April 25, 2023 • 21 mins
The Unspoken Podcast
Special Segment from Episode 19 "Strong Dependent Woman"
Hosts: Dan and Dawna Wilson
Website: theoriginalunspokenpodcast.com
Sponsor: mypillow.com use promo code UNSPOKEN
Hi, I’m Dawna Wilson, and I along with my husband Dan are co-hosts of the Unspoken podcast. I’m bringing to you this special segment pulled out of the full-length version of Episode 19 where I talk about being a strong dependent woman, what that means, and how it benefits us as women in our most intimate relationships. Dan is a part of this discussion also and brings his perspective on what it means to provide strong, trusted, male leadership. As it turns out, it gave us a lot to think about and we want to challenge you with the same things. Here’s out special segment “Strong Dependent Woman.”
Special Segment from Episode 19 "Strong Dependent Woman"
Hosts: Dan and Dawna Wilson
Website: theoriginalunspokenpodcast.com
Sponsor: mypillow.com use promo code UNSPOKEN
Hi, I’m Dawna Wilson, and I along with my husband Dan are co-hosts of the Unspoken podcast. I’m bringing to you this special segment pulled out of the full-length version of Episode 19 where I talk about being a strong dependent woman, what that means, and how it benefits us as women in our most intimate relationships. Dan is a part of this discussion also and brings his perspective on what it means to provide strong, trusted, male leadership. As it turns out, it gave us a lot to think about and we want to challenge you with the same things. Here’s out special segment “Strong Dependent Woman.”
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Hi. I'm Donna Wilson and I, along with my husband Dan Our co
hosts of The Unspoken podcast. Iwant to bring you this special segment pulled
out of the full length version ofepisode nineteen, where I talk about being
a strong dependent woman, what thatmeans and how it benefits us as women
(00:21):
in our most intimate relationships. Danis also a part of this discussion,
and he brings his perspective on whatit means to provide strong, trusted male
leadership. As it turns out,it gave us a lot to think about,
and we want to challenge you withthe same thing. Here's our special
(00:42):
segment, Strong Dependent Woman. Oneday we you and I were sitting around
the table and we started having aspirited conversation, not unlike how we do
this before or after a drink.I don't know. We were We were
(01:03):
in process, like in a lotof things, right, But the conversation
was about my role, what myrole is in our home and and in
our relationship. Well, that couldbe a touchy subject. Wait, so
maybe you shouldn't get me a drinkfirst? Wait to second, wait a
second, wait to say that doesnot sound right your place in the home,
(01:23):
and come on what's my place,And I don't think I don't think
it was phrased like that, Oh, probably not, but in a roundabout
way. That's that's where what wewere discussing, in a respectful way,
exactly you bring to the table.So in response to that, I started
to jokingly say, look, comeon, come on, I'm a strong
(01:47):
independent well, and then I stoppedmyself mid sentence because I started thinking about
all my dependencies really, so Iquickly rephrased my statement. I said,
well, I'm a strong dependent woman, you know, like looking to see
as anybody going to catch this.The girls were standing around the kitchen behind
(02:08):
us, and your daughter's like,wait, what you know, not quite
getting where I was going with that. And yeah, I was like,
I'm a strong dependent woman, andI emphasize that word dependent. And look,
years ago, I would have onehundred percent defied a statement like that.
(02:29):
I was in a marriage where Ididn't trust my spouse, and that
didn't mean that I didn't trust thathe was being faithful in the typical sense.
You know, when people think ofinfidelity being a non negotiable reason to
end a marriage, infidelity typically meansthe act of being unfaithful to a spouse
or other partner, and we associatethat with being sexually unfaithful, but this
(02:54):
word infidelity actually goes beyond that tomean breaking a commitment or promise. I
wouldn't have realized this when I wasyounger and just thinking about marriage. But
infidelity can happen in a lot ofways, and part of the problem is
that it can be subjective. Andwho's gonna keep a person accountable when right
(03:19):
or wrong in a relationship isn't justa short set of rules. A major
issue in marriage can be when oneperson or the other goes on living life
believing that they're they're on the upand up. You know I'm on the
up and up because they haven't brokenone of two simple rules. And yeah,
(03:42):
I call them rules because they canexist separate from any type of promise
or commitment. And the rules arethese, you know you guys are tracking
with me? Don't cheat on yourspouse or don't physically abuse your spouse.
Those rules can float around in arelationship, operating entirely independently. Actually of
(04:03):
infidelity, these two rules might actuallymake a marriage feel like bondage because they
can be held over you like aset of keys hanging on a hook just
a little too far out of reachbetween prison bars. And you've seen it.
You've seen it in old movies,probably in some more recent ones,
(04:23):
where there's just enough gap between thebars and you shove your arm between them
and push your body weight forward andtry to stretch with every muscle fiber intendant,
thinking maybe this time I can justnudge the keys with this kind of
hope that you could get them upand over the hook. You start breaking
a sweat a little bit. Well, that's because infidelity can happen whenever a
(04:46):
person chooses their own comforts, orthe inability to grow and change as a
person, or selfishness over the conceptof truly operating with another person a partner
in unity and what exactly is thepoint of a marriage If either person is
acting independently, these lines can seemconfusing and blurry, and you can even
(05:11):
start to enjoy your independence in thatrelationship. Maybe even you don't want to
change the way that relationship is functionedbecause it feels normal and you feel in
control of whatever that mess has become. And as humans, we want control
an independence, And you think,well, I mean, it makes you
feel free doesn't mean that you are, but you have that feeling of it.
(05:38):
So if I'm going to be ina marriage, I reject this idea
of independence. But here's what Imean. Like I started out saying years
ago, I would have rejected theidea of losing my independence to another person.
I actually was in a situation whereI had to function independently in a
lot of aspects in order to survive. I didn't trust my spouse to be
(06:01):
a part of that. What goodis there really in a marriage like that
other than to serve the one personwho's reaping the most benefit. So here's
the contrast of being strong and dependentat the same time. What I'm dependent
(06:21):
on? Now, what makes mea strong dependent woman? I'm dependent on
a man who provides leadership, butit's leadership that comes at a great cost
to him, and I know thatotherwise it's not safe for me to join
his mission. I'm dependent on histrack record. Meaning, and to use
(06:46):
one of your words, if you'rethat you're not just bloviating about what you're
capable of, or what you're goingto do or what you wish would happen,
but making sacrifice, working hard andproducing the product that'll look different depending
on the person you know. Theproduct of this for Dan might look different
(07:12):
for you. But you're a manwho's producing something out of continual self sacrifice.
But as a woman, this isa difficult subject to discuss because if
I'm being strong and dependent, Ialso need to be continually involved in setting
aside my independence if it means operatingindependently of you, because again, what's
(07:39):
the point of marriage if two peoplearen't doing that. Being strongly dependent means
that together our mission is stronger.We're capable of more together than we are
apart. And look, I'm notsitting here diminishing myself. I've been in
that place in the past of havingto operate into dependently out of fear,
(08:01):
and I'm not sitting here today withthis message to diminish myself. It doesn't
make any sense anyway, because whenyou're solid with another person, they know
you know full well the strength thathappens out of two people being dependent on
each other. You're a stronger forcefor the world. And as a woman,
(08:22):
if you're worried about earning potential productioncapacity, doing what you love,
what makes you feel fulfilled, discoveringnew things traveling, financial freedom, mental
and emotional freedom, respect, acknowledgement, well, dependence on another person,
a person who deserves your dependence.This dependence doesn't create loss in your life,
(08:46):
but it will increase everything you're strivingafter because this dependence not only yields
freedom. You know, you're inbondage many times when you're so hell bent
on being independent, but this typeof dependence magnifies your potential and that right
(09:07):
there is women's liberation. Yeah,I agree. I think that two people
who have decided to enter into amarriage will only succeed, as you and
I have found out the hard way, it will only succeed when those two
people actually do everything they can tomake that other person successful and with whatever
(09:35):
they do. Yeah, and we'renot going to go into this topic in
this episode. This is for I'mgoing to say next time, because I'll
hold myself to this one. Butthe absolute destruction that can come out of
a relationship where you have a partnerwho is constantly working against you, but
also realizing that that can happen inwhat sometimes seems the little list of ways
(10:01):
or inconsequential ways, and they're reallynot. That's a to be continued as
a man, to know that youhave a woman who believes in you,
believes in your mission, and isalways there to support and support also means
(10:24):
to tell you the truth when youroffline those are you cannot measure the value
of that. I know that Evewas created for Adam specifically for a reason.
He needed Eve. He needed heneeded her and the difference of how
(10:45):
she differed from him in order tosupplement to make him a better leader,
a better manager of those things thatGod gave him to be in charge of.
And I think the original translation ofEve means savior. I think of
(11:07):
you as my savior. We don'ttalk about us independently. When we talk
about things, it is always us. Yes, maybe I am going to
do something in my pursuit of butit is ultimately understood between you and I
that it is us and men wehave a obligation to make certain that we
(11:31):
are being leaders that women want tolook up to. Leader doesn't mean lord.
I'm not Donna's Lord and savior.I am there to make her the
best person that she can be bydoing everything I can in order to serve
(11:52):
her. And conversely, with women, we really have the ultimate power.
If you stop and think about this. You hold the power in your hands
to single handily destroy your man.Yeah, to tear him down and destroy
him again. Remember, sometimes thatis in the littlest of ways that might
(12:15):
not seem of great consequence. Ithink a way that women oftentimes sabotage their
husbands is by the chronic complaining abouthim to others, the constant tearing him
down, all those little things thatyou do to undermine who he is because
of your contempt for him. Thatis a sign of infidelity when you go
(12:43):
and run your mouth without talking toyour husband and working it out with him.
But your one mission in life isto diminish who he is, to
soil his reputation, to soil hischaracter. You're going to reap the rewards
(13:05):
of that act, and you're notgoing to like what those rewards are.
Yeah, And you can't pretend thatin those moments when that's happening. There's
too many girls groups that get together, whether this is the church, small
group, Bible study groups, womengetting together. You can't pretend that you
don't know you're doing it. Yeah, that is not why we're called to
(13:28):
get together and study scripture. Andlook this, it goes both ways sure,
because as dudes, you have nobusiness sitting around and diminishing one thing.
You will not ever catch me engagingin in locker rooms because that's what
they call the locker room or thetruck talk. You will not hear me
ever bad mouthing or making Donna tolook like she's lesser or stupid. Now,
(13:54):
is there different sometimes of saying funnythings? Yeah, there's a there's
a fine line between saying something likeyeah, every time I do this,
my wife gets really mad. Right, there's those things that we do or
are like, hey, my husbanddid this. Those things, if they're
innocent enough and everybody understands, ifthey're not character assassinations, we do that
(14:16):
from time to time. I'm talkingabout chronic complaining, an attempt to assassinate
the person that you decided that youwanted to marry, that you wanted to
live with, and when you becomean enemy of that spouse willingly become you
will reap those rewards, and they'renot pretty. But men, you better
(14:39):
be a leader. You better notbe that dude that says I want to
have all the accolades of being ableto be my wife's greatest desire while you're
sitting around after you get home fromwork playing video games, and yeah,
it's amazing to me how many menthat are over the age of twenty something
(15:01):
years old with a wife and afamily do nothing but get on their video
games and play them until the weehours of the morning. Or if you're
too lazy to get out and todo something that you know needs to be
done. If things need to befixed around the house, if the car
needs to be fixed, if thecar needs to be washed, or the
(15:22):
garage swept out, or the kidsneed to be taken someplace. These are
all things that men. If youare collecting these, you're an idiot.
You need to change what you're doing. You need to self examine and say,
am I worthy of leading this womanwho I am married to? Now?
(15:45):
I get it. Sometimes you're laterin life and you figure out,
Hey, I want to be aleader, but things have gotten so bad
in this marriage relationship that she doesn'trespect me. Start making the small changes
so that you can win her backover. If she has lost faith in
you because of your dereliction of duty, and I said we weren't, Hey,
(16:11):
will this be next episode? We'retalking about it now? Anyway,
a bit of advice for the men. Don't ask for a list, and
I don't mean a honeydeo list,like, Hey, what chores we need
to get done around the house thisweekend? And that's what I'm talking about.
I'm talking about in from a largerscale, when if you're already struggling,
knowing your relationship is in the pits, don't ask her for a list
(16:36):
or what can I do. You'vegot to have some intrinsic idea of where
things have gone off the rails,and you can blame her for all of
those things, but know what youneed to do. In some of what
Dan's advice is to just be likealmost in a sense, be shut your
(16:56):
mouth, be quiet, and justmove forward and take action on those things
that you know you need to do. Don't be at bata mail. Don't
wait for your wife. Don't wait. Don't wait for her to try to
get you to lead. You shouldlead no matter what, even if you
have a wife right now that iscurrently not wanting to follow the direction that
(17:22):
you think it's best for your family. Don't fall into the trap of just
saying now, there's nothing else Ican do. Therefore, the responsibility is
no longer mine, and I'm justgonna get it well, because I'll guarantee
you if that's what's happening, she'sdoing it out of fear. It's self
preservation, it's protection. It's outof fear because she has no business trusting
you to do that. Conversely,there also happens to be a small segment.
(17:48):
Maybe it's larger. I don't knowof women who flat out don't really
want to be married. They thinkthey want to be married. They may
say I do, They may playhouse, but secretly they want their own
agenda. They just want the stabilityof somebody providing them the basics, food,
the shelter, the lifestyle. Wecan go off on many different variations
(18:11):
of this, and that's not reallywhat you started talking about, but I
do think it's it's important, andI will give you accolades to show how
much you contribute to my own life. I'm a man who leads people.
(18:33):
I have employees, I run thecompanies, and I set policies and the
vision. I cast that vision out. That doesn't mean that I'm infallible.
It doesn't mean that I come homeand I still have everything figured out.
There have been so many times whereI have lacked vision in certain areas,
and you've come in and you've said, hey, we need to be thinking
(18:56):
about this. At first, Ikind of bristle because you know that egos
there and you don't want to gomaybe she's right. But time after time
after time you have proven to beright in those observations and those suggestions that
you have made. So I justwant to let you know that I'm glad
(19:22):
that you want to be a dependentwoman, but I want to work very
hard at making certain that it isnot wasted and that you, through this
dependence, can also be extremely independentin all the natural creations that you do
on a daily basis. And forthose of you who don't necessarily know a
(19:45):
lot about Donna, this woman hasa treasure trove of talents. I think
about your radio experience when we werekids, the very first time I heard
you driving home from a construction sitethe afternoon DJ for the local radio station.
We've talked about that before, tohosting being part of a conservative talk
(20:11):
radio show back in Portland. Yourvoice over talent, where you have been
part of many productions for commercial aspectsall the way to your website creations.
You're singing, your songwriting, yourproductions, your creator content, your writing
abilities. A lot of people probablydon't realize that Donna is a professional writer.
(20:34):
All of these things that you do, and you do so well,
makes me want to make certain thatI am not stifling any of those natural
talents that you have. I wantto watch you continually get better at them
because I love when you succeed atthose things that you desire. So I
(20:56):
am honored that you want to bedependent upon me, as I too am
dependent upon you. This has beena special segment of the Unspoken podcast Strong
Dependent Woman. To listen to thefull episode, visit our website at the
Original Unspoken podcast dot com and selectepisode nineteen, or you can listen and
(21:21):
subscribe wherever you get your shows.
Hi. I'm Donna Wilson and I, along with my husband Dan Our co
hosts of The Unspoken podcast. Iwant to bring you this special segment pulled
out of the full length version ofepisode nineteen, where I talk about being
a strong dependent woman, what thatmeans and how it benefits us as women
(00:21):
in our most intimate relationships. Danis also a part of this discussion,
and he brings his perspective on whatit means to provide strong, trusted male
leadership. As it turns out,it gave us a lot to think about,
and we want to challenge you withthe same thing. Here's our special
(00:42):
segment, Strong Dependent Woman. Oneday we you and I were sitting around
the table and we started having aspirited conversation, not unlike how we do
this before or after a drink.I don't know. We were We were
(01:03):
in process, like in a lotof things, right, But the conversation
was about my role, what myrole is in our home and and in
our relationship. Well, that couldbe a touchy subject. Wait, so
maybe you shouldn't get me a drinkfirst? Wait to second, wait a
second, wait to say that doesnot sound right your place in the home,
(01:23):
and come on what's my place,And I don't think I don't think
it was phrased like that, Oh, probably not, but in a roundabout
way. That's that's where what wewere discussing, in a respectful way,
exactly you bring to the table.So in response to that, I started
to jokingly say, look, comeon, come on, I'm a strong
(01:47):
independent well, and then I stoppedmyself mid sentence because I started thinking about
all my dependencies really, so Iquickly rephrased my statement. I said,
well, I'm a strong dependent woman, you know, like looking to see
as anybody going to catch this.The girls were standing around the kitchen behind
(02:08):
us, and your daughter's like,wait, what you know, not quite
getting where I was going with that. And yeah, I was like,
I'm a strong dependent woman, andI emphasize that word dependent. And look,
years ago, I would have onehundred percent defied a statement like that.
(02:29):
I was in a marriage where Ididn't trust my spouse, and that
didn't mean that I didn't trust thathe was being faithful in the typical sense.
You know, when people think ofinfidelity being a non negotiable reason to
end a marriage, infidelity typically meansthe act of being unfaithful to a spouse
or other partner, and we associatethat with being sexually unfaithful, but this
(02:54):
word infidelity actually goes beyond that tomean breaking a commitment or promise. I
wouldn't have realized this when I wasyounger and just thinking about marriage. But
infidelity can happen in a lot ofways, and part of the problem is
that it can be subjective. Andwho's gonna keep a person accountable when right
(03:19):
or wrong in a relationship isn't justa short set of rules. A major
issue in marriage can be when oneperson or the other goes on living life
believing that they're they're on the upand up. You know I'm on the
up and up because they haven't brokenone of two simple rules. And yeah,
(03:42):
I call them rules because they canexist separate from any type of promise
or commitment. And the rules arethese, you know you guys are tracking
with me? Don't cheat on yourspouse or don't physically abuse your spouse.
Those rules can float around in arelationship, operating entirely independently. Actually of
(04:03):
infidelity, these two rules might actuallymake a marriage feel like bondage because they
can be held over you like aset of keys hanging on a hook just
a little too far out of reachbetween prison bars. And you've seen it.
You've seen it in old movies,probably in some more recent ones,
(04:23):
where there's just enough gap between thebars and you shove your arm between them
and push your body weight forward andtry to stretch with every muscle fiber intendant,
thinking maybe this time I can justnudge the keys with this kind of
hope that you could get them upand over the hook. You start breaking
a sweat a little bit. Well, that's because infidelity can happen whenever a
(04:46):
person chooses their own comforts, orthe inability to grow and change as a
person, or selfishness over the conceptof truly operating with another person a partner
in unity and what exactly is thepoint of a marriage If either person is
acting independently, these lines can seemconfusing and blurry, and you can even
(05:11):
start to enjoy your independence in thatrelationship. Maybe even you don't want to
change the way that relationship is functionedbecause it feels normal and you feel in
control of whatever that mess has become. And as humans, we want control
an independence, And you think,well, I mean, it makes you
feel free doesn't mean that you are, but you have that feeling of it.
(05:38):
So if I'm going to be ina marriage, I reject this idea
of independence. But here's what Imean. Like I started out saying years
ago, I would have rejected theidea of losing my independence to another person.
I actually was in a situation whereI had to function independently in a
lot of aspects in order to survive. I didn't trust my spouse to be
(06:01):
a part of that. What goodis there really in a marriage like that
other than to serve the one personwho's reaping the most benefit. So here's
the contrast of being strong and dependentat the same time. What I'm dependent
(06:21):
on? Now, what makes mea strong dependent woman? I'm dependent on
a man who provides leadership, butit's leadership that comes at a great cost
to him, and I know thatotherwise it's not safe for me to join
his mission. I'm dependent on histrack record. Meaning, and to use
(06:46):
one of your words, if you'rethat you're not just bloviating about what you're
capable of, or what you're goingto do or what you wish would happen,
but making sacrifice, working hard andproducing the product that'll look different depending
on the person you know. Theproduct of this for Dan might look different
(07:12):
for you. But you're a manwho's producing something out of continual self sacrifice.
But as a woman, this isa difficult subject to discuss because if
I'm being strong and dependent, Ialso need to be continually involved in setting
aside my independence if it means operatingindependently of you, because again, what's
(07:39):
the point of marriage if two peoplearen't doing that. Being strongly dependent means
that together our mission is stronger.We're capable of more together than we are
apart. And look, I'm notsitting here diminishing myself. I've been in
that place in the past of havingto operate into dependently out of fear,
(08:01):
and I'm not sitting here today withthis message to diminish myself. It doesn't
make any sense anyway, because whenyou're solid with another person, they know
you know full well the strength thathappens out of two people being dependent on
each other. You're a stronger forcefor the world. And as a woman,
(08:22):
if you're worried about earning potential productioncapacity, doing what you love,
what makes you feel fulfilled, discoveringnew things traveling, financial freedom, mental
and emotional freedom, respect, acknowledgement, well, dependence on another person,
a person who deserves your dependence.This dependence doesn't create loss in your life,
(08:46):
but it will increase everything you're strivingafter because this dependence not only yields
freedom. You know, you're inbondage many times when you're so hell bent
on being independent, but this typeof dependence magnifies your potential and that right
(09:07):
there is women's liberation. Yeah,I agree. I think that two people
who have decided to enter into amarriage will only succeed, as you and
I have found out the hard way, it will only succeed when those two
people actually do everything they can tomake that other person successful and with whatever
(09:35):
they do. Yeah, and we'renot going to go into this topic in
this episode. This is for I'mgoing to say next time, because I'll
hold myself to this one. Butthe absolute destruction that can come out of
a relationship where you have a partnerwho is constantly working against you, but
also realizing that that can happen inwhat sometimes seems the little list of ways
(10:01):
or inconsequential ways, and they're reallynot. That's a to be continued as
a man, to know that youhave a woman who believes in you,
believes in your mission, and isalways there to support and support also means
(10:24):
to tell you the truth when youroffline those are you cannot measure the value
of that. I know that Evewas created for Adam specifically for a reason.
He needed Eve. He needed heneeded her and the difference of how
(10:45):
she differed from him in order tosupplement to make him a better leader,
a better manager of those things thatGod gave him to be in charge of.
And I think the original translation ofEve means savior. I think of
(11:07):
you as my savior. We don'ttalk about us independently. When we talk
about things, it is always us. Yes, maybe I am going to
do something in my pursuit of butit is ultimately understood between you and I
that it is us and men wehave a obligation to make certain that we
(11:31):
are being leaders that women want tolook up to. Leader doesn't mean lord.
I'm not Donna's Lord and savior.I am there to make her the
best person that she can be bydoing everything I can in order to serve
(11:52):
her. And conversely, with women, we really have the ultimate power.
If you stop and think about this. You hold the power in your hands
to single handily destroy your man.Yeah, to tear him down and destroy
him again. Remember, sometimes thatis in the littlest of ways that might
(12:15):
not seem of great consequence. Ithink a way that women oftentimes sabotage their
husbands is by the chronic complaining abouthim to others, the constant tearing him
down, all those little things thatyou do to undermine who he is because
of your contempt for him. Thatis a sign of infidelity when you go
(12:43):
and run your mouth without talking toyour husband and working it out with him.
But your one mission in life isto diminish who he is, to
soil his reputation, to soil hischaracter. You're going to reap the rewards
(13:05):
of that act, and you're notgoing to like what those rewards are.
Yeah, And you can't pretend thatin those moments when that's happening. There's
too many girls groups that get together, whether this is the church, small
group, Bible study groups, womengetting together. You can't pretend that you
don't know you're doing it. Yeah, that is not why we're called to
(13:28):
get together and study scripture. Andlook this, it goes both ways sure,
because as dudes, you have nobusiness sitting around and diminishing one thing.
You will not ever catch me engagingin in locker rooms because that's what
they call the locker room or thetruck talk. You will not hear me
ever bad mouthing or making Donna tolook like she's lesser or stupid. Now,
(13:54):
is there different sometimes of saying funnythings? Yeah, there's a there's
a fine line between saying something likeyeah, every time I do this,
my wife gets really mad. Right, there's those things that we do or
are like, hey, my husbanddid this. Those things, if they're
innocent enough and everybody understands, ifthey're not character assassinations, we do that
(14:16):
from time to time. I'm talkingabout chronic complaining, an attempt to assassinate
the person that you decided that youwanted to marry, that you wanted to
live with, and when you becomean enemy of that spouse willingly become you
will reap those rewards, and they'renot pretty. But men, you better
(14:39):
be a leader. You better notbe that dude that says I want to
have all the accolades of being ableto be my wife's greatest desire while you're
sitting around after you get home fromwork playing video games, and yeah,
it's amazing to me how many menthat are over the age of twenty something
(15:01):
years old with a wife and afamily do nothing but get on their video
games and play them until the weehours of the morning. Or if you're
too lazy to get out and todo something that you know needs to be
done. If things need to befixed around the house, if the car
needs to be fixed, if thecar needs to be washed, or the
(15:22):
garage swept out, or the kidsneed to be taken someplace. These are
all things that men. If youare collecting these, you're an idiot.
You need to change what you're doing. You need to self examine and say,
am I worthy of leading this womanwho I am married to? Now?
(15:45):
I get it. Sometimes you're laterin life and you figure out,
Hey, I want to be aleader, but things have gotten so bad
in this marriage relationship that she doesn'trespect me. Start making the small changes
so that you can win her backover. If she has lost faith in
you because of your dereliction of duty, and I said we weren't, Hey,
(16:11):
will this be next episode? We'retalking about it now? Anyway,
a bit of advice for the men. Don't ask for a list, and
I don't mean a honeydeo list,like, Hey, what chores we need
to get done around the house thisweekend? And that's what I'm talking about.
I'm talking about in from a largerscale, when if you're already struggling,
knowing your relationship is in the pits, don't ask her for a list
(16:36):
or what can I do. You'vegot to have some intrinsic idea of where
things have gone off the rails,and you can blame her for all of
those things, but know what youneed to do. In some of what
Dan's advice is to just be likealmost in a sense, be shut your
(16:56):
mouth, be quiet, and justmove forward and take action on those things
that you know you need to do. Don't be at bata mail. Don't
wait for your wife. Don't wait. Don't wait for her to try to
get you to lead. You shouldlead no matter what, even if you
have a wife right now that iscurrently not wanting to follow the direction that
(17:22):
you think it's best for your family. Don't fall into the trap of just
saying now, there's nothing else Ican do. Therefore, the responsibility is
no longer mine, and I'm justgonna get it well, because I'll guarantee
you if that's what's happening, she'sdoing it out of fear. It's self
preservation, it's protection. It's outof fear because she has no business trusting
you to do that. Conversely,there also happens to be a small segment.
(17:48):
Maybe it's larger. I don't knowof women who flat out don't really
want to be married. They thinkthey want to be married. They may
say I do, They may playhouse, but secretly they want their own
agenda. They just want the stabilityof somebody providing them the basics, food,
the shelter, the lifestyle. Wecan go off on many different variations
(18:11):
of this, and that's not reallywhat you started talking about, but I
do think it's it's important, andI will give you accolades to show how
much you contribute to my own life. I'm a man who leads people.
(18:33):
I have employees, I run thecompanies, and I set policies and the
vision. I cast that vision out. That doesn't mean that I'm infallible.
It doesn't mean that I come homeand I still have everything figured out.
There have been so many times whereI have lacked vision in certain areas,
and you've come in and you've said, hey, we need to be thinking
(18:56):
about this. At first, Ikind of bristle because you know that egos
there and you don't want to gomaybe she's right. But time after time
after time you have proven to beright in those observations and those suggestions that
you have made. So I justwant to let you know that I'm glad
(19:22):
that you want to be a dependentwoman, but I want to work very
hard at making certain that it isnot wasted and that you, through this
dependence, can also be extremely independentin all the natural creations that you do
on a daily basis. And forthose of you who don't necessarily know a
(19:45):
lot about Donna, this woman hasa treasure trove of talents. I think
about your radio experience when we werekids, the very first time I heard
you driving home from a construction sitethe afternoon DJ for the local radio station.
We've talked about that before, tohosting being part of a conservative talk
(20:11):
radio show back in Portland. Yourvoice over talent, where you have been
part of many productions for commercial aspectsall the way to your website creations.
You're singing, your songwriting, yourproductions, your creator content, your writing
abilities. A lot of people probablydon't realize that Donna is a professional writer.
(20:34):
All of these things that you do, and you do so well,
makes me want to make certain thatI am not stifling any of those natural
talents that you have. I wantto watch you continually get better at them
because I love when you succeed atthose things that you desire. So I
(20:56):
am honored that you want to bedependent upon me, as I too am
dependent upon you. This has beena special segment of the Unspoken podcast Strong
Dependent Woman. To listen to thefull episode, visit our website at the
Original Unspoken podcast dot com and selectepisode nineteen, or you can listen and
(21:21):
subscribe wherever you get your shows.
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