Fuck Reality 😁

"F* Reality" is my most personal episode yet. I talk about the moments I wished I didn’t exist, the weight of pretending everything’s okay, and what it means to feel trapped in a world that doesn’t see you. This is for anyone who's ever felt invisible, overwhelmed, or just done with the noise. You're not alone.**

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Do Do Do Do Do Do Do Do Do. Welcome
back to podcast. It's your host gay Ron. Thank you, thanks,
love you all so much. Thank you guys, thank you,

(00:27):
thank you, thank you, thank you all for tuning in
once again and listening to this amazing podcast and the
number one gen Z Talk podcast in Africa. Mm hmm,
as I am drinking tea while speaking to you guys,
because right now I am bored and I have nothing

(00:47):
to do. And today I just came into a very
very very good thought after the concept of you guys
giving me to the podcast on Instagram. So I lately
gave out a poll on Instagram Stories and all of
you chose a topic about life. And the next I

(01:16):
asked you guys to give a specific and most of
you were like, what would I want to be in
life and stuff like that, and few of you are like,
be so real. Most of you are like, I would
like to ask give us something. Let me tell you

(01:41):
life is life as right now, I am seventeen, you know,
just turn seventeen like one week ago or ten days ago.

(02:01):
And I just had a very very good authority mind
after you guys, after you guys suggested your things about
that about this episode I'm going to be talking about.
And I just figured out that I would want to

(02:22):
be non existing, Like what what would I want to be?
Is non existing? Because I do not like living, And sadly,
when I was born, I did not die during Bath.
It's a very sad fact, guys, it's a very very

(02:47):
sad fact. I thought that somehow I would die in Bath.
But I am here, I am seventeen. I'm still alive.
If I to die, he's on Bath note right now.
So don't be thinking like, oh, so You're gonna die
right now. No, I to die before I knew everything,

(03:11):
before I thought anything. I just don't want to exist.
And sadly, now because I'm seventeen, with tons of dreams
and goals and thoughts about my own life and explotations
in my own life, I feel like it's impossible to

(03:31):
achieve any of them. Although I keep giving myself this
up to missing hope that anything is possible, but guy,
is nothing. It's possible as long as you're in Africa,
and you're sadly born in Tanzania. If you're born in Tanzania,

(03:54):
just no for you to succeed, you need to be
an artist. A drug dealer, a killer, and money laundra
politician or president. Those are the only sources of income

(04:15):
in Tanzania. The rests are all poverty. Ignore the bank
jobs and the computer jobs. Just ignore those because the
just medium wire is for living a medium boring life
by wake up in the morning, go to work, come

(04:39):
late at night, get tired, sleep, wake up again. That's
how life is. So we're gonna ignore that bullshit. Although
I have good money, but we're gonna ignore that, and
we're gonna focus on how I would want to be
in an existing I don't know about you guys, but me,

(05:00):
I really don't want to exist, and for some reason,
I exist, and I should be happy that I exist
because some people have died. I've watched people dying around
my age, and one of my friends had a best
friend and that best friend died at seventeen, so it

(05:21):
was like last year. I would say the sad story,
but it's not a sad story because with that guy,
it's another story. But with me, I really really really
want to disappear or maybe have like those transformation paths
where I could transform into anything I want, Like if
I wanted to be transform maybe into various living things,

(05:45):
any living thing as a matter of fact. Oh no, so, guys,
I'm also cooking here. I'm cooking meat. I'm cooking meat,
and I think there are some things here. They're being
very very yeah yeah yeah yeah. Now as we ignore

(06:07):
me cooking meat, we're going to focus on how life
is so so so so so difficult. Why wasn't I
born in America? Like ah, If I was born in
America somewhere around Los Angeles and with parents who understand
life and like would push me to auditions and send

(06:30):
me to some musical journeys, maybe I would have been
a better place. As a matter of fact, I would
have been a better place. I would have been like
the next less In Biber, but a better version whereby
whereby I do not go by dating some gomes and
then end up breaking up with her for a useless

(06:50):
girl like Hali Biber. So basically I would have been
very very better and richer. As a matter of fact,
what would have made me famous would be the fact
that I am from Africa. Okay, so now I'm thinking,

(07:11):
I'm thinking again, they're being born in America's about idea,
because everyone around sixties seventeen is really as somebody, which
is very very boring. So I'm really thinking about being
born in Africa, like South Africa and Nigeria, most of
South Africa because Nigeria a NA. Maybe like be born
in South Africa. Then I grew up into some guy.

(07:34):
But luckily at sixteen years oh my parsonally me to
move me to move into LA for work. As they
moved to LA for work, I become their victim, which
is a very very nice thing. And then for some
reason I'm involved in the school by music arts, film
is everything, and some reason I'm just into auditions. Then

(07:56):
at seventeen, I have two to three movies out, six
songs out, and a record label deal. Maybe I better
hate record labels, trust me, I hate record labels. I know,
like anything that involves instructions and manipulation and formality and
basic structure, which is basically every record label, every school

(08:20):
out there, every bank institution. I just hate those for
the black and white concept. Like that's why I have
this so called black and white. Like I've written it
down and I was like finishing it. Yet yesterday I
just discovered this world is so bullshit. Now let's go
back the fact that I wanted to be anything. I

(08:42):
wanted to be like a bard. No, I don't have
the powers transform into anything, So it could be a bard,
a donkey, an ego, maybe a snake, like a very
dangerous python. I kill people for fun, but in snake phone,

(09:03):
so it wouldn't look like I am a bad person.
Or maybe I could become a tiger old lion, like
being being that classic lion and like trying to eat someone.
I'm kidding, I'm kidding, I'm ready. I'm just I'm just

(09:23):
a very very sad guy with my life. So just ignore,
ignore the eating and killing in every sentence I have
had and you so like you guys, today I have
not said any curse world. Today is the most saddest
day of my life because I just realized I want
to make it in life. I'm gonna be nobody. I'm

(09:44):
gonna be some boring, useless ass guy who wakes up
early in the morning and goes to work with a
wife with two kids, tons of bills. How smartgage come
morat gauge. I feel like my life is gonna be
the serious life because right now, no angels coming for me.

(10:07):
Most people are lifted up by other people, but there
is no someone who's coming to a place me. I'm
going to die alone. That's a very sad story. Guy,
Like the fact that I will be and nobody. That's
a very sad fact to me. I would cry, but

(10:30):
I can to cry because I'm too depressed to cry.
Some of you get it right, like been too depressed
to cry. You're so sad that you cannot cry anymore.
I was supposed to be that rich guy. I will
tell you the story of howsh was supposed to be

(10:52):
in the next episode. For now, I'm focusing on how
I could have been as somebody. No, oh yeah, we're
focusing on me wanting to be non existent or having
the passions from to anything I wanted. I could pray
on people and kill them just for fun, or suffocate
some people and then become the most hired assassin ever

(11:18):
and maybe that would be something like the best assassin,
you know, like killing president and stuff. Although this can
send me to jail, so like, just forget that, forget that.
But sadly I'm boring nobody, you know, some random guy
who is seventeen. No plans of life. Actually I do

(11:40):
have plans, but they won't be implemented because I'm fucking broke,
go I should not be broke. Like the reason why
should not be broke you'll get it in the next episode.
But trust me, I was supposed to be something. I
was supposed to be somebody. God bless me well bad,

(12:01):
but life hated me. So life to learn for me
not to have what I want to have, what I
want to be, what I want to do. And yes,
I'm blaming it all on life because God blessed me
with your parents, but life did not love me. So
I made sure that my parents would be as wholes.

(12:24):
That you have to talk to them in their manner
so that they couldnccept what you're speaking like, I'm not
fond of my parents. Sadly, I used to get from
by my mom. But my mom Alasius, transformed into I
don't know who God knows who she is right now.

(12:46):
So I was kicked out. I was kicked out of
the house on January and now I'm living on my own,
suffocating life, trying trying to make a living while I'm
just seventeen. And most of the brands I have been

(13:07):
doing they're just by people. They have not paid me
because guess what, being in Tanzania. It's the lamest thing
ever in the world. So fuck life and I'm gonna
end with the song. So bye bye, oh God to
pain on replay and foremos no escape. They sell dreams

(13:29):
I can't afford, so I stick through my own word, sir.
The filter start a fake smile, sits on just a break,
fake friends, fake love, fake peace. Tell me what the
hell is really least I'm sending. I'm okay this mask.
I we're starting to the kay. If life's the game,
then a fold know. She goes for a broken song

(13:51):
for really you know the scene. Let's dream. It's a
hope dream for reality to say my faith losing a
bake tips just souls me, so let me bleeve right.
I finally pread, scrolling through life liking lies they carefully

(14:12):
chaptain cycles, fake success. Where's the exit to this mess?
I feel like a ghostly miles in, sick of the
silence of black and makes on me faked. So you
make it. I'll faint and now I hate it. Bill
smiling hopes, dying smiles, silence justify the reality. The feef
in disguise state trick yourself tells you live ill you

(14:32):
over the scene. Let's legend anstic dream. It's kind of
a nail scream, A reality the same my faith. I
want to losing. Okay, it's real, just sows me, so
let me bleeve you finally pread Fuck reality. I'm over
the scene than you guys were listening by