July 15, 2025 • 15 mins
The 80/20 Rule says you'll get 80% of what you need in a relationship—but many chase the missing 20% and end up with nothing. In this episode, Felix dives deep into how this rule plays out in dating, marriage, and situationships.
✅ Should you settle for 80%?
❌ What happens when you chase 20%?
🎯 The consequences of emotional and physical temptation
Have you experienced the 80/20 Rule in your relationship?
✅ Should you settle for 80%?
❌ What happens when you chase 20%?
🎯 The consequences of emotional and physical temptation
Have you experienced the 80/20 Rule in your relationship?
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:12):
So welcome back to the Felix Black Show. Today, I'm
talking about the eighty twenty rule theory. Okay, we're breaking
down some high value concepts for high value performance living.
I am what they consider a high value man. I
didn't make that term up. It's just what's on the internet. Okay.
Eighty twenty percent rule, which is known as the Parato
(00:37):
principle Parareto principle, just simply says that you will not
get one hundred percent of what you need from one person.
You will get roughly eighty percent. Okay, it's about efficiency.
A small portion of your inputs, a small portion of
what you need as a person to be unequivocally happy.
(01:02):
We'll be missing roughly twenty percent. Okay. How we deal
with the eighty twenty rule is different for everybody. So
I'm going to tell you how I deal with the
eighty twenty rule. On average, your partner will fulfill eighty
percent of what you need from them. That's not their fault.
No one's perfect. So when you're going or when I'm going,
(01:25):
Felix Black, when I'm going to establish someone that I
want as a partner, I want them to give me
as close to one hundred percent as possible. That's no
different than anyone else. Right, I am very very strict
on the eighty percent. I need at least eighty I
need to know for the majority of the time that
(01:47):
we are together, the time that we spend together, that
you will be making me happy, right, that I'll be
happy in your company. That's the eighty percent rule. Twenty
percent needs to be where I can go a very
long time without the twenty percent. Now, you can't say
(02:09):
any no one can say that I won't need the
twenty percent. Again, we're talking to we're talking about you
as one hundred percent of a person. So you you
need one hundred percent. You just you're not going to
get it from someone. So the twenty percent, what can
you do without? It's very important to consider what can
(02:29):
you do without and how long can you do without it?
Why do I ask that question? Please make sure y'all comment.
What's your twenty percent? What's your eighty percent? Right? What
do you absolutely need from your partner? What do I
need from my partner? Love? Caring? I need support, I
(02:52):
need that right Because I'm a dreamer, my head's always
in the clouds. I need someone who's going to know
how to balance being a realist but also supportive of
the dreams that I have. Sometimes i'm you know, I
think so much about the possibilities that I'm a little
bit all over the place. So I need someone who
can help me funnel that. It's not it's not her
(03:15):
job to do that, but to help me funnel that
the twenty percent that I'm not gonna get from someone
I choose. What that twenty percent is going to be
based on the person. I don't know. There's not a
specific list of the twenty percent. I would hope that
we can dive into that twenty percent later as we
(03:36):
get closer, as we build a closer bond, that it
could go to ten percent, five percent. Right, I start to,
you know, change her mind about certain things, and even
though she may not be willing to change completely, she
may be willing to attempt for a period of time. Right. Yeah,
(04:00):
I give points for trying. I give points for attempting.
The problem with the eighty twenty percent rule is I
think people put things that should be in the eighty
percent into the twenty percent. What do I mean when
I say that some things that you that may be
(04:23):
a deal breaker some things that really may be important
to you. Maybe it's affection, maybe it's PDA, maybe it's
you know, a means of reassurance. Things that are really
important to you that you don't think that are important
to you. We put into that twenty percent. So we
(04:44):
meet someone and that person isn't demonstrating those qualities. You're
kind of like, you know, it's okay because this person
is giving me this this eighty percent, So I'm okay
with it, don't I don't need that twenty And then
it's time goes along. It could be six months, could
be a year, could be two years. That twenty percent
(05:06):
starts to creep into your mind about, hey, I actually
really do need this. I actually really do need that
from this person. I need more affection from this person.
I need more reassurance from this person, and they're not
giving that to me. That person has a has a
choice to make. You explain to them. Communication is key
(05:30):
when it comes to the twenty percent rule. You explain
to them, this is what I This is something I'm
not getting from you. This is something that I'm missing
that I actually really need and I really want to
receive from you. I want to receive more affection and
more reassurance from you. So you've communicated your needs to
your partner as you should. Your partner hopefully has listened,
(05:53):
listen to understand and not listen to respond about your needs,
and they have a decision to make whether they want
to try to give you what you need adjusting themselves,
or whether they don't want to. I'm not doing that.
I'm not gonna I'm not gonna address this is me,
(06:14):
take it or leave it. This is how I am. Okay,
you know you have people that are like that. So
once they give you their response, naturally, if a person
is willing to compromise and work with you, that's easy, Okay,
you work together. But if a person doesn't want to
give you any of that twenty percent, they're not even
they're not even thinking about changing. They don't want to
give you that reassurance. They don't want to give you
(06:35):
that extra affection. You have to really consider if you
need to stay in that relationship, how important that is
to you. I'm not saying you automatically leave. I'm not
saying that. I'm saying you really need to assess the
relationship because if that twenty percent is creeping in your mind. Now,
it's not going to go away. It's going to continue
(06:56):
to grow, continue to grow, continue to grow, and you're
either gonna build resentment because that person doesn't want to adjust,
or you're gonna cheat, or you're gonna cheat, and both
of those options are no good when we're talking about relationships.
But ultimately, it is your decision to make whether you
want to accept their answer of no, I'm not doing that,
(07:20):
you accept me as I am, or whether you're gonna leave.
When we stick around and we're not getting that twenty percent,
it's easy for us to see that twenty percent that
we're not getting from our partner in someone else, and
(07:41):
that is where the problem comes in, because that twenty
percent is missing. We miss the things that we don't have.
We missed that twenty percent, and so now we see
it in someone else. It's new, it's exciting. It's something that, oh, man,
I you know, I thought I could live without that,
and I really actually want that in my life. That's
(08:03):
what leads people to infidelity. I'm not saying it's okay,
I'm not excusing it. I'm talking in terms of that's
usually what it comes down to. What is the twenty percent.
So when we say, oh, man, like, how could he,
how could he do this with her? How could she
do that with him? What was the twenty percent? He
or she was getting something from that other person that
(08:26):
they weren't getting from their partner, whether you want to
admit it or not. Again, I'm not blaming. So people
are going to be in the comment saying, oh, well,
you know you just said that it's their fault. No,
I'm saying that the person is missing something they thought
that they could do without, and they didn't make the
proper decision which led to them cheating has nothing to
do with their partner, unless their partner is unaware. If
(08:49):
I don't know what you're missing, I don't. You didn't
give me an opportunity to fix it. Outside of that,
you gave me an opportunity to fix it. I apparently
didn't to your liking, And so now you chose someone else.
That's not blaming the person that got cheated on. Like,
we have to really listen, okay, tap in. That's where
(09:10):
we chase the twenty percent, and we end up saying
that once that twenty percent wears off, that missing eighty
percent is glaring. How many stories. Have you heard of
someone cheating and you know they go with the new
person because whatever reason they choose the new person, then
(09:32):
they end up regretting it because the grass wasn't greener
on the other side. Right, That's where we run into that.
Oh you were chasing that twenty percent high and once
it rubs out, once it rubs off, you're left with
the glaring eighty percent hole, the one what you thought
was boring and what became routine. Now this person lacks
(09:57):
completely and you're not even getting half of what you need.
So that leads to a lot of regret with people,
you know, in some of the decisions that they make rightfully,
So don't chase the twenty percent. What we do when
we mature is we nurture the eighty. Like I said before,
(10:18):
you're not going to get one hundred percent eighty twenty rule,
you're gonna get eighty percent. You nurture the eighty. So
the eighty could become eighty two, eighty three, eighty four.
Will it ever become one hundred percent? Hopefully? I wish
everybody the best of luck out there of getting one
hundred percent from the other person, But as close as
we can get to one hundred percent if it was
(10:40):
from eighty to eighty five. Your partner is working with you.
Your partner is compromising in some way to give you
more of what you need, and we have to recognize
that that comes with the communication piece. Nurture that eighty percent,
continue to foster that eighty percent, find a way to
(11:02):
deal with the missing twenty Find a different outlet, Find
something that your partner can adjust to to give you
more in that relationship. It's not always just that other
person adapting. It could be you adapting. Also. I used
to like video gaming a lot. Though I still like
it and I will probably pick the controller up once
(11:25):
in a while. I don't video game like I used to.
I just don't. So sometimes we just outgrow some things
that we are into at the moment, and new hobbies,
new likes into the picture. So sometimes that twenty percent
just can change based on longevity, based on just the
person getting older, more experienced, maybe getting tired and bored
(11:49):
of something they've been doing for a pretty long time.
In closing, I want to say it's important to communicate.
It is important one to understand within yourself, what is
your eighty twenty split? What is your what are your hardcore,
your hard foundational eighty percent? I need this. Don't slide
(12:11):
things from the eighty percent bracket to the twenty percent
because you want to make someone fit. Really consider how
much you will miss what's in the twenty percent block.
If this person never gave you those things, would you
(12:31):
be okay? Would you be okay? And so there's a
decision to be made once you get into a relationship
and you see, you know, I made a mistake. I
may have put something in the eighty percent that should
have been in twenty and vice versa. Right, is it
is the twenty percent really met worth giving up a relationship,
(12:54):
messing up a relationship, ending a relationship? Is it really
worth that? And have I tried everything that I believe
I could try in order to make it work? I
believe if you if you give everything that you have
and you feel that you've given enough, like you know
what I tried, in my opinion, I tried everything that
(13:18):
I could, and you genuinely believe that. I think you
can either you can leave the relationship with no doubts.
But I think if you haven't tried everything, if you
hadn't given everything, you always have some doubts with that relationship.
So before you end it again, I am not advocating
(13:40):
for ending it right away if you're not getting you
know that twenty percent, because you're not going to get
it if your person is not working with you for
that twenty percent, I'm not advocating. I'm saying you nurture it.
Add peace by piece eighty one, eighty two, eighty three.
See if they work with you. That is part of relationship.
(14:02):
It's not to be posting on social media and to
let the world know. It's communication between two people to
build a stronger bond, to get more from each other.
I want more from you. I want everything that you
have and that you're able to give me. That's what
I want and anything less. Why are we in a
relationship with someone? Okay, So that's been the eighty twenty rule.
(14:26):
Eighty percent is what you're going to give from most
people in a relationship. You're not going to get one
hundred percent of what you need. So be sure, be
sure you have set what you're eighty percent and if
what you're okay with missing with that twenty percent. This
has been the Feelings Black Show Podcast. Thank y'all for
listening and for watching
So welcome back to the Felix Black Show. Today, I'm
talking about the eighty twenty rule theory. Okay, we're breaking
down some high value concepts for high value performance living.
I am what they consider a high value man. I
didn't make that term up. It's just what's on the internet. Okay.
Eighty twenty percent rule, which is known as the Parato
(00:37):
principle Parareto principle, just simply says that you will not
get one hundred percent of what you need from one person.
You will get roughly eighty percent. Okay, it's about efficiency.
A small portion of your inputs, a small portion of
what you need as a person to be unequivocally happy.
(01:02):
We'll be missing roughly twenty percent. Okay. How we deal
with the eighty twenty rule is different for everybody. So
I'm going to tell you how I deal with the
eighty twenty rule. On average, your partner will fulfill eighty
percent of what you need from them. That's not their fault.
No one's perfect. So when you're going or when I'm going,
(01:25):
Felix Black, when I'm going to establish someone that I
want as a partner, I want them to give me
as close to one hundred percent as possible. That's no
different than anyone else. Right, I am very very strict
on the eighty percent. I need at least eighty I
need to know for the majority of the time that
(01:47):
we are together, the time that we spend together, that
you will be making me happy, right, that I'll be
happy in your company. That's the eighty percent rule. Twenty
percent needs to be where I can go a very
long time without the twenty percent. Now, you can't say
(02:09):
any no one can say that I won't need the
twenty percent. Again, we're talking to we're talking about you
as one hundred percent of a person. So you you
need one hundred percent. You just you're not going to
get it from someone. So the twenty percent, what can
you do without? It's very important to consider what can
(02:29):
you do without and how long can you do without it?
Why do I ask that question? Please make sure y'all comment.
What's your twenty percent? What's your eighty percent? Right? What
do you absolutely need from your partner? What do I
need from my partner? Love? Caring? I need support, I
(02:52):
need that right Because I'm a dreamer, my head's always
in the clouds. I need someone who's going to know
how to balance being a realist but also supportive of
the dreams that I have. Sometimes i'm you know, I
think so much about the possibilities that I'm a little
bit all over the place. So I need someone who
can help me funnel that. It's not it's not her
(03:15):
job to do that, but to help me funnel that
the twenty percent that I'm not gonna get from someone
I choose. What that twenty percent is going to be
based on the person. I don't know. There's not a
specific list of the twenty percent. I would hope that
we can dive into that twenty percent later as we
(03:36):
get closer, as we build a closer bond, that it
could go to ten percent, five percent. Right, I start to,
you know, change her mind about certain things, and even
though she may not be willing to change completely, she
may be willing to attempt for a period of time. Right. Yeah,
(04:00):
I give points for trying. I give points for attempting.
The problem with the eighty twenty percent rule is I
think people put things that should be in the eighty
percent into the twenty percent. What do I mean when
I say that some things that you that may be
(04:23):
a deal breaker some things that really may be important
to you. Maybe it's affection, maybe it's PDA, maybe it's
you know, a means of reassurance. Things that are really
important to you that you don't think that are important
to you. We put into that twenty percent. So we
(04:44):
meet someone and that person isn't demonstrating those qualities. You're
kind of like, you know, it's okay because this person
is giving me this this eighty percent, So I'm okay
with it, don't I don't need that twenty And then
it's time goes along. It could be six months, could
be a year, could be two years. That twenty percent
(05:06):
starts to creep into your mind about, hey, I actually
really do need this. I actually really do need that
from this person. I need more affection from this person.
I need more reassurance from this person, and they're not
giving that to me. That person has a has a
choice to make. You explain to them. Communication is key
(05:30):
when it comes to the twenty percent rule. You explain
to them, this is what I This is something I'm
not getting from you. This is something that I'm missing
that I actually really need and I really want to
receive from you. I want to receive more affection and
more reassurance from you. So you've communicated your needs to
your partner as you should. Your partner hopefully has listened,
(05:53):
listen to understand and not listen to respond about your needs,
and they have a decision to make whether they want
to try to give you what you need adjusting themselves,
or whether they don't want to. I'm not doing that.
I'm not gonna I'm not gonna address this is me,
(06:14):
take it or leave it. This is how I am. Okay,
you know you have people that are like that. So
once they give you their response, naturally, if a person
is willing to compromise and work with you, that's easy, Okay,
you work together. But if a person doesn't want to
give you any of that twenty percent, they're not even
they're not even thinking about changing. They don't want to
give you that reassurance. They don't want to give you
(06:35):
that extra affection. You have to really consider if you
need to stay in that relationship, how important that is
to you. I'm not saying you automatically leave. I'm not
saying that. I'm saying you really need to assess the
relationship because if that twenty percent is creeping in your mind. Now,
it's not going to go away. It's going to continue
(06:56):
to grow, continue to grow, continue to grow, and you're
either gonna build resentment because that person doesn't want to adjust,
or you're gonna cheat, or you're gonna cheat, and both
of those options are no good when we're talking about relationships.
But ultimately, it is your decision to make whether you
want to accept their answer of no, I'm not doing that,
(07:20):
you accept me as I am, or whether you're gonna leave.
When we stick around and we're not getting that twenty percent,
it's easy for us to see that twenty percent that
we're not getting from our partner in someone else, and
(07:41):
that is where the problem comes in, because that twenty
percent is missing. We miss the things that we don't have.
We missed that twenty percent, and so now we see
it in someone else. It's new, it's exciting. It's something that, oh, man,
I you know, I thought I could live without that,
and I really actually want that in my life. That's
(08:03):
what leads people to infidelity. I'm not saying it's okay,
I'm not excusing it. I'm talking in terms of that's
usually what it comes down to. What is the twenty percent.
So when we say, oh, man, like, how could he,
how could he do this with her? How could she
do that with him? What was the twenty percent? He
or she was getting something from that other person that
(08:26):
they weren't getting from their partner, whether you want to
admit it or not. Again, I'm not blaming. So people
are going to be in the comment saying, oh, well,
you know you just said that it's their fault. No,
I'm saying that the person is missing something they thought
that they could do without, and they didn't make the
proper decision which led to them cheating has nothing to
do with their partner, unless their partner is unaware. If
(08:49):
I don't know what you're missing, I don't. You didn't
give me an opportunity to fix it. Outside of that,
you gave me an opportunity to fix it. I apparently
didn't to your liking, And so now you chose someone else.
That's not blaming the person that got cheated on. Like,
we have to really listen, okay, tap in. That's where
(09:10):
we chase the twenty percent, and we end up saying
that once that twenty percent wears off, that missing eighty
percent is glaring. How many stories. Have you heard of
someone cheating and you know they go with the new
person because whatever reason they choose the new person, then
(09:32):
they end up regretting it because the grass wasn't greener
on the other side. Right, That's where we run into that.
Oh you were chasing that twenty percent high and once
it rubs out, once it rubs off, you're left with
the glaring eighty percent hole, the one what you thought
was boring and what became routine. Now this person lacks
(09:57):
completely and you're not even getting half of what you need.
So that leads to a lot of regret with people,
you know, in some of the decisions that they make rightfully,
So don't chase the twenty percent. What we do when
we mature is we nurture the eighty. Like I said before,
(10:18):
you're not going to get one hundred percent eighty twenty rule,
you're gonna get eighty percent. You nurture the eighty. So
the eighty could become eighty two, eighty three, eighty four.
Will it ever become one hundred percent? Hopefully? I wish
everybody the best of luck out there of getting one
hundred percent from the other person, But as close as
we can get to one hundred percent if it was
(10:40):
from eighty to eighty five. Your partner is working with you.
Your partner is compromising in some way to give you
more of what you need, and we have to recognize
that that comes with the communication piece. Nurture that eighty percent,
continue to foster that eighty percent, find a way to
(11:02):
deal with the missing twenty Find a different outlet, Find
something that your partner can adjust to to give you
more in that relationship. It's not always just that other
person adapting. It could be you adapting. Also. I used
to like video gaming a lot. Though I still like
it and I will probably pick the controller up once
(11:25):
in a while. I don't video game like I used to.
I just don't. So sometimes we just outgrow some things
that we are into at the moment, and new hobbies,
new likes into the picture. So sometimes that twenty percent
just can change based on longevity, based on just the
person getting older, more experienced, maybe getting tired and bored
(11:49):
of something they've been doing for a pretty long time.
In closing, I want to say it's important to communicate.
It is important one to understand within yourself, what is
your eighty twenty split? What is your what are your hardcore,
your hard foundational eighty percent? I need this. Don't slide
(12:11):
things from the eighty percent bracket to the twenty percent
because you want to make someone fit. Really consider how
much you will miss what's in the twenty percent block.
If this person never gave you those things, would you
(12:31):
be okay? Would you be okay? And so there's a
decision to be made once you get into a relationship
and you see, you know, I made a mistake. I
may have put something in the eighty percent that should
have been in twenty and vice versa. Right, is it
is the twenty percent really met worth giving up a relationship,
(12:54):
messing up a relationship, ending a relationship? Is it really
worth that? And have I tried everything that I believe
I could try in order to make it work? I
believe if you if you give everything that you have
and you feel that you've given enough, like you know
what I tried, in my opinion, I tried everything that
(13:18):
I could, and you genuinely believe that. I think you
can either you can leave the relationship with no doubts.
But I think if you haven't tried everything, if you
hadn't given everything, you always have some doubts with that relationship.
So before you end it again, I am not advocating
(13:40):
for ending it right away if you're not getting you
know that twenty percent, because you're not going to get
it if your person is not working with you for
that twenty percent, I'm not advocating. I'm saying you nurture it.
Add peace by piece eighty one, eighty two, eighty three.
See if they work with you. That is part of relationship.
(14:02):
It's not to be posting on social media and to
let the world know. It's communication between two people to
build a stronger bond, to get more from each other.
I want more from you. I want everything that you
have and that you're able to give me. That's what
I want and anything less. Why are we in a
relationship with someone? Okay, So that's been the eighty twenty rule.
(14:26):
Eighty percent is what you're going to give from most
people in a relationship. You're not going to get one
hundred percent of what you need. So be sure, be
sure you have set what you're eighty percent and if
what you're okay with missing with that twenty percent. This
has been the Feelings Black Show Podcast. Thank y'all for
listening and for watching
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