June 16, 2024 • 40 mins
Avery speaks from his experiences with divorce on how to manage your life to lessen the financial and emotional damage that comes from a bad breakup.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:04):
And less and welcome to Unsuppressed.We're going to mix things up a little
bit this week and do a differenttopic. But guys, before we get
into it, check us out.I got a Facebook page going. Look
us up Unsuppressed podcasts on Facebook.Give us a like? Should I follow
that? I'm just checking. Ithink you already did, or at least
you liked it. I liked it. I like a couple of posts I
(00:27):
was trying to figure out. I'mon there, going how do I make
Patrick and Bill and Avery partners onthis. I'll trying to make he has
admins. I'll see about putting upa private group, and then I'll probably
post it to the ground zero Facebookpage and get some people from over there
to kind of migrate over and followus. But yeah, look us up
and slowly catching us up on YouTube. So every day there's gonna be an
(00:48):
episode for the next couple of weeks, so you'll get caught up on that
as well. And once they're allsynced up, I'll just time it out
so that the podcast will go outeverywhere all at the same time. And
Ron also recommended that we go onRumble, So I'm going to look into
that and well, you know whatI'm gonna say this. I always take
Ron's marketing suggestions. Seriously, It'sworked out so far. First in the
(01:11):
past. Oh, that just happened. So anyway, I'm not a hater
man. I already said, listento rumble with Ro. It's Ron.
Which one thing is? Okay,there's two letters missing one? See yeah,
Ron Patten's great? Is that theguy I met at Rob? That
that is ill more hands off?Okay, so raw, Rob is the
(01:34):
one that was at the party,not the Christmas Ron was at the party.
Rob was the one that we wetalked to on the phone. Which
one do we like? Oh?Bill, we like Ron? Okay,
we like wrong, Okay, checkit. Look see you think you just
got to tell me which one Ronworks on ground zero? Rob works on
aftermath. Okay, we know whatI I wish and nobody. Oh,
you know what I'm gonna go totonight's topic. I'm going to say this,
(01:57):
everybody. Everybody's fine, because heis fine. I was just trying
to prat some shit and then itdidn't really matter because I don't have any
emotions tied to any of it.So it's fine. So anyway, we
have an interesting, interesting discussion tonight, because we've talked about Wes's tender profile,
we've talked about certain I don't know, certain subjects that are that are
(02:22):
not like necessarily common discussion. It'snot like we're the viewer and shit,
we don't we don't talk about liketouch feely stuff. But recently Avery had
to deal with some interesting Uh well, well, I'll let him put in
his words. Basically, it's away to approach life. It's an interesting
life approach situation. So take it, Avery, well. Very often am
(02:46):
I greeted or receive a phone callfrom somebody who's going through kind of a
life crisis. Usually it's something alongthe lines of my wife kicked me out,
or we're getting a divorce, orshe's coming after me, something along
those lines. And although mostly thisconversation will be from the perspective of the
man and the female, the rolescan be reversed as well, like the
(03:08):
male can go after the female inmany instances in our society. But generally
speaking from my observation, our societyis set up more towards favoring the woman.
So that's the legal system, andthat's the social system. You know,
the court of social judgment basically.So you know a lot of times
(03:30):
people fifty one percent or something likethat was the last number I saw.
We'll go through a divorce of somesorts, and that can be very catastrophic
to a man's life. I mean, it pretty much is completely nuking their
life from every aspect. A lotof times it even affects employment, especially
if the woman seeks legal issues,you know, goes after him for making
(03:54):
accusations whether they're founded or unfounded,that could lead them to be unemployed at
best, in jail at worst.You know, things like that. So
I thought that would be a greattopic to discuss, which is, in
my opinion, a preparedness topic.It is not a it's not some like
woman hater or man hater sort oftopic, but it's a topic where people
(04:16):
should be. If you're going toplan for EMPs, or you're going to
plan for the cascade subduction zone slipping, or you're going to plan for aliens
to come from outer space to adductyou, you know, maybe you should
plan for a divorce. I'd atleast have some as exit strategy, because
having survived a divorce, I cantell you getting caught flat footed is not
(04:42):
ideal. That's absolutely true. Yeah, that was not fun to watch as
a friend on kind of like theoutside looking in that whole thing went down.
I was like, whooh, notenvious. So how do you approach
the discussion? How are you teachingthat life skill to the guys you're helping?
Well, unfortunately it's usually a bridge. It's too late water under the
(05:03):
bridge at that point, and nowthey're just doing damage control. A lot
of times I think you should gointo a relationship kind of talking like,
well, if something happens, whatwould it look like on the other end,
Like how would we, you know, dissolve our assets? You know,
are we going to mix our assetstogether and meeting joint bank accounts?
Are both people going to be onthe house? Are you going to have
(05:25):
post signs on trucks or vehicles orwhatever? You know, things like that.
And the way the analogy I use, or the visual I use,
is you take two pieces of Platoand you smash them together, and then
you try to peel them apart andget the two colors separate again. It
never happens. So I am verycautious now going forward in my life with
(05:46):
putting pieces of Plato together and Ikeep them separate. I still enjoy my
partner. We live a very Iwouldn't say conventional, but we live a
very conventional lifestyle in a lot ofways. But I do my absolute best
to not smash pieces of Plato together. Well, I obviously didn't learn the
(06:12):
first time. So everything's commingled andwe're rolling, and I will be destroyed
once again if it goes down.Hopefully, I think most divorces I okay,
if I approached the concept of divorce. If you choose to grow together,
the chances you surviving a relationship isreally good. If you choose to
continue and grow as typically normal peopledo, like a man and a woman,
(06:36):
you are going to grow. Yourpersonality is going to change from the
time you're eighteen the time you're youknow, thirty five years old. There's
I mean, but the gradient ofchange slows down the older you get.
So I ended up remarrying when Iwas thirty eight now forty, so kind
of knew who I was dealing withcomparatively, and this relationship is far more
(07:00):
functional. But I know military,the military itself. For all the people
who are military listeners, I understandthat there's a lot of strain that gets
put on a relationship. Everybody knows, Jody, you know kind of situation
because you guys stay gone sometimes.So that's one of the deficits I would
say specifically, that is one ofthe biggest things ever, because if you're
(07:23):
if a person is physically not there, if their job takes them away,
right, or if they are emotionallyslash like not there, like I'm not
fulfilling my obligations as a partner talkingwhatever that thing is, that would be
the breakdown. So with that inmind, you save lots of money,
you stash it in the shoe box, you bury it in the backyard wherever
(07:46):
you do, so you're safe.No, I don't have a plan of
action for that. I do knowthat you need to come to the table
where you are. Preferably both partiesare equally matched in terms of income or
something thereabouts, so everybody's self sustainableand they're so no one's relying on anybody,
So be careful who the fuck youchoose. If they want to be
(08:07):
with you, it's one thing.If they need to be with you because
they require a roof, that isa completely different problem. And it seems
like that tends to break down,that tess seem to cause more problems than
anything. Look what happened in myrelationship. I was a primary, she
was like a loose, weak asssecondary, and when she decided that I
wasn't good enough anymore, she destroyedand burned the whole thing. It's like
(08:30):
the building that she burned down,the bridge she burned it led her way
to their next set of problems.Right. So I would say that as
far as as relationships go, becareful who you're who you're dialing into,
like, you know, put plasticon it until you're prepared to really know
it. You know, that's that'sthe best best suggestion. So but when
you're talking about resource holding and allthat stuff, how how how do you
(08:54):
articulate that? And when it's thewell, so I think there's it's three
Yeah, it's really three phases.It's really three phases in my opinion of
how it should go. Right.The first one or things to consider.
The first one is who you know, vetting the partner that you have and
making sure, like you identified thatthey're self sufficient in a way, right,
(09:18):
so, whether that's financially self sufficientor anything like that. And then
not growing outside the means of individuals. So that's for example. So for
example, that's like I don't Idon't go on vacations excessively, and I
don't expect my partner to take meon vacations excessively, right, because then
that's a lifestyle that I become accustomedto. And so then when that goes
(09:43):
away, and that vacations may bea bad example, but when that goes
away. Or car payment, let'ssay, so together are car payments,
we can afford this car, butseparately, I can only afford this car.
Well, I will only buy thiscar. I'm not going to co
sign. I'm not going to expectmoney from my partner to get the car
that's up here. We keep themseparate. She's I think she should be
(10:05):
in the market for a car rightnow, and so we're like looking ish
at cars and like this this isthe car that you're gonna be looking at,
right And she gives me the stinkguy as I'm talking about this,
she hey, have her jump intoo. I'm totally good with that.
Yeah, come on, yeah,this is good because she's went through pretty
(10:26):
awful uh every so everybody but shedid actually yeah, yeah, let me
get you on the speakers real quick. Yeah, well, I mean just
because this is a male dominated showand now that we have an extra,
you know, a female listener ora contributor. What is your position in
terms of like how divorces go,Like, what do you think is the
(10:46):
leading contributing factors. Honestly, it'sjust gonna go with communication. That's the
biggest thing, because boundaries and communication. I think men they let their bound
their boundaries are so loose, andthey let women just walk all over.
I don't know if it's for likesex or position of power, but men
(11:07):
will give up their boundaries that thefirst thing in a relationship, and like
women they just take as much asthey can because it's like what we're like
raised to do. I feel likeand by nature we're supposed to take from
men too, because you guys arestronger. I know that might be like
sexist, but we're currently yeah whatdo you mean? Oh yeah, And
(11:31):
so that's another thing. It's likewomen suspect like they expect that you have
to take care of the children ifyou come into a relationship where let's say
you are not the father of thechildren, but since you're dating whoever,
or married whoever. You're like marryingthe kids, marry or dating the kids,
And I don't think that's natural.I think that's for the people that
(11:52):
had those kids. I think likesupporting is different, but like actually like
being responsible and making Yeah, Sowhat it comes down to is like we're
what are the expectations versus what areyou willing to give up? Right?
And it applies to all the differentaspects, So some people look at it
differently, but we communicate. Andso I've noticed that I've been pushing into
(12:15):
like the the dateral more and she'slike, look, I can handle this
stuff. I don't need it allthe time, but I like it when
you're able to help out and stuff. And so that's one of the things.
But that's an example of where likepotentially a person would be willing to
just keep giving given giving until they'resuper frustrated and irritated at certain situations,
(12:35):
which some of that was kind ofbuilding up. I was getting frustrated at
you know, yeah observation. Itsounds like you guys are more mature than
most couples, that you guys arewilling to communicate that because I think that's
the thing A lot of couples willdo is they'll come in and there's expectations
that aren't talked about. So thewomen expect the man to do, like
at least she was saying certain thingsto step in, become the father,
(12:56):
start paying the bills, disciplaying thecase. But then the guy may not
feel comfortable with that because he wasin there from day one with those kids.
They're not his. He'll start thedeflp feelings for them to care about
him and he wants to take careof them. But at the same time,
especially if there's no marriage there andthere's no adoption, there's really no
obligation. So it sounds like youguys are kind of communicating on that,
(13:18):
like this is what I need fromyou, and and vice versa. This
is what I can do for youto help out, which is something I
think a lot of couples don't do. That's why you have a lot of
issues that come up. Is thatwhere basically becomes more organic though, I
mean as a relationship continues. Iknow that society says, well, you
know, you don't date a singlemom. You you know what I'm saying,
(13:39):
it's the if you're going to getin a relationship, you're also going
to know the children depending on therelationship. That's like the societal norm.
What you're saying is, well,what you are living is that communication can
resolve and break down the issues ofexpectation and assumption, because if you assume
that someone's going to do something,but they don't assume they're supposed to do
(14:01):
it, then that's where you havea breakdown. So okay, so please
continue to thought. Well, also, we have been through this a few
times. Yeah, she's been througha couple. I've been through it a
couple and so you know, thoseare hard life lessons learned. So but
you know, we we do communicatea lot, but more important, like
(14:22):
that's good for relationship stuff, butmore importantly it's like understanding the boundaries,
like she was pointing out earlier.Yeah, and I think it like pushes
out your the kids's father, likethe kids is real father. And I
don't think women take that in considerationthat like they're trying to insert this new
person in the kids's life. Butlike you chose to have a separate life
(14:45):
with, you know, your partnerthat you had kids with, so you
can't just take a new person belike these are our kids as our family.
Now you have a new you've adifferent dynamic that's and that's not natural,
right, and it's not what youwant. You want to stay with
the kids, is f but youdon't have that option. So you have
to, like, you know,keep that relationship with the kids's father and
(15:05):
not try to insert your new partnerinto that dad role. It's just unfair
for everyone, for the kids,for the father. I look at it
like age of children has a lotof impact who they know, what they
know, and then there's a differencebetween mentor and then biological father. And
then if somebody wants to step up, it doesn't matter if it's a male
or female whatever role that is.It's a mentor role at a given point,
(15:30):
and it's whether or not. Butyou also have to hit a point
where there's trust in the relationship thatthat that there's a whole so many dynamics
with that. I totally forgot thatyou've had two. I totally forgot that.
I just totally overlooked the second one. I was thinking about only the
first one. So I was like, yeah, so yeah, it's just
like ohs, two divorces. Itotally totally overlooked number two because that one
(15:56):
was like you knew that shit wasgoing to go sideways to give it with
three? Wait, people want tomarry me? But well you know,
I mean, well it looks likeyou'd say, how many works of each
of you had at this point fivetogether? So two fraevery and three for
you. Yeah, and then youhave at least you have two kids and
avory or you have no kids atthis point, right, Well one,
(16:18):
that's right you Yeah, he's nothe's he's a junior adult. Yeah.
Yeah, we were talking about hima couple of months ago. Yeah.
But more importantly, like when itcomes to finances, like my goal for
her is to be self sufficient withoutme. Yeah, my goal for me
is to be self sufficient without her. So, like we talked about houses
(16:40):
and stuff like that, and likeshe's talking about selling this one. I'm
like, nope, this is yourhouse. This is gonna be your rental.
We're going to keep this. We'regoing to figure out how we can
get, you know, another house, whether it's whether it's her house that
we get or another house that I'mgoing to get. But they're separate,
right, And so if something happensand you didn't need to ninja smoke bomb
your way out of this place.Like it's a clean break. She has
(17:00):
her properties, her no assets lost. Yeah yeah yeah, And like more
importantly, like there's no obligations tostay with me. It's not because we
have nowhere else to go or liveor we can't afford to most people that
are dating, they can't afford tolive anyway, so they have to put
everything all in the investments in onehouse. And which is what I was
(17:22):
talking about with people living outside theirindividual meetings. Yeah, so we're suffering
a little bit just so we canhave financial freedom as well. Well you
have, you have asset independence,but you have right before you jumped on
my formula was when I got whenI was divorced, I had the high
(17:45):
ground in terms of being the primaryearner right and the X at a given
point in my estimation, she neededme more than I needed her, and
she found somebody else that dunked onher, and then she was screwed.
(18:06):
But it it was basically when sheturned me off, she thought she was
taking a left and then and thendoing the thing and being in a great
position. Well, I chose onevery suggestion. As a matter of fact,
to have somebody using the same logic. The logic was both parties were
equally capable, capable, and selfsufficient, and they chose to be together
(18:29):
rather than one being dependent on theother. Now you can become codependent emotionally,
which you obviously are, right,there's a code dependence there. Otherwise
it's not a relationship. That's justit'd be a weird transactional thing. But
as far as the development of likelike this goes to anybody who's out like
looking at the look okay, thecrazy hot scale thing, and then you
know, then you go to aspot where this person's like job field is
(18:53):
going to last that long and it'sall about looks and it's going to stop.
Well, here's the thing. Ifthey don't have the ability to maintain
their future, right, whether they'remale or female, there is a reason
why you should evaluate whether or notit's a good financial risk to move forward,
(19:15):
because, especially when you're young,don't get married until you're like at
least thirty at least yeah, becausepeople change, life changes, you become
a different person, and you know, usually sell your royal oats so to
speak. Too. You're doing allkind of crazy shit. So there's something
there, something to be said aboutthat. I don't know about women.
I just know that guys generally don'tknow who they are until they're a little
(19:37):
bit older, because you're always tryingto figure out what's going on and how
you're going to react to this thingand that thing and the other thing.
I don't know if women have thesame toils, because I'm not a woman,
So yeah, I don't know.I think it's best to get married
when you're thirty, especially for awoman. I mean, you don't start
sticking up for yourself or growing untilyou're thirty. As a woman, you're
still like playing by these rules likebatting your eyes will get your way,
(20:02):
and you're not sticking up for yourself. You're still kind of inferior to men,
and it's kind of hard to raisechildren like that. Oh yeah,
maybe boys. Well I mean,okay, so did you guys have like
this transactional discussion, like, hey, this is what we're going, this
is my plan of action, andhow deep in the game were you before
(20:22):
you actually had that conversation? Verylike boundaries. I respect his boundaries,
but he's confident enough to tell mehis boundaries, which most men don't do.
Sometimes I don't even know what myboundary is. I'm like, I
don't even know what that is.Actually, I had the experience where I
was in a relationship with someone thatwas older than me, and she was
(20:47):
you know, she and I hadsimilar issues. We both had postmatic stress.
And so with that condition, whichyou know people in military can always
relate to, but with us,it was from early childhood, from non
military related things, and so itkind of creates a insecurity where you kind
of come across as arrogant because whenyou defend your boundaries, you're more defensive.
(21:07):
You're not so confident you can't you'renot as mature. You don't just
sit down and say, hey,look this is what I prefer and there's
no calm discussion. It's hey,what you just did made me upset and
made me think that I'm going toget fucking stabbed because I had a flashback
or whatever it is. And so, yeah, I experienced that where I
would basically just kind of swallow myissues and I wouldn't bring up problems like
(21:30):
she'd do something that would bother meinstead of saying, hey, you know,
I really don't like that, becauseI didn't want to have a fight,
because she'd always want to turn everythinginto an argument, and she always
wanted to try to like one upme on everything and keep score of who
won what fight and whatnot. Dude, there are so many pieces. There's
so many things like that just checkedoff, like so many things. Like
(21:51):
men live in a box, right, we put all our emotions of the
box and then stick at your stomachand then have stomach problems and don't worry
about it. That's I'm kind ofthe opposite, more of an emotional guy,
and so yeah, it's just howI am. I have like four
or five emotions that's maximum. Wellwith those relationships and not being able to
healthily talk about your boundaries and havesomeone that respects them, it really does
(22:12):
grind you down. I'm curious you'rethirty two, right, Yeah, well
okay, well I guess I wastaking it Wes, But you know what,
Okay, I'm thirty four Bill,Okay, yeah, I believe you
all me too. You will probablynot really know who you are until you're
(22:33):
like forty, until until you're successfullike doing your thing, you found your
stride at everything you're wanting to do. You'll define things, You'll have really
horrible experiences, and then you'll havereally great experiences and hopefully you'll find somebody
who wants to do that with you. Well, what's interesting is like we're
in different seasons of a live andso with your sy he's late fall.
(22:57):
Yeah, though if I haven't foundmyself, then he's dating that someone.
Basically I'm unhinge you know. See. No, Well, okay, you're
you're you're thirty two, you prettymuch well, you have two children,
You've had some pretty interesting, youknow, ridiculously difficult things happen. Well,
(23:18):
you know what, that makes peopleharden up, and then you're still
willing to put yourself out there emotionallywith somebody who actually can reciprocate and who's
a strong, strong personality. Soand then is obviously providing the same you
know kind of counter you know,emotional support that is that is that's a
relationship, not a not a uhdating thing. Right. I don't think
(23:44):
women start I don't think I thinkmost women that are that I've ever met
dating at when I was dating,they were all interviewing for marriage at that
given point, Like there was likethis interview process that was happening, and
obviously mine wanted to get me offthe street and out of trouble before you
know, I got picked off.So she bought me like a commodity.
But that's the point, you actuallytouched on it right there. Bought you
(24:07):
like a commodity. That's that's theproblem I feel with our societies. They
look at you as a commodity.Each other really has a commodity, and
so then when they when you don'thave value in a relationship, well then
that person's going to just discard youand find somebody else that has value.
And I haven't gotten there yet.But my biggest thing right now is respect.
I believe that the second the femaleloses respect for the partner, I
(24:32):
was done. Done. Yeah,oh yeah, big time, big time
done. I lived that firsthand.I was thirty eight years old when I
got divorced, so like that wasthen. It was a kick in the
head because I was killing myself workingand it did affect employment, uh at
that point, even though I hadtwo positions so I kept one, lost
one. It affected a huge swathof people that were involved in the same
(24:56):
business because it killed it and thenyou know affected me and I spent I
don't know, eight or nine years, eight years, really pissed. I'm
just going to say that, reallyreally unhappy with the situation. And then
one day I woke up and Iwas like, I don't care. That
was the best thing. And thenevery said I'm glad you don't care,
because I do. I hate her. Oh like sweet, So I'm glad
(25:17):
somebody else is still love it andstill not happy. But in terms of
I guess I want to put itin terms of rather than it being scaled
as a commodity, I think it'sa decision basing. I think anybody who's
prudent is going to look at itperson and say, do you have a
bunch of red flags? Even thoughI would like to just knock the bottom
(25:41):
out of that right just and you'dbe great to hang out with for like
a few months. But here's thereality. Do I see a real relationship?
Do we connect on all these differentlevels? Do you have similar moral
compasses, similar belief systems, similarthere's so many other there's foundation things.
If you have similar belief systems,it's not like you're coming to each other
(26:03):
like one's talking about like you know, one's Islamic and one's Jewish. You
know, that's not, that's probablynot going to work out in the household,
you know, you know what Imean? Like, So, I
mean I think if you have commoncore beliefs, that's that's some standards that
you have to have. And thenthen you know that if someone's losing their
job all the time and getting anew job and losing their job all the
time, and they're doing menial shit, is that going to do? You
(26:26):
think that's going to be really asolid foundation, right, I mean that's
in terms of the commodity. Areyou stable? Are you crazy? I
think everybody's crazy, So don't getdon't get that twisted. Everybody's got their
own crazy because you know, womenand men are crazy. We just have
to accept. But when you cometo a commodity, if I look at
a partner as like, this person'sgoing to increase my my family wealth,
(26:48):
meaning oh yeah, I'd be ableto do more because they're going to be
a doctor, they're going to beX, Y or Z, and therefore
that's going to bring in revenue.Well, then once my lifestyle grows outside
that revenue stream, that revenue ohyeah, yeah, yeah totally, no
longer I no longer find value inthat person. So I'm going to leave
that person right and why I cantell Alicia right now she wanted to be
(27:10):
with you for two reasons. One'swarlord capability and then the other we already
know, so you know, Imean, I'll tell you if you want
to know, all right, Ilike the two things that money can't buy,
but you can do it. Butanyway, before we uh, before
(27:33):
we uh part ways, is therecan you tell everybody kind of the three
step phase that you would say.That's what you're saying, yeah we went.
The beginning is yeah we did.So the beginning is the vetting.
That's what we've been talking about mostly. Then there's kind of two other things
to consider. So the vetting is, you know, making sure the person
kind of has the same belief systemas you, and then you lead the
(27:53):
foundation for what the future looks likein communication with your partner. Then the
second one is ensuring that you kindof have the path forward. You're not
molding, you're not you know,combining things you understand, your different parenting
beliefs and different things like that,make sure that whatever happens, you stand.
You have boundaries. Sometimes you gotto you know, move back and
forth with those boundaries, but generallyspeaking, maintain your boundaries. And then
(28:18):
the third one is always also ensuringthat you're prepared for disaster. And in
this instance, we're talking about divorceand a lot of times, like we've
talked about on previous podcasts, theprops that you do in preparation for other
disasters apply to other disasters. Soyou know, the most common disaster that
(28:40):
can happen in your life is losinga job. Well, one of the
best ways to prepare for that isto save up money. Now, I
strongly believe in when you have money, you put it in cash form,
you keep it someplace safe. Thatway, you don't see it every day.
You don't like, well, I'lljust grab this thousand dollars for that
trip to Vegas, and I promiseI'll pay myself back, because you never
do, and that money goes awayforever. So you take that cash and
(29:02):
you put it someplace safe. Now, in this instance, the threat that
you have is probably cohabitating with youpotentially, So in that instance you might
want to ensure that that money isin a different location and that that is
your little nest egg. I recommendI actually helped Alicia start developing her nest
(29:22):
egg. In side note, shewants six hundred dollars at the casino,
So guess where that money is going. It's going into her little nest egg
that she's going to keep cash rightin your wallet, noise, I may
have skimmed a couple of bills offthe top. Yeah, well, I
would say I would say this toto reinforce the boundaries part. If you
(29:45):
don't have self respect and knowing selfand you're going to you'll kibosh or kill
a relationship if you are willing tojust throw throw all of your values out
the window. Well, that getsmixed with the fact that men are beasts
of burden. Men feel like theyhave to take the weight of the family
on in order to be contributing thepiece that they think they're supposed to contributing,
(30:08):
to the point where they'll take aback seat to everything. And next
thing you know, the kids arewalking on and the wife's walking on,
the parent and laws are walking onthem, the neighbors taking the long not
returning it, you know, allthat type of stuff, right, and
so then the respect is lost andwants to respect his losses. The relationship's
over. So yeah, yeah,so having you know, these different things
(30:30):
in places in case something happened.For example, to this guy that just
called me today and was like,hey, my life's over, my kids
hate me, and my wife justkicked me out of the house all this
stuff. He was walking around downdowntown with a T shirt, shorts and
shoes and his cell phone and wallet. That was it. And I was
like, bro, like that willnever be me. Like, there's I
(30:52):
have stuff. And I'm not sayinglike I have my survival rifle out in
the woods, but I have stuffenough stuff in different places that if I
walked out this house right now,I have stuff to survive for the next
station. Yeah that two hours,you know, until I can come up
with a planet action. And Ithink everybody should have that. Well,
like I said, and not tomention, when you have friends that actually
(31:12):
care, people that are around you, you're like, yep, you always
got a place here, you know. Yeah, well in those conversations,
yeah, Lattice. Yeah, that'sthe other thing too, is like you
got to have at least two friendsin your life where they can rely on
you and you can rely on them. And if you call them up in
like at three in the morning,We're like, hey, I need a
thing. They're like, okay,yeah, let's take sure. What what
(31:33):
where? What do you need?I was taken Yeah, how much do
we need? Oh? Not dude, I mean just real world just like,
yep, what do you need.That's something that Clyde had asked me
about when we went up to aghost conference and he I shared a hotel
room and he's like, are youguys all friends on on suppressed? So
I'm like, I'll put it thisway. Bill Patrick and Avery are guys
(31:55):
that if I call them at threeam, they not only will they answer
the phone, but they're gonna saywhere's the body? Need to be hidden?
What's going on? Yeah, I'dsay what's going on? Don't say
anything really important, just say wherewe're supposed to meet up at. Just
what's exactly what's going on? Oh? Really? Okay? What do I
need to do? Yeah exactly?Well, you know, and you talk
(32:15):
about close friends, but I meanlike this guy that I helped out today,
like I don't really know him,like, and I think that's important,
as you know, members of asociety, is that we we do
those types of things for people becausewho like there's a reason he called me.
It wasn't because my name starts withA and I'm the first person that's
(32:37):
contact Roster. No, it's becausehe needed somebody and he had nobody else
to call. So what am Igoing to do? Be like, sorry,
I'd rather be playing Minecraft right now. No, you're gonna you responsible
humans should help him. Yeah.So I've never been that person that will
if someone calls me they legitimately wanthelp, I will do what I can
(32:57):
to help them, especial there's someoneI know. Uh. There was once
where a stranger had called me andasked if he could stay at my house,
and I said, I'm not comfortablewith that, but yeah, and
I will stick my finger. Hey, but if a friend calls me and
says, hey, I'm in trouble, I'm like, I will do whatever
I can to help you. NowI can't just like, if it's going
to endanger my job or my ownwell, you know, well fair,
(33:21):
or if it's going to require meto commit a felony, I might have
to discuss that with them. Butyeah, you know, look, I'll
say this. It's a reflection onthe individual. Is if you're a high
trust individual like some everybody used youas like bedrock. That's why you catch
a call, right, It's notbecause you're the leaky vessel. It's because
(33:44):
you conduct yourself as an honorable,high trust person. Well, that's that's
that's just that person that's he justproved it to you, doesn't know you
very well, but all of asudden, it's like, yeah, this
dude's squared away. He knows what'sup, and you know he I know
he's trustworthy. Well that does saya lot about if you're not a high
trust individual and your rolodex is alwaysjust barren, that might be a reflection
(34:07):
on you. So now I wouldlike say, before we quit, because
we're almost done, remember this atthe end of a relationship the people.
If you are spending all your timehating, it's reflection only in you.
If you could see somebody like youknow, your ex or right, you're
like, man, I just donot like that person. That's okay.
(34:30):
Them treating you like horrible, that'sa reflection on them. You don't have
to let that destroy you emotionally.Now you have to like defend yourself whether
it's legal or whatever. That's totallyokay, But you got to realize that's
where they're at it's not about you. If you start living your best life,
you kill them by living well.If you are happy, that is
the best thing that can possibly happen. So work only on being you,
(34:52):
being happy and secure, and don'tworry about block out Like that was like
happy Gilmore blocked bed good. Thephrase I always like is success is the
best revenge. Oh, you know, it's really good on keep your mind
right or get your mind right andkeep your grind tight, do your own
shit. Don't worry about what everybodyelse is doing. That's that's a that's
(35:13):
a mortgagism. But yeah, it'sa thing mine, mine is. The
gym is full of broken hearts,so hell yeah it is. Once you
get that divorce PaperWorks, once youget the divorce favorworks. Sign get in
the gym, dude. Yeah,if you look and there's a lot of
distractions in the gym, it worksout pretty well when you're when you're just
getting started. So remember that thegym is full. Yeah. True,
(35:36):
the gym is full of unhappy people. There's a reason why they're working so
hard at working on themselves, whichis the reason I go three to four
times a week. So that's that'sjust the truth. That's why a year
ago I started going six days aweek. What do you do? I'm
trying to fix me and trying tostay well. I'm just trying to stay
like the tin man, keep theoil on the joints man. But I
found that it's one of the thingsthinking about, like a breakup or whatever,
(35:57):
and just taking that anger that you'refeeling and applying it towards something.
Ways, there's a couple days whereI made a max because I was personal
best, start doing some personal textyou. I would whenever I would have
a personal best, I'm like,just did this, yeah, and you're
like, yep, that's but that'sthe truth. And then on the other
side is when you finally get tothe other side and you finally feel that
(36:19):
apathy. Apathy is the best thingever because you just don't give a shit
anymore. And that's the best thingoverall, because i mean, even hate
requires emotion. So you're winning themost when you're not leaving Karen. But
it's hard. There are certain thingsthat you'll never forget. I guess so,
but yeah, everybody, listen toAvery. He's smart. He did
(36:40):
this right, This is correct.This isn't. This isn't tells I've lived
this and I structured my life.I've structured my life after the first divorce
by those by those foundations and thosestandards and those practices, and I'm happier
than ever and so is my wife. So so that works out really good
because you know, if you choose, oh, here's another one, grow
(37:02):
together, don't become an individual.So as you start thinking of as only
as an individual, then you startdoing individual shit. If you try to
like stay together and grow together andthen intermingle and communicate, chances are you'll
you'll start problems before they get toobig. Another another piece of advice i'd
heard from someone who had a successfulmarriage was don't be so legalistic in the
(37:22):
marriage. Don't be a relationship.Don't don't make it a fifty fifty relationship,
make it a one so that,yeah, if someone starts to slack
up and they can't put in theirone hundred percent, you put an extra
to fill that gap and be ateam. And so that's that's kind of
why I'm saying single as I haveor I found anyone that I can I
(37:44):
feel like I can have as areal partner in times. Yeah, it'll
take time. Yeah, so keepstay in the gym. Trust me that
that's like, that's like putting lure. That's a lure. It's a thing
because remember, you are judged everyday. That is the other thing.
You are a commodity. That's oneof those things you can control. Though.
Yeah, okay, I think we'reall done here, So I'm pat
(38:07):
missed out on all the touchy feelytalk today. So yeah, yeah,
exactly, he's like a fish.He probably would have just made some inappropriate
comment about boobs or something. Yeah. Yeah, it's like, what'd you
do? How do you know whenit is good? I stuck my finger,
(38:29):
but a bunch of of homophobic slurs, that's that's what you would.
Pat this all right, So guys, we are on YouTube now. Uh
and uh, sprinker Feet is stillup. That's that's all our site.
We keep that up. So youguys guess audio there. I'm gonna work
it out so that you can getaudio end video on YouTube. Those videos
(38:50):
are gonna get one every day forthe next couple of weeks, are gonna
be up actually for watching this afterrelease season order you we're going to be
at the end of the lineup.You're probably not I see us until like
May. If you're on YouTube,is the way that that works. I
have to post them in the orderthat they're made. But guys, I
can speerfect tips your at gmail dotcom. Still the best way if you
want to give us some monetary compensationor just give us a thank you,
(39:16):
a gratuity for our work. Ifyou get value out of this podcast,
and yeah, it's going to beit for this week. But remember when
it comes to your rights, whetherit be the First Amendment, Second Amendment,
or all the others, make sureyou stay unsuppressed and to completely support
our normal gun chat. Remember ifyou're looking to buy a product, buy
(39:37):
a product that's from a known manufacturer, because something like a suppressor, you
don't know if that suppressor is goingto be built ten years from now.
But if you buy something that's froma repartable manufacturer, chances are if you
have something wrong, they'll still bearound. They can still service itself.
Yes, also sign up pruning upand wear condom
And less and welcome to Unsuppressed.We're going to mix things up a little
bit this week and do a differenttopic. But guys, before we get
into it, check us out.I got a Facebook page going. Look
us up Unsuppressed podcasts on Facebook.Give us a like? Should I follow
that? I'm just checking. Ithink you already did, or at least
you liked it. I liked it. I like a couple of posts I
(00:27):
was trying to figure out. I'mon there, going how do I make
Patrick and Bill and Avery partners onthis. I'll trying to make he has
admins. I'll see about putting upa private group, and then I'll probably
post it to the ground zero Facebookpage and get some people from over there
to kind of migrate over and followus. But yeah, look us up
and slowly catching us up on YouTube. So every day there's gonna be an
(00:48):
episode for the next couple of weeks, so you'll get caught up on that
as well. And once they're allsynced up, I'll just time it out
so that the podcast will go outeverywhere all at the same time. And
Ron also recommended that we go onRumble, So I'm going to look into
that and well, you know whatI'm gonna say this. I always take
Ron's marketing suggestions. Seriously, It'sworked out so far. First in the
(01:11):
past. Oh, that just happened. So anyway, I'm not a hater
man. I already said, listento rumble with Ro. It's Ron.
Which one thing is? Okay,there's two letters missing one? See yeah,
Ron Patten's great? Is that theguy I met at Rob? That
that is ill more hands off?Okay, so raw, Rob is the
(01:34):
one that was at the party,not the Christmas Ron was at the party.
Rob was the one that we wetalked to on the phone. Which
one do we like? Oh?Bill, we like Ron? Okay,
we like wrong, Okay, checkit. Look see you think you just
got to tell me which one Ronworks on ground zero? Rob works on
aftermath. Okay, we know whatI I wish and nobody. Oh,
you know what I'm gonna go totonight's topic. I'm going to say this,
(01:57):
everybody. Everybody's fine, because heis fine. I was just trying
to prat some shit and then itdidn't really matter because I don't have any
emotions tied to any of it.So it's fine. So anyway, we
have an interesting, interesting discussion tonight, because we've talked about Wes's tender profile,
we've talked about certain I don't know, certain subjects that are that are
(02:22):
not like necessarily common discussion. It'snot like we're the viewer and shit,
we don't we don't talk about liketouch feely stuff. But recently Avery had
to deal with some interesting Uh well, well, I'll let him put in
his words. Basically, it's away to approach life. It's an interesting
life approach situation. So take it, Avery, well. Very often am
(02:46):
I greeted or receive a phone callfrom somebody who's going through kind of a
life crisis. Usually it's something alongthe lines of my wife kicked me out,
or we're getting a divorce, orshe's coming after me, something along
those lines. And although mostly thisconversation will be from the perspective of the
man and the female, the rolescan be reversed as well, like the
(03:08):
male can go after the female inmany instances in our society. But generally
speaking from my observation, our societyis set up more towards favoring the woman.
So that's the legal system, andthat's the social system. You know,
the court of social judgment basically.So you know a lot of times
(03:30):
people fifty one percent or something likethat was the last number I saw.
We'll go through a divorce of somesorts, and that can be very catastrophic
to a man's life. I mean, it pretty much is completely nuking their
life from every aspect. A lotof times it even affects employment, especially
if the woman seeks legal issues,you know, goes after him for making
(03:54):
accusations whether they're founded or unfounded,that could lead them to be unemployed at
best, in jail at worst.You know, things like that. So
I thought that would be a greattopic to discuss, which is, in
my opinion, a preparedness topic.It is not a it's not some like
woman hater or man hater sort oftopic, but it's a topic where people
(04:16):
should be. If you're going toplan for EMPs, or you're going to
plan for the cascade subduction zone slipping, or you're going to plan for aliens
to come from outer space to adductyou, you know, maybe you should
plan for a divorce. I'd atleast have some as exit strategy, because
having survived a divorce, I cantell you getting caught flat footed is not
(04:42):
ideal. That's absolutely true. Yeah, that was not fun to watch as
a friend on kind of like theoutside looking in that whole thing went down.
I was like, whooh, notenvious. So how do you approach
the discussion? How are you teachingthat life skill to the guys you're helping?
Well, unfortunately it's usually a bridge. It's too late water under the
(05:03):
bridge at that point, and nowthey're just doing damage control. A lot
of times I think you should gointo a relationship kind of talking like,
well, if something happens, whatwould it look like on the other end,
Like how would we, you know, dissolve our assets? You know,
are we going to mix our assetstogether and meeting joint bank accounts?
Are both people going to be onthe house? Are you going to have
(05:25):
post signs on trucks or vehicles orwhatever? You know, things like that.
And the way the analogy I use, or the visual I use,
is you take two pieces of Platoand you smash them together, and then
you try to peel them apart andget the two colors separate again. It
never happens. So I am verycautious now going forward in my life with
(05:46):
putting pieces of Plato together and Ikeep them separate. I still enjoy my
partner. We live a very Iwouldn't say conventional, but we live a
very conventional lifestyle in a lot ofways. But I do my absolute best
to not smash pieces of Plato together. Well, I obviously didn't learn the
(06:12):
first time. So everything's commingled andwe're rolling, and I will be destroyed
once again if it goes down.Hopefully, I think most divorces I okay,
if I approached the concept of divorce. If you choose to grow together,
the chances you surviving a relationship isreally good. If you choose to
continue and grow as typically normal peopledo, like a man and a woman,
(06:36):
you are going to grow. Yourpersonality is going to change from the
time you're eighteen the time you're youknow, thirty five years old. There's
I mean, but the gradient ofchange slows down the older you get.
So I ended up remarrying when Iwas thirty eight now forty, so kind
of knew who I was dealing withcomparatively, and this relationship is far more
(07:00):
functional. But I know military,the military itself. For all the people
who are military listeners, I understandthat there's a lot of strain that gets
put on a relationship. Everybody knows, Jody, you know kind of situation
because you guys stay gone sometimes.So that's one of the deficits I would
say specifically, that is one ofthe biggest things ever, because if you're
(07:23):
if a person is physically not there, if their job takes them away,
right, or if they are emotionallyslash like not there, like I'm not
fulfilling my obligations as a partner talkingwhatever that thing is, that would be
the breakdown. So with that inmind, you save lots of money,
you stash it in the shoe box, you bury it in the backyard wherever
(07:46):
you do, so you're safe.No, I don't have a plan of
action for that. I do knowthat you need to come to the table
where you are. Preferably both partiesare equally matched in terms of income or
something thereabouts, so everybody's self sustainableand they're so no one's relying on anybody,
So be careful who the fuck youchoose. If they want to be
(08:07):
with you, it's one thing.If they need to be with you because
they require a roof, that isa completely different problem. And it seems
like that tends to break down,that tess seem to cause more problems than
anything. Look what happened in myrelationship. I was a primary, she
was like a loose, weak asssecondary, and when she decided that I
wasn't good enough anymore, she destroyedand burned the whole thing. It's like
(08:30):
the building that she burned down,the bridge she burned it led her way
to their next set of problems.Right. So I would say that as
far as as relationships go, becareful who you're who you're dialing into,
like, you know, put plasticon it until you're prepared to really know
it. You know, that's that'sthe best best suggestion. So but when
you're talking about resource holding and allthat stuff, how how how do you
(08:54):
articulate that? And when it's thewell, so I think there's it's three
Yeah, it's really three phases.It's really three phases in my opinion of
how it should go. Right.The first one or things to consider.
The first one is who you know, vetting the partner that you have and
making sure, like you identified thatthey're self sufficient in a way, right,
(09:18):
so, whether that's financially self sufficientor anything like that. And then
not growing outside the means of individuals. So that's for example. So for
example, that's like I don't Idon't go on vacations excessively, and I
don't expect my partner to take meon vacations excessively, right, because then
that's a lifestyle that I become accustomedto. And so then when that goes
(09:43):
away, and that vacations may bea bad example, but when that goes
away. Or car payment, let'ssay, so together are car payments,
we can afford this car, butseparately, I can only afford this car.
Well, I will only buy thiscar. I'm not going to co
sign. I'm not going to expectmoney from my partner to get the car
that's up here. We keep themseparate. She's I think she should be
(10:05):
in the market for a car rightnow, and so we're like looking ish
at cars and like this this isthe car that you're gonna be looking at,
right And she gives me the stinkguy as I'm talking about this,
she hey, have her jump intoo. I'm totally good with that.
Yeah, come on, yeah,this is good because she's went through pretty
(10:26):
awful uh every so everybody but shedid actually yeah, yeah, let me
get you on the speakers real quick. Yeah, well, I mean just
because this is a male dominated showand now that we have an extra,
you know, a female listener ora contributor. What is your position in
terms of like how divorces go,Like, what do you think is the
(10:46):
leading contributing factors. Honestly, it'sjust gonna go with communication. That's the
biggest thing, because boundaries and communication. I think men they let their bound
their boundaries are so loose, andthey let women just walk all over.
I don't know if it's for likesex or position of power, but men
(11:07):
will give up their boundaries that thefirst thing in a relationship, and like
women they just take as much asthey can because it's like what we're like
raised to do. I feel likeand by nature we're supposed to take from
men too, because you guys arestronger. I know that might be like
sexist, but we're currently yeah whatdo you mean? Oh yeah, And
(11:31):
so that's another thing. It's likewomen suspect like they expect that you have
to take care of the children ifyou come into a relationship where let's say
you are not the father of thechildren, but since you're dating whoever,
or married whoever. You're like marryingthe kids, marry or dating the kids,
And I don't think that's natural.I think that's for the people that
(11:52):
had those kids. I think likesupporting is different, but like actually like
being responsible and making Yeah, Sowhat it comes down to is like we're
what are the expectations versus what areyou willing to give up? Right?
And it applies to all the differentaspects, So some people look at it
differently, but we communicate. Andso I've noticed that I've been pushing into
(12:15):
like the the dateral more and she'slike, look, I can handle this
stuff. I don't need it allthe time, but I like it when
you're able to help out and stuff. And so that's one of the things.
But that's an example of where likepotentially a person would be willing to
just keep giving given giving until they'resuper frustrated and irritated at certain situations,
(12:35):
which some of that was kind ofbuilding up. I was getting frustrated at
you know, yeah observation. Itsounds like you guys are more mature than
most couples, that you guys arewilling to communicate that because I think that's
the thing A lot of couples willdo is they'll come in and there's expectations
that aren't talked about. So thewomen expect the man to do, like
at least she was saying certain thingsto step in, become the father,
(12:56):
start paying the bills, disciplaying thecase. But then the guy may not
feel comfortable with that because he wasin there from day one with those kids.
They're not his. He'll start thedeflp feelings for them to care about
him and he wants to take careof them. But at the same time,
especially if there's no marriage there andthere's no adoption, there's really no
obligation. So it sounds like youguys are kind of communicating on that,
(13:18):
like this is what I need fromyou, and and vice versa. This
is what I can do for youto help out, which is something I
think a lot of couples don't do. That's why you have a lot of
issues that come up. Is thatwhere basically becomes more organic though, I
mean as a relationship continues. Iknow that society says, well, you
know, you don't date a singlemom. You you know what I'm saying,
(13:39):
it's the if you're going to getin a relationship, you're also going
to know the children depending on therelationship. That's like the societal norm.
What you're saying is, well,what you are living is that communication can
resolve and break down the issues ofexpectation and assumption, because if you assume
that someone's going to do something,but they don't assume they're supposed to do
(14:01):
it, then that's where you havea breakdown. So okay, so please
continue to thought. Well, also, we have been through this a few
times. Yeah, she's been througha couple. I've been through it a
couple and so you know, thoseare hard life lessons learned. So but
you know, we we do communicatea lot, but more important, like
(14:22):
that's good for relationship stuff, butmore importantly it's like understanding the boundaries,
like she was pointing out earlier.Yeah, and I think it like pushes
out your the kids's father, likethe kids is real father. And I
don't think women take that in considerationthat like they're trying to insert this new
person in the kids's life. Butlike you chose to have a separate life
(14:45):
with, you know, your partnerthat you had kids with, so you
can't just take a new person belike these are our kids as our family.
Now you have a new you've adifferent dynamic that's and that's not natural,
right, and it's not what youwant. You want to stay with
the kids, is f but youdon't have that option. So you have
to, like, you know,keep that relationship with the kids's father and
(15:05):
not try to insert your new partnerinto that dad role. It's just unfair
for everyone, for the kids,for the father. I look at it
like age of children has a lotof impact who they know, what they
know, and then there's a differencebetween mentor and then biological father. And
then if somebody wants to step up, it doesn't matter if it's a male
or female whatever role that is.It's a mentor role at a given point,
(15:30):
and it's whether or not. Butyou also have to hit a point
where there's trust in the relationship thatthat that there's a whole so many dynamics
with that. I totally forgot thatyou've had two. I totally forgot that.
I just totally overlooked the second one. I was thinking about only the
first one. So I was like, yeah, so yeah, it's just
like ohs, two divorces. Itotally totally overlooked number two because that one
(15:56):
was like you knew that shit wasgoing to go sideways to give it with
three? Wait, people want tomarry me? But well you know,
I mean, well it looks likeyou'd say, how many works of each
of you had at this point fivetogether? So two fraevery and three for
you. Yeah, and then youhave at least you have two kids and
avory or you have no kids atthis point, right, Well one,
(16:18):
that's right you Yeah, he's nothe's he's a junior adult. Yeah.
Yeah, we were talking about hima couple of months ago. Yeah.
But more importantly, like when itcomes to finances, like my goal for
her is to be self sufficient withoutme. Yeah, my goal for me
is to be self sufficient without her. So, like we talked about houses
(16:40):
and stuff like that, and likeshe's talking about selling this one. I'm
like, nope, this is yourhouse. This is gonna be your rental.
We're going to keep this. We'regoing to figure out how we can
get, you know, another house, whether it's whether it's her house that
we get or another house that I'mgoing to get. But they're separate,
right, And so if something happensand you didn't need to ninja smoke bomb
your way out of this place.Like it's a clean break. She has
(17:00):
her properties, her no assets lost. Yeah yeah yeah, And like more
importantly, like there's no obligations tostay with me. It's not because we
have nowhere else to go or liveor we can't afford to most people that
are dating, they can't afford tolive anyway, so they have to put
everything all in the investments in onehouse. And which is what I was
(17:22):
talking about with people living outside theirindividual meetings. Yeah, so we're suffering
a little bit just so we canhave financial freedom as well. Well you
have, you have asset independence,but you have right before you jumped on
my formula was when I got whenI was divorced, I had the high
(17:45):
ground in terms of being the primaryearner right and the X at a given
point in my estimation, she neededme more than I needed her, and
she found somebody else that dunked onher, and then she was screwed.
(18:06):
But it it was basically when sheturned me off, she thought she was
taking a left and then and thendoing the thing and being in a great
position. Well, I chose onevery suggestion. As a matter of fact,
to have somebody using the same logic. The logic was both parties were
equally capable, capable, and selfsufficient, and they chose to be together
(18:29):
rather than one being dependent on theother. Now you can become codependent emotionally,
which you obviously are, right,there's a code dependence there. Otherwise
it's not a relationship. That's justit'd be a weird transactional thing. But
as far as the development of likelike this goes to anybody who's out like
looking at the look okay, thecrazy hot scale thing, and then you
know, then you go to aspot where this person's like job field is
(18:53):
going to last that long and it'sall about looks and it's going to stop.
Well, here's the thing. Ifthey don't have the ability to maintain
their future, right, whether they'remale or female, there is a reason
why you should evaluate whether or notit's a good financial risk to move forward,
(19:15):
because, especially when you're young,don't get married until you're like at
least thirty at least yeah, becausepeople change, life changes, you become
a different person, and you know, usually sell your royal oats so to
speak. Too. You're doing allkind of crazy shit. So there's something
there, something to be said aboutthat. I don't know about women.
I just know that guys generally don'tknow who they are until they're a little
(19:37):
bit older, because you're always tryingto figure out what's going on and how
you're going to react to this thingand that thing and the other thing.
I don't know if women have thesame toils, because I'm not a woman,
So yeah, I don't know.I think it's best to get married
when you're thirty, especially for awoman. I mean, you don't start
sticking up for yourself or growing untilyou're thirty. As a woman, you're
still like playing by these rules likebatting your eyes will get your way,
(20:02):
and you're not sticking up for yourself. You're still kind of inferior to men,
and it's kind of hard to raisechildren like that. Oh yeah,
maybe boys. Well I mean,okay, so did you guys have like
this transactional discussion, like, hey, this is what we're going, this
is my plan of action, andhow deep in the game were you before
(20:22):
you actually had that conversation? Verylike boundaries. I respect his boundaries,
but he's confident enough to tell mehis boundaries, which most men don't do.
Sometimes I don't even know what myboundary is. I'm like, I
don't even know what that is.Actually, I had the experience where I
was in a relationship with someone thatwas older than me, and she was
(20:47):
you know, she and I hadsimilar issues. We both had postmatic stress.
And so with that condition, whichyou know people in military can always
relate to, but with us,it was from early childhood, from non
military related things, and so itkind of creates a insecurity where you kind
of come across as arrogant because whenyou defend your boundaries, you're more defensive.
(21:07):
You're not so confident you can't you'renot as mature. You don't just
sit down and say, hey,look this is what I prefer and there's
no calm discussion. It's hey,what you just did made me upset and
made me think that I'm going toget fucking stabbed because I had a flashback
or whatever it is. And so, yeah, I experienced that where I
would basically just kind of swallow myissues and I wouldn't bring up problems like
(21:30):
she'd do something that would bother meinstead of saying, hey, you know,
I really don't like that, becauseI didn't want to have a fight,
because she'd always want to turn everythinginto an argument, and she always
wanted to try to like one upme on everything and keep score of who
won what fight and whatnot. Dude, there are so many pieces. There's
so many things like that just checkedoff, like so many things. Like
(21:51):
men live in a box, right, we put all our emotions of the
box and then stick at your stomachand then have stomach problems and don't worry
about it. That's I'm kind ofthe opposite, more of an emotional guy,
and so yeah, it's just howI am. I have like four
or five emotions that's maximum. Wellwith those relationships and not being able to
healthily talk about your boundaries and havesomeone that respects them, it really does
(22:12):
grind you down. I'm curious you'rethirty two, right, Yeah, well
okay, well I guess I wastaking it Wes, But you know what,
Okay, I'm thirty four Bill,Okay, yeah, I believe you
all me too. You will probablynot really know who you are until you're
(22:33):
like forty, until until you're successfullike doing your thing, you found your
stride at everything you're wanting to do. You'll define things, You'll have really
horrible experiences, and then you'll havereally great experiences and hopefully you'll find somebody
who wants to do that with you. Well, what's interesting is like we're
in different seasons of a live andso with your sy he's late fall.
(22:57):
Yeah, though if I haven't foundmyself, then he's dating that someone.
Basically I'm unhinge you know. See. No, Well, okay, you're
you're you're thirty two, you prettymuch well, you have two children,
You've had some pretty interesting, youknow, ridiculously difficult things happen. Well,
(23:18):
you know what, that makes peopleharden up, and then you're still
willing to put yourself out there emotionallywith somebody who actually can reciprocate and who's
a strong, strong personality. Soand then is obviously providing the same you
know kind of counter you know,emotional support that is that is that's a
relationship, not a not a uhdating thing. Right. I don't think
(23:44):
women start I don't think I thinkmost women that are that I've ever met
dating at when I was dating,they were all interviewing for marriage at that
given point, Like there was likethis interview process that was happening, and
obviously mine wanted to get me offthe street and out of trouble before you
know, I got picked off.So she bought me like a commodity.
But that's the point, you actuallytouched on it right there. Bought you
(24:07):
like a commodity. That's that's theproblem I feel with our societies. They
look at you as a commodity.Each other really has a commodity, and
so then when they when you don'thave value in a relationship, well then
that person's going to just discard youand find somebody else that has value.
And I haven't gotten there yet.But my biggest thing right now is respect.
I believe that the second the femaleloses respect for the partner, I
(24:32):
was done. Done. Yeah,oh yeah, big time, big time
done. I lived that firsthand.I was thirty eight years old when I
got divorced, so like that wasthen. It was a kick in the
head because I was killing myself workingand it did affect employment, uh at
that point, even though I hadtwo positions so I kept one, lost
one. It affected a huge swathof people that were involved in the same
(24:56):
business because it killed it and thenyou know affected me and I spent I
don't know, eight or nine years, eight years, really pissed. I'm
just going to say that, reallyreally unhappy with the situation. And then
one day I woke up and Iwas like, I don't care. That
was the best thing. And thenevery said I'm glad you don't care,
because I do. I hate her. Oh like sweet, So I'm glad
(25:17):
somebody else is still love it andstill not happy. But in terms of
I guess I want to put itin terms of rather than it being scaled
as a commodity, I think it'sa decision basing. I think anybody who's
prudent is going to look at itperson and say, do you have a
bunch of red flags? Even thoughI would like to just knock the bottom
(25:41):
out of that right just and you'dbe great to hang out with for like
a few months. But here's thereality. Do I see a real relationship?
Do we connect on all these differentlevels? Do you have similar moral
compasses, similar belief systems, similarthere's so many other there's foundation things.
If you have similar belief systems,it's not like you're coming to each other
(26:03):
like one's talking about like you know, one's Islamic and one's Jewish. You
know, that's not, that's probablynot going to work out in the household,
you know, you know what Imean? Like, So, I
mean I think if you have commoncore beliefs, that's that's some standards that
you have to have. And thenthen you know that if someone's losing their
job all the time and getting anew job and losing their job all the
time, and they're doing menial shit, is that going to do? You
(26:26):
think that's going to be really asolid foundation, right, I mean that's
in terms of the commodity. Areyou stable? Are you crazy? I
think everybody's crazy, So don't getdon't get that twisted. Everybody's got their
own crazy because you know, womenand men are crazy. We just have
to accept. But when you cometo a commodity, if I look at
a partner as like, this person'sgoing to increase my my family wealth,
(26:48):
meaning oh yeah, I'd be ableto do more because they're going to be
a doctor, they're going to beX, Y or Z, and therefore
that's going to bring in revenue.Well, then once my lifestyle grows outside
that revenue stream, that revenue ohyeah, yeah, yeah totally, no
longer I no longer find value inthat person. So I'm going to leave
that person right and why I cantell Alicia right now she wanted to be
(27:10):
with you for two reasons. One'swarlord capability and then the other we already
know, so you know, Imean, I'll tell you if you want
to know, all right, Ilike the two things that money can't buy,
but you can do it. Butanyway, before we uh, before
(27:33):
we uh part ways, is therecan you tell everybody kind of the three
step phase that you would say.That's what you're saying, yeah we went.
The beginning is yeah we did.So the beginning is the vetting.
That's what we've been talking about mostly. Then there's kind of two other things
to consider. So the vetting is, you know, making sure the person
kind of has the same belief systemas you, and then you lead the
(27:53):
foundation for what the future looks likein communication with your partner. Then the
second one is ensuring that you kindof have the path forward. You're not
molding, you're not you know,combining things you understand, your different parenting
beliefs and different things like that,make sure that whatever happens, you stand.
You have boundaries. Sometimes you gotto you know, move back and
forth with those boundaries, but generallyspeaking, maintain your boundaries. And then
(28:18):
the third one is always also ensuringthat you're prepared for disaster. And in
this instance, we're talking about divorceand a lot of times, like we've
talked about on previous podcasts, theprops that you do in preparation for other
disasters apply to other disasters. Soyou know, the most common disaster that
(28:40):
can happen in your life is losinga job. Well, one of the
best ways to prepare for that isto save up money. Now, I
strongly believe in when you have money, you put it in cash form,
you keep it someplace safe. Thatway, you don't see it every day.
You don't like, well, I'lljust grab this thousand dollars for that
trip to Vegas, and I promiseI'll pay myself back, because you never
do, and that money goes awayforever. So you take that cash and
(29:02):
you put it someplace safe. Now, in this instance, the threat that
you have is probably cohabitating with youpotentially, So in that instance you might
want to ensure that that money isin a different location and that that is
your little nest egg. I recommendI actually helped Alicia start developing her nest
(29:22):
egg. In side note, shewants six hundred dollars at the casino,
So guess where that money is going. It's going into her little nest egg
that she's going to keep cash rightin your wallet, noise, I may
have skimmed a couple of bills offthe top. Yeah, well, I
would say I would say this toto reinforce the boundaries part. If you
(29:45):
don't have self respect and knowing selfand you're going to you'll kibosh or kill
a relationship if you are willing tojust throw throw all of your values out
the window. Well, that getsmixed with the fact that men are beasts
of burden. Men feel like theyhave to take the weight of the family
on in order to be contributing thepiece that they think they're supposed to contributing,
(30:08):
to the point where they'll take aback seat to everything. And next
thing you know, the kids arewalking on and the wife's walking on,
the parent and laws are walking onthem, the neighbors taking the long not
returning it, you know, allthat type of stuff, right, and
so then the respect is lost andwants to respect his losses. The relationship's
over. So yeah, yeah,so having you know, these different things
(30:30):
in places in case something happened.For example, to this guy that just
called me today and was like,hey, my life's over, my kids
hate me, and my wife justkicked me out of the house all this
stuff. He was walking around downdowntown with a T shirt, shorts and
shoes and his cell phone and wallet. That was it. And I was
like, bro, like that willnever be me. Like, there's I
(30:52):
have stuff. And I'm not sayinglike I have my survival rifle out in
the woods, but I have stuffenough stuff in different places that if I
walked out this house right now,I have stuff to survive for the next
station. Yeah that two hours,you know, until I can come up
with a planet action. And Ithink everybody should have that. Well,
like I said, and not tomention, when you have friends that actually
(31:12):
care, people that are around you, you're like, yep, you always
got a place here, you know. Yeah, well in those conversations,
yeah, Lattice. Yeah, that'sthe other thing too, is like you
got to have at least two friendsin your life where they can rely on
you and you can rely on them. And if you call them up in
like at three in the morning,We're like, hey, I need a
thing. They're like, okay,yeah, let's take sure. What what
(31:33):
where? What do you need?I was taken Yeah, how much do
we need? Oh? Not dude, I mean just real world just like,
yep, what do you need.That's something that Clyde had asked me
about when we went up to aghost conference and he I shared a hotel
room and he's like, are youguys all friends on on suppressed? So
I'm like, I'll put it thisway. Bill Patrick and Avery are guys
(31:55):
that if I call them at threeam, they not only will they answer
the phone, but they're gonna saywhere's the body? Need to be hidden?
What's going on? Yeah, I'dsay what's going on? Don't say
anything really important, just say wherewe're supposed to meet up at. Just
what's exactly what's going on? Oh? Really? Okay? What do I
need to do? Yeah exactly?Well, you know, and you talk
(32:15):
about close friends, but I meanlike this guy that I helped out today,
like I don't really know him,like, and I think that's important,
as you know, members of asociety, is that we we do
those types of things for people becausewho like there's a reason he called me.
It wasn't because my name starts withA and I'm the first person that's
(32:37):
contact Roster. No, it's becausehe needed somebody and he had nobody else
to call. So what am Igoing to do? Be like, sorry,
I'd rather be playing Minecraft right now. No, you're gonna you responsible
humans should help him. Yeah.So I've never been that person that will
if someone calls me they legitimately wanthelp, I will do what I can
(32:57):
to help them, especial there's someoneI know. Uh. There was once
where a stranger had called me andasked if he could stay at my house,
and I said, I'm not comfortablewith that, but yeah, and
I will stick my finger. Hey, but if a friend calls me and
says, hey, I'm in trouble, I'm like, I will do whatever
I can to help you. NowI can't just like, if it's going
to endanger my job or my ownwell, you know, well fair,
(33:21):
or if it's going to require meto commit a felony, I might have
to discuss that with them. Butyeah, you know, look, I'll
say this. It's a reflection onthe individual. Is if you're a high
trust individual like some everybody used youas like bedrock. That's why you catch
a call, right, It's notbecause you're the leaky vessel. It's because
(33:44):
you conduct yourself as an honorable,high trust person. Well, that's that's
that's just that person that's he justproved it to you, doesn't know you
very well, but all of asudden, it's like, yeah, this
dude's squared away. He knows what'sup, and you know he I know
he's trustworthy. Well that does saya lot about if you're not a high
trust individual and your rolodex is alwaysjust barren, that might be a reflection
(34:07):
on you. So now I wouldlike say, before we quit, because
we're almost done, remember this atthe end of a relationship the people.
If you are spending all your timehating, it's reflection only in you.
If you could see somebody like youknow, your ex or right, you're
like, man, I just donot like that person. That's okay.
(34:30):
Them treating you like horrible, that'sa reflection on them. You don't have
to let that destroy you emotionally.Now you have to like defend yourself whether
it's legal or whatever. That's totallyokay, But you got to realize that's
where they're at it's not about you. If you start living your best life,
you kill them by living well.If you are happy, that is
the best thing that can possibly happen. So work only on being you,
(34:52):
being happy and secure, and don'tworry about block out Like that was like
happy Gilmore blocked bed good. Thephrase I always like is success is the
best revenge. Oh, you know, it's really good on keep your mind
right or get your mind right andkeep your grind tight, do your own
shit. Don't worry about what everybodyelse is doing. That's that's a that's
(35:13):
a mortgagism. But yeah, it'sa thing mine, mine is. The
gym is full of broken hearts,so hell yeah it is. Once you
get that divorce PaperWorks, once youget the divorce favorworks. Sign get in
the gym, dude. Yeah,if you look and there's a lot of
distractions in the gym, it worksout pretty well when you're when you're just
getting started. So remember that thegym is full. Yeah. True,
(35:36):
the gym is full of unhappy people. There's a reason why they're working so
hard at working on themselves, whichis the reason I go three to four
times a week. So that's that'sjust the truth. That's why a year
ago I started going six days aweek. What do you do? I'm
trying to fix me and trying tostay well. I'm just trying to stay
like the tin man, keep theoil on the joints man. But I
found that it's one of the thingsthinking about, like a breakup or whatever,
(35:57):
and just taking that anger that you'refeeling and applying it towards something.
Ways, there's a couple days whereI made a max because I was personal
best, start doing some personal textyou. I would whenever I would have
a personal best, I'm like,just did this, yeah, and you're
like, yep, that's but that'sthe truth. And then on the other
side is when you finally get tothe other side and you finally feel that
(36:19):
apathy. Apathy is the best thingever because you just don't give a shit
anymore. And that's the best thingoverall, because i mean, even hate
requires emotion. So you're winning themost when you're not leaving Karen. But
it's hard. There are certain thingsthat you'll never forget. I guess so,
but yeah, everybody, listen toAvery. He's smart. He did
(36:40):
this right, This is correct.This isn't. This isn't tells I've lived
this and I structured my life.I've structured my life after the first divorce
by those by those foundations and thosestandards and those practices, and I'm happier
than ever and so is my wife. So so that works out really good
because you know, if you choose, oh, here's another one, grow
(37:02):
together, don't become an individual.So as you start thinking of as only
as an individual, then you startdoing individual shit. If you try to
like stay together and grow together andthen intermingle and communicate, chances are you'll
you'll start problems before they get toobig. Another another piece of advice i'd
heard from someone who had a successfulmarriage was don't be so legalistic in the
(37:22):
marriage. Don't be a relationship.Don't don't make it a fifty fifty relationship,
make it a one so that,yeah, if someone starts to slack
up and they can't put in theirone hundred percent, you put an extra
to fill that gap and be ateam. And so that's that's kind of
why I'm saying single as I haveor I found anyone that I can I
(37:44):
feel like I can have as areal partner in times. Yeah, it'll
take time. Yeah, so keepstay in the gym. Trust me that
that's like, that's like putting lure. That's a lure. It's a thing
because remember, you are judged everyday. That is the other thing.
You are a commodity. That's oneof those things you can control. Though.
Yeah, okay, I think we'reall done here, So I'm pat
(38:07):
missed out on all the touchy feelytalk today. So yeah, yeah,
exactly, he's like a fish.He probably would have just made some inappropriate
comment about boobs or something. Yeah. Yeah, it's like, what'd you
do? How do you know whenit is good? I stuck my finger,
(38:29):
but a bunch of of homophobic slurs, that's that's what you would.
Pat this all right, So guys, we are on YouTube now. Uh
and uh, sprinker Feet is stillup. That's that's all our site.
We keep that up. So youguys guess audio there. I'm gonna work
it out so that you can getaudio end video on YouTube. Those videos
(38:50):
are gonna get one every day forthe next couple of weeks, are gonna
be up actually for watching this afterrelease season order you we're going to be
at the end of the lineup.You're probably not I see us until like
May. If you're on YouTube,is the way that that works. I
have to post them in the orderthat they're made. But guys, I
can speerfect tips your at gmail dotcom. Still the best way if you
want to give us some monetary compensationor just give us a thank you,
(39:16):
a gratuity for our work. Ifyou get value out of this podcast,
and yeah, it's going to beit for this week. But remember when
it comes to your rights, whetherit be the First Amendment, Second Amendment,
or all the others, make sureyou stay unsuppressed and to completely support
our normal gun chat. Remember ifyou're looking to buy a product, buy
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a product that's from a known manufacturer, because something like a suppressor, you
don't know if that suppressor is goingto be built ten years from now.
But if you buy something that's froma repartable manufacturer, chances are if you
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