, and our radio affiliates forhelping make this series possible. This copyrighted
radio series is produced and directed byCarl Lamari and Jason Mallow for Falcon Picture
Group, Doug James Peaking