Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:06):
Found out wife was planning to cheat on me in
my birthday. We've been together three years. We didn't always
see eye to ive on everything, but we were madly
in love and got married. However, I was upset when
she put on a lot of weight and didn't feel
like doing anything, i e. Cooking, cleaning, paying bills, working,
(00:27):
et cetera. So we had a lot of fights while
we lived together. I would tell her how it all
made me feel, but she wouldn't say how she felt.
She'd just say I'm right, which made me think she
was fine. Really, what it is is she has a
hard time communicating and opening up, but she tried to
do better and that kept things working. A couple months ago,
(00:51):
during closeness, she asked if I ever thought about love
with another woman. I said, of course not, but she
pressed me so much that I asked her, and she
said she had a guy in mind that she wanted
to have love with and they could the next Sunday,
which she forgot was going to be my birthday party.
So that hurt for more reasons than one. So of
(01:12):
course I was so angry and hurt, and she felt
bad and stopped speaking with this guy she had been
telling him all of our problems instead of me, and
apparently had explicit texts with him unbeknownst to me, but
she cut it off when I told her no way
in hell. After that, our marriage declined pretty quickly, with
ME still mentioning divorce because of how poorly things were.
(01:34):
She almost seemed like she just didn't care any more. Well,
after one final fight, she agrees to divorce, thinks its best,
and leaves. For the next two weeks, I thought she
was hanging out with girl friends because that is what
she told me. I found her dating account online and
was a mess. She said she was just talking to them,
(01:55):
nothing more. She then said she deleted it, but she didn't.
I mentioned it again, and then she actually did. However,
she already got dozens of phone number slash Snapchat accounts
of men at this point I saw her notifications on
her phone and saw that she was still texting these
guys while living with me. Now I realize we essentially
(02:17):
agreed on divorce, but at least had the common decency
to wait until you move out. We still hung out
together and lived together. It was pretty cordial either way.
She has barely been around for two weeks. She'd come home, shower,
do her make up, and spend the night at a
friend's house. Only apparently she never saw a single friend.
(02:37):
In those two weeks. She slept with five different marines
and zexted three more guys. On top of that, she
gave everything special away, everything from the zex ax to cuddling,
slash kissing, showering with them, dirty talk, dates, compliments, pictures, everything.
She thought we were broken up, but I didn't realize
(03:00):
how bad the situation was and thought she just needed
time to herself. Well, she came home one night and
I just had a hunch. At this point, I went
through her phone and saw some of this stuff I described,
and it destroyed me. I confronted her, and she first said,
she just kissed a guy, well, a couple guys. Well,
(03:21):
they made out well, she banged one, Well, she banged three,
sex died only those three, and kissed two more. Well.
She had zex with all five and zexted eight or
nine total. The only solace is they all wore protection
except during b J. After learning all this, I destroyed inside.
(03:41):
She said she needed the attention, she wanted to feel
desired that she knew she was good at Zex and
that she thought we were done four didn't think I
loved her anymore, et cetera. And I get it. I
don't condone it, but I understand at least. It just
hurt that the day she decides were done, she's already
lying up up these guys while I sat at home
waiting for her to possibly come back from this. We
(04:05):
didn't actually start any divorce paperwork, and she was right
to an extent to feel that way. As I was
increasingly upset with the huge weight gain, lack of communication,
and lack of fixing the little things that irked me,
I suggested a councilor multiple times, but she refused. Now
she has since deleted and blocked every single one of
(04:25):
them from what I have seen, and hasn't talked to
anyone except her family the last few days. Meanwhile, I've
been physically ill from picturing what they did together. Ended
up in the hospital for dehydration after four days of this.
Every time I imagine an act they did, a wave
of nausea passes over me. I can't handle it and
have decided to see a counselor just to be safe.
(04:49):
I wanted to forgive her when I first found out
she was talking to them, but she let me have
ZEX with her after she had been intimate with someone
else the night before, which disgusts me to think some
other man had their ways with my wife the night
before me and a different one the night before him.
She let me kiss her, go down on her, et cetera.
Of course, she had cleaned up since the act, but
(05:10):
just the though of it is repulsive. But she stopped
having love halfway through those two weeks, almost despite me.
She said that they found her hot and I didn't.
And then soon after is when I found out about
it all and broke down. I can't eat, sleep, et cetera.
I still somehow love her, but I am so so
(05:31):
disgusted by her actions, and as a marine, hearing that
five other lower ranking marines had their way with my
wife just destroys me inside. It wasn't just business like zex,
it was the whole nine yards foreplay rough whatever the
hell she said. She liked them, but certainly didn't love them,
and she knows they didn't love her. They did go
(05:53):
on dates and everything, but I guess that's to be
expected with this kind of thing. You rarely just show up,
have love, and leave with people. So I guess my
question is the only real cheating was when she zexted
a guy a couple months ago. Then we agreed we
needed a divorce, and she slept around and zexted a
lot of guys after that before any paperwork was filed. Though,
(06:17):
So where should I go from here? Every time I'm
with her, I don't want to do anything that she
did with other men, But she thought she was single
at that point, so was that fair? I had even
tried to line up a one night stand once I
had that hunt she was sleeping around, but that fell through.
So the furthest I got was being called handsome by
a stranger whom I called beautiful, a drop in the
(06:40):
pond compared to what my wife said and did. But
she also did so much with them. It wasn't just
boring Vanilla's X. It was almost everything we'd ever done,
just with less pet names. And it disgusts me when
I imagine what she did with each and every one
of them, for as much detail as I could, so
(07:02):
I knew exactly what I was working with, because if
I'm ever to forgive it, I need to know what
it is this has crushed my manhood and competence after
hearing how attractive they were, how she did enjoy some
of it more than some of our sessions, but she
said it wasn't worth it. That I'm the one she
loves and she wishes she could take it all back.
(07:22):
But is this something that is even salvageable with counseling
and hard work, or will I always vomit at thoughts
of her actions? She says she is one hundred percent
committed and understands if I can't ever get over this,
but would really want to fix this after realizing what's
wrong with her and how much I love her. Sorry
for the wall of text, and any insight would really
(07:44):
be appreciated. My parents think I should cut all ties.
Her parents are pretty divided, understanding completely if I want
to leave, but think it may be fixable. But no
one I know has come close to having experience with this. Update.
So it's been quite some time since my crazy last post,
(08:06):
and I'm sure many who read this may not have
even read the first one originally. But to any one
that had, or to any one who's curious how a
disaster of a situation can be resolved I figured i'd share.
Over three years ago I asked for some advice to
guide me in my failing marriage. Looking back, I'd say
it's pretty obvious how it had to end. But at
(08:28):
the time, boy, were things murky For some reason. You
get so used to a relationship that it's hard to
picture a life afterwards. You get used to inside jokes,
how zex works with a person, what restaurants to eat at.
But did I take every one's advice to get the
hell out right away? Nope? Things got worse before they
(08:49):
got better. I was in a bad state, in my opinion.
I lost a lot of weight from not eating where
I was not fat to begin with. My friends noticed
how tired and pale I. I kind of felt the
main character getting crap on in a dramatic movie, you know,
the kind where you can't walk down the street without
a car splashing a puddle on you. Anyways, after the
(09:11):
post which I showed her and she just loved, really,
I had two main and conflicting thoughts. One, I don't
want to get divorced. We're young, but we can fix
this v S. Two, screw this, I'm going to sleep
around and get revenge. While I file for divorce. Neither
were probably particularly healthy, but at the time, I'd say
I was experiencing strong and unfamiliar emotions and these were
(09:34):
my two solutions, so I tried both. I guess she
promised to be better, so we agreed on counseling, just
in case it could be salvaged. After counseling, we stayed
at her mom's house for a weird group intervention counseling session.
Neither party was guilty here, according to them, which really
chapped me. Maybe it wasn't about the blame game, but
(09:56):
come on, you've got to recognize how crazy that cheating was. No,
I'm the crazy one, o K. But regardless, I figured
I was trying right, put in the effort. Don't be
so quick to throw things away like our generation tends
to do, et cetera, et cetera. Well, lo and behold,
(10:18):
she had never stopped talking to these sane guys, these
plagues on my life. I'd catch her every couple days
talking to a different one. Still, Joey would remark how
good of a duck she was. Tyler would ask when
they'd meet again. One time, I remember I'd woken up
committed her phone pin to memory with how damn often
(10:39):
I'd check it and saw her exchange I love yous
with Matt. I woke her up, all pissed off, and
somehow this was the final straw, I guess, because now
it wasn't even just sex but full on dating. If
you will, that she might choose to leave me after
all this. My mind couldn't handle that scenario, so I
said to her that you today, while I'm at work,
(11:01):
to pack your things and leave for good. I returned
home to an empty apartment, thankfully, yet still very married,
I decided screw it though, time for some payback. I
then tried my hardest for some one night stands. Very mature,
I know, I was very upfront with what I was
looking for to these girls, but for some awful reason,
(11:23):
I still would hook up with my cheater wife the
whole you leave your girlfriend, but you guys have zex
one last time and do that five times. What's ironic here, though,
is she was also jealous of my newfound escapades during this,
But like if you didn't do a spin cycle on
a half dozen Johnson's, I wouldn't be sleeping around right now. Eventually, though,
(11:45):
it really was the last time, and somehow luckily I
came out STD free after being a heathen for weeks,
an act of mercy from a benevolent God maybe, and
in a sweet act of cosmic karma. She did not
come out scott but it was a very curable one.
Don't get too worried regardless. We ended our lease on
(12:06):
the apartment that she no longer lived in, and my
contract with the military ended the same month. I then
moved across the country for a job offer to a
state I'd never stepped foot in before. No friends, family,
or exes to be had there. And let me tell you,
great decision, Jesus. Sure it was hard at first. I'd
(12:29):
never lived alone till then. I always had a roommate
or my ex. There was no one's house to visit.
But I learned my new job found I really liked
it and got comfortable in my new apartment. I made
some new friends and life started to look up. As
this also happens to be where I met my current fiance,
(12:51):
something I thought wouldn't be possible. But after my divorce,
I met someone that's so much of a better match.
It's mind boggling that I got married before. For though
I'm hesitant to marry again. She's patient and loving, and
we truly are happy. After a couple years. We bought
a house together, and I might even be crazy enough
to go through with getting married again. But don't tell
(13:12):
her that. I guess this is my long winded way
of saying that things can work out even when they
seem impossible. My divorce didn't put me in Joe exotic status.
I financially recovered from this just fine. My new job
is amazing, and my fiancee is even better. I look
back at where I was in that old post and
think it's crazy how much has changed. I'm happy to
(13:35):
come home. We're so compatible. It's like this is what
life is supposed to be like. So thanks for reading,
and good luck to any of you out there in
a crazy situation like I was. It gets better, And
if you ever need an ear to give you advice,
you'll likely ignore. I have two to lend. I found
out my fiance cheated on me, so I sent proofs
(13:56):
to her parents and threw her out. My story at
the onset is your typical infidelity discovery mail twenty seven
engaged for six months, fiance acting distance gone at weird times,
sleep infrequent slash excuses. Found the texts she'd been sleeping
with a guy married with kids. Took pics of all
(14:19):
of them. This stupid was coaching my fiance on having affairs.
He's been doing it off and on for years, like
it's acceptable and yes it's in the texts. Here's my
success story. This transpired late spring. Wedding was planned this summer.
(14:39):
Zero hesitation was no way this was going happen. I
was done. I work for a huge company. Position openings
galore right now, interviewed and secured a position in a
place I always wanted to live. Gave notice to my landlord.
Fiance lived with me, lease entirely in my name, filed
(15:03):
unlawful detainer, got a new phone plan and new number.
Plan was to end relationship on a Thursday. My last
day in apartment was Friday. Movers scheduled impeccable timing. She
had a girl's weekend getaway planned that weekend. Arranged to
have sheriff at my place for four hours. Cost me
(15:27):
two hundred dollars week in higher off duty in my county.
What transpired that Thursday, fedexed screenshots to her parents and
AP's wife, both with respectable notes. Her parents were out
a lot of money. Having to cancel wedding with short notice.
Felt bad eh not really turned old cell phone service off.
(15:51):
Met with deputy, explained situation, presented court documents. Dude was cool.
She came home from work, told her we were done.
She needed to pack and leave. No explanation, just that
I was not ready to be married. Of course she
(16:11):
was a mess. Deputy moved it along. Took a few hours.
Tears transitioned to anger. That evening blocked her on. Everything
was on the road by Friday afternoon. It's almost three
months now, the new job, new scenery, meeting new people.
(16:32):
Have been no contact with most everyone. Mutual friends tell
me she is not doing well. The ones I keep
in contact with now know the story. Her parents contacted
my parents and apologized. They asked for my information, but
my dad declined to share. He did tell me to
call them I may out of respect. Her sister, who
(16:56):
I failed to block, messaged me on FB, wrote she
under stood why, but felt I could have handled better.
Update one never imagined I'd get this much feedback from
my post. Thanks everyone for the encouragement and support. This
means so much to me. Based on some of the
(17:16):
questions and comments, I wanted to provide more information for
those interested. Many have made comments regarding my ex fiancee
sisters PM comment. I honestly always felt her comment was
based on how I handled things with her parents. After
reading your comments, I now see she may have meant
how I handled it with my ex as well. During
(17:37):
my long drive and days after, I felt really cowardly,
felt like I was running from my ex by not
confronting her with the truth. I honestly just didn't want
to deal with it, felt it would do no good,
and really did just want to get away. Your comments
now make me feel good about what I did. I
plan to contact her parents soon. Need to just find
(17:59):
a fun and privacy. Not sure what to say exactly.
Regarding the texts between X and AP, I had twelve
picks of the text strings, so a lot. Also a
few picks not physical, but incriminating. There was no doubt
they had slept together. The comments he made that aggravated
(18:20):
me pertained to him justifying cheating. Everyone I know men
and women have at some point had someone on the side.
Guaranteed your BF has cheated or will all guys do it.
We are no program to be monogamous. My marriage is
better because I don't have to put everything on my wife.
The comments my ex made that were upsetting, I enjoyed
(18:43):
our time the other day. I just need to get
more comfortable. It just takes a couple times. I am
just nervous not being with you. It's great. Just do
not want him to find out. Ever, I'm pretty sure
he cheated on me before. For the record, I never
cheated on her. I never contacted the AP's wife. Both
(19:08):
letters and screenshots were sent FedEx tracking shows they delivered.
That's all I have. Part of me wants to contact her,
part of me thinks with what I sent, there's no
way he can weasel out of this unless she's in
complete denial, in which case it's pointless. I talked to
a few mutual friends. They brought her up. All I
(19:30):
gather is she's not doing well, whatever that means. I
really do not want to get into discussions about her,
so I changed the subject. I live in a really
cool apartment complex a lot of people my age and
met a bunch also have a lot of friends from work.
Social life is pretty good. Thanks again, when I speak
(19:53):
to her parents, I'll send an update update too, just
following up on my previous posts. As I wrote earlier,
based on most everyone's advice, I reached out to my
ex's parents. I spoke only to my father in law.
Good conversation. I took the apology approach. What I mean is,
(20:14):
I told him I was sorry to have sent him
the picks of messages, et cetera. I just said I
respected them and needed them to understand exactly why I
made my decision. He brushed all of that aside and
was more curious about how I was doing my new job,
et cetera. Gave me a lot of words of encouragement,
et cetera. We did not discuss about my ex. He
(20:37):
did not volunteer anything, and I did not ask. I
did end up talking to a friend from where I
used to live. Sounds like X moved back home and
quit her job. Also, as shamed to admit, did a
little Facebook stocking AP's wife, thinking she received what I sent.
Based on her Facebook posts around the time I sent
(20:58):
the picks, there were a lot of mon moutivational means
with a lot of supporting comments, which lead me to
believe she's leading him. Can't be certain, but not a
lot of this type of posts prior. Really enjoying my
new job and making new friends every week. Not ready
to date, but feeling good about meeting someone when the
time is right. Anyway, nothing very exciting. Update three. Hi,
(21:22):
everyone had a lot of questions regarding how I was
able to manage the break up with my ex. I
appreciate every one's thoughts and support. Not the greatest writer,
Please understand that I discovered her cheating well before I left,
no question. Those days right after discovery were and still
are a blur. I couldn't eat, couldn't concentrate at work,
(21:46):
couldn't sleep, could barely function. Trust me, I really struggled
with not confronting her. I guess what was pivotal was
an evening when she was very late coming home, of course,
pretty certain she was with him, Observing her just go
on like any other day, being nice, asking about me,
(22:06):
et cetera, and knowing the whole time it's a sham.
Was just a slap in the face. I do not
know how to describe it. But she went from my
one and only to not if she were the last
woman on earth. Obviously, I was not myself, and I
guess she could sense that. There were a few times
where she was especially affectionate and very concerned you okay,
something wrong, et cetera. Very hard to fake being okay
(22:30):
when clearly not adding to my disdain. She was perfectly
okay with no sleep. Of course, I did not initiate,
neither did she. Thank god. That also helped solidify my decision.
During the actual break up, very nerve wracking. The cop
(22:50):
was very helpful. Gave him enough of my story to
garner some sympathy, at least it felt that way. He
coached me to say very little, and he insured me
he would move things along again. I was pretty much
done at this point. Jes wanted to get it over
with more than anything. The officer was extremely sympathetic to
(23:12):
her and kind but assertive. I'm sure he dealt with worse.
No doubt he knew what he was doing. I spent
the bulk of the time on the balcony pretending to
play with my phone back turned. The cop was talking
to her the whole time. I could barely hear anyway.
Thanks again, I caught my wife using her fake Facebook
(23:34):
account to cheat on me. Okay, So I just confronted
my wife of ten point five years. A few hours back,
I caught her using her fake Facebook account, which she
uses as a means to contact co players in this
MMO she's playing. She's been having lude conversations with texting
for over a month. I noticed this a few weeks ago,
(23:55):
but it kind of escalated when I saw the faces
she was making while conversing it. If you've been in
a marriage as long as I have, you kind of
get to know how to read a person. Well. Now
I wholly trust her, and she never ever changed the
pasky on her phone. So I decided to snoop around.
At first I wanted to blow up, but then I
remembered that a calm mind trump's flaring emotions, and I
(24:17):
got her to spill the beans. Turns out this was
going around for over a month. He has gotten as
far as getting her on WhatsApp and talking to her
one or so she claims she started with it. It
means nothing argument, I guess I handled myself pretty well.
No harsh words for my part, but I got to
the conclusion that this was brought by lack of attention
(24:38):
in my part. I do most of the household chores,
handle the kids, et cetera. Her main task is cooking,
and that's pretty much it. I guess I find myself
pretty lucky that they just got this far. Other person
is in a different country, but since she has an
overseas trip in three weeks, I guess I am paranoid
as hell of what can happen. Please note that I
cannot bring myself to forgive her just yet, but we
(25:00):
agreed to try to work things out. To any survivors
and lurkers, what say you. It's been a week, and
as I am trying hard as to make this work properly,
I still feel the aftershocks of the encounter. To start,
I did not forgive her right away. I may be
accused of being so theopathically methodical in how I dealt
with her, but crap, it got me through. So I
(25:23):
started off by being calm, composed and blank. I guess
you can say my brain suddenly numbed out my emotions.
So I guess that kind of helped. This kind of
behavior scared her because this is very out of personality
for me. I may be pretty impulsive. I admit I
listened to her side, asking why she did it, and
she kept answering, I don't know. Finally I got out
(25:46):
her the lack oftention, reasoning, which she admitted was not
an excuse. I proceeded to hug her, but with that
cold demeanor. She proceeded to sob and cry. I'm sorry,
but I just hugged her, but never told her that
I forgave her. With a blank expression and cold voice,
I proceeded to comfort her like a weird mash up
between a best friend and a robot. She wouldn't stop crying,
(26:09):
and I knew my voice was so monotonic it should
have felt like nice to someone at her emotional state.
This proceeded until I told her that it was time
to tend to the kids because school. After the kids left,
we got back to talking. I told her to take
the day off while I went to work. She started
crying and apologizing, but I kept it going. She admitted
(26:32):
her reasons were selfish and immature. She wouldn't even look
at her phone the whole time, and it kind of
kept buzzing from all these messages. So I went to work,
knowing she was too tired and emotionally overwhelmed to do anything.
I returned every one point five hours, just to check
on her, to see that she hadn't moved from where
I left her. She was exhausted, has a heart condition,
(26:55):
so she fell asleep crying. Phone was still at the
same place. Now, I consider myself very observant, like the
placement of shoes, papers, the angle of the charging cable,
so I was pretty sure she didn't try to contact
her ap. I went home early from work, got in
bed with her, we were both naked, then proceeded to
(27:15):
comfort her with the emotional aura of a plant still
not forgiven. She tried to grab my Johnson, but I
pushed it away. The kids would be home in a
couple of hours, so I just stared at the ceiling
the entire time. She fell asleep again. When she woke up,
I went through the motions again. Why how we comfort
(27:37):
telling her it was both our faults. All with the
coldness of a frozen trout and the emotions of a table,
the pieces started to fall into place. She posed as
a twenty two year old single game player, was a
career woman into anime. The sweetness of her real personality
a great contrast to most female players, who a friend
would describe as usually toxic as well as maturity of
(27:58):
a late thirties woman. She even threw in picks of
a common friend's daughter. She's early twenties and very attractive.
Now that crap has a wow factor to any basement
dwelling we bow. One of these losers found her at
a vulnerable time WorkStress, preoccupation with our own individual hobbies.
I have retired from gaming a long time ago, and
(28:18):
I am pretty much a crap lord on my regular days,
so I want helping and she decided to play fantasy hokey.
Reading over their zext, it was kind of fulfilling to
see that she just basically described crap we did in
real life. Of course, the AP was ecstatic. This was
around the time when I was starting to suspect something,
so it aligned with my attempts to get closer to her.
(28:39):
We ended up having love every night for a couple
of weeks straight up until when I confronted her, she
told me she was on the process of sending the
AP away. She constantly reminded him that they will never
meet in real life. So yeah, I guess I was
the only one who ducked her all throughout. Now through
it all, I was reminded of the fact that she
was pretty much a player in her younger days. You
(29:02):
know those girls who broke people's hearts just for the
crap of it and couldn't maintain relationships for more than
a month. Yes, sir, she has daddy issues. As we talked,
I decided to let some warm emotions go through. After
hours of talking, we made up. Her eyes were sore
from crying. I looked at her face and told her,
(29:22):
you look like crap. She took it positively. I have
since forgiven her, but the fact remains that she did it.
She knows that she beats herself up on it constantly.
She swore never to do it again, and that if
she did, I would have all the right to dump
her a and take everything with me. We talk every
(29:43):
day about our peace with each other and listen to
what one has to say. I guess this is one
good what came out of all of this. I still
let her play, but she tries to gauge my disposition
every time she's in front of her laptop or holding
her phone. I continue in pure crap, lord man, albeit sweeter,
But we both know I have an eye on her,
(30:04):
and it's one very big unseen. I never demanded her
accounts and passwords, but I can retrieve them with some work.
I have back ups of every device in the house,
including that virtual machine where she plays her game. It's
a mobile game that I set up myself so that
she could be logged into it twenty four seven. For
those who want to hack away, it's important to know
that most people, even those in I T save their
(30:24):
passwords in their browsers and phones. Back up the PC,
you back up that crap, you have a copy. You
could easily wipe everything if you chose to. As for
her ap, she updates me on his pleas for attention
every day I read it. But I give her back
the phone because I'd just be tempted to troll the guy.
(30:46):
I can get him landed in jail. He lives in
a country where offending people's beliefs can get you incarcerated.
Easiest solution is to duplicate the loser's profile on f
B with picks and all, then start penwriting hate speech.
But I opt not to. I'm a good person like that.