Ep: 82 "Ron"

In this episode, Karlos Dillard introduces the podcast 'Wards of the State,' focusing on the lived experiences of adoptees and foster youth. The conversation with Ron delves into his traumatic childhood, navigating the foster care system, and the complexities of family dynamics. Ron shares his experiences of abuse, neglect, and the long-lasting effects of trauma, while also discussing the importance of understanding and healing from these experiences. The episode highlights the significance of lived stories in humanizing the statistics surrounding child welfare. In this conversation, Ron shares his journey through foster care, identity struggles, and the impact of religion on his life. He discusses the importance of setting boundaries, the complexities of family dynamics, and the challenges of parenting. Ron emphasizes the need for empowerment and the significance of sharing personal stories to inspire others.

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:08):
Content warning. The Wards of the State podcast may contain
material that may be harmful or traumatizing to some audiences.
Listener discretion is advised. Heyli Shiners, Welcome back to another

(00:37):
episode of Wards of the State. We are nearing one
hundred episodes. That's one hundred different lived experiences. That's one
hundred different adoptees, foster youth, or children who people not children,
because there are all adults here, adults who experience external
child welfare in some way, shape or fashion. We've spoken
to people who have had kinship and the good and

(00:57):
the bad kinship adoption. We've had that international adoptees come
on the show. We've had transracial adoptees, of course. And
one thing that I see in almost every adoption experience,
whether it be NET positive or net negative, is that
there was a loss and we all feel that loss.
And there's also a camaraderie and a connection with adoptees

(01:18):
that only adoptees will understand, because to lose your identity
and to have your identity changed, it's something that's very unique. Right, So,
even if you're not an adoptee and you're listening to
this podcast, I hope that you are pulling different information
from these stories that refer to the back to the
statistics that I teach and speak about. These are lived
experiences stories. So one reason why I don't have you know,

(01:41):
professionals or caseworkers or therapists on this show, specifically because
I get asked a lot, is because I want a
space that adoptees and people and children with lived experience
just has for us. Right, every episode will just be ours.
But with that being said, sometimes I think that when
people listen to these stories, it's like it's a podcast. Guys.
I know it's a podcast, and I know some of

(02:02):
y'all listen when you're at work or if you're chilling
or you're watching on YouTube, but you have to remember,
these are real people, right, These are real people's experiences
when we share, when people open up and share experiences
of trauma or of any type of abuse, these are
the people that we learned you can get these statistics from, right.
I want to humanize the numbers. I think that has

(02:23):
always been my goal with the fossil care and adoption systems.
Everyone knows these about all of these numbers. Everyone knows
about all these statistics, but no one knows us our story.
So I want to thank you all for helping me
humanize each and every one of these experiences for the
last four years on this podcast and all the stories
and experience that we will continue to share. It's been

(02:44):
my honor. It's been so amazing to beha able to
not only write my books, but also create a space
that everyone can feel safe in and everyone can share
their experience. So, like I always say every week, if
you guys would like to share your experience, if you're
listening to this or if you've seen me on on
any of my social media's, click the link in my bio.
There's always a form for you to fill out. My
team will reach out to you and get you scheduled.

(03:05):
With that being said, we are taking our yearly hiatus.
You guys know that every year in July, I disappear
for about a month. It's my birthday, so I'm going
to Thailand, so I won't be here. I have backed
up some episodes, so we shouldn't you shouldn't have any
delay with episodes, guys. But if I think we find
it right, I think we have four or five episodes.
I'm backed up, so you should be able to get

(03:26):
all your hours episodes once a week. If you guys
have noticed, we have gone down to one episode a week.
We were doing two a week, but we've gone down
to one a week. So during July, guys, if we
don't have any episodes, just bear with us. But I'm
thinking I've done it correctly or you should still get
an episode every week. While I'm on hiatus, I'm so
excited to go to Thailand and we're going to Bangkok

(03:47):
in another city. My husband's planning is I don't know,
it's really fun. I just show up. I just show
up and have a good time. But alrighty guys, make
sure you're also leaving a one, two, three, four five
star rating review on Apple Podcasts. Make sure you're subscribing
to us on Spotify, and also make sure you are subscribing.

Speaker 2 (04:02):
To us on YouTube.

Speaker 1 (04:03):
YouTube is the only place for you to get the
full podcast episodes in video, so make sure you go
do that. And I'm going to introduce the next guest.
It's Ron. Hi, Ron, how are you doing today?

Speaker 2 (04:12):
I'm doing pretty good?

Speaker 1 (04:14):
Awesome. Well, thank you so much for coming on and
being willing to share your story. So just start off
from the beginning. How did you enter the child wilf
A system?

Speaker 2 (04:21):
Before I start, happy early birthday, my birthdays at the
end of this month.

Speaker 1 (04:25):
Oh, happy birthday to you. Are you a cancer yep, okay,
you're June cancer. Okay, we like June cancer.

Speaker 2 (04:32):
And I joke with my husband all the time that
thirty days of Me. I let everyone, I'm like, hey,
thirty days of me. I started it. Yeah, And I
sit in there like, what about fourth to day. I'm like,
that's the bang at the end of my birthday. You know,
that's the big celebration at the end. Yes, with the fireworks.
It's all about your birthday. Well side story before I

(04:54):
get into it. I always had to share my birthday
with other people, like my younger sister, her birthday was October.
You know what they're close to that.

Speaker 1 (05:02):
It was this with your adoptive parents my bioparents, okay,
because my adoptive mother did that one year and it
pissed me off. My birthday was in July. My brother's
birthdays in November, and she was like, oh, we're having
a joint birthday party.

Speaker 2 (05:14):
They said they're close enough. But then when that her
birthday came up. My birthday's really far apart what and
this it did happen at some of the foster homes too,
because she was younger. They're like, well, we have to
give her a gift. I'm like, no, we don't, because
you didn't give me anything of her birthday because then
it was you're older, that's free. I can remember back

(05:37):
kind of around when I was four. Yes, that's because
one of the lambs made me drink ammonia and bleach.

Speaker 1 (05:47):
Who did what?

Speaker 2 (05:48):
A foster lady made me drink ammonia and bleach?

Speaker 1 (05:51):
So okay, were you foster care your whole childhood or
you started off?

Speaker 2 (05:55):
It was, and then out of foster care, I kept
going back to my parents like three or four different
high times.

Speaker 1 (06:01):
You're biological parents, bioparents, yes, the abusive yes, So what
they were this phenomenon with white people getting their children
back all these times?

Speaker 2 (06:11):
Well, and that's the thing I find really just crazy
because like when my kids, I think they went back
once with their mom and didn't happen again, and the
things for us to leave, I feel like it was
way worse than like versus somebody's like, oh, you were
just uncut you didn't brush your hair, the kids broke

(06:36):
the bed and now they were on the you know,
little things like that. I was like, wow, it's different
from being in and then being the foster parents and
seeing it in two different ways, because one it was
like you're this child, and then the other one is
you're the enemy. Well if you're gay and not straight

(06:57):
and white and of a religion that they are prove of.
So four years old, a lady I was out of
pull ups and she put me back in them just
to have me pee in them and show them in
my face.

Speaker 1 (07:11):
Why because she didn't got the bathroom, whined or I.

Speaker 2 (07:15):
Was potty trained. I guess that is something I talked
to my sister, and I do remember it. It's really
weird because when I left Michigan because I was adopted
in Illinois because my parents ran away from there. I know,
it's like all over the place. But when I moved
back here and I went back to the old house
I grew up in, it was like flood of memories.

(07:37):
And it's weird how your brain has it where you
don't remember a lot of the things and you're just
like or if I because I read the child cut it,
and then all of a sudden, I started remembering, and
your book started remembering.

Speaker 1 (07:52):
Especially with my book because my book is actually so
close to home, like actually like close to home.

Speaker 2 (07:57):
It was like, oh my goodness, Like because like my
husband will ask me questions like, hey, do you remember
this place, and I'm like, no, I don't. Or I
always felt really odd because when I talked to people,
I was very like that person like womp womp, DeBie Downer,
and I thought it was perfectly normal. So I think

(08:17):
we were going to a wanna at that time with
that family that made me drink ammonium bleach when I
was four, and that's when some of the first things
happened to me sexually with the pastors. There was stuff
that I think was happening there with one of the
boys too, one of her kids. So living your life
like that is like you don't realize it. It just

(08:41):
seems normal. It just seems like every day this is normal.

Speaker 1 (08:45):
It's cool, this is good status quo.

Speaker 2 (08:48):
So I think we ended up. I remember a visitation
with my mom. She gave me a hot wheel cars.
I really got really annoyed that she kept giving me stuff.
I'm like, Mom, I don't want you to give me stuff.
I want you to be there. I like, it's weird
how I as a little kid. You're like, I feel
like I'm being paid off. Like here you go, because

(09:09):
like then we went back and my older sister was
watching us, and we were living at the house and
our trailer. They would disappear your mom, yeah, my mom.
Well suppose my dad. I don't know if we're the
same one because I don't look like him, so you.

Speaker 1 (09:23):
Still don't know. You never got like a DNA check
to see if, like that's.

Speaker 2 (09:26):
You've been wanting to. But my younger sister looks just
like him. They both have that cleft but chin m hm.
They look like, wow, you you guys are like related.
My older sister has a different dad, my mom. My
brother has a different dad. My two older siblings. My
older brother is in prison again.

Speaker 1 (09:46):
But it's just a lot of daddy's over here.

Speaker 2 (09:50):
Oh yeah, that's why I always think it's so funny
when people try to say certain groups of people and
I'm like, it's it's everyone. I remember I was forced
to go to church and I asked questions and I
was so to leave, and then they're like, hey, you
shouldn't bring him back. He's a problem. He's making the
kids think because I said, it makes no sense because
something's not adding up.

Speaker 1 (10:09):
It really doesn't, it really doesn't.

Speaker 2 (10:13):
And I remember when we went back, my brother got
his arm pulled out of his socket one day. So
woke up to the sound of my father, apparently his stepdad,
ripping his arm out of the socket, dead asleep in
the middle of the night. Pitch black, you don't move.

Speaker 1 (10:30):
And this is the biological family.

Speaker 2 (10:32):
Yep, biological family.

Speaker 1 (10:33):
First. I just keep confirming that because I just care.

Speaker 2 (10:36):
Because I haven't even gotten there. Because then I went
back to another foster home, and I think it was
the same family, and I was probably like four or
six at this time, not until I was four. Then
we went back I was five or six, because we
went somewhere briefly when I was five, because my mother
ran away from him because I watched her get the
crap beat out of him by her.

Speaker 1 (10:56):
Yes, she beat him up.

Speaker 2 (10:58):
No, he beat me, okay, yeah, and then she started
hitting me and bury me in the towel in the backyard,
my bio mom and a towel. She put me in
a box, you know those old like they look like chest.
She had a towel soaked with a bleach in it
and then put that in there and buried me in

(11:19):
the backyard.

Speaker 1 (11:20):
And what did you do?

Speaker 2 (11:22):
I remember we got out. I just remember passing out
and next I was like, I was on the couch again.

Speaker 1 (11:27):
Your mom have like does she have like mental issues?

Speaker 2 (11:29):
Like what was is like her mom had severe schizophrenia
and she thought chickens were her children. My older brother
had schizophrenia too, So later on I found out that
I had formerly known as multiples, but it's D. I
D because of the stuff I went through. You know.
I remember where people always tell me like, oh, you

(11:51):
have a we in our pocket, and I said, no,
we just have other people here because this is how
we cope with things and handle things.

Speaker 1 (11:57):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (11:59):
I remember having a counselor look at me. He's like, well,
God protecting and I'm like, well, he didn't do a
very good.

Speaker 1 (12:04):
Job when they pay when people say actually, I think
there was the other day on my life, some religious lady. Yeah,
I was talking to her. She was like, yesterday, it
wasn't yesterday. You know, some of the lives just like
you learn into each other.

Speaker 2 (12:16):
Yesterday there was one lady. She kept saying it, and
but it is really crazy that people do talk about that,
because I was like if because I looked at the
counts and I said, but you want to have a job,
if I can just pray? And he fixed me.

Speaker 1 (12:28):
Like that, mm hmmm, I wouldn't. My thing is like,
why would God make someone go through all of that
just to make it a testimony like that seems crazy.

Speaker 2 (12:38):
I just think that's really selfish. And as a parent
myself or just a person that loves another human being,
I would never want them to go through that. How
narcissistic do you have to be to want someone to
go through something? Oh you know what, I'm going to
give you all my praise because that's what my bio
parents were doing. Were like, make me scared. You know

(12:58):
that's not respect. It is not being afraid doesn't show respect.
It just means you're scared.

Speaker 1 (13:04):
Yep.

Speaker 2 (13:06):
So there was a little bit of that. Let me
go into the foster homes. I ended up having one
of the ladies I lived with, my younger sister, hit
me in the back of the head, knocked me out.

Speaker 1 (13:15):
So they kept your siblings together.

Speaker 2 (13:18):
Just my younger sister and I my family ran away
to Illinois because we were going to get taken again.
So when they got ran back, oh yeah, they said,
we're going on vacation. We started going to school and
I remember going to school and I was closer to eight,
two years old there all this time because you know six,

(13:40):
you know, they kept happening, and well, because when we
went to school, there was always a different excuse. We
fell down and we had this, or this is how
this bruise came up, or you know different things. Like
I was telling you earlier, I have hearing loss because
I had tubes in my ears and my father hit
me with the tubes of the air called Scarton shoot

(14:00):
cauliflower in the year. So I have hearing loss because
of it. Yay, this is insane and it's just really crazy.
Because my husband told me not to watch the show
Shameless because I started watching it. My goodness, you. I
was like, if I lived with my family, this would
have been my life. If people know, they know, And

(14:21):
he's like, I think this is a very triggering show
for you. I don't think you should be watching it.
And I said, I have to finish it. How is this?

Speaker 1 (14:31):
Like, what is it? The show. What is the show about?

Speaker 2 (14:34):
So it is about dysfunctional family. The kids are raising
each other literally the dad is the mom and dad
are drug addicts, alcoholic. Then it just goes to where
like the oldest sister is taking care of him, like,
oh my god, that was like my oldest is taking
care of us. My oldest sister got emancipated and stuff

(14:55):
at seventeen different like she found God and she'll tell
me our life wasn't that bad. I'm like, you were emancipated.
It had to be pretty bad if you were willing
to get emancipated. I said, you can go back and
backtrack now and try to cover up and say, oh kumbaya.

Speaker 1 (15:15):
No, So how is your relationship with your your family? Now?
Do you have any with.

Speaker 2 (15:21):
Your Anyone on my side has gone. I'm actually best
friends with my mother in law.

Speaker 1 (15:31):
Law.

Speaker 2 (15:33):
Well, my mother in law is like my adopted mom.
But we get to in a minute. It has issues
with her. She doesn't like it. And I said, I
invited you, I've asked you to do things and you
choose not to. And I said, that's not on me,
that's on you. I can't make you do something. I said,

(15:54):
you're just jealous and it's not anything I did. This
is you issue. Only you can fix it. And that
is one thing I had to say that with the
counselor that told me you have to learn because I
became a yes and people pleaser because when I gotta
lived with Janet, the one that I ended up with,
because I got taken away from the school when I

(16:15):
was eight years old and Illinois. Yeah, in Illinois.

Speaker 1 (16:18):
So they opened up a case in Illinois for you
or did they ship you back to Michigan.

Speaker 2 (16:22):
That's my older sister called them and said that we
ran away there. So when I found that out, I
felt betrayed. I felt like you just threw me away.
And none of the family members took us in because
they said they didn't want drama, they didn't want us.
They just didn't want us. Yeah, So going to Illinois,

(16:43):
going to school, I remember getting called down to the
office and I still remember the smell. They were having
the pizza, the square pizza, because we all loved that
in school. I don't care what anyone says, I remember.
I just remember lunches because we didn't have lunch or
food at my house when I was growing up. As
a little kid, because I was like, oh my goodness,

(17:03):
walking down. I thought it was a typical thing. I
think I was getting picked up or something. No, there
was a strange lady there, a caseworker, and she's like,
do you have your backpack? Get your stuff? We're going.
And I said I think, I said, I don't know you.
She's like, don't backtalk me, let's go. There was no explanation,
there's no nothing. My sister and I, my younger sister

(17:26):
and I we get into the car and she starts going, so,
what did you do for your parents to get rid
of you like this? What I said, what?

Speaker 1 (17:35):
Like?

Speaker 2 (17:36):
What do you mean? And then of course my sister's crying.
I'm starting to cry. We're both like, I don't know.
But at the same time, I think it was more
of I knew what was happening. What happened, we were
being taken away. So how would that ghost fault? Don't
ask me. But this is not a thing that I'm

(17:58):
not surprised about, because when I was with that other family,
they said, you know, you must have did something bad
for God to punish you like this, for you not
to stay with your family. Why is it always the
children's fall. Not only that, especially if you get to
a certain age, you'll start getting deemed as a problem
child in foster care. The unwanted. People want babies. People

(18:20):
want little children that they can mold and indoctrinate, they
can control. That's all it is. They don't want older
kids to have a pass or lived. I guess it
is the best way to put it, because if you
can erase as much as the past, they like it
so literally, they just want to reboot you and reprogram
you into what they want. He just do you know

(18:41):
she stopped at Popeyes and got food. It was during lunch.
We did not get lunch. She said, it's on my job.
I'm not feeding you.

Speaker 1 (18:47):
She got herself lunch and then to give you guys lunch.

Speaker 2 (18:50):
Yeah, it took me years before I ate out of Popeyes.
That's crazy because he did that. I was like, I'm
not coming there and hate that place. And everyone told
me why you did a pop Ye? I never said,
I just said I don't like that place. And when
I finally said, somebody told me that was childish, and
I was like, you don't what I'm saying. I get
it out of spite of her like I was doing

(19:11):
something to punish her, like, you know what you ate there?
I don't like there.

Speaker 1 (19:15):
That is insane. So okay, so you got removed your aid.
They sing you and your sister's this foster home. How
long did you guys stay there?

Speaker 2 (19:23):
We were not even there, less than a month. So
this lady's name was Janet two. But then my mom,
Janet came. We were hiding behind the couch because we
didn't want to leave.

Speaker 1 (19:36):
Again.

Speaker 2 (19:37):
I didn't want to go.

Speaker 1 (19:38):
Why did they keep sending y'all back home?

Speaker 2 (19:41):
Well, we were going home. We're going with a whole
nother family. And I was like, it was after my
sister hit me in the head, knocked me in the
They had like a river or whatever in Illinois and
I fell into it almost drounded or whatever. Apparently that
was my fault. I shouldn't have got hit. I don't know.
That lady seemed kind of nice. I didn't really get

(20:01):
to know her very long because we weren't there, and
I think I had It was towards the end of
the school year. That's how I know, because we had
a birthday. She had a cake for me, So I
was like nine years old, almost at this point when
I went with Janet, my adopted mom. Now well I
moved in with her, but she came with her husband
Bill at that time. Then I remember it was, you know,

(20:30):
the school moving around. We were in an apartment complex,
and I remember my older sister coming to visit. She
was supposed to stay for my birthday because this is
June again the next year because it was going to
be turning ten or something like that, and my older sister, Janet,
and my younger sister they all left. They went to
the mall or I don't know. They just left the house.

(20:52):
So I was left there with Bill, Janet's husband, not Bill.
He goes, I need to talk to you boy, and
I and instantly I don't like that. I remember before
he got the crap beat out of here. I was
always told to get over here. Boy. I don't like
when people call me boy. Don't call me boy. I
actually got mad at someone else calling my son that.

(21:13):
I said, do not call him that.

Speaker 1 (21:14):
Please, don't.

Speaker 2 (21:15):
He's a young black man, do not call him that.
Do not call that. Now. We don't do that here,
absolutely not. I will pick up this chair anything I
have when we're gonna fight. So we don't know, there's
certain things and like him like my son's like, you know,
cracking the voice. He's liked, you sound like a little girl.
And I said, and what's wrong with girls? You? You

(21:36):
date him? That's posting my box friend? And I was like,
don't call him that. Who cares? Don't tease them? What
stupid things? He can't control. And so he we're in
my bedroom and he Bill's talking to me and he goes,
I need to tell you something, and I said, okay.
He says what he said, you know, how are you
a little kid? You're not even paying attention. It wasn't

(21:56):
anything important, it wasn't anything to do with me. Next one,
they know, he pushed, he shuts the door, pushes me
on the bed, covers my mouth, squeezed my balls, and
then starts telling me if you don't acting listen to me,
I will kill you.

Speaker 1 (22:13):
What the heck?

Speaker 2 (22:14):
I was kind of like racing back and trying to think, Okay,
what did he say? What did I miss? And he's
like you need to start show me respect and all
these other things, and I was just I could not
understand what was happening. They know, we hear, hey, where
are you guys. He opens doors. He's like, oh, we're talking,

(22:36):
and I was crying. I was upset, and she goes
Jannet goes, what's wrong, what's wrong? And I said, I
didn't say anything. I just he goes, oh, he just
hurt himself. He's fine. I still didn't say anything. Well,
I get left alone with my older sister, the one
that was my other mom, the one that was taking
care of us. I told her what happened. Her response

(22:57):
was she got on the bus and saying lot. Nothing
was said, nothing was done. At this time, I was
having visitations with my bio mom, so I remember he
we were having visitations. We went into It was a
like a Carl's Junior or something like that. I forget
the name of the place. My bio mom was there.

(23:19):
We were having dinner or whatever.

Speaker 1 (23:22):
I don't know.

Speaker 2 (23:23):
It's a visitation. We're just sitting there. She obviously brought
me something and like thanks, Like, I don't know how
this fixes anything, but I gave her a hug.

Speaker 1 (23:37):
That was it.

Speaker 2 (23:38):
Then I came home and Bill weren't talking to me.
Janet grabbed a book and started throwing it at me.
It was Doctor Seuss Hop on Pop and green eggs
and ham and she's like, you effing love her more
than me. You gave her a hug, you hate me.
I was just like no. I started crying because I

(23:59):
had no idea what's going on. First thing I have
is what happened with Bill? Like what is wrong with
these people at this point is what I'm thinking.

Speaker 1 (24:09):
So what's wrong with these people?

Speaker 2 (24:11):
And I was like, I just remember. And then that
was the day I started becoming a people pleaser. I
went to school, cried and said I hate my mom
and I never want to see her again. And then
the visitation stopped. Never saw her again. Later, a couple
of years later, I want to say, it's almost my

(24:33):
eleventh birthday. I know it's a lot of jumping around.

Speaker 1 (24:36):
Now you're fine.

Speaker 2 (24:38):
We ended up going to a camper where Bill's husband
and Bill's husband Bill's father lived, and we were swimming
and He's like, hey, let's practice going under the water
and I said sure, and then he held me under
the water, wouldn't I?

Speaker 1 (24:54):
And you were just with them this entire time, like.

Speaker 2 (24:56):
Yeah, abuse, I do you remember saying something? I didn't
say anything because I said something to you. My younger
sister too with what happened, because after I told my
older sister, I was scared. But then I finally told
my younger sister and she's like, don't say anything. I
don't want us to leave. I like it here. So
I kept my mouth shut, didn't tell anyone, kept things

(25:17):
to myself. M So then he tried to do that.
Then I didn't want to go swim anymore. I didn't
want to want to touch me in the water because
you're trying to drown me. You're literally trying to drown me.
You're holding me on You're a grown a man, and
I'm like this twig at this child, like what are
you doing? So the next time, we ended up back

(25:40):
home after that visit and my younger sister and Janet
leave again, I'm left home alone with him. I think
I was just making sure the room and things were clean,
and I was just like I wasn't really watching TV.
I wanted to, but I was like trying to remember,
like is he gonna get mad at me from the

(26:01):
last time? But I he's like, you need to take
a shower, and I said, okay, I'll take a shower.
I went in the shower. He comes in there, when
I'm taking a shower, opens the curtain, slams it against
the wall, squeeze my ball so hard they're bleeding. They're
black and blue. And he just keeps yelling at me
and telling me I deserve it. It don't like you

(26:21):
need to shut your off your mouth. If you tell
you when, I will kill you your sister. And I
was just like, I don't understand what's going on at
this point. I have no idea. Then we hear the
door open again. I'm like, how is this every time?
Are you guys like playing in this quarter of I like,
how do you guys just show up right at the
right time? So I don't know. Maybe I got the

(26:41):
crap beat out of me. I have no idea what
when I happened next? But she comes in there, Janny.
It's like, why are you crying? Why are you crying?
Why you crying? I said, I don't know. I don't know.
I didn't show where. I didn't say anything because he
told me not to say, and I didn't want my
younger sister to get hurt, so I lied and said
my mother told me. And then I think I ended

(27:01):
up telling her something happened and she would not. Look.
That is the thing that drives me crazy is I
did end up telling Janet it hurt me, and she
didn't believe me. She believed him right away and she's like,
he would never do that, blah blah blah. And at
the time I didn't know that I was bruised or

(27:22):
anything was wrong down there yet. That was until later
when I went to go to the bathroom and realized
I was really sore. But I ended up coming back
and telling her that my bio mom told me one
of the last visits before it ended to make a
lie so I could go back there because my younger
sister once again said I don't want to leave. Don't
make us leave because they they started threatening us. If

(27:44):
you do this, they're gonna separate you. They're gonna separate you. You'll
never see each other again. Why would you tell that
to a child? Yeah, Like I don't understand, Like, what
was your motive? Why tell me this? Because then of
course I'm going to go. You know what I need
to protect. I thought I had to protect my younger sister.
It was my job now to protect her. Even though

(28:07):
my younger sister attacked me and tried to stab me
with knives too.

Speaker 1 (28:11):
Everybody's crazy.

Speaker 2 (28:13):
I gotta save her. Well. We ended up moving from there,
and I remember another time I started locking the bathroom door.
No one can come in when I go to the bathroom.
I only took showers if he was at work, so
I didn't realize this, and my mom said, you're acting

(28:35):
weird when he's here. And one time I was told
why you're locking the door. I'm like, oh, I didn't realize.
I did obviously.

Speaker 1 (28:43):
So you ended up leaving that false roome? Did your
sister leave it with you?

Speaker 2 (28:47):
We never left, we left, Nope, we're still with Janet.
At this point ended up going to a house that
she bought. We moved over to this house and then
I said something to him. I said, why are you
cheating on Mom? And I was smacked. He said, you
don't know what you're affing talking about and I said whatever,

(29:09):
And then I remember them arguing in the kitchen. He
threw a ketchup at her, and I think I screamed
because I started panicking because I thought it was happening again.
I thought, this is another man beating on her, and
then she's going to hit me or he's going to attack, Like,
I just thought, whoa, Like, all this is going to
happen again. Well, my birthday, my thirteenth birthday comes around

(29:33):
and he leaves a note with a gift on it.
He left on my thirteenth birthday, he moves out. We
come home and he's just gone, and he left a
note and it was pretty much like this was the
perfect day to leave or whatever. And then we went
visitations with them for a little bit because my younger
sister wanted to. I didn't want anything to do with him,

(29:54):
want like, good riddings. He's finally gone. Maybe it'll be
better because I'll have her my mom in, my adopted mom. Well,
can we get in the car with him? After all
this he left? He goes, well, it's a good thing
I didn't adopt you, you know why, because now I
have a new wife and then maybe I can get
a real son.

Speaker 1 (30:15):
Wow.

Speaker 2 (30:17):
He doesn't say anything about my sister though, he just said,
you know, I'm glad I didn't adopt you. You're you're
not the one. You're damaged goods. Wow, just damaged goods.
And I remember we did a Culver's by Wisconsin, and
I thought they was the most disgusting burger in the
world at that moment. It's so weird how certain things
are like now, I like, why did I think that

(30:38):
I still go to Culvers? And I'm like, I don't
know if I like that place.

Speaker 1 (30:41):
Because I don't know if I like that place.

Speaker 2 (30:45):
But it he that ended up stopping after that. Then
my mom ended up meaning Doug at a bar because
my mom starts drinking heavily and she brings this guy
in and then one night they both get really drunk
and they're fighting with each other. Mind you, I'm like
thirteen at this time, and I was like, man, you

(31:06):
just like he left, and I feel like maybe it
was a year or two. I don't know, like all
of a sudden, you have a new man here. He
comes in while they were arguing. I was I didn't
want them to fight because I thought it was going
to end up where someone's gonna be physical. So I said,
coming to my room, and that is when he started
molesting me. And then he said this is what a

(31:27):
father does. And someone else always told me, are you stupid?
Are you stupid? And I said, what do you mean?
And they're like, well, how would you know? You should
have known that was wrong, And I said, I mean,
you have to go back to what I already went through.
I thought it was perfectly normal. I thought this was
how people. It happened at the church where I was
going to, happened at the Foster Home. This seemed like

(31:49):
it was a perfectly normal thing that people did. There's
another person in that I followed to. She was talking
about how she was raised in a cult, the Children
of God. I was like, it was really crazy how
it keeps coming back to religion where people justify their
stuff with their religion. Mind you, me being gay, it's

(32:10):
never justified what they do is it's okay, we can
justify whatever I did wrong. So that happened all the
way up until I was seventeen, off and on.

Speaker 1 (32:23):
And your mom stayed with him.

Speaker 2 (32:25):
I ended up. One day she came home drunk and
told me get the f out of her house. But
before that, she threw something in the sink, and I'm like,
you know what, I know she's gonna get mad at me,
she's gonna yell at me. So I just like, okay,
like cleaning up behind her. And then she just looked
at me and she's like, you know what, I wish

(32:46):
I never adopted you. You're the problem in this world.
If you weren't born, my life would have been better.
Your mom had the right idea, she should have killed
you at birth. And I was like what, and she's like, no,
I wish I didn't adopt you. And I said what
about my sister and I And she's like, I'm talking
about you, is what she just kept saying. She didn't
remember problem with I guess not. But the thing is is,

(33:08):
my younger sister had a lot of mental health issues.
She had fetal alcohols. And I'm not saying these are
she had mental health issues because there was other people
that Doug had her hang out with, and I believe
she had some inappropriate, like you know, sexual things happened
to her too, because this guy was buying herself wanting
to hang out with. I thought it was weird. I said,

(33:29):
I told my mom I don't like her sitting on
her his lap. We're a year apart, so there were
certain things I said I don't like. And I remember
getting smacked in the mouth saying you don't say things,
you don't talk. And anytime I ever talked about my
past or anything, my mom goes woe is me? Get
over it?

Speaker 1 (33:45):
Yep, sound about right your past? You know.

Speaker 2 (33:49):
She's like, my parents were like this, and she starts
going into my I'm like, that's not what I'm saying.
So I was literally always told you're no one special
pretty much, which like you're not the only one that
ever had went through pain. Get over it. Come to
find out now, the reason why people have PTSA or
complex PCFD is because you're not talking about it, especially

(34:12):
after the trauma event. Yep, when you hold it in,
that's what causes the damage because they eat you up.
So yeah, it was just I remember when I did
tell my mom Doug di it to me. She told
me that I deserved it.

Speaker 1 (34:27):
Wow, I asked for.

Speaker 2 (34:30):
It, and I was like what. It was just weird
that night because he tried to punch me and he
fell over, fell on the rosebushes and got all cut up.
It's really funny till this day. My mom goes and
you pushed him and got cut up, And I'm like,
why are you defending him? Is what I keep saying.

Speaker 1 (34:45):
He still have contact with.

Speaker 2 (34:48):
My adopted mom. With him, it is like there's been
times where I stopped. Okay, So she disappeared out of
my life because she came home kicked me out. We
didn't talk. I moved in with these other people that
were super religious, but she would get mad at me
for not calling her. And I have to say that
the one thing they did that was really good is
they hung up the phone when she was screaming at me.

(35:09):
They're like, you're the child, she's the parent. It is
not your job to call her. And I was like,
you know, that's right. But then they made me sit
there and read the Bible. They had me go through
a deliverance, they had me talk to a Christian pastor
and they're like, you have demons in you all. Come
to find out I had mental health issu's dealing with
I have multiple personality disorder, Like hello, I have did

(35:32):
like you got to understand, like you should have been
helping me with the correct stuff when I needed But
Harry Potter was gonna put demons in me or I
have this evil spirit. When you have that, and then
I probably have a little bit of the schizophrenia, your
brain will start creating these monsters as if they're real
when they're not. So like I was scared with all

(35:55):
these different things like, oh my goodness, I'm never gonna
be good enough. I don't know my past and like
other people, and it wasn't It was starting to be
around this time, you know, I started realizing I might
have been gay that was not allowed at their house,
that would never be allowed. They said, it's the spirit
of Hordism and because of what happened to me. And

(36:15):
I said, what happened to me does not make you gay.
I like, how long?

Speaker 1 (36:20):
People always try to compare that though.

Speaker 2 (36:23):
Well, they always try to compare it, or they try
to say, you turn. I said, when was it a
vampire or werewolf? Like during the full moon poof all
of the sudden fabulous is there glittering stuff like I
don't understand, like you turn? They're like, so when did
you turn? I might turn?

Speaker 1 (36:36):
What broader?

Speaker 2 (36:37):
Because I haven't done that will So sorry if it's
all jumping all over, it's time my prayer.

Speaker 1 (36:44):
You're fine, You're fine. So yeah, you're at this foster,
you're at this Not really, they're not just keeping that.

Speaker 2 (36:49):
I ended up staying with because at the time, these
other people I was going to church with because I
wanted to get out of home. But you know, going
to church was still problematic anyways, but you know it
was no my enemies there. I could go there and
pretend and get around. Don't mean I can hit it off. Churches.
Everybody wanted me to hug me. I'm like, don't touch me,

(37:10):
don't hug me. I don't like you. It was more
of like they're all fakes. I'm sorry a lot of
the people at church. There's some people that seem genuine,
but I really thought they were all crazy at the
end of the day later on, because I was just like,
you just told me magic's not right and all this real.
But you're just telling me this person created all this
and he can save these people. But he can't save

(37:31):
these people. He put those people in bonders. Cann't save them. Like,
please make it make sense, just like I remember when
we were up there. I know this is a little
side story. I just this is one of the biggest
things is I advocate against religion. Is if you want
to believe it, cool, that's great. But what we should
not do is make laws put it in schools. They

(37:53):
should not. If you tell me you can't do something
because your religion doesn't mean I can't do it. It
means you can't do it. That's it. It doesn't mean
Sarah down the road has to do it if someone
else want to do it. This is how I explained
it to my younger kid. I said, religion is a belief.
I can't teach you something that is a belief. It

(38:13):
is something you choose to believe.

Speaker 1 (38:16):
That's it.

Speaker 2 (38:16):
I think it's wrong to Indoctrin eight children before they
can think, because I remember with all this stuff I
was going to I wrote to Santa Claus when I
was a kid with my bowt parents, and then I
got the crop beat out of me. And because I
wrote about that, the stuff that was happening, like come
save me. I remember praying to Gee, like I remember

(38:37):
being in that like you know how like you're sitting there,
I'm sure with some of the things you were through
with the one Foster home where he, you know, forced
you to do things you can't like, I know, we've
been in that situation wherehere he prayed and everyone's like, oh,
then you're just angry with God, and I'm like, no,
I just realized it was just like Santa Claus, it

(38:57):
doesn't exist. No one's coming to say me, I'm gonna
save myself at the end of the day. Just like
that was the biggest thing with this new place that
was like a foster home, but it wasn't. It was
just a place I got placed ack because they were
willing to take me in. They were like, Oh, God
has a plan for you, And I'm like, well, he sucks.
And I got in trouble for that. I said, he's

(39:18):
doing a terrible job. I said, he's a terrible parent.
So who is the cosmic or who's the heavenly cps
for him? We need to take away his rights because
he's flooding people, murdering people here. And I said, he
just sounds like a narcissist. He doesn't sound loving. I said,
he sounds like just like everybody else, it sounds like
man made.

Speaker 1 (39:38):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (39:38):
Well, I was just like, there's four hundred thousand different religion.
You're telling me this is the correct one. She's like,
you know, you can't have those feelings. If you keep
praying to God it they'll go away.

Speaker 1 (39:48):
No, they won't.

Speaker 2 (39:50):
I just got to pray it away.

Speaker 1 (39:51):
You know. That was just how long did you stay
with them? And then here?

Speaker 2 (39:57):
And then I moved in with my older sister back
to Michigan. That's how I ended up back here. So
it's like my weird brain goes, oh, my God, my Bible, family,
and blah blah blah. Maybe this will help me not
feel weird. Maybe then I'll finally be put back into
my place and everything will be great. Oh they are

(40:18):
just like they were when you were kids, terrible people.
And my studied becoming like I believe in God at
this time because I was really trying. I read every
different version of the Bible you could and highlighting, and
even though it made no sense, I had to keep
those feelings down of me being gay. You know, no,

(40:38):
you're just oppressing yourself and then you do hateful things
like that one guy that was on your podcast yesterday
using the astler to people.

Speaker 1 (40:45):
M h m.

Speaker 2 (40:48):
That is internal homophobia, or you have self hatred towards yourself,
or you have a fear that you could be gay,
or you might like it. That's usually where it comes to.
And when people try to talk about gay people doing
stuff to children, usually I questioned them, what have you
done to children?

Speaker 1 (41:07):
What have you done?

Speaker 2 (41:08):
Because if you were on here, rah rah rah, Because
every single youth pastor that talks about it, usually comes
to find out they weren't so innocent that was doing abndon, Yeah,
they were doing what they sit there and complain to
everybody about it's insane.

Speaker 1 (41:23):
It's insane. It honestly is insane. And even like that
guy on the on the TikTok Live yesterday, it's like,
what is this obsession when we're talking about the safety
of children, and like they always want to say the
queer gay gay gay And even like that lady tried
to indicate or implicate that well, and she was sexuality
was coming from my from my abuse. I was like, no,

(41:45):
I've always been this way, even before I experienced any abuse.
And the thing is that when it makes sense because
my brothers were abused in their straight so like, how
how does that work?

Speaker 2 (41:53):
Well, but you knew, you knew there was something different
about yourself when being gay. You're like, because I remember
were back in the eighties, Oh my goodness, the movies
had so many topless women, and I'm like okay, and
like my friends will be like, isn't it hot? And
I'm like right. But then I watched Smallville and and
I'm like, can I like wash my clothes? On those
like what's just happened? It just makes no sense. And

(42:16):
it was usually the religious people that I would I
want to say, were the worst people to live with
because they felt entitled. They felt like, I'm doing Lord's
work and they prayed you around the church and I'm
not a chow pony, I'm not your pig at the
I don't know the farm, like you want to show
me off. Yeah, And that was because you always had

(42:38):
like these Christians that like there was one person they
had like twelve kids and they were about the thirteen.
I'm like, can you stop? Because when I start hearing
the kids raising the kids, and I'm like, you're not
doing your job as a parent, because if you have
the kids raising it, I'm like, how is this? Like
I say here, because they're straight Christian, they're not considered wrong.

(42:59):
But then you have a kid that's like in the city,
a different minority. All of a sudden, you have too
many kids. You should get them taken away because you're
not doing what you're supposed to. That brings me to
I don't know if you've seen the new le Low
and Stitch.

Speaker 1 (43:11):
I've heard about it. Though.

Speaker 2 (43:12):
They say, well, if you let her go, we will
get her help and funding. And I'm like, why can't
you do that for now? And I told my husband,
I said, this happens time and time and again. Why
is it like a person wants to be fospan, Oh,
we'll give you the money, but a parent struggling you
can't give them the same help.

Speaker 1 (43:29):
Why there's no money in helping people?

Speaker 2 (43:31):
No, exactly, that is the problem with people. That's why
you look at all these billionaires or people like you
when my president right now, well I help people. No,
you don't. You do everything for the benefit of I
myself because you always talk about how great you are. Sorry,
there's a lot of things I'm good at, but I'm
not great at everything, and I would like to learn
to be better.

Speaker 1 (43:50):
Period.

Speaker 2 (43:52):
I constantly helping people, like I have my two all
four of my kids here and then my son that
I would have adopted with the girls, because I try.

Speaker 1 (44:01):
To tell a little bit about like how like so
you you were at these places. You turn eighteen, clearly
at one point like how did how did your what
you get to where you are today?

Speaker 2 (44:10):
Okay, so I move in with my sister, go to
high school. She kicks me out, I end up not
going and finishing school. I do it later when I'm
with this one guy that was very controlling. It's really
ironic how you end up meeting people that have hurt
you and you date them because this is what you know.

Speaker 1 (44:33):
Ye, that's normal.

Speaker 2 (44:35):
Cycle and move away because those people are controlling. Because
like my mom was controlling and she said something, there's
a lot more in there, but I'm trying to give
like the key points of like some list. I think
they were stupid stuff or I think what made me
me today?

Speaker 1 (44:52):
Mm hm.

Speaker 2 (44:55):
So I ended up leaving him. I ended up meeting
my current husband. I think he was doing adderall when
I first met him, because he kept calling me a
different name and I'm like, that's not my name. So
the song tintins, that's not my name. My name is
Jolie or whatever. I'm like, why do you keep calling
me these different people's name that's not me. So John,

(45:19):
who was with I ended up leaving Dan, wants to
date me my husband now, and I said, no, I
don't want to date any When I was with some
four years, I just want to live my life. And
then he's like, wants to date me, and I said,
I want to be married. I want to have a family.
I'm done. He's like, okay, let's get married. Wow, And
we got married. But then I told him I did

(45:41):
want children and he's like, I don't know about that.
Then my niece came up, and I was still talking
to my younger sister at this point, trying to work
things out with her, cause I kinda well, I wanted
to be there for but at the same time, you know,
when you're doing the things that happened to us, to

(46:03):
your children, kisses me off. I said, how can you
be worse than our parents right now? Our bio parents
and our adoptive parents, like, are you stupid? And I'm like,
I don't want to be mean and nasty to you
right now, but you have three children now, well she
was about to have a third one, the one that
is my niece that I ended adopting at two months.

(46:24):
Well I got at two months. I adopted when she
was two. But I was like, you are have an
older one. Our older sister has her. You had Georgie,
he was taken. How are you doing the same thing?
Our parents said, you're doing drugs, You're doing these things.
And at one point our older brother when he was
out of prison for the brief moment. There was a

(46:45):
conversation that he wanted drugs from her, and there is
a conversation they might have slept with your children to
get drugs, And I was like, what in the redneck
backwoods am I at?

Speaker 1 (46:55):
Like?

Speaker 2 (46:56):
This is why I know I. This is how I
know him gay because I am not like these readers.
And she laughed at me. I was like, why is
that funny? Right now? She's like, why do you say
things like that? I'm like, I don't know. I mean,
it's just like I think I always had like this
thing where I always felt disgusted with certain people because
like my bio parents, their house was dirty, they had roaches,

(47:18):
and that's why, like my bio mom always asked me, like,
because I talked to her once in a while, She's
tried to ask me to come in the house and
I'm like, Uh, your walls are doing the wave. Uh
we don't come in there when they're going hey the
way I said, if your walls are moving, I ain't
coming back. So she's like why do you say that?
And then when she gets in the car, I think

(47:38):
I sprayed her off. A couple of times when she
got in my car and she's like, what are you doing?
I'm like, I don't want your friends to come in.

Speaker 1 (47:44):
Here, my goodness, and.

Speaker 2 (47:49):
Why are you so uptight about it? I'm like, why
are you so click never mind?

Speaker 1 (47:53):
Why do you so relax about the roaches and verma?

Speaker 2 (47:56):
I don't know, like my bio mom. When I hang
on with her because I have a cosmetology lesson and
I did her hair, I tell my husband I can
only spend a few minutes with her because after I'm
done talking to her or being around her, I have
to sleep for four hours. I literally shut down and
go to I'm like, she is like energy s because

(48:17):
when I try to talk to her about the past, like, hey,
you know, I'm not trying to start anything.

Speaker 1 (48:22):
I just have.

Speaker 2 (48:22):
Questions, and she is so so many lies. She doesn't
even know what the truth is. M that's cool. But
you're still with the man that harmed us with Doug. No,
that's my bio mom, still with ron my bio Okay,
and Janet is not because Doug ended up going to

(48:43):
prison because he was doing stuff to the kids that
she baby said, Jane is my adopted momb Loretta is.

Speaker 1 (48:48):
My bio mom, gotcha.

Speaker 2 (48:50):
But I was talking to my bio mom about certain
things we haven't talked in years, especially since after the
whole political stuff this happened.

Speaker 1 (48:58):
Mm hmm.

Speaker 2 (49:01):
So there was disdain for me. Now it's hatred. But
they're like, I still love you even though we don't
agree with your life.

Speaker 1 (49:07):
I just went Honestly, I just recently went no contact
with my entire biological family, and it's it's been so great.

Speaker 2 (49:12):
I'm not gonna sit here and argue I do stuff
with Dan's family. My oldest sister became super religious. One time,
she didn't want me to have any of the kids
around because she thought my husband and I were going
to put demons in her children. I'm like, yes, we
just hit them out like candy.

Speaker 1 (49:27):
Just handing out demons, the demon spear.

Speaker 2 (49:30):
I think one time I told her, well, if your
kid has it, you can't get a delivery because you
don't agree with abortion, because then you will be aboard
in that demon. We don't do that, right. We all
lives met, like all lives matter, right, you know your
pro life And she's like, that is not funny. I
thought it was hilarious.

Speaker 1 (49:47):
So ron So you don't have any contact with your
adopted anymore.

Speaker 2 (49:52):
Talk to them. There's a brief time I run into them.
I recently deleted my sister off my Facebook because some
of the things saying I can't do it anymore, I'm
over it. Also trying to see if she would reach
out and go, hey, what happened? Nothing? Nothing, I still
go back to that time when you left me. You

(50:13):
abandoned me, So it's not my job to.

Speaker 1 (50:16):
Be there for you. Nope, No, that's really I'm getting
concrete into it. Like and at the end of the day,
we're all adults. And this is why I told my
brother too. I said, you know, our childhood wasn't but
the best. It was actually worried. But we're all adults
now and it's about time that we either you grow
from it or you will just stay in the same cycle. Right.

Speaker 2 (50:35):
Well, if someone else won't admit what happened, you want
to be delusional about what happened, Like my older sister,
you were emancipated. That's how bad it was. You don't
get emancipated if it's not really bad or serious enough.
You literally your parents, yourself a part so do not
sit here. You had your hair pulled out by our stepdad.

(50:57):
He made you cut your foot open, Like like, how
do you not? Like I remember? I remember a lot
of things. How do you not remember? And this is
where a lot of people get mad at me, because
there's things I will remember. They're like, man, why do
you still remember a certain thing? I said, I cannot
not remember. This is this is another thing. I never
went to drugs. Actually, I had counselors like I'm surprised

(51:17):
you're not an alcoholic. I'm not surprised you're not a druggie.

Speaker 1 (51:20):
And that's when people tell me all the time. They're like,
how did you get at like not being an addict?
I said, I just never really Like I dabbled in
college because it was fun, but then like it just
didn't Honestly, I didn't do anything for me. I think
that like my body because all the trauma, Like I
just all my friends would like get high, and I
was like, what are y'all feeling because it's not happening
to me. Well, if I did get close to feeling anything,

(51:42):
I had to do like a lot more, and I
was like nah, see, And I was learning in school
about dependence and about how you could have a tolerance
even if you were in utero and if you have
genetically and you can just naturally have a higher tolerance.

Speaker 2 (51:56):
So I was like, yeah, I'm I like y'all go
with that because my mom wants to and drugs when
she was pregnant with me. It's like my younger sister,
she was born with fetal alcohol syndrome and something else.
With me, though, I think I had to do the
gensight testing and there's only two types of medication that
will work for me, and if you go too generic,
no medication works. I don't like taking pills. I watched

(52:19):
someone do drugs and they cut their own throat in
front of me, and I was like little and I
was like okay, because he said he couldn't breathe. I
don't know what he did. My younger sisters took speed
once because my bio parents left it out.

Speaker 1 (52:32):
Leaving speed out on the table, Like who does that?

Speaker 2 (52:34):
Like my thing is is why are you leaving stuff
like that out? It's just there was a lot more,
you know, detail and other things, and obviously you can't
be here all day, and I don't know if you
ever had anyone where you're sitting there telling your story,
or you say something happened to you and somebody goes,
that never happened to you.

Speaker 1 (52:50):
Oh all the time, Oh okay, please.

Speaker 2 (52:52):
Tell me my story. You tell me you right.

Speaker 1 (52:55):
All the time people say, people will be like, oh
my god, I just don't believe that. I just don't
believe that your mother made her you suck her titty.
And neilan Wright, I said, who would First of all,
why would if that didn't happen. I should be making
a lot of money in Hollywood, Okay, because like the
stories like that's a that's a scriptwriter, bro, Like that's
just and like even when when people read my book,

(53:17):
they're like this is this house is not is this
a novel or is this a memoir? That baby, this
is a memoir, This is real life, And then they
will know you made it all up if I made
that up as a child, or like you got your
sick in a brain. But because it's so sick, like
these people were sick. And the thing is, the people
do sick shit to children to the point when we're
become adults when we share it that it's so sick

(53:39):
that people just don't believe it, because like, who can
be that sick? And unfortunately a lot of folks, well
a lot of folks, but.

Speaker 2 (53:45):
You have people nowadays saying that Anne Frank was fiction or.

Speaker 1 (53:49):
Harriet Tupman didn't really exist. I blame Bush. I ultimately
blame Bush. Okay, we need to leave people behind. Children
need to get left behind.

Speaker 2 (53:57):
The thing is is I think that goes into with
what's going on right now with the current administration, where
they always try to say fake news, fake news, fake news,
and you're trying to change the status quo, like literally,
do you remember when people were taking down the Confederate
statutes that we were like, that's history.

Speaker 1 (54:14):
I don't do it.

Speaker 2 (54:15):
But now we're literally getting rid of history and people
are saying nothing m h. And I was like, but
why are we wanting the Confederate sessue they lost, they
were against the country. We shouldn't have those up. Why
remember them? That's the thing, And I said, the only
reason why the Confederate statues were put up was during
the Civil rights movement. It was to tell them I

(54:37):
own you, you're still here. This is what that Well,
there's something else. I was talking to my second oldest,
and I was talking to him, how like, when they
first came with us, did you feel like you were
surrounded by a lot of white people? And they said yeah,
And I said, with the school we went to where
we lived at the time, we ended up moving. I

(54:58):
think you might know where this is, Apple and Getty. Okay,
so we move over here. So now we're over in
this part of this part of the town. Everyone keeps
saying it's height. I'm like, this is not the Misquan Heights.

Speaker 1 (55:14):
You're close though, and.

Speaker 2 (55:15):
I said, that is over on the other side even
if we were, so what So now we're more in
the community that looks like them, more diverse. And I
like that because after learning with certain things. It was
all because their hair when they came with me, the
lady that had them before, because they were emergency placement.
When the girls came with me, their hair was breaking,

(55:35):
falling out. Their hair used to be down to their butt.
So I'm a little confused, like, what was the major neglect. Okay,
there was some abandonment my oldest she wasn't getting her medicine. Okay,
these are things that sounds like a young mom just
needed a little extra help. It sounded like you guys
could offer services, but again it's all money and children

(55:58):
that are minority in this you make more money if
you keep them from being adopted, if they stay in
the system. That is what I found out. And I
was like, oh my goodness. And then like best in
the Christian services they sell. These are all selling children
I have found, Like because there was a kid that
came from Russia and he started to have a mental problem,

(56:21):
so they just gave him Benadryl and put him back
on a plane back to Russia.

Speaker 1 (56:25):
Damn not be like that.

Speaker 2 (56:29):
How that kid was like five four and you just whoop,
You drubbed them and.

Speaker 1 (56:34):
You said it's crazy, it's crazy.

Speaker 2 (56:37):
I do know. I had a friend when she first
heard and she asked me, are they white or black?
And I'm like, what is weather black? She like, the kids,
what do you get? And I said, first of all,
we didn't go to a pound, we didn't go to
a shelter. We are taking in children. I remember being
there when they first asked us, well, what kind do
you want? I'm like, what do you mean? I'm confused

(57:01):
with this question. Please elaborate, And I said, I think
what we told him is known with medical issues unless
you're really going to give us an extensive training. Because
I had almost a two year old, I didn't want
her to like pull a two hour I wasn't comfortable
with that. They're like, no, what race, And I'm like,
does it matter? At that time, I didn't know. I

(57:22):
didn't understand didn't matter. It wasn't until we got my son,
he was three, and then we got the girls. It
was until I started doing their hair and YouTube university.
I shut my mouth and I started listening to people.
I would go in the store, I'm like, hey, how
did you do that? What should I do? And people
I had friends like, you're embarrassing, don't do that. Don't

(57:42):
talk to people, And I said, why wouldn't I talk
to them? Talk to the source, talk to the people
that And then going to hair school and learning and
I'm like, hair is just hair. Hair at the end
of the day, It's just different texture. Because you can
be white with really thick, curly hair too, of course
are there's really no.

Speaker 1 (58:00):
Big and you could be black with really thin then
that's trying to say straight hair.

Speaker 2 (58:06):
Well, you could be born black with blond and blue eyes.
I was like, that makes an amazing, fantastic thing. I
do remember my second oldest. She one time said I
wish my hair was like Anna. She's she has pin
straight blonde hair, and I said, no, do you have
beautiful hair. There is so much thing you can do
with your hair that she can't do. And I said,
you're crown. This is yours. That friend. Anytime the girls

(58:30):
ever got their hair done, she's like, can I touch it?
And I said why? And I said, here's Anna. You
want to touch the little white girl's hair? And she's like, no,
why would I want to touch her hair? Okay, that's
the question. Why do you want to touch some kid's hair? Well,
I want to feel it. It's hair. And then I
think one time I said, why are you looking in
the market? Are you trying to buy someone? Is that
what we're trying to do, because this is what it's

(58:50):
getting me and I don't like it. And I told
the girls, do not let people touch your hair. I
said they should ask you one And the question is
you don't have to let them even if they ask.
I don't care if it's an adult. Your body is
your own. That is like my oldest, she was a
touch me no, don't give me hugs. Don't touch me.
My mom my adopt mom tried to tell me all

(59:14):
the kids give me a hug, except for Maya. Make
her give me a hug. And I said no, and
she goes, I'm the grandmother. You're gonna make her give
me a hug. And I said, so when she goes
on a date the boy wants to kiss her and
she don't want to, I shouldn't make her kiss him, right.
She's like, now we're getting too far, and I said no,
it's not to go against what she feels. You're telling

(59:37):
her to people, please people, to where it ends up
hurting her. That is what happened to me my whole life.
That is why I said yes to certain thing because
I was homeless at one point, and in order for
HeSE to live, I had to sleep with people to
stay there. I thought I had to say yes because
again I kept thinking, this is normal. It wasn't until

(59:58):
I think I said something to a friend with that
whole thing with Doug, and I said that they looked
at me like I was from another planet. They're like what,
And then they stopped being my friends because I thought
I was weird. I don't know if you've ever seen
the Netflix show, and it's uh and of Green Gables
and with a n e uh huh yeah, Oh my goodness,

(01:00:21):
she's a kid, she becomes an orphan has to it's
back in like I don't know Little House and Prairie.
I don't know they have They don't really have cars,
but there are some. But it talks about the trauma
she goes through as a child, where she knows things
that the other kids don't know, Like we've been through

(01:00:42):
where there was sexual abuse. Knowing that with the other
kids that didn't know it was weird because I don't
know if you ever looked at your friends and you're like,
you're clueless. I used to look at certain friends and
then I was jealous of them and I was mad
at them. Not that it was mad mad, but it
was more of like you're getting upset about something so trivial,

(01:01:04):
and I'm like, I wish I could be mad about it,
something so stupid like that. And I was sitting here,
like there's things now as an adult, I think I'm
a little bit like my son is thirteen. I had
a friend here and they were watching a movie and
there was a naked, half naked woman. I said, ah,
shut that off. He's like, well, he's thirteen. I said,

(01:01:25):
you're not his parent.

Speaker 1 (01:01:26):
I am, And I.

Speaker 2 (01:01:27):
Said, we don't do that in this house because one
I don't find he's mature or it's appropriate. It's just
not appropriate. We're not And I said, who do you
think you are? And he's like, well, I let my kids.
I don't care what you would let your kids do.

Speaker 1 (01:01:42):
Period.

Speaker 2 (01:01:42):
There's certain things I should never been exposed to.

Speaker 1 (01:01:45):
Yeah, and right.

Speaker 2 (01:01:47):
Now they want to be on social media. I told him, no,
I don't want you on social media. I need you
to focus on me. Mature and listen. This is why
I have so many people. I don't know if anyone
ever told you this. I am sicking to her. People
tell me to beat my children. Damn what so my
neighbors are black? And she goes, well, I have five beatings.
You know I'm good. God is good all the time.

(01:02:07):
And like, well, he wasn't that good. It's all I
tell her. And she knows where I stand, and she
purposely pushes my buttons with it sometimes, and I said,
you know that is really rude. I don't disrespect what
you believe I let you think. I don't bring anything
up because I keep it in my mouth shut because
you're allowed to believe what you want to believe.

Speaker 1 (01:02:25):
Mm hmm.

Speaker 2 (01:02:26):
She always brings this up and then she'll tell me
something about the Bible with spare of the rot. And
I said, why are we hitting children before they understand
concept of like consequences and certain things? I said, so
that means I should be able to go up and
beat an adult and with them when they don't listen,
because they shouldn't know better.

Speaker 1 (01:02:46):
Right then, child is learning?

Speaker 2 (01:02:49):
Because I think it's because I always got hit. Why
didn't you explain one? It was always told shut up,
go away, don't talk, don't ask questions. I think you
can relate to this. I started asking what's happening to
us next? And that is a question you're not allowed
to ask As a foster kid, I feel I feel
like you're not allowed to ask questions about your own future.

(01:03:10):
And they said it's none of my business. Absolutely, How
is it none of my business? Like you're gonna send
me here and gonna place me here, can you at
least prepare me?

Speaker 1 (01:03:20):
So?

Speaker 2 (01:03:20):
I think I said this one time in the life
we were gonna have to move before anything ever happened.
As soon as I got the news, we had a
meeting with the kids and we told them exactly what
was gonna happen to a tea. There was no surprises,
there was no scary and then we asked the kids
what do you want to do, Like if we have pets,
I'm like, hey, we might have to get rid of

(01:03:40):
this or do that. What do you want us to do?
And they're like, well, I don't want to get rid
of it, Let's go here. And other people think, well,
your kids shouldn't have an essay what you.

Speaker 1 (01:03:49):
Do they do. It's their family and it's their house.
They definitely should have a say. They definitely should have
a say. And I think that because of like how
you were raised, it makes you such a better parent
to your children because you know, like the what's the
worst thing that could happen? Right, and you've seen the
darkest parts. And ron I always ask every guest every week,
what's one piece of advice that you would give yourself?

(01:04:10):
So now that you work with children, especially Paus Scarett, like,
what's one piece of advice that you give them?

Speaker 2 (01:04:16):
I think one of the things, well, first thing I
always say is true failure is never trying. If you
never try, you truly failed. The other thing is is
you are allowed to be mad at someone and not mad,
you are allowed to set up boundaries. If that person's
not listening them, you can cut them off. You can
cut me off if I'm not listening. I really tried

(01:04:39):
to be very good about boundaries and asking questions. Now
that my kids are adults, the girls, I go, Okay,
what are you doing? And I always have people try
to tell me like, well, it's your house, and I'm like,
it may be my house, but it's their house too,
Whether they stay here or not, it's always going to
be their house. It's really hard for me to switch over.

(01:05:02):
People would want me to kick people out. I can't
do it because I was kicked out and it's really
really hard to do that. But I also had to
put my foot down, go I can't be used. If
you don't want anything to do with us or be here,
that's fine. You have every right to feel those things,
but don't take advantage. Don't use me be here because
you want to be here.

Speaker 1 (01:05:22):
I love that. Well, Ron, thank you so much for
coming on the war to This Day podcast and sharing
your story and the craziness and like it was. But
you survived, and that's what's the most important. Not only
did you survive, you're also handing back to the foster
care community where you grew up in. So I just
want to just say thank you, Especially coming from that
same neighborhood and being in that same city and growing up,
I want to say thank you and thank you. You

(01:05:43):
definitely serve a place and I'm just happy that there
are foster parents there that are like you and that
can help children.

Speaker 2 (01:05:50):
Well. I have to say thank you for your books.
They were helpful.

Speaker 1 (01:05:54):
Thank you.

Speaker 2 (01:05:54):
It's just more of the feeling and feeling alone, not
because I want other people to go through it, but
it's someone to relate, like where you were talking about
that missing piece and trauma, boding over something else that
no one's gonna understand.

Speaker 1 (01:06:08):
Absolutely, that's what I wrote the book, I said, That's
why I wrote them so people don't feel so alone.

Speaker 2 (01:06:14):
I have been thinking about reading my book too.

Speaker 1 (01:06:16):
Do it, do it, do it, do it. I encourage
everyone and light shiners, like I say every week, always
shine your light. Write y'all's books. Everybody, write your book.
Everyone shared their story. Thank you for Ron, for coming
up and sharing yours. And always, like I say, always week,
every week, guys, always sharing the light because you never
know who'll be watching, You never know who you inspire,
you'll never know who you might feel that you'll let
them know that they're not alone. So light shiners until

(01:06:39):
next week, keep trying your light and we'll see there
all right,