January 14, 2025 • 50 mins
Hey Light Shiners! I am joined by MGD a former foster youth. She speaks about her struggle with her identity and how a DNA test helps discover who she truly is.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:08):
Content warning.
Speaker 2 (00:09):
The Wards of the State podcast may contain material that
may be harmful or traumatizing to some audiences. Listener discretion
is advised. Okay, hello everybody, welcome to another episode of
(00:43):
Wards of the State of You are live on YouTube
right now. Thank you so much for the listeners who
are joining us, joining in with us via podcast. You
guys can now watch us live on YouTube. If you're
watching me on TikTok right now, go hit up my YouTube.
You can see us and you can hear the whole conversation.
I'm so excited that we are going to really start
sharing more and more lift experience with you guys here
(01:04):
from the Wards of the State podcast.
Speaker 1 (01:07):
We also are expanding the type of media.
Speaker 2 (01:09):
So you guys know, for the first four years of
this podcast, it's been only audio mostly sometimes you guys
get some video clips. But now we are doing video
because you know, I guess people are calling me, oh now,
like Carlos, we want to see we want to see
you guys.
Speaker 1 (01:23):
I'm like, no, no, but you know what, I have a.
Speaker 2 (01:25):
Program that makes it super easy and so I hope, however,
you decide to consume this podcast rather the audio, video,
YouTube or Apple Podcasts, Spotify, and iHeartRadio. Make sure you're subscribing, liking,
and sharing everywhere that you are watching this. Your support
and your reviews really do make a huge difference while
we're looking at sponsorships as well as just having other
(01:46):
people kind of take us seriously and listening to the
lift experience of everyone who comes on this show. So
I want to thank all of my listeners, all my
light shiners. Also any updates. Book two is on its
way to my door Award of the State aboard the Adoption.
Speaker 1 (02:00):
It has been a wonderful.
Speaker 2 (02:01):
Time, not really, but it's been hard y'all the last
five years writing this book, but it's finally here, waiting
for the publisher to send it to me. If you
did pre order, that pre order will be out to you,
like I said, by the end of January. And if
y'all who've been waiting for literally like a year and
a half on y'all's pre ordered, thank you so much
for your patience and thank you so much for supporting me.
So without further ado, I think those are all the
(02:21):
announcements that I had, and I want to go into
our next guest, who is a former foster. You Hey, MGD,
how are you.
Speaker 1 (02:30):
Good? I am fantastic. So kind of want to tell people.
Introduce yourself, tell people who you are, and start with
you're experience in the foster care system.
Speaker 3 (02:38):
Okay, so my name is MGD. I have been in
foster care since I was a youth, actually a newborn.
My mother was you know, on drugs, and she got
a custody of me back, me and my other sibling,
and then we were you know, traumatized from like the
child abuse that we went through, and then we were
in and out of bostercare, and then I entered foster
(02:59):
care fully at the age of thirteen. It was a
very hard experience for us, especially myself, because I had
an identity crisis and I look very different from my family,
my maternal side, and I was often told that the
man on my pertificate was my biological father.
Speaker 1 (03:17):
Why does everybody do that?
Speaker 3 (03:20):
No, this is really, Josie, this is really listen.
Speaker 1 (03:23):
I'm ready for it.
Speaker 3 (03:24):
Yeah. So I've always felt that I was different from
my family, of course, you know, and then being told,
going through through the false care system that I was
you know, Dominican or some form of Hispanic, you know,
they would just name any kind of ethnicity day that
I was because of course I look different from my
maternal side. But most recently, actually twenty twenty four of
(03:46):
my birthday, I found out that my father isn't my
father the way ancestry DNA. Did you just make a.
Speaker 1 (03:53):
TikTok video about that?
Speaker 3 (03:56):
I don't think I made a TikTok video.
Speaker 2 (03:58):
Okay, maybe I'll confuse because I was like this, it
sounds so similar to us. I just was scrolling on
FIP and there was a black woman who had a
similar experience.
Speaker 1 (04:08):
It was so similar, I'll have to find it and
send it to you.
Speaker 2 (04:10):
Because they were explaining the same They were in foster care,
and then they had a different father than the Pirth
certificate and then they're like in their thirties now. And
she was just like, well, I don't know if my
if she was like upset that her her parents were
upset that she wouldn't look and like did a DNA test.
Speaker 1 (04:25):
So I was just like, it's just the same person.
Speaker 2 (04:27):
But I'll go ahead, go ahead, Sorry, I have ADHD
so I'd be like trying to connect.
Speaker 3 (04:31):
This is my first time, you know, actually talking about
it out loud.
Speaker 1 (04:34):
Because Okay, so we're going to be exclusive.
Speaker 3 (04:37):
Yes, because exclusive, Yes, because this is actually raw and
I wrote a book about it, and I'm getting ready to,
you know, publish it, but I've never talked about it.
I don't show my face. I'm very nervous to do this. However,
I feel like I got played and I want to
tell everybody what's going on and hopefully educate other individuals
that have experienced the things that I have.
Speaker 1 (04:59):
Not only was.
Speaker 3 (04:59):
I not only am I former youth that went through
child went through the foster care system, I'm also a
child abuse survivor, so I was in foster care a
lot because of my mother's addiction and also her abuse.
So I'm not really going to get into too much
details here about it, but I'm talking about the identity
(05:21):
portion of it, going through different foster homes because of
the way I look, and because my mother is African American,
being put with like a foster home with the African
American community, and not being able to relate to it
because I'm being judged because I look different. On my
experience with them as well, was not feeling connected to
them or being treated differently because I'm not biologically related
(05:46):
to them. So I did experience that, and for the
rest of my time in foster care, I actually grew
up in multiple group homes. So he went to one
foster home and and.
Speaker 1 (05:56):
How long were you at that foster home before you
went to only eight months?
Speaker 3 (06:00):
Eight months? Not long, not too long. And then the
rest of my time I was in like different group
home lockdown facilities. You know, when you're a teen, at
that point, no one really wants someone who's fully grown
or teenage. I'm sorry, like you know, teenager. You know,
they usually you're at a younger age where they could
kind of mold you. But it was pretty pretty difficult
(06:21):
for me because I had a lot of stuff going
on inside me that I didn't understand. And on top
of not understanding these things, it was the whole identity
portion too. You know, I didn't fit well in the
African American community because I didn't look one hundred percent
African American community. Then you have others trying to basically
tell me what they think that I am because of
what I look like. So I grew up like basically
(06:44):
believing I was Guyanese. So I ended up, you know,
learning another language, which is a broken dialect. Patois found
out that's not even really Guyanese. I mean, it was
just a whole bunch of drama that I went through.
Every no one knew what to call me. So fast forward,
I recently found that the ancestry DNA that my father
isn't my father. I took this test back in twenty
(07:05):
thirteen and it told me where my origins came from.
I was like shocked because it said that it was Pakistani.
Speaker 1 (07:14):
Wow.
Speaker 3 (07:15):
Yeah, and I'm very ignorant to not knowing what that was.
You know, I've heard of India, but I've never heard
of you know, Pakistan. You know, I've always been told, oh,
you're just a black girl with good hair. That's what
I've been told, you know, by my mom. So I
was like, what's that? But I just thought again, I
just thought it might have been like a grandparent or
(07:35):
some type of family, you know, DNA passed on through
my father's side because he didn't know who his family was.
He wasn't present in our life anyway. I ended up
finding him when I was like fifteen, and then, you know,
looking at him, I was like, this guy is clearly
you know, African American and he didn't have the same
(07:57):
texture here as I do. So I was a little confused.
So fast forward, you know, through the trials and tribulations
of you know, my identity, I end up finding out
on my birthday through a match to a fifth cousin
who was Pakistani, who said, you know, they would help
me figure this out. Also, sorry, sorry if I jump
all over the place, because.
Speaker 1 (08:18):
You're fine, I'm keeping up. I'm keeping up.
Speaker 3 (08:22):
What drop me. What drew me to this final like
revelation was the father of my perstificate did not really
know his family either, so I was trying to help
him locate his family as well, and I had him
take a DNA test and his came back on both
sides African American, like the whole African DNA, like not
even like a two percent Indian, a one percent Indian Pakistani, nothing.
(08:45):
So my DNA came back to seventy four percent Pakistani.
So I was just like, you know, and my mother
is literally African American, like hers is straight African DNA.
So I was like a hut, Like it still didn't
register in my head what was going on? Like I
was like so like confused and anyway, so with the matches.
You know how ancestry works, you match, and it just
(09:08):
so happened that I had like maybe five people who
had this, who had the shared DNA of the Pakistani DNA,
and I had had a message from a cousin and
I was just like, hey, cousin, you know, you know,
I'm so and so you know we're cousins, you know,
do you know how we're cousins? And then he explained
to me that we were fifth cousins, and then you know,
basically said that he would do his best to help me.
(09:30):
So he ended up taking my results and sending it
to my heritage dot Com. Again, I don't know how
to do any of this, so, you know, I don't
even think so on my birthday, I got a birthday present.
You know, he had a match. He reached out to
me and told me that I have a match with
two sisters. Okay, one of the sisters I am aware
of because that's my mother's daughter. So unfortunately, my mom
(09:53):
is my mom, and.
Speaker 1 (09:54):
You grew up with your you knew your sister your
mother's daughter, right.
Speaker 3 (09:57):
No, I grew up actually with only one stil my
mother has six children. I'm six of six so sorry
if I jumped to just focus on.
Speaker 2 (10:04):
Yeah, no, I didn't even have Okay, so explain your
siblings a little bit, because now I'm confused.
Speaker 1 (10:08):
I'm like, how did you not know?
Speaker 2 (10:09):
Because you know, from a dad, it's easier, you know,
you didn't have to be going around having kids, but
your mom, you didn't know your own siblings from your.
Speaker 3 (10:16):
Oh my mother. Okay, so I have I have five
other siblings from my mother's side. Only one of them
I grew up with or partially grew up with. The
other four were adopted before I was even thought about
because of the same issue drug usage and neglected things
of those natures. However, I ended up finding them when
I was eighteen because one of my siblings has a
(10:38):
unique name, and I did hear stories. You know that
one family adopted all three of my siblings, and then
another family adopted one of my other siblings, and then
the fifth sister, well, I will say sister that's above me,
the one that I know of which a foster home.
But I know her because we were kind of raised
in the same home partially, and then she went to
(11:00):
the to the system first. So I you know, when
I was a younger, I was, you know, used to
sneak around my mother's room. And my mom was also
like suffered a lot of mental health issues. So one
minute she would tell the truth, the next minute she
would lie. So one minute she we had siblings, the
next minute we didn't. So and I never, you know,
she would say that we had them, we didn't have them.
So one day I was cleaning up the room, her room,
(11:21):
and I came across the old popcorn can and I
opened it thinking it was popcorn, but it was actually
like legal documents. And then in those documents where the
pertificates and names of my other siblings, I kept them.
I wrote wrote their names down in a journal and
kept their birthday so security numbers, you know, birth things.
Speaker 1 (11:40):
And I just.
Speaker 3 (11:41):
Said, you know, I'm going to search for them when
I get older. And then when I turned eighteen, I
ended up finding through Facebook. Actually, thanks shout out to Facebook,
I actually found one of I found all the sisters,
all three of the sisters, through a Facebook because of
a unique name. My one of my biological sisters have
a unique name, and I member the story that that
(12:02):
one familydopted all three. So I figured, if I can
find that one, then maybe that one could connect me
to the other two, and that that did happen. At
the end, I did eventually get to meet three of
those siblings. I still have not met my brother. He
was adopted by another family and I had never been
able to find him. And I'm thirty two now.
Speaker 1 (12:20):
And how is your relationship with your siblings that you
did find Are you still in contact with them to
this current day.
Speaker 3 (12:24):
I am in contact with them. We try our best
to do the best we can. They've also suffered, you know,
their own traumas. But we are doing great, you know,
reaching out. You know. I actually just spent Thanksgiving with
one sister and the first the other sister, and they
were planning to do the same thing I want to do,
like a sister trip or something, you know, thank you.
(12:45):
I try to send them gifts and stuff, you know,
through sister things. So I didn't grow up with one.
Even though I did kind of have one sibling in
the home, it was a strong disconnect, you know, because
she also suffered a lot of mental health issues, so
it was very difficult to have that sister relationship. And yeah,
so I don't the only three siblings I have contact
with and the other two I'm unable.
Speaker 2 (13:06):
To Okay, alrighty, So how long how long were you
So you were at home for a little bit, then
you're in foster care for the eight months, and then
now we're in these group home type places.
Speaker 1 (13:18):
Yes. How long were you were there until you aged
out of foster care?
Speaker 3 (13:22):
Yes?
Speaker 2 (13:22):
So you were there until done. Yeah, So what happens
after fase care? Did you get any like extended foster care?
Speaker 1 (13:29):
Did you get any help?
Speaker 3 (13:30):
Like?
Speaker 1 (13:30):
What what was the situation after you aged out?
Speaker 3 (13:33):
I actually was a teenage mom too. Boom noo, So
I end up becoming a teenage mom. I was I
think seventeen when I had my twin boys. I had twins,
so it was a very scary feeling, but I had them.
Once you age out, you just age out. I will
say towards the end of my time at foster care,
(13:55):
I was very blessed and fortunate because I went to
a mother in prog It's no longer there now, but
it was there at the time that I went. They
did support me as far as watching the children while
I went to work in school. I end up leaving
that mother Infant program with like twenty thousand dollars, so
I had my money saved up from working and then
(14:17):
foster Care in New York did give me like three
thousand to transition me into my own apartment. So they
did do that, and they also paid for college. I
don't know if they did that for you, but.
Speaker 1 (14:27):
They're supposed to.
Speaker 2 (14:28):
My situation was a little bit more complicated because I
was adopted and then I moved from a state. Even
though adoption, the free college was part of my adoption,
like agreement you had to live in this graduate high
school in the state that you were adopted in and
then also go to college and the states that you're
adopted in, and they had moved me from Michigan or Florida.
So that's something that I still advocate for when I
(14:48):
tell people like, hey, this is why we support children
up until if they do need the age out, because
a lot of people say, well, I want to adopt
seeing seventeen year old, I'm just like, no, give them support,
be a guardian of them so they can take advanta
and of the resources right three college as housing assistance,
especially if they have a child, and a lot of states,
like you said, they will cover your child under those
(15:09):
resources as well, right.
Speaker 3 (15:11):
While you're in the foster.
Speaker 1 (15:13):
While you're in there.
Speaker 2 (15:14):
So the state of Washington just extended their age out system.
They're extended foster character twenty six, so you get all
of the benefits for yourself and your children into the
age of twenty six, which I think is phenomenal because
most human beings need some sort of help from a family,
or most kids who have like family, they get help
from their family to like twenty five, and then they're like,
(15:34):
are your own? And I feel like that's like a
great age like that you can finally get your own
insurance where it's like not out of the world, right,
you can rent some cars, you know. I think like
twenty six is a good idea.
Speaker 3 (15:46):
That did not happen for me at all. The only
thing was that I work to save my money I had.
I was I was guided by the three women that
ran the Mother Infant program. They will, of course, and
I appreciate them for that, but I was always working
and that was it. They helped me. I did have
my case manager. Shout out to her. She was always
good to me and kind of always like found loopholes
(16:07):
and how to get me extra funding and stuff. I
don't believe that I would have gotten the support towards
the end of my time if bost the care without
those ladies. So we do need those strong advocates. And
I grew up in the state of New York, so
you can only imagine it's horrific. Yeah, so I didn't
(16:27):
get help a tough twenty six I wish.
Speaker 2 (16:30):
Right, you know, I think that we should change that policy.
So you were going, how did the program work? You
shouted out your caseworker, So it sounds like you had
some pretty successful people helping you along the way after
you started aging out.
Speaker 1 (16:43):
How did that affect your parenting?
Speaker 2 (16:44):
You think that helped you become a better parent in
the beginning, to have that support system.
Speaker 3 (16:49):
So yes, I yes, I will say yes. It's a
scary feeling being a teenage mom first and foremost and
not having a support system, you know, especially like biologically
anyone that growth puend in the foster care. Well, and
I'm in touch with some friends now from back then.
We all keep longing for the same thing, your family,
like it's family, family, family. It doesn't matter even if
(17:10):
we meet new people and they become like family, they're
not really our family. You know, we want to know
who we look like, where we come from. You know,
we have health questions and things of the nature. But
what I did learn at an early age is that
I have a gift of like connection, Like I've always
connected with a lot of people, and I mean like
I could talk to you today and then twenty five
(17:32):
years related from now, we will somehow reconnect and it'll
pick up like nothing never happened. Very resourceful, so I
really enjoyed them. They provided the pampers, the diapers, the formulas,
you know, everything that you needed in health childcare. All
we had to do was take that time that we
had before we graduated high school and aged out of
the system and utilize it better. So that's what I did.
(17:55):
I took advantage of it. I mean, if they were
if they were buying me pampers, wives, formula, clothes, toys,
all that stuff for the babies, housing me, I didn't
really have to do anything but work and save my money.
They was even giving me polls, you know, like Holds
Bop stuff. So I just love that. Yes, I love them.
My shout out to them. And I saved everything, everything,
(18:15):
and then I would give the money to one of
the director and was like, hey, listen, just put this
in a stake. I have no idea, no experience of
what to do with money of take it and you know,
save it safe, safe. And I was able to leave,
you know, with a decent money. You know, I'm not
saying that my time after that was easy, because it wasn't.
I definitely struggled a lot with trying to get on
my feet and figure things out a lot of things,
(18:37):
you know, you don't know, like finances, like no one
teaches you that, Like I didn't have anyone to want,
like high.
Speaker 2 (18:42):
School, Like no one teaches financial literacy that we don't
have home or homec anymore.
Speaker 1 (18:47):
Uh, we don't have like any of those type of.
Speaker 2 (18:50):
The programs, even for kept children, right, and it's rare,
and even kept children are taught, you know, adequate financial literacy.
And you know, you you apply that to you know,
going through trauma, the foster car system, being a young
teenage mom, Like how are you?
Speaker 1 (19:05):
When were you supposed to learn that? But it was
so great. It's it's so great to hear that you
had the institution, Like my institution, what is it written? Yes?
I said, if you had you had to you were
in an institutions, right, Uh, that helped you.
Speaker 2 (19:24):
And it's like and it also like shout out to them,
because I don't think I would have been in a
place that I would trust with my money even like
with I was going missing or them quitting randomly and
all your money going missing.
Speaker 1 (19:36):
Right, So like shout out to them for really being
there for you.
Speaker 3 (19:39):
They were. They were like three strong women. Uh, like
I adored them. You know, one was director, one was
the nurse, we had an in house nurse, and then
one was the social worker. All three of them brought
something to the table. They're actually in my books.
Speaker 1 (19:53):
You know.
Speaker 3 (19:53):
Again, I shout out to them. I loved them. I
was very you know, saddened that, Uh, they were unable
to keep doors open. Like we're talking about, you know
what fourteen fifteen years ago. In my mind, I'm still
kind of young and I'm still there, but you know,
time continues to go on and the need to have
a teenage pregnancy support wasn't like that.
Speaker 1 (20:17):
So you mentioned your book. Is this the new the
new memoir that you're coming out with or your your
children's book.
Speaker 3 (20:24):
No, this everything I'm sharing with you now is in
my book. That's coming out. So the children's book is
just like a gentle a gentle like introduction to like
navigating foster care and dealing with a multicultural background. So
and we'll let you share that.
Speaker 1 (20:41):
We'll let you share that at the end of the show.
Speaker 2 (20:42):
So y'all, y'all get the name of it, and then
we'll also do the video of it so we can
see it.
Speaker 1 (20:48):
I'm super excited.
Speaker 2 (20:49):
I love the people that you wrote a book for
children about foster care and like how.
Speaker 1 (20:52):
To introduce foster care. Yes, I'm working. I was working.
Speaker 2 (20:56):
I worked simonteleously on my memoir and also a children's
book about how to teach foster parents and adopt parents
how to share stories. So the book is called it
this isn't your story to share, and it kind of
like teaches the foster parents and the kids that like, hey,
your experience is your experience and it's not their story
to share and toss in the air and tell everybody
and hold up like a prize.
Speaker 1 (21:17):
It's like your story.
Speaker 3 (21:18):
Yes, I experienced that too, Like you know, yeah it is.
Speaker 1 (21:21):
They be like, yeah, my foster child, like hey, yes, yes,
Oh my goodness.
Speaker 3 (21:29):
The feeling of not belonging with so bad, you know.
Speaker 2 (21:34):
Talking about that a little bit, like the feeling of
not belonging did that?
Speaker 1 (21:38):
Did that harm you?
Speaker 2 (21:39):
Do you feel like, as as a teenager, like where
did that feeling come from? Because it sounded like like,
honestly with Guyanese, I've heard.
Speaker 1 (21:48):
Guyanese, Pakistan, maybe Indian Black, I don't even know who
you are, so there's no way you knew who you were.
Speaker 3 (21:56):
I literally found out this year. But to talk about like,
I literally ruggled with all my life because I'm I'm
very told, like I'm five ten and I'm like a
walking giant, you know, amongst the people that I was around,
not having culture, having guidance, having family or anyone that
I could relate to that looked like me was so hard,
you know, because my mother is African American. It was
(22:19):
like you have to be black that and please don't
cancel me.
Speaker 1 (22:23):
So how do you feel like? Okaycause I'm gonna ask you,
because especially on TikTok, there's this whole movement that if
your mother is black, you're black. No if answer, but.
Speaker 3 (22:32):
No, I'm gonna be honest with you. You identify as
you identify, but please don't you ever forget where you
came from. And so I've always identified as African American
slash Asian because I figured I was somewhere in the
Asian community, not to find now I found out that
I'm more Asian than I am African American. I'm only
(22:54):
eleven percent for the DNA and then I'm like what,
So it's a lot. But I never was really accepted
in my my and I always say my community because
that's all I've known. I just grew up. You know,
I'm from New York and from the streets. I'm not
always you know, I wasn't always toys and nice as
I am now. I was a hood booker. I was
a little a little booker. Yeah, you couldn't tell me
(23:17):
that I wasn't. You know, my mom is African American
all I you know, we're fighting in the streets. You know,
I'm from New York. Now They're like, yeah, no, you're
not You're not black, And I'm like what, you know,
Like it's like, how can I not be black? You know,
I was never really identify as black. When people would
look at me, they would always say I was something else.
(23:38):
I mean, I felt like I had to prove that,
you know, like, no, I am black. You know, there
were times that they wanted to see ID from me
and my mother and I because my mother is very
dark skinned and I'm not. And then all the siblings are,
you know, somewhere in her complexion. And then I'm not.
I know the camera can't tell, but I'm I'm.
Speaker 1 (23:56):
Sure mother ever tell you that like the man that
she's hooked up with a constano, No, m m.
Speaker 3 (24:01):
I We're gonna get there in a second. I'm gonna
get there in a second. I'm gonna get there in
a second. And so to go back to the belonging part,
my mother always was like, you're a black girl with
good hair, that's it. And then I was like, I
think that's an insult to anyone, because what is a
black girl with good hair? You tell me what that is.
I've seen a lot of beautiful women of all colors
(24:21):
with beautiful hair, So I don't understand how you can
tell someone that they're a black girl with good hair.
I don't understand what that meant. And then you know,
but if someone's telling you you're a black gir with
good hair, then that's just what you are. Black girl
with good hair, you know. So I didn't understand my
eating habits. You know, I didn't eat the traditional foods
(24:43):
that was put in front of me. I've always was
like a spice girl, like I love spice, spy spice.
And the people that I was around, like my biological
mom or the foster families or anybody's like, no, I
can't take this heat I'm talking about I can sit
with the best of them when it comes to the heat.
So I was like, something's really wrong, you know, Like,
but what can I do? You know, someone's telling you
(25:03):
you're this telling someone telling you this is your ethnicity,
this is your ethnicity, and that's just what it is.
So getting the confirmation that I got was like a
punch in the face and also like like, yes, I
figured I was something more than just a black girl
good hair. But at the same time, it was just
like now it's another journey ahead of me because again,
(25:25):
I'm multi racial, so I can't I will never belong
to just one specific culture.
Speaker 1 (25:31):
I totally understand it. My husband and I did a
DNA test last year, and it's kind of funny because
your experience is kind of similar to his. He didn't
know who his father was his whole life. He's a
black man, but he grew up thinking he was Greek.
Speaker 2 (25:44):
My goodness, what you like a little bit lighter than
my complexion when we were in college.
Speaker 1 (25:51):
Tell me why this man is tanning like with the
tanning oil.
Speaker 3 (25:56):
So you can get some more color, so he.
Speaker 2 (25:58):
Can get some talking about some Oh I'm from I'm career,
I'm from the I'm from I'm olive skinned.
Speaker 1 (26:03):
I'm like, you are a black man, what are you
talking about from?
Speaker 4 (26:06):
Out of So then we do the DNA zero Greeks,
no Native.
Speaker 1 (26:15):
He has like one percent Native, but like so black,
we're black now.
Speaker 2 (26:19):
It's so funny though he our DNA's are very similar,
and when we look back at our ancestries, our ancestors actually.
Speaker 1 (26:27):
Came around, it's kind of creepy.
Speaker 2 (26:28):
Came from Africa and like Ghana around the same time
on the slave ships around like the fifteen hundreds. And
then his family was mainly in South Carolina and mye
was in Louisiana. So it's kind of like our DNA
is almost exactly alike. I happened to have like twenty
six percent Caucasian, which we know we can that's gonna
go from you know what happened in slavery.
Speaker 1 (26:50):
I told people. I was like, so, does that make
me Mulchicon?
Speaker 2 (26:52):
And it's like no, because for me, and I struggled
because you know, I grew up white folks. I got
adopted at eight years old.
Speaker 1 (26:59):
You may not know that.
Speaker 2 (26:59):
I grew up with my white parents. And I struggled
with my identity because, yeah, I knew I was black
because I grew up with my black family up until
I was eight.
Speaker 1 (27:08):
I went through a bunch of different foster homes. But
when you have a family that says we chose you,
and you need to assimilate and you need to like us.
And when I tell you like I was a little
boy he was adopted from the inner city of Detroit,
I did not sound like this.
Speaker 2 (27:21):
How you just said like I didn't sound like I
did not sound like this. I was too a hood
booger before I was adopted. But that was literally beat
out of me. That was brained out of me. Yeah,
I had to kneel on Rice. I've you got nailed
on Rice.
Speaker 3 (27:35):
The thing I got I got, I got, I got
worse than Rice.
Speaker 1 (27:38):
Well, what you had to kneel on.
Speaker 3 (27:40):
I didn't have to kneel anything. I got punched in
my mouth like I hate with frime.
Speaker 1 (27:43):
That definitely happen. But here's the thing.
Speaker 2 (27:46):
The kneeling on rice is actually very sinister because it's
like a slow burn. It's like it doesn't really hurt you.
And the thing about my adoptive parents were they knew
that I had already come from abuse of foster homes
and abusive biological home so you can literally pushed me in
my face. I'm like, okay, okay, I'm used to it, okay,
and I'm gonna hit you back, right, So they would
(28:06):
do more like psychological warfare, right, take everything out of
your room, turn off the electricity in your room, make
you sleep outside, have you kneel on rice?
Speaker 1 (28:16):
Rebirthing therapy.
Speaker 2 (28:17):
I don't know you ever know about rebirthing therapy, but
it's like when they wrap you up the blankets and
then they like smother you and they're like you're real,
love you, and they do this for a week week,
and then they break you.
Speaker 1 (28:29):
And then after they break you, you're supposed to be born,
Like they unwrap.
Speaker 2 (28:33):
You and you really born, and then you do skin
and skin and in my therapy they made me suck
my mama's titties at nine years old, So it.
Speaker 1 (28:40):
Was it's psychological.
Speaker 4 (28:43):
Sure, you thought you was coming in here with all
the trauma, no ground, This is trauma central over here,
this is trauma central station.
Speaker 3 (28:53):
So you were.
Speaker 1 (28:54):
Telling me that about this identity issue. I totally understand
it because all my identity was just take out of me,
and it's almost I don't and I talk to Tar
about it in Tar's episode the last episode. I don't
know if it's almost worse to not know who you
are then find out later, or to know who you
are and have it taken from you and then have
to rEFInd it.
Speaker 3 (29:14):
I'm so like I no one understands what I'm going
through right. I can't talk to anybody about this, and
like to hear you say that like not knowing what's
worse or like feeling like you have something taking from
you is like the best way to explain it, because
I'm going through this by myself because honestly, I have
to still be a mom. I still have to be
(29:35):
you know, a boss where I work at. I still
have to you know, move on. And then I have
some people like oh, get over it. These things happen.
Oh my god. People find out all the time. And
then you're like, but hold on, you don't understand exactly
what I've been through. Like I'm not going to share
everything on this particular show what I'm going through. I'm
gonna save something from my book. But I have a
horrific upbringing, a horrific upbringing. It was. It was really
(29:58):
horrible and being like not even joking about like, oh
I think, oh I thought you might have been Dominican. No,
I mean being told that, no, this is what you are.
You're like, yeah, no, I don't think that. I don't
think so. Like, like my introduction to like even what
ethnicity was was horrible, you know, like being told one
thing and then looking in the mirror is something different.
(30:19):
And then having people from your community, well I've actually
lost people like that were cool with my mom or
I had an argument with like a close friend because
it's like, oh, you don't want to be black, and
I'm like, that's not what I said. I'm saying that
there's something else wrong with me. That's what's going on.
There's something else that I have to figure out. But
I'm more more than just that. So then you have
(30:40):
to deal with the pressures of people saying, you know,
oh you don't you think you're too good for us
or whatever. I'm like, no, I didn't say that neither.
I'm just saying that something else is going on inside
of me. I feel a certain kind of way I'm
looking at I'm trying to convince my brain with what
I look like, and I'm going to find out. Then
you get these results and then they're like, oh but yeah,
but no, that don't mean that doesn't mean anything. Get
(31:02):
over it.
Speaker 2 (31:03):
And you're like, I think, isn't it something as a
black person to be told by other black people like, oh,
you think you're better than me?
Speaker 1 (31:08):
Oh you talk white? Oh you want to act white?
You you got a white job? The fuck is a
white job?
Speaker 3 (31:17):
With sister that I that that's above me, right above me.
That's why we don't speak. She always felt that I
was around the white people too much. I'm like, what
does that mean? And she was like, she used to
call me a high cdity b I c t a
uh Because first of all.
Speaker 1 (31:34):
That's crazy. I'm gonna put that. I'm gonna put that
at my repertoire. Thought, Yeah, it's like.
Speaker 3 (31:41):
Oh, you think you're better than everybody because you went
to school. I'm like, I have a master's degree in business,
I have two bachelors, one masters, and you know, thank
you how multiple real estate license? You know I have,
I have, you know, things, But but that doesn't mean
you can't have it. And it was more so I
later thought it was like a jealousy thing, and I
didn't even understand what that was because this is my sibling.
(32:03):
You know, we grew up tough and in the same environment.
You know, why would you be jealous of me or
why would I be jealous of you? Or you know,
we got to thug this out together. You know, whatever's
mine is yours because one of us got to make it,
you know. But AnyWho, Yeah, just being judged because you
want different things that other people may or may not
(32:23):
be able to attain or want. So I'm not different
from you because I chose to get a master freet
But there are people that are gazillionaires that haven't even
went to school. That doesn't make you know me better
or them better than myself. It's just something that I
chose to do. I chose to pursue a career and
I need to said certificate, said degree to obtain it.
(32:44):
And that's just what I did. It wasn't that. But
that doesn't make me better than you. You know, you
could probably outdo me in to multiple things. But yeah,
so I was told that I love to be around
the white people. That was the word. You love to
be around the white people. You always want to be
in the white man's face. And I was like what
I was like, but don't they got the don't they
(33:05):
got the blueprint of how to make the money?
Speaker 1 (33:07):
Don't you want to be around he spent the blueprint?
They have a white supremacy, But they do got that blueprint.
It's a lock behind white supremacy. Well, MGG, we're gonna
take a quick break.
Speaker 2 (33:18):
When we come back, I want you to talk more
about your experience. I want to hear about what your
mom said about how did you even get in this situation?
And then also I want you to tell us about
what you've been working on your books, I mean also
were and then do their final message that every person
does on a podcast. So we'll be right back, y'all,
Light Shiners, make sure that you come right back after
the break.
Speaker 1 (33:38):
Welcome back to the show light Shiners. Make sure you
guys are sharing the show and leaving us a one, two, three, four,
five star rating and review on Apple Podcasts, and subscribing
to us on Spotify. You know, if you have a heart,
you should be listening to us on iHeartRadio and leaving
a review there as well. And y'all, this ain't free
or cheap. I'm telling y'all. I was just talking to
my assistant and I was like, funds are run and low.
(33:58):
We running on fumes. So if you can't share, at
least throw us some coins.
Speaker 2 (34:03):
If you go to Carlosdaler dot com www dot Carlosdaler
dot com, there is a donation link you can donate
per episode or just to the show in general. Also,
make sure that you're checking out all of the things
I have going on on my website.
Speaker 1 (34:15):
I think we have our book links there.
Speaker 2 (34:18):
We also have our events, and we are going to
be doing a book tour, a West coast tour and
starting in March, so we're gonna be hitting out Seattle, Portland, La,
Los Angeles.
Speaker 1 (34:27):
Oh, Los Angeles is well.
Speaker 2 (34:28):
Actually now we might skip Los Angeles after what happened
this weekend. Rip y'all know them fires are tearing up California.
So I don't even know if I will be able
to hit La, but my heart's out to you, La.
But we will definitely be doing Vegas and Phoenix in
the Washington and Portland. Also, make sure you are keeping
up with us on all of our social medias. I
(34:49):
don't know what's gonna happen to TikTok, y'all. I know
that's one of my largest platforms. I'm trying to transfer
everyone to YouTube or Instagram. So this is why we're
starting the lives here on YouTube. This this is also
why we'll be able to get these video versions on Instagram.
I'm going to start posting the video versions of these
the clips on Instagram. So if you guys, if I
(35:10):
don't see y'all after ten days, I think it's in
the nineteenth. So it's in ten days. Thank y'all for
being there. I appreciate it. We we had a good run.
If they somehow save it, I'll see y'all there. But
without further ado, I want to get back to mgd's story. MGD,
I know you said you wanted to save it for later.
Speaker 1 (35:26):
Explain the mom. How does she Hey, how did she
not she was fucking a Pakistani? Because I just feel
like that's that's very obvious.
Speaker 3 (35:34):
So long story short, I had an on off relationship
with her. I wasn't really connected with her after, you know,
I got older. So after the DNA results came in,
I reached out to her and let her know what
was going on because I had a conversation with the
sister that I matched with. I ended up going to
Brooklyn to take another DNA test to confirm, and it confirmed,
(35:56):
you know, that we were related. And she sent me
all these photos of my biological father. And again that's
a whole nother story because it's not sinking in my
head because this is this man is one hundred percent
Pakistani and it's like a whole culture, like anyway, so
he's Pakistani. I sent the picture to my biological mom
and it's like, hey, what's going on? And she was like,
(36:19):
what do you mean? I'm like, who's that? And she says,
I don't, I don't know who that is. I'm like,
you gotta know who that is. So I told her,
I said, you know, the results came back that I'm
not so and so's you know, daughter like, this is
not my dad. This guy is, Oh, what's going on?
And she said, why would I sleep with an Indian man?
I said, hold on, it's Pakistani herd. There's a difference.
There's a difference now. So I said, yeah, no, like
(36:40):
I'm like, I'm like, mom, like, what's going on? And
she denied it. So then I thought that maybe this
cousin and these results and everything was possibly a mix
up because I was like, you know, this can't be
happening to me, you know, like and yeah, like knowing
her in all the previous part is she's had and
(37:02):
you know, we all have different dads, so it's like,
you know, I didn't I wouldn't see her crossing all
the way over like that. Maybe a mixed you know, individual,
not like a whole legit Pakistani. So I was like
super confused. Then the father that was on my pvercifit
came up to try to help me sort this out,
and I said, you know what, Yeah, let's let's cook
(37:24):
in front her. So we went to the house, to
her house. You know, I went to New York right
there with my crew, which is my kid and the
father that's on my certificate, and I confronted her right
there and said, your oldest man, apology, you know, like
he's not my dad, you know, does a different story
in a nutshell. She eventually apologized and then said that
(37:44):
she was on drugs. Mind you. I want to give
you a backstory real quick. She was actually married to
the man that's on my certificate.
Speaker 1 (37:50):
Boom.
Speaker 3 (37:51):
They were, they were they were a husband and wife. Boom.
So this is a whole affair going on. Yeah, yeah, yeah, Oh,
you're muted.
Speaker 1 (38:06):
Than the sounds for taking me out.
Speaker 3 (38:07):
Sorry, I'm sorry, what's going over? So I'm over here
like trying to you know. So anyway, she was married
to the man that was on my birth certificate. You know,
I say dad number one. She's married to Dad number one,
and he's actually the father of the sister before me,
so that's her father. So they end up a Dad
(38:31):
number one and my mom ended up getting a divorce
like when I was like maybe two or three years old,
for whatever their reasons were. But I was conceived, so
my mother and while I was there, and I was like, listen,
you know what's going on. You always knew what was
going on. You knew I looked different from the rest
of the siblings. You knew, you knew, you knew.
Speaker 1 (38:49):
So.
Speaker 3 (38:49):
She ended up saying that when she said, I don't
know what so and so made me do talking about
dad number one to do this. But I was on
drugs and I that's what she keeps saying. She was
on drugs. She was on drugs, on drugs, which.
Speaker 1 (39:00):
Wasn't so tired of that. That's what my husband's mom said.
I was on drugs.
Speaker 3 (39:04):
I don't know, you know what it is. They try
to gain a sympathy, a sympathy vote. No.
Speaker 1 (39:09):
We we found out his dad, like thirty three years later.
Speaker 2 (39:13):
This is this man's a spitting image. His father remembers her.
His father was like, oh yeah, that's like I was
shooting on my wife or her. I went to her house.
I remember her mom, I like, I remember her being pregnant.
She didn't tell her to this day. And this is
three years ago almost we found out who he was,
and we've been we've spent holidays with him now and stuff.
Speaker 1 (39:30):
His mother Christmas mother still will not say that she
slept with that man.
Speaker 2 (39:35):
Like she still will be like, well, if the DNA
says that I was, I was on a lot of
drugs and what do you want me to do about it?
Speaker 1 (39:41):
And then she curses at them. She cursed like, I
ain't made it, know about it? How about you have
him go raise yet It's like, girl, calm down or
just trying to figure out who, right, that's the father?
Speaker 3 (39:52):
Yeah, that's the experiences that I have now, but just
to kind of like wrap it up. Yeah, she definitely
acted like that and was like I would never I'm like, yeah,
but the DNA doesn't lie, and you know, here I
am this Sasquatch okay, because everybody else is short, you know,
five two five three, five four, and I'm over here
looking like jolly being the giant. Something's different, you know,
(40:14):
even the father, even dad never won. The husband and
well the ex husband and my biological mom and all
my siblings are shorter than me. And I'm out here
looking like brawny. So I was like, I'm bronny, you know.
So I'm really like I'm huge. And then my children
are like six three and they're only fourteen, and they're
big kids. So something's wrong. Anyway, she said. This is
(40:35):
what she said. She said that she, you know, was
on drugs again. The whole drug situation and that she
was dealing with this Pakistani man. She said that she
went to his house one day, saw that there was
other women at his house. They looked at her funny,
and she felt that she thought that that was his wife,
and so she ended up like leaving and did not
know that she was pregnant. And I'm just like, you
(40:58):
still gonna keep lying, right, You're gonna still keep lying,
because when I spoke to the sister, oh my goodness,
I don't even know about to say, oh this, But
when I spoke to the sister, she told me a
similar story that she overheard when she got older between
my biologic father and the first wife, was that a
black woman used to come to the house to try
(41:20):
to take him from her, and the black woman when
she's like they would give her dirty looks, like why
are you talking to a black woman? And I'm like, oh,
that must so hearing that story and then hearing what
my mother said, it kind of connected. So I was like,
so that's the black woman that they're talking about. But yeah,
So she said that she didn't know that she was
(41:42):
pregnant with me, and then when I was born that
she told Dad number one that I probably wasn't his
because I was too pretty, and I was like, lady,
just be quiet. So, you know, like it, I don't
believe nothing she's telling me. So she says she doesn't
know him. She says she was on drug and I'm like,
okayut your father six six by the way, so he's
a big Pakistani. So there explains my height, explains my
(42:05):
children's height. You know, it's a whole bunch of stuff.
The issue that I'm having now is that I haven't
been able to meet him. He knows I exist, apparently
from the siblings. I am actually number two of fifteen
children that he has, so he has eight with one
wife and six with another wife. I actually met a
few of the siblings. It was bad, bad experiences with
them because they, you know, I feel like there's some
(42:28):
racism going on with you know, that type of culture.
I have a lot to learn. I'm like, listen, I
don't really care what you guys got going on. I
just want to meet him so I can see what's
going on, Like just just to look at somebody that
looks like me, because apparently I look identical to him.
He actually looks identical to one of my children. There
was there, would I didn't even have take a test,
Like he looks like my kid is here like a
(42:49):
reborn of him. It was great to see that I
look like someone else, that my children look like someone else.
You know, like I have so many questions. I have
a whole culture and a background that I will like
to tap into and to kind of like, you know,
they don't want to have anything to do with me.
It's crazy. I've been called born from sin, and I've
been called the love child because apparently he was married
(43:10):
to his first wife. So he's cheating, Mom's cheating, everybody's
she ey body cheeing. I'm the fair baby. And then
you know, not trying to recognize me or acknowledge me
because I was born Like I'm first of all, I'm
born from a black woman. I'm also not from the culture.
Like we're having a child outside their marriage is you know,
it's it's a it's a whole big thing. It's a
(43:31):
whole scandal, and it's just like it's too much. So
I'm dealing with that. So I'm like, did I really
want to know? And then and at the same time,
I'm like, oh no, but he got I don't care
about your culture or your background or what you got
going on? How dare you act like I don't exist?
You know? So so that's where I'm at now. I'm
gonna I'm going to I don't care who gets hurt
behind this, because you know, everyone's like, you know, he's
(43:53):
a king, and you can't we can't do this in
his image. Oh my goodness, his image, his image, his image,
and I'm it's like, what who cares about his image?
He has a whole child out here. I know I'm
thirty two now, but I would love to meet him.
You know, I don't care what he did. I just
want to, you know, see what he looks like. So
that's a fight that I got up ahead of me.
(44:14):
He's hiding. But he's a very very very very very
important person. So that's another thing. It's like a whole
whole bunch going on.
Speaker 1 (44:22):
Well, I can't wait until I read it because I
like it sounds messy. It sounds messy.
Speaker 2 (44:28):
Let's let the people know about your projects that you
have gone on and what you've already produced.
Speaker 1 (44:32):
I'm really excited to see this.
Speaker 3 (44:34):
Yes, so what I've already produced. I have two children's
books that I have I self published on Amazon. The
first one is Caulled, Two Cultures, One Heart. They're on Amazon.
It's about a multicultural you know person, it's me, It's me.
It's basically everything that I'm going through, as as as
as a way to explain it in the in a
young voice, so like being biracial or trying to figure
(44:56):
out which one to accept and then basically learning how
to embrace both of them. And then the other BA
I have is called My New Beginning, So it's an
introductory to young kids and boster care and how to
how how you go through it? You know, you still
have chores, you you know, you still have the same
rules apply at your house, you know, and just trying
(45:18):
to figure out where do you belong? And it's basically
everything that I've went through again, So it's it's about me,
you know, just you know.
Speaker 2 (45:25):
Love it, and I love the artwork on those Let
me see the back, let me see the backs of them.
Speaker 3 (45:29):
So this is the back of it. This is my
New Beginning. And I did everything myself too, So I
did the illustration.
Speaker 1 (45:39):
Okay, come home, also like Patter the Queen.
Speaker 3 (45:41):
Thank you so yeah okay, and then my.
Speaker 1 (45:44):
New book that they can get that on Amazon, right,
we can get those on Amazon.
Speaker 3 (45:48):
Yeah, they get on Amazon. So my new book I
have is told I'll tell you the title. It's called
A Letter to My Younger Self and a Journey to Healing,
so slash Journey to Healing. It's basically me talking to
my younger self, explained to my younger self, like what
has happened? Because I don't know if this happened for you,
but when you go through trauma, you're kind of stuck,
you know, like you're very You're like you're stuck in
(46:10):
the time that it's happening. And I found that while
writing this book and explained to myself, I actually started
remembering things that I blocked out do to trauma. And
you know, it's very therapeutic. And all I want to
really do is reach down and hug my younger self
because dang girl, you a warrior, like you've been through
a lot, and I know you guys can't really hear
(46:31):
like what I've been through because I'm trying to keep
it on the on the rd.
Speaker 1 (46:35):
Lo lo she because y'o, you did the same thing
that I did. Right.
Speaker 2 (46:38):
So I wrote my first book and then I started
talking about my story.
Speaker 1 (46:42):
Yeah, right, so I wrote it.
Speaker 2 (46:43):
This is like now I freely talk about it because
like you can read it if you want, if you
want the d it's in there.
Speaker 3 (46:48):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (46:48):
Now. But then even for my adoption, it was everyone's like, so,
we want to know what happened with your adoption.
Speaker 2 (46:52):
I was like, I'm not saying anything. I'll give you
like the experiences here and there. The book two coming
out January twenty twenty five, you'd be able to get
all the nitty gritty there.
Speaker 1 (47:01):
So I'm what, when do you are You say you're
actively looking for yes, literary agent, So I, y'all we
have any literary agents?
Speaker 2 (47:09):
I know we have a lot of I have over
a thousand people that listen to this podcast. So she's
looking for a literary agent. She's trying to she's trying
to do a big y'all.
Speaker 3 (47:19):
Yeah, because it's really important. And I feel like, because
of what I've experienced and overcame and learned and grew from,
that is important that I have the right people handled
this story because I feel like it could be important
to other people. And I'm sure everyone thinks that, you know,
like we all been through something like that. But I mean, like,
what I've been through is like a lot. I just
(47:41):
I really feel like I can help the youth, you know.
I find myself always trying to talk to younger people,
especially being a single mom. I'm going through all of
this while still parenting, and you know, my kids don't
want to hear mom you're sad because they live a
certain lifestyle, you know, because that I provided for them.
So I can't be out here. I cry in the shower,
you know, you got to cry and get back up
(48:02):
and put your suit on, you know. And then they're like, oh,
you're too old to be feeling this way, and you're like,
my body could be thirty too. Well, my heart is
still My heart was just broken, just I just found
that I wasn't who I thought I was, you know.
So it's very emotional, and you learn it's not tell anybody.
You got to be sacred with your story because people
are judging you, and then you're just looking at them
like you would never survive a second in my shoes.
(48:26):
And it's always someone who hasn't been through the things
that you've been through that have all these things to say.
Speaker 1 (48:31):
All the opinions, all the opinions.
Speaker 2 (48:33):
Well, MJD, thank you so much for joining us here
on the Wards with the State podcast. I really appreciate
you sharing, and I can't wait until to read your
memory because even from what you shared so far, it
is very, very intriguing.
Speaker 1 (48:46):
I wanted to juice. I want to know what happened,
so I cannot wait until your memoir.
Speaker 2 (48:51):
I do ask all my guests this question before we
wrap up. Where is one thing that one piece of
advice that you would give a child who came up
in a similar experience as you.
Speaker 1 (49:02):
What's one piece of advice you would give them that.
Speaker 3 (49:04):
This is not forever. What you're going through is not
gonna be forever, and that you must must, must, must
always continue to fight. Do not stop, you know, fighting
figuring out who you are, love on yourself, be patient
with yourself, and enjoy the ride of evolution. Like I
(49:25):
love who I am today, even though I went through
all the things that I've been through. I love who
I am today because I found I found me. You know,
just just it's not forever what you're going through, and
just keep on fighting.
Speaker 1 (49:38):
I love that that reminds me of the song from Wicked.
Even I didn't even think of that.
Speaker 4 (49:46):
I think that's literally part of a line like like
if you can find me, look inside, keep going.
Speaker 2 (49:55):
Keep going. Everyone deserves to fly. Everyone deserves to fly,
especially you, and every one deserves.
Speaker 1 (50:00):
To shine light.
Speaker 2 (50:01):
And I appreciate you coming up in GD shining your
light on this platform. I cannot wait to see what
you do and see how you help other children in
the fosterocor system.
Speaker 1 (50:10):
And without further ado, y'all, I say every week.
Speaker 2 (50:13):
Light shiners, always shine your light because you never know
who you might guide, who you might inspire, who you
might take out of a dark tunnel, just by your
little light that you're shining.
Speaker 1 (50:23):
Keep shining until next week, guys. Always shine your light,
and we'll talk to you guys next week
Content warning.
Speaker 2 (00:09):
The Wards of the State podcast may contain material that
may be harmful or traumatizing to some audiences. Listener discretion
is advised. Okay, hello everybody, welcome to another episode of
(00:43):
Wards of the State of You are live on YouTube
right now. Thank you so much for the listeners who
are joining us, joining in with us via podcast. You
guys can now watch us live on YouTube. If you're
watching me on TikTok right now, go hit up my YouTube.
You can see us and you can hear the whole conversation.
I'm so excited that we are going to really start
sharing more and more lift experience with you guys here
(01:04):
from the Wards of the State podcast.
Speaker 1 (01:07):
We also are expanding the type of media.
Speaker 2 (01:09):
So you guys know, for the first four years of
this podcast, it's been only audio mostly sometimes you guys
get some video clips. But now we are doing video
because you know, I guess people are calling me, oh now,
like Carlos, we want to see we want to see
you guys.
Speaker 1 (01:23):
I'm like, no, no, but you know what, I have a.
Speaker 2 (01:25):
Program that makes it super easy and so I hope, however,
you decide to consume this podcast rather the audio, video,
YouTube or Apple Podcasts, Spotify, and iHeartRadio. Make sure you're subscribing, liking,
and sharing everywhere that you are watching this. Your support
and your reviews really do make a huge difference while
we're looking at sponsorships as well as just having other
(01:46):
people kind of take us seriously and listening to the
lift experience of everyone who comes on this show. So
I want to thank all of my listeners, all my
light shiners. Also any updates. Book two is on its
way to my door Award of the State aboard the Adoption.
Speaker 1 (02:00):
It has been a wonderful.
Speaker 2 (02:01):
Time, not really, but it's been hard y'all the last
five years writing this book, but it's finally here, waiting
for the publisher to send it to me. If you
did pre order, that pre order will be out to you,
like I said, by the end of January. And if
y'all who've been waiting for literally like a year and
a half on y'all's pre ordered, thank you so much
for your patience and thank you so much for supporting me.
So without further ado, I think those are all the
(02:21):
announcements that I had, and I want to go into
our next guest, who is a former foster. You Hey, MGD,
how are you.
Speaker 1 (02:30):
Good? I am fantastic. So kind of want to tell people.
Introduce yourself, tell people who you are, and start with
you're experience in the foster care system.
Speaker 3 (02:38):
Okay, so my name is MGD. I have been in
foster care since I was a youth, actually a newborn.
My mother was you know, on drugs, and she got
a custody of me back, me and my other sibling,
and then we were you know, traumatized from like the
child abuse that we went through, and then we were
in and out of bostercare, and then I entered foster
(02:59):
care fully at the age of thirteen. It was a
very hard experience for us, especially myself, because I had
an identity crisis and I look very different from my family,
my maternal side, and I was often told that the
man on my pertificate was my biological father.
Speaker 1 (03:17):
Why does everybody do that?
Speaker 3 (03:20):
No, this is really, Josie, this is really listen.
Speaker 1 (03:23):
I'm ready for it.
Speaker 3 (03:24):
Yeah. So I've always felt that I was different from
my family, of course, you know, and then being told,
going through through the false care system that I was
you know, Dominican or some form of Hispanic, you know,
they would just name any kind of ethnicity day that
I was because of course I look different from my
maternal side. But most recently, actually twenty twenty four of
(03:46):
my birthday, I found out that my father isn't my
father the way ancestry DNA. Did you just make a.
Speaker 1 (03:53):
TikTok video about that?
Speaker 3 (03:56):
I don't think I made a TikTok video.
Speaker 2 (03:58):
Okay, maybe I'll confuse because I was like this, it
sounds so similar to us. I just was scrolling on
FIP and there was a black woman who had a
similar experience.
Speaker 1 (04:08):
It was so similar, I'll have to find it and
send it to you.
Speaker 2 (04:10):
Because they were explaining the same They were in foster care,
and then they had a different father than the Pirth
certificate and then they're like in their thirties now. And
she was just like, well, I don't know if my
if she was like upset that her her parents were
upset that she wouldn't look and like did a DNA test.
Speaker 1 (04:25):
So I was just like, it's just the same person.
Speaker 2 (04:27):
But I'll go ahead, go ahead, Sorry, I have ADHD
so I'd be like trying to connect.
Speaker 3 (04:31):
This is my first time, you know, actually talking about
it out loud.
Speaker 1 (04:34):
Because Okay, so we're going to be exclusive.
Speaker 3 (04:37):
Yes, because exclusive, Yes, because this is actually raw and
I wrote a book about it, and I'm getting ready to,
you know, publish it, but I've never talked about it.
I don't show my face. I'm very nervous to do this. However,
I feel like I got played and I want to
tell everybody what's going on and hopefully educate other individuals
that have experienced the things that I have.
Speaker 1 (04:59):
Not only was.
Speaker 3 (04:59):
I not only am I former youth that went through
child went through the foster care system, I'm also a
child abuse survivor, so I was in foster care a
lot because of my mother's addiction and also her abuse.
So I'm not really going to get into too much
details here about it, but I'm talking about the identity
(05:21):
portion of it, going through different foster homes because of
the way I look, and because my mother is African American,
being put with like a foster home with the African
American community, and not being able to relate to it
because I'm being judged because I look different. On my
experience with them as well, was not feeling connected to
them or being treated differently because I'm not biologically related
(05:46):
to them. So I did experience that, and for the
rest of my time in foster care, I actually grew
up in multiple group homes. So he went to one
foster home and and.
Speaker 1 (05:56):
How long were you at that foster home before you
went to only eight months?
Speaker 3 (06:00):
Eight months? Not long, not too long. And then the
rest of my time I was in like different group
home lockdown facilities. You know, when you're a teen, at
that point, no one really wants someone who's fully grown
or teenage. I'm sorry, like you know, teenager. You know,
they usually you're at a younger age where they could
kind of mold you. But it was pretty pretty difficult
(06:21):
for me because I had a lot of stuff going
on inside me that I didn't understand. And on top
of not understanding these things, it was the whole identity
portion too. You know, I didn't fit well in the
African American community because I didn't look one hundred percent
African American community. Then you have others trying to basically
tell me what they think that I am because of
what I look like. So I grew up like basically
(06:44):
believing I was Guyanese. So I ended up, you know,
learning another language, which is a broken dialect. Patois found
out that's not even really Guyanese. I mean, it was
just a whole bunch of drama that I went through.
Every no one knew what to call me. So fast forward,
I recently found that the ancestry DNA that my father
isn't my father. I took this test back in twenty
(07:05):
thirteen and it told me where my origins came from.
I was like shocked because it said that it was Pakistani.
Speaker 1 (07:14):
Wow.
Speaker 3 (07:15):
Yeah, and I'm very ignorant to not knowing what that was.
You know, I've heard of India, but I've never heard
of you know, Pakistan. You know, I've always been told, oh,
you're just a black girl with good hair. That's what
I've been told, you know, by my mom. So I
was like, what's that? But I just thought again, I
just thought it might have been like a grandparent or
(07:35):
some type of family, you know, DNA passed on through
my father's side because he didn't know who his family was.
He wasn't present in our life anyway. I ended up
finding him when I was like fifteen, and then, you know,
looking at him, I was like, this guy is clearly
you know, African American and he didn't have the same
(07:57):
texture here as I do. So I was a little confused.
So fast forward, you know, through the trials and tribulations
of you know, my identity, I end up finding out
on my birthday through a match to a fifth cousin
who was Pakistani, who said, you know, they would help
me figure this out. Also, sorry, sorry if I jump
all over the place, because.
Speaker 1 (08:18):
You're fine, I'm keeping up. I'm keeping up.
Speaker 3 (08:22):
What drop me. What drew me to this final like
revelation was the father of my perstificate did not really
know his family either, so I was trying to help
him locate his family as well, and I had him
take a DNA test and his came back on both
sides African American, like the whole African DNA, like not
even like a two percent Indian, a one percent Indian Pakistani, nothing.
(08:45):
So my DNA came back to seventy four percent Pakistani.
So I was just like, you know, and my mother
is literally African American, like hers is straight African DNA.
So I was like a hut, Like it still didn't
register in my head what was going on? Like I
was like so like confused and anyway, so with the matches.
You know how ancestry works, you match, and it just
(09:08):
so happened that I had like maybe five people who
had this, who had the shared DNA of the Pakistani DNA,
and I had had a message from a cousin and
I was just like, hey, cousin, you know, you know,
I'm so and so you know we're cousins, you know,
do you know how we're cousins? And then he explained
to me that we were fifth cousins, and then you know,
basically said that he would do his best to help me.
(09:30):
So he ended up taking my results and sending it
to my heritage dot Com. Again, I don't know how
to do any of this, so, you know, I don't
even think so on my birthday, I got a birthday present.
You know, he had a match. He reached out to
me and told me that I have a match with
two sisters. Okay, one of the sisters I am aware
of because that's my mother's daughter. So unfortunately, my mom
(09:53):
is my mom, and.
Speaker 1 (09:54):
You grew up with your you knew your sister your
mother's daughter, right.
Speaker 3 (09:57):
No, I grew up actually with only one stil my
mother has six children. I'm six of six so sorry
if I jumped to just focus on.
Speaker 2 (10:04):
Yeah, no, I didn't even have Okay, so explain your
siblings a little bit, because now I'm confused.
Speaker 1 (10:08):
I'm like, how did you not know?
Speaker 2 (10:09):
Because you know, from a dad, it's easier, you know,
you didn't have to be going around having kids, but
your mom, you didn't know your own siblings from your.
Speaker 3 (10:16):
Oh my mother. Okay, so I have I have five
other siblings from my mother's side. Only one of them
I grew up with or partially grew up with. The
other four were adopted before I was even thought about
because of the same issue drug usage and neglected things
of those natures. However, I ended up finding them when
I was eighteen because one of my siblings has a
(10:38):
unique name, and I did hear stories. You know that
one family adopted all three of my siblings, and then
another family adopted one of my other siblings, and then
the fifth sister, well, I will say sister that's above me,
the one that I know of which a foster home.
But I know her because we were kind of raised
in the same home partially, and then she went to
(11:00):
the to the system first. So I you know, when
I was a younger, I was, you know, used to
sneak around my mother's room. And my mom was also
like suffered a lot of mental health issues. So one
minute she would tell the truth, the next minute she
would lie. So one minute she we had siblings, the
next minute we didn't. So and I never, you know,
she would say that we had them, we didn't have them.
So one day I was cleaning up the room, her room,
(11:21):
and I came across the old popcorn can and I
opened it thinking it was popcorn, but it was actually
like legal documents. And then in those documents where the
pertificates and names of my other siblings, I kept them.
I wrote wrote their names down in a journal and
kept their birthday so security numbers, you know, birth things.
Speaker 1 (11:40):
And I just.
Speaker 3 (11:41):
Said, you know, I'm going to search for them when
I get older. And then when I turned eighteen, I
ended up finding through Facebook. Actually, thanks shout out to Facebook,
I actually found one of I found all the sisters,
all three of the sisters, through a Facebook because of
a unique name. My one of my biological sisters have
a unique name, and I member the story that that
(12:02):
one familydopted all three. So I figured, if I can
find that one, then maybe that one could connect me
to the other two, and that that did happen. At
the end, I did eventually get to meet three of
those siblings. I still have not met my brother. He
was adopted by another family and I had never been
able to find him. And I'm thirty two now.
Speaker 1 (12:20):
And how is your relationship with your siblings that you
did find Are you still in contact with them to
this current day.
Speaker 3 (12:24):
I am in contact with them. We try our best
to do the best we can. They've also suffered, you know,
their own traumas. But we are doing great, you know,
reaching out. You know. I actually just spent Thanksgiving with
one sister and the first the other sister, and they
were planning to do the same thing I want to do,
like a sister trip or something, you know, thank you.
(12:45):
I try to send them gifts and stuff, you know,
through sister things. So I didn't grow up with one.
Even though I did kind of have one sibling in
the home, it was a strong disconnect, you know, because
she also suffered a lot of mental health issues, so
it was very difficult to have that sister relationship. And yeah,
so I don't the only three siblings I have contact
with and the other two I'm unable.
Speaker 2 (13:06):
To Okay, alrighty, So how long how long were you
So you were at home for a little bit, then
you're in foster care for the eight months, and then
now we're in these group home type places.
Speaker 1 (13:18):
Yes. How long were you were there until you aged
out of foster care?
Speaker 3 (13:22):
Yes?
Speaker 2 (13:22):
So you were there until done. Yeah, So what happens
after fase care? Did you get any like extended foster care?
Speaker 1 (13:29):
Did you get any help?
Speaker 3 (13:30):
Like?
Speaker 1 (13:30):
What what was the situation after you aged out?
Speaker 3 (13:33):
I actually was a teenage mom too. Boom noo, So
I end up becoming a teenage mom. I was I
think seventeen when I had my twin boys. I had twins,
so it was a very scary feeling, but I had them.
Once you age out, you just age out. I will
say towards the end of my time at foster care,
(13:55):
I was very blessed and fortunate because I went to
a mother in prog It's no longer there now, but
it was there at the time that I went. They
did support me as far as watching the children while
I went to work in school. I end up leaving
that mother Infant program with like twenty thousand dollars, so
I had my money saved up from working and then
(14:17):
foster Care in New York did give me like three
thousand to transition me into my own apartment. So they
did do that, and they also paid for college. I
don't know if they did that for you, but.
Speaker 1 (14:27):
They're supposed to.
Speaker 2 (14:28):
My situation was a little bit more complicated because I
was adopted and then I moved from a state. Even
though adoption, the free college was part of my adoption,
like agreement you had to live in this graduate high
school in the state that you were adopted in and
then also go to college and the states that you're
adopted in, and they had moved me from Michigan or Florida.
So that's something that I still advocate for when I
(14:48):
tell people like, hey, this is why we support children
up until if they do need the age out, because
a lot of people say, well, I want to adopt
seeing seventeen year old, I'm just like, no, give them support,
be a guardian of them so they can take advanta
and of the resources right three college as housing assistance,
especially if they have a child, and a lot of states,
like you said, they will cover your child under those
(15:09):
resources as well, right.
Speaker 3 (15:11):
While you're in the foster.
Speaker 1 (15:13):
While you're in there.
Speaker 2 (15:14):
So the state of Washington just extended their age out system.
They're extended foster character twenty six, so you get all
of the benefits for yourself and your children into the
age of twenty six, which I think is phenomenal because
most human beings need some sort of help from a family,
or most kids who have like family, they get help
from their family to like twenty five, and then they're like,
(15:34):
are your own? And I feel like that's like a
great age like that you can finally get your own
insurance where it's like not out of the world, right,
you can rent some cars, you know. I think like
twenty six is a good idea.
Speaker 3 (15:46):
That did not happen for me at all. The only
thing was that I work to save my money I had.
I was I was guided by the three women that
ran the Mother Infant program. They will, of course, and
I appreciate them for that, but I was always working
and that was it. They helped me. I did have
my case manager. Shout out to her. She was always
good to me and kind of always like found loopholes
(16:07):
and how to get me extra funding and stuff. I
don't believe that I would have gotten the support towards
the end of my time if bost the care without
those ladies. So we do need those strong advocates. And
I grew up in the state of New York, so
you can only imagine it's horrific. Yeah, so I didn't
(16:27):
get help a tough twenty six I wish.
Speaker 2 (16:30):
Right, you know, I think that we should change that policy.
So you were going, how did the program work? You
shouted out your caseworker, So it sounds like you had
some pretty successful people helping you along the way after
you started aging out.
Speaker 1 (16:43):
How did that affect your parenting?
Speaker 2 (16:44):
You think that helped you become a better parent in
the beginning, to have that support system.
Speaker 3 (16:49):
So yes, I yes, I will say yes. It's a
scary feeling being a teenage mom first and foremost and
not having a support system, you know, especially like biologically
anyone that growth puend in the foster care. Well, and
I'm in touch with some friends now from back then.
We all keep longing for the same thing, your family,
like it's family, family, family. It doesn't matter even if
(17:10):
we meet new people and they become like family, they're
not really our family. You know, we want to know
who we look like, where we come from. You know,
we have health questions and things of the nature. But
what I did learn at an early age is that
I have a gift of like connection, Like I've always
connected with a lot of people, and I mean like
I could talk to you today and then twenty five
(17:32):
years related from now, we will somehow reconnect and it'll
pick up like nothing never happened. Very resourceful, so I
really enjoyed them. They provided the pampers, the diapers, the formulas,
you know, everything that you needed in health childcare. All
we had to do was take that time that we
had before we graduated high school and aged out of
the system and utilize it better. So that's what I did.
(17:55):
I took advantage of it. I mean, if they were
if they were buying me pampers, wives, formula, clothes, toys,
all that stuff for the babies, housing me, I didn't
really have to do anything but work and save my money.
They was even giving me polls, you know, like Holds
Bop stuff. So I just love that. Yes, I love them.
My shout out to them. And I saved everything, everything,
(18:15):
and then I would give the money to one of
the director and was like, hey, listen, just put this
in a stake. I have no idea, no experience of
what to do with money of take it and you know,
save it safe, safe. And I was able to leave,
you know, with a decent money. You know, I'm not
saying that my time after that was easy, because it wasn't.
I definitely struggled a lot with trying to get on
my feet and figure things out a lot of things,
(18:37):
you know, you don't know, like finances, like no one
teaches you that, Like I didn't have anyone to want,
like high.
Speaker 2 (18:42):
School, Like no one teaches financial literacy that we don't
have home or homec anymore.
Speaker 1 (18:47):
Uh, we don't have like any of those type of.
Speaker 2 (18:50):
The programs, even for kept children, right, and it's rare,
and even kept children are taught, you know, adequate financial literacy.
And you know, you you apply that to you know,
going through trauma, the foster car system, being a young
teenage mom, Like how are you?
Speaker 1 (19:05):
When were you supposed to learn that? But it was
so great. It's it's so great to hear that you
had the institution, Like my institution, what is it written? Yes?
I said, if you had you had to you were
in an institutions, right, Uh, that helped you.
Speaker 2 (19:24):
And it's like and it also like shout out to them,
because I don't think I would have been in a
place that I would trust with my money even like
with I was going missing or them quitting randomly and
all your money going missing.
Speaker 1 (19:36):
Right, So like shout out to them for really being
there for you.
Speaker 3 (19:39):
They were. They were like three strong women. Uh, like
I adored them. You know, one was director, one was
the nurse, we had an in house nurse, and then
one was the social worker. All three of them brought
something to the table. They're actually in my books.
Speaker 1 (19:53):
You know.
Speaker 3 (19:53):
Again, I shout out to them. I loved them. I
was very you know, saddened that, Uh, they were unable
to keep doors open. Like we're talking about, you know
what fourteen fifteen years ago. In my mind, I'm still
kind of young and I'm still there, but you know,
time continues to go on and the need to have
a teenage pregnancy support wasn't like that.
Speaker 1 (20:17):
So you mentioned your book. Is this the new the
new memoir that you're coming out with or your your
children's book.
Speaker 3 (20:24):
No, this everything I'm sharing with you now is in
my book. That's coming out. So the children's book is
just like a gentle a gentle like introduction to like
navigating foster care and dealing with a multicultural background. So
and we'll let you share that.
Speaker 1 (20:41):
We'll let you share that at the end of the show.
Speaker 2 (20:42):
So y'all, y'all get the name of it, and then
we'll also do the video of it so we can
see it.
Speaker 1 (20:48):
I'm super excited.
Speaker 2 (20:49):
I love the people that you wrote a book for
children about foster care and like how.
Speaker 1 (20:52):
To introduce foster care. Yes, I'm working. I was working.
Speaker 2 (20:56):
I worked simonteleously on my memoir and also a children's
book about how to teach foster parents and adopt parents
how to share stories. So the book is called it
this isn't your story to share, and it kind of
like teaches the foster parents and the kids that like, hey,
your experience is your experience and it's not their story
to share and toss in the air and tell everybody
and hold up like a prize.
Speaker 1 (21:17):
It's like your story.
Speaker 3 (21:18):
Yes, I experienced that too, Like you know, yeah it is.
Speaker 1 (21:21):
They be like, yeah, my foster child, like hey, yes, yes,
Oh my goodness.
Speaker 3 (21:29):
The feeling of not belonging with so bad, you know.
Speaker 2 (21:34):
Talking about that a little bit, like the feeling of
not belonging did that?
Speaker 1 (21:38):
Did that harm you?
Speaker 2 (21:39):
Do you feel like, as as a teenager, like where
did that feeling come from? Because it sounded like like,
honestly with Guyanese, I've heard.
Speaker 1 (21:48):
Guyanese, Pakistan, maybe Indian Black, I don't even know who
you are, so there's no way you knew who you were.
Speaker 3 (21:56):
I literally found out this year. But to talk about like,
I literally ruggled with all my life because I'm I'm
very told, like I'm five ten and I'm like a
walking giant, you know, amongst the people that I was around,
not having culture, having guidance, having family or anyone that
I could relate to that looked like me was so hard,
you know, because my mother is African American. It was
(22:19):
like you have to be black that and please don't
cancel me.
Speaker 1 (22:23):
So how do you feel like? Okaycause I'm gonna ask you,
because especially on TikTok, there's this whole movement that if
your mother is black, you're black. No if answer, but.
Speaker 3 (22:32):
No, I'm gonna be honest with you. You identify as
you identify, but please don't you ever forget where you
came from. And so I've always identified as African American
slash Asian because I figured I was somewhere in the
Asian community, not to find now I found out that
I'm more Asian than I am African American. I'm only
(22:54):
eleven percent for the DNA and then I'm like what,
So it's a lot. But I never was really accepted
in my my and I always say my community because
that's all I've known. I just grew up. You know,
I'm from New York and from the streets. I'm not
always you know, I wasn't always toys and nice as
I am now. I was a hood booker. I was
a little a little booker. Yeah, you couldn't tell me
(23:17):
that I wasn't. You know, my mom is African American
all I you know, we're fighting in the streets. You know,
I'm from New York. Now They're like, yeah, no, you're
not You're not black, And I'm like what, you know,
Like it's like, how can I not be black? You know,
I was never really identify as black. When people would
look at me, they would always say I was something else.
(23:38):
I mean, I felt like I had to prove that,
you know, like, no, I am black. You know, there
were times that they wanted to see ID from me
and my mother and I because my mother is very
dark skinned and I'm not. And then all the siblings are,
you know, somewhere in her complexion. And then I'm not.
I know the camera can't tell, but I'm I'm.
Speaker 1 (23:56):
Sure mother ever tell you that like the man that
she's hooked up with a constano, No, m m.
Speaker 3 (24:01):
I We're gonna get there in a second. I'm gonna
get there in a second. I'm gonna get there in
a second. And so to go back to the belonging part,
my mother always was like, you're a black girl with
good hair, that's it. And then I was like, I
think that's an insult to anyone, because what is a
black girl with good hair? You tell me what that is.
I've seen a lot of beautiful women of all colors
(24:21):
with beautiful hair, So I don't understand how you can
tell someone that they're a black girl with good hair.
I don't understand what that meant. And then you know,
but if someone's telling you you're a black gir with
good hair, then that's just what you are. Black girl
with good hair, you know. So I didn't understand my
eating habits. You know, I didn't eat the traditional foods
(24:43):
that was put in front of me. I've always was
like a spice girl, like I love spice, spy spice.
And the people that I was around, like my biological
mom or the foster families or anybody's like, no, I
can't take this heat I'm talking about I can sit
with the best of them when it comes to the heat.
So I was like, something's really wrong, you know, Like,
but what can I do? You know, someone's telling you
(25:03):
you're this telling someone telling you this is your ethnicity,
this is your ethnicity, and that's just what it is.
So getting the confirmation that I got was like a
punch in the face and also like like, yes, I
figured I was something more than just a black girl
good hair. But at the same time, it was just
like now it's another journey ahead of me because again,
(25:25):
I'm multi racial, so I can't I will never belong
to just one specific culture.
Speaker 1 (25:31):
I totally understand it. My husband and I did a
DNA test last year, and it's kind of funny because
your experience is kind of similar to his. He didn't
know who his father was his whole life. He's a
black man, but he grew up thinking he was Greek.
Speaker 2 (25:44):
My goodness, what you like a little bit lighter than
my complexion when we were in college.
Speaker 1 (25:51):
Tell me why this man is tanning like with the
tanning oil.
Speaker 3 (25:56):
So you can get some more color, so he.
Speaker 2 (25:58):
Can get some talking about some Oh I'm from I'm career,
I'm from the I'm from I'm olive skinned.
Speaker 1 (26:03):
I'm like, you are a black man, what are you
talking about from?
Speaker 4 (26:06):
Out of So then we do the DNA zero Greeks,
no Native.
Speaker 1 (26:15):
He has like one percent Native, but like so black,
we're black now.
Speaker 2 (26:19):
It's so funny though he our DNA's are very similar,
and when we look back at our ancestries, our ancestors actually.
Speaker 1 (26:27):
Came around, it's kind of creepy.
Speaker 2 (26:28):
Came from Africa and like Ghana around the same time
on the slave ships around like the fifteen hundreds. And
then his family was mainly in South Carolina and mye
was in Louisiana. So it's kind of like our DNA
is almost exactly alike. I happened to have like twenty
six percent Caucasian, which we know we can that's gonna
go from you know what happened in slavery.
Speaker 1 (26:50):
I told people. I was like, so, does that make
me Mulchicon?
Speaker 2 (26:52):
And it's like no, because for me, and I struggled
because you know, I grew up white folks. I got
adopted at eight years old.
Speaker 1 (26:59):
You may not know that.
Speaker 2 (26:59):
I grew up with my white parents. And I struggled
with my identity because, yeah, I knew I was black
because I grew up with my black family up until
I was eight.
Speaker 1 (27:08):
I went through a bunch of different foster homes. But
when you have a family that says we chose you,
and you need to assimilate and you need to like us.
And when I tell you like I was a little
boy he was adopted from the inner city of Detroit,
I did not sound like this.
Speaker 2 (27:21):
How you just said like I didn't sound like I
did not sound like this. I was too a hood
booger before I was adopted. But that was literally beat
out of me. That was brained out of me. Yeah,
I had to kneel on Rice. I've you got nailed
on Rice.
Speaker 3 (27:35):
The thing I got I got, I got, I got
worse than Rice.
Speaker 1 (27:38):
Well, what you had to kneel on.
Speaker 3 (27:40):
I didn't have to kneel anything. I got punched in
my mouth like I hate with frime.
Speaker 1 (27:43):
That definitely happen. But here's the thing.
Speaker 2 (27:46):
The kneeling on rice is actually very sinister because it's
like a slow burn. It's like it doesn't really hurt you.
And the thing about my adoptive parents were they knew
that I had already come from abuse of foster homes
and abusive biological home so you can literally pushed me in
my face. I'm like, okay, okay, I'm used to it, okay,
and I'm gonna hit you back, right, So they would
(28:06):
do more like psychological warfare, right, take everything out of
your room, turn off the electricity in your room, make
you sleep outside, have you kneel on rice?
Speaker 1 (28:16):
Rebirthing therapy.
Speaker 2 (28:17):
I don't know you ever know about rebirthing therapy, but
it's like when they wrap you up the blankets and
then they like smother you and they're like you're real,
love you, and they do this for a week week,
and then they break you.
Speaker 1 (28:29):
And then after they break you, you're supposed to be born,
Like they unwrap.
Speaker 2 (28:33):
You and you really born, and then you do skin
and skin and in my therapy they made me suck
my mama's titties at nine years old, So it.
Speaker 1 (28:40):
Was it's psychological.
Speaker 4 (28:43):
Sure, you thought you was coming in here with all
the trauma, no ground, This is trauma central over here,
this is trauma central station.
Speaker 3 (28:53):
So you were.
Speaker 1 (28:54):
Telling me that about this identity issue. I totally understand
it because all my identity was just take out of me,
and it's almost I don't and I talk to Tar
about it in Tar's episode the last episode. I don't
know if it's almost worse to not know who you
are then find out later, or to know who you
are and have it taken from you and then have
to rEFInd it.
Speaker 3 (29:14):
I'm so like I no one understands what I'm going
through right. I can't talk to anybody about this, and
like to hear you say that like not knowing what's
worse or like feeling like you have something taking from
you is like the best way to explain it, because
I'm going through this by myself because honestly, I have
to still be a mom. I still have to be
(29:35):
you know, a boss where I work at. I still
have to you know, move on. And then I have
some people like oh, get over it. These things happen.
Oh my god. People find out all the time. And
then you're like, but hold on, you don't understand exactly
what I've been through. Like I'm not going to share
everything on this particular show what I'm going through. I'm
gonna save something from my book. But I have a
horrific upbringing, a horrific upbringing. It was. It was really
(29:58):
horrible and being like not even joking about like, oh
I think, oh I thought you might have been Dominican. No,
I mean being told that, no, this is what you are.
You're like, yeah, no, I don't think that. I don't
think so. Like, like my introduction to like even what
ethnicity was was horrible, you know, like being told one
thing and then looking in the mirror is something different.
(30:19):
And then having people from your community, well I've actually
lost people like that were cool with my mom or
I had an argument with like a close friend because
it's like, oh, you don't want to be black, and
I'm like, that's not what I said. I'm saying that
there's something else wrong with me. That's what's going on.
There's something else that I have to figure out. But
I'm more more than just that. So then you have
(30:40):
to deal with the pressures of people saying, you know,
oh you don't you think you're too good for us
or whatever. I'm like, no, I didn't say that neither.
I'm just saying that something else is going on inside
of me. I feel a certain kind of way I'm
looking at I'm trying to convince my brain with what
I look like, and I'm going to find out. Then
you get these results and then they're like, oh but yeah,
but no, that don't mean that doesn't mean anything. Get
(31:02):
over it.
Speaker 2 (31:03):
And you're like, I think, isn't it something as a
black person to be told by other black people like, oh,
you think you're better than me?
Speaker 1 (31:08):
Oh you talk white? Oh you want to act white?
You you got a white job? The fuck is a
white job?
Speaker 3 (31:17):
With sister that I that that's above me, right above me.
That's why we don't speak. She always felt that I
was around the white people too much. I'm like, what
does that mean? And she was like, she used to
call me a high cdity b I c t a
uh Because first of all.
Speaker 1 (31:34):
That's crazy. I'm gonna put that. I'm gonna put that
at my repertoire. Thought, Yeah, it's like.
Speaker 3 (31:41):
Oh, you think you're better than everybody because you went
to school. I'm like, I have a master's degree in business,
I have two bachelors, one masters, and you know, thank
you how multiple real estate license? You know I have,
I have, you know, things, But but that doesn't mean
you can't have it. And it was more so I
later thought it was like a jealousy thing, and I
didn't even understand what that was because this is my sibling.
(32:03):
You know, we grew up tough and in the same environment.
You know, why would you be jealous of me or
why would I be jealous of you? Or you know,
we got to thug this out together. You know, whatever's
mine is yours because one of us got to make it,
you know. But AnyWho, Yeah, just being judged because you
want different things that other people may or may not
(32:23):
be able to attain or want. So I'm not different
from you because I chose to get a master freet
But there are people that are gazillionaires that haven't even
went to school. That doesn't make you know me better
or them better than myself. It's just something that I
chose to do. I chose to pursue a career and
I need to said certificate, said degree to obtain it.
(32:44):
And that's just what I did. It wasn't that. But
that doesn't make me better than you. You know, you
could probably outdo me in to multiple things. But yeah,
so I was told that I love to be around
the white people. That was the word. You love to
be around the white people. You always want to be
in the white man's face. And I was like what
I was like, but don't they got the don't they
(33:05):
got the blueprint of how to make the money?
Speaker 1 (33:07):
Don't you want to be around he spent the blueprint?
They have a white supremacy, But they do got that blueprint.
It's a lock behind white supremacy. Well, MGG, we're gonna
take a quick break.
Speaker 2 (33:18):
When we come back, I want you to talk more
about your experience. I want to hear about what your
mom said about how did you even get in this situation?
And then also I want you to tell us about
what you've been working on your books, I mean also
were and then do their final message that every person
does on a podcast. So we'll be right back, y'all,
Light Shiners, make sure that you come right back after
the break.
Speaker 1 (33:38):
Welcome back to the show light Shiners. Make sure you
guys are sharing the show and leaving us a one, two, three, four,
five star rating and review on Apple Podcasts, and subscribing
to us on Spotify. You know, if you have a heart,
you should be listening to us on iHeartRadio and leaving
a review there as well. And y'all, this ain't free
or cheap. I'm telling y'all. I was just talking to
my assistant and I was like, funds are run and low.
(33:58):
We running on fumes. So if you can't share, at
least throw us some coins.
Speaker 2 (34:03):
If you go to Carlosdaler dot com www dot Carlosdaler
dot com, there is a donation link you can donate
per episode or just to the show in general. Also,
make sure that you're checking out all of the things
I have going on on my website.
Speaker 1 (34:15):
I think we have our book links there.
Speaker 2 (34:18):
We also have our events, and we are going to
be doing a book tour, a West coast tour and
starting in March, so we're gonna be hitting out Seattle, Portland, La,
Los Angeles.
Speaker 1 (34:27):
Oh, Los Angeles is well.
Speaker 2 (34:28):
Actually now we might skip Los Angeles after what happened
this weekend. Rip y'all know them fires are tearing up California.
So I don't even know if I will be able
to hit La, but my heart's out to you, La.
But we will definitely be doing Vegas and Phoenix in
the Washington and Portland. Also, make sure you are keeping
up with us on all of our social medias. I
(34:49):
don't know what's gonna happen to TikTok, y'all. I know
that's one of my largest platforms. I'm trying to transfer
everyone to YouTube or Instagram. So this is why we're
starting the lives here on YouTube. This this is also
why we'll be able to get these video versions on Instagram.
I'm going to start posting the video versions of these
the clips on Instagram. So if you guys, if I
(35:10):
don't see y'all after ten days, I think it's in
the nineteenth. So it's in ten days. Thank y'all for
being there. I appreciate it. We we had a good run.
If they somehow save it, I'll see y'all there. But
without further ado, I want to get back to mgd's story. MGD,
I know you said you wanted to save it for later.
Speaker 1 (35:26):
Explain the mom. How does she Hey, how did she
not she was fucking a Pakistani? Because I just feel
like that's that's very obvious.
Speaker 3 (35:34):
So long story short, I had an on off relationship
with her. I wasn't really connected with her after, you know,
I got older. So after the DNA results came in,
I reached out to her and let her know what
was going on because I had a conversation with the
sister that I matched with. I ended up going to
Brooklyn to take another DNA test to confirm, and it confirmed,
(35:56):
you know, that we were related. And she sent me
all these photos of my biological father. And again that's
a whole nother story because it's not sinking in my
head because this is this man is one hundred percent
Pakistani and it's like a whole culture, like anyway, so
he's Pakistani. I sent the picture to my biological mom
and it's like, hey, what's going on? And she was like,
(36:19):
what do you mean? I'm like, who's that? And she says,
I don't, I don't know who that is. I'm like,
you gotta know who that is. So I told her,
I said, you know, the results came back that I'm
not so and so's you know, daughter like, this is
not my dad. This guy is, Oh, what's going on?
And she said, why would I sleep with an Indian man?
I said, hold on, it's Pakistani herd. There's a difference.
There's a difference now. So I said, yeah, no, like
(36:40):
I'm like, I'm like, mom, like, what's going on? And
she denied it. So then I thought that maybe this
cousin and these results and everything was possibly a mix
up because I was like, you know, this can't be
happening to me, you know, like and yeah, like knowing
her in all the previous part is she's had and
(37:02):
you know, we all have different dads, so it's like,
you know, I didn't I wouldn't see her crossing all
the way over like that. Maybe a mixed you know, individual,
not like a whole legit Pakistani. So I was like
super confused. Then the father that was on my pvercifit
came up to try to help me sort this out,
and I said, you know what, Yeah, let's let's cook
(37:24):
in front her. So we went to the house, to
her house. You know, I went to New York right
there with my crew, which is my kid and the
father that's on my certificate, and I confronted her right
there and said, your oldest man, apology, you know, like
he's not my dad, you know, does a different story
in a nutshell. She eventually apologized and then said that
(37:44):
she was on drugs. Mind you. I want to give
you a backstory real quick. She was actually married to
the man that's on my certificate.
Speaker 1 (37:50):
Boom.
Speaker 3 (37:51):
They were, they were they were a husband and wife. Boom.
So this is a whole affair going on. Yeah, yeah, yeah, Oh,
you're muted.
Speaker 1 (38:06):
Than the sounds for taking me out.
Speaker 3 (38:07):
Sorry, I'm sorry, what's going over? So I'm over here
like trying to you know. So anyway, she was married
to the man that was on my birth certificate. You know,
I say dad number one. She's married to Dad number one,
and he's actually the father of the sister before me,
so that's her father. So they end up a Dad
(38:31):
number one and my mom ended up getting a divorce
like when I was like maybe two or three years old,
for whatever their reasons were. But I was conceived, so
my mother and while I was there, and I was like, listen,
you know what's going on. You always knew what was
going on. You knew I looked different from the rest
of the siblings. You knew, you knew, you knew.
Speaker 1 (38:49):
So.
Speaker 3 (38:49):
She ended up saying that when she said, I don't
know what so and so made me do talking about
dad number one to do this. But I was on
drugs and I that's what she keeps saying. She was
on drugs. She was on drugs, on drugs, which.
Speaker 1 (39:00):
Wasn't so tired of that. That's what my husband's mom said.
I was on drugs.
Speaker 3 (39:04):
I don't know, you know what it is. They try
to gain a sympathy, a sympathy vote. No.
Speaker 1 (39:09):
We we found out his dad, like thirty three years later.
Speaker 2 (39:13):
This is this man's a spitting image. His father remembers her.
His father was like, oh yeah, that's like I was
shooting on my wife or her. I went to her house.
I remember her mom, I like, I remember her being pregnant.
She didn't tell her to this day. And this is
three years ago almost we found out who he was,
and we've been we've spent holidays with him now and stuff.
Speaker 1 (39:30):
His mother Christmas mother still will not say that she
slept with that man.
Speaker 2 (39:35):
Like she still will be like, well, if the DNA
says that I was, I was on a lot of
drugs and what do you want me to do about it?
Speaker 1 (39:41):
And then she curses at them. She cursed like, I
ain't made it, know about it? How about you have
him go raise yet It's like, girl, calm down or
just trying to figure out who, right, that's the father?
Speaker 3 (39:52):
Yeah, that's the experiences that I have now, but just
to kind of like wrap it up. Yeah, she definitely
acted like that and was like I would never I'm like, yeah,
but the DNA doesn't lie, and you know, here I
am this Sasquatch okay, because everybody else is short, you know,
five two five three, five four, and I'm over here
looking like jolly being the giant. Something's different, you know,
(40:14):
even the father, even dad never won. The husband and
well the ex husband and my biological mom and all
my siblings are shorter than me. And I'm out here
looking like brawny. So I was like, I'm bronny, you know.
So I'm really like I'm huge. And then my children
are like six three and they're only fourteen, and they're
big kids. So something's wrong. Anyway, she said. This is
(40:35):
what she said. She said that she, you know, was
on drugs again. The whole drug situation and that she
was dealing with this Pakistani man. She said that she
went to his house one day, saw that there was
other women at his house. They looked at her funny,
and she felt that she thought that that was his wife,
and so she ended up like leaving and did not
know that she was pregnant. And I'm just like, you
(40:58):
still gonna keep lying, right, You're gonna still keep lying,
because when I spoke to the sister, oh my goodness,
I don't even know about to say, oh this, But
when I spoke to the sister, she told me a
similar story that she overheard when she got older between
my biologic father and the first wife, was that a
black woman used to come to the house to try
(41:20):
to take him from her, and the black woman when
she's like they would give her dirty looks, like why
are you talking to a black woman? And I'm like, oh,
that must so hearing that story and then hearing what
my mother said, it kind of connected. So I was like,
so that's the black woman that they're talking about. But yeah,
So she said that she didn't know that she was
(41:42):
pregnant with me, and then when I was born that
she told Dad number one that I probably wasn't his
because I was too pretty, and I was like, lady,
just be quiet. So, you know, like it, I don't
believe nothing she's telling me. So she says she doesn't
know him. She says she was on drug and I'm like,
okayut your father six six by the way, so he's
a big Pakistani. So there explains my height, explains my
(42:05):
children's height. You know, it's a whole bunch of stuff.
The issue that I'm having now is that I haven't
been able to meet him. He knows I exist, apparently
from the siblings. I am actually number two of fifteen
children that he has, so he has eight with one
wife and six with another wife. I actually met a
few of the siblings. It was bad, bad experiences with
them because they, you know, I feel like there's some
(42:28):
racism going on with you know, that type of culture.
I have a lot to learn. I'm like, listen, I
don't really care what you guys got going on. I
just want to meet him so I can see what's
going on, Like just just to look at somebody that
looks like me, because apparently I look identical to him.
He actually looks identical to one of my children. There
was there, would I didn't even have take a test,
Like he looks like my kid is here like a
(42:49):
reborn of him. It was great to see that I
look like someone else, that my children look like someone else.
You know, like I have so many questions. I have
a whole culture and a background that I will like
to tap into and to kind of like, you know,
they don't want to have anything to do with me.
It's crazy. I've been called born from sin, and I've
been called the love child because apparently he was married
(43:10):
to his first wife. So he's cheating, Mom's cheating, everybody's
she ey body cheeing. I'm the fair baby. And then
you know, not trying to recognize me or acknowledge me
because I was born Like I'm first of all, I'm
born from a black woman. I'm also not from the culture.
Like we're having a child outside their marriage is you know,
it's it's a it's a whole big thing. It's a
(43:31):
whole scandal, and it's just like it's too much. So
I'm dealing with that. So I'm like, did I really
want to know? And then and at the same time,
I'm like, oh no, but he got I don't care
about your culture or your background or what you got
going on? How dare you act like I don't exist?
You know? So so that's where I'm at now. I'm
gonna I'm going to I don't care who gets hurt
behind this, because you know, everyone's like, you know, he's
(43:53):
a king, and you can't we can't do this in
his image. Oh my goodness, his image, his image, his image,
and I'm it's like, what who cares about his image?
He has a whole child out here. I know I'm
thirty two now, but I would love to meet him.
You know, I don't care what he did. I just
want to, you know, see what he looks like. So
that's a fight that I got up ahead of me.
(44:14):
He's hiding. But he's a very very very very very
important person. So that's another thing. It's like a whole
whole bunch going on.
Speaker 1 (44:22):
Well, I can't wait until I read it because I
like it sounds messy. It sounds messy.
Speaker 2 (44:28):
Let's let the people know about your projects that you
have gone on and what you've already produced.
Speaker 1 (44:32):
I'm really excited to see this.
Speaker 3 (44:34):
Yes, so what I've already produced. I have two children's
books that I have I self published on Amazon. The
first one is Caulled, Two Cultures, One Heart. They're on Amazon.
It's about a multicultural you know person, it's me, It's me.
It's basically everything that I'm going through, as as as
as a way to explain it in the in a
young voice, so like being biracial or trying to figure
(44:56):
out which one to accept and then basically learning how
to embrace both of them. And then the other BA
I have is called My New Beginning, So it's an
introductory to young kids and boster care and how to
how how you go through it? You know, you still
have chores, you you know, you still have the same
rules apply at your house, you know, and just trying
(45:18):
to figure out where do you belong? And it's basically
everything that I've went through again, So it's it's about me,
you know, just you know.
Speaker 2 (45:25):
Love it, and I love the artwork on those Let
me see the back, let me see the backs of them.
Speaker 3 (45:29):
So this is the back of it. This is my
New Beginning. And I did everything myself too, So I
did the illustration.
Speaker 1 (45:39):
Okay, come home, also like Patter the Queen.
Speaker 3 (45:41):
Thank you so yeah okay, and then my.
Speaker 1 (45:44):
New book that they can get that on Amazon, right,
we can get those on Amazon.
Speaker 3 (45:48):
Yeah, they get on Amazon. So my new book I
have is told I'll tell you the title. It's called
A Letter to My Younger Self and a Journey to Healing,
so slash Journey to Healing. It's basically me talking to
my younger self, explained to my younger self, like what
has happened? Because I don't know if this happened for you,
but when you go through trauma, you're kind of stuck,
you know, like you're very You're like you're stuck in
(46:10):
the time that it's happening. And I found that while
writing this book and explained to myself, I actually started
remembering things that I blocked out do to trauma. And
you know, it's very therapeutic. And all I want to
really do is reach down and hug my younger self
because dang girl, you a warrior, like you've been through
a lot, and I know you guys can't really hear
(46:31):
like what I've been through because I'm trying to keep
it on the on the rd.
Speaker 1 (46:35):
Lo lo she because y'o, you did the same thing
that I did. Right.
Speaker 2 (46:38):
So I wrote my first book and then I started
talking about my story.
Speaker 1 (46:42):
Yeah, right, so I wrote it.
Speaker 2 (46:43):
This is like now I freely talk about it because
like you can read it if you want, if you
want the d it's in there.
Speaker 3 (46:48):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (46:48):
Now. But then even for my adoption, it was everyone's like, so,
we want to know what happened with your adoption.
Speaker 2 (46:52):
I was like, I'm not saying anything. I'll give you
like the experiences here and there. The book two coming
out January twenty twenty five, you'd be able to get
all the nitty gritty there.
Speaker 1 (47:01):
So I'm what, when do you are You say you're
actively looking for yes, literary agent, So I, y'all we
have any literary agents?
Speaker 2 (47:09):
I know we have a lot of I have over
a thousand people that listen to this podcast. So she's
looking for a literary agent. She's trying to she's trying
to do a big y'all.
Speaker 3 (47:19):
Yeah, because it's really important. And I feel like, because
of what I've experienced and overcame and learned and grew from,
that is important that I have the right people handled
this story because I feel like it could be important
to other people. And I'm sure everyone thinks that, you know,
like we all been through something like that. But I mean, like,
what I've been through is like a lot. I just
(47:41):
I really feel like I can help the youth, you know.
I find myself always trying to talk to younger people,
especially being a single mom. I'm going through all of
this while still parenting, and you know, my kids don't
want to hear mom you're sad because they live a
certain lifestyle, you know, because that I provided for them.
So I can't be out here. I cry in the shower,
you know, you got to cry and get back up
(48:02):
and put your suit on, you know. And then they're like, oh,
you're too old to be feeling this way, and you're like,
my body could be thirty too. Well, my heart is
still My heart was just broken, just I just found
that I wasn't who I thought I was, you know.
So it's very emotional, and you learn it's not tell anybody.
You got to be sacred with your story because people
are judging you, and then you're just looking at them
like you would never survive a second in my shoes.
(48:26):
And it's always someone who hasn't been through the things
that you've been through that have all these things to say.
Speaker 1 (48:31):
All the opinions, all the opinions.
Speaker 2 (48:33):
Well, MJD, thank you so much for joining us here
on the Wards with the State podcast. I really appreciate
you sharing, and I can't wait until to read your
memory because even from what you shared so far, it
is very, very intriguing.
Speaker 1 (48:46):
I wanted to juice. I want to know what happened,
so I cannot wait until your memoir.
Speaker 2 (48:51):
I do ask all my guests this question before we
wrap up. Where is one thing that one piece of
advice that you would give a child who came up
in a similar experience as you.
Speaker 1 (49:02):
What's one piece of advice you would give them that.
Speaker 3 (49:04):
This is not forever. What you're going through is not
gonna be forever, and that you must must, must, must
always continue to fight. Do not stop, you know, fighting
figuring out who you are, love on yourself, be patient
with yourself, and enjoy the ride of evolution. Like I
(49:25):
love who I am today, even though I went through
all the things that I've been through. I love who
I am today because I found I found me. You know,
just just it's not forever what you're going through, and
just keep on fighting.
Speaker 1 (49:38):
I love that that reminds me of the song from Wicked.
Even I didn't even think of that.
Speaker 4 (49:46):
I think that's literally part of a line like like
if you can find me, look inside, keep going.
Speaker 2 (49:55):
Keep going. Everyone deserves to fly. Everyone deserves to fly,
especially you, and every one deserves.
Speaker 1 (50:00):
To shine light.
Speaker 2 (50:01):
And I appreciate you coming up in GD shining your
light on this platform. I cannot wait to see what
you do and see how you help other children in
the fosterocor system.
Speaker 1 (50:10):
And without further ado, y'all, I say every week.
Speaker 2 (50:13):
Light shiners, always shine your light because you never know
who you might guide, who you might inspire, who you
might take out of a dark tunnel, just by your
little light that you're shining.
Speaker 1 (50:23):
Keep shining until next week, guys. Always shine your light,
and we'll talk to you guys next week
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