Those Who Waited Till Marriage To Smash, What Was It Like? And Do You Regret It?

Those Who Waited Till Marriage To Smash, What Was It Like? And Do You Regret It?

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Those who waited till marriage to have see what was
it like and do you regret it? Story one. I've
been married to my wife for almost three years now.
I waited until marriage to have intimate relations, but my
wife had a previous marriage that was very unhealthy, as
her ex husband was manipulative and abusive. On our wedding night,

(00:22):
we finally became intimate, and it was great for both
of us. That said, I think some parts of her
past have scarred her and made her less interested in
intimacy than I am. Before we got married, I was
very disciplined so that she could be my only outlet.
But during our first year of marriage, something in her
caused her to reject my advances often. Even if I

(00:43):
just asked, are you too tired right now? It would
usually be a no. Now things are much better, but
I don't initiate nearly as often any more, because that
first year conditioned me to expect rejection. I also have
quite a lot of fantasies, and I've shared them with her,
but she rarely gives much of a response, certainly not enthusiasm.
She will usually expect me to do everything, and I

(01:06):
rarely get much in return. I wish she would take
more initiative. I've told her my preferences, like wanting her
to take the lead sometimes, but she tends to get defensive.
Some of my fantasies seem to annoy or weird her out,
so she has allowed me to lightly indulge in only
one of them, and even then it feels more like
tolerance than excitement. For me, It's not just about being

(01:28):
able to act them out, it's about feeling like she's
genuinely enjoying it with me. I am the type of
person who doesn't want to do something unless the other
person truly enjoys it too. I don't want to be
selfish at someone else's expense. Even with these issues, I
don't regret marrying her. Sometimes. I wish I had talked
about my likings before we were married, but because of

(01:50):
my religious upbringing and my natural shyness and anxiety, I
wouldn't have been able to bring it up back then.
She's still my best friend and I do enjoy being
with her, but marriage isn't only about intimate relations. Would
I like changes? Absolutely? My unmet needs have caused me
to struggle again with Corn, but I still love her deeply.
She's the only person I've ever been with, and there's

(02:12):
something beautiful about that that's hard to put into words.
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one of the worst decisions I've ever made. At the time,
we were both Evangelical Christians, though we've since left that life.
We dated on and off for years, but never had

(02:34):
anything more. I'll admit I tried a few times though.
Finally we got married, and in my head the gloves
were about to come off. I imagined us being inseparable,
making up for all the years of waiting full transparency.
I wasn't a virgin. I had been less committed to
the evangelical lifestyle, but she had been. We flew to

(02:56):
the Dominican Republic and shared our first private moment as
a mayorried couple. As you might expect, it was okay,
no disaster, but also not the fireworks I had imagined.
I knew I wanted to be with her for the
rest of my life, and I hoped things would only
get better. The excuses started that very weak. I tried

(03:16):
to stay empathetic. In my mind. I had dreamed that
we'd be inseparable. The reality we eventually divorced six years later.
Because our intimate life was infrequent, I felt unattractive and unloved,
which made it harder and harder to love her. I
stayed faithful through it all, but we probably averaged only
about twelve encounters a year. Moral of the story, don't

(03:39):
take a blind leap of faith assuming that you and
your partner will be a perfect physical match just because
you planned to marry only once. It's not worth the risk.
Next story not quite the same, But I married the
woman I lost my v card to about seven or
eight months after it happened. I was raised very evangelical Christian,

(03:59):
with abstinence drilled into my head for as long as
I could remember, for both religious and non religious reasons.
My poor, naive and developing ADHD brain took it to
heart and believed it completely. I had decided she was
the one, and we had been doing it before marriage.
I justified it to myself by saying I would marry her.
I knew she wasn't a virgin and had been with

(04:21):
other people before me, but I didn't know the full
extent of it. Later I found out she had been
with several six or more that I can think of
partners before me. It didn't completely change how I felt,
but I was too young to realize she had an
incredibly warped perspective on intimacy and a very unhealthy relationship
with it. She used it as a form of validation.

(04:42):
A big part of that came from the fact that
she had been essayed by her stepfather for several years,
while her mother likely knew but chose to ignore it.
Her mother was relying on his money to pay for
her education to become a surgeon, and was hardly ever home.
That kind of home dynamic can deeply affect how someone
understands and approaches relationships. We were eighteen when we got married.

(05:05):
I was insecure about my lack of experience and worried
she would consciously or unconsciously compare me to her previous partners.
I was also jealous of her experience and the number
of people she had been with. When I moved out
of my parents house at eighteen, I quickly abandoned religion
and felt like I had been cheated out of a normal,
non religiously restricted life experience. You only live once, and

(05:28):
there's a lot out there to explore. Over the years,
we've been through a lot ups and downs, marriage drama,
working through both of our trauma, gaining weight and losing it,
discovering new fantasies and interests. One of the most surprising
realizations I had was that at eighteen, she wasn't actually
any more skilled than I was. Her so called experience

(05:49):
came from a bunch of young guys who didn't know
much either. I doubt any of them really cared about
making her feel good or even knew how. None of
that compared to the eleven plus years of learning, growing,
and experimenting we've had together. We've now been married for
almost eleven years. Sometimes I still wonder what my twenties
might have been like if I hadn't committed to her

(06:10):
so young, But that matters less and less with every
passing year, And honestly, I don't envy my male peers
who are out there in today's dating scene. It looks exhausting.
I genuinely appreciate the stability and trust that we have
built together. Next story, I don't regret waiting until marriage.
It was a boundary and value I had set, but honestly,

(06:32):
it sucked My ex husband didn't tell me he had ed,
which was a big surprise when we married. It affected
him greatly on an emotional and egotistical level, leading to
controlling and toxic patterns. I tried everything I could think of,
but not much seemed to help. He was also really
closed off to trying new things, being religious. He struggled

(06:54):
with physical shame and made me feel shame for wanting
to explore. Ironically, I had my first relation with him,
whereas he had been with other women before meeting me.
After seven months of trying, being shamed for wanting to
try new things and trying to please him while he
did nothing, I ended our marriage. I couldn't keep dealing
with his insecurity. He even began showing aggression, worried I

(07:17):
would cheat on him or leave for someone else because
he couldn't do half of what he wanted. He is
the only experience I've had, and it was really bad.
I've been single for almost three years now and haven't
felt the need or desire to have intimacy. I just
hope that if I find love again someday, it will
be better. Waiting until marriage is no longer a requirement

(07:39):
for me. Next story to me waiting until marriage cheapen's marriage.
I knew so many girls who got married straight out
of high school just because they wanted to a relationship,
And now they post those long Facebook anniversary essays that
all sound like despite all the rough patches, ups and
downs and driving each other crazy, somehow we're still together.

(08:02):
I don't understand why anyone would risk spending their one
life with someone they don't truly like just because they
were in the mood that said. I also don't think
that not waiting necessarily cheapens intimacy. The first time I
was with my now fiance wasn't either of our first times,
but there was something transcendent about it. Maybe it was
how we had been talking long distance for months and

(08:24):
this was the first time we had a room with
a bed. Maybe it was the lingering excitement from a
fantastic New Year's Eve party, or maybe it was the
purple fairy lights in my room. Whatever it was, he
made me see God that night, and that was when
I knew I wanted him and only him for the
rest of my life. That night marked the beginning of
our lives together. The lack of a legal document binding

(08:46):
us in a relationship didn't make it any less special.
We are going to spend the rest of our lives
together and there will be so many firsts we will
share during our marriage. I don't feel like I am
missing out just because our first time being intimate was
isn't one of them. Next story, I was essayed in
my twenties by my ex fiance. He and I were

(09:06):
both waiting for marriage, but about six to nine months
into our relationship, he invited me to his family's home
to meet his parents. That's where it happened, and it
completely destroyed my trust. I am almost forty now and
I still identify as a virgin. I am not willing
to debate that. After we broke up, I went through
a short period where I thought having relations would fix me,

(09:28):
almost like one of the boys in American Pie, though
I've never actually seen the movie, just the previews. But
that approach didn't work for me at all, and what
little experience I did have during that time, I honestly regret.
I am in a strange place in life because I
have just enough experience to know that people can be
intimately incompatible. But I am inexperienced enough to know that

(09:50):
if I ever do have the experience. It's not something
i'd want outside of marriage or with someone who isn't
also a virgin. I know my story isn't unique. That's
why I would think twice before judging anyone's decision to
wait or not wait before getting intimate. Waiting or not
waiting isn't about moral superiority. It's about each person's life

(10:12):
experiences and the conclusions they've drawn from them. For some,
that might mean prioritizing compatibility over chastity. For others it's
the reverse. Choosing to wait or not wait is not
a moral issue, and consent isn't just about saying yes.
It's about when, how, and under what circumstances. I am

(10:32):
not entirely sure what I value more in a relationship,
chastity or compatibility. Ideally it would be both, but I
do know that just having intimate relations won't cure my trauma,
erase my PTSD, or bring me justice. I am no
less purer chaste than I was before the incident. Still,
knowing that my ex fiance got away with his crimes

(10:53):
is something that haunts me every single day. Next story,
I have a friend who waited all through high schoo
didn't get married and eventually started having physical relationships because
she couldn't wait any longer. She said, she regrets not
having had the experiences she had denied herself throughout her life.
From what she's told me, it didn't turn out the

(11:14):
way she had hoped. For years, she believed waiting was
the right choice. She thought it would protect her heart
and help her find the one. But as time went on,
she felt more alone and realized she had missed out
on important experiences. Waiting didn't teach her about connection or compatibility.
It only taught her patience. When she finally became physically

(11:35):
intimate with others, it wasn't the magical breakthrough she had imagined. Instead,
it was confusing, awkward, and stirred up feelings she had
tried to ignore. Looking back, she says that waiting gave
her a false sense of control. The relationships she missed
weren't just about physical intimacy. They were about learning to communicate,
to trust, and to navigate intimacy. She wishes she had

(11:59):
learned these lessons earlier, instead of letting fear dictate her choices. Now,
she's working to rebuild her confidence and find happiness on
her own terms. It's a complicated journey, but she's hopeful
she'll get there someday. Whether you choose to wait or not,
it's important to know yourself, be honest about your needs,
and find someone who respects your unique journey. Next story.

(12:22):
Our first attempts at intimacy didn't go well, but it
wasn't our fault. I experienced nerve pain in my pelvis
due to a spinal injury from my teenage years, which
made intimacy very painful. Explaining this to multiple medical professionals
was exhausting, especially since I hadn't been physically active before.
It often felt like the modern American medical system wasn't

(12:45):
sure how to handle a late twenties virgin experiencing this
kind of pain. Even after sharing that I'd only had
one partner, I was repeatedly asked about past experiences. The
dismissal of female pain and the expectation to just tough
at out made things even harder. It took a long
time before I received meaningful pain relief, including internal physical

(13:07):
therapy and injections. Through all of this, my husband's unwavering
love and support were incredible. He genuinely wanted to be
there for me. Which was heartening in a system that
often questions whether partners should even stay involved. In the end,
we found ways to strengthen our relationship outside of the physical,
and it has made our bond stronger than we ever imagined.

(13:31):
Next story. I've only been physically close with my wife,
though we did become intimate before marriage. She had more
experience in relationships and was much more comfortable overall. We
both grew up in Christian environments, she in a mainline tradition,
I evangelical, but our understanding of intimacy was very different.

(13:52):
For years, I believed that certain types of intimacy were
among the worst things I could do, and that they
would ruin me and my future marriage. I had a
warped understanding of risks and consequences, reinforced by the true
love weight ceremonies and church cards I signed growing up. Finally,
in my twenties, I realized I was okay with being

(14:12):
close to a partner, but starting with someone more experienced
was challenging. She was kind and generous, but I honestly
wish I had worked through these lessons at sixteen or seventeen.
I am still somewhat conservative about physical closeness and believe
there is value in waiting at least a little while.
But I've chipped away at the fear and paranoia engrained

(14:33):
by the Church, and I've come to see that those
messages did far more harm than good. Next story. My
husband is also my first boyfriend. We waited until marriage
to be intimate, not for religious reasons, even though we
live in the only Catholic majority nation in Asia, but
for economic ones. We were both family breadwinners. Yes, we

(14:55):
were aware of contraceptives, but I was scared of the
tiny probability zero point something percent of having a baby
before we were ready. I wanted to break the cycle
of generational poverty and be stable before bringing a new
family member into the world. After sixteen years, we finally
got married, and it was nothing like the first times

(15:15):
described in romance novels. It was a constant pain and fear.
It was so intense that once, when I was getting
a test, my gynecologist was shocked to hear me cry
out in pain. She asked, how are you and your
husband married if this hurts you this much. I never
went back to that doctor. We even went to a
counselor specializing in intimate health, but it didn't help. Eventually,

(15:39):
my husband and I agreed to opt for other options,
while I slowly got used to the sensation myself. It's
been four years and things have gradually improved, though I
don't think we've progressed enough to be ready to have children.
My husband has always wanted a child, but he has
accepted that our biological clocks may be running out, and
now he just wants intimacy. I, on the other hand,

(16:01):
don't actively seek physical intimacy because I work ten hours
or more each day. We both work remotely, but my
workload is heavier. I accommodate him when he wants it.
We're still very happy together, as we have been best
friends and lovers all our lives, but I still wish
I could give him a child. We've explored IVF an adoption.

(16:22):
IVF is too expensive, and he's lukewarm about adoption. I
carry a lot of guilt because if I were to
live my life again, I would still choose to wait
until marriage. I am happy being child free, and I
don't crave intimacy, but I would explain this more to
my husband because while he has never cheated and has
shown no resentment about settling down with me. I still

(16:44):
feel like I trapped him in a relationship where he
may never realize his dream of being a father. Next story,
we waited. We were and still are to some extent, religious,
and we believe that physical intimacy was meant to be
reserved for marriage. We didn't kiss until we had been
dating for a couple of months. Then we stuck to

(17:04):
making out for about three months, and after that we
got engaged. We had known each other for a couple
of years as friends before dating, and then dated for
six months before engagement. After getting engaged, we started doing
more things. Looking back, it's wild and kind of hilarious.
So by the time our wedding night came, we had
done pretty much everything except the actual thing. The wedding

(17:27):
night didn't bring the fireworks you might expect, though we
had low expectations, so maybe that helped. We were exhausted
from the day's activities, but the next morning was it.
Since then, our intimate life has been fulfilling with a
few learning curves that most people experience when they start out.
I think what makes our story interesting to others is

(17:48):
that all of this happened when we were thirty three
and twenty eight late bloomers compared to most people, but
it worked perfectly for us. It's nice not having anxieties
about measuring up to past partners, though it seems most
people don't worry about that. It's also nice not having
the repression blues that sometimes make it hard for women
to enjoy, which people in our situation have reported. All

(18:11):
in all, it worked very well for us. I think
the gradual build up helped us feel comfortable and confident
with each other by the time we got to our
wedding night and honeymoon. I don't know anyone in the
religious communities I've been a part of who would recommend
that approach, but it gave us a special marker for
our wedding while also allowing us freedom to enjoy intimacy fully.

(18:32):
I am a little less religious now than I was
back then, so I am less strict about waiting until marriage,
but I am very grateful for our experience. It worked
out wonderfully for us. Next story. I had an active
intimate life before I decided to join a church and
commit to celibacy until marriage. I maintained that celibacy for

(18:53):
about seven years until I got married. The woman I
ended up marrying is amazing, and yes, I told her
I wasn't a virgin before I even asked her to
marry me. During our dating period, we spent a lot
of time alone together at my apartment. Many many times
we could have gone for it, and there were plenty
of moments when we really wanted to, but most of

(19:13):
the time we either stopped or I ended up leaving
the room to calm down. It was challenging to manage
our desires, but we stayed committed. The most important thing
that came from waiting until marriage is the trust we
have in each other. I don't worry about her being
around other men. If she could hold back when she
was alone in her fiance's apartment, I don't need to
worry that she might be swayed by someone else or

(19:36):
give in to her desires. She knows I would do
the same. The second best thing is the incredible level
of respect and admiration we have for each other. We
know we can control our most primal instincts and desires.
We know we are above all else, rational and faithful
both to ourselves and to each other. That means we
can stand strong against whatever life throws at us, and

(19:58):
the hardships we faced so far have only made us
stronger together. I couldn't feel more blessed to be married
to the most incredible woman I've ever met in my
entire life. If you ever read this, I love you more, honey.
Next story. I am a Christian. My wife was raised
in Christianity, attending church in the US South, but she

(20:18):
doesn't believe. I don't think waiting until marriage is actually
a central tenet of Christianity. But I do believe that
physical intimacy is a powerful and potentially dangerous force that
is safest within the context of a healthy marriage or
similar committed relationship. I didn't have any form of physical
relation until our wedding night. My wife had previous experience

(20:40):
with former partners. We lived together for a year before
getting married, much to the chagrin of my parents, and
during that time we were physically close but didn't have
full intimacy. Our wedding night was fantastic. It felt like
a natural continuation of our relationship. I have no regrets
at all. A couple of side notes. First, the concept

(21:02):
of virginity has been misused by the church to scare
children into abstaining from physical relations before marriage. I strongly
oppose this practice. I don't think I am better or
purer than any one else because I waited. As Jesus said,
it's not what goes into your mouth that defiles you.
You are defiled by the words that come out of

(21:22):
your mouth Matthew fifteen eleven, n lt. He was discussing
unclean food practices with the Pharisees. But I believe it
applies to relations as well. How you treat your partner,
how you think of them and speak to them, is
far more important than following strict rules about intimacy. Second,
on the other side of the spectrum, compatibility is often

(21:43):
cited as a reason to be intimate before marriage, but
I don't agree with that either. I believe soulmates are made,
not found. You become your spouse's ideal through marriage, and
they become yours. Of course, you shouldn't marry someone who
shares none of your values, but you can discover that
without being intimate. My wife and I had deep conversations
about everything before we got married, including physical intimacy. I

(22:08):
didn't need to test our compatibility physically. I already knew
we were compatible. When I said my vows next story,
I waited and do not regret it at all. Our
first intimate experience was pretty good, enjoyable for us both,
and not awkward. But I think there are a couple
of important things that made my experience different than what

(22:29):
a lot of people here are sharing. One, my husband
and I had dated for a long time before we
got married eight years and one hundred percent knew that
our communication and other types of intimacy were good by
that point. Good communication can go a long way to
fixing any issues that come up regarding preferences, et cetera. Also,

(22:49):
we didn't rush into getting married for the sake of banging,
like I think many people feel pressured to. Two. I
was raised religious and pro abstinence until marriage, but not
against physical intimacy. I was always taught that it is
a good thing and not just for making babies, which
is an awkward thing for your parents to say to you,
but better than the alternative messaging. I also was never

(23:13):
made to feel shame around my body. The general attitude
in my family was that human bodies are just human bodies.
Everyone has one, and they are not something to be
embarrassed about. I was never made to feel guilty about
what I wore. I was actually taught about my body, puberty,
et cetera. No one ever hid from me how babies

(23:33):
are made. My parents explained it to me in a
watered down way when they were expecting my brother when
I was four. Incidental exposure was not treated as a
big deal, Like no one was running around intentionally bare
except for little kids. But if someone needed to change
or accidentally walked in while someone else was, it was
no big deal. That sort of thing next story. I

(23:57):
also waited until marriage, had a crisis of faith around
the age of thirty, and became intimate with a girlfriend then.
But my wife, a completely different person, was a virgin,
and we did not have intimate relations before marriage. Everything
about intimacy with my wife has been wonderful. My only
regret is that I didn't wait until marriage entirely. We

(24:19):
talked a lot about our preferences and likes, did a
lot of other activities before marriage, and completed several marriage
courses together. I loved how much I felt I knew
and trusted, how much we both wanted it on our
wedding night and then on our honeymoon. It has only
gotten better since then. We're exploring new things together and
discovering our likes. I am more attracted to her than

(24:42):
ever since having kids, and I deeply love and respect
her as a person and as my teammate. I've never
felt more confident with a woman than I do with
my wife. She seems to genuinely like me. I am
a clever person, and many of my previous girl friends
were attracted to my mind, enjoyed discussing for lotosophy, and
liked that I was clever. My wife doesn't care about

(25:03):
any of that. She is equally clever, but what matters
to her is how I look, dress and style my
long hair, and that we have fun together. We're not
planning to have more children, but I am looking forward
to seeing how our relationship and intimacy continue to develop
when we get more sleep. Next story. It isn't always
a binary yes or no, but there are many times

(25:25):
when it very much is, or at least close enough
that the difference doesn't matter. I am someone who has
a lot of peculiarities, and it takes me a while
to get to a place where I am genuinely having
a really good time. For me, A lot of It
is adjustment and getting comfortable with someone else, but there
are also serious compatibility checks. Last year, I tried to

(25:46):
meet up with someone in another city. We had been
talking for a really long time and there was significant
tension between us. I had wanted to be with them
for over a year. When we finally tried, it turned
out they were very much the same as me. They
needed to be the active partner or they lost interest.
Most straight people are blissfully unaware of this dynamic, but

(26:08):
it's real and important, and it affects a lot of
straight people too. They just don't talk about it the
way queer people have to. This is just one factor
that can cause real physical incompatibility. There are so many
more that only becomes apparent when things get heated. Physical
intimacy is a whole world, and to imagine that we
could just figure it out with absolutely anyone is really silly.

(26:31):
Next story, whether you wait for marriage or not, your
first time and probably several times after that will likely
be awkward, especially for women. Personally, I'd rather wait for
the one I want to spend the rest of my
life with than shop around. My husband and I were
both virgins on our wedding night, and yes it was
subpar at first, of course it was. Neither of us

(26:53):
had done it before. But with time, patience, and practice,
we grew together. What was awkward because came fun and
now we have a great intimate life. I don't regret
waiting at all. The key to all of this has
been honest communication. I've never faked it for his ego,
so he's never built up false assumptions about what I
like or don't like, and vice versa. I tell him

(27:16):
what I do and don't want, what feels good or bad,
so that we can figure out together what works. We
also have fun with it. Sometimes things don't go the
way we expect, and instead of getting upset, we laugh
about it. It's way less stressful that way, and being
relaxed makes it better. To the ladies out there, marry
a man if that's your thing, who genuinely cares about

(27:37):
how you feel. You don't need intimate relation to figure
that out. It shows in a hundred different ways in
your relationship. Next story, Waiting until marriage is not as
impossible as it sounds. It's not easy either, because you
have to fight your inner passions and temptations, but it
is possible. If you are determined enough. No one is

(27:58):
born with knowledge about how to navigate intimacy, so when
both partners are saved for each other, it creates a
unique bond, one that elevates their relationship above any other.
Of course, there will be ups and downs, like in
any part of life, but having the certainty that you
were chosen not for superficial reasons, provides a sense of
security that anyone would want. Especially for women. I think

(28:21):
it's important to feel wanted for who you are, not
just how you look, but this applies to men as well.
I can say it was worth it. Knowing I hadn't
had any prior relationships before marriage allowed me to offer
my wife something no one else could. And I also
felt special knowing I received something from her that no
other man ever would. Yes, there are many things we

(28:43):
continue to learn and improve in our intimacy, but we
have a lifetime ahead to explore and discover together. That
is something truly special. For me. It was completely worth it,
and I would gladly recommend it to anyone if possible.
Next story, I just want to address something about the
idea of stagnancy, because young, impressionable people might be reading

(29:04):
this The notion that waiting to have any intimacy until
marriage will somehow prevent your relationship from stagnating can be misleading.
I see this mentioned a lot in wait until marriage circles,
and it can be problematic. If you think that living
together and having close intimate relation will make your relationship
stagnant or remove any incentive to marry, then you're not

(29:25):
approaching marriage for the right reasons. My fiance wants to
marry me, and I want to marry him because we
want to spend our lives together, not because marriage will
allow us to do anything we aren't already doing. I
will note that we are older, so moving this quickly
might not be ideal. If you're twenty two, our wedding
is in seven months and we couldn't be more excited.

(29:48):
Marriage won't change our relationship in any fundamental way. It
just formalizes what we already have and marks the next
stage of our lives together. To the women reading this,
if he truly wanted to, he would. You should never
feel the need to manipulate a man or a situation
to make him marry. You don't ever forget that next

(30:09):
story story time. This is definitely an edge case, but
it's still pretty interesting. I dated this girl for a
while back in the day, but it never went anywhere.
We were close, but that was it. Fast forward ten
years and I randomly run into her at olive garden.
The second she sees me, her eyes light up and
she rushes over to say hi. I can tell she's

(30:32):
genuinely excited to see me. We exchange numbers, and almost
immediately she asks if I am busy that night. We
hang out and talk, and she ends up telling me
that after we broke up, she moved for work and
met the man of her dreams. She had been religious
and wanted to wait until marriage the whole nine yards.
They got married, but their early married life didn't go

(30:55):
as smoothly as she expected. For months, things were difficult,
and eventually, after about eighteen months, they separated. When she
ran into me, she still had that spark and energy
that made her so memorable. Honestly, I felt really bad
for her, but it was great to reconnect and see
her thriving despite everything. Next story, My wife and I

(31:16):
were both virgins when we got married, and I have
no regrets whatsoever. We went into it with no expectations
or preconceived notions, and we learned together. At first, it
was a little awkward, but we both cared about each
other and wanted to figure out how to grow closer
and enjoy our time together. One of the things we're
most grateful for is that we had no past relationships

(31:38):
to compare each other to. It was freeing in that sense.
My only minor regret is that we crossed a few
personal boundaries leading up to marriage, which slightly diminished the
sense of anticipation for our wedding night. We're both Christians,
so I suppose that isn't too surprising. Edit for those
who talk about testing compatibility or similar case concerns, I

(32:00):
think it's largely unnecessary. Early on in our dating, I
was honest with my wife about myself. I shared that
I valued spending quality time together and building closeness, and
I wanted to make sure that worked for both of us.
By talking openly, even knowing that early moments might be awkward,
I learned the kind of person my wife is and
that we could patiently grow together. The initial awkwardness wasn't

(32:24):
too bad, and honestly, it was still fun and exciting.
Next story, we waited and I am so glad. I
feel like it was less awkward figuring things out with
someone I was already committed to for life than it
would have been in a situation where I had more insecurities.
We spent a lot of time reading and preparing for
our life together before the wedding, and we also talked

(32:46):
with friends and mentors who had experience in relationships, so
we weren't completely in the dark. I was a little
nervous about what to expect on the wedding night, but
because of all the preparation and conversations, it went smoothly.
I felt comfortable and ready, unlike some of my friends
who hadn't taken the time to prepare emotionally or mentally.
I feel like the experience of really wanting to do

(33:08):
something together but choosing to wait, was a valuable growth
opportunity for us. It was an exercise in self control, patience,
and understanding each other's needs. And now I trust him completely.
Even during times when we experienced a period of less
closeness after our second child, I never worried about his
commitment or feelings toward me. I knew he was with

(33:29):
me for who I am, not just for any physical
aspect of our relationship. He proved his patience and dedication,
and that gave me confidence and peace of mind. Because
we focused on getting to know each other emotionally and
building trust, we spent a lot of time talking, learning
about one another, and connecting on a deep level. That

(33:50):
foundation has made all the difference in our marriage. It
also made the wedding day feel extra special and exciting,
knowing that we had built such a strong bond leading
up to it. No regrets here. Waiting and taking the
time to grow together before fully entering the next stage
of our lives was worth every bit of effort. It
strengthened our relationship and created a level of trust in

(34:12):
understanding that continues to serve us well today. Next story. Yes,
I absolutely agree with this. I can't imagine marrying someone
who thinks that waiting until marriage is the only way
to keep a partner committed once challenges arise. There seems
to be a mentality among wait until marriage circles that
closeness and commitment are only reasons anyone would get married.

(34:36):
People who don't wait are often assumed to be less
serious about relationships, as if choosing a partner based on
compatibility isn't proof of commitment. For context, I didn't wait.
I am marrying my partner of six years in a
few months. He's been an incredible partner, and I can't
wait to start this next chapter of our lives together.

(34:56):
Closeness and connection have been a breaking point in a
lot of my previous r relationships, so I would never
marry someone without first making sure we were compatible in
the important areas of life. To be honest, all the
people here who waited and are still happily married got lucky.
Their marriages are successful because they are compatible, kind and
respectful of one another, not because they waited. If you

(35:19):
want to wait until you feel a serious connection, that's fine.
Hookup culture can be rough, and I understand that perspective,
but it's incredibly important to go into something as serious
as marriage with a strong understanding of who your partner
is and how you connect with them. Next story, my
girlfriend invited her best friend and her fiance on a

(35:40):
vacation with us. The fiance was sick for the first
couple of days and he didn't know how to swim,
so we spent a lot of time as a trio,
including her best friend in activities that didn't involve romance.
On day three, we were swimming. My petit girlfriend was
having a blast as I tossed her into the deep
end of the pool like she was some kind of
synchronized swimmer. She convinced her best friend to try it too.

(36:04):
Catching her was easy, but when I picked up her friend,
she got really embarrassed and asked me to stop. I
immediately did, and she headed off to the changing rooms
to meet her fiance That's when I realized my girlfriend
had been jumping into the pool for attention and fun,
not just for casual play. After the vacation, her friend
and her fiancee experienced some tension in their relationship. Within

(36:28):
a week, they decided to spend more time getting to
know each other as a couple, which eventually led to
them separating. Last I heard, she ended up finding a
really great guy and started a family. Next story, I
waited until marriage, but my wedding night revealed something I
hadn't known about myself. I have a medical condition that
makes certain physical closeness extremely painful. For those who don't know,

(36:52):
it can be very difficult to manage, and treatment usually
involves therapy, specialized exercises, and sometimes support for anxiety. Because
my body had been conditioned by purity culture, I simply
couldn't relax. My husband became angry, insisting I was denying
him something he deserved. Our honeymoon was awful and the
rest of our marriage was emotionally challenging. He even refused

(37:15):
to let me seek proper treatment because of the cost.
After about a year, I left. I am remarried now
and have a healthy, close and supportive relationship with my
new partner. Ladies, if you want to wait until marriage
because it's your choice, that's perfectly valid, but please don't
let purity culture dictate your body or your mind. It

(37:35):
can cause real physical and emotional harm, and it can
lead to unnecessary suffering. Next story. The problem with a
lot of stories that say we don't regret waiting is
that they assume waiting was necessary for a good outcome.
In reality, many couples would likely have been happy together
even if they hadn't waited. Waiting can feel like a

(37:56):
gamble that just happens to work out. Think of it
like playing blackjack with a large sum of money. You
have the option to see the dealer's cards before deciding
to hit or stay, but you choose not to. Sure
you might still win, but you didn't gain anything by
ignoring the information, and you risked losing unnecessarily. Compatibility is
one of the biggest factors in a healthy relationship, and

(38:19):
it doesn't automatically appear. Saying we'll just work on it
together only makes sense for people with zero experience. Waiting
without knowing could mean risking a mismatch that might have
been avoided. Next story. I didn't just wait to be
physically close with my wife until marriage. She's also the
only girlfriend I've ever had. She had been in a

(38:39):
previous relationship, but it was brief and from when she
was very young. I don't regret waiting at all. Waiting
taught me a valuable lesson. You should manage your impulses
and desires rather than let them manage you. For a while,
I worried I might be missing out on experiences that
maybe things could have been different with someone else. But
I realized a lot of people think that about past relationships,

(39:03):
about the one that got away, and they still move
on and face challenges whatever path you choose. Challenges are inevitable.
I gave a promise and I wanted to keep it.
That mindset has helped me ever since. When I think
about what I want to teach my kids. I don't
believe in making blanket rules about waiting, but I do
think everyone should learn to manage their impulses and figure

(39:25):
out the best way to do that for themselves. Next story.
Our first attempts at intimacy didn't go well, but it
wasn't our fault. I experienced nerve pain in my pelvis
due to a spinal injury from my teenage years, which
made intimacy very painful. Explaining this to multiple medical professionals
was exhausting, especially since I hadn't been physically active before.

(39:48):
It often felt like the modern American medical system wasn't
sure how to handle a late twenties virgin experiencing this
kind of pain. Even after sharing that I'd only had
one partner, I was repeatedly asked about past experiences. The
dismissal of female pain and the expectation to just tough
it out made things even harder. It took a long

(40:09):
time before I received meaningful pain relief, including internal physical
therapy and injections. Through all of this, my husband's unwavering
love and support were incredible. He genuinely wanted to be
there for me, which was heartening in a system that
often questions whether partners should even stay involved. In the end,

(40:30):
we found ways to strengthen our relationship outside of the physical,
and it has made our bond stronger than we ever imagined.
Next story. I've only been physically close with my wife,
though we did become intimate before marriage. She had more
experience in relationships and was much more comfortable overall. We
both grew up in Christian environments, she in a mainline tradition,

(40:53):
I evangelical, but our understanding of intimacy was very different.
For years, I believe that certain type of intimacy were
among the worst things I could do, and that they
would ruin me in my future marriage. I had a
warped understanding of risks and consequences, reinforced by the true
love weight ceremonies and church cards I signed growing up. Finally,

(41:15):
in my twenties, I realized I was okay with being
close to a partner, but starting with someone more experienced
was challenging. She was kind and generous, but I honestly
wish I had worked through these lessons at sixteen or seventeen.
I am still somewhat conservative about physical closeness and believe
there is value in waiting at least a little while.

(41:35):
But I have chipped away at the fear and paranoia
ingrained by the Church, and I've come to see that
those messages did far more harm than good. Thank you
for watching. If you enjoyed this video, be sure to
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