July 21, 2025 • 23 mins
Ever felt like you were in the perfect relationship… only to watch it fall apart out of nowhere? That’s the Bubble Dating Theory in action. In this episode, Felix Black unpacks the truth behind modern love illusions—where fast-tracked intimacy, curated connection, and emotional fantasy collide. Learn how to spot the signs, escape the illusion, and build something real.
🎙️ Listen now to avoid the trap and level up your dating mindset.
🎙️ Listen now to avoid the trap and level up your dating mindset.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:12):
All right, So are you in love or just in
a bubble? Today? I'm talking about the bubble dating theory.
Welcome to the Phillips Black Show podcasts, where we're unpacking
the truth behind modern relationships, dating and high value mindset.
We're popping something that's being floating around in today's dating culture,
(00:35):
and it's called the bubble dating theory. What is it.
Let's start with what it is. Let's break it down.
The bubble dating theory is the idea that in the
early stages of dating, especially in the digital world, we
create this emotional bubble. It's like a fantasy space where
relationships feel perfect, emotions are high, you're constantly texting, you
(00:59):
feel like you've known this person forever. But that's a
bubble that's not based on reality. It's curated, it's idealized.
It's a version of each other that is presented when
we first meet each other. We've talked about this before.
In the beginning, we all present a certain way. We
all don't present the same. You don't know any anyone's past,
(01:22):
you don't know much about their future. You just know
them as they are right now, what they are presenting
to you. We all know there's a lot of relationships
that start off on an emotional high. Right. We call
that the honeymoon phase. This person seems perfect, this person
seems great. We want to continue this, We want to
continue this euphoric feeling for as long as we can. Like,
(01:46):
that's the ideal relationship. I call that Disney. Right. The
Disney relationship is that things are happily ever after. There's
no fuss saying, there's no arguing, there's no fighting. This
is what we call bubble dating. Why because you haven't
gotten into the meat and potatoes of the relationship yet. Right,
(02:09):
you're still going out to eat, You're still going out bowling. Right,
you're going you may be going on getaways, and you're
having such a good time because you have all these
things to talk about. You're not fully invested, but your
interest is peaked. Right. I like this person. Right, we
(02:31):
have a good time together. You don't know anything about
the things I've done in my past, my triggers, my trauma,
my debts. You don't know what my future plans are.
You don't know what I go home to every single night.
You just know you like spending time with me. Now,
(02:54):
why do people fall into these bubbles simple, so dopamine
hi validation and we want that relationship. Modern dating apps
reward quick hits of attention, right, I always talk about
getting those likes, getting those matches. App dating is becoming
(03:14):
an attention seeking mechanism. Now it's moved away from actually
looking for someone. People all the time talk about there's
a hookup culture on these apps. There's a lot of
people that say that they don't get responses back on
the apps after they get matches. So it's definitely a
(03:34):
culture of quick hits of attention. People's wipe because they
want connection, but they settle for confirmation. Look, someone likes me,
someone thinks I'm cute, and once that validation hits, boom,
you're hooked. It's emotional fast food feels good in the moment,
but leaves you empty later because there is no substance there.
(03:58):
I always point out, and you know, I catch a
lot of heat for that. Women are at their highest
peak in their twenties. That doesn't mean you're not at
your You're not shit when you're forty, fifty, sixty, thirty
years old. You guys peak for a very long time.
The problem with a lot of those thought processes yes,
(04:20):
women are getting attention. Yes, you're beautiful, you're thick, right,
you got it all in the right places, and you're
getting attention. But what type of attention are these men
that are you know, giving you these compliments, giving you
these likes you on your your photos and your videos.
(04:41):
Do they want to be with you or do they
just want to, you know, blow your back out for
a couple of days or for a couple of weeks.
You all know that all attention isn't good attention. What
we men always say is when you guys are peaking
at your highest, you're getting all this attention, and you
settle for what we call, you know, the wrong person,
(05:05):
the wrong the person that's going to use you, the
person that's not going to be with you. Now you
have no idea this person has these has these intentions.
You don't, but the same standards that you have post right,
you're looking to settle down. Now. You want a man
(05:27):
with money, You want a man with stability. You want
a man who's honorable, respectful, you know, who is chivalrous.
Where were those standards before? Where were those standards when
you might have been getting that? But the dude was
a little he wasn't as hot and sexy. He might
(05:51):
have been a little nerdy, he might have been a
little different, but he was willing to treat you that way.
But again, when you're constantly getting that attention, it's really
hard to sort through what's good and what's bad. Right,
That's something that we always talk about, like as men
(06:11):
and women take it the wrong way, but we also
want to say, have those standards before. I'm held to
those standards now by a lot of people, and I'm
and I don't understand why you can't hold me to
a standard. You can't, especially if you have the track record,
if you have the history that shows different. I have
(06:36):
to have up my own car. But you know you
were telling me how you how you were used to
dating guys without their car. Now, experience is the best
is the best teacher. But as we age, we're not
as we're not as in demand as we once were. Right,
(06:58):
So now you want to put me in to this
box and oh, you know, play time is over. I've
had my fun. Now I want could be one of
the worst things I've ever heard of person say or write.
Don't say that. Now that I've had my fun, I'm
no longer in that phase. Now I'm looking for a
(07:20):
huh and you think that that's gonna be a turn on,
Like somebody is really gonna see that and be like, Yeah,
that's the one I want. I've already had my fun.
You know what that sounds like, you know what that's implying.
Just gonna leave it at that. Some signs are in
(07:40):
bubble dating. Let me give you some real signs here.
You're texting day and night, but you haven't had one
real conversation. Conversation is what are what are your five
to ten year goals? What's your plans? Where are you
going from here? Right? What is your financial status? What
(08:05):
is your history? Do you have anything that you're dealing
with that you may need a little bit more patience.
We got to have those real conversations. To me, that's
what relationships are built upon, real conversations. Some people don't
want to get too deep too quick. To me, you
want to stay in that bubble as long as possible.
(08:28):
That's what we translate to wasting time. Right, don't give
me the honeymoon phase, don't give me all the good stuff,
tell me those hidden layers. I don't want to say
it's bad. But tell me those hidden layers. You start
planning the future but don't even know their past. We're
trying to This is for me the I'm dating with
(08:50):
the intention of getting married. I don't know you enough
to even say that. I need to know more about
you before I say I'm dating you to marry you.
I'm dating you because you look interesting and I want
to get to know more. But to say I'm dating
with the intention of getting married, that means if you
go to Applebee's two for twenty, always the two for twenty.
(09:14):
If you go to Applebe's two for twenty with me,
that means your intention is for us to get married.
How can you How can you say that? How can
you act that way? You don't know anything yet? Slow
it down, men, we're not afraid of commitment, but we're
not going to commit right out of the gate. Can
(09:37):
we get to know each other? Can we get out
the can we peel back the layers of the onion
that's going to show me who you really are. Everything
feels exciting, but deep down you're anxious. Right. Some people
just don't like things to go well. Some people are
always looking for This is too good to be true. Like,
(10:02):
I can't believe this. Some people are afraid to be happy,
have never known what a good relationship looks like, it
feels like. So when things are going well, sometimes people
create problems. They create ideas that get them comfortable with Okay, yeah,
(10:26):
there it is. That's what I was looking for because
they were feeling too comfortable, too happy, too good. Another one.
They say all the right things, but you've never seen
them under pressure. Conflict resolution should be high on people's
(10:46):
lists of things to do. Conflict resolution should be high
because we all deal with conflict differently. Y'all have heard
me say, I am not dealing with someone who is loud,
(11:09):
screaming and yelling. If we have a disagreement, right, we
can have a disagreement, you be pissed off, like when
we're in public, you be pissed off. I be pissed off.
We get through it, then we talk about it when
we get home. Right, If you want to scream and
yell and all that type of stuff when you get home,
I'm okay with that. I don't necessarily do the screaming
(11:32):
and yelling because again I'm six one to forty, and
sometimes you know, movements that aren't intended to be threatening
could seem that way. So for me, when I get upset,
I just keep it quiet. One. I don't want to
say anything that's going to last. I don't want to
(11:54):
start calling people out their names. I just I have
a delivery sometimes about me that's not very nice. And
so what it is is I don't want to I
don't want to belittle someone just because I'm upset. So
I kind of I shut it down. I've said my piece. Hey,
I don't this is what it was. I'm not feeling that.
(12:17):
Obviously you don't agree. So I'm just gonna chill and
we can. We can revisit it once we are a
little bit more we've thought about it, right, because once
we stopped talking, we're still thinking about it. We're still
playing it back. And what I don't want to do
(12:37):
is I don't want to give you something to focus
on that wasn't the problem to begin with. You said
this right the way you said this was and then
I got mad and retell. Now we're not focused on
what we were upset in the first place. But yes,
conflict resolution is really big in relationship because you know,
(13:01):
unfortunately you have people that take it to the extreme,
and I don't ever want anyone to have to go
through that or find out too late that that's how
somebody deals with anger. I don't agree with throwing lamps.
I don't agree with punching walls, you know, I don't
agree with that. I don't necessarily agree with someone leaving
(13:24):
and going for a drive angry, but I understand it.
I won't say no, you should stay there and hash
it out. I won't say that, But I also can
think that, you know, driving angry when you're just like man,
is not healthy. Maybe go for a walk or something
(13:46):
like that. You know, but not everybody can do that.
But however you deal with it, you know, I don't.
I don't prescribe to the screaming and yelling and the
name calling, because that's never that's never going to help anything.
Sometimes people know, they lash out when they're under pressure,
and it's just like, hey, you know, I understand you're
under pressure, but we have to understand we still we're adults.
(14:08):
We have to know when to take out our frustrations
on the right people, on the right things. If I
get frustrated with work or with content creation, and I
take that out on somebody, that's not fair to them, right,
Like I need to learn how to better. Hey, this
person really didn't do anything even with something they said
annoyed me, and I'm already annoyed. I have to be
(14:31):
able to self control. It was really important important. You're
supposed to have that self control, especially as men, we're
supposed to have that self control because that you know,
that's one of our pillars, self discipline. So what happens
when the bubble pops in this bubble dating theory, eventually
real life leaks in. Maybe you find out that their
(14:55):
values don't match yours, Maybe they ghost you, maybe they
just stop trying. It hurts why because you didn't just
lose the person. You lost the dream. And let's be honest,
the dream was very good while it lasted. It's a
dopamine high. We've all experienced that if you've been in
(15:17):
a relationship, right, you've been in a long term, committed relationship,
you've been married, you've definitely experienced that, like, this is
the person for you. And we know that if relationships
don't work out, that all of that is going away.
So sometimes we may force relationships that we shouldn't force,
or we may stay too long, and you know, the
(15:42):
dream blows up anyway, the bubble pops anyway because of
actions of other people. So I know, we get, we get,
we get lost in I need to be with somebody.
We really need to normalize. Being single is okay and
proving yourself every day is oh okay. There's nothing that
(16:07):
says because you're a woman in your forties you don't
have any kids, that your life is a failure. That
there's nothing that says that. There's nothing that says men,
because you're in your forties you don't have any kids,
your life is a failure. There's nothing that says that.
We can't let others influence how we live our lives.
(16:28):
We have to look for the positivity. And if you've
made the decisions to get you to where you want
it to be, here like this is the decisions you made,
your life is successful. That's the way I look at it.
My life is different than yours. We've had different experiences,
we had different plans, but the world, the cosmos brought
us together at this moment in time for a reason.
(16:52):
So don't let somebody tell you that your life is
supposed to be this way because they chose to live theirs,
you have your own. How do we avoid the bubble dating?
How do you stay grounded? Take your time? Attraction isn't commitment.
(17:14):
I'm attracted to you, I'm not committed to you. I'm
just I want to get to know more. I always
I like to say, like, you're attractive to me. I
want to know if the mental match is the physical,
because if it doesn't, we're not. This isn't work. This
isn't gonna work. Is it's not gonna work. No one
(17:36):
is that gorgeous to where I will forsake her personality
and just say that she looks nice. Never, no one,
no one, Because the mental plays more of a role
than anything. Because I talk to you daily, right, we don't.
(17:57):
We don't get dressed up and look our best all
the time. You still look very nice when you're not
dressed up. But it's your actions, it's your behavior, it's
your personality. I interact with that all the time, and
so I'm either gonna benefit and grow from that, or
that's going to make me go into a shell and
I can't become the best version of myself. Your personality
(18:23):
should help me become the best version of myself. You
should add two right empower my dreams, ground me. When
I'm like off in the cosmos, it should help me
grow as a person. Number two, Meet in real life early,
Get off the app and into the real world. Come
(18:46):
see me, Come see me. No, let's go eat? What's up?
What I'm I'm about to say about the customer? But
when somebody is afraid to meet you in real life?
Y'all see them catfishes all the time, right. They come
(19:08):
up with all these excuses why we can't meet. What
you can't go to lunch? You that busy, you can't eat,
you can't do nothing, you work every day? You just nah, man,
we're not doing that. I'm not gonna be talking to
you on the phone every night and texting all that.
If I can't see who you are. I need to
see that. I need to interact with you in person.
What's up? We're going to eat, We're going to do something.
(19:28):
What if you don't want to do that? What you're
doing it for? You? You just wasting time out here?
Ask the real Number three is ask the real questions.
Stop asking me what my favorite color is? It's black,
it's gray. That has nothing to do with how successful
(19:52):
and what my plans are for the future, right, That
has nothing to do with that. What's your favorite food?
I mean it depends. I like chicken until I'm tired
of chicken. Favorite food is actually seafoods. But again, again
those basic questions, Hey, what's your five year plan? Okay,
(20:16):
you've been in your job for sixteen years? What you're
plan for your job? And I'm not And it's not
to say you have to move up, you need to
get a promotion. It's not to say that, it's what's
your plan? Like? Are you going to stay there? Have
you been looking into any other things? Is there something
deep down you want to do and you want to
(20:36):
kind of explore? Again, you can get into hearing that
from someone what their plans are, what their plans might
have been, and they kind of tabled it. You can
learn a lot from asking those deep dive type questions.
What do you feel about this topic? What do you
feel about that topic? You know what I'm saying, Like,
(20:57):
we need to get past those. What type of movies
do you like? Man? Like, damn all of that? What
do you think your role is in a relationship? That
is a That's one of my questions. Let's get to
the meat and potatoes. Let's talk about it, right, because
right there that question can can exit you out really fast.
(21:21):
What is your role in a relationship? Because if it's
not the way that I see it or I agree, hey,
there's no need to even discuss anything even further. Number four, observe,
just don't feel. Make sure that what they're saying matches
what they're doing. Consistency over chemistry. Make sure they're consistent.
(21:43):
If they're making plans, make sure they're holding to those plans.
If they say they're chivalrous, make sure that they're showing that.
If they say that, you know they're feminine, make sure
that they're showing that. Just consistency over chemistry. Even if
you're a late person, you're consistently inconsistent. That's consistent. As
(22:07):
crazy as that sounds, right, let people show you who
they are and just watch right, watch bubble dating theory.
So dating isn't just about chasing butterflies. It's not. It's
about building something real and with someone who shows up
even after the high fades. Right, we've gone through the
(22:33):
honeymoon phase. It was amazing, and even though we're not
in the honeymoon phase, when we get to the real
part of the relationship. It doesn't feel like hard work. Right.
We align, Yes we're going to disagree, Yes we're going
to have things that we see differently, but you can
still see that this person can help me grow and
(22:56):
this person I can help grow. They can learn from me,
I can learn from them. I really dig their way
of how they want to carry things, and I'm always
looking to learn more. So there's time. It's time to
continue to move forward. So one question, let me know
in the comments. Are you dating a real person or
(23:19):
are you just living inside of a bubble? Are you
dating a real person? Are you living inside of a bubble?
Until next time, stay intentional, stay grounded, keep it high value.
I don't convince I present. This has been the Felix
Black Show podcast The Bubble Dating Theory.
All right, So are you in love or just in
a bubble? Today? I'm talking about the bubble dating theory.
Welcome to the Phillips Black Show podcasts, where we're unpacking
the truth behind modern relationships, dating and high value mindset.
We're popping something that's being floating around in today's dating culture,
(00:35):
and it's called the bubble dating theory. What is it.
Let's start with what it is. Let's break it down.
The bubble dating theory is the idea that in the
early stages of dating, especially in the digital world, we
create this emotional bubble. It's like a fantasy space where
relationships feel perfect, emotions are high, you're constantly texting, you
(00:59):
feel like you've known this person forever. But that's a
bubble that's not based on reality. It's curated, it's idealized.
It's a version of each other that is presented when
we first meet each other. We've talked about this before.
In the beginning, we all present a certain way. We
all don't present the same. You don't know any anyone's past,
(01:22):
you don't know much about their future. You just know
them as they are right now, what they are presenting
to you. We all know there's a lot of relationships
that start off on an emotional high. Right. We call
that the honeymoon phase. This person seems perfect, this person
seems great. We want to continue this, We want to
continue this euphoric feeling for as long as we can. Like,
(01:46):
that's the ideal relationship. I call that Disney. Right. The
Disney relationship is that things are happily ever after. There's
no fuss saying, there's no arguing, there's no fighting. This
is what we call bubble dating. Why because you haven't
gotten into the meat and potatoes of the relationship yet. Right,
(02:09):
you're still going out to eat, You're still going out bowling. Right,
you're going you may be going on getaways, and you're
having such a good time because you have all these
things to talk about. You're not fully invested, but your
interest is peaked. Right. I like this person. Right, we
(02:31):
have a good time together. You don't know anything about
the things I've done in my past, my triggers, my trauma,
my debts. You don't know what my future plans are.
You don't know what I go home to every single night.
You just know you like spending time with me. Now,
(02:54):
why do people fall into these bubbles simple, so dopamine
hi validation and we want that relationship. Modern dating apps
reward quick hits of attention, right, I always talk about
getting those likes, getting those matches. App dating is becoming
(03:14):
an attention seeking mechanism. Now it's moved away from actually
looking for someone. People all the time talk about there's
a hookup culture on these apps. There's a lot of
people that say that they don't get responses back on
the apps after they get matches. So it's definitely a
(03:34):
culture of quick hits of attention. People's wipe because they
want connection, but they settle for confirmation. Look, someone likes me,
someone thinks I'm cute, and once that validation hits, boom,
you're hooked. It's emotional fast food feels good in the moment,
but leaves you empty later because there is no substance there.
(03:58):
I always point out, and you know, I catch a
lot of heat for that. Women are at their highest
peak in their twenties. That doesn't mean you're not at
your You're not shit when you're forty, fifty, sixty, thirty
years old. You guys peak for a very long time.
The problem with a lot of those thought processes yes,
(04:20):
women are getting attention. Yes, you're beautiful, you're thick, right,
you got it all in the right places, and you're
getting attention. But what type of attention are these men
that are you know, giving you these compliments, giving you
these likes you on your your photos and your videos.
(04:41):
Do they want to be with you or do they
just want to, you know, blow your back out for
a couple of days or for a couple of weeks.
You all know that all attention isn't good attention. What
we men always say is when you guys are peaking
at your highest, you're getting all this attention, and you
settle for what we call, you know, the wrong person,
(05:05):
the wrong the person that's going to use you, the
person that's not going to be with you. Now you
have no idea this person has these has these intentions.
You don't, but the same standards that you have post right,
you're looking to settle down. Now. You want a man
(05:27):
with money, You want a man with stability. You want
a man who's honorable, respectful, you know, who is chivalrous.
Where were those standards before? Where were those standards when
you might have been getting that? But the dude was
a little he wasn't as hot and sexy. He might
(05:51):
have been a little nerdy, he might have been a
little different, but he was willing to treat you that way.
But again, when you're constantly getting that attention, it's really
hard to sort through what's good and what's bad. Right,
That's something that we always talk about, like as men
(06:11):
and women take it the wrong way, but we also
want to say, have those standards before. I'm held to
those standards now by a lot of people, and I'm
and I don't understand why you can't hold me to
a standard. You can't, especially if you have the track record,
if you have the history that shows different. I have
(06:36):
to have up my own car. But you know you
were telling me how you how you were used to
dating guys without their car. Now, experience is the best
is the best teacher. But as we age, we're not
as we're not as in demand as we once were. Right,
(06:58):
So now you want to put me in to this
box and oh, you know, play time is over. I've
had my fun. Now I want could be one of
the worst things I've ever heard of person say or write.
Don't say that. Now that I've had my fun, I'm
no longer in that phase. Now I'm looking for a
(07:20):
huh and you think that that's gonna be a turn on,
Like somebody is really gonna see that and be like, Yeah,
that's the one I want. I've already had my fun.
You know what that sounds like, you know what that's implying.
Just gonna leave it at that. Some signs are in
(07:40):
bubble dating. Let me give you some real signs here.
You're texting day and night, but you haven't had one
real conversation. Conversation is what are what are your five
to ten year goals? What's your plans? Where are you
going from here? Right? What is your financial status? What
(08:05):
is your history? Do you have anything that you're dealing
with that you may need a little bit more patience.
We got to have those real conversations. To me, that's
what relationships are built upon, real conversations. Some people don't
want to get too deep too quick. To me, you
want to stay in that bubble as long as possible.
(08:28):
That's what we translate to wasting time. Right, don't give
me the honeymoon phase, don't give me all the good stuff,
tell me those hidden layers. I don't want to say
it's bad. But tell me those hidden layers. You start
planning the future but don't even know their past. We're
trying to This is for me the I'm dating with
(08:50):
the intention of getting married. I don't know you enough
to even say that. I need to know more about
you before I say I'm dating you to marry you.
I'm dating you because you look interesting and I want
to get to know more. But to say I'm dating
with the intention of getting married, that means if you
go to Applebee's two for twenty, always the two for twenty.
(09:14):
If you go to Applebe's two for twenty with me,
that means your intention is for us to get married.
How can you How can you say that? How can
you act that way? You don't know anything yet? Slow
it down, men, we're not afraid of commitment, but we're
not going to commit right out of the gate. Can
(09:37):
we get to know each other? Can we get out
the can we peel back the layers of the onion
that's going to show me who you really are. Everything
feels exciting, but deep down you're anxious. Right. Some people
just don't like things to go well. Some people are
always looking for This is too good to be true. Like,
(10:02):
I can't believe this. Some people are afraid to be happy,
have never known what a good relationship looks like, it
feels like. So when things are going well, sometimes people
create problems. They create ideas that get them comfortable with Okay, yeah,
(10:26):
there it is. That's what I was looking for because
they were feeling too comfortable, too happy, too good. Another one.
They say all the right things, but you've never seen
them under pressure. Conflict resolution should be high on people's
(10:46):
lists of things to do. Conflict resolution should be high
because we all deal with conflict differently. Y'all have heard
me say, I am not dealing with someone who is loud,
(11:09):
screaming and yelling. If we have a disagreement, right, we
can have a disagreement, you be pissed off, like when
we're in public, you be pissed off. I be pissed off.
We get through it, then we talk about it when
we get home. Right, If you want to scream and
yell and all that type of stuff when you get home,
I'm okay with that. I don't necessarily do the screaming
(11:32):
and yelling because again I'm six one to forty, and
sometimes you know, movements that aren't intended to be threatening
could seem that way. So for me, when I get upset,
I just keep it quiet. One. I don't want to
say anything that's going to last. I don't want to
(11:54):
start calling people out their names. I just I have
a delivery sometimes about me that's not very nice. And
so what it is is I don't want to I
don't want to belittle someone just because I'm upset. So
I kind of I shut it down. I've said my piece. Hey,
I don't this is what it was. I'm not feeling that.
(12:17):
Obviously you don't agree. So I'm just gonna chill and
we can. We can revisit it once we are a
little bit more we've thought about it, right, because once
we stopped talking, we're still thinking about it. We're still
playing it back. And what I don't want to do
(12:37):
is I don't want to give you something to focus
on that wasn't the problem to begin with. You said
this right the way you said this was and then
I got mad and retell. Now we're not focused on
what we were upset in the first place. But yes,
conflict resolution is really big in relationship because you know,
(13:01):
unfortunately you have people that take it to the extreme,
and I don't ever want anyone to have to go
through that or find out too late that that's how
somebody deals with anger. I don't agree with throwing lamps.
I don't agree with punching walls, you know, I don't
agree with that. I don't necessarily agree with someone leaving
(13:24):
and going for a drive angry, but I understand it.
I won't say no, you should stay there and hash
it out. I won't say that, But I also can
think that, you know, driving angry when you're just like man,
is not healthy. Maybe go for a walk or something
(13:46):
like that. You know, but not everybody can do that.
But however you deal with it, you know, I don't.
I don't prescribe to the screaming and yelling and the
name calling, because that's never that's never going to help anything.
Sometimes people know, they lash out when they're under pressure,
and it's just like, hey, you know, I understand you're
under pressure, but we have to understand we still we're adults.
(14:08):
We have to know when to take out our frustrations
on the right people, on the right things. If I
get frustrated with work or with content creation, and I
take that out on somebody, that's not fair to them, right,
Like I need to learn how to better. Hey, this
person really didn't do anything even with something they said
annoyed me, and I'm already annoyed. I have to be
(14:31):
able to self control. It was really important important. You're
supposed to have that self control, especially as men, we're
supposed to have that self control because that you know,
that's one of our pillars, self discipline. So what happens
when the bubble pops in this bubble dating theory, eventually
real life leaks in. Maybe you find out that their
(14:55):
values don't match yours, Maybe they ghost you, maybe they
just stop trying. It hurts why because you didn't just
lose the person. You lost the dream. And let's be honest,
the dream was very good while it lasted. It's a
dopamine high. We've all experienced that if you've been in
(15:17):
a relationship, right, you've been in a long term, committed relationship,
you've been married, you've definitely experienced that, like, this is
the person for you. And we know that if relationships
don't work out, that all of that is going away.
So sometimes we may force relationships that we shouldn't force,
or we may stay too long, and you know, the
(15:42):
dream blows up anyway, the bubble pops anyway because of
actions of other people. So I know, we get, we get,
we get lost in I need to be with somebody.
We really need to normalize. Being single is okay and
proving yourself every day is oh okay. There's nothing that
(16:07):
says because you're a woman in your forties you don't
have any kids, that your life is a failure. That
there's nothing that says that. There's nothing that says men,
because you're in your forties you don't have any kids,
your life is a failure. There's nothing that says that.
We can't let others influence how we live our lives.
(16:28):
We have to look for the positivity. And if you've
made the decisions to get you to where you want
it to be, here like this is the decisions you made,
your life is successful. That's the way I look at it.
My life is different than yours. We've had different experiences,
we had different plans, but the world, the cosmos brought
us together at this moment in time for a reason.
(16:52):
So don't let somebody tell you that your life is
supposed to be this way because they chose to live theirs,
you have your own. How do we avoid the bubble dating?
How do you stay grounded? Take your time? Attraction isn't commitment.
(17:14):
I'm attracted to you, I'm not committed to you. I'm
just I want to get to know more. I always
I like to say, like, you're attractive to me. I
want to know if the mental match is the physical,
because if it doesn't, we're not. This isn't work. This
isn't gonna work. Is it's not gonna work. No one
(17:36):
is that gorgeous to where I will forsake her personality
and just say that she looks nice. Never, no one,
no one, Because the mental plays more of a role
than anything. Because I talk to you daily, right, we don't.
(17:57):
We don't get dressed up and look our best all
the time. You still look very nice when you're not
dressed up. But it's your actions, it's your behavior, it's
your personality. I interact with that all the time, and
so I'm either gonna benefit and grow from that, or
that's going to make me go into a shell and
I can't become the best version of myself. Your personality
(18:23):
should help me become the best version of myself. You
should add two right empower my dreams, ground me. When
I'm like off in the cosmos, it should help me
grow as a person. Number two, Meet in real life early,
Get off the app and into the real world. Come
(18:46):
see me, Come see me. No, let's go eat? What's up?
What I'm I'm about to say about the customer? But
when somebody is afraid to meet you in real life?
Y'all see them catfishes all the time, right. They come
(19:08):
up with all these excuses why we can't meet. What
you can't go to lunch? You that busy, you can't eat,
you can't do nothing, you work every day? You just nah, man,
we're not doing that. I'm not gonna be talking to
you on the phone every night and texting all that.
If I can't see who you are. I need to
see that. I need to interact with you in person.
What's up? We're going to eat, We're going to do something.
(19:28):
What if you don't want to do that? What you're
doing it for? You? You just wasting time out here?
Ask the real Number three is ask the real questions.
Stop asking me what my favorite color is? It's black,
it's gray. That has nothing to do with how successful
(19:52):
and what my plans are for the future, right, That
has nothing to do with that. What's your favorite food?
I mean it depends. I like chicken until I'm tired
of chicken. Favorite food is actually seafoods. But again, again
those basic questions, Hey, what's your five year plan? Okay,
(20:16):
you've been in your job for sixteen years? What you're
plan for your job? And I'm not And it's not
to say you have to move up, you need to
get a promotion. It's not to say that, it's what's
your plan? Like? Are you going to stay there? Have
you been looking into any other things? Is there something
deep down you want to do and you want to
(20:36):
kind of explore? Again, you can get into hearing that
from someone what their plans are, what their plans might
have been, and they kind of tabled it. You can
learn a lot from asking those deep dive type questions.
What do you feel about this topic? What do you
feel about that topic? You know what I'm saying, Like,
(20:57):
we need to get past those. What type of movies
do you like? Man? Like, damn all of that? What
do you think your role is in a relationship? That
is a That's one of my questions. Let's get to
the meat and potatoes. Let's talk about it, right, because
right there that question can can exit you out really fast.
(21:21):
What is your role in a relationship? Because if it's
not the way that I see it or I agree, hey,
there's no need to even discuss anything even further. Number four, observe,
just don't feel. Make sure that what they're saying matches
what they're doing. Consistency over chemistry. Make sure they're consistent.
(21:43):
If they're making plans, make sure they're holding to those plans.
If they say they're chivalrous, make sure that they're showing that.
If they say that, you know they're feminine, make sure
that they're showing that. Just consistency over chemistry. Even if
you're a late person, you're consistently inconsistent. That's consistent. As
(22:07):
crazy as that sounds, right, let people show you who
they are and just watch right, watch bubble dating theory.
So dating isn't just about chasing butterflies. It's not. It's
about building something real and with someone who shows up
even after the high fades. Right, we've gone through the
(22:33):
honeymoon phase. It was amazing, and even though we're not
in the honeymoon phase, when we get to the real
part of the relationship. It doesn't feel like hard work. Right.
We align, Yes we're going to disagree, Yes we're going
to have things that we see differently, but you can
still see that this person can help me grow and
(22:56):
this person I can help grow. They can learn from me,
I can learn from them. I really dig their way
of how they want to carry things, and I'm always
looking to learn more. So there's time. It's time to
continue to move forward. So one question, let me know
in the comments. Are you dating a real person or
(23:19):
are you just living inside of a bubble? Are you
dating a real person? Are you living inside of a bubble?
Until next time, stay intentional, stay grounded, keep it high value.
I don't convince I present. This has been the Felix
Black Show podcast The Bubble Dating Theory.
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