June 16, 2025 • 20 mins
My Husband Took His Life After Catching Me Cheating – True Story
🖤 “He found out about the affair… then he was gone.”
This isn’t just a story about cheating. It’s about tragedy, regret, and the weight of what we can’t undo.
🎧 New episode now streaming.
#TrueStory #Infidelity #MentalHealthMatters #CheatingConfession #TragicLove #SuicideAwareness
Some mistakes have unimaginable consequences. In this harrowing and brutally honest episode, a woman shares the true story of how her husband's discovery of her infidelity led to a devastating tragedy: his suicide.
This raw and emotional confession explores:
The lead-up to the affair
The moment he found out
His final words and actions
The lifelong weight of guilt, grief, and unanswered questions
And how she's attempted to find peace and purpose in the aftermath
This is not a story of justification — it's a story of heartbreak, consequence, and the silent struggles people face behind closed doors.
Content Warning: This episode discusses suicide, mental health struggles, infidelity, and grief. Please listen with care. If you or someone you know is struggling, please seek help from a mental health professional or reach out to a crisis line in your area.
🔑 Keywords
infidelity, true confession, cheating consequences, suicide after betrayal, relationship tragedy, guilt and grief, mental health awareness, emotional true story, heartbreaking podcast, true relationship story
Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/true-cheating-stories-2025--5953081/support.
🖤 “He found out about the affair… then he was gone.”
This isn’t just a story about cheating. It’s about tragedy, regret, and the weight of what we can’t undo.
🎧 New episode now streaming.
#TrueStory #Infidelity #MentalHealthMatters #CheatingConfession #TragicLove #SuicideAwareness
Some mistakes have unimaginable consequences. In this harrowing and brutally honest episode, a woman shares the true story of how her husband's discovery of her infidelity led to a devastating tragedy: his suicide.
This raw and emotional confession explores:
The lead-up to the affair
The moment he found out
His final words and actions
The lifelong weight of guilt, grief, and unanswered questions
And how she's attempted to find peace and purpose in the aftermath
This is not a story of justification — it's a story of heartbreak, consequence, and the silent struggles people face behind closed doors.
Content Warning: This episode discusses suicide, mental health struggles, infidelity, and grief. Please listen with care. If you or someone you know is struggling, please seek help from a mental health professional or reach out to a crisis line in your area.
🔑 Keywords
infidelity, true confession, cheating consequences, suicide after betrayal, relationship tragedy, guilt and grief, mental health awareness, emotional true story, heartbreaking podcast, true relationship story
Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/true-cheating-stories-2025--5953081/support.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
The cost of my infidelity. At the suggestion of my therapist,
I've decided to write out and share what has transpired
in my life over the last year. To get this
to make any coherent sense took lots of edits and
couple of rewrites. I used to be a fairly talented writer,
but I fell out of practice years ago. This forum
was recommended to me by a friend as a method
of confession, penance and a warning to share with others.
(00:21):
I did something truly horrible, for which the consequences were
beyond even the worst thing I could have ever imagined.
I am sharing this with the full knowledge many will
despise me for what I did and the events that
took place because of my betrayal. Reading my own words
is rebolting, because I know, in a very real sense
what I did is unforgivable. I understand far too well
how needlessly tragic the events that transpired truly were. My
(00:42):
hope is simply that my story can be shared with
anyone in any relationship, and perhaps some future betrayal won't happen.
More specifically, I hope someone who is currently cheating on
their significant other or even thinking about it, might read this,
and it makes them pause. Many might think my example
of what can go wrong being unfaithful as an extreme
rarity that seldom occurs. I've been told by people far
(01:03):
more knowledgeable than I am that my situation is sadly
far from unique. But I'm willing to take the hate
I will receive by sharing this if it keeps even
one person from breaking the heart of someone they love.
I am a twenty eight year old female, and I
was married to a wonderful man I will call William.
Eight months ago, my husband confronted me with proof I
had been both emotionally and physically unfaithful. A few days
(01:24):
after he confronted me about my infidelity, my husband committed suicide.
I realized just typing those words out has caused people,
people I don't even know, to hate me. I couldn't
believe I had the capability to do something that evil,
to harm someone I'd loved since we were children, But
I did it. If you'd asked either me or William
if either of us would ever be unfaithful, we both
would have laughed. But to my own shock and surprise,
(01:45):
I allowed myself to lose focus and straight I knew
it would destroy him if he ever found out. But
I took the heart of the man I loved and
crushed it so cruelly he couldn't endure the pain of
this life anymore. Those of you thinking right now that
I don't deserve to be breathing, I agree with you.
I agree with you so much. I've attempted on two
occasions to make that a reality. I'm assured there is
a reason I'm still here for the moment. I've convinced
(02:07):
myself that the longer I live, the more I suffer,
and I don't deserve the mercy of a suicide if
we're being honest. William and I grew up together. I
can remember my very early youth, and at no time
in my memory did I not know William. We were
in the same Sunday school classes, public school classes, and
our families had been friends long before he and I
ever came along. He could always make me laugh. Kids
(02:28):
can be mean, but William never was. I realized I
thought he was cute in sixth grade. It wasn't an
official crush until high school. William and I had been
our one and only loves from early high school all
the way through college together. We were best friends and
cherished each other so much. After graduation, we took a
year to get good stable jobs near our families and
decided to get married. We took vacations together. We made
(02:49):
love at any moment we got the chance. We were
ravenous for each other. The only time TAX was at
the table was during that time of the month. But
we'd make love for hours, beautiful moments of passion, and
I threw it all away for something tawdry, cheap, and worthless.
We were planning to have children. We knew their names.
We were both virgins. He was my first everything and
I was his first everything. Part of me wishes I
(03:11):
could say I had a drunken one night stand. Tried
to keep that from my husband, but he found out. No.
I got emotionally and physically involved with a man who
was inferior to my husband in every way, shape and formed.
I didn't even consider the possibility that a friendship with
another man could lead to an attachment for me. My
husband and I had a strong marriage. As foolish as
that sounds to say now, we really did. My husband
(03:33):
was the epitome of strength. I was the one who
was weak. Though before this I considered myself a strong woman.
It's just that no one ever told me that while
our relationship was so very strong, no relationship is bulletproof.
There is not a day that goes by that I
don't wish someone had walked up and shot me the
minute before anything I did became secretive. It is an
indisputable fact. The world would be far a far better
(03:55):
place with my husband here and alive instead of me.
There is no rationalizing away truth like that. I had
so many chances to stop it before anything happened, and
I had absolutely no reason to allow anything to happen.
After a brief and heated conversation, he walked out and
I never spoke to him again. I tried to contact
him in any and every way I could think of.
My God, I tried to reach out so many times,
(04:16):
just to let him know that I am truly sorry,
just to know I hate what I did. My texts
to him never showed anything but an unread status to me,
so I doubt he read any emails or heard any
voicemails either. But everyone said I needed to give him
space and time to think. Two nights after William confronted
me at three seventeen am, there was a loud knock
at the front door. I turned on the lights. I
(04:37):
thought at first it might be someone in a drunken
stupor wanting to curse me out, or worse. Then there
was another loud knock, and I threw on a hoodie
before heading to the door. When I opened the door
to see two policeman, I knew they could have been
there for many things, but I knew in an instant
why they were there. Their words telling me that my
husband's body had been found due to an apparent suicide
destroyed me. I dropped to my knees and wailed a
(04:58):
shriek of agony. I tore at my skin and hair
as the police tried to calm me down. By the
time the EMTs got there, I was sitting on the steps,
rocking back and forth, repeating that I was so so sorry. Yeah,
there was no way I was making it to the funeral,
even if William's family had allowed any of my family
to attend. I was kept sedated for days. The first
thing I wanted to do when I got out was
(05:18):
visit William's grave, but nobody knew where his parents had
him buried. They had every right, but that cut deeply,
and I tried to cut deeply that night when I
tried to take my life for the first time. I've
now been hospitalized now twice for attempted suicide. Not asking
for pity. In fact, I don't want it. Nothing can
take this heartache away, and nothing can even numb it.
Part of me wishes I had somehow forced him to
(05:39):
see me, just for a mere moment, to tell him
how sorry I am, and that I knew our marriage
was over. But I didn't get that. No, I didn't
deserve it, and I have to face the fact that
what I did was in fact so while that making
my husband see me might have forced him to take
his life even sooner. Many people have said to me
my actions were what led him to take his life.
I don't think there is any doubt. Until that horrible day,
(05:59):
he'd been and so unbelievably happy we both had been.
He left no suicide note to verify I was his
cause of death, but we had been so happy, we loved,
spending nearly every moment together. To go from that kind
of bliss to that kind of grief in such a
short span of time ended him. I ended him. My words,
actions and thoughts betrayed us both. Regret doesn't kill you.
If it did, I would have died before my husband
(06:21):
ever confronted me. When COVID hit, William and I quarantined together.
I was fortunate enough to teach for an exclusive private school.
The benefactors assured us our salary was paid as long
as the need for isolation persisted. William worked from home
and made a lot of progress on a project he
was placed in charge of. The entire world was worried
and afraid, but we had each other, and we so
(06:41):
enjoyed making the most of it, watching movies in bed,
feeding each other food, playing like two little kids. I
am utterly, truly, completely sorry to those that lost a
loved one due to that horrible disease. What the world
went through was a literal plague upon humanity that caused
so much needless death. But my husband and I got
closer in those weeks than we ever had before, and
our bond had been strong. We joked about how so
(07:03):
many people were hating having to spend time with family
or god forbid their wife or husband. We simply couldn't
get enough of each other. After the first month, we
had to agree to limit text to once a day
for about a week. Our only argument the entire quarantine
was about having to do laundry just to put clean
sheets on the bed yet again. And I cheated on
that man, which drove him to exit this life due
to my evil actions. A man I had such a
(07:25):
close bond with I was an idiot in so many ways,
But for me to think because of that bond, no
temptation was enough to get me to stray with idiocy.
I hate myself in so many ways for so many reasons,
but knowing I had at all is the most difficult
pill to swallow. My affair was atypical of most in
many ways. Some aspects of the relationship and betrayal were
slightly less vile. Some were colder and even more evil.
(07:47):
The man I had an affair with I will call Paul.
I first encountered him in group zoom meetings during the pandemic.
I found him brash and smug, with no valid reason
to act that way. He was the school's lacrosse coach,
and I remember in those Zoom meetings being glad that
as an English teacher, I would have too interact with him.
Very little. The first time we met face to face,
we shook hands and had some small talk. There was
(08:07):
zero attraction, at least for me toward him, but I
didn't sense any lustful attention emulating from him toward me.
During that introduction, I learned he was engaged, and I
told him I was happily married to a man I adored.
No actual attention, nothing even hinting that would ever be
a possibility. The school began allowing half the staff in
all areas and half the students to attend school for
a week while the other half used zoom. The next week,
(08:29):
the other half would attend on side and vice versa.
That was supposed to assist with social distancing and the
student's feelings of isolation. While eating lunch one day before
my next class began, I got an email from Paul.
He had written out some toasts and jokes for his
upcoming wedding and wanted me to edit what he'd written.
I was used to being sent writing to edit, so
that was nothing I felt important enough to tell William,
(08:50):
Coupled with the fact it all pertained to Paul's wedding,
and I saw no reason to give my husband a
boring detail about that day. The email contained a toast
to his parents as well as to the parents of
the bride. He took what he'd said and added a
few phrases to pull at the heart strings of all
who attended. The jokes directed at his brother the best man,
were absolutely hilarious, but a little vulgar for my liking
at a wedding. I said as much when I sent
(09:11):
back his edited speeches. He laughed and said, I just
don't know his family, and that ball busting was a
family tradition. That email exchange began several months of corresponding
back and forth, but as difficult as it may believe,
not until the very end did anything become inappropriate. Not
once did anything become flirtatious or as true. Well, we
did talk about tax but from a purely scientific and
(09:32):
psychological point of view, our tax talks at that point
would have made the biggest an infomania in history drier
than the Sahara. There was nothing emotional or physically stimulating
to those conversations, and I enjoyed our corresponding due to
the fact I was certain there was no temptation on
either end. We discussed race, politics, religion, science, sports, all
the things people are hesitant to discuss due to differing opinions.
(09:55):
Some of the discussions even got heated. I was called
to Proude more than once due to my opinions about tex. Yes,
I proved him wrong, but I wish to god he'd
been right for the longest time. All of this took
place during work hours. My husband and I had a
landline for emergencies, but as soon as we entered the
door at home, our smartphones were turned off. Paul didn't
even have my number to text until I emailed him
(10:16):
with a zinger at the end late in the day,
he demanded my number to refute what I'd said. Dozens
of other coworkers had my email, and I thought nothing
of that. I seriously don't think Paul had any interest
in pursuing me either, as at the time he was
smitten with his fiance. But about a month before their
big day, Paul found out his girlfriend had been carrying
on an affair with her high school boyfriend for over
a year. He was in shock and deeply hurt by
(10:38):
the whole situation. I ownwittingly became his person event too.
I don't know where in our string of conversations that
things crossed a line, but I began to feel truly
sorry for Paul. I truly despised his fiance for what
she'd done, and I saw nothing wrong with that. But
after a particularly rough night for him, he came to
school looking frazzled and I could tell he'd been crying.
I gave him a hug and talked to him a bit.
(10:59):
He asked if I could day after school to talk,
since I had a couple hours after work each day
before William got home. I agreed. In hindsight, I realized
now what drew me into my conversations with Paul was
a different opinion. William and I had discussed most any
topic two people could discuss. I knew before his reply
what William would say when I asked him a question.
The vast majority of the time, I guess I wanted
(11:20):
a surprise when I talked, or verbal conflict. It was stupid, pathetic,
and weak, but that is what led to the affair.
Things with William were ideal and we spent every available
moment together. I had mentioned a coworker named Paul in
passing to William, but as there was truly nothing going on,
I didn't expound upon anything, and he saw no reason
to pry. When Paul started seeing a new woman, I
(11:41):
felt no jealousy and honestly only happiness for him. But
William had to go out of town to a construction
site in Tulsa for three weeks. While he was away,
we facetimed every day and I missed him morning, noon,
and night. But with sudden spare time, I found myself
also texting with Paul just to pass the time. Instead
of an occasional hour or two after school, Paul and
I often had time to grab a bite to eat
(12:03):
and a drink or two before heading to our separate homes.
Oddly enough, the thing that led us to become physical
was me being a klutz and a school nurse not
working that week. I sprained my ankle one day walking
up some steps to go get lunch. Since the nurse
was not on site, I went to Paul, assuming he's
a coach, had numbing spray or an ace bandage. He
was working on my ankle when I happened to notice
he had an apparent direction. I was a bit taken
(12:25):
aback he was getting aroused in some way, until I
realized from his position he could see slightly up my skirt.
I have to admit, for a moment, I found the
fact I was turning him on was stimulating in some way.
I adjusted myself to see if a slightly better view
would get him more worked out. He called me out
on it. I laughed and told him he could work
out his frustrations with his new girlfriend. Suddenly, he kissed me,
(12:45):
and I pushed him away. He kissed me again, and
I didn't. We made out for a few minutes before
I realized what I was doing. I hurriedly got out
of his classroom and made it down the halls to
my classroom. I sat in disbelief of what had just occurred.
I didn't plan for it to happen, and I was
certain Paul didn't either. I didn't know if I should
call William and tell him that moment will wait until
he got home that night. But when I talked to
(13:05):
Paul after classes, he apologized, urged me not to bring
any conflict into my marriage and remain just friends. I
didn't want to give William more distress about as he
was out of town and focused on his job assignment.
After talking with William that night about how things were
going in Tulsa. I decided to wait and tell him
when he got home. His company was having some issues
with the client having the manpower to keep the project
(13:25):
running smoothly. There were things William could not get done
due to the delays, which many had to spend two
extra weeks in Tulsa. Paul was there for me to
discuss what had happened between us. I couldn't tell any
of my women friends. I couldn't rely on any family members,
as they all rightfully loved William to pieces. I guess
random strangers on a site like this would have been
the best option had I known about it, But the
person I was venting to was the very last person
(13:47):
I should have been discussing it with. One Friday, after work,
Paul and I went to a new restaurant near the
school for dinner. We sat at the bar and had
a few drinks as I explained how unsettled I felt
knowing I had to tell my husband what had happened.
He asked me how I thought William would take the news,
and I told Paul he might want to call in sick.
The day after I told William, just in case, He
asked if I seriously thought William would beat his ass
(14:08):
and I told him no, but I knew it would
mean the end of Paul and I conversing and messaging,
and rightfully so. Paul confessed he didn't think he would
have made it through his breakup if it hadn't been
for me. I assured him I was glad to be
of assistance and didn't regret helping him. When the realization
our friendship would end sunk in. I think we were
both a little depressed. I drank too much, he drank
too much, and I ended up back at Paul's apartment
(14:30):
doing a lot more than kissing. As soon as it
was over, my conscience kicked in. Yes it should have
kicked in long before, but I knew, beyond all shadow
of any doubt my marriage was over and done with.
William and I both had said society has allowed far
too many second chances for people that didn't deserve them. Yes,
humans do make mistakes. While we both believed anyone who
cheated did deserve a second chance, it could never be
(14:51):
with the one they betrayed. Life might give them the
opportunity to love someone else again, but any opportunities with
the cheated spouse was totally undeserved and detrimental to both parties.
Things got very complicated when William arrived home from Tulsa.
I happened to be having my period, so I knew
there would be no intimacy between us. Thankfully, not in
a million years would I have subjected my husband to
(15:12):
any diseases. Regardless of how much I wanted to make
love to William one last time, I couldn't allow that
to happen. I wrote out a long letter to William
confessing what I'd done and planned to give it to
him after a face to face confession. To this day,
I don't know what happened for William to discover what
was going on. For all I know, he had been
monitoring my online conversation with Paul from day one. I
never got to ask him how he discovered my betrayal,
(15:34):
and the realization he'd learned what I'd done before I
had the chance to tell him caused me to fall
to my knees and swear I planned to tell him.
William didn't believe that, and I wouldn't have either. He
had a stack of the text between Paul and I
printed out, though I didn't deny any of what he
accused me of. That honesty came far too late. He
packed a few things in a suitcase and left me
on a Monday evening. Wednesday night, he drove to a
(15:55):
shopping center, parked his car, and took his own life.
To know I had destroyed our life relationship was torture
to my soul like I'd never known to know. I'd
even robbed him of a chance to find someone else
to be happy with ruin me. The realization I didn't
just end my relationship with William, but every relationship he'd
had or would have caused more guilt than I could
ever express. I could go into all the things that
have happened since William passed away, but a lot of
(16:17):
it would be details far too many wouldn't truly care about.
Suffice it to say his family hates me and my family.
My family was disgusted by my actions and continues to
be to this day. Their love for me didn't die,
but their disappointment and shame toward me will never end,
and that's how it should be. No, the results were
not anything I intended, But when choices are made that
cause pain and suffering, we are still guilty for causing
(16:39):
that grief. I see a therapist twice a week to
try and work through things. I was introduced to someone
through my therapist that is genuinely helping me sort through
my feelings. Years ago, she intentionally set a small fire
to set off alarms to scare her ex boyfriend and
the girl he just started. Seeing the fire spread quickly
in what had been intended as a joke, caused multiple
people to lose their lives. She and I have discussed
(17:01):
so many things about her story. In mind, things can
never be the way they once where, nor should they be.
But if I am to keep living, I need a
plan to make what is left of my life as
meaningful as possible. So that is basically my story. Anyone
who wants to post messages of hate for me and
tell me what a wretched person I am, go right ahead.
I won't be replying to it, but if it helps
you get rid of any rage you have, make me
(17:22):
your verbal punching bag. Those with specific questions, I will
answer as best I can, no matter how much some
things may hurt to discuss or admit. For those that
read this who have been cheated on, yes many If
you may have been intentionally betrayed, but those who had
a significant other who was just as perplexed why they
cheated as you were. Listen to my story. It doesn't
make one damn thing I did right, just the opposite.
(17:42):
But if it helps you to understand that you did
little to nothing to cause the infidelity, so be it.
Those unrepentant cheaters, I hope you do read my cautionary
tale and know that you have the ability to destroy.
You won't just be destroying someone else, You will be
destroying your relationship with many people and a huge part
of yourself. I realize I have no room to preach
to or judge anyone except myself. I just don't want
(18:03):
anyone to find their william ant lose them. I don't
want anyone to sink to the depths I did, or
cause the pain and sorrow I did. And most of all,
I want all the people who have great relationships to
cherish it and never take it for granted. As humans,
we are not immune to being able to be swayed
under the wrong conditions and series of events. One we
love someone, we carry part of their soul around with us.
Just one betrayal makes it impossible for that person to
(18:25):
hold that peace of you again. I had my husband's
heart in my hands, and I now deserve the fact
I will never again hold his heart, nor will he
ever again hold me. This life has far too much
pain without harming the very ones we love, and love
is far to precious to risk on anything. Tld are
I cheated which caused my husband to commit suicide mere
days after confronting me. This is intended as a final
(18:46):
response update. First, someone shared a link to a post
asking if William posted it. William didn't have read it
that I know of, and considering he's been dead a year,
I doubt it was in that was a sad story
as well. I truly hope they op did not take
his own life. For those trying to psycho analys me
to make some sense out of the things I've done,
I appreciate the effort, even if it was for your
own self interests. None of the many professionals I have
(19:08):
seen so far have a good theory as to why
I let things happen. I feel like there should be
some valid reason why I did what I did to
I just can't come up with one, and it wouldn't
be a valid reason to do what I did if
I found one. For those that swear this is fate,
I can't fathom a reason anyone would post this for
a reason other than to warn and perhaps help. It
certainly wasn't a karmograph. I've barely responded, so it wasn't
(19:29):
for attention, and it certainly wasn't to lift my spirits
because I've rightfully been slammed from my betrayal. Admitting to
something horrible is not easy. Imagining it never happened doesn't
help me, But you all do you. I do not
keep in contact with Paul and have not heard from
him since before William committed suicide. The only things I
know about him are secondhand from people I worked with.
I have no interest in being with Paul or having
(19:51):
him in my life in any way. So those thinking
I plan my vile actions to write off into the
sunset with a first year lacrosse coach, no, bless you all.
I won't be commenting anymore, but I'll leave the post
up as resource in case someone needs it in the future.
Bless you all. May you have stellar lives full of happiness,
but most of all peace. Okay The kiss happened. Maybe
(20:11):
you could call that a moment if weakness, But even then,
you were asking for it and you're enjoyed it. You
wanted it. But then, instead of staytf away from the
guy who is threatening your marriage, you go out with him.
Can you honestly say you didn't know what was going
to happen, that you didn't want it to happen. You
came back and spend time alone with Appen at a bar,
no less you drink and confide in each other. Can
you tell me honestly not only that you didn't know
(20:32):
what would happen, but that you didn't also want it
to happen. Affairs can begin as innocent friends, the perpetual
sliding past boundaries until the infidelity occurs. Emotional infidelity occurs
often before the physical aspect, string boundaries that shouldn't be
crossed that are enforced swiftly and effectively. I hope that
you've learned how easy it is to go down a
path to infidelity, and that you can find happiness in
(20:53):
the future while being faithful to someone.
The cost of my infidelity. At the suggestion of my therapist,
I've decided to write out and share what has transpired
in my life over the last year. To get this
to make any coherent sense took lots of edits and
couple of rewrites. I used to be a fairly talented writer,
but I fell out of practice years ago. This forum
was recommended to me by a friend as a method
of confession, penance and a warning to share with others.
(00:21):
I did something truly horrible, for which the consequences were
beyond even the worst thing I could have ever imagined.
I am sharing this with the full knowledge many will
despise me for what I did and the events that
took place because of my betrayal. Reading my own words
is rebolting, because I know, in a very real sense
what I did is unforgivable. I understand far too well
how needlessly tragic the events that transpired truly were. My
(00:42):
hope is simply that my story can be shared with
anyone in any relationship, and perhaps some future betrayal won't happen.
More specifically, I hope someone who is currently cheating on
their significant other or even thinking about it, might read this,
and it makes them pause. Many might think my example
of what can go wrong being unfaithful as an extreme
rarity that seldom occurs. I've been told by people far
(01:03):
more knowledgeable than I am that my situation is sadly
far from unique. But I'm willing to take the hate
I will receive by sharing this if it keeps even
one person from breaking the heart of someone they love.
I am a twenty eight year old female, and I
was married to a wonderful man I will call William.
Eight months ago, my husband confronted me with proof I
had been both emotionally and physically unfaithful. A few days
(01:24):
after he confronted me about my infidelity, my husband committed suicide.
I realized just typing those words out has caused people,
people I don't even know, to hate me. I couldn't
believe I had the capability to do something that evil,
to harm someone I'd loved since we were children, But
I did it. If you'd asked either me or William
if either of us would ever be unfaithful, we both
would have laughed. But to my own shock and surprise,
(01:45):
I allowed myself to lose focus and straight I knew
it would destroy him if he ever found out. But
I took the heart of the man I loved and
crushed it so cruelly he couldn't endure the pain of
this life anymore. Those of you thinking right now that
I don't deserve to be breathing, I agree with you.
I agree with you so much. I've attempted on two
occasions to make that a reality. I'm assured there is
a reason I'm still here for the moment. I've convinced
(02:07):
myself that the longer I live, the more I suffer,
and I don't deserve the mercy of a suicide if
we're being honest. William and I grew up together. I
can remember my very early youth, and at no time
in my memory did I not know William. We were
in the same Sunday school classes, public school classes, and
our families had been friends long before he and I
ever came along. He could always make me laugh. Kids
(02:28):
can be mean, but William never was. I realized I
thought he was cute in sixth grade. It wasn't an
official crush until high school. William and I had been
our one and only loves from early high school all
the way through college together. We were best friends and
cherished each other so much. After graduation, we took a
year to get good stable jobs near our families and
decided to get married. We took vacations together. We made
(02:49):
love at any moment we got the chance. We were
ravenous for each other. The only time TAX was at
the table was during that time of the month. But
we'd make love for hours, beautiful moments of passion, and
I threw it all away for something tawdry, cheap, and worthless.
We were planning to have children. We knew their names.
We were both virgins. He was my first everything and
I was his first everything. Part of me wishes I
(03:11):
could say I had a drunken one night stand. Tried
to keep that from my husband, but he found out. No.
I got emotionally and physically involved with a man who
was inferior to my husband in every way, shape and formed.
I didn't even consider the possibility that a friendship with
another man could lead to an attachment for me. My
husband and I had a strong marriage. As foolish as
that sounds to say now, we really did. My husband
(03:33):
was the epitome of strength. I was the one who
was weak. Though before this I considered myself a strong woman.
It's just that no one ever told me that while
our relationship was so very strong, no relationship is bulletproof.
There is not a day that goes by that I
don't wish someone had walked up and shot me the
minute before anything I did became secretive. It is an
indisputable fact. The world would be far a far better
(03:55):
place with my husband here and alive instead of me.
There is no rationalizing away truth like that. I had
so many chances to stop it before anything happened, and
I had absolutely no reason to allow anything to happen.
After a brief and heated conversation, he walked out and
I never spoke to him again. I tried to contact
him in any and every way I could think of.
My God, I tried to reach out so many times,
(04:16):
just to let him know that I am truly sorry,
just to know I hate what I did. My texts
to him never showed anything but an unread status to me,
so I doubt he read any emails or heard any
voicemails either. But everyone said I needed to give him
space and time to think. Two nights after William confronted
me at three seventeen am, there was a loud knock
at the front door. I turned on the lights. I
(04:37):
thought at first it might be someone in a drunken
stupor wanting to curse me out, or worse. Then there
was another loud knock, and I threw on a hoodie
before heading to the door. When I opened the door
to see two policeman, I knew they could have been
there for many things, but I knew in an instant
why they were there. Their words telling me that my
husband's body had been found due to an apparent suicide
destroyed me. I dropped to my knees and wailed a
(04:58):
shriek of agony. I tore at my skin and hair
as the police tried to calm me down. By the
time the EMTs got there, I was sitting on the steps,
rocking back and forth, repeating that I was so so sorry. Yeah,
there was no way I was making it to the funeral,
even if William's family had allowed any of my family
to attend. I was kept sedated for days. The first
thing I wanted to do when I got out was
(05:18):
visit William's grave, but nobody knew where his parents had
him buried. They had every right, but that cut deeply,
and I tried to cut deeply that night when I
tried to take my life for the first time. I've
now been hospitalized now twice for attempted suicide. Not asking
for pity. In fact, I don't want it. Nothing can
take this heartache away, and nothing can even numb it.
Part of me wishes I had somehow forced him to
(05:39):
see me, just for a mere moment, to tell him
how sorry I am, and that I knew our marriage
was over. But I didn't get that. No, I didn't
deserve it, and I have to face the fact that
what I did was in fact so while that making
my husband see me might have forced him to take
his life even sooner. Many people have said to me
my actions were what led him to take his life.
I don't think there is any doubt. Until that horrible day,
(05:59):
he'd been and so unbelievably happy we both had been.
He left no suicide note to verify I was his
cause of death, but we had been so happy, we loved,
spending nearly every moment together. To go from that kind
of bliss to that kind of grief in such a
short span of time ended him. I ended him. My words,
actions and thoughts betrayed us both. Regret doesn't kill you.
If it did, I would have died before my husband
(06:21):
ever confronted me. When COVID hit, William and I quarantined together.
I was fortunate enough to teach for an exclusive private school.
The benefactors assured us our salary was paid as long
as the need for isolation persisted. William worked from home
and made a lot of progress on a project he
was placed in charge of. The entire world was worried
and afraid, but we had each other, and we so
(06:41):
enjoyed making the most of it, watching movies in bed,
feeding each other food, playing like two little kids. I
am utterly, truly, completely sorry to those that lost a
loved one due to that horrible disease. What the world
went through was a literal plague upon humanity that caused
so much needless death. But my husband and I got
closer in those weeks than we ever had before, and
our bond had been strong. We joked about how so
(07:03):
many people were hating having to spend time with family
or god forbid their wife or husband. We simply couldn't
get enough of each other. After the first month, we
had to agree to limit text to once a day
for about a week. Our only argument the entire quarantine
was about having to do laundry just to put clean
sheets on the bed yet again. And I cheated on
that man, which drove him to exit this life due
to my evil actions. A man I had such a
(07:25):
close bond with I was an idiot in so many ways,
But for me to think because of that bond, no
temptation was enough to get me to stray with idiocy.
I hate myself in so many ways for so many reasons,
but knowing I had at all is the most difficult
pill to swallow. My affair was atypical of most in
many ways. Some aspects of the relationship and betrayal were
slightly less vile. Some were colder and even more evil.
(07:47):
The man I had an affair with I will call Paul.
I first encountered him in group zoom meetings during the pandemic.
I found him brash and smug, with no valid reason
to act that way. He was the school's lacrosse coach,
and I remember in those Zoom meetings being glad that
as an English teacher, I would have too interact with him.
Very little. The first time we met face to face,
we shook hands and had some small talk. There was
(08:07):
zero attraction, at least for me toward him, but I
didn't sense any lustful attention emulating from him toward me.
During that introduction, I learned he was engaged, and I
told him I was happily married to a man I adored.
No actual attention, nothing even hinting that would ever be
a possibility. The school began allowing half the staff in
all areas and half the students to attend school for
a week while the other half used zoom. The next week,
(08:29):
the other half would attend on side and vice versa.
That was supposed to assist with social distancing and the
student's feelings of isolation. While eating lunch one day before
my next class began, I got an email from Paul.
He had written out some toasts and jokes for his
upcoming wedding and wanted me to edit what he'd written.
I was used to being sent writing to edit, so
that was nothing I felt important enough to tell William,
(08:50):
Coupled with the fact it all pertained to Paul's wedding,
and I saw no reason to give my husband a
boring detail about that day. The email contained a toast
to his parents as well as to the parents of
the bride. He took what he'd said and added a
few phrases to pull at the heart strings of all
who attended. The jokes directed at his brother the best man,
were absolutely hilarious, but a little vulgar for my liking
at a wedding. I said as much when I sent
(09:11):
back his edited speeches. He laughed and said, I just
don't know his family, and that ball busting was a
family tradition. That email exchange began several months of corresponding
back and forth, but as difficult as it may believe,
not until the very end did anything become inappropriate. Not
once did anything become flirtatious or as true. Well, we
did talk about tax but from a purely scientific and
(09:32):
psychological point of view, our tax talks at that point
would have made the biggest an infomania in history drier
than the Sahara. There was nothing emotional or physically stimulating
to those conversations, and I enjoyed our corresponding due to
the fact I was certain there was no temptation on
either end. We discussed race, politics, religion, science, sports, all
the things people are hesitant to discuss due to differing opinions.
(09:55):
Some of the discussions even got heated. I was called
to Proude more than once due to my opinions about tex. Yes,
I proved him wrong, but I wish to god he'd
been right for the longest time. All of this took
place during work hours. My husband and I had a
landline for emergencies, but as soon as we entered the
door at home, our smartphones were turned off. Paul didn't
even have my number to text until I emailed him
(10:16):
with a zinger at the end late in the day,
he demanded my number to refute what I'd said. Dozens
of other coworkers had my email, and I thought nothing
of that. I seriously don't think Paul had any interest
in pursuing me either, as at the time he was
smitten with his fiance. But about a month before their
big day, Paul found out his girlfriend had been carrying
on an affair with her high school boyfriend for over
a year. He was in shock and deeply hurt by
(10:38):
the whole situation. I ownwittingly became his person event too.
I don't know where in our string of conversations that
things crossed a line, but I began to feel truly
sorry for Paul. I truly despised his fiance for what
she'd done, and I saw nothing wrong with that. But
after a particularly rough night for him, he came to
school looking frazzled and I could tell he'd been crying.
I gave him a hug and talked to him a bit.
(10:59):
He asked if I could day after school to talk,
since I had a couple hours after work each day
before William got home. I agreed. In hindsight, I realized
now what drew me into my conversations with Paul was
a different opinion. William and I had discussed most any
topic two people could discuss. I knew before his reply
what William would say when I asked him a question.
The vast majority of the time, I guess I wanted
(11:20):
a surprise when I talked, or verbal conflict. It was stupid, pathetic,
and weak, but that is what led to the affair.
Things with William were ideal and we spent every available
moment together. I had mentioned a coworker named Paul in
passing to William, but as there was truly nothing going on,
I didn't expound upon anything, and he saw no reason
to pry. When Paul started seeing a new woman, I
(11:41):
felt no jealousy and honestly only happiness for him. But
William had to go out of town to a construction
site in Tulsa for three weeks. While he was away,
we facetimed every day and I missed him morning, noon,
and night. But with sudden spare time, I found myself
also texting with Paul just to pass the time. Instead
of an occasional hour or two after school, Paul and
I often had time to grab a bite to eat
(12:03):
and a drink or two before heading to our separate homes.
Oddly enough, the thing that led us to become physical
was me being a klutz and a school nurse not
working that week. I sprained my ankle one day walking
up some steps to go get lunch. Since the nurse
was not on site, I went to Paul, assuming he's
a coach, had numbing spray or an ace bandage. He
was working on my ankle when I happened to notice
he had an apparent direction. I was a bit taken
(12:25):
aback he was getting aroused in some way, until I
realized from his position he could see slightly up my skirt.
I have to admit, for a moment, I found the
fact I was turning him on was stimulating in some way.
I adjusted myself to see if a slightly better view
would get him more worked out. He called me out
on it. I laughed and told him he could work
out his frustrations with his new girlfriend. Suddenly, he kissed me,
(12:45):
and I pushed him away. He kissed me again, and
I didn't. We made out for a few minutes before
I realized what I was doing. I hurriedly got out
of his classroom and made it down the halls to
my classroom. I sat in disbelief of what had just occurred.
I didn't plan for it to happen, and I was
certain Paul didn't either. I didn't know if I should
call William and tell him that moment will wait until
he got home that night. But when I talked to
(13:05):
Paul after classes, he apologized, urged me not to bring
any conflict into my marriage and remain just friends. I
didn't want to give William more distress about as he
was out of town and focused on his job assignment.
After talking with William that night about how things were
going in Tulsa. I decided to wait and tell him
when he got home. His company was having some issues
with the client having the manpower to keep the project
(13:25):
running smoothly. There were things William could not get done
due to the delays, which many had to spend two
extra weeks in Tulsa. Paul was there for me to
discuss what had happened between us. I couldn't tell any
of my women friends. I couldn't rely on any family members,
as they all rightfully loved William to pieces. I guess
random strangers on a site like this would have been
the best option had I known about it, But the
person I was venting to was the very last person
(13:47):
I should have been discussing it with. One Friday, after work,
Paul and I went to a new restaurant near the
school for dinner. We sat at the bar and had
a few drinks as I explained how unsettled I felt
knowing I had to tell my husband what had happened.
He asked me how I thought William would take the news,
and I told Paul he might want to call in sick.
The day after I told William, just in case, He
asked if I seriously thought William would beat his ass
(14:08):
and I told him no, but I knew it would
mean the end of Paul and I conversing and messaging,
and rightfully so. Paul confessed he didn't think he would
have made it through his breakup if it hadn't been
for me. I assured him I was glad to be
of assistance and didn't regret helping him. When the realization
our friendship would end sunk in. I think we were
both a little depressed. I drank too much, he drank
too much, and I ended up back at Paul's apartment
(14:30):
doing a lot more than kissing. As soon as it
was over, my conscience kicked in. Yes it should have
kicked in long before, but I knew, beyond all shadow
of any doubt my marriage was over and done with.
William and I both had said society has allowed far
too many second chances for people that didn't deserve them. Yes,
humans do make mistakes. While we both believed anyone who
cheated did deserve a second chance, it could never be
(14:51):
with the one they betrayed. Life might give them the
opportunity to love someone else again, but any opportunities with
the cheated spouse was totally undeserved and detrimental to both parties.
Things got very complicated when William arrived home from Tulsa.
I happened to be having my period, so I knew
there would be no intimacy between us. Thankfully, not in
a million years would I have subjected my husband to
(15:12):
any diseases. Regardless of how much I wanted to make
love to William one last time, I couldn't allow that
to happen. I wrote out a long letter to William
confessing what I'd done and planned to give it to
him after a face to face confession. To this day,
I don't know what happened for William to discover what
was going on. For all I know, he had been
monitoring my online conversation with Paul from day one. I
never got to ask him how he discovered my betrayal,
(15:34):
and the realization he'd learned what I'd done before I
had the chance to tell him caused me to fall
to my knees and swear I planned to tell him.
William didn't believe that, and I wouldn't have either. He
had a stack of the text between Paul and I
printed out, though I didn't deny any of what he
accused me of. That honesty came far too late. He
packed a few things in a suitcase and left me
on a Monday evening. Wednesday night, he drove to a
(15:55):
shopping center, parked his car, and took his own life.
To know I had destroyed our life relationship was torture
to my soul like I'd never known to know. I'd
even robbed him of a chance to find someone else
to be happy with ruin me. The realization I didn't
just end my relationship with William, but every relationship he'd
had or would have caused more guilt than I could
ever express. I could go into all the things that
have happened since William passed away, but a lot of
(16:17):
it would be details far too many wouldn't truly care about.
Suffice it to say his family hates me and my family.
My family was disgusted by my actions and continues to
be to this day. Their love for me didn't die,
but their disappointment and shame toward me will never end,
and that's how it should be. No, the results were
not anything I intended, But when choices are made that
cause pain and suffering, we are still guilty for causing
(16:39):
that grief. I see a therapist twice a week to
try and work through things. I was introduced to someone
through my therapist that is genuinely helping me sort through
my feelings. Years ago, she intentionally set a small fire
to set off alarms to scare her ex boyfriend and
the girl he just started. Seeing the fire spread quickly
in what had been intended as a joke, caused multiple
people to lose their lives. She and I have discussed
(17:01):
so many things about her story. In mind, things can
never be the way they once where, nor should they be.
But if I am to keep living, I need a
plan to make what is left of my life as
meaningful as possible. So that is basically my story. Anyone
who wants to post messages of hate for me and
tell me what a wretched person I am, go right ahead.
I won't be replying to it, but if it helps
you get rid of any rage you have, make me
(17:22):
your verbal punching bag. Those with specific questions, I will
answer as best I can, no matter how much some
things may hurt to discuss or admit. For those that
read this who have been cheated on, yes many If
you may have been intentionally betrayed, but those who had
a significant other who was just as perplexed why they
cheated as you were. Listen to my story. It doesn't
make one damn thing I did right, just the opposite.
(17:42):
But if it helps you to understand that you did
little to nothing to cause the infidelity, so be it.
Those unrepentant cheaters, I hope you do read my cautionary
tale and know that you have the ability to destroy.
You won't just be destroying someone else, You will be
destroying your relationship with many people and a huge part
of yourself. I realize I have no room to preach
to or judge anyone except myself. I just don't want
(18:03):
anyone to find their william ant lose them. I don't
want anyone to sink to the depths I did, or
cause the pain and sorrow I did. And most of all,
I want all the people who have great relationships to
cherish it and never take it for granted. As humans,
we are not immune to being able to be swayed
under the wrong conditions and series of events. One we
love someone, we carry part of their soul around with us.
Just one betrayal makes it impossible for that person to
(18:25):
hold that peace of you again. I had my husband's
heart in my hands, and I now deserve the fact
I will never again hold his heart, nor will he
ever again hold me. This life has far too much
pain without harming the very ones we love, and love
is far to precious to risk on anything. Tld are
I cheated which caused my husband to commit suicide mere
days after confronting me. This is intended as a final
(18:46):
response update. First, someone shared a link to a post
asking if William posted it. William didn't have read it
that I know of, and considering he's been dead a year,
I doubt it was in that was a sad story
as well. I truly hope they op did not take
his own life. For those trying to psycho analys me
to make some sense out of the things I've done,
I appreciate the effort, even if it was for your
own self interests. None of the many professionals I have
(19:08):
seen so far have a good theory as to why
I let things happen. I feel like there should be
some valid reason why I did what I did to
I just can't come up with one, and it wouldn't
be a valid reason to do what I did if
I found one. For those that swear this is fate,
I can't fathom a reason anyone would post this for
a reason other than to warn and perhaps help. It
certainly wasn't a karmograph. I've barely responded, so it wasn't
(19:29):
for attention, and it certainly wasn't to lift my spirits
because I've rightfully been slammed from my betrayal. Admitting to
something horrible is not easy. Imagining it never happened doesn't
help me, But you all do you. I do not
keep in contact with Paul and have not heard from
him since before William committed suicide. The only things I
know about him are secondhand from people I worked with.
I have no interest in being with Paul or having
(19:51):
him in my life in any way. So those thinking
I plan my vile actions to write off into the
sunset with a first year lacrosse coach, no, bless you all.
I won't be commenting anymore, but I'll leave the post
up as resource in case someone needs it in the future.
Bless you all. May you have stellar lives full of happiness,
but most of all peace. Okay The kiss happened. Maybe
(20:11):
you could call that a moment if weakness, But even then,
you were asking for it and you're enjoyed it. You
wanted it. But then, instead of staytf away from the
guy who is threatening your marriage, you go out with him.
Can you honestly say you didn't know what was going
to happen, that you didn't want it to happen. You
came back and spend time alone with Appen at a bar,
no less you drink and confide in each other. Can
you tell me honestly not only that you didn't know
(20:32):
what would happen, but that you didn't also want it
to happen. Affairs can begin as innocent friends, the perpetual
sliding past boundaries until the infidelity occurs. Emotional infidelity occurs
often before the physical aspect, string boundaries that shouldn't be
crossed that are enforced swiftly and effectively. I hope that
you've learned how easy it is to go down a
path to infidelity, and that you can find happiness in
(20:53):
the future while being faithful to someone.
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