August 25, 2025 • 37 mins
Hey Light Shiners! In this episode, Karlos Dillard speaks with Patricia about her tumultuous journey through the foster care system. Patricia shares her experiences of being taken from her biological family, the challenges she faced in various foster homes, and her eventual transition to a group home where she found stability and support. The conversation highlights the importance of using one's voice, the impact of trauma, and the resilience required to navigate life after foster care. Patricia emphasizes the need for foster children to advocate for themselves and take advantage of available resources.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:08):
Content warning. The Wards of the State podcast may contain
material that may be harmful or traumatizing to some audiences.
Listener discretion is advised. Heylight Shiners, Welcome to another episode
(00:44):
of Wards of the State. We are almost I keep
saying this every episode. It feels like I've been saying
this for like six months. We're almost to one hundred episodes.
But I do have to let you guys know something.
We need more lived experiences. So I know on the
last episode, I was talking to a guest, and I
know a lot of y'all are feeling the forms, but
be patient with us. We're working on the scheduling. We're
looking for an easier way so we can schedule further
(01:06):
out for the year because I know a lot of
y'all like, hey, I can schedule in like six months
or eight months, and for us that's a little too
far out. We you uhould like to schedule two to
three months out. But I think we're going to try
to use Calendi so we can have like a whole
six month scheduled out. Because that's why the episodes have
started to slow down. It's been a little bit harder.
I know, it's the holidays as almost summertime, people are
traveling with their families, so it's been a little bit
(01:28):
hard to lock down episodes for you guys, but we
are trying our best myself and my team. So if
you know anyone who would like to share their story,
please please please send them this episode. There will always
be a link in the show notes for everyone to
share their stories. You just fill out a simple form
and we reach out to you get your scheduled. So
I really appreciate all of the listeners who come back
every single week to listen to the lived experience for
(01:49):
those of us in foster care and adoption. We are
still in May as we record this, so it is
still National Foster Care Awareness Month. So with that being said,
make sure that you are supporting your community and your
foster care unity in any way that you can. Rather
that be financially, rather that be volunteering your time at
a foster hair closet, or even considering being a foster parent.
And that's and you know, we need a lot more
of those. And I know right now the economy is crazy,
(02:11):
but if you have extra space and extra space in
your home, in your heart, every state is in need
of foster parents that are trauma informed. So if you
listen into this podcast, you're already in a good space
to start your foster journey. So without being let's see
anything else. Oh, ratings and reviews. Make sure y'all leaving
a one, two, three, four to five star rating and
review on Apple Podcasts, and also make sure you subscribe
(02:32):
to us on Spotify. And I don't have any other updates.
The last update TikTok shop. You guys have been killing
it on the TikTok shop for the book one and
Book two. Awards of this Award of the State a
Memor Foster Care and Word of the State Apporth the
adoption the book two. I just ordered one hundred copies,
so if you've been waiting for Book two, go on
the website Carlosdalther dot com you can reserve yours because
(02:54):
I know as soon as I put them on a
TikTok shop they're going to fly off the shelves. A
lot of people have been waiting for them. Thank y'all
for y'all's patience. And if you've already received book one
or Book two, can y'all start leaving some reviews rather
on Amazon on TikTok shop and making sure that you're
leaving a video review as well, and making sure you're
atacking me. I would love to see y'all's video reviews.
So there's no other updates, So we're going to move
right into the guest. Hi, Patricia, how are you doing today?
Speaker 2 (03:17):
Good? Wow? How are you?
Speaker 1 (03:18):
I am blessed and highly favored, So welcome to the show,
and we kind of just like roll right into y'all's
lift experiences. So kind of introduce yourself to the audience.
And how did your story end up in the child
worl FIR system.
Speaker 3 (03:31):
My name is Patricia, and my story began when I
was at birth pretty much, but I remember being taken
away permanently, I guess you could say when I was seven.
So anything before that was in and out of the
phosphor system, back and forth with my mother and yeah,
and then at seven, I remember TPS coming in their
(03:52):
white marked car coming and getting at the time my
brother and I and then we went to a It
was supposed to be a short term group home, but
for us, we ended up staying there for over a year.
Speaker 1 (04:08):
And what state was this?
Speaker 3 (04:09):
This?
Speaker 2 (04:09):
We're in California. I'm sorry, California.
Speaker 3 (04:11):
We are in California, and we went to a short
term group home, my brother and I and it was
only supposed to be a six month group home. We
ended up staying there for a year. My sister. This
was in ninety four. My sister was born a foster
family ended up getting my sister when she was two
weeks old. They found out that she had brothers and
sisters and came and got.
Speaker 2 (04:32):
Us, and so we were blessed.
Speaker 3 (04:36):
Like I know, listened to other people's stories and other
people that literally experience through the foster fire system, Like
I was completely blessed to be able to be with
my mom at the time had ninety four, she already
had seven kids.
Speaker 2 (04:48):
So yeah, so being able to stay with two.
Speaker 3 (04:52):
Out of those alp of those siblings was truly a
bless and my brother and I never got separated.
Speaker 2 (04:58):
We were together ever since.
Speaker 3 (04:59):
So that was truly like a blessing in disguise for
us to be able to grow up together and have
our experiences together.
Speaker 1 (05:07):
I love that. I love. Yeah. So you were in
this foster home, was that was the only foster home
that you had experience, so.
Speaker 3 (05:15):
So it was we were there in that foster home,
and you know, there was a lot of things that
happened within that home. Abuse happened. We ended up getting
taken away from them. They had like my brother and
I so bad that it left bruises on my brother.
And I'm eight nine years old at the time. And
I reported it like I'm telling you, like valling mind.
I remember balem is that like, I can't believe it
(05:36):
is my baby, Like how could they hear my baby?
And they took us away and we went to a
group home for a week, and then it was a
high group home too, so we went there for about
a week and then they came back and got us.
Speaker 2 (05:48):
They were able to get regain custody of us.
Speaker 1 (05:52):
So wait, did foster parents were able to regain custody?
Because I'm trying to keep up with the story, but
I was like, wait, I'm thinking, I'm thinking I'm gonna
hear parents. But the foster parents.
Speaker 3 (06:05):
Yes, And they took pictures, like they came and pulled
us out of school. They took pictures of my brother's legs,
they took pictures of me, and they got they took
me and my sister, my brother, and we went to
a high security group home, and then about a week
later they came back and got.
Speaker 1 (06:21):
Us, so did the I'm guessing the abuse got worse
after they came back and got you guys.
Speaker 3 (06:27):
It didn't, so that was his punishment. My brother did
something that he wasn't supposed to be. My brother stole
some money, like they both of the foster parents worked
in group homes, and he came home with the petty
cash and my brother stole some cash and he got
a punishment for it. So I think it was just
based off of that being it was just a punishment.
It was a one time off thing. Maybe they were like,
(06:47):
you know, hey, at least they want to keep these
three together, so we're going to give it back to them.
And my sister was a year old at this time,
maybe two, and they had had her since she was
two weeks old, and so this was the only family
she's ever known. And I remember being in a car
and she's like, don't worry, we're going to fifth grade camp.
Like we're going to be fine. We're going to be fine.
We're just going to camp, you.
Speaker 2 (07:08):
Know, knowing having any idea what was happening.
Speaker 3 (07:11):
Yeah, And it was, and it was hard because it
was a high security group home, and we were My
brother was seven, I was eight, my brother, my sister
was two, you know. And in a high security group home,
they have like bars on all the windows, they have
the bob fence and stuff like that. So my siblings
never experienced that going to that, from a home to that.
They're like, what in the world, Like my I remember
(07:34):
the Like my sister was already party trained and off
the bottle, but they were like trying to feed her
a bottle, and so I would have to go in
there at night time and like sneak her food and
lay with her and stuff like that because they were
trying to put it on a crib.
Speaker 2 (07:44):
She's like, what is happening? This is my camp?
Speaker 3 (07:48):
I take my mind, taking my mouth, Like this is jail,
real boy?
Speaker 1 (07:53):
So, how so you're there and then you go back
to these foster parents. How long are you now with them?
Speaker 3 (07:59):
Yep, we're there. My sister ended up living there until
she ages out. I mean, she's still part.
Speaker 2 (08:04):
Of that family. Yeah.
Speaker 3 (08:06):
My mother, my biown mother, ended up getting custody up
my brother when he was sixteen seventeen years old. She
regained custody of him and then I was fourteen years old,
a rebellian child, and you know, doing all these things
as a teenager. The foster mom ended up kicking me
out and giving me back over to my mother, who
(08:27):
at fourteen, my mother signed her rights away and I
ended up in a permanent group home.
Speaker 1 (08:33):
So so the foster mom gave you back to your mother,
your mother's h.
Speaker 3 (08:39):
I stayed the night, I pretty much said the night.
CPS was there early in the morning to sign the PaperWorks.
Speaker 1 (08:44):
Why didn't she wanted to keep you like she kept
your brother.
Speaker 2 (08:48):
I couldn't follow rules, but.
Speaker 1 (08:50):
At that time, Oh, why couldn't you follow rules.
Speaker 2 (08:52):
At that time? Good? Good question.
Speaker 3 (08:55):
But at that time I was fourteen. I had already
been raising my brother and sisters. I had been, you know,
missing so much school. When I was in seventh grade,
I had missed so much school. They were like, your
tennis is so bad, I'm not going to go to
eighth grade because I was staying home taking care of
my siblings.
Speaker 2 (09:09):
So at fourteen, I'm I'm already been a mother like you.
I'm a monther. You can't come tell me, you know,
like I've been doing.
Speaker 1 (09:15):
That reminds me a lot of my niece. I my
husband and I took care of our niece for a
year and she was the older sibling and like her
mom adultified her to the point where like she was
twelve eleven twelve, cooking the foods, making sure like doing
side hustles for her brothers so they can have money
for food and things. And I wasn't aware of any
of this because you know, they kept it very hush hush.
(09:36):
But one day she just caused me and says, I'm
going I need your help, and she moves here. And
it was really hard trying to get her to be
a kid. It was like, so it was so crazy
to me because for me, I was just like, girl,
like you got a princess room. We're getting you got
a shopping credit card, like go have fun. She just
wanted to be a boy. She wanted a boyfriend, She
want to go on dates. She wanted. I was like,
(09:57):
you were not grown. But the thing is she was
brown for so long, and yeah, there was no rules
at all, so you know, it's I can understand. I
got and it was hard, but you know, I wish
that people wouldn't give up on children so easily, you know.
And then Also I wish that other family members like
myself step in and say, hey, you need some help, mom,
(10:18):
Like here, let me have it for a year or two.
Let me see what I can do, right, because it
does really take a village. But I definitely understand, you know,
not listening, because I was.
Speaker 2 (10:27):
I was.
Speaker 1 (10:27):
I did listen to some, but you know, I was
also that kid that was like, I'm already paying rent.
I'm already paying you rent, I'm already paying for my
own food. Why do I I'm not.
Speaker 2 (10:35):
Gonna listen to you. Yeah.
Speaker 3 (10:36):
So, and it wasn't like it wasn't like it was
like a sit down conversation with my parents and they
were like, hey, these are the rules I need you
to buy by these world was like, you're coming to
my house, You're gonna do what I've said. I don't
even know you, Like I've never lived with my birth
mother after in the age of seven and now going
back at fifteen sixty and when I just raised two
of your kids. I don't think so, ma'am, Like, I
(10:57):
don't think I'm about to be able to sit down
and listen anything you have to say, was is Karen,
It's not gonna happen.
Speaker 1 (11:03):
Yeah, I don't think so, man.
Speaker 3 (11:06):
And even before that, I went there to one day
in the middle of the night, so my foster father,
I say allegedly because there was no open case on it,
but he had molested me and I reported it and
there was.
Speaker 2 (11:20):
Nothing done about it, you know.
Speaker 3 (11:22):
And then one night, in the middle of the night,
my foster mom and her two kids packed up a
U haul truck and we moved to Arkansas in the
middle of the night after I reported it for no reason,
like never been in Arkansas.
Speaker 2 (11:35):
We shuldn't even know what's happening. Cbius didn't even know
we went to Arkansas all of a sudden.
Speaker 3 (11:39):
You can't take foster kids across state lines like that,
like you just that's not how that happened.
Speaker 2 (11:43):
Shoo did We moved to Arkansas, and I just remember
we moved in with a friend.
Speaker 3 (11:48):
It was a two bedroom apartment and there was like
six of us in there.
Speaker 2 (11:52):
And now I'm now I'm really stepping into that role of.
Speaker 3 (11:55):
Motherhood, Like I'm cooking, cleaning, not going to school, take
race and sister, making sure my brother gets to school
on time, picking him up from school, like things like
that are happening, and at the time, I'm oning thirteen.
Speaker 2 (12:08):
One day, my mother in law was like, my mother
in law, my.
Speaker 3 (12:10):
Foster mom were just like, I can't take it no more,
like she's not doing good in school.
Speaker 2 (12:14):
My mouth was lethal, like I would talk back. I
was smart mouth.
Speaker 3 (12:18):
I was getting into a lot of fights at school
because I couldn't control my mouth. Luckily, there was a
lady there in Arkansas who was like, I'll take her.
She just needs some guidance. She's a kid, like, I'm
not going to have you guys just kick her out,
you know.
Speaker 2 (12:31):
And I moved in.
Speaker 3 (12:32):
With this lady had never met her, and then where
she was nothing, moved in with her and her kids
and her family, and I stayed there for a while
for about a year.
Speaker 1 (12:44):
Damn you, you just keep on a mover.
Speaker 2 (12:46):
This is all.
Speaker 3 (12:47):
Between the ages before I was fourteen, and so by
the time I was fourteen, I'm being without my brother
that long, for a year, without my siblings it, which
is really hard. I ended up coming back to California
and moving back in with same foster mom because she
so legally had custody of us.
Speaker 4 (13:03):
And where's the social workers, where are the check in
there was no like I can I do remember the
last check in I was eight, Like, I didn't remember
any check in after that.
Speaker 2 (13:16):
There was no one coming in to see us, no
one stopping by the school.
Speaker 1 (13:19):
That was it.
Speaker 2 (13:20):
And they became our guardian.
Speaker 3 (13:22):
So they wanted to adopt us, but my mother wouldn't
sign away to write. My mother wouldn't agree to it.
So they became our guardian. So in my mind, this
is our family, this is our forever home. You can't
get rid of us. What you're gonna do.
Speaker 2 (13:35):
You can punish me, that's it, you know, Like we're
stuck with you, stuck with us, you know.
Speaker 3 (13:39):
And so when we got back, we ended up moving
to a small town in twenty nine Palms And this
town is so small.
Speaker 2 (13:48):
There was one high.
Speaker 3 (13:48):
School and we lived there and again at the same time,
it was just a foster mom.
Speaker 2 (13:54):
The foster dad. I later found out. When I said later,
I mean two months ago.
Speaker 3 (13:57):
I found out that he was not supposed to be
in the home with any of us kids because of
me reporting the abuse.
Speaker 2 (14:04):
And I had no idea.
Speaker 1 (14:06):
Ain't nobody doing the working.
Speaker 3 (14:08):
Ain't nobody And to make it worse, we framed out
that my foster mother and my mother, my bio mother,
knew each other back in the day and used to
do drugs together. They used to get high together, and
that that continued. My foster mother continued to do drugs
with my mother. We would go to like friends' houses
and my parents, my foster mom and my bio mom
(14:30):
would be in the room getting high together.
Speaker 2 (14:33):
Just think hoots, justin ka hoots, justin kohots.
Speaker 1 (14:36):
So you so after you went with this nice lady,
how where did you go after that?
Speaker 2 (14:41):
I went back to my foster home and.
Speaker 1 (14:43):
Then how long do you stay there?
Speaker 3 (14:45):
Now?
Speaker 2 (14:46):
Now I'm there.
Speaker 3 (14:47):
We moved to twenty nine Palms and I do my
freshman year, and of course I'm fighting. I'm getting a
lot of trouble. My grades are bad. So my foster mom,
her daughter, was like, I'll take her.
Speaker 2 (14:58):
Like y'all doing too.
Speaker 1 (15:00):
Much, everybody is I volunteer. I volunteer for tribute.
Speaker 3 (15:05):
And so I go and live with her. And so
back then it was long distance. You couldn't have long
distance on your phone. And so I moved on with
my sister, and she my foster sister, she gets me,
I have my own room.
Speaker 2 (15:16):
She's like, you got your own room. You got this.
Speaker 3 (15:18):
You have to I'm like, yeah, but you have to realize,
like like you said, it's hard to go from being
an adult to a kid overnight, Like that's not something
you transitiond I never got counseling. We never went We
never talked about what happened. It was like, you know,
the most station happened. I never went to get gout
counseling for it.
Speaker 2 (15:35):
We never. I didn't. He wasn't in.
Speaker 3 (15:37):
He was in and out of our lives, Like on
the weekends he would come out and I got to leave,
like I got to go outside.
Speaker 2 (15:44):
And you know, be in the streets or whatever.
Speaker 3 (15:46):
But he wasn't in our lives like that, you know
what I mean, Like it was like a weekend time father,
I guess. And so I when I was living with
my foster sister, I was just like out of control still,
I guess to say, like in my mouth everything that
she was just like it was just too much. And
she was young at the age when she got me,
and so it was just too much. And so she
(16:07):
was like, you're going back to your mom, Like she
tried to send me back to my birth mom. And
I remember going to my birth mom's house and I
stayed there. I was in summer school when I stayed
there for about a month and I went to a
friend's house and I missed the bus and my mom
was like, if you don't come back, you're not walking
back to my house. And I'm like, well, I can't
come back, Like I can't come back till tomorrow. She's like, well,
(16:29):
if you don't come back tonight, your stuff will be outside.
Sure shit, My mom put all my stuff outside. My
friends went and picked it up the next day, and
I was just out on the streets on my own
and then my breath. My foster mother ended up having
to report me as a runaway so that they could
have that on my record that I was a runaway child,
(16:51):
even though they all knew where I was. My foster
dad had came and was like get in the car.
I was like, I'm not going to know where was you?
He knew where I was. My foster sister I was
hanging out with some of her friends, so she knew
where I was. Everyone knew where I was.
Speaker 1 (17:04):
This is what I always helped kids, like, when you
end up in like an abandonment situation, just call the
police and say, hey, these people abandoned me, right because
it's it's the ends of the day. It saves you.
And I didn't do that because I was just so
afraid of the system. I was afraid of foster care.
My mother never reported anything. So I was just out
at fifteen sixteen, just living and thankfully, like I survived.
(17:26):
But I tell kids all the time, just no, just
just call the police.
Speaker 3 (17:31):
Back then, I was fourteen and I was living the
best life. It was summertime. I was having the best
time of my life. I was hanging out in the streets.
I was doing whatever I wanted to. We have like
these little teen clubs. I was going to teen club.
So I was on my best life. I wasn't reporting
nothing to nobody, like catching me if you can at
this point, she's.
Speaker 1 (17:49):
A customer if you can't, So, well, how did you
just live like couch surf? How did you survive?
Speaker 2 (17:54):
You?
Speaker 3 (17:55):
I did couch surf. I actually stayed with one friend.
Her and I just spent the whole summer together. I
would just you know, wake up and went to school.
I was doing summer school, so I'm still going to school.
So it wasn't like I really ran away, because if
you wanted me to go to just came to the
school and picked me up, you know, like they knew
where it was at all times. It wasn't like I
would just disappeared, but for the system's sake, they had
(18:16):
to report me as a runaway. So then I ended
up at the I was at the teen club and
my foster sister came to pick me up and she
was like, let's go. I'm like, no, I'm not going,
you know. So we ended up getting to a physical
altercation at the club and the police are called.
Speaker 2 (18:32):
You know, they come.
Speaker 3 (18:33):
They won't allow me to leave with anyone except for
the person who reported me. So my foster mom had
to drive out there to get me because she reported
me as missing as a runaway.
Speaker 2 (18:43):
And then they took me to.
Speaker 3 (18:44):
A group home out in California, the high security group home,
to try to drop me off, and the people were like, no, ma'am,
you dropped her off.
Speaker 2 (18:54):
We're arresting you. You're going to jail for child abandoned it.
Speaker 1 (18:57):
So your mom foster home tries to take you back
to They.
Speaker 2 (19:03):
Said, no, man, you are her guardian, you are her
legal parent. You drop her off or taking you straight
to jail.
Speaker 3 (19:09):
You don't have that shitt two hundred dollars you going
to jail, And so I laughed. I of course had scratches,
and they're like, why do you have all these scratches
all over you. I'm like, you know, I got into
a fight with their daughter. They're looking at their daughter
like at this time, I'm fourteen, the daughter is twenty
something years old, like why would you let this toy
open her ants?
Speaker 2 (19:29):
You know, They're like, oh, hell no. Still didn't take
me away. They were like, go back to your mom
and dad, Go and get in the car. Go on,
little girl.
Speaker 3 (19:37):
And so we got back in the car and I'm laughing.
I'm like, you know, you dried, like take me home,
But I like that I'm going back home.
Speaker 2 (19:45):
I'm sure she had.
Speaker 3 (19:46):
I had to go back home with them, And so
I ended up going back to my foster mom. And
like I said, at the time, my foster mom, my
foster dad, they were separated. They weren't living together. We
lived in one spy, he lived in another spot. And
so I went back to the home with my foster
mom and I went there and by this summer, it's
(20:07):
my sophomore year.
Speaker 2 (20:08):
So I'm almost fifteen years old, and I remember my
mom coming in.
Speaker 3 (20:13):
My foster mom kind of picked me up and she's like,
I grew up in a group home, an all girls home,
and we had our own self, our own phone, our
own computers. Like you're gonna love it. And I'm like what,
and she's like, you're going to love this place. And
that's when I found out I was going to be
sent to a group home.
Speaker 1 (20:31):
It was a group home or was it like a
trouble teen institution.
Speaker 3 (20:34):
Actually it's actually an amazing group home. It's called Sampa
Squad Academy. I played sports there, I went to prom,
I got a letterman jacket, I got my high school
to Plome like it was. It's not there anymore, like
they had closed down because they're trying to take away
group homes and do all that stuff out here instead
of California. So but it was amazing, like we it
(20:54):
was like a boarding school. Always tell people it's like
a boarding school, Like I lived there.
Speaker 2 (20:58):
You know.
Speaker 3 (20:58):
The only thing is that's all the kids are foster kids,
Like all the kids are coming from trauma and stuff.
But I did have my own computer. Yay, me, even
though this was back in ninety nine when like AOL
was starting, so it wasn't.
Speaker 2 (21:10):
Really that big. Would everyone computer?
Speaker 3 (21:14):
Yeah, So I went to this group home and like
I said, it was I was fifteen. It was the
best thing. But before you can get to that group home,
you have to be accepted. And so because of my
grades has been so bad, the school side was like, no,
her grades aren't good enough, Like, no, she's struggling. We
would have to do too much to catch.
Speaker 2 (21:32):
Her rug, you know.
Speaker 3 (21:33):
And then they were like, well, let's put her in
a foster home and you'll be there for thirty days.
If you do good there in thirty for thirty days,
we'll let you go to the group home. So I
went to the group home about three times and had interviews,
and each time they just kept rejecting me, rejecting me,
rejecting me. And so my thirty days that foster homework
from thirty days to sixty days to ninety days before
(21:55):
they finally were like, okay, we'll take you. You've done enough,
you know, work and stuff like that, that will take you.
And so I was fitten by the time I went
to the.
Speaker 1 (22:04):
Group home and did you say they're to you, ah
out I did.
Speaker 3 (22:08):
I graduated high school there, Like I said, I played sports,
did everything.
Speaker 1 (22:12):
Now while you were there, did you ever ever go
home to visit your foster terence at all? Or did
they ever come to visit you while you were there?
Speaker 3 (22:19):
So, my foster parents didn't visit me there, but I
had my brother and sisters. They would bring them, and
while I was there at the group home, I would
call my brother and sisters and they would be on
the phone listening, like doing supervice calls. And I'm like,
heyll Ma, you're not about to supervise my calls with
my siblings like these.
Speaker 2 (22:36):
You know this is my kids. You ain't about to
be out there just inside.
Speaker 3 (22:41):
Yeah, And then she like eventually cut it off so
I wouldn't be able to call them and they couldn't
call me, and she thought visits.
Speaker 2 (22:47):
So I actually took her to court.
Speaker 3 (22:49):
When I was at the group home, called my social
worker like, hey, I can't see my siblings. We need
to fix this. So we went to court and I
fought my foster parents to be able to have visits with.
Speaker 2 (22:58):
My unsupervised.
Speaker 3 (23:02):
Unsupervised with and so they would drop them off and
they would spend the whole day with me in my
group home.
Speaker 2 (23:07):
We would be they would call me regular letters, whatever
it was. But yeah, I love that.
Speaker 1 (23:12):
You know, sometimes, like people, when you think of group homes,
people think of like the lockdown ttis like jail. But
then there are places like Childhaven that I went to
when I was in foster care, that are more like
the We didn't go to school there, but there it was,
it was it was nice. I'll tell they did a
great job, right, They had a lot of activities. So
(23:32):
I think that some kids do better in those settings
than in these foster homes, and I think that's something
to look at and consider. You know, if we can
do enough regulation, make sure that there's the right people
doing it for the right reasons, and make sure we
have like the correct background checks, I think kids do
better and like boarding school type settings if they've had troubles,
you know, in every different situation, right, Because here's the thing,
(23:54):
some kids just won't do well in a home setting, right,
and some kids want to be grown and being in
that setting where Because I got to sent to a
TT and it was abusive, like it was crazy, but
after being there for like six months, I got so
used to it. I was like, oh, this is cool
because it was something that I could actually predict. Because
I could never predict my mom. I could never predict
(24:15):
these foster parents. There was always shit coming left and right.
But that was the same schedule, every single day, every
single month, every single season. We did the same thing.
It was so easy to give them what they expected
because I already knew right. And after like a year there,
I was like, oh, this is better than at home.
I had my own horse I had, and then I
got I got able to get my own cabin. I
(24:35):
had my because they used to have us out sleeping
in the in the like the wilderness with a with
a like a sleeping bag and stuff. But then I
got my I got my own cabin, I had my
own horse. It was like I was in the wild West.
It was really fun, and I thought I looked back
at it, I was like, damn, like maybe they should.
But then kids were like coming off pinkies and like
shattering ankles and like kids were like some kids like
(24:57):
a beat up the person, like one of the staff
almost to death. It was dangerous. I just like kept
my head down and like looked at the fun parts
like it was.
Speaker 3 (25:06):
Like when I talked to kids now from Simple School,
They're like, even though we were there together, it's like
they experienced something totally different.
Speaker 2 (25:14):
I'm like, I don't remember that happening, like that happened.
Speaker 3 (25:16):
Like what they taught us everything like credit, how to
write checks, Like we learned everything besides going to school
to get our high school diploma as well, we learned
other things as well. And like if you were felling
your grades, you know you're in trouble. You were un punishment.
They did all of that stuff. So it was really
for someone who came from not having structure, from making
(25:36):
my own structure to having that structure. I had selled
at it. I did well at it. Like I said,
to play sports. I was able to do things with
still having that connection with my family, my bio mom.
I never never lost contact with her, so she was
always in and out of our lives and whenever she
wanted to.
Speaker 1 (25:54):
So how's that relationship now with your bio mom and
your siblings.
Speaker 2 (26:00):
Own mom. Every day it's work in progress.
Speaker 3 (26:02):
And every day, every day I had to wake up
and be like okay, and it is what it is,
you know, Like every day my siblings. We still have
the same relationship that we've always had. I ended up
being able to meet two of the three that were
adopted before I was born. I was able to meet
two of them. I don't have a great relationship with them,
(26:23):
but I know who they are, and.
Speaker 2 (26:25):
That's me a lot.
Speaker 1 (26:27):
I love that.
Speaker 2 (26:27):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (26:29):
A couple of years ago for Shift and Giggles, we
took the twenty three and me and I ended up
finding my bio father's family, his side of the family,
and so they all passed, my grandmother and everyone passed,
but I found them just in time where I was
able to get all my grandmother's pictures and belongings and
things like that that she had. And going through this
box of my grandmothers, I find pictures baby pictures of
(26:51):
me and my brother that I've never seen, Like, we
don't have pictures before seven.
Speaker 2 (26:55):
And I'm like, how did this lady have this? You know?
Speaker 3 (26:57):
My mother said, we never met her, know we did.
I'm on, wow, she'd be lying, she be I just
lying to the streets.
Speaker 1 (27:05):
Yeah, and we have pictures of it.
Speaker 3 (27:08):
And it was like, oh my god, Like this is
that's when we were babies and I've never seen this before.
Speaker 2 (27:13):
Yeah, when my.
Speaker 1 (27:14):
Mom passed, I got picked my first baby pictures. It's
something different to see yourself as a little kid. And
then it unlocked so many different memories because like there
are memories where like we were at birthday parties and
like my kindergarten graduation, and I was like, I did
have a lot of good memories, but like being in
foster care, they really make you believe that like you
had like just like this horrible, horrible life before. But
(27:35):
it was like no, but you know, trauma can do that.
Trauma can make you forget a whole lot. So yeah,
I'm glad that you got those.
Speaker 2 (27:41):
I don't remember any of that.
Speaker 3 (27:42):
Like all the memories I have before seven, they're all
negative memories, like oh, like I remember houses being rated
when I was with my mom, And luckily my grandfather
is a retired fire chief and so my mom main
dropped and the police was.
Speaker 2 (27:55):
Like what the hell, like why are you here?
Speaker 3 (27:58):
Gave my mom some money and we did while they
were in their raid in the house arresting people. Luckily,
my mom name dropped and we were able to get
out of there. Wow, and we didn't get taken away,
which they should have tookn this right then and there.
Speaker 2 (28:10):
What they didn't.
Speaker 3 (28:12):
So my mom got her fixed and got her money
and we've ran out of there. And that's how I
ended up getting to the group home too. My grandmother
ended up writing a letter to the judge that was
presiding over the group home, and he accepted me. And
I'm pretty sure they made a healthy donation too to
the group home.
Speaker 1 (28:30):
Okay, well, what has what? What is your life like now?
Do you have children?
Speaker 3 (28:35):
Do you?
Speaker 1 (28:36):
I know you still do? You said, it's a work
in progress with mom, and you reunited with your dad's
side a little bit, or at least know who they are.
How how how is life now for you?
Speaker 3 (28:46):
Life is after You've learned so much trauma and learned
so much about your history and about not just where
you come from, but your history of going through the
Floster Cresh system, getting over all that trauma, and still
trying to learn how to heal from all those things.
I've you know, struggled with that a lot, just trying
to navigate life with you know, abandonment issues and things
(29:07):
like that. But now I'm married, no kids. I always
say I'm allergic to kids. I have plenty of nieces
and nephews. Between my husband and I, there's like thirty
three nieces and nephews.
Speaker 2 (29:17):
Wow, I'm good.
Speaker 1 (29:19):
Is no kids? Yeah, I am not going to have
kids either. But I was like, no, thank you, but
I got I got a few nieces in nephew, not plenty.
I got a few, and that's that'll do. I got
to help a bunch of other people's kids.
Speaker 2 (29:29):
I got so much. You want to borrow something? I
got some.
Speaker 3 (29:31):
It's like they keep coming. We just had two more
in October. So I mean, wow, you plenty of them.
Speaker 1 (29:36):
Wow, I love that. So do you speak to your
foster mom at all?
Speaker 2 (29:40):
She passed away, She passed.
Speaker 3 (29:42):
She came to my high school graduation and that was
the last time I had seen her, and then she
passed away.
Speaker 2 (29:47):
Yeah, and do you guys never really got to any
resolution or nothing. I didn't get to ask her.
Speaker 3 (29:53):
That was the hardest part to me, having to deal
with all of these unanswered questions of like, you know,
why'd you kick me out? Or why do let this happen?
Or why does this happen? You know, like just so
many unanswered questions, just one unanswered and still are unanswered.
Speaker 1 (30:07):
Luck reacting why as my adopted mom, and then she
just screamed at me, saying, you cheuse dad. So like,
sometimes the answer is just not needed because they don't.
Speaker 2 (30:14):
That's how it is with my mom.
Speaker 3 (30:15):
When I asked her question to like just like that
it is what it is, I'm like, no, I need.
Speaker 2 (30:20):
To know how this happened. Were you I here?
Speaker 3 (30:23):
Just like, you know what, I'm gonna keep this kid,
you take these two, I'm gonna keep this one.
Speaker 2 (30:27):
You take these?
Speaker 1 (30:29):
How is this How did you decide which one you
was keeping?
Speaker 2 (30:32):
How?
Speaker 3 (30:32):
Because she kept my oldest brother in the next three
she gave up for adoption, then she kept the next two,
she gave up the next one, she kept the last
of like.
Speaker 2 (30:41):
How did you You know what I'm saying, like, what
were you out there doing? Just roll the dice on kids.
Speaker 3 (30:49):
I need to know what you're deciding because this is
crazy work.
Speaker 1 (30:53):
Yeah, she's slipping a coin. She's like, heads up, I'll
keep this one.
Speaker 3 (30:57):
It tells you how to take two, not just take
you gotta take two, which is crazy.
Speaker 1 (31:04):
It's insane.
Speaker 4 (31:05):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (31:06):
But luckily, like my last sister, she never saw this
poster car system. My mom got clean, got her stuff together.
They were like, we're gonna take her and she was like,
oh no, So she picked that one. The DIYCE world
good on that one. So she ended up getting clean,
Like my mom has now twenty seven years clean.
Speaker 1 (31:22):
Congratulationships.
Speaker 3 (31:23):
But there I say that, and I'm like, oh, that's
so great. But then the bigger scheme, it's like your
oldest son is almost forty, he's forty.
Speaker 2 (31:30):
Two years old.
Speaker 3 (31:31):
Yeah, I'm not going to praise twenty seven years when
you've got a kid who's forty two years old. I'm sorry,
I just I can't, you know what I mean, Like,
that's good for you on your part, but in reality,
that's not that great.
Speaker 1 (31:42):
I'm really not that Like all of your children you
harmed in some way, in some way for the last one,
but even the last one got harm because she grew
up with none of her siblings.
Speaker 2 (31:51):
And that was the hardest thing too.
Speaker 3 (31:52):
I don't have a great relationship with her because I'm like,
because she didn't live the same experience as us, and
you know, it was really hard, but I never looked
at it in her point of view, like and well
she said that to me one time. She was like,
I grew up pretty much as an only child, you know,
like I didn't have I am an only child, and
that's how she sees her life. And I'm like, there's
seven of us before you like, ain't no only nothing.
(32:14):
But in reality, that's how it was. She grew up
in a home with just her just her mom, just
her dad, like there was nothing, you know, no abuse,
no drugs.
Speaker 2 (32:23):
She didn't have to go through that, so it was
that's hard.
Speaker 1 (32:28):
So how have you been able to process the trauma
from everything that you've gone through?
Speaker 2 (32:33):
Luckily there is counseling God.
Speaker 3 (32:36):
Being able to read in my Bible and be able
to turn to that to God, being able to call
on therapists, being able to talk about it to other people,
even people who've experienced or who went side by side
with me, you know, talking about it, even with you
when I see you on TikTok. I'm always in your
comments in your lives like what why would you say this?
Speaker 2 (32:55):
Like what has happened to me?
Speaker 3 (32:56):
Though?
Speaker 2 (32:56):
And that's how it actually found.
Speaker 3 (32:59):
This was through your tikto talk live and stuff also,
and so just being able to talk about it, tell
people about it. I love this when I like I
was telling my boss before that I was doing this,
and people are getting so shocked, like.
Speaker 2 (33:10):
Oh my god, you were a foster kid. You don't
look like a foster kid, and what.
Speaker 1 (33:15):
Is the what is that supposed to mean? All the
time they're like, they're like, well, you assume you're you
don't look like a foster kid or an abandoned kid.
You seem like your life is together. I'm like, yeah,
because I worked hard.
Speaker 2 (33:26):
I worked hard. You have no idea. I'm still working
on like every day.
Speaker 3 (33:30):
It is like working, you know, like trying to make
sure my life doesn't fall apart if I'm that, you know,
far away from being back into that same system more
in the same cycle.
Speaker 2 (33:42):
So it's like I'm like, yeah, I love thank you. Yeah,
that's so humble. He talks so proper. I'm like, what
in the hell.
Speaker 1 (33:53):
Yeah, well, you gotta do what you gotta do. Five
out here and honestly, with all them homes, I don't
know how you even have a dialect. She grew up
with all these different.
Speaker 3 (34:03):
People, moved everywhere, and then I remember you were talking
about how like your identity was taken from you because
you were adopted. You know, honestly, we didn't find our
identity until we got to our first permanent cross zone.
Speaker 2 (34:15):
Like we had been through a lot of frost zones.
Speaker 3 (34:17):
But I didn't learn about God or I didn't learn
about things like that until I got to that foster
home and they taught us that, you know, so for
in my mind, this was our forever home. You're giving
us things that no one has ever given to us,
you know, a little to I know, my mouth would
get me into a lot of different homes, but you know,
we I learned a lot in that and that's yeah,
(34:38):
that's where my foundation started.
Speaker 2 (34:40):
That's where I developed who I was.
Speaker 3 (34:42):
Going to be in the future. My siblings developed who
they were going to be, you know. So I think
for us and like I always say, in my situation, yeah,
I went through a lot and a lot of things happened,
but I was truly blessed to be able to go
through a small part of what the system was like
where I was living on the edge of foster care
system versus having to go through everything that someone else's
(35:04):
you know, other people's experience and stuff.
Speaker 1 (35:07):
And you know it could be but even what you
went through was horrible and no child should go through
that now, you know, and it could be really hard
to be like, well, damn, like no one should go
through that, and it's really hard to you know, look
at your compare because all trauma is valid, right right, correct,
and all experiences are valid, and that's what's really important
to remember, and it's really important to share. So I
really appreciate you coming on and sharing your lived experience
(35:30):
and sharing your story. And oh my god, I just can't.
It's just so crazy. They she just said, hey, take
it and drop that.
Speaker 2 (35:39):
Here you go, here you go.
Speaker 1 (35:40):
I went to a lie went like you like a
rag dog, just throw you around. But no, Patricia, thank
you so much for coming back every week. I always
ask all the guests if there was one piece of
advice that you could give a child with similar lift
experiences you what would be that one piece of advice?
Speaker 3 (35:56):
Speak up, use your voice for everything, because kids in
the postcar system don't know. If you want to go
horse pack riding, tell them they'll take your horse park
writing if you want. There's so many things out there
for foster kids that we don't get to take advantage
of because we don't know. You know, colleges are free.
You know, you want to become an actress. Tell them
they'll put you an acting school for free. You know
(36:18):
things like that. Just make up for yourself, use your
voice in every sense of the form.
Speaker 1 (36:23):
Absolutely and use those resources and don't be afraid to
ask for more resources. So thank you so much for
coming on. I appreciate it. And every week, like Shiners,
I say, always shine your light because you never know
who you might be inspiring, you never know who you
might lead the way for, and every story, no matter
how big or small, is valid because we can all
learn something from them. So thank you for sharing your
(36:45):
Spetrician and my Shiners. We will see you for our
next episode of Wards of the State. Always shine your light, y'all.
Content warning. The Wards of the State podcast may contain
material that may be harmful or traumatizing to some audiences.
Listener discretion is advised. Heylight Shiners, Welcome to another episode
(00:44):
of Wards of the State. We are almost I keep
saying this every episode. It feels like I've been saying
this for like six months. We're almost to one hundred episodes.
But I do have to let you guys know something.
We need more lived experiences. So I know on the
last episode, I was talking to a guest, and I
know a lot of y'all are feeling the forms, but
be patient with us. We're working on the scheduling. We're
looking for an easier way so we can schedule further
(01:06):
out for the year because I know a lot of
y'all like, hey, I can schedule in like six months
or eight months, and for us that's a little too
far out. We you uhould like to schedule two to
three months out. But I think we're going to try
to use Calendi so we can have like a whole
six month scheduled out. Because that's why the episodes have
started to slow down. It's been a little bit harder.
I know, it's the holidays as almost summertime, people are
traveling with their families, so it's been a little bit
(01:28):
hard to lock down episodes for you guys, but we
are trying our best myself and my team. So if
you know anyone who would like to share their story,
please please please send them this episode. There will always
be a link in the show notes for everyone to
share their stories. You just fill out a simple form
and we reach out to you get your scheduled. So
I really appreciate all of the listeners who come back
every single week to listen to the lived experience for
(01:49):
those of us in foster care and adoption. We are
still in May as we record this, so it is
still National Foster Care Awareness Month. So with that being said,
make sure that you are supporting your community and your
foster care unity in any way that you can. Rather
that be financially, rather that be volunteering your time at
a foster hair closet, or even considering being a foster parent.
And that's and you know, we need a lot more
of those. And I know right now the economy is crazy,
(02:11):
but if you have extra space and extra space in
your home, in your heart, every state is in need
of foster parents that are trauma informed. So if you
listen into this podcast, you're already in a good space
to start your foster journey. So without being let's see
anything else. Oh, ratings and reviews. Make sure y'all leaving
a one, two, three, four to five star rating and
review on Apple Podcasts, and also make sure you subscribe
(02:32):
to us on Spotify. And I don't have any other updates.
The last update TikTok shop. You guys have been killing
it on the TikTok shop for the book one and
Book two. Awards of this Award of the State a
Memor Foster Care and Word of the State Apporth the
adoption the book two. I just ordered one hundred copies,
so if you've been waiting for Book two, go on
the website Carlosdalther dot com you can reserve yours because
(02:54):
I know as soon as I put them on a
TikTok shop they're going to fly off the shelves. A
lot of people have been waiting for them. Thank y'all
for y'all's patience. And if you've already received book one
or Book two, can y'all start leaving some reviews rather
on Amazon on TikTok shop and making sure that you're
leaving a video review as well, and making sure you're
atacking me. I would love to see y'all's video reviews.
So there's no other updates, So we're going to move
right into the guest. Hi, Patricia, how are you doing today?
Speaker 2 (03:17):
Good? Wow? How are you?
Speaker 1 (03:18):
I am blessed and highly favored, So welcome to the show,
and we kind of just like roll right into y'all's
lift experiences. So kind of introduce yourself to the audience.
And how did your story end up in the child
worl FIR system.
Speaker 3 (03:31):
My name is Patricia, and my story began when I
was at birth pretty much, but I remember being taken
away permanently, I guess you could say when I was seven.
So anything before that was in and out of the
phosphor system, back and forth with my mother and yeah,
and then at seven, I remember TPS coming in their
(03:52):
white marked car coming and getting at the time my
brother and I and then we went to a It
was supposed to be a short term group home, but
for us, we ended up staying there for over a year.
Speaker 1 (04:08):
And what state was this?
Speaker 3 (04:09):
This?
Speaker 2 (04:09):
We're in California. I'm sorry, California.
Speaker 3 (04:11):
We are in California, and we went to a short
term group home, my brother and I and it was
only supposed to be a six month group home. We
ended up staying there for a year. My sister. This
was in ninety four. My sister was born a foster
family ended up getting my sister when she was two
weeks old. They found out that she had brothers and
sisters and came and got.
Speaker 2 (04:32):
Us, and so we were blessed.
Speaker 3 (04:36):
Like I know, listened to other people's stories and other
people that literally experience through the foster fire system, Like
I was completely blessed to be able to be with
my mom at the time had ninety four, she already
had seven kids.
Speaker 2 (04:48):
So yeah, so being able to stay with two.
Speaker 3 (04:52):
Out of those alp of those siblings was truly a
bless and my brother and I never got separated.
Speaker 2 (04:58):
We were together ever since.
Speaker 3 (04:59):
So that was truly like a blessing in disguise for
us to be able to grow up together and have
our experiences together.
Speaker 1 (05:07):
I love that. I love. Yeah. So you were in
this foster home, was that was the only foster home
that you had experience, so.
Speaker 3 (05:15):
So it was we were there in that foster home,
and you know, there was a lot of things that
happened within that home. Abuse happened. We ended up getting
taken away from them. They had like my brother and
I so bad that it left bruises on my brother.
And I'm eight nine years old at the time. And
I reported it like I'm telling you, like valling mind.
I remember balem is that like, I can't believe it
(05:36):
is my baby, Like how could they hear my baby?
And they took us away and we went to a
group home for a week, and then it was a
high group home too, so we went there for about
a week and then they came back and got us.
Speaker 2 (05:48):
They were able to get regain custody of us.
Speaker 1 (05:52):
So wait, did foster parents were able to regain custody?
Because I'm trying to keep up with the story, but
I was like, wait, I'm thinking, I'm thinking I'm gonna
hear parents. But the foster parents.
Speaker 3 (06:05):
Yes, And they took pictures, like they came and pulled
us out of school. They took pictures of my brother's legs,
they took pictures of me, and they got they took
me and my sister, my brother, and we went to
a high security group home, and then about a week
later they came back and got.
Speaker 1 (06:21):
Us, so did the I'm guessing the abuse got worse
after they came back and got you guys.
Speaker 3 (06:27):
It didn't, so that was his punishment. My brother did
something that he wasn't supposed to be. My brother stole
some money, like they both of the foster parents worked
in group homes, and he came home with the petty
cash and my brother stole some cash and he got
a punishment for it. So I think it was just
based off of that being it was just a punishment.
It was a one time off thing. Maybe they were like,
(06:47):
you know, hey, at least they want to keep these
three together, so we're going to give it back to them.
And my sister was a year old at this time,
maybe two, and they had had her since she was
two weeks old, and so this was the only family
she's ever known. And I remember being in a car
and she's like, don't worry, we're going to fifth grade camp.
Like we're going to be fine. We're going to be fine.
We're just going to camp, you.
Speaker 2 (07:08):
Know, knowing having any idea what was happening.
Speaker 3 (07:11):
Yeah, And it was, and it was hard because it
was a high security group home, and we were My
brother was seven, I was eight, my brother, my sister
was two, you know. And in a high security group home,
they have like bars on all the windows, they have
the bob fence and stuff like that. So my siblings
never experienced that going to that, from a home to that.
They're like, what in the world, Like my I remember
(07:34):
the Like my sister was already party trained and off
the bottle, but they were like trying to feed her
a bottle, and so I would have to go in
there at night time and like sneak her food and
lay with her and stuff like that because they were
trying to put it on a crib.
Speaker 2 (07:44):
She's like, what is happening? This is my camp?
Speaker 3 (07:48):
I take my mind, taking my mouth, Like this is jail,
real boy?
Speaker 1 (07:53):
So, how so you're there and then you go back
to these foster parents. How long are you now with them?
Speaker 3 (07:59):
Yep, we're there. My sister ended up living there until
she ages out. I mean, she's still part.
Speaker 2 (08:04):
Of that family. Yeah.
Speaker 3 (08:06):
My mother, my biown mother, ended up getting custody up
my brother when he was sixteen seventeen years old. She
regained custody of him and then I was fourteen years old,
a rebellian child, and you know, doing all these things
as a teenager. The foster mom ended up kicking me
out and giving me back over to my mother, who
(08:27):
at fourteen, my mother signed her rights away and I
ended up in a permanent group home.
Speaker 1 (08:33):
So so the foster mom gave you back to your mother,
your mother's h.
Speaker 3 (08:39):
I stayed the night, I pretty much said the night.
CPS was there early in the morning to sign the PaperWorks.
Speaker 1 (08:44):
Why didn't she wanted to keep you like she kept
your brother.
Speaker 2 (08:48):
I couldn't follow rules, but.
Speaker 1 (08:50):
At that time, Oh, why couldn't you follow rules.
Speaker 2 (08:52):
At that time? Good? Good question.
Speaker 3 (08:55):
But at that time I was fourteen. I had already
been raising my brother and sisters. I had been, you know,
missing so much school. When I was in seventh grade,
I had missed so much school. They were like, your
tennis is so bad, I'm not going to go to
eighth grade because I was staying home taking care of
my siblings.
Speaker 2 (09:09):
So at fourteen, I'm I'm already been a mother like you.
I'm a monther. You can't come tell me, you know,
like I've been doing.
Speaker 1 (09:15):
That reminds me a lot of my niece. I my
husband and I took care of our niece for a
year and she was the older sibling and like her
mom adultified her to the point where like she was
twelve eleven twelve, cooking the foods, making sure like doing
side hustles for her brothers so they can have money
for food and things. And I wasn't aware of any
of this because you know, they kept it very hush hush.
(09:36):
But one day she just caused me and says, I'm
going I need your help, and she moves here. And
it was really hard trying to get her to be
a kid. It was like, so it was so crazy
to me because for me, I was just like, girl,
like you got a princess room. We're getting you got
a shopping credit card, like go have fun. She just
wanted to be a boy. She wanted a boyfriend, She
want to go on dates. She wanted. I was like,
(09:57):
you were not grown. But the thing is she was
brown for so long, and yeah, there was no rules
at all, so you know, it's I can understand. I
got and it was hard, but you know, I wish
that people wouldn't give up on children so easily, you know.
And then Also I wish that other family members like
myself step in and say, hey, you need some help, mom,
(10:18):
Like here, let me have it for a year or two.
Let me see what I can do, right, because it
does really take a village. But I definitely understand, you know,
not listening, because I was.
Speaker 2 (10:27):
I was.
Speaker 1 (10:27):
I did listen to some, but you know, I was
also that kid that was like, I'm already paying rent.
I'm already paying you rent, I'm already paying for my
own food. Why do I I'm not.
Speaker 2 (10:35):
Gonna listen to you. Yeah.
Speaker 3 (10:36):
So, and it wasn't like it wasn't like it was
like a sit down conversation with my parents and they
were like, hey, these are the rules I need you
to buy by these world was like, you're coming to
my house, You're gonna do what I've said. I don't
even know you, Like I've never lived with my birth
mother after in the age of seven and now going
back at fifteen sixty and when I just raised two
of your kids. I don't think so, ma'am, Like, I
(10:57):
don't think I'm about to be able to sit down
and listen anything you have to say, was is Karen,
It's not gonna happen.
Speaker 1 (11:03):
Yeah, I don't think so, man.
Speaker 3 (11:06):
And even before that, I went there to one day
in the middle of the night, so my foster father,
I say allegedly because there was no open case on it,
but he had molested me and I reported it and
there was.
Speaker 2 (11:20):
Nothing done about it, you know.
Speaker 3 (11:22):
And then one night, in the middle of the night,
my foster mom and her two kids packed up a
U haul truck and we moved to Arkansas in the
middle of the night after I reported it for no reason,
like never been in Arkansas.
Speaker 2 (11:35):
We shuldn't even know what's happening. Cbius didn't even know
we went to Arkansas all of a sudden.
Speaker 3 (11:39):
You can't take foster kids across state lines like that,
like you just that's not how that happened.
Speaker 2 (11:43):
Shoo did We moved to Arkansas, and I just remember
we moved in with a friend.
Speaker 3 (11:48):
It was a two bedroom apartment and there was like
six of us in there.
Speaker 2 (11:52):
And now I'm now I'm really stepping into that role of.
Speaker 3 (11:55):
Motherhood, Like I'm cooking, cleaning, not going to school, take
race and sister, making sure my brother gets to school
on time, picking him up from school, like things like
that are happening, and at the time, I'm oning thirteen.
Speaker 2 (12:08):
One day, my mother in law was like, my mother
in law, my.
Speaker 3 (12:10):
Foster mom were just like, I can't take it no more,
like she's not doing good in school.
Speaker 2 (12:14):
My mouth was lethal, like I would talk back. I
was smart mouth.
Speaker 3 (12:18):
I was getting into a lot of fights at school
because I couldn't control my mouth. Luckily, there was a
lady there in Arkansas who was like, I'll take her.
She just needs some guidance. She's a kid, like, I'm
not going to have you guys just kick her out,
you know.
Speaker 2 (12:31):
And I moved in.
Speaker 3 (12:32):
With this lady had never met her, and then where
she was nothing, moved in with her and her kids
and her family, and I stayed there for a while
for about a year.
Speaker 1 (12:44):
Damn you, you just keep on a mover.
Speaker 2 (12:46):
This is all.
Speaker 3 (12:47):
Between the ages before I was fourteen, and so by
the time I was fourteen, I'm being without my brother
that long, for a year, without my siblings it, which
is really hard. I ended up coming back to California
and moving back in with same foster mom because she
so legally had custody of us.
Speaker 4 (13:03):
And where's the social workers, where are the check in
there was no like I can I do remember the
last check in I was eight, Like, I didn't remember
any check in after that.
Speaker 2 (13:16):
There was no one coming in to see us, no
one stopping by the school.
Speaker 1 (13:19):
That was it.
Speaker 2 (13:20):
And they became our guardian.
Speaker 3 (13:22):
So they wanted to adopt us, but my mother wouldn't
sign away to write. My mother wouldn't agree to it.
So they became our guardian. So in my mind, this
is our family, this is our forever home. You can't
get rid of us. What you're gonna do.
Speaker 2 (13:35):
You can punish me, that's it, you know, Like we're
stuck with you, stuck with us, you know.
Speaker 3 (13:39):
And so when we got back, we ended up moving
to a small town in twenty nine Palms And this
town is so small.
Speaker 2 (13:48):
There was one high.
Speaker 3 (13:48):
School and we lived there and again at the same time,
it was just a foster mom.
Speaker 2 (13:54):
The foster dad. I later found out. When I said later,
I mean two months ago.
Speaker 3 (13:57):
I found out that he was not supposed to be
in the home with any of us kids because of
me reporting the abuse.
Speaker 2 (14:04):
And I had no idea.
Speaker 1 (14:06):
Ain't nobody doing the working.
Speaker 3 (14:08):
Ain't nobody And to make it worse, we framed out
that my foster mother and my mother, my bio mother,
knew each other back in the day and used to
do drugs together. They used to get high together, and
that that continued. My foster mother continued to do drugs
with my mother. We would go to like friends' houses
and my parents, my foster mom and my bio mom
(14:30):
would be in the room getting high together.
Speaker 2 (14:33):
Just think hoots, justin ka hoots, justin kohots.
Speaker 1 (14:36):
So you so after you went with this nice lady,
how where did you go after that?
Speaker 2 (14:41):
I went back to my foster home and.
Speaker 1 (14:43):
Then how long do you stay there?
Speaker 3 (14:45):
Now?
Speaker 2 (14:46):
Now I'm there.
Speaker 3 (14:47):
We moved to twenty nine Palms and I do my
freshman year, and of course I'm fighting. I'm getting a
lot of trouble. My grades are bad. So my foster mom,
her daughter, was like, I'll take her.
Speaker 2 (14:58):
Like y'all doing too.
Speaker 1 (15:00):
Much, everybody is I volunteer. I volunteer for tribute.
Speaker 3 (15:05):
And so I go and live with her. And so
back then it was long distance. You couldn't have long
distance on your phone. And so I moved on with
my sister, and she my foster sister, she gets me,
I have my own room.
Speaker 2 (15:16):
She's like, you got your own room. You got this.
Speaker 3 (15:18):
You have to I'm like, yeah, but you have to realize,
like like you said, it's hard to go from being
an adult to a kid overnight, Like that's not something
you transitiond I never got counseling. We never went We
never talked about what happened. It was like, you know,
the most station happened. I never went to get gout
counseling for it.
Speaker 2 (15:35):
We never. I didn't. He wasn't in.
Speaker 3 (15:37):
He was in and out of our lives, Like on
the weekends he would come out and I got to leave,
like I got to go outside.
Speaker 2 (15:44):
And you know, be in the streets or whatever.
Speaker 3 (15:46):
But he wasn't in our lives like that, you know
what I mean, Like it was like a weekend time father,
I guess. And so I when I was living with
my foster sister, I was just like out of control still,
I guess to say, like in my mouth everything that
she was just like it was just too much. And
she was young at the age when she got me,
and so it was just too much. And so she
(16:07):
was like, you're going back to your mom, Like she
tried to send me back to my birth mom. And
I remember going to my birth mom's house and I
stayed there. I was in summer school when I stayed
there for about a month and I went to a
friend's house and I missed the bus and my mom
was like, if you don't come back, you're not walking
back to my house. And I'm like, well, I can't
come back, Like I can't come back till tomorrow. She's like, well,
(16:29):
if you don't come back tonight, your stuff will be outside.
Sure shit, My mom put all my stuff outside. My
friends went and picked it up the next day, and
I was just out on the streets on my own
and then my breath. My foster mother ended up having
to report me as a runaway so that they could
have that on my record that I was a runaway child,
(16:51):
even though they all knew where I was. My foster
dad had came and was like get in the car.
I was like, I'm not going to know where was you?
He knew where I was. My foster sister I was
hanging out with some of her friends, so she knew
where I was. Everyone knew where I was.
Speaker 1 (17:04):
This is what I always helped kids, like, when you
end up in like an abandonment situation, just call the
police and say, hey, these people abandoned me, right because
it's it's the ends of the day. It saves you.
And I didn't do that because I was just so
afraid of the system. I was afraid of foster care.
My mother never reported anything. So I was just out
at fifteen sixteen, just living and thankfully, like I survived.
(17:26):
But I tell kids all the time, just no, just
just call the police.
Speaker 3 (17:31):
Back then, I was fourteen and I was living the
best life. It was summertime. I was having the best
time of my life. I was hanging out in the streets.
I was doing whatever I wanted to. We have like
these little teen clubs. I was going to teen club.
So I was on my best life. I wasn't reporting
nothing to nobody, like catching me if you can at
this point, she's.
Speaker 1 (17:49):
A customer if you can't, So, well, how did you
just live like couch surf? How did you survive?
Speaker 2 (17:54):
You?
Speaker 3 (17:55):
I did couch surf. I actually stayed with one friend.
Her and I just spent the whole summer together. I
would just you know, wake up and went to school.
I was doing summer school, so I'm still going to school.
So it wasn't like I really ran away, because if
you wanted me to go to just came to the
school and picked me up, you know, like they knew
where it was at all times. It wasn't like I
would just disappeared, but for the system's sake, they had
(18:16):
to report me as a runaway. So then I ended
up at the I was at the teen club and
my foster sister came to pick me up and she
was like, let's go. I'm like, no, I'm not going,
you know. So we ended up getting to a physical
altercation at the club and the police are called.
Speaker 2 (18:32):
You know, they come.
Speaker 3 (18:33):
They won't allow me to leave with anyone except for
the person who reported me. So my foster mom had
to drive out there to get me because she reported
me as missing as a runaway.
Speaker 2 (18:43):
And then they took me to.
Speaker 3 (18:44):
A group home out in California, the high security group home,
to try to drop me off, and the people were like, no, ma'am,
you dropped her off.
Speaker 2 (18:54):
We're arresting you. You're going to jail for child abandoned it.
Speaker 1 (18:57):
So your mom foster home tries to take you back
to They.
Speaker 2 (19:03):
Said, no, man, you are her guardian, you are her
legal parent. You drop her off or taking you straight
to jail.
Speaker 3 (19:09):
You don't have that shitt two hundred dollars you going
to jail, And so I laughed. I of course had scratches,
and they're like, why do you have all these scratches
all over you. I'm like, you know, I got into
a fight with their daughter. They're looking at their daughter
like at this time, I'm fourteen, the daughter is twenty
something years old, like why would you let this toy
open her ants?
Speaker 2 (19:29):
You know, They're like, oh, hell no. Still didn't take
me away. They were like, go back to your mom
and dad, Go and get in the car. Go on,
little girl.
Speaker 3 (19:37):
And so we got back in the car and I'm laughing.
I'm like, you know, you dried, like take me home,
But I like that I'm going back home.
Speaker 2 (19:45):
I'm sure she had.
Speaker 3 (19:46):
I had to go back home with them, And so
I ended up going back to my foster mom. And
like I said, at the time, my foster mom, my
foster dad, they were separated. They weren't living together. We
lived in one spy, he lived in another spot. And
so I went back to the home with my foster
mom and I went there and by this summer, it's
(20:07):
my sophomore year.
Speaker 2 (20:08):
So I'm almost fifteen years old, and I remember my
mom coming in.
Speaker 3 (20:13):
My foster mom kind of picked me up and she's like,
I grew up in a group home, an all girls home,
and we had our own self, our own phone, our
own computers. Like you're gonna love it. And I'm like what,
and she's like, you're going to love this place. And
that's when I found out I was going to be
sent to a group home.
Speaker 1 (20:31):
It was a group home or was it like a
trouble teen institution.
Speaker 3 (20:34):
Actually it's actually an amazing group home. It's called Sampa
Squad Academy. I played sports there, I went to prom,
I got a letterman jacket, I got my high school
to Plome like it was. It's not there anymore, like
they had closed down because they're trying to take away
group homes and do all that stuff out here instead
of California. So but it was amazing, like we it
(20:54):
was like a boarding school. Always tell people it's like
a boarding school, Like I lived there.
Speaker 2 (20:58):
You know.
Speaker 3 (20:58):
The only thing is that's all the kids are foster kids,
Like all the kids are coming from trauma and stuff.
But I did have my own computer. Yay, me, even
though this was back in ninety nine when like AOL
was starting, so it wasn't.
Speaker 2 (21:10):
Really that big. Would everyone computer?
Speaker 3 (21:14):
Yeah, So I went to this group home and like
I said, it was I was fifteen. It was the
best thing. But before you can get to that group home,
you have to be accepted. And so because of my
grades has been so bad, the school side was like, no,
her grades aren't good enough, Like, no, she's struggling. We
would have to do too much to catch.
Speaker 2 (21:32):
Her rug, you know.
Speaker 3 (21:33):
And then they were like, well, let's put her in
a foster home and you'll be there for thirty days.
If you do good there in thirty for thirty days,
we'll let you go to the group home. So I
went to the group home about three times and had interviews,
and each time they just kept rejecting me, rejecting me,
rejecting me. And so my thirty days that foster homework
from thirty days to sixty days to ninety days before
(21:55):
they finally were like, okay, we'll take you. You've done enough,
you know, work and stuff like that, that will take you.
And so I was fitten by the time I went
to the.
Speaker 1 (22:04):
Group home and did you say they're to you, ah
out I did.
Speaker 3 (22:08):
I graduated high school there, Like I said, I played sports,
did everything.
Speaker 1 (22:12):
Now while you were there, did you ever ever go
home to visit your foster terence at all? Or did
they ever come to visit you while you were there?
Speaker 3 (22:19):
So, my foster parents didn't visit me there, but I
had my brother and sisters. They would bring them, and
while I was there at the group home, I would
call my brother and sisters and they would be on
the phone listening, like doing supervice calls. And I'm like,
heyll Ma, you're not about to supervise my calls with
my siblings like these.
Speaker 2 (22:36):
You know this is my kids. You ain't about to
be out there just inside.
Speaker 3 (22:41):
Yeah, And then she like eventually cut it off so
I wouldn't be able to call them and they couldn't
call me, and she thought visits.
Speaker 2 (22:47):
So I actually took her to court.
Speaker 3 (22:49):
When I was at the group home, called my social
worker like, hey, I can't see my siblings. We need
to fix this. So we went to court and I
fought my foster parents to be able to have visits with.
Speaker 2 (22:58):
My unsupervised.
Speaker 3 (23:02):
Unsupervised with and so they would drop them off and
they would spend the whole day with me in my
group home.
Speaker 2 (23:07):
We would be they would call me regular letters, whatever
it was. But yeah, I love that.
Speaker 1 (23:12):
You know, sometimes, like people, when you think of group homes,
people think of like the lockdown ttis like jail. But
then there are places like Childhaven that I went to
when I was in foster care, that are more like
the We didn't go to school there, but there it was,
it was it was nice. I'll tell they did a
great job, right, They had a lot of activities. So
(23:32):
I think that some kids do better in those settings
than in these foster homes, and I think that's something
to look at and consider. You know, if we can
do enough regulation, make sure that there's the right people
doing it for the right reasons, and make sure we
have like the correct background checks, I think kids do
better and like boarding school type settings if they've had troubles,
you know, in every different situation, right, Because here's the thing,
(23:54):
some kids just won't do well in a home setting, right,
and some kids want to be grown and being in
that setting where Because I got to sent to a
TT and it was abusive, like it was crazy, but
after being there for like six months, I got so
used to it. I was like, oh, this is cool
because it was something that I could actually predict. Because
I could never predict my mom. I could never predict
(24:15):
these foster parents. There was always shit coming left and right.
But that was the same schedule, every single day, every
single month, every single season. We did the same thing.
It was so easy to give them what they expected
because I already knew right. And after like a year there,
I was like, oh, this is better than at home.
I had my own horse I had, and then I
got I got able to get my own cabin. I
(24:35):
had my because they used to have us out sleeping
in the in the like the wilderness with a with
a like a sleeping bag and stuff. But then I
got my I got my own cabin, I had my
own horse. It was like I was in the wild West.
It was really fun, and I thought I looked back
at it, I was like, damn, like maybe they should.
But then kids were like coming off pinkies and like
shattering ankles and like kids were like some kids like
(24:57):
a beat up the person, like one of the staff
almost to death. It was dangerous. I just like kept
my head down and like looked at the fun parts
like it was.
Speaker 3 (25:06):
Like when I talked to kids now from Simple School,
They're like, even though we were there together, it's like
they experienced something totally different.
Speaker 2 (25:14):
I'm like, I don't remember that happening, like that happened.
Speaker 3 (25:16):
Like what they taught us everything like credit, how to
write checks, Like we learned everything besides going to school
to get our high school diploma as well, we learned
other things as well. And like if you were felling
your grades, you know you're in trouble. You were un punishment.
They did all of that stuff. So it was really
for someone who came from not having structure, from making
(25:36):
my own structure to having that structure. I had selled
at it. I did well at it. Like I said,
to play sports. I was able to do things with
still having that connection with my family, my bio mom.
I never never lost contact with her, so she was
always in and out of our lives and whenever she
wanted to.
Speaker 1 (25:54):
So how's that relationship now with your bio mom and
your siblings.
Speaker 2 (26:00):
Own mom. Every day it's work in progress.
Speaker 3 (26:02):
And every day, every day I had to wake up
and be like okay, and it is what it is,
you know, Like every day my siblings. We still have
the same relationship that we've always had. I ended up
being able to meet two of the three that were
adopted before I was born. I was able to meet
two of them. I don't have a great relationship with them,
(26:23):
but I know who they are, and.
Speaker 2 (26:25):
That's me a lot.
Speaker 1 (26:27):
I love that.
Speaker 2 (26:27):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (26:29):
A couple of years ago for Shift and Giggles, we
took the twenty three and me and I ended up
finding my bio father's family, his side of the family,
and so they all passed, my grandmother and everyone passed,
but I found them just in time where I was
able to get all my grandmother's pictures and belongings and
things like that that she had. And going through this
box of my grandmothers, I find pictures baby pictures of
(26:51):
me and my brother that I've never seen, Like, we
don't have pictures before seven.
Speaker 2 (26:55):
And I'm like, how did this lady have this? You know?
Speaker 3 (26:57):
My mother said, we never met her, know we did.
I'm on, wow, she'd be lying, she be I just
lying to the streets.
Speaker 1 (27:05):
Yeah, and we have pictures of it.
Speaker 3 (27:08):
And it was like, oh my god, Like this is
that's when we were babies and I've never seen this before.
Speaker 2 (27:13):
Yeah, when my.
Speaker 1 (27:14):
Mom passed, I got picked my first baby pictures. It's
something different to see yourself as a little kid. And
then it unlocked so many different memories because like there
are memories where like we were at birthday parties and
like my kindergarten graduation, and I was like, I did
have a lot of good memories, but like being in
foster care, they really make you believe that like you
had like just like this horrible, horrible life before. But
(27:35):
it was like no, but you know, trauma can do that.
Trauma can make you forget a whole lot. So yeah,
I'm glad that you got those.
Speaker 2 (27:41):
I don't remember any of that.
Speaker 3 (27:42):
Like all the memories I have before seven, they're all
negative memories, like oh, like I remember houses being rated
when I was with my mom, And luckily my grandfather
is a retired fire chief and so my mom main
dropped and the police was.
Speaker 2 (27:55):
Like what the hell, like why are you here?
Speaker 3 (27:58):
Gave my mom some money and we did while they
were in their raid in the house arresting people. Luckily,
my mom name dropped and we were able to get
out of there. Wow, and we didn't get taken away,
which they should have tookn this right then and there.
Speaker 2 (28:10):
What they didn't.
Speaker 3 (28:12):
So my mom got her fixed and got her money
and we've ran out of there. And that's how I
ended up getting to the group home too. My grandmother
ended up writing a letter to the judge that was
presiding over the group home, and he accepted me. And
I'm pretty sure they made a healthy donation too to
the group home.
Speaker 1 (28:30):
Okay, well, what has what? What is your life like now?
Do you have children?
Speaker 3 (28:35):
Do you?
Speaker 1 (28:36):
I know you still do? You said, it's a work
in progress with mom, and you reunited with your dad's
side a little bit, or at least know who they are.
How how how is life now for you?
Speaker 3 (28:46):
Life is after You've learned so much trauma and learned
so much about your history and about not just where
you come from, but your history of going through the
Floster Cresh system, getting over all that trauma, and still
trying to learn how to heal from all those things.
I've you know, struggled with that a lot, just trying
to navigate life with you know, abandonment issues and things
(29:07):
like that. But now I'm married, no kids. I always
say I'm allergic to kids. I have plenty of nieces
and nephews. Between my husband and I, there's like thirty
three nieces and nephews.
Speaker 2 (29:17):
Wow, I'm good.
Speaker 1 (29:19):
Is no kids? Yeah, I am not going to have
kids either. But I was like, no, thank you, but
I got I got a few nieces in nephew, not plenty.
I got a few, and that's that'll do. I got
to help a bunch of other people's kids.
Speaker 2 (29:29):
I got so much. You want to borrow something? I
got some.
Speaker 3 (29:31):
It's like they keep coming. We just had two more
in October. So I mean, wow, you plenty of them.
Speaker 1 (29:36):
Wow, I love that. So do you speak to your
foster mom at all?
Speaker 2 (29:40):
She passed away, She passed.
Speaker 3 (29:42):
She came to my high school graduation and that was
the last time I had seen her, and then she
passed away.
Speaker 2 (29:47):
Yeah, and do you guys never really got to any
resolution or nothing. I didn't get to ask her.
Speaker 3 (29:53):
That was the hardest part to me, having to deal
with all of these unanswered questions of like, you know,
why'd you kick me out? Or why do let this happen?
Or why does this happen? You know, like just so
many unanswered questions, just one unanswered and still are unanswered.
Speaker 1 (30:07):
Luck reacting why as my adopted mom, and then she
just screamed at me, saying, you cheuse dad. So like,
sometimes the answer is just not needed because they don't.
Speaker 2 (30:14):
That's how it is with my mom.
Speaker 3 (30:15):
When I asked her question to like just like that
it is what it is, I'm like, no, I need.
Speaker 2 (30:20):
To know how this happened. Were you I here?
Speaker 3 (30:23):
Just like, you know what, I'm gonna keep this kid,
you take these two, I'm gonna keep this one.
Speaker 2 (30:27):
You take these?
Speaker 1 (30:29):
How is this How did you decide which one you
was keeping?
Speaker 2 (30:32):
How?
Speaker 3 (30:32):
Because she kept my oldest brother in the next three
she gave up for adoption, then she kept the next two,
she gave up the next one, she kept the last
of like.
Speaker 2 (30:41):
How did you You know what I'm saying, like, what
were you out there doing? Just roll the dice on kids.
Speaker 3 (30:49):
I need to know what you're deciding because this is
crazy work.
Speaker 1 (30:53):
Yeah, she's slipping a coin. She's like, heads up, I'll
keep this one.
Speaker 3 (30:57):
It tells you how to take two, not just take
you gotta take two, which is crazy.
Speaker 1 (31:04):
It's insane.
Speaker 4 (31:05):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (31:06):
But luckily, like my last sister, she never saw this
poster car system. My mom got clean, got her stuff together.
They were like, we're gonna take her and she was like,
oh no, So she picked that one. The DIYCE world
good on that one. So she ended up getting clean,
Like my mom has now twenty seven years clean.
Speaker 1 (31:22):
Congratulationships.
Speaker 3 (31:23):
But there I say that, and I'm like, oh, that's
so great. But then the bigger scheme, it's like your
oldest son is almost forty, he's forty.
Speaker 2 (31:30):
Two years old.
Speaker 3 (31:31):
Yeah, I'm not going to praise twenty seven years when
you've got a kid who's forty two years old. I'm sorry,
I just I can't, you know what I mean, Like,
that's good for you on your part, but in reality,
that's not that great.
Speaker 1 (31:42):
I'm really not that Like all of your children you
harmed in some way, in some way for the last one,
but even the last one got harm because she grew
up with none of her siblings.
Speaker 2 (31:51):
And that was the hardest thing too.
Speaker 3 (31:52):
I don't have a great relationship with her because I'm like,
because she didn't live the same experience as us, and
you know, it was really hard, but I never looked
at it in her point of view, like and well
she said that to me one time. She was like,
I grew up pretty much as an only child, you know,
like I didn't have I am an only child, and
that's how she sees her life. And I'm like, there's
seven of us before you like, ain't no only nothing.
(32:14):
But in reality, that's how it was. She grew up
in a home with just her just her mom, just
her dad, like there was nothing, you know, no abuse,
no drugs.
Speaker 2 (32:23):
She didn't have to go through that, so it was
that's hard.
Speaker 1 (32:28):
So how have you been able to process the trauma
from everything that you've gone through?
Speaker 2 (32:33):
Luckily there is counseling God.
Speaker 3 (32:36):
Being able to read in my Bible and be able
to turn to that to God, being able to call
on therapists, being able to talk about it to other people,
even people who've experienced or who went side by side
with me, you know, talking about it, even with you
when I see you on TikTok. I'm always in your
comments in your lives like what why would you say this?
Speaker 2 (32:55):
Like what has happened to me?
Speaker 3 (32:56):
Though?
Speaker 2 (32:56):
And that's how it actually found.
Speaker 3 (32:59):
This was through your tikto talk live and stuff also,
and so just being able to talk about it, tell
people about it. I love this when I like I
was telling my boss before that I was doing this,
and people are getting so shocked, like.
Speaker 2 (33:10):
Oh my god, you were a foster kid. You don't
look like a foster kid, and what.
Speaker 1 (33:15):
Is the what is that supposed to mean? All the
time they're like, they're like, well, you assume you're you
don't look like a foster kid or an abandoned kid.
You seem like your life is together. I'm like, yeah,
because I worked hard.
Speaker 2 (33:26):
I worked hard. You have no idea. I'm still working
on like every day.
Speaker 3 (33:30):
It is like working, you know, like trying to make
sure my life doesn't fall apart if I'm that, you know,
far away from being back into that same system more
in the same cycle.
Speaker 2 (33:42):
So it's like I'm like, yeah, I love thank you. Yeah,
that's so humble. He talks so proper. I'm like, what
in the hell.
Speaker 1 (33:53):
Yeah, well, you gotta do what you gotta do. Five
out here and honestly, with all them homes, I don't
know how you even have a dialect. She grew up
with all these different.
Speaker 3 (34:03):
People, moved everywhere, and then I remember you were talking
about how like your identity was taken from you because
you were adopted. You know, honestly, we didn't find our
identity until we got to our first permanent cross zone.
Speaker 2 (34:15):
Like we had been through a lot of frost zones.
Speaker 3 (34:17):
But I didn't learn about God or I didn't learn
about things like that until I got to that foster
home and they taught us that, you know, so for
in my mind, this was our forever home. You're giving
us things that no one has ever given to us,
you know, a little to I know, my mouth would
get me into a lot of different homes, but you know,
we I learned a lot in that and that's yeah,
(34:38):
that's where my foundation started.
Speaker 2 (34:40):
That's where I developed who I was.
Speaker 3 (34:42):
Going to be in the future. My siblings developed who
they were going to be, you know. So I think
for us and like I always say, in my situation, yeah,
I went through a lot and a lot of things happened,
but I was truly blessed to be able to go
through a small part of what the system was like
where I was living on the edge of foster care
system versus having to go through everything that someone else's
(35:04):
you know, other people's experience and stuff.
Speaker 1 (35:07):
And you know it could be but even what you
went through was horrible and no child should go through
that now, you know, and it could be really hard
to be like, well, damn, like no one should go
through that, and it's really hard to you know, look
at your compare because all trauma is valid, right right, correct,
and all experiences are valid, and that's what's really important
to remember, and it's really important to share. So I
really appreciate you coming on and sharing your lived experience
(35:30):
and sharing your story. And oh my god, I just can't.
It's just so crazy. They she just said, hey, take
it and drop that.
Speaker 2 (35:39):
Here you go, here you go.
Speaker 1 (35:40):
I went to a lie went like you like a
rag dog, just throw you around. But no, Patricia, thank
you so much for coming back every week. I always
ask all the guests if there was one piece of
advice that you could give a child with similar lift
experiences you what would be that one piece of advice?
Speaker 3 (35:56):
Speak up, use your voice for everything, because kids in
the postcar system don't know. If you want to go
horse pack riding, tell them they'll take your horse park
writing if you want. There's so many things out there
for foster kids that we don't get to take advantage
of because we don't know. You know, colleges are free.
You know, you want to become an actress. Tell them
they'll put you an acting school for free. You know
(36:18):
things like that. Just make up for yourself, use your
voice in every sense of the form.
Speaker 1 (36:23):
Absolutely and use those resources and don't be afraid to
ask for more resources. So thank you so much for
coming on. I appreciate it. And every week, like Shiners,
I say, always shine your light because you never know
who you might be inspiring, you never know who you
might lead the way for, and every story, no matter
how big or small, is valid because we can all
learn something from them. So thank you for sharing your
(36:45):
Spetrician and my Shiners. We will see you for our
next episode of Wards of the State. Always shine your light, y'all.
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