Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:11):
You unlocked this door with the key of imagination. Beyond
it is another dimension, a dimension of sound, a dimension
of sight, a dimension of mind. You're moving into a
land of both shadow and substance of things and ideas.
You've just crossed over into the twilight zone.
Speaker 2 (00:46):
Uncle Simon, Uncle Simon, do you want your hot chocolate upstairs?
Uncle Simon, I have your tray? Can you hear me?
I said, do you want your hot chocolate upstairs?
Speaker 3 (01:06):
Garbage head?
Speaker 4 (01:07):
I'm right here. You don't have to yell.
Speaker 2 (01:11):
I stared the life.
Speaker 4 (01:14):
Oh did I.
Speaker 2 (01:16):
Where were you in the basement?
Speaker 4 (01:18):
Of course?
Speaker 3 (01:19):
Where else would I be?
Speaker 2 (01:21):
You told me you were going to take your afternoon nap.
Speaker 4 (01:24):
And I shall after I finish my work as usual. Well,
my wilted blossom, what's on your mind?
Speaker 5 (01:33):
Anything?
Speaker 2 (01:34):
Your hot chocolate's ready, so I gather I'll take it
in the study. That's fine, uncle, But you know you
might try extending yourself sometime, just sufficiently to let me
know where you are.
Speaker 5 (01:51):
Well, I can narrow it down for you.
Speaker 4 (01:53):
Barbara, my love.
Speaker 6 (01:55):
If I'm not upstairs in my bedroom, I'm downstairs in
my laboratory. In either case, you simply bring the hot
chocolate to one place or the other clear utterly, And
if I'm in neither place, that means I drop dead
and root and you can just bring me a bottle
(02:15):
of formaldehyde.
Speaker 2 (02:16):
And a rose. They have such a sense of humor, Uncle,
you should have tried stand up comedy. No wait, they
didn't have comedy clubs in your day, did they burlesque?
Then you could have gone into burlesque a regular George Burns.
Speaker 4 (02:36):
That's an idea.
Speaker 6 (02:38):
I dare say I should have been a bit more
comfortable than you in such a setting. Do you even
know how to dance, Barbara, uncle Simon? Not necessarily as
a headliner like say, Gypsy Rose Lee.
Speaker 4 (02:54):
In the chorus. Perhaps that might be more your style.
Speaker 5 (02:59):
Ever, let you say loose, oh full of fast Charleston.
Speaker 2 (03:02):
Because i'mon, I am very busy.
Speaker 4 (03:04):
No, I didn't think so.
Speaker 5 (03:07):
Most unlikely.
Speaker 6 (03:08):
You're the only woman I know who looks as if
underneath their clothes she wears more clothes. You have all
the grace and femininity of a high buttoned shoe.
Speaker 2 (03:18):
And you, Uncle Simon, what.
Speaker 6 (03:20):
About yes, never mind, go on, my dear, speak it out.
Let's see if you can compensate for the fact that
you are a passionless vegetable by at least speaking your mind.
Speaker 2 (03:35):
If I'm a passionateless vegetable, it's because my gardener is
an ancient relic made out of dry skin and ice water.
Speaker 3 (03:44):
Ha ha.
Speaker 4 (03:47):
Not bad, not bad at all.
Speaker 6 (03:51):
If I prod you enough, you can scrabble up to
the occasion, at least part way. What else is new
with you, my angular turnip? You say you've made hot chocolate.
That's a start, I suppose to What other soul stirring
projects have you applied your talents today? I noticed you
(04:14):
tried to open up the drapes in the bedrooms and
the hall.
Speaker 2 (04:17):
And I noticed you close them. What are you afraid of? Afraid,
my dear, what do you think could happen to you
if you ever got hit by fresh air and sunlight?
Think you might shrivel up and blow away like a vampire?
Speaker 6 (04:31):
Why, my eyes, that's your fantasy that I'm from Transylvania.
Speaker 4 (04:36):
Sorry to disappoint you, no such luck.
Speaker 2 (04:39):
I'm afraid what would happen if we fumigated this old
house and got rid of all the medicine smells and
the chemical smells.
Speaker 6 (04:47):
You're referring I take it to these test tubes an
important part of my research.
Speaker 3 (04:53):
As you well know.
Speaker 2 (04:54):
Then why keep them in the study with the wedgewood
and the resident China.
Speaker 4 (04:58):
They must be here.
Speaker 6 (05:00):
They indicate changes in the moisture content of the air.
Speaker 2 (05:03):
What changes? The only changes here is that the air
turns from stale to musty to plain old mildew. Pretty
soon I will be able to breathe it at all?
Speaker 4 (05:14):
Are you, poor, suffocating spinster?
Speaker 5 (05:16):
I didn't realize how affected.
Speaker 6 (05:18):
You were by the life of relative ease you enjoy
entirely at my expense, I might add.
Speaker 2 (05:24):
You ask what I've done today? All right, here's the answer.
I cleaned up after you first, last, and in between,
I cleared away or tried to clear the debris you
lead behind. And understand how anybody who's earned all these
diplomas and awards can be so sloppy? This one, for example,
(05:49):
Honorary degree for sound transmission. God only knows what that
one was for. And what's this contraption on your desk
room straightener? Maybe that's one thing you should have invented.
Now tell me where does this thing belong?
Speaker 4 (06:07):
Leave it exactly where it was?
Speaker 6 (06:10):
Would you have noticed the difference, would you really You've
been told a thousand times not to disturb anything.
Speaker 2 (06:19):
I could have put it away when I swept the cellar,
except that, as usual, your laboratory was securely bolted. Someday
I'd like to see what it is you putter around
with down there.
Speaker 6 (06:33):
I bet you would, And someday you shall.
Speaker 4 (06:37):
Someday you'll be.
Speaker 6 (06:38):
The mistress of this decaying and drafty barn.
Speaker 5 (06:42):
And then you can do anything you please.
Speaker 6 (06:46):
But for the moment, you'll keep your spindle shanked carcass
out of my laboratory.
Speaker 4 (06:51):
And that long, thin probing.
Speaker 6 (06:53):
Probuscus of yours away from my business. Gladly you'll get
me some fresh or chocolate, put it in the English
cup today, and if it's not hot, I'll throw it
on the floor and you'll have even more to clean up.
Speaker 7 (07:14):
Dramatist persona mister Simon Poke, a gentleman who has lived
out his life in gleeful rage. And the young lady
who just now beat a hasty retreat is mister Polk's
niece Barbara. She lives each hour of her life as
if perpetually late for a dentist's appointment. And there is
yet a third member of the company soon to be seen.
(07:35):
He now resides downstairs in the laboratory, and he is
well the kind of character you'd expect to find only
in the Twilight Zone.
Speaker 8 (07:50):
And now the Twilight Zone and our story, Uncle Simon,
starring Beverly Garland and Peter Mark Richmond, with Stacy Keach
as your narrator.
Speaker 2 (08:03):
I'll make you some fresh chocolate, all, uncle.
Speaker 6 (08:07):
Question, Yes, a point of information. Go on, Perhaps you
can enlighten me. If all you've said is true? Why
do you stay here?
Speaker 2 (08:18):
I was under the impression I was needed you are.
Speaker 6 (08:22):
That answer explains why I keep you here. It doesn't
even remotely suggest why you stay.
Speaker 2 (08:30):
You want it. Quite honestly, I presume.
Speaker 6 (08:33):
Indeed you may be short on beauty, my dear, but
a lack of candor is not one of your deficiencies.
Speaker 2 (08:42):
I stay. I live for the moment that I can
see you buried, And on the day when I come
back from your funeral, I'll open up a bottle of wine.
I want to be compensated, Uncle Simon, for twenty five
years of being shrieked at, insulted, for rated, humiliated, stepped
(09:06):
on round on the foot like this old rug. Is
that sufficiently honest for you?
Speaker 3 (09:16):
Hm?
Speaker 5 (09:18):
I wish you well, good and faithful Barbara, and I
won't even come back to haunt you by word on that, But.
Speaker 6 (09:26):
Unasked, I offer the following observation free of charge.
Speaker 2 (09:31):
Oh, I can hardly wait.
Speaker 4 (09:34):
If you had an ounce of gristle.
Speaker 6 (09:36):
Or an inch of intestine, you would have murdered me
years ago. So as to your twenty five years of
abject misery and unspeakable indignation, life has a way of
dishing out justice.
Speaker 9 (09:50):
In other words, you deserve it.
Speaker 6 (09:52):
Kid, Now play your role and get me my hot
chocolate before I think of something more complicated for you
to do.
Speaker 2 (10:20):
Dear uncle Simon? And where are you now?
Speaker 10 (10:25):
You old?
Speaker 2 (10:28):
Of course, downstairs in your laboratory as you call it.
Where else? And what do you do in there? Dear uncle?
I mean if I could see for myself, just a glimpse,
just once, so i'll know. Ah, did you leave the
(10:50):
door unlocked?
Speaker 3 (10:52):
This time?
Speaker 11 (10:54):
Well?
Speaker 10 (10:55):
Now what have we here?
Speaker 2 (11:00):
I was I was looking for, looking for what I thought?
Perhaps you you'd show me what you're building.
Speaker 5 (11:10):
Indeed, you'd love to know that, wouldn't you.
Speaker 2 (11:14):
Well, I'm sure it's it's something impressive. My curiosity got
the better of me.
Speaker 4 (11:21):
That's the one character trait you share with.
Speaker 6 (11:23):
Normal women, curiosity, an ineffable and insatiable curiosity.
Speaker 5 (11:31):
Well remember what it did for the proverbial cat.
Speaker 4 (11:34):
One of these days you're going to find out what
I'm building.
Speaker 2 (11:37):
I'm sure I will, Uncle, whenever you're ready.
Speaker 6 (11:41):
But for the time being, you night crawling imitation of
the female gender.
Speaker 5 (11:45):
If I catch you sneaking.
Speaker 6 (11:47):
Around outside my door again, I'll break your head with
a brew handle or one of these chane. Go back
upstairs and engage yourself in a nerve racking game of
dominos pleasure.
Speaker 2 (12:01):
Now go on, tell me, Uncle Simon, what tell me
why it is that beasts like you stay alive for
so long? You heard me? Why do some men have
the decency to die when their time is up? While
brood animals like yourself continue on and on? Indeed?
Speaker 6 (12:24):
Why, indeed, that bit of curiosity I shall be glad
to satisfy. In most cases, particularly mine, we have something
to live for, an overarching purpose that keeps us going.
Speaker 2 (12:38):
Oh and what would that be?
Speaker 4 (12:41):
I have you to live for, you crooked seamed grubber.
Speaker 6 (12:47):
I keep this decrepit, heart beating, and these over the
hill lungs breathing, because I know how deeply dedicated you
are to the one site that will be your ultimate reward.
Speaker 2 (12:59):
And what sight is that seeing me die? Who came
here twenty five years ago when you were crippled and
sick and couldn't take care of yourself, Who moved in
and nursed you and kept you alive? You know that's right,
me and no one else.
Speaker 6 (13:14):
You, you scrounging female ape.
Speaker 4 (13:18):
Now let's get down to cases. The question is why
did you? Why would you?
Speaker 3 (13:27):
Out of familiar love?
Speaker 5 (13:28):
Was it Barbara?
Speaker 6 (13:30):
Out of a palpitating compassion, out of a flagpole stiff loyalty?
I'll tell you why you came, why you nursed, why
you stayed?
Speaker 2 (13:42):
You covet us crank, Go ahead, enlighten me.
Speaker 6 (13:45):
There's no mystery, no mystery at all. You came because
you knew that when I depart, I'll.
Speaker 5 (13:52):
Leave everything behind to you, by the.
Speaker 6 (13:55):
Fault, my only living relative. Everything you stayed on, day
after day and year after year, because.
Speaker 9 (14:03):
Every prayer that came out of.
Speaker 6 (14:05):
Your tight little mouth was a supplication that I'd be dead.
Speaker 3 (14:10):
The next morning.
Speaker 2 (14:10):
A brilliant deduction.
Speaker 10 (14:12):
So don't go.
Speaker 6 (14:13):
Mouthing sweetness at me, you thin lift, toothpick leg and connomer.
Speaker 2 (14:18):
I wouldn't think of it.
Speaker 6 (14:19):
Anything you did for me you did out of greed, naked, unadorn.
Speaker 4 (14:24):
Don't tell me different.
Speaker 2 (14:25):
Stay away from me.
Speaker 6 (14:27):
Greed, miss Barbara, A greed so big, so thick, so heavy,
it blotted out even that delicious hate you've been carrying
around in.
Speaker 2 (14:35):
Sight said, stay back.
Speaker 5 (14:37):
Well, let me tell you something.
Speaker 6 (14:38):
You money, sick, chron you'll.
Speaker 5 (14:40):
Get paid off in you time.
Speaker 6 (14:42):
Before that, you'll pay through every one of your pores.
Speaker 4 (14:46):
Not for what I leave you.
Speaker 2 (14:47):
Don't you raise your cane to me?
Speaker 6 (14:48):
You'll pay you work me harpy as God as my witness.
Speaker 2 (14:52):
How dare you? What are you doing in me? That
can farber?
Speaker 12 (14:56):
Don't?
Speaker 2 (15:06):
Uncle?
Speaker 13 (15:10):
What?
Speaker 5 (15:11):
He help me?
Speaker 3 (15:14):
What?
Speaker 2 (15:14):
Uncle?
Speaker 5 (15:17):
Please?
Speaker 2 (15:18):
I didn't quite hear you. I think speak a little louder.
Would you, uncle? Tell me what is it you wanted?
Speaker 10 (15:29):
I think my back is broken?
Speaker 5 (15:31):
Anty?
Speaker 2 (15:32):
What's that you want? Some hot chocolate? Would you like
it in the Dresden cup or the wedgewood? What is
your pleasure this evening? Uncle? You say you want me
to close the drapes and shut the windows. Boy, Barbara,
(15:55):
you want Barbara. She's right your love, She's standing right
above you. Can't you see her? Please? Can't you hear her?
You ancient albatross with the dirty, dirty mouth. Oh but
(16:18):
you're so pale. Let me pinch some color back into
your cheeks. That's better. How does that feel, Uncle Simon? Oh,
Uncle Simon, don't die quite yet. If you can hold
(16:40):
I'll try. Try, just for a second. I want to
tell you something. I want to make an announcement. As
of this second, I have quit suffering for you. No
longer sewing, Uncle Simon. As of right now, I'm.
Speaker 14 (17:06):
Going to write.
Speaker 2 (17:36):
Yes, miss poke, Oh officer, did you forget something?
Speaker 10 (17:40):
Well, not exactly, miss poke. I hate to bother you.
Speaker 2 (17:43):
That's quite all right, officer. Actually, I'm glad to see
you again. You don't know what it's been like. Hold
on in the house like this, Come in, please.
Speaker 10 (17:56):
Thank you. This won't take long.
Speaker 2 (18:01):
I understand perfectly, you have a job to do.
Speaker 10 (18:05):
Like I say, I know this is a hard time
for you, but I do have a couple of questions.
Speaker 2 (18:11):
I can make it some coffee.
Speaker 10 (18:12):
No, ma'am, it's just that Well, in cases of accidental death,
we have to make sure the report is complete.
Speaker 2 (18:20):
Oh, of course, we can sit in the study. Will
that do.
Speaker 3 (18:27):
So?
Speaker 10 (18:27):
Let me check my notes here. Please? Do you say
you heard him fall?
Speaker 2 (18:31):
That's right. I was just about to serve my uncle
his hot chocolate he likes at the same time every evening,
or he he did. You don't know how close we were.
I can't really believe that he's caught.
Speaker 10 (18:49):
Look, this can wait if you don't feel up to it.
Speaker 2 (18:52):
No, no, no, I want to get through this and
put it behind me.
Speaker 10 (18:57):
I'll try to make it quick. You brought him some
hot chocolate.
Speaker 2 (19:02):
I was just coming downstairs. I heard a crash. I
don't know how many times I told him to be
careful of those steps and to call me if he
needed me any time of the day or night. But
he was a proud man, so independent. He never liked
to ask for help.
Speaker 10 (19:23):
So you weren't there when he fell.
Speaker 2 (19:25):
I opened the door to the basement and he'd fallen.
I think perhaps half the flight of stairs. More I
had somehow I knew, yes, ma'am. I hurried down as
fast as I could, and I saw him there at
the foot of the stairs. His back was against the
laboratory doors, his precious laboratory, and that's when I screamed.
(19:52):
I got to the phone as quickly as possible and called.
But by the time they got here.
Speaker 10 (19:57):
The doctor said his back was broken.
Speaker 2 (19:59):
Oh, I hope he didn't suffer. Do you think he
felt any pain before? Before?
Speaker 10 (20:05):
He must have died instantly.
Speaker 2 (20:08):
Ah, I pray you're right.
Speaker 10 (20:11):
I'm sure of it.
Speaker 2 (20:12):
The thought of my uncle lying there suffering, I can't
bear it.
Speaker 10 (20:19):
I'm awfully sorry, miss Poke. I can imagine. I can
imagine how close you two must have been.
Speaker 3 (20:26):
You have.
Speaker 2 (20:28):
You have no idea lowdell it?
Speaker 10 (20:31):
How close he was a brilliant man.
Speaker 2 (20:34):
Yes he was.
Speaker 10 (20:37):
I can remember my father telling me about him years
ago when he taught at the university. He was still
doing research.
Speaker 2 (20:43):
Wasn't he constantly his Experimentsy? He never gave up.
Speaker 10 (20:49):
Well, he lived a good life, rich and full. He
had that much. Anyway, I try to think of it
that way. I dry, but well, I guess that just
about does it. I'll say goodbye, miss Polk.
Speaker 2 (21:04):
Oh do you have to go so soon?
Speaker 10 (21:06):
If there's anything you need help with the arrangements?
Speaker 2 (21:10):
Oh, it's very kind of you. But my uncle arranged
for everything in advance. He was so considerate.
Speaker 10 (21:17):
I'll see you out, no need, I can find my way.
Speaker 2 (21:21):
There's no trouble. Really, it sure.
Speaker 10 (21:24):
As a great old house. And you, well, I guess
you'll be all alone here now.
Speaker 2 (21:30):
It all seems so overwhelming.
Speaker 10 (21:33):
Please don't hesitate to call on us.
Speaker 2 (21:36):
Here's my card, and if you have any other questions,
you can stop by any time. I haven't been out much.
I mean, I haven't seen anyone in so long. I'd
enjoy talking with you again anytime, anytime at all. Are
you married, Lieutenant me?
Speaker 10 (21:57):
No, No, no I'm not.
Speaker 2 (22:00):
Then I can make dinner and we could.
Speaker 10 (22:03):
Talk, yes, ma'am, I mean miss poke.
Speaker 15 (22:07):
Call me Barbara, all right, Barbara, bye bye, goodbye.
Speaker 2 (22:19):
Bye, goodbye to all of this, every last bit of it,
To all your cubs and your precious test tubes. I'd
like to grind them all into dust and bury them
with you. And this your disgusting, sickeningly sweet hot chocolate.
(22:46):
You never got to drink it, did you? Uncle? All
too bad?
Speaker 5 (22:52):
What is she?
Speaker 2 (22:54):
Because it's cold now, almost as cold as you are.
And goodbye to these horrible old curtains. They won't ever
cover up the windows again and keep out the light
like this, not anymore. Oh do you smell her uncle
(23:19):
fresh air? That's what it is. From now on, it
won't be kept out. Nothing will ever be locked out again. Nothing.
Oh he world, I'm back, ha ha.
Speaker 16 (23:42):
Grall these years, Barbara's back.
Speaker 2 (23:53):
Are you comfortable, mister Schwimmer?
Speaker 9 (23:56):
But what Oh? Yes, thank you, mss Polk. I'll just
be another moment.
Speaker 2 (24:02):
I cleaned off my uncle's desk for you.
Speaker 9 (24:05):
Yes, yes, you've kept the house in splendid condition. By
the way, it looks different somehow.
Speaker 2 (24:13):
Oh, I've made a few changes.
Speaker 9 (24:15):
Marvelous taste you have. I must say.
Speaker 2 (24:17):
If you need pencils or pens there in the top drawer.
Speaker 9 (24:20):
No, no, the will is relatively simple. I only want
to make sure I brought the latest amendments, signed and notarized.
Speaker 2 (24:29):
But I thought he drew it up years ago. It's
been in the safe deposit box for as long as
I can remember.
Speaker 9 (24:35):
The original copy. Yes, your uncle had me drafted shortly
after you came to stay with him. He added a
codicill or two later on, hence this revised copy.
Speaker 2 (24:46):
Who really, I wasn't aware of that.
Speaker 9 (24:52):
Yes, that's any property hum, everything seems to be in order.
Speaker 2 (24:59):
No, there's no need debated aloud, mister Schwimmer. And you
can just give me the sense of it so I'll
know how to dispose of his things.
Speaker 9 (25:06):
That my dear won't be necessary.
Speaker 2 (25:08):
I beg your pardon.
Speaker 9 (25:09):
That is the sense of it.
Speaker 2 (25:11):
What do you mean?
Speaker 9 (25:12):
The will very explicitly requires that you throw away nothing,
that you keep everything as it was intact. I see
the house, the furnishings, everything, it all goes to you
in perpetuity, with the proviso, of course, that you remain
here in perpetuity as it were. Do you have any
objection to that?
Speaker 2 (25:31):
Why? I have no other place to go, mister Schumer.
This has become my home, of.
Speaker 9 (25:40):
Course, of course, So the document is quite clear in
its intent. Everything will remain in your name as long
as you are on the premises. The same thing applies
to the various securities and the cash account, which is
quite sizeable. It has been set up as a trust
in your name. You're to draw all the interest accruing
so long as you remain in the house.
Speaker 2 (26:02):
Where could anyone where, could anyone ever find a man
with a heart as big as he is?
Speaker 9 (26:12):
Quite so is he more.
Speaker 3 (26:15):
Hmm.
Speaker 9 (26:16):
Now, this is a condicil that your uncle had delivered
to my office. I see that it was properly witnessed.
His instructions were to include it in the will. It
stated March of last year. And well, the sense of this,
miss Polk, is that to qualify for your inheritance, there
is one additional stipulation.
Speaker 2 (26:39):
What kind of stipulation that.
Speaker 9 (26:41):
You're to care for your uncle's latest experiment? M care
for That's odd.
Speaker 2 (26:50):
I don't understand it, mister Schumer. Which experiment?
Speaker 9 (26:54):
I have no idea, but it reads as follows. My
beloved niece Barbara will be responsible for the well being
of my latest experiment. She will care for it, look
after it, and see to its wants and needs.
Speaker 2 (27:09):
What wants and needs, A.
Speaker 9 (27:11):
Member of the law firm of Schwimmer, Schwimmer, King, Bartlett,
Caplan and Schwimmer will visit the domicile once each week
to see that this stipulation is adhered to. In the
event my beloved niece Barbara fails to comply with the
provisions herein, I hereby give and bequeath all my property,
both real and personal, to the State University. Uh huh. Now,
(27:35):
the sense of that, Miss Polk.
Speaker 2 (27:37):
Tell me, mister Schwimmer, what is the sense of that?
Speaker 9 (27:41):
I gather it depends very much on the nature of
your uncle's experiment, which he refers to only as it.
I take it you have no idea what it might.
Speaker 2 (27:51):
Be, none at all, except that whatever it is, it's
in the basement.
Speaker 9 (27:57):
Where are you going?
Speaker 2 (27:59):
What do you think to the laboratory awake?
Speaker 9 (28:02):
You'll need the keys.
Speaker 2 (28:15):
He always kept it locked.
Speaker 9 (28:16):
Your uncle was a genius. I'm sure he didn't want
his work to fall into the wrong hands, not even
mine a matter of national security. Perhaps at last, He's
interestinct not particularly foreboding. I must say, it looks like
(28:36):
any research lab at the university, with the few pieces
of gear I haven't seen before.
Speaker 2 (28:44):
He was always ordering new parts, all the latest test equipment.
Speaker 9 (28:47):
And you don't know what he was testing.
Speaker 2 (28:49):
He chose not to share that bit of information with me.
Speaker 9 (28:52):
To protect you, I'm sure, but we'll know soon enough.
What's behind that other door against the wall at the
back of the room.
Speaker 2 (29:03):
I don't know. Do you have the other key?
Speaker 9 (29:07):
It must be the large one. How this relates to
his will, though I'm not at all sure. Ah Now,
this piece. This is interesting. Looks like a metal glove.
I wonder what it does.
Speaker 2 (29:26):
I wouldn't touch it if I were you.
Speaker 9 (29:27):
Why. It's part of a mechanical hand with an arm attached.
Speaker 2 (29:34):
I said, don't touch it.
Speaker 9 (29:36):
Sorry, good lord, there's something attached to the arm. It
appears to be a complete metal figure of some sort
in the shape of a man. It must be eight
feet tall.
Speaker 10 (29:52):
I think we're going to go now.
Speaker 3 (29:55):
How do you do?
Speaker 2 (29:57):
What?
Speaker 3 (29:59):
What are you in your lexicon? I am a robot.
I was created by the great scientist Simon Pope. You
have activated my selecting and operating relays.
Speaker 2 (30:14):
You stay away from me.
Speaker 3 (30:16):
I mean you no harm. Please be patient with me.
My program requires several days to function that maximum capacity.
I bid you reading hello bar Barah.
Speaker 11 (30:42):
Bar Barrah?
Speaker 2 (30:44):
Howar bar Barrah?
Speaker 3 (30:48):
Is that you?
Speaker 2 (30:50):
Bar Barrah?
Speaker 9 (30:52):
Yes?
Speaker 2 (30:52):
It's me? Who else would it be?
Speaker 3 (30:55):
Are you going out? Bar Barrah?
Speaker 2 (30:58):
It happens that I am. Why are you sitting here
in the study with all the lights off?
Speaker 3 (31:03):
I do not like the light. This is a more
RESTful mode while I program my circuits. Where are you
going to a concert? A concert?
Speaker 2 (31:16):
Do you know how long it's been since I went
to a concert.
Speaker 3 (31:19):
No, I do not have that information, but I estimate
the answer to be several.
Speaker 2 (31:28):
Years, several try twenty.
Speaker 3 (31:32):
What is a concert?
Speaker 2 (31:34):
It's a beautiful musical experience, inspiring, but you wouldn't know
anything about that.
Speaker 3 (31:43):
What is music?
Speaker 2 (31:44):
It's when people, real human beings, use instruments handmade out
of metal wood to create sounds that are pleasing to
the ear, the human ear.
Speaker 3 (31:58):
They should use only metal parts would decays. It does
not have the durability of metal alloy. It is an
inferior of building material.
Speaker 2 (32:13):
Well here's a flash for you, young Frankenstein. They use
horse hair, too dead organic material for the string section.
And you know something, It sounds absolutely heavily, not like
some tin can they got left out in the rain.
Speaker 10 (32:29):
I see, do you?
Speaker 2 (32:31):
I doubt it? I'm going now. If you need anything
like a shot of oil on the rocks, you can
get it yourself.
Speaker 3 (32:40):
You mustn't leave.
Speaker 2 (32:41):
Are you telling me what to do?
Speaker 3 (32:43):
Mister Schwimmer is coming tonight. A week has gone by,
isn't that correct?
Speaker 2 (32:51):
Yes, mister Schwimmer is coming. He'll be here at eight
o'clock after I'm gone. So you just sit tight, good, good, good,
for what.
Speaker 3 (33:02):
He will check my condition. He will see that I
am functioning properly.
Speaker 9 (33:08):
That's right.
Speaker 2 (33:09):
Maybe he'll give you a loop in an oil change
while he's at it.
Speaker 3 (33:14):
You see, Barbara, I am like like an infant. I'm mature. Gradually,
soon I will have all my faculties. I will be
able to perform all my faculties and functions. I will
(33:36):
be a whole being.
Speaker 2 (33:38):
Oh, how nice, how perfectly grand you You'll be a
whole being? And then what or can you think?
Speaker 6 (33:47):
That?
Speaker 5 (33:47):
Far?
Speaker 3 (33:48):
I will take on human attributes, those that your uncle
Simon saw fit to give me.
Speaker 2 (33:57):
Oh, that'll be an improvement, because he certainly he didn't
see fit to give you any human attributes. So far
you look like something out of an old science fiction
movie or The Tin Man and the Wizard of Oz.
You're a joke.
Speaker 3 (34:12):
Joke, Ah, I understand your meaning. Simon Polk was known
for his sense of humor. He could have been a comedian.
Speaker 2 (34:25):
Uncle Simon, Oh yeah, hysterical, the crown Prince of comedy
buying now in man, wait, this is interesting, this is
very interesting.
Speaker 3 (34:44):
It is coming through Now what is a craving? A
new craving.
Speaker 2 (34:53):
The craving as in hunger for a machine that doesn't eat.
Speaker 3 (34:58):
Hop hot chocolatep a beverage made from dried cocoa beans
and sugar.
Speaker 15 (35:07):
I would love a hot chocoal lot.
Speaker 9 (35:26):
How do you do, miss poke? I hope I'm not late.
Late my, you look outstanding in a dress and those earrings.
I've never seen you looking quite so so outstanding. Were
you going somewhere?
Speaker 2 (35:44):
No, I wasn't going anywhere, not anywhere at all.
Speaker 9 (35:52):
And how may I ask? Is our young master Polke
doing this evening right this way?
Speaker 17 (35:58):
We've been waiting for you, Frankenstein?
Speaker 2 (36:15):
Where are you?
Speaker 6 (36:18):
Hm?
Speaker 2 (36:20):
Didn't even drink your chocolate, did you?
Speaker 3 (36:23):
No?
Speaker 5 (36:25):
Christan?
Speaker 2 (36:27):
Then you spilled it just so i'd have something to
clean up.
Speaker 17 (36:34):
What are you doing down there?
Speaker 3 (36:36):
Hello, Barbarah?
Speaker 2 (36:39):
I was looking through my laboratory, your laboratory, that is correct.
You better be careful, Frankenstein, or I'll leave you outside
to rust. Now go upstairs and sit in your chair
and be quiet.
Speaker 3 (36:56):
As soon as I locked the door.
Speaker 2 (36:59):
Wait a minute, those keys, you took them off the desk.
Give them back to me.
Speaker 3 (37:04):
Oh no, oh no, Barbara. I must keep the laboratory locked,
and you mustn't.
Speaker 10 (37:14):
Come down it's my room.
Speaker 3 (37:17):
It belongs to me. Won't you bring me some more
hot chocoal it?
Speaker 2 (37:24):
So that's how it is now, all right, all right,
if that's what it takes. Barbara, What did you say, Barbara?
Speaker 4 (37:45):
Have to you bring me my hot chocolate?
Speaker 6 (37:49):
Would you please close all the windows and pull the drapes.
Speaker 4 (37:56):
I don't like the light. I don't like the draft.
Speaker 6 (38:02):
The air inside has been carefully monitored for proper moisture
content to prevent corrosion.
Speaker 2 (38:09):
That voice, is it possible?
Speaker 5 (38:12):
What is the matter?
Speaker 14 (38:13):
Barbara?
Speaker 4 (38:14):
Tell me?
Speaker 3 (38:15):
Please?
Speaker 4 (38:16):
What is the matter? What is the matter?
Speaker 5 (38:21):
What is the matter?
Speaker 6 (38:23):
You painted headed sample of nature's carelessness?
Speaker 12 (38:27):
You get away from me, Barbary, Barbara, Barbara.
Speaker 3 (38:42):
My legs they're there, vent. I can't get up, barn
help me.
Speaker 9 (38:58):
There you are. I was wondering where you'd gone too.
Speaker 2 (39:01):
I brought you some tea.
Speaker 9 (39:02):
Oh thank you, that's lovely, But I'm afraid I can't
stay now another engagemental ass Tell me, how are you,
miss Polk?
Speaker 2 (39:12):
I mean really fine, Thank you, mister Schwimmer.
Speaker 9 (39:16):
Glad to hear it. He it is rather quiet these days.
Doesn't seem to say much, even after all.
Speaker 2 (39:23):
These weeks he makes his wants known.
Speaker 9 (39:26):
Pity about his legs, but he manages to get around,
doesn't he?
Speaker 2 (39:32):
Indeed he does, Indeed he does.
Speaker 9 (39:37):
Well, I'll see you next week then.
Speaker 2 (39:40):
Yes, of course, and the week after and the week
after that.
Speaker 9 (39:47):
Take care of yourself, my dear. No need to show
me out.
Speaker 11 (39:58):
Here in the study, Barbara, my dear, if you can't
prevail upon that raggedy and carcass of yours to exert yourself,
I'd like a cup of hot chocolate.
Speaker 6 (40:15):
I would like it in a witch wood cup, and
if it's not sufficiently hot, I'll pour it on the
floor at your feet. Clear, all right, I'll make some
speak up, you lint headed clad I didn't hear you.
Speaker 2 (40:32):
I'll make some hot chocolate.
Speaker 3 (40:34):
Do that, you torpid lotus eater?
Speaker 4 (40:37):
And be sure that it's hot. Did you hear me?
Speaker 3 (40:41):
Make sure it's hot?
Speaker 6 (40:46):
What does it take to make you move?
Speaker 3 (40:48):
You are thread a crap.
Speaker 2 (40:52):
I'll fix it for you.
Speaker 4 (40:53):
Now, you'll fix it for me?
Speaker 3 (40:55):
Now what?
Speaker 2 (40:57):
I'll fix it for you? Now? Uncle, that's better.
Speaker 4 (41:04):
I'll be at my desk.
Speaker 1 (41:06):
Working on my notes.
Speaker 7 (41:09):
Yes, uncle, dramatist persona a metal man who will henceforth
go by the name of Simon, whose life as well
as his body have been stamped out for him by
his maker, and the woman who tends to his needs,
(41:31):
the Lady Barbara, who has discovered, somewhat relatedly, that not
all bad things come to an end, and that once
a bed is made, it may be necessary to sleep
in it. After all, this our uncomfortable little exercise in
avarice and automatons from the Twilight Zone.
Speaker 8 (41:53):
Will return to the Twilight Zone in just a moment.
Speaker 7 (41:56):
You are about to enter another dimension, a dimension not
only of sight and sound, but of mind, a journey
into a wondrous land of imagination. Next stop, the Twilight Zone. Hi,
this is Stacy Keach. I'd like to take a moment
to tell you about our Twilight Zone website at twilight
Zone Radio dot com.
Speaker 1 (42:15):
At twilight Zone Radio dot.
Speaker 7 (42:17):
Com you'll find the latest information on these Twilight Zone
radio dramas, including behind the scenes photographs, plus the newest
product releases, trivia contests, ways to contact us, other Twilight
Zone related info and merchandise, plus links to other fascinating websites.
So make your next stop twilight Zone Radio dot com.
Speaker 13 (42:37):
Visit twilight Zone Radio dot Com to purchase these Twilight
Zone radio dramas on cassette and CD, or call toll
free one eight six six nine eight nine Zone That's
one eight six six nine eight nine nine six six three.
Speaker 8 (43:03):
Uncle Simon, starring Beverly Garland and Peter Mark Richmond, with
Stacy Keach as your narrator.
Speaker 18 (43:09):
Was adapted for radio by Dennis Etchison and based on
a script by Rod Serling. Heard in the cast were
Turk Maller, Doug James, and Daniel Bryant. To learn more
about the Twilight Zone Radio dramas and to obtain audio
cassettes and CDs of these programs, visit our website at
twilight Zone Radio dot com. The producers of the Twilight
(43:30):
Zone wished to thank CBS Enterprises, Carol Serling, Dennis Etchison,
Dick Bresha Associates, Claire Simon, Casting, Don Longo, Terry Jennings,
the American Forces Radio and Television Service, our sponsors, and
our radio affiliates for helping make this series possible. This
copyrighted radio series is produced and directed by Karl Lamari
(43:52):
and Roger Wolsky for Falcon Picture Group.
Speaker 8 (43:55):
Doug James Peaking
You unlocked this door with the key of imagination. Beyond
it is another dimension, a dimension of sound, a dimension
of sight, a dimension of mind. You're moving into a
land of both shadow and substance of things and ideas.
You've just crossed over into the twilight zone.
Speaker 2 (00:46):
Uncle Simon, Uncle Simon, do you want your hot chocolate upstairs?
Uncle Simon, I have your tray? Can you hear me?
I said, do you want your hot chocolate upstairs?
Speaker 3 (01:06):
Garbage head?
Speaker 4 (01:07):
I'm right here. You don't have to yell.
Speaker 2 (01:11):
I stared the life.
Speaker 4 (01:14):
Oh did I.
Speaker 2 (01:16):
Where were you in the basement?
Speaker 4 (01:18):
Of course?
Speaker 3 (01:19):
Where else would I be?
Speaker 2 (01:21):
You told me you were going to take your afternoon nap.
Speaker 4 (01:24):
And I shall after I finish my work as usual. Well,
my wilted blossom, what's on your mind?
Speaker 5 (01:33):
Anything?
Speaker 2 (01:34):
Your hot chocolate's ready, so I gather I'll take it
in the study. That's fine, uncle, But you know you
might try extending yourself sometime, just sufficiently to let me
know where you are.
Speaker 5 (01:51):
Well, I can narrow it down for you.
Speaker 4 (01:53):
Barbara, my love.
Speaker 6 (01:55):
If I'm not upstairs in my bedroom, I'm downstairs in
my laboratory. In either case, you simply bring the hot
chocolate to one place or the other clear utterly, And
if I'm in neither place, that means I drop dead
and root and you can just bring me a bottle
(02:15):
of formaldehyde.
Speaker 2 (02:16):
And a rose. They have such a sense of humor, Uncle,
you should have tried stand up comedy. No wait, they
didn't have comedy clubs in your day, did they burlesque?
Then you could have gone into burlesque a regular George Burns.
Speaker 4 (02:36):
That's an idea.
Speaker 6 (02:38):
I dare say I should have been a bit more
comfortable than you in such a setting. Do you even
know how to dance, Barbara, uncle Simon? Not necessarily as
a headliner like say, Gypsy Rose Lee.
Speaker 4 (02:54):
In the chorus. Perhaps that might be more your style.
Speaker 5 (02:59):
Ever, let you say loose, oh full of fast Charleston.
Speaker 2 (03:02):
Because i'mon, I am very busy.
Speaker 4 (03:04):
No, I didn't think so.
Speaker 5 (03:07):
Most unlikely.
Speaker 6 (03:08):
You're the only woman I know who looks as if
underneath their clothes she wears more clothes. You have all
the grace and femininity of a high buttoned shoe.
Speaker 2 (03:18):
And you, Uncle Simon, what.
Speaker 6 (03:20):
About yes, never mind, go on, my dear, speak it out.
Let's see if you can compensate for the fact that
you are a passionless vegetable by at least speaking your mind.
Speaker 2 (03:35):
If I'm a passionateless vegetable, it's because my gardener is
an ancient relic made out of dry skin and ice water.
Speaker 3 (03:44):
Ha ha.
Speaker 4 (03:47):
Not bad, not bad at all.
Speaker 6 (03:51):
If I prod you enough, you can scrabble up to
the occasion, at least part way. What else is new
with you, my angular turnip? You say you've made hot chocolate.
That's a start, I suppose to What other soul stirring
projects have you applied your talents today? I noticed you
(04:14):
tried to open up the drapes in the bedrooms and
the hall.
Speaker 2 (04:17):
And I noticed you close them. What are you afraid of? Afraid,
my dear, what do you think could happen to you
if you ever got hit by fresh air and sunlight?
Think you might shrivel up and blow away like a vampire?
Speaker 6 (04:31):
Why, my eyes, that's your fantasy that I'm from Transylvania.
Speaker 4 (04:36):
Sorry to disappoint you, no such luck.
Speaker 2 (04:39):
I'm afraid what would happen if we fumigated this old
house and got rid of all the medicine smells and
the chemical smells.
Speaker 6 (04:47):
You're referring I take it to these test tubes an
important part of my research.
Speaker 3 (04:53):
As you well know.
Speaker 2 (04:54):
Then why keep them in the study with the wedgewood
and the resident China.
Speaker 4 (04:58):
They must be here.
Speaker 6 (05:00):
They indicate changes in the moisture content of the air.
Speaker 2 (05:03):
What changes? The only changes here is that the air
turns from stale to musty to plain old mildew. Pretty
soon I will be able to breathe it at all?
Speaker 4 (05:14):
Are you, poor, suffocating spinster?
Speaker 5 (05:16):
I didn't realize how affected.
Speaker 6 (05:18):
You were by the life of relative ease you enjoy
entirely at my expense, I might add.
Speaker 2 (05:24):
You ask what I've done today? All right, here's the answer.
I cleaned up after you first, last, and in between,
I cleared away or tried to clear the debris you
lead behind. And understand how anybody who's earned all these
diplomas and awards can be so sloppy? This one, for example,
(05:49):
Honorary degree for sound transmission. God only knows what that
one was for. And what's this contraption on your desk
room straightener? Maybe that's one thing you should have invented.
Now tell me where does this thing belong?
Speaker 4 (06:07):
Leave it exactly where it was?
Speaker 6 (06:10):
Would you have noticed the difference, would you really You've
been told a thousand times not to disturb anything.
Speaker 2 (06:19):
I could have put it away when I swept the cellar,
except that, as usual, your laboratory was securely bolted. Someday
I'd like to see what it is you putter around
with down there.
Speaker 6 (06:33):
I bet you would, And someday you shall.
Speaker 4 (06:37):
Someday you'll be.
Speaker 6 (06:38):
The mistress of this decaying and drafty barn.
Speaker 5 (06:42):
And then you can do anything you please.
Speaker 6 (06:46):
But for the moment, you'll keep your spindle shanked carcass
out of my laboratory.
Speaker 4 (06:51):
And that long, thin probing.
Speaker 6 (06:53):
Probuscus of yours away from my business. Gladly you'll get
me some fresh or chocolate, put it in the English
cup today, and if it's not hot, I'll throw it
on the floor and you'll have even more to clean up.
Speaker 7 (07:14):
Dramatist persona mister Simon Poke, a gentleman who has lived
out his life in gleeful rage. And the young lady
who just now beat a hasty retreat is mister Polk's
niece Barbara. She lives each hour of her life as
if perpetually late for a dentist's appointment. And there is
yet a third member of the company soon to be seen.
(07:35):
He now resides downstairs in the laboratory, and he is
well the kind of character you'd expect to find only
in the Twilight Zone.
Speaker 8 (07:50):
And now the Twilight Zone and our story, Uncle Simon,
starring Beverly Garland and Peter Mark Richmond, with Stacy Keach
as your narrator.
Speaker 2 (08:03):
I'll make you some fresh chocolate, all, uncle.
Speaker 6 (08:07):
Question, Yes, a point of information. Go on, Perhaps you
can enlighten me. If all you've said is true? Why
do you stay here?
Speaker 2 (08:18):
I was under the impression I was needed you are.
Speaker 6 (08:22):
That answer explains why I keep you here. It doesn't
even remotely suggest why you stay.
Speaker 2 (08:30):
You want it. Quite honestly, I presume.
Speaker 6 (08:33):
Indeed you may be short on beauty, my dear, but
a lack of candor is not one of your deficiencies.
Speaker 2 (08:42):
I stay. I live for the moment that I can
see you buried, And on the day when I come
back from your funeral, I'll open up a bottle of wine.
I want to be compensated, Uncle Simon, for twenty five
years of being shrieked at, insulted, for rated, humiliated, stepped
(09:06):
on round on the foot like this old rug. Is
that sufficiently honest for you?
Speaker 3 (09:16):
Hm?
Speaker 5 (09:18):
I wish you well, good and faithful Barbara, and I
won't even come back to haunt you by word on that, But.
Speaker 6 (09:26):
Unasked, I offer the following observation free of charge.
Speaker 2 (09:31):
Oh, I can hardly wait.
Speaker 4 (09:34):
If you had an ounce of gristle.
Speaker 6 (09:36):
Or an inch of intestine, you would have murdered me
years ago. So as to your twenty five years of
abject misery and unspeakable indignation, life has a way of
dishing out justice.
Speaker 9 (09:50):
In other words, you deserve it.
Speaker 6 (09:52):
Kid, Now play your role and get me my hot
chocolate before I think of something more complicated for you
to do.
Speaker 2 (10:20):
Dear uncle Simon? And where are you now?
Speaker 10 (10:25):
You old?
Speaker 2 (10:28):
Of course, downstairs in your laboratory as you call it.
Where else? And what do you do in there? Dear uncle?
I mean if I could see for myself, just a glimpse,
just once, so i'll know. Ah, did you leave the
(10:50):
door unlocked?
Speaker 3 (10:52):
This time?
Speaker 11 (10:54):
Well?
Speaker 10 (10:55):
Now what have we here?
Speaker 2 (11:00):
I was I was looking for, looking for what I thought?
Perhaps you you'd show me what you're building.
Speaker 5 (11:10):
Indeed, you'd love to know that, wouldn't you.
Speaker 2 (11:14):
Well, I'm sure it's it's something impressive. My curiosity got
the better of me.
Speaker 4 (11:21):
That's the one character trait you share with.
Speaker 6 (11:23):
Normal women, curiosity, an ineffable and insatiable curiosity.
Speaker 5 (11:31):
Well remember what it did for the proverbial cat.
Speaker 4 (11:34):
One of these days you're going to find out what
I'm building.
Speaker 2 (11:37):
I'm sure I will, Uncle, whenever you're ready.
Speaker 6 (11:41):
But for the time being, you night crawling imitation of
the female gender.
Speaker 5 (11:45):
If I catch you sneaking.
Speaker 6 (11:47):
Around outside my door again, I'll break your head with
a brew handle or one of these chane. Go back
upstairs and engage yourself in a nerve racking game of
dominos pleasure.
Speaker 2 (12:01):
Now go on, tell me, Uncle Simon, what tell me
why it is that beasts like you stay alive for
so long? You heard me? Why do some men have
the decency to die when their time is up? While
brood animals like yourself continue on and on? Indeed?
Speaker 6 (12:24):
Why, indeed, that bit of curiosity I shall be glad
to satisfy. In most cases, particularly mine, we have something
to live for, an overarching purpose that keeps us going.
Speaker 2 (12:38):
Oh and what would that be?
Speaker 4 (12:41):
I have you to live for, you crooked seamed grubber.
Speaker 6 (12:47):
I keep this decrepit, heart beating, and these over the
hill lungs breathing, because I know how deeply dedicated you
are to the one site that will be your ultimate reward.
Speaker 2 (12:59):
And what sight is that seeing me die? Who came
here twenty five years ago when you were crippled and
sick and couldn't take care of yourself, Who moved in
and nursed you and kept you alive? You know that's right,
me and no one else.
Speaker 6 (13:14):
You, you scrounging female ape.
Speaker 4 (13:18):
Now let's get down to cases. The question is why
did you? Why would you?
Speaker 3 (13:27):
Out of familiar love?
Speaker 5 (13:28):
Was it Barbara?
Speaker 6 (13:30):
Out of a palpitating compassion, out of a flagpole stiff loyalty?
I'll tell you why you came, why you nursed, why
you stayed?
Speaker 2 (13:42):
You covet us crank, Go ahead, enlighten me.
Speaker 6 (13:45):
There's no mystery, no mystery at all. You came because
you knew that when I depart, I'll.
Speaker 5 (13:52):
Leave everything behind to you, by the.
Speaker 6 (13:55):
Fault, my only living relative. Everything you stayed on, day
after day and year after year, because.
Speaker 9 (14:03):
Every prayer that came out of.
Speaker 6 (14:05):
Your tight little mouth was a supplication that I'd be dead.
Speaker 3 (14:10):
The next morning.
Speaker 2 (14:10):
A brilliant deduction.
Speaker 10 (14:12):
So don't go.
Speaker 6 (14:13):
Mouthing sweetness at me, you thin lift, toothpick leg and connomer.
Speaker 2 (14:18):
I wouldn't think of it.
Speaker 6 (14:19):
Anything you did for me you did out of greed, naked, unadorn.
Speaker 4 (14:24):
Don't tell me different.
Speaker 2 (14:25):
Stay away from me.
Speaker 6 (14:27):
Greed, miss Barbara, A greed so big, so thick, so heavy,
it blotted out even that delicious hate you've been carrying
around in.
Speaker 2 (14:35):
Sight said, stay back.
Speaker 5 (14:37):
Well, let me tell you something.
Speaker 6 (14:38):
You money, sick, chron you'll.
Speaker 5 (14:40):
Get paid off in you time.
Speaker 6 (14:42):
Before that, you'll pay through every one of your pores.
Speaker 4 (14:46):
Not for what I leave you.
Speaker 2 (14:47):
Don't you raise your cane to me?
Speaker 6 (14:48):
You'll pay you work me harpy as God as my witness.
Speaker 2 (14:52):
How dare you? What are you doing in me? That
can farber?
Speaker 12 (14:56):
Don't?
Speaker 2 (15:06):
Uncle?
Speaker 13 (15:10):
What?
Speaker 5 (15:11):
He help me?
Speaker 3 (15:14):
What?
Speaker 2 (15:14):
Uncle?
Speaker 5 (15:17):
Please?
Speaker 2 (15:18):
I didn't quite hear you. I think speak a little louder.
Would you, uncle? Tell me what is it you wanted?
Speaker 10 (15:29):
I think my back is broken?
Speaker 5 (15:31):
Anty?
Speaker 2 (15:32):
What's that you want? Some hot chocolate? Would you like
it in the Dresden cup or the wedgewood? What is
your pleasure this evening? Uncle? You say you want me
to close the drapes and shut the windows. Boy, Barbara,
(15:55):
you want Barbara. She's right your love, She's standing right
above you. Can't you see her? Please? Can't you hear her?
You ancient albatross with the dirty, dirty mouth. Oh but
(16:18):
you're so pale. Let me pinch some color back into
your cheeks. That's better. How does that feel, Uncle Simon? Oh,
Uncle Simon, don't die quite yet. If you can hold
(16:40):
I'll try. Try, just for a second. I want to
tell you something. I want to make an announcement. As
of this second, I have quit suffering for you. No
longer sewing, Uncle Simon. As of right now, I'm.
Speaker 14 (17:06):
Going to write.
Speaker 2 (17:36):
Yes, miss poke, Oh officer, did you forget something?
Speaker 10 (17:40):
Well, not exactly, miss poke. I hate to bother you.
Speaker 2 (17:43):
That's quite all right, officer. Actually, I'm glad to see
you again. You don't know what it's been like. Hold
on in the house like this, Come in, please.
Speaker 10 (17:56):
Thank you. This won't take long.
Speaker 2 (18:01):
I understand perfectly, you have a job to do.
Speaker 10 (18:05):
Like I say, I know this is a hard time
for you, but I do have a couple of questions.
Speaker 2 (18:11):
I can make it some coffee.
Speaker 10 (18:12):
No, ma'am, it's just that Well, in cases of accidental death,
we have to make sure the report is complete.
Speaker 2 (18:20):
Oh, of course, we can sit in the study. Will
that do.
Speaker 3 (18:27):
So?
Speaker 10 (18:27):
Let me check my notes here. Please? Do you say
you heard him fall?
Speaker 2 (18:31):
That's right. I was just about to serve my uncle
his hot chocolate he likes at the same time every evening,
or he he did. You don't know how close we were.
I can't really believe that he's caught.
Speaker 10 (18:49):
Look, this can wait if you don't feel up to it.
Speaker 2 (18:52):
No, no, no, I want to get through this and
put it behind me.
Speaker 10 (18:57):
I'll try to make it quick. You brought him some
hot chocolate.
Speaker 2 (19:02):
I was just coming downstairs. I heard a crash. I
don't know how many times I told him to be
careful of those steps and to call me if he
needed me any time of the day or night. But
he was a proud man, so independent. He never liked
to ask for help.
Speaker 10 (19:23):
So you weren't there when he fell.
Speaker 2 (19:25):
I opened the door to the basement and he'd fallen.
I think perhaps half the flight of stairs. More I
had somehow I knew, yes, ma'am. I hurried down as
fast as I could, and I saw him there at
the foot of the stairs. His back was against the
laboratory doors, his precious laboratory, and that's when I screamed.
(19:52):
I got to the phone as quickly as possible and called.
But by the time they got here.
Speaker 10 (19:57):
The doctor said his back was broken.
Speaker 2 (19:59):
Oh, I hope he didn't suffer. Do you think he
felt any pain before? Before?
Speaker 10 (20:05):
He must have died instantly.
Speaker 2 (20:08):
Ah, I pray you're right.
Speaker 10 (20:11):
I'm sure of it.
Speaker 2 (20:12):
The thought of my uncle lying there suffering, I can't
bear it.
Speaker 10 (20:19):
I'm awfully sorry, miss Poke. I can imagine. I can
imagine how close you two must have been.
Speaker 3 (20:26):
You have.
Speaker 2 (20:28):
You have no idea lowdell it?
Speaker 10 (20:31):
How close he was a brilliant man.
Speaker 2 (20:34):
Yes he was.
Speaker 10 (20:37):
I can remember my father telling me about him years
ago when he taught at the university. He was still
doing research.
Speaker 2 (20:43):
Wasn't he constantly his Experimentsy? He never gave up.
Speaker 10 (20:49):
Well, he lived a good life, rich and full. He
had that much. Anyway, I try to think of it
that way. I dry, but well, I guess that just
about does it. I'll say goodbye, miss Polk.
Speaker 2 (21:04):
Oh do you have to go so soon?
Speaker 10 (21:06):
If there's anything you need help with the arrangements?
Speaker 2 (21:10):
Oh, it's very kind of you. But my uncle arranged
for everything in advance. He was so considerate.
Speaker 10 (21:17):
I'll see you out, no need, I can find my way.
Speaker 2 (21:21):
There's no trouble. Really, it sure.
Speaker 10 (21:24):
As a great old house. And you, well, I guess
you'll be all alone here now.
Speaker 2 (21:30):
It all seems so overwhelming.
Speaker 10 (21:33):
Please don't hesitate to call on us.
Speaker 2 (21:36):
Here's my card, and if you have any other questions,
you can stop by any time. I haven't been out much.
I mean, I haven't seen anyone in so long. I'd
enjoy talking with you again anytime, anytime at all. Are
you married, Lieutenant me?
Speaker 10 (21:57):
No, No, no I'm not.
Speaker 2 (22:00):
Then I can make dinner and we could.
Speaker 10 (22:03):
Talk, yes, ma'am, I mean miss poke.
Speaker 15 (22:07):
Call me Barbara, all right, Barbara, bye bye, goodbye.
Speaker 2 (22:19):
Bye, goodbye to all of this, every last bit of it,
To all your cubs and your precious test tubes. I'd
like to grind them all into dust and bury them
with you. And this your disgusting, sickeningly sweet hot chocolate.
(22:46):
You never got to drink it, did you? Uncle? All
too bad?
Speaker 5 (22:52):
What is she?
Speaker 2 (22:54):
Because it's cold now, almost as cold as you are.
And goodbye to these horrible old curtains. They won't ever
cover up the windows again and keep out the light
like this, not anymore. Oh do you smell her uncle
(23:19):
fresh air? That's what it is. From now on, it
won't be kept out. Nothing will ever be locked out again. Nothing.
Oh he world, I'm back, ha ha.
Speaker 16 (23:42):
Grall these years, Barbara's back.
Speaker 2 (23:53):
Are you comfortable, mister Schwimmer?
Speaker 9 (23:56):
But what Oh? Yes, thank you, mss Polk. I'll just
be another moment.
Speaker 2 (24:02):
I cleaned off my uncle's desk for you.
Speaker 9 (24:05):
Yes, yes, you've kept the house in splendid condition. By
the way, it looks different somehow.
Speaker 2 (24:13):
Oh, I've made a few changes.
Speaker 9 (24:15):
Marvelous taste you have. I must say.
Speaker 2 (24:17):
If you need pencils or pens there in the top drawer.
Speaker 9 (24:20):
No, no, the will is relatively simple. I only want
to make sure I brought the latest amendments, signed and notarized.
Speaker 2 (24:29):
But I thought he drew it up years ago. It's
been in the safe deposit box for as long as
I can remember.
Speaker 9 (24:35):
The original copy. Yes, your uncle had me drafted shortly
after you came to stay with him. He added a
codicill or two later on, hence this revised copy.
Speaker 2 (24:46):
Who really, I wasn't aware of that.
Speaker 9 (24:52):
Yes, that's any property hum, everything seems to be in order.
Speaker 2 (24:59):
No, there's no need debated aloud, mister Schwimmer. And you
can just give me the sense of it so I'll
know how to dispose of his things.
Speaker 9 (25:06):
That my dear won't be necessary.
Speaker 2 (25:08):
I beg your pardon.
Speaker 9 (25:09):
That is the sense of it.
Speaker 2 (25:11):
What do you mean?
Speaker 9 (25:12):
The will very explicitly requires that you throw away nothing,
that you keep everything as it was intact. I see
the house, the furnishings, everything, it all goes to you
in perpetuity, with the proviso, of course, that you remain
here in perpetuity as it were. Do you have any
objection to that?
Speaker 2 (25:31):
Why? I have no other place to go, mister Schumer.
This has become my home, of.
Speaker 9 (25:40):
Course, of course, So the document is quite clear in
its intent. Everything will remain in your name as long
as you are on the premises. The same thing applies
to the various securities and the cash account, which is
quite sizeable. It has been set up as a trust
in your name. You're to draw all the interest accruing
so long as you remain in the house.
Speaker 2 (26:02):
Where could anyone where, could anyone ever find a man
with a heart as big as he is?
Speaker 9 (26:12):
Quite so is he more.
Speaker 3 (26:15):
Hmm.
Speaker 9 (26:16):
Now, this is a condicil that your uncle had delivered
to my office. I see that it was properly witnessed.
His instructions were to include it in the will. It
stated March of last year. And well, the sense of this,
miss Polk, is that to qualify for your inheritance, there
is one additional stipulation.
Speaker 2 (26:39):
What kind of stipulation that.
Speaker 9 (26:41):
You're to care for your uncle's latest experiment? M care
for That's odd.
Speaker 2 (26:50):
I don't understand it, mister Schumer. Which experiment?
Speaker 9 (26:54):
I have no idea, but it reads as follows. My
beloved niece Barbara will be responsible for the well being
of my latest experiment. She will care for it, look
after it, and see to its wants and needs.
Speaker 2 (27:09):
What wants and needs, A.
Speaker 9 (27:11):
Member of the law firm of Schwimmer, Schwimmer, King, Bartlett,
Caplan and Schwimmer will visit the domicile once each week
to see that this stipulation is adhered to. In the
event my beloved niece Barbara fails to comply with the
provisions herein, I hereby give and bequeath all my property,
both real and personal, to the State University. Uh huh. Now,
(27:35):
the sense of that, Miss Polk.
Speaker 2 (27:37):
Tell me, mister Schwimmer, what is the sense of that?
Speaker 9 (27:41):
I gather it depends very much on the nature of
your uncle's experiment, which he refers to only as it.
I take it you have no idea what it might.
Speaker 2 (27:51):
Be, none at all, except that whatever it is, it's
in the basement.
Speaker 9 (27:57):
Where are you going?
Speaker 2 (27:59):
What do you think to the laboratory awake?
Speaker 9 (28:02):
You'll need the keys.
Speaker 2 (28:15):
He always kept it locked.
Speaker 9 (28:16):
Your uncle was a genius. I'm sure he didn't want
his work to fall into the wrong hands, not even
mine a matter of national security. Perhaps at last, He's
interestinct not particularly foreboding. I must say, it looks like
(28:36):
any research lab at the university, with the few pieces
of gear I haven't seen before.
Speaker 2 (28:44):
He was always ordering new parts, all the latest test equipment.
Speaker 9 (28:47):
And you don't know what he was testing.
Speaker 2 (28:49):
He chose not to share that bit of information with me.
Speaker 9 (28:52):
To protect you, I'm sure, but we'll know soon enough.
What's behind that other door against the wall at the
back of the room.
Speaker 2 (29:03):
I don't know. Do you have the other key?
Speaker 9 (29:07):
It must be the large one. How this relates to
his will, though I'm not at all sure. Ah Now,
this piece. This is interesting. Looks like a metal glove.
I wonder what it does.
Speaker 2 (29:26):
I wouldn't touch it if I were you.
Speaker 9 (29:27):
Why. It's part of a mechanical hand with an arm attached.
Speaker 2 (29:34):
I said, don't touch it.
Speaker 9 (29:36):
Sorry, good lord, there's something attached to the arm. It
appears to be a complete metal figure of some sort
in the shape of a man. It must be eight
feet tall.
Speaker 10 (29:52):
I think we're going to go now.
Speaker 3 (29:55):
How do you do?
Speaker 2 (29:57):
What?
Speaker 3 (29:59):
What are you in your lexicon? I am a robot.
I was created by the great scientist Simon Pope. You
have activated my selecting and operating relays.
Speaker 2 (30:14):
You stay away from me.
Speaker 3 (30:16):
I mean you no harm. Please be patient with me.
My program requires several days to function that maximum capacity.
I bid you reading hello bar Barah.
Speaker 11 (30:42):
Bar Barrah?
Speaker 2 (30:44):
Howar bar Barrah?
Speaker 3 (30:48):
Is that you?
Speaker 2 (30:50):
Bar Barrah?
Speaker 9 (30:52):
Yes?
Speaker 2 (30:52):
It's me? Who else would it be?
Speaker 3 (30:55):
Are you going out? Bar Barrah?
Speaker 2 (30:58):
It happens that I am. Why are you sitting here
in the study with all the lights off?
Speaker 3 (31:03):
I do not like the light. This is a more
RESTful mode while I program my circuits. Where are you
going to a concert? A concert?
Speaker 2 (31:16):
Do you know how long it's been since I went
to a concert.
Speaker 3 (31:19):
No, I do not have that information, but I estimate
the answer to be several.
Speaker 2 (31:28):
Years, several try twenty.
Speaker 3 (31:32):
What is a concert?
Speaker 2 (31:34):
It's a beautiful musical experience, inspiring, but you wouldn't know
anything about that.
Speaker 3 (31:43):
What is music?
Speaker 2 (31:44):
It's when people, real human beings, use instruments handmade out
of metal wood to create sounds that are pleasing to
the ear, the human ear.
Speaker 3 (31:58):
They should use only metal parts would decays. It does
not have the durability of metal alloy. It is an
inferior of building material.
Speaker 2 (32:13):
Well here's a flash for you, young Frankenstein. They use
horse hair, too dead organic material for the string section.
And you know something, It sounds absolutely heavily, not like
some tin can they got left out in the rain.
Speaker 10 (32:29):
I see, do you?
Speaker 2 (32:31):
I doubt it? I'm going now. If you need anything
like a shot of oil on the rocks, you can
get it yourself.
Speaker 3 (32:40):
You mustn't leave.
Speaker 2 (32:41):
Are you telling me what to do?
Speaker 3 (32:43):
Mister Schwimmer is coming tonight. A week has gone by,
isn't that correct?
Speaker 2 (32:51):
Yes, mister Schwimmer is coming. He'll be here at eight
o'clock after I'm gone. So you just sit tight, good, good, good,
for what.
Speaker 3 (33:02):
He will check my condition. He will see that I
am functioning properly.
Speaker 9 (33:08):
That's right.
Speaker 2 (33:09):
Maybe he'll give you a loop in an oil change
while he's at it.
Speaker 3 (33:14):
You see, Barbara, I am like like an infant. I'm mature. Gradually,
soon I will have all my faculties. I will be
able to perform all my faculties and functions. I will
(33:36):
be a whole being.
Speaker 2 (33:38):
Oh, how nice, how perfectly grand you You'll be a
whole being? And then what or can you think?
Speaker 6 (33:47):
That?
Speaker 5 (33:47):
Far?
Speaker 3 (33:48):
I will take on human attributes, those that your uncle
Simon saw fit to give me.
Speaker 2 (33:57):
Oh, that'll be an improvement, because he certainly he didn't
see fit to give you any human attributes. So far
you look like something out of an old science fiction
movie or The Tin Man and the Wizard of Oz.
You're a joke.
Speaker 3 (34:12):
Joke, Ah, I understand your meaning. Simon Polk was known
for his sense of humor. He could have been a comedian.
Speaker 2 (34:25):
Uncle Simon, Oh yeah, hysterical, the crown Prince of comedy
buying now in man, wait, this is interesting, this is
very interesting.
Speaker 3 (34:44):
It is coming through Now what is a craving? A
new craving.
Speaker 2 (34:53):
The craving as in hunger for a machine that doesn't eat.
Speaker 3 (34:58):
Hop hot chocolatep a beverage made from dried cocoa beans
and sugar.
Speaker 15 (35:07):
I would love a hot chocoal lot.
Speaker 9 (35:26):
How do you do, miss poke? I hope I'm not late.
Late my, you look outstanding in a dress and those earrings.
I've never seen you looking quite so so outstanding. Were
you going somewhere?
Speaker 2 (35:44):
No, I wasn't going anywhere, not anywhere at all.
Speaker 9 (35:52):
And how may I ask? Is our young master Polke
doing this evening right this way?
Speaker 17 (35:58):
We've been waiting for you, Frankenstein?
Speaker 2 (36:15):
Where are you?
Speaker 6 (36:18):
Hm?
Speaker 2 (36:20):
Didn't even drink your chocolate, did you?
Speaker 3 (36:23):
No?
Speaker 5 (36:25):
Christan?
Speaker 2 (36:27):
Then you spilled it just so i'd have something to
clean up.
Speaker 17 (36:34):
What are you doing down there?
Speaker 3 (36:36):
Hello, Barbarah?
Speaker 2 (36:39):
I was looking through my laboratory, your laboratory, that is correct.
You better be careful, Frankenstein, or I'll leave you outside
to rust. Now go upstairs and sit in your chair
and be quiet.
Speaker 3 (36:56):
As soon as I locked the door.
Speaker 2 (36:59):
Wait a minute, those keys, you took them off the desk.
Give them back to me.
Speaker 3 (37:04):
Oh no, oh no, Barbara. I must keep the laboratory locked,
and you mustn't.
Speaker 10 (37:14):
Come down it's my room.
Speaker 3 (37:17):
It belongs to me. Won't you bring me some more
hot chocoal it?
Speaker 2 (37:24):
So that's how it is now, all right, all right,
if that's what it takes. Barbara, What did you say, Barbara?
Speaker 4 (37:45):
Have to you bring me my hot chocolate?
Speaker 6 (37:49):
Would you please close all the windows and pull the drapes.
Speaker 4 (37:56):
I don't like the light. I don't like the draft.
Speaker 6 (38:02):
The air inside has been carefully monitored for proper moisture
content to prevent corrosion.
Speaker 2 (38:09):
That voice, is it possible?
Speaker 5 (38:12):
What is the matter?
Speaker 14 (38:13):
Barbara?
Speaker 4 (38:14):
Tell me?
Speaker 3 (38:15):
Please?
Speaker 4 (38:16):
What is the matter? What is the matter?
Speaker 5 (38:21):
What is the matter?
Speaker 6 (38:23):
You painted headed sample of nature's carelessness?
Speaker 12 (38:27):
You get away from me, Barbary, Barbara, Barbara.
Speaker 3 (38:42):
My legs they're there, vent. I can't get up, barn
help me.
Speaker 9 (38:58):
There you are. I was wondering where you'd gone too.
Speaker 2 (39:01):
I brought you some tea.
Speaker 9 (39:02):
Oh thank you, that's lovely, But I'm afraid I can't
stay now another engagemental ass Tell me, how are you,
miss Polk?
Speaker 2 (39:12):
I mean really fine, Thank you, mister Schwimmer.
Speaker 9 (39:16):
Glad to hear it. He it is rather quiet these days.
Doesn't seem to say much, even after all.
Speaker 2 (39:23):
These weeks he makes his wants known.
Speaker 9 (39:26):
Pity about his legs, but he manages to get around,
doesn't he?
Speaker 2 (39:32):
Indeed he does, Indeed he does.
Speaker 9 (39:37):
Well, I'll see you next week then.
Speaker 2 (39:40):
Yes, of course, and the week after and the week
after that.
Speaker 9 (39:47):
Take care of yourself, my dear. No need to show
me out.
Speaker 11 (39:58):
Here in the study, Barbara, my dear, if you can't
prevail upon that raggedy and carcass of yours to exert yourself,
I'd like a cup of hot chocolate.
Speaker 6 (40:15):
I would like it in a witch wood cup, and
if it's not sufficiently hot, I'll pour it on the
floor at your feet. Clear, all right, I'll make some
speak up, you lint headed clad I didn't hear you.
Speaker 2 (40:32):
I'll make some hot chocolate.
Speaker 3 (40:34):
Do that, you torpid lotus eater?
Speaker 4 (40:37):
And be sure that it's hot. Did you hear me?
Speaker 3 (40:41):
Make sure it's hot?
Speaker 6 (40:46):
What does it take to make you move?
Speaker 3 (40:48):
You are thread a crap.
Speaker 2 (40:52):
I'll fix it for you.
Speaker 4 (40:53):
Now, you'll fix it for me?
Speaker 3 (40:55):
Now what?
Speaker 2 (40:57):
I'll fix it for you? Now? Uncle, that's better.
Speaker 4 (41:04):
I'll be at my desk.
Speaker 1 (41:06):
Working on my notes.
Speaker 7 (41:09):
Yes, uncle, dramatist persona a metal man who will henceforth
go by the name of Simon, whose life as well
as his body have been stamped out for him by
his maker, and the woman who tends to his needs,
(41:31):
the Lady Barbara, who has discovered, somewhat relatedly, that not
all bad things come to an end, and that once
a bed is made, it may be necessary to sleep
in it. After all, this our uncomfortable little exercise in
avarice and automatons from the Twilight Zone.
Speaker 8 (41:53):
Will return to the Twilight Zone in just a moment.
Speaker 7 (41:56):
You are about to enter another dimension, a dimension not
only of sight and sound, but of mind, a journey
into a wondrous land of imagination. Next stop, the Twilight Zone. Hi,
this is Stacy Keach. I'd like to take a moment
to tell you about our Twilight Zone website at twilight
Zone Radio dot com.
Speaker 1 (42:15):
At twilight Zone Radio dot.
Speaker 7 (42:17):
Com you'll find the latest information on these Twilight Zone
radio dramas, including behind the scenes photographs, plus the newest
product releases, trivia contests, ways to contact us, other Twilight
Zone related info and merchandise, plus links to other fascinating websites.
So make your next stop twilight Zone Radio dot com.
Speaker 13 (42:37):
Visit twilight Zone Radio dot Com to purchase these Twilight
Zone radio dramas on cassette and CD, or call toll
free one eight six six nine eight nine Zone That's
one eight six six nine eight nine nine six six three.
Speaker 8 (43:03):
Uncle Simon, starring Beverly Garland and Peter Mark Richmond, with
Stacy Keach as your narrator.
Speaker 18 (43:09):
Was adapted for radio by Dennis Etchison and based on
a script by Rod Serling. Heard in the cast were
Turk Maller, Doug James, and Daniel Bryant. To learn more
about the Twilight Zone Radio dramas and to obtain audio
cassettes and CDs of these programs, visit our website at
twilight Zone Radio dot com. The producers of the Twilight
(43:30):
Zone wished to thank CBS Enterprises, Carol Serling, Dennis Etchison,
Dick Bresha Associates, Claire Simon, Casting, Don Longo, Terry Jennings,
the American Forces Radio and Television Service, our sponsors, and
our radio affiliates for helping make this series possible. This
copyrighted radio series is produced and directed by Karl Lamari
(43:52):
and Roger Wolsky for Falcon Picture Group.
Speaker 8 (43:55):
Doug James Peaking
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