Finding Love After 40 : A Lost Cause or a New Beginning (Recorded Live On 11-5-25)

Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Yeah, Hey, what's up everybody? How's everybody doing tonight? This

(01:39):
is big Coleon hopes that this might her podcast coming
to you live from you know how we do it here?
Where the fuck you want to be live from? So good,
I'm gonna bring in my lovely co host, p G Love.
Let's bring her in right now? PG Love?

Speaker 2 (02:02):
What's up?

Speaker 1 (02:04):
How are you.

Speaker 2 (02:06):
Chilling?

Speaker 3 (02:07):
You're chilling? You're good?

Speaker 2 (02:08):
Yeah? I had a cat?

Speaker 1 (02:10):
Yeah yeah, I saw it off off line. That's how
the catch is fucking with chie. How is your week?

Speaker 2 (02:19):
Uh, it's TOMP day, but it feels like it's been
over over weeks already, So.

Speaker 3 (02:27):
Okay, all right, yeah that's cool.

Speaker 1 (02:31):
So just to you know, let everybody know, this week's
primary topic is finding love after forty? Is it a
lost cause or a new beginning for some for most?

(02:53):
Whatever the case may be, how it is you want
to look at it? And I mean, what happens after
after forty? You know what I mean? What are the
changes that people go through at that point in their lives?

Speaker 3 (03:10):
What do you think?

Speaker 2 (03:12):
I thank a lot, I mean, but it really depends
on the person, because we all go through faces in
our life at different ages, you know, like, twenties is
definitely different, very different than the thirties, thirties or different
than the forties, and you know, like our bodies are changing,

(03:36):
the world around us is changing. So it's like all
those things come into play with all of that. And
also the big thing, I think if he's in your
forties and you're and you still haven't like gone through
some type of therapy for your trauma or your like

(03:59):
issues whatever, like, if you're not working on that, then
you know that's going to make it hard to be
in a relationship or or like find love if you're
not being real with yourself, right.

Speaker 1 (04:17):
So that that take that brings me to the first
the first thing here, So actually knowing who you are
is important. That's That's pretty much that's the gist of it,
because in your twenties, love is often about finding yourself
through someone else. Right by your by your forties, you've

(04:42):
already done You've already done the work. You know your values,
your boundaries, and what kind of energy you want and
what you won't tolerate.

Speaker 2 (04:52):
You should anyway, right, you at least.

Speaker 1 (04:55):
That you should at least do that. So I think
the bottom line of that is you're not chasing completion.
You're looking more for connection, you know, because I think
if you if you're looking to complete yourself, you're you're

(05:18):
already you're already fucking your you're fucking your ship up.
Because I think personally, you should be looking to build connections,
not finding someone to complete you. You should already be
not complete, but you should already be at a point
in your life where experience and knowledge of self is vital,

(05:43):
you know what I mean?

Speaker 2 (05:44):
Yeah, So I think like you just as a whole,
like complete me. I think how I understanding feeling like
someone would complete me is like they're going missing puzzle
peace to the like that I want. So like, I

(06:08):
don't think it has to be necessarily like they're going
to take over parts of your life or weaknesses of
yours or something like. It's more about like and it's
just different, Like it's different for everybody, right, What are
you looking for? Are you looking for something because you're rolling?

(06:29):
Are you looking for something because you want a partnership,
because you want a family, because you want uh, you know,
a partner in crime, or you want to travel buddy,
Like it all falls in line. I feel like I
can't read any comments so.

Speaker 3 (06:49):
I'll I'll put it up on the on the screen.

Speaker 2 (06:53):
The yeah, like a Vieja coming up to the screen.
Learning self love and self worth was definitely a big
step of my forties. Yes, it's unfortunate for a lot
of people it takes to your forties. I don't feel
like it should take to your forties to recognize what

(07:13):
your worst. But if we're talking about as jen xers,
I feel like, yes, Unfortunately for a lot of us,
it took this long because we for a lot of
us only recently learned what trauma is and that we
have been through it or have dealt with things that
we're not okay in the past, and just realizing that

(07:38):
how that affects you as a person, how that affects
the way you do things, how you trust people, if
you're loyal, Like these are I think all things that
stem from you your past, you know, and and I
feel like people should and we've talked about this a

(08:01):
million times, like communicate those things. What are your expectations? Like,
I don't think it's wrong to point, like state your expectations.
Maybe our expectations are crazy, who knows, But if that
person is just like yeah, no, I can't do that.
I would rather know that because I would ideally want

(08:25):
someone who could do those things.

Speaker 3 (08:29):
You know.

Speaker 1 (08:31):
Yeah, but I think what I understand that we understand
what you're saying. I think also at at that age,
at our age.

Speaker 3 (08:41):
I can't say at our age, at our age, I
don't want to.

Speaker 4 (08:44):
I don't want to age you we're in I think
we're in the same like you know, when it's like
forty five to fifty four, like we're.

Speaker 2 (08:54):
In that bracket now. Unfortunately we're hitting in that bracket
the free pre a RP subscription age you know who
are right around there.

Speaker 1 (09:06):
Yeah, that's crazy, right, Yeah, And then I think it's
a lot you want less drama and more peace in
your life.

Speaker 5 (09:17):
You know, at this stage more people who love drama,
So I don't some people they have is drama in
their lives. That's the problem.

Speaker 2 (09:28):
I yes, it should, it should be less drama like
as we say, grown being grown folk. But like for real,
like I think, yes, in your forties, by that time,
you should know like what the hell you want? I'm
in that what the bracket? Yeah, yes, most chet exers

(09:52):
are in that bracket unfortunately.

Speaker 1 (09:55):
I mean also a lot of the ship too, is
that you don't have the time andergy for games, ghosting, bullshit, confusion.
You want you want to know exactly where you are
and and where you want to be at this point
because they a lot of people, a lot of people
seem to think that you need to have it all

(10:18):
figured out at this age and that I agree, it's
not true. You know, you you want to trade chaos
for clarity, you know what I mean? And to be
honest with you, if you want to trade chaos for clarity,

(10:38):
I think that's that's pretty dope, you know what I'm saying,
Because wanting clarity in your life and wanting to know
where you're headed at that point in time of your
life is very important.

Speaker 3 (10:51):
Yeah, you know what I.

Speaker 1 (10:52):
Mean, because it's it's not knowing I mean, at least
not I'm gonna say it. Not knowing where you're headed
at this point is not is not really good.

Speaker 2 (11:10):
Because well, in what way? Relationship wise? Okay? Because like
life wise, I feel like like career wise and other
things like that, that's that's ever changing and can be
because of where we live. So we can have the
opportunity to continually like try to do different things career wise,

(11:31):
or feel like, Okay, this is not what I want
to be doing. And then there are people I've seen
that like finish their like bachelor's or something in their
eighties like this, it doesn't matter. That doesn't matter, right,
But going into relationships when you're at this age, I agree,
like you kind of should know and be in a

(11:56):
place where you can be distinct in what you're acting
for or LifeWise, sometimes we have no control like those
so many curve balls. It does, and like I keep
seeing like this meme and it's not getting political or
anything like that, but like it's not benefits and all

(12:18):
this stuff going around with it. You know, nobody like
wants to be on these benefits, Like it's not enough,
like if you have a family, Like things happen to
people sometimes shit happens. And if we're going to be real,
like people aren't getting paid enough because there are a

(12:38):
lot of people working who qualify for food tifts and
that says something like so it's like I just these
things frustrate me. But like life changes so quickly. Sometimes
you can get into an accident, like an auto accident,
and you're like to change completely for all you know,

(13:04):
like you can work, and some peoples on you or
you fall or you know what I'm saying, like or
like just so many things can happen, so like we
shouldn't judge people like when they're down on their luck
or struggling, because no, not everyone can have it together

(13:27):
one hundred percent all the fucking time. Like not all
of us were born into wealth and have mommy and
daddy to come and bail us out every single time.
A lot of people don't have.

Speaker 1 (13:42):
That right And like you said it, you said it earlier,
like you know, the emotional the emotional baggage thing. I
think both. I think for both men and women. You know,
we carry scars, you know what I'm saying, Divorce, long
term breakups, heartbreak, betrayal and all that altogether. The history

(14:04):
of all that shit, you know, really shapes how you
love and how you trust, you know what I mean.
I think also for men, you know, we often struggle
to express our emotional wounds, you know, things that have
hurt us. We're masking pain behind smiles and all this

(14:28):
other shit, you know. And and I can't I really
can't speak much for women, but I think for for
some women, they tend to be more aware of their
emotional triggers, you know what I mean. And I think
it carries on and and shows itself and and in

(14:54):
wanting to love but not trusting that love because of
all the heartache and the hurt that they've suffer ridden
the doors throughout their lives. So I think I think
it's I think the challenge is learning to unpack the baggage,
but not unload the baggage, you know what I mean. Yes,

(15:14):
being open about your past but not letting it define
your future and who you are. So that's a big
that's a big thing.

Speaker 2 (15:24):
Yes, And to hit on how you said, Okay, So
like for men, there's a lot of men tend to
shut down and keep to themselves and not saying anything
and just to be in their heads. And that is
more of a cultural and societal thing that men are

(15:45):
taught to do. That not to open up to someone,
not to go to someone for help, because you're you're
not going to burden someone with your problems. You're not
going to burden someone with your sadness or whatever. And
that's the mentality. This is what we're taught. And women
too like to an extent, but women just tend to

(16:08):
be more vocal and emotional creatures, and you know, like
a lot of times that was then determined as crazy
or like she's too much. No, she isn't. She's just
fucking able to put it out there of what she
wants and needs in her life. And like, yeah, that

(16:31):
could be scary sometimes, but like that's the whole thing
you guys hold on to. Shit, that's scary too. And
if you don't talk it out with someone and you
don't open up, then you're hiding. And it's like you're
lying in a way because you're not being real with

(16:51):
me about what's going on. And if we're in a
relationship and we're like best friends and you can't come
talk to me, I'm going to take that personally because
I'm trying to understand why you wouldn't be able to
come talk to me. Because the worst thing they could
be is in our own heads, that's not who we

(17:13):
should we shouldn't be. We over We are creatures that
over think. We're creatures who tend to like read into
things or take things personally whatever. Like we've had it before.
When when we get those questions about those relationships and
it's a lot one sided or so men need to

(17:38):
open up, they need to tell us what's going on.
We are our worst enemies. We say that the nastiest,
ugliest things to ourselves. The things that we say to ourselves,
we would never say to our children. We would never
say that to our best friend. We would never say
that to someone we love, we wouldn't. And the fact

(18:00):
that we say these things, and that's why, like a
lot of the work is unlearning the way we were
we cope because a lot of a lot of us
don't cope in healthy ways, like, and that's all part
of that cycle that people get stuck in. And you know,

(18:24):
you either want to stop the cycle and do better
or you want to continue. And that kind of feeds
into that whole shit of what we're saying in your
forties and being grown, Like if you are going to
continue in the bullshit that you ain't ready to be
with somebody, and then you shouldn't be seeking for that

(18:46):
because you need to make yourself better, yourself more whole.

Speaker 1 (18:51):
Right, Yeah, you're you're right, You're absolutely correct, you know,
and we all know you know, right, So I think
I also feel I feel like damn talking about you know,
baggage it's it's it's wild because nobody's a blank slate.

(19:14):
We know that, you know what I mean, You're not
you're not meeting uh, you're not meeting new love. You know,
you're meeting someone's if if Chris was here, if she
would have laughed at this one. But you're meeting someone's
seasoned history, you know what I'm saying. And you know,

(19:35):
there their expouses, their ex you know, exp you know,
anything that has do to next you're dealing with that
you're dealing with, especially if you have someone who you're
dealing with, someone who has kids, co parenting, their therapy journeys.
You know, maybe maybe joint legal custody of a dog

(20:01):
or some shit. You know what I'm saying. Like, it's
always something that you're dealing with, you know. So I
think you're not really dating a person, you're dating a
lifetime of experiences, you know what I mean.

Speaker 2 (20:18):
Yeah, we break, we're breaking. Our perspective comes from our experiences.
So that's what we're bringing into the people. Yes, I
am a is over thinker. Also, I mean we're we're
probably past all the comments, like at this point of
our conversation, So I have no idea like what people
were saying, but it's fine, Uh.

Speaker 1 (20:42):
Yeah, just pick this one out.

Speaker 2 (20:44):
When we as women ask the man what's wrong and
they say nothing, we already know it's something, and by
not telling us what it is, usually we usually overthink
it is so much we start to believe it. Yes
and no, because sometimes when a man says nothing, he

(21:05):
really means it's nothing. And sometimes that's just like a
way to decompress for the day, Like I know, and
most people deal with work and bullshit or whatever, and
then when you when you come home, you're decompressing from

(21:25):
that day. You're decompressing from all the bullshit, the stress
or whatever you had to deal with in that day
and now walk in the home door and leave that
shit behind so that you can be present. And sometimes
some people can't be present, but it's hard. You can't
just assume them when somebody says, say, we know, when

(21:46):
a woman says nothing, it's definitely something. But a man,
if he says it's nothing, then I'm not sure. It
really just all depends, but I think it's stead of internalizing,
internalizing it and taking it personally, what one should do
instead is, oh my god, my brain is blanked while

(22:11):
I'm talking because I'm Thursday. I think, hold on, thanks,
let him know that your support and safe space. That's
when you just remind someone like listen, all right, if
it's nothing, it's nothing. But if it isn't, I'm here.
If you want to talk about it, if you need

(22:32):
to talk shit, if you need to vent about work
or whatever, you can do that, you know. But it's
just that's how we should show support. It's just by
reminding people, Hey, I'm here. I meant that.

Speaker 1 (22:49):
Yeah, I mean I completely agree.

Speaker 2 (22:52):
I feel like what it looks like a paragraph of
a comment.

Speaker 1 (22:56):
Yeah, but you read that one already.

Speaker 2 (22:58):
Oh okay, yeah.

Speaker 1 (23:01):
Yah yeah yeah. So back to what we were saying,
I think also as far as as as as the
dating pool goes, it's smaller and more complicated at this
point in life. You know what I'm saying. I mean,
by your forties, many potential partners are taken or just

(23:23):
not compatible with your long term goals.

Speaker 2 (23:28):
Yeah. I think it's more of the not compatible because
I think there's more women than men. I think it's
fifty one percent women, right, yeah, on population wise, so
there's more women.

Speaker 1 (23:42):
Where you're getting your information.

Speaker 2 (23:44):
What do you mean that is.

Speaker 3 (23:45):
Yes, that that that's statistics.

Speaker 2 (23:49):
That's what it is. I don't know. I didn't write
it down from from something.

Speaker 1 (23:58):
You said fifty one percent, you're pretty much you're like,
like fifty.

Speaker 2 (24:01):
One yeah, because I read it somewhere that is said
the population is fifty one percent women.

Speaker 1 (24:06):
Jeez, what's going on here?

Speaker 2 (24:09):
And and remember there are less women having.

Speaker 3 (24:12):
Babies, well men aren't having fucking.

Speaker 2 (24:15):
Well yeah, yeah, yeah they are.

Speaker 1 (24:17):
But all right, let's go dubb dub dubs this year.
Hold on one second, what's up, dubs?

Speaker 2 (24:28):
What's up?

Speaker 3 (24:31):
All right?

Speaker 1 (24:31):
So we were like, the topic at hand is finding
a level of forty Is it a lost cause or
a new beginning? So t TG was was saying that
it's fifty one percent populating population of women.

Speaker 3 (24:48):
And yeah, oh.

Speaker 2 (24:49):
We were saying, like, uh, what issues I guess are
that's going on out there? Right? So we were talking
basically about out baggage and how people have baggage and
bringing it into relationships what they're doing. So we kind
of just like talk about the fact that like it

(25:09):
really depends like if you're in your forties, hopefully you
are have figured your shit out. But there are people
who haven't, so but to go into a relationship. Basically,
we're just saying, like, you got to have your shit
together if you.

Speaker 1 (25:30):
Is that some people out there are still healing.

Speaker 2 (25:35):
Well yeah, but there's a way to do that and
and still like communicate, right, because we also talked about
how men like to shut down and not say anything,
and how women tend to be more vocal and emotional
creatures and that's why they tend to like be more

(25:57):
upfront and the difference between a man's sing nothing and
a woman.

Speaker 4 (26:02):
Right, yeah, but yeah, you know what, yeah, look, you
know what the thing is though, right, because I'll be
the first one to say I kind of got that problem.

Speaker 3 (26:14):
Like it's not that you.

Speaker 4 (26:16):
Know what I'm saying, I don't want to say something.
Is that I want to figure it out first. So
that's the reason why I shut down. And then I'll
tell you all right, yo, you know what, in a
calm man, I'm like, yeah, you know what, this is,
what it is, and this that and the third right however,
you know, like it's hard to swallow my pride and
admit you know what I'm saying. I was feeling a
certain type of way, right, It's hard to set you

(26:39):
know what I'm saying, But I learned.

Speaker 3 (26:41):
To do that, like all right, you know what, All right, listen,
I feel this way.

Speaker 4 (26:45):
But then again, I was feeling like I was being selfish,
you know what I'm saying, Like like I wu was
tell my partner that, hey, listen, I was being selfish
because I felt this way, you know what I'm saying
and admitting that, all right, you know what. But at
the same time, though, it was like, how can I say,
like that's why I shut down, you know what I say,
That's the reason why I shut down for a minute,

(27:05):
because like I don't want to like say something right
then and there and then come out looking.

Speaker 3 (27:09):
Like an asshole, you know what I'm saying.

Speaker 4 (27:11):
So like, yeah, like all right, yo.

Speaker 3 (27:15):
You know what I felt this, I felt this type
of way.

Speaker 4 (27:20):
But I can admit to you because I admitted to
myself that I was being selfish and why that's the
reason why I was quiet. And now I'm going to
tell you you know, so you know stuff like that.

Speaker 2 (27:32):
But there's a difference between processing like keep you to
yourself and processing things and shutting down and not being
vocal about certain things. And we were just talking about
how you are your own worst critic, So you talking
to yourself through things is not the best idea because

(27:54):
we tend to say horrible things to ourselves or put
ourselves down more. And so that's why we said that
it is better to be vocal and maybe if you're
not ready, that's okay not to be ready, but hopefully
your partner is supportive and lets you know that they're

(28:15):
there for you when you need them.

Speaker 4 (28:19):
Not no, but you know what, even that's kind of
hard to find nowadays, you know, like something like you know,
some of us get lucky, some of us don't.

Speaker 2 (28:29):
Yeah, but this is this is all the But this
is the process that people should be going through when
entering a relationship, because why am I going to be
with somebody who when shit gets tough and I'm struggling,
You're not going to be there or what you know, Like,
this is why it's important to be upfront about things

(28:53):
about yourself if you're going to go into something serious
with somebody, like it's important to them.

Speaker 3 (29:01):
No, absolutely, I agree, one hundred percent.

Speaker 4 (29:04):
But like at the same time though, it was like
it's like, look, you know what, I can't speak for
for everybody, but I could speak on me, right, you know,
like like you know what, Like back then, you know
what I'm saying, Like I was like and cold, uncle,
tell you you know what I'm saying, like girls after
girls after girls. But at the same time, though, the

(29:24):
only reason why I did that, because now you know
what I'm saying, hodsight is twenty twenty is I was
afraid to be alone, you know, so like if one
thing was feeling, I had a backup plan.

Speaker 3 (29:33):
Afraid to be alone.

Speaker 4 (29:34):
Right, And when I decided that, you know what I'm saying, Like,
I was like, you know what, I'm gonna be alone.

Speaker 3 (29:41):
Yeah, I was scared about it.

Speaker 4 (29:42):
But then the promst I started liking it too much,
you know, And then like you know what I'm saying,
I started realizing, you know what, you're the problem. You
know what I'm saying, Like I was looking at myself
in the mirror, like you know what, you're the problem?
You know nobody you know what I'm saying, like like yeah,
you know what, yeah, this, that and the third.

Speaker 3 (30:02):
But you are who you are tracked you know energy,
you know what I'm saying.

Speaker 4 (30:05):
The energy you put out there is what you're going
on a track, right, So you know, like you know
what I'm saying, I took a sabbatical, you know, like
you know, relationship wise, and then you know, like all
the pieces, you know, all my life.

Speaker 1 (30:23):
You know what's funny. You know what's funny now now
that I'm thinking about it, this topic fits dubs pretty
good because he's over forty.

Speaker 3 (30:33):
He's he's yo, yes my age.

Speaker 2 (30:39):
Yeah you said you're over forty's and.

Speaker 1 (30:43):
Your your your life is what's going on with you,
and everything that's happened is like a new beginning for
you because you have you have all these circumstances that
have been positives for you over forty you know what
I mean, Like you're you're in a good place.

Speaker 3 (30:59):
You know what you you don't.

Speaker 4 (31:00):
Here's the thing though, right you know, like see I
was gonna say something joking around, but no, I ain't
gonna go all that, you know.

Speaker 3 (31:07):
Mess up the mood and stuff. See. Here's the thing though, right,
you know, Like.

Speaker 4 (31:14):
Like when when you know, like after my last relationship,
I was like, you know what I'm gonna you know,
like I'm just gonna be alone. So I fell back
started being alone, you know, at first, like I was
scared about it. Because it's like, oh, you know, I'm
you know what I'm saying, like I want what other
people wanted right like by at the same time though,

(31:37):
I was looking for someone else to validate me. M
you know, like you know what it's bad when when
you would do more for the person you're with than
you would do it for yourself. And most women see that.
And I never noticed that, but most women see that.
That all you know, he don't even love himself, so
how could he love me?

Speaker 3 (31:55):
Right? You know?

Speaker 4 (31:57):
I think so so like you know what, like I said,
you know what, I had to like hold myself to
the Maryland and talk to myself in that myth, like, yo,
you know what, you're the problem. You know what I'm saying, Hey,
you don't love me yourself enough? These women see that be
you toxic as hell, you know, see you know like

(32:20):
like you know, like you gas like so much that
you know, like you can start a forest fire right
like everything that every yo, everything that these red pill
dudes are. Yeah, that was kind of me, you know,
like I had like you know, like and like I
have to I have to accept that responsibility, Like yo,
you know what you keep instead of shooting yourself in

(32:43):
the foot. You're shooting yourself in the mouth. You know,
I have to, like, you know what I'm saying, take
that responsibility in what I did. Right, I started like
you know, like you know what I'm saying, owning up
to my you know what I'm saying, my flaws because
I kept on running away from it, you know everything
about it? Yeah, and then you know, like everything just

(33:09):
it's just you know what I'm saying, Like everything that's
you know, like it's just weird how everything just happened.

Speaker 3 (33:15):
But it happened, and you want to know what's crazy about?

Speaker 2 (33:18):
What?

Speaker 1 (33:18):
What what's happening? Is that at this age? Also, I
think chemistry hits differently. You know what I mean. You've lived,
you've learned, you've loved, Right, so intimacy, intimacy is deeper,
your confidence should be stronger, and connections are more intentional,

(33:43):
become you become more knowledgeable.

Speaker 3 (33:46):
Right.

Speaker 1 (33:47):
But but I think I think behold up, behold behold up.
I also think that it's more about it's it's not
about performance or perfect right, It's more about presence, being there,
being you know, self aware, you know what I mean?

Speaker 4 (34:13):
Absolutely, and and and not only not only self aware.

Speaker 3 (34:18):
It's more about you know.

Speaker 4 (34:18):
What I'm saying, like you know what I'm saying, Like
like yo, you know what you you know what I'm saying,
Like the experiences that you had that you don't want,
you know what I'm saying. You try to like you
know what I'm saying. Like for instance, right, i still
have a bad temper, you know what I'm saying. I
still have a you know what I'm saying. I still
have a very slick mouth. It's knowing when to say

(34:41):
when you know, like I'm not epileptic, but yo, I
buy my tongue now, you know, like I have to
buy you know what I'm saying because like because like yo,
you know what, I'm aware that my you know what
I'm saying, especially my words, you know, and the way
I put it out there, my words, could you know
what I'm saying?

Speaker 3 (35:00):
And to kill a soul? You know? So I'm aware
of that.

Speaker 4 (35:05):
So like like you know, like it's it's a it's
a lot of like you know what I'm saying, it's
a lot of like you know, pulling yourself back, you
know what I'm saying. It's a lot of it's a
lot of like you know what I'm saying, like open
your ears.

Speaker 2 (35:18):
Up more less it's less reactive.

Speaker 4 (35:23):
Yep, this reaction and more and more you know what
I'm saying, and more auditory and more like you know,
like all right, you know what the standard third? You know,
like because yo, you know what, I'm gonna be honest
with you. I'm in a good place. Bro you know
what I'm saying, Like financially, I may be broke, but
I'm rich. No, I'm serious, you know I'm saying because

(35:44):
I get it.

Speaker 1 (35:45):
I get it.

Speaker 2 (35:46):
I think we're all broke.

Speaker 4 (35:47):
But you know, like you know, like like like yo, look,
you know what Like in the wallet, I may not

Speaker 3 (35:56):
I may be broken, you know what I'm saying, But
when I go to Yilton, when I go to my.

Speaker 4 (36:03):
House, you know what I'm saying, As small as it is,
that's my castle, that's my kingdom.

Speaker 3 (36:08):
You know, that's my safe haven. M you know, like.

Speaker 4 (36:13):
You know, you know what's something when you could be
bored with somebody and you love it.

Speaker 3 (36:19):
You know what I'm saying, the fact that I like being.

Speaker 4 (36:21):
Bored at home with my partner and a toddler running
around terror You know what I'm saying, terrorizing a cat
and dog.

Speaker 3 (36:29):
You know what I'm saying.

Speaker 4 (36:31):
You know, I love it, you know, like it's it's
it's something that you know what I'm saying, Like I
didn't ask for it, but I'm grateful for it, you know,
because God gave me another chance to you know, be
a father again. You know God, Yo, God felt like
you know what I'm saying, m you're gonna calm down
one way or anohing.

Speaker 3 (36:51):
Oh here, by the way, here's your third chance. Don't
mess this one up.

Speaker 1 (36:58):
Yeah, I think, I think, yeah, you know and.

Speaker 3 (37:06):
And and you know you know what, and and I'm
thankful for it. Yeah.

Speaker 4 (37:10):
You know what, I may come out here joke around,
but that's all I do is joke around, Like you know,
half the things I say don't even mean you know,
half the things I say is the old me, you know,
like the old meat comes out every now right, Yeah, absolutely,
But you know, like, yo, you know what it's like,
you know what I'm saying, Like when I come on here,
it's like, you know, it's like a warmonger preacher more

(37:31):
than when he gets off the podium. It'll be like
all right, peace, love, you guys, you see what I'm saying.

Speaker 1 (37:37):
Yeah, what do you what do you think? What do
you think? Like, I think a lot of people at
this point also you know they they've built careers, they've
built you know, they've raised families. You know, they've handled heartbreak,
they survived. I mean, the three of look at the

(37:59):
three of us. We've survived a lot of a lot
of the plot twists that were thrown at us throughout life.
You know what I'm saying. I think a lot of
the resilience is is more emotionally grounding and makes us
empathetic towards a lot of different things. I think I

(38:24):
think the biggest thing is being grounded.

Speaker 4 (38:27):
You actually actually yes, that's true. You know what I'm saying.
One thing is for sure, two things for certain. The
second thing is like getting you know what I'm saying,
like getting really know yourself and they know who you
are today, not who you was like like twenty years ago.
You know, because like because you know what the PROMI
is a lot of people our age still carry that.

(38:47):
You know what I'm saying, I was like this twenty
years ago. Fam, It's not twenty years ago no more.
You know what I'm saying, right, because you know that
when you do that, you stay suspended in time.

Speaker 1 (38:58):
You're like enough time, because you're not You're not building
a life at forty forty five fifty years old from scratch.
You're building from experience.

Speaker 4 (39:08):
No, absolutely, you know, oh like like like like another
thing too, you know.

Speaker 3 (39:15):
And it's like.

Speaker 4 (39:18):
And I'm guilty of it, you know what I'm saying, Like,
and I'm pretty sure a lot of people could relate
a lot you know that that we were simultaneous like
you know, like you know what me back then, I
was simultaneously chasing something and also running away from something
at the same time.

Speaker 3 (39:38):

Speaker 4 (39:39):
It's like I was running away from who you know
what I'm saying, from my flaws and chasing validation from
another person, you know, because like I wanted that person.

Speaker 3 (39:53):
A lie to me.

Speaker 6 (39:55):
A lot of you about what who I was not
and who I was like the flaws. You know what
I'm saying. All right, Well, I know you you.

Speaker 4 (40:07):
Know, like like you know like but yet you know
I wasn't never giving myself no type of validation whatsoever,
you know, So like women see that they feel that,
you know, like, Yo, listen, if you don't love yourself,
they know they know.

Speaker 2 (40:24):
You know, so security and other things.

Speaker 4 (40:29):
So like when you're there talking about, Yo, I love people,
that I love myself.

Speaker 3 (40:35):
I'll do anything.

Speaker 4 (40:36):
You just stand the third blah blah blah blah blah. Yo,
they know you know what I'm saying. They're like, Yo,
how you love me more than you love yourself? That's
a red flag. That's a huge red flag because because
I think I think Yo, I didn't understand that back then,
but that it makes sense now. You know what I'm saying,

(40:56):
Because Yo, you don't love yourself, how can you love
someone else?

Speaker 1 (41:00):
Yeah? Well, because at this point, at this point in
your life, love should hit you. Love should hit you harder.
You know what I'm saying at this point.

Speaker 4 (41:10):
Because you know what, you have an understanding. You know
what I'm saying, Like like, yo, you know what you have.
You have a sixty percent more understanding than what you did.
You know what I'm saying ten years ago?

Speaker 3 (41:22):
You know what?

Speaker 2 (41:22):
You know? What?

Speaker 3 (41:23):
Now?

Speaker 1 (41:23):
What do you go ahead? Go ahead? Yeah? So what
do you think?

Speaker 3 (41:28):
What's up?

Speaker 1 (41:29):
You think love?

Speaker 3 (41:33):
Well?

Speaker 1 (41:33):
I think I personally think love nowadays should be built
more on purpose. No, it should be built more on
purpose than it is pressure. You know what I mean?

Speaker 3 (41:51):
You know what?

Speaker 1 (41:51):
First of that, there should be there should be purpose
behind your love. Not you shouldn't be. You shouldn't be
putting pressure on people love you, you know and feel
for you. But hold up. But if you if you build,
if you build, if you build, a foundation of purpose,
you know what I'm saying, Like you, your your your your,

(42:13):
You want to date with purpose, You want to fall
in love with purpose. You want to build this kingdom
with purpose. You don't want anything pressured or anyone pressured
into building this with you. You want that person to
be able to to look at you and say, our
goals and our wants coincide. You know what I'm saying.

(42:36):
You don't you? You know if you don't want to
go bump heads with a twenty something year old and
think that that kid has the same thoughts, experiences, wants
and and and and and is looking to build that
type of foundation with you, that that's not what it is.

(42:59):
You know what I'm saying. They not on the same level.

Speaker 3 (43:01):
No, they can't.

Speaker 1 (43:01):
They absolutely can't.

Speaker 3 (43:03):
Another thing too, they also has to be like a
like an understanding. You know what I'm saying that it
has to be a huge understanding, you.

Speaker 4 (43:10):
Know, like like you know, like example, when my girl's
going through it, you know what I'm saying, I understand.

Speaker 3 (43:16):
So I'm the one that you know what I'm saying.
I'm the one that's like, yo, you know what, let
me know. You know what it is. You know what
I'm saying. Whatever you feel like talking and that's your event.
You know what I'm saying. Ten times it is about
her job, right? But sure, vent you know I.

Speaker 4 (43:32):
Understand, like you know, like like I become a heir,
like you know, like like like yo, you know what
if you're not if your girl needs your best friend,
there's a problem.

Speaker 1 (43:40):
I got a question for you, do a very good
question for you.

Speaker 3 (43:45):
Maybe I can give you a very good answer.

Speaker 1 (43:47):
All right? Do you feel you might not? You might?

Speaker 3 (43:52):
All right?

Speaker 2 (43:52):
Yeah?

Speaker 1 (43:54):
Do you do you? Did you ever feel like you
were pressured into this life once you started, Once you
started to feel like you were independent from everything, you
were living the life you wanted to live, and then

(44:14):
all of this happened to you all at one time.
Do you feel like you were pressured into giving up
your independence and living this life or do.

Speaker 4 (44:24):
You Yes, At first I didn't, and I'm gonna tell
you the reason why. Because I was scared, you know
what I'm saying, Not that she was gonna do me dirty.
I was scared I was gonna do her dirty.

Speaker 3 (44:38):
You see what I'm saying.

Speaker 4 (44:39):
I got scared because you know what, Like you know,
I was scared that you know what I'm saying, like
everything was gonna play out again because yo, you know
what this time around, knowing that you know, like like beforehand,
I used to like, you know what I'm saying, cast
blame on others, you know what I'm saying, and not
really take you know what I'm saying, like like I'll
take part of the blame and not really full blame
or whatever, you know, like you know, and then like

(45:02):
you know, like my boys, you know what I'm saying, Like, yeah, yo,
you know what I'm saying, Like they how I feel
knowing you know what I'm saying. I mean, I mean, yo,
you know I love my boys at all, But knowing that, yo,
you know what, You're the problem too, you know what
I'm saying, Like you have.

Speaker 3 (45:16):
A bigger problem.

Speaker 1 (45:17):
You the problem. I ain't ship.

Speaker 3 (45:19):
Oh no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. You
know what I'm saying.

Speaker 4 (45:22):
I'm talking about you know what I'm saying me, You
know what I'm saying, Like pointing out of the America,
knowing that I'm like I.

Speaker 1 (45:26):
Was gonna say, because I never do that, I don't know, yes, man, no, no,
of course not.

Speaker 4 (45:32):
You know what I'm saying, Like like knowing that I
had a bigger hand. I had a bigger hand than
that problem, you know, so so like it wasn't pressure,
it was more fear.

Speaker 3 (45:43):
But that you know what I'm saying, I was you
know what I'm saying, Like I was like, you know
what I'm.

Speaker 4 (45:46):
Saying, thinks about the change, blah blah blah blah, but
I was scared, you know what I'm saying, Not because
of her, but because of me. Right, so I have
to work you know what I'm saying. I have to
work around that. And I told her that, you know
what I'm saying, Like I was very open about it.
You know, oh you know this times there we're gonna
play it how it goes, because you know what I'm saying.
Like when I when I say player it how it goes,

(46:07):
It's like, yo, you know what I need. You know
what I'm saying, I need some time because like, yo,
you know what, like my heart's involved and I don't
know how to say that, and I don't know how
to react because I'm scared I'm going to get hurt.
You see what I'm saying, Like my heart was there,
but I just didn't know how to say it, you know,
because I'm because I was scared I was gonna get hurt,
you know. So you know, like like there was nice

(46:31):
time we at the peers and you know what I'm
saying by myself right listen to the music, I'm like,
what did I give myself into?

Speaker 3 (46:40):
You know? Yeah? Like you know, but like.

Speaker 1 (46:44):
It's key, It's it's really key to be you know,
up front early. You know what I'm saying, what's what's
going on over there?

Speaker 2 (46:53):
Use me as a device to get somewhere else? You like,
dig this claws into my back?

Speaker 3 (46:59):
Who the cat?

Speaker 2 (47:00):
Yeah, yo, I don't know what so weird?

Speaker 1 (47:07):
Yeah, I think I think being upfront about what you're
looking for and what you want early, no games, just
straight honesty and clarity, you know, because is if you
keep everything you know flowing, keep it honest, keep it straight.

Speaker 4 (47:27):
Well, here's the thing though, like not out ten times right,
you know, it always starts with a hangout, you know,
and then like you know, at least other things right,
and then like you know, the question is there is like.

Speaker 3 (47:38):
All right, you know what I'm saying, I just want
to you know what I'm saying, Let's play let's let's
play how it.

Speaker 4 (47:44):
Goes, you know, let's you know, let's you know what
that's not you've asked, let's keep going with it, going
with it, right, and.

Speaker 3 (47:52):
You come to find out that yo, you know what, yoh,

Speaker 4 (47:57):
You're catching you know what I'm saying, a little attachment here, right,
But at the same time, you don't want to admit
that because you know what I'm saying, like you don't
want to be the first one to say so it's
always gonna be that, yeah, we wanna play it our goals,
we won't play it our goals. And next thing, you
know it, you know, next thing, you know it, you
know what I'm saying, Like you're.

Speaker 1 (48:18):
Looking for an autograph.

Speaker 3 (48:21):
Nah oh, look at the pussy, look at.

Speaker 4 (48:24):
The pussy, yo, yo, yo yo.

Speaker 3 (48:32):
That remind me of that movie.

Speaker 4 (48:34):
Fare of a black hat where they got it's at
the parody movie.

Speaker 2 (48:39):
Oh you never seen that well, like.

Speaker 3 (48:42):
Like like it was like back in the night. It's
a parody movie.

Speaker 4 (48:44):
Like you know what I'm saying about n w A,
Like niggas were hats n w H right, so like
they all broke off. They all broke off in like
the main dude became see see music Factory right instead
of like you know what I'm saying, And like it
has some Asian chicks singing comment pet up puss, you

(49:04):
know what I'm saying, Like he's trying to break down that.

Speaker 3 (49:06):
He's trying to break down the meaning. He's like, pussy
means positive under you know what I'm saying, like an acronym. Right,
He's like yeah, so you know like we gotta pet
the pussy. You know what I'm saying. I'm like, Yo,
this movie is wow.

Speaker 2 (49:16):
Bro, I don't think.

Speaker 1 (49:19):
Technically, I think what what I what what I What
I wanted to say was there's also a big fear
within within men. I think with women too, about vulnerability.
You know what I mean?

Speaker 3 (49:37):
You know what?

Speaker 4 (49:37):
You know what and all I think that you know
what I'm saying, Like it's bigger with men because like
because like yo, you know what, with women, they know
how to deal Oh she she said, she said, you
know what I'm saying, Like it's you know what I'm saying,
it's it's kind of you know, it's kind of hard
to deal with emotion, you know what I'm saying, because
like we don't know how to express it. You know,

(49:59):
women know how to express their emotions, you know what
I'm saying, and they do it very well. You know,
us men like we have like you know, like like
what's you calling with? The way I look at it
is like this, right, whenever us men get hurt, you
know what I'm saying, it's not only the heart that breaks,
is the pride ego that goes with it, because they're
all aligned with each other.

Speaker 1 (50:20):
Right.

Speaker 4 (50:21):
You know, women know how to separate pride, ego and hard.
We don't because you know what I'm saying, everything's all
on the line softer. So you know, when they break up,
you know what I'm saying, they cry that first week
and we're like yeah, yeah yeah.

Speaker 3 (50:36):
During that month they're recovering.

Speaker 4 (50:38):
You know what I'm saying, We all here, you know
what I'm saying, trying to put it on the front,
like we don't missing three months later, you know what
I'm saying, Like she's doing her and we're here crying.

Speaker 2 (50:47):
So you.

Speaker 3 (50:49):
Hold on in it, brother, that's right.

Speaker 1 (50:54):
So I gotta I got a question for you, TG.
Do you think women over analyze small red flags protect
themselves before the connection even happens.

Speaker 2 (51:06):
Some doing, some don't.

Speaker 3 (51:08):
Mm hm.

Speaker 2 (51:09):
It really depends on the persons. Like some people, uh,
I can overlook red flags because something may be fulfilling
that need or whatever that they have. And then there's
a sorry watching the cats, I have something over there,

(51:32):
and I'm hoping he's not trying to take my bag
and eat my chicks a lift.

Speaker 3 (51:41):
Yo, I'm pretty sure. I'm pretty sure. I'm pretty sure.

Speaker 4 (51:47):
You cast out like this right meoww yepy dead ass y.

Speaker 2 (51:55):
It sounds like a baby.

Speaker 3 (51:56):
I imagine cat's doing that. You know what I'm saying, saying?

Speaker 7 (52:00):
Yeah, yeah, I say yeah yeah.

Speaker 2 (52:06):
So red flags So basically, yes, there are supplements who
will overlook them. It could be just being naives. It
could be just being too trusting, or like I said,
I need is being fulfilled. So things are being overlooked
and then there are women who and I see it

(52:29):
because I'm in the groups for women about like letting
other women if they're dating and stuff like that, like
to protect women. But I do see women, you know,
being like, you know, this is what's going on or
these red flags. For some of them, it's like I

(52:50):
can't believe you're even asking, like yes, that's a red BLUs.
But with others it's it's different, you know, And some
people could be like too extra, too like, but the
reality isn't. What I'm seeing a lot of is that
people just aren't being honest. Like even in our sport,

(53:13):
if there are people out there who men who still
want to be buck boys and but yet lie and
say they want something but.

Speaker 4 (53:22):
They don't so seem there's a term for dudes like that,
it's cold that dudes. It's called like, you know what
I'm saying, entering their second childhood, you know that, you
know what?

Speaker 3 (53:40):
It's sad, you know what I'm saying, like like you
know what, Like you.

Speaker 2 (53:43):
Know, but look, I'm not against someone just like not
ready for a relationship. I prefer you know that that
you're not ready for something committed, that you're not looking
for something like that, that's fine, but don't come like,
don't be saying that to get people like women in

(54:05):
so that they will be interested. And then you, on
the other hand, don't really have it together to really
give into the relationship and do something so people, you.

Speaker 1 (54:19):
Know, hold on, hold up. That's why a lot of
men and women don't want to even how do you say,
deal with each other.

Speaker 3 (54:31):
They don't want let.

Speaker 2 (54:34):
Their vulnerability comes with trust, Like you're not going to
be allowed women or a man are not going to
be allowed themselves to be vulnerable with anybody if they
don't trust that person. There has to be a level
of trust to let your guard down like that. And

(54:55):
like sometimes we make a mistake, we let our guard
down with the wrong people. But like unless you don't,
if you don't do that, you won't know, Like you
know what I'm saying, Like you sometimes you do have
to take a chance. But since we're talking about dating
in our forties, like it's a little frustrating that is

(55:16):
this difficult in your forties?

Speaker 4 (55:18):
Like you know what, I was listening to the dating
pool that that you're describing, right, and I kind of
want to add on to it though quick.

Speaker 1 (55:26):
Right, what do you mean the dating pool.

Speaker 4 (55:29):
Yeah, yeah, so like the dating pool. You know what
I'm saying, For people our age, we're going to get
to scrun through.

Speaker 3 (55:35):

Speaker 4 (55:36):
Expouses right who've been cheated on? Its either that or
those that are those that are those that want that
are in their second childhood, you know, those that you
know what I'm saying that still you know what I'm saying,
Like narcissists still think they got it, Like you know,
they're in you know what I'm saying, They're in the

(55:56):
freaking lounge with their thirty year old daughter, right, you
know that, like you know like like like yo, you
know what your grandma, but you and the line with
a thirty year old Gorden right Still, you know what
I'm saying, Still trying to be a cougar and whatever.

Speaker 3 (56:12):
When the milk's gone bad, reason ain't working.

Speaker 4 (56:15):
You know what I'm saying, Like you know, like experience,
you know what I'm.

Speaker 2 (56:19):
Saying, that aren't growing? These are like these are the
people we're talking about, those too, that you have to
be weary of.

Speaker 3 (56:29):
But it.

Speaker 2 (56:32):
Seems like there's too many. Like it's just and I
think I get it though. For some people because it's
like you want to live your life like for everyone,
Like marriage and relationships are viewed on differently now than
they were back in the day. So the expectation was

(56:53):
your life was fulfilled and good if you got married
and had children. Like that was what was pushed on
us generation after generation. Is like you're supposed to have kids.
You're supposed to find the one, get married and have kids.

Speaker 4 (57:11):
See, most end, Most marriages end because like the person
ain't married, that person to marry their representative and the
thought of what the person can be.

Speaker 2 (57:20):
A lot of people did because there is that expectation
that was set on people. Like absolutely this is the
bigger issue. But the people that get out I applaud them.
And you know what, there's nothing wrong with having another chance.
Everyone does. There are second chances, but you just have
to be your thirst for fifth. It doesn't matter. The

(57:41):
point is like, just don't get involved with someone unless
you're on the same page, like right, because.

Speaker 1 (57:50):
I think at this point you should be done playing
fucking games. But with that being said, it also means
less compromise. I feel. That's my opinion. You have you
have to you have to know, you have to know
what the deal breakers are. You have to know what

(58:12):
the boundaries are, and you have to you have to
also know what you won't tolerate.

Speaker 2 (58:17):
Yes, you know what I mean, the deal breakers. Yeah,
that thing you know for sure, the ship.

Speaker 1 (58:25):
Is The ship is too? Is that dating? Dating at
this age can feel like less less of a less
discovery and more like dealing with two Jewish lawyers battling
over how much you're going to get at the end
of your your case. You know what I mean, Like

(58:48):
just battling, just battling.

Speaker 2 (58:55):
Why they have to be two Jewish lawyers like they am?

Speaker 3 (59:01):
No, not not Now hold up now you know what I'm.

Speaker 2 (59:04):
Saying, Good boy, get you the money.

Speaker 3 (59:07):
Hey, or or they'll get you out of jail. Now
hold up now you know what I'm saying. They don't know.

Speaker 2 (59:12):
I mean, they don't they.

Speaker 3 (59:15):
Know how to Hey, I'm one right now. You know
what I'm saying.

Speaker 4 (59:20):
I'm one, you know, like like like you know what you.

Speaker 3 (59:23):
Know what company?

Speaker 4 (59:23):
You know what your two decades ago? You know what
I'm saying. I call it like a real servious charge.
And this dude got me off.

Speaker 3 (59:29):

Speaker 4 (59:30):
This dude, you know I'm seeing this dude got off
with a slap on the wrist when I should have
been facing like seven years in jail.

Speaker 3 (59:36):
Now, I apologize, Bobby. No, it wasn't my first defense.

Speaker 2 (59:41):
Forget it. You're a bust.

Speaker 3 (59:42):
You know what I'm saying. Yo, Yo, it wasn't my
first defense.

Speaker 4 (59:45):
But like, hey, you know what they listen, you know
what I'm saying that that was a good analogy.

Speaker 3 (59:50):
That was a great analogy because you know what, I
attested that. But but you know.

Speaker 4 (59:57):
But but but but yo, But you the thing is,
it's like it's like, yo, you know what like.

Speaker 3 (01:00:04):
People you know people are is that's in the dating scenes.

Speaker 4 (01:00:07):
She don't want to brag about being toxic neither or
being petty, Like, yo, you know what, don't you know
what I'm saying, if you want to do that, you

Speaker 3 (01:00:15):
Like like stop, yo, you know what I'm saying.

Speaker 2 (01:00:18):
I don't think people brag about it. I think they
don't even recognize that in themselves because because.

Speaker 8 (01:00:24):
You know what, because you know what that you know what,
that became them and you know what I'm saying, like
it became you know what I'm saying, like they that
became it became their personality.

Speaker 2 (01:00:35):
But artististic liars.

Speaker 3 (01:00:38):
But but.

Speaker 1 (01:00:42):
I mean, I mean, you know, I personally think I
look no further than Washington, d C. Right, I personally
think the dating pool is geared towards like women who
who really know what they want. You know what I'm saying,
I mean you.

Speaker 2 (01:01:02):
Have to hopefully yes, I mean in our age group, Yes,
I would think so that there's more of that because
I feel like I to see, like a lot of
the the things I'm seeing are younger women. I could
like there's a difference between when younger women are talking
about something where their focus goes with the relationship, whereas

(01:01:27):
someone who is older and where that would go. But again,
it also depends on the level of emotional maturity that
person has. Emotional intelligence, fucking just self awareness and uh
the ability to call yourself out on your ship really
because we all.

Speaker 3 (01:01:48):
Know myself all the top got what's wild too.

Speaker 1 (01:01:56):
What's wild about it too is that trying to find
it's like trying to find needle in the haystack. It's
like trying to find someone who is genuinely available emotionally.
You know what I'm saying and finding.

Speaker 3 (01:02:15):
Somebody, I'm just playing.

Speaker 1 (01:02:18):
Well, yeah, but I think I think I think I
think it's just like just women. I don't know. I
I just think I just think that it's it's it's
sad that at this age, it's so hard for some

(01:02:39):
to get to where they want to be when it
comes to relationships.

Speaker 3 (01:02:44):
Out of age, it's out of age, like like, yo,
you know what you like? All right?

Speaker 4 (01:02:49):
You know what, Let's just say I was single, right,
I mean, someone my age, you have to expect you
know what I'm saying, that they're carrying baggage and it's
going to be some type of traumatic baggage because and
what they got if.

Speaker 3 (01:03:01):
They want through a divorce, that's traumatic.

Speaker 1 (01:03:03):

Speaker 4 (01:03:03):
Regardless of what you know what I'm saying, right, So,
so you know what I'm saying, you have to have
like that, like you know what I'm saying, if you're
feeling that person, you know what I'm saying, Like, if
you're really really feeling this person whatever whatever she throws out.

Speaker 3 (01:03:19):

Speaker 4 (01:03:19):
You have to be understandable and somewhat you gotta be
a buffer somehow you know what I'm saying.

Speaker 3 (01:03:25):
Yeah, you have to be somehow, you know what I'm saying.

Speaker 4 (01:03:27):
But but but like yo, you know what, But for yo,
you know what, she also has to understand that, Yo,
you went through some ship too, you know what I'm saying.
There has to be an understanding.

Speaker 1 (01:03:37):
That's that's where that comes in. You know, the the
the baggage you wanna, you wanna you know, let let
open up the baggage. But you don't want to fucking
completely unload it on someone, you know what I'm saying.

Speaker 3 (01:03:50):
You want to go you want to deal with what
little by little, Yeah, a little by little.

Speaker 1 (01:03:58):
But when you when you overwhelm someone by unloading completely,
that that that that can scare someone away. So you
have to really you have to really know what it
is you're getting yourself into. And I'm not one of
the biggest one of the biggest hold up. One of
the biggest things too about a lot of relationships nowadays
is that mhm, women, I'm not saying all women. Some women.

Speaker 3 (01:04:28):
I'm not gonna say this without getting yelled at.

Speaker 4 (01:04:32):
Just say, hey, just say you know what I'm saying,
because commun.

Speaker 1 (01:04:42):
Uncommunicated expectations, right right, You can't. You have to have
You have to communicate your expectations in the relationship. If
you go ahead and and and and think that you
can pussy foot through this relationship without person what you're
what your wants and your needs are, it's not gonna

(01:05:03):
happen because if your partner doesn't know what you're thinking,
what you're feeling, and what it is you're you're you're
expecting in this relationship, it's never gonna work.

Speaker 3 (01:05:16):
And another thing too, and another thing too. Right, that's
what the team see. One problem.

Speaker 4 (01:05:23):
You know what I'm saying, and there, yo, you know what,
Like I truly believe it's ninety nine point nine percent
women do this ship, right.

Speaker 1 (01:05:33):
Okay, get them?

Speaker 3 (01:05:35):
What Why do you guys? You know what I'm saying?
Think what mind reader is?

Speaker 1 (01:05:38):
Like?

Speaker 3 (01:05:39):
Like, yo, are we bemusings? You think with professor? You
know what I'm saying? Like like like.

Speaker 4 (01:05:45):
Like like, yo, you know what you know what I'm saying.
And I'm gonna be petty on this one. Right today,
I'll come upstairs right oh after after I was outside
in the store, right, you know, you could have called
and be like, oh, yeah, you.

Speaker 3 (01:06:04):
Know what I'm saying.

Speaker 9 (01:06:05):
But listen this right, I'll come upstairs. Oh, I forgot
to tell you we need to paper and the baby
news pipers. And I'm like, well, I thought you knew, Yo,
I'm outside.

Speaker 3 (01:06:25):
You know what I'm saying. You could you know what
I'm saying, Like you want the house? You know what
I'm saying. You have more access than I do. You know,
like I thought you knew. See, yeah, I gotta stop
doing that. Man. You know what I mean. Stop So
stop it. Expedition stop.

Speaker 2 (01:06:42):
That is edication.

Speaker 3 (01:06:45):
That's all that because I'm not yop yo. You know
what you know what I'm saying is my name Charles Xavier.
Am I in a wheelchair? You know what I'm saying?

Speaker 2 (01:06:52):
Can I do this?

Speaker 3 (01:06:54):
You know what I'm saying? Like no, I'm like no,
you know, I look more like slap cops with the
glasses on.

Speaker 4 (01:07:00):
So I'm just playing but but but but yeah, but yo,
you know it's petty. You know what I'm saying, it's
petty mad but like you know what, but you know
how I resulted because I just parked my car and
park parking t G.

Speaker 3 (01:07:13):
You know when north Bergen is like the parking here
is ridiculous, right, yes, you know what I'm saying. You see,
thank God. You know what I'm saying.

Speaker 4 (01:07:20):
I left five blocks away from Dollar General and I
left five blocks away from you know what I'm saying,
shop right and everything else because I walked my you
know what I'm saying. I was like, you know what,
I'll just take a walk. I walked them right the
Dog General. You know what I'm saying, got the thing
came back. You know what I'm saying, problem solve. But
that's not the point though, you know what I'm saying. I'm
out on the road man. You know, come on, man, I.

Speaker 3 (01:07:38):
Was on the phone with you too. That's what makes
the words. Tell me. She just got me mad. Yo,
just thinking about playing really quick.

Speaker 1 (01:07:54):
I want to I want to say something real quick. Uh.
The chat room is popping right, so what I yeah,
I want to what. I want to know if there's
a brave soul out there in the chat room who
would love to come up and say something about something
and discuss whatever they want to discuss with us, as

(01:08:14):
far as it has to do with finding love after
forty let me know. I'll get you on and we'll
we'll we'll, we'll.

Speaker 2 (01:08:25):
Me doing that you're not people. We get so crazy
up in here.

Speaker 1 (01:08:30):
Let's get let's get crazy.

Speaker 4 (01:08:32):
Yep, yea, but hold on, excuse me. Ken's I was
on the phone with her. You know what I'm saying, yo, Yo,
hold on, I'm gonna answer this real quick. I was
on the phone where we were talking.

Speaker 3 (01:08:44):
You know what I'm saying. I'm like, Yo, you know what,
You're not gonna cook today? I got someone.

Speaker 4 (01:08:48):
You know what I'm saying. I got somebody I'm you
know what I'm saying, like, I'm gonna go get this
and whatever. I'm gonna bring it home up. I'm gonna
cook you. You know what I'm saying, because you got a
long that a work. Yes, I do cook, all right,
I do? So you know you yoah yo, you know what.
I have a problem making Rice. You know what I'm
saying till this day. You know what I'm saying. Rights
be coming up, yo, yo yo yo, My rights be

(01:09:11):
looking like you know what I'm saying, like Claster, like
you could literally claster the wall. And you know what
I'm saying, horrible, You know you know what I'm saying,
Like right yo, you know what y yo yo, Listen
when it comes to rights. I'm handicapped on just to
took it. You know what I'm saying, who any who?

Speaker 3 (01:09:30):
You know? So I go upstairs and she's like, we
need to other people. And the thing that the was,
I was like, I was just outside on the phone
with you. I was on the phone with you're.

Speaker 2 (01:09:39):
Talking as someone suggested that maybe you should have asked
before you came home if there was anything.

Speaker 3 (01:09:46):
That's the thing.

Speaker 2 (01:09:49):
Great part? What do you want to take you care of?

Speaker 1 (01:09:53):
Yo?

Speaker 3 (01:09:53):
You know what y'all? You know what? First off, you
know what I'm saying. First off, you know what I'm saying.

Speaker 4 (01:09:57):
And now I'm saying like this next time she does that,
because yo, I understand something.

Speaker 3 (01:10:02):
I'm I'm the man of the house. I found my
control over her.

Speaker 4 (01:10:04):
She'll be like, shut the funk up, I'll be quiet,
But once she's I'm talking again, because yo, you gotta
let this woman think her in control.

Speaker 3 (01:10:10):
When you're in control, that's my control.

Speaker 4 (01:10:12):
That's how you're somebody, not just play.

Speaker 3 (01:10:21):
Not now.

Speaker 4 (01:10:23):
But you know what, though I handled that though. You
know what I'm saying, like like you know what, I
took the walk. You know what I'm saying, like because
because YO, at the end of the day. You know
what I mean, Like, I do understand that, my lady.
You know what I'm saying, deals with a lot of
most of that job. You know what I'm saying, So like,
why what.

Speaker 3 (01:10:39):
Am I going to add on to the extra bullshit
at home?

Speaker 4 (01:10:43):
You know what I'm saying, like like and and and Yo.
You know what, It's true what they say. You know
what I'm saying, happy wife, happy life. It's true what
they say, because yo, you know.

Speaker 2 (01:10:53):
What happy I realized.

Speaker 3 (01:10:56):
Yo. You know what I realized, Yo, you know what
I realized.

Speaker 4 (01:11:00):
Not Yo, listen all right, you know what to happy,
happy spouse, happy house means that she comes there. And
I was like, anyways, I'm just playing, just playing. It's
just playing to take a joke out there, just watching, yo.

(01:11:20):
You know what I'm joking.

Speaker 3 (01:11:21):
I'm joking right now?

Speaker 2 (01:11:25):
Oh is that so?

Speaker 1 (01:11:27):
Yeah?

Speaker 3 (01:11:28):
Yeah, you know what I'm saying.

Speaker 4 (01:11:31):
Never mind, the backhand is the frying pan, right.

Speaker 3 (01:11:36):
Yo, the frying pan or whatever?

Speaker 1 (01:11:37):
Right?

Speaker 4 (01:11:38):
So so so you know I handled that, you know
what I'm saying, because like, yo, at the end of
the day, you know what I'm saying, Like, like, look,
you know what without the queen the whole Kington Falls.
I never understood that. So I got older. So I'm
in it right now. You know what I'm saying.

Speaker 3 (01:11:51):
And that's because I allow myself to understand.

Speaker 4 (01:11:53):
That, you know what I'm saying, Like I wasn't trying
to be all chovnistick of Mato no more easily. You know,
I may jump around, I'm I'm gonna joke around, but like, yo,
you know what upstairs?

Speaker 3 (01:12:03):
Upstairs is fifty fifty. You know what I'm saying. And
what took me so.

Speaker 4 (01:12:06):
Long is because I was giving my daughter a bath,
right and you know what I'm saying. She did not
want to come out, and she starts yelling at me.

Speaker 3 (01:12:15):

Speaker 4 (01:12:16):
Where her gibberish? And I'm like, excuse you, excuse you.
I was like, oh no, no, no, no, no, knowing
you've been yelling at me all day today, I ain't
gonna have that, you know. So she thinks she's the
boss of me.

Speaker 3 (01:12:28):
She is? Is?

Speaker 1 (01:12:29):
I got I got a question?

Speaker 2 (01:12:31):
Is she is? Is? What's the question? Do you not
change the baby or take a ship? Do you not
know the items were needed? I mean, yeah, you're not
you can't.

Speaker 3 (01:12:46):
Well you know what I'm not. You know you know
what that No? Not all right, you know what. Now
here's the thing. Here's the thing.

Speaker 2 (01:12:51):
Twenty twenty. I have had soil, toil and paper in security.

Speaker 4 (01:12:58):
Yo, you know what, no alto subside, right, you know
what I'm saying. No, no, no, no, you know what. No,
you know what I'm trying to answer. You know, I'm
trying to answer a question real quick. See, I was attit.
You know what I'm saying. I was outside, right, I
was outside, you know, like like I went outside to
go get the food. And that's the only thing I
started thinking about. It's like, all right, yo, you know what,

(01:13:20):
I'm gonna get this?

Speaker 3 (01:13:21):
That and the third.

Speaker 4 (01:13:22):
You know what I'm saying, Like I kind of you
know what I'm saying, I like I kind of figured
out that, you know what I mean, Like you have
to go get that. You know what I'm saying. But
I was like, yo, you know what we have. You
know what I'm saying, I could do that tomorrow. Look,

Speaker 2 (01:13:36):
You can't be pretty things off. That's that mappened, Okay.

Speaker 4 (01:13:45):
No, hell no, no, no, no, not you know it
has to be fifty.

Speaker 3 (01:13:48):
You all know why. You know what I'm saying because
like because like, yo, you know what, but I I get,
I get I can't do yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
you know what.

Speaker 2 (01:13:57):
You keep taking one hundred because I feel like.

Speaker 3 (01:14:00):
You know what I get. You know, it got to
be one hundred. It got to be a hundred, like
like you keep it a hundred, she keep it a hundred,
you know, like all the way I understand that good
one going.

Speaker 2 (01:14:10):
That's different keeping it one hundred versus so right, but
we're over your story already. Okay, we get it. You
don't obviously pay attention to having enough toilet paper for
when you ship, which is a problem, and you the mar.

Speaker 3 (01:14:31):
Excuse me, you know what?

Speaker 4 (01:14:33):
Wait wait, hold on, hold on, hold on though, hold on,
hold on something of my defense. You know, you know,
due to my injury, I don't work, so I'm with
the baby all day. I'm the housewife.

Speaker 3 (01:14:49):
Actually, oh.

Speaker 4 (01:14:55):
Hold on, but but yo, you know what I'm cleaning
up after the baby. You what I'm saying, I'm in
pain sometimes, yo, Yo, you know what. I'm in pain
sometimes because you know what I'm saying, Like I gotta
be like like running.

Speaker 3 (01:15:05):
Around chasing this child.

Speaker 1 (01:15:07):
Just you just dug your own grave.

Speaker 3 (01:15:09):
No, I don't care though, bro, even be you know
what yo? Listen, yeah, yeah, listen. You know what. Listen.
You know what I'm my age. You know I'm saying,
chasing a two year old.

Speaker 2 (01:15:23):
I don't want to like, I don't want to hear it.

Speaker 3 (01:15:29):
Yo.

Speaker 2 (01:15:29):
You know what, we get to toil. The paper.

Speaker 3 (01:15:34):
On my back hurts like yo, you know what, it's
gonna ring later.

Speaker 2 (01:15:37):
I feel that ship they have like delivery and ship
like that. Yo, Oh my god, I can How important?

Speaker 3 (01:15:47):
Yeah, dug myself. I don't care.

Speaker 4 (01:15:49):
I'm still gonna blame her anyways. Want the why because
it always hurt fall. You know what's apple? That's you
know what I'm saying. It's hurtful. You know what I'm saying.

Speaker 3 (01:15:57):
They don't have his piece, they have her piece. It's
her fault anyway. How important?

Speaker 1 (01:16:11):
All right?

Speaker 3 (01:16:11):
All right, all right? Take it.

Speaker 1 (01:16:14):
Take a deep breath. Hold on a second, Hold on
one second, Hold on me? How I How important MHM
is affection, compassion, and intimacy in a relationships that started

(01:16:38):
at starting off building towards the ultimate goal, which is,
you know whatever, the ultimate goal is that you have?
But how important is the booty slaps? How important is
the making out? How important is the sex? How important
is all of that stuff combined? How do you look

(01:17:02):
at that as as how do you say how important? No,
not a deal break, but how important is it and
how much of how much of them?

Speaker 3 (01:17:15):
Yeah? Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 (01:17:18):
For myself.

Speaker 1 (01:17:21):
That's why, That's why I asked the question, because everyone
is different, right I it is.

Speaker 2 (01:17:26):
Very important for me affection, intacy, being on the same
page sexually, having chemistry, uh, being able to be content,
being bored, all that stuff.

Speaker 8 (01:17:44):
Yeah, you know what at the end of the day,
like with me and know what I'm saying, the relationship, it's.

Speaker 2 (01:17:50):
Part part of it, Like I don't feel unless the
unless you're both asexual or something like, I don't think
like a relationship in being a romantic and fulfilling relationship
if there isn't levels.

Speaker 1 (01:18:10):
And how important is it to How is it is?
How is it to a person? How is it? How god?

Speaker 3 (01:18:24):
How is it right?

Speaker 1 (01:18:26):
I'm trying to how important is it? And how often
should a person looking for love? How should a person
go about making those kinds of adjustments to their life?

(01:18:46):
As far as sex, intimacy and compassion is concerned over
forty because sometimes things don't work for some women and
some men.

Speaker 2 (01:18:57):
But that's why again you have you conversing shas and
again that's why it's important to know these things. But
there's remedies, right for all things, if there's remedies for
her and there's remedies for him, if that's what people
need in the relationship. But intimacy isn't just sex. So like,

(01:19:18):
but I think in a romantic relationship, a committed relationship,
you need intimacy, like because then you're just you're with
a roommates. That's a friendship. So if you're in a
real relationship, then there needs to be a real level
of intimacy there or again you're just friend.

Speaker 3 (01:19:41):
You know what.

Speaker 4 (01:19:43):
Now see like like seeing Now here's the thing, right,
you know, Like I have a problem. You know what
I'm saying, Well, look for love, because like if you
look for it's not gonna you know, say, you're not
gonna find it.

Speaker 3 (01:19:52):
That shit just happens, I'm saying.

Speaker 2 (01:19:56):
But I mean there's intentionally dating, and that's talking about
and two people out there. Okay, you and your experience
about you were one of those guys that wasn't looking
for and that happened. Okay, we get it, it happened,

(01:20:19):
but that's not really like that's not everyone's story. There
are more people out there who are trying to find
someone than not for that intense like there. That's why
these dating apps exists, or for people to find each other.

Speaker 3 (01:20:36):
Yeah, you know what dating app?

Speaker 2 (01:20:38):
I think I think they need to do more like uh,
those speed dating events and ship like that, Like I
feel like that should be a bigger market and a
bigger thing because especially now, like it makes a difference
when you meet someone in person and when it's like
it feels like a game that way, and it's kind

(01:20:59):
of like more chill. It's not like spectations. Just get
to know somebody real quick.

Speaker 1 (01:21:05):
You got you got a minute. So what would I say?
I would say wu tang and she says who next?

Speaker 2 (01:21:14):
The response should be that will say is forever? And
that's how you know.

Speaker 3 (01:21:20):
That's or when you say wu tang.

Speaker 2 (01:21:29):
Either or so get it? So yes, that's the whole thing.
Like you usually get like three or five minutes to
talk to somebody, and in that time, obviously you should
be asking this ship that matters to you like obviously
everybody does like.

Speaker 3 (01:21:49):
You did this before?

Speaker 2 (01:21:52):
You know what?

Speaker 3 (01:21:53):
What do you hold on? You did this before spreading?

Speaker 2 (01:21:59):
I've watched like easy things like I watched I watched
that show crime Cash. Oh yeah, that's cream.

Speaker 1 (01:22:10):
That might be a red flag. Hold on really quick,
that might be a red flag. There?

Speaker 3 (01:22:15):
What you.

Speaker 1 (01:22:18):
Everything around me?

Speaker 3 (01:22:23):
Like?

Speaker 2 (01:22:25):
Answer?

Speaker 4 (01:22:26):
It was like with three out kids?

Speaker 2 (01:22:28):
You picked the ball? What?

Speaker 3 (01:22:32):
Yo?

Speaker 7 (01:22:33):
You know what if you say hold on, hold on,
you say wool sang and she starts saying, well aboutomatonically
faculty philosophy is that's when you know, yo, yo yo yo.

Speaker 4 (01:22:47):
You know what if she starts spitting bars from time,
then you know, then you know you got.

Speaker 3 (01:22:52):
To keep her bro you know what I'm saying. Then
you know you got to keep it. You know what
I'm saying that?

Speaker 4 (01:22:57):
Then you you know what if she starts doing the
I'm telling you she got to yo, you know what
she got the girls shoes and that she got some
timberlands on the bottom.

Speaker 3 (01:23:04):
You know what I'm saying that.

Speaker 1 (01:23:05):
I got a question. I got a question, not a question,
I guess it is a question for TG. So why
why is it all right? So check this out? This
is this is the difference between men and women, I
think in some things. Right, So why is it when
a group of guys get together, right that a group
of dudes get together with chilling. We're hanging out and

(01:23:26):
I say, for instance, I say, yeah I met I
met this girl. You know with chilling, you know, we're
building something. The first thing that comes out of one
of my boys mouths is yo, she pretty, Yo, she bangs,
she got a nice ad, Like what's up? You know
what I'm saying, Like, what's going on? But when you
talk to women, the first thing that comes out of

(01:23:48):
their mouth is what does he do for a living?
Why is that?

Speaker 2 (01:23:56):
Honestly, I think that's a societal thing. Uh like a
just because I mean, I'm trying to think right now.
Like in my own experience, if anybody's been like, oh,
usually it's like how old they are, how they met them? Yes,
like they do this, Uh they they have kids or

(01:24:18):
they don't have kids, or they were married or they're not,
you know, like shit like that. Yeah, you bring up
just like the fucking coins. That's what it is. And
like you just said, men just go sexual So that's
fucking worse. Like you like I would prefer to know
my friends like person and more about them than the

(01:24:41):
way they look. I think gets too sious what they
look like, because what matters is that they're attracted to
them and they're happy with them. Like I shouldn't be
attracted to your person. Me asking that is a fucking
red flag. Okay, so you need to be looking at
your boys. Yeah, I'm saying, I why are you asking that?

Speaker 1 (01:25:01):
They wouldn't ask me that, because they'll they'll sit there
and they'll know they'll be like, yeah, I'm not going
to say that's a little because you know.

Speaker 2 (01:25:11):
It does, but there may be people who do. That's
kind of shitty. Yes, Jock, nobody's going to do with
that now you just point it out. That's so stupid. Okay.
Women expect men to be providers and men are visual creatures.

(01:25:34):
I mean, like I said the side of wise, Yes,
this has always been a thing about the provider, But
I think a man should care about what a woman
does too, Like if you're not asking her what she's doing,
I mean she could be having an only fans for all.
You know.

Speaker 1 (01:25:52):
You can have little little feet page, right.

Speaker 2 (01:25:56):
Yeah, like a fetish page who apparently apparently a big market.
I heard about this big market. But still like, yeah,
you know, everybody's like this is the thing again. People
are different, people are looking for different things the case.

(01:26:17):
Just assume that everybody out there. But from the consensus
of what I'm seeing out here in PA anyway, is
that you know, a lot of people are on their line.

Speaker 4 (01:26:29):
And that's country though, no.

Speaker 2 (01:26:34):
There's no I lived near Harrisburg, like Lancaster County, is
Amish County more, even though they're sporadically all over the place.

Speaker 3 (01:26:45):
But I heard you. I heard you was hanging out
with turning button.

Speaker 2 (01:26:50):
I was that boy can turn butter. So the that's
my favorite. Yeah.

Speaker 1 (01:26:59):
So the the thing is this all right, let's let's
let's talk about it. Let's let's put this out there.
I think when you approach like like say, for instance,
you're on the dating app, right and you're swiping, you know,

(01:27:20):
you're going through the profiles or whatever, and you come
across someone.

Speaker 3 (01:27:32):
Who you.

Speaker 1 (01:27:35):
Recognize, right, No, boy, you come across somebody you recognize
and you realize that it was all right. So I'm
gonna give you a situation. All right, So there was
this dude who who wasn't ready for a relationship, right,

(01:28:00):
He wasn't ready to And we and the dove knows
who he is, and I'm not gonna I'm not gonna
put his name out there. We talked about this a
couple of days ago. He he wasn't ready for a
relationship that when when he met this woman, right, he
met this He met this chick, wasn't ready at that

(01:28:21):
time for a relationship. All right, he's what is he like,
forty forty three, forty four now whatever, he's like whatever,
whatever it is, whatever it is.

Speaker 3 (01:28:31):
He wasn't ready.

Speaker 1 (01:28:33):
He wasn't ready. Yeah, that's irrelevant. That's irrelevant. But the
fact that we're doing ad after forty things he's over
for yeah.

Speaker 2 (01:28:40):
Well, we get it. He wasn't ready for relationship, wasn't
he wasn't ready for relationship.

Speaker 1 (01:28:44):
He meets us, he meets this girl, right, and they're
they're hitting it. They're hitting it on cylinders, you know,
a couple of cylinders that are being hit you know
what I'm saying. And they're getting along. Everything is cool.
But then he fades he fades it out because he's

(01:29:04):
not ready, you know what I mean, He wasn't prepared
for what was you know what, he really he really
wanted a relationship, but he wasn't prepared because he had
just gotten out.

Speaker 3 (01:29:15):
Of something that was long term, right, so.

Speaker 1 (01:29:18):
He wasn't ready for it. So he tells us that
he's swiping on this app and he sees that chick again.
This time he's ready, right, this time, he's prepared to
be in a committed relationship. Like he's emotionally ready, he's

(01:29:43):
physically like everything, he's ready to go. So he swipes
on this chick's picture, right, and he says, he says
that that you know, she replied to him, and now
they're talking and ship right, So he's what the why
a my ship blurry?

Speaker 3 (01:30:03):
Yo?

Speaker 1 (01:30:03):
What the fuck? I paid my WiFi bill? So, so
the thing is is that he comes, he comes across
this this this because they didn't get to see each
other face to face the first time. It was just
conversations through text, calls, whatever it is. So he told

(01:30:25):
me that he finally got to meet her face to face.
It was who was for a short amount of time,
but he got to see her, and he said he
hugged her and he just instantly felt like it was
like we did we stopped talking. We didn't speak to
each other for a few years. I find you again.

(01:30:49):
I'm hugging you. It feels right, And I didn't, he
said he didn't want to let it go. It was
just something about that hug and and how things perspire
between the not perspired, that's the wrong word, you know whatever.
You know what I'm trying to say, Yes, sweat, Yes,

(01:31:10):
the way right, the way things went down. He just
felt like it was right. It felt right at that
moment in time. Okay, So he asked me, he says,
what do you think I should I should say to her?
What do you think I should do? What do you
think I should? I told him, follow your heart, bro right,

(01:31:34):
follow your heart? Why is my ship blurry? Follow your
heart and don't ever ever hide what it is, your feeling,
what it is your thinking, Express yourself properly to be honest,
be straightforward, because if you can't do that, it's not

(01:31:57):
going to work out. Mm hm, you know what I'm saying.
So the moral of the story is for everyone out
there who's finding love after forty, it's it's not a
lost cause, right because love after forty can happen.

Speaker 2 (01:32:17):
Yep.

Speaker 1 (01:32:18):
And the thing about it is, and the thing about
it is it isn't new beginning. But you have to
understand that when you when you get involved with someone
at this age, they don't come with a clean slate,
right you know, you have to build with that person

(01:32:39):
through their experiences, through your experiences, and despite the fact
that your heart was broken at one point, despite the
fact that you've suffered through things in your life, there
is someone out there that can bring you in, hold

(01:33:04):
you and show you that there is love out there,
that there is a person out there for everyone. It
takes time, you know what I'm saying. It takes patience.
It takes patience, It takes time, and it takes honesty, loyalty, love, compassion, empathy.

(01:33:31):
But when you find that communication and transparency, all that
is key, you know. So don't ever think that because
you're at an age that you know the guys are
coming in, you know what I'm saying, And you know
you you're you're old. You're not old. You're you're just

(01:33:53):
getting better better. It's not over. So it's not a
lost cause it's definitely a new beginning. And you lease
on life when you find love at this age, because
you know what You don't want to fucking be forty
fifty sixty years old going to the club. You don't

(01:34:13):
want to go to the club. You know, these youngins
out there, they're not gonna be wanting the fuck around
with you. You know what I'm saying, They're gonna be
looking at your pocket. They're gonna be looking at you know,
especially especially for for dudes going to to clubs and
bars with all these young kids. What do you think
they're thinking. You're in the corner drinking your unk, drink

(01:34:37):
in your air and your air Force ones the dad's
shoe now they.

Speaker 4 (01:34:42):
Call it yo yo yo, and you know what, And
then then to be like, yeah, where the holes at, nigger,
your daughter end up?

Speaker 1 (01:34:53):

Speaker 3 (01:34:54):
You know what I'm saying, like like, ye know what
the hot does that even make sense?

Speaker 1 (01:34:57):
You know?

Speaker 3 (01:34:58):

Speaker 1 (01:34:59):
I'm not Look, I'm not saying. I'm not saying don't
go out and have a good time. Don't go to
the club, though, Yeah, you know what I'm saying, don't
you don't You don't need to go to the club, man,
at this at this point in your life, at this
stage of your life, find yourself somebody who who's gonna
love you for who you are, Because find somebody who's

(01:35:22):
gonna be honest with you. Find somebody who's gonna definitely
communicate with you. You know, it's if you If you
really want to find love, it's out there. You know
what I'm saying. You're not gonna find it at the club,
that's for goddamn sure. You know you might. You might.
You might find it on an app.

Speaker 4 (01:35:42):
Who knows the most important thing though, what if you
want to find love, you gotta look in the mirror first,
what I'm saying, because once you start loving a person
in the marryland, everything else starts to change, right yeah,
because because that yell you what you know what I'm saying, Like,
like that's one thing I learned, you know, like I

(01:36:04):
have to look in the mirror and love myself even
for the flaws at all, you know what i mean? Right,
So like so so like you know what I'm saying,
Like you gotta look at you know what I'm saying.
You gotta look at the mirror first, you know what
I'm saying, and start loving you and the flaws that
you think is too much.

Speaker 3 (01:36:19):
You gotta start working on that part. You know what
I'm saying.

Speaker 1 (01:36:22):
The floors are always gonna be there. The flaws that
you think too much might not be too much to
somebody else.

Speaker 4 (01:36:27):
Correct, absolutely, But you know what, your floors are always
going to be there. You know what I'm saying, It's
always gonna be there. You know what I'm saying, Just
accepted for what it is, because you're not perfect. Nobody's perfect.

Speaker 3 (01:36:36):
You know what I'm saying. I mean, I am the
close think of perfection. But I mean that goes without saying. Here.
You know you.

Speaker 1 (01:36:42):
Gotta you gotta love, you gotta you gotta love. I'll
be honest with you. I love some of me.

Speaker 2 (01:36:50):
Oh yeah, I love. I love all love some of you.

Speaker 1 (01:36:56):
You know what I'm saying, Like, I love I learn
some of me. You know what I'm saying.

Speaker 4 (01:37:00):
Damn, you ain't got to say it like that. Holy shit, dah.
Why you know what I'm saying like I mean, choking
on my little face smoke. You know what I saying
like yo?

Speaker 1 (01:37:11):
So but it's all right, So hold on real quick,
let's let's go. Let's go around the room. You know
what I'm saying, and what would be what would be
a piece of advice you would give yourself at twenty

(01:37:32):
years old, knowing what it is you've experienced in life,
what would you tell yourself you had to go back
in time and say something, What would be that message?
I'm gonna start with Dubbs.

Speaker 3 (01:37:43):
First, stay off the drugs, Stay off the liquord. They're
not your front. You know what I'm saying. And whatever
you and you're.

Speaker 4 (01:37:50):
Running away from something, you better handle that ship now,
you know, because if you don't handle it now, you
know what I mean? When it like the more the
more you let it fester, the more it's gonna become
a bigger problem. It's gonna affect you mentally, emotionally, spiritually,
is gonna affect you in every which way.

Speaker 3 (01:38:11):
So handle that. I by the way, love yourself. Man.

Speaker 4 (01:38:15):
You know what I'm saying because you aut here. You
know what I'm saying, trying to figure you know what
I'm saying. Drinking away the pain and you know what
I'm saying, smoking away the pain and gogles what else
you're doing? Because I know what I did, you know,
but I ain't gonna put it out there like that. Well,
sniffing away the pain all that stuff. You know what
I'm saying, You're running from pain that's eventually gonna catch up.
And when it cats up, it's gonna hit. It's gonna
it's gonna feel like a Mike types of punch out.

Speaker 3 (01:38:35):
So handle that, you know.

Speaker 4 (01:38:38):
Right, because and and and then I'll tell my Then
I'll tell myself because I love you, flaws and all.
You know what I'm saying, unconditioned, right, you know we
all make mistakes. Man, stop beating yourself.

Speaker 1 (01:38:49):
Up, right, TG, What about you? What would you tell
your twenty year old self?

Speaker 2 (01:38:56):
Suck them and go. That's what I should have done
as fucking and left. But that's not what happened.

Speaker 3 (01:39:06):
I knew. I knew it was gonna be something. I
knew it was going to be some someone, some ship
like that.

Speaker 2 (01:39:12):
You know what.

Speaker 1 (01:39:12):
I like, my yo?

Speaker 3 (01:39:22):
Come man, like yo? Can we be serious for once?
That's the thing.

Speaker 2 (01:39:33):
I should have like had fun in my twenties. I
should have enjoyed myself. I should have worked on myself and.

Speaker 3 (01:39:41):
Yeah, but.

Speaker 2 (01:39:43):
Much I was worthy and that you know, just because
I'm fad doesn't mean I can't be loved. So there
are being little things like that that I would have
said to myself, like, yes, I think that I learned

(01:40:04):
to have a partner to take care of me. That's
what I was shown and that's what I was taught.
So yes, my message to myself would have been like
just fuck him and go, like, you don't need to
stay because someone's giving me that attention, affection whatever. You
know what I'm saying, like where it could have. You know,

(01:40:26):
I think we get into relationships when we're young for
the wrong reasons, and it is what it is. But
you know, I wish I could have enjoyed my twenties
more than I was able to because I was in

(01:40:47):
a relationship for ten years, not like you guys, and
so it was different and I think I didn't get
to experience. So I did it in my thirties and
I don't regret that actually, because I think I have

(01:41:08):
more fun in my thirties. But that was that twenty
year old behavior in my thirties. So yeah, okay.

Speaker 4 (01:41:20):
Wait, hold on real quick. You know what I'm saying
to add on to that, like one more thing, one
more thing?

Speaker 3 (01:41:25):
Right?

Speaker 2 (01:41:26):
No, yeah, you said what you had.

Speaker 3 (01:41:29):
I'm gonna say.

Speaker 4 (01:41:30):
Anyways, because yell, you know what, because because because yell,
you know what that that reminds me of.

Speaker 3 (01:41:35):
Something, right, one more thing, one more. No one want
to let one, No one wants to let go.

Speaker 4 (01:41:42):
You know what I'm saying, Because like when I was
in my twenties, I was still trying to hold on
to a time that was no longer there.

Speaker 3 (01:41:48):
Like I had two kids, you know what I'm saying.

Speaker 4 (01:41:50):
Right after and I'm still trying to hold on to
a time that does not exist no more, right, you know,
like like you know, like like you know what, Like
I was like twenty years ago, I was twenty through
the math right, still wild and still wilding, like you
know what I'm saying, Like like I'm twenty one. But
times have changed and I didn't change, So I was

(01:42:10):
still doing the same ship.

Speaker 3 (01:42:11):

Speaker 4 (01:42:12):
The definition of a Saturday is doing the same thing,
hoping for different results when it was actually the same results.

Speaker 2 (01:42:19):
You know, we're not analyzing your twenties. You're holding on
your No, you're done, You're.

Speaker 3 (01:42:28):
No, I'm not done. No, I'm not done.

Speaker 1 (01:42:30):
Yea.

Speaker 3 (01:42:31):
It's holding it's holding on, you know, it's holding on.
You know what I'm saying. You can't go that's right.
I shouldn't let go. I should have let go.

Speaker 4 (01:42:40):
You know what I'm saying, And and and yo and yo.
You know what, get some icy hot because you know
what I'm saying. For the needs, because tea bagging, because
tea bagging.

Speaker 3 (01:42:47):
You know what I'm saying. Where's on the knees?

Speaker 2 (01:42:55):
My god.

Speaker 3 (01:42:58):
Lorda mercy? All right?

Speaker 1 (01:43:07):
So what I would tell my my twenty year old self,
First off, for all of us here, all these all
us gen X, is we were born and raised in
the era of legend. The ship that we've been through,
the ship that we've done doone, the ship that we

(01:43:29):
done did who is legendary. You know what I'm saying.
None of these kids nowadays compare to what it is
we're dealing with and what it is we've done. So
with that BO said, you know what I'm saying. With
that being said, I would tell myself that don't give
up on anything you want to do with your life.

(01:43:55):
Set goals, work towards those goals, and don't ever be
afraid to fail. Forward, my twenty year old self will
look at me and say, what the fuck does that mean?

Speaker 2 (01:44:09):
Bro?

Speaker 1 (01:44:11):
And I would say to him, I would say, to him.
If you fail, that is not the end. Fail forward
means take what you learn from that failure, apply it,
and try again. Don't give up on your dreams, don't
give up on love, don't give up on family, don't

(01:44:32):
give up on anything that you've worked hard towards. Someone
is gonna love you, bro, You know, someone is gonna
love you. Once you love yourself enough that you're spewing
out fucking love, someone is gonna say I want that

(01:44:52):
shit and they're gonna love you. So don't give up
on that. So that's what I would tell my twenty
your old self, and yeah, it's a good one, you

Speaker 3 (01:45:11):
Stoke it.

Speaker 1 (01:45:12):
So so now now with that, with that being said,
with that being said, it is it is time.

Speaker 2 (01:45:26):
It is that way.

Speaker 4 (01:45:28):
Hold on, hold on, hold on. You said that that stuff, right.
I just want to point out that there's no more
there's no more mischief night or Douglas night. We talked
about that, remember, we talked about that. You know, I'm like, yo,
you know what, that tradition is dead, you.

Speaker 2 (01:45:46):
Know, like they still do it in some places.

Speaker 4 (01:45:49):
Not not not around here, not around here, like like
you know what, it's dead because like, these kids are
not outside and you know what I'm saying, not outside
enough to begin with. I remember, Yo, I could recall
literally going to quick Check on Second and Second in
Washington when it was there, buying eggs and bringing it
to the roof and leaving it there for like a

(01:46:10):
month and a half. They've rotten, right and on the
and every October twenty ninth, I went to the roof,
picked up them eggs, right, and I left it there,
you know what I mean. And I carried it with
me in my jazz Port danceport when it was the ship, right, Pat,
you know what I'm saying, like either getting them masks,
you know what I'm saying, or painting my face black, right,

(01:46:33):
walking around with a hoodie and the dingiest clothes because
you know, you just gonna get hit and you're gonna
be hitting back, you know what I'm saying, Yo, going
to the pranks store getting some itching powdered, you know
what I'm saying, with some socks, like like yo, you
know what some some people, you know what I'm saying.
Some people, you know, I ain't gonna need no names,
but they will die. Vola they had the d batteries
and put them in the socks.

Speaker 3 (01:46:53):
Yeah you know what I'm saying. They would die volaicle
with it, you know what I mean. But you know,
we did all that, you know what I mean. And
well we're egging people and all that stuff and that
that was.

Speaker 1 (01:47:04):
Yeah, that's that's that's because our our generation was the
last generation before the internet.

Speaker 2 (01:47:12):
Yep.

Speaker 3 (01:47:13):
Yeah, yeah, we we know. We know what it's like.

Speaker 2 (01:47:16):
Bro.

Speaker 1 (01:47:16):
We were born in the seventies, raised in the eighties,
and rocked out in the fucking nineties.

Speaker 2 (01:47:22):
Bro.

Speaker 1 (01:47:22):
Like I said, legendary ship.

Speaker 3 (01:47:24):
Bro yo, like like like yo, you know.

Speaker 1 (01:47:28):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (01:47:28):
So we been to a lot, yeah, and a lot.
We've seen a lot. Yeah. So oh so.

Speaker 1 (01:47:41):
I did really quick, really really quick. I did uh
an ancestry, d ns.

Speaker 2 (01:47:49):
Dns na na.

Speaker 1 (01:47:54):
It came it came back already, And I'm going to
tell you some some strange ship. Oh I have Irish
in my blood. You're a mcasshold, yeah, I have I
have I have some some Jewish in my blood.

Speaker 2 (01:48:12):
Oh wow.

Speaker 1 (01:48:15):
Yeah Canadians. Yeah yeah, it's really interesting. So anyway, so
all that all that being said, my party it's it's
you know, we're over, We're done. We're good, my party,
my my parting words for the night.

Speaker 2 (01:48:37):
Mm hmm.

Speaker 1 (01:48:38):
Once more, one more time. Go out there and find
yourself somebody. You know what I'm saying. Love yourself first, yourself.
Who's gonna add to your life in a positive way,
you know what I mean?

Speaker 4 (01:48:54):
And not magic pos not magic, magic, not magic, just
a positive positive enough.

Speaker 1 (01:49:01):
But someone whos gonna come into your life and add value.
You know what I'm saying. Somebody's gonna come into your life.
Look at you and say, motherfucker, I love you, right, motherfucker.
I love you, and I know you love it because
because I love, I love some of me. You know
what I'm saying, And I think I deserve, you know,
someone to look at me right there in my fucking

(01:49:22):
eye and say, you know what, I love.

Speaker 4 (01:49:24):
You, brother love. Remember brother Love, I'm w w w w.

Speaker 3 (01:49:31):
Love you.

Speaker 1 (01:49:34):
Yeah, I'm gonna say. I thought you was gonna say
something slick like Broke Back Mountain and some ship.

Speaker 3 (01:49:41):
You know what I'm saying. Why would I say that?
Is that what you think of me? My fans are heard.
I apologize expeditiously.

Speaker 1 (01:49:52):
You know what I mean? Anyway?

Speaker 3 (01:49:56):
I apologize.

Speaker 1 (01:49:57):
No, I will not apologize anyway, apologized.

Speaker 3 (01:50:06):
I want to listen to that song when we've done.

Speaker 1 (01:50:08):
All right, So I'm big Cole. That's t G Love,
That's Dubbs is don a k A. Simon Phoenix. This
has been another episode of This My Her podcast. Tune
in next week for another episode where we're gonna wild
out and do some ill shit. Probably most likely we'll
see what happens with or No, but we'll see absolutely absolutely.

(01:50:31):
Thank you for coming in, Thank you for joining us
in the chat room, Get brave, come on the show.
Let's talk ship. I know, I know you're saying yeah,
but you know, I just gotta get to let the
fans you know, you know how it is anyway. Once again,
at some point.

Speaker 4 (01:50:51):
This My Her the Spanish maish, my stuff is smart.

Speaker 3 (01:51:00):
U l a man l a right, And that's how
you say that something like that. I mean, you know,
right yo, my Spanish store man. Yo. You know what Yo?

Speaker 4 (01:51:33):
The only thing I know is Spanish is as one
like my father is a urst.

Speaker 3 (01:51:36):
I mean Spanish. I could say, well the White city, see.

Speaker 1 (01:51:49):
Yeah, all right, at some point this might hurt people.

Speaker 3 (01:51:53):
Yeah, I love you, yeah that stopping by, Hey a
politic people

Speaker 2 (01:51:58):
Yeah, one night, good night my

All Episodes

Episode Transcript

Popular Podcasts

Stuff You Should Know

SmartLess

My Favorite Murder with Karen Kilgariff and Georgia Hardstark

.css-15opob5{left:0;position:absolute;top:0.8rem;} All Episodes

.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}Finding Love After 40 : A Lost Cause or a New Beginning (Recorded Live On 11-5-25)

Episode Transcript

Popular Podcasts

.css-r6mb8g{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:1;overflow:hidden;}Stuff You Should Know

SmartLess

My Favorite Murder with Karen Kilgariff and Georgia Hardstark

All Episodes

Finding Love After 40 : A Lost Cause or a New Beginning (Recorded Live On 11-5-25)

Stuff You Should Know