July 17, 2025 • 24 mins
Tired of overthinking, chasing, or getting ghosted? The “Let Them” Theory will shift your entire mindset. Learn how to reclaim your power, protect your peace, and stop tolerating disrespect in dating and relationships. This episode breaks it all down — raw, real, and life-changing.
👇 Drop a comment: Have you ever let someone show you who they are?
Keywords: let them theory, dating mindset, relationship advice, stop chasing, emotional intelligence, self-worth, toxic patterns, modern dating, high value man, dating psychology
Hashtags: #LetThemTheory #RelationshipAdvice #DatingMindset #HighValue #KnowYourWorth #ToxicRelationships #SelfRespect #EmotionalIntelligence #FelixBlack #ModernDating
👇 Drop a comment: Have you ever let someone show you who they are?
Keywords: let them theory, dating mindset, relationship advice, stop chasing, emotional intelligence, self-worth, toxic patterns, modern dating, high value man, dating psychology
Hashtags: #LetThemTheory #RelationshipAdvice #DatingMindset #HighValue #KnowYourWorth #ToxicRelationships #SelfRespect #EmotionalIntelligence #FelixBlack #ModernDating
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:12):
All right, welcome everybody to the Felix Black Show the podcasts.
We're unpacking relationships, reality and the rules that people talk
about but may not know what they mean. Today, I'm
talking to you about a mindset shift that's gonna save
you time, heartbreak, It's gonna save you a little dignity. Right,
It's gonna just show you how to deal with some
(00:33):
of these struggles we have in relationships. It's called the
let them theory, and once you understand it, you'll never chase,
beg or overthink someone's behavior ever again. All Right, So
let's get into what the let them theory is. When
I was going through and doing my research on the
let them theory, this is something that I've alluded to
(00:55):
before on the actual show about letting people be themselves. Okay,
The let them theory promotes detachment, self respect, and emotional
intelligence and encourages individuals to allow people to reveal who
they are through their actual actions and without trying to control, fix,
(01:19):
or change them. Right, let people be who they are.
If someone wants to do something, let them right. They
want to ghost you, let them, they don't want to
support you, Let them they want to talk to their
ex Let them, right, that's the theme of today. Let
them they want to cancel plans last minute, let them
(01:43):
they want to flirt with other people, let them. The
idea is to stop resisting what someone is showing you
and instead pay attention and act accordingly. Right, don't try
to control someone's actions because you're not going to be
able to do that. You can't control the actions of
other people. You can't do that. So the let them
(02:05):
theory is essentially saying, let people be who they are,
let them do what they're going to do, so that
gives you a fair assessment of if you want to
be in a relationship with this person. Right. This is
not gender specific. I'm not talking specifically to men, not
specifically to women, talking to everybody. Okay, you can't control
(02:26):
the actions of others. We can't do that, okay, So
when you're trying to do that in relationships, sometimes that's
out of a fear of abandonment or a fear or
desperation to want to be in relationships. We all wear
masks initially when you meet someone, and again think back
(02:46):
to all of your relationships and even your friends, family.
How we meet someone in the beginning and they're so great,
they're amazing, right. They check all of these blocks. Talked
about the eighty twenty rules the other day. They check
all of these blocks, and it just it just seems
like this was the person made for me. And then
(03:08):
all of a sudden, they start to change. Things aren't
what they used to be either. They slow down, they
speed up, they stop putting forth the effort, they stop
showing the attention, and now you're left to wonder what
is going on? What happened? There's sometimes in this instance
where we want to go in and we want to
(03:28):
change what that person is doing. We want to institute rules.
We want to institute parameters for people to follow that
get them back into align with what we want them
to do, and let them. Theory just says, let them
be who they want to be, who they're showing themselves
(03:49):
to be. People reveal themselves through actions. Words can be manipulative,
they can be misleading, but behavior doesn't lie. Right. We
always say that actions speak louder than words, and sometimes
we want to believe what someone is saying because we
want them to fit into this box. If their actions
(04:10):
are showing you different, pay attention to those to those actions.
They speak volumes. Right, we can't change those fundamental things
in our character. So people can act for a little while.
They can be who they think they want to be,
or who they want to be for someone else, but
for so long, right, and then we have these real actions,
(04:34):
these real thoughts, these real opinions that begin to reveal themselves.
And it's just simply saying, don't put in control measures.
Let's on one room free and let them be who
they're gonna be. Sometimes it's not all bad. Sometimes people
are gonna show themselves to be exactly who you want
(04:57):
them to be without you having to show any I
don't want to say show any effort, right, but without
you having to direct them. Do this, do that, do this?
I want you to do this. Let them, let them
conform to you, let them show you that, Yes, I
want to be the person you want me to be.
(05:18):
I want to learn, I want to adapt, I want
to change. It's simply saying, don't institute these parameters to
try to make them do that. The problem that we
struggle with why let them theory exists and why people
have a hard time just letting it happen, because deep
(05:39):
down we all want to be chosen. People want to
be chosen. People want to be chosen for relationships. Whether
it's you know, a natural thing monogamy, or whether it's
a programming thing, people want to be chosen. And so
what happens is we think that if we love harder,
if we try harder, if we give more, that people
(06:03):
will change. And experience is the best teacher. I know
everyone out there has had an experience to where you
feel like you've given and done everything and people just
don't change. This person just is not going to change
their behavior. It's too much of a fight. And we
(06:24):
all know deep down inside that relationships are not supposed
to be a struggle. They are hard work, but it's
a it's a it's a difference between saying I have
to like put in maximum effort at this every single day,
versus our relationship flows naturally. Yes, it has peaks, Yes
(06:44):
it has valleys. Right, it's like an EKG missing machine
should go around boop, you have some blips, go up,
you have something to go down. But at the at
the end of the day it should be kind of
it should be kind of straight across, right with little effort.
We shouldn't be going up and down on every single
day that something has to give. Right, If we have
(07:05):
to change who we are by loving harder, giving harder
to make someone else change, that's controlled mixed with fear.
All right to me, that's not a genuine relationship. And
every time you try to micromanage someone's actions, what you're
trying to say is I don't I don't trust you.
(07:25):
If I have to tell you to put on your
location at all times, I don't trust you. We can,
we can try to add in old safety, but I
don't trust you if I have to. As soon as
you get off from work, when you get in the
car and you're driving home, call me. What is that about? Like,
(07:46):
I don't trust you. As soon as you leave the
house to go run your errands, to go get your
hair and nails done, I'm calling you the entire time.
I don't trust you to me. That's Those are control measures,
and we're trying to institute things to force the situation
the way that we want it to go. One thing
that I've said before about profiles on on dating sites,
(08:09):
I did a show call on modern Dating. Please check
that video out if you haven't. When you read a
profile that says you know, a person must do this,
a person should do this, do this. I want someone
who's who does this, who does that. That's the that's
the opposite to the let them theory. You are already
(08:30):
instituting things a person should do that you want them
to do. That's not the way relationships should work. It
should be a natural yin and yang. You know, I
like femininity in a woman. A woman likes femininity masculinity
in me. We fit together naturally, right. I can't take
(08:53):
someone that I feel wants to be more on the
masculine side and she's comfortable doing that, and she feels
comfortable doing that, and try to make her more feminine.
She's not gonna be comfortable in that. She's not gonna
want to do that. I can't take a woman who
doesn't want to be you know, led in, supportive in
(09:13):
a relationship and make her lead me. That's uncomfortable for
someone who does not want to be in that position.
And so that's what I try to institute about myself.
I know my function, I know the role that I
will play in a relationship. So it just blows my
mind when I meet people and they want to try
to dumb down my leadership and my wanting to be
(09:35):
at the front. You know, they want me to change that,
They want me to dial it back a little bit,
they want me to even let them be in charge.
And it's just that's not gonna happen. That's not gonna happen.
And so you start to look at me a different
way because you feel that, you know, I'm masogynists or
just I'm arrogant. I don't want to I don't want
(09:57):
a woman. I just I just want someone who's gonna
kneel down, and I say anything that's not true. You
just have to we're not compatible. And that doesn't mean
that when someone feels that they're not compatible with one person,
they want to generalize it and make it seem like, Okay, well,
no woman is gonna want that. That's not true. The
right woman will you don't. That's the let them theory.
(10:20):
If a person wants to be a leader and you're
looking for that, let them. Let them. You're essentially asking
them to do something, and when you find someone who's
able to do that, let them do it. The reason
the let them theory says let them is because it
gives you the ability to decide fully Nobody wants their
(10:43):
time wasted. Nobody wants to spend years in a relationship
only for people to, you know, now have resentment because
I've been trying to change myself to be something for you,
but that's made me uncomfortable. I'm not comfortable doing that.
Nobody wants to have that happen. So let them. Let
(11:04):
them do what they want to do. It's it sounds
very extreme when you say a person let a person
talk to their ex if they want to. No, No,
let them let them, because what you're allowing them to
do is you're just giving them enough rope. I'm gonna
just put it that way, and you get to see
(11:25):
how this person, on their own accord deals with situations.
If so, if a woman is talking to her ex
and I step in and say, you know, you can't
talk to him, that's not allowed, she's either going to
give me resistance or she may reluctantly stop talking for
a little while. However, if in a relationship, I can
(11:48):
I see that she's talking to that person, you know,
I may be able to inquire as to how often
about what right? That's not changing her behavior, that's letting
her be her, And then I can make a decision
whether I want to be a part of that, whether
I'm okay with that, because once you get a relationship
(12:08):
with me, I understand that, hey, I can't I can't
talk to my ex like that. I shouldn't be talking
to them daily. I shouldn't be talking to them for hours. Right.
That's disrespectful to anybody. So you let them. I let
her do that, and then I get a chance to
decide if that's something that I want to deal with.
So the communication part is okay, you know, I let
(12:30):
that happen. I'm not comfortable with that, and so that's
what you want to do. I respect that, but I'm
not comfortable with that. I don't want to come in
and change that. Don't change it for me, change it
for yourself, because you know, once you once you draw
a line in the sand with people, they want to say,
oh no, no, no, you know, if you don't like it,
(12:51):
I will change. No, it's not about me not liking it.
I want you to change because you understand the predicament
that that puts me in. So you're changing that because
you want to. I should have nothing to do with
how you change your habits. You should be saying, Okay,
I want to give this much to Felix, I want
(13:12):
to give eighty percent. I want to give seventy five
percent to him. This is how I'm able to do
that by making these changes that let that lets you
know what a person's priorities are, and then we always
can have that discussion. In all of this, in the
let them theory, there is discussion being had once you
see these actions or you know behaviors taking place, whether
(13:37):
it's good or bad, you can always we always like
to talk about the negative stuff, but we can also
talk about good stuff too, So once you see this,
you have communications about it. Because sometimes we misunderstand relationships
that people have with other people, and sometimes we're spot
on with what that relationship is. The point is to
(13:59):
have a enough information to make an informed decision. I
don't convince I present right. Want of the let them
theory core values is don't chase value you attracted right,
don't chase value you attract it. When you adopt to
(14:21):
let them in mindset, you move different. You're not pressed,
you're not panicking. It may come off as nonchalant, but
if you're showing me certain things, I'm gonna let you
do that over there. Over there, you don't do that
here with me, you do that over there. So it
(14:43):
may seem a little passive, but not everybody wants to argue.
Some people really enjoy their peace. And so if I'm
letting you be you and it's just not something I
agree with, I don't agree with what you're doing. I
don't agree with your action. I can say that and
then we have a discussion about it and we just
(15:05):
agree to disagree. But if you draw a line in
the sand, I will always say this. If you draw
a line in the sand, keep it, keep it because
once you let someone violate your line in the sand,
they will continue to do so that's just human nature. Right.
If I've done it before, you didn't say anything, I'm
(15:26):
gonna keep doing it because I assume that it's okay.
Once you draw a line in the sand and say no,
this is a hard line. It's concrete in the sand,
it's drawn. Once you step over it, there is no returning.
And I think people have that with you know, a
levels of respect. Everyone has, you know, their idea of
what respect is, and no one wants to be disrespected.
(15:49):
So I think a lot of people's hard line in
the sand is like feeling disrespected to a certain point
to where no, you just can't. You just can't recover
from that. If someone pulls away, you don't. You just pivot, right.
If you don't want to be here, you don't want
to be here. I let you be you. I'm presenting
myself and who I am. I'm not gonna convince you
(16:10):
of anything else. I let me be me, let me function.
And so if you like what you're seeing over here,
this is the genuine article. There's no facade here. There
are both good things and there are both bad things.
Hopefully my good outweighs my bad. But if not, I
(16:31):
understand I'm not for everyone, and I'm not trying to
be for everyone. I'm trying to be first for myself, right,
I'm trying to be the person that brings me the
most piece that I'm happiest with. And so if someone
if I find someone that is truly happy with that person,
then we're gonna we should be a little compatible, right,
(16:51):
Because I'm being myself, she's being herself. People show you
exactly who they are. You just have to give them time, right,
and you just have to let them, don't test them,
let them right, Just go about your every normal uh,
your normal everyday actions. Right, women like if you like chivalry,
Women love chivalry. You like men that open the door.
(17:14):
You don't have to do anything different. Let's say we're
we're both getting out of the car and we're going,
you know, into a restaurant to eat, walk your normal pace,
reach for the door like you normally would. If he
is a chivalrous guy, he will position himself to where no, no, no,
(17:36):
I got that. You know what I'm saying. When we
go to sit down, he will you know, you choose
your seat, where do you want to sit? You sit down.
There's nothing that you have to do now, I know.
It's once women get to a certain point of comfortability,
it's not a bad thing. Right. They will just know that, hey,
he's gonna he's gonna open the door for me because
(17:57):
that's what he wants to do. The same thing once
we leave the restaurant, Right, you walk to your side
of the car. If he doesn't walk to your side
of the car, you don't say anything, don't do anything.
That's a level of chevalry. And if that's important to you, right,
You're he's showing you that you know, he may not
(18:18):
open your door when when y'all leave the restaurant. Is
that important enough to you to maintain that relationship or not?
Those are those little things we just let someone you know,
be who they're going to be. Stop stressing, start watching right,
be an observer, move accordingly, let them, Let them be
(18:43):
who they are supposed to be. The let them theory.
Tell me what you guys think. You guys have any
experience with the let them theory? Has it ever happened
to you now that we're talking about it today? Does
any does any lightbulbs go off to make you think, like,
you know, like that's probably something that I've done that
(19:05):
did not cultivate or enrich the relationship. Right when not
to use the theory to avoid communication? Right? You should
be everyone's voice should be heard. Even though I am
a leader, protector, provider, the woman that I'm with has
a voice. It annoys me. It annoys me when people assume,
(19:32):
because I like to be the leader, that I don't
want input that I'm going to be making decisions in
a vacuum. No, everyone has a voice. Everyone. Communication is
so important, so we never we never avoid conflict. We
try to communicate it. But if you can't communicate, then
(19:53):
that's when you kind of regroup and come back. Right,
express how you feel, just express your use the voice
that you have. And we don't use the let them
theory in cases of manipulation, abuse or toxicity. Right, I'm
not condoning that whatsoever. Those should be hard lines in
(20:15):
the sand, and so we you know, we exit that out.
Some real life examples. Why hasn't she text me back?
Should I double text me? I'm a person I hate
the double text. Right, It'll take a lot for me
to double text, especially if we're going, you know, back
and forth in a conversation. Right, I am a person
(20:38):
that I you know, I look to see at my
double texting because I don't want to seem thirsty. I
don't want to seem thirsty. Another example, she flirts with
other guys in front of me. Maybe I should be
more interesting. So now I'm using her actions as something
negative about me, and you shouldn't do that. That's before
using the let them theory, Right, she can't. Maybe I'm
(21:02):
expecting too much from her because she doesn't have time
for me. Rights, that is trying to make excuses for
someone's actions that I don't deem honorable. Okay, So after
we adopt the let them theory, she's not texting me back, Okay,
(21:22):
I'll match her energy. Okay, you just let it. You
just let it die. When someone has time, people make
time for the things that they want. It's that simple.
No one's that busy. We all know that mobile phones
are just that mobile. There's twenty four hours in a day.
It takes literally five seconds to say something. So if
someone can't do that, that's pretty much showing you what
(21:45):
you need to know. So she flirts with other guys,
let her just know that's not the type of relationship
that I want. That's to let the mindset he keeps canceling.
Let him I value consistent. See, he's not respecting my time.
There's changes that I have to make, and I you know,
I won't let someone put me on the back burner
(22:07):
until they feel that they're ready for me. In closing,
that's the let them theory. Don't change, don't try to
change people's habits. People will show you who they are.
Let them. Let them do the things that you know
they want to do in a relationship, whether that's calling, texting,
(22:28):
showing support, showing you know, care about your feelings and
what you're going through, showing chivalrous tendencies and I can't
even talk right. Let them do that, then you are
able to make a fair assessment if that is something
(22:49):
that you want to be a part of the let
them theory. I really resonate with this. I'm a I
am a let them person. I don't want to change. Now.
Do I want to kind of enhance curiosities, maybe change
your mindset about certain things? Yeah, but I'm not trying
(23:10):
to change your foundational behaviors. Right. This is where we
get into, you know, the the roles of a woman
in man. If you don't resonate with what I feel
the woman in my life's role is that is okay.
I'm not trying to change you. I want someone who
(23:30):
does that foundationally feels that way, was kind of raised
that way, thinks that way. Now we have a basis that,
you know, we connect on and we can build. So
if this episode hit home, make sure to drop a comment.
If you're on YouTube, drop a like on the video,
and make sure you share with other people. So until
(23:53):
next time,
All right, welcome everybody to the Felix Black Show the podcasts.
We're unpacking relationships, reality and the rules that people talk
about but may not know what they mean. Today, I'm
talking to you about a mindset shift that's gonna save
you time, heartbreak, It's gonna save you a little dignity. Right,
It's gonna just show you how to deal with some
(00:33):
of these struggles we have in relationships. It's called the
let them theory, and once you understand it, you'll never chase,
beg or overthink someone's behavior ever again. All Right, So
let's get into what the let them theory is. When
I was going through and doing my research on the
let them theory, this is something that I've alluded to
(00:55):
before on the actual show about letting people be themselves. Okay,
The let them theory promotes detachment, self respect, and emotional
intelligence and encourages individuals to allow people to reveal who
they are through their actual actions and without trying to control, fix,
(01:19):
or change them. Right, let people be who they are.
If someone wants to do something, let them right. They
want to ghost you, let them, they don't want to
support you, Let them they want to talk to their
ex Let them, right, that's the theme of today. Let
them they want to cancel plans last minute, let them
(01:43):
they want to flirt with other people, let them. The
idea is to stop resisting what someone is showing you
and instead pay attention and act accordingly. Right, don't try
to control someone's actions because you're not going to be
able to do that. You can't control the actions of
other people. You can't do that. So the let them
(02:05):
theory is essentially saying, let people be who they are,
let them do what they're going to do, so that
gives you a fair assessment of if you want to
be in a relationship with this person. Right. This is
not gender specific. I'm not talking specifically to men, not
specifically to women, talking to everybody. Okay, you can't control
(02:26):
the actions of others. We can't do that, okay, So
when you're trying to do that in relationships, sometimes that's
out of a fear of abandonment or a fear or
desperation to want to be in relationships. We all wear
masks initially when you meet someone, and again think back
(02:46):
to all of your relationships and even your friends, family.
How we meet someone in the beginning and they're so great,
they're amazing, right. They check all of these blocks. Talked
about the eighty twenty rules the other day. They check
all of these blocks, and it just it just seems
like this was the person made for me. And then
(03:08):
all of a sudden, they start to change. Things aren't
what they used to be either. They slow down, they
speed up, they stop putting forth the effort, they stop
showing the attention, and now you're left to wonder what
is going on? What happened? There's sometimes in this instance
where we want to go in and we want to
(03:28):
change what that person is doing. We want to institute rules.
We want to institute parameters for people to follow that
get them back into align with what we want them
to do, and let them. Theory just says, let them
be who they want to be, who they're showing themselves
(03:49):
to be. People reveal themselves through actions. Words can be manipulative,
they can be misleading, but behavior doesn't lie. Right. We
always say that actions speak louder than words, and sometimes
we want to believe what someone is saying because we
want them to fit into this box. If their actions
(04:10):
are showing you different, pay attention to those to those actions.
They speak volumes. Right, we can't change those fundamental things
in our character. So people can act for a little while.
They can be who they think they want to be,
or who they want to be for someone else, but
for so long, right, and then we have these real actions,
(04:34):
these real thoughts, these real opinions that begin to reveal themselves.
And it's just simply saying, don't put in control measures.
Let's on one room free and let them be who
they're gonna be. Sometimes it's not all bad. Sometimes people
are gonna show themselves to be exactly who you want
(04:57):
them to be without you having to show any I
don't want to say show any effort, right, but without
you having to direct them. Do this, do that, do this?
I want you to do this. Let them, let them
conform to you, let them show you that, Yes, I
want to be the person you want me to be.
(05:18):
I want to learn, I want to adapt, I want
to change. It's simply saying, don't institute these parameters to
try to make them do that. The problem that we
struggle with why let them theory exists and why people
have a hard time just letting it happen, because deep
(05:39):
down we all want to be chosen. People want to
be chosen. People want to be chosen for relationships. Whether
it's you know, a natural thing monogamy, or whether it's
a programming thing, people want to be chosen. And so
what happens is we think that if we love harder,
if we try harder, if we give more, that people
(06:03):
will change. And experience is the best teacher. I know
everyone out there has had an experience to where you
feel like you've given and done everything and people just
don't change. This person just is not going to change
their behavior. It's too much of a fight. And we
(06:24):
all know deep down inside that relationships are not supposed
to be a struggle. They are hard work, but it's
a it's a it's a difference between saying I have
to like put in maximum effort at this every single day,
versus our relationship flows naturally. Yes, it has peaks, Yes
(06:44):
it has valleys. Right, it's like an EKG missing machine
should go around boop, you have some blips, go up,
you have something to go down. But at the at
the end of the day it should be kind of
it should be kind of straight across, right with little effort.
We shouldn't be going up and down on every single
day that something has to give. Right, If we have
(07:05):
to change who we are by loving harder, giving harder
to make someone else change, that's controlled mixed with fear.
All right to me, that's not a genuine relationship. And
every time you try to micromanage someone's actions, what you're
trying to say is I don't I don't trust you.
(07:25):
If I have to tell you to put on your
location at all times, I don't trust you. We can,
we can try to add in old safety, but I
don't trust you if I have to. As soon as
you get off from work, when you get in the
car and you're driving home, call me. What is that about? Like,
(07:46):
I don't trust you. As soon as you leave the
house to go run your errands, to go get your
hair and nails done, I'm calling you the entire time.
I don't trust you to me. That's Those are control measures,
and we're trying to institute things to force the situation
the way that we want it to go. One thing
that I've said before about profiles on on dating sites,
(08:09):
I did a show call on modern Dating. Please check
that video out if you haven't. When you read a
profile that says you know, a person must do this,
a person should do this, do this. I want someone
who's who does this, who does that. That's the that's
the opposite to the let them theory. You are already
(08:30):
instituting things a person should do that you want them
to do. That's not the way relationships should work. It
should be a natural yin and yang. You know, I
like femininity in a woman. A woman likes femininity masculinity
in me. We fit together naturally, right. I can't take
(08:53):
someone that I feel wants to be more on the
masculine side and she's comfortable doing that, and she feels
comfortable doing that, and try to make her more feminine.
She's not gonna be comfortable in that. She's not gonna
want to do that. I can't take a woman who
doesn't want to be you know, led in, supportive in
(09:13):
a relationship and make her lead me. That's uncomfortable for
someone who does not want to be in that position.
And so that's what I try to institute about myself.
I know my function, I know the role that I
will play in a relationship. So it just blows my
mind when I meet people and they want to try
to dumb down my leadership and my wanting to be
(09:35):
at the front. You know, they want me to change that,
They want me to dial it back a little bit,
they want me to even let them be in charge.
And it's just that's not gonna happen. That's not gonna happen.
And so you start to look at me a different
way because you feel that, you know, I'm masogynists or
just I'm arrogant. I don't want to I don't want
(09:57):
a woman. I just I just want someone who's gonna
kneel down, and I say anything that's not true. You
just have to we're not compatible. And that doesn't mean
that when someone feels that they're not compatible with one person,
they want to generalize it and make it seem like, Okay, well,
no woman is gonna want that. That's not true. The
right woman will you don't. That's the let them theory.
(10:20):
If a person wants to be a leader and you're
looking for that, let them. Let them. You're essentially asking
them to do something, and when you find someone who's
able to do that, let them do it. The reason
the let them theory says let them is because it
gives you the ability to decide fully Nobody wants their
(10:43):
time wasted. Nobody wants to spend years in a relationship
only for people to, you know, now have resentment because
I've been trying to change myself to be something for you,
but that's made me uncomfortable. I'm not comfortable doing that.
Nobody wants to have that happen. So let them. Let
(11:04):
them do what they want to do. It's it sounds
very extreme when you say a person let a person
talk to their ex if they want to. No, No,
let them let them, because what you're allowing them to
do is you're just giving them enough rope. I'm gonna
just put it that way, and you get to see
(11:25):
how this person, on their own accord deals with situations.
If so, if a woman is talking to her ex
and I step in and say, you know, you can't
talk to him, that's not allowed, she's either going to
give me resistance or she may reluctantly stop talking for
a little while. However, if in a relationship, I can
(11:48):
I see that she's talking to that person, you know,
I may be able to inquire as to how often
about what right? That's not changing her behavior, that's letting
her be her, And then I can make a decision
whether I want to be a part of that, whether
I'm okay with that, because once you get a relationship
(12:08):
with me, I understand that, hey, I can't I can't
talk to my ex like that. I shouldn't be talking
to them daily. I shouldn't be talking to them for hours. Right.
That's disrespectful to anybody. So you let them. I let
her do that, and then I get a chance to
decide if that's something that I want to deal with.
So the communication part is okay, you know, I let
(12:30):
that happen. I'm not comfortable with that, and so that's
what you want to do. I respect that, but I'm
not comfortable with that. I don't want to come in
and change that. Don't change it for me, change it
for yourself, because you know, once you once you draw
a line in the sand with people, they want to say,
oh no, no, no, you know, if you don't like it,
(12:51):
I will change. No, it's not about me not liking it.
I want you to change because you understand the predicament
that that puts me in. So you're changing that because
you want to. I should have nothing to do with
how you change your habits. You should be saying, Okay,
I want to give this much to Felix, I want
(13:12):
to give eighty percent. I want to give seventy five
percent to him. This is how I'm able to do
that by making these changes that let that lets you
know what a person's priorities are, and then we always
can have that discussion. In all of this, in the
let them theory, there is discussion being had once you
see these actions or you know behaviors taking place, whether
(13:37):
it's good or bad, you can always we always like
to talk about the negative stuff, but we can also
talk about good stuff too, So once you see this,
you have communications about it. Because sometimes we misunderstand relationships
that people have with other people, and sometimes we're spot
on with what that relationship is. The point is to
(13:59):
have a enough information to make an informed decision. I
don't convince I present right. Want of the let them
theory core values is don't chase value you attracted right,
don't chase value you attract it. When you adopt to
(14:21):
let them in mindset, you move different. You're not pressed,
you're not panicking. It may come off as nonchalant, but
if you're showing me certain things, I'm gonna let you
do that over there. Over there, you don't do that
here with me, you do that over there. So it
(14:43):
may seem a little passive, but not everybody wants to argue.
Some people really enjoy their peace. And so if I'm
letting you be you and it's just not something I
agree with, I don't agree with what you're doing. I
don't agree with your action. I can say that and
then we have a discussion about it and we just
(15:05):
agree to disagree. But if you draw a line in
the sand, I will always say this. If you draw
a line in the sand, keep it, keep it because
once you let someone violate your line in the sand,
they will continue to do so that's just human nature. Right.
If I've done it before, you didn't say anything, I'm
(15:26):
gonna keep doing it because I assume that it's okay.
Once you draw a line in the sand and say no,
this is a hard line. It's concrete in the sand,
it's drawn. Once you step over it, there is no returning.
And I think people have that with you know, a
levels of respect. Everyone has, you know, their idea of
what respect is, and no one wants to be disrespected.
(15:49):
So I think a lot of people's hard line in
the sand is like feeling disrespected to a certain point
to where no, you just can't. You just can't recover
from that. If someone pulls away, you don't. You just pivot, right.
If you don't want to be here, you don't want
to be here. I let you be you. I'm presenting
myself and who I am. I'm not gonna convince you
(16:10):
of anything else. I let me be me, let me function.
And so if you like what you're seeing over here,
this is the genuine article. There's no facade here. There
are both good things and there are both bad things.
Hopefully my good outweighs my bad. But if not, I
(16:31):
understand I'm not for everyone, and I'm not trying to
be for everyone. I'm trying to be first for myself, right,
I'm trying to be the person that brings me the
most piece that I'm happiest with. And so if someone
if I find someone that is truly happy with that person,
then we're gonna we should be a little compatible, right,
(16:51):
Because I'm being myself, she's being herself. People show you
exactly who they are. You just have to give them time, right,
and you just have to let them, don't test them,
let them right, Just go about your every normal uh,
your normal everyday actions. Right, women like if you like chivalry,
Women love chivalry. You like men that open the door.
(17:14):
You don't have to do anything different. Let's say we're
we're both getting out of the car and we're going,
you know, into a restaurant to eat, walk your normal pace,
reach for the door like you normally would. If he
is a chivalrous guy, he will position himself to where no, no, no,
(17:36):
I got that. You know what I'm saying. When we
go to sit down, he will you know, you choose
your seat, where do you want to sit? You sit down.
There's nothing that you have to do now, I know.
It's once women get to a certain point of comfortability,
it's not a bad thing. Right. They will just know that, hey,
he's gonna he's gonna open the door for me because
(17:57):
that's what he wants to do. The same thing once
we leave the restaurant, Right, you walk to your side
of the car. If he doesn't walk to your side
of the car, you don't say anything, don't do anything.
That's a level of chevalry. And if that's important to you, right,
You're he's showing you that you know, he may not
(18:18):
open your door when when y'all leave the restaurant. Is
that important enough to you to maintain that relationship or not?
Those are those little things we just let someone you know,
be who they're going to be. Stop stressing, start watching right,
be an observer, move accordingly, let them, Let them be
(18:43):
who they are supposed to be. The let them theory.
Tell me what you guys think. You guys have any
experience with the let them theory? Has it ever happened
to you now that we're talking about it today? Does
any does any lightbulbs go off to make you think, like,
you know, like that's probably something that I've done that
(19:05):
did not cultivate or enrich the relationship. Right when not
to use the theory to avoid communication? Right? You should
be everyone's voice should be heard. Even though I am
a leader, protector, provider, the woman that I'm with has
a voice. It annoys me. It annoys me when people assume,
(19:32):
because I like to be the leader, that I don't
want input that I'm going to be making decisions in
a vacuum. No, everyone has a voice. Everyone. Communication is
so important, so we never we never avoid conflict. We
try to communicate it. But if you can't communicate, then
(19:53):
that's when you kind of regroup and come back. Right,
express how you feel, just express your use the voice
that you have. And we don't use the let them
theory in cases of manipulation, abuse or toxicity. Right, I'm
not condoning that whatsoever. Those should be hard lines in
(20:15):
the sand, and so we you know, we exit that out.
Some real life examples. Why hasn't she text me back?
Should I double text me? I'm a person I hate
the double text. Right, It'll take a lot for me
to double text, especially if we're going, you know, back
and forth in a conversation. Right, I am a person
(20:38):
that I you know, I look to see at my
double texting because I don't want to seem thirsty. I
don't want to seem thirsty. Another example, she flirts with
other guys in front of me. Maybe I should be
more interesting. So now I'm using her actions as something
negative about me, and you shouldn't do that. That's before
using the let them theory, Right, she can't. Maybe I'm
(21:02):
expecting too much from her because she doesn't have time
for me. Rights, that is trying to make excuses for
someone's actions that I don't deem honorable. Okay, So after
we adopt the let them theory, she's not texting me back, Okay,
(21:22):
I'll match her energy. Okay, you just let it. You
just let it die. When someone has time, people make
time for the things that they want. It's that simple.
No one's that busy. We all know that mobile phones
are just that mobile. There's twenty four hours in a day.
It takes literally five seconds to say something. So if
someone can't do that, that's pretty much showing you what
(21:45):
you need to know. So she flirts with other guys,
let her just know that's not the type of relationship
that I want. That's to let the mindset he keeps canceling.
Let him I value consistent. See, he's not respecting my time.
There's changes that I have to make, and I you know,
I won't let someone put me on the back burner
(22:07):
until they feel that they're ready for me. In closing,
that's the let them theory. Don't change, don't try to
change people's habits. People will show you who they are.
Let them. Let them do the things that you know
they want to do in a relationship, whether that's calling, texting,
(22:28):
showing support, showing you know, care about your feelings and
what you're going through, showing chivalrous tendencies and I can't
even talk right. Let them do that, then you are
able to make a fair assessment if that is something
(22:49):
that you want to be a part of the let
them theory. I really resonate with this. I'm a I
am a let them person. I don't want to change. Now.
Do I want to kind of enhance curiosities, maybe change
your mindset about certain things? Yeah, but I'm not trying
(23:10):
to change your foundational behaviors. Right. This is where we
get into, you know, the the roles of a woman
in man. If you don't resonate with what I feel
the woman in my life's role is that is okay.
I'm not trying to change you. I want someone who
(23:30):
does that foundationally feels that way, was kind of raised
that way, thinks that way. Now we have a basis that,
you know, we connect on and we can build. So
if this episode hit home, make sure to drop a comment.
If you're on YouTube, drop a like on the video,
and make sure you share with other people. So until
(23:53):
next time,
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