What is the biggest fail date you have ever had?

What is the biggest fail date you have ever had?

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
What is the biggest fail date you have ever had?
Story one. My biggest dating fail was when I met
a girl one night at a party hosted by an acquaintance.
She was attractive, outgoing, and fun to be around. After
spending the night getting to know her, I was completely
infatuated and decided to ask her out. She said sure

(00:20):
for our date. She chose the location. She drove me
to a huge bridge outside the Loop in Chicago, and
I was a bit confused. I asked her what we
were doing and she just said wait. So I waited
in silence for about a minute until she suddenly grabbed
my hand, squeezing it harder than I could have ever expected.
Then started screaming and crying, saying she wanted to give

(00:40):
up on life. I panicked and tried to comfort her,
but she just snapped at me, saying I was a
terrible person for not realizing she was depressed sooner. Then,
before I could say anything else, she ran back to
her car and drove off, leaving me stranded three miles
from my apartment. Story two. Last year, I decided to
text a girl I had a class with the previous

(01:01):
term to try and set up a date. She responded
with something like sure, I was hoping i'd hear from
you again. She mentioned she was a good bowler, so
we agreed on bowling and the date was set for
the following week. When I arrived, she was sitting on
the railing outside the bowling alley waiting. As I got
out of my car and smiled at her, she said, oh, hey,

(01:22):
I wasn't expecting to see you here. That immediately felt off,
but I couldn't think of a good response, so I
just played along and acted as if I wasn't expecting
to see her either. I asked if I should go
inside and set up a lane for us, and she replied, yeah, sure,
just hold on a bit. I asked another friend to
meet me here. When I asked who, she told me
it was a friend who happened to have the same

(01:43):
first name as me. I went inside, handed over some
passes for free games, put on my bowling shoes, and
entered three names into the system. I waited about ten
minutes before I got a text from her saying where
are you. I really don't want to be stuck here
with this guy I used to have class with, so
my instincts were right. She hadn't actually planned to meet me,

(02:03):
but since I had free bowling passes that were about
to expire, I wasn't about to waste them. I texted back, Sorry,
family emergency, I can't make it. A minute later, she
walked inside and found me at my lane. When I
asked about her other friend, she said he wasn't coming. Then,
when I asked if she was ready to start bowling,
she casually said, I'll just watch. I don't really like

(02:25):
to bowl. I only came to watch my other friend,
Supposedly he's a really good bowler. At that point, I
just told her, well, if you're not going to bowl,
there's not much of a point in staying. I was
just going to practice for a match. Anyway. We set
our goodbyes, and I never heard from her again. Story three.
A few years ago, I met a guy at a

(02:45):
bar who was born on the exact same day as me.
That seemed like a fun coincidence, so when he asked
me out, I said yes. He told me to dress
up nicely because we were attending an art gallery opening.
I got all daulled up, and when he arrived to
pick me up, he was wearing a T shirt and jeans. Okay,
maybe I had misunderstood the dress code. When we got there,

(03:06):
I realized it was an art gallery, but barely. It
was set up in a warehouse in the middle of nowhere.
Some of his friends were there, but he didn't introduce
me to them. Instead, he spent the entire evening chatting
with them and completely ignoring me. Meanwhile, I was dressed
to the nines and everyone else was in jeans. After
we left, he asked if I wanted to grab dinner.

(03:26):
I figured, whatever, at least I'll get a free meal
out of this disaster of a date. We went to
a nice pizza place and ordered a pizza. As I
reached for a second slice, he looked at me and said, wow,
a second slice? Really? Geez, you eat like a house.
So I ate the rest of the pizza story. Four.
In high school, I went on a date with a
guy from another town who attended an alternative high school. Well,

(03:50):
sort of a date. He met me at Boomers, a
place similar to Dave and Busters with outdoor go karts
and an indoor arcade to hang out with some mutual friends.
The date started with him making out with one of
my male friends up against a pinball machine and ended
with my mom driving him to his grandparents' house. When
we got there, he insisted we come inside to see
his petaguana. That's when things got really weird. His grandmother

(04:13):
kept telling my mom how soft her skin was and
repeatedly tried to touch her, while his grandfather just sat
in the corner facing the wall. I had never been
more confused in my life. I didn't call him again,
despite receiving multiple calls from him. Then a few weeks
later I got a string of instant messages from him
saying he was going to overdose on pills because he

(04:35):
was in love with me. Not wanting to take any chances,
I called nine to one one and messaged him to
let him know. The next day, he messaged me again,
saying a bunch of nonsense about how I had saved
his life and that he was forever in my debt.
After that, about once a week I would come home
from school to find a bouquet of roses on my doorstep.
Then one day I came home to find his grandfather's

(04:57):
car in the driveway. His grandfather got out and told
me you should just date my grandson already. Then, without
skipping a beat, he added, and by the way, you
were a terrible person for calling nine one one. You
should have just come over to check on him. That
was bad enough. But then he admitted that he had
been sitting right behind his grandson at the computer the

(05:17):
entire time, telling him what to type. He also casually
mentioned that he had been the one leaving the roses
on my doorstep. I have never wanted to disappear so
badly in my entire life. Story five. Okay, this is long,
but I want to paint the full picture here. My
first date after ending a long term relationship was with

(05:38):
a guy I met on ok Cupid. He seemed intelligent
and sweet, so I agreed to go to a movie
and then grab dinner with him. When I arrived at
the theater, I looked around for the person I had
seen in his profile pictures. Instead, I was quickly intercepted
by a guy who was easily over three hundred and
fifty pounds. You guessed it, it was him. He was

(05:59):
wearing a food stained T shirt with crumbs still around
the collar. The shirt was too small and too short
to cover his stomach, which was spilling out over a
pair of shorts that were hanging too low on his hips.
His backside was visible even while he was standing up straight,
and he made no effort to fix it. I pride
myself on not judging people based on their appearance, especially

(06:20):
since I'm not exactly petite myself. But I do believe
in basic hygiene and this guy, this guy did not
believe in basic hygiene. Still trying to be polite, I
smiled and walked into the theater with him. He took
up two seats, despite the fact that his popcorn and
soon his fingers were drenched in butter. He clearly wanted

(06:40):
to hold my hand. I kept mine firmly out of reach.
After the movie, we crossed the parking lot to a Denny's.
He ordered two entres for himself, along with an appetizer
of fried cheese, most of which ended up dribbling onto
his already stained shirt. The entire time, he kept one
hand stretched across the table waiting for me to hold it.
Still trying my hardest not to be judgmental, I focused

(07:04):
on conversation. He was actually fairly well spoken until the
topic of social equality came up. That's when he completely
destroyed any last chance he had it making a good impression.
He leaned back in his seat and said, people can
do whatever they want in their own homes, but if
they ever stepped foot on my property, I'm going to
deal with them real quick. At that point I knew

(07:24):
I had to end the night. I drove him back
to his car, which was parked across the large lot,
and waited for him to get out, but he didn't.
He just sat there, grinning, saying I had a great
time tonight. I told him I had to be up
early the next morning and needed to go. He ignored
that and kept dropping not so subtle hints, obviously hoping
for an invitation back to my place. We sat there

(07:47):
in awkward silence for about five minutes before I finally said,
as firmly as I could look, this was fun, but
I really do have to go. Take care. After a
few more seconds of hopeful hesitation, he finally got out
of the car. The moment he did, my car practically
lifted from the loss of weight, and I sped out
of the parking lot. I thought that was the end

(08:08):
of it. Then on my drive home he called me.
I ignored it. Half an hour later he called again, ignored.
Then I got an instant message, I can already tell
that I'm in love with you. I want to be exclusive.
I don't want you seeing any other guys. Frustrated, I replied, look,
this isn't going anywhere for me. I just got out
of a relationship and am not ready to commit to anyone. Besides,

(08:30):
I think we'd be better off as friends. Not that
I actually wanted to be his friend, but I didn't
want to be too harsh. His response, I can't just
be friends with you. I'll always love you and want more.
I replied, sorry. Then he asked, can you at least
promise not to date anyone else until you're ready for
a relationship again. I immediately shut that down. Absolutely not.

(08:52):
That's not something i'd promise anyone. His response, then, I
can't ever see or speak to you again because it'll
hurt too much, and then he logged off. I thought
I was free. I was not free. For the next
several weeks, he called, texted, and messaged me, constantly professing
his love, begging for another date, and even hinting that

(09:13):
he was trying to find out where I worked so
he could show up. I blocked him on everything, so
he created a new OK Cupid account just to get
around my block and send me more messages. I blocked
that account too. Eventually the messages stopped, but honestly, after
all that, I was done with dating for a long,
long time. Story six. About five or six years ago,

(09:35):
I met a girl who came into my workplace. We
talked for a bit and really seemed to hit it off.
She even asked me if I wanted to go out
for dinner sometime, offering to pick me up and everything.
That weekend, we went to a restaurant on the other
side of town. She was really interesting, and I found
myself listening more than talking. I kept asking her questions
about all the things she was passionate about. By the

(09:57):
time we finished eating, I told her I'd cover the
bills since she had driven us there. I had just
handed my debit card to the waiter when out of nowhere,
I blacked out. Now this has only happened two other
times in my life, so it's not a common thing.
But when I woke up, I was surrounded by people.
Some were holding my arms and legs, looking scared. Someone
had already called an ambulance. I call it my downfeeling.

(10:20):
The mood I get after a seizure. It's hard to explain,
but everything feels different, disoriented. I got to my feet
and started looking around the restaurant for her, but she
was gone. At first, I thought maybe she had run
to get help, so I made the EMS workers wait
as long as I could. I tried calling her, but
she didn't answer. I didn't get out of the hospital

(10:41):
until one am. With no public transportation in my town,
I had no choice but to walk seven miles home.
She never contacted me again. Story seven. I was about eighteen,
working in the City, New York at my father's printing shop.
A few days earlier, I had met this guy on
a bus while heading up state to visit a friend.
One day, I told my father I was leaving work

(11:02):
early to meet up with a friend and that i'd
just take the train home. Later. I met up with
the guy from the bus, and almost immediately he started
acting weird. Think pepe Le pew All, touchy, feely, overly affectionate,
way too close for comfort. On the subway, he kept
trying to hug me, squeeze me, hold me. Then he
pulled out a disposable camera and asked if he could

(11:24):
take my picture. So he could tell people I was
his girlfriend. I of course said no, but back then
I was a major people pleaser and I didn't want
to hurt his feelings, so I didn't end the date,
even though I desperately wanted to get away. It only
got worse. We were walking down some random street when
suddenly some woman stormed up to me, furious, getting right

(11:45):
in my face. Turns out she was his actual girlfriend,
and somehow, in the middle of Midtown Manhattan, we had
just happened to walk past her while she was out
with friends. I took one look at her and said,
get out of my face. I had no idea he
had a girlfriend. Honestly, I was relieved she had shown up.
I wanted nothing to do with this guy. He of
course started following me, but I turned around and said, dude,

(12:09):
you really don't want to do that, trust me. At
that point, I was done. Since my train wasn't for
a while, I decided to just go back to my
father's office to wait. That's when I walked in and
found him cheating on my mom with the woman he
had hired to help with the filing. Story eight not
as mortifying as some others I've read but definitely my
worst date. It was a first date with a guy

(12:32):
I met online. We had some nice conversations leading up
to it, and decided to meet for sushi one night.
The evening started off great. I was really enjoying myself.
Then about half an hour into the date, his phone
started blowing up with texts and calls. He claimed it
was his dad, being a little naive at the time.
I just shrugged it off, but the messages kept coming.

(12:53):
He never put his phone on silent and checked every
single text. Finally, he told me his dad wanted to
go work out with him. At that point I knew
exactly what was going on. Look, I told him, if
you're not into me, that's fine, but at least have
the guts to tell me instead of relying on your
friend to bail you out. Actually, he said, standing up,
it's a booty call. Thanks for dinner, and he just

(13:15):
walked out. I sat there mortified while other diners gave
me sympathetic glances. When the server brought the checkover, she
leaned down and whispered, I heard what happened. I took
that guy's order off, so you're only paying for what
you ate. That's when I started crying right there in
the middle of the restaurant. I left her a massive
tip for her kindness and spent the rest of the

(13:37):
night drowning my sorrows in wine. Ben and Jerry's in
Love Actually Story nine. I was at a party once
when a girl approached me. She wanted to set up
a double date, me and my buddy with her and
her friend. My friend and I agreed, even though his
date wasn't exactly his type, but he was willing to
take one for the team. On the day of the date,
her friend canceled, which I suspected meant this was just

(14:00):
a setup for me and her in the first place,
No big deal. We went to a movie and afterwards
she invited me back to her dorm to hang out
with her roommates. The date was going well, so I agreed.
It wasn't unusual for college students to do that. She
was about twenty two and I was twenty at the time.
We hung out for a while with her roommates and
then they decided to go out. I offered to leave

(14:21):
as well, but she told me to stay a little longer,
so we put on another movie. At some point I
leaned in to kiss her. She kissed me back, and
for a minute or so everything seemed fine. Then without warning,
she suddenly pulled away, got really agitated, and started asking
where this was going. Before I could even answer, she
began crying. For the next hour, she went on an

(14:44):
emotional spiral, talking about how nothing in her life was right,
how she was convinced all men were going to hurt her,
and how she just knew she was making a mistake.
At that point, I knew this was over and I
just needed an exit strategy. But curiosity got the better
of me. I started asking questions, trying to understand. As
it turned out, I was only the second person she

(15:06):
had ever kissed. She told me she was a virgin
because her mother had been extremely overbearing, never letting her
date and constantly warning her that all men were dangerous.
Her mom had convinced her that any guy she got
close to would eventually hurt her and leave her in
a dumpster. Now, because I had kissed her, she believed
we had to sleep together. But first she wanted to

(15:27):
call my parents and make sure I wasn't a serial killer.
She also wanted to run a background check on me
and see my grades then the conversation swung back to s.
She said she wanted to but was scared because she
didn't know what to do. At that point, I stopped her.
I told her I had been in relationships before and
that she would probably be better off finding someone with

(15:48):
a little less experience, someone who could take things at
her pace. I assured her that I wasn't interested in
rushing anything, and that we didn't have to do anything
just because we had kissed. She cried again, but ultimately
agreed that it wasn't the right time. I left, chalking
it up to a weird, unfortunate night. Now keep in mind,
all she had was my name and phone number, maybe

(16:10):
my friend's number. Two. The next morning, around seven am,
there was a knock on my door. I didn't live
on campus. I lived way off campus with roommates. It
was her, she had somehow found out where I lived.
She was standing at my doorstep holding flowers in a card.
She was still crying. She apologized for everything and asked

(16:30):
me to wait until after she left to read the card.
I agreed. She walked away tearfully, and I went back inside.
The card said, paraphrased, I really like you. I know
I probably scared you away, but if you ever want
to give this a shot, please call me. For a
brief moment, I thought, well, maybe someday. Then boom and

(16:52):
intensely loud pounding on the front door. I opened it.
She was back. This time. She was screaming and in tears,
furious that I had and immediately read the note and
chased after her. At this point, my WTF meter was
off the charts. I calmly told her I needed time
to think, especially since she had just started trying to
break down my door. She collapsed on the floor, sobbing.

(17:13):
I waited about ten minutes for her to stop crying.
She eventually agreed to leave. I closed the door and
sat down, trying to process everything. Thirty seconds later, the
pounding started again. At this point I was done. I
explained the situation to my roommates and none of us
answered the door. For the next hour. She pounded on
the door, screamed, cried, and hurled insults. I was just

(17:36):
about to call the police when she finally left. The
next morning, it happened again. This time she brought an
even bigger bouquet. There was less screaming and more pitiful crying,
but it still lasted a good fifteen minutes, that is
until I threatened to call the police. At that point,
she called me a limp banana mother ur and ran off.

(17:57):
I only saw her one more time, about five years later.
She greeted me with a friendly high and then casually
said she was really glad we hadn't dated because she
had a new boyfriend now and knew I would never
change my mind about her. The guy was standing right
next to her. She was still a total knockout, but well.
Her new boyfriend looked like Quasimoto storyteen, reposting from an

(18:20):
older but similar thread. God yes, the date was arranged
by the college newspaper at the school I was attending.
I had never met nor seen the person I would
be courting that night. I was only told that all
expenses would be paid. I was a college student, How
could I turn down free food. We met up at
a local Greek restaurant while being followed by a film crew.

(18:41):
She was great, charming, cute, funny, and able to hold
her own in a conversation. However, much like that exact
lego piece you desperately need in a tub full of bricks,
her crazy was well hidden. After the meal, we went
for a long walk on the beach. A few minutes in,
she leaned in close and whispered, let's ditch the film crew.
When an attractive girl asked you to find a way

(19:03):
to get to a secluded place, logic is often overtaken
by hormones. The second they turned their heads, we made
a dash for it. We found a lifeguard tower that
wasn't in use and made our way up the ramp.
It was perfectly secluded, with the tactical advantage of allowing
us to see if anyone was approaching. I leaned in
for a kiss, assuming that was what she wanted. She

(19:24):
put a hand on my chest and held me back. Wait.
She said. She was excited, and she made no effort
to hide it. Do you want to see my scars?
No big deal. I'd had creepier things said to me before,
and I figured it was just an excuse to eventually
get us undressed. I was game. Sure. She took off
her shirt, not her bra, but that didn't matter because

(19:46):
I was no longer focused on that. Across her stomach
were deep, jagged scars that covered her abdomen like cordroy scars,
so deep They didn't just change the tone of her skin,
but altered the very shape of it, distorting how it
fel Want to give me one? I er, what what
are these from memories? Give me one? She pulled out

(20:09):
a hunting knife from her purse. The crazy was no
longer hidden. She actually wanted me to cut her. I've
done it before. We'll just say I fell while we
were climbing the lifeguard tower. I think the film crew
found us. They were a good fifty yards away, oblivious
to the fact that we were even there. I stood
up and waved, pretending to blush, as if we'd been

(20:30):
caught doing something mischievous, while in reality, a half naked
girl with a knife was crouched below me. She was
not pleased, and she still had the knife. I was
mentally saying goodbye to my currently not stabbed body, praying
it would stay that way, But the cameras were rolling.
She knew she had to play nice, otherwise her little
secret would be exposed to the world. She hid the knife,

(20:52):
stood up, and giggled. The date continued, We played laser tag.
I elected not to give her my number. At the
end of the night, Story eleven, I met a girl online.
She seemed reasonably attractive and fairly easy going, so I figured, Hey,
why not. We met at a local coffee shop and
chatted for a few minutes before a mutual acquaintance of
ours happened to show up out of nowhere and joined

(21:14):
our conversation. Turns out they were both in AA together.
I then proceeded to learn all about her long and
complicated history of alcohol abuse and the real reasons she
wanted to date. Her exact words were, I'm trying to
replace my boyfriend who died this summer. So the guy
decided to invite himself along for our date, neither of
them bothering to ask if that was okay with me.

(21:37):
We ended up driving to a bar, a fantastic choice
for a couple of recovering alcoholics, and the entire time
they were playing the absolute worst music I could imagine
on the radio. I sat in the back seat suffering
through it while they chatted, thinking to myself, Dear God,
how can I get out of this. We arrived at
the bar, where they proceeded to drink coffee and play

(21:57):
air hockey while I brainstormed an a scape plan. I
ended up faking a phone call from a friend, pretending
she was in the hospital and that I had to leave.
The girl immediately freaked out, accusing me of bailing on
her in the middle of our date. I just stared
at her for a second, blinked, and walked away. Story twelve.
The summer after graduating from high school, I went on

(22:18):
a date with a girl I had been friends with
for a while. We decided to go to a fair
a few towns over. We walked around, ate some fried food,
and went on a couple of rides. Things were going
great and we shared a lot of laughs. Then we
got on a ride similar to a zipper or a
salt and pepper shaker, lots of spinning, flipping upside down,
and sudden drops. About halfway through the funnel cake I

(22:41):
had eaten earlier decided it did not want to remain
in my stomach with her sitting next to me. I
started throwing up, and then we flipped upside down, and
my own vomit came right back at my face. Thankfully
I had enough sense to keep most of it away
from her. She emerged from the ride completely puke free. I, however,
did not. We have now been together for over six years.

(23:01):
Are currently engaged and will be getting married next summer.
Story thirteen first date, stunning ice blue eyes, curly blonde
hair in a thick German accent. She was very skinny
but wearing baggy clothes, so I didn't think much of it.
Germans have their own fashion sense, right. The date went great.
We had dinner, during which she kept going to the bathroom.

(23:23):
Then we had ice cream, and again she kept excusing
herself to the restroom. We went for a walk, held hands,
and eventually checked into a matrimonial suite at a youth hostel.
We were making out when she suddenly stood up, backed
away from me, and in her thick accent, asked, do
you like that you see? Then she took off her clothes.
That's when I realized she had an eating disorder. She

(23:44):
was wildly underweight, so much so that it was alarming.
She started begging me to sleep with her, and I
thought to myself, Wow, this is really a pickle. I
was no longer attracted to her at all, but I
didn't want to be cruel. She clearly had some serious
body image issues, so I tried to navigate the situation
carefully kissing her, touching her, doing my best to be

(24:07):
kind while not rejecting her outright. Then she asked me
to go further. But here's the craziest part. Her body
was completely unresponsive, completely dry, so tight that I couldn't
even get a single finger in. I hesitated and asked,
how do you even fit tampons in? She casually replied, oh,
I haven't had a period in almost a year. Somehow.

(24:28):
An hour later, we were both fully clothed again, holding hands,
and eventually fell asleep on the bed. I think I
handled it gently. We kept in touch through emails for
a while afterward, and she always seemed to have positive
feelings toward me. Story fourteen. I had my first ever
date in ninth grade and I had it all planned
out with a girl I really liked. When I ran

(24:49):
through the plan with my friends, they reminded me how
socially awkward I was and warned that if I couldn't
carry a conversation, there wouldn't be a second date. So,
being the smooth guy that I I am, I decided
to prepare by googling how to talk to a girl
and conversation starters about an hour before the date. The
only problem I was too nervous to memorize them, so

(25:11):
I wrote them down on my palm for future reference.
She picked a sushi place for dinner. Of course, I
told her I love sushi to make myself seem sophisticated
and worldly. Truth was, I'd never had it before. Turns
out that little green substance they put on the side
of the sushi roll, yeah, that's not guacamole. It's was sabi,
a horrific blend of horseradish, fire and pure suffering. Not

(25:36):
knowing this, I ate the entire chunk in one bite.
Within seconds, my sinuses were on fire, my eyes were watering,
and I was practically sobbing at the table. Mucus was
streaming from my nose. Panicked, I decided to distract her
with a tactical conversation starter. I discreetly glanced at my palm,
only to realize that my nervous, sweaty hands had completely

(25:59):
smudged the ink. But I didn't notice before wiping my
wasabi induced snotstorm off my face. So now I was
sitting across from her face covered in a horrifying mix
of ink and mucus, while she just stared at me,
probably wondering what kind of disaster she had agreed to
go out with. I caught my reflection in the window,
and between the pain and the sheer humiliation, I just

(26:21):
started crying. We had to call my mom to pick
us up early shut up. I was in ninth grade.
The car ride home was silent except for the oldies
station my mom had playing. She let me use her
sweater to wipe my face off. The girl and I
later became friends in high school and still laugh about
it to this day. To this day, she still believes
I was only crying from the wasabi story. Fifteen. I

(26:43):
was working as roving security at a science fiction convention
in the late nineteen eighties. I was paired up with
a cute young woman we'll call Alice. She seemed to
have potential, smart, witty, funny, and she laughed at my jokes.
It was obvious we were hitting it off. The only
thing that concerned me was that she looked a bit young,
but since security staff had to be over eighteen and

(27:05):
IDs were checked, I figured it was fine. Near the
end of our shift, we decided to have dinner together.
I'll grab my purse back at my room and meet
you in the lobby. She said, actually, I don't have
anywhere else to go, mind if I just tag along?
I asked, sure, she said, with a bright smile. My
heart skipped a beat. On the way to her room,
we kept talking, just as we had been doing all shift.

(27:28):
She was being flirtatious, playing with her hair, biting her
lower lip when we made eye contact. We were both
comfortably dorky together. When we reached her room, she said,
I'll be right back and unlocked the door. What neither
of us expected was what was waiting inside. Her roommates
had clearly not been expecting her either, and it quickly
became apparent that Alice had no idea her roommates were

(27:51):
into group activities. To be fair, it looked like they
were just getting started. People were undressing, A huge tarp
was laid out, there were scented oils, and a few
women were let's just say, preparing the men. Before anyone
imagined some fantasy scenario, let me remind you this was
a science fiction convention. Most of the people in that

(28:13):
room were over one hundred eighty pounds, and the few
who were skinny had a kind of unsettling, unhealthy thinness.
Imagine cottage cheese and cauliflower mixed with pretzel sticks. But hey,
to each their own. Everyone there was a consenting adult.
I looked at Alice, wondering if this was something she
was into. The sheer horror on her face told me

(28:33):
everything I needed to know. Her jaw dropped, she stammered,
turned pale, and nearly fainted. Oh oh my, oh my god. No, no, no, no,
oh my god, Oh my god, oh god. She turned
to me, her eyes wide with shock. You didn't think
I I would never be involved in this. Oh God.

(28:54):
One of the women at the door, also looking a
little embarrassed, wrapped herself in a towel and said, oh, oh, Alice.
I didn't know you'd be back tonight. We were going
to be done by nine and oh no, oh dear.
She quickly went to comfort Alice, who was now shaking
and sobbing in shock. Then the woman gently pulled Alice
inside and closed the door in my face. I just

(29:15):
stood there, wondering what the hell had just happened. After
a few minutes, I knocked on the door. I heard
Alice sobbing even louder. The woman opened it slightly and said, punk, look,
Alice is a little out of swords. Let us calm
her down and she'll meet you in the lobby. About
an hour later, the woman found me. Look punk, I
am so sorry. Alice is my niece and she was

(29:37):
traveling with us. She had no idea this was going
to happen, and she wanted you to know. She had
no intention of bringing you into our group. She's nineteen,
just a little naive, and we didn't expect her to
return so early. That's on me. She decided to drive home.
She doesn't approve of our lifestyle, and honestly, it's probably
for the best. I know her mother is going to

(29:59):
have a fit, but I just wanted to say sorry
about all this. Alice really liked you, but I think
we embarrassed her so badly that she can't face you.
I said, I understood. I gave her my phone number
to pass along to Alice. Never heard from her again.
Story sixteen. Met a guy on the bus. He asked
me out, and while I was apprehensive, I figured I

(30:20):
should keep an open mind. We went to a bar
for our first date to keep things casual. I met
him there and bought my own drink before he arrived.
When he finally showed up. He immediately asked me to
pay for his drink because apparently he hadn't brought any money.
Strike one. Then he kept insisting we leave the bar,
but didn't have any plans for where we should go.

(30:40):
I suggested a walk. Strike two. During the walk, he
would not let me talk. Every time I tried, he
forcibly kissed me or groped me, even when I told
him no. Strike three. At the end of the date,
I accidentally stepped on a roadkill possum, and you know what,
that was less disgusting than grabby Mcanzie shoving his tongue
down my throat. Story seventeen. I had just gotten out

(31:03):
of a long term relationship and was being encouraged to
get back into the dating scene instead of sitting around sulking,
so I decided to join Okay Cupid. I messaged a
few girls on my first night, then largely ignored the
app for a few weeks until one night I got
a response. I checked out the girl's pictures and found
it a little odd that she only had photos of
her face taken at angles that seemed to intentionally avoid

(31:25):
showing the rest of her Still, we started talking and
before long. I actually enjoyed our conversations. Then, out of
the blue one night, she proclaimed, we must meet right
now to figure this out, because I think I love you.
So I agreed to meet her at Starbucks. While waiting,
I saw an incredibly large girl approach and introduce herself.
I tried to remain calm and collected. We bought drinks

(31:48):
and started talking, and honestly, she was pretty interesting, except
that every two seconds she kept asking, so do you
like the way I look? Can you see this happening?
The date continued into dinner, where she ordered more food
than I could ever consume in one sitting, and I'm
not a small guy, and she proceeded to eat it
all while talking to me, still asking every few moments

(32:11):
if I liked what I saw. I paid for dinner
and was about to politely tell her it wasn't going
to work when she suddenly tried to ambush me with
a kiss in the parking lot. At that moment, I
somehow gained the speed of Neo from the matrix and
managed to hug or hug her while simultaneously avoiding the kiss.
She asked me one final time if I liked what
I saw, and I replied, I wouldn't have minded it

(32:33):
so much if you hadn't taken a magnifying glass to
your insecurities. In a final act of defiance, she pulled
out a candy bar from her purse and said, I'm
happy with how I look, and you would have gotten
lucky tonight, and honestly, more power to her. Just don't
ask me the same question every two seconds. Story eighteen.
My good friend Vicki and her husband Will, a surgeon,

(32:54):
are always trying to set me up. Always. I usually
turned down their offers, but they really talk up this
guy Ben. He seemed like a great catch, smart, a doctor,
and even had a bigger teenage mutant Ninja turtles collection
than I did. He took me to a pretty nice
place for dinner. I was a little nervous, but nothing
felt off until he spilled his drink on purpose. I

(33:17):
saw him do it. I was about to ask him
what was going on when he suddenly started talking like
a baby. Oopsie, I spilled him when we dwink, I'm
a bad boy. I stared at him in disbelief and asked, Ben,
are you okay? But he kept going still using baby talk,
looking all coy until he I am not making this up,
actually asked me if Mommy wanted to spank her bad boy.

(33:41):
I was out of there. I got up from the
table and walked out. He ran after me, talking normally,
apologizing I had to wait at Cocheck. So I reluctantly
accepted his apology and assured him I wouldn't tell VICKI
and Will about his kink. Then, as he hugged me,
the hug lasted just a little too long. I pushed
him away, and well, there's no polite way to say this.

(34:04):
He definitely had an accident in his pants right against
my leg. I have no proof, but yeah he did.
I ran so yeah, worst date ever Story nineteen. This
didn't happen to me, but you have to hear it.
My friend Jay is the sweetest, nicest guy on earth period.
He's polite, positive, a talented musician, just an all around

(34:25):
great person. But Jay doesn't have much luck with women.
He blames it on his weight, his age, and the
fact that he still lives with his mom. So in
two thousand and seven, when he got a message from
a very good looking woman on MySpace, he was hesitant
to even reply. After consulting with our friend group. He figured,
why not, even if it's a scam, at least I'll

(34:47):
be talking to the picture of a good looking woman.
Weeks went by and he kept us updated. Their conversations
progressed to daily instant messaging, then phone calls than webcam chats.
Jay was thrill with how things were going. After two months,
he told us he was going to North Carolina to
meet her. The first trip was canceled by her, A

(35:07):
second was rescheduled but never happened. Jay was crushed. Then
one day he got a call from her. She apologized
for the lack of communication, citing family problems, and Jay,
being the nicest guy I know, immediately forgave her. A
third trip was planned, and we spent an entire month
trying to convince him not to go. He already had doubts,
but he was determined. The day finally came, we set

(35:30):
our goodbyes, and off he went. He returned that same
night in absolute wreck. He told us what happened. He
had met her. She was real and stunningly beautiful. According
to him, they hit it off right away. She seemed
interested in everything he was into. Then she told him
she had something to confess she was a psychology student
studying the impact of social media on dating. She had

(35:52):
led him on the whole time. Worst she had convinced
him to come by claiming she was in an abusive relationship.
He was devastated, spent days in tears, cursing himself for
being so gullible personally. I don't think this was some study.
I think she was just a heartless woman who preyed
on one of the last truly good guys out there.
That's a pretty bad date, if you ask me. Story

(36:14):
twenty so. It was our second date, and she insisted
on driving this time. I had no problem with that.
We planned to do the classic dinner in a movie.
She picked me up at five and we headed to
Cheeseburger in Paradise. We ate, had a couple of beers
and left with over an hour before the movie. We
decided to take a walk at a nearby park. The
weather was perfect, birds singing, gentle, breeze not too hot.

(36:39):
I had no idea the disaster that was coming. As
we walked, making small talk, I suddenly felt that sensation,
you know, the one, the gut wrenching feeling like an
angry badger is clawing its way out of your intestines.
I needed a bathroom. I kept quiet, trying to spot
a public restroom, but there were none. The feeling subsided

(36:59):
a bit, so I decided the best plan was to
get back to her car and head to the theater,
where I knew there would be restrooms. We got in
the car. Now I should mention this girl was timid.
She moved slowly, spoke softly, and even drove five miles
under the speed limit. As we pulled out of the park,
the urge returned worse. We made it three quarters of

(37:19):
a mile when we hit a red light and waited
and waited. My vision tunneled, moved damn it. Finally the
light turned green, but she crawled forward at a snail's pace. Then,
like Thor himself, struck my colon. There was no holding back.
White knuckling the passenger door, I lost all control. I
barely remember running to the theater bathroom, but it didn't matter.

(37:41):
The damage was done. The smell, the horror, the witnesses.
While in the restroom, I texted her just go home.
She wanted to stay, No go home. Amazingly, she later
said she didn't care and still wanted to date, but
somehow I wasn't comfortable dating someone totally okay with me

(38:03):
destroying her car. Later, I was diagnosed with IBS. It
gave me social anxiety for a while, but now I
just laugh about it. I mean, I've already in a
dates car. What's the worst that could happen? Next story
twenty one. I debated whether to tell this story, but
here goes. This was my second date with a girl
I actually really liked. We got along great, liked the

(38:26):
same music. It was going well. The date itself started
off normal. We went to dinner, saw a movie, just
the usual fun stuff. She lived about twenty minutes away
in a more rural area, so on the drive back
we were talking and listening to music. I was starting
to really like her, and then it happened. Out of nowhere,
a baby deer, a literal bambie, jumped right in front

(38:48):
of my SUV while I was going sixty miles per hour.
The deer exploded on impact, my car was wrecked. The
date fell into complete awkward silence. I turned to her,
still processing what had just happened, and then she looked
at me and I, kid, you not screamed? What the
hell is your problem? Blah blah blah, I'm a PEDA
member blah. Then she punched me right in the face.

(39:12):
After that, she jumped out of the car and took
off running in the other direction. I just sat there
for thirty minutes, staring ahead, trying to process what the
hell had just happened. Screw everything about being a teenager.
Story twenty two. When I was twenty five, I moved
back to my college town to finish school. The very
first night back, I met a girl at a friend's

(39:33):
house and we hit it off right away. That night,
we even ended up sharing a sleeping bag. No, nothing
happened before we passed out. I asked her if she
wanted to go on a date sometime, and she said yes.
A few days later, I called her up and suggested
we go bowling and grab some drinks. She said it
sounded like fun. So the next day I showed up
at the bowling alley expecting a nice one on one date. Instead,

(39:55):
I found her along with about ten mutual friends. I figured, oh, okay,
maybe she just feels more comfortable with friends around, No
big deal. Some of them even joked about my date,
which should have been my first red flag. After bowling,
we all headed back to the same house where we
had met the week before. I was outside having a
beer when I realized I hadn't seen her in a while,

(40:17):
so I went inside to look for her. I glanced
out the front door and saw her riding on my
good friend's back as they walked toward his house. Confused,
I just blurted out, Sina, what the hell. She jumped
off his back, ran up to me drunkenly and said sorry,
I'm leaving, before immediately running back to him and climbing
back on his damn back. They went to his house,

(40:39):
they hooked up. They ended up dating for over two years,
and the worst part I hated her for it, but
I still had to put up with her. Oh, and
she told everyone I knew that I was in love
with her and just couldn't get over her. I hated
that girl. Story twenty three About ten years ago, I
met a girl online on Yahoo, of all places. We

(41:00):
exchanged pictures. Everything looked good. We started chatting about random stuff,
and at some point she claimed she was unbeatable at scrabble.
I knew she was baiting me for a date, so
I played along and challenged her to a game. She
invited me over to her place. I arrived and immediately
realized I had been catfished. She was at least one

(41:21):
hundred pounds heavier than in her pictures. In her house, Yeah,
it wasn't a house. It was a trailer in a
trailer park. I walked inside and there was no table
to play scrabble on, so we played on the floor.
She didn't even have any drinks to offer me, except
a bottle of Sam's Club water. I absolutely obliterated her
at scrabble twice. Then she begged me to stay and

(41:43):
sleep with her. I did not. Story twenty four. I
don't even know if this counts as a real date.
It was that bad. We were both English majors in
college and I had recently broken up with my high
school boyfriend. A guy I knew from class asked me
out for coffee and to study. Since we had been
friends before, it didn't seem weird to hang out. At first.

(42:03):
It was fine. We got coffee and he started acting
like it was actually a date, buying my drink, trying
to hold my arm while walking. But that wasn't too surprising.
He was an old school gentleman type sweater vests, picking
flowers for girls, the whole thing. Then the part that
made it a failed date happened. We sat down with
our drinks and he slowly slid a manuscript across the table.

(42:26):
He told me he had written it for me, but
had been too shy to give it to me while
I was dating my ex. Then he asked if I
could edit it. I agreed and was about to start
reading when he suddenly grabbed my hand. He launched into
a rant about how much of a jerk he thought
my ex was, how I was better off without him,
blah blah blah. I awkwardly pulled my hand away, thanked him,
and finally started reading. And that's when I realized the

(42:48):
entire story was a revenge fantasy. It was about a
boy who was madly in love with a girl. The
girl had a jerk boyfriend, so the hero of the
story stalked a boyfriend and eventually murdered him, and the
murder scene it was insanely detailed. Then, out of pure rage,
the story's hero killed the girl too, because she hadn't
liked him all along. I don't even remember how I reacted.

(43:11):
I just sat there in pure shock and terror. We
never talked again after that. Eventually we became friends again
in senior year, but I never felt comfortable around him.
I made sure I was never alone with him. Story
twenty five. So I had been talking to this amazing
girl from work and things were going really well. We
got along great, and we had made plans to grab

(43:31):
dinner after work on Friday. Everything seemed to be going smoothly. However,
on Friday, about two hours before we were supposed to
meet up, I got a text from her saying, there's
probably something I should tell you. Workmate's name invited himself
along and he's refusing to take the hint. Just my luck.
This guy was notorious for third wheeling whenever a girl

(43:52):
he liked was involved, and the thing was, he liked
every girl. It was almost like he had a radar
for ruining dates. Decided to go anyway, only to find
him already waiting with her. She was clearly ignoring him,
but he just wouldn't take the hint. So I pulled
him aside and explained that we had planned for it
to be just the two of us that evening. His response, well,

(44:14):
plans change sometimes, so what are we up to. Needless
to say, the date was a complete disaster thanks to
his unwelcome presence. We never bothered to arrange a second one.
Funny enough, he tried to do the same thing when
I was going on a date with my now girlfriend.
Turns out all I had to do was tell him,
you need to leave now, and he actually backed off,

(44:36):
at least for a while. He still texts and calls
my girlfriend trying to meet up. Story twenty six. I
was invited to a comedy show at our university by
this guy. Unfortunately, he got the time wrong and we
ended up showing up an hour after it had already ended.
Trying to salvage the situation, I invited him to a
party that some of my friends in a fraternity were hosting.

(44:58):
When we arrived, I quickly realized that he had been
rejected from that fraternity two years prior. Apparently, there was
still some lingering, awkward tension between him and about half
the people at the party. Luckily, the party got shut
down about fifteen minutes after we got there, but somehow
in that short time, my date had managed to get
extremely drunk. Since it was still pretty early in the night,

(45:20):
he invited me back to his room to watch a movie.
The entire time, he kept saying every punchline before it happened,
completely ruining every joke. About halfway through the movie, he
casually slipped his hand under my shirt and just sat
there holding my chest. He didn't try to kiss me,
didn't say anything, just sat there as if this was normal.

(45:41):
I finally told him it was weird, and he moved
his hand. After the movie, he walked me home and
kissed me good night. It was awful. I told him
it wasn't any more awkward than the rest of the date. Unsurprisingly,
we never went out again. Story twenty seven. I met
a girl at an Octoberfest party. As you can imagine,
there was a lot of beer involved. We ended up

(46:01):
talking for hours, one of those deep, interesting conversations that
make you think you've really connected with someone. By the
end of the night, I got her number and suggested
we go out later that week. She thought it was
a great IDEA. Fast forward a few days. I bought
a nice bottle of wine and took her to a
small acoustic set in a rented indoors zen garden. Everything

(46:23):
was going perfectly. She laughed at all my jokes and
we were really hitting it off. At some point, she
mentioned her little brother. I asked how old he was,
and she said he was five years older than me.
I laughed and asked if she meant figuratively little. Nope,
she meant literally little, because she was eight years older
than me. She then asked how old I was, and

(46:43):
the moment I told her, I could physically see the
smile disappear from her face. I tried to shrug it
off and keep the conversation going, but her attitude had
completely changed. When I asked if she was okay, she
suddenly said she needed to go to the washroom. I
had a gut feeling she wasn't coming back, but I
laughed it off, thinking I was just overreacting. A few

(47:04):
minutes later, I got a text saying she had a
family emergency and had to leave. I called her out
on it, saying, well, I hope everything works out, but
if this is about the age difference, I get it.
No hard feelings. She never replied. Honestly, I thought that
was a pretty lousy move. I was still in my
early twenties, so I guess that was a big deal
for her, but hey, I still had almost an entire

(47:25):
bottle of wine left and the music had just started,
so I stayed, drank and enjoyed the show. Afterward, I
ended up meeting some people who thought my story was hilarious.
They bought me a few drinks at a bar around
the corner, so at least my night didn't go to waste.
Story twenty eight. About a year ago, my ex and
I broke up after almost three years together. A few

(47:48):
months later, one of my good guy friends, who wasn't
mutual friends with my ex, asked me out. I hadn't
been on a first eight in years, so even though
I was hesitant, I decided to go. This guy had
been one of my best friend since we were about
six or seven. The date went okay. We didn't do anything,
no touching, no kissing, nothing. Afterward, he invited me back

(48:10):
to his place to record some songs together. Since we
had been in a band a few years back, it
sounded harmless enough, so I agreed. Once we got to
his place, I sat down on his couch and he
suddenly told me he loved me. I laughed and said, well, duh,
love you too. Then he clarified he was in love
with me always had been. He started going on and

(48:31):
on about marriage, kids in our future together. I told
him I didn't feel that way. That's when something snapped.
He lunged at me in what can only be described
as a blackoutrage. He started choking me, trying to kiss me,
and everything started going dark. I need him as hard
as I could, cheap shot or not. I was close
to passing out. Then I managed to slam him onto

(48:52):
the ground and pressed my foot against his throat. He
started apologizing. I left immediately and never spoke to him again.
Story twenty nine. Back in high school, I went on
a date with a girl who had just gotten her
driver's license and permission to use her parents' car. She
offered to pick me up, which was great. I didn't
mind not driving. About a mile from my house, a

(49:13):
raccoon ran out into the road. She hit it hard.
I felt the impact right under my feet. Her eyes
went wide, and she stared straight ahead, completely silent for
the next two miles. At a stoplight, I decided to
break the silence. Poor Ricky, I joked, trying to lighten
the mood. Big mistake. She completely lost it, screaming, crying,

(49:34):
and even punching me. Then out of nowhere, she pulled over,
kicked me out of the car, and sped off down
the street. About a block later, she crashed right into
a parked car. Being a decent person, I ran to
check if she was okay. She wasn't hurt, but when
she saw me, she started punching me again, screaming that
it was my fault she crashed. At that point, I

(49:55):
just walked home and watched some TV. She never spoke
to me again. Story thirty. I once met a girl
online who told me she wanted to pursue a master's
degree in biomedical anthropology. I thought sweet, a smart girl,
plus I enjoy talking about cultural anthropology. Eventually, she insisted
that we talk on the phone. When we did, she

(50:15):
barely said a word. I asked about her degree, but
she couldn't explain it in any coherent way. I started
wondering if she had lied about her academic interests or
if she was just really bad at conversation. I told
her that I didn't think our conversation was going anywhere.
She got defensive and insisted she was fascinating and interesting.
Who even says that. I decided to give her the

(50:38):
benefit of the doubt. We met for dinner. She barely spoke,
she barely looked at me. Talking to her felt like
trying to pull teeth from a rabid honey badger. I
was ready to call it a night. Sure she was
kind of cute, but at this point I'd rather go
read about Tibetan fraternal polyandry than sit through more of
this awkward silence. Trying to be honest, I told her,

(50:58):
I don't think this is going to work out, but
thanks for letting me take you to dinner. She snapped.
She raised her voice and yelled, how could you not
think I'm interesting? I'm the most interesting person I know.
Look at me. I just stood there and blinked. That was,
without a doubt, the longest sequence of sentences she had
ever strung together. I sighed and said, sorry, I'm just

(51:20):
not seeing it. Want to watch Total Recall? Since she
was a Philip Ca Banana fan. She agreed, so we
watched the movie. Then one thing led to another. At
least she wasn't quiet during that. After that, I never
called her again. Story thirty one. I had been talking
to a guy online who used to be a monk,
which I thought was kind of cool. While chatting, he

(51:41):
kept mentioning odd things about his preferences, but I brushed
it off as normal. A friend of mine even helped
justify it why, I have no idea. A few weeks later,
I decided to meet him in person. He was attractive
despite having slightly disfigured ears, but as soon as we met,
I realized something was off. He had taken a three
hour bus ride to meet me and brought a huge backpack.

(52:03):
The whole time, he kept trying to touch me, putting
his hand on my leg, telling me to relax. I
was incredibly uncomfortable, and my knife was in my purse
just out of reach. Then he unzipped his backpack and
pulled out a giant black rubber object. He started laughing
about it. That's when I knew I had to get out.
Later I found out this was apparently the reason he

(52:23):
had been kicked out of the monastery. I quickly texted
my friend to call me and pretend to be my boss,
saying I had to leave for an emergency. He did,
and thankfully I got out of there. The guy ended
up waiting in a nearby park until nightfall. After that,
I blocked him, but he kept making new accounts to
contact me for months. Story thirty two. It was my
first year of community college when I met a girl

(52:46):
on an online dating site. She looked a little different
in person, heavier than in her pictures, but she was
still cute and we were both excited for the date.
Fast forward through a comedy show and a deep conversation
over dinner at an upscale Chinese restaurant, and it was
time to drop her off. Things were going great. A
second date seemed inevitable. The mood had been set. We

(53:09):
sat in the car talking, having one of those we
don't want the night to end moments. Then suddenly we
started fooling around. Keep in mind we were still in
the car, parked in a mall parking lot. Out of nowhere,
a security guards jeep flicked on its lights. Since it
was nighttime, you could see them from half a mile away.
The car was running for heat, and most of our

(53:30):
clothing was still intact. But I panicked. Thinking quickly, I
did the only logical thing. I threw it into first
gear and gunned it. Unfortunately, I had completely underestimated how
fogged up the windows had gotten. Just before impact, my
pupils dilated as I realized far too late that I
was about to crash into a concrete barrier, one that

(53:52):
ironically had a stop sign attached to it. She called
her parents to come pick her up. That was their
first impression of me. They didn't want her speaking to
me again. Story thirty three. Okay, so this will probably
get buried, but I've been waiting to tell this story.
At the time, I was working at GameStop, which, for
some reason I took way too much pride in. One day,
a cute blonde came in browsing the used DVDs. She

(54:15):
was trying to decide between Buffy the Vampire Slayer season
one and Angel season one. Being a huge Joss Whedon fan,
I offered my opinion and we started flirting. Eventually, I
worked up the courage to ask for her number, and
to my surprise, she gave it to me. The next day,
I called her and we made plans for dinner. The
day of the date, I woke up feeling horrible. I

(54:37):
couldn't stop throwing up. Some stomach bug was going around,
but I decided to tough it out. When I picked
her up, I asked where she wanted to go, and
she pointed to a place across the street. It was
the dirtiest, most disgusting hole in the wall Mexican restaurant
I had ever seen, but I didn't want to be rude,
so I went along with it. I ordered my food
while she ordered the biggest burrito I had ever seen. Meanwhile,

(54:59):
I could barely up straight from being so sick. As
I struggled, she devoured that burrito like she had eaten
in days, cheese and beans dripping down her face, sour
cream falling onto the table. It took everything in me
not to vomit. Just when I was about to call
it quits, an older woman mid fifties and a younger
guy late twenties walked up and started talking to my date.

(55:22):
She introduced them as her mom and stepdad. I introduced
myself while trying my hardest to keep my WTF face
in check. The age gap was throwing me off, but
I kept it together until they decided to join us
for dinner. Trying to be polite, I agreed and my
date scooted closer, practically sitting on my lap. For the
next twenty minutes, I listened to her mom talk about

(55:43):
how they had to move out of their house because
it was haunted. I had mentally checked out at this point.
I put twenty dollars on the table to cover my
date's meal and mine, then excused myself to the restroom
just to escape the madness for a minute. When I
came back, the twenty dollars was gone, but the bill
was still there. I looked around but didn't see it.
I started second guessing myself had I actually put the

(56:04):
money down. I should have checked my wallet, but I
didn't want to flash cash around in that place, so
I put another twenty dollars down and handed it directly
to the waiter, this time just to be sure. At
this point I just wanted the night to be over,
but of course it wasn't. As we were about to leave,
her mom asked her husband for his wallet to pay
for their meal. He casually explained that he didn't have it.

(56:27):
She then said she didn't bring her purse. Then the
two of them slowly turned to me, and, much to
my disbelief, they asked me to pay for their food.
I don't know why I did it. Maybe because their
daughter was hot, maybe because she had been rubbing my
thigh for the past twenty five minutes, but I paid
it another forty dollars. Finally I took her home. She

(56:47):
begged me to stay and hang out longer, but I
needed to get as far away as possible. I waved, smiled,
and sped the hell out of that town. But here's
the real kicker. Before the date, I had gone to
an ATM and taken out exactly two hundred dollars in twenties.
Knowing I had spent forty dollars on her parents and
twenty dollars on our meal, I expected to have one
hundred twenty dollars left. So once I was in my car,

(57:10):
I checked my wallet and saw only eighty dollars. I
sat there for a second, replaying everything. Then it hit me.
I had put down the first twenty dollars. She stole it.
At the top of my lungs, I screamed, I knew it,
she took the money. I was furious for a while,
but once I told the story to some friends, I
realized how ridiculous and honestly hilarious it was. And the

(57:33):
story doesn't even end there. Years later I ran into
that same girl at a party, and of course, the
craziness continued. Story thirty four, while working on a project
in Vienna, I hooked up with a Turkish girl at
a student bar. She was pretty attractive, not the best
at English, but entertaining enough for me to make a move,
especially after a few drinks. Since we lived in the

(57:56):
same building, we agreed to watch a movie together. It
was some Add Sandler comedy, typical American humor. She didn't laugh,
not even once. I asked if she didn't understand the jokes,
but she insisted that her English was fine. All right,
then the whole thing felt awkward, But after about an
hour and a half of this weirdness, she suddenly ripped

(58:17):
off her clothes and started going at it like I
was a puppet. At one point, she stopped and told
me to take off my necklace, something my father gave
me before he passed away. I asked why, and she
said I look like a pimp or a drug dealer.
I refused and tried to explain the sentimental value, but
she wasn't having it. Furious, she stormed out of the
apartment half naked, leaving me half well, you get the idea.

(58:41):
Next thing I know, she's calling me saying her husband
is in the building. And on his way to my
apartment to have a word with me. I almost lost it,
grabbed a knife from the kitchen, locked everything and sat
there waiting for half an hour. Nothing. Then I got
a text from her, just kidding, my husband is still
in Germany. Not a OK. Not in my book.