S1E6: Betsy Butterick, The Art of Communications

The WeCOACH Podcast challenges your communication skills when WeCOACH executive director and host Megan Kahn goes one-on-one with The Coaches Coach, Betsy Butterick. Betsy takes us behind the scenes having been mentored by two of the greatest minds and coaches in the game of basketball, Tara and Heidi Van Derveer and the lessons learned along the way that apply to life. Tune in as Betsy shares her decision to step away from coaching and the gap she saw, which led to her becoming a communication specialist. She isn’t afraid to laugh at herself giving up some candid bloopers and more importantly how her creativity lends itself to helping corporations, coaches and teams reach their highest potential.

Host: Megan Kahn

A co-production of WiSP Sports and WeCOACH

For more conversations from the world of women’s sport including articles, blogs, videos and podcasts visit wispsports.com. WiSP Sports is the World’s Largest Podcast Network for Women’s Sport with more than 20 hosts, 1000+ episodes across 30+ shows and a global audience of over 2 million. WiSP Sports is on all major podcast players. Follow WiSP Sports on social media @WiSPsports. Contact us at [e-mail]. 

Episode Transcript

(00:02):
Which sports the voice of women's sword. Welcome to Season one, Episode six
of the Week Coach podcast. Mydreamies, that's just the way, That's
just the way we are going isthat Please join us every two weeks as

(00:35):
we sit down with some of thebest and brightest women coaches, leaders,
and industry experts in the world ofsports for fun, insightful and inspiring conversations.
I'm your host, Megan Cohn,executive director of Weak Coach. This
podcast is a co production of WeekCoach and with Sports We Coach has become
the premiere nonprofit organization committed to recruiting, advancing, and retaining women coaches at

(00:58):
all sports and levels. Through programmingresources and an engaged community, we are
changing the landscape for female coaches andthe next generation of young women who will
follow in their footsteps. Today's guestknows a thing or two about coaching coaches.
A former collegiate basketball coach, BetsyButterick, is now the coach's coach.

(01:18):
Communication is her specialty. People areher passion, and working with others
to facilitate positive change is what shedoes best. Let's hear what my dear
friend has to say. Welcome Betsyto the Week Coach podcast. Thank you,
Megan, pleasure to be on withyou for our listeners. I'd love
to have you begin by sharing alittle bit of your background. I think
you have a great story, absolutely, So my story really begins when I

(01:42):
was eleven. We moved from theEast Coast to the Bay Area of California,
and that was the moment that Iimmediately fell in love with Stanford and
with Stanford women's basketball. At eleven, it became my dream school. And
I was the only person in myfamily to play basketball, so we knew
very little about the recruiting process orthe need to play club and all of
that. So I ended up mysenior year deciding okay, well I'll apply

(02:06):
and if I did in, thenperhaps look a try out as a walk
on. So I applied. Igot rejected. My teeth the rejection letter
at above my bed on the ceiling. As motivation to get better, I
went to the local junior college.I played there, and I applied a
second time to Stanford. I gota second rejection letter, but this one
came with a really nice note fromthe admissions department saying, we realized we've

(02:29):
applied twice. If you apply athird time, you'll have a pretty good
chance. And it was at thatpoint I needed to decide if I wanted
to try again for Stanford hoping thirdtime was a charm, or if I
wanted to accept one of the scholarshipoffers that I had on the table.
So I ended up accepting a scholarshipto a Division one school on the East
Coast, and I had had agreat recruiting trip. But after I started

(02:52):
school there as a member of theprogram, is when I found out that
eight players who'd left or transferred inthe two years that the new head coach
had been there, and an opportunityto experience why, and very quickly decided
that it would be my best interestand in the best interests of my health
and well being to make a transfer, so I transferred to Division three Claremont

(03:13):
McKenna. So for my collegiate playingcareer, I played junior college Division one,
Division three, and when I graduatedfrom high school, being in the
Bay Area, I started coaching atStanford basketball camp i'd attended as a young
camper through high school and then startedcoaching for Tara And it was the summer
before my junior year that Tara askedif I'd like to intern with their program

(03:36):
when I graduated. So I graduatedfrom Claremont McKenna and went straight to Stanford
and spent a year as a women'sbasketball intern. And it was during that
year that I met Heidi Vandever.So Tara Vandever is the oldest of five,
Heidi is the youngest. At thetime, Heidi was coaching in the
w NBA with the Seattle Storm andthe Late Pan Donovan and so since the

(03:58):
seasons were opposite, you would spendthe college season with Stanford. So I
met Heidi and got on with theSeattle Form at the end of the Stanford
season, so I went from Stanfordto Seattle stud bird More and Jackson were
on the team at the time.I think I was twenty three, traveling
the country with them. The Universityof Washington then took on an entirely new
staff, so I got on asthe video coordinator. And it was after

(04:21):
that year that Heidi got out ofthe pros back into college, becoming the
head coach at Occidental College Division three. She asked me to come be her
assistant. So we were together atOXY for four years, and then she
took the hedge ob at UC SanDiego and I went with her. So
we were there for three before Istepped off the court in twenty fifteen to
do what I do now becoming thecoach's coach and communications specialists. So that

(04:46):
was my journey long, multifaceted,but I learned so much because of the
variety of experiences that I had.I know so many directions I could go
to pivot off this, I thinkwhere I want to go first, just
because you touched all of that inyour mean statement. You played D one,
D three, you coached at Dtwo, You've been in the w
NBA. What was the similarities,what were the differences? Gosh, you

(05:10):
know, it's interesting, Megan,because I think growing up what you heard
as a young player was it's Divisionone or nothing. Right. If you're
not good enough, that's always thegoal. The goal is to play Division
one or else it's not really worthit. What I found through my different
experiences. One, there's a varietyof reasons that people choose to go to
junior college, either athletically so theycan continue to develop, or in my

(05:30):
case, because they didn't get intotheir dream school and they want to try
again it could be for economic reasons. So that was the junior college experience.
As far as Division one and Divisionthree, what I found when I
transferred was that the biggest difference betweenthose two divisions in my experience, was
not the competitiveness, not the skilllevel, but simply the size. So

(05:53):
instead of my point guard teammates beingfive eight in Division one, they were
now five two or five three,or post players instead of being six seven
were now maybe six one. Butthe competitiveness, the passion for the game
was the same, So it Imean, I think that's the biggest Obviously
the w NBA, those players arestill highly skilled. From a coaching perspective.

(06:15):
What was different for me in thepros was I, for the first
time was aware of how it reallyis a job. So I was used
to coming from the context of theteam people that are attending the same school
or playing for the same club program. And in the pros you have a
variety of players that are all highlyskilled professionals, and it's teaching these individuals

(06:36):
how to play together. But theyshowed up for work and then they went
home where they showed up for work, and then they went to different media
experiences so it was different from theexperience of team that I had had before.
But I also found that the bestteam, so to speak, in
the w NBA were the ones thatretain that sort of chemistry that comes from
playing together or spending so much timetogether in a similar way that you would

(07:00):
see in college, and that probablyserved you well in your work. Now,
absolutely, did you always know youwanted to be a coach? Oh?
Gosh, No, that actually wasn'tthe plan. I didn't. I
wouldn't say I had a plan specifically. I remember seeing Patch Adams when that
movie came out and thinking, gosh, I would love to do that.
And although I was a psychology major, I knew very early on that I

(07:23):
didn't want to go clinical, andI also didn't want to take a job
where I was sitting behind a desk. I knew that it was important for
me to interact with people, andI thought, okay, pediatrician or kindergarten
teacher. And to this day,whenever I walk into an elementary school classroom,
I wonder if I've missed my callingall those bright colors and the arts
and crafts. But no, Iwas really Tara saying, you know,

(07:44):
would you like to intern with ourprogram, and my passion for Stanford basketball
and my dream and desire to bepart of that. That was what opened
the door for me as a basketballcoach. And then when I think it
was our second year at Occidental,we were playing in a tournament in the
Bay Area and our athletic director atthe time had come with us to meet

(08:05):
with some donors and I got amessage there was a voice fail on the
phone after one of our games,and it was Jamie our Id and she
said, hey, Bets, ifHeidi says it's okay, can you drive
up to San Francisco. There's someoneI want you to meet, so very
Hollywood. Asking was a rainy,dark San Francisco night, and I pulled
up to this with you bar dimlyled, of course, and in the
back your athletic directors sitting at atable with another woman, and she said,

(08:28):
Betsy, this is Sue. Suecoaches leaders. I think you have
a lot to talk about. Andthat was the first time where I was
aware that coaching was something outside ofsport, And as soon as I learned
that it was a thing, Iknew that was exactly what I wanted to
do. Awesome I love it.So talk about if you can share,
because both Heidi and Tara I havetaken you under their wing in different points

(08:52):
in your career, in different stages. Share with our listeners. What's the
difference, goys. So, Imean, you're talking about two of the
best in the game, and youhear people talk about the value of strong
mentors. I basically hit a threepointer at the buzzer. I'm getting into
the context of that family. SoTars the oldest of five, heidis the
youngest. They're both incredible basketball minds. I really believe that the Vandevir family,

(09:15):
if we were to do, youknow, research studies down the road,
I think they have an extra gene, and that gene is simply for
watching film. They can kill somevideo, both of them, and when
they're not watching practice or game film, they're watching basketball, I mean college
pros, women's, men's. They'realways looking to innovate and adapt so as
to maximize the team that they havethis season. And I think that's something

(09:37):
that is important to note that's madeboth of them so successful. It would
be really easy with as long asTara has been at Stanford doing what she's
doing to do things the exact sameway, but that's not what happens.
And I think that's a key ingredientto the success that both of them have
experienced is they are immediately able togive up whatever is part of their makeup

(10:01):
or what they've been doing in serviceof what's needed now based off of the
players on their team. So atStanford, I like to say, Tara
taught me that one of the greatestabilities is flexibility. Part of that great
basketball mind is you can watch almostthe wheels turn as taras speaking. And
we would have our pre practice meetings, maybe three hours before practice, and

(10:24):
I get the practice plan and Tarawould say, okay, Betsy, we
need you to you know, tapedown some three point lines on the side
baskets because we're going to be doinga shooting drill in the second part of
practice today. So I go downand I'd spend you know, thirty forty
minutes with the string under the basketand taping out the three point lines.
And then Tara would come down forpractice and she say, oh, yeah,
yeah, we're not going to dothat drill to go ahead and take
up the tape. And that wasthe way it was, and you had

(10:46):
to be ready to let go ofany investment personally in time and effort into
doing what was the plan in serviceof what now is the plan? And
I distinctly remember when we were walkingdown for our first game in Maple's pavilion.
We're coming down the steps and thelight hit just right, and Tara

(11:07):
noticed that there was a smudge onone of the backboards. It looked like
a dirty basketball had been you hithigh off the backboard, and she said,
you know, facilities games management issupposed to make sure the backboards are
clean, but it looks like theymissed the spot. Would you mind grabbing
the ladder and getting up there?And I was already in heels and in
my dress clothes, and of courseI said, sure, no problem.
So I grabbed the windecks and theladder, got up there, and I

(11:28):
cleaned off the ones munch And fromthat point on, Tara asked if before
every game, even though it waspart of games management and that they had
done it, if I would justmake sure and if it would be okay,
could I wind X the backboards beforeeach game? And this wasn't a
punishment, It was simply her attentionto detail and It really taught me to
value the little things, not justyou know, what's the game plan,

(11:50):
x's and owns, what's gutting report? But how's the presentation of everything that
we do? Taking pride in thelittle things was something that I learned from
Tara. And then you get toand I'd like to say, you know,
they couldn't be more different in termsof how they show up. Tara
is someone that people have so muchrespect for. Heidi is someone that people

(12:11):
have so much love for. Andagain it's not that they don't respect Hidi
or they don't love Tara, butjust their personalities are very different. And
it's so much fun to go toa final four with either of them.
You can't take more than two stepswith people coming up and you know,
talking or high fiving or hugging.And I would say, Heidi is the
epitome of someone you work with,not for. And she taught me several

(12:33):
things, especially early in my career. One was disciplined earlier, discipline often,
and the second was we would alwaystalk about choices, decisions and consequences,
and Heidi said, you know,in anything that you do in life,
you have a choice. And thenbased off of the choices that you
have, You make a decision,and consequences are neither good nor bad.
There's simply the result of the decisionsthat you make. So we would always

(12:54):
tell our team make good choices becauseif you can start there, you're probably
going to be okay. And thenthe other thing that I took mostly from
my time with Heidi, part ofwhy we had so much success was we
never talked about winning. Instead,we always talked about opportunities for success,
and success for us as a staffmeant that each player on our team felt

(13:16):
seen, valued and appreciated, regardlessof their skill level. And that was
it. It was simple. Itwas people centric, and we won five
championships in seven years at two schoolsin two different divisions because people who are
seen and valued and appreciated tend togive you their best, and when you
have an entire team of people givingyou their best, you tend to win
a lot of games. But thatwas I mean, that was really the

(13:39):
major takeaways from my time with Boltaraand Hidi, and they continue to be
family to me. Your mother,Rita, if you've never met Rita Holy
Cow as an educator and incredible woman, Rita is the definition of what I
would call a lovely human being.So I feel fortunate to have interacted with
their family the way I have.Yeah, I've heard all about Rita from

(14:01):
you, so, and no doubtTara and Heidi are product of her strength.
So I think personally, I tooka whole page of notes on what
I'm going to continue to call bandof bearisms. So I don't know what
you call those lessons, but thoseare some great takeaways right there. Well.
And it's interesting, Megan, becausemy introduction to Heidi I was actually

(14:22):
in one of the assistant at thetime, Karen Middleton. I was in
Karen's office and it was early inthe year and she had asked if I
could help her with the guard workout that afternoon, and she called me
into her office and there was anotherwoman sitting in a chair there, so
I didn't know. I hadn't metbefore, And Karen said, that's I
need you to remind me to tellthe freshman about the orientation meeting. I

(14:43):
said, oh sure, So Igrab a pen off the desk and I
start to write orientation meeting on theback of my hand, and the woman
that I don't know pipes up andsays, what are you doing? And
I said, oh, I'm writingit down so I don't forget. She
said, you're not in college anymore. Don't write on your hand. And
that was my introduction to d vanderBeer and we joked that that was the
first of many what we call I'mnot trying to raise you, but lessons,

(15:05):
and there were many over the timethat we spent together. So that's
what I called my time with hiding. I was eleven when I fell in
love with Stanford and never realized thatdream in the way that I had wanted
to. And yet at twenty two, I happened to be twenty two when
I started my internship year with Stanford, So eleven years after I first had

(15:26):
the dream, here I am backat Stanford as a part of the program.
And I left basketball in twenty fifteen. And it was when I was
thirty three, so eleven years afterI'd interned at Stanford, that Tara called
and said, Bets, would youcome back and work with our team to
start the year. And I dida championship communication presentation with them that year,

(15:50):
and then the following year they hadread John Gordon soup over the summer
and Tara said, you know,we've got a really challenging schedule of got
a young team or putting in anew offense. Can you come and do
something for our team around you know, tying in championship or tying in the
book that they had read Soup.And so we co created and then I

(16:11):
presented this workshop for Stanford called ChampionshipSoup. So we tied in the different
elements of the book into what Tarahad told me they needed for the season,
And it was so much fun.But so to realize in the dream
in a very different way. AndI have to tell you, eleven year
old me when I walked in thatlocker room at thirty three, was so
excited. It was like I wasa little kid again, and here I

(16:33):
was part of the team, partof the season in a different way than
I'd imagine, but no less specialand meaningful. Absolutely, So, when
did you realize walk us back intwenty fifteen, what it was like to
make that decision to step away frompretty much the only thing you had known
up to that point. Sure,it was terrifying, not only because it

(16:55):
was the only thing I'd known,but because I loved everything about my life
and about my work, and Ihad earned my certificate as an integral coach,
which is really just a fancy wordfor meaning we don't leave anything out.
So I'd been certified as an integralcoach after doing a year of study
with a program in San Francisco calledNew Ventures West. And I chose that

(17:15):
program in part because the central questionswe were asked as a participant or who
am I? What am I todo? And how am I to serve?
And I love that methodology. Thecentral question leaving that program that I
was responsible to ask in my workas a coach was for the sake of
what, So before I give anythingto anyone, whether it's an activity or

(17:37):
reflection for an individual coaching client,or something that I'm putting into a presentation
for a team, asking that questionfor the sake of what is the purpose?
What is the value? And it'snever okay to say well because they
say so. So that was partof that background in training. But when
I left in twenty fifteen, Iwas living in an adorable student apartment three

(18:00):
blocks from winnen Cebach Mohoya. Iwas coaching at the gorgeous UC San Diego
with Heidi Mandevier, and to becompletely honest, I never had a desire
to be a head coach. Iwould have stayed coaching with Heidi until the
end of time, except that Ihad now for three years been coaching individual
clients and coaching basketball, and hadreached a point internally where I felt like

(18:25):
I wasn't giving my best to eitherneither one had my full attention, and
that didn't sit well with me.So I made the decision tearfully in twenty
fifteen to leave. And I rememberHeidi's favorite restaurant of all time as Chili's,
in part because she loves her tea. Heidi doesn't really have any vices
that I know of, except chili. Ste she can, I mean,

(18:45):
by the gallon, she can killsome chili. And so we've gone to
Chili's and I'd ask Heidi if wecan meet there to talk about my future.
And so we get there and wesit down. I said, Heidi,
do you know why we're here?And she said, yeah, we're
here to talk about your future.And I said, do you know what
that means? And she said,it means I'm going to miss the hell
out of you. And we bothstarted crying and she said, that's just

(19:07):
as soon as I hired you,I knew that it was a matter of
time before you would leave, becauseyou were meant to do bigger things than
work with sixteen people at a time. So to have that kind of support
and love and send off into theunknown, I left what I knew and
what I loved to do something thatI had never done before, something that
wasn't a thing. Coaching in theterms or in the context of corporate America

(19:32):
had become very popular, but coachingcoaches was not a thing that I knew
anybody was doing. People had consultants, they had mentors. But I knew
I wanted to be of service todo this great profession in a way that
I had seen there was a needfor while I was in it, and
so I left coaching to do that. But I knew nothing about starting business.
I was leaving the safety of everythingthat I had known. So it

(19:55):
was I think about two weeks.I barely slept, and I'm a really
good sleeper, because I was terrifiedof having made a huge mistake, but
also being driven by the belief thatI had a talent that I wanted to
share to be of service. IfI could help coaches be at their best
so they could give their best tothe student athletes in their program and thereby
elevate the student athlete experience. That'swhat I wanted to do. That's how

(20:18):
I wanted to serve. It's allabout the student athlete experience. And you
reference it talking about what you saw. What was that need that you saw
and you had a calling to do? Sure, So the need was really
for someone for coaches that was notan immediate member of their staff, nor
their significant other or a family memberto be there simply for them. And

(20:41):
as I said in the coaching profession, it's very common for coaches to have
mentors or people that have helped themgrow, whether it's their previous coaches or
people that they've just learned from specificallywithin their sport. But there wasn't someone
that had no immediate state in thegame, no tie to you know,
I'm not on the payrolls. Itdoesn't matter to me whether your program wins

(21:04):
or loses. Obviously I'd like tohelp people win, but someone who is
really just there for their specific growthand development on the issues that were most
important to them. And I hadsuch a variety of experience as a player
with different types of coaches, andit's seen so many ways in which coaches
held themselves back or we're not ableto give in the grind take a moment

(21:29):
to really focus on themselves. SoI wanted to be that person that was
able to give the coaches in thatway. Knowing that coaching is such a
special profession. I mean, Ireally don't know other than teaching specifically,
when when you talk about college workingwith you know, eighteen to twenty two
year olds, that's such a formativetime in your life. And the way
that a coaching relationship is a relationshipthat can be one that remains special for

(21:53):
student athletes for their entire life.So wow, I mean, if you're
going to make an impact, howcan I help coaches be at their best
to give their best to those peoplein their program at that time of their
life. And sometimes women are theworst that giving time and attention to themselves
and they're constantly giving to their sixteenplus student athletes and not necessarily making themselves

(22:15):
a priority. Absolutely, and thatwas something I had to learn and grow
through as well, was not seeingself care or shifting from seeing self care
is selfish to seeing self care assomething that's necessary so that I am able
to give my best to the peoplethat I love and care about. But
that was a shift I had tomake first before I can never help anybody

(22:36):
else make the same shift. Howdid communication become your specialty? Great question,
So I will be the first toadmit that I'm not an expert.
It's intentional that I call myself acommunication specialist. I have no degree or
formal certification and communication. I callmyself a specialist because I'm really a practitioner.
Everything I've learned and teach is fromobservation and research and personal experience.

(23:00):
I find communication endlessening fascinating. It'scentral to everything that we do, and
yet we tend to only be intentionalabout it when we have something important to
say. So the buzzword most oftenassociated with high performing teams is chemistry,
and chemistry is created through connection,and at the heart of connection is communication.
So if we can be a littlemore intentional about our communication to help

(23:22):
create those connections that leads to thatchemistry, that's the place I want to
play in. And I really haveHeidi and coaching to thank for my evolution
into becoming a communication specialist. WhenI first became a coach, I had
to be very intentional about my communication. So with our team, how could
I say what needed to be saidin a way that made sense to them?

(23:44):
How could I teach in a waythat resonated with the individuals in our
program? How could I write toour recruits in a way that perfectly captured
the essence of our program in sucha way that they could see themselves being
a part of it. And howcould I use language to reassure appearance that
I understood their question and concerns withouthaving been apparent myself. How could I
listen to our players in such away that they felt seem valued and appreciating.

(24:07):
So, I mean, those aresome of the applications that really sparked
my passion and interesting communication as aspecial team. You work with corporations,
you work with teams, you workwith individual coaches, and now hearing you
talk about your kindergarten teacher and lightningup when you see all the colorful things
when you walk into a classroom.It's no wonder you're able to get so

(24:27):
creative and dynamic with some of thecustomized trainings that you do. Thank you
can you talk about some of thework that you do specifically with coaches or
corporations. Sure, so when itcomes to presenting. As a student athlete
and then a coach, I satthrough so many presentations that were good,

(24:48):
but the material only worked while thepresenter was there, or you continually needed
to buy the next thing in orderto grow. And while I realized now
as a business owner that may begood marketing, I never felt that that
was truly being of service. Sowhenever I speak, it doesn't matter the
audience. I always have two goals. One is that whatever I come into
a room with, by the timeI leave, I want participants to feel

(25:08):
like it's theirs. And the secondis that whenever I present, I want
what I present to be of valuenow but also in the future. So
there's several workshops and webinars I doregularly, things like championship communication, leadership
communication, confrontation for connection. That'sbeen a big one recently, But my
favorite way to play is designing customizedtrainings for teams based on where they are

(25:32):
now and what they want to accomplish. So most recently I had the privilege
of working with Pen Women Soccer andhead coach Nicole Van Dyke, who Nicole
and I actually met when we wereboth Women's Coaches Academy participants back in twenty
thirteen, which is actually how weYeah yeah, and I love our story.
By the way, Nicole I calledat the beginning of this past season,

(25:55):
she called him the fallen She said, Bets, we've done grit,
we've done leadership, we've done resilience. See, we've done all of these
things. The one thing that wehaven't focused on is gratitude. And would
it be possible for you design avirtual training around gratitude? I said absolutely,
So we talked about her goals forthe team for the season and some
of the challenges that they would face, and I designed a webinar for them

(26:17):
called a Season of Gratitude, andwe talked about how gratitude is a choice,
it's a matter of perspective, it'sa competitive advantage, and it was
awesome. But to do that withthat team at that point they then I
think the next time I worked withthem was right before their final two games
when they were in the running foran IVY League championship, and they ended
up sharing a portion of that titleand just missing the NCAA tournament. But

(26:41):
the second training that I did withthem was they have very specific values,
and those values spelled out. Theacronym was wrapped wr AAP and Nicholson.
Can you help us really affirm ourvalues before we head into these final two
games that were going to be thetoughest of their season. So again,
just designing something for what was needednow for where they were headed to next

(27:03):
was That's the most rewarding for mebecause it engages my love for design and
creativity, but also being of servicein a way that matters most of the
people that I'm working with, absolutelyand I've been able to witness firsthand even
your PBJ session favorite activity? Isthat your favorite activity? It is?

(27:23):
And I'll tell you why. Iam Megan. It's because it never ends
the same way. So and Iuse it as an exercise to exemplify the
importance of clarity when we communicate.But it's my favorite because I have never
had it end the same way.No matter how many times I've done this,
and I probably have made over sixtypeanut butter and jelly sandwiches in front

(27:45):
of a live audience, it neverends the same way. And I think
that just goes to show there areso many different ways that we can communicate
but also miscommunicate. Absolutely so,share with our audience the directives on that
activity so they can be clued intowhat talking about. Absolutely so. And
you can do this if you're acoach and you're listening, can do this
with your team. Again, it'smy favorite, so please feel free.

(28:07):
What I do is we talk aboutclarity as being a barrier to communication,
and we define it as clearly articulatingone's words, the quality of being easy
to understand. And so I putparticipants into groups and I give them a
note card, blank note card,and I give them four minutes, and
I say, you have four minuteswith your team to write instructions for making

(28:29):
a peanut butter and jelly sandwich forsomeone who's never made one before. And
I'm going to be that person.And that's really all the instructions that I
give, and I lay out thematerial so I'll always I'll bring a bag
of bread, a jar of peanutbutter, a jar of jelly, a
knife, a plate, and anapkin. So those are the tools.
And I always I tell them,you know, you don't need to say
go to the store and pick upthese items, use what you have here,

(28:51):
and I'll have the items displayed ona table to write your instructions specifically
for making a peanut butter and jellysandwich. And then at the end of
the four minute I'll thank them,I'll collect their cards, will continue with
the presentation, and at a futurepoint in the presentation when they're doing a
group activity, I'll go through thecards. And what I'm really looking for
is almost like those Amelia Badlia booksthat we had growing up as a kid.

(29:14):
So I'm looking for cards that Ican take literally. So things like
when they say, you know,smash the two pieces together, i will
hands wide, come together with abig clap and smash the pieces together.
If they tell me to grab twopieces of bread but they don't say to
open the bag, I'll tear openthe bag from the middle and just grab
them through the bag. So itends in a variety of ways. One
group I've done this with a highschool team, and they said, with

(29:37):
a flick of the wrist, spreadthe jelly on the piece of bread,
and so I had jelly, andof course flick the wrist and the jelly
went straight onto the wall. Soyou can have fun with it. It
can be messy, but it's agreat illustration of how when we think we're
being very clear and very specific,things can be interpreted in a variety of
ways. So it's asking us tobe a little more intentional. If it's

(29:59):
this easy to screw up something assimple as a peanut butter and jelly sandwich,
how much easier is it to miscommunicate, especially within the context of a
team. So that's the takeaway.Absolutely. I think it makes a very
valid and easy to understandpoint in howthings can easily go awry with student athletes
that were not clear. Yes,a messy point, but well worth it.
All Sports one Voice we Coach.Tune in to the voice of women

(30:26):
coaches on the we Coach podcast.This is Whist Sports. So do you

(30:48):
have one or two communication nuggets youcan teach us today? Sure, and
i'd really recommend that people if youif you're looking for quick hits, and
I love those in basketball, Butif you're looking for quick hits, I
would go to YouTube and search myname Betsy Butterick. What you're looking for
our active videos? So ACT standsfor active Communication technique And in January of

(31:08):
twenty seventeen, I started filming theseshort videos. All of them are two
minutes or less, and they're designedto give you something you can do today
to impact the way you communicate andconnect with others. So very short videos,
but little bits of information. Someare drawn from my coaching background,
some are drawn from real life experiencesor conversations that I've had recently, but

(31:30):
all of them are designed to,whether you're a coach or not, be
a value for how you can communicateand connect with others. So some of
my favorite tips in those videos arethe difference between something that we say naturally
after we've taught a drill or presentedsomething. It's natural for us to say,
are there any questions? But what'sthe difference if instead I were to
say what questions do you have?And the point here being we can use

(31:53):
language intentionally to remove barriers. Arethere any questions? Perfectly fine to say,
Yet if instead I ask what questionsdo you have? I've removed the
barrier if someone first having to admitthat they have a question, and instead
created a space in which they're welcometo ask the question that I'm assuming they
have. So small shifts like that. Another is leaving with a player's name

(32:13):
before giving feedback. Oftentimes I'll hearpeople saying, you know, boxed out
megan, put their name at thebeginning. What happens, especially when your
team is scrimmaging or involved in anydrill, when you give feedback and put
the player's name at the end.Once you say their name, now they're
suddenly aware that what you said appliesto them, and they have to rewind
and listen to what you've just said. If you put their name at the

(32:35):
beginning, you grab their attention immediately, and now they're primed to hear you
in real time. Another is rephrasingand the positive. I'll sit at practices
observing communication and I'll often hear coachessay things like don't stop playing or don't
foul, rephrasing those as keep playingor hold your space. The reason being
when you tell people what you wantthem to do instead of what you don't
want them to do, you're muchmore likely to see the results that you're

(32:58):
looking for. Other things would beAlmost every team, regardless of sport,
has a kickoff making in the beginningof the year where they talk about their
team goals and their team values.The question that we often fail to ask
is coaches, let's say I'm withmy team or during our season and we
decide, you know, we wantto be committed to being a team that
has great energy. Okay, sowe define energy so that everyone's on the

(33:21):
same page. But the question wefail to ask is what does that look
like? When you ask that question, when you go there and you allow
individuals on your team to tell youwhat it looks like for them, because
an introvert on your team energy forthem having great energy is going to look
very different from your energy player,that extra red energeam that's out going naturally.

(33:42):
But finding out what it's like foreach individual when you ask the question
what does that look like not onlyallows you to set expectations, but because
they've said it, it's much easierfor you as a coach to hold them
accountable because it's not holding them accountableto what you've said you want them to
do, but holding them accountable towhat they've said they're committed to doing.
So little things like that, Butagain, the active videos are the best

(34:04):
way to get some quick hits,digestible in a short amount of time that
you can apply immediately to whatever roleyou occupy. Each one's about two minutes,
right, is about right? Yes, yep. So it's clearly evident
that small shifts can make a bigimpact. Yes, that's one of my
favorite phrases. Another favorite phrase ofmine is it's not impossible. It's simply

(34:25):
unpracticed. Oftentimes we think change isso difficult, and it can be for
very valid reasons. But the thingthat we've yet to do is something that's
simply unpracticed. It might take longerto practice the thing, whatever it happens
to be. When people often feelthings are impossible, it's not. It's
simply unpracticed. Oh you love thatfor everyone listening to write that one down.

(34:46):
So I have to ask, becauseI've been privie to some of these
that you've set me, what thefunniest blooper you've had when you've either been
presented or recording, and oh mygod, the funniest blooper you can say
on it? Yeah? Right,and there have been many. So when
I started filming the active videos,and it was important to me from the

(35:07):
beginning to film them in one take. It would have been easy to stop
and splice together and make this concisestream of thought. But it was important
to me to present them in onetake, because that's how real life operates.
We don't get to stop and rewindand pause and edit out what we
actually said for what we wish wewould have said, So filming them in

(35:30):
one take. I think when Ifirst started the first video I did took
me fifty six takes, and nowI can do them in two or three.
I used to write out a script. I don't anymore. I just
kind of stick to main points.But there was a time when Gosh,
I was living in Austin, andI had gone for this hike on the
green belt just outside of Austin,and I was singing Adele by way of

(35:53):
an entry, and I'd have tolook back at why I thought that was
a good idea for an intro.But I was singing hello from the other
side, and I didn't notice thata group of three hikers were on the
trail above me. And so hereI am in the woods, singing by
myself like a crazy person, andI will be the first time that I

(36:13):
do not sound like a doll.And so I think that was I had
to stop filming for about four minuteswhile I waited for my cheeks to return
to a normal color before continuing.But that was definitely one of the funnier,
more embarrassing moments from doing the activevideos. Hey, if you can
laugh at yourself, then I thinkthat's a good thing, and you have
to honestly as especially as a businessowner. There's so many, you know,

(36:36):
ups and downs as I've gone throughthis learning process. I was getting
ready to film an active video atmy apartment in Austin and I'd just gotten
out of the shower. I wasstanding there in a towel. It's an
empty apartment, and I leaned outof the bathroom door into the living room
and I shouted, makeup, Whereis makeup? Because I was thinking about
the fact that, you know,it takes me so long as one person

(36:57):
to film these and to prepare thematerial, and wouldn't it be nice?
And the goal is one day tohave you know, a team that does
hair and makeup and helps me getready to do these things. So just
kind of laughing at the currency doingwhile also thinking about what the future will
look like. If there's any partsout there you might have herded one thank
you. So let's go back toyou were a twenty thirteen graduate of our

(37:21):
NTAA women Coaches had me, whichis our program, and now you come
back and present to our selected classof approximately forty eight coaches. What's that
like for you? Oh gosh,it's it's my favorite stage. And I
had that reaffirmed recently the last timeI was there to go as a participant.
And I like to say the Women'sCoaches Academy is one of those experiences

(37:44):
that it's very hard to describe toother people who haven't been there, because
there's so much that happens in thoseyou know, three to four days that's
specific to the people that you areexperiencing them with. It was the first
time I'd ever been in an environmentwhere it was all female coaches, all
sports, all divisions, and Iremember thinking on day one, why are
we not doing this all the timeacross the country. You get so used

(38:07):
to being siloed within your sport,and you might go to your sporting convention.
For us, it's the Final Fourwhere the Women's Basketball Coaches Association has
their convention and conjunction. But you'rewith all basketball coaches, and sure it's
men and women, but it's notall sports, all divisions, all women
and so right away that was thenature of that environment was incredibly different,

(38:28):
but also immensely rewarding. I learnedthings from people I met, people like
Nicole that became friends that I arguablywould not have crossed paths with if it
wasn't for the Women's Coaches Academy experience. So to come back to what for
me as a participant was such aspecial place, and now get to meet
a new group of roughly forty eightcoaches every time that I speak, to

(38:50):
be part of their experience and memorablein the way that the presenters when I
was there were memorable. And nowto speak on the same stage with so
many of the people, people likeLiz Handsome from athlete assessments in the coal
Levoy from the Tucker Center, tobe colleagues now and faculty members with women
of that caliber who had Sally askingimpression on me. It's incredibly special and

(39:13):
I feel so privileged to be inthat space every time. Absolutely, I
think it takes me back to whatyou said when you talked about becoming an
infral life coach and how am Ito serve and we're all servant leaders.
It's really about to being back tothis profession and encouraging the next generation outside
of the current coaches, we haveto follow in their footsteps. What advice

(39:36):
do you have for women coaches tothrive in this profession? Oh, Megan,
There's so much that I want tosay. I would say if I
had to sum of it, itwould be asked for what you need.
And I think when we hear thatphrase, oftentimes we think about asking from
administrators, and that's true. We'reasking from our staff and that's true.

(39:57):
But I would encourage the individual coachto think about what haven't you asked for
that you really need? You know, is it support from your partner or
spouse or significant other. Is itmore time off, is it to work
from home or not have strict officehours so that you can manage the reality
of being a coach, which isthat you are on twenty four to seven,

(40:17):
that this is a non traditional professionin terms of hours worked, and
you're never know when you're away fromthe office, so to speak. You're
always thinking about your team or thinkingabout your program. We're always recruiting.
So ask for what you need andmake sure that you take care of yourself
so that you can care for thosein your program. So many coaches I
see get worn down, not simplyby the grind or by the environment that

(40:43):
they're in, but by the waythat they don't take care of themselves.
And said earlier, as women specifically, we tend to put others before ourselves,
and we see oftentimes self care orprioritizing ourselves as selfish. But organizing
one what it is that you need, and then too having the ability to
ask for it. I think thatwould be one piece of advice I would

(41:06):
give Again. We could talk aboutthis all day. Yeah, thanks so
much for that advice, because Ido think it's important, especially in this
day and age where we're seeing somany women leave the profession either due to
work life balance challenges, motherhood andtraditionally being considered the primary child career or
homemaker at home. So sure caregivers. Yeah, absolutely, though self care

(41:30):
is important and much needed. Ihave a question, Because you're constantly helping
others grow and reach their highest potentialor help their teams reach their highest potential,
how do you continue to grow?I love learning. That's something that
when I was thinking about a professionas well. One of the things I
loved about coaching is and now whenI work with clients or teams, I

(41:52):
learn as much from them as Ifeel I'm being of service or value.
So the way I like to learnspecifically these days is mostly through conversation.
Anytime I talk with someone, andwe almost have this bias sometimes when we
speak to people if we know themwell, I think there is an unintentional
perception that we have nothing new tolearn from them. If we go to

(42:15):
hear someone speak, obviously our earsare a little more open because this is
someone that's unfamiliar, or someone that'squote you know, an expert or a
specialist or what have you, someonethat we have the intention of learning from.
If you can bring that intention intoevery interaction that you have, you'll
be amazed what's available to you fromrunning to the store and talking. I
love going to Trader Joe's. Theircheckout clerks are so friendly and we have

(42:37):
great conversations. But just being opento what's available and around you all the
time. Life is my greatest teacher, and the conversations that I have with
people continually provide opportunities to teach mesomething. And I think if you approach
life with curiosity, that's the largestplatform for taking and new information, but

(43:00):
you have to you have to seeit from that perspective, or else you
can miss things that are literally rightin front of your face. I feel
like curiosity is the new buzzword onso many of our podcasts and so many
of the coaches and high performers I'vebeen speaking with. Everyone talks about having
in a going through life in acurious with a curious mind. So I

(43:20):
love that it's like kids. Imean, we we think often that children
need to be taught, but Iwould love for us to shift that perspective
and ask what can we learn fromchildren? And you know, whether it's
the importance of play, there's somany things that young children especially have innately
that I would say our culture sortof shapes out of them over time,

(43:44):
you know, and you need toperform in this way, and you need
to do these things, and thenwe reward them for the things that we
find acceptable as society. But ifyou look at really young kids, going
back to that kindergarten analogy, thewealth of information, the way they see
the world specifically with that curiosity becausethey're learning, is something that if we
could take a page from that book, man, it would serve us.

(44:05):
So well, just looking at myown nephews and my little niece. UM,
I have constant reminders of shifting thatlens for me, So I think,
right, yes, So you knowwe end every episode with fun quick
hitters. We're both basketball players.I get to use quick hitters with you,
and I'm gonna rapidly fire some questionsand you come back with the first
thing that comes to mind. Okay, if you could use one word to

(44:27):
describe yourself, what would you say? Playful? I knew you were going
there. I think I sunrise superious. So I couldn't write sunrise or sunset,
sunset, beach day or golf course. Oh, Megan, gosh,
you know that's hard for me.U golf course because I already picked sunset.

(44:51):
Yes, good one. And forthose on the call, you played
college golf, right, and you'recoached it, well, I would I
would loosely define the term played.I was on the college golf team.
They started a golf team my junioryear, and my basketball coach happened to
be the senior woman's administrator, andshe was recruiting golfers, and she found
out that I had played field hockeyin high school and she said, you

(45:13):
need to come out for the golfteam. I say, coach, I've
never I've only done mini golf.I've only played put butt. She said,
Now you'll be fine. And Ithink I took twice as many strokes
as our best golfer. But mypace of play was good enough, and
I would jog in. Our teammotto was hit it, go find it,
hit it again. So did Iplay golf in college? Yes,
I was on the team. I'vebecome a much better golfer in the years

(45:34):
since, but yes, I loveit. Mercy quarter Yard Director membership would
be proud you said that. Thankyou. So what is your morning routine?
My morning routine I like to startby waking up. That's I mean.
I found that works well for mein order to get on with the
rest of the day. My morningroutine typically these days, involved waking up

(45:57):
at the same time as my partner, she's a speech language pathologist, and
I'll start the coffee, I'll takethe dog out, and then I will
pack her lunch for the day.So I'll make lunch for the day,
we'll have breakfast together and then she'llhad out the door. Once she's gone
is when I really start. Kindof my specific routine, and it varies
from day to day, but Ilike to spend the first part of the
morning doing either some form of yogaor meditation, or even just sitting on

(46:23):
the back porch and being outside kindof quietly reflecting for a few minutes.
Typically the night before, I've madea to do list for my day,
and it's not something that I religiouslyfollow, but it allows me to put
my thoughts down, my intention ofin this day, This is how I'd
like to spend my time. Theseare the things that I'm looking to accomplish.
So I'll get started on that listand I intentionally break up my work.

(46:47):
Especially working from home, it's importantfor me to get out at some
point during the day and be aroundother people. So I'll go and I'll
work for a coffee shop, whetherit's pizza or Starbucks, something local for
typically a few hours, either inthe morning or afternoon. And when I'm
not doing that, I'll be athome and I break up the day.
If i'm working, let's say fortyminutes of an hour one of those two

(47:12):
do items, I'll take twenty minutesto either get up walk around. UM.
I always exercise if that's something that'simportant for me to do because it
stimulates my mind while I'm moving mybody. It makes me feel good,
especially after sitting so long at acomputer. But while I'm exercising, typically
I'm listening to a podcast or aTed talk, you know, something to
engage my mind while I'm moving mybody. But that's that's the typical,

(47:37):
the typical routine for a normal day. Yeah, I think it's great,
and people are always curious outside oftheir own profession, how other leaders and
high performers operate. So thanks forsharing that you travel a lot, You're
welcome. I also go to bedreally early. I'm an old lady when
it comes to bedtime, usually ninethirty, but I that's when my body

(47:59):
likes to go to sleep. Butsleep is really important for people that are
looking for routines. Start with sleep. Try to get to bed around the
same time. You'll notice the qualityof your sleep and the way that you're
able to go throughout your day greatlyimproves. Yeah, we've talked about this
a lot, so I'm gonna putyou on the spot. Introvert or extrovert
both, And that's not a copout, it's really true. I love

(48:21):
people. So when I'm speaking andI'm in front of a large group,
I love that time. I lovethe energy, I love the interaction.
As soon as everyone leaves, it'slike, oh, think of this,
I need to go someplace and justhave quiet times. Sometimes it's in the
car. I'll sit in the carand even before I start driving, I'll
just sit there with the radio offand the cars off, just to have

(48:42):
that quiet space, that moment tobreathe. So as much as I love
interacting with and being a part ofa large group, I also absolutely need
time to recharge. Same thing withyou know, happy hours or parties or
get togethers. It's like there's alarge part of me that's like, stay
on the couch, watch Netflix.And then there's the other part of me
that says, best, you knowwhat happens if you don't go. You

(49:05):
don't know what happens if you dogo, And that curiosity wins out,
and so I go. But it'sit's exhausting to be around people, and
I love it so so both goodOne. Okay, we're going to end
with this because I know you're asucker for quote. What's your favorite quote?
Oh gosh? Two because I dolove quote, so I'm going to
cheat and go too. So oneof my lifetime favorites has always been quote

(49:29):
by Rooming that says, let thebeauty of what you love be what you
do. And I feel very privilegedto feel like I'm at that point in
my life and have been for awhile. And then also I think it
was Winston Churchill that says we makea living by what we get, but
we make a life by what wegive. So continually having that be a
guiding principle of what am I givingto create the likes that I want to

(49:50):
live, what will be around whenI'm gone, That's a great one to
end on. It kind of bringsthis whole conversation. Three sixty four us
Betsy thinks so much for joining uson the week Coach podcast. Thank you,
Megan. Always a pleasure and Iappreciate what you do with Coach.
Thanks so much. You've been astrong advocate and supporter of our work in
our community of women coaches, andwe're forever grateful for that. Thank you.

(50:13):
Happy from thanks for listening to today'sshow with the Coaches Coach Betsy Butterick.
Every two weeks we sit down withfemale coaches, experts, and industry
leaders. Our podcasts features dynamic conversations, explores coaching insights, and share stories

(50:36):
of courage and resilience to empower youon your coaching journey. Make sure to
subscribe to with Sports on your podcastplayer to catch each new episode, dropping
every other Thursday. We'd love tohear from you. Please follow us and
share your comments on Twitter at weekcoach and at sports, or on Facebook
at we Coach Sports and at withSports. The show notes for today's episode

(50:58):
can be found on our show pageat whispsorts dot com. Do you want
to share with our audience to beon the lookout for our upcoming application period
for our summer NCAA Women Coaches Academyand Academy two point o programs, our
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dot org, where you find informationon our membership and a list of our

(51:19):
upcoming events. Until next time,All sports, one voice, We coach
my dreamies. That's just the way, that's just the way. Where the
going I just give everything is that