November 28, 2023 • 53 mins
Join us as we talk with Marine veteran Leah. Leah takes us on her journey of heartbreak, betrayal, and hopelessness during her journey of redemption. At every turn, when it looks as though no one would believe her, there's a new obstacle thrown in her way. She tries to move on with her life, and at the most unexpected moment, she receives a heartbreaking yet redeeming phone call. She knew there would still be a long road ahead, but her perseverance and faith kept her strong and willing to stay the course.
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Episode Transcript
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(00:12):
Hey y'all, and welcome to seasonfour of Uncle Sam's Daughter, the podcast
that celebrates and honors the real lifesuperwomen who have served in the Armed forces.
Join us as we explore the uniqueexperiences, challenges, and triumphs of
these extraordinary women, from their timein uniform to their transition back to civilian
(00:35):
life. We'll hear inspiring stories thatshowcase their resilience, their journeys through adversity,
and their unwavering determination to overcome.If you haven't already, please check
out the book Uncle Sam's Daughter,which is available on Amazon. For more
information about the podcast, or toget your copy of the book, please
(00:56):
check out the website. The linkcan be found in the podcast scription.
We are so excited to continue toshare our journey with you all. Thank
you for your continued support. Besure to subscribe to the podcast on your
favorite podcast platform. Most of all, remember that sharing is caring, so
please be sure to share. Now, let's jump into this latest season together.
(01:21):
We'll shine a spotlight on the womenwho continue to inspire and make a
difference because her story matters. Helloeverybody, and thank you so much for
tuning in to this season of UncleSam's Daughter. I am so excited about
(01:47):
our guests today. This particular person. I don't want to steal any of
her thunder, but she is justan amazing, amazing person. So we
met recently, but we have hadthe opportunity to talk and just hearing her,
I knew that I wanted to gether on this show and just hear
(02:10):
more about her story. So sheis here to share that with us today.
So extremely excited about it. SoI am going to let you all
meet my newest friend, Leah Liah. You want to tell our group a
little bit about yourself. Oh,thank you so much, Deirdra, and
(02:32):
thank you for having me and invitingme today and for recording these stories.
I think it's so important, Sowhat you're doing is awesome. Yes,
my name is Leah Kers, andI am a Marine Corps veteran. I
served from nineteen ninety nine until twothousand and seven, and most of that
(02:53):
time I was stationed in San Diego. But right now I live in just
a little north of Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, and a little a little area called
Glenshaw, and it's it's really agreat area. It's close to Pittsburgh,
close to lots of attractions. AndI live here with my husband and we
(03:13):
have five children. And I didn'tknow you had porcats, dog and chickens.
Oh wow, Okay, I reallydidn't know that, especially about the
chicken. You have a little farmoutfres But it sounds like, wait,
(03:36):
I think we're trying. I thinkthat's our goal. That's my goal.
I'm finessing my husband into it.He doesn't know it, so I hope
he doesn't hear this too soon.Got you. We will keep it secret
for the moment. Okay, SoI have to ask too, are you
a Stellers fan. I don't likesports, that's just not my thing.
(03:57):
But I will make fair enough.I will make a great sandwich and some
good chili for anybody who wants towatch it. I will support the watchers.
That's part of where I am.Okay, that's acceptable. We'll go
along with that. So I knowover here we are big Stellers fans.
So I was just gonna, youknow, bring you along with us.
(04:20):
But that's we will take you upon the sandwiches and the rest of Well,
we might have to send you somecookies too, because Pittsburgh has this
tradition of cookie tables. Where youhave like hundreds of different cookies and you
eat them during big events. Sowe'll send over some Pittsburgh stealer cookies.
(04:43):
Okay. I did not know thatwas a thing, so okay, I
accept. Okay, So you're livingin Pittsburgh area, Ish, where did
you actually grow up at? Igrew up actually of street or away from
where I live right now. Iwe grew up here. I had two
(05:04):
sisters and sorry, two brothers anda sister. We had a middle class
growing up. My father worked fora company named frieda La that makes the
potato chips, and my mother wasmostly a stay at home mom until we
got a little bit older, andthen she ended up getting a job in
(05:24):
a hospital when we were all inmiddle school or high school. But we
were very much. We had everythingwe needed, but we didn't have a
lot of any of the extras,so we made things last a long time.
My father is ten years older thanmy mom, and he was born
at the beginning of the baby boom, so his parents were traditionalists. His
(05:48):
parents came out of the Depression,and so in my household, we saved
everything, like the scraped every littlebit out of the postagejar. You know
you put water in it, shookit up and see everything see the twist
ties from the bread, I meaneverything purpose. Yes, my mom's the
(06:11):
same way. She's in our familyand she's a baby boomer. We were
talking about that actually last night,and I am the one where like I
will sneak in and grab stuff outof her kitchen and throw it away and
she doesn't find it to like monthsor sometimes years later. But every time
(06:33):
she's like, I'm looking for somethingwhere to go? I get blamed because
it usually is me. But youknow, they they saved everything, even
if it was expired or like,oh no, that's just the day they
put on there. You don't needto throw that away. It's like,
uh, I feel like you probablydo so definitely understand that everything is saved
(06:57):
and has a repurpose or absolutely andthere wasn't you know, like struggling was
not like anything they didn't want todo. So if times got a little
bit tough, the attitude was,well, that's how it is, and
just pushed through and you'll be fine, don't worry, and almost a little
(07:20):
attitude of don't hope for too much. And that was never said out loud,
but That's definitely how I felt growingup, was that don't dream too
big for anything, because there's nota good chance it's going to happen.
My mother's side of the family livesvery close by, and her family also
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they well none of them went tocollege. So nobody in my family went
to college. And not that itwas looked down upon, it just nobody
had the means to do it.And a lot of my family were farmers
grow like going back, you know, several generations, almost everybody was not
industrial farmers, but you farmed yourland to make your food. And so
(08:11):
that's partly why I have chickens now. It was sort of an experiment to
not an experiment, but I wantedto connect with my family, you know,
traditionally, to see what was whatdid they go through and at Titian
it's not as glamorous as it seemswhen you watch HGTV from your couch.
It's a lot harder. But wenever were told growing up. We were
(08:31):
never you know, always loved,always taken care of, always knew our
parents would give us their less pennyif we needed it. But also we
were told you if you go tocollege, were not paying for it.
So we knew upfront, from veryearly on, we were never gonna Our
(08:52):
parents would never pay for us togo to college. So in the back
of my mind, I'm like,well, then what do I do?
I never They never, you know, as much as they love me and
I love them, they did notprepare us for what do you do when
you become an adult? And Iwas, you know, once I got
to high school, I kind ofstruggled with that. Or I didn't have
(09:15):
a lot of friends. I didn'tknow why. I always felt like,
you're a decent person, Leo,why don't you know you should meet friends?
Thank you so much, But Ididn't connect, Like, I don't
know what it was. I gotmade fun of a lot, you know,
looking back, I wish I knewwhat it was. But anyway,
(09:37):
I didn't have a lot of friends. But I did get a boyfriend in
my freshman year. And yeah,he was from Brazil and okay, yes,
and he was a little older thanme. And so I met him
when I was fifteen and he wastwenty one. And saying that right,
(10:01):
yeah, saying that right now seemscreepy to say that out loud, and
we're talking over twenty years ago,so I mean almost thirty years ago.
So you know, thinking back,I'm like, wow, that was weird.
But I lied to my parents court, But was that really weird because
(10:24):
it's kind of like you just saidthat your dad was ten years older than
your mom, So for you,it probably wasn't that weird. Correct,
Yes, it was not weird atthe time. And I grew up in
a Jewish home and when you are, you know, thirteen years old,
you are an adult, and soyou know, it is very at the
(10:48):
time. At my age, Ifelt not that I was like able to,
you know, have my own householdor anything like that, but I
felt probably more adult than my peersdid. So when I met my boyfriend,
he was dark hair, you know, Latin look, had an accent,
(11:11):
and he was different and I wasreally drawn to the spunk that he
had. But then and I didlie to my parents. I said he
was in twelfth grade and I wasa freshman. And about a year into
it, they found out, andthey were mad at me, of course,
(11:33):
but they did not make us breakupor anything. So they did not,
and that was I don't know why, but they didn't. I fell
in love with his family, hismother was a clothing designer and an architect,
and she had the style and BrazilianPortuguese you call it brega. It's
(11:54):
like over the top and almost onthe verge of because it's so over the
top. And she would dress meup in these outfits with glitter and feathers,
and it was fun, you know, for a teenage girl. It
was fun. And she taught mePortuguese and we would go shopping and it
(12:16):
was it was fun. Oh nice. Yeah, that was an outlet for
me where my parents. My motherdid not teach me about how to dress,
how to put on makeup. Thatwasn't a thing for her. So
I had a lot of fun withLana and we stayed together up until we
(12:39):
got I was a senior in highschool, and then that voice of Leah,
what are you going to do?Really started shouting at me. You're
a senior, you're going to graduate, You're not going to go to college.
I always wanted to be a veterinarian, like so many little girls wanted
to be, and I knew thatwasn't going to happen. So I started
(13:01):
talking to my boyfriend's mother, Laana, and she said, oh, we
have so many friends in Brazil.One of them is they own a school
and you could be an English teacher. And I thought, well that sounds
great, and I'm like, wow, I could go to Brazil be an
English teacher. But then one daythis marine recruiter walked into school with his
(13:24):
dress blues on, those blue pants, that red stripe, the gold buttons,
the tight haircut, and there wassomething about his presence that I almost
felt like a spiritual awakening of almostlike this is what you're supposed to do.
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And I talked to him at school. He said, meet me at
the recruiter's office. I did,and I said I want to do this.
He said, well, you're undereighteen. I need to have your
parents sign off on this. AndI said, okay, come on over.
So my parents had no clue anddid they even know that you were
(14:07):
thinking about this or going into thisdirection. Never, so they were completely
blindsided and You're like, okay,come on over. I'm just like,
yep, let's do it. Let'scome on over. My parents were totally
taken aback. They were like shocked. I was so out of the norm
to have someone come over without anybodyknowing. And then also your daughter wants
(14:33):
to join the military, and mymother just started she broke down crying.
I think she was just too overwhelmed, and my father was like, oh,
that's kind of cool. So completelydifferent reaction. They did. They
did, but my mother was supportive, but she didn't want I think she
(14:58):
was trying to not hinder me andalso didn't know how to process things.
But they signed. They signed rightthen and there, and I was still
in high school, so I hadto wait until graduation. But then in
June I of nineteen ninety nine,I went to It was the day after
Father's Day. I went to bootcamp. And it was the strangest thing
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because you go to the airport,you meet you fly to. I think
we flew from like Pittsburgh to Atlanta, where we met other people together,
and then from Atlanta we went toSouth Carolina. And you're completely civilian when
you're on that flight with other people, and then you get on the famous
bus and you are civilian on thatbus, and once you get off,
(15:48):
life changes and you have to yes, So let me actually this, did
any of your other siblings are relatives? Did they join? Like, was
this just completely new for your family? Yeah? It was new. I
m for the most part my mother'sbrother. So my uncle, he was
(16:10):
a marine. I didn't know itat the time because he was gone,
he was deployed for most of mylife, so I didn't know him that
very well. But there was nosiblings, no grandparents that were in the
military. So I wonder too ifthat's probably why your mom was just like
what where did this come from?And also too, I was thinking,
(16:33):
were there other like females, becauseI know there's never like, yes,
nowadays there are more females joining,but you know, you said you were
in from what the nineties, like, was there still a lot of females
who were joining at the time.And boot camp they in the Marine Corps
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they are completely separate. And ourplatoon had eighty people and there were four
platoons at one time, and sothat felt like a lot at the time.
But I would find out soon thatwhen you got out of boot camp
and got into the actual Marine Corps, we were very it was very very
(17:18):
small, the very very I thinkat the time we were still one percent
of the whole Marine Corps. Wowwow, Okay, so where did you
you went on this bus? Wheredid the bus take you? Where did
you go to boot camp Paras Island, South Carolina. Ah, okay,
so how was how was that experience? And I'm sure you know, of
(17:42):
course it sounds like you were justcompletely out of your elements, So like,
what was it adjusting in meeting newpeople from all different parts of the
country and backgrounds and all of that. So I know for me it was
it wasn't as weird, but itwas still interesting. And of course I'm
(18:07):
an army veteran, So what wasit like in the Marines? It was?
It felt so chaotic at first,so many people. The Marine Corps
yells a lot, as I'm surethe Army does to the constant yelling,
and I was not used to thatat all. So many people, and
I definitely like my bubble. Andso you know in the in the Marine
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Corps, you have a barracks whereall these eighty people. So the barracks
is two floors, two sides,So you have eighty people in one room
and it's like a like you know, two people like a below and above
and on the same on each side. So there's one bathroom and one shower
and you're so when you shower,you all shower together. So the first
(18:56):
time of be even in high school. In the shower, you know,
everyone like gets stressed with their towelaround them, and you know you're trying
to be mindful of other people's privacy. There's no privacy in boot camp.
Right, Yeah, that was ashock, and but you adjust quickly.
I think, Right, it's kindof like you have to because I mean
(19:19):
things were going so fast, andagain the yelling and the like, you
had to be like on it.It's so really, I know, for
me, I didn't even have thecapacity to think about anybody else. I'm
just like, hurry up and getmy ass out so I don't get in
trouble exactly. You don't want toget in trouble and and and getting in
(19:45):
trouble leads to physical activity like pushups, and you know I didn't want
to do that. But boot campoverall, I love a challenge and I
do think that people in general,we all know what we want to what.
You know. I knew boot campwas going to be challenging. And
(20:06):
when I got into those situations liketaking showers with eighty other women naked,
or sleeping with people literally right nextto you with an I'm sixteen, that
you know you. I had toaccept that. I had to accept the
difficulties because I knew that I knewwhat I wanted. I knew that it
(20:27):
was part of what I needed toexperience to get to what I wanted,
which was to be a marine.And one big challenging part was Marine Corps
boot camps. Thirteen weeks and youhave won ten second call when you get
to Paras Island, a collect callthat you call your parents and say I'm
here, I'm okay, I'll talkto you in thirteen weeks and that's it.
(20:51):
You do get letters. But butthat was challenging. The physical activity
pushed me beyond ever I ever expected. When I got done, I had
the body of a goddess and andit was great. We graduated. There
was a hurricane when we graduated.We were the first platoon in Marine Corps
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history to ever not graduate on ParisIsland, so my parents never got to
see me graduate. We were evacuatedto Georgia, and we did not have
the traditional ceremony that most people have. But I was happy to be a
marine and I was wanted to bestationed. They asked, when you get
(21:37):
done with boot camp in school,they say where do you want to be
stationed? And you get like yourtop three picks, and I wanted to
be stationed on the East Coast soI could go home and see my parents
and my family, but they sentme to San Diego. And I feel
like they used those top three togo directly opposite of what you want.
So, yeah, I feel likeyou're better off to just put it where
(22:03):
you don't want to go, andthen Dell say where you actually want to
go? Yes, absolutely, AndI was scared at first and so happy
that I went to San Diego becauseit is such a wonderful place and you
leave base and it doesn't feel likeyou're in the military. It's there's it's
(22:26):
so close to Mexico. And oh. So when I got to my duty
station, I was on the airwing with eight hundred people, most of
them men, and the competition.I was so well, I was so
excited. I was like, I'man adult, being free. I don't
want to say free, like Iwas like being at home was terrible.
(22:48):
But when you're an adult and youfeel like you can really make your own
decisions in certain areas, Obviously inthe military, you can't just do whatever
you want but there is a differentkind of freedom being an adult and not
living in your parents' home. AndI was feeling so grown up, you
know, really, I felt likegrown up in the terms of American culture,
(23:10):
where I was making my paycheck andI was able to buy a car
and go places I wanted to goafter work, and I was feeling great,
and for the most part, thingswere good, but there was definitely
a current of this competition between menand women, where comments of like,
for example, exercise is very importantin the military, and you get tested
(23:33):
on how fast you can run.We had to run three miles and I
can't remember the exact minutes, butI think for men, like a perfect
was twenty one minutes and women gottwenty five minutes. And also men had
to do pull ups and women youwould hang like the flex arm hang instead.
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So there's different different standards for menand women. And the comments that
we got for that, you know, like, oh, you're not a
real marine, you can't You're notreally doing this, It doesn't what you're
doing doesn't matter. Wow. Iwas not expecting those comments and those attitudes
(24:15):
from then. So how did you, like, how did you overcome they?
In my eighteen nineteen year old eyes. I I'm very competitive, so
I thought it was a great ideato take my Physical Fitness Test, which
(24:36):
we call the PFT in high heels. And what I did. I did
it was there were two inch heels. I duct taped them to my feet
and I because I felt like Ihad to prove something and I didn't,
but I felt like I did.There was this this feeling inside of me
(24:59):
that I did not want to beminimized because of what other people felt about
me. And I think those conversations, if they have, you know,
people have questions like, well,why do men have a more strict time
to get a perfect I think thoseare conversations to have. But at the
time, the Marine Corps was notfacilitating those conversations or teaching people how to
(25:22):
have those conversations. So my responsewas, well, I'm going to show
you. So I duct tape thosethose shoes in my feet and I ran
three miles. I did not getperfect, but I did still meet the
standard, which I think was thirtytwo minutes to run three miles. Amazing
three miles and some hills. Yeah, I am impressed. I don't care
(25:47):
if you I mean just the factthat she has Okay, how did you
do with the rest of the stuff. The running was always my nemesis and
it took some practice and medication todo that, and I did it.
And then another thing that I didwas there's a thing called meritorious Promotion board
(26:08):
where you can get promoted ahead ofyour expected time and you have to compete
with people for that. And Iwent to a board. I went to
compete. I did not get itthe first time, and they look at
your rifle scores. How well doyou shoot? In the marine year,
we shoot at five hundred meters opensites and that was difficult for me too,
(26:32):
but I practiced and practiced your petscore. And then there is a
military kind of competence exam. Theyask you questions about current events. And
this was before nine to eleven,so they were asking we was building,
there was some turmoil going on,and I remember getting a question about the
(26:52):
Taliban at the time. But Itook it again, and it was because
of the one of my sergeant major. He said, Leah, I want
you to you didn't you didn't pass. What do you think about taking it
again? And I said, Ididn't pass, and he said why didn't
you pass or why didn't Why weren'tyou selected for this board? And I
(27:15):
never thought about that before. Inever like really thought, why didn't you
make something? And it was likethat My mentality growing up was that you
just pushed through. You didn't makethis do something different. And I said,
well, because I guess I didn'tdo as well in the different areas
(27:37):
as I could. And he said, what do you think you should do
about that? So he really coachedme through. This sergeant major who was
in his fifties came from the infantrywho came beside me and coached me through
what do I want and how doI get there? And I had to
practice running and I was running onthe flight line one time, and about
(28:03):
halfway through, here comes my Sargeantmajor in this easy Go, which is
like a little golf cart driving acrossthe flight line got out and I was
struggling. It was hot, Iwanted to stop, I wanted to walk,
and he got beside me, andat the time, my name was
Douglas, and he's like Douglas gettingstep and he started counting cadence for me
(28:26):
and started, you know, cadenceis kind of like singing and he helped
me pace my breath and he reallyshowed me what I needed to do to
get through that run. And hedid that for many people in different ways,
but he would come beside people andshow them how do you succeed in
taking that time. It probably onlytook him fifteen minutes to do that with
me, But what a difference thatmade, and not only in my physical
(28:49):
ability but my confidence. And thatwas the first time I felt in my
life the power one person has tobreathe life and justody else. Wow,
Oh, I love the supreme lifeinto someone else. Wow, that is
amazing. And I'm sure it's probablyto me. It's like that would be
(29:11):
an unexpected person to do that,So that's even more amazing. Okay,
so what happens next? You retakeit? And I retook it. I
competed with five other men and Igot it, and I got it,
and so I got meritoriously promoted toa corporal and that is a non commissioned
(29:37):
officer position. I really succeeded inthe Marine Corps. Let me speed up
a little. But I met anothervery handsome man and chiseled face, green
eyes, and just I was justinfatuated with him and the I don't know
if the same experience happens in thearmy, but for some reason and the
(30:00):
Marine Corps people just get married fastand we got we eloped and at a
wedding chapel. My parents were alittle upset at that, and we ended
up getting married and we had twochildren pretty fast, and everything felt like
(30:21):
it was going really well. Andthen one day one of my children started
showing signs of something that just didn'tseem right to me it And so around
two and a half three years old, my daughter, my daughter, you
know these you fall in love withyour kids, I think before they're born,
(30:42):
you know, you just you know, healthy kids all the way around,
beautiful, excited kids. And oneday my daughter she had you know,
cooped in her diaper and started rubbingit all over herself. And I
just didn't feel like that was Iknow the kids at that point, having
(31:04):
two kids, you know that theyget messy, they get into things.
But something did not feel right aboutthat, and I just kept my eye
on it, and something was pullingat me, thinking this is not right,
this is not right. And thenI got promoted again, and this
feeling of something isn't right, justkept coming up. Little incidents would happen
(31:30):
with my children that I wasn't feelingright. And I was really starting to
feel like something wasn't right between myhusband and my children. I went to
the when I took them to thepediatrician, I mentioned something about this and
they said, he said, Leah, that's I need to refer you to
somebody else. And it was toa sexual abuse counselor. And took my
(31:52):
children there and they said, weabsolutely believe your children are being abused.
Oh my god. And thinking thatit was of course, the person that
I'm thinking of is my husband.And so then I it's time for so
having this and how do you processthis? Knowing that you can't just say
something because if you say something andyou're wrong, you're gonna look like an
(32:15):
idiot. And and it's very seriousallegations. I mean for anybody, but
in the military too, it's veryserious. So it's time for me to
get promoted again. And I stillhad that same sergeant major, and I
asked him to pin me. Sothe pinning in the military is like an
honor to pin somebody or to bepinned by somebody important. And I thought
(32:37):
he was going to pin me withmy new rank, and then at the
last minute he surprised me with myhusband coming in to pin me, and
I just remember thinking how it justfelt. Just I felt disgusted coming from
the doctor, knowing that my kidswere probably being sexually the minimal assaulted by
(33:01):
my husband, and I just feltlike I did not I mean, I
just felt mortified in that moment.And why did you thank your husband?
I'm thinking by that would I feltlike that would have been the last person
to come to my mind. Sowhy did you immediately thank your husband?
(33:21):
I noticed some things, especially betweenhe and my daughter, pretty early,
pretty early on that just and Idon't know if this was my intuition,
I don't know if this was Godsaying pay attention. I don't know what
this was, but little things likethe way my husband would respond to my
daughter, little things like her askingto drink his pepsi, and just the
(33:44):
way he would interact with her,like the way he would give her the
can of pepsi and then just touchher nose in an almost sexual way,
like flirtatious way that just didn't feelright to me. And and they we
were in daycare and childcare, andI just felt like my gut was that
(34:06):
it was my husband doing something,so continuing to take them to a therapist,
and my husband did not know thatI was taking them to the therapist.
And as my children got older andwe're talking over the course of about
six months, and they started verbalizingmore. One day, my daughter told
the therapist, I don't want daddycoming here. And he never had been
(34:29):
there, but she said, Idon't want my daddy coming here. And
at that point is when I Icalled the police and with the help of
the therapist, with the agency thatwe were going to, and that is
when everything kind of like blew upfor me. And this is why people,
(34:52):
I think, don't say things becauseyou can't guarantee the outcome. And
his response was to file for divorceand filed full custody of the children.
Oh my god, at this Yes, we just got orders to Oregon,
which is a state above California,and an Oregon you cannot a judge cannot
(35:14):
split custody physical legal custody of children. The judge. If a judge makes
a rolling, he has to giveone parent full custody the other parent zero
custody. So yes, so sincehe filed custody first. He ended up
(35:36):
he filed what's called a status quo, and he said that he was the
primary parent of the kids. Sowhere I thought I was doing the right
I'm taking my kids to therapy.I got enough evidence, so I thought
to protect my children. And herehe pulled a fast one and filed for
custody, filed a status quo andhad got full custody of the temporarily full
(36:00):
custody of the kids. And Ifelt so betrayed by the system, so
betrayed by God, so just betrayedin general. And it took that divorce.
At the time, we lived inJosephine County, and my attorney said
it was the longest divorce that everhappened. And we just kept because there
(36:24):
was so it was an Oregon,Yes, I it was symptoms with my
daughter. Continued and it's hard.What do you do? And it's awful.
I had no college degree. Idon't come from a family with a
(36:46):
lot of money, so funding alawyer and living on your own when you
don't have custody of your kids,you don't get child support. It was
the financial struggle. I ended upworking at Denny's as a waitress, and
then the judge said, oh,I'm sorry. I was out of that
(37:08):
at this point when I started workingat Denny's, I did get out of
the military, and because my husbandhad the custody of the two kids for
so long, it was that thiswhole status quo thing, and he kept
delaying the case, and I felthelpless and and got to a point where
(37:30):
you how much further do you fight? And so I was contemplating do I
We're talking about five years into this, and I was about to give up.
And one day my husband at thetime, his girlfriend called me and
(37:52):
she said, Liam, here's Ineed you to talk to somebody. And
she had a police officer with himwith her, and the police officer said,
miscurs, I need you to cometo your husband's ex husband, a
strange husband's house and pick up yourchildren. Your ex husband's being arrested.
(38:12):
And so we were still legally marriedat the time, but separated. Of
course. He had started a newlife with another woman, and I was
working at Denny's full time, goingto college full time. In this expectation
that I was going to I knewI wanted to take care of my kids
and I was going to have themone day, although my hope was starting
(38:35):
to dwindle because it had been solong. Then I went to his house
and there were so many police cars, so many cybersecurity and they arrested him
for with like over one hundred Imean, it was like so many counts,
hundreds of counts of child sexual abuse. Oh my god, yes,
so he was. My children wereone of many that he was photographing and
(39:00):
sending and selling child picture phoenography ofchildren. And that was how he was
supporting himself for the most part.And he would hide little flash drives in
said erasers, and when the policecame, he showed them everything. And
I went to my lawyer's office andI said what does this mean? And
(39:24):
he said, Leah, he isnever going to see those kids again,
and he never has. He's nevertalked to them again. I've never talked
to him again. And I pickedup my kids, my dogs, cats,
in my suburban. I picked upeverything, and I drove back to
Pennsylvania. From Oregon to Pennsylvania.Okay, so you're okay. I have
(39:52):
first of all, wow, wow, like my stomach is turney by tearing
up. But I'm also just likeso proud of you. Okay, so
let's go back to real quick.In California, if you were taking them
(40:14):
to see therapists, why were theynot Why wasn't that agency? I thought
there was like a duty for themto report it and to get involved or
like cepeople like child Protective Services somethinglike that to ensure that this does not
happen to children. So what happenedto all of that? They did,
(40:35):
they tried, They definitely did getinvolved in wrote reports and said that they
absolutely believe that these both of thechildren, especially my daughter, were being
sexually abused. And all of thatinformation in San Diego County was submitted and
the judge completely disregarded all of it. Oh my god, my husband's perspective,
(40:59):
and you know when you I don'tyou know, I think about this
so many times, like how couldthat happen? How could that happen?
And are there cases of because whatthe judge initially said at the very beginning
is that the the reports were notsubstantiated and that people make up stories all
the time to get past the otherkids in this way, and so the
(41:23):
agency is giving them, yes,their expert opinion. You have statements from
the darter and they're seeing that likepeople are making up stuffs yet all mine.
Yes, And my husband's attorney arguedthat I was essentially brainwashing my children
(41:45):
and telling them what to say andthat, because then then you end up
if you've pushed back. In mymind, if you if you push back
too hard, you're that crazy woman. And what do you do? How
do you respond in any other wayexcept in a way that Mama Bear coming
out. But when you respond likeMama Bear, people look at you like
(42:07):
you're crazy, like you're unstable.And I I just I did not want
to come across like that. AndI knew in that particular situation with that
judge that that was not going tobe in my favor if I responded the
way I felt like responding, Yil. It's oh God, the way that
(42:29):
some of these judges just do somuch disservice and so much powerts me off
and it's just a complete insult.How did so the girlfriend? Did she
only know about this because the policeshowed up. Yes, she was in
shock. She had no suspicion ofanything whatsoever. Did she have kids?
(42:52):
They had a daughter? They did, And he was doing the same thing
to the daughter, she was veryvery young. I don't think that there's
any evidence that ever came out thathe was doing something with her because she
was infant, like just once monthsold. And but I mean your daughter
was too when she was so allof the one hundred percent of the children
(43:16):
and the investigation were pre pre peubescentchildren. So these are not fifteen year
old girls. These are children.All of them were children. And so
guess what when your husband ex husband'sin jail, you get zero child support
too. So, you know,moving back home to my parents' house,
(43:38):
I felt a little bit. Itwas I knew I was welcomed. And
also you have this, you know, feeling of being an adult and wanting
to support your own kids. AndI was able to finish my degree because
of my parents support watching the kidsso much, and even and I just
(43:58):
thought in my mind, like afteryou get a college degree, everybody wants
to hire you. That's like thekey to success. And gosh, I
applied to jobs so many times andnever got hired, and was working a
lot of restaurant jobs. In yourmind, you think this is who I
Not that there's anything wrong working inrestaurants at all, but it wasn't making
(44:19):
me enough money. And I gotto the point where I thought, now
I am approaching thirty, that I'mjust that minimizing word of just I'm just
going to be a waitress. I'mjust going to be a pizza maker.
Really started to settle in. Butthankfully, because I do believe that this
(44:40):
is because of my faith, Ijust prayed my little heart out and I
begged the Lord to change my situationand asked him to have favor over my
career and to be a great motherand to be a provider for my family.
And growing up in my household,the foll were the providers, so
this is a very different thing forme to be the sole provider of my
(45:05):
children. And my situation did change. And you know, I didn't sit
at home and just wait for somethingto change. I applied. I went
to organizations to help me with myresume. I kept trying and kept trying.
And I also didn't ever think Ihad to start at the bottom.
I knew that I had skills,and that I think is so important to
(45:29):
think in your mind, I amcapable, and to tell yourself no matter
what anyone else thinks. Because therewere people who said why don't you just
go to hod Housing And not thatthere's anything wrong with that. Again,
I knew that I wanted to do. I was capable, and so many
people around me were saying, You'renot capable. And I had to push
(45:50):
through that, and so I kepttrying and I kept asking for help different
organizations. How do I fix myresume? And then I applied to the
VA probably the five hundredth time andgot an interview, and my first job
at the federal government was it.I went from working at a pizza restaurant
(46:12):
making pizza to a GS eleven positionat the DA What. Oh god,
yeah that is amazing. That's ablessing. Oh my god. Oh yeah,
I know we're like time wise,but I have at the end of
this. But okay, tell meabout this is your two kids, Well,
(46:38):
how was your relationship Like do youfeel like that previous situation was it
a strain on your relationship with them? Did they know what had happened?
Like how was that impacted during allof this? And especially being a single
mother, you know, the realrelationship that I wanted as a mother,
(47:01):
to have this close relationship with mytwo precious babies. It was hindered by
that and now in retrospect and therapy, knowing that at the time, they
were feeling that, Mom, youdidn't protect me. And that's their perspective
because they didn't know all, youknow, everything that I was doing to
(47:23):
protect them, and all of thebarriers that were put up and all the
legal things that got in the way, and so it definitely was a barrier.
And I could say that's just theway things are, but I don't.
I continue to connect with my childrenand now they know the full story
(47:44):
because they're in their twenties now,so now they know and we are able
to connect and continue to grow arelationship. But it definitely put a huge
wedge between how much how close wewere. Especially I feel like a lot
of lungs. I lost a lotof time with my children when they were
babies, and I did what aboutso you said, you have five kids
(48:07):
though, so yeah, what aboutthe other three? So and of course
you have a different last name andall of that. Yeah, So so
now you know, after I didwork for the started at the VA,
(48:28):
and you met my current husband totally. My sister connected us. Actually,
my sister and her boyfriend at thetime. She's they was like a mutual
friend and they connected us together,and of course I was so just very
much uneasy because of the experience thatI had. But there have been some
(48:50):
time and so I met my currenthusband. We started dating and he was
military army, and he went ona deployment and when he came back,
we got married and we have threekids from that marriage. And marriage is
tough. It's not always easy,I will say, but there's a lot
(49:12):
of love in our family. AndI think that is my biggest takeaway from
my story in the military is weare very capable human beings. In general.
We are all so capable and peoplewill things are going to happen in
life, things that we never expect, and every single situation, it might
not turn out the way we wantit to, but we can persevere.
(49:34):
We can triumph over every situation thathappens to us. And also that love,
like that's the only thing that canmend, Like the relationship between me
and my shouldren is continuing just tolove them, and love matters, and
we are so much stronger than wefeel like we are sometimes Yeah, yeah,
(49:59):
oh my god, Okay, Ireally literally have chills with this and
I'm just I knew you were amazing, and this just really proves even more
like how amazing you are. AndI know we did not so we did
(50:20):
not get to go through everything else, and I know we were kind of,
you know, just for time sake, But I say that because I
want you to come back on andI would love to have you on again
as a guest and just talk alittle bit more just about overcoming, because
you and I have talked about thatbefore, and this definitely gives me just
(50:45):
a lot better of a perspective.And I just while you are an amazing
a strong woman in the story ofyou doing your PFT in the hill,
well forever like that in itself.Okay, we're just going to give you
(51:07):
a case, you know what.I love what you're doing here because I
think every single woman is amazing andwe think about all of the things that
we can't do so much, andI think when we hear the stories from
other people, it refreshes our memoryto all of the times when we were
(51:29):
overcomers and that that we did itbefore and we can do it again.
Yes, yes, yes, Andthat also too, I think leads to
that bond and that support for eachother which is really really big about So
thank you Leah. Thank you.Throw in some round of applause right there,
(51:53):
because that was just that's the mainstory. But okay, so we
have you recorded as saying thank you. Will come back, yeah, I
will, yes, So thank you. You're thank everyone for tuning in to
today's episode of Uncle Sam's Daughter,and we will see you all at the
(52:17):
next session. Well, thank everyone. Bye, Leah, thank you,
thank you, thank you, thankyou, thank you for tuning in to
(52:37):
this episode of Uncle Sam's Daughter.We hope that you enjoyed hearing the incredible
stories and insights from our guests.If you'd like to stay connected with us
and share your support for women veterans, don't forget to subscribe, rate,
and review our podcast on your favoriteplatform. Your feedback means the world to
us. To stay updated on ourlatest episodo and connect with our community,
(53:01):
follow us on social media at UncleSam's Daughter and also on Facebook. And
if you know a remarkable woman veteranwith a story to share, or if
you have any suggestions or feedback,please reach out to us by using the
link in the video description. Remember, every woman veteran's journey is unique and
(53:22):
their experiences deserve to be heard andcelebrated. We'll be back soon with more
empowering stories and inspiring conversations. Thankyou for supporting Uncle Sam's daughter, and
never forget the service of women veteransis a legacy that will continue to inspire
generations to come. Until next time, be sure to listen to her because
(53:45):
her story matters.
Hey y'all, and welcome to seasonfour of Uncle Sam's Daughter, the podcast
that celebrates and honors the real lifesuperwomen who have served in the Armed forces.
Join us as we explore the uniqueexperiences, challenges, and triumphs of
these extraordinary women, from their timein uniform to their transition back to civilian
(00:35):
life. We'll hear inspiring stories thatshowcase their resilience, their journeys through adversity,
and their unwavering determination to overcome.If you haven't already, please check
out the book Uncle Sam's Daughter,which is available on Amazon. For more
information about the podcast, or toget your copy of the book, please
(00:56):
check out the website. The linkcan be found in the podcast scription.
We are so excited to continue toshare our journey with you all. Thank
you for your continued support. Besure to subscribe to the podcast on your
favorite podcast platform. Most of all, remember that sharing is caring, so
please be sure to share. Now, let's jump into this latest season together.
(01:21):
We'll shine a spotlight on the womenwho continue to inspire and make a
difference because her story matters. Helloeverybody, and thank you so much for
tuning in to this season of UncleSam's Daughter. I am so excited about
(01:47):
our guests today. This particular person. I don't want to steal any of
her thunder, but she is justan amazing, amazing person. So we
met recently, but we have hadthe opportunity to talk and just hearing her,
I knew that I wanted to gether on this show and just hear
(02:10):
more about her story. So sheis here to share that with us today.
So extremely excited about it. SoI am going to let you all
meet my newest friend, Leah Liah. You want to tell our group a
little bit about yourself. Oh,thank you so much, Deirdra, and
(02:32):
thank you for having me and invitingme today and for recording these stories.
I think it's so important, Sowhat you're doing is awesome. Yes,
my name is Leah Kers, andI am a Marine Corps veteran. I
served from nineteen ninety nine until twothousand and seven, and most of that
(02:53):
time I was stationed in San Diego. But right now I live in just
a little north of Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, and a little a little area called
Glenshaw, and it's it's really agreat area. It's close to Pittsburgh,
close to lots of attractions. AndI live here with my husband and we
(03:13):
have five children. And I didn'tknow you had porcats, dog and chickens.
Oh wow, Okay, I reallydidn't know that, especially about the
chicken. You have a little farmoutfres But it sounds like, wait,
(03:36):
I think we're trying. I thinkthat's our goal. That's my goal.
I'm finessing my husband into it.He doesn't know it, so I hope
he doesn't hear this too soon.Got you. We will keep it secret
for the moment. Okay, SoI have to ask too, are you
a Stellers fan. I don't likesports, that's just not my thing.
(03:57):
But I will make fair enough.I will make a great sandwich and some
good chili for anybody who wants towatch it. I will support the watchers.
That's part of where I am.Okay, that's acceptable. We'll go
along with that. So I knowover here we are big Stellers fans.
So I was just gonna, youknow, bring you along with us.
(04:20):
But that's we will take you upon the sandwiches and the rest of Well,
we might have to send you somecookies too, because Pittsburgh has this
tradition of cookie tables. Where youhave like hundreds of different cookies and you
eat them during big events. Sowe'll send over some Pittsburgh stealer cookies.
(04:43):
Okay. I did not know thatwas a thing, so okay, I
accept. Okay, So you're livingin Pittsburgh area, Ish, where did
you actually grow up at? Igrew up actually of street or away from
where I live right now. Iwe grew up here. I had two
(05:04):
sisters and sorry, two brothers anda sister. We had a middle class
growing up. My father worked fora company named frieda La that makes the
potato chips, and my mother wasmostly a stay at home mom until we
got a little bit older, andthen she ended up getting a job in
(05:24):
a hospital when we were all inmiddle school or high school. But we
were very much. We had everythingwe needed, but we didn't have a
lot of any of the extras,so we made things last a long time.
My father is ten years older thanmy mom, and he was born
at the beginning of the baby boom, so his parents were traditionalists. His
(05:48):
parents came out of the Depression,and so in my household, we saved
everything, like the scraped every littlebit out of the postagejar. You know
you put water in it, shookit up and see everything see the twist
ties from the bread, I meaneverything purpose. Yes, my mom's the
(06:11):
same way. She's in our familyand she's a baby boomer. We were
talking about that actually last night,and I am the one where like I
will sneak in and grab stuff outof her kitchen and throw it away and
she doesn't find it to like monthsor sometimes years later. But every time
(06:33):
she's like, I'm looking for somethingwhere to go? I get blamed because
it usually is me. But youknow, they they saved everything, even
if it was expired or like,oh no, that's just the day they
put on there. You don't needto throw that away. It's like,
uh, I feel like you probablydo so definitely understand that everything is saved
(06:57):
and has a repurpose or absolutely andthere wasn't you know, like struggling was
not like anything they didn't want todo. So if times got a little
bit tough, the attitude was,well, that's how it is, and
just pushed through and you'll be fine, don't worry, and almost a little
(07:20):
attitude of don't hope for too much. And that was never said out loud,
but That's definitely how I felt growingup, was that don't dream too
big for anything, because there's nota good chance it's going to happen.
My mother's side of the family livesvery close by, and her family also
(07:46):
they well none of them went tocollege. So nobody in my family went
to college. And not that itwas looked down upon, it just nobody
had the means to do it.And a lot of my family were farmers
grow like going back, you know, several generations, almost everybody was not
industrial farmers, but you farmed yourland to make your food. And so
(08:11):
that's partly why I have chickens now. It was sort of an experiment to
not an experiment, but I wantedto connect with my family, you know,
traditionally, to see what was whatdid they go through and at Titian
it's not as glamorous as it seemswhen you watch HGTV from your couch.
It's a lot harder. But wenever were told growing up. We were
(08:31):
never you know, always loved,always taken care of, always knew our
parents would give us their less pennyif we needed it. But also we
were told you if you go tocollege, were not paying for it.
So we knew upfront, from veryearly on, we were never gonna Our
(08:52):
parents would never pay for us togo to college. So in the back
of my mind, I'm like,well, then what do I do?
I never They never, you know, as much as they love me and
I love them, they did notprepare us for what do you do when
you become an adult? And Iwas, you know, once I got
to high school, I kind ofstruggled with that. Or I didn't have
(09:15):
a lot of friends. I didn'tknow why. I always felt like,
you're a decent person, Leo,why don't you know you should meet friends?
Thank you so much, But Ididn't connect, Like, I don't
know what it was. I gotmade fun of a lot, you know,
looking back, I wish I knewwhat it was. But anyway,
(09:37):
I didn't have a lot of friends. But I did get a boyfriend in
my freshman year. And yeah,he was from Brazil and okay, yes,
and he was a little older thanme. And so I met him
when I was fifteen and he wastwenty one. And saying that right,
(10:01):
yeah, saying that right now seemscreepy to say that out loud, and
we're talking over twenty years ago,so I mean almost thirty years ago.
So you know, thinking back,I'm like, wow, that was weird.
But I lied to my parents court, But was that really weird because
(10:24):
it's kind of like you just saidthat your dad was ten years older than
your mom, So for you,it probably wasn't that weird. Correct,
Yes, it was not weird atthe time. And I grew up in
a Jewish home and when you are, you know, thirteen years old,
you are an adult, and soyou know, it is very at the
(10:48):
time. At my age, Ifelt not that I was like able to,
you know, have my own householdor anything like that, but I
felt probably more adult than my peersdid. So when I met my boyfriend,
he was dark hair, you know, Latin look, had an accent,
(11:11):
and he was different and I wasreally drawn to the spunk that he
had. But then and I didlie to my parents. I said he
was in twelfth grade and I wasa freshman. And about a year into
it, they found out, andthey were mad at me, of course,
(11:33):
but they did not make us breakupor anything. So they did not,
and that was I don't know why, but they didn't. I fell
in love with his family, hismother was a clothing designer and an architect,
and she had the style and BrazilianPortuguese you call it brega. It's
(11:54):
like over the top and almost onthe verge of because it's so over the
top. And she would dress meup in these outfits with glitter and feathers,
and it was fun, you know, for a teenage girl. It
was fun. And she taught mePortuguese and we would go shopping and it
(12:16):
was it was fun. Oh nice. Yeah, that was an outlet for
me where my parents. My motherdid not teach me about how to dress,
how to put on makeup. Thatwasn't a thing for her. So
I had a lot of fun withLana and we stayed together up until we
(12:39):
got I was a senior in highschool, and then that voice of Leah,
what are you going to do?Really started shouting at me. You're
a senior, you're going to graduate, You're not going to go to college.
I always wanted to be a veterinarian, like so many little girls wanted
to be, and I knew thatwasn't going to happen. So I started
(13:01):
talking to my boyfriend's mother, Laana, and she said, oh, we
have so many friends in Brazil.One of them is they own a school
and you could be an English teacher. And I thought, well that sounds
great, and I'm like, wow, I could go to Brazil be an
English teacher. But then one daythis marine recruiter walked into school with his
(13:24):
dress blues on, those blue pants, that red stripe, the gold buttons,
the tight haircut, and there wassomething about his presence that I almost
felt like a spiritual awakening of almostlike this is what you're supposed to do.
(13:46):
And I talked to him at school. He said, meet me at
the recruiter's office. I did,and I said I want to do this.
He said, well, you're undereighteen. I need to have your
parents sign off on this. AndI said, okay, come on over.
So my parents had no clue anddid they even know that you were
(14:07):
thinking about this or going into thisdirection. Never, so they were completely
blindsided and You're like, okay,come on over. I'm just like,
yep, let's do it. Let'scome on over. My parents were totally
taken aback. They were like shocked. I was so out of the norm
to have someone come over without anybodyknowing. And then also your daughter wants
(14:33):
to join the military, and mymother just started she broke down crying.
I think she was just too overwhelmed, and my father was like, oh,
that's kind of cool. So completelydifferent reaction. They did. They
did, but my mother was supportive, but she didn't want I think she
(14:58):
was trying to not hinder me andalso didn't know how to process things.
But they signed. They signed rightthen and there, and I was still
in high school, so I hadto wait until graduation. But then in
June I of nineteen ninety nine,I went to It was the day after
Father's Day. I went to bootcamp. And it was the strangest thing
(15:22):
because you go to the airport,you meet you fly to. I think
we flew from like Pittsburgh to Atlanta, where we met other people together,
and then from Atlanta we went toSouth Carolina. And you're completely civilian when
you're on that flight with other people, and then you get on the famous
bus and you are civilian on thatbus, and once you get off,
(15:48):
life changes and you have to yes, So let me actually this, did
any of your other siblings are relatives? Did they join? Like, was
this just completely new for your family? Yeah? It was new. I
m for the most part my mother'sbrother. So my uncle, he was
(16:10):
a marine. I didn't know itat the time because he was gone,
he was deployed for most of mylife, so I didn't know him that
very well. But there was nosiblings, no grandparents that were in the
military. So I wonder too ifthat's probably why your mom was just like
what where did this come from?And also too, I was thinking,
(16:33):
were there other like females, becauseI know there's never like, yes,
nowadays there are more females joining,but you know, you said you were
in from what the nineties, like, was there still a lot of females
who were joining at the time.And boot camp they in the Marine Corps
(16:56):
they are completely separate. And ourplatoon had eighty people and there were four
platoons at one time, and sothat felt like a lot at the time.
But I would find out soon thatwhen you got out of boot camp
and got into the actual Marine Corps, we were very it was very very
(17:18):
small, the very very I thinkat the time we were still one percent
of the whole Marine Corps. Wowwow, Okay, so where did you
you went on this bus? Wheredid the bus take you? Where did
you go to boot camp Paras Island, South Carolina. Ah, okay,
so how was how was that experience? And I'm sure you know, of
(17:42):
course it sounds like you were justcompletely out of your elements, So like,
what was it adjusting in meeting newpeople from all different parts of the
country and backgrounds and all of that. So I know for me it was
it wasn't as weird, but itwas still interesting. And of course I'm
(18:07):
an army veteran, So what wasit like in the Marines? It was?
It felt so chaotic at first,so many people. The Marine Corps
yells a lot, as I'm surethe Army does to the constant yelling,
and I was not used to thatat all. So many people, and
I definitely like my bubble. Andso you know in the in the Marine
(18:33):
Corps, you have a barracks whereall these eighty people. So the barracks
is two floors, two sides,So you have eighty people in one room
and it's like a like you know, two people like a below and above
and on the same on each side. So there's one bathroom and one shower
and you're so when you shower,you all shower together. So the first
(18:56):
time of be even in high school. In the shower, you know,
everyone like gets stressed with their towelaround them, and you know you're trying
to be mindful of other people's privacy. There's no privacy in boot camp.
Right, Yeah, that was ashock, and but you adjust quickly.
I think, Right, it's kindof like you have to because I mean
(19:19):
things were going so fast, andagain the yelling and the like, you
had to be like on it.It's so really, I know, for
me, I didn't even have thecapacity to think about anybody else. I'm
just like, hurry up and getmy ass out so I don't get in
trouble exactly. You don't want toget in trouble and and and getting in
(19:45):
trouble leads to physical activity like pushups, and you know I didn't want
to do that. But boot campoverall, I love a challenge and I
do think that people in general,we all know what we want to what.
You know. I knew boot campwas going to be challenging. And
(20:06):
when I got into those situations liketaking showers with eighty other women naked,
or sleeping with people literally right nextto you with an I'm sixteen, that
you know you. I had toaccept that. I had to accept the
difficulties because I knew that I knewwhat I wanted. I knew that it
(20:27):
was part of what I needed toexperience to get to what I wanted,
which was to be a marine.And one big challenging part was Marine Corps
boot camps. Thirteen weeks and youhave won ten second call when you get
to Paras Island, a collect callthat you call your parents and say I'm
here, I'm okay, I'll talkto you in thirteen weeks and that's it.
(20:51):
You do get letters. But butthat was challenging. The physical activity
pushed me beyond ever I ever expected. When I got done, I had
the body of a goddess and andit was great. We graduated. There
was a hurricane when we graduated.We were the first platoon in Marine Corps
(21:15):
history to ever not graduate on ParisIsland, so my parents never got to
see me graduate. We were evacuatedto Georgia, and we did not have
the traditional ceremony that most people have. But I was happy to be a
marine and I was wanted to bestationed. They asked, when you get
(21:37):
done with boot camp in school,they say where do you want to be
stationed? And you get like yourtop three picks, and I wanted to
be stationed on the East Coast soI could go home and see my parents
and my family, but they sentme to San Diego. And I feel
like they used those top three togo directly opposite of what you want.
So, yeah, I feel likeyou're better off to just put it where
(22:03):
you don't want to go, andthen Dell say where you actually want to
go? Yes, absolutely, AndI was scared at first and so happy
that I went to San Diego becauseit is such a wonderful place and you
leave base and it doesn't feel likeyou're in the military. It's there's it's
(22:26):
so close to Mexico. And oh. So when I got to my duty
station, I was on the airwing with eight hundred people, most of
them men, and the competition.I was so well, I was so
excited. I was like, I'man adult, being free. I don't
want to say free, like Iwas like being at home was terrible.
(22:48):
But when you're an adult and youfeel like you can really make your own
decisions in certain areas, Obviously inthe military, you can't just do whatever
you want but there is a differentkind of freedom being an adult and not
living in your parents' home. AndI was feeling so grown up, you
know, really, I felt likegrown up in the terms of American culture,
(23:10):
where I was making my paycheck andI was able to buy a car
and go places I wanted to goafter work, and I was feeling great,
and for the most part, thingswere good, but there was definitely
a current of this competition between menand women, where comments of like,
for example, exercise is very importantin the military, and you get tested
(23:33):
on how fast you can run.We had to run three miles and I
can't remember the exact minutes, butI think for men, like a perfect
was twenty one minutes and women gottwenty five minutes. And also men had
to do pull ups and women youwould hang like the flex arm hang instead.
(23:55):
So there's different different standards for menand women. And the comments that
we got for that, you know, like, oh, you're not a
real marine, you can't You're notreally doing this, It doesn't what you're
doing doesn't matter. Wow. Iwas not expecting those comments and those attitudes
(24:15):
from then. So how did you, like, how did you overcome they?
In my eighteen nineteen year old eyes. I I'm very competitive, so
I thought it was a great ideato take my Physical Fitness Test, which
(24:36):
we call the PFT in high heels. And what I did. I did
it was there were two inch heels. I duct taped them to my feet
and I because I felt like Ihad to prove something and I didn't,
but I felt like I did.There was this this feeling inside of me
(24:59):
that I did not want to beminimized because of what other people felt about
me. And I think those conversations, if they have, you know,
people have questions like, well,why do men have a more strict time
to get a perfect I think thoseare conversations to have. But at the
time, the Marine Corps was notfacilitating those conversations or teaching people how to
(25:22):
have those conversations. So my responsewas, well, I'm going to show
you. So I duct tape thosethose shoes in my feet and I ran
three miles. I did not getperfect, but I did still meet the
standard, which I think was thirtytwo minutes to run three miles. Amazing
three miles and some hills. Yeah, I am impressed. I don't care
(25:47):
if you I mean just the factthat she has Okay, how did you
do with the rest of the stuff. The running was always my nemesis and
it took some practice and medication todo that, and I did it.
And then another thing that I didwas there's a thing called meritorious Promotion board
(26:08):
where you can get promoted ahead ofyour expected time and you have to compete
with people for that. And Iwent to a board. I went to
compete. I did not get itthe first time, and they look at
your rifle scores. How well doyou shoot? In the marine year,
we shoot at five hundred meters opensites and that was difficult for me too,
(26:32):
but I practiced and practiced your petscore. And then there is a
military kind of competence exam. Theyask you questions about current events. And
this was before nine to eleven,so they were asking we was building,
there was some turmoil going on,and I remember getting a question about the
(26:52):
Taliban at the time. But Itook it again, and it was because
of the one of my sergeant major. He said, Leah, I want
you to you didn't you didn't pass. What do you think about taking it
again? And I said, Ididn't pass, and he said why didn't
you pass or why didn't Why weren'tyou selected for this board? And I
(27:15):
never thought about that before. Inever like really thought, why didn't you
make something? And it was likethat My mentality growing up was that you
just pushed through. You didn't makethis do something different. And I said,
well, because I guess I didn'tdo as well in the different areas
(27:37):
as I could. And he said, what do you think you should do
about that? So he really coachedme through. This sergeant major who was
in his fifties came from the infantrywho came beside me and coached me through
what do I want and how doI get there? And I had to
practice running and I was running onthe flight line one time, and about
(28:03):
halfway through, here comes my Sargeantmajor in this easy Go, which is
like a little golf cart driving acrossthe flight line got out and I was
struggling. It was hot, Iwanted to stop, I wanted to walk,
and he got beside me, andat the time, my name was
Douglas, and he's like Douglas gettingstep and he started counting cadence for me
(28:26):
and started, you know, cadenceis kind of like singing and he helped
me pace my breath and he reallyshowed me what I needed to do to
get through that run. And hedid that for many people in different ways,
but he would come beside people andshow them how do you succeed in
taking that time. It probably onlytook him fifteen minutes to do that with
me, But what a difference thatmade, and not only in my physical
(28:49):
ability but my confidence. And thatwas the first time I felt in my
life the power one person has tobreathe life and justody else. Wow,
Oh, I love the supreme lifeinto someone else. Wow, that is
amazing. And I'm sure it's probablyto me. It's like that would be
(29:11):
an unexpected person to do that,So that's even more amazing. Okay,
so what happens next? You retakeit? And I retook it. I
competed with five other men and Igot it, and I got it,
and so I got meritoriously promoted toa corporal and that is a non commissioned
(29:37):
officer position. I really succeeded inthe Marine Corps. Let me speed up
a little. But I met anothervery handsome man and chiseled face, green
eyes, and just I was justinfatuated with him and the I don't know
if the same experience happens in thearmy, but for some reason and the
(30:00):
Marine Corps people just get married fastand we got we eloped and at a
wedding chapel. My parents were alittle upset at that, and we ended
up getting married and we had twochildren pretty fast, and everything felt like
(30:21):
it was going really well. Andthen one day one of my children started
showing signs of something that just didn'tseem right to me it And so around
two and a half three years old, my daughter, my daughter, you
know these you fall in love withyour kids, I think before they're born,
(30:42):
you know, you just you know, healthy kids all the way around,
beautiful, excited kids. And oneday my daughter she had you know,
cooped in her diaper and started rubbingit all over herself. And I
just didn't feel like that was Iknow the kids at that point, having
(31:04):
two kids, you know that theyget messy, they get into things.
But something did not feel right aboutthat, and I just kept my eye
on it, and something was pullingat me, thinking this is not right,
this is not right. And thenI got promoted again, and this
feeling of something isn't right, justkept coming up. Little incidents would happen
(31:30):
with my children that I wasn't feelingright. And I was really starting to
feel like something wasn't right between myhusband and my children. I went to
the when I took them to thepediatrician, I mentioned something about this and
they said, he said, Leah, that's I need to refer you to
somebody else. And it was toa sexual abuse counselor. And took my
(31:52):
children there and they said, weabsolutely believe your children are being abused.
Oh my god. And thinking thatit was of course, the person that
I'm thinking of is my husband.And so then I it's time for so
having this and how do you processthis? Knowing that you can't just say
something because if you say something andyou're wrong, you're gonna look like an
(32:15):
idiot. And and it's very seriousallegations. I mean for anybody, but
in the military too, it's veryserious. So it's time for me to
get promoted again. And I stillhad that same sergeant major, and I
asked him to pin me. Sothe pinning in the military is like an
honor to pin somebody or to bepinned by somebody important. And I thought
(32:37):
he was going to pin me withmy new rank, and then at the
last minute he surprised me with myhusband coming in to pin me, and
I just remember thinking how it justfelt. Just I felt disgusted coming from
the doctor, knowing that my kidswere probably being sexually the minimal assaulted by
(33:01):
my husband, and I just feltlike I did not I mean, I
just felt mortified in that moment.And why did you thank your husband?
I'm thinking by that would I feltlike that would have been the last person
to come to my mind. Sowhy did you immediately thank your husband?
(33:21):
I noticed some things, especially betweenhe and my daughter, pretty early,
pretty early on that just and Idon't know if this was my intuition,
I don't know if this was Godsaying pay attention. I don't know what
this was, but little things likethe way my husband would respond to my
daughter, little things like her askingto drink his pepsi, and just the
(33:44):
way he would interact with her,like the way he would give her the
can of pepsi and then just touchher nose in an almost sexual way,
like flirtatious way that just didn't feelright to me. And and they we
were in daycare and childcare, andI just felt like my gut was that
(34:06):
it was my husband doing something,so continuing to take them to a therapist,
and my husband did not know thatI was taking them to the therapist.
And as my children got older andwe're talking over the course of about
six months, and they started verbalizingmore. One day, my daughter told
the therapist, I don't want daddycoming here. And he never had been
(34:29):
there, but she said, Idon't want my daddy coming here. And
at that point is when I Icalled the police and with the help of
the therapist, with the agency thatwe were going to, and that is
when everything kind of like blew upfor me. And this is why people,
(34:52):
I think, don't say things becauseyou can't guarantee the outcome. And
his response was to file for divorceand filed full custody of the children.
Oh my god, at this Yes, we just got orders to Oregon,
which is a state above California,and an Oregon you cannot a judge cannot
(35:14):
split custody physical legal custody of children. The judge. If a judge makes
a rolling, he has to giveone parent full custody the other parent zero
custody. So yes, so sincehe filed custody first. He ended up
(35:36):
he filed what's called a status quo, and he said that he was the
primary parent of the kids. Sowhere I thought I was doing the right
I'm taking my kids to therapy.I got enough evidence, so I thought
to protect my children. And herehe pulled a fast one and filed for
custody, filed a status quo andhad got full custody of the temporarily full
(36:00):
custody of the kids. And Ifelt so betrayed by the system, so
betrayed by God, so just betrayedin general. And it took that divorce.
At the time, we lived inJosephine County, and my attorney said
it was the longest divorce that everhappened. And we just kept because there
(36:24):
was so it was an Oregon,Yes, I it was symptoms with my
daughter. Continued and it's hard.What do you do? And it's awful.
I had no college degree. Idon't come from a family with a
(36:46):
lot of money, so funding alawyer and living on your own when you
don't have custody of your kids,you don't get child support. It was
the financial struggle. I ended upworking at Denny's as a waitress, and
then the judge said, oh,I'm sorry. I was out of that
(37:08):
at this point when I started workingat Denny's, I did get out of
the military, and because my husbandhad the custody of the two kids for
so long, it was that thiswhole status quo thing, and he kept
delaying the case, and I felthelpless and and got to a point where
(37:30):
you how much further do you fight? And so I was contemplating do I
We're talking about five years into this, and I was about to give up.
And one day my husband at thetime, his girlfriend called me and
(37:52):
she said, Liam, here's Ineed you to talk to somebody. And
she had a police officer with himwith her, and the police officer said,
miscurs, I need you to cometo your husband's ex husband, a
strange husband's house and pick up yourchildren. Your ex husband's being arrested.
(38:12):
And so we were still legally marriedat the time, but separated. Of
course. He had started a newlife with another woman, and I was
working at Denny's full time, goingto college full time. In this expectation
that I was going to I knewI wanted to take care of my kids
and I was going to have themone day, although my hope was starting
(38:35):
to dwindle because it had been solong. Then I went to his house
and there were so many police cars, so many cybersecurity and they arrested him
for with like over one hundred Imean, it was like so many counts,
hundreds of counts of child sexual abuse. Oh my god, yes,
so he was. My children wereone of many that he was photographing and
(39:00):
sending and selling child picture phoenography ofchildren. And that was how he was
supporting himself for the most part.And he would hide little flash drives in
said erasers, and when the policecame, he showed them everything. And
I went to my lawyer's office andI said what does this mean? And
(39:24):
he said, Leah, he isnever going to see those kids again,
and he never has. He's nevertalked to them again. I've never talked
to him again. And I pickedup my kids, my dogs, cats,
in my suburban. I picked upeverything, and I drove back to
Pennsylvania. From Oregon to Pennsylvania.Okay, so you're okay. I have
(39:52):
first of all, wow, wow, like my stomach is turney by tearing
up. But I'm also just likeso proud of you. Okay, so
let's go back to real quick.In California, if you were taking them
(40:14):
to see therapists, why were theynot Why wasn't that agency? I thought
there was like a duty for themto report it and to get involved or
like cepeople like child Protective Services somethinglike that to ensure that this does not
happen to children. So what happenedto all of that? They did,
(40:35):
they tried, They definitely did getinvolved in wrote reports and said that they
absolutely believe that these both of thechildren, especially my daughter, were being
sexually abused. And all of thatinformation in San Diego County was submitted and
the judge completely disregarded all of it. Oh my god, my husband's perspective,
(40:59):
and you know when you I don'tyou know, I think about this
so many times, like how couldthat happen? How could that happen?
And are there cases of because whatthe judge initially said at the very beginning
is that the the reports were notsubstantiated and that people make up stories all
the time to get past the otherkids in this way, and so the
(41:23):
agency is giving them, yes,their expert opinion. You have statements from
the darter and they're seeing that likepeople are making up stuffs yet all mine.
Yes, And my husband's attorney arguedthat I was essentially brainwashing my children
(41:45):
and telling them what to say andthat, because then then you end up
if you've pushed back. In mymind, if you if you push back
too hard, you're that crazy woman. And what do you do? How
do you respond in any other wayexcept in a way that Mama Bear coming
out. But when you respond likeMama Bear, people look at you like
(42:07):
you're crazy, like you're unstable.And I I just I did not want
to come across like that. AndI knew in that particular situation with that
judge that that was not going tobe in my favor if I responded the
way I felt like responding, Yil. It's oh God, the way that
(42:29):
some of these judges just do somuch disservice and so much powerts me off
and it's just a complete insult.How did so the girlfriend? Did she
only know about this because the policeshowed up. Yes, she was in
shock. She had no suspicion ofanything whatsoever. Did she have kids?
(42:52):
They had a daughter? They did, And he was doing the same thing
to the daughter, she was veryvery young. I don't think that there's
any evidence that ever came out thathe was doing something with her because she
was infant, like just once monthsold. And but I mean your daughter
was too when she was so allof the one hundred percent of the children
(43:16):
and the investigation were pre pre peubescentchildren. So these are not fifteen year
old girls. These are children.All of them were children. And so
guess what when your husband ex husband'sin jail, you get zero child support
too. So, you know,moving back home to my parents' house,
(43:38):
I felt a little bit. Itwas I knew I was welcomed. And
also you have this, you know, feeling of being an adult and wanting
to support your own kids. AndI was able to finish my degree because
of my parents support watching the kidsso much, and even and I just
(43:58):
thought in my mind, like afteryou get a college degree, everybody wants
to hire you. That's like thekey to success. And gosh, I
applied to jobs so many times andnever got hired, and was working a
lot of restaurant jobs. In yourmind, you think this is who I
Not that there's anything wrong working inrestaurants at all, but it wasn't making
(44:19):
me enough money. And I gotto the point where I thought, now
I am approaching thirty, that I'mjust that minimizing word of just I'm just
going to be a waitress. I'mjust going to be a pizza maker.
Really started to settle in. Butthankfully, because I do believe that this
(44:40):
is because of my faith, Ijust prayed my little heart out and I
begged the Lord to change my situationand asked him to have favor over my
career and to be a great motherand to be a provider for my family.
And growing up in my household,the foll were the providers, so
this is a very different thing forme to be the sole provider of my
(45:05):
children. And my situation did change. And you know, I didn't sit
at home and just wait for somethingto change. I applied. I went
to organizations to help me with myresume. I kept trying and kept trying.
And I also didn't ever think Ihad to start at the bottom.
I knew that I had skills,and that I think is so important to
(45:29):
think in your mind, I amcapable, and to tell yourself no matter
what anyone else thinks. Because therewere people who said why don't you just
go to hod Housing And not thatthere's anything wrong with that. Again,
I knew that I wanted to do. I was capable, and so many
people around me were saying, You'renot capable. And I had to push
(45:50):
through that, and so I kepttrying and I kept asking for help different
organizations. How do I fix myresume? And then I applied to the
VA probably the five hundredth time andgot an interview, and my first job
at the federal government was it.I went from working at a pizza restaurant
(46:12):
making pizza to a GS eleven positionat the DA What. Oh god,
yeah that is amazing. That's ablessing. Oh my god. Oh yeah,
I know we're like time wise,but I have at the end of
this. But okay, tell meabout this is your two kids, Well,
(46:38):
how was your relationship Like do youfeel like that previous situation was it
a strain on your relationship with them? Did they know what had happened?
Like how was that impacted during allof this? And especially being a single
mother, you know, the realrelationship that I wanted as a mother,
(47:01):
to have this close relationship with mytwo precious babies. It was hindered by
that and now in retrospect and therapy, knowing that at the time, they
were feeling that, Mom, youdidn't protect me. And that's their perspective
because they didn't know all, youknow, everything that I was doing to
(47:23):
protect them, and all of thebarriers that were put up and all the
legal things that got in the way, and so it definitely was a barrier.
And I could say that's just theway things are, but I don't.
I continue to connect with my childrenand now they know the full story
(47:44):
because they're in their twenties now,so now they know and we are able
to connect and continue to grow arelationship. But it definitely put a huge
wedge between how much how close wewere. Especially I feel like a lot
of lungs. I lost a lotof time with my children when they were
babies, and I did what aboutso you said, you have five kids
(48:07):
though, so yeah, what aboutthe other three? So and of course
you have a different last name andall of that. Yeah, So so
now you know, after I didwork for the started at the VA,
(48:28):
and you met my current husband totally. My sister connected us. Actually,
my sister and her boyfriend at thetime. She's they was like a mutual
friend and they connected us together,and of course I was so just very
much uneasy because of the experience thatI had. But there have been some
(48:50):
time and so I met my currenthusband. We started dating and he was
military army, and he went ona deployment and when he came back,
we got married and we have threekids from that marriage. And marriage is
tough. It's not always easy,I will say, but there's a lot
(49:12):
of love in our family. AndI think that is my biggest takeaway from
my story in the military is weare very capable human beings. In general.
We are all so capable and peoplewill things are going to happen in
life, things that we never expect, and every single situation, it might
not turn out the way we wantit to, but we can persevere.
(49:34):
We can triumph over every situation thathappens to us. And also that love,
like that's the only thing that canmend, Like the relationship between me
and my shouldren is continuing just tolove them, and love matters, and
we are so much stronger than wefeel like we are sometimes Yeah, yeah,
(49:59):
oh my god, Okay, Ireally literally have chills with this and
I'm just I knew you were amazing, and this just really proves even more
like how amazing you are. AndI know we did not so we did
(50:20):
not get to go through everything else, and I know we were kind of,
you know, just for time sake, But I say that because I
want you to come back on andI would love to have you on again
as a guest and just talk alittle bit more just about overcoming, because
you and I have talked about thatbefore, and this definitely gives me just
(50:45):
a lot better of a perspective.And I just while you are an amazing
a strong woman in the story ofyou doing your PFT in the hill,
well forever like that in itself.Okay, we're just going to give you
(51:07):
a case, you know what.I love what you're doing here because I
think every single woman is amazing andwe think about all of the things that
we can't do so much, andI think when we hear the stories from
other people, it refreshes our memoryto all of the times when we were
(51:29):
overcomers and that that we did itbefore and we can do it again.
Yes, yes, yes, Andthat also too, I think leads to
that bond and that support for eachother which is really really big about So
thank you Leah. Thank you.Throw in some round of applause right there,
(51:53):
because that was just that's the mainstory. But okay, so we
have you recorded as saying thank you. Will come back, yeah, I
will, yes, So thank you. You're thank everyone for tuning in to
today's episode of Uncle Sam's Daughter,and we will see you all at the
(52:17):
next session. Well, thank everyone. Bye, Leah, thank you,
thank you, thank you, thankyou, thank you for tuning in to
(52:37):
this episode of Uncle Sam's Daughter.We hope that you enjoyed hearing the incredible
stories and insights from our guests.If you'd like to stay connected with us
and share your support for women veterans, don't forget to subscribe, rate,
and review our podcast on your favoriteplatform. Your feedback means the world to
us. To stay updated on ourlatest episodo and connect with our community,
(53:01):
follow us on social media at UncleSam's Daughter and also on Facebook. And
if you know a remarkable woman veteranwith a story to share, or if
you have any suggestions or feedback,please reach out to us by using the
link in the video description. Remember, every woman veteran's journey is unique and
(53:22):
their experiences deserve to be heard andcelebrated. We'll be back soon with more
empowering stories and inspiring conversations. Thankyou for supporting Uncle Sam's daughter, and
never forget the service of women veteransis a legacy that will continue to inspire
generations to come. Until next time, be sure to listen to her because
(53:45):
her story matters.
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