06 - Mr. Toad. The Wind in the Willows by Kenneth Grahame.

06 - Mr. Toad. The Wind in the Willows by Kenneth Grahame.  
This much-loved story follows a group of animal friends in the English countryside as they pursue adventure ... and as adventure pursues them! The chief characters - Mole, Rat, and Toad - generally lead upbeat and happy lives, but their tales are leavened with moments of terror, homesickness, awe, madcap antics, and derring-do.  
Although classed as children's literature, The Wind in the Willows holds a gentle fascination for adults too. 

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
This is a LibriVox recording. All LibriVox recordings are in
the public domain. For more information or to volunteer, please
visit LibriVox dot org. This recording is by Mark Smith
of Simpsonville, South Carolina. The Wind and the Willows by
Kenneth Graham. This is chapter six, Mister Toad. It was

(00:25):
a bright morning in the early part of summer. The
river had resumed its wonted banks and its accustomed pace,
and a hot sun seemed to be pulling everything green
and bushy and spiky up out of the earth towards him,
as if by strings. The mole in the water rat
had been up since dawn, very busy on matters connected

(00:46):
with boats and the opening of the boating season, painting
and varnishing, mending paddles, repairing cushions, hunting from missing boat hooks,
and so on, and were finishing breakfast in their little
parlor and eagerly discussed their plans for the day. When
a heavy knock sounded at the door. Mother said the rat,

(01:07):
all over, egg, see who it is, mole, Like a
good chap, since you're finished. The mole went to attend
the summons, and the rat heard him utter a cry
of surprise. Benny flung the parlor door open and announced,
with much importance, muster badger, this was a wonderful thing. Indeed,
that the badger should pay a formal call on them,

(01:29):
or indeed on anybody. He generally had to be caught
if he wanted him badly. As he slipped quietly along
a hedgerow of an early morning or a late evening,
or else hunted up in his own house in the
middle of the wood, which was a serious undertaking, the
badger strode heavily into the room and stood looking at

(01:49):
the tube animals with an expression full of seriousness. The
rat let his egg spoon fall on the tablecloth and
sat open mouthed. The hour has come, said the badger
at last, with great solemnity. What hour, asked the rat, uneasily,
glancing at the clock on the mantelpiece. Whose hour you

(02:10):
should rather say, replied the badger. Why Toad's hour? The
hour of Toad, I said, I would take him in
hand as soon as the winter was well over, And
I'm going to take him in hand today Toad's hour,
of course, cried the mole delightedly. Hooray, I remember now

(02:31):
we'll teach him to be a sensible toad this very morning,
continued the badger, taking an armchair. As I learnt last
night from a trustworthy source, another knew, an exceptionally powerful
motor car will arrive at toad Haul on approval or
return at this very moment. Perhaps Toad is busy arraying

(02:54):
himself in those singularly hideous subilements so dear to him,
which transform him from a comparatively good looking toad into
an object which throws any decent minded animal that comes
across it into a violent fit. We must be up
and doing ere. It is too late. You two animals

(03:17):
will accompany me instantly to toad Hall, and the work
of rescue shall be accomplished. Right you are, cried, the
rat starting up. We'll rescue the poor, unhappy animal. We'll
convert him. He'll be the most converted toad that ever
was before we're done with him. They set off up

(03:38):
the road on their mission of mercy. Badger leading the way. Animals,
when in company walk in a proper insensible manner in
single file, instead of sprawling all across the road and
being of no use or support to each other. In
case of sudden trouble or danger. They reached the carriage
drive of Toad Hall to find, as the bag had anticipated,

(04:01):
a shiny new motor car of great size, painted a
bright red Toad's favorite color, standing in front of the house.
As they neared the door, it was flung open, and
mister Toad, arrayed in goggle's cap, gaiters an enormous overcoat,
came swaggering down the steps, drawing on his gauntleted gloves. Hullo,

(04:26):
come on you, fellows, he cried cheerfully, on catching sight
of them. You're just in time to come with me
for a jolly, To come for a jolly, Oh, for
a jolly. His hearty accents faltered and fell away as
he noticed the stern, unbending look on the countenances of
his silent friends, and his invitation remained unfinished. The badger

(04:51):
strode up the steps, Take him inside, he said sternly
to his companions. Then, as Toad was hustled through the door,
struggling him protesting, he turned to the chauffeur in charge
of the new motor car, I'm afraid you won't be
wanted today, he said. Mister Toad has changed his mind.

(05:12):
He will not require the car. Please understand that this
is final. You needn't wait. Then he followed the others
inside and shut the door. Now, then, he said to
the toad, when the four of them stood together in
the hall, First of all, take those ridiculous things off. Shan't,

(05:36):
replied Toad with great spirit, what is the meeting of
this gross outrage? I demand an immediate explanation. Take them
off him, then, you two, ordered the badger. Briefly, they
had to lay Toad out on the floor, kicking and
calling all sorts of names before they could get to
work properly. Then the rat sat on him, and Mule

(05:58):
got his motorclothes off bit by bit, and they stood
him up on his legs again. A good deal of
his blustering spirit seemed to have evaporated with the removal
of his fine panoply. Now that he was merely Toad
and no longer the terror of the highway, he giggled
feebly and looked from one to the other appealingly, seeming

(06:21):
quite to understand the situation. You knew it must come
to this sooner or later, Toad, the badger explained, severely.
You've disregarded all the warnings we've given you, you've gone
on squandering the money your father left you, and you're
getting us animals a bad name on the district by

(06:41):
your furious driving and your smashes and your rouse with
the police. Independence is all very well, but we animals
never allow our friends to make fools of themselves beyond
a certain limit, and that limit you've reached. Now you're

(07:02):
a good fellow in many respects, and I don't want
to be too hard on you. I'll make one more
effort to bring you to reason. You will come with
me into the smoking room, and there you will hear
some facts about yourself, and we'll see whether you come
out of that room the same toad that you went in.

(07:23):
He took Toad firmly by the arm, led him into
the smoking room, and closed the door behind him. That's
no good, said the rat, contemptuously talking to Toad'll never
cure him, he'll say anything. They made the cells comfortable
in armchairs and waited patiently through the closed door. They

(07:44):
could just hear the long, continuous drone of the badger's voice,
rising and falling in waves of oratory. And presently they
noticed that the sermon began to be punctuated at intervals
by long drawn sobs, evidently pus sitting from the bosom
of Toad, who was a soft hearted and affectionate fellow,

(08:05):
very easily converted for the time being to any point
of view. After some three quarters of an hour, the
door opened and the badger reappeared, solemnly leading by the paw.
A very limp and dejected Toad. His skin hung baggily
about him, his legs wabbled, and his cheeks were furrowed

(08:27):
by the tears so plentifully called forth by the badger's
moving discourse, Sit down there, Toad, said the badger, kindly,
pointing to a chair. My friends, he went on, I
am pleased to inform you that Toad has at last
seen the error of his ways. He is truly sorry

(08:47):
for his misguided conduct in the past, and he has
undertaken to give up motor cars entirely and forever. I
have his solemn promise to that effect. There's very good news,
said the mole, gravely, very good news, indeed, observed the
rat dubiously. If only if only he was looking very

(09:13):
hard at Toad as he said this, and could not
help thinking he perceived something vaguely resembling a twinkle in
that animal's still sorrowful eye. There's only one more thing
to be done, continued the gratified badger, Toad. I want
you solemnly to repeat before your friend's here, what you

(09:36):
fully admitted to me in the smoking room just now. First,
you are sorry for what you've done, and you see
the folly of it all. There was a long, long pause.
Toad looked desperately this way and that, while the other
animals waited in grave silence. At last he spoke. No,

(09:58):
he said, a little sullenly but stoutly, I'm not sorry.
And it wasn't folly at all. It was simply glorious.
What cried the badger, greatly scandalized? You backsliding animal, didn't
you tell me just now? In there? Oh? Yes, yes,
in there, said Toad, impatiently. I'd have said anything in there.

(10:21):
You're so eloquent, dear badger, and so moving and so convincing,
and put all your points so frightfully. Well, you can
do what you like with me in there, and you
know it. But I've been searching my mind since and
going over things in it, and I find I'm not
a bit sorry or repentant, really, so it's no worthly

(10:42):
good saying I am now, is it? Then you don't promise,
said the badger, never to touch a motor car again.
Certainly not, replied Toad emphatically. On the contrary, I faithfully
promised that the very first motor car I see, poop
poop off, fight, go in it. How just so didn't I,

(11:04):
observed the rat to the mole. Very well, then, said
the badger, firmly, rising to his feet. Since you won't
yield to persuasion, we'll try what force can do. I
feared it would come to this all along. You've often
asked us three to come and stay with you, Toad,
in this handsome house of yours. Well now we're going to.

(11:28):
When we've converted you to a proper point of view,
we may quit, but not before take him upstairs, you two,
and lock him up in his bedroom while we arrange
matters between ourselves. It's for your own good, Toady, you know,
said the rat kindly, as Toad, kicking and struggling, was

(11:49):
hauled up the stairs by his two faithful friends. Think
what fun we shall have all together, just as we
used to when you've quite got over this, this painful
attack of yours. Will take great care of everything for you.
To your well, Toad, said the mole, and we'll see
your money isn't wasted as it has been. Now more

(12:13):
of those regrettable incidents with the police, Toad, said the rat,
as they thrust him into his bedroom. A no more
weekshin hospital being ordered about by female nurses, Toad added
the mole, turning the key on him. They descended the stair,
Toad shouting abuse at them through the keyhole, and the

(12:33):
three friends then met in conference on the situation. It's
going to be a tedious business, said the badger, sighing,
I've never seen Toad so determined. However, we will see
it out. He must never be left an instant unguarded.

(12:54):
We shall have to take it in turns to be
with him till the poison has worked itself out of
his system. They arranged watches accordingly. Each animal took it
in turn to sleep in Toad's room at night, and
they divided the day up between them. At first, Toad
was undoubtedly varying, trying to his careful guardians when his

(13:16):
violent paroxysms possessed him. He would arrange bedroom chairs in
rude resemblance of a motor car, and would crouch on
the foremost of them, bent forward and staring fixedly ahead,
making uncouth and ghastly noises, till the climax was reached.
When turning a complete somersault, he would lie prostrate amidst

(13:38):
the ruins of the chairs, apparently completely satisfied for the moment.
As time passed, however, these painful seizures grew gradually less frequent,
and his friends strove to divert his mind into fresh channels.
But his interest in other matters did not seem to revive,
and he grew apparently languid and depressed. One fine morning,

(14:03):
the rat, whose turn it was to go on duty,
went upstairs to relieve Badger, whom he found fidgeting. To
be off and stretch his legs in a long ramble
round his wood and down his earth's and burrows. Toad's
still in bed, he told the rat outside the door.
Can't get much out of him, except, oh, leave him alone.

(14:24):
He wants nothing. Perhaps he'll be better presently, it may
pass off in time. Don't be unduly anxious, and so on.
Now you'll look out, rat. When Toad's quiet and submissive
and playing it being the hero of a Sunday school prize,
then he's at his artfullest. There's sure to be something up.

(14:48):
I know him well. Now I must be off. How
are you today, old Chap, inquired the rat cheerfully as
he approached Toad's bedside. He had to wait some minutes
for an answer. At last, a feeble voice replied, thank
you very much, dear Rattie. So good of you to inquire,

(15:14):
But first tell me how you are yourself, and the
excellent mole. Oh we're all right, replied the rat. Mole,
he replied incautiously, is going out for a run round
with Badger. They'll be out to luncheon time. So you
and I will spend a pleasant morning together, and I'll

(15:35):
do my best to amuse you. Now jump up, there's
a good fellow, and don't lie moping there in a
fine morning like this, dear kind rat, murmured Toad. How
little you realize my condition, and how very far I
am from jumping up now? If ever, but do not

(16:00):
trouble about me. I hate being a burden to my friends,
and I do not expect to be one much longer. Indeed,
I almost hope not well. I hope not too, said
the rat heartily. You've been a fine bother to us
all this time, and I'm glad to hear it's going

(16:21):
to stop, and in weather like this and the boating
season just beginning. It's too bad of you, toad. It
isn't the trouble we mind, but you're making us miss
such an awful lot. I'm afraid it is the trouble
you mind, though, replied the toad languidly. I can quite

(16:43):
understand it. It's natural enough you are tired of bothering
about me. I mustn't ask you to do anything further.
I'm a nuisance. I know you are, indeed, said the rat.
But I tell you I take it any trouble on
earth for you. If only you'd be a sensible animal.

(17:06):
If I thought that ratty murmured Toad more feebly than before,
then I would beg you, for the last time, probably
to step round the village as quickly as possible. Even
now it may be too late and fetched, the doctor aer,

(17:27):
but don't you bother. It's only a trouble, and perhaps
we may as well let things take their course. Why
what do you want a doctor for, inquired the rat,
coming closer and examining him. He certainly lay very still
and flat, and his voice was weaker, and his manner

(17:49):
much changed. Surely you've noticed of late, murmured Toad. But no,
why should you noticing things as only a trouble tomorrow? Indeed,
you may be saying to yourself, Oh, if only I
had noticed sooner, if only I had done something. But no,

(18:14):
it's a trouble. Never mind, forget that, I asked, Look here,
old man, said the rat, beginning to get rather alarmed.
Of course, I'll fetch a doctor to you if you
really think you want him. But you can hardly be
bad enough for that. Yet, let's talk about something else,

(18:36):
I fear, dear friend, said Toad, with a sad smile,
that talk can do little in a case like this,
or doctors either, for that matter. Still, one must grasp
at the slightest straw. And by the way, while you
are about it, I hate to give you additional trouble,

(19:01):
but I happen to remember that you will pass the door.
Would you mind, at the same time asking the lawyer
to step up? It would be a convenience to me.
And there are moments, perhaps I should say, there is
a moment when one must face disagreeable tasks at whatever

(19:25):
cost to exhausted nature. A liar. Oh, he must be
really bad, the affrighted rat said to himself as he
hurried from the room, not forgetting, however, to lock the
door carefully behind him. Outside, he stopped to consider. The
other two were far away, and he had no one

(19:47):
to consult. It's best to be on the safe side,
he said, on reflection. I've known toad fancy himself frightfully
bad before without the slightest reason. But I've never heard
him ask for a lawyer. If there's nothing really the matter,
the doctor will tell him he's an old ass and

(20:09):
cheer him up, and that will be something gained. I'd
better humor him and go. It won't take very long,
so he ran off to the village on his errand
of mercy. The toad, who had hopped lightly out of bed,
as soon as he heard the key turned in the lock,
watched him eagerly from the window till he disappeared down

(20:29):
the carriage drive. Then, laughing heartily, he dressed as quickly
as possible in the smartest suit he could lay hands
on at the moment, filled his pockets with cash, which
he took from a small drawer in the dressing table,
and next knotting the sheets from his bed together and
tying one end of the improvised rope round the central

(20:50):
mullion of the handsome tudor window which formed such a
feature of his bedroom, he scrambled out, slid lightly to
the ground, and taking the opposite direction to the rat,
marched off lightheartedly whistling a merry tune. It was a
gloomy luncheon for rat when the badger and the mole

(21:11):
at length returned, and he had to face them at
table with his pitiful and unconvincing story. The badger's caustic,
not to say brutal remarks may be imagined and therefore
passed over. But it was painful to the rat that
even the mole, though he took his friend's side as
far as possible, could not help saying, you've bittiful duffer

(21:37):
this time roddy to two of all animals. He did
it awfully well, said the crestfallen rat. He did you
awfully well, rejoined the badger hotly, However, talking won't men matters.
He's got clear away for the time, that's certain, And

(21:58):
the worst of it is he'll be so conceited with
what he'll think is his cleverness that he may commit
any folly. One comfort is we're free now and needn't
waste any more of our precious time doing century go.
But we better continue to sleep at Toad Hall for
a while longer. Toad may be brought back at any

(22:21):
moment on a stretcher, or between two policemen. So spoke
the Badger, not knowing what the future held in store,
or how much water, or of how turbid a character
was to run under bridges, before Toad should sit at
ease again in his ancestral hall. Meanwhile, Toad, gay and irresponsible,

(22:44):
was walking briskly along the high road some miles from home.
At first he had taken by paths and crossed many fields,
and changed his course several times in case of pursuit.
But now feeling by this time safe from me capture,
and the sun smiling brightly on him, and all nature

(23:04):
joining in a chorus of approval to the song of
self praise that his own heart was singing to him,
He almost danced along the road in his satisfaction, and
conceit smart piece of work, that he remarked to himself,
chuckling brain against brute force, and brain came out on
the hop as it's bound to do. Poor old raddy, my,

(23:28):
won't he catch it when the badger gets back? A
worthy fellow, ratty with many good qualities, but very little
intelligence and absolutely no education. I must take him in
hand some day and see if I can make something
of him. Filled full of conceited thoughts such as these,
he strode along, his head in the air till he

(23:51):
reached a little town, where the sign of the red
Lion swinging across the road halfway down the main street
reminded him that he had not breakfasted that day, and
that he was exceedingly hungry. After his long walk, He
marched into the inn, ordered the best luncheon that could
be provided at so short a notice, and sat down

(24:12):
to eat it in the coffee room. He was about
half way through his meal when an only too familiar
sound approaching down the street made him start and fall,
a trembling all over the poop poop drew nearer and
nearer the car could be heard to turn into the
inn yard and come to a stop, and Toad had

(24:34):
a hold on to the leg of the table to
conceal his overmastering emotion. Presently the party entered the coffee room, hungry, talkative,
and gay, voluable on their experiences of the morning and
the merits of the chariot that had brought them along
so well. Toad listened eagerly all ears for a time.

(24:55):
At last he could stand it no longer. He slipped
out of the room, quietly, paid his bill at the bar,
and as soon as he had got outside, sauntered round
quietly to the inn yard. There couldnt be any harm,
he said to himself, Am I only just looking at it?

(25:15):
The car stood in the middle of the yard, quite unattended,
the stable helps another hangers on, being all at their dinner.
Toad walked slowly around it, inspecting, criticizing, musing deeply. I wonder,
he said to himself, presently, I wonder if this sort

(25:35):
of car starts easily. Next moments, hardly knowing how it
came about, he found he had hold of the handle
and was turning it. As the familiar sound broke forth.
The old passion seized on toad and completely mastered him
body and soul, As if in a dream, he found

(25:57):
himself somehow seated in the driver's seat, as if in
a dream, he pulled the lever and swung the car
round the yard and out through the archway, And as
if in a dream, all sense of right and wrong,
all fear of obvious consequences, seemed temporarily suspended. He increased

(26:18):
his pace, and as the car devoured the street and
leaped forth on the high road through the open country,
he was only conscious that he was Toad once more,
Toad at his best and highest, Toad, the terror, the
traffic queller, the lord of the lone trail, before whom
all must give way or be smitten into nothingness. An

(26:41):
everlasting night, he chanted as he flew, and the car
responded with sonorous drone. The miles were eaten up under him.
As he sped. He knew not whither, fulfilling his instincts,
living his hour, reckless of what might come to him.

(27:01):
To my mind, observed the Chairman of the Bench of Magistrates, cheerfully.
The only difficulty that presents itself in this otherwise very
clear case is how can we possibly make it sufficiently
hot for the incorrigible rogue and hardened ruffian whom we
see cowering in the dark before us. Ah, let me see.

(27:22):
He's been found guilty on the clearest evidence, first of
stealing a valuable motor car, secondly of driving to the
public danger, and thirdly of gross impertinence to the rural police.
Mister clerk, will you tell us, please, what is the

(27:43):
very stiffest penalty we can impose for each of these offenses, without,
of course giving the prisoner the benefit of any doubt,
because there isn't any. The clerk scratched his nose with
his pen Some people would consol he observed stealing the
motor car was the worst defense, and so it is.

(28:07):
But cheeking the police undoubtedly carries the soverest penalty, and
so it ought. Supposing you were to say, twelve months
for the theft, which is mild, and three years for the
furious driving, which is lenient, and fifteen years for the cheek,

(28:29):
which was pretty bad sort of cheek, judging by what
we've heard from the witness box. And even if you
only believe one tenth part of what you heard, and
I never believe more myself, well, those figures, if if
you added up correctly, taught up to nineteen years first rate,

(28:51):
said the chairman. So you had better make it around
twenty years and beyond the safe side, concluded the clerk.
An excellent suggestion, said the chairman, approvingly. Prisoner, pull yourself
together and try and stand up straight. It's going to
be twenty years for you this time, and mind if

(29:13):
you appear before us again upon any charge whatever, we
shall have to deal with you very seriously. Then the
brutal minions of the law fell upon the hapless toad,
loaded him with chains, and dragged him from the court house, shrieking, praying, protesting.
Across the market place, where the playful populace, always as

(29:37):
severe upon detecting crime as they are sympathetic and helpful
when one is merely wanted, assailed him with jeers, carrots
and popular catchwords. Past hooting school children, their innocent faces
lit up with the pleasure they ever derived from the
sight of a gentleman in difficulties. Across the hollow sounding drawbridge,

(30:00):
below the spiky portcullis, under the frowning archway of the
grim old castle, whose ancient towers soared high overhead, past
guardrooms full of grinning soldiery off duty, Past sentries who
coughed in a horrid sarcastic way, because that is as
much as a sentry on his posts dare do to

(30:21):
show his contempt and abhorrence of crime. Up time worn
winding stairs, Passed men at arms in cascade and corselet
of steel, darting threatening looks through their visors, Across courtyards
where mastiffs strained at their leash and powed the air
to get at him. Past ancient warders their halberds leaned

(30:44):
against the wall, dozing over a pasty in a flagon
of brown ale. On and on past the rack chamber
and the thumbscrew room, past the turning that led to
the privates scaffold, till they reached the door of the
grimmest dungeon that lay in the heart of the innermost keep.
There at last they paused, where an ancient jailer sat

(31:08):
fingering a bunch of mighty keys. Odds Bottikins said the
sergeant of police, taking off his helmet and wiping his forehead,
rouse thee old loon and take over from us this
vile toad, a criminal of deepest gilt and matchless artfulness
and resource. Watch and ward him with all thy skill

(31:31):
and mark thee well Graybeard should aught untoward befall thy
old head shall answer for his, and a murin on
both of them. The jailer nodded grimly, laying his withered
hand on the shoulder of the miserable Toad. The rusty
key creaked in the lock, the great door clanged behind them,

(31:54):
and Toad was a helpless prisoner in the remotest dungeon
of the best guarded keep, of the stoutest castle in
all the length and breadth of Merry England. The end
of chapter six