October 16, 2025 • 31 mins
12 - The Return of Ulysses. The Wind in the Willows by Kenneth Grahame.
This much-loved story follows a group of animal friends in the English countryside as they pursue adventure ... and as adventure pursues them! The chief characters - Mole, Rat, and Toad - generally lead upbeat and happy lives, but their tales are leavened with moments of terror, homesickness, awe, madcap antics, and derring-do.
Although classed as children's literature, The Wind in the Willows holds a gentle fascination for adults too.
This much-loved story follows a group of animal friends in the English countryside as they pursue adventure ... and as adventure pursues them! The chief characters - Mole, Rat, and Toad - generally lead upbeat and happy lives, but their tales are leavened with moments of terror, homesickness, awe, madcap antics, and derring-do.
Although classed as children's literature, The Wind in the Willows holds a gentle fascination for adults too.
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
This is a LibriVox recording. All LibriVox recordings are in
the public domain. For more information or to volunteer, please
visit LibriVox dot org. This recording is by Mark Smith
of Simpsonville, South Carolina. The Wind and the Willows by
Kenneth Graham and using music for Toad's Great Day by
(00:23):
Katharine Eastman of Redwood City, California. Chapter twelve, The Return
of Ulysses. When it began to grow dark, the rat,
with an air of excitement and mystery, summoned them back
into the parlor, stood each of them up alongside of
his little heap, and proceeded to dress them up for
(00:44):
the coming expedition. He was very earnest and thoroughgoing about it,
and the affair took quite a long time. First there
was a belt to go round each animal, and then
a sword to be stuck into each belt, and then
a cutlass on the other side balance it. Then a
pair of pistols, a policeman's truncheon, several sets of handcuffs,
(01:06):
some bandages and sticking plaster, and a flask, and a
sandwich case. The badger laughed good naturedly and said, all right, Ratty,
it amuses you, and it doesn't hurt me. I'm going
to do all I've got to do with this here stick.
But the rat only said, please, Badger, you know I
shouldn't like you to blame me afterwards and say I've
(01:29):
forgotten anything. When all was quite ready, the badger took
a dark lantern in one paw, grasped his great stick
with the other, and said, now then follow me, mole first,
because I'm very pleased with him. Rat, next, toad last,
and look here, Tody, don't you chatter so much as usual,
(01:51):
or you'll be sent back as sure as fate. The
toad was so anxious not to be left out that
he took up the inferior position signed to him without murmur,
and the animals set off. The badger led them along
by the river for a little way, and then suddenly
swung himself over the edge into a hole in the
(02:12):
river bank a little above the water. The mole and
the rat followed silently, swinging themselves successfully into the hole
as they had seen the badger do. But when it
came to toad's turn, of course, he managed to slip
and fall into the water with a loud splash and
a squeal of alarm. He was hauled out by his friends,
(02:33):
rubbed down and rung out, hastily comforted and set on
his legs. But the badger was seriously angry and told
him that the very next time he made a fool
of himself, he would most certainly be left behind. So
at last they were in the secret passage, and the
cutting out expedition had really begun. It was cold and
(02:56):
dark and damp, and low and narrow, and poor Toad
began to shiver, partly from dread of what might be
before him, partly because he was wet through The lantern
was far ahead, and he could not help lagging behind
a little in the darkness. Then he heard the rat
call out warningly, come on, Toad, and a terror seized
(03:19):
him of being left behind alone in the darkness, and
he came on with such a rush that he upset
the rat into the mole, and the mole into the badger,
and for a moment all was confusion. The badger thought
they were being attacked from behind, and as there was
no room to use a stick or cutlass, drew a
pistol and was on the point of putting a bullet
(03:39):
into Toad. When he found out what had really happened,
he was very angry, indeed, and said now this time
that tiresome Toad shall be left behind. But Toad whimpered,
and the other two promised that they would be answerable
for his good conduct, And at last the badger was pacified,
(04:00):
and the procession moved on. Only this time the rat
brought up the rear with a firm grip on the
shoulder of Toad. So they groped and shuffled along, with
their ears pricked up and their paws on their pistols,
till at last the badger said, we ought by now
to be pretty nearly under the hall. Then suddenly they heard,
(04:23):
far away as it might be, and yet apparently nearly
over their heads, a confused murmur of sound, as if
people were shouting and cheering, and stamping on the floor
and hammering on tables. The toad's nervous terrors all returned,
but the badger only remarked placidly, they are going at
the weasels. The passage now began to slope upwards. They
(04:48):
groped onward a little further, and then the noise broke
out again, quite distinct this time, and very close above them,
ur Ray, ray, ray away, they heard, and the stamping
of little feet on the floor, and the clinking of
glasses as little fists pounded on the table. What a
time they're having, said the badger.
Speaker 2 (05:09):
Come on.
Speaker 1 (05:11):
They hurried along the passage till it came to a
full stop, and they found themselves standing under the trap
door that led up into the butler's pantry. Such a
tremendous noise was going on in the banqueting hall that
there was little danger of their being overheard. The badger said, now, boys,
all together, and the four of them put their shoulders
(05:33):
to the trap door and heaved it back, hoisting each
other up. They found themselves standing in the pantry, with
only a door between them and the banqueting hall, where
their unconscious enemies were carousing. The noise as they emerged
from the passage was simply deafening. At last, as the
(05:54):
cheering and hammering slowly subsided, a voice could be made
out saying, I do not propose to detain you much longer.
Great applause, But before I resoled my seat renewed cheering,
I should like to say one word about our kind host,
mister Toad we all know toad, great laughter, good toad,
(06:19):
modest toad, honest toad, shrieks of merriment. Only just let
me get at him, muttered toad, grinding his teeth. Hold
hard a minute, said the badger, restraining him with difficulty.
Get ready, all of you, let me sing you a
little song. Went on the voice which I have composed
(06:41):
on the matter of toad. Prolonged applause. Then the chief weasel,
for it was he began in a high, squeaky voice.
Speaker 2 (06:50):
Toad.
Speaker 3 (06:50):
He went a pleasuring gaily down the street.
Speaker 1 (06:54):
The badger drew himself up, took a firm grip of
his stick with both paws, glanced rounded his comrades, and
cried the hours come follow me, and flung the door
open wide. My, what a squealing and a squeaking and
a screeching filled the air. Well. Might the terrified weasels
(07:14):
dive under the tables and spring madly up at the windows?
Speaker 3 (07:18):
Well?
Speaker 1 (07:19):
Might the ferrets rush wildly for the fireplace and get
hopelessly jammed in the chimney? Well? Might tables and chairs
be upset, and glass and china be sent crashing on
the floor in the panic of that terrible moment when
the four heroes strode wrathfully into the room, the mighty badger,
his whiskers bristling his great cudgel, whistling through the air,
(07:44):
Mole black and grim, brandishing his stick and shouting his
awful war cry, Um wo oumo rat desperate and determined,
his belt bulging with weapons of every age and every variety.
Toad frenzied with excitement and injured pride, swollen to twice
(08:04):
his ordinary size, leaping into the air and emitting toad
whoops that chilled them to the marrow. Toad he went
at pleasuring, he yelled, oh, pleasure, em and he went
straight for the chief weasel. There were but four and
all but to the panic stricken weasels, the hall seemed
full of monstrous animals, gray, black, brown, and yellow, whooping
(08:27):
and flourishing enormous cudgels. And they broke and fled with
squeals of terror and dismay, this way and that, through
the windows, up the chimney, anywhere to get out of
reach of those terrible sticks. The affair was soon over.
Up and down the whole length of the hall, strode
the four friends, whacking with their sticks at every head
(08:50):
that showed itself, and in five minutes the room was
cleared through the broken windows. The shrieks of terrified weasels
escaping across the lawn were born faintly to their ears.
On the floor lay prostrate some dozen or so of
the enemy, on whom the mole was busily engaged in
fitting handcuffs. The badger, resting from his labors, leaned on
(09:14):
his stick and wiped his honest brow.
Speaker 4 (09:16):
Mole.
Speaker 1 (09:17):
He said, you're the best of fellows. Just cut along
outside and look after those stout sentries of yours and
see what they're doing. I've an idea that, thanks to you,
we shan't have much trouble from them tonight. The mole
vanished promptly through a window, and the badger bade the
other two set a table on its legs again, pick
(09:39):
up knives and forks and plates and glasses from the
debris on the floor, and see if they could find
materials for a supper. I want some grub, I do,
he said, in that rather common way he had of speaking.
Stir your stumps, toad, look lively. You've got your house
back for you, and you don't offer us so much
(09:59):
as a sam which Toad felt rather hurt that the
badger didn't say pleasant things to him, as he had
to the mole and tell him what a fine fellow
he was, and how splendidly he had fought, for he
was rather particularly pleased with himself and the way he
had gone for the chief weasel, and sent him flying
across the table with one blow of his stick. But
(10:22):
he bustled about, and so did the rat, and soon
they found some guava jelly in a glass dish, and
a cold chicken a tongue that had hardly been touched,
some trifle, and quite a lot of lobster salad. And
in the pantry they came across a basketful of French
rolls in any quantity of cheese, butter and celery. They
(10:45):
were just about to sit down when the mole clambered
in through the window, chuckling with an armful of rifles.
You'sh all over, he reported, from what I could make out.
As soon as the stoats, who were very nervous and
jump beyond ready heard the shrieks and the yells and
the uproar inside the hall, some of them threw down
(11:06):
their rifles and fled. The others stood fast for a bit,
but when the.
Speaker 2 (11:11):
Weasels came rushing out upon them, they thought they were betrayed.
And the stoats grappled with the weasels, and the weasels
fought to get away, and they rustled and wriggled and
punched each other and rolled over and over till most
of them rolled into the river. They've all disappeared by now,
one way or other, and I've got their rifles. So
(11:32):
that's all right, excellent and deserving animal.
Speaker 1 (11:37):
Said the badger, his mouth full of chicken and trifle. No,
there's just one more thing I want you to do, Mole,
before you sit down to your supper along of us,
And it wouldn't trouble you. Only I know I can
trust you to see things done, And I wish I
could say the same of everyone I know. I'd send
(11:57):
Rat if he wasn't a poet. I want you to
take these fellows on the floor there upstairs with you
and have some bedrooms cleaned out and tidied up and
made really comfortable. See that they sweep under the beds
and put clean sheets and pillowcases on, and turned down
one corner of the bed clothes, just as you know
(12:17):
it ought to be done. And have a can of
hot water, and clean towels and fresh cakes of soap
put in each room, and then you can give them
a licking a piece, if it's any satisfaction to you,
and put them out by the back door, and we
shan't see any more of them, I fancy, And then
come along and have some of this cold tongue. It's
(12:40):
first rate. I'm very pleased with you, mole. The good
natured mole picked up a stick, formed his prisoners up
in a line on the floor, gave them the order
quick march, and let his squad off to the upper floor.
After a time, he appeared again, smiling and said that
every room was ready and as clean as a new pin.
(13:02):
And I didn't have to lick em either, he added,
I thought on the whole they had had lickin enough
for one night. And the weasels, when I put the
point to them, quite agreed with me, and said they
wouldn't think of troubling me. They were very penitent and
said they were extremely sorry for what they had done,
(13:23):
but it was all the fault of the chief weasel
and the stoats and if ever they could do anything
for us any time to make up, we had only
got to mention it. So I gave them a roll
apiece and let them out at the back.
Speaker 2 (13:37):
And off they ran as hard as they could.
Speaker 1 (13:41):
Then the mole pulled his chair up to the table
and pitched into the cold tongue, and Toad, like the gentleman,
he was, put all his jealousy from him, and said heartily,
thank you, kindly, dear mole, for all your pains in
trouble to night, and especially for your cleverness this morning.
The badger was pleased at that, and said, there spoke
(14:04):
my brave toad. So they finished their supper in great
joy and contentment, and presently retired to rest between clean sheets,
safe in Toad's ancestral home, won back by matchless valor,
consummate strategy, and a proper handling of sticks. The following morning, Toad,
(14:25):
who had overslapt himself as usual, came down to breakfast
disgracefully late, and found on the table a certain quantity
of eggshells, some fragments of cold and leathery toast, a
coffee pot three fourths empty, and really very little else
which did not tend to improve his temper, considering that,
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after all, it was his own house. Through the French
windows of the breakfast room, he could see the mole
and the water rat sitting in wicker chairs out on
the lawn, evidently telling each other's stories, roaring with laughter
and kicking their short legs up in the air. The badger,
who was in an arm chair and deep in the
(15:06):
morning paper, merely looked up and nodded when Toad entered
the room. But Toad knew his man, so he sat
down and made the best breakfast he could, merely observing
to himself that he would get square with the others
sooner or later. When he had nearly finished, the badger
looked up and remarked, rather shortly, I'm sorry, Toad, but
(15:27):
I'm afraid there's a heavy morning's work in front of you.
You see, we really ought to have a banquet at
once to celebrate this affair. It's expected of you. In fact,
it's the rule. Oh all right, said the toad, readily
anything to oblige. Though why on earth you should want
to have a banquet in the morning, I cannot understand.
(15:50):
But you know I do not live to please myself.
But merely to find out what my friends want and
then try and arrange it for him. You, dear old badger,
don't pretend to be stupider than you really are, replied
the badger crossly. And don't chuckle and splutter in your
coffee while you're talking. It's not manners. What I mean
(16:12):
is the banquet will be at night, of course, but
the invitations will have to be written and got off
at once, and you've got to write em. Now. Sit
down at that table. There's stacks of letter paper on it,
with toad haul at the top, in blue and gold,
and write invitations to all our friends. And if you
(16:33):
stick to it, we shall get them out before luncheon.
And I'll bear hand too, and take my share of
the burden. I'll order the banquet. What cried toad dismayed me,
Stop indoors and write a lot of rotten letters on
a jolly morning like this, when I want to go
around my property and set everything in every body to
(16:53):
rights and swagger about and enjoy myself. Ah, certainly not,
I'll be I'll see you stop a minute though, Oh
why of course, dear badger, what is my pleasure or convenience?
Compared with that of others. You wish it done, and
it shall be done. Go Badger, order the banquet, Order
(17:17):
what you like. Then join our young friends outside in
their innocent mirth, oblivious of me and my cares and toils.
I sacrifice this fair morning on the altar of duty
and friendship. The Badger looked at him very suspiciously, but
Toad's frank, open countenance made it difficult to suggest any
(17:39):
unworthy motive in this change of attitude. He quitted the
room accordingly in the direction of the kitchen, and as
soon as the door had closed behind him, Toad hurried
to the writing table. A fine idea had occurred to
him while he was talking. He would write the invitations,
and he would take care to mention the leading part
(18:01):
he had taken in the fight, and how he had
laid the chief weasel flat, and he would hint at
his adventures, and what a career of triumph he had
to tell about. And on the fly leaf he would
set out a sort of program of entertainment for the evening,
something like this, as he sketched it out in his head.
Speech by Toad. There will be other speeches by Toad
(18:25):
during the evening address by Toad, synopsis our prison system,
the waterways of old England, horse dealing, and how to
deal property, its rights and its duties back to the
land a typical English squire. Then song by Toad composed
(18:49):
by himself, and then other compositions by Toad will be
sung in the course of the evening by the composer.
The idea pleased him mightily, and he worked very hard
and got all the letters finished by noon, at which
hour it was reported to him that there was a
small and rather bedraggled weasel at the door, inquiring timidly
(19:13):
whether he could be of any service to the gentleman.
Toad swaggered out and found it was one of the
prisoners of the previous evening. Very respectful and anxious to please,
he patted him on the head, shoved the bundle of
imitations into his paw, and told him to cut along
quick and deliver them as fast as he could, and
(19:33):
if he liked to come back again in the evening,
there might perhaps be a shilling for him, or again
perhaps there mightn't. And the poor weasel seemed really quite grateful,
and hurried off eagerly to do his mission. When the
other animals came back to luncheon very boisterous and breezy
after a morning on the river. The mole, whose conscience
(19:55):
had been pricking him, looked doubtfully at Toad, expecting to
find find him sulky or depressed. Instead, he was so
uppish and inflated that the mole began to suspect something,
while the rat and the badger exchanged significant glances. As
soon as the meal was over, Toad thrust his paws
deep into his trouser pockets, remarked casually, well look after yourselves,
(20:20):
you fellows, ask for anything you want, and was swaggering
off in the direction of the garden, where he wanted
to think out an idea or two for his coming speeches.
When the rat caught him by the arm, Toad rather
suspected what he was after and did his best to
get away, But when the badger took him firmly by
(20:41):
the other arm, he began to see that the game
was up. The two animals conducted him between them into
the small smoking room that opened out of the entrance hall,
shut the door, and put him into a chair. Then
they both stood in front of him while Toad sat
silent and guarded them with much suspicion and ill humor.
(21:04):
Now look here, toad, said the rat. It's about this banquet,
and very sorry I am to have to speak to
you like this, but we want you to understand clearly
once in for all, that there are going to be
no speeches and no songs. Try and grasp the fact
on this occasion. We're not arguing with you. We're just
(21:27):
telling you. Toad saw that he was trapped. They understood him,
they saw through him, They had got ahead of him.
His pleasant dream was shattered.
Speaker 2 (21:39):
Mayn't I sing just one little song? He pleaded, piteously.
Speaker 1 (21:44):
No, not one little song, replied the rat firmly, though
his heart bled as he noticed the trembling lip of
the poor disappointed toad. It's no good, toady. You know
well that your songs are all conceit and boasting in vanity,
and your speeches are all self praise and will and
(22:04):
gross exaggeration and gas put in the badger in his
common way. It's for your own good, Toady, went on
the rat. You know you must turn over a new
leave sooner or later, and now seems a splendid time
to begin a sort of turning point in your career.
(22:24):
Please don't think that saying all this doesn't hurt me
more than it hurts you. Toad remained a long while,
plunged in thought. At last he raised his head, and
the traces of strong emotion were visible on his features.
You have conquered, my friends, he said, in broken accents.
(22:48):
It was, to be sure, but a small thing that
I asked merely leave to blossom and expand for yet
one more evening, to let myself go and hear the
tumultuous applause that always seems to me somehow to bring
out my best qualities. However, you are right, I know,
(23:12):
and I am wrong. Henceforth I will be a very
different toad. My friends, you shall never have occasion to
blush for me again. But oh dear, oh dear, this
is a hard world. And pressing the handkerchief to his face,
he left the room with faltering footsteps. Badger said the rat,
(23:37):
I feel like a brute. I wonder what you feel like.
Oh I know, I know, said the badger gloomily. But
the thing had to be done. This good fellow has
got to live here and hold his own and be respected.
Would you have him a common laughing stock, mocked and
(23:58):
jeered at mice, doats and weasels. Of course, not said
the rat. In talking of weasels. It's lucky we came
upon that little weasel just as he was setting out
with Toad's invitations. I suspected something from what you told me,
and had a look at one or two. They were
simply disgraceful. I confiscated the lot, and the good mole
(24:23):
is now sitting in the blue boudoir filling up plain
simple invitation cards. At last, the hour for the banquet
began to draw near, and Toad, who, on leaving the others,
had retired to his bedroom, was still sitting there, melancholy
and thoughtful, his brow resting on his paw, he pondered
(24:46):
long and deeply. Gradually his countenance cleared, and he began
to smile, long, slow smiles. Then he took to giggling
in a shy, self conscious manner. Last, he got up,
locked the door, drew the curtains across the windows, collected
all the chairs in the room and arranged them in
(25:08):
a semicircle, and took up his position in front of them,
swelling visibly. Then he bowed, coughed twice, and letting himself
go with uplifted voice, he sang to the enraptured audience
that his imagination so clearly saw.
Speaker 3 (25:27):
Toad's last little song. The toad came home, there was
panic in the parlors and bowling in the halls. There
was crying in the cow sheds, and shrieking in the
stalls when the toad came home. When the toad came home,
(25:52):
there was smashing in a window and crashing in of door.
There was chivving of weasels that fainted on the floor
when the toad came home.
Speaker 2 (26:04):
Bang, go the.
Speaker 4 (26:05):
Drums the cannon.
Speaker 3 (26:07):
They are shooting, and the soldiers are saluting.
Speaker 4 (26:10):
The trumpeters are.
Speaker 3 (26:11):
Tooting, and the motor cars are hooting.
Speaker 4 (26:14):
As the hea row comes, shout hooray, and let each
one of the crowd try and shout it very loud,
in honor of an.
Speaker 3 (26:27):
Animal of whom you're justly proud for It's Tom Scream.
Speaker 2 (26:35):
Dam.
Speaker 1 (26:39):
He sang this very loud, with great unction and expression,
And when he had done, he sang it all over again.
Speaker 4 (26:47):
Dan.
Speaker 1 (26:47):
He heaved a deep sigh, a long, long, long sigh.
Then he dipped his hair brush in the water jug
parted his hair in the middle and plastered it down
very straight, and sleep on each side of his face, and,
unlocking the door, went quietly down the stairs to greet
his guests, who he knew must be assembling in the
(27:09):
drawing room. All the animals cheered when he entered, and
crowded round to congratulate him and say nice things about
his courage, and his cleverness and his fighting qualities. But
Toad only smiled faintly and murmured not at all, or
sometimes for a change. On the contrary, Otter, who was
(27:31):
standing on the hearth rug, describing to an admiring circle
of friends exactly how he would have managed things had
he been there, came forward with a shout, threw his
arm around Toad's neck, and tried to take him round
the room in a triumphal progress. But Toad, in a
mild way, was rather snubby to him, remarking gently as
(27:51):
he disengaged himself that justs was the mastermind. The mole
and the water rat bore the brunt of the fighting.
I merely served in the room and did little or nothing.
The animals were evidently puzzled and taken aback by this
unexpected attitude of his and Toad felt, as he moved
from one guest to the other, making his modest responses,
(28:14):
that he was an object of absorbing interest to every one.
The badger had ordered everything of the best, and the
banquet was a great success. There was much talking and
laughter and chaff among the animals, and through it all Toad,
who of course was in the chair, looked down his
nose and murmured pleasant nothings to the animals on either
(28:37):
side of him. At intervals he stole a glance at
the badger in the rat, and always when he looked,
they were staring at each other with their mouths open,
and this gave him the greatest satisfaction. Some of the
younger and livelier animals, as the evening wore on, got
whispering to each other that things were not so amusing
(28:58):
as they used to be in the good old days.
And there were some knockings on the table and cries
of Toad speech speech from Toad song, mister Toad's song.
But Toad only shook his head gently raised one paw
in mild protest, and by pressing delicacies on his guests
(29:18):
by topical small talk, and by earnest inquiries after members
of their families, not yet old enough to appear at
social functions, managed to convey to them that this dinner
was being run on strictly conventional lines. He was indeed
an altered Toad. After this climax, the four animals continued
(29:40):
to lead their lives so rudely broken in upon by
civil war, in great joy and contentment, undisturbed by further
risings or invasions. Toad, after due consultation with his friends,
selected a handsome gold chain and locket set with pearls,
which he dispatched to the jailer's daughter with a letter
that even the badger admitted to be modest, grateful, and appreciative,
(30:05):
And the engine driver, in his turn, was properly thanked
and compensated for all his pains and trouble, under severe
compulsion from the badger. Even the barge woman was, with
some trouble sought out, and the value of her horse
discreetly made good to her, though Toad kicked horribly at this,
(30:26):
holding himself to be an instrument of fate, sent to
punish fat women with modeled arms who couldn't tell a
real gentleman when they saw one. The amount involved, it
was true, was not very burdensome, the Gipsy's valuation being
admitted by local assessors to be approximately correct. Sometimes, in
the course of long summer evenings, the friends would take
(30:48):
a stroll together in the wild wood, now successfully tamed
so far as they were concerned, and it was pleasing
to see how respectfully they readed by the inhabitants, and
how the mother weasels were to bring their young ones
to the mouths of their holes and say, pointing, look, baby,
there goes a great mister toad, and that's the gallant
(31:10):
water rat, a terrible fighter walking along of him, and
yonder comes the famous mister Mole, of whom you so
often have heard your father tell. But when their infants
were fractious and quite beyond control, they would quiet them
by telling how if they didn't hush them and not
fret them, the terrible gray badger would up and get them.
(31:33):
This was a base libel on Badger, who, though he
cared little about society, was rather fond of children, but
it never failed to have its full effect. This is
the end of the book The Wind in the Willows
This is a LibriVox recording. All LibriVox recordings are in
the public domain. For more information or to volunteer, please
visit LibriVox dot org. This recording is by Mark Smith
of Simpsonville, South Carolina. The Wind and the Willows by
Kenneth Graham and using music for Toad's Great Day by
(00:23):
Katharine Eastman of Redwood City, California. Chapter twelve, The Return
of Ulysses. When it began to grow dark, the rat,
with an air of excitement and mystery, summoned them back
into the parlor, stood each of them up alongside of
his little heap, and proceeded to dress them up for
(00:44):
the coming expedition. He was very earnest and thoroughgoing about it,
and the affair took quite a long time. First there
was a belt to go round each animal, and then
a sword to be stuck into each belt, and then
a cutlass on the other side balance it. Then a
pair of pistols, a policeman's truncheon, several sets of handcuffs,
(01:06):
some bandages and sticking plaster, and a flask, and a
sandwich case. The badger laughed good naturedly and said, all right, Ratty,
it amuses you, and it doesn't hurt me. I'm going
to do all I've got to do with this here stick.
But the rat only said, please, Badger, you know I
shouldn't like you to blame me afterwards and say I've
(01:29):
forgotten anything. When all was quite ready, the badger took
a dark lantern in one paw, grasped his great stick
with the other, and said, now then follow me, mole first,
because I'm very pleased with him. Rat, next, toad last,
and look here, Tody, don't you chatter so much as usual,
(01:51):
or you'll be sent back as sure as fate. The
toad was so anxious not to be left out that
he took up the inferior position signed to him without murmur,
and the animals set off. The badger led them along
by the river for a little way, and then suddenly
swung himself over the edge into a hole in the
(02:12):
river bank a little above the water. The mole and
the rat followed silently, swinging themselves successfully into the hole
as they had seen the badger do. But when it
came to toad's turn, of course, he managed to slip
and fall into the water with a loud splash and
a squeal of alarm. He was hauled out by his friends,
(02:33):
rubbed down and rung out, hastily comforted and set on
his legs. But the badger was seriously angry and told
him that the very next time he made a fool
of himself, he would most certainly be left behind. So
at last they were in the secret passage, and the
cutting out expedition had really begun. It was cold and
(02:56):
dark and damp, and low and narrow, and poor Toad
began to shiver, partly from dread of what might be
before him, partly because he was wet through The lantern
was far ahead, and he could not help lagging behind
a little in the darkness. Then he heard the rat
call out warningly, come on, Toad, and a terror seized
(03:19):
him of being left behind alone in the darkness, and
he came on with such a rush that he upset
the rat into the mole, and the mole into the badger,
and for a moment all was confusion. The badger thought
they were being attacked from behind, and as there was
no room to use a stick or cutlass, drew a
pistol and was on the point of putting a bullet
(03:39):
into Toad. When he found out what had really happened,
he was very angry, indeed, and said now this time
that tiresome Toad shall be left behind. But Toad whimpered,
and the other two promised that they would be answerable
for his good conduct, And at last the badger was pacified,
(04:00):
and the procession moved on. Only this time the rat
brought up the rear with a firm grip on the
shoulder of Toad. So they groped and shuffled along, with
their ears pricked up and their paws on their pistols,
till at last the badger said, we ought by now
to be pretty nearly under the hall. Then suddenly they heard,
(04:23):
far away as it might be, and yet apparently nearly
over their heads, a confused murmur of sound, as if
people were shouting and cheering, and stamping on the floor
and hammering on tables. The toad's nervous terrors all returned,
but the badger only remarked placidly, they are going at
the weasels. The passage now began to slope upwards. They
(04:48):
groped onward a little further, and then the noise broke
out again, quite distinct this time, and very close above them,
ur Ray, ray, ray away, they heard, and the stamping
of little feet on the floor, and the clinking of
glasses as little fists pounded on the table. What a
time they're having, said the badger.
Speaker 2 (05:09):
Come on.
Speaker 1 (05:11):
They hurried along the passage till it came to a
full stop, and they found themselves standing under the trap
door that led up into the butler's pantry. Such a
tremendous noise was going on in the banqueting hall that
there was little danger of their being overheard. The badger said, now, boys,
all together, and the four of them put their shoulders
(05:33):
to the trap door and heaved it back, hoisting each
other up. They found themselves standing in the pantry, with
only a door between them and the banqueting hall, where
their unconscious enemies were carousing. The noise as they emerged
from the passage was simply deafening. At last, as the
(05:54):
cheering and hammering slowly subsided, a voice could be made
out saying, I do not propose to detain you much longer.
Great applause, But before I resoled my seat renewed cheering,
I should like to say one word about our kind host,
mister Toad we all know toad, great laughter, good toad,
(06:19):
modest toad, honest toad, shrieks of merriment. Only just let
me get at him, muttered toad, grinding his teeth. Hold
hard a minute, said the badger, restraining him with difficulty.
Get ready, all of you, let me sing you a
little song. Went on the voice which I have composed
(06:41):
on the matter of toad. Prolonged applause. Then the chief weasel,
for it was he began in a high, squeaky voice.
Speaker 2 (06:50):
Toad.
Speaker 3 (06:50):
He went a pleasuring gaily down the street.
Speaker 1 (06:54):
The badger drew himself up, took a firm grip of
his stick with both paws, glanced rounded his comrades, and
cried the hours come follow me, and flung the door
open wide. My, what a squealing and a squeaking and
a screeching filled the air. Well. Might the terrified weasels
(07:14):
dive under the tables and spring madly up at the windows?
Speaker 3 (07:18):
Well?
Speaker 1 (07:19):
Might the ferrets rush wildly for the fireplace and get
hopelessly jammed in the chimney? Well? Might tables and chairs
be upset, and glass and china be sent crashing on
the floor in the panic of that terrible moment when
the four heroes strode wrathfully into the room, the mighty badger,
his whiskers bristling his great cudgel, whistling through the air,
(07:44):
Mole black and grim, brandishing his stick and shouting his
awful war cry, Um wo oumo rat desperate and determined,
his belt bulging with weapons of every age and every variety.
Toad frenzied with excitement and injured pride, swollen to twice
(08:04):
his ordinary size, leaping into the air and emitting toad
whoops that chilled them to the marrow. Toad he went
at pleasuring, he yelled, oh, pleasure, em and he went
straight for the chief weasel. There were but four and
all but to the panic stricken weasels, the hall seemed
full of monstrous animals, gray, black, brown, and yellow, whooping
(08:27):
and flourishing enormous cudgels. And they broke and fled with
squeals of terror and dismay, this way and that, through
the windows, up the chimney, anywhere to get out of
reach of those terrible sticks. The affair was soon over.
Up and down the whole length of the hall, strode
the four friends, whacking with their sticks at every head
(08:50):
that showed itself, and in five minutes the room was
cleared through the broken windows. The shrieks of terrified weasels
escaping across the lawn were born faintly to their ears.
On the floor lay prostrate some dozen or so of
the enemy, on whom the mole was busily engaged in
fitting handcuffs. The badger, resting from his labors, leaned on
(09:14):
his stick and wiped his honest brow.
Speaker 4 (09:16):
Mole.
Speaker 1 (09:17):
He said, you're the best of fellows. Just cut along
outside and look after those stout sentries of yours and
see what they're doing. I've an idea that, thanks to you,
we shan't have much trouble from them tonight. The mole
vanished promptly through a window, and the badger bade the
other two set a table on its legs again, pick
(09:39):
up knives and forks and plates and glasses from the
debris on the floor, and see if they could find
materials for a supper. I want some grub, I do,
he said, in that rather common way he had of speaking.
Stir your stumps, toad, look lively. You've got your house
back for you, and you don't offer us so much
(09:59):
as a sam which Toad felt rather hurt that the
badger didn't say pleasant things to him, as he had
to the mole and tell him what a fine fellow
he was, and how splendidly he had fought, for he
was rather particularly pleased with himself and the way he
had gone for the chief weasel, and sent him flying
across the table with one blow of his stick. But
(10:22):
he bustled about, and so did the rat, and soon
they found some guava jelly in a glass dish, and
a cold chicken a tongue that had hardly been touched,
some trifle, and quite a lot of lobster salad. And
in the pantry they came across a basketful of French
rolls in any quantity of cheese, butter and celery. They
(10:45):
were just about to sit down when the mole clambered
in through the window, chuckling with an armful of rifles.
You'sh all over, he reported, from what I could make out.
As soon as the stoats, who were very nervous and
jump beyond ready heard the shrieks and the yells and
the uproar inside the hall, some of them threw down
(11:06):
their rifles and fled. The others stood fast for a bit,
but when the.
Speaker 2 (11:11):
Weasels came rushing out upon them, they thought they were betrayed.
And the stoats grappled with the weasels, and the weasels
fought to get away, and they rustled and wriggled and
punched each other and rolled over and over till most
of them rolled into the river. They've all disappeared by now,
one way or other, and I've got their rifles. So
(11:32):
that's all right, excellent and deserving animal.
Speaker 1 (11:37):
Said the badger, his mouth full of chicken and trifle. No,
there's just one more thing I want you to do, Mole,
before you sit down to your supper along of us,
And it wouldn't trouble you. Only I know I can
trust you to see things done, And I wish I
could say the same of everyone I know. I'd send
(11:57):
Rat if he wasn't a poet. I want you to
take these fellows on the floor there upstairs with you
and have some bedrooms cleaned out and tidied up and
made really comfortable. See that they sweep under the beds
and put clean sheets and pillowcases on, and turned down
one corner of the bed clothes, just as you know
(12:17):
it ought to be done. And have a can of
hot water, and clean towels and fresh cakes of soap
put in each room, and then you can give them
a licking a piece, if it's any satisfaction to you,
and put them out by the back door, and we
shan't see any more of them, I fancy, And then
come along and have some of this cold tongue. It's
(12:40):
first rate. I'm very pleased with you, mole. The good
natured mole picked up a stick, formed his prisoners up
in a line on the floor, gave them the order
quick march, and let his squad off to the upper floor.
After a time, he appeared again, smiling and said that
every room was ready and as clean as a new pin.
(13:02):
And I didn't have to lick em either, he added,
I thought on the whole they had had lickin enough
for one night. And the weasels, when I put the
point to them, quite agreed with me, and said they
wouldn't think of troubling me. They were very penitent and
said they were extremely sorry for what they had done,
(13:23):
but it was all the fault of the chief weasel
and the stoats and if ever they could do anything
for us any time to make up, we had only
got to mention it. So I gave them a roll
apiece and let them out at the back.
Speaker 2 (13:37):
And off they ran as hard as they could.
Speaker 1 (13:41):
Then the mole pulled his chair up to the table
and pitched into the cold tongue, and Toad, like the gentleman,
he was, put all his jealousy from him, and said heartily,
thank you, kindly, dear mole, for all your pains in
trouble to night, and especially for your cleverness this morning.
The badger was pleased at that, and said, there spoke
(14:04):
my brave toad. So they finished their supper in great
joy and contentment, and presently retired to rest between clean sheets,
safe in Toad's ancestral home, won back by matchless valor,
consummate strategy, and a proper handling of sticks. The following morning, Toad,
(14:25):
who had overslapt himself as usual, came down to breakfast
disgracefully late, and found on the table a certain quantity
of eggshells, some fragments of cold and leathery toast, a
coffee pot three fourths empty, and really very little else
which did not tend to improve his temper, considering that,
(14:46):
after all, it was his own house. Through the French
windows of the breakfast room, he could see the mole
and the water rat sitting in wicker chairs out on
the lawn, evidently telling each other's stories, roaring with laughter
and kicking their short legs up in the air. The badger,
who was in an arm chair and deep in the
(15:06):
morning paper, merely looked up and nodded when Toad entered
the room. But Toad knew his man, so he sat
down and made the best breakfast he could, merely observing
to himself that he would get square with the others
sooner or later. When he had nearly finished, the badger
looked up and remarked, rather shortly, I'm sorry, Toad, but
(15:27):
I'm afraid there's a heavy morning's work in front of you.
You see, we really ought to have a banquet at
once to celebrate this affair. It's expected of you. In fact,
it's the rule. Oh all right, said the toad, readily
anything to oblige. Though why on earth you should want
to have a banquet in the morning, I cannot understand.
(15:50):
But you know I do not live to please myself.
But merely to find out what my friends want and
then try and arrange it for him. You, dear old badger,
don't pretend to be stupider than you really are, replied
the badger crossly. And don't chuckle and splutter in your
coffee while you're talking. It's not manners. What I mean
(16:12):
is the banquet will be at night, of course, but
the invitations will have to be written and got off
at once, and you've got to write em. Now. Sit
down at that table. There's stacks of letter paper on it,
with toad haul at the top, in blue and gold,
and write invitations to all our friends. And if you
(16:33):
stick to it, we shall get them out before luncheon.
And I'll bear hand too, and take my share of
the burden. I'll order the banquet. What cried toad dismayed me,
Stop indoors and write a lot of rotten letters on
a jolly morning like this, when I want to go
around my property and set everything in every body to
(16:53):
rights and swagger about and enjoy myself. Ah, certainly not,
I'll be I'll see you stop a minute though, Oh
why of course, dear badger, what is my pleasure or convenience?
Compared with that of others. You wish it done, and
it shall be done. Go Badger, order the banquet, Order
(17:17):
what you like. Then join our young friends outside in
their innocent mirth, oblivious of me and my cares and toils.
I sacrifice this fair morning on the altar of duty
and friendship. The Badger looked at him very suspiciously, but
Toad's frank, open countenance made it difficult to suggest any
(17:39):
unworthy motive in this change of attitude. He quitted the
room accordingly in the direction of the kitchen, and as
soon as the door had closed behind him, Toad hurried
to the writing table. A fine idea had occurred to
him while he was talking. He would write the invitations,
and he would take care to mention the leading part
(18:01):
he had taken in the fight, and how he had
laid the chief weasel flat, and he would hint at
his adventures, and what a career of triumph he had
to tell about. And on the fly leaf he would
set out a sort of program of entertainment for the evening,
something like this, as he sketched it out in his head.
Speech by Toad. There will be other speeches by Toad
(18:25):
during the evening address by Toad, synopsis our prison system,
the waterways of old England, horse dealing, and how to
deal property, its rights and its duties back to the
land a typical English squire. Then song by Toad composed
(18:49):
by himself, and then other compositions by Toad will be
sung in the course of the evening by the composer.
The idea pleased him mightily, and he worked very hard
and got all the letters finished by noon, at which
hour it was reported to him that there was a
small and rather bedraggled weasel at the door, inquiring timidly
(19:13):
whether he could be of any service to the gentleman.
Toad swaggered out and found it was one of the
prisoners of the previous evening. Very respectful and anxious to please,
he patted him on the head, shoved the bundle of
imitations into his paw, and told him to cut along
quick and deliver them as fast as he could, and
(19:33):
if he liked to come back again in the evening,
there might perhaps be a shilling for him, or again
perhaps there mightn't. And the poor weasel seemed really quite grateful,
and hurried off eagerly to do his mission. When the
other animals came back to luncheon very boisterous and breezy
after a morning on the river. The mole, whose conscience
(19:55):
had been pricking him, looked doubtfully at Toad, expecting to
find find him sulky or depressed. Instead, he was so
uppish and inflated that the mole began to suspect something,
while the rat and the badger exchanged significant glances. As
soon as the meal was over, Toad thrust his paws
deep into his trouser pockets, remarked casually, well look after yourselves,
(20:20):
you fellows, ask for anything you want, and was swaggering
off in the direction of the garden, where he wanted
to think out an idea or two for his coming speeches.
When the rat caught him by the arm, Toad rather
suspected what he was after and did his best to
get away, But when the badger took him firmly by
(20:41):
the other arm, he began to see that the game
was up. The two animals conducted him between them into
the small smoking room that opened out of the entrance hall,
shut the door, and put him into a chair. Then
they both stood in front of him while Toad sat
silent and guarded them with much suspicion and ill humor.
(21:04):
Now look here, toad, said the rat. It's about this banquet,
and very sorry I am to have to speak to
you like this, but we want you to understand clearly
once in for all, that there are going to be
no speeches and no songs. Try and grasp the fact
on this occasion. We're not arguing with you. We're just
(21:27):
telling you. Toad saw that he was trapped. They understood him,
they saw through him, They had got ahead of him.
His pleasant dream was shattered.
Speaker 2 (21:39):
Mayn't I sing just one little song? He pleaded, piteously.
Speaker 1 (21:44):
No, not one little song, replied the rat firmly, though
his heart bled as he noticed the trembling lip of
the poor disappointed toad. It's no good, toady. You know
well that your songs are all conceit and boasting in vanity,
and your speeches are all self praise and will and
(22:04):
gross exaggeration and gas put in the badger in his
common way. It's for your own good, Toady, went on
the rat. You know you must turn over a new
leave sooner or later, and now seems a splendid time
to begin a sort of turning point in your career.
(22:24):
Please don't think that saying all this doesn't hurt me
more than it hurts you. Toad remained a long while,
plunged in thought. At last he raised his head, and
the traces of strong emotion were visible on his features.
You have conquered, my friends, he said, in broken accents.
(22:48):
It was, to be sure, but a small thing that
I asked merely leave to blossom and expand for yet
one more evening, to let myself go and hear the
tumultuous applause that always seems to me somehow to bring
out my best qualities. However, you are right, I know,
(23:12):
and I am wrong. Henceforth I will be a very
different toad. My friends, you shall never have occasion to
blush for me again. But oh dear, oh dear, this
is a hard world. And pressing the handkerchief to his face,
he left the room with faltering footsteps. Badger said the rat,
(23:37):
I feel like a brute. I wonder what you feel like.
Oh I know, I know, said the badger gloomily. But
the thing had to be done. This good fellow has
got to live here and hold his own and be respected.
Would you have him a common laughing stock, mocked and
(23:58):
jeered at mice, doats and weasels. Of course, not said
the rat. In talking of weasels. It's lucky we came
upon that little weasel just as he was setting out
with Toad's invitations. I suspected something from what you told me,
and had a look at one or two. They were
simply disgraceful. I confiscated the lot, and the good mole
(24:23):
is now sitting in the blue boudoir filling up plain
simple invitation cards. At last, the hour for the banquet
began to draw near, and Toad, who, on leaving the others,
had retired to his bedroom, was still sitting there, melancholy
and thoughtful, his brow resting on his paw, he pondered
(24:46):
long and deeply. Gradually his countenance cleared, and he began
to smile, long, slow smiles. Then he took to giggling
in a shy, self conscious manner. Last, he got up,
locked the door, drew the curtains across the windows, collected
all the chairs in the room and arranged them in
(25:08):
a semicircle, and took up his position in front of them,
swelling visibly. Then he bowed, coughed twice, and letting himself
go with uplifted voice, he sang to the enraptured audience
that his imagination so clearly saw.
Speaker 3 (25:27):
Toad's last little song. The toad came home, there was
panic in the parlors and bowling in the halls. There
was crying in the cow sheds, and shrieking in the
stalls when the toad came home. When the toad came home,
(25:52):
there was smashing in a window and crashing in of door.
There was chivving of weasels that fainted on the floor
when the toad came home.
Speaker 2 (26:04):
Bang, go the.
Speaker 4 (26:05):
Drums the cannon.
Speaker 3 (26:07):
They are shooting, and the soldiers are saluting.
Speaker 4 (26:10):
The trumpeters are.
Speaker 3 (26:11):
Tooting, and the motor cars are hooting.
Speaker 4 (26:14):
As the hea row comes, shout hooray, and let each
one of the crowd try and shout it very loud,
in honor of an.
Speaker 3 (26:27):
Animal of whom you're justly proud for It's Tom Scream.
Speaker 2 (26:35):
Dam.
Speaker 1 (26:39):
He sang this very loud, with great unction and expression,
And when he had done, he sang it all over again.
Speaker 4 (26:47):
Dan.
Speaker 1 (26:47):
He heaved a deep sigh, a long, long, long sigh.
Then he dipped his hair brush in the water jug
parted his hair in the middle and plastered it down
very straight, and sleep on each side of his face, and,
unlocking the door, went quietly down the stairs to greet
his guests, who he knew must be assembling in the
(27:09):
drawing room. All the animals cheered when he entered, and
crowded round to congratulate him and say nice things about
his courage, and his cleverness and his fighting qualities. But
Toad only smiled faintly and murmured not at all, or
sometimes for a change. On the contrary, Otter, who was
(27:31):
standing on the hearth rug, describing to an admiring circle
of friends exactly how he would have managed things had
he been there, came forward with a shout, threw his
arm around Toad's neck, and tried to take him round
the room in a triumphal progress. But Toad, in a
mild way, was rather snubby to him, remarking gently as
(27:51):
he disengaged himself that justs was the mastermind. The mole
and the water rat bore the brunt of the fighting.
I merely served in the room and did little or nothing.
The animals were evidently puzzled and taken aback by this
unexpected attitude of his and Toad felt, as he moved
from one guest to the other, making his modest responses,
(28:14):
that he was an object of absorbing interest to every one.
The badger had ordered everything of the best, and the
banquet was a great success. There was much talking and
laughter and chaff among the animals, and through it all Toad,
who of course was in the chair, looked down his
nose and murmured pleasant nothings to the animals on either
(28:37):
side of him. At intervals he stole a glance at
the badger in the rat, and always when he looked,
they were staring at each other with their mouths open,
and this gave him the greatest satisfaction. Some of the
younger and livelier animals, as the evening wore on, got
whispering to each other that things were not so amusing
(28:58):
as they used to be in the good old days.
And there were some knockings on the table and cries
of Toad speech speech from Toad song, mister Toad's song.
But Toad only shook his head gently raised one paw
in mild protest, and by pressing delicacies on his guests
(29:18):
by topical small talk, and by earnest inquiries after members
of their families, not yet old enough to appear at
social functions, managed to convey to them that this dinner
was being run on strictly conventional lines. He was indeed
an altered Toad. After this climax, the four animals continued
(29:40):
to lead their lives so rudely broken in upon by
civil war, in great joy and contentment, undisturbed by further
risings or invasions. Toad, after due consultation with his friends,
selected a handsome gold chain and locket set with pearls,
which he dispatched to the jailer's daughter with a letter
that even the badger admitted to be modest, grateful, and appreciative,
(30:05):
And the engine driver, in his turn, was properly thanked
and compensated for all his pains and trouble, under severe
compulsion from the badger. Even the barge woman was, with
some trouble sought out, and the value of her horse
discreetly made good to her, though Toad kicked horribly at this,
(30:26):
holding himself to be an instrument of fate, sent to
punish fat women with modeled arms who couldn't tell a
real gentleman when they saw one. The amount involved, it
was true, was not very burdensome, the Gipsy's valuation being
admitted by local assessors to be approximately correct. Sometimes, in
the course of long summer evenings, the friends would take
(30:48):
a stroll together in the wild wood, now successfully tamed
so far as they were concerned, and it was pleasing
to see how respectfully they readed by the inhabitants, and
how the mother weasels were to bring their young ones
to the mouths of their holes and say, pointing, look, baby,
there goes a great mister toad, and that's the gallant
(31:10):
water rat, a terrible fighter walking along of him, and
yonder comes the famous mister Mole, of whom you so
often have heard your father tell. But when their infants
were fractious and quite beyond control, they would quiet them
by telling how if they didn't hush them and not
fret them, the terrible gray badger would up and get them.
(31:33):
This was a base libel on Badger, who, though he
cared little about society, was rather fond of children, but
it never failed to have its full effect. This is
the end of the book The Wind in the Willows
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