Special Segment "Bargain Basement Communication"

Episode 23 Special Segment "Bargain Basement Communication"

Segment: Host: Dawna Stafford Wilson
Website: theoriginalunspokenpodcast.com
Sponsor: My Pillow use code UNSPOKEN to save at checkout at mypillow.com

When you were a kid did you pick a superpower? Did you ever choose invisibility? Think about where you could go, who you could observe, and the knowledge you could acquire from being invisible. Well, you do have that superpower! Find out how you can use it to your advantage in everyday conversations.

Social media elicits cheap, bargain basement communication. It’s easy, self-serving, personal kingdom building, flying monkey attracting, used car salesman, polyester suit, dripping words. Expensive communication may cost you something monetarily. It might come at the cost of bravery, bravery that only exists when fear is present. Top tier, top shelf, expensive communication is going to cost you more than what it’s costing you now. If I’m going to bring value to this world it is going to require something more of me.

Episode Transcript

(00:00):
I'm Donna Stafford Wilson, co hostof the original Unspoken podcast. This is
my special segment from episode twenty threeabout the erosion of conversation and how we
interact with other people called bargain basementcommunication. I mean, we live in
a world where we have easy accessto other people. And look at how

(00:23):
this is confirmed in what we justshared with you, that it was a
simple decision to find an unassuming cigarbar in Hollywood, and beknownst to us,
we're being ushered in to something thatputs us in direct communication with a

(00:44):
guy who's a billionaire multiple times over. We have easy access to other people.
We know too much about another person'slife because of what's shared on a
variety of platforms. In that case, the guy was sharing about himself and

(01:06):
something that we've talked quite a bitabout and we're going to talk more about
it right now, is people sharingon themselves with zero ability to inquire about
another person. I was joking withour neighbors last night, Michael and lu
Anne, who you just mentioned wegot together this Really, when you're in

(01:30):
communication meeting another person, it almostbecomes a superpower. You know, when
you're a little kid, if youhad a superpower, what would it be?
And it's like, well, Iwould choose invisibility because I want to
be in a room or in ascenario where I'm invisible. Well guess what
you got it? You got thesuperpower. Because this is the way our

(01:51):
world has been trained. There thatmajority of the time, as you're meeting
other people, what are they goingto talk about? They're going to talk
about themselves and they're not going toturn it and ever genuinely ask about you
use it as a superpower. Willcome back to that later. But we
know so much about other people's livesbecause of what shared on a variety of

(02:14):
platforms. It's daily routines, habits, likes and dislikes, information about family
members, kids, progress in life, grandkids, travel plans, all of
it. Right now, before yousay, well I'm talking about you,
I don't help. So I don'thave social media. So whoever you are,

(02:34):
whether it's a Dan or whoever,you cannot rule yourself out. If
you're still trolling these platforms, andwe all do it, it's easy to
gain access to other people. Andthis is something that Dan and I have
talked about at nauseum. I justwant to use that phrase. It's possible
that this is the part Dan andI have talked about. It's possible that

(02:57):
as humans we were never created tooperate effectively when knowing all of these things
about other people, many of whomwe have no real relationships. Yes,
and the more you and I havetalked about it, I agree. That's
why I don't have Facebook. Therewas a time that you had to know
a person or their family personally andexert effort to stay in touch, genuinely

(03:23):
inquire about them, their health andall the things that were important to them.
If the relationship was mutually beneficial,you both had to work at communication.
There was value in it, andit cost you something to pursue that.
But now we've been immersed exponentially intowhat I call bargain basement communication.

(03:46):
It's cheap. You've got a problemwith somebody, go vent about it on
your favorite platform. Sit back andwait for your flying monkeys to come to
your defense, to come alongside you, and just to fire your feelings.
Yeah, oh wait, wait,wait, but it's not a problem because
you've blocked the culprit. You've blockedthem so they'll never see it. The

(04:09):
person who's the source of your problems. They're never going to know that you're
defaming them. It's cheap. Oryou've got something you want to say,
it's a it's a hot current topicand I just got to get it off
my chest. Well, here's afree platform to voice your opinions. And
it gets better. There's a playgroundmonitor, so if anyone's mean or offends

(04:31):
you, they can be reported,block, banned, and banished from your
your kingdom. By the way,on Instagram, I think one more,
Yeah, you're out, You're out, And after all, this is your
kingdom, something you can control,an entire world centered around you and only
you. It's a pretty good feeling, feels good. It's like the grade

(04:56):
school play yard. When you thinkabout it, we're regressing, not progressing
in communication. Then sometimes you leaveyour social kingdom to explore somebody else's you
notice they say or do something youdon't like. On impulse, you lash
out with no regard of consequences.It's easy, it's cheap, it's free.

(05:19):
Actually it feels great. But werewe meant for more than that?
Communication has hit rock bottom. Butwe had a friend share something today that
got Dan and I talking, andit's this most people listen to respond or

(05:43):
most people, yeah, they listento respond, They don't listen to listen
to learn or to understand. We'relistening to defend our position, to reinforce
our importance. Why we why we'rehere. The insecurities are mind blowing,

(06:04):
and it's human nature. That's allof us insecurity, cloaked as bold,
brave and somehow extraordinary, when inreality it's watered down, cheap polyester suit,
used car salesman, kind of dripping, slimy words. And why because

(06:27):
we have something to protect. Wecrave validation and importance in the eyes of
other people. But we don't wantto do that if it's not easy,
if it doesn't make us feel goodor feel better, it's instantaneous gratification.
So how do we reverse course?Maybe it's too late. Here are some

(06:48):
practical changes that I've thought a lotabout. I know Dan has two because
again we talk about this comes up, like every time we go out,
it comes up. Cigar bar onHollywood Boulevards one small example, but every
time we go out, here's this. You don't need to quit your social

(07:13):
platforms, but if you're engaging ina way and it's knee jerk. Stop
if you're emotional now emotional isn't It'snot always like negative, I'm mad.
Maybe you're pumped up with delight,you feel proud, you're excited. On
the other side, maybe fuming withanger. Wait a few days, even

(07:35):
wait twenty four hours. It's prettywild how your ability to make sound judgment
increases. I mean probably eighty whenyou remove emotion from the equation. And
that can happen if you just wait, you know, is it even important
anymore? If you, after aday of thinking about it, focus more

(07:58):
on how you can provide thoughtful responsesto others, but do it in a
private message, and what does thatreinforce? Because when you think about it,
when you're you're commenting on something ona variety of these platforms, you're
really in a way looking to gainsomething by coming across as the good guy

(08:20):
or joining an entourage of people whoagree with you. But if you're reaching
out in private, you're really onlyin support of the person who's either celebrating
or struggling. Bringing it back topersonal communication, you're not looking to gain
favor. But actually it's a tinysmall step of investing in another person when

(08:43):
you have no other You're not lookingfor other social support in that. That's
one quick idea. Now another isconsider other forms of valuable or expensive communication
instead to this idea of cheap.It's not that you can't brighten a person's

(09:05):
day and a quick comment. Butif you truly have a message to bring
to the world, are you willingto sacrifice by writing a book that might
seem extreme? How about producing apodcast? Something that Dan and I have
chosen to do, and it comesat a cost that sometimes you feel tired.

(09:26):
Sometimes you feel like I don't knowwhat my messages anymore, I'm losing
track of that. But I wantto be a voice for good. I'm
not qualified to talk about this.Not qualified, And those are things that
he and I both fight constantly.You listen back to yourself, I'm not
qualified. Why am I doing this? How about leading or meeting with a

(09:50):
local group, starting a networking groupor forum. Do you believe and what
you have to contribute enough that you'recompelled to make personal sacrifices to disperse your
message and employ positive change? Now, Look, we can't just blame social
media for ruining communication and changing theway that we relate to people. Is

(10:15):
it an aspect, Yeah, it'shuge. Has it changed the world we
live in? Yeah, But ratherthan playing a victim on this subject,
which is easy to do, it'stime to be more intentional. If you
have the capacity do something you neverdreamed of doing. That's a form of
expensive communication. It's going to costyou something. At minimum, it's going

(10:41):
to cost you more of your time. Maybe it'll cost you something monetarily.
It might come at the cost ofbravery, which really, if you look
at bravery is what it is.It's a response to fear. That means
there's going to be fear present.Bravery isn't possible. Bravery doesn't exist in
the absence of fear. Don't forgetthat top tier, top shelf expensive communication,

(11:11):
the way you relate to people,it's going to cost you more than
probably what it's costing you right now. So we've all got work to do.
We all do, and like Iwas saying, for Dan and I,
we've chosen to take the time andexpense. You know, we want
to produce quality. We don't wantto do something that's half baked, halfway

(11:35):
thought through the lowest level investment oftime. So sometimes it takes time before
we're in production between episode twenty threeand twenty four, because you want to
vet out what is it. I'mtrying to say, what if I am
bringing value to this world despite allthe friction and negative in the direction that

(12:01):
I think it's going. If I'mgoing to bring value, it is going
to require something more of me.Yeah, I want to wrap this segment
by highlighting your power of invisibility.As I mentioned at the beginning, when
we were kids, we dreamed ofhaving a superpower. You'd be hanging out
with friends and say, well,I mean if I had a superpower,

(12:22):
and then you'd pick one, Well, invisibility. It was always a good
choice. Think about where you couldend up in a room or place where
you shouldn't be. Maybe it's whatother people really think about you that you
find out what your boss is likebehind closed doors, find out why you
didn't get that promotion, figuring outwho you should or shouldn't be around.

(12:46):
Because you learn what people are reallylike. How you could watch people find
out what they're like when they presentthemselves to the public very differently. Did
you realize that there are very fewpeople that you actually know because you've been
limited to experiencing them in only theirbest moments. The persona that they present

(13:13):
around other people is different from seeingthem at their worst or behind closed doors.
What they're like when they're at home, what their patterns, negative behaviors,
and bad habits are. People ingeneral are experts at hiding who they
really are, and it shows inconversations when another person's default is to only

(13:37):
talk about themselves, and when you'rein that situation feeling invisible, use it
to your advantage. Glean what youcan about another person. Take the opportunity
to allow them to talk. Askthem additional questions that they'll no doubt be
happy to answer because it's a continuationof their primary point of view, which

(14:00):
is themselves. You'll be surprised atthe people you may know in common and
what you can potentially learn. Itis a superpower and you can harness it
to learn more about others and theworld around you. Use your power of
invisibility to refine your discernment of others. There's a lot of people that's out

(14:26):
being discerning, like it's their gift, but you're not discerning. You can't
be if you don't listen, andsometimes listening means your ego is going to
take a hit, because the realityis we all want to be known,
we all want others to eagerly listen. But if you've already determined that another

(14:48):
person isn't listening anyway, use thatto your advantage. Sharpen your power of
discernment of other people, because whenthey're talking only about themselves, they're telling
you who and what they're really like. Thank you for listening to this special
segment, Bargain Basement Communication, thatwas part of episode twenty three of The

(15:11):
Unspoken Podcast, originally recorded live inthe New Green Dragon Tavern. Visit our
website at the original Unspoken podcast dotcom to hear the full episode, or
listen and subscribe to The Unspoken whereveryou get your podcasts.