Delivery Drivers, What’s The Wildest, Most Hilariously Awkward Thing You’ve Walked In On?
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Delivery drivers have Reddit What's the wildest, what moment or
most hilariously awkward thing you've walked in on while dropping
something off Story one. I remember one Halloween I was
doing deliveries. Nothing was new except it was a night
full of candy and odd costumes. I had a pretty
large pizza delivery to this apartment complex near a college campus. So,
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as you do when a delivery boy, I grabbed the
drinks and bagged them up and then put the pizzas
in the pizza bag. I arrived at the apartment complex
and could see the people's decorations on the porch and stuff.
I walked up to the door knocked, and an absolute
unit of a darker skinned guy dressed as Freddy from
Scooby Doo opened the door. Dude had dreads, a little
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facial hair, had to be at least six foot five,
and was built like a pencil. He greets me and
then turns around and yells, a ogang, our pizza is here.
I cracked up laughing when everyone came running. The dude
dressed as Shaggy had to be his twin brother, because
once again an absolute monster, tall, dark skin guy six
foot three with dreads and built like a pencil. A short,
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light skinned girl came out as Daphne. Her outfit was
see through. A Mexican girl came dressed as Scooby. Her
outfit was also see through. And lastly, a thicker white
brunette came dressed as Velma, again also see through and
an extremely short red skirt. She hurried past the crew,
turned around in front of the door and said, oh no,
mister delivery boy, I dropped my glasses yo. And she
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turned around and flipped up her little red skirt. And
my goodness, dude, this girl had a very large toy
in and it was like flashing different colors. I heard
the girl dressed as Scooby say rou row. After that,
our mystery solving homie Fred came to her and said,
all right, that's enough with you. I'll deal with your
cute a in the room. Keep in mind this all
happened in about two to three minutes of me opening
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the door. He said to me, eight, lil homie, here's
your tip. You have a good rest the night. He
let out a laugh, handed me thirty dollars and a
little bag of the greens, smacked Velma on the back
picked her up, and then everyone rushed to shut the
door on me. Before we continue, do us a quick favor.
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Story two. I used to deliver off site catering for
a deli, mostly things like chicken palm trays and six
foot heroes, pretty standard stuff. It wasn't unusual for people
to order food after funerals, so one day I got
sent on a delivery for what I assumed was just that,
but this order it was massive, like six hundred dollars
worth of food, way more than usual. I pull up
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to the house expecting a somber scene, but instead it's
packed with gorgeous people. A good number of them are
lounging by the pool, topless, laughing, sunning themselves, having a
full blown party. I should mention this wasn't some fancy
mansion in the Hamptons or anything, just a regular middle
class home in Massapequa, New York. Everyone there looked to
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be under thirty five, and they were clearly having the
time of their lives. For a second, I figured maybe
I had the wrong place, But then I stepped into
the living room and spotted the memorial photo easel with
a big you'll be missed sign. So yeah, it was
definitely a funeral, still the most bizarre funeral I've ever seen,
But honestly, I kind of hope mine is like that.
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Either everyone was genuinely celebrating a life well lived or
the guy was a total dong and they were partying
because he was finally gone. Either way. Ten ten Energy
Story three. I delivered live orchids for a greenhouse as
a part time job. They had to be physically handed
to the customers because I was not allowed to leave
them outside at all. One place, I went to his
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way way out of the main roads, which is saying
something because I live in an extremely rural area. My
normal grocery trip is half an hour just to get
to the closest store. Anyway, I find the address and
the driveway disappears into a forest and it's a good
half a mile of gravel twists before I see the house.
It's dug into the side of a hill, looking over
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a private lake. Like there's just a dark hall going
back into the dirt, no windows, no doors, no visible structure,
just a concrete rectangular tunnel into darkness. I had called
the customer beforehand, because I learned the hard way that
cold delivery means I'm driving back with flowers and wasting
time and gas. So I just shouted hello, delivery from
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greenhouse and stood there kind of taking in the scenery.
I shouted again, and this time got a response. The
guy pokes his head out from a door that I
swear was not there when I pulled up about halfway
down the tunnel. It was like he just popped out
of the shadows and went, oh, hey, there, I didn't
hear you pull up. I hold up the orchid and
explain he has to sign for it, and he's like sure, sure,
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and steps out of the darkness to reveal he is
completely bare and covered in mud brown paint. I have
no idea, just swinging free and dripping gooey brown sludge
as he walks out into the sunlight to take his delivery,
leaves a huge brown smudge on the invoice and says,
you want to come in for a beer? Even if
I didn't have to drive way back out of there,
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No way in hell was I going into the concrete
tunnel of darkness with nudy mud man. Nope. Story for
I did bicycle delivery for a sub shop franchise in
Seattle for nearly a decade, and wish I could condense
this story, but I can't. Context is key and I
have a lot I'm still trying to unpack on this one. Now.
A certain store had picked up traction with three different
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red light zone as we called them, in separate apartments
and complexes. Almost always had a tattooed head mistress of
fifty plus excepting delivery, but occasionally a random younger girl
clad in a towel would get their sandwich directly, always
tipping very well, and it was not uncommon for a
john to be already knocking at the apartment door asking
for his girl. One of the girls ordered frequently between
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one of the red light zones and what I assumed
was her home a dress a few blocks away. One day,
one of the newly hired bikers comes back with a
story of getting laid on his delivery run, and he
quickly becomes known T Horny, a combo of his real
name and antics. I was skeptical at first, but months
later I ended up at her doorstep. She answered in
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a hoodie sweatsuit and asked how much it was. It
was just one sub eight bucks at the time, tax
and delivery included, so I told her, matter of factly,
it's eight dollars. She asked me to step inside so
she could grab her cash. Of course I did, and
she closed the door behind me. I waited and waited.
Over five minutes passed as she rummaged through her cluttered
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apartment and eventually disappeared into a bedroom. When she came
back out, she was topless holding a ten dollar bill.
How much was that again, she asked casually. Eight dollars,
I repeated, or I could give you a blowy, she offered,
dead serious, eight dollars, I replied, keeping my tone flat.
She pulled down her pants, turning to expose her backside.
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Are you sure you don't want to hit it? No,
I said firmly. She waved the ten dollar bill in
front of me, pouting. Well, you're no fun. I have
a girl friend, I said, snatching the bill from her hand,
and I'm tons of fun. I turned to the front
door to make my exit, only to realize she had
locked the dead bolt behind me. I don't think I'll
ever experience dread in the same way, but I'm guessing
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I will never have a fantasy quite like that, just
the same story five, I dropped off a package in
a fairly nice driveway. The house was pristine, large, and
well taken care of for whatever reason, the yard was
dimly lit and the sun was going down. The house
was somewhat bordered by a tree line that was pitch
black in the gloom. My wife was in the driver's
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seat watching my back. I heard a stick crunch, and
immediately my instincts went wild. I felt like I was
being watched. My wife got the he be Geebe's and
called my name, and I threw the package on the
porch and sped walked back to the car. I could
barely make out a man sneaking, almost crouching through the
tree line a few feet away, trying to catch me
by surprise, and trying to be as quiet as possible
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in an Amazon vest with Amazon logos all over my car,
with my flashers on, I was dropping off an Amazon package.
I jumped in the car as he broke through the
tree line, and I could see him in the rear
view mirror, quietly standing in the driveway where I was.
Had she not been there, I'm not sure what the
man hoped to accomplish, story six. I knocked on the door.
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She told me to come in. When I stepped inside,
she called me into her bedroom. The smell hit me immediately.
The room was a mess, trash and clothes scattered everywhere.
She looked to be in her early forties, a bit
rough around the edges. She said she was bedridden, even
though she kept moving every limb, which sounded strange. Then
she asked me to grab her a soda from her closet,
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which was just a few feet away. The lighting was
dim and I was wearing my prescription sunglasses, so I
could barely see. The smell grew worse as I approached
the closet. Inside it was packed with brand new sealed iPads, headphones,
junk food, more electronics, around six cases of soda, and
about twenty cases of adult diapers stuffed to the brim.
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She tells me she's bedridden and that her boyfriend left
on Monday. She doesn't know where he went or if
he's coming back. It's already Friday. She's friendly enough, but
I can tell she's a little off just from twenty
seconds of talking. She asks me to grab her a
pack of diapers along with the soda. No problem. Then
she pleads with me to take out her garbage because
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it's been sitting there for weeks. I can tell it
definitely reeks. I'm thinking, whatever, maybe there's a good tip
in it. Plus, this woman seems a bit unstable. But
if she's telling the truth, at least I could help
her out a little, right. She points me toward her
side of the bed, the side farthest from the door
and closet where I'd been standing. The smell is overwhelming.
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Just gather this little bit here and take it all out.
Thank you so much, You're so sweet, Thank you, thank you.
I start moving the top layer and the stench hits
me like a wall. There's a mountain of dirty adult diapers,
piled up papers, smeared with feces, clothes soaked in it.
Even the carpet is stained. It's like a scene from
Bob Saggott and Dumb and Dumberer. There's poop absolutely everywhere.
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I've worked at a kennel for years, and this is
on a whole other level. I've cleaned up some seriously
disgusting stuff before, rank beyond anything you can imagine. Dogs
have no shame after all. But I decided to go
for it, thinking maybe the big tip's worth it. I
push through two or three diapers when one rip's open,
spilling even more crap everywhere. Now I just want to
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get the hell out of there. I'm starting to feel sick.
My heart's racing, I'm dizzy. The smell, God, the smell.
I look down, two or three are done and about
forty five left. Holy crap, I'm not gonna make it.
I'm about to puke. Then I see something that's not
a diaper. What the hell is that? She's not too
old to be on periods? Right? I'm done? I drop
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everything and literally jump back, asking to use her bathroom
to wash up. Without waiting for a response, I rush in.
The place looks abandoned, rusty toilet, piles of old garbage,
and magazines everywhere, More dirty diapers scattered around. I nope
out completely and bolt for my car. Once inside, I
practically bathe in hand sanitizer and peel out like I'm
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being chased by a horror movie killer. Later I found
out she tipped me two dollars on a credit card.
Story seven, I was delivering for Pizza Hut and got
an early delivery call. I'm next up. It's my next
door neighbors. Awesome, they're cool people. So I bag it
up and head out the door. A short drive later,
I'm standing outside their house knocking with the main door
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open but the screen door closed. Normally, you don't just
let yourself in, so I knock a little longer before
I just start calling their names out and letting myself in.
I make it about eight steps in before I realized
that the TV noise I'm hearing is not normal TV noise.
It's hardcore corn. My feet were on autopilot, however, and
the realization didn't hit me until I was fully too
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rooms into their house. I made it about three feet
into their family room and saw them buck bear and
him full on banging his little wife on the couch.
They were both so involved that they didn't even notice me.
So I backed out slowly to the front door, and
this time I hit the door like it owed me money.
She darts across the doorway, looking fantastically fit for her age,
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and comes back to the front door in a robe
and a huge smile. I got a like twenty two
dollar tip because she paid with a fifty, But the
raal treasure was the memory of her memories. I never
could look at her the same way after that story. Eight.
This one's an easy pick. It's about my best friend
from school, back when he used to do a paper round.
He tried to deliver a newspaper to a house, only
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to find the letter box already stuffed with old papers.
He pushed the bundle through and as he did, a
swarm of flies burst out. The smell that followed was
so rancid it made him gag. Curious, and maybe a
little nosy, he peeked through the letter box after sliding
the paper in. More flies came rushing out, and inside
he could see the air was thick with them just swarming. Disturbed,
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he called his mom for advice, and after hearing what
he described, she told him to call the police. It
sounded like someone might have died inside. The police arrived
and tried everything, knocking, ringing the doorbell, shouting, even peering
through the windows, but got no response. Eventually, they decided
to force entry for a welfare check. They asked my
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friend to step back onto the path, then broke down
the door. According to him, as soon as the door opened,
a cloud of flies just poured out. The officers put
on masks before entering, and less than a minute later
they stumbled back out gagging. Inside they found an elderly
woman who had passed away and was, in their words,
infested with maggots. She'd been dead for over a month,
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and none of her family had checked in on her.
I actually heard about the same incident again about a
year later from a police perspective. Turns out my uncle's
brother was the officer in charge that day. My friend
never did a paper round again after that story. Nine
Once durring, I had a job delivering pizza for a
popular restaurant. It wasn't very good pay, so I had
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to rely mostly on tips. At one particular delivery stop,
an older woman answered the door intoxicated and asked how
much the pizza was. I told her the amount owed,
and she asked if she could work some of the
money off and winked at me. I politely declined and
repeated the total amount, but she insisted I come in
and wait while she grabbed her purse. So I walked
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in and waited by the door while she went into
the back part of the house to grab the money.
After about five minutes go by and she's not back yet.
I holler out for her, asking if everything is okay.
She replies and asks if I can come back and
help her find her purse. Reluctantly, I set the pizza
down and made my way back into the house. I
turned the corner and there in her room, the woman
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is lying on her bed in just her inners. Before
I can say anything, she says to come in and
do whatever I want to her. I quickly turned around
and left the house, leaving the pizzas behind. I ended
up having to pay for the pizza myself because the
manager didn't believe my story. I quit two weeks later.
Story ten. The craziest was when I delivered to a
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hotel room, and before I could knock on the door,
a giant cop opened it with his finger over his mouth,
telling me to be quiet. I saw about eight cops
in the hotel room, half circled around a television screen.
He signed for the food and I started making my
way back down the hallway towards the elevator. Half Way
down the hallway, I heard a door slam and the
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distinct sounds of heavy feet running in my direction. I
turned around and saw a woman dressed only in panties
sprinting in my direction. As all the officers barreled out
of the room after her, one yelled stop, the place
is surrounded. There was nowhere for me to go besides
press my body up against one of the doors to
give her clearance so I didn't get laid out. She
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was big and built, but was faster than humanly possible.
She ran down the hallway, which opened up in the
center so that you could overlook the lobby of the
hotel and around the corner. The image of her bare
jugs swinging in circles as she sprinted down the hallway
will be forever burned in my brain. As I left
the hotel, still in shock of what I saw, the
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person working the front desk told me to have a
nice day. It was as if I was the only
person who witnessed this. As I drove away, I saw
police cars with their lights on flying up and down
the road, still searching for her. Sometimes I wonder whatever
happened to that bear woman story? Eleven. So I dropped
this guy off his food and he called me by
my name. I'm like, WHOA, Okay, he goes, yeah, I
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saw it online. I'm like cool, cool, So I hit
him back with his name, just for fun, no reason really.
We end up chatting about random stuff, shows, games, whatever.
Dude was actually chill. Then as I'm about to leave,
he asks me for my last name. It slips out
of my mouth before I even think about it. The
next day, he added me on Facebook, saying we should
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hang out sometime. We're the same age, seem to have
similar interests, so I'm like, all right, why not. I
can't have too many friends. We end up going to Applebee's.
It turns out he's got a four year old daughter
and his wife recently passed away. He actually watched her
pass but he's a firefighter slash paramedic, so he says
it didn't hit him the same way it might hit
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most people. It was kind of weird, Loki. I'm in
my head like, did this man off his wife? We
talk about a whole bunch of nothing and head out.
I tell my girlfriend about it and she's like, oh,
he's totally gay. I'm like, I don't think so. He's
got a kid and was married, but she was convinced.
Don't hear from him for a while. Then, out of nowhere,
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he starts hitting me up again, wanting to hang out.
I'm like, nah, just decided he's not really worth my time.
Every now and then I still get a come hangout text.
After a few months, it shifts into weird stuff like
it won't take long. I'm like, what won't take long?
And he's just like nothing, just come hang out, just
want to talk. I'm thinking we're literally talking right now.
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And this little back and forth goes on for months.
Then it takes a turn into extra weird. He hits
me with the same come hang out, it won't take
long line. I ask what won't take long, and he
goes you know. I'm like, nah, I really don't. Then
one day he sends me an emoji of two dudes
holding hands and I'm like, oh, okay, he is gay.
I tell him, hey, I'm going to take this as
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a compliment, but I'm into girls, and he just replies
with triple dollar signs and a question mark. At that point,
I was done blocked him. After it kept getting weirder,
I straight up refused to deliver to his place for
the rest of the time I worked there. Dude was
way bigger than me too. I'm not gonna lie. He
could have taken my cheeks against my will if he
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tried to. So yeah hard Pass Story twelve. Back in
my late teens, I worked as a pizza delivery driver
for Papa Joe. One afternoon, I had a delivery to
one of the local adult shops in town. I walked in,
went up to the front counter and told the woman
working that I had a pizza for some one named John.
She glanced up and said, Oh, he's in the theater.
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I paused, confused and told her I didn't know where
that was. She smiled knowingly and said, it's in the
back behind the blue door. Go ahead, don't worry, there
are only a few people back there. You'll be fine.
Her reassurance didn't help much, but I made my way
to the door and stepped inside. The room was dark,
lit only by a projector playing a corner on the wall.
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Scattered around were mismatched pieces of furniture, couches, folding chairs,
and a table. Right in the middle of the room,
a woman was over a chair vigorously getting banged by
a man, while another guy, presumably her husband, sat nearby
watching quietly. He noticed me come in, held a finger
to his lips to shush me, and motioned me over.
I awkwardly tiptoed through the scene, placed the pizza on
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the table as instructed, and saw a twenty dollar bill
waiting for me. Just as I turned to leave, the
guy doing the plowing casually reached over, flipped open the
pizza box, grabbed a slice, and took a bite, never
missing a beat. Hands down the weirdest delivery I ever made.
Story thirteen. I deliver for Amazon and some homes set
up their garage door to be connected to Amazon. I
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show up to their house and my work phone allows
me to open their garage door, put the package inside,
and then shut the garage door. People who set this
up don't understand that you have now made your garage
a potential public space. I was hitting the open garage
door button on my phone and it was kind of budging,
but the door wouldn't fully move. I thought to myself
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maybe it was stuck. After the fourth try, it opens
and I see this older man behind a car, shirtless,
trying to shut his garage door and wondering why it's opening.
I thought this dude was just comfortable in his house,
so I called out to him, saying it's me and
to let the garage door fully open. He laughs and
forgot Amazon can open his garage door. He turns the
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corner around his car and he is not wearing anything.
The confidence of this old timer to just walk straight
up to me. I got the smallest glimpse before I
realized what was happening, and I just turned around and
dropped the package on his trunk. I just noped out
of there. Nope. Story fourteen. Used to work for a
small courier service, mostly meds and legal docs. One night,
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I'm dropping off an envelope at this guy's apartment. The
door's cracked open and the lights are red inside, not
dim red like horror movie red. I knock and say
delivery for James, and from inside I hear come in
it's feeding time. Dead serious. I noped out so hard
I nearly left skid marks in the hallway. I called
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dispatch and made them mark it undeliverable. The next day,
the guy calls and goes sorry about the Dracula vibe
I was setting up for my tarantulist TikTok live stream.
I don't even know what part disturbs me more the
fact that he said it so casually, or that the
tarantula apparently had fans. Story fifteen. Back when I was thirteen,
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I had a paper route in the UK. Ninety nine
point nine nine percent of houses have a letter flap
on the front door, and we would post the newspapers
through the door. One day, I had to cover another
kid's route, and when I went to post the paper
through one door, it just wouldn't go through. Normally, i'd
just leave it hanging out of the door, but it
wouldn't even go in enough to stay there, and I
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thought I'd get in trouble if I left it outside
the door. I opened the flap to see what was
blocking it. It was a dong. The guy liked to
put his dog in the letter flap when he knew
the thirteen year old paper boy was coming. I never
did that route again, and even quit altogether. A few
weeks later, I did speak to the kid that usually
did that route, and he said that's normal, but the
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guy would regularly give him tips, so he was okay
with it. I really wish i'd reported it at the time,
but I was a kid and was scared i'd lose
my job or get in trouble some other way. Story sixteen.
I was a delal livery driver for Best Buy and
was delivering a fridge to a very nice house. The
owner said she wouldn't be there, but her daughter would be.
Her daughter was nineteen, So we get to the house
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for the delivery, and two girls answered the door in bikinis.
The community has a private lake. They are giggling and
dancing around. It didn't take long to realize they were
both drunk. They also stated they had been day drinking.
We got the old fridge out and had the new
one almost in place. When I turned around to talk
to the girl, I let her know the work was
done in warranty stuff and blah blah blah. She said okay,
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and then her friend pulled up her bikini top. Mind you,
the friend pulled up the other girl's bikini top. I
looked respectfully and then turned away. I grabbed the paperwork,
turned around to have her sign it, and her top
was still up and they were both giggling again. She
had some very nice jesticles. She signed the paperwork and
we left. Story seventeen, one Halloween. I took an order
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to this guy's house. He opened the door and handed
me a phone and said just go with it. His
girlfriend was going to call and he was going to
prank her by pretending to be dead or something. It
all happened really fast. I didn't know what to think,
so my brain went, she's probably used to it. So
I took the phone and talked to her. I said
something like, Hi, is this someone who knows this guy?
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I'm a delivery guy. I just got here and the
guys are on the floor. Have you ever read anything
about the sound's parents make when they find out their
kids have passed. She made a noise like that instant regret.
She freaked out, started telling me to do CPR and
check his pulse, keep him alive till I get there,
that kind of stuff. She said. She was calling nine
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to one one. The dude was making hand gestures at me,
so I said, you might want to wait on that
until you get here. So she gets home, the dudes like, gotcha,
ha ha ha. The woman is standing there with puffy
eyes and a wet face. I'm finally able to speak
and say something like, I am so sorry. I thought
maybe was a thing you guy did. She said, I
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was fine, she knew it was all him. The guy
let me out and insisted on handing me a tall
Boy bud light as a thank you for my trouble.
I never actually drank it, mostly because well, bud light
isn't my thing, and also I didn't really feel like
I deserved a reward for that. Even thinking of the
sound she made then, like over ten years ago, now
still makes my breath catch. I still can't believe I
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did that. Story eighteen. I worked for a small delivery
service years ago in my early twenties. It was mostly
legal documents between firms, but we had some bigger clients too,
namely big clothing retailers. This is important for later. Late
one afternoon, I was asked to drop off a random
box on my way home. I was in a rougher
part of town, the warehouse district. The sun was going
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to set soon, and it also wasn't my usual area.
I first pushed back, a bit hesitant to deliver because
of the circumstances, but eventually gave in and did it.
Made it to the drop off just before sunset in
a dark warehouse lot. The only lights in this parking
area were some dim lights over most of the doors.
Some lights were out, barely lighting the numbers on the
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doors that actually had numbers. One random door had a
bouncer wearing all black and a wire in his ear.
Based on the package address, I deduced that was the
delivery drop off location. I parked a good distance away,
just in case, and shouted at the guy from afar,
I think I have a package for you. He responded,
who do you work for? So I tell him. He
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goes one minute, I'll be right back. Well by the
time he got back, the sun had actually set, and
at this point I was sweating bullets. He comes back
out with another bouncer dude, and says, grab your package
and come in. The boss is waiting for you. It's
worth noting at this point that the service I work
for requires a signature from the customer that placed the
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order due to legal reasons, so I actually need the
boss's signature for protocol reasons. The compliance part of my
brain is like, okay, get in, get the signature, and
get the hell out just in case. Pretend you didn't
see anything. So I carefully get the package, walk up
to the door, and get ready to go in. The
main bouncer says, we will need to escort you for
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safety reasons. I'm practically shaking at this point with fear,
but I'm already committed. The first step in is a long,
dark hallway, and I hear very loud music in the
back area. Finally, we go inside under this thick black
curtain to the brightest lit warehouse I've ever witnessed, with
Wright said Fred's I'm too sexy playing over some loud speakers. Inside,
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I see the most gorgeous women I've ever seen in
real life walking around in lingerie getting their picture taken.
I stopped for a moment to take it all in,
all while the bouncers laugh at me at how dumbfounded
I probably look. I eventually make it to the boss
after passing multiple sets, drop the package off and get
the signature. I had the whitest grin on my face
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the whole time that I couldn't hide the part of
my brain saying you didn't see anything took a back
seat as I took it all in. The boss's assistant
opens the package to check the inventory and finds out
it was more lingerie looking clothes. The assistant just waves
her hands at me to shew me away, and I
casually walk back out with the bouncers. The head guy
on the way out was like, it's quite the sight
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to see. Huh. No one will ever believe you if
you tell them. I was so dumbfounded. When I got
back to the car, confirmed the package was dropped, and
told dispatch, if you ever need anything, anything dropped off
here again, I want to be the first to know.
I never got to go back after that, but I'll
never forget that magical moment. Story nineteen. I was only new,
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so I didn't really know the area, but that didn't
exist on Google Maps. I rang the guy in my
car and he was fuming I didn't know where it
was because he ordered there every week and told me
he was a well known regular. I explained to him
that I'm new, and he was so stubborn and said
to put him onto the restaurant. So I brought the
order back in and told the receptionist lady. She had
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no idea who he was, and she was the only
girl in there who sat spoke English. Next, he requested
the manager, and my boss there spoke English, but this
guy had a thick Irish traveler accent and he tried
to speak to him. He also had no idea who
he was, but my boss reckoned the last driver did,
so my boss dials the other guy, who tells us
it's the caravan site building past the football pitch. So
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I go driving around the football pitch looking for a
caravan site, and I can't find one anywhere, and I
ring the other driver again and he says, no, go
into the site building, which he meant building site. I
go into the building site and I still can't find it.
So I just ring the guy and tell him I'm
at a building site with his order, and if he
doesn't tell me where he is now, he won't get
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his food. He hangs up and just shouts hold on
from above me with feet at my eye level, he
jumps out of a caravan suspended from a crane with
the number twelve on his door. Now I knew where
it was for the next three years. Story twenty. A
guy I delivered to clearly had some kind of mental disability,
but he answered the door with a stiffy in his
pants and the smell was horrendous. That's when I realized
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the sweatpants he was wearing were literally covered in his
baby gravy, all crusty and circular stains. My guess was
he didn't really understand the social norms and privacy for
moments like that. Either that or he panicked and put
on the wrong pair of sweatpants, or he just didn't care,
just doing it straight into the crotch of the pants.
Safe to say, I signed the parcel on his behalf
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story twenty one. I used to go door to door
for an old job and I had a gorgeous older
woman answer the door in a bathrobe. Once I was
about twenty two, she was maybe forty five. She flirted
and chatted with me, and if I hadn't been supervised,
it was my second day on the job and I
was being shadowed by a supervisor, I would have accepted
her invitation inside. Yes, she invited us both in and
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her very pretty friend drove up shortly after we started
walking away, so I can only imagine what shenanigan she
regularly got up to. My supervisor politely declined her offers
of wine, beer, cold water, and a break from the outdoors,
And as we walked away, he bemoaned being freshly married
and having to ruin that experience for me. For himself too.
I got the impression he and his wife were former
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swingers and had settled down after the wedding story twenty two.
I used to be a pizza guy in my younger years.
The weirdest thing that I ever encountered was delivering some
pizzas to an older, larger lady who used a walking stick.
She had her grandson over for dinner. She opened the door,
I read out the order, she gave me some winks, paid,
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and then said, you're getting me as hot as these pizzas.
Do you want to come in? I stuttered a no,
and her grandson, around twelve years old, looking horrified, quietly said,
holy heck, Grandma. Story twenty three. I'm not a delivery
driver in any paying capacity, but my neighborhood has really
closed knit, so we act as delivery drivers for each
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other whenever it's needed. One of the guys in my neighborhood,
who lives a couple of blocks over, is an mma fighter,
semi professionally and an all around nice guy. He has
three daughters with his ex wife in a shared custody
arrangement and loves them to pieces. He asked me to
grab the takeout order he'd gotten for the girls and
him for dinner on my way home. My practice is
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literally a block away from the restaurant, so it wasn't
a huge deal. I texted him when I got there
and he told me to just come on in. When
I walked into the foyer, I beheld one of the
funniest things I've ever seen. I should give you a
description of him so you get an idea of what
he looks like. He's six foot three, somewhere around two
hundred and forty five to two hundred and fifty pounds,
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a muscular, slash jacked guy with a beard. In the
living room, he and his daughters are having a tea
party after playing dress up. The girls had done his
make up, braided his beard, and he was dressed in
a glind of the good which type dress? Yes it
was pink, and yes it was in his size. It
was so unexpected that it was hilarious to me, and
I burst out laughing. He didn't take offense because he
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realized how funny it looked to walk in on that.
It was just so incongruous to what I expect that
it bordered on the absurd to me in the moment.
There's a sweet PostScript for this moment. We had a
neighborhood barbecue the next Thursday night, and over a few
beers we got talking about it, he off handedly mentioned
that I should see his aerial from the Little Mermaid costume.
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It turns out that he owns matching or as close
as possible dresses slash costumes to his daughter's dress up clothes.
I've seen the whole closet. He is dedicated to it.
That's one of the most wholesome things I've ever encountered
in hindsight. Story twenty four, I delivered pizzas while I
was in college. On my very first night working the job,
I got a delivery to a place pretty close to
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the pizza shop walking distance and was really trying to
work out why I knocked on the door with the
pizza and a completely bare man answered he couldn't cover
himself up fast enough and was extremely embarrassed. Turns out
the woman I worked alongside was his wife and the
only delivery driver up till this point. I actually ended
up as pretty good friends with both of them. We
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still catch up regularly anytime petezat his plans slash mentioned
at all. I make the better whip your dong out mate.
Joke story twenty five. I used to work supermarket home
delivery in the UK. I had my regulars whom I
used to deliver to every weekend on my shifts, including
a lovely old man who will call John. John lived
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in an upmarket retirement apartment assisted living facility in a
small leafy village in the countryside. He was probably in
his mid nineties and would always leave a note on
the order to knock on his door and then come
in to put the shopping in the kitchen for him.
When I arrived, he'd just shout come in and I'd
open the front door. Usually he'd be sitting upright in
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his wheelchair in the living room or lying in his
bed reading a book. One day I went along to
deliver John's food shop as normal, buzzing myself in on
the intercom at the front doors and wheeling my sack
barrow with the crates of shopping around the corridors till
I got to John's apartment at the end of the
corridor on the top floor. I noticed when I parked
the sack barrow outside the front door that the door
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wasn't closed like normal, it was a jar. I knocked anyways,
and heard John say, as usual, come in, so I
proceeded to pick up the first three or four bags
of shopping and open the front door. It's important to
note here that John's bathroom was immediately on the left
side as you came into his small retirement apartment. As
soon as I got through the front door, I saw
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to the left that the bathroom door was fully open,
with John sitting in his wheelchair, bare as the day
he was born, facing the doorway. His assisted living carer
was there to give him his daily shower, I guess,
and was midway through scrubbing his balding head. As I
walked through, everything was out on show. I was quite shocked,
not expecting to see a fully bare bloke in his
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nineties at eight in the morning, But out of British politeness,
I just said, oh, morning, John, still want the shopping
left in the kitchen? And he said yes, please mate.
So I continued as normal, trying not to look across
into the bathroom every time I had to go back
to the sack barrow to collect more shopping bags. At
the end of the delivery, I asked John if it
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was all right if I signed for the delivery on
his behalf, as I could see he was a bit
preoccupied with his shower. It was never mentioned again on
the subsequent deliveries I took to John until I eventually
quit the job a year or so later. Story twenty six.
Not exactly something I walked in on, but definitely the
funniest thing I'd seen at that job. I knock on
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this guy's door. He answers, and I scanned the parcel.
I hadn't looked at the name on it yet, but
when it went through the device showed it was addressed
to Big Dong Dave. I couldn't hold in my laughter.
I showed the guy and said that's a unique name,
and he just burst out laughing, turned red as a tomato.
Then he explained that his mate gets things delivered to
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his place because he works abroad a lot, and apparently
he puts a ridiculous name on every single delivery. Story
twenty seven. I once delivered plumbing supplies for a pretty
big national company in the UK. I knocked on the
door and was greeted by a lady, probably mid thirties,
but she looked a lot older. Rough paper round I
think she answered the door with nothing but a bathrobe on.
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I passed the parcels to her. She put them down
just inside the door, and every time she bent down,
she flashed me her jugs. I tried not to look,
but it was kind of hard not to. She then says, ooh,
like what you see, with a huge smirk on her face. No,
thank you. Please sign for your parcels and I'll be
on my way, I said. I got home and my
(37:28):
girlfriend now wife, said to me, you, okay, you look
like you've seen a ghost. I still don't think I
have recovered. Eight years on story twenty eight, I work
as a postal carrier, and back around twenty thirteen to
twenty fourteen, Amazon rolled out their Amazon Sunday delivery service
through USPS. At the time, Sunday delivery wasn't common like
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it is now, so people were constantly doing double take
or stopping us to ask what the hell we were
doing out on a Sunday. Some even called the cops,
thinking someone had stolen one of our sickies nature lvi's
those little white mail trucks. Anyway, I was walking a
package up to the door of a secluded upper class
home when I heard a woman call out a guy's
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name from the garage. A man casually walked out fully undressed,
saw me and screamed. Then she screamed, and I screamed.
Someone who I assumed was her husband bolted from somewhere
and saw me yelling who the hell I was. While
I was yelling I'm a letter carrier, I was stuck
there for at least fifteen minutes, trying to show them
my credentials, the fact that I'm in a mail truck
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and had a package addressed to him. To this day,
I can't get the image of those chest out of
my head. Story twenty nine appliance installer. Here, I was
delivering a dishwasher and I called the customer before heading there.
The person I called was a man, the husband, and
he informed me that he is at work, but his
wife will be at the house for the install I
(38:53):
arrive at the house and ring the doorbell, no answer.
I ring it a few morays and I start knocking
on the door. Eventually the wife answers the door, completely messy,
hair sweaty, and you can tell she found the nearest
dress and slipped it on with nothing underneath. As I
am talking to her, another man wearing a tank and
shorts is walking down the stairs and the first thing
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he says to her, is, so, how is your trip
to Colorado? She starts laughing and proceeds to introduce me
to her brother. Then he walks out through the garage
and disappears. Safe to say, they looked nothing alike. For example,
she was a blonde and he had black hair. She
was probably having an affair while her husband was at work.
Story thirty Once. I had to deliver to this sketchy
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apartment complex. The main entrance had no lock, just an
empty hole where a lock should have been. So I
let myself in and made my way to the unit.
Since it was a hand it to me order, I
knocked a few times, but the TV inside was blasting
so loud I could hear cartoons playing clear as day.
When the door finally cracked open, the guy barely opened
(39:57):
it just enough to stick his head out and snapped,
what do you want? I just held up the food
and said delivery for before he snatched the bag from
my hand and slammed the door shut. Over the loud TV.
I heard him yell who the freak ordered? Door dash?
Guess some kid must have gotten hold of the phone
or something. Story thirty one. I wasn't a delivery driver,
(40:19):
But I was going door to door taking orders for
gs cookies. I think I was twelve or so and
very innocent. At one house, a rather sweaty girl wearing
only a T shirt that came down to her knees
opened the door. I saw a shirtless boy behind her.
I asked if her parents were home, and she said no.
We really weren't supposed to try and sell cookies to
anyone but adults, so I said i'd come back when
(40:42):
her parents were home. She freaked said no, grabbed the form,
ordered a bunch of boxes, barely looking at the form,
then closed the door. When it was time for delivery,
I went back. Her mom said I didn't order cookies,
and when I said no, there was a girl here
who ordered called her daughter, who started to say say
she didn't order anything, saw me and she looked absolutely horrified.
(41:04):
She nervously told her mom something like, oh, yeah, I
forgot to tell you I did that a while ago.
I was going to pay for it myself, rummaged in
her purse, shoved some bills at me, took the boxes,
whispered softly thank you, and shut the door. It was
a couple years later when it hit me I'd interrupted
two excited teens who bought cookies to buy my silence
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story thirty two. Back in undergrad, I delivered for Jimmy John's.
One time, I had a delivery to a La Kinta
and the room was tucked away in a secluded back
corner of the hotel. When I knocked, I noticed the
locking bar was flipped shut, so I had to hold
the door handle. While knocking. I heard two voices from
the far end of the room saying come in. I
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cracked the door open and announced their sandwiches, spotting them
in bed with the covers pulled up to their chins.
They told me to come inside, and right away I
felt something was a little off. I hesitated, and they
said I'd better come in if I wanted to get paid. Reluctantly,
I stepped inside. They got out of bed bear and
started searching for their money in a playful teasing way.
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After a few minutes of that, they finally paid me
and let me leave. Later, when I was bored at work,
I stumbled across a Craig's list at offering their services.
Also delivered to an exotic dancer before, which wasn't totally
uncommon on its own, but once I delivered to her
mid performance, it was incorporated into the routine. Story thirty three.
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One night, around ten thirty pm, I had a delivery
for a girl who looked about fourteen or sixteen. She
asked me not to ring the doorbell or knock, a
pretty common request. When I arrived, the place was a nice,
spacious home. As I approached the main door, which was
made of decorative glass that offered a blurry glimpse inside,
I spotted the girl kneeling just inside. She had her
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arms wrapped around two dogs, gently holding their snouts closed
to keep them from barking. I set the food down
and was just about to get back in my car
when I heard a sudden ruckus. The dogs had bolted outside,
barking loudly, while the girl chased after them, quietly yelling
as she tried to herd them back inside. I started
backing out of the driveway, having to pause a few
(43:12):
times whenever one of the dogs darted around my car,
but eventually I made it out. As I drove away,
she was still outside, chasing after the chaos. I've always
wondered if she got in trouble with her parents or
if they just slept right through it. Story thirty four.
One of my favorite funny moments happened during a delivery
to a nursing home around seven thirty PM. I had
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to be let in and in the lobby there were
two ladies hanging out on electric scooters and wheelchairs. One
of them let me in, but didn't want me wandering
the halls alone. She actually knew the person I was
delivering to, so she offered to lead me up to
the room. What caught me off guard was how fast
she zipped around on her scooter. I was practically jogging
to keep up as she took sharp corners and zipped
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through the halls like she was racing in Nascar. On
the way, she mentioned she appreciated the distraction because it
was so quiet. I asked, oh, is this a busy time,
Like do families come for dinner often on a Friday evening.
She just burst out laughing and said, dinner, it's after
seven half this place is already asleep. Story thirty five.
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Delivery driver here. Sometimes last year, I was delivering pizza
to a Halloween party. I wasn't expecting a party in
the beginning of the afternoon, but whatever. The guy opening
was like six foot five, three hundred and fifty pounds,
harry as heck, and in a sexy made outfit. Of course,
all his friends and he himself, though he tried not to,
(44:38):
were laughing their bum off. I was somehow able to
keep it professional, and when he closed the door, I
started laughing too. Another time, I had a delivery to
an apartment with an intercom at the entrance, so I
use it to call the client. Get no answer, try
again just in case, get an answer, and the guy
opens the door. All right, he was slow, but whatever.
(44:58):
I take the elevator, get to his door and hear
a girl moaning obnoxiously. I think maybe it's from another room,
so I knock on the door. No answer. I knock again,
Still no answer, so I call him on his phone.
The moaning stops, he answers the phone, and then the door.
The guy shows up with only sweatpants and his erect flagpole.
Delivery goes fine afterwards, but why would you get back
(45:21):
to it if you know the delivery guy is coming?
Story thirty six. Two people tend to send flowers to
their significant other when they've truly screwed up. Case in point.
One day, I delivered flowers to a house. I knock
on the door, and after a few minutes, a woman
opens the door to reveal a face that was just
absolutely freaking mangled. She looked like she'd been through twelve
(45:43):
rounds of boxing, and every punch throne connected with her face.
When she saw the flowers, her only question was a
very who are they from. I replied, I don't know, ma'am.
I just deliver the flowers. She reluctantly took them and
quickly shut the door. I didn't work at the flower
shop much longer. After story thirty seven, I did h
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VAC maintenance at a university that included the student family dorms.
We were given paskeys if the tenants were not home.
We had no cooling call in one of the apartments.
We knocked, waited and knocked again. No answer, so we
let ourselves in. We announced maintenance, and a man walked
around the corner wearing only a towel. He was sporting
(46:24):
a pretty good pup tent, and we told him we
could come back. He said to give him a few minutes,
and then his wife walked around the corner in a bathrobe.
His wife was a woman that I went to high
school with. I said hi to her, and she recognized me.
She was really embarrassed, but said we could come in
and check out the AC unit. We fixed the unit
and left. Fifty years later, I saw her at our
(46:46):
fifty year reunion. She laughed and brought up that incident
that we had so long ago. Story thirty eight, your
score four out of ten. Around two thousand and eight,
I did insurance somewhat door to door. They had a
route preplanned for me. I went to this house and
pulled up to find a dude passed out in the
truck with beer cans all around him. I left. Two
(47:07):
weeks later, this address pops up on my schedule and
I go back. He's not in the truck, so I
go to the door. I knock. There's a bunch of
yelling inside, and this dude opens the door and is
wearing yellow rubber gloves. There is blood all over the floor.
His wife is sitting in a wheel chair behind him,
and another woman is there telling the woman in the
chair it will be all right. He says, now isn't
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the best time, and I told him we will reschedule.
Story thirty nine, Your score four out of ten. I
was dropping a delivery off at the foot of the
door and about to take a picture of the delivery
when I heard the old lady on the other side
yelling get away from there, don't I was just expecting
some dogs or something that she was talking to the
way it sounded. Lo and behold. As my head is
(47:52):
down and my phone is out taking the picture of
the delivery, the door opens and someone's at the front
of the door bear just staring at me with the
phone held out. I took a quick note and did
not take that picture. I'm pretty sure the person had
special needs, but I don't know if they were male
or female, and may have been a miner. I just
know they had long hair and that I saw chesticles
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before I turned around and took off to the vehicle.
Story forty I delivered medicine for a pharmacy in college.
Most of the people were elderly and didn't leave the
house much, so they would try to keep me at
their house talking as long as they could. I saw
most of them once a month, some once a week.
There was one woman that would find whatever excuse she
could to have me deliver something each day, maybe band
(48:35):
aids one day, hand lotion the next, et cetera. She
would always try to keep me there as long as possible.
One day, when I was there, she said she had
stomach surgery and asked if I wanted to see. Before
I could say and no, she lifted her dress with
a big smile and no inners. I didn't even humor
her and left immediately and told my boss. He called
(48:56):
her up and chewed her out over the phone and
said we would never be delivering to her again. Story
forty one. I was a pizza delivery driver back when
I was eighteen. I had a delivery early one evening
to a large house on a golf course estate. I
rang the doorbell and a few seconds later, a tall,
beautiful lady answered the door in nothing but heels. Turns
(49:16):
out she was an exotic dancer at a guy's house
who was clearly having a party with his mates. Now
this would be a dream for most boys my age,
but unfortunately for me, women do not float my boat.
Still funny to remember. Back on story forty two, I
once hauled a three hundred pound rug through a cramped
elevator shaft and then up and down stairs, only for
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the customer to refuse the delivery because she claimed there
was a hole in it. The hole was invisible. I
never saw a thing. As we were unrolling the rug,
she suddenly pointed it out and told me to throw
it away. No way was I about to do that.
She called the front office and declared the rug was
mine now. Then she got on the phone and arranged
for a replacement rug to be sent free of charge.
(50:01):
Still I never saw any hole. I dragged the rug
back down to the basement and told my boss what happened.
He asked if I wanted to keep it, and I
said sure. We went to check the crate it came
in and there was a nearly invisible slit in the
top of the crate, right under a cross member. When
I matched it up with the rug, the damage lined
up perfectly. Apparently someone punctured both the crate and the
(50:24):
rug while transferring it between trucks and probably didn't even notice.
I still have that rug and use it. Back in
two thousand and nine, it was worth somewhere between three
thousand dollars and five thousand dollars. Now it just keeps
my garage cozy in winter. The hole has only gotten bigger,
but the price tag that stays the same. Thank you
for watching. If you enjoyed this video, be sure to
(50:46):
give it a thumbs up, Subscribe and hit the bell
icon so you never miss an update.
Delivery drivers have Reddit What's the wildest, what moment or
most hilariously awkward thing you've walked in on while dropping
something off Story one. I remember one Halloween I was
doing deliveries. Nothing was new except it was a night
full of candy and odd costumes. I had a pretty
large pizza delivery to this apartment complex near a college campus. So,
(00:22):
as you do when a delivery boy, I grabbed the
drinks and bagged them up and then put the pizzas
in the pizza bag. I arrived at the apartment complex
and could see the people's decorations on the porch and stuff.
I walked up to the door knocked, and an absolute
unit of a darker skinned guy dressed as Freddy from
Scooby Doo opened the door. Dude had dreads, a little
(00:42):
facial hair, had to be at least six foot five,
and was built like a pencil. He greets me and
then turns around and yells, a ogang, our pizza is here.
I cracked up laughing when everyone came running. The dude
dressed as Shaggy had to be his twin brother, because
once again an absolute monster, tall, dark skin guy six
foot three with dreads and built like a pencil. A short,
(01:04):
light skinned girl came out as Daphne. Her outfit was
see through. A Mexican girl came dressed as Scooby. Her
outfit was also see through. And lastly, a thicker white
brunette came dressed as Velma, again also see through and
an extremely short red skirt. She hurried past the crew,
turned around in front of the door and said, oh no,
mister delivery boy, I dropped my glasses yo. And she
(01:28):
turned around and flipped up her little red skirt. And
my goodness, dude, this girl had a very large toy
in and it was like flashing different colors. I heard
the girl dressed as Scooby say rou row. After that,
our mystery solving homie Fred came to her and said,
all right, that's enough with you. I'll deal with your
cute a in the room. Keep in mind this all
happened in about two to three minutes of me opening
(01:50):
the door. He said to me, eight, lil homie, here's
your tip. You have a good rest the night. He
let out a laugh, handed me thirty dollars and a
little bag of the greens, smacked Velma on the back
picked her up, and then everyone rushed to shut the
door on me. Before we continue, do us a quick favor.
Smash that like button and subscribe to support our channel.
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Story two. I used to deliver off site catering for
a deli, mostly things like chicken palm trays and six
foot heroes, pretty standard stuff. It wasn't unusual for people
to order food after funerals, so one day I got
sent on a delivery for what I assumed was just that,
but this order it was massive, like six hundred dollars
worth of food, way more than usual. I pull up
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to the house expecting a somber scene, but instead it's
packed with gorgeous people. A good number of them are
lounging by the pool, topless, laughing, sunning themselves, having a
full blown party. I should mention this wasn't some fancy
mansion in the Hamptons or anything, just a regular middle
class home in Massapequa, New York. Everyone there looked to
(02:54):
be under thirty five, and they were clearly having the
time of their lives. For a second, I figured maybe
I had the wrong place, But then I stepped into
the living room and spotted the memorial photo easel with
a big you'll be missed sign. So yeah, it was
definitely a funeral, still the most bizarre funeral I've ever seen,
But honestly, I kind of hope mine is like that.
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Either everyone was genuinely celebrating a life well lived or
the guy was a total dong and they were partying
because he was finally gone. Either way. Ten ten Energy
Story three. I delivered live orchids for a greenhouse as
a part time job. They had to be physically handed
to the customers because I was not allowed to leave
them outside at all. One place, I went to his
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way way out of the main roads, which is saying
something because I live in an extremely rural area. My
normal grocery trip is half an hour just to get
to the closest store. Anyway, I find the address and
the driveway disappears into a forest and it's a good
half a mile of gravel twists before I see the house.
It's dug into the side of a hill, looking over
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a private lake. Like there's just a dark hall going
back into the dirt, no windows, no doors, no visible structure,
just a concrete rectangular tunnel into darkness. I had called
the customer beforehand, because I learned the hard way that
cold delivery means I'm driving back with flowers and wasting
time and gas. So I just shouted hello, delivery from
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greenhouse and stood there kind of taking in the scenery.
I shouted again, and this time got a response. The
guy pokes his head out from a door that I
swear was not there when I pulled up about halfway
down the tunnel. It was like he just popped out
of the shadows and went, oh, hey, there, I didn't
hear you pull up. I hold up the orchid and
explain he has to sign for it, and he's like sure, sure,
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and steps out of the darkness to reveal he is
completely bare and covered in mud brown paint. I have
no idea, just swinging free and dripping gooey brown sludge
as he walks out into the sunlight to take his delivery,
leaves a huge brown smudge on the invoice and says,
you want to come in for a beer? Even if
I didn't have to drive way back out of there,
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No way in hell was I going into the concrete
tunnel of darkness with nudy mud man. Nope. Story for
I did bicycle delivery for a sub shop franchise in
Seattle for nearly a decade, and wish I could condense
this story, but I can't. Context is key and I
have a lot I'm still trying to unpack on this one. Now.
A certain store had picked up traction with three different
(05:24):
red light zone as we called them, in separate apartments
and complexes. Almost always had a tattooed head mistress of
fifty plus excepting delivery, but occasionally a random younger girl
clad in a towel would get their sandwich directly, always
tipping very well, and it was not uncommon for a
john to be already knocking at the apartment door asking
for his girl. One of the girls ordered frequently between
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one of the red light zones and what I assumed
was her home a dress a few blocks away. One day,
one of the newly hired bikers comes back with a
story of getting laid on his delivery run, and he
quickly becomes known T Horny, a combo of his real
name and antics. I was skeptical at first, but months
later I ended up at her doorstep. She answered in
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a hoodie sweatsuit and asked how much it was. It
was just one sub eight bucks at the time, tax
and delivery included, so I told her, matter of factly,
it's eight dollars. She asked me to step inside so
she could grab her cash. Of course I did, and
she closed the door behind me. I waited and waited.
Over five minutes passed as she rummaged through her cluttered
(06:30):
apartment and eventually disappeared into a bedroom. When she came
back out, she was topless holding a ten dollar bill.
How much was that again, she asked casually. Eight dollars,
I repeated, or I could give you a blowy, she offered,
dead serious, eight dollars, I replied, keeping my tone flat.
She pulled down her pants, turning to expose her backside.
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Are you sure you don't want to hit it? No,
I said firmly. She waved the ten dollar bill in
front of me, pouting. Well, you're no fun. I have
a girl friend, I said, snatching the bill from her hand,
and I'm tons of fun. I turned to the front
door to make my exit, only to realize she had
locked the dead bolt behind me. I don't think I'll
ever experience dread in the same way, but I'm guessing
(07:15):
I will never have a fantasy quite like that, just
the same story five, I dropped off a package in
a fairly nice driveway. The house was pristine, large, and
well taken care of for whatever reason, the yard was
dimly lit and the sun was going down. The house
was somewhat bordered by a tree line that was pitch
black in the gloom. My wife was in the driver's
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seat watching my back. I heard a stick crunch, and
immediately my instincts went wild. I felt like I was
being watched. My wife got the he be Geebe's and
called my name, and I threw the package on the
porch and sped walked back to the car. I could
barely make out a man sneaking, almost crouching through the
tree line a few feet away, trying to catch me
by surprise, and trying to be as quiet as possible
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in an Amazon vest with Amazon logos all over my car,
with my flashers on, I was dropping off an Amazon package.
I jumped in the car as he broke through the
tree line, and I could see him in the rear
view mirror, quietly standing in the driveway where I was.
Had she not been there, I'm not sure what the
man hoped to accomplish, story six. I knocked on the door.
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She told me to come in. When I stepped inside,
she called me into her bedroom. The smell hit me immediately.
The room was a mess, trash and clothes scattered everywhere.
She looked to be in her early forties, a bit
rough around the edges. She said she was bedridden, even
though she kept moving every limb, which sounded strange. Then
she asked me to grab her a soda from her closet,
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which was just a few feet away. The lighting was
dim and I was wearing my prescription sunglasses, so I
could barely see. The smell grew worse as I approached
the closet. Inside it was packed with brand new sealed iPads, headphones,
junk food, more electronics, around six cases of soda, and
about twenty cases of adult diapers stuffed to the brim.
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She tells me she's bedridden and that her boyfriend left
on Monday. She doesn't know where he went or if
he's coming back. It's already Friday. She's friendly enough, but
I can tell she's a little off just from twenty
seconds of talking. She asks me to grab her a
pack of diapers along with the soda. No problem. Then
she pleads with me to take out her garbage because
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it's been sitting there for weeks. I can tell it
definitely reeks. I'm thinking, whatever, maybe there's a good tip
in it. Plus, this woman seems a bit unstable. But
if she's telling the truth, at least I could help
her out a little, right. She points me toward her
side of the bed, the side farthest from the door
and closet where I'd been standing. The smell is overwhelming.
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Just gather this little bit here and take it all out.
Thank you so much, You're so sweet, Thank you, thank you.
I start moving the top layer and the stench hits
me like a wall. There's a mountain of dirty adult diapers,
piled up papers, smeared with feces, clothes soaked in it.
Even the carpet is stained. It's like a scene from
Bob Saggott and Dumb and Dumberer. There's poop absolutely everywhere.
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I've worked at a kennel for years, and this is
on a whole other level. I've cleaned up some seriously
disgusting stuff before, rank beyond anything you can imagine. Dogs
have no shame after all. But I decided to go
for it, thinking maybe the big tip's worth it. I
push through two or three diapers when one rip's open,
spilling even more crap everywhere. Now I just want to
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get the hell out of there. I'm starting to feel sick.
My heart's racing, I'm dizzy. The smell, God, the smell.
I look down, two or three are done and about
forty five left. Holy crap, I'm not gonna make it.
I'm about to puke. Then I see something that's not
a diaper. What the hell is that? She's not too
old to be on periods? Right? I'm done? I drop
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everything and literally jump back, asking to use her bathroom
to wash up. Without waiting for a response, I rush in.
The place looks abandoned, rusty toilet, piles of old garbage,
and magazines everywhere, More dirty diapers scattered around. I nope
out completely and bolt for my car. Once inside, I
practically bathe in hand sanitizer and peel out like I'm
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being chased by a horror movie killer. Later I found
out she tipped me two dollars on a credit card.
Story seven, I was delivering for Pizza Hut and got
an early delivery call. I'm next up. It's my next
door neighbors. Awesome, they're cool people. So I bag it
up and head out the door. A short drive later,
I'm standing outside their house knocking with the main door
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open but the screen door closed. Normally, you don't just
let yourself in, so I knock a little longer before
I just start calling their names out and letting myself in.
I make it about eight steps in before I realized
that the TV noise I'm hearing is not normal TV noise.
It's hardcore corn. My feet were on autopilot, however, and
the realization didn't hit me until I was fully too
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rooms into their house. I made it about three feet
into their family room and saw them buck bear and
him full on banging his little wife on the couch.
They were both so involved that they didn't even notice me.
So I backed out slowly to the front door, and
this time I hit the door like it owed me money.
She darts across the doorway, looking fantastically fit for her age,
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and comes back to the front door in a robe
and a huge smile. I got a like twenty two
dollar tip because she paid with a fifty, But the
raal treasure was the memory of her memories. I never
could look at her the same way after that story. Eight.
This one's an easy pick. It's about my best friend
from school, back when he used to do a paper round.
He tried to deliver a newspaper to a house, only
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to find the letter box already stuffed with old papers.
He pushed the bundle through and as he did, a
swarm of flies burst out. The smell that followed was
so rancid it made him gag. Curious, and maybe a
little nosy, he peeked through the letter box after sliding
the paper in. More flies came rushing out, and inside
he could see the air was thick with them just swarming. Disturbed,
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he called his mom for advice, and after hearing what
he described, she told him to call the police. It
sounded like someone might have died inside. The police arrived
and tried everything, knocking, ringing the doorbell, shouting, even peering
through the windows, but got no response. Eventually, they decided
to force entry for a welfare check. They asked my
(13:27):
friend to step back onto the path, then broke down
the door. According to him, as soon as the door opened,
a cloud of flies just poured out. The officers put
on masks before entering, and less than a minute later
they stumbled back out gagging. Inside they found an elderly
woman who had passed away and was, in their words,
infested with maggots. She'd been dead for over a month,
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and none of her family had checked in on her.
I actually heard about the same incident again about a
year later from a police perspective. Turns out my uncle's
brother was the officer in charge that day. My friend
never did a paper round again after that story. Nine
Once durring, I had a job delivering pizza for a
popular restaurant. It wasn't very good pay, so I had
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to rely mostly on tips. At one particular delivery stop,
an older woman answered the door intoxicated and asked how
much the pizza was. I told her the amount owed,
and she asked if she could work some of the
money off and winked at me. I politely declined and
repeated the total amount, but she insisted I come in
and wait while she grabbed her purse. So I walked
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in and waited by the door while she went into
the back part of the house to grab the money.
After about five minutes go by and she's not back yet.
I holler out for her, asking if everything is okay.
She replies and asks if I can come back and
help her find her purse. Reluctantly, I set the pizza
down and made my way back into the house. I
turned the corner and there in her room, the woman
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is lying on her bed in just her inners. Before
I can say anything, she says to come in and
do whatever I want to her. I quickly turned around
and left the house, leaving the pizzas behind. I ended
up having to pay for the pizza myself because the
manager didn't believe my story. I quit two weeks later.
Story ten. The craziest was when I delivered to a
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hotel room, and before I could knock on the door,
a giant cop opened it with his finger over his mouth,
telling me to be quiet. I saw about eight cops
in the hotel room, half circled around a television screen.
He signed for the food and I started making my
way back down the hallway towards the elevator. Half Way
down the hallway, I heard a door slam and the
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distinct sounds of heavy feet running in my direction. I
turned around and saw a woman dressed only in panties
sprinting in my direction. As all the officers barreled out
of the room after her, one yelled stop, the place
is surrounded. There was nowhere for me to go besides
press my body up against one of the doors to
give her clearance so I didn't get laid out. She
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was big and built, but was faster than humanly possible.
She ran down the hallway, which opened up in the
center so that you could overlook the lobby of the
hotel and around the corner. The image of her bare
jugs swinging in circles as she sprinted down the hallway
will be forever burned in my brain. As I left
the hotel, still in shock of what I saw, the
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person working the front desk told me to have a
nice day. It was as if I was the only
person who witnessed this. As I drove away, I saw
police cars with their lights on flying up and down
the road, still searching for her. Sometimes I wonder whatever
happened to that bear woman story? Eleven. So I dropped
this guy off his food and he called me by
my name. I'm like, WHOA, Okay, he goes, yeah, I
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saw it online. I'm like cool, cool, So I hit
him back with his name, just for fun, no reason really.
We end up chatting about random stuff, shows, games, whatever.
Dude was actually chill. Then as I'm about to leave,
he asks me for my last name. It slips out
of my mouth before I even think about it. The
next day, he added me on Facebook, saying we should
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hang out sometime. We're the same age, seem to have
similar interests, so I'm like, all right, why not. I
can't have too many friends. We end up going to Applebee's.
It turns out he's got a four year old daughter
and his wife recently passed away. He actually watched her
pass but he's a firefighter slash paramedic, so he says
it didn't hit him the same way it might hit
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most people. It was kind of weird, Loki. I'm in
my head like, did this man off his wife? We
talk about a whole bunch of nothing and head out.
I tell my girlfriend about it and she's like, oh,
he's totally gay. I'm like, I don't think so. He's
got a kid and was married, but she was convinced.
Don't hear from him for a while. Then, out of nowhere,
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he starts hitting me up again, wanting to hang out.
I'm like, nah, just decided he's not really worth my time.
Every now and then I still get a come hangout text.
After a few months, it shifts into weird stuff like
it won't take long. I'm like, what won't take long?
And he's just like nothing, just come hang out, just
want to talk. I'm thinking we're literally talking right now.
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And this little back and forth goes on for months.
Then it takes a turn into extra weird. He hits
me with the same come hang out, it won't take
long line. I ask what won't take long, and he
goes you know. I'm like, nah, I really don't. Then
one day he sends me an emoji of two dudes
holding hands and I'm like, oh, okay, he is gay.
I tell him, hey, I'm going to take this as
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a compliment, but I'm into girls, and he just replies
with triple dollar signs and a question mark. At that point,
I was done blocked him. After it kept getting weirder,
I straight up refused to deliver to his place for
the rest of the time I worked there. Dude was
way bigger than me too. I'm not gonna lie. He
could have taken my cheeks against my will if he
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tried to. So yeah hard Pass Story twelve. Back in
my late teens, I worked as a pizza delivery driver
for Papa Joe. One afternoon, I had a delivery to
one of the local adult shops in town. I walked in,
went up to the front counter and told the woman
working that I had a pizza for some one named John.
She glanced up and said, Oh, he's in the theater.
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I paused, confused and told her I didn't know where
that was. She smiled knowingly and said, it's in the
back behind the blue door. Go ahead, don't worry, there
are only a few people back there. You'll be fine.
Her reassurance didn't help much, but I made my way
to the door and stepped inside. The room was dark,
lit only by a projector playing a corner on the wall.
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Scattered around were mismatched pieces of furniture, couches, folding chairs,
and a table. Right in the middle of the room,
a woman was over a chair vigorously getting banged by
a man, while another guy, presumably her husband, sat nearby
watching quietly. He noticed me come in, held a finger
to his lips to shush me, and motioned me over.
I awkwardly tiptoed through the scene, placed the pizza on
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the table as instructed, and saw a twenty dollar bill
waiting for me. Just as I turned to leave, the
guy doing the plowing casually reached over, flipped open the
pizza box, grabbed a slice, and took a bite, never
missing a beat. Hands down the weirdest delivery I ever made.
Story thirteen. I deliver for Amazon and some homes set
up their garage door to be connected to Amazon. I
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show up to their house and my work phone allows
me to open their garage door, put the package inside,
and then shut the garage door. People who set this
up don't understand that you have now made your garage
a potential public space. I was hitting the open garage
door button on my phone and it was kind of budging,
but the door wouldn't fully move. I thought to myself
(20:41):
maybe it was stuck. After the fourth try, it opens
and I see this older man behind a car, shirtless,
trying to shut his garage door and wondering why it's opening.
I thought this dude was just comfortable in his house,
so I called out to him, saying it's me and
to let the garage door fully open. He laughs and
forgot Amazon can open his garage door. He turns the
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corner around his car and he is not wearing anything.
The confidence of this old timer to just walk straight
up to me. I got the smallest glimpse before I
realized what was happening, and I just turned around and
dropped the package on his trunk. I just noped out
of there. Nope. Story fourteen. Used to work for a
small courier service, mostly meds and legal docs. One night,
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I'm dropping off an envelope at this guy's apartment. The
door's cracked open and the lights are red inside, not
dim red like horror movie red. I knock and say
delivery for James, and from inside I hear come in
it's feeding time. Dead serious. I noped out so hard
I nearly left skid marks in the hallway. I called
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dispatch and made them mark it undeliverable. The next day,
the guy calls and goes sorry about the Dracula vibe
I was setting up for my tarantulist TikTok live stream.
I don't even know what part disturbs me more the
fact that he said it so casually, or that the
tarantula apparently had fans. Story fifteen. Back when I was thirteen,
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I had a paper route in the UK. Ninety nine
point nine nine percent of houses have a letter flap
on the front door, and we would post the newspapers
through the door. One day, I had to cover another
kid's route, and when I went to post the paper
through one door, it just wouldn't go through. Normally, i'd
just leave it hanging out of the door, but it
wouldn't even go in enough to stay there, and I
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thought I'd get in trouble if I left it outside
the door. I opened the flap to see what was
blocking it. It was a dong. The guy liked to
put his dog in the letter flap when he knew
the thirteen year old paper boy was coming. I never
did that route again, and even quit altogether. A few
weeks later, I did speak to the kid that usually
did that route, and he said that's normal, but the
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guy would regularly give him tips, so he was okay
with it. I really wish i'd reported it at the time,
but I was a kid and was scared i'd lose
my job or get in trouble some other way. Story sixteen.
I was a delal livery driver for Best Buy and
was delivering a fridge to a very nice house. The
owner said she wouldn't be there, but her daughter would be.
Her daughter was nineteen, So we get to the house
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for the delivery, and two girls answered the door in bikinis.
The community has a private lake. They are giggling and
dancing around. It didn't take long to realize they were
both drunk. They also stated they had been day drinking.
We got the old fridge out and had the new
one almost in place. When I turned around to talk
to the girl, I let her know the work was
done in warranty stuff and blah blah blah. She said okay,
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and then her friend pulled up her bikini top. Mind you,
the friend pulled up the other girl's bikini top. I
looked respectfully and then turned away. I grabbed the paperwork,
turned around to have her sign it, and her top
was still up and they were both giggling again. She
had some very nice jesticles. She signed the paperwork and
we left. Story seventeen, one Halloween. I took an order
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to this guy's house. He opened the door and handed
me a phone and said just go with it. His
girlfriend was going to call and he was going to
prank her by pretending to be dead or something. It
all happened really fast. I didn't know what to think,
so my brain went, she's probably used to it. So
I took the phone and talked to her. I said
something like, Hi, is this someone who knows this guy?
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I'm a delivery guy. I just got here and the
guys are on the floor. Have you ever read anything
about the sound's parents make when they find out their
kids have passed. She made a noise like that instant regret.
She freaked out, started telling me to do CPR and
check his pulse, keep him alive till I get there,
that kind of stuff. She said. She was calling nine
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to one one. The dude was making hand gestures at me,
so I said, you might want to wait on that
until you get here. So she gets home, the dudes like, gotcha,
ha ha ha. The woman is standing there with puffy
eyes and a wet face. I'm finally able to speak
and say something like, I am so sorry. I thought
maybe was a thing you guy did. She said, I
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was fine, she knew it was all him. The guy
let me out and insisted on handing me a tall
Boy bud light as a thank you for my trouble.
I never actually drank it, mostly because well, bud light
isn't my thing, and also I didn't really feel like
I deserved a reward for that. Even thinking of the
sound she made then, like over ten years ago, now
still makes my breath catch. I still can't believe I
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did that. Story eighteen. I worked for a small delivery
service years ago in my early twenties. It was mostly
legal documents between firms, but we had some bigger clients too,
namely big clothing retailers. This is important for later. Late
one afternoon, I was asked to drop off a random
box on my way home. I was in a rougher
part of town, the warehouse district. The sun was going
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to set soon, and it also wasn't my usual area.
I first pushed back, a bit hesitant to deliver because
of the circumstances, but eventually gave in and did it.
Made it to the drop off just before sunset in
a dark warehouse lot. The only lights in this parking
area were some dim lights over most of the doors.
Some lights were out, barely lighting the numbers on the
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doors that actually had numbers. One random door had a
bouncer wearing all black and a wire in his ear.
Based on the package address, I deduced that was the
delivery drop off location. I parked a good distance away,
just in case, and shouted at the guy from afar,
I think I have a package for you. He responded,
who do you work for? So I tell him. He
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goes one minute, I'll be right back. Well by the
time he got back, the sun had actually set, and
at this point I was sweating bullets. He comes back
out with another bouncer dude, and says, grab your package
and come in. The boss is waiting for you. It's
worth noting at this point that the service I work
for requires a signature from the customer that placed the
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order due to legal reasons, so I actually need the
boss's signature for protocol reasons. The compliance part of my
brain is like, okay, get in, get the signature, and
get the hell out just in case. Pretend you didn't
see anything. So I carefully get the package, walk up
to the door, and get ready to go in. The
main bouncer says, we will need to escort you for
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safety reasons. I'm practically shaking at this point with fear,
but I'm already committed. The first step in is a long,
dark hallway, and I hear very loud music in the
back area. Finally, we go inside under this thick black
curtain to the brightest lit warehouse I've ever witnessed, with
Wright said Fred's I'm too sexy playing over some loud speakers. Inside,
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I see the most gorgeous women I've ever seen in
real life walking around in lingerie getting their picture taken.
I stopped for a moment to take it all in,
all while the bouncers laugh at me at how dumbfounded
I probably look. I eventually make it to the boss
after passing multiple sets, drop the package off and get
the signature. I had the whitest grin on my face
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the whole time that I couldn't hide the part of
my brain saying you didn't see anything took a back
seat as I took it all in. The boss's assistant
opens the package to check the inventory and finds out
it was more lingerie looking clothes. The assistant just waves
her hands at me to shew me away, and I
casually walk back out with the bouncers. The head guy
on the way out was like, it's quite the sight
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to see. Huh. No one will ever believe you if
you tell them. I was so dumbfounded. When I got
back to the car, confirmed the package was dropped, and
told dispatch, if you ever need anything, anything dropped off
here again, I want to be the first to know.
I never got to go back after that, but I'll
never forget that magical moment. Story nineteen. I was only new,
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so I didn't really know the area, but that didn't
exist on Google Maps. I rang the guy in my
car and he was fuming I didn't know where it
was because he ordered there every week and told me
he was a well known regular. I explained to him
that I'm new, and he was so stubborn and said
to put him onto the restaurant. So I brought the
order back in and told the receptionist lady. She had
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no idea who he was, and she was the only
girl in there who sat spoke English. Next, he requested
the manager, and my boss there spoke English, but this
guy had a thick Irish traveler accent and he tried
to speak to him. He also had no idea who
he was, but my boss reckoned the last driver did,
so my boss dials the other guy, who tells us
it's the caravan site building past the football pitch. So
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I go driving around the football pitch looking for a
caravan site, and I can't find one anywhere, and I
ring the other driver again and he says, no, go
into the site building, which he meant building site. I
go into the building site and I still can't find it.
So I just ring the guy and tell him I'm
at a building site with his order, and if he
doesn't tell me where he is now, he won't get
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his food. He hangs up and just shouts hold on
from above me with feet at my eye level, he
jumps out of a caravan suspended from a crane with
the number twelve on his door. Now I knew where
it was for the next three years. Story twenty. A
guy I delivered to clearly had some kind of mental disability,
but he answered the door with a stiffy in his
pants and the smell was horrendous. That's when I realized
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the sweatpants he was wearing were literally covered in his
baby gravy, all crusty and circular stains. My guess was
he didn't really understand the social norms and privacy for
moments like that. Either that or he panicked and put
on the wrong pair of sweatpants, or he just didn't care,
just doing it straight into the crotch of the pants.
Safe to say, I signed the parcel on his behalf
(30:25):
story twenty one. I used to go door to door
for an old job and I had a gorgeous older
woman answer the door in a bathrobe. Once I was
about twenty two, she was maybe forty five. She flirted
and chatted with me, and if I hadn't been supervised,
it was my second day on the job and I
was being shadowed by a supervisor, I would have accepted
her invitation inside. Yes, she invited us both in and
(30:48):
her very pretty friend drove up shortly after we started
walking away, so I can only imagine what shenanigan she
regularly got up to. My supervisor politely declined her offers
of wine, beer, cold water, and a break from the outdoors,
And as we walked away, he bemoaned being freshly married
and having to ruin that experience for me. For himself too.
I got the impression he and his wife were former
(31:10):
swingers and had settled down after the wedding story twenty two.
I used to be a pizza guy in my younger years.
The weirdest thing that I ever encountered was delivering some
pizzas to an older, larger lady who used a walking stick.
She had her grandson over for dinner. She opened the door,
I read out the order, she gave me some winks, paid,
(31:31):
and then said, you're getting me as hot as these pizzas.
Do you want to come in? I stuttered a no,
and her grandson, around twelve years old, looking horrified, quietly said,
holy heck, Grandma. Story twenty three. I'm not a delivery
driver in any paying capacity, but my neighborhood has really
closed knit, so we act as delivery drivers for each
(31:51):
other whenever it's needed. One of the guys in my neighborhood,
who lives a couple of blocks over, is an mma fighter,
semi professionally and an all around nice guy. He has
three daughters with his ex wife in a shared custody
arrangement and loves them to pieces. He asked me to
grab the takeout order he'd gotten for the girls and
him for dinner on my way home. My practice is
(32:12):
literally a block away from the restaurant, so it wasn't
a huge deal. I texted him when I got there
and he told me to just come on in. When
I walked into the foyer, I beheld one of the
funniest things I've ever seen. I should give you a
description of him so you get an idea of what
he looks like. He's six foot three, somewhere around two
hundred and forty five to two hundred and fifty pounds,
(32:33):
a muscular, slash jacked guy with a beard. In the
living room, he and his daughters are having a tea
party after playing dress up. The girls had done his
make up, braided his beard, and he was dressed in
a glind of the good which type dress? Yes it
was pink, and yes it was in his size. It
was so unexpected that it was hilarious to me, and
I burst out laughing. He didn't take offense because he
(32:55):
realized how funny it looked to walk in on that.
It was just so incongruous to what I expect that
it bordered on the absurd to me in the moment.
There's a sweet PostScript for this moment. We had a
neighborhood barbecue the next Thursday night, and over a few
beers we got talking about it, he off handedly mentioned
that I should see his aerial from the Little Mermaid costume.
(33:15):
It turns out that he owns matching or as close
as possible dresses slash costumes to his daughter's dress up clothes.
I've seen the whole closet. He is dedicated to it.
That's one of the most wholesome things I've ever encountered
in hindsight. Story twenty four, I delivered pizzas while I
was in college. On my very first night working the job,
I got a delivery to a place pretty close to
(33:37):
the pizza shop walking distance and was really trying to
work out why I knocked on the door with the
pizza and a completely bare man answered he couldn't cover
himself up fast enough and was extremely embarrassed. Turns out
the woman I worked alongside was his wife and the
only delivery driver up till this point. I actually ended
up as pretty good friends with both of them. We
(33:59):
still catch up regularly anytime petezat his plans slash mentioned
at all. I make the better whip your dong out mate.
Joke story twenty five. I used to work supermarket home
delivery in the UK. I had my regulars whom I
used to deliver to every weekend on my shifts, including
a lovely old man who will call John. John lived
(34:20):
in an upmarket retirement apartment assisted living facility in a
small leafy village in the countryside. He was probably in
his mid nineties and would always leave a note on
the order to knock on his door and then come
in to put the shopping in the kitchen for him.
When I arrived, he'd just shout come in and I'd
open the front door. Usually he'd be sitting upright in
(34:40):
his wheelchair in the living room or lying in his
bed reading a book. One day I went along to
deliver John's food shop as normal, buzzing myself in on
the intercom at the front doors and wheeling my sack
barrow with the crates of shopping around the corridors till
I got to John's apartment at the end of the
corridor on the top floor. I noticed when I parked
the sack barrow outside the front door that the door
(35:02):
wasn't closed like normal, it was a jar. I knocked anyways,
and heard John say, as usual, come in, so I
proceeded to pick up the first three or four bags
of shopping and open the front door. It's important to
note here that John's bathroom was immediately on the left
side as you came into his small retirement apartment. As
soon as I got through the front door, I saw
(35:23):
to the left that the bathroom door was fully open,
with John sitting in his wheelchair, bare as the day
he was born, facing the doorway. His assisted living carer
was there to give him his daily shower, I guess,
and was midway through scrubbing his balding head. As I
walked through, everything was out on show. I was quite shocked,
not expecting to see a fully bare bloke in his
(35:44):
nineties at eight in the morning, But out of British politeness,
I just said, oh, morning, John, still want the shopping
left in the kitchen? And he said yes, please mate.
So I continued as normal, trying not to look across
into the bathroom every time I had to go back
to the sack barrow to collect more shopping bags. At
the end of the delivery, I asked John if it
(36:04):
was all right if I signed for the delivery on
his behalf, as I could see he was a bit
preoccupied with his shower. It was never mentioned again on
the subsequent deliveries I took to John until I eventually
quit the job a year or so later. Story twenty six.
Not exactly something I walked in on, but definitely the
funniest thing I'd seen at that job. I knock on
(36:25):
this guy's door. He answers, and I scanned the parcel.
I hadn't looked at the name on it yet, but
when it went through the device showed it was addressed
to Big Dong Dave. I couldn't hold in my laughter.
I showed the guy and said that's a unique name,
and he just burst out laughing, turned red as a tomato.
Then he explained that his mate gets things delivered to
(36:45):
his place because he works abroad a lot, and apparently
he puts a ridiculous name on every single delivery. Story
twenty seven. I once delivered plumbing supplies for a pretty
big national company in the UK. I knocked on the
door and was greeted by a lady, probably mid thirties,
but she looked a lot older. Rough paper round I
think she answered the door with nothing but a bathrobe on.
(37:08):
I passed the parcels to her. She put them down
just inside the door, and every time she bent down,
she flashed me her jugs. I tried not to look,
but it was kind of hard not to. She then says, ooh,
like what you see, with a huge smirk on her face. No,
thank you. Please sign for your parcels and I'll be
on my way, I said. I got home and my
(37:28):
girlfriend now wife, said to me, you, okay, you look
like you've seen a ghost. I still don't think I
have recovered. Eight years on story twenty eight, I work
as a postal carrier, and back around twenty thirteen to
twenty fourteen, Amazon rolled out their Amazon Sunday delivery service
through USPS. At the time, Sunday delivery wasn't common like
(37:49):
it is now, so people were constantly doing double take
or stopping us to ask what the hell we were
doing out on a Sunday. Some even called the cops,
thinking someone had stolen one of our sickies nature lvi's
those little white mail trucks. Anyway, I was walking a
package up to the door of a secluded upper class
home when I heard a woman call out a guy's
(38:10):
name from the garage. A man casually walked out fully undressed,
saw me and screamed. Then she screamed, and I screamed.
Someone who I assumed was her husband bolted from somewhere
and saw me yelling who the hell I was. While
I was yelling I'm a letter carrier, I was stuck
there for at least fifteen minutes, trying to show them
my credentials, the fact that I'm in a mail truck
(38:32):
and had a package addressed to him. To this day,
I can't get the image of those chest out of
my head. Story twenty nine appliance installer. Here, I was
delivering a dishwasher and I called the customer before heading there.
The person I called was a man, the husband, and
he informed me that he is at work, but his
wife will be at the house for the install I
(38:53):
arrive at the house and ring the doorbell, no answer.
I ring it a few morays and I start knocking
on the door. Eventually the wife answers the door, completely messy,
hair sweaty, and you can tell she found the nearest
dress and slipped it on with nothing underneath. As I
am talking to her, another man wearing a tank and
shorts is walking down the stairs and the first thing
(39:14):
he says to her, is, so, how is your trip
to Colorado? She starts laughing and proceeds to introduce me
to her brother. Then he walks out through the garage
and disappears. Safe to say, they looked nothing alike. For example,
she was a blonde and he had black hair. She
was probably having an affair while her husband was at work.
Story thirty Once. I had to deliver to this sketchy
(39:37):
apartment complex. The main entrance had no lock, just an
empty hole where a lock should have been. So I
let myself in and made my way to the unit.
Since it was a hand it to me order, I
knocked a few times, but the TV inside was blasting
so loud I could hear cartoons playing clear as day.
When the door finally cracked open, the guy barely opened
(39:57):
it just enough to stick his head out and snapped,
what do you want? I just held up the food
and said delivery for before he snatched the bag from
my hand and slammed the door shut. Over the loud TV.
I heard him yell who the freak ordered? Door dash?
Guess some kid must have gotten hold of the phone
or something. Story thirty one. I wasn't a delivery driver,
(40:19):
But I was going door to door taking orders for
gs cookies. I think I was twelve or so and
very innocent. At one house, a rather sweaty girl wearing
only a T shirt that came down to her knees
opened the door. I saw a shirtless boy behind her.
I asked if her parents were home, and she said no.
We really weren't supposed to try and sell cookies to
anyone but adults, so I said i'd come back when
(40:42):
her parents were home. She freaked said no, grabbed the form,
ordered a bunch of boxes, barely looking at the form,
then closed the door. When it was time for delivery,
I went back. Her mom said I didn't order cookies,
and when I said no, there was a girl here
who ordered called her daughter, who started to say say
she didn't order anything, saw me and she looked absolutely horrified.
(41:04):
She nervously told her mom something like, oh, yeah, I
forgot to tell you I did that a while ago.
I was going to pay for it myself, rummaged in
her purse, shoved some bills at me, took the boxes,
whispered softly thank you, and shut the door. It was
a couple years later when it hit me I'd interrupted
two excited teens who bought cookies to buy my silence
(41:25):
story thirty two. Back in undergrad, I delivered for Jimmy John's.
One time, I had a delivery to a La Kinta
and the room was tucked away in a secluded back
corner of the hotel. When I knocked, I noticed the
locking bar was flipped shut, so I had to hold
the door handle. While knocking. I heard two voices from
the far end of the room saying come in. I
(41:46):
cracked the door open and announced their sandwiches, spotting them
in bed with the covers pulled up to their chins.
They told me to come inside, and right away I
felt something was a little off. I hesitated, and they
said I'd better come in if I wanted to get paid. Reluctantly,
I stepped inside. They got out of bed bear and
started searching for their money in a playful teasing way.
(42:08):
After a few minutes of that, they finally paid me
and let me leave. Later, when I was bored at work,
I stumbled across a Craig's list at offering their services.
Also delivered to an exotic dancer before, which wasn't totally
uncommon on its own, but once I delivered to her
mid performance, it was incorporated into the routine. Story thirty three.
(42:29):
One night, around ten thirty pm, I had a delivery
for a girl who looked about fourteen or sixteen. She
asked me not to ring the doorbell or knock, a
pretty common request. When I arrived, the place was a nice,
spacious home. As I approached the main door, which was
made of decorative glass that offered a blurry glimpse inside,
I spotted the girl kneeling just inside. She had her
(42:50):
arms wrapped around two dogs, gently holding their snouts closed
to keep them from barking. I set the food down
and was just about to get back in my car
when I heard a sudden ruckus. The dogs had bolted outside,
barking loudly, while the girl chased after them, quietly yelling
as she tried to herd them back inside. I started
backing out of the driveway, having to pause a few
(43:12):
times whenever one of the dogs darted around my car,
but eventually I made it out. As I drove away,
she was still outside, chasing after the chaos. I've always
wondered if she got in trouble with her parents or
if they just slept right through it. Story thirty four.
One of my favorite funny moments happened during a delivery
to a nursing home around seven thirty PM. I had
(43:34):
to be let in and in the lobby there were
two ladies hanging out on electric scooters and wheelchairs. One
of them let me in, but didn't want me wandering
the halls alone. She actually knew the person I was
delivering to, so she offered to lead me up to
the room. What caught me off guard was how fast
she zipped around on her scooter. I was practically jogging
to keep up as she took sharp corners and zipped
(43:56):
through the halls like she was racing in Nascar. On
the way, she mentioned she appreciated the distraction because it
was so quiet. I asked, oh, is this a busy time,
Like do families come for dinner often on a Friday evening.
She just burst out laughing and said, dinner, it's after
seven half this place is already asleep. Story thirty five.
(44:17):
Delivery driver here. Sometimes last year, I was delivering pizza
to a Halloween party. I wasn't expecting a party in
the beginning of the afternoon, but whatever. The guy opening
was like six foot five, three hundred and fifty pounds,
harry as heck, and in a sexy made outfit. Of course,
all his friends and he himself, though he tried not to,
(44:38):
were laughing their bum off. I was somehow able to
keep it professional, and when he closed the door, I
started laughing too. Another time, I had a delivery to
an apartment with an intercom at the entrance, so I
use it to call the client. Get no answer, try
again just in case, get an answer, and the guy
opens the door. All right, he was slow, but whatever.
(44:58):
I take the elevator, get to his door and hear
a girl moaning obnoxiously. I think maybe it's from another room,
so I knock on the door. No answer. I knock again,
Still no answer, so I call him on his phone.
The moaning stops, he answers the phone, and then the door.
The guy shows up with only sweatpants and his erect flagpole.
Delivery goes fine afterwards, but why would you get back
(45:21):
to it if you know the delivery guy is coming?
Story thirty six. Two people tend to send flowers to
their significant other when they've truly screwed up. Case in point.
One day, I delivered flowers to a house. I knock
on the door, and after a few minutes, a woman
opens the door to reveal a face that was just
absolutely freaking mangled. She looked like she'd been through twelve
(45:43):
rounds of boxing, and every punch throne connected with her face.
When she saw the flowers, her only question was a
very who are they from. I replied, I don't know, ma'am.
I just deliver the flowers. She reluctantly took them and
quickly shut the door. I didn't work at the flower
shop much longer. After story thirty seven, I did h
(46:04):
VAC maintenance at a university that included the student family dorms.
We were given paskeys if the tenants were not home.
We had no cooling call in one of the apartments.
We knocked, waited and knocked again. No answer, so we
let ourselves in. We announced maintenance, and a man walked
around the corner wearing only a towel. He was sporting
(46:24):
a pretty good pup tent, and we told him we
could come back. He said to give him a few minutes,
and then his wife walked around the corner in a bathrobe.
His wife was a woman that I went to high
school with. I said hi to her, and she recognized me.
She was really embarrassed, but said we could come in
and check out the AC unit. We fixed the unit
and left. Fifty years later, I saw her at our
(46:46):
fifty year reunion. She laughed and brought up that incident
that we had so long ago. Story thirty eight, your
score four out of ten. Around two thousand and eight,
I did insurance somewhat door to door. They had a
route preplanned for me. I went to this house and
pulled up to find a dude passed out in the
truck with beer cans all around him. I left. Two
(47:07):
weeks later, this address pops up on my schedule and
I go back. He's not in the truck, so I
go to the door. I knock. There's a bunch of
yelling inside, and this dude opens the door and is
wearing yellow rubber gloves. There is blood all over the floor.
His wife is sitting in a wheel chair behind him,
and another woman is there telling the woman in the
chair it will be all right. He says, now isn't
(47:29):
the best time, and I told him we will reschedule.
Story thirty nine, Your score four out of ten. I
was dropping a delivery off at the foot of the
door and about to take a picture of the delivery
when I heard the old lady on the other side
yelling get away from there, don't I was just expecting
some dogs or something that she was talking to the
way it sounded. Lo and behold. As my head is
(47:52):
down and my phone is out taking the picture of
the delivery, the door opens and someone's at the front
of the door bear just staring at me with the
phone held out. I took a quick note and did
not take that picture. I'm pretty sure the person had
special needs, but I don't know if they were male
or female, and may have been a miner. I just
know they had long hair and that I saw chesticles
(48:12):
before I turned around and took off to the vehicle.
Story forty I delivered medicine for a pharmacy in college.
Most of the people were elderly and didn't leave the
house much, so they would try to keep me at
their house talking as long as they could. I saw
most of them once a month, some once a week.
There was one woman that would find whatever excuse she
could to have me deliver something each day, maybe band
(48:35):
aids one day, hand lotion the next, et cetera. She
would always try to keep me there as long as possible.
One day, when I was there, she said she had
stomach surgery and asked if I wanted to see. Before
I could say and no, she lifted her dress with
a big smile and no inners. I didn't even humor
her and left immediately and told my boss. He called
(48:56):
her up and chewed her out over the phone and
said we would never be delivering to her again. Story
forty one. I was a pizza delivery driver back when
I was eighteen. I had a delivery early one evening
to a large house on a golf course estate. I
rang the doorbell and a few seconds later, a tall,
beautiful lady answered the door in nothing but heels. Turns
(49:16):
out she was an exotic dancer at a guy's house
who was clearly having a party with his mates. Now
this would be a dream for most boys my age,
but unfortunately for me, women do not float my boat.
Still funny to remember. Back on story forty two, I
once hauled a three hundred pound rug through a cramped
elevator shaft and then up and down stairs, only for
(49:38):
the customer to refuse the delivery because she claimed there
was a hole in it. The hole was invisible. I
never saw a thing. As we were unrolling the rug,
she suddenly pointed it out and told me to throw
it away. No way was I about to do that.
She called the front office and declared the rug was
mine now. Then she got on the phone and arranged
for a replacement rug to be sent free of charge.
(50:01):
Still I never saw any hole. I dragged the rug
back down to the basement and told my boss what happened.
He asked if I wanted to keep it, and I
said sure. We went to check the crate it came
in and there was a nearly invisible slit in the
top of the crate, right under a cross member. When
I matched it up with the rug, the damage lined
up perfectly. Apparently someone punctured both the crate and the
(50:24):
rug while transferring it between trucks and probably didn't even notice.
I still have that rug and use it. Back in
two thousand and nine, it was worth somewhere between three
thousand dollars and five thousand dollars. Now it just keeps
my garage cozy in winter. The hole has only gotten bigger,
but the price tag that stays the same. Thank you
for watching. If you enjoyed this video, be sure to
(50:46):
give it a thumbs up, Subscribe and hit the bell
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