From Darkness to Light Part 2: Juliette Angelo Unveils the Dark Truths of Hollywood and Broadway

Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome to Worrier of Truth. I am your host, Kelly Dylan,
Part two with Juliette Angelo.

Speaker 2 (00:05):
We're back.

Speaker 1 (00:07):
You're bag bag and you just made a splash on TikTok,
on YouTube and the podcast market. Wow wow Wow, So.

Speaker 2 (00:17):
I got my clout. That's all I wanted.

Speaker 1 (00:20):
I was not anticipating it to go viral either. Wow,
I'm blown away? Are you blown away?

Speaker 2 (00:26):
It went like big and it's still it's.

Speaker 1 (00:31):
It's still growing every day. I'm like, oh my, got
more notifications of people commenting, sharing it, liking it. It's
it's my phone's been blowing up NonStop. I was not
anticipating that level of it's it's it's it's amazing. How
do you feel? How do you feel now that your
story is out there in the open.

Speaker 2 (00:53):
Honestly, I feel pretty great. Like I you know, it's funny,
I was thinking back on three years ago and it
was not like this. I think it's also a testament
to like my recovery and how far I've come to
where I told you. I'm like, even if there's opposition,
it's like swating away flies, like I just don't care anymore.

(01:13):
That's technology.

Speaker 1 (01:14):
I love that. Oka can I tell you my spirit
team uses that analogy with me all the time when
I'm fighting, you know, the dark will say it's like
just you know flies, no big deal.

Speaker 2 (01:25):
Easy peace relevant. Yeah and no, but just like the
over overwhelming, I mean seriously, like the support that I've
had pouring in, and even some of the comments too
that like people weren't didn't understand or were you know,
not suspicious, but just genuinely or uneducated. I'm able to

(01:45):
take that and like use it as a way to
educate and use it as a place like raise awareness
so instead of I don't know, it's just the the
social climate from three years ago is completely different. Also,
our conversation though, was so different because we took so
much time to like dig everything and we didn't leave

(02:05):
a question unanswered.

Speaker 1 (02:07):
You left no stones unturned, quite literally.

Speaker 2 (02:11):
And that's the way. That's honestly, that's the way you
have to do it. Like I really think that's the
way you have to do it. It's all out there, right,
and it he raises, you know, any type of speculation
or suspicion, And I don't know, I've just gotten like
and just so much support, so many messages, so many
people who are just fighting for me and wanting to

(02:34):
back me in any sense, because you know, it's it's empowering.
It's powerful to see someone come forward who is sacrificing
a huge chunk of their privacy.

Speaker 1 (02:46):
So like, you most certainly are yeah different.

Speaker 2 (02:49):
So like, I've always known that there is a part
of me that that was meant to be a speaker
and like educate people. But now that that's coming into fruition,
I just feel like myself, I guess for the first
time because I'm so open. Also, my friends, that was
so funny. So I I was like, I told all
my friends before it came out, I'm like, please don't

(03:11):
block me, Like please, I hope you still like are
my friend? Oh? Oh, because I didn't know. I just
you know how how I was treated by so many
people three years ago, not not my own friends, but
like people maybe for my childhood and stuff like that. No,
I haven't had one. Literally all my friends are exactly
the same, and all of them sat down and watched

(03:35):
the entire thing, most of them on the first day
for six and a half hours.

Speaker 1 (03:38):
Even beautiful friends. Wow, my friend was like I didn't
even get any work them, Like I just said that
whole lot.

Speaker 2 (03:45):
I haven't even seen the whole thing. I'm only three
hours in.

Speaker 1 (03:47):
I can't. I mean, I edited together, so I'm like,
I did it once. I've been doing my little clips,
but it's I mean, I am actually blown away by
how many people are watching the full length of the
podcast interview. I told you so privately, and I'll say
it on the podcast. Obviously. I was talking to my
you know, podcasting colleagues, people in the radio audio industry,
and they're like, are you crazy six and a half

(04:10):
hour intervie. You're gonna put that all? You got to
break it up? I said no. I said, Juliette wants
it in one episode. I'm going to respect her wishes.
And I said it feels right to me. And I said,
people need to educate themselves and spend time and do
research and learn. People have a very short attention span.
So allegedly, in the audio industry and the podcasting industry,

(04:33):
shorter episodes seem to do better with the ratings. I disagree.
All my episodes are God, I won't shut up. I
talk and talk and talk three hours, two hours, and
they do really well, and people listen and watch I
love me too. I love a long podcast.

Speaker 2 (04:51):
Like yeah, if it's boring, Like there's a lot of
podcasts that are completely pointless, and then that makes sense,
like why they're sixteen minutes long?

Speaker 1 (04:59):
Yeah, but this is I mean, this is a movie.
Your life is a movie, Juliette.

Speaker 2 (05:04):
These are like real, real, powerful stories. And that's what
I always hated about the industry is that they're like,
there's one way to do this stuff to be successful.

Speaker 1 (05:12):
No, No, it's bullshit. Do it feels right for you when you.

Speaker 2 (05:15):
Have a powerful platform and you have powerful stories and
you have people coming forward. And like all the podcasts
I listened to but from Survivors, they're all like three
hours long, and I eat that up, like I am
I want more usually because it's just it's it's fascinating
and it's it's you know, when we did that podcast,

(05:36):
it was like six six and a half hours long.
No one can then go ahead and be like you
didn't answer this question, like you want happen here? Like
I wanted everything covered, law enforcement, reporting, the restraining order,
where I've been, my recovery, like everything even irrelevant things
like where I was living, Like I just wanted it

(05:57):
all out there so that nobody could nobody could message
me and be like, what happened here? Yeah, then it
just needed to all be out there. I literally, if
anybody asked me questions and like, just go to the bodcast,
Like I'm not I'm not going to be digging this
up again and again and again. But it's important. It

(06:17):
was just important that it's all out there in one
go because it really it also like the validity of
it is, so it's so much more different now than
I mean, Pope is the bird with fifteen minutes long.

Speaker 1 (06:30):
So that blows me away still that you condensed your
story down to fifteen minutes for the first time. And
I mean obviously now that I know your full story,
there's I mean, you need it a much longer platform
to share every detail. And truly it really it's educational
and also I think it has people who may be

(06:51):
new to this level of abuse, gives them a more accurate,
I will say, portrayal of what it's really like. There's
so many facets to it that people need to at
least have a basic understanding of, I feel, to fully
really accurately understand the bigger picture and what this is

(07:12):
all about and how this really works and how easy
it is for the to hide amongst us. It's how
everywhere you.

Speaker 2 (07:20):
As a child, that's like born within your home because
you're all that child knows. So like if you groom
them to behave a certain way, they're going to behave
that way.

Speaker 1 (07:31):
It's a kid absolutely mind control, brainwashing from a young age.
If you get them as a baby, you know, three
years old, that's usually when we'll say the programming begins.
For a lot of mind control victims, you've got them hooked.
You've got them hooked usually until they wake up and
are able to break free later when they're into their
adult ages.

Speaker 2 (07:51):
But not necessarily.

Speaker 1 (07:53):
It doesn't always happen. There's many who are still under
hole mind control. It's so sad.

Speaker 2 (07:58):
And who just won't they they won't accept it. And
I think a lot of those issues too is that
when you're so connected to family and you're seeing someone
all the time and like that person abused you, you're
you can't you can't, you can't surrender to what actually
happened because you're still kind of fed in that like

(08:19):
survival state.

Speaker 1 (08:20):
And would you say you don't know any better?

Speaker 2 (08:22):
Right?

Speaker 1 (08:23):
You don't know what it's like to actually have a
good parent.

Speaker 2 (08:26):
No one wants to believe this, Like I would always say,
I'm like I wish I was crazy, Like I wish
I just made it up.

Speaker 1 (08:34):
It'd be a lot easier, right, It's be a lot easier.

Speaker 2 (08:37):
I wish I could just be, like, you know what,
I'm gonna believe their narrative, like I must just be insane.
And but it's that's what sucks, is that, Like, accepting
the truth is harder than living in a delusion usually,
but then once most people do, Yeah, but then once
you accept it's like your life everything is just better,

(09:00):
Like everything, Well, I guess what I mean is like
it's harder to accept the truth than live in delusion,
but once you do, you realize that it's actually the
other way around, because yep, you know, living in this
kind of in between state where you're you're denying and
denying and denying, like you're trapped, you're stuck. You can't
move forward, like you can't grow as an individual until

(09:20):
you really heal and recover this stuff. That's where I
feel like I'm at, Like I feel like a different
I feel exactly the same, but exactly different because all
of a sudden, it's just all out there and I'm
able to just pick up my phone and do a
TikTok and be like, yeah, this happened to me blah
blah blah blah blah, and nothing is. I don't have
that anxiety or that fear anymore. I feel like I'm

(09:42):
actively normalizing these conversations.

Speaker 1 (09:44):
Did you feel like before it was like a hidden secret?

Speaker 2 (09:47):
Oh my god?

Speaker 1 (09:47):
Yeah, yeah, secrets are hard to keep. It it's away
at you after a while.

Speaker 2 (09:52):
You're sick. Your secrets keep you sick. Yeah, it's but no,
it was it was like a it was like a
whole hidden life, you know that, And especially because I
am in the public eye so and there were also
like people who have followed me since Hope is the Bird,

(10:13):
and there were new people who didn't know me and stuff.
So it's like some people were familiar, but there's been
kind of this question mark around it, which is, you know,
what happened, Like what happened was this true? Yea, which
is a dumb question, but I don't understand to an
extent because it's like, hey, this girl posted for one

(10:36):
week and then everything's gone and now she doesn't talk
about anything anymore. So it it does, it is kind
of like it makes you tilt your head and be like,
what the heck happened here? And when we we covered everything?
So now it's we covered everything. We answered every question.
So now it's like if anybody needs the answer to
anything that's out there, and I don't have to be

(10:58):
kind of like digging up this stuff all the time
and questions and having all this speculation and having people
I'm like the next guy I date. Literally, I'm gonna
go watch this podcast episode.

Speaker 1 (11:12):
I'm gonna be like, here.

Speaker 2 (11:16):
You go take a day, go watch this, and then
tell me if you want to date me. Like so
it's like a cheat sheet. I'm like, here it is.
And and my friends too, Like I really found out
who my real like rider dies are and the ones
who are like I see your family. I'm like, okay,
calm down, but it's true. Like people, I got like

(11:37):
an army. I have an army of strangers behind me
on the you do, an actual army of like real
people that I know. And then I have like, you know,
opportunities pouring in and new new opportunities and and everything.
I don't know. It's just even my manager posted it.

(11:57):
My new manager in La no way, she posted it
and she was like my amazing client talking about child exploitations.

Speaker 1 (12:05):
Oh, it was like here, I thought you.

Speaker 2 (12:10):
I thought she was gonna drop me.

Speaker 1 (12:12):
There there are some good people in Hollywood, Thank God.

Speaker 2 (12:15):
To the right people. That's also that's a crazy that's
a crazy story. I actually, well, obviously we'll get into everything.
But I was an actress and I quit a couple
of years ago, dropped all my representation, and I had
this management reach out to me. I took a meeting,
it wasn't the right time, and then I had the
same management reach out to me, but a different person

(12:37):
who didn't know that the first person reached out to me,
and then I wound up taking a meeting with her
and it was like right person, right time, and then
it all just came together. But it's interesting because it
had been like over the span of like eight months,
and you didn't even know that the owner had reached out.
It was just funny, like the way that it worked.

Speaker 1 (12:54):
Everything that's lining up for you right now, All the
pieces are falling into place for this beautiful I don't
want to call it a comeback. But this revival of you,
this new version of you coming out, which quite literally
it's really beautiful and exciting. And I do see you
psychically right now what I'm picking up on. And I

(13:14):
told you this off the record. I mean, you're going
to direct, You're going to produce, and I do see
you taking some acting opportunities that feel right for you
to tell, to tell proper stories, important stories. You're not
going to be doing fluff pieces. Everything you're going to
do has a purpose to it. It's to educate, spread
awareness and help.

Speaker 2 (13:33):
And to write. I've always wanted. I started as I
started writing a short film again, like all of this
can come into fruition now. And I think that's what
was so important about me coming forward was that I
kickstarted my life. It was like, hey, you did all
this other stuff, you got yourself a great career. I
have money, I have a house, like I have like
I did all the behind the scenes work so that

(13:53):
now I can I can put that final piece together
to really give myself.

Speaker 1 (13:57):
And this work you're going to start doing is is fulfilling.
It's going to fulfill it such a deep level.

Speaker 2 (14:04):
Yeah, tiktoks, I do. I was such a TikTok hater,
Like I was like, screw this platform, this is so dumb.

Speaker 1 (14:10):
Same here, I'm like, actually, TikTok's kind of great.

Speaker 2 (14:13):
Hope I don't get rid of it. In January they've
been trying to get rid of that.

Speaker 1 (14:18):
It's a bunch of bs. Yeh, scare it fear tactics.

Speaker 2 (14:22):
But and then somebody wi else would just make a
new platform, which might because then you're like new to
the game. It's always better when to be better.

Speaker 1 (14:33):
For us because we're so new, be easier for us
to build an audience on new platforms. Actually, so it
actually would work to our benefit.

Speaker 2 (14:41):
But yeah, I don't know. I've just I've been having
I've just been having such a good time. And I
can't believe it because I'm not talking about fun ship.

Speaker 1 (14:51):
But talking about really dark topics.

Speaker 2 (14:54):
It's but it's like it's fulfilling, like it's purpose like
all stuff. Every time I talk about something that's like,
you know, intense or dark, it's a release. So and
I know what I'm saying, Like when I say something
that's impactful, I can feel it, like I can feel
that it's important, and I don't know what that is

(15:15):
it's just like this intuitive feeling that like this needs
to be told, like people need to hear this. And
those are the comments that I've been receiving, which is,
you know, thank you so much for talking about this stuff,
because nobody wants to talk about this stuff. And I'm like, hell,
I'll do it. I've spent years and years of my
life trying to understand this, and now I have all

(15:35):
this information. And I'm so happy that I faced all
that opposition, honestly, because I think it made me pretty
much desensitized to any type of daggers thrown my way. Like,
if anything, I'm happy that my family behaves. It's nothing
compared to three years ago. But like even online because

(15:56):
it shows what we go through, the gaslighting, the maniput
the lies, the decene, the narratives that are painted of
us that we're crazy. And also you have to be
like very intellectually, Uh, what's a polite way to say this?
Low so like believe that, Yeah, you have to be

(16:19):
very you have to be in denial about something in
your life or perpetuating that abuse to believe that I
am crazy quote unquote, Like.

Speaker 1 (16:31):
That's just saying there's really not many comments like that
it's just my mom, I know, I know, just family,
but like everyone, I got to say, like, it's mainly support.
Every comment I've seen has been you know, some people
may be just a little confused and kind of shell
shocked because maybe they've just been really protected from from

(16:52):
seeing this truth. And there's a lot of naive people
out there. I'm not gonna lie, there's a lot of
naive humans, but that's okay. We're gonna help them get
through it and helped them awaken.

Speaker 2 (17:01):
All right, been very open because I think we were
as a collective group of people, we're sick of this,
Like we'relutely we can all agree that, like something's messed up.
And I just want to, you know, to the courageous

(17:23):
people who came forward before me. I think they really
made it easier for me to come forward because people
like Kibbi and Onnica Lucas and like people that have
these gigantic, you know stories, and I know Onnica Lucas
was involved in with a lot of elites and she's
been at it for years. Yeah, she got demolished when
she first came forward, and now she's being she's like
a hero, and these individuals like really kind of set

(17:48):
the stage and sacrificed a huge part of themselves and
even myself, you know, three years ago. Like I'm so
happy I did that because it really made everything easier.
But the more voices that we have in this conversation,
the better. And that's I guess what I hope is
to normalize, you know, these types of conversations, especially incest,
because no one freaking talks about that. Yeah, and mother

(18:12):
daughter incest is like, no one speaks on that, and
I really it is common, and I that's what's so
mind blowing to me is that, like I really don't
know a ton of people who are who are really
pushing that and talking about it and normalizing it, because
maybe people just don't want to accept that that's possible,
but they don't.

Speaker 1 (18:32):
Kippy is the only other one that I know of
who has spoken out. Yeah, you and Kippy.

Speaker 2 (18:37):
Yeah, that's She's pretty much the only one I know too.
But I also I'm kind of sheltered too, Like I
don't look at a ton just cause like I, oh,
you know who talked about that, Jeanett McCurdy, I think
her mom. I don't think I know her story the
Nickelodeon Storry put out that book.

Speaker 1 (18:56):
Oh I don't think I know, No, I don't know
who she is.

Speaker 2 (18:59):
She's young, Yeah, she's only Okay. She started on I Carly,
and she's one of the ones that came forward and
told me experience growing up in the industry. She didn't
name names or anything. I think Nickelodeon or someone offered
her a ton of hush money, and she didn't talked
about her mom. I think she used to do. I
remember what it was like in the shower, like inappropriately,

(19:21):
like touch her or measure her or something like that.
That's interesting though, because like very similar upbringing life actor
Hollywood like it as a certain type of individual and
a certain type of family.

Speaker 1 (19:36):
It absolutely does.

Speaker 2 (19:38):
Yeah, so, but yeah, I don't know. I'm just I
feel great. I'm very happy. I'm not nearly where I
was three years ago.

Speaker 1 (19:49):
You're glowing, by the way, the last time I told
you this, but this time I tell you were glowing.

Speaker 2 (19:54):
Just I feel so good.

Speaker 1 (19:56):
I'm just like a breathed look amazing. You You're stunning,
You're honest, your energetic field is glow. Oh you're very kind.
I had no sleep. Thank you.

Speaker 2 (20:05):
Like we're like, whoa it really is?

Speaker 1 (20:10):
And you I feel like you're so free right now,
that's the act you keep sensing in your field. You
just are so free and you can just fly and
soar your wings now. Truly, it's like you were held
back prior to this kind of having to keep this
hush hush and quiet and being silenced, and now it's like, no,

(20:30):
all bets are off, you are completely free.

Speaker 2 (20:34):
Yeah. For years, like you long time think of all that,
all that, all that stuff. Some of the things I
had never even said out loud until we did that podcast.
So it's like that's festering within me, which is why
it's so important for people to connect to another person,
go public with something anything. It's so important because it

(20:54):
really it festers until it's out there and then like
once you bring light to something, well, it's what that
that woman said to me at my job where she
said it's beautiful is a is a natural detoxifier. So
that's what I feel like I did, is like when
you shine a light, when you're the sun and you
shine a light on something, you're detoxifying yourself. That's what
I feel like I did, Like I cleansed myself of

(21:17):
all that horrible stuff that was it was not my
my pain to carry, like and the shame, and maybe
that's what it is too, is that I probably got
rid of that last amount of shame that I had
lingering I think, so, yeah, I'm open about it now.
That and and that, I feel like is the number
one killer with sexual abuse is shame and self hatred.

(21:40):
Shame encompasses everything, like it's every feeling, it's the worst,
every terrible feeling you could have about yourself, that's shame. Like, yeah,
every awful feeling, the worst emotion that is shame. And
in one you know, that's just what it's classified as.
But maybe that's why. I don't know. I just I
just feel great. I feel like I know my my

(22:00):
friends now too, Like I just feel like I have
such a wonderful support system around me. I have so
many people supporting me and encouraging me. And you know,
even the things that would have triggered me three years
ago don't at all. And I'm not huge. Yeah, I
just and I said that, I'm like, even the hard

(22:23):
you know, my family harassing online, like it doesn't I'm
laughing at it. I'm literally laughing I'm gonna make much
about it, like it's lying to the public. She is
lying to the public. Like that's just so you guys,
Like it's just it's funny. I don't know why. It
used to make me so upset and now I'm just

(22:45):
because I see right through it. Yeah, I'm up here.
You know this is a podcast. You can't see me
unless your own video. But like, I just don't feel
the tables have just turned. And you know what, I
think the tables were always like that, but that psychological
hold is gone. Yeah, that's exactly Fibers is that in reality,
these people have nothing over you. They can threaten conservatorships

(23:07):
and lawsuits and all this shit, and at the end
of the day, they have nothing over you. It's a
psychological manipulation. It's a seed that they planted in you
since you were a child. It's grooming, its mind control.
And once you really let that go and understand that
these people don't have anything over you and they never
had anything over you to begin with, that's when that
real liberation and freedom starts. Yeah, that's going to be

(23:29):
a clip on TikTok. I like that.

Speaker 1 (23:33):
We will we will edit that together. That's the perfect
TikTok click.

Speaker 2 (23:36):
It's true though, It's so true, like you've gotta and
there's threats and it's scary. You don't get me, like
you know, I've been stalked in harassed, But looking back,
they never actually did anything, like.

Speaker 1 (23:50):
Nothing, there's never any follow through. No, it's all empty threats.

Speaker 2 (23:55):
Even with my mom, It's like I was always gonna
be okay, even in my child, in the moment insidious,
darkest places that anyone has ever, you know, like just
the horrible things that I experienced, I was always protected.
I was always going to be okay. That was always
my I always had a level of protection around me.
And m hmmm, I'm at a point now where I'm like,

(24:19):
the more I expose, the better I feel like I
feel safer.

Speaker 1 (24:22):
The more you're safer talking about it absolutely, yeah, putting
it out there that way, you know it's it's And
you have an energetic army behind you and also an
army of beautiful people that you're meeting strangers quite literally
on the internet up your back. You have such a
tremendous level of support. You've got this safety net. You're protected.

(24:45):
Nothing is going to happen to you. And that goes
out to anyone watching this who's also a survivor who
might be a bit nervous to come forward. I promise
you you are safe and protected, and if you need help,
contact me, contact Juliet. You got your back. We're going
to help you. We will help. That's what I'm here
to do is help survivors, create a safe space for

(25:07):
any survivor who may want a safety net to share
their story. I know many are just going out there
putting it on social media, and that's amazing, but I
know some are a bit nervous and they're scared, and
it's it's really being vulnerable and and again, you lose
your persense of privacy as well when you do this.
So that's the work I'm here to do, is to
aid aid in whatever way that may be for many

(25:30):
different survivors of many different traumas. Maybe not just sexual abuse,
but I talk to a lot of victims of random
assaults and attacks now. Just people feel safe having having
that safety net someone to open up to and feel
protected by when they're when they're sharing sharing a level
of trauma. And I feel like you're going to be

(25:52):
that safety net for a lot of people as well, Juliette.

Speaker 2 (25:55):
I hope So. I mean even in my messages, there's
so many people reading out to me, and it's like
when Hope is the bird came out and it was
that same. I forgot how healing that is on both ends,
to have people confided in and be and then me
be able to support them. Yeah, because it's like this
is a healthy cycle. Like I've started a new, healthy cycle,
and I've bought my family's cycle and I started a

(26:18):
new one, and like that huge, huge thing to break out.
Think of how insidious and dark that's been for god
knows how many years.

Speaker 1 (26:28):
We're going way back, many many generations.

Speaker 2 (26:32):
Yeah, I'm an only child. I'm my mom's only daughter.
So like I broke that cycle. That's at least probably
one hundred years.

Speaker 1 (26:44):
I think older. I do, I think much older.

Speaker 2 (26:47):
Yeah, but from what I know, at least that And
that's a huge feeling of relief, honestly to know that,
like my future kids are never going to go through that.
Then if if anything ever were to happen to them
outside of you know, my life and they're home, I

(27:13):
would know how to handle it and I would not
let it. I would never you know, some people. The
one of the most frustrating comments I ever see, and
I didn't receive one of these, by the way, But
like I'll see people especially with kids who are abuse
for like their life will never they're never going to
live a full life because of you and what you did.
And that's just so not true. Like you can, you

(27:33):
can have a beautiful life. It's going to be different.
You know, you're going to have an experience that's going
to impact you for a lifetime, but that doesn't mean
it has to be a negative impact on your life.
And that's not it's not a terminal illness that's going
to be with you forever. M I agree.

Speaker 1 (27:51):
Everyone can heal. Everyone has the ability to heal themselves.
You're living proof you did it.

Speaker 2 (27:57):
But you have to want to. And I think that's
the thing. Some people want to stay hurt and they
want they want to let it.

Speaker 1 (28:07):
It's easier. It's hard to heal.

Speaker 2 (28:09):
It's work.

Speaker 1 (28:09):
It is work to heal. It's not easy to look
within and go within, and and that's for any any
sort of trauma, not just sexual abuse, trafficking. But you
have to feel it in order to heal it. And
people don't want those feelings to come to the surface
and relive it. But it truly is the only way
to be free.

Speaker 2 (28:27):
And you have to you have to put in the work,
You have to be honest with yourself, and you have
to dig up all that awful shit that you just
I mean, there are things that like I never I
refuse to even accept or understand until I realized that,
like I had to in order to move, you have
to and it lasts, it doesn't last that long like

(28:54):
it's it's it's painful but temporary.

Speaker 1 (28:57):
Yeah, my recovery was.

Speaker 2 (28:59):
What for you really, And I mean it was really difficult,
really intense, hard work, and it's not over. But when
you think about that, and like the grand scheme of things,
that's not a gigantic portion of my life and.

Speaker 1 (29:14):
Yours is a very short amount of time. You did
that incredibly fast. Because I know people who suffer for
decades trying to heal trauma. It's amazing you were able
to come so far in only four years.

Speaker 2 (29:26):
I was so honest from the jump, And I think
the huge part of it was that I I was
like word vomit, Like I would just tell anyone anything,
and I barely even knew them, and I would just
be like, this is what happened to me. And I
was just so hell bent on giving myself a life.

(29:47):
And I also didn't have I mean, obviously we all
have choices, but I didn't feel like I had a
choice at that time. Hmmm, felt like I needed to.
I had no family to support me. I didn't have
a job. I was living off of money that I
had from my past acting job. I knew if anything,
if I were to relapse or anything, my dog would
get taken away from me or my parents would be
able to have a conservatorship over me. So I feel

(30:10):
like because of my life and my circumstances, it really
kicked me in the ass. Yeah. Yeah, as normal as possible,
as quickly, and I mean like normal, just like well,
just well adjusted and able to talk for myself and
be able to showcase a healthy individual because anything I

(30:32):
knew and this is so it's so devastating that like
I even had to think like that. But any ounce
of emotion I had shown, I knew it could be
used against me, you know, law. So I was like
a lot of people too have messaged me and been like,
what did you do to heal and how. And I
think that was a huge part of it was that
I didn't have time, like I needed my life together

(30:54):
as fast as possible because I was running out of money,
I was being harassed, I was being stalked, you know.
So it was I just I really, I really needed
to get myself to where I was as fast as possible.
And I also when even with our podcast, like I

(31:15):
remember you saying that I had I had so many
memories that were so intact and I had I was
able to talk about things so much, and it was
not like that, like that's not how it was. And
a big part of that, too was that I knew
that one day if when I think when, but you

(31:35):
know whatever, if I testify, I need to be able
to be cross examined. Yes, And that was a huge
And I know that sounds like, again, that's horrible that
you have to think like that, but I need to
be so unwavering in my truth that I don't even
give a shit if someone's cross examining me. And that
happened the first four day I had against my mom.
She had a lawyer and he cross examined me and

(32:00):
was you know, flinging all these accusations at me and
all this stuff. And I knew after that experience that,
you know, if I ever were to go to court
for what they did, like I need to be able
to handle this, and I can. And that's why I
almost welcome the opposition because it it it doesn't affect

(32:20):
me like it used to, and it shows me how
much stronger I've gotten because as survivors don't have the
luxury of expressing normal emotions, like we don't. And I
don't want that to be the case forever, but we don't.
You know, you don't express enough. You express too much,
you're too passive, you're too aggressive, you're too emotional, you're
too non emotional, like we can't win. So and that

(32:44):
was something but that, you know, especially with the threats
that I was getting in the harassment, I really needed
to get myself to a healthy place mentally as soon
as possible, because I knew that my parents, they still
had so much country roll over me, air quotes, they
really never had control. But you know, I just I

(33:04):
couldn't have anything that showed that I was unstable, which
is crazy because I'm very I'm very much so allowed
to be unstable when I'm processing trauma, but absolute that's
the way that it goes like that. And even when
I had Hope as the Bird in that that conservatorship,

(33:25):
they tried to conservatorship me like I was able to
showcase that I pay my bills, I take care of
myself like all I I handled everything up until Hope
is the Bird the right way so that they couldn't
do that, and it was overruled by the way my
mom said that she let it go. It was an
overruled conservatorship like that was it was a judge, like

(33:48):
that's not how that stuff works. But you know, just
to clear things up. That's that is part of my
mom's delusional narrative that she paints about me, just one
of the many things. But we really have to conduct
ourselves in a way that it's almost inhumane because you know,

(34:09):
initially it's like, you want to feel all the feelings
and why am I not allowed to rip my hair
out and scream and cry? But I don't. I also
like don't want to do that anymore. But I remember
there was a point where I was like, especially with
Hope is a Bird, when I was upset and people
were messaging me and being like, well you just honestly,
like we believe you, but you seem a little crazy.

(34:31):
Ha ha, And I'm wow, who says that to someone
like I'm talking about my trauma or are you? Then
I'm crying and then I'm angry and that I'm upset,
And it's.

Speaker 1 (34:41):
Just we need to ban the word crazy.

Speaker 2 (34:44):
It's just it's a word for stupid people. I don't
like that word, word for stupid people. I fully stand
on by that Julia. Nobody's crazy, nobody is crazy. Stupid
people like that is that's my that's my quote. Crazy
is a word for stupid people, because it doesn't make sense.
If you knew one thing about mental illness, you would

(35:05):
know that it's derived from trauma, which confirms my story.
It doesn't deny it. The mental illnesses that my mom
is flaunting around that I have are not that I've
never been diagnosed, nor would they you know, manifest in
trauma and like talking about trauma, they just say that
I have bipolar, which again doesn't make any sense too

(35:25):
because like even if I did, I could still talk
like whatever, that doesn't change anything. But it's just it's
such a cheap excuse. It's a stupid excuse, and we
do need to ban the word crazy because I feel
like it just no one is crazy. No, no one's crazy.
There's not one person that's crazy like and.

Speaker 1 (35:46):
We've all had unique experiences and we have unique perspectives.
And again, people have been through a lot of trauma.
It's interesting. I had in college an ex boyfriend worked
at a local mental hospital in actually Greystone, you know
Greystone in Morris Plains. Have you heard of it? I

(36:07):
think so, God, that place is corrupt. I would love
to bring expose that, but that's another another podcast.

Speaker 2 (36:15):
Are corrupt.

Speaker 1 (36:16):
But he worked there for a bit because his dad
worked there, and I remember, you know, he would share
all these stories because he would work directly one on
one with the patients. And there is some I mean,
people were in there from for some serious crimes. I
have to say, one woman put her put her baby
in the oven and crazy stuff that that that that
hospital housed a lot of people with some serious, serious problems,

(36:39):
we'll say, serious trauma that has not been dealt with.
And I remember him telling me, He's like, Kelly, these
people they are smarter than you and I. They are
not crazy. Yeah, I know them are crazy. They are
so intelligent, and I believe and the work I'm meant
to do in this life is actually to help a
lot of people heal the neurological structure they and their

(37:00):
neurological structure has been messed with mind control and manipulation
through through various various methods. Will say, but they're not crazy,
and many of them are existing and living in multiple
realities at once, and they're having a hard time navigating
because we're multi dimensional beings.

Speaker 2 (37:19):
We are, it's associated.

Speaker 1 (37:21):
Exactly, and they're just simply living in different reality fields.
And it's like we have to bring their present state
of focus into this present reality field that we're presently
in here in the space time location. That's that's work
I'm meant to do with with people, because it breaks
my heart. I'm like, no, they're not crazy, and normally
they've suffered immense trauma, so many of them, so many
of them.

Speaker 2 (37:41):
Do you know so much trauma it takes to break
your brain, like to the point where you can't even
function like that, that's I never What's interesting is that
I like, I never thought that even when I as
soon as I was in recovery. I'm like, oh, this
makes perfect sense, Like I am now able, my eyes
have opened up, can see all of the ways that

(38:02):
these even I mean even children that that's a whole
other topic. But like the person that you see on
the sidewalk, you know, ringing a bell and screaming about.

Speaker 1 (38:14):
They need the most love and help. I always send
them so much love anytime I see somebody.

Speaker 2 (38:19):
They're not crazy, No they're not. They're coping and they
were never given they were never given the life that
people are meant to have. Like you were not you
were not nurtured, you were not loved. Not this, and
so may It's so interesting, especially growing up in Los Angeles,

(38:39):
there'd be so many people group in these perfect households, right,
and they'd grow up and become addicts and they're they
have all these mental illnesses and you're like, guys, what
is going on behind closed doors? Because that doesn't just
naturally happen, No, naturally develop it's it's it doesn't. And
I just talked about this too on my TikTok, love

(39:00):
my TikTok.

Speaker 1 (39:01):
But like the tech talk's blowing up, girl, I love it,
I really do.

Speaker 2 (39:05):
I love so it's so much fun. But I just
talked about this with the school shooting that just happened
in Wisconsin. Who was a fifteen year old girl who
came in and shot and killed I think a teacher
in one of her classmates. What is going on with
these children that is causing them to become so rage
filled and angry and murderous, And you know, I there

(39:27):
was one guy who commented, he was like, I agree
with you one hundred you know, one hundred percent. I
believe ninety nine percent of them grow up in these
adverse child homes that he said, there is there is
a one percent I do believe that are born sociopaths.
And I really had to think about that because that
is the one question mark I do have, because there
are some people, you know, like Hitler like that are
like so evil that just they're almost born in a

(39:52):
way that's.

Speaker 1 (39:52):
Well, some of them are. Absolutely It depends on the
bloodline you're born into. And some of their some levels
of consciousness come in to bodies down here and they're
just pure evil. And it's some get taken over from
a very young age by a higher level fallen consciousness.
And again if they have a fallen bloodline, it's much
easier for infiltration to happen. So there, yeah, there's a

(40:13):
there's a small percentage. Absolutely the majority are from trauva
ye and like like that.

Speaker 2 (40:24):
Children like that. That's a child like that's and she
killed herself. She killed two people and killed herself. What
is going on within their life to cause them to
grow up? It's devastating. It's absolutely devastating because nobody is
I think we're finally opening up our eyes, like the reality.
But you know, we were just talking about it. Look
at our youth. Look how angry they are. Why are

(40:46):
they so angry? Like this is not a oh it's
a teenager, it's hormonal. No, this is like rage filled
hatred for themselves and their lives. So what is going
on within their homes and their environments and even outside
of that that there they are filled with this much
hatred and rage and you can feel it. It radiates
off of it, and it also it translates and manifests

(41:09):
in the way that they take care of themselves, and
they look and they carry themselves, they portray themselves, their
skin everything. My skin was the worst when I I
was deepest in my unprocessed trauma and then had my
last relationship with my ex, so like as literally I

(41:30):
was like three months into our relationship acting like crazy.
And it's that it's that festering your body. Your body
keeps the score your body even before you are able
to accept it and deal with it. And the shame
and anger that these teenagers and children carry, it's just

(41:50):
out of this world. But I know, I think, I
just I don't believe anybody's crazy. And I think someone
else commented on the YouTube video talking about how she
works without risk You and I want to share one
story about AA two that I had and then we
can show it. But she was talking about out risk you.
They're all misdiagnosed, they're pumped with meds. Yeah, it's it's

(42:12):
and no one gets the problem. And I understand it's
probably easier to maintain like that when there's so many
of them, But like, the more we do this, it's
never gonna change, it's gonna get worse. So maybe we
should take the time. But that's the thing is that
like we don't have enough resources, we don't have enough education,
we don't have enough awareness.

Speaker 1 (42:33):
And it's designed that way purposely by the powers that be,
But we're going to change that. We're changing that. We're
in the process of shifting that right now. And yes,
we need more people to sit down with these kids
and work with them for an extended period of time
one on one and get to the cause. Who understand
and who are natural healers, and many of the natural
healers of the world are awakening now for this reason

(42:56):
to help these kids. It's time.

Speaker 2 (42:59):
Well, they can't. They can can't do it, like it's
up to us.

Speaker 1 (43:02):
They're they're not, They're able to, and I need assistance.

Speaker 2 (43:06):
Absolutely therapeutic youth mentor and I worked with kids, and
I even the way that they gravitated to me too
was so interesting because they can tell when you're a
safe space. They know, I mean, the experiences I had
with them, it was so eye opening because I'm like, God,
this is such a huge issue, and they even places

(43:28):
that support them like are corrupt and they're the So
the story that I want to share and this also
kind of ties into AA and then what we can
get into Hollywood and talk about all that. But I
do think this is really interesting. I used to live
next to and an at risk youth temporary housing in Billings,

(43:48):
And this was recently, it was like a year ago.
I was and I used to walk down the street
to AA every day. I just go in the morning
and I was out, I went out walking, and there
was this girl that I'd always see and she would
always be picking up rocks in my parking lot. And
I gave her a crystal once, and she was she
must've I honestly have no idea how old she could
have been. She was probably over eighteen, but looked to

(44:10):
be around twelve and was regressed to a coal and
her clothes never fit. She was heavy set, just very
much like shameful, like it was like she her whole
body was rejecting her identity. And I remember I was,
I was. She was just it was sad to even
look at because the level of trauma she must have

(44:33):
gone through was so intense that it was like her
own body didn't even want to carry her anymore. I
don't know how to explain it, like it just it
was so bad that I was walking to AA one
morning and she was in the street with like barely
any clothes on. It was cold down she was barefoot
in the street, screaming and yelling, like for help about
someone too. She was like yelling about someone and I

(44:57):
was like, oh my god, what this is a ch.

Speaker 1 (45:01):
And there's people driving by and they're just ignoring this,
and they're just ignoring her.

Speaker 2 (45:06):
Oh my god. Here's the funny thing is that there
was a child psychiatrist that used to go to that meeting.
Guess who was the one to call the cops. Not her,
You guess who sat there without a fucking care in
the world. I was out, I was out following her

(45:28):
around in the street that she got we live, we live.
We were right by a very busy road, and the
cop showed up and I guess took her to the
hospital where she had just been because she was always
in and out of there. But the fact that this
woman was is the one that's supposed to take care
of these youths and didn't give a shit goes to

(45:49):
show you. And I mean, like, he is anonymous, so
I can't really like share the stuff that she said,
but of course I sing some of her shares. It
was very clear to me he did not care about
these kids. Her entire job was to get them medicated
and misdiagnosed from a very young age.

Speaker 1 (46:04):
And she was I'm assuming had alcohol issues because she
was in AA okay, and she should be the last
person helping children with you know, serious problems in Toba
or like.

Speaker 2 (46:14):
But that's the thing, is that, like you think she'd
have more of an understanding.

Speaker 1 (46:17):
You'd hope so is that your career? Yeah, you should
be way more compassionate.

Speaker 2 (46:22):
I was the only one who did something out of
a group of twenty adult individuals, I was the only
one who went out there. And they even I remember
some guy even said that he was like, thank you
so much for doing that. I'm like, dude, all I
did was dial nine to one one. There's a kid,
beerfoot in the road. Not that hard. Hard, It's not
that hard. I don't go to this meeting anymore, but

(46:44):
I I remember I was so pressed because of I
think this might have been one of the last times
I went there because of something you know, this woman
shared and she she shared about a child that she
was so scared she was gonna have to diagnose him
with schizophrenia. It was a six year old fucking kid.

(47:05):
Oh my god. And I was sitting there like rage
filled because I'm like, you're not even trying to figure
out what's going on in this child's home. Your goal
is to just pump him up with medication and misdiagnose
him and ruin the rest of his life. That's what
you're doing. You're not even trying to get to the
root of the issue. Why is this child having hallucinating episodes?

(47:29):
Why is this child erradically acting out? These are red flags.
God knows what this kid's what's going on with in
this kid's home, and why is the mom so you know,
hell bent on getting it diagnosed. Huh that raises a
red flag. Kind of sounds like my fucking mom. So
when she said that, oh my god, I shared this

(47:49):
is probably my last meeting there. But I was like,
I I'm such a bitch sometimes, but I was sitting.

Speaker 1 (47:56):
You're not no, You're honest, You're honest. I am.

Speaker 2 (47:59):
I shared about that girl outside and I was like,
you know, what's really sad that girls like this. It's
very obvious that they are going through a traumatic episode.
If anything, she's experiencing PTSD. Some might see that as hallucinating,
but I see it completely as PTSD. She's in the
road yelling about somebody. She's asked she's begging for help.

(48:20):
I see that as a as a post traumatic stress
disorder episode, and someone would go ahead and misdiagnose her
with schizophrenia.

Speaker 1 (48:28):
I see you, Good for you.

Speaker 2 (48:31):
I never talked to her again. I left. I was like,
I cannot believe that these people are the ones that
are in charge of our youth. I cannot believe it.
I genuinely can't believe it. And I have such a
I have such a resentment for that individual, like I
genuinely do, because it's it's you can ruin someone's life.

(48:52):
You can't. They can't get a job, they can't get
a home, they can't. They can't buy a gun, they can't.
There's so many things that they can't do because you
have misdiagnosed them with an illness that is seen by
society as crazy. You know. Mm hmm, wait that's my rant.

Speaker 1 (49:09):
I'm glad you shared that story. I think it's a
really important story. Again, unhealed people cannot help heal other people.
You've got to do your own inner work. She clearly
had a lot of unhealed trauma if she was turning
into alcohol to cope, So she's the last person who
should be working, especially with children who have trauma based

(49:29):
issues and need healing and assistance and therapy and whatnot.
And I'm a firm believer you cannot assist others until
you've done a good chunk of your own inner healing.
You can't, No way, absolutely not. And that's a major problem.
Most of the people working in these structures and these systems,

(49:49):
they have a lot of trauma they haven't dealt with themselves.
And of course there is the control mechanism, the powers
that we weren't they're doing.

Speaker 2 (49:57):
It's all.

Speaker 1 (49:57):
It's all, it's all part of the the grander scheme
and plans. It's structured this way purposely to again keep kids,
especially people medicate it and keep their frequency lowered and
not really helping them heel.

Speaker 2 (50:13):
How can you do that? Like, No, it takes a
specific level of evil to do all. And that was
something that always stuck out with me was how cold
she was. And I was like, how how can you
do How can you look at a child and see
all the ways that they are exhibiting trauma? I know

(50:35):
that young of an age, I mean, there's no excuse
at that young of an age, There's no excuse if
you are educated in the slightest you should know that
something deeper is going on here, But how can you
go ahead and do that, like I just don't know,
like consciously, how can you know the decision that you're making?

(50:57):
And I probably shouldn't even share that because our rooms
are supposed to be well, it is anonymous.

Speaker 1 (51:02):
I guess you're not saying names, so technically it's anonymous, right, But.

Speaker 2 (51:06):
That when it's something like that, it's like this, this,
this is way more important, you know than It wasn't
just a simple share. It was like showing, you know firsthand,
because I don't. I don't deal with child psychiatrists on
a daily basis, So it's showing firsthand the people that

(51:27):
we have in power that are that are taking these
children and ruining their lives literally quite literally ruining their lives.
Pumping them with medication. It's never going to be enough.
They're always going to need a higher dosage, and then
they're gonna get to years and start finding you know.

Speaker 1 (51:44):
More drugs, harder drugs.

Speaker 2 (51:47):
If there using them within the home, well guess what,
their behavior is just going to get worse and worse
and worse and worse, and they're you know, if that
child winds up dead, that's going to be their excuse.
That just happened here in Montana. Just murdered by the
father and stepmom. It's blowing up on Facebook. Had April issues,

(52:09):
but only when it was with the mom and the stepmom,
and she wound up getting killed by them, I think April.
And it's circulating on Facebook, but the police are not
taking it seriously. But they showed the documents of the
child and again, this is a kid that would have

(52:30):
been diagnosed with behavioral issues and all of these things
and misdiagnosed, and that it was said that the child
fell down the stairs and killed itself and it had
all these like vaginal I don't know if it was
bruises or tears, but all this. They released the documents
that the nurse wrote when they I guess they did
the autopsy or whatever. Wow, But this stuff needs this

(52:51):
is this needs to be known, you know, yeah on Tana,
Like it's on Facebook, you can literally go read about it. It
was a young child and these people are I remember,
you know, I don't know the whole story, but the
mom posted saying that he was at like a cookout

(53:12):
and in no way are they behaving the way that
they should be behaving for somebody whose kid just died,
like and she is like hell bent on bringing justice
to this, which I completely understand. And maybe sharing this,
you know, if I if I can take a clip
out of this and post it like that would help too.
But absolutely, I this was It's devastating, and and you know,

(53:32):
I don't know the whole story, and I know the
mom had a lot of guilt because she believed what
they were saying. She believed that this child had behavioral issues.
I don't know, you know the whole story or they're
cannet whatever. All I care about is that now there's
a kid dead or yeah, reasons that it didn't have
to be that way. And that's what these people do.

(53:52):
They hide this abuse, they hide this trauma. They blame
the kid, just like Madeline Soto. That's that story that
I told you about. And now she's dead and they
killed her at thirteen, And that was the story everybody
was reaching out to me about to have input on
because she was a co sleeper. She slept with the boyfriend,
the mom, and the mom's mom, the grandma's exactly pretty

(54:15):
parallels your Grandma's out free. The dad is, you know,
a first degree murder in child pornography they found on
his phone and sexual abuse. But like, I have no
reason to believe that girl was not molested by her
whole family and tossed around to god knows how many
more men. They always had roommates in and out of
the house. Like, there's so many red flags. And there's

(54:36):
literally a text from the boyfriend to the mom saying,
I can't sleep with Maddie anymore. It's too risky.

Speaker 1 (54:41):
What the fuck does that mean?

Speaker 2 (54:43):
Oh wow? When she was interrogated, whoever was interrogating her
brought it up, but it was radio silence. She was like,
I don't know what that means. I don't know our daughter.
You know, our daughter grew up in them. What does
that sound like? Huh sounds like someone I know.

Speaker 1 (55:00):
I think it's so important you're sharing your experience and
your story, because yeah, it's gonna alert people in case
they see these red flags and people they know, because
it can't hurt, just to report it right, call the police,
report it no harm, both harm.

Speaker 2 (55:18):
And calling a wellness check. There's no doubt in my
mind that that child had so many freaking red flags,
and there's no way even the fact that she was
a co sleeper should be a red flag, and there's
so many. That's what bothers me the most is that, like,
when stuff like this happens, there's definitely a way that
she communicated. There has to be a way. Always, it

(55:41):
always is a way, And until we're educated and aware,
this stuff keeps happening. He strangled her to death. The
boyfriend strangled her to death when she was thirteen years old,
allegedly because she was pregnant. And it's horrifying, And it
was when I couldn't even read the whole thing last
night because I like, I just I can't look. I

(56:03):
can't like. It's it's too much and.

Speaker 1 (56:05):
It's close to home for you, I feel right, And her.

Speaker 2 (56:09):
Voice is gone. Her voice is taken away. She's never
going to be We're never going to know the full
extent of what she went through because it was taken
away from her. And the same thing with that child
here in Montana. Same thing and the countless amount of
children that are still alive that just are never going
to be able to speak on things because of how

(56:30):
we raise them and groom them and misdiagnose them and
all this stuff, and oh, they just told me I
was crazy, you know that none of this actually happened
and that I don't know. That's what really affected me
was the fact that like, she's never going to know
a life outside of that, and that that's devastating to me.
That she her life was taken away at thirteen and

(56:51):
that's all she's ever gonna that's all she ever knew.
I don't know why. It just breaks my heart because
I remember where I was at that age and I
just was like, this is this is I mean, I
tried to kill myself at eleven, so it's like I
know that that deep, deep suffering. I don't know, it's
just it's just it's so sad to me, and I

(57:14):
I'm grateful that so many people reached out to me,
because it does feel like I am leaving an impact
and that so many people were connecting the dots and
being like, hey, this girl just talks about being a
co sleeper with her dad and her grandma and this
was the other crazy thing and then we can get
in the Hollywood. But the Frickin' Boyfriend said in an
interview that she always needed physical contact at night. That

(57:36):
was she couldn't fall asleep, she had to be cuddled.
That was his excuse, And that blew my mind because
I remember as a child like I needed to be
completely warmed and involved by anyone that I slept with.
Wow needed it, like it was like a desperate need.
I can't explain it to you. It's like a guttural desire,
like from the depths of my soul that I needed

(57:58):
to be completely wrapped up in my mom, my grandma,
or my dad. And I remember when my dad would
do it when I was especially when I was younger,
I didn't feel right, like it was weird. It was
like it needed to be my mom. And I don't
know if it was my way of like it was
fear based because of what had just happened to me.
So it's like after the molestation, it was like I

(58:20):
needed to be completely submerged and wrapped up, maybe as
like a form of escapism, and that I needed to
be almost like erased. But I remember with my mom
when she'd fall asleep and kind of get like weak,
like I would like jolt up and like want her
to like brab me again. It's so interesting I don't
know what that is, but that was such a crazy

(58:41):
similarity and and it triggered a part of my brain
that I was like, God, I forgot about that like
I needed and even as I got older, I needed
to be completely submerged. And then it went the opposite,
you know, the opposite way where I was like, I'll
touch me so like even I remember the first time
I slept in bed with my ex because he was

(59:02):
the first guy I'd ever been with or like slept
in bed with. Then when I was drunk, I started sobbing,
Like as soon as he put his arm around, I
was so fucking scared. I was like shaking and panicking
and sobbing. It was like, you know, the second week
he knew me. Oh but I just that connection. I'm

(59:22):
interested if like, I'll probably take a clip of this
and post it because I'm interested if anyone else can
weigh in on that, if anyone else had that same experience. Wow,
I just don't know what that was, Like why did
I need this?

Speaker 1 (59:33):
I'm what I feel is it was part of their
grooming you and the mind control.

Speaker 2 (59:39):
Or the emotional desperation I needed to be or it
was like I needed to be consoled, and it was
the only time my mom would touch me at night,
So it's like I needed to be wrapped up to
almost like hope with what had just happened. I don't know,
like there's something there that it was like a therapeutic need.

Speaker 1 (59:58):
After to be like that they took advantage of.

Speaker 2 (01:00:01):
Yeah, and it was like I needed to be wrapped
up because it was the only time that my mom
would show me any type of affection was at night,
and it wasn't I mean, obviously it wasn't much it
was molestation, but like it was this it almost like
after it happened, it was the only time that I
could ever get any type of emotional fulfillment from her affection.
So it was like I needed to almost like it's

(01:00:25):
other than that I said that. I don't even think
I mentioned that, like besides the abuse, I was not comforted,
like I wasn't touched, I wasn't loved, like, it wasn't
that type of thing. So that was anytime someone would
put their hands on me. And as I got older,
that was very obvious because anytime I would go slack,
like even when I'd filmed scenes, wow, and I'd have

(01:00:46):
to kiss people, I would go completely disassociative. It was
like I would be almost puking the night before because
I was so terrified. So anyway, I guess we can
get into that.

Speaker 1 (01:00:58):
Now. That's a transition to Hollywood. So part part two,
Juliette is now going to really dive deep into in Hollywood,
Hollyweird Broadway. I guess first I want to ask you,
did you always want to be an actress? Was that
always something because you got into it really young? You
were a child's actress. Was that something that you wanted

(01:01:22):
to get into on your own or were you kind
of forced by your mother, by your parents?

Speaker 2 (01:01:27):
I didn't think, like, I think that's something too. Him
like thinking. You don't realize like thinking is a prival.
It really is. When I was in recovery, I was like,
I don't think I've had a thought for the past.

Speaker 1 (01:01:41):
That breaks my heart to hear someone say that. It
really does. Oh my god, what an infringement on our
divine free will right to have our own mind, be
in control of our mind.

Speaker 2 (01:01:54):
I didn't have opinions. I didn't know. I was a
very talented child, I mean, and I loved performing, you know,
I still do, so I guess that's a part of it.
But like it wasn't like, hey, do you want to
be an actor? No one said that it was just
another way to make money, you know.

Speaker 1 (01:02:13):
So do you think your parents got you into it
to take the money to use you?

Speaker 2 (01:02:20):
I also think, and this might sound outrageous, but this
was kind of my hypothesis, I guess you can call
it was because of the child pornography. Remember I said
I used to act out scenes.

Speaker 1 (01:02:30):
That's right, yes, so.

Speaker 2 (01:02:33):
You know, and even the scenes and I don't, I don't.
It's interesting. I don't remember a lot of it, but
I remember the sex chats that I've had I'd have
online where I'd play out all these different scenes, so
obviously I was doing this in real life. I only
remember a few of them, which is probably for the better,
but I remember I think that was why, because I
obviously showcased a talent for members and performing in that

(01:02:54):
type of way, as fucked as that is, and that
was probably why, you know, was indicated that I would
have been a talented performer. I had a great memorization
as well, like a great spellar that type of thing.
But I was a you know, obviously, my mom had
the dance studio, so I was a dancer, and but
I hated dance Like I hated dance. I hated dance

(01:03:15):
and I hated it because I associated it with abuse.
And it wasn't until I went to New Mexico and
I took a dance class there. I always thought I
was such a horrible dancer, and I realized that it
was because I was so stiff within my body. And
that's something that I noticed with a lot of the
dancers at my mom's studio, is that there's a stiffness
because it's it's.

Speaker 1 (01:03:32):
Not you're not you don't feel safe care it, You're terrified.

Speaker 2 (01:03:37):
So that's a huge indicator. And there were a couple
girls I just like couldn't loosen up enough. So that's
very obvious to me now. And but like as a kid,
I remember I hated even as in a teen. In
my teenage years, my mom would make me go to
dance in La and I hated it. I'd get the
worst anxiety. I was so anxious. It was like except
in the church, same thing where I went to recovery. Obviously,

(01:04:00):
and I'm still getting abused by my mom, so I'm
still in that, you know, brain fog. But I didn't
put two and two together that like, that's why I
associate that much anxiety with dance. I never associated that
with horseback riding, which is why that was like my
you know, your safety outlet. I didn't get abused on
a horse like did that, So that's why. But you know,

(01:04:22):
I grew up dancing and my mom obviously we were
close to New Jersey with the dance studio, so there
were kids that were in theater, and my mom decided
to put me in it. I got a manager. I
know that I had a manager my mom. I remember
he told him when I was like a kid that
I had been dreaming about getting raped on lown Order
SVU since I was a child.

Speaker 1 (01:04:41):
Wait, who said that your mother?

Speaker 2 (01:04:43):
Yeah that's that's something.

Speaker 1 (01:04:46):
Yeah, well that's I mean, I get why she said that,
but like, still, like what what holy?

Speaker 2 (01:04:54):
Because if I said I was raped, unbelievable.

Speaker 1 (01:05:00):
So the signs were all there, Juliet, my god, yeah,
oh they were there.

Speaker 2 (01:05:05):
And the mom says that, and she had that multiple
times to multiple people. Oh my god, that's not about
their child.

Speaker 1 (01:05:19):
We know what kind of person does and abuse her
like that's wow.

Speaker 2 (01:05:24):
Wow, actively desensitizing and grooming everyone around me.

Speaker 1 (01:05:28):
Quite literally, so they don't suspect, don't don't report, don't
say anything. Yep yep.

Speaker 2 (01:05:34):
So that when she's normalizing it. And I remember one
of my favorite movies growing up was Taken with Liam Neeson.

Speaker 1 (01:05:41):
As a child. That's not a children's movie.

Speaker 2 (01:05:44):
Watch it over and over and over again. I had
an audition. I remember, I was with two guys in
a room. Fuck, I don't even barely. I can't believe
I remember this. I was young, and they told me
what's my favorite movie? I recited the entire dialogue of
Liam Neeson.

Speaker 1 (01:05:58):
That's a good movie, though it is movie.

Speaker 2 (01:06:02):
Wow, the child is trying to find an escape in
that film is not normal, gigantic indicator of what's going
on in my red flag Red Why a father is
trying to rescue their daughter from trafficking overseas? Like? Why
is a ten year old finding pumper in that?

Speaker 1 (01:06:21):
Guy?

Speaker 2 (01:06:22):
Wake up?

Speaker 1 (01:06:23):
Like what is it happening?

Speaker 2 (01:06:26):
Fucking CPS.

Speaker 1 (01:06:26):
As soon as I left that audition room, the worst
they didn't Yeah, I know they're public alway. Isn't that cute?

Speaker 2 (01:06:33):
She likes Liam Niese, she'll do great in Hollywood.

Speaker 3 (01:06:38):
Wow?

Speaker 1 (01:06:39):
And how how old were you at that point, which you.

Speaker 2 (01:06:41):
Goad whn't have taken?

Speaker 1 (01:06:44):
I feel like that was God, was it twenty eleven
or something? I could be making that up. I remember
seeing that you found Wow. Yeah, I was nine, I
was young, you were a child.

Speaker 2 (01:06:58):
Wow. Anyway, I don't even I feel so much freer
today than I did last time we were here. I
hope a show. I don't even care anymore.

Speaker 1 (01:07:07):
I know I feel the last episode you were very free.
I do honestly.

Speaker 2 (01:07:12):
Today it's all out there. I can just all out there.
But yeah, So to get back to where this is
where our episodes go so long, because.

Speaker 1 (01:07:21):
There's a lot to discuss, and again this probably how
how how far in? We're probably about an hour and
a half in. I think so far right.

Speaker 2 (01:07:29):
I think I think we'll have a nice three hour episode.

Speaker 1 (01:07:32):
That's how I was envisioning as well. Three hours. Yeah,
that's what I feel as well. So I guess we'll
see how it we were wrong.

Speaker 2 (01:07:42):
But yeah, to get back I don't I don't remember.
I just remember that my mom had students that were
in the dance. The dance studio that were in theater.

Speaker 1 (01:07:49):
Oh, that's how you made the transition. You had connections
in the Indus.

Speaker 2 (01:07:52):
Connections and I okay, signed my manager at the time.
I remember that place. It's tiny, tiny little management office
in New Jersey. Just I forgot about that place. But anyway,
I wound up. I guess signing My mom always made

(01:08:12):
it sound like I like organically just like fell into it,
like I had a manager, Like we didn't. It wasn't
just you know, like it.

Speaker 1 (01:08:19):
Sound like you were found on the streets.

Speaker 2 (01:08:21):
Like like I had. And I okay, so my this
is I remember Grinch's Grinch is hazy, like my Broadway
years are. Everything's freaking hazy. But like I remember, you know,
I booked out the Grinch Stool Christmas. I was in
the there's two casts. I think there was like a

(01:08:41):
white cast and a red cast, like they they had
interchanging casts. Okay, something like that. I booked how the
Grinch Stool Christmas. I don't I don't know how long
I think that show was seasonal. I don't remember. I
have no idea.

Speaker 1 (01:08:54):
I would imagine it was probably only during Christmas time.
I'm gonna guess how old were you when you booked that. Wow,
you really started young on Broadway.

Speaker 2 (01:09:05):
Did I do anything before that? I don't remember. I
do know I did a Fruit by the Foot commercial.
I remember that, okay, and it's online and you can
find it and.

Speaker 1 (01:09:17):
It's fruit by the foot. Is that like a candy candy?

Speaker 2 (01:09:20):
Yeah? I did a fruit by the Foot commercial, okay,
so freaking skinny, and I remember you can find it.
But I remember there were I was like probably, I
don't know how old I was, nine or ten. There's
people commenting on it like, oh, I'd like to unwrap that. No,
dead ass, No, I'm dead serious.

Speaker 1 (01:09:36):
Oh god, on YouTube, people leave these comments like it's
on YouTube.

Speaker 2 (01:09:40):
I remember themals are still there maybe something, Oh, I hope.
So that's disgusting men like grown ess men. I can't.

Speaker 1 (01:09:48):
Oh my god.

Speaker 2 (01:09:50):
Oh I booked How the Grinch Stole Christmas? I don't.
I don't remember much from that that show, honestly. I
that was so that was when I had that fantasy
about that boy Joseph that I worked with. So this
was during all that abuse going on at home, So
that where you're.

Speaker 1 (01:10:09):
Starring on Broadway, meanwhile your your family is trafficking you
and abusing you. I did that dichotomy there.

Speaker 2 (01:10:17):
Yeah, yeah, it's insane, but it also is like those
those environments are like a breeding pit for pedophia, one
wrangler for thirty kids, like there's just no way to
keep them protected and safe.

Speaker 1 (01:10:29):
Did you witness any did you experience any first hand
abuse at the hands of anyone behind the scenes, or
did you witness other kids?

Speaker 2 (01:10:36):
I know I did in Billy Elliott, I can't. I
can't remember it, and I have confirmation from other girls
that we were always up in the men's dressing room
in Billy Elliott and I had girls, so this was
the second show I did, so I had when I
came forward, I had girls reach out to me about
you know, specific girls they knew, and they were like
they were always up in the men's dressing room, and

(01:10:58):
I remember being up there too, And the men's dressing
room was right above the little girl's dressing room or
the girls dressing room. I don't maybe it was women
and men I don't remember, or like women and young girls,
but I know that I don't have. My memories of
theater are like very hazy, which is weird, so like
maybe there was stuff going on because I don't. I

(01:11:21):
don't remember I remember, so I remember specific things about
Billy Elliott. I do remember in how they grin stole Christmas,
I slammed my hand in the trap door that I
popped out of and something happened where they. I think
they called my mom and they were I could be wrong,

(01:11:42):
but I think they were like, yeah, she's I was.
I acted like I didn't cry or anything, and it
was weird. Wow. I could be wrong. Okay, maybe I
did cry, but I kind of remember that being like
a question mark, well, something's off here. And I remember

(01:12:07):
I was understudy Cindy lu Who and my mom. I
never went on as Cindy lu Who, and there was
one time that the girl that I understudy was supposed
to call out and she didn't. My mom. My mom
would always turn me against you know, girls my own age.
I think that's something.

Speaker 1 (01:12:26):
And I remember.

Speaker 2 (01:12:29):
Her being like, you know, vicious about it, and.

Speaker 1 (01:12:33):
I almost felt like bad.

Speaker 2 (01:12:35):
I felt like I did something wrong, or you know,
I didn't, but like I felt like I did something
wrong in that capacity, and that that's something that as
I grew up in the industry, my mom was always
doing was pitting me against my peers, always pitting me
against me. She would always say that everybody she would
always call girls average, and even my friends so like,

(01:12:56):
even my friends at home, she'd you know, so and
so so appridge, like her nose is so big, Like
you're so special, you're so beautiful, you're so perfect. Grooming.
I know it's grooming. I know it's grimming, but like, yeah,
I was special, Like that's that's what I was taught.
But I don't remember much about Grinch, which kind of
pisses me off. I wish I could give more insight

(01:13:19):
I have. I have like flashes. I just I remember
like putting my finger in that trap door and closing
it and the paint I mean, like I slice the
shit out my finger, like fully. God, Yeah, so I
remember that. And then after I mean, just to talk
about the environment that I think that's important. What was

(01:13:39):
it Like, Yeah, it's chaos. I mean it's chaos, and
the tutoring is absolute bullshit, and the kids are not
protected or taken care of, and there's way too many
cooks in the kitchen and not enough protection you know whatsoever.
It's interesting. I actually had dreams about Billy Elliott recently.
Like going up into the little dressing room and like
little rooms and stuff like that. But there's not enough

(01:14:02):
protection for children. The labor laws are very lax, and
you have and you know, you have so many individuals
in one place at one time, and the kids have
really barely enough guardians to if they have more than one,
to even support them. And you have you have women
in dressing rooms with young girls, and it's like it's

(01:14:23):
just a mess. Like it's just a mess, and there's
no dressing rooms in and of itself are so bizarre
to me.

Speaker 1 (01:14:28):
What's it like in a dressing room on Broadway? It's
just open really, so there's no privacy. You're getting changed,
like kind of a locker room kind of energy to it, which.

Speaker 2 (01:14:41):
Is so weird to me, especially when you're dealing with children. Like, yeah,
sometimes the door would even be open while we were
getting changed and stuff like that. That's just like it
was so there was just hello, oh, my dog just
I thought he was puking.

Speaker 1 (01:14:57):
He just stretched oh oh, oh, thank goodness, no throw up.

Speaker 2 (01:15:02):
But I just remember it being just like a mess
of children and we were young. I think I think
because of the abuse I had going on at home, too,
Like I don't. I don't remember a lot of that
chunk of my life because that I remember eight years
old is at that like BDSM fantasy with that boy

(01:15:24):
and I. That was also when that first rape occurred.
So I'm sure that that was why this is something interesting. Okay,
I do I do remember this. I think we would carpool,
but there were so this is when that sex chatting
hume then, because I had a plug in stick, like

(01:15:45):
an internet stick that you plug into a laptop. I
don't know if this was Grinch or Billy Ellie or
Mary Poppins or when. But my you know, my mom
would drive me in and out of the city and
I would sit in the backseat and I would go
I would sex chat every chance I got, and I
would go online during our drive homes and sex chat
on girl Sense, on Club Penguin, on Omego like anything.

Speaker 1 (01:16:07):
I've never heard of these websites ever.

Speaker 2 (01:16:09):
Oh, Club these are like child these are like girl
Sense was a website I think for like fashion and
Club Penguin was like a community game for kids that
you go on and create a penguin.

Speaker 1 (01:16:20):
Okay, so they were like kids based websites.

Speaker 2 (01:16:23):
You wouldn't believe the amount of predators that are online
that we're willing to do this with me.

Speaker 1 (01:16:27):
And now, how old were you when you were doing
this sex chatting?

Speaker 2 (01:16:31):
It was It's the earliest it could have been was
eight and the latest it could have.

Speaker 1 (01:16:35):
Been weh, my god.

Speaker 2 (01:16:37):
But it's because I would do it on our drive homes.
Okay for being in the backseat with this internet stick
in sex chatting, which leads me to believe that there
was a lot more going on than I can recover.

Speaker 1 (01:16:52):
Right now, I think so too weird, Like why would
I what eight year old knows what sex is? You know,
like terminologies?

Speaker 2 (01:17:01):
I would I mean literally I would like it was
fetish talk.

Speaker 1 (01:17:04):
Wow, it was like someone trained you about this.

Speaker 2 (01:17:09):
Yeah, that's why I was saying, you know, the scenes
when I was younger, Like there must be so many
more that I just don't recover because I remember the
fetish talks i'd have and I mean this was like
fucked up stuff like but that that is why you know,
Like that, that's why I have an indication that and
maybe something more was going on when you're when you

(01:17:32):
are a when you're a victim from such a young age,
you have it labeled on your forehead, and any predator
knows any treitor, and so many survivors struggle with that,
the the inability to recover, And that's what's always frustrated
me is I want to know. I want to know
who did anything to me, Like I want a list
of names. I want to know, and you you just

(01:17:54):
don't sometimes, like when you've reached that level, I don't
know how many people abused me with the people that
my dad was bringing me around, to the people my
grandma had coming into the in and out of the house,
the theater, people I was around, Like I had no
idea because it was normal. I'm not gonna remember normal
experiences like that, Like it's it's it's something. It's not

(01:18:16):
going to stick out to me like it would somebody
who hasn't been engulfed in that since they were young age.

Speaker 3 (01:18:21):
Absolutely, Oh, it's almost you know, it's it's hard because
like I wish, I I wish I did, like I
wish I did remember exactly who did it.

Speaker 2 (01:18:34):
When, but I I don't. And I that's a lot
of my memories are like that, Like there are these
very visceral, gigantic moments it's usually the first time something
would happen, and then I have like flashes of other stuff,
you know, and things like that, so it it becomes
I really genuinely do think that my abuse was I mean,

(01:19:00):
if not daily, yet I don't know why it wouldn't daily.
Like with I don't know why it wouldn't. I don't
know why it wouldn't sell.

Speaker 1 (01:19:07):
It was daily. The fact that you were in your
parents' bed every night.

Speaker 2 (01:19:12):
And I remember my dad would come to see me
in theater and I was like, so I would be
so happy that he was there and everybody thought he
was so weird. He like never wanted to be seen
with me, and he would always be whistling, and just
like the the the I had such a need from

(01:19:35):
him that was so different from my mom because I
think from that like Stockholm syndrome and the grooming to
be like with him and think that I don't know,
it's just it's just crazy, like I don't remember. I
just I remember the times that he would be there
and everybody would be like he's always the one whistling
the loudest, and I would just be so proud because

(01:19:59):
it was like a normal father daughter experience, But it
wasn't because of them what I would go home to.

Speaker 1 (01:20:06):
But you had kind of a brief glimpse at what
it was like in that moment to have a normal
father daughter relationship.

Speaker 2 (01:20:14):
Yeah, oh yeah, it's just it's I don't know. And
I remember we used to carpool with some of the
other girls who came from like our area. But in
Billy Elliott. So, Billy Elliott was the one that when
I came forward three years ago, I was like messaging
Broadway World because I'm like, this is crazy. Like I

(01:20:34):
have other girls who are remembering being in the men's
dressing room and like, you know this this stuff happening,
and I don't remember anything, but like it was enough.
It was enough that we probably could have done something
and brought something to light. Because absolutely That's the thing too,

(01:20:54):
is that, like you know you were abused, you don't
have to have a play by play of everything that
happened to make a difference. You can talk about how
unsafe it is and how unprotected it is. I remember
in so Billy Elliott was that painting that I drew
to my friend.

Speaker 1 (01:21:10):
So that was during Billy Elliott.

Speaker 2 (01:21:12):
Okay, in Billy Ellen now and so that was what
I drew, so obviously what was going on at home
was it was the same thing. It was, you know
why they were pictures of me? Why am I? You know,
I'm so sleepy all the time? Made to kill I
want to suck your blood. That's still weird to me.
I don't know why the hell I wrote that like

(01:21:33):
that just to me still, I don't know.

Speaker 1 (01:21:36):
You were crying out for help, You were crying out
for help.

Speaker 2 (01:21:41):
Why was there so much blood all over it? And
I even drew horror or as I got older, and
it's the same thing, like there's blood everywhere, and I
just don't know what that is, which is something also
interesting when we get to Hollywood, there's so much blood
in the media and the pop star they're covered in blood,
like Olivia Rodrigo was covered in blood last year. Don't

(01:22:03):
get that they're covered in blood.

Speaker 1 (01:22:05):
There's a good website that actually dissects all the symbolism.
I think it's called Vigilant citizen dot com. It's been
around forever, I think, since you know, I started awakening
back in like I don't know, the early two thousands.
This blog was up there and this whoever is behind
it dissects all of the symbolism in Hollywood, and that's

(01:22:26):
a big theme that they always cover, is the blood
and has to do with Satanic rituals essentially.

Speaker 2 (01:22:32):
Yeah, yeah, I remember in Billy Elliott, so this is
I remember. These were the things that I remember were
a couple, like I remember my christ for help. So
I missed I don't know if I talked about this
on the first episode. I remember I missed the preview
of Billy Elliott. It was like the first preview or

(01:22:54):
something because I had a stomach ache and I remember
feeling so guilty because I didn't have a stomach ache.
Just wanted to go home. I didn't want to do it.
Oh oh, I was sick, like how I was always
quote unquote sick like I and I just wonder like
why did I want to leave so bad? You know,
like why did I want to go home so bad?

Speaker 1 (01:23:17):
I have a question. Were you having fun doing this
the acting? Did you actually enjoy it? No?

Speaker 2 (01:23:24):
No, I don't know. I don't remember having fun like
that as a kid, like everything, even the moments I have.
And that's what's been so hard about that first podcast
when I have all these flashbacks come back. Even the
happy moments, it's an overwhelming feeling of anxiety every single
or something, because my whole life was cloaked in this

(01:23:45):
like wet blanket of anxiety and fear every single day.
So even the positive moments were not positive because I
always knew what I was going home to. It was
always a ticking phone bomb. And I remember that with
Elliott we were driving home. I remember driving past one
of the diners in Jersey and looking out the window
and just feeling like so like it was such a lie,

(01:24:11):
Like I wasn't sick, it was such a lie. And
I wondered too, I'm like, well, why was I trying
to try to get out of that environment and go
back home? Like what was I trying to accomplish?

Speaker 1 (01:24:26):
Because home was not a safe place for you to
flee and a place maybe where abuse wasn't happening, to
go home where abuse was happening. I think maybe there
was some level of abuse taking place.

Speaker 2 (01:24:41):
Or I was trying to cry. Yeah, it's just weird,
Like it doesn't make sense why I would want to leave,
But I do know. I do know that there was
abuse going on during that show. I know it I
just don't. I don't remember, but I remember, and from
confirmation from other girls too, Like I remember that too.

Speaker 1 (01:25:03):
Did anyone to your knowledge go to their parents or
were you guys in sag After? Yeah, I got a
lot to say about sag After. I'm in sag After also,
so I got a lot to say.

Speaker 2 (01:25:16):
Actually, I think I was union I think I was
sag After when I was like thirteen.

Speaker 1 (01:25:20):
Yeah, radio and TV were unionized in sag After as well,
and they do not protect their members. I can tell
you that I.

Speaker 2 (01:25:30):
Billie Elliott. I remember I had an issue with a
dresser and her name was deduce Ale, and as I
was a kid, and I laughed and I said doo doo,
and she grabbed me by the arm and ripped me
out of the dressing room and dragged me down the
hall into the bathroom and yelled at me and screamed

(01:25:51):
at me, and my friend was there, and it wound
up getting back to my mother, and my mom screamed
at me, and she was like, I love you more
than anything. Why would you not tell me this? Like
I as a child, like I never if anybody, I
don't know why I remember that so well, but if
anybody hurt me. I just took it like I just didn't,

(01:26:15):
you know. And I think that's why my mom panicked
so hard, because why wouldn't your kids speak up about
this or say something? And she wound up getting removed
from our dressing room because of it. Okay, but that again,
that's like another memory that was very weird, Like why
I also remember the being like I remember like being

(01:26:37):
in the bathroom at Billie Elliott, like the tiny little
bathroom that we had with like a boy in there.
Like I just I don't know, like there's so much
that just is so it's so weird, like I just
have flashes of memory. And you know, that was when
I drew my friend that painting, and that was when

(01:26:59):
I would always remember I'd always be falling down on stage.
That was a cry for help I had. We had
this big and I told you about I'd always be
falling down.

Speaker 1 (01:27:11):
And I remember, I.

Speaker 2 (01:27:15):
You know, and I remember that I said something. We
saw thirteen on Broadway, That's what it was. We saw
thirteen on Broadway and there's a joke about a virginity pledge,
and I remember I said it out loud and all

(01:27:38):
the girls laughed. At me, and I remember just a
shame that I felt. And then they said something about
a blowjob, and I I think, I said, I don't know.
It was something along the lines of like I get
those all the time, or I do those, Like I
said something and I don't know. Oh, there was some

(01:28:01):
there was some connection where then the girls told me
what it actually was. And I remember I was in
the car crying with my mom on the way home
and I said, you told me that something you do
to your hair. Oh my god, I have a memory
of that, but like I don't remember like why. I

(01:28:21):
was embarrassed and I was so ashamed and my mom
was like laughing at me, and it just I don't know,
Like there's just these weird flashes of memories and the
drives with my mom on the way home and that
feeling of like impending doom, just just weird shit that

(01:28:41):
I can't only put my finger on. But but you know,
experiences like that. There was one experience with a girl
from thirteen. I made fun of her nose because my
mom had and my friend looked at me. She was like,
how could you say that, that's my friend? And I
immediately took that as like I was a child, like
that's how my mom talked. So she's like and she's

(01:29:02):
shaping me to become you know, kind of just like.

Speaker 1 (01:29:04):
Her absolutely rooming you.

Speaker 2 (01:29:06):
Yeah, I do remember spotting on my tights. We had
these quick changes too. There'd be like a bunch of
girls in one room, and I mean right off stage,
we'd be ripping off all of our clothes and stuff.
And that's crazy, Like I can't believe that that's something
that like children are allowed to do. And they just
put up little privacy curtains and even that is like,

(01:29:29):
what the hell, Like why are we allowed to do this?
I went into so I went from Billy Elliott to
Mary Poppins, and I wish I had more to say
about Broadway. I am genuinely trying so hard to remember anything,
and I am like drawing a freaking blank.

Speaker 1 (01:29:49):
You were very young. You were only eight nine ten.
You were quite young.

Speaker 2 (01:29:54):
I was, And I think you know a lot of
this too, is there's probably things that I don't want
to remember. Yeah, I think chunk of it. I don't know.
It's it's Billy Elliott, honestly, Like that's the one that
just there's a weird there's too many weird things.

Speaker 1 (01:30:14):
That is that a show where there was a lot
of children in it, Billy Elliott and Grinch, but so.

Speaker 2 (01:30:20):
Many children and Billy Elliott. That's when I was like,
this was something I talked about my TikTok, Like I
was hyper fixated on so many of the older men,
Like I had such a big crush on so many
of the older guys. And there was one guy in
particular that my mom loved too, and she it was
that thing where she would try to groom me to

(01:30:40):
like like him. And he wasn't married. He was like
a grown man. And those were my crushes, Like I
didn't have crushes on the boys my own age. It
was the older guys in another red flag so biologically obviously,
that shows that, like my mindset was completely different. And
I remember being at the park when Michael Jackson died,

(01:31:03):
Like that's something else I remember, And I mean just
we just random flashes, but like so much is just
I just don't remember. I do not remember, and I'm curious,
Like I was always very very weird. I remember I
was probably one of the there's pictures of me. I

(01:31:24):
was just always so wacky and goofy, and I do
remember I was very very skinny too. That was something
Obviously we were working really hard and like it was
a very athletic type of show, but I was very.

Speaker 1 (01:31:41):
Very Did your parents give you the proper nutrition? Were
they feeding you properly? As going to say, yeah, I.

Speaker 2 (01:31:49):
Mean that's why I developed such a crazy eating disorder
as I got older, and my mom always restricted my
food and my dad, I mean, I just my dad
was a healthy nut. I would hide all these snacks
in her back closet, like good snacks.

Speaker 1 (01:32:07):
The good stuff like chips, chocolate.

Speaker 2 (01:32:09):
My dad was like insane about health, insane, like far
crazy about health, and even in that note that he
wrote me, it was just like focus on your health
and wellness like stuff like that. But no, I somewhere
along this time too, was when I went to that
vocal teacher and she said to my mom, like, she
looks really skinny and tired and overworked. And then we

(01:32:32):
never went back there ever again. So this was all
in that timeline. Wow. I also think too, this was
when my my like grooming was probably the one of
the most intense that was kind of reaching that eight
nine years old. Oh and oh, my god, Yeah, and
this is when my hips. So this is how I

(01:32:52):
you know, I I the sexual assault kind of like
the red flags with how my hips would. I had
such bad hips, so my hips would crack and pop
and my mom would always say because I was growing up,
I was growing on a raked stage and it was

(01:33:15):
it was my hips. Even to this day, I have
such bad hip problems. I do, like I genuinely actually do,
and they're always popping and like it just it hurts,
and it would it would like be a searing pain,
like really really uncomfortable. And that was something that I always.

Speaker 1 (01:33:36):
Went through.

Speaker 2 (01:33:39):
And Billy Elliott was that was that hip pain. I
remember that very very vividly, and I would talk about
it too.

Speaker 1 (01:33:45):
Yeah, you would say, you would say things to people.

Speaker 2 (01:33:49):
I remember that. It was like a I remember talking
about it and it would oh, you're just you know,
you're working on a rake stage blah blah blah.

Speaker 1 (01:33:55):
I remember.

Speaker 2 (01:33:58):
We had an evil like dance instructor when we were
rehearsing and she stopped rehearsal once and she was like,
everyone needs to be like Juliette, Like everyone needs to
be like Juliette, and that goes to show like what
a fucking little soldier I was that like I was
used to a woman like her that was my mom. Yeah,
oh you know, that type of behavior was normal to me,

(01:34:22):
And I think that's why I was like so good
and structured and like knew how to dance and knew
how I really don't. I don't remember much else about
that show. I'm like, I'm sure after this podcast, I'll
remember a lot more and maybe this will be helpful
and allow me to kind of I think.

Speaker 1 (01:34:41):
So, yeah, if you want to recover and it's the
right time for you to recover some of those memories,
maybe it's not time yet and that's okay.

Speaker 2 (01:34:50):
Yeah, And I we used to decorate our little spots.
I have actually I have a video on my phone
of me in the resting room with my friend and
but like it's weird. It's one of those things where
I can't I can't connect the dots, Okay, but that
was what what in trauma. What they said is, as

(01:35:12):
you know, when if you're if you have memories or
or repressed memories around a time that's traumatic, it can
be hard to connect a photo to that time because
your brain is blocking something. Absolutely, it is. It's interesting,
like there's something about that show I think that I
don't know, like judging from the ways I was crying

(01:35:35):
out and the painting that I made, like there was
a lot, and the sex chats on my way home,
like there was a lot going on.

Speaker 1 (01:35:41):
In you were going through a lot during that time.
Was that the time frame when the pregnancy happened or
did that happen later?

Speaker 2 (01:35:48):
Oppens? So that was Mary Poppins. That was the next show.
So I literally show hopped and at one point I
was actually working on both shows, Billy Elliott and Mary Poppins.

Speaker 1 (01:36:03):
And it's a lot for a child, which yeah, that's
like two full time jobs.

Speaker 2 (01:36:11):
And my schooling too, Like I don't.

Speaker 1 (01:36:15):
You obviously weren't in normal school, correct it was?

Speaker 2 (01:36:17):
Oh, but I did go a couple of times. I remember,
like before I transitioned to homeschooling, I went back a
couple of times to Laccadair in Montclair because I was
doing there. I guess I was just doing their school
work myself. Okay, But I did wind up transitioning to homeschooling,

(01:36:39):
and I remember there. I don't know what show it was,
but there was like thirty kids in one tutor and
I mean possible Billy Elliott. We were connected. Right across
from us was the Scientology Museum, the Iron. It always,
oh god, it'd always be out picketing. There was one

(01:37:00):
person I remember I hated. I thought he was so
gross and Billie Elliott and I and I'm wondering why
because there were a lot of people who liked him
and I just hated him.

Speaker 1 (01:37:12):
An adults or a child.

Speaker 2 (01:37:14):
Okay, And that was something it's always you know, it's
always a red flag, like whenever as a kid, like
if you ever hated someone, even at the dance studio
there was a seamstress. People reached out to me, and
my kid was always so terrified of him and never
wanted to see him. I'm like, there's a reason why,
like we don't. I think it's important to have conversations

(01:37:35):
like this too, because even if you can't fully remember something,
it validates the fact that something went on, and even
if you don't fully recover it, like, it doesn't change
your reality. I've always I've even said that it's like
getting roofed and raped. It doesn't change. It still means
that it happens. Yeah, yeah, and it doesn't change anything,

(01:37:56):
you know, and it doesn't change like if you don't
remember how many per portraders there were, Like, it doesn't.
It doesn't change a reality of the fact that it happened.
It just it sucks because, like, you know, I'm somebody
who I want to bring light to everything. So it
pisses me off when like I don't remember exactly what
happened with what person when.

Speaker 1 (01:38:17):
And it's okay, And you were so young and there
were so many people probably involved, too many for you
to probably remember.

Speaker 2 (01:38:25):
Yeah, And there's there was also when I would talk
to the other girls about Billy Elliott, like it was
obvious that we all, you know, had a similar experience,
and leads me to believe that there was a bigger
problem there that And I wonder the perspective of some
of the older girls too that were like because there
were girls that were in their late to their early twenties,

(01:38:46):
you know, late teens, I was, so they.

Speaker 1 (01:38:49):
Might have more memories intact. Well, maybe by you speaking
out about this now fully, maybe one of them or
a few of them might find this interview and hear
what you're saying and might trigger some of their memories.
Or they might reach out to you.

Speaker 2 (01:39:04):
I just remembered. I this is when I was in
my book I would read so many books. Oh my god,
and like the clothes hangar I had, like, oh my god,
I forgot about that. I remember, so I was I
was crying for help. I was crying for help. I
read this book. I don't remember what it was called.
It was like something about heaven and there was a

(01:39:26):
part at the end where it was like fire you
burned me, and it was like showing that this guy
got to heaven and met this girl and I think
he was the one who killed her. I don't know
what it was, but I remember sitting in the stairwell
trying to make myself cry so that someone would notice,
and going into the dressing room being like I just
read this book and trying to cry but I couldn't cry,

(01:39:48):
but I was like trying actively to make myself cry.
So there were so many cries for help that I had.
There were so many, and I remember that that was
one of them. Was that. Yeah, I remember that I
was sitting on the stairwell actively trying. And I wasn't
even sad about the book. I just I wanted someone
to console me, and it was weird, like why was

(01:40:09):
a nine year old reading a book like that? And
I was trying to make myself cry on the stairwell
so that somebody would just like pay attention to me.
And I mean, that's what I mean, is that I
had a lot of So maybe if I don't remember
the abuse, I remember the cries for help, and I
remember I remember the things that I went through to
try and ask for help from people, and that might

(01:40:33):
that's just as important, honestly as like the ways that
I tried to communicate that something was wrong. I mean,
that picture I wrote for my friend should have been
a dead ring something that I know. I mean, they're
just wow. I completely forgot about that, completely forgot about that.
But I transitionedn't. I don't want this to get boring
and redundant. So I transitioned from Billy Elliott to Mary Poppins.

(01:40:57):
And I was probably ten turning eleven, I think at
this point, and I was a lead. So this was
like my first lead in a Broadway show. I was
Jane Banks and Mary Poppins, and I remember I really
liked my wrangler. She actually still reaches out to me.
She's really nice.

Speaker 1 (01:41:16):
So there's there's some good people in the next there.

Speaker 2 (01:41:18):
Are some good people.

Speaker 1 (01:41:20):
This is random.

Speaker 2 (01:41:21):
I remember I had a really hard time using the bathroom.
They're in their path, Like I always had a hard
time using the bathroom as a kid. I remember having
a really hard time using the bathroom, like constipation as
a kid in the in the in the bathroom that
they had attached to the children's And I remember our
dressing room and like the kids in it, and it

(01:41:43):
was just me and a boy. Oh my god, Like
I just I don't remember much, but any anytime I
think about this, I just it's this overwhelming feeling of anxiety.
And everybody thought I was so fun Like that was
something that was so that everyone thought I was so funny.

(01:42:03):
We did this. We I think we had this big
poster that we wrote on and then one of the
parents wanted it taken away. I remember that was something
like these are all very random, very random memories. But
my mom there was a guy who starred as Bert, and.

Speaker 1 (01:42:25):
I remember my.

Speaker 2 (01:42:26):
Mom was she'd always put me on men in the
weirdest way. So if we took a picture, she'd always
be like, kiss his cheek, kiss his cheek, and I
have so many video pictures of me as a kid
and as a teenager, like kissing the cheek of someone
I don't know. I mean, I heard me kissing the
cheek of a director on Malibu Country, and I never
wanted to do it, but like that's how that was.

(01:42:47):
How you know, she would ask me to do stuff
like that and she didn't the I It is so funny.
I barely remember the cast of Mary pop. Like one
of the women I worked with Mary Poppins actually wound
up living with me and my mom in California, and
she took the spare bedroom while I slept with my

(01:43:08):
Oh wow, yeah so, and my mom was like hyper
fixated on her. And my mom I think kind of
wanted to live vicariously through like beautiful woman that she
found talented. Okay, there's one memory I wrote, Oh my god,
who I remember in Mary Poppins. I would always put
like take my shoe off halfway or untie something halfway

(01:43:32):
right before the curtain opened, because of how it made
it was like an addiction of how it made my
crotch feel. Oh wow, and like this addiction to like
this nervousness and the pressure that I feel in my
crotch and that that that's something else. I remember that
that feels like a you know, an act of something
like I was trying. It was weird. It wasn't normal again,

(01:43:57):
not normal behavior. I but that's like that's it. And
I know, you know what was going on at home
and the drives home and the sex chatting and like
stuff like that. But my next my next huge memory
was like after, you know, a couple months after Mary Poppins,

(01:44:18):
because I'm pretty sure when I mean, I'm like ninety
nine point nine percent sure when I left that show,
I was pregnant, like I just know it and that
and then I think I auditioned for Annie at some point.
I think it might have been while I was in
Mary Poppins or something. But and I don't know, I

(01:44:41):
don't know like the timeline of when we found out
or when my parents found out. I told you I
remember like three pregnancy tests. But that was like after
Mary Poppins.

Speaker 1 (01:44:52):
And I remember my last I remember my last.

Speaker 2 (01:44:57):
Show at Billie Ellia. I was like bawling, like hyperventilating, sobbing,
which is very weird, Like I was so terrified to
leave and then Mary Poppins, I remember, everything is just
like fucking Foggy Man, Like there's such that's just like
Mary Poppins was. It's like I have even less with

(01:45:18):
that show, you know, And it just it makes me
wonder what was going on that I am just so
or if it was what was going on at home
or I was just so detached at that point in
my life that I I don't I don't remember much

(01:45:41):
until I wound up, you know, going home and those
and those next big memories and the ritualistic abuse and
and those those gigantic experiences I had right after. But
the the Broadway, like I remember, I remember the christ
for Help and like the way that the stairs would

(01:46:02):
sound and stuff like that.

Speaker 1 (01:46:04):
But I don't remember.

Speaker 2 (01:46:08):
And it wasn't until I got older, too, that I
was really self conscious about my body and like taking
my clothes off in front of people. When you're a child,
it's very normal, like they normalize it that you get
naked in front of anybody at any time ever, Like
it's very normal. That's something that is not spoken about
enough either. I'm too. I don't know if this is

(01:46:29):
when I started riding my horse, Oh yeah, you know, what. Yeah,
it was so. I remember I still had my horses
and I was riding in a place called Chester Riding
Club and I don't know if I had a horse
show or what, but this girl wound up coming back
to my grandma's house for a sleepover again never did sleepovers.
And my mom was there and my grandma was there,

(01:46:50):
and this girl was there, and I like loved this girl,
Like I thought she was so cool. I wanted to like,
I thought she was so pretty. She was like I
think a year or two older than me, and I
just wanted to be She's super wealthy, had all the
beautiful horses, like not my normal person, Like I just
it almost felt I don't know, it was just it
was just I just really liked her. And I remember
we were having a sleepover and I got into I

(01:47:14):
went into the room with her and I took off
my clothes and she was there and I was like, oh,
don't touch me here, like mommy says, this is my
no no spot ha ha ha, like right in front
of her. And I was way too old to be
talking like that. Yeah. I remember she thought it was
weird and I felt like I was so shamed and

(01:47:35):
shamed and embarrassed, and then I got into bed with
her and I couldn't sleep, So I got a whole
mom's room. So like I never I could never sleep
without my mother. But that was around that same timeline too,
like kind of those years. So I remember the ways
that I like asked for help, you know, and obviously
some of the stuff that was going on at home.
But when it comes to actual experiences I had in theater,

(01:47:58):
I just remember the absolute came that it was. There
were so many cooks in the kitchen, there were so
many kids. There were so many like the ages are
all over the place and they're all in a room together,
and it's just so it's just chaos, and it's so unprotected,
and the tutors don't have enough, you know, help with anything,
and like if they wranglers can't manage all the children,

(01:48:21):
and there's there's just so much that was going on
that it's it's too much to manage. And like I,
you know, I'm not super close to a lot of
the girls that I grew up with in any of
those shows. I don't really talk to any of them.
A couple of them reached out and supported me, and
you know my friend that picture and stuff and Billy Elliott,

(01:48:42):
the girls reaching out and saying so and so was
always up there, and so and so was always up there,
and you know we were always up there and stuff
like that. So there there has been like conversations about it,
but I have not seen, you know, anybody come forward
about anything that's ever happened. But that was kind of
in my like Broadway experience. I just remember being very

(01:49:02):
overworked and tired too.

Speaker 1 (01:49:05):
It's a it's a it's a lot of hours and
crazy hours and you do multiple shows a day, right.

Speaker 2 (01:49:11):
And also like to think about what's going on at home,
and like I'm not I'm not sleeping.

Speaker 1 (01:49:16):
You're not getting rest at home. You're being abused at home.
It's like that's where you should go home and feel
safe and get some rest and you could have fun
and relax. But no, you weren't safe anywhere.

Speaker 2 (01:49:29):
Yeah, So that was that was something too that I
just felt like I was very yeah, overworked, and I
didn't I didn't have a life outside, like I didn't
have fun.

Speaker 1 (01:49:40):
Like it was like you weren't able to be a
normal kid. Oh no not, which breaks my heart.

Speaker 2 (01:49:46):
It dies and I know a lot of Actually, I
do know a lot of girls have spoken out about
some of the stuff that we went through, specifically with
Billy Elliot, because we were not I know, we weren't
treated properly, like what just the way that we were
treated was not right, and I don't know, and I
know some girls have spoken about that, and just even

(01:50:09):
like the emotional and the way that we were overworked
and the rehearsals and not enough pay and the labor
laws are all screwed and it.

Speaker 1 (01:50:20):
Was, Yeah, it's a mess, and I'm sure it hasn't
changed much because this was what in the amid two thousands.
This is going on like twenty eleven.

Speaker 2 (01:50:29):
Yeah, so around like two thousand and eight, I think
to twenty ten, so not that long ago. Oh and
I think that that's or two thousand and seven actually, so.

Speaker 1 (01:50:40):
Oh even earlier.

Speaker 2 (01:50:41):
Okay, obviously there's not. I just think it's crazy that
I had that BDS and fantasy about Joseph when I
was eight years old like that. It's just mind blowing
to me that that's what I was going through at
that young of an age. I know, and the I
don't know, and like I wish I had more to.

Speaker 1 (01:51:00):
Speak on that, but that's okay, that's all right.

Speaker 2 (01:51:05):
The main the moral of the story is it's unprotected.
There's too many children, and there's and if you put
that many people in one place at one time, and
it's that chaotic and unsupervised, like you're you're asking for trouble.

Speaker 1 (01:51:20):
And there's no true protection for the children.

Speaker 2 (01:51:22):
It sounds like no, and you're not really taught boundaries
about your body or anything like that. And that's why
I feel like so many adults are attracted to that
type of world, you know, because it's it's easy. It's
like your kid already is knows that their body is
really not there. I just I never this is something interesting,

(01:51:45):
Like I never had talks with my parents growing up
about like the Boogeyman, like don't let men touch you here,
don't let you know, Like I never had any talks
like that, Like I never they never educated me on
what it's like when you're in a in a theater
and there's a bunch of guys because and what they're
not supposed to do because they were doing it. So

(01:52:06):
I was never taught like, hey, you're not you know,
be careful if anything happens let us know they I
never I remember even when to dousele like grabbed me
by the arm and rip me out of the dressing room.
My mom like blamed me for not telling her and
didn't even know how to properly, you know, console me

(01:52:28):
or make me feel okay about it, Like I just
felt worse after. But that's that's something interesting. Yeah, we
would do those carpools, and I remember I felt really
upset because two of the girls became really good friends
and I was like the odd one out. But I
was because I was odd, like I wasn't normal, Like

(01:52:49):
I didn't I didn't have crushes on the boys. I
had crushes on the men. So there were a lot
of things that were abnormal with me. But I left
Mary Poppins when I was around eleven. I don't want
to go into all that. That's in the first episode,
first episode.

Speaker 1 (01:53:03):
Go back and watch that if you haven't watched it already.

Speaker 2 (01:53:06):
Yeah, that's actually where I'm paused right now when I'm
watching it, because I just like, oh, you can't, oh
I can't, Like I pause it, like one day I'm
going to have.

Speaker 1 (01:53:18):
I have to say the way you spout, how you
explained everything and you went into great detail.

Speaker 2 (01:53:23):
Juliette, I don't even remember it like you did.

Speaker 1 (01:53:26):
You did an excellent job really discussing a very very
difficult memory.

Speaker 2 (01:53:32):
But that's where I am with my podcast.

Speaker 1 (01:53:34):
And you know what, you don't have to re listen
to that if you don't want to.

Speaker 2 (01:53:37):
It's true, I have to.

Speaker 1 (01:53:39):
Yeah, there's no one telling you have to do it.
You know, if you feel it's not right, you just
skip over it if you want to hear the rest
of it. And I'm happy to send you the time
stamps if you want. That way you can avoid it.

Speaker 2 (01:53:49):
Thank you. Yeah, Like I know I'm going to talk
about it again on future podcasts and stuff. It's just
how often do you ever sit down and watch a
video of you talking about your own trauma?

Speaker 1 (01:53:59):
Like it's just not often many people don't.

Speaker 2 (01:54:02):
Yeah, But so I wound up leaving when I was
around eleven, and this is kind of when I disappeared
for about a year, and my mom would just always
tell people I was working, I was auditioning, I was this,
I was that, and no one further investigated. And again,

(01:54:24):
like I don't need to keep saying this, but like
I have after hope is a bird. I had multiple
people reach out to me who confirmed that, confirm the timeline,
all that stuff, which is just so crazy to me
because it's one thing when you remember. It's another thing
when someone else does and they're like, yeah, you say
that you were working and you were auditioning, and you
were this and you were that. So obviously I suspect

(01:54:49):
that my mom moved me to California to pursue to
get away from like everything that had happened. And as
I find that, like I don't no, there there was
like she needed she needed me to be a star,
like she needed me to be a star, and we

(01:55:10):
wound up moving out there when I was around twelve
thirteen years old. I think I went out there for
a meeting first with an agent that I signed to.
I was the first client and he ever signed. And
then I went out for my first pilot season and
I booked the first pilot that I was just whow,
oh wow, it went right to series. So talk about
like God just.

Speaker 4 (01:55:30):
Delivering me wow a new scenario, like I think also
it was so it almost saved my life in a
way because I just I'm like, what would have happened
had I not booked, Like, what would my life had
looked like if I never booked a job and I
could never I would have been I don't know, like

(01:55:52):
I can't imagine what my life would have.

Speaker 2 (01:55:54):
Been like without thing. So I wound up booking a show.
It went straight to series after I got picked up
during pilot season, so we filmed the pilot, I went
back home, I think, to Jersey, and then I got
picked up to series, so I had to move out there,
and I remember I had a really bad rash on
my face when I did the final test for Malibu Country,

(01:56:16):
and everybody was so impressed because they were like, you
would never even know that she had anything wrong with her.
That was something that was very common in my life,
was that you would never even know that you were
that upset. You would never even know.

Speaker 1 (01:56:28):
Do you think you hit it well? Like, were you
able to hide your pain?

Speaker 2 (01:56:32):
Well?

Speaker 1 (01:56:32):
I mean you were in acting, so obviously you aren't
talented actress. But do you really feel like in real
life you were able to mask that pain in front
of people.

Speaker 2 (01:56:41):
Yeah? I do, And I had my old tutor, I
told you to reach out to me. It was like
it was always weird like something was always off, but
you were always so funny. I was a happy goal
life with I coped like my family was always laughing,
and it wasn't it was like it was torture, Like
it wasn't funny. But I wound up booking that show

(01:57:05):
that went to series. That was when I had my
first kiss quote unquote, which wasn't. That's another like lude remarker.
I remember my mom making about She said to my
friend that Juliette's so good at making out. They gave
her an even longer scene, which again is just such
such a weird thing to say about your daughter, I know.

(01:57:28):
And I remember I said that the guy that I
was working with was hot, and my mom like god,
So it was just like Juliet in front of my friend.
I felt so embarrassed and like biologically I was just
all out of whack. And that was the first time
I had a crush on I think someone my own
age because I was like Joseph in theater, but he was,
you know, my own age. He was a couple of
years older than me. But so just to talk about

(01:57:52):
like the acting world, it is so it's so dark
and and they want you to have the body type
of a thirty year old woman in the sexual or sorry,
they want you to have the sexuality of a thirty
year old woman, the body type of a twelve year
old girl, like Hollywood loves it, and that's what that's
what they want. That's what they want you to be.
That's what they that's that's what they want. So I

(01:58:14):
wound up booking the show. I made a shit ton
of money. Oh my god, that show was I made
so much.

Speaker 1 (01:58:19):
This was Malibu Country.

Speaker 2 (01:58:22):
Yeah, And this whole time, it just felt like me
and me and my mom were just kind of this unit,
you know, and everybody knew. And I think it was
a tutor. I didn't like. I remember that. But the abuse.
I didn't experience a lot of abuse within Hollywood. I
know I did during theater, but I don't remember. And
I think it's because my mom was always right there,
like always right by my side.

Speaker 1 (01:58:44):
Would you have a question, it may sound like a
weird question, do you feel that maybe you didn't have
as much abuse in Hollywood is your mom was there.
Do you think your mom was preventing that from happening
because she didn't want anyone else per se to abuse you.
And she wanted to be the only one to abuse you.

Speaker 2 (01:59:03):
I think, well she wanted I know, she wanted me
all to herself, okay. But I also think that at
at that age, I think I would have like come
to you know, yeah, like something, because I do. I

(01:59:23):
think we talked about this on the initial podcast so
before my dad. My dad got arrested on like a
hiatus I think from Malibu Country, and I do remember
there being abused like into my early teenage years with him,
but once he got arrested, I don't remember ever. I
remember one instance on like a Nickelodeon show that's a
question marked to me, But I don't remember being abused

(01:59:45):
by another man, okay, or another or another individual besides
my mom. So like there, I think because she was
always there and because we she was like living through me.
I think that was why I was because we were
always always always together, like there was. We were one

(02:00:06):
and the same, like my mom. This is something very
important that I didn't My mom would always speak for me.
My tutor even said that she'd always interject, she'd always
be the one. How did juliet did you see this movie? Oh? Yeah,
Juliette didn't like that, you know, stuff like that, like
there'd always she would always talk for me and communicate
for me, which is like a very big thing for
control and like controlling the narrative and controlling how someone

(02:00:31):
behaves and operates. But I remember, you know, growing up
in that industry is such a beast because it's it's
it wants to strip you of your entire identity, which
at the time was like perfect for me because like
I didn't have one, so I was kind of the
perfect individual to enter that type of industry. And I

(02:00:55):
think that's why I booked so fast, was because I
and I was very talented, like I was really good
at comedy, but I just had something about me that
was easily moldable and easily shaped.

Speaker 1 (02:01:07):
And I remember.

Speaker 2 (02:01:10):
After so Malibu Country got canceled, which was like a shock,
but I wound up and that that's when I feel
like everything, my whole experience with Hollywood started to change,
because all of a sudden, I was like on an
a list show, you know, I was starring and then
and then I was having to audition again. And that's
when I really started experiencing because I barely auditioned before that, right,

(02:01:31):
I think I booked a Sprint commercial and then I
barely auditioned for film and television before I booked a
series regular job. So then I had to go and
really start auditioning. And that was when my entire like,
oh my god, everything just changed because all of a sudden,

(02:01:52):
I'm being pitted against so many girls, like many girls,
and it is it is like high school times a million.
And the parents are worse than the children, like ninety
nine percent of the time, because obviously the kids are
just learning from their parents. But like the experiences I

(02:02:16):
had in these audition rooms. I remember there was one
audition in particular that I had to go in and
act like a dog. This is one that always stuck
out to me. I was like a girl raised by wolves,
and they literally just wanted me on the ground like
barking and acting like a dog. I have no idea
what happened with that film. When I'm like, looking back,
I would never do that now ever, that's kind.

Speaker 1 (02:02:35):
Of like beastiality, a little creepy.

Speaker 2 (02:02:37):
It's kind of like freaking, yeah, it's kind of creepy,
but I so around. I think it was around fifteen
was when I really developed my eating disorder. And I
as soon as I learned that I could feed myself,
that was when I developed anorexia. And as soon as

(02:02:59):
I developed interact, Yeah, I started booking like nobody's business.

Speaker 1 (02:03:03):
Interesting. Did you feel pressure in order to get jobs
so you had to be skinny? Did you feel that pressure?

Speaker 2 (02:03:10):
Yeah? And the things my mom would say. She had
a quote that she would tell me, and she said,
you can be a skinny bitch or a fat bitch,
but you can't be in in the middle bitch. And
you were in the middle bitch. Oh my god, that's
what she'd say to me. That's awful. I could that's
so vividly because she was so My mom was like

(02:03:32):
obsessed with my physique growing up, right, my long legs.
I was so thin, and then you know, you just
start to get older and your body changes, and I
started to put on weight. And I feel like because
I was, I was biologically so out of whack that
I almost over developed in a way, which is something interesting,

(02:03:54):
Like I feel like I almost became It was. It
was weird. It was very weird. And I remember the
abuse at that time, but it was it was weird.
It was just like I remember just feeling too too,
too womanly for my emotional state. Like I was so regressed,

(02:04:15):
but I had the body of a young woman, and
I was like, this isn't right. So anorexia was I
think developed. Well, it's a huge trauma response. But like
because I could only see myself as desirable if I
looked like a child. So that was something that was
taught to me from a very young age. And my

(02:04:36):
mom loved me so much. The skinnier I got, like
it was it was like she loved me so much more,
and she was so proud of me, and like the
things that she'd buy me and the stuff that I wore.
It was like I felt like like a like a kitten.
I don't know how to explain it. Like it was

(02:04:56):
like I felt like I was so thin. I was
eighty f five pounds, soaking wet. At the end of it,
I'm one hundred and thirty at the same height, I
was so bad.

Speaker 1 (02:05:04):
How tall are you?

Speaker 2 (02:05:06):
I five?

Speaker 1 (02:05:07):
Oh my god, eighty five pounds five pounds.

Speaker 2 (02:05:10):
I used to weigh myself. Wow. I had a mom
tell me that I looked like a Holocaust survivor. And
I remember my mom told me she was like so
and so said, do you look like a Holocaust survivor?
What she doesn't know is that you like that?

Speaker 1 (02:05:23):
And oh my god, I remember that.

Speaker 2 (02:05:28):
Wow. If I remember the things that my mom would
say to me and kind of the psychological hole that
she had on me. I remember we were watching Greece
with my friend like years later, I must have been
around nineteen, and we were watching Olivia and New and
John and my mom looked at me. She was like,
you know, you could have a body like that if
you just would eat a little less. And that was
my day to day. And I mean, I can't believe

(02:05:51):
the only time she this is so weird too, and
maybe it's because people were starting to say something to her,
but she threw a book my way and it was
it's called Let Anna Go and it's about anarexia. And
she was like, I think this is what you have.
You shouldn't read it. And I think this was after
I had a really bad panic attack on Nickelodeon. Things again,
things were like starting to become obvious. Yeah, but nothing

(02:06:15):
was ever done. She never brought me to the doctor.
I went to the doctor once. I remember in New Jersey,
I dropped all this weight and they never even said
anything to me. I lost my period, like I was,
so I counted my calories. I had a calorie tracker.
I remember exactly what it was. I need to eat
eight hundred calories or less a day, and I worked
out for ninety minutes in the morning and that was

(02:06:35):
my whole life. So I was basically probably consuming around
five hundred calories a day after working out and burning
all of it. I lost so much weight in such
a short amount of time, was like, and I think
I always consider that to be my second suicide attempt
because I think of trying to like erase myself from existence,
Like that's what it seemed like, like I was genuinely

(02:06:57):
just trying to erase my entire identity from the world
because I was I was still and I was still
being abused by my mom. But it was different because
I was older and I remember, like I remember the
room that we and I remember it feel and we
would drink more too. That was something like my mom
was very encouraging of drinking and just stuff that. Like

(02:07:22):
the woman who lived with us for Mary Poppins, she
she I don't know how long she lived with us for,
but she moved into my bedroom and lived there for
a while, and like me and my mom, I vaguely
like barely remember this, but I remember we would be
in her bedroom on the right side. And like the

(02:07:44):
fact that that didn't raise a red flag.

Speaker 1 (02:07:46):
I was just gonna ask this girl, this actress who
lived with you, did she ever say anything to you?

Speaker 2 (02:07:51):
She reached out to me. She God bless her, she
kinda she's just not I don't think we ever connected
over the phone, but she was just like, yeah, it
just sounds like you've had a really rough go at things.
I really just want to talk to you and connect.
And it was just weird, like it didn't feel like
genuine yeah, like it just well, I think she genuinely cared.

(02:08:12):
I just I don't think maybe she's not connected enough
to understand.

Speaker 1 (02:08:16):
The full extent of what was going on.

Speaker 2 (02:08:19):
Yeah, but she believed me. Okay, my initial podcast, but
she was like, I'm just I think she apologized about
you know, me and her being in the other room
and stuff, and.

Speaker 1 (02:08:34):
And people react to this sort of thing differently. Everyone
you know has a different reaction, and some people have
a hard time handling it. Just hearing someone they knew
go through something like that they just don't know how
to properly verbalize how they feel and their reaction.

Speaker 2 (02:08:49):
I feel I forgot about that. And I remember my
dad visited Los Angeles too and stayed with us a
couple times, and I I so he.

Speaker 1 (02:08:59):
Mainly was out of the picture at this point.

Speaker 2 (02:09:02):
Okay, he got arrest and he was out out.

Speaker 1 (02:09:05):
Oh okay, yeah, so.

Speaker 2 (02:09:07):
When he got around, I mean he would still come
and visit. And then after his arrest was when he
really just dropped off. Okay, New Jersey sold and all
that stuff happened. But I remember so so much of
my life was submerged in this eating disorder, and that
was a huge, huge part of my teenage years, massive

(02:09:27):
part of my teenageers. I was just consumed with it,
like that's all I thought about. I had one day
a week, it was called Sunday Funday, where I'd like
binge as much as I wanted.

Speaker 1 (02:09:38):
And I remember those.

Speaker 2 (02:09:39):
Would be the days that I'd go out with my mom,
and I have so many pictures of us just like
out and selfies and having like so much fun and
like all these weird weird, weird weird videos and on
Malibu Country, I even had vine was a thing, and
my first vine was with her, and I was like
first and she did this. I'm like thirteen years old

(02:10:04):
and she did this thing and sorry for everyone listening
on audio, but she went like I'm nam Nam and
like went to go like like bite my neck, like
went for my face. Oh wow, here, shit, man, Like
just what the hell is that? Like who does that
to a teenage daughter? Like it's something that you do

(02:10:26):
to like maybe a child, but even it's creepy with them,
Like she was like no, Na, But I vaguely remember
that as a kid, like that being hurt something she'd
do like during abuse, you know, like I'm not nah,
and but that's on video. Wow, I remember, I so
I this was something too. We would always rehearse lines together,

(02:10:51):
Oh my god, and that was just it was just horrible.
Like I mean it was like I I could never
do anything good enough. I remember we were rehearsing these
lines in New Jersey and she kept making me do
it over and over and it was like a crying scene.
And then she like it got to the point where
she was yelling at me and I started sobbing, and

(02:11:14):
she was like there you go, Like that's what Joey
King would do you think you could do that? Like
Joey King, like another actress. That's like very big wow,
And like that was the shit that I went with,
like I had, like that's what I dealt with. Was
like it was like she was abusing me with auditions,
Like it was just crazy, like just crazy.

Speaker 1 (02:11:35):
Every facet of your life was abuse quite literally, not.

Speaker 2 (02:11:39):
Pretty much besides the horses.

Speaker 1 (02:11:42):
Why you know, it's very interesting. I never told you
this yet. A lot of survivors that I've worked with
and spoken with, their safety net has been horses. It's
a common theme I'm seeing with survivors of ritual abuse,
sexual abuse, trafficking horses.

Speaker 2 (02:11:58):
Godly, they're so oha have the same level of hearing
and healing and spirituality as an elephant. It's like there's
been studies on it.

Speaker 1 (02:12:07):
Interesting, I didn't know that that makes a lot of sense.

Speaker 2 (02:12:12):
Well, like go hug When you hug an elephant, it's
an amazing experience. It's the same thing with horses.

Speaker 1 (02:12:15):
I've never hugged an elephant, and they think about it.

Speaker 2 (02:12:19):
They also teach you to try it now, but they
also teach you loyalty and love and respect because it's
such a giant animal. It's not like a dog around
you couldn't. You can't push a horse around you barely
partnership and trust. So they're amazing, I mean, and that's
why there's so much equine therapy and so many children.

(02:12:41):
Hope Rising is a book that I read, like there's
they use them a lot for abused children because it
takes space and all kinds of stuff like that. I
actually worked with every child I worked with as a
therapeutic youth mentor besides one only just always wanted to
be around horses. So wow, I've always wanted to have
and equine therapy retreat one day. That was something I've

(02:13:02):
always wanted that.

Speaker 1 (02:13:03):
Maybe it's on your agenda.

Speaker 2 (02:13:05):
I've always wanted to have that and kind of do
that similar work where you bring out at risk youth
and allow them to the space to like, yeah, with
an animal. But yeah, anyway, so horses were kind of
my main I've used the bathroom and I'm like debating
when we should stop.

Speaker 1 (02:13:21):
Do you want to take a little pause right now?

Speaker 2 (02:13:23):
My god, yeah, it's eleven eleven.

Speaker 1 (02:13:26):
It's one eleven. My time, that like never happens, Juliet.

Speaker 2 (02:13:35):
What is this what the heck? Man?

Speaker 1 (02:13:38):
The signs are everywhere. Trust me, I know you're you're
just you're kind of you're, you're on the you're you're
new in the Awakening journey. Let me tell you, it
gets crazier. Just trust me on this. It's gonna get
really crazier for you, but in a good way, like
this episode.

Speaker 2 (02:13:54):
Am I am I explaining? Is this boring? No?

Speaker 1 (02:13:57):
I think this is important.

Speaker 2 (02:13:59):
You know.

Speaker 1 (02:14:00):
This is my opinion. I see a lot of misinformation
on the Internet. I can read encryption very well. I
can immediately decipher what's truthful and what's kind of been
embellished and kind of a little bit of BS, and
there's a lot of misinformation that's been embellished about Hollywood.
What I have found is a lot of the abuse
is the parents and kind of very similar to what

(02:14:21):
you experience. Yes, there's you know, people who aren't parents
abusing children who aren't their own. Of course that is happening,
but a lot of the abuse that is happening is
literally in the children's homes. And I think your story
is very truthful in showing an honest depiction of what
it's like for child actors and Normally, the abuse stems

(02:14:44):
and starts in the house, usually at the hands of
the parents, and it can branch out and spread out, obviously,
which it did for you as well, being trafficked by
your parents. But I firmly believe your story is a
very truthful one and accurate depiction of what Hollywood is
is really like. So I get to feel it's boring.

Speaker 2 (02:15:05):
I just don't. I I'm just my theater retelling. I'm like, God,
did I even say anything at all? Because I just
don't remember much. So I just know, and that's okay.

Speaker 1 (02:15:14):
And I feel like it's probably not time for you
to remember. And maybe maybe some maybe a lot didn't
happen in the theater, maybe just a few incidences that
you're not meant to remember yet. I mean, your memories
from from home are quite strong and quite tell. I
remember that, so yeah, very vividly. You know every detail.
And and that's I think what you're meant to remember

(02:15:36):
so far. That's the that's the linear style fashion it
has to go in for your healing journey. But I
think as time progresses, I do feel you're going to
get some more memories back from the theater. But I
feel like it may not be time fully yet for that.

Speaker 2 (02:15:52):
I just don't want to, Like, I know, this is
such an important episode night. I guess I'm always just
worried that I'm boring, but I don't think it is.

Speaker 1 (02:15:58):
No, but you're not boring. You're not. I promise you
you're not boring at all. And no one is going
to think that about this episode. It's a really insightful
and truthful and honest depiction of your perspective, your first
hand experience as an actor in Hollywood, as a child actor.

Speaker 2 (02:16:18):
I guess so too. It's not like Hollywood conspiracies. It's
like this is a real, accurate.

Speaker 1 (02:16:23):
Life exactly that the conspiracy thing has been blown up
purposely to we'll say, help hide stories like yourself. What's
really happening, And really the main point of it is
it's happening in people's houses. The child abuse is happening

(02:16:44):
at home. Normally that's where it's starting. And usually where
it's happening is at home by the parents, and it's
you know, it's more glamorous and scandalous to have a
crazy trafficking ring and underground tunnels. And I'm not saying
that's not real I know there are certain there's underground
facilities and absolutely tunnels, but not everyone's going through that experience.

(02:17:06):
And there's just many experiences where it's just very kind
of cut and dry. It happened to you at home,
at the hands of your own parents.

Speaker 2 (02:17:14):
Yeah, and it's very Yeah, that makes me feel better.
I guess my idea was like I was just going
to do something more about Hollywood, but then I realized
that there's so much more that goes into it than
just that, Like it's not yea, Hollywood didn't abuse me.
My mom did, and she just put me in another
environment that, you know.

Speaker 1 (02:17:30):
That could further allow enable the abuse to continue. I
feel like everything that you're saying is meant to come out,
and I feel like, again, to me, this episode feels
like a further like therapeutic session and more a further
release for you energetically of these emotions and these memories.

(02:17:50):
That's what it feels like to me For you as well, Yeah,
and how does that feel for you?

Speaker 2 (02:17:56):
Oh? I one hundred percent agree, one hundred percent. I
don't well and I haven't really talked about this stuff
like that much like to an extent I have, but
not not really, I think there's there's so there's so
much sensationalizing with what goes on in Hollywood. So there's
so much that we remove the uh real, real raw

(02:18:20):
emotion and human beings out of it. Yes, it's it's
not it's complicated. Like it's complicated, like everybody wants to
almost sensationalize, like Britney Spears and there's freaking t shirts
of her when she shaved her head and Amanda Bindes,
but like we're not really looking at the inner workings.

(02:18:41):
I have every reason to believe that Britney Spears grew
up in a household probably identical to mine.

Speaker 1 (02:18:45):
I one thousand percent agree she did. Absolutely.

Speaker 2 (02:18:49):
She fell off, you know, and and kind of succumbed
to her own trauma and abuses.

Speaker 1 (02:18:55):
And I don't think the quote unquote public support is
helped her right now.

Speaker 2 (02:19:01):
I don't.

Speaker 1 (02:19:01):
I think it's making it worse for her. I truly do.

Speaker 2 (02:19:04):
Amanda Bindes breaks my heart. I grew up with her,
so I used to watch the Amanda Show all the time.

Speaker 1 (02:19:10):
Oh that was your generation, that's right.

Speaker 2 (02:19:13):
And she was so very again, very similar to me. Radiant, talented, beautiful, funny,
had that star power which seems to go hand in
hand with a lot of people who experience extreme abuse.
And maybe it's because of how we are. We taught,
were taught to cope. And she was so funny. That's

(02:19:34):
a huge That's another thing. She was so funny.

Speaker 1 (02:19:40):
Humor is a good way to mask pain, I feel
for a lot of people.

Speaker 2 (02:19:44):
Yeah, And they're both under conservatorships, Britney's by their parents,
which mine tried to do to me at the same age.
So it's like it's it's just so sad to me
because they they are. You know, who who I think
changed her life was Lindsay Lohan. It looks like she did.

Speaker 1 (02:20:07):
Yes, I think she's having a comeback right now. It
seems right.

Speaker 2 (02:20:10):
Bye. She moved to Dubai because I guess it's illegal
to take pictures of their kids.

Speaker 1 (02:20:16):
Is that a thing in Dubai? I had no idea.

Speaker 2 (02:20:19):
I know that she moved there for privacy and it worked.
So it's interesting because she was somebody who really fell
off too and kind of had this she's she looks
happy and at peace again. Could be completely wrong, but
it looks like it. But I think that's why. With
with topics about Hollywood, it's it's so sad to me

(02:20:41):
because we are so obsessed with like I'm not saying
these conspiracies are conspiracies, but we're not looking at the
real people who are suffering currently. We're kind of in
the underground tunnels and like all this shit that I'm
sure is real, but hey, how about we look at like.

Speaker 1 (02:20:58):
It's not just happening underground, it's happening above surface. And really,
nine times at a ten it's above surface surface, Yeah,
right in front of our face as it's going on.
It's like they've been brainwashing the public to believe, Okay,
we gotta go underground, you gotta go stare at the
children's it's happening all around us. They're they're doing it

(02:21:19):
purposely to hide the truth of what's really been going on.
It's not that hard to find once you see the
red flags.

Speaker 2 (02:21:27):
They're normalizing child exploitation and child abuse and sexual you know,
and like child uh paraphernalia, like child porn they're normalizing.
I just watched a commercial for Huggies. I don't know
if you've seen this. I looked at I was like,
this is creepy as hell, tiny but big, but whatever.
But you have, and it's all these children are serious,

(02:21:48):
and I was like, Okay, maybe I'm just the weird one,
but who the hell, that's like a little creepy. It
was creepy and the guy's voice is so creepy. If
you've seen that commercial, like, let me know what you think,
because I even the way that the guy was talking
was creepy, Like it was.

Speaker 1 (02:22:04):
Just weird and like that.

Speaker 2 (02:22:08):
No, and there's there's so much of that in the
media that like we just turned to, we turn a
blind eye to because it's like if it's on our
TVs and they're pumping it out all the time, we're
gonna eventually see it as normal and we're not.

Speaker 1 (02:22:24):
Gonna desensitize to it.

Speaker 2 (02:22:26):
Yeah, desensitized to it.

Speaker 1 (02:22:28):
And that's part of their grand plan is to normalize
things like pedophilia. They want to normalize hurting children, harving children.

Speaker 2 (02:22:39):
Disney World is the creepiest place on Earth.

Speaker 1 (02:22:41):
I have never been to Disney World, Thank god my parents.
Thank god for my parents. They always said, no, Disney
World is full of pedophiles and creeps. We're not taking
you there.

Speaker 2 (02:22:52):
It is, though it is.

Speaker 1 (02:22:54):
I've never been into Disney I don't watch Disney mood.
I can't support that.

Speaker 2 (02:22:58):
I can't.

Speaker 1 (02:22:59):
I'm I don't get it, and I find I'm gonna
say this and I'm probably gonna, i don't know, piss
some people off saying this. There's a lot of adults now,
I notice, I just people I know personally, the Disney
the Disney adults. I think there's a lot of trauma.
I really think there's a lot of trauma. I really
do like there's a lot. There's some serious trauma. That's
not normal behavior to be obsessed with Disney. As a

(02:23:21):
fifty year old.

Speaker 2 (02:23:21):
Man, I used to ask my ex, would you still
love me if I became a Disney adult? Like I
we just make It's just it's not right. It's like
people who are like in you're gro obsessed with Hello Kitty,
and you're obsessed with all this stuff.

Speaker 1 (02:23:36):
Like it's one thing if you're a kid, that's fine,
you know, but like into adulthood it's like.

Speaker 2 (02:23:40):
I'm it's it's my mom's whole uh bedroom, It's like
covered in children's toys and dolls and little.

Speaker 1 (02:23:50):
Fascinat That is interesting again, I believe, and we've talked
about this privately, how people who are abused, they usually
get stuck at the age where the you start it,
and for most people that's childhood. So I think that's
a reflection of where she's at, where her mind is at,
where her personality is at, that of a child.

Speaker 2 (02:24:12):
And it's sad too. And I don't mean to make
fun of Disney adult.

Speaker 1 (02:24:15):
I know, we truly aren't, because I think some of
them do have trauma to heal.

Speaker 2 (02:24:19):
Yeah, but it's like it's a joke online, like it's
become like kind of a meme. But when you look
at the inner workings of it, it's a it's a
form of escapism. It is it's a complete form of escapism.
It's something that is like why are you attracted to
this fantasy childlike world where nothing is real and like
nothing matters and everything is like this, you know, alternate reality.
It's a form of escapism. It's it's like me and

(02:24:41):
my books growing up and how obsessed with with like
my books. It's funny my parents, you know, I told
you we always went to Florida for Disney World, and
it was a front for trafficking, but we did go.
And I saw a video the other day my friend
post and it was like all the noises when you're

(02:25:02):
at the end of the trolley ride when you get
back to the parking lot. I couldn't even watch it
as soon as I clicked on it, and I was
like nope, like yeah, something in my brain that I
was like, no, we're not going to look at this
like it. And I know immediately when I feel that
feeling of like absolutely not, I'm not even going to

(02:25:22):
open this or and go down further, like I just know,
don't need to know. But it's very interesting because I think,
you know, obviously it's it's there's people attracted to it
because it's childlike, and then there's people attracted to it
because there's children. So it's absolutely you know. And I
I mean, I don't know. I really I don't know.

(02:25:44):
I don't know shit about conspiracies, like at all. I
don't know anything about Disney can be nothing. I just
know there's a lot out there. There is a lot
out there, for sure.

Speaker 1 (02:25:54):
Yeah, underground everywhere, there's underground tunnels, allegedly according to the
conspiracy people. Now yeah, absolutely there's underground facilities, you know.
And absolutely there's black project government military projects where there's
things going on underground. Absolutely, But are there a bazillion
children underground? No, I don't think there's a basilion. I

(02:26:14):
think there are some absolutely being experimented on and used
and abused. But again, the important thing to note, I
think with this episode is what you are validating is
it's happening on surface level, on ground level all around us.

Speaker 2 (02:26:29):
It's look that far. It's a lot easier to look
into something like that because you can detach emotionally from it,
as opposed to the millions of kids that are crying
out for help in front of you. Like it's a
lot easier to go down and be like, let's look
for the underground Disney tunnels than the people who are
literally right in front of you. And I'm not saying
like it's not important. I'm just saying I feel like

(02:26:50):
we've lost the humanization of trauma, Like these are real
children that are go through real things and real experiences
and real pain. And you know, I know some of
my life is like hard for me to comprehend, but
but it's it's real, Like my experience with Hollywood, A

(02:27:11):
lot of people, I mean I would even have people
message me like were you at p Didty's house and
all this stuff. I'm like, guys, shut up, like I
you know what, Like it just it dehumanizes everything that
I've I've been through and it's just weird, Like, yes,
there were people that were there, that doesn't mean that
every child actor working in Hollywood went to p Didty's house.

(02:27:33):
And also people even say to me like, well, you know,
I just would assume that you would have been more
abused in Hollywood, And I'm like, that's also a weird
thing to say.

Speaker 1 (02:27:43):
That's a very strange thing to say to somebody.

Speaker 2 (02:27:45):
Wow, bizarre stuff like that. That's like, you know you
hear or had someone ask me, did you know was
your dad friends with Epstein? Like all this stuff, and
they just they just it. It takes it makes me
feel like I become a conspiracy and it takes out
the reality of my life and my situation. I'll joke,

(02:28:07):
I've always said my dad's a Walmart Jeffrey Epstein. I've
always hed that, like it's a joke, and if I
do that comedy podcast, I'll absolutely make that joke.

Speaker 1 (02:28:14):
I have always said, good one my mom.

Speaker 2 (02:28:17):
It's so it's so dark, but it's so true. My
mom's a Walmart, Larry and Asser, and my dad's a
Walmart Jeffrey Epstein.

Speaker 1 (02:28:23):
It's really funny.

Speaker 2 (02:28:26):
They're like the discounted version of these people.

Speaker 1 (02:28:29):
I'm with you. I love humor. I'm a capricorn son
Leo Rising. I love sarcasm. That is how I cope
as well, I.

Speaker 2 (02:28:38):
Hope with this ship. Like I deal with a lot
of dark stuff.

Speaker 1 (02:28:41):
I work with a lot of people who've been through
a lot of trauma, and I find most of them
cope through humor as well.

Speaker 2 (02:28:47):
You have to, you have to. You have to learn
how to laugh about this stuff. At some point. It
takes me years. Like don't get me wrong, none of
this ship was funny four years ago, but and some
of it will never be funny, but like there are
certain things that just to give like people an idea.
Oh my god. That was also something that I would
say too when people would tell me, like, you're making

(02:29:08):
this up, you're lying, And I was like, if I'm lying,
I would have gotten molested by Michael fucking Jackson, like
I would not be lying about my parents. Yeah, like this, Yeah,
that was something that was so and also not to
say that the people who were molested by him were lying.
I'm just saying, when you say stuff like that, it's
so ridiculous because in no way would I ever lie

(02:29:29):
about this, And if I were, I'd come up with
a much better lie, like it wouldn't be at the
hands of my parents, like it would be something that
would garner me some money and some clout. And I
know that sounds fucked up, and but like it's true,
Like there's the people. The people who say stuff like
that to me are just like, you can't. You can't

(02:29:49):
make this shit up, Like you can't, you can't make
this shit up. And I'm not saying people are making
up He Diddy and Michael Jackson, but it's like, if
I were to a lie, I would attach myself to
a buzz name or a buzzword to get that credibility,
to get that you know that, oh, absolutely when they
lie about things.

Speaker 1 (02:30:06):
Absolutely, And that's again not.

Speaker 2 (02:30:08):
To discredit anybody who is actually coming forward, but I've
always said that, I'm like, guys, you can't. I would
never create a story like this, Like this is not
something that you create. This is something that you live
through and you experience. And I've just from throughout the years,
like the people who have tried to the opposition I face, like,
that's been something that people have said besides mentally ill
that I'm just looking for attention and stuff. There's a

(02:30:29):
million other ways that I can get attention. I know
I'm gonna be much more beneficial than this. Yeah, I
shake my ass on TikTok any day.

Speaker 1 (02:30:37):
The way I was just gonna say, there's the only
fans and stuff people turn to, Like, there's better ways
to make make a buck, you know what I mean.

Speaker 2 (02:30:44):
What book am I making?

Speaker 1 (02:30:46):
I know it's just so, And I would not recommend
anyone do only fans. That's a whole other beast. We'll say,
just more trafficking. I mean, I'm a firm believer in
free will. If somebody wants to take their clothes off
to make money, hey, that's your choice if you're a
grown adult. But I do not believe any woman should
have to subject subject herself to that degrading lifestyle in

(02:31:11):
order to put food on the table or to pay
their rent. That's bullshit to me. And we're enabling that, like.

Speaker 2 (02:31:17):
Ninety nine point nine percent where traffic or abused, right,
it's just all they know.

Speaker 1 (02:31:22):
It's breaks my heart. It breaks my heart.

Speaker 2 (02:31:25):
That's what you were taught to treat your bod. My
mom always said that. My mom said I was going
to be a porn star. Affecting doesn't work out. No,
I would always say that, Yeah, oh my god. The
things that my mom would say are just it's out
of this world. And people let her like people let her.
Oh Kelly, she's got such a sick sense of Oh
I said her name, whoops, your name? I read this

(02:31:46):
point she's both about on Instagram, But like they'd always
be like, Kelly, why would you say that? Or Kelly's
got such a six sense of humor and like all
this stuff and the stuff that she would say is
just like, oh my god, it's just out of this world.
I remember she told someone once that I have very
I think it was per was the word I very
perky breasts, Oh my god, something that she was very

(02:32:06):
proud of, Like, oh, that's not normal for a parent
to talk about their children's bodies like that act at
all at all.

Speaker 1 (02:32:16):
And I'm older.

Speaker 2 (02:32:17):
That was something I talked about on TikTok. Was like,
as I got older, the abuse felt more like we
were in a relationship but didn't feel like abuse. Which
of course is not you know, obviously not real, but
like it is abuse, but it just feels different as
you get older. One of the one of the best
depictions of that that Hollywood has ever had. I talked
about this on my TikTok was Girl Interrupted and.

Speaker 1 (02:32:40):
The way movie, Oh what a classic cool Ritchie.

Speaker 2 (02:32:45):
I think that's who it was.

Speaker 1 (02:32:46):
And I don't think Nicole Nicole. I don't think Nicole
Ritchie's in that movie. There's Anna Jea, Angelina Jolie when
I a writer.

Speaker 2 (02:32:54):
And the girl who died, Oh, what.

Speaker 1 (02:32:57):
Is her name? I forget her name? Now I know
the one who committed.

Speaker 2 (02:33:00):
It's on my TikTok. It's on my TikTok. Just give
me one second.

Speaker 1 (02:33:03):
Yeah, and look, I'm gosh what she's very famous too,
What is her name? It's all famous famous actresses in
that movie. Bernie Murphy, that's it. Yeah, And she's another
conspiracy theory there with her death a legibly.

Speaker 2 (02:33:16):
So I one of the best ways I saw that
depicted was Girl Interrupted. So Hollywood does good things sometimes,
and they showed that the relationship Britney Murphy had with
her dad or dad was still abusing her to her
late teens early twenties. Yeah, right, and Angelina Jolie says
to her, its probably because you like it, and the
next day she kills herself. Yeah, And that was probably

(02:33:37):
one of the best examples. And she she played that
so brilliantly. I wonder if it was just going on
in her real life because she was so detached that
even when Angelina Jolie said that, like, she didn't even
have like a reaction, and that goes to show like
how absolutely disassociative and trapped you are, and like you
just you can't break free.

Speaker 1 (02:33:58):
And then I could see in her eyes I think
she was abused. Like her eyes. You could always tell
in the eyes if somebody's her yes and has been abused.

Speaker 2 (02:34:08):
Like you, you want to know, Like you played that
so well, it was like unbelievable, And I just remember
that so vividly because it was such an accurate depiction
of what it's like to be abused and that trancelike
far away state that you have. So my I was
homeschooled and my mom I graduated at fifteen, and my

(02:34:33):
tutor actually reached out to me recently and told that
was the woman I told you about. And she told
me that I was the most mature, immature person she's
ever met. And what I mean by that is like, intellectually,
I was very advanced. Emotionally, I'm completely regressed, and that
is kind of that weird in between that I lived
in until I went into recovery, where emotion like it,

(02:34:54):
I was so smart And she said that, which is
funny because my mom would always call me retarded and stupid,
and she was like, I genuinely don't even know why
I was there, Like you figured out everything on your own,
which is so funny because my view of myself was
that I couldn't do schoolwork without her, But when I
literally talked to her, she was like, you didn't even
need me there.

Speaker 1 (02:35:14):
So that was that codependent energy that your mom instilled
within you. Your mom was co dependent upon you, made
you co dependent upon her, and sounds like she made
you co dependent upon other people as well.

Speaker 2 (02:35:27):
Yeah, So she would always say that and and would
always say that like my mom. She they were aware
that I only slept at my mom's bed and my
mom would aways interject for me and I had to
overs that type of stuff. But I remember I would
do tutoring on I did tutoring on set too, so
they would bring you in you had to have I
don't remember how many hours of tutoring on set you

(02:35:49):
had to have when you were filming, Like before I
was legal eighteen, so I graduate and i'm legal eighteen.
So that's why my mom wanted me to graduate, because
then I legally work as an adult.

Speaker 1 (02:35:59):
Even though I'm saying you can work more hours too, write.

Speaker 2 (02:36:02):
And yeah, there's many like it doesn't matter. I'm pretty
sure you could. It's you can just work, which is
also crazy, Oh my god, because why that's a whole
other rule, like, oh, it's fine, she's legal eighteen, Like
that doesn't make any sense, Like why is that even
a why that's allowed? Like what?

Speaker 1 (02:36:23):
So you's ridiculous.

Speaker 2 (02:36:26):
Literally you could literally graduate at twelve and be legal
eighteen and then work legally as an adult in Hollywood,
Like that's how fuck that is? It's wild? It is wild.
And I remember, so I developed my eating disorder. That
was something else. My tutor said I would always bake
and I'd never eat, but I baked, and I remember

(02:36:46):
that I would bake every day. She said, every day.
My life was the same. And I think that's why
I kind of reached this like continuum where was the same.
I'd wake up, I'd eat a cup of fiber one
cereal with almond milk. I'd go to the gym for
ninety minutes. I'd eat tuna on a rice cake. I'd tutor,
and then I'd probably have steamed shrimp and broccoli and
an apple, like I remember, you don't forget that, like

(02:37:06):
the same food. I'd eat constantly, and then on Sunday Funday,
we'd go to Bias, which is a brunch place in La.
I'd get pancakes. I'd binge the entire day. I usually
eat cheesy popcorn and as soon as the clock like
struck midnight the night before. Sometimes I'd wake up at
three am and like go, eat like half a loaf
of bread, like that is how insanely. And then I

(02:37:28):
developed a binge eating disorder. I gained a bunch of
weight that was awful, awful because it is like you
are possessed by a demon and you just need to
shove as much food in your mouth as possible. And
my mom. When my mom would leave, i'd immediately run
to the cupboard and like eat peanut butter, and she'd

(02:37:50):
walk in on me and be like, Joe, what are
you doing, and like shame me for it? And that
was when I feel like my mom started to hate
me because I started to put on weight and I
stopped booking as much. Like I literally when I when
I dropped thirty pounds, I booked NCIS Rescuing Madison, mad Men,
Haunted Hathaways. I booked like six shows in a row.

(02:38:10):
And I do want to talk about my experience on Nickelodeon. Yeah, yeah,
so I do. I did have a very bizarre relationship
with someone who worked on that set. I don't remember
what happened. I do remember being in a I just
remember I freaking remember being in like a back room

(02:38:31):
with him, like on set. But this is something I
very vividly remember because he dealt with the kids all
the time. There's pictures of him and all the kids,
like he always had his hands on everybody. And I
remember I didn't like him, so there was some type
of discernment I was beginning to develop. I didn't like
him at all, and I feel like because I didn't,

(02:38:54):
I get sought out by men like this because it's
almost like they know that.

Speaker 1 (02:38:58):
I'm all they can read the energy per se.

Speaker 2 (02:39:01):
Yeah, stand this man, I think he's such a creep.
I one hundred percent thinks he's a pedo. He was
dealing with all these girls were all in leotards. He
was way too old to be that all over the
kids like that. And I mean these kids had no
like it was a kid's show. So these which which
show is this? It's called the Haunted Hathaways, Okay, And

(02:39:22):
some of them had no boundaries, like physically with any
of the people on the set. They'd always be hanging
all over them and like all kinds of weird shit.
And I remember, this is a very vivid memory I have. Well,
I do remember the wardrobe lady telling me if she
had a body like me, she'd walk around naked all
the time. She'd never had clothes on, saying that to
a child. It was fifteen, and her mom is, wow,

(02:39:43):
her mom's in the room. So like the idea of
how these people literally don't even care. I was also
coming to set every time and like losing weight every
single time, and literally no one said anything. And yeah,
so I remember remember I was on set and I
think he thought everybody was gone. This was like deep

(02:40:04):
in my eating disorder, right, and he caught me by myself.
This guy, this creepy guy, and what was his role
on the show. I don't want to say it because, oh,
that's okay.

Speaker 1 (02:40:11):
We can keep it private if you want.

Speaker 2 (02:40:13):
I actually don't really know, Okay, I mean, I guess
it really doesn't matter. Yeah, I'll just keep it. He
just dealt with all the kids, Okay, physical capacity, So
let's just leave it at that, and then you can
do your own. People can go from there, and.

Speaker 1 (02:40:30):
If anyone's talking, if you want to message.

Speaker 2 (02:40:32):
Me privately, I'll tell you. But I just don't want
it out there, just because, like I suspect something else
went on. I just don't remember exactly what it was,
but I remember being so scared and like leaving like
a room of a closet, and I was like upset.

Speaker 1 (02:40:46):
But I know it was your direct experience with him.
What did he per se do to you?

Speaker 2 (02:40:51):
He was just a creep I just thought he was
a creepy I remember. I don't know why I started
having that discernment, but he caught me alone on set
one day and I was the only one there, and
I it was like that kind of thing where I
think he said my name, and I knew it was him,
and I was like, oh my god, I can't no,
Like I just knew something was wrong. I was all alone.

(02:41:11):
I was in the depth of my eating disorder. It
was very obvious I was very thin, and he put
a scale down in front of me, and he said,
will you step on this? I just need to know
how much you weigh? And I feel like he did
it because he knew how uncomfortable I'd be about it,
because it was very obvious that I was very, very
thin and very much so inerrexic. And I remember I

(02:41:36):
panicked and I'm like why because I couldn't. I couldn't
step on I couldn't step on the scale like I
needed to step on the scale when I had just
pooped or I didn't eat the night before, Like I
couldn't step on the scale during the day. It was
like too much for me. So I wouldn't. I wouldn't
do it. And I remember I was really uncomfortable about it,
and some guy popped up out of nowhere and he
was like, hey, like what do you guys do it?

(02:41:56):
And this guy got freaked out and picking a hat
and picked up the scale and I never got to
and I never stepped on it. Wow, which leads me
to believe that like he knew what he was doing
was wrong. Yeah, so what was his point to try to?
Like I think he was trying to make me uncomfortable

(02:42:18):
and put me in a bad place. And I actually
had a breakdown with my ex about this, like a
breakdown because I started watching the show and I had
an absolute breakdown because I don't know what happened. I
can't remember, but I remember having this experience with him
and I hated him, like viscerally, and I couldn't remember.

(02:42:39):
I just kept saying, like kind of what I said
before I was in recovery, Like I just remember a room,
a room, a room, and nothing. Maybe nothing happened, but
like there's just a memory there that I can't quite
identify her place. But there were times that was weird
because my mom would normally follow me everywhere, but she
wasn't there. I was alone on that set when he

(02:43:00):
did that, and I've been in my dressing room or
something like that because normally the parents are there. I
was still a minor legally. I also have a memory
of me and the kids going to see I think
it was like the producers or the executive producers or
something in a room and we all walked into the

(02:43:25):
room and like they climbed up on their laps and
then that was all I remember. But that's weird.

Speaker 1 (02:43:30):
I remember.

Speaker 2 (02:43:32):
Climbing up on their laps and they were like young kids. Wow.
And I think my mom mentioned that once. I think
I left or something like. I remember I started to
have discernment, man, which is interesting because I was still
being abused by my mom. But like with other situations,
I feel like I was starting to come to.

Speaker 1 (02:43:52):
What age were you during this time period?

Speaker 2 (02:43:55):
Sixteen? So my abuse was stopping very soon. Yeah, did
it come to But I remember my mom said something
along the lines of, like Juliette thought it was weird
that the kids had to like be in there without parents.
We didn't have parents. That was something else that was crazy.
Why are we going to visit the producers as minors
without guardians? President?

Speaker 1 (02:44:17):
That's not right. Where were the parents were the parents
on set somewhere else?

Speaker 2 (02:44:22):
I don't know, but I very vividly remember that there
were no parents present. Wow. And that's all I remember.
And I think I left or something, And I remember
at the time, like my agent was going haywire and
he like ruined my relationship with Nickelodeon. They offered me
a show so I was supposed to be in or

(02:44:42):
offered me a I don't know if I I'm like
ninety nine percent sure I got offered the role, or
I might have been offered to test for it, like
right at the very end, I would have been on
the cusp of it, and I could have. I think
they offered me it because when I didn't book it,
the other girl did who was on the show. So
I'm like night because one of the other cheerleaders book
the show was called Bella and the Bulldogs, and I

(02:45:05):
remember they offered me the Yeah they did. I got
offered the role of Bella. Wow, I didn't book it
and the other cheerleader on the show did. I said no,
Thank Christ Almighty.

Speaker 1 (02:45:17):
I was gonna say, you were divinely protect.

Speaker 2 (02:45:20):
I don't know why my mom said no to that.
They don't pay a lot like Nickelodeon doesn't. I also,
they don't.

Speaker 1 (02:45:26):
A union their union rate.

Speaker 2 (02:45:27):
I'm assuming they don't pay a lot, and they lock
you into a nightmare contract from hell.

Speaker 1 (02:45:33):
Of course you have to and they abuse you on
top of that, allegedly, like you're also like ninety nine
percent sure you're probably gonna get molested or sexually assaulted.

Speaker 2 (02:45:43):
I put that in the contract. Also, you will be
involved in sexual abuse at some point during the seven
year contract, and we will put you under a conservatorship.
When you tell literally, it's like, why are you say that.

Speaker 1 (02:45:57):
You might be in the fine print, you never know
you're I gotta read this very carefully. It's so true.

Speaker 2 (02:46:04):
But the terms and conditions, Like why do you see
so many of these Nickelodeon and Dizney stars grow up
to be absolutely insane? Or all of them? I know
some of them. Man, they creak me the hell out.
I am like anti Selena Gomez so hardcore. I think
she's so weird, Like I just don't. There's so many
of them that I'm just like, God, you just weird
me out, Like how did you grow up in this industry?

(02:46:27):
And you're not talking about how fucked up it is.
If you're not talking about it, you're perpetuating it and
you're protecting it.

Speaker 1 (02:46:32):
I one thousand percent degree, you're enabling it.

Speaker 2 (02:46:34):
To contain it, you're one hundred percent enabling it. I
grew up with so many girls that are like freaking
pop stars now, Sabrina Carpenter like huge, like number one,
how are you not talking about the shit that we
went through? Like I remember I was at her house
once she needed approval from her dad, mom's sister, her

(02:46:56):
managers her, like everyone to post a photo on Instagram
like serious, like ten years old or like how not time?
Like thirteen years old? Man? And now just oh my god,
like these are They're all products of the industry, And
I just remember growing up with these girls, and now
that I'm older, I know one girl I grow up

(02:47:17):
grew up with, Like I was talking to someone, They're like, yeah,
I just saw her do a lot of coke in
the back room with somebody's house the other night. Like
they're just fucked. I'm poor, I'm so vulgar this episode,
but it drives me the fact that these individuals is
in deya freaking you know, Selena Gomez like these girl
Demi Lovado, she did a little bit. I know, she

(02:47:37):
did a little bit. She did some good work. The
fact that they're not talking about this stuff and they
have the power to change it, so do I you know,
I not for nothing. I have some credentials under my belt,
but like not to their extent. I have the power too.
Like I'm not discrediting myself, but when you have that

(02:47:57):
much of a platform and influence on people and you
are not talking about this stuff and I didn't even
get it that bad and you know why, I I
think that's why I didn't. Like, I think that's why
I was not that famous. I think it's if I
I honestly, and I know that sounds so weird, and like,

(02:48:18):
if I had taken that Nickelodeon role, I think I
would have been a freakin superstar.

Speaker 1 (02:48:22):
Like I kind of feel that I'm seeing your diicy timelines,
people's timelines. Yeah you you would have been a singer too,
I see you. Yeah, a famous Yeah, I see it
like a Miley Cyrus.

Speaker 2 (02:48:36):
I would have been a TV star, a pop star,
and I would have been conservatorship by twenty three and
I probably would have been dead by twenty four.

Speaker 1 (02:48:42):
You know, you remind me so much. It's funny as
you're talking. Remember the Parent Trap with Lindsay Lohan. You
look just like her in that movie. It's a kind
of like blowing me away with just your hairstyle and
just that's exactly how she looked. But that's you would
have been as big as those names if that timeline
panned out. But I can't want to tell you it
was not meant you picked. You made the right choices,

(02:49:03):
and you were divinely protected because the timeline you are
on is an even better one and it's going to
lead to beautiful success that it's going to be even
more fulfilling for you. And no abuse, no more abuse.

Speaker 2 (02:49:14):
On this timeline you're on and not perpetuating that stuff.
It's it. I would be I'm going to change things
and not be a problem. But I remember when of
the producers came into my dressing room. Oh my god,
and then I have to tell my James Franco story.

Speaker 1 (02:49:29):
Oh yeah, now this is really like let's go.

Speaker 2 (02:49:33):
Let go, like you know why, because this is real,
Like this is not I'm not talking about a conspiracy.
I'm this is real experiences I had. I had a
producer come into my dressing room at the Nickelodeon show
and she was like, is everything okay? And I'm like,
what are you talking about? She was like, your agent
is just making it seem like you just absolutely hate
it here and I was like, no, but here's the thing.

(02:49:56):
I had all these people talking for me and I
have I had so many bridges burned by the people
representing me and my mother.

Speaker 1 (02:50:04):
Oh no control.

Speaker 2 (02:50:06):
Ever, it feels, oh god, if I didn't pick my agent,
my manager, nothing.

Speaker 1 (02:50:11):
Nothing like it was chosen for you by your mom.

Speaker 2 (02:50:14):
I had a momager. She managed me for like two
years for a while. Oh my god, it's all coming
back to me now, It is all coming back to
me now. I remember I was on set of so
I okay, I'm starting to remember because I'm starting to
come to this is that time in my life where
I think I'm starting to wake up.

Speaker 1 (02:50:34):
You are and there's let me tell you, there's levels
and stages, and when you think you've hit a plateau, no,
it keeps going. You're gonna remember more and more.

Speaker 2 (02:50:44):
Literally, And I think that's why my Broadway years are
so hazy, was because I was so engulfed. And this
is when I started to develop a sense of discernment
and understanding. Oh crap, what was the I.

Speaker 1 (02:50:57):
Was Nickelodeon and you had no control.

Speaker 2 (02:51:00):
He had to do a network run. Oh my god.
And I remember the girls starring it. Her mom was
a beast man and she hated me. Her mom was
a beast and I remember I said I was funny.
So I said something and everybody laughed, and then the
star of the show said something and nobody laughed, and

(02:51:22):
the mom goes, huh, let's not forget who the real
star is here? Why didn't ye?

Speaker 1 (02:51:28):
These freaking stage parents are insane.

Speaker 2 (02:51:31):
I hate hated me and like insane, and it makes
you wonder, like, what did these what did that girl
grow up with? I saw one of the young girls
on TikTok. She was like just two Nickelodeon stars who
don't claim their experiences, and like they posted a thing
and it was the girl from Haunted Hathaways.

Speaker 1 (02:51:53):
Oh wow.

Speaker 2 (02:51:53):
I was like, Jesus, what did she go through on
that set? I want to know, Like I want to
know I should probably reach out to her.

Speaker 1 (02:52:00):
You shouldn't if I were, you which out.

Speaker 2 (02:52:03):
Yeah, But it was so this was that age that
I was like I was. I think when I was younger,
I was around a lot more girls who were like
becoming a list. So I was like starring a series
regular on a huge TV show. Yeah, and making sixteen
to five a week, freaking rolling in money at this
point like crazy. And I remember this is when I

(02:52:26):
was around a lot of the girls that I see
now that are stars, you know, that are have really
taken off. And I'm gonna be the one to say
I think maybe one percent are actually talented and the
other ninety nine percent are products of the industry and
literally just hounded enough to get bookings. Because when I

(02:52:51):
watch movies and TV shows nowadays, I'm like, Wow, these
people are absolutely talentless. And this is just sucks because
I think so much of it is just who you
know and how much you're willing to sell your life
and your identity and your soul to get good.

Speaker 1 (02:53:06):
Literally, I got to say, they don't make movies like
they used to. Terrible. I don't go to the movies
any longer. I rarely go because there's no creativity. They
keep just replaying out the same storylines. And the acting
really isn't that great. I hate to say it, but
you know, like my generation and before, I feel like
the acting and just the quality was so much better

(02:53:27):
and the creativity was there, and again it's been so
we'll say, what's the word I'm looking for? I mean,
Hollywood has just been so brainwashed and fabricated and what
I'm trying to give a better word to sort of
describe it just kind of like it's all fake. It's
all fake. It's fake bullshit. It used to be a
little more real, you know, it's always at a tinge

(02:53:49):
of fakeness to it. But your generation it's just like
this this, like it's just ugh, I don't get it.

Speaker 2 (02:53:56):
I don't know why people even like artists, like because
so I work at a college, right and there'll be
people who like worship specific pop stars and I'm just like,
oh my god, why.

Speaker 1 (02:54:05):
Never worship anybody? Absolutely not.

Speaker 2 (02:54:08):
No, I don't even worship myself, Like no, yeah, why
But I really have.

Speaker 1 (02:54:14):
Respect for somebody, but like, don't look up to them
like they're you know, above you in any way, shape
or form.

Speaker 2 (02:54:20):
They prey on that, yeah, someone who needs an idol,
who has so broken, and they they use ways to
get you to why are you spending two thousand dollars
on a concert ticket to see someone who can't sing?
Like it makes no sense to me, And.

Speaker 1 (02:54:39):
They they make you.

Speaker 2 (02:54:40):
Feel like you need to be a part of this experience.
They pray on fomo it's like fear of missing out.
They like pray on.

Speaker 1 (02:54:47):
It, and they use social media to enable that further. Absolutely,
you're right.

Speaker 2 (02:54:52):
Yeah, get if you're there and you post a picture,
you get more attention on social media and you get
like it is a whole and.

Speaker 1 (02:54:58):
These concerts are rituals. They're ritual there.

Speaker 2 (02:55:01):
Oh what I saw the craziest thing with Travis Scott's
concert And I'm really not like.

Speaker 1 (02:55:08):
When that happened? Holy shit? And did you did you
watch it? Like did you watch the videos?

Speaker 2 (02:55:14):
Oh my god. So I'm not a huge believer in
that stuff, and I've always been very like hesitant about
believing any of it. But I saw a clip of
a shadow walking on top of the stage and it
had long limbs and long legs. I literally didn't sleep
for four days, Like I was real.

Speaker 1 (02:55:31):
It is real, so.

Speaker 2 (02:55:34):
Dark, Like didn't I didn't know these people, but like
I one hundred percent. Drake is a pedophile through and through,
Like this has been known, you know, by the industry
for years, and when you have you've.

Speaker 1 (02:55:49):
Heard this behind the scenes. Okay to go to one
of his parties, no way.

Speaker 2 (02:55:55):
So you take a bunch of girls to get on
a bus and going. She was like freshly fucking eighteen
years old.

Speaker 1 (02:56:02):
Oh my god, and she went went.

Speaker 2 (02:56:05):
To go to one of his parties. I think, like literally,
like I grew I know girls who were a part
of this, and she was young like we god, we
was she even eighteen? We must have been. I think
we must have been eighteen at that point. And geez,
like I I the fact that this is not talked

(02:56:26):
about is like and people are are laughing about it
and denying it, and I'm like, man, I'm like bumping
Kendrick Lamar all the way Kendrick on that beat, like
I do not know. I don't I don't mess around
with that stuff. And you know, Kendrick's not a saying either,
and he's involved in the industry. But at least somebody
is doing something to raise awareness. And I mean he

(02:56:47):
he ripped into him in that song, like ripped into him.
And there's the some of the lyrics that he had
in the bar.

Speaker 1 (02:56:54):
Now he's like, what he went there.

Speaker 2 (02:56:58):
A minor lyric when he was like trying to break
was trying to something that's probably a minor I'm like,
oh my god, that was incredible. He's a clever clever, writer, clever,
but it's also impactful. And you know what, now he's
the super Bowl performer, so like, obviously he's.

Speaker 1 (02:57:15):
Performing the super Bowl this year. I didn't know that.

Speaker 2 (02:57:18):
Oh wow, yeah they booked. Yeah.

Speaker 1 (02:57:20):
I'm like pretty, I'm like another another big ritual. I
don't watch I don't watch this. I don't like I
hate football. I hate football. Oh my god, hate it.

Speaker 2 (02:57:29):
I watched it for the first time this year and
I was like, this isn't even real, Like they won
because Taylor Swift's boyfriend was there, and it turned into
it was one big story.

Speaker 1 (02:57:38):
It's one big storyline, just one big fabricated storyline, and
it's like.

Speaker 2 (02:57:43):
Remember I was literally watching it and I was like,
no one believes us, right, like this isn't do but
they do. Oh they do.

Speaker 1 (02:57:52):
I mean, once you start raising your frequency to a
high enough level, you can see above, you can see
above the frequency fence and see the truth.

Speaker 2 (02:57:59):
And that's really happening. I know, ridiculous, Like I know that.
And they almost lost and then they won and it
was like, oh my god, like, guys, are we dumb?
Like this is not even and I'm not even I'm
not even like a conspiracy person like that. But I
literally was so dumbfounded by the fact that people thought
that was real. I was like, we all we all know,

(02:58:20):
and there were people who actually believed it, and I
was just anyway, I'm getting off track, but yeah, that's okay.
I I just stuff like this is when you have
an a like an outrageous amount of people coming forward
and saying that somebody is a pedophile, they're right, Like,
they're right. If you have that many people coming forward
and saying that and they are not getting any money

(02:58:41):
off of it, and they are getting daggers thrown at
them and you know, brutalized online, they're not lying. So Drake,
Drake had that relationship with Millie Bobby Brown that.

Speaker 1 (02:58:54):
Was was that confirmed? Was that officially confirmed? Youledge?

Speaker 2 (02:58:59):
I mean like a relationship like like a friendship, I guess,
but he would always text her like I miss you
and all the shit. Really to me, that man wasn't
grooming her, Like who knows if anything one on behind
me was so hyper fixated on her. He brought around
at one of her shows, fucking weird man, like I
don't even care if anything wasn't going on regardless, that

(02:59:20):
should be a red flag that obviously this dude has
a hyper fixation on young girls. He also is a
product of the industry. He was an actor, he was
on Degree, he was a child Degrassi. I used to
watch that.

Speaker 1 (02:59:33):
Yeah, he was a child actor himself.

Speaker 2 (02:59:36):
So look at these people that turn out to the creditors.
Michael Jackson product of the industry, he pickled. Funnily enough, ironically,
Michael Jackson was my dad's favorite artist, Like he would
only listen to Michael Jackson.

Speaker 1 (02:59:48):
Oh my god.

Speaker 2 (02:59:49):
Really Yeah, I grew up listening to a lot of
his music and as I got and I don't know
why people don't talk about that more. I think because
he was so well loved and he.

Speaker 1 (02:59:59):
Had great music. I'll give him that, Like I mean classics.

Speaker 2 (03:00:02):
Hits, like loved him, they loved him for the culture.
They just loved him, And I think that was what
was so you know, hard, and also started like a
racial debate too, because individuals who came forward were white,
and I think that was something too that started a
really big racial debate. And then everything was swept under
the rug. Like I don't even know what happened with that,

(03:00:24):
Like it just disappeared.

Speaker 1 (03:00:25):
It really did. Yeah, they kind of just got swept away.
It feels like, but he was having all those kids
over at his house for sleepovers without their pair, Like
that's not normal, Like mcaulay Culkin, all those.

Speaker 2 (03:00:37):
Fame Like, that's not normal.

Speaker 1 (03:00:39):
What parent would allow their child to go to his
random stranger. Yeah he's famous, but technically he's a random
stranger go sleepover a random older man's mom, you're you're exactly.

Speaker 2 (03:00:51):
And that's how I'm gonna into James Franco's because my
mom said, if I lasted one more day in that set,
I would have wound up in James Franco's trailer. And
she was so proud of me.

Speaker 1 (03:01:02):
Yeah, especially to James Franco, Are you serious? And how
old were you?

Speaker 2 (03:01:11):
Sixty? Oh my god?

Speaker 1 (03:01:13):
How old was he? Obviously? Oh god, oh my Well,
there's a lot of stories out about James Franco already,
there's a lot of rumors circulating, So you're just gonna
confirm and you med James.

Speaker 2 (03:01:28):
Like as if you care about me or anything I
have to say, and any like as if any all
his friends X nat him too, like they don't talk
about him at all. Seth Rogan he was like a
part of this big group of guys and remember, yes, yeah,
I just saw an article come out about him as
like how are how he's feeling after being blood blisted
by a Hollywood And I'm like, who gives a shit?

(03:01:48):
Like no one cares. Heah took a very young actress
under his wing when she was very very young and
put her in all his films and she is now
a star, And I literally can't believe anyone has not
raised suspicion about that. And that is like the craziest
thing to me was.

Speaker 1 (03:02:06):
Sh do you know her name?

Speaker 2 (03:02:08):
King? She was in like, oh she was in that
recent big TV show? Her in all his films? Oh wow,
I didn't know that. In OZ Yeah, that was the
one my mom would always tell me like why can't
you be like Joey King, like all this kind of shit,
Why can't you think you could do what they do?
Like I got pitted against these girls and I barely
met her. She was like out of my level of fame, right,

(03:02:31):
she was too famous at that point. Some of these
girls were like Chloe Morett, Joey King, like they were
like already movie stars. I met Cloe Moretts once we
like rode horses together and then who else was there?
Like the freaking I used to ride at the same
equestrian center as like Noah Cyrus and Kendall Jenner and
like it was crazy, dude, My life is like it's crazy,

(03:02:52):
my like even at the La Equestrian Center, like one
of the girl's mom's created friends, like, oh.

Speaker 1 (03:02:57):
Wow, people, it's like a small world in Hollywood, right.

Speaker 2 (03:03:03):
And not I'll go to my James Franco story, but
my friend's roommates toured with Marilyn Manson and I was
supposed to go to his Halloween party, and it.

Speaker 1 (03:03:12):
Goes, thank god you didn't. Marilyn Manson. He is like
a sick sicko like times ten and oh my god,
thank god you never went.

Speaker 2 (03:03:20):
Holy shit. I remember one time she put out a
charcruderie board and it had drugs on it. It was
like just chargooonerie of drugs. Oh, oh my god, which
is actually kind of sad because she was an addict,
so like she knew how much it fucked up her
life and she wouldn't let me take any of it.
These were the girls when I was in the workhouse,
so this was oh my god, my timeline. But this
stuff is just pouring out. How I can't even stop.

(03:03:41):
So this timeline, this was when I was around nineteen.
This was after my mom's abuse, when I started drinking,
and my mom would always be like, what are you doing?
Are you a lesbian? Are you having sex with these
girls that you're staying over their house?

Speaker 4 (03:03:52):
Yeah?

Speaker 2 (03:03:53):
Wow, my god. I remember the first time I slept
in a bed with my best friend in California. I
was twenty and I couldn't sleep a whole night because
I thought she was gonna have sex with me and
that that was like ingrained. And I didn't know why
I thought that, but I thought she was tipped me
the whole night. I was like waiting for her to
advance on me. I was so scared. And it was

(03:04:14):
because of my amuse. Absolutely, yep, I never slept in
bed with anybody. That was the first time I did. Oh.
And I remember at one point she just like snuggled
me like a friend, and I was like, she's she's
gonna molest me, Like I was so scared. Oh but
she never did. So what that was me? Yeah? But
you know, anyway, back to James Franco, so I worked

(03:04:38):
on a show. It was called eleven twenty two sixty
three and this film that mac Hey, can you not
do that? I love you, but I'm telling a story.
He's like now at the time that I'm gonna lick
the crap out of my claw. Oh, he's back to
about it now. So I worked on a show called
eleven twenty two sixty three. I think it was about JF. Kennedy. Honestly,

(03:04:59):
I I don't know. He like worked on so many
shows I did, don't know. So I worked on the
show called eleven twenty two sixty three and James Franco
was the star of it.

Speaker 1 (03:05:09):
I had a recurring role.

Speaker 2 (03:05:10):
I worked with a boy on it, and I remember
James Franco. He would always he kept calling me pretent.
She kept calling me precocious. He was like, you're so precocious.
It's a precocious young girl. We barely really spoke.

Speaker 1 (03:05:26):
I could picture him saying that to you. I really
can I remember exactly.

Speaker 2 (03:05:30):
He was like, you're precocious, and then he stared at me.
This was the last creepy. I shook his hand and
in front of everyone the whole set, he grabbed my
hand and he shook it. He was like, you're just
a precocious one. And he just stared at me and
wouldn't let go of my hand. And I giggled because
I was like, this is weird.

Speaker 1 (03:05:48):
It's like so awkward.

Speaker 2 (03:05:49):
How do you react to that? Yeah, and then he
let go when he decided it was time to let go.
When I went back to filming, so this is like
the real meat and potatoes of this, right, So I
had a Again, I only recurred. So imagine, you know,
someone like Joey King who was with him every single
day on all these shows, like, oh, this is only
like I only worked with him for a couple of

(03:06:10):
weeks and I worked mostly with the with the boy
that I was working with, and he just he really
had a hyperfixation on me. I remember that, like even
the little scenes that we'd film, like he was always
looking at me and always smiling at me and just
being a fucking weirdo. But I remember someone came up
to me I was on set and she said, congratulations,

(03:06:30):
you might make the Instagram. And I was like, what
are you talking about. I had no idea what she
was talking about. She was like, you might make his
Instagram and I was like who, and she said, James, Like,
he's been taking pictures of you the whole time.

Speaker 1 (03:06:43):
So out your consent or knowledge.

Speaker 2 (03:06:46):
So he had an iPad. He would take pictures of
me this entire time on his iPad and me just
sent talking to people standing there anything taking pictures of me.
I didn't notice. And we had a scene it was
me and boy that I was working with Brayden, and
I wound up having to like kiss him make out
with him in a closet and there was no ceiling

(03:07:09):
on the closet and he was taking pictures of us
doing that like over the closet, like over the ceiling,
and it.

Speaker 1 (03:07:20):
Was like sneaking in and oh my god, like.

Speaker 2 (03:07:23):
A paparazzi almost, And then they changed the scene so
we were outside of the closet and I had to
kiss him. And I literally have a literal photo that
I can show. Do I show it? So yeah, we're
exit it to you, right.

Speaker 1 (03:07:37):
I don't think I don't think he did, did you.
I don't think I saw.

Speaker 2 (03:07:39):
I don't think i've seen this photo.

Speaker 1 (03:07:41):
Actually I think you mentioned this photo to me before,
but I don't think i've seen it.

Speaker 2 (03:07:45):
So I was in Oh my gosh, where is it
going to be? I think, I I'm it's probably oh wait,
probably in my recent Oh.

Speaker 1 (03:07:52):
Here it is perfect.

Speaker 2 (03:07:54):
So we moved the scene out macs up. We moved
the scene outside of the closet and we were kissing
and he tapped on Brandon's shoulder and he asked him
if he could step in for him, and that's the photo.
Oh my god.

Speaker 1 (03:08:12):
And that was not part of the script, correct, So
we weren't. No, oh my god. And what did the
kid say to him.

Speaker 2 (03:08:21):
Or do I don't know, it was a joke. It's
James Franco, He's a movie star.

Speaker 1 (03:08:25):
And then what happened after that? Did he go in?
Did you try and kiss you? Okay, thank god?

Speaker 2 (03:08:30):
No, But that was like, that was my experience with him.

Speaker 1 (03:08:34):
And we're sixteen, sixteen years old, a child underage.

Speaker 2 (03:08:38):
The mom was still there and my mom remember she
was so oh my god. Can you tell everybody that
she was like if there, if she had one more
day on that says she would have been in James
Franco's trailer with him. Oh my god. Yeah.

Speaker 1 (03:08:52):
And how did you react to him after that? Did
you say anything or did you just kind of walk Away.
I was.

Speaker 2 (03:08:59):
I thought I was getting attention from a movie star.
I always thought he was weird, though, Like I don't
remember thinking he was like, but you know, oh my god,
this is what they.

Speaker 1 (03:09:10):
Do all part of the grooming.

Speaker 2 (03:09:13):
They pray on the end. This you're taught that this
is normal. Oh my god, you got the attention of
a This was back before he got you know, gobsmacked
online and everybody hated him. But here got you got
the attention of a handsome, rich movie star. You do
you know what that could do for you, you know.
And then the way that my mom presented it, she

(03:09:34):
was so proud of me.

Speaker 1 (03:09:38):
That's how easy it is for these people to pray
on children.

Speaker 2 (03:09:42):
Maybe.

Speaker 1 (03:09:44):
And he was handsome, so, like was very good looking
when he was young, very good looking. Not so much
he's kind of going downhill.

Speaker 2 (03:09:52):
What else is weird? He kind of looks like my dad,
so I think, oh wow, maybe, like my brain kind
of like the validation from him because he reminded me
of my father.

Speaker 1 (03:10:02):
It could have been a way. Absolutely. Yeah.

Speaker 2 (03:10:06):
So that's the James Franco story. He's a friend, he's
a creepy I had a director on Criminal minds beyond
borders who would text me all the time, and he
would send me bit moji saying like love you to
bits and I love you so much and all this stuff.
Barely knew him. Was something else that happened as I
got older that I didn't think even raised a red

(03:10:28):
flag until again, I'm getting the director. I'm getting the
attention of a Bury the higher ups work director, and
he's got my phone number, and we text all the time,
and he would just tell me how amazing I was
and how much he loved me and all the shit.
This is something funny. I have never talked about this.
This is bad. This might get back to them. But honestly,

(03:10:48):
whatever I did a I'm gonna be nice about this.
I did a family friendly Christmas movie. Let's call it that.

Speaker 1 (03:10:56):
Oh you did a Christmas movie?

Speaker 2 (03:10:57):
I did. It was like homework adjason. It wasn't okay
a pay per view, but it's a Christmas movie. So
tis this season? Everybody go watch this. I did a
Christmas movie. It was my first. I feel like this
is when my bookings just really took a turn for
the worst. But anyway, like I had, I actually, no, no, no, no,

(03:11:18):
it wasn't. It wasn't because I did. I did Shameless.
I didn't talk about that. I should talk about all
these shows that I I.

Speaker 1 (03:11:26):
Noticed on TikTok everyone was asking, Oh my god, were
you on Shameless? Yeah, so that was like a big
role you had. I did not watch Shameless.

Speaker 2 (03:11:36):
I did like twelve ten twelve episodes. Okay, it was
pretty and I had a pretty big part. Okay, but
I'll never forget talk about all this stuff. So I
had a Christmas movie and I remember the director also, Okay,
this should This is my personal opinion. Any grown man
that wants to read write a script about two teenage

(03:11:58):
girls weird.

Speaker 1 (03:12:00):
That's not normal.

Speaker 2 (03:12:01):
It's weird. And actually a friend that I someone I
used to be friends with here her husband wanted me
to start his film that he wrote about two teenage girls.
And you would always tell me that I could be
the bad girl.

Speaker 1 (03:12:15):
They're like living out their creepy fantasies, these men. Oh
I can't, I can't. That's not normal behavior.

Speaker 2 (03:12:21):
Oh behavior, This was like recent. Oh Jesus, this is recent.
It's like within the last three hundred and sixty five days.

Speaker 1 (03:12:28):
Oh Jesus, Oh god.

Speaker 2 (03:12:30):
I could be the bad girl. You know how many
times he told me that and I was like, no,
thank you. He also said that women would cellulate shouldn't
wear dresses, but.

Speaker 1 (03:12:37):
That's oh okay, well we know what hism o is.

Speaker 2 (03:12:41):
Ew. Yeah, So anyway, I did this Christmas film and
again this like this, Oh my god, this dude wrote
it and direct and directed it, which right off the
double do.

Speaker 1 (03:12:54):
You say, well, you say the name of the movie, I'll.

Speaker 2 (03:12:56):
Be next door for Christmas. So he wrote and directed it,
and I remember I was like one of my co stars. Okay,
there's a couple of weird things. The first one was
that he like brought he was doing a tour with everybody,
and this could be like an innocent joke, but like
knowing him, it was weird. He brought him to crafty
that's where all our food is, and he was like,
and here's our food. This is where our actresses don't

(03:13:18):
eat hahaha. I was like, ohh that's a mean joke. Wow, yeah,
that's mean. He was just he was just okay, from
like a professional standpoint, he's just a bad director. He
has very little tolerance for people. He literally told me,
I remember we were doing a scene, he was like,

(03:13:39):
can you just do this and like, can you just
be funny? Can you just like have some like energy,
like he's just bad, Like he was just a bad director.
And I'm actually so, I've this is funny about me.
I've always been told like I am not someone who
needs a director, like I don't need one, and it's
probably be I don't know. I've just always been very
intuitive to like what someone needs. And he actually told

(03:14:01):
me that. He was like, I don't even need to
tell you anything, like you just know what I'm saying
before I even say it. And that's always been something
and I think it's because I had to be so
hyper vigilant for so long that I knew exactly And
I think that's why some of the most traumatized people
make the best actors, Like look at Robin Williams and
like so much sense, because you have to learn how

(03:14:22):
to operate and read the room and you know it's yeah,
it's very it's very common, and the best performers because
you're so disconnected from your identity that you can put
on a different persona and you're escaping your entire life
and you're in that's what. Yeah, it's very it's very escapism. Yeah,
it's very interesting. So I had this director and I

(03:14:48):
remember so I like I couldn't. This was after my
mom's abuse had stopped. So it's also important to note
that I got my driver's license. I think I was
nineteen years old. I was very old. My mom always
he did driver's license. You have me. So if I
give any idea that.

Speaker 1 (03:15:04):
The control Jesus Christ, it was intense.

Speaker 2 (03:15:08):
Yes, So wow again, like all of this happened, like
my recovery happened as soon as I started having some
independence from her. It was very fast. But like that's
how controlling she was. Like she drove me everywhere, She
did every she drove me to every audition. I remember
when she stopped coming into auditions with me, and I

(03:15:29):
just didn't want her there anymore, Like it was weird,
like you just don't have to be here. And she
wanted to see people who were on the casting list
and see who was there before me, and she would
be i amdbing people, which is the International Movie Database
and seeing what they're booking and seeing who. I mean,
this was my whole life. Every single day was like wow,
sing better than me? Who's making more money, who's more famous,

(03:15:49):
who's skinnier, who's more successful? Seriously, like this was my
whole fucking life, my entire teenagehood, Like this was it?
So anyway, to go back to what I was saying,
I had this director and he I had to kiss
a boy, and I remember, so I was like I
was be sick to my stomach if I had to
do any scene that I had to kiss anybody. I
was sick to my stomach, like the anxiety and fear

(03:16:13):
that I had, and it felt so wrong. And it's
because and I would disassociate so hard, like I would
become so detached, and I literally it's because I was
like actively trying to block when I was doing it,
like I would remember the feeling, and like my brain
was like in working in like triple time to try

(03:16:35):
to block the reality. It was like when I had
my first kiss on set and it wasn't my first kiss,
but like everybody treated it like that because that's what
my mom told people.

Speaker 1 (03:16:46):
Wow, and you knew obviously you've been abused. It was
not your first kiss technically.

Speaker 2 (03:16:51):
But it like it was. I would tell people he
was my first kiss. And then what else is interesting
is as I got older with my when I was nineteen,
I'm like, I would tell them all the time, like
I'm not a virgin, Like I don't think I'm a virgin.
Oh wow, It's just so fucking weird the way that
I like, I knew this whole time what had happened,

(03:17:12):
but like my brain would not let me while I
was ready. But time when I would do kissing scenes,
I would be completely detached. I actually know a girl,
an actress, whose mom made them pause it so a different.
She had like her first kiss on camera, which I
even wondered, but her mom made her pause. They may

(03:17:33):
do a playback and pause it at her first kiss
so she could take a picture of it.

Speaker 1 (03:17:37):
That's fucking weird, right, Oh my god, that's so weird.

Speaker 2 (03:17:40):
I knew another actor whose mom lasered off all his
freckles to make him more marketable. Yeah, so what I
mean the shit that I have, the stories that I have,
no one that's right here.

Speaker 1 (03:17:51):
You're proving that the abuse in Hollywood stems from the
frickin' parents most of the time.

Speaker 2 (03:17:57):
This episode is like, Oh my god, we should have
done just the episode on just Hollywood, like inside now
we could cut it so it's just too so like
one part's just Hollywood. I think it's all important. I
think it's I think.

Speaker 1 (03:18:09):
We're going to keep it all honestly. I think. I
mean we're going on four hours.

Speaker 2 (03:18:14):
That's all right. So like this is the meat and
potatoes of it. So I had this director. I had
to kiss this boy. I remember the scene. I don't
even think it made it into the movie, which is funny,
but I had this scene and I had to kiss him.
It was very brief. He made us do it probably
twenty five plus times, to the point where the guy

(03:18:35):
behind the camera was like, do we really need to
do this again?

Speaker 1 (03:18:38):
Twenty five takes?

Speaker 2 (03:18:40):
We did so many fucking takes of this to the
point where I'm literally like I'm uncomfortable and the cast
and crew is uncomfortable. Wow, Why why why are you
making me kiss this boy over and over and over
and over again? For what we got to take the
second fucking talk?

Speaker 1 (03:19:00):
Did you ask him?

Speaker 2 (03:19:02):
No?

Speaker 1 (03:19:03):
Did anyone say anything.

Speaker 2 (03:19:05):
But yeah, one of the camera guys he was like,
why are we still doing this?

Speaker 1 (03:19:10):
And what the director say?

Speaker 2 (03:19:11):
You remember?

Speaker 1 (03:19:13):
Wow?

Speaker 2 (03:19:13):
He just wanted to watch it. And I know this
because we did still photos. Again. This never made it
to this, never this. I don't remember ever seeing.

Speaker 1 (03:19:26):
Twenty five takes for a scene that they.

Speaker 2 (03:19:29):
It was so many. I don't know how many many
we did enough to the point where someone was like, Hi,
what are we doing? And I have I know this
because we did still photos and we were just taking
photos and he was like, now I got I want
you guys to do like a notebook kiss. I remember

(03:19:50):
him saying that a notebook kiss. And I immediately shut
down and I wouldn't do it. And that was when
I started fighting back. I was like, I literally said
to him, like, I just don't know why this is
necessary good for you. He took me outside by myself
into the parking lot and he was like, Juliette, I
just feel like you don't really trust me as a director.

Speaker 1 (03:20:13):
No, I don't, No, I do not.

Speaker 2 (03:20:16):
I remember doing that thing that I used to do
when I didn't have balls, and I would be like, no, no,
like I just you know, I just don't really think
it's necessary about But what I didn't do it.

Speaker 1 (03:20:27):
You were young and you were still under but I
wouldn't let him do that.

Speaker 2 (03:20:33):
I would not let him do that. We also I
remember one of my castmates was like, does he hate
kids or something? Because there was a little kid working
and she kept crying. He was like he was so
pissed off.

Speaker 1 (03:20:44):
It was just doing a Christmas movie with kids, and
when you hate kids, like god.

Speaker 2 (03:20:48):
Oh pissed off by it. But that was that was
what I remember with him specifically, was that he always
wanted me to keep kissing this guy and and he
just was so like it was so weird, like it
was so much. And then when I I fought back
with the like no kissing, Like it was awkward. It

(03:21:10):
was an awkward situation. Yeah, it was like no, why
why would I be doing this? You know, why would
why would I? Why would I be doing this? Like
what is the purpose?

Speaker 1 (03:21:23):
So that's that's what I remember from that.

Speaker 2 (03:21:25):
And at a certain point, I remember like no one
liked him, like the hair and makeup cash, Like everybody
was like we are literally no one wants to deal
with him. We literally just are here to like get
through this movie and like get on with it. And
it it was always just it's one of those things.
And that's where these these these directors, they have power

(03:21:45):
over you because you're in such a vulnerable position as
an actor. You need a job, which is why so
many of these nepple babies they never get to experience
that they're not the ones paying for their house. I
had a friend out there, the same one that does
know that does cocaine COCAINEA. Now we weren't really friends,
but my I didn't like her at all, but my
mom picked my friends too, obviously, And she lived in

(03:22:08):
our apartment complex. And her mom was so abusive and
was always you know, oh my god, just like the
money and always needing the money to pay for rent.
And the she had siblings and it was just like
it was so like the children are being the parents,

(03:22:28):
like we were taking care of our parents and not
the other way around. That's just not okay, Oh my god.

Speaker 1 (03:22:33):
I had to get jobs of their own.

Speaker 2 (03:22:35):
This is a crazy story. Actually, someone who used to
come over my mom's house for tea commented on her
Instagram post and was like, I'm so sorry, Kelly, I
just want to go back to the way that things were.
I'm sure that she'll reach out to you too. I
messaged her and I said, plaitly go fuck yourself. So anyway,
I message back and I was like, I don't know you.

(03:22:56):
I don't remember you. Clearly you remember me. You know
nothing about my life. You're empathizing with a woman who
molested me until I was fucking sixteen seventeen years old.
I have a forty year restraining order. You got tea
and cookies with her once in a goddamn while, and
you think you have the right to speak on my life.
And then I said, plaitly, go fuck yourself. So that's
what I do in my spare time.

Speaker 1 (03:23:16):
You're really reclaiming your power, Juliette. I feel like the
second half of this interview like, whoa, you just brought it?

Speaker 2 (03:23:24):
I I I love I love it. I'm both all
over me, man, like these people walk all over half.

Speaker 1 (03:23:31):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (03:23:32):
I don't remember if she had kids or what, but like,
if you're friends with my mother, you're just as bad.
Segue into this story. I used to walk. I lived
in Burbank, and I used to walk in Burbank.

Speaker 1 (03:23:47):
I was in Starbucks.

Speaker 2 (03:23:49):
Literally, let me tell you, like the most cliche looking
version of a pedophile you've ever seen. This big fat
guy he I was there by myself. I sat down
and he was like, you look like a fairy like,
you look like I was like a child. I must
have been in my.

Speaker 1 (03:24:05):
Early grown man comes up to you to tell you this.

Speaker 2 (03:24:08):
You look like a fairy. You look like a fairy.
I want to write a book about you. You look
like a fairy. Did you know that I'm the original
creator of Avatar? Like all this stuff? What guy was
like office rocker and so fucking creepy? Flash forward a
couple of weeks later, a couple months later, guess who's
in my fucking house with my mom?

Speaker 1 (03:24:25):
Don't tell me? Do not tell me? How is that possible?

Speaker 2 (03:24:28):
Like? What is who's friends with my mother? Like A track's.

Speaker 1 (03:24:32):
Like, oh my god, so she met the guy somehow
or has been friends with him to your knowledge? Like
how did they meet?

Speaker 2 (03:24:40):
Yeah? I don't know. I told her. I told her
he was creepy. I remember that. And she was like, oh,
he's hard, he's harmless. These are my friends. You want
me not to have any friends? Juliette, Yeah, yeah, he
was in my house?

Speaker 1 (03:24:51):
Or was he stalking you at the Starbucks? Was he
already aware of it?

Speaker 2 (03:24:55):
Maybe he was, so he would I remember, God, he'd
be in my living room, walking up the ste and
he'd be staring at me. Oh my god, the life
that I lived, man, these people, my mom, Oh my god.
The friends that she kept, the people that she had, oh,
just horrible. And like, now that I'm looking back, she

(03:25:18):
attracted people who perpetuate that abuse. They're doing the same
thing she's been saying with perverts and pedophiles and weirdos
and people who allow her to get away with her
behaviors and don't question them because they're the ones doing it.
So when I message that lady, I told her, I'm like,
if you believe her, it leads me to believe that
you're just as bad as her, and you're probably doing
the same thing.

Speaker 1 (03:25:38):
She's either doing it to her own kids or to others,
or she's just simply keeping her mouth shut and enabling it.
Both are equally as bad in my opinion.

Speaker 2 (03:25:47):
Yeah, literally, because how can you look at the situation
and have empathy for her? How how can you look
at it? How can you look at my stuff and
my page and the way that I conduct myself and
talk about myself and go and empathize with the enemy,
you know, And that to me was like that was
my life, was that I had no safe adults around me,
and the people that my mom had were just as

(03:26:09):
bad as her. So it was just and and you know,
just to even get into the money aspect of things,
I didn't even know I had my own bank account
until I moved to Nashville when I was twenty one.

Speaker 1 (03:26:20):
Wow, so she would take all your checks and put
them in the bank, her bank account, I'm guessing.

Speaker 2 (03:26:25):
No, So legally no, I had my own bank account.
She was Yeah, she was a co signer on ah. Okay, madam,
So an account right, and it opens when you're eighteen,
So all the money that you make. Ten percent of
your money goes into a Cougan account and ninety percent

(03:26:46):
is expenses, which is how Hollywood protects parents. Okay, well
spend their kids money because ninety percent is expensive. It's
why Macaulay Colchin, maybe it was Laton Measter or somebody
like that, couldn't sue their mom because it was expensive.
She bought a house with the money, but it was expenses. Wow,
it's four million dollar house, but it's expenses. That's how

(03:27:08):
they protect parents who want to drain their kids dry
so they can control them because if they take all
their money, they can't go anywhere.

Speaker 1 (03:27:17):
Exactly, and I had.

Speaker 2 (03:27:21):
If I don't remember again correctly, but it sounded I
thought I had one hundred thousand dollars in a cougan,
which is weird though, because that would be ten percent
of my earnings. And I'm like, did I make a
million dollars? Because I don't remember that, okay, And when
you think about it, so my net worth to me,
it might have been fifty grand, I don't. I just
remember my mom saying one hundred grand, but she was

(03:27:43):
probably trying to inflate things to make me sound richer.
I'm going to assume.

Speaker 1 (03:27:48):
I could definitely say I was.

Speaker 2 (03:27:50):
Worth half a million dollars absolutely, between theater where I
was making two grand a week for three years, to
commercials I did, to making sixteen five a week on
on my Olbow Country, ten grand an episode on all
my guest star roles. Like I was rolling in money.
And when I got my bank account at twenty one,

(03:28:11):
when I was leaving to Nashville, and I knew I
just had to run. I had to run. I had
to run. I opened my I went to Bank of
America and I got into my business account, and I
had eighteen hundred dollars in my business account and I
was like, this can't be right, Like, there's.

Speaker 1 (03:28:23):
No way, only eighteen hundred dollars.

Speaker 2 (03:28:27):
And I remember he said to me, you know, I
said I was an actor, and he was like, we
get this a lot.

Speaker 1 (03:28:32):
Were they able to look back and see when the
money was taken out and how much?

Speaker 2 (03:28:38):
Yeah, I mean she just used it for everything. Yeah,
we bought an eight hundred thousand dollars town home. Oh wow, California.

Speaker 1 (03:28:48):
That was your money that paid for it.

Speaker 2 (03:28:50):
My family is rich. As much as they want to
cry poor, we were rolling in money. My mom would
tell people that she found a Duffel bag of one
hundred thousand dollars in cash in my dad's apartment. What
we had, dirty blood money and it wasn't identifiable. There
were things that my mom would say that I don't
know if they were true or not. She said that
my uncle funded a ten million dollar movie by himself.

Speaker 1 (03:29:15):
What movie my uncle.

Speaker 2 (03:29:16):
Started getting into like movies. I don't know the name
of the movie. But my uncle became a producer huh
as I got older, but never put me in any
of the fucking films.

Speaker 1 (03:29:25):
Interesting like in Hollywood or not his own independent like
New Jersey.

Speaker 2 (03:29:30):
But he was like doing films with like real actors
in them. Oh wow. Yeah, there's a lot of weird
things that happened as I got older. But my family
had so much money. Think about it. Okay, look my mom.
I had four horses growing up.

Speaker 1 (03:29:48):
Do you know how much horses are not cheap and
very expensive.

Speaker 2 (03:29:52):
In New Jersey. I had one horse in California. So
let's just like do the math. I had one horse,
and I had two horses in California at one point,
but I'll just go for one because one was leased out.
One horse in California, I think it's twenty six hundred
dollars a month to board it at the Los Angeles
Equestrian Center. On top of that, I have a mortgage.
On top of that, we're going out to dinner every night,

(03:30:12):
we have new cars. We're spending at least ten to
fifteen grand a month. That's a lot of money, at
least at least And on top of that, there's the stuff.
There's the house in New Jersey until that was sold.
And but my mom raised me to believe that we
were on our last dime every single day. Huh. I

(03:30:34):
have such well, it's control. Of course, don't you know
we really need you. We need you to book this
job if you and she used it to promote my anorexia,
maybe you is she? I remember saying that maybe you'd
book a job if you ate less bread, we could
do this. I want my big house one day. When
are you gonna buy me my beach house? Well you
didn't buy it by eighteen. When are you gonna buy
me my beach house? Like all kinds of crazy shit.

(03:30:56):
And that was the pressure that was put on me,
you know, my entire level. And it was for her.
No one ever asked me what I wanted. It was
all for her.

Speaker 1 (03:31:05):
That was my next question. Were you happy in Hollywood
being an actress? Did you enjoy it?

Speaker 2 (03:31:13):
No? I love acting, I didn't book any of the
roles I wanted. And I but I loved acting, But
I didn't. But I was so unhappy. And so I
think this is something that's so different now because I
signed a new management right, and there are a lot
of good people in Hollywood. I was so out of
body and so disconnected from myself. I could never truly

(03:31:34):
ground myself to experience anything I ever experienced. So a
lot of the times you know, with acting roles. I wanted.
I wanted to be that confident girl, but I just
couldn't because I was I was regressed. And I remember
I had an agent on the phone. I dropped my
agent and he said to me, I was eighteen. He

(03:31:54):
was like, well, you know, we're so you just you
still need to fully mature and like stuff like that.
You just said weird shit to me on the phone.
And it's obvious that other people could see how, like
my tutor said, like, I was emotionally stunted. So I
couldn't take on these roles because I hadn't recovered from
anything that had happened to me. I remember I had
to do I was so disassociated. I had to do

(03:32:19):
a self tape I think with my mom and the
shame and absolute disgust I felt with myself because it
was it was a scene where she, as in her role,
had to be fingering me, and I remember having to
read that and just being like shell shocked the entire
home and oh my god, just like the the the

(03:32:46):
roles that I could have booked that I didn't that
were there were sex scenes and stuff that like God,
thank god, I did not. I never did anything more
than kiss somebody in any type of movie anything, which
is a because thank God, like I don't know what
would have happened to me, Like I don't know what
I would have done, but I never was able to

(03:33:09):
fully experience anything that I did because well everything was
my mom's too, like nothing was mine, and it was
never good enough. I remember I booked a role. I
barely talked to my dad and I booked a role.
He was just so again like my parents don't know
how to be real parents, Like my dad doesn't need
to be a real dad.

Speaker 1 (03:33:26):
He called.

Speaker 2 (03:33:26):
He was like you're the best thing that ever happened
to me. You're gonna make us rich, Like I love
you more than anything, like screaming on the phone, And
that was like the last I talked him for weeks,
Like that's all. We'd have these moments of like crazy
outburst and then nothing. And but my mom was was
just so that was something that she would do too.

(03:33:47):
She would always have me go and take pictures with
like hot guys. And I just had a memory from
Mary Poppins, just come back to broad Dude law was there.

Speaker 1 (03:34:00):
Oh he's huge, Yeah yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 (03:34:02):
His kids and I talked to him, and I remember
I felt more like an equal with Jude Law than
I did his daughter. It was very weird. And I
was the same age as his daughter, and I felt
very way too mature for my age to be. I
have memories of that where I was talking to men
like I should not be talking to men when I'm

(03:34:22):
that young, Like I'm not a kid. I'm way too
like Miranchael said, precocious and like very just very weird.

Speaker 1 (03:34:32):
Your parents trained you, though to behave that way, and.

Speaker 2 (03:34:35):
That was something I struggled with even as I got older,
like I always felt so sexually charged around men much
older than me. And I remember talking to him and
feeling like I was an equal. And I went outside
and I told my mom I had no idea who
he was, and she gave me a camera and she
was like, you need to go back inside. You need

(03:34:56):
to go back inside. And I stood there with the
Mary Poppins at the time, and I just stood there
next to her, and it like ruined the whole experience
for me because I treated him like a human and
then like a human, and then my mom sent me
back in with a picture to get a picture with him,
and I wound up pretending I saw someone and I left.

Speaker 1 (03:35:14):
Wow.

Speaker 2 (03:35:16):
And but that now I'm having like flashbacks to Mary Poppins.
I'm remembering the wings and leaving the stage, and there
I might there's some I'm sure there's a lot that's
going to come out over the next couples. But I
forgot about that. And it was always this thing where
like I didn't want to and she'd always put me
in a position where I felt so uncomfortable, like I

(03:35:36):
would took I took a picture with the guy from
Pretty Little Liars, and I took a picture with the
director from Malibu Country, and it was like kiss him
on the cheek, do this. Like she put me in
these positions that were so weird and not normal and
not right, and like I mentioned that, like when I
had a crush on the guy on eleven, twenty two
sixty three, like she was so mad at me, and

(03:35:59):
that was the or she ever abused me, Like I'll
never forget that. It was just it was vicious. It
was like she hated I think that I was getting
older because she knew it was a ticking time bomb
until somebody was going to catch on to what was
happening or I was going to confide in someone totally. Yeah,
And I think that she was so terrified that I was.
She literally would always tell me that I didn't want

(03:36:20):
a boyfriend. Julia doesn't want a boyfriend. She never wants
a boyfriend. Julia doesn't want a boyfriend. She's probably gay. Julia,
it's a lesbian. She's probably gay.

Speaker 1 (03:36:26):
She wore brainwashing.

Speaker 2 (03:36:28):
My god, she she brainwashed me to think that I
never wanted to be with anyone except her. I remember
when I was younger too, she told me that men
only want one thing from me, and if you can't
give him that, then you're not worth her time. Like,
oh my god, there's just things that comes back. And

(03:36:49):
she said she never talks about her childhood. My mother.
I remember we were driving through California. I was in
the car with her, and she was talking about how
she's writing. She always wanted to write a movie, and
she was writing a book, a book. She was writing
a book about her mother, but she could never put
it out until her mom was dead. My grandma.

Speaker 1 (03:37:07):
Do you think there was going to be truth in
that book? Yeah, that's what I feel too.

Speaker 2 (03:37:11):
Wow. But she probably was just writing about her childhood.

Speaker 1 (03:37:18):
And we don't know for certain, but we're going to
assume she had a very rough childhood.

Speaker 2 (03:37:23):
She'd always say that men, men would come into her
room at night.

Speaker 1 (03:37:26):
Yeah, and she was terribly abused. I feel that very strongly.

Speaker 2 (03:37:29):
Why the fuck wouldn't she traffick her?

Speaker 1 (03:37:31):
Of course, of course, I.

Speaker 2 (03:37:33):
Mean, why the hell wouldn't she what was stopping her?
She had? My grandma went through four husbands. Oh oh wow,
one I never I barely met any of my grandpa's.
One reached out to me when I was in Billy
Elliott for assigned autograph headshot. That's like very awkward and
one and that. Yeah, it's been in my It's been
my family for generations. I told you I had somewhat

(03:37:56):
and confirm that, and then my grandma knew and I
didn't do anything about her. I think someone's husband, so like,
this has been in my family. But this, this industry
attracts people who are desperate to get away.

Speaker 1 (03:38:15):
Oh it certainly does.

Speaker 2 (03:38:16):
Yeah, people who are too good for their hometowns, like
that's where they they are trying to And Hollywood normalizes
child exploitation. It normalizes so many things that should be
complete red flags. I told you, you know, like the
political agenda. If you are not all the way liberal
terror like liberal, you are not a part of the conversation.

(03:38:39):
And even if you're like you need to promote it
and talk about it and like on sets and stuff
like you need to be a part of like you
need to agree with everything they agree with, everything they
agree with, or else you are xnate if you stand
up against anything, but you don't accult.

Speaker 1 (03:39:01):
Yeah, cults, that's the definition of a cult.

Speaker 2 (03:39:04):
Yeah. And then there are cults like Tom Cruise is
like that.

Speaker 1 (03:39:08):
What freaking scientology? That's another rabbit hole. There's so many
power There are so many different paradigms, cult paradigms, but
really it's all the same thing at the end of
the day. It's brainwashing people. Absolutely, It's simply what it is,
mind control and brainwashing in different ways in different levels.

Speaker 2 (03:39:27):
Absolutely, And you get preyed on by every gender, every age.
Like there's so many things that I think, I even
I mean, I'm sure that so much more. I'm gonna
just memories are going to come back after talking about this,
but like even everything is for them to mold your sexuality,
your identity, everything it's exactly you.

Speaker 1 (03:39:46):
Have no say.

Speaker 2 (03:39:47):
It feels like, right, you have no say.

Speaker 1 (03:39:51):
They take away your free will.

Speaker 2 (03:39:53):
Yeah, they take you have no say, especially if you
sign one of those horror contracts like Nickelodeon seven years.
You can't work on anything other than Nickelodeon unless it's
a truth. You get paid this amount a week. There's
it's non negotiable. This is what you make for eight years.
We're also gonna you know, you have to be a
part of music. You have to be a part of
the Teen Choice Awards, the Kid's Choice Awards. They control

(03:40:13):
your whole life. And you wonder why these women grow up.
I mean, I don't even know the depths of Amanda
Bynes and what she went through with with Dan what's
his name, Dan Schneider. I can't even imagine. I know
the very small amount of experiences I had on Nickelodeon
that raised a red flag for me. And I was
a recurring, like I was not even on that set

(03:40:34):
twenty four sec. And I'm sure that there's a lot
of things too that I'm just not remembering that probably
were super creepy and very weird. I just remember the
kids hanging on the men like hanging, like hanging all
over him, and that I'm also the fact that I'm
in a leotard that teeny tiny on television on a
kids show is just bizarre to me. Yeah, I had

(03:40:58):
This was when I started coming to I remember I
had the worst panic attack. I did a stunt. I
had a vest on. I was hanging from a clothing rack,
and I had a panic attack because I felt like
my ribs were gonna snap. That's how skinny. My ribs
protruded so like without sucking in my stomach, they protruded
like I was so thin. And I remember the only

(03:41:21):
person who ever said anything to me about my eating
disorder that I remember was a wrangler and he handed
me a banana and he said, what did you eat today?

Speaker 1 (03:41:28):
And I remember my mom whopped it.

Speaker 2 (03:41:30):
I remember I I when I had that panic attack,
I ran and I hugged the garbage I thought I
was watching, and then I laid on the ground. I
was hyperventilating and panicking and like freaking out. And my
mom was so trying to pretend like she cared, and
then she was so embarrassed and like was like here

(03:41:51):
eat something like why don't you eat?

Speaker 1 (03:41:52):
Like she knew.

Speaker 2 (03:41:53):
She knew it, Ye, she knew. So it's just it's
it's a lot of that, and you know, parents like
that atract find themselves attracted to this industry for a
lot of reasons because it No one ever said anything
to me about anything. It was very normal my mom's

(03:42:14):
behavior and my agents, so my actually my last representation
knew about what happened because I think I reached out
to them and my manager said, it wasn't a surprise
considering the way that your mom was because around when
I got older, my mom started using Zanny's and white Claw.

(03:42:36):
She'd mix Zanni's and alcohol, and she just posted on
Instagram too. She was like she was always talking about
why it's just weird, like it's it's not normal talk
like people. I don't know. But she messaged my manager
something along the lines of like, how's Juliette doing? She
barely talks to me anymore, Like might have had one

(03:42:58):
too many white Clawan Zanna, And she messaged that to
my manager. Ow, oh my goodness. I remember when I
dropped my other manager, she gave me a bottle of
Yaeger and said she was shot. You know it'll help,
So I did a shot of Yaegermeister when I was
like seventeen and called my manager and dropped him. Oh
my god.

Speaker 1 (03:43:18):
Yeah, So, like I mean, I remember how.

Speaker 2 (03:43:24):
She would. It's really sad when you think about it,
because this was the first time my mom wasn't in
a controlled environment for her. Up until that point, she
ran the dance studio, she owned it. So now she's
around other people who are like, hmmm, this lady's off

(03:43:45):
and I I just remember the desperate need to book
something because I just wanted to escape. Oh my god,
my mom would say every single night, one day closer.
I forgot about that, say one day closer before we
went to bed, one day closer.

Speaker 1 (03:44:03):
One day closer to what? What was she.

Speaker 2 (03:44:05):
Implying, I don't know, huh, being a millionaire and buying
her house. One day closer. She'd always say that one
day closer to being like.

Speaker 1 (03:44:16):
A big star, very famous.

Speaker 2 (03:44:20):
But but it's really when you say that, I think,
that's so like to what. One day closer to what?
To me going into recovery and remembering what the fuck
happened to me and processing all this one day closer
to what, because that's not how it happened, like, that's not,
that's not what happened one day closer to what And
the more I the more I didn't book, I feel

(03:44:41):
like the more she just hated me because it wasn't working,
Like it wasn't working her escape. It wasn't part of
the plan. Yeah, the plan was that I was going
to book Malibu Country. It was going to go to series,
it was gonna be on for four seasons, it was
going to go into syndication. It was going to be
a huge it was gonna be the next modern family
like the Ribus Show was with Reeba Macnifire. Okay, it was,

(03:45:04):
it was not. That's not what happened. And then that
slowly started to crumble. And I don't know, I just
like I just wish I could like scoop myself up
and be like, hey, you know it's going to be okay.
Like I know you hate your life and you want
to die, but it's going to be okay.

Speaker 1 (03:45:21):
And you know you can do that right now. You
can go back to that timeline to your younger self
energetically and you can send her love and assistance and support.
You can do that right now.

Speaker 2 (03:45:34):
I think I printed out a lot of pictures of
myself when I was younger and I did something in recovery.
I tried it out. Was called like biofield tuning, and
she goes up your body and like goes to certain
ages and she released Like I almost passed out on
the table when she got to my eleventh year.

Speaker 1 (03:45:52):
Oh oh gosh, okay, it was crazy.

Speaker 2 (03:45:55):
I didn't believe in any of the shit until I
did it.

Speaker 1 (03:45:57):
And I was like, what, but yeah, it's very real.

Speaker 2 (03:46:01):
I my tutor said to me, you know when I
was talking about this time in my life, like all
she remembers of me. I was always reading, I was
always baking, I was always working out, and that was it.
It was like I just I just was like a program. Yeah,
I would, I would ride horses and I would. I
remember I was so obsessed with certain actors and I

(03:46:22):
would just disassociate to these fantasies of them saving me
from getting raped and them say like all kinds of stuff,
and Timothy Shalomet and ty Sheridan and like all these
actors that were my age. I just wanted somebody to
save me so bad. And it's so like looking back,

(03:46:44):
it's just it's mind blowing, like how how obvious it was,
but also how obvious it is for so many of us,
Like all these the people I worked with, like Kiaran
and and she dropped like fifty pounds after mad Men

(03:47:05):
and became like a stick. No one says anything, and
like no one raises an eyebrow because they start booking.
Don't even get me started. Alreadyana Grande and Brandy Melville,
and that was when I was growing up, so already
on a Grande was a pop star. Brandy Melville was
like a huge brand, and everything was thigh gap, the
skinnier you could be, the more like you could be.

(03:47:28):
It was a one size fits all, and you need
it to you need it. It's Hollywood. They push people
the hardest who look like children but are over sexualized.
That is who they push.

Speaker 1 (03:47:40):
I think of the first one I think of as
Sabrina Carpenter at the Big Star right now. I mean,
she looks like a twelve year.

Speaker 2 (03:47:46):
Old, but she's one of the most vulgar.

Speaker 1 (03:47:52):
And they over sexualized the lyrics and every saying, the costumes.
I know, I know, I knew her.

Speaker 2 (03:47:59):
When I was I think thirteen fourteen was when we
were friends and I don't know what she experienced, but
I don't she was sweet, but she always seems she
was sweet. She was always funny, but I don't remember
her being like that sick and dark. Yeah, and maybe

(03:48:21):
she was, I didn't catch on it. But her she's dark,
like her humor's dark. The things that she says are
so vulgar and out of you know. And I'm not
like a anti vulgarity, like I curse, but when you're
promoting that type of sexuality, everything that she does is sex, and.

Speaker 1 (03:48:41):
Her audience is young girls, it's kids.

Speaker 2 (03:48:45):
Everything she does sex, and they could say that's the
bullshit of Hollywood though when they're like, well she's she's
not four kids, like they just no, she's four children.

Speaker 1 (03:48:55):
Yeah, that's her target audience. No, I'm forty. I don't
listen to Sabrina car and you couldn't pay me to listen.
I think it's terrible music.

Speaker 2 (03:49:03):
Personally, no one to do a little like the ones who, yeah,
forty year roll to do or are so hyper fixated
with how beautiful she is and how this and how that,
and I'm like, guys, she is exploited, Like this is exploitation.

Speaker 1 (03:49:16):
There they are Sidney Sweeney.

Speaker 2 (03:49:19):
Everything that they do with sex, that's all they do.

Speaker 1 (03:49:22):
Yeah, that show. We were talking about that show. What's
it called again? That show?

Speaker 2 (03:49:27):
Yeah, Euphoria.

Speaker 1 (03:49:28):
I watched because it was the hot show. I'm like, well,
let me watch an episode. I felt so sick to
my stomach. I could not finish the episode because of
the frequency of that show was so dark and evil
and just oh and just there. You did, you did
and obviously everything you did, didn't you? My goodness, I
auditioned for everything. Is there one role that you missed

(03:49:52):
that you really want it?

Speaker 2 (03:49:54):
Yes? And it was a I remember it so vividly.
It was like a Western and I was screaming about
killing someone and like somebody had raped me or something.
It was the best I ever felt, and I was
in it. And then fucking somebody's daughter booked it. I
don't remember what NEPO baby booked it, but which show

(03:50:16):
was it?

Speaker 1 (03:50:16):
Or movies?

Speaker 2 (03:50:17):
I don't even remember the name of the movie. But
I remember it was like my best my best acting
I think I'd ever done in my life because it
was real because I was dreaming about someone who had
hurt me and I wanted to, you know, wrong them
or something it was, but it was like I was
basically so in a way, acting saved my life because

(03:50:37):
it was it allowed me an outlet to express mine.

Speaker 1 (03:50:40):
At least these emotions right in a way partially, but I.

Speaker 2 (03:50:45):
Mean just the way that they over sexualized people.

Speaker 1 (03:50:47):
And I know, and she was a Disney kid, which
one Sabrina, Yeah, oh she started on Disney. It's either
Disney or Nickelodeon, right. They got these kids so young.

Speaker 2 (03:50:58):
On Girl Meets World. And that's kind of how I
met her because we were all working actors. None of
us were actually friends, by the way, Like there was
one girl who's famous now that worked on me on
the same set of on Burbank for Malibu Country and

(03:51:19):
her her her friendship group would just it would change
with who was on what show.

Speaker 1 (03:51:25):
Like, so it wasn't true friendships, authentic friendships. It was
more for show and maybe competition a little bit too.

Speaker 2 (03:51:33):
How to do books either. It is so much like
I never thought that she was that good or anything.
And I don't know what, but she books. It's so weird,
Like it's so weird, like I just don't I don't
understand the allure of some people and I think it's
because when you play the industry enough for long enough,

(03:51:53):
she's just now really getting attention. It's been ten plus
years of that, so I feel like it's kind of
you know, Nashville's a ten year town. It's kind of
that when you when you bust your ass long enough
and you don't leave, you know, and you really stick
it out. I think that's how you you make it.

(03:52:13):
And the same thing with Saber, like she's been out
there forever. I just her in particular really bugs me
because I just can't believe that people don't see that
she is so fetishized and you can't control your body type,
but like she has the body type of a very
young girl, and she's singing very explicit things, and she's
binding on stage in front of children, and even her

(03:52:37):
like endorsements. I think she just did one for shampoo
or something, and it's a bit she's you know, I
give really good head and then her and then now
special is like Santa's not the only thing coming down
my tree. Like a bunch of crazy sexual.

Speaker 1 (03:52:52):
In an endos with work interesting, I'm just gonna I'm
not reading anyone's energy. I don't believe in like reading.
I see so many people on TikTok and Instagram do this,
a lot of psychics channeling information about celebrities, and I
don't It's invasive and I don't believe that. But I'm
not doing that when I'm saying this. But I wouldn't
be shocked if a lot of these kids maybe came

(03:53:14):
from similar situations that you did, a lot of situations
and again they they you know, there's that saying you
sell your soul, you know, I think there are some
ritualistic aspects the higher you go up the tier, and
it's when you become an adult. You have free will
at that point, when you're a grown adult, where you
either choose to continue down that dark path or the opposite,

(03:53:37):
which is what you did. You got out and you
healed and you recovered. And I think a lot of
them who are kind of reaching this level of superstardom,
they're taking a darker path unfortunately become in human.

Speaker 2 (03:53:50):
Yeah, and I'm not even talking conspiracies, I'm just talking
general trauma bonds.

Speaker 1 (03:53:55):
Absolutely, Yep.

Speaker 2 (03:53:56):
Someone like Billie Eilish, Why is your brother dating someone
that looks like identical to her? You look at Ariana
Grande Why is she dating someone that looks identical to
her brother? These are very specific looking people. Why would
I go and date someone who looks just like my dad? Why?
And you see Billy. I mean, I know what I
know about Billie Eilish from people that I've met. I

(03:54:17):
know her her parents were in the industry. She's a
product of the industry, and she was terrified of her
whatever her mother said. Someone I knew who grew up
with her knew that she terrified of her mother, her
mother her entire life.

Speaker 1 (03:54:27):
So it's very similar to you.

Speaker 2 (03:54:29):
Me and Ariana Grande grew up in New York, New Jersey,
and like to see the way that she has just
shape shifted before our eyes and her personality, I mean,
she's the only thing I like. And not to sound
like a complete conspiracist, but I started believing in this
stuff where it's like you you almost do like horrible

(03:54:51):
things happen for you to get more famous. Mac Miller
died and she had a bombing at her concert, and
then she became an absolute fucking superstar. I a very
sensitive because mac Miller was my favorite artist. My dog's
named after him.

Speaker 1 (03:55:04):
He's from Pittsburgh. Is he from Pittsburgh. My brother lives
in Pittsburgh. I remember going to visit him a couple
of years ago. There He's like, I gotta show you
mac Miller's house. I'm like, my god, I don't know.
I don't know who mac Miller is. It's not my generation.

Speaker 2 (03:55:18):
This guy.

Speaker 1 (03:55:18):
And then my brother and his girlfriend were like, oh
my god, you don't know who mac Miller is. He's
like a Pittsburgh legend, and I learned a lot about
him since. But he seems to be like the eminem
of your generation. I'm gonna say, is that a good
analogy or no?

Speaker 2 (03:55:33):
Honestly, I don't think he was that crazy famous.

Speaker 1 (03:55:36):
He really okay.

Speaker 2 (03:55:38):
He was very well known, but he wasn't like superstardom.
He had a very, very very intense army of fans
behind him, a.

Speaker 1 (03:55:47):
Very loyal team.

Speaker 2 (03:55:49):
His music is what taught me how to self soothe.
So that was a huge his album Swimming Sooth. So
when I would get really upset, I'd leave the house
and go listen. Soon's I got a car, I'd go
listen to macmill in my car. When I got into
my later teens, I was barely home. I would stay
out all day, and I'd come home when my mom
was in bed at night and I'd.

Speaker 1 (03:56:08):
Go to sleep.

Speaker 2 (03:56:08):
Oh see her, Yeah, in my car, I'd go to
I had a cop come up to my car once
and asked me if I was okay, because I just
never wanted to be home around her. It was like
my body managed to be home around her. But that
was something that I always thought was really interesting, was
how these huge tragedies happened and she became like this

(03:56:30):
absolute and she became like this savior to people, something
that always I really never liked. And again, I don't
want to completely dehumanize her, but she's done a pretty
good job about herself, so you know, it is kind
of how she's portrayed herself in media. Ariana Grande. She
has completely detached from any type of emotional anything. She

(03:56:51):
never spoke on any of it, and even with the
terrorist attack that killed multiple children.

Speaker 1 (03:56:57):
That was huge, she ever.

Speaker 2 (03:57:01):
Sat down authentically and talked about it.

Speaker 1 (03:57:04):
Oh I didn't. She never gave an interview about that.
Oh wow, she.

Speaker 2 (03:57:09):
Cried, but but would always just would never go down
that path. And I'm like, and I know she's done
a lot of stuff behind the scenes, but like it
always struck me as odd. Yeah. God, for if I
even at my rate, you know, I pull four hundred
people to a show. If something happened, I would never

(03:57:34):
stop talking about it. I would raise so much awareness
for it. And the only thing that she did was
do a concert with a charity and raise a bunch
of money for it, which, again, charities are a whole
other beast. Oh I don't.

Speaker 1 (03:57:49):
I don't give to any charities because I don't trust
any of them. Dolla, scam. I've learned that and I
can read the encryption. Oh no, no, no, do not
trust any any charities out there there.

Speaker 2 (03:58:00):
The trafficking charities, I'm going to.

Speaker 1 (03:58:02):
Get me start it. All of it's a bunch of bullshit,
trafficking the children, the trafficking people, the anti trafficking people,
other ones doing the trafficking. And there's out here, there's
a lot of big names out there where I'm like,
uh uh uh, they're no good. How can no one
else see it?

Speaker 2 (03:58:20):
I saw it, I met with them, I've met with them.
What a safe space for me? Nope. There's one lady
out here who has a website and you can, for
a certain experience, you give her ten thousand dollars for
fucking life. What I don't know.

Speaker 1 (03:58:36):
She has anti trafficking organization.

Speaker 2 (03:58:40):
You save every ever you save a you save a
trafficking uh survivor if you donate. She has a wealth.

Speaker 1 (03:58:48):
That seems like a scam. Absolutely not.

Speaker 2 (03:58:51):
She's the woman that my mom contacted her and she
never told me.

Speaker 1 (03:58:55):
Oh, there we go. Okay, that's okay.

Speaker 2 (03:58:58):
I know exactly who she is. She's actually a pretty
big part of the community. I keep them my fucking
self because these people are these are their scams, and
they use so many human experiences to exploit for their
own gain. Why does she have so much money?

Speaker 1 (03:59:14):
That's yeah, that's a big red flag. That's a huge
human red flag.

Speaker 2 (03:59:18):
When I do my merch, I'm like, funny, but not funny.
I'm like, one hundred percent of the proceeds go to
a real trafficking survivor. And it's me actually, I kind
of like that. That's kind of clipper, actually donating to
a real human price like all these other people who
just funnel this money.

Speaker 1 (03:59:36):
Yeah, corrupt network.

Speaker 2 (03:59:40):
There's one here that's connected to the church.

Speaker 1 (03:59:42):
That's just like, it's such bullshit. It's such I've had
a lot of people like because they know the work
I do working with survivors, and many people reach out
to me with like these organization names, and I'm just like, Nope, nope, nope, evil, evil,
dark Dark, They're in on it.

Speaker 2 (03:59:58):
Nope. Yeah, Like the celebrities donate to these charities, and
they ask you to donate to these charities, where is
the proof in any of that you are being done?
Because I don't see shit. And why are y'all always
trying to get me to donate to fucking politics. There's
a guy started I want to donate to, then a politician.

Speaker 1 (04:00:18):
Don't get me started. Well, it'll be the bipartisan politics
will be a thing of the past in the future
literally there, it's going to be like a bomb dropped
on DC and everything will come to light and be exposed,
and it's going to be a whole new, fresh crop
of souls. There are souls training for this mission right
now to run the government structure as a divine council

(04:00:41):
of beautiful, pure souls with good hearts, all walks of life,
all different demographics, all ages. We need that, and it's
just going to be a matter of time till things
pan out on the timeline. But that's happening very very soon.
I can guarantee you that that will be transpiring soon.

Speaker 2 (04:00:57):
It's so bad and they're all in on it, doesn't
anybody else just want to like, I just want to
shake these celebrities and be like, wake up, like what
are you doing?

Speaker 1 (04:01:09):
Well, a lot of them are undermine control, like for instance,
Ariana Grande. I don't know for certain, of course I'm
not reading her fields, but I hate to say it,
chances are she's quite manipulated and under control of you know,
whoever did exactly exactly what.

Speaker 2 (04:01:25):
Her voice has changed eight times in the past ten years.

Speaker 1 (04:01:29):
And again the multiple personalities, that's very real. That's a
trauma response, the brain fragments.

Speaker 2 (04:01:36):
I never understood why people couldn't see that. I'm like,
this is not an example. This is like somebody is struggling,
Like this is not a funny haha joke. Same thing
with Britney Spears when she shaved her.

Speaker 1 (04:01:49):
Head and all that, like guy's her like calling out,
please someone help me, the poor thing. My heart broke.

Speaker 2 (04:01:56):
And you see these you just you see these celebrities
and they and I think Katie Perry was the one
who was like a creep with her child's bedroom. Somebody
was telling me about that. Oh really, I was like
talking in a weird voice about her kid's bedroom or something.
And oh my god, don't get me started on Christy Teagan.
Do you remember that?

Speaker 1 (04:02:16):
I do.

Speaker 2 (04:02:17):
I remember little girls in splits and that just got
swept under the rug. God knows what they're in on.
I don't even I just to sum this all up,
I can give you the list of people I can't stand.
Tom Hanks, Ellen Degenerous, Christy Tigue, and John Legend. Like
I look, Ellen DeGeneres reminds me so much of my grandmother,

(04:02:41):
I can't even wow. And she would always uh, I
think she'd she would always watch her too. She'd always
watch her, of course. And the ship that I've heard
about her, that behind closed door she's just a menace,
and that she wound up marrying a woman who's like
thirty years her junior. Oh my god. Like the just

(04:03:02):
the the the parallels that I have experienced in my
life with how I And I think that's why it
frustrates me, because I'm like, why can't y'all see it?
But they didn't live it, So I lived it, and
I see it.

Speaker 1 (04:03:17):
And unless you've lived it like yourself, or you can
see above the frequency fence, accreting enough of your own
higher levels a frequency, you can see it, which is
where I'm at in my journey. Until that happens, everyone's
under mind control, a subtle form of mind control. The
world is under and they literally cannot see and it
breaks my heart, and yeah, I just want to shake
people half the time. But I know what we're here

(04:03:39):
to do is to wake people up by telling the
truth and also spreading the frequency to others so they can,
you know, get their DNA strands activate it to a
high enough level where they can finally see above the facade,
above the frequency fence that has been masking all of this,
and it's happening. It's just like it's it's definitely manifesting

(04:04:01):
much quicker now, I feel, And I think a part
of that is all of the amazing survivors like yourself
coming forward and speaking out. I really do. It's it's
just gonna be a domino effect so obvious, and like, no,
once you see it, you can't unsee it, you know
what I mean.

Speaker 2 (04:04:21):
She always had kids on her show. She was obsessed
with scaring people weird shit, I know, and like this
is this is like borderline satanic stuff, Like my parents
love to scare me. I remember, that's.

Speaker 1 (04:04:36):
Not normal for a parent to consciously wantest to scare
their chill, Like, who does that?

Speaker 2 (04:04:43):
I told you that my dad would always have that
like gorilla mask on, and I remember when the shit
he came out of nowhere dressed up. I think it
was my mom or maybe it was my dad, but
this this was like a thing. And they came out
of nowhere dressed in a full gorilla outfit and scared
the living shit out of me, and I think people
were there for it too. And then I told you

(04:05:05):
the first time I was raped, Like I remember a gorilla,
but I thought that was the noise. And now I'm wondering.
I'm like, did he have the mask on or something,
because I don't remember that. I remember, but I had
a bag over my head, so I don't.

Speaker 1 (04:05:16):
You wouldn't have something, yeah, But then.

Speaker 2 (04:05:18):
I'm also like, well, the gorilla was something that scared me,
so I might have put that in you know.

Speaker 1 (04:05:24):
You could have absolutely, yeah, But.

Speaker 2 (04:05:26):
Then when I wrote about it in that script, it
was a gorilla raping a girl. So it's just very interesting.
But then you know when he surprised my family in
New Jersey when I was like nineteen, he showed up
when he surprised my mom, he showed up in that
gorilla outfit, like with the same Goiolla mask on, so

(04:05:47):
strange shit like that. And then my mom. I remember
when I was a kid, I thought I had a
spider in my ear. It was at the dance studio
and she looked in my ear and she went, oh
my god. And I like took off running, screaming, crying,
and she was like, Julie, you can't run away from
your ear. And everybody was laughing at me, and I
was so scared. Oh my god, you know. And my

(04:06:11):
grandma was always scaring me with the bit I remember.
I forgot when I was around thirteen fourteen, I want
to say I was staying at her house in New Jersey.
Oh no, no, no, no, I was way older. I
think I might have been around sixteen at this point, seventeen, yeah,
because I was sleeping in my own bedroom and I

(04:06:33):
remember she and this is why I think she did this,
because for some reason, I was saying something I Remember
this is when she started to annoy me or something
and I started to not like her. Okay, stup at me.

Speaker 1 (04:06:45):
Also, you know why they do this, Juliette, Also at fear.
Whenever we are in a state of fear, it releases
a specific frequency out of us. So that's why these
these sickos when they are molesting rape children, it's they're
usually torturing them either before or during it, to a
heightened level of fear in them, so they can feed

(04:07:08):
off that that energy.

Speaker 2 (04:07:09):
They feed off it a.

Speaker 1 (04:07:11):
Lot of people.

Speaker 2 (04:07:12):
So there's a lot of Native Americans in Montana, and
I've had multiple people come up to me and talk
to me about how they would torture There's something about
their athleticism that they would torture Natives in a different
way than they were.

Speaker 1 (04:07:27):
Interesting.

Speaker 2 (04:07:28):
I didn't really know much about that, but because culturally
here it's you know, there's a lot of Native American culture,
and I mean, god, the missing and endangered Indigenous woman.
There's so many missing women here, really under the radar. Yeah,
that's something you want to research the miss Actually, no, it's.

Speaker 1 (04:07:46):
No coincidence you bring this up because I got to
reach out to this woman on I find the best,
like the most amazing people on TikTok just speaking out
there was a Native American woman talking about I don't
know what state it was now it was no I
think it was actually near an alleged military base somewhere
out by you.

Speaker 2 (04:08:06):
And she was talking.

Speaker 1 (04:08:07):
About how all of these Indigenous women have gone missing
the past few decades and no one's people are talking
about alleged aliens in the area, and she's like, no,
there's missing women here that are being ignored. Screw the aliens.
Let's worry about us and what's happening to these women.
Who's abducting them, who's harming them, who could be killing them?

(04:08:28):
So I want to reach out and it's I think
it might be near Montana. The more I think about
it is.

Speaker 2 (04:08:33):
One of the biggest trafficking states. I don't know if
it is the biggest. I think it's And it's funny
that I wound up here because it's it might be
behind Florida or in front of Florida. It might be
number one. Something changed statistically because there's a lot of
people traveling I guess like up through the country.

Speaker 1 (04:08:50):
So like interesting, you.

Speaker 2 (04:08:52):
Go to Daisy Duke's here on a Saturday night, there's
probably twenty five plus men who are just standing around
the walls. Most of them are Hispanic and they just
stand there and they watch all the girls dance.

Speaker 1 (04:09:10):
Oh god, that is so creepy.

Speaker 2 (04:09:12):
I don't remember that, like I and I haven't been
here that long. But like it's very there's there's a
lot of issues here, and there's a lot of cartel Montana.

Speaker 1 (04:09:22):
Really how close is Montana to Mexico? It should be.
I really don't know my way up.

Speaker 2 (04:09:29):
I'm all the way north. So it's it's something about the.

Speaker 1 (04:09:34):
Like the route, the highways.

Speaker 2 (04:09:36):
The route, the straight shot up and down, so interesting,
like think about it. Billings is a straight shot up
from Albuquerque, which is what.

Speaker 1 (04:09:47):
You said is really bad, right.

Speaker 2 (04:09:48):
Yad, And then Montana you can just keep going straight up,
so we see I think where we are in Billings,
it's like something about the inner state.

Speaker 1 (04:09:58):
I don't know, but there it's probably like there's so
much open land, it's probably easier to hide things, right,
I'm theorizing.

Speaker 2 (04:10:05):
Yeah, And there's so I mean, there are so many
stories here. There's been so many stories about women almost
getting abducted abducted here and like men, yeah, bad, really bad,
and it never used to be like this here, and
I haven't really talked about that, but it's it's never
used to be like this here. I haven't been here long.

(04:10:26):
Well it's really really I mean, it's everywhere. It really
is everywhere, and not just in the US.

Speaker 1 (04:10:34):
This is definitely, we know, a worldwide issue.

Speaker 2 (04:10:38):
Nowhere is safe, no, And I think now people are
really waking up to it, and like I'm I'm I'm
happy that at least people are posting about it and
sharing it. But the indigenous community and the missing women.

Speaker 1 (04:10:51):
And I haven't look more into that as a journalist,
Like that's a story that needs to be shared more.
There's so many people who would talk to you, Like,
if you're honest, if you know of anyone who'd be
open just to chatting on or off the record, I'd
love to learn more.

Speaker 2 (04:11:04):
Yeah, I mean I'm not I'm not super familiar. I
definitely know people who are Okay, Yeah, that's that's that's
a huge issue here. There's a lot of murders that
just go completely swept under the rug. A lot of
people go missing, murdered, like it's it's very bizarre because
it is it is an old boy state. You know,
it's still very conservative and very Montana is ten years behind.

(04:11:28):
That's what everybody said.

Speaker 1 (04:11:29):
Ah, okay, I've never been to Montana.

Speaker 2 (04:11:31):
Actually, I mean I love it here. I also just
exist here though, like I just live and work and
you know, nothing crazy. So but the the good old
boys system is it's I was traded very well by
police and the judges here, so I can't speak negatively
on that. But I also am white, so like, you know,

(04:11:55):
I fit the demographic here, gotcha, Yeah, you know. But yeah,
there's a there's a lot there's a lot of hell everywhere.
I just I don't know. I think that's kind of
the bulk of my experience in Hollywood and like growing up.
And I hope the first part didn't drag on for
too long. I think it was still I think just Broadway.

(04:12:15):
I don't I don't have much recollection.

Speaker 1 (04:12:17):
Of it, and that's right. And I think it was
important that you spoke on that and you did share
some little tippits, and I think what was really important
is you do have feelings in regards to Broadway. You
were feeling things, and I think that's a big indicator
that yet something was happening, but you just haven't recovered
those memories fully yet.

Speaker 2 (04:12:35):
And that's okay, you're all in time about things. Yeah yeah,
quite put your finger.

Speaker 1 (04:12:41):
On and I think it's good you showcased to maybe
someone who's watching this who's sort of awakening and remembering trauma,
that this is sort of how it rolls out. You're
giving like a just a real life like look into
what it's like trying to remember these memories and identify.

Speaker 2 (04:12:58):
That's something that people with trauma a lot of the times,
especially in therapy. That's why they encourage you like a
twelve step of recovery, because when you start talking about things,
you start becoming more relaxed and comfortable and safe, and
your ray need to know that you're safe. Yes, where
you can put and I don't I don't like to

(04:13:19):
talk like you ever forgot things. Everything's there. It's just
like it needs you have to remember.

Speaker 1 (04:13:24):
It has to be activated within you to come to
the surface.

Speaker 2 (04:13:27):
We'll say, yeah, m hm, can't be in survival mode
or be sure these things like it's a safe space
to come out. So that's why I always encourage people
like I've had so many people I've known who would
invalidate their own experiences because they're like, why do I
just don't remember what happened. Oh, he took me into
the bathroom, but I don't remember what happened about that,
so I'm sure nothing happened.

Speaker 1 (04:13:48):
I'm like, no, you. The first is accepting that something.

Speaker 2 (04:13:51):
Did happen and then talking about it, and then you
will you'll process it and it's not an implanted memory.
You can't do that. Someone has to implant a memory
in order for it to be implanted, Like, it doesn't,
but they can.

Speaker 1 (04:14:03):
The military government does due to some people, but not ever.
Most people don't.

Speaker 2 (04:14:07):
Know that they're implanting. Is that you're lying like that?
The people who say that something now you sound like
you're lying. It's just it's doesn't That's not how trauma
processing works. You don't know stuff. It's how the brain
protects itself exactly. I feel like a lot of people
get really scared and confused because they'll be I mean,

(04:14:27):
I was young in recovery, but like when you're in
your fifties sixties and things are starting to come up,
you're not crazy. It's just you're at a point where
your brain is really safe enough, relaxed enough, you're healed enough,
you're recovered enough that things can come out. So think
of it as a good thing. But yeah, it's just
it's so scary, and that's a whole I think I
really want to start a podcast so I could talk

(04:14:49):
about that length because I really just think I don't know,
I really want to call it that she's lying to
the public podcast. I just think it's so funny.

Speaker 1 (04:14:56):
You mentioned that to me. Yeah, I go with your guts,
and I mean I'm using hum They're using humor, which
you love to do and I love to I I
think it's a great idea. I really do.

Speaker 2 (04:15:09):
It's fun on everybody who calls any survivor crazy because
I'm now taking it. I'm using it, so like thanks,
you know what I mean? Thanks guys. Yeah, I get
the money off this, right, capitalize on it.

Speaker 1 (04:15:23):
I mean, they took all your money for crying out loud.
At least I can do is give you more money.
Money took from you?

Speaker 2 (04:15:28):
What money? Like? What money you are my parents trying
to get from me? And what money do they think
I'm making? Like, well, not from this? I am like
financially very comfortable now, which is nice, but not like
that three years ago with Hope was the bird. You know,
were just trying to get money and attention. What money like,
you know anything.

Speaker 1 (04:15:46):
People don't realize it's not you don't make money off
Most people do not make money off podcasting. And it's
very hard to make money off social media nowadays because
it's so oversaturated the market. Yeah, and when survivors speaks,
it's not like they're rolling in the dough. Absolutely not.

Speaker 2 (04:16:04):
Who offered me money to do this twenty grand? If
you talk about this like nobody's gonna do that.

Speaker 1 (04:16:10):
I know, I know, But there's so much you can
talk about on your future podcast. And I see you
on a stage giving speeches. I see that happening. It
will be manifesting into your timelines in the exact right moment.

Speaker 2 (04:16:25):
Thinking about that to do like yeah, speaker or just
like uh more in just more in educational like seminars
or something where you can kind of sit down and
I could I could do a talk about my life
and my experiences in real life other people with me
just so are kind of like a panel, you know,

(04:16:46):
something where we can all well.

Speaker 1 (04:16:49):
I was thinking, because I'll bring this idea now on
the podcast? Why not put it out there? But I
had this idea the other day. I was like, it'd
be so interesting to do. It doesn't even have to
be live. It could be record and just post it later.
But bring together the survivors that I have already met with,
I know, I know your stories, and do a big

(04:17:09):
panel discussion and come up with like frequently asked questions
from people and dive deeper and hear all of your
perspectives and points of view. Would you be open to that?

Speaker 2 (04:17:19):
I think that would be super interesting. Well, all, yeah,
it would show how different our stories are, but also
how similar. Yes, yes, I think so. And we all
went through we all went through very similar experiences and
you know it's not uncommon. It also humanizes it because totally,

(04:17:40):
you know, bunch of people just hanging.

Speaker 1 (04:17:42):
Out and honestly, everyone's so normal. Let me tell you
everyone I work with, and they're just the nicest, most
beautiful souls too, Like oh mine's so normal and grounded
and just and they have a lot to offer and
share the world. And I think just having everyone's energy
together it will also be so healing for everybody involved.

(04:18:03):
But also everyone who watches or listens to it.

Speaker 2 (04:18:07):
Yeah, no, I'm I'm I'm open to whatever. I would
love to always come on and talk with you.

Speaker 1 (04:18:13):
Oh my gosh, you are invited on whenever you want.
I don't think for you, and I mean, uh, your
your your journey, and it's just it's it's gonna you're
helping so many people. You're just helping so many people
for you.

Speaker 2 (04:18:27):
We're doing it so wonderful.

Speaker 1 (04:18:29):
It's it's a team effort, it really is to to
get this mission. It's a mission. It's a mission to
help the planet and help the people. It's a rescue
mission quite literally. But we're done. It's like it's an
army of light workers getting it done. In all of
our we all have unique purposes and paths and jobs
in this lifetime, but they're all coming together now for

(04:18:50):
this bigger, greater mission and divine purpose and we're doing it.
We're in the midst of doing it right now.

Speaker 2 (04:18:56):
It definitely feels like it we should do it follow
up like mini episode, and.

Speaker 1 (04:19:02):
You know we should if you absolutely this is what.

Speaker 2 (04:19:07):
Yeah, well this was great. I think everything we covered
with Hollywood is like I don't I think that's awesome.

Speaker 1 (04:19:14):
No, I think it was perfectly said. And again, yeah,
I know you touched on I mean so many different
facets and aspects of your career and what you've been
through when you're even further aspects of your story, and
I think it was. I mean, people love the first
one six and a half hours. I think they're going
to equally really be into this one as well. You
said a lot and yeah, a lot of important stuff.

Speaker 2 (04:19:35):
To other actresses that I don't even know personally have
restraining orders against their moms. Like it's so common, like
it's wild.

Speaker 1 (04:19:43):
It's just it's it's yeah, it's way too common. It's
still it's wild to think, like you know, but it's
so freaking common.

Speaker 2 (04:19:49):
It's so common.

Speaker 1 (04:19:51):
It's scary how common it is.

Speaker 2 (04:19:53):
It's a it's a kind of a hush hush world.
A lot of people don't know. The people don't Janette MacCurdy,
that girl, and I actually have her book sitting over there.
It's called IM Dead.

Speaker 1 (04:20:05):
Oh that's a title. That's a title, all right, But.

Speaker 2 (04:20:09):
I haven't Maybe I'll start reading that. I haven't read
it just because I figgering. But now I feel like
I'm at a place where I could probably pick that
up and you know it's true. Yeah, because she she
grew up with Dan Schneider and all that the foot
fetish things that he had and all the fun.

Speaker 1 (04:20:25):
Oh wow, so she unfortunately was a victim of his I.

Speaker 2 (04:20:30):
Don't think she ever talked about him directly in the book. Okay,
because of the lawsuits, which at this point, I'm honestly like,
let him sue your girl, Like who cares, Like, let
them sue. We all know what's going on. And I
exactly really, So what what helped me? And then I'll
kind of wrap this up. I was watching that Nickelodeon

(04:20:51):
documentary that I can't remember what it was called, yep,
the recent one, right, and I couldn't. Oh, I couldn't.
That's what actually made me think back to my Nickelodeon,
which caused me to have a mental breakdown. And I
don't even I still don't even know what I was
crying about, but I was like sobbing about whatever happened
with that guy. And it was like it was like

(04:21:13):
the last night I drank when I just knew something
happened and I couldn't like process it. But I remember
I watched that documentary and I just I lost. I
had a breakdown and I couldn't finish it because it
was way too triggering and it was way too upsetting,
you know, and the things and the fact that Amanda
Bynes is so removed from it all is so sad

(04:21:35):
to me. And she is just like she doesn't even
look the same, like her whole body is just her
face everything like she is just it's just so sad.
It's so sad breaking, it's so sad, and it's it's
just devastating, honestly, her and Britney spears of the two,
but I don't know specifically Amanda, because I guess that

(04:21:56):
was like one of my comfort shows. I would watch.

Speaker 1 (04:22:00):
You kind of grew up with her watching her show and.

Speaker 2 (04:22:04):
Drake Bell coming out about the guy who molested him
and like, yeah, so, oh my god, I totally forgot
that story. There's an acting teacher I worked with in
New York who was a acting coach on these Nickelodeon shows,
and he came under fire for the allegations that he
had with child psychicle abuse.

Speaker 1 (04:22:26):
Really in New York.

Speaker 2 (04:22:29):
Yeah, he loved me. I have a vague I have
a very I was very young, but I have a
vague memory of him going into the bathroom. I don't
know if someone went in. I just remember his bathroom,
and I'm like, did someone go in with him? Did
I go in with him? Oh?

Speaker 1 (04:22:46):
No?

Speaker 2 (04:22:47):
I how weird his house was because he had this
apartment in New York and it was all Nickelodeon stuff
and it was like a child lived there. And yeah,
and he actually this was the girl I worked with
on Shameless told me about it because she grew up
with those those acting classes. I think he came under fire.

(04:23:10):
I don't know if anything ever came out about him
by allegations about sexual abuse with kids. Wow, I think boys. Okay,
maybe he didn't do anything to me it definitely. As
soon as she said it, I was like, that makes sense.
I don't know why. So I guess maybe there was
something that I paw on about.

Speaker 1 (04:23:28):
Him, or you could have just really been picking up
on his frequency, his dark frequency.

Speaker 2 (04:23:33):
It makes sense, Clover, Yeah, the kids and he became
he was like kind of this big he was like
this like Michael Jackson type, like always around the kids
and always like this big, happy guy you would never
know on behind closed doors, all the kids loved him.
They weren't even yeah that type of thing. So that's

(04:23:55):
the last thing I want to add I totally forgot about.
But he was someone that my mom really liked. There
was another vocal coach that my mom really liked that
recently she tagged him on Instagram and she was like,
can we just go back? And he commented, He was like, Juliette,
just reach out to us, just we want to do
a show anything. The guy who used to come in
with cocaine hanging.

Speaker 1 (04:24:15):
Out, oh my god, out of his nose.

Speaker 2 (04:24:19):
I remember that. Oh well he'd played piano.

Speaker 1 (04:24:24):
Oh my god.

Speaker 2 (04:24:25):
I'm pretty sure he's a predator also, I think, but
you know, I don't. I don't have proof of that.
But considering.

Speaker 1 (04:24:32):
Who he hangs out with.

Speaker 2 (04:24:34):
Yeah, and the fact that he uh was perfectly fine
walking into a vocal studio with a child with cocaine
in his nose.

Speaker 1 (04:24:43):
Yeah yeah, red flag huge, Like, well, you know, you're
kind of you kind of are incriminating yourself.

Speaker 2 (04:24:51):
If you stand with your mother, I should just screenshow
everybody who's commented on her ship and post him on
Facebook and be like, hey, don't work with this person.
Don't work with this person.

Speaker 1 (04:24:59):
What Juliette at this point, why not?

Speaker 2 (04:25:02):
Why not warn people, let's do anything. There was one
seamstress my mom worked with that I always thought was
I just remember his hands on me and his disgusting
little apartment that was so dirty and he always smelt
so bad and he was just so gross. And then yeah,
they're just people that, Like, someone just sent me a

(04:25:23):
picture of her her dance studio and they bring in this.
They bring in this ballet teacher. It's a boy who
dresses like this old Russian ballet teacher. I remember this
basically drag and like teaches the young kids like ballet
and this very over the top, very dramatic accent. It's
just weird shit. Man, Like, that's just a teacher.

Speaker 1 (04:25:46):
He's a teacher.

Speaker 2 (04:25:47):
Teacher. If I brought my child in and that person
walked in the room, do you know how fucking fast
I take my kid out of that room, like you
were out of your damn mind. If you think I'm
going to have this man cause playing as a woman
and talking in an accent. There's a picture of him
like this and the kid's like butt is in his face.

(04:26:08):
Oh goodness, Oh no, look at that Instagram page that
gives you any indication of what's going on in my
mom's dance studio people here. I just can't even with
people anymore. At this point, I can't believe people send there.
I got a I got a message from an account
it had zero followers, and it was like, if you're
gonna post this, please don't screenshot my user name, and

(04:26:29):
saying like my kid, my kid dances here. There's a
lot of uh, everyone knows what happened with your mom,
but no one talks about it. But we're all thinking,
like how long, my god, how on earth could she
be crazy? Like why would she be crazy? And all
this stuff, And I buy message back. I'm like, this
is a sketchy ass message from a sketchy as account.
Oh my god, what information are you trying to get

(04:26:49):
from me? If you're willingly sending your child to a
dance studio that has been known now I have I've
spoken out about multiple times.

Speaker 1 (04:26:59):
At this point, I feel like if there's any parents
who find this, whose kids have gone there or currently
go there and you think something's off, contact the police,
write a report, start an investigation.

Speaker 2 (04:27:16):
They just don't care. They're just so willing to just
be like not even think about it.

Speaker 1 (04:27:21):
Most people want to turn a blind eye because it's
easier and they don't want to get involved and start drama.

Speaker 2 (04:27:27):
But sometimes you have to.

Speaker 1 (04:27:28):
Sometimes you need to get involved and be proactive to
make change and to keep children safe.

Speaker 2 (04:27:34):
Like, hey, guys, I'm not crazy. I know what we
all went through. Like, I don't know what else I
have to say.

Speaker 1 (04:27:40):
Besides, I keep saying it to you, and I'm going
to say it again. There's others that are going to
come forward when they're ready. I feel it, and I
know it. I see it, I can see it.

Speaker 2 (04:27:50):
I experience the exact same thing that the girl with
Larry Nasser experienced. Yeah, well Tea, she came out, got
completely demolish, I know, and like demonized, and it took
three I think four years something around that, and.

Speaker 1 (04:28:06):
Then then everyone else right.

Speaker 2 (04:28:09):
And I'm not trying to say that that's what's gonna happen,
but you know, it's interesting that it's the same exact
it's the same thing one person Iceberg, they get attacked
and then it's slowly people kind of always I know
what I experienced, Like, I know what I I know
what I did. I know what I I know what
I experienced, I know what I saw, I know what

(04:28:30):
the I know what the other girls were going through.
I know what the other parents were involving their kids in.
I know that the people you know, like I just
that excuse, just that cheap ass excuses don't work anymore.

Speaker 1 (04:28:42):
Gas.

Speaker 2 (04:28:42):
No, No, they don't like I. And if anything, I'm
happy we did this part too, because I feel like
I could just talk more as a person instead of
my trauma, Like this war this is Juliette like as
a humans about trauma. So it kind of hee sit
together that like, hey, y'all, like I can actually have

(04:29:03):
a normal conversation.

Speaker 1 (04:29:05):
I'm like, I'm not clinically deranged.

Speaker 2 (04:29:08):
All of this is real. You just don't want to
see it. But it's not stopping anytime soon.

Speaker 1 (04:29:13):
Like, no, you're not going anywhere. You've got You've got plenty,
plenty more to give her someone and share with the.

Speaker 2 (04:29:19):
World and expose universally. It's over, Like this stuff is
getting exposed and people are sick and tired. If I
learned one thing from my newfounded TikTok celebrity status is
that people are done with this ship and they don't
want to hear.

Speaker 1 (04:29:35):
They are, Yeap, they are. It's it's so true, and
it's just going to continue to spiral from here in
a really beautiful positive way towards a beautiful future of
change and love and exposure of the dark. It's happening
and you're a big part of it. And I can't
thank you enough for your bravery and uh this, Yeah,

(04:29:56):
you're coming back on if you if you want to.
I can't gotch. I'm like, you're coming back, Like we're gonna.

Speaker 2 (04:30:02):
Do what I want you so bad. Like I'm like, oh,
what else can I talk about?

Speaker 1 (04:30:06):
I think I think it'd be great. I want I've
been wanting to do an episode just educating people about
all the different facets of the trafficking realm, because it's
multi dimensional trafficking. It's not just trafficking in this dimensional band.
It's multi dimensional and there's a very esoteric and spiritual
aspect to it that people don't realize, but there's also
the very physical, tangible aspect. So if you want to,

(04:30:29):
you know, dive deeper down that rabbit hole, we can
or we can do you know, whatever topic you feel
guit it to speak about, because I think it needs
to educate people about the very real reality of this
is going on all around us. It's not just going
on underground in the shadows. It's going on quite literally,
like next it could be next door, it could be
your neighbor's house, it could be in the local school,

(04:30:50):
it could be you know, I don't know, at the
local dance academy. You know, it's everywhere.

Speaker 2 (04:30:55):
It's not some far away land where like kids don't
speak English.

Speaker 1 (04:31:00):
That's just what it'll hidden in plain sight.

Speaker 2 (04:31:04):
It's just so crazy that we're able to disconnect that
much just because a child doesn't is not a white
American like right, I know, I look at them completely.
That was the one disservice I thought that Sound of
Freedom did was that they did they and and that.
But that is like an important message as well, like
it does happen to children from third world countries. But
I think it's really important in media that we showcase

(04:31:24):
that like these are these are educated children going to
private schools. Yeah that's a lawyer like and that, you know,
and all lots of life.

Speaker 1 (04:31:34):
Yeah, the child's abuse. Yeah, there's there's no discrimination, that's
for certain.

Speaker 2 (04:31:39):
Yeah, don't pick favorite. So yeah, I would. I think
I'm sure we'll have a million other things to talk
about and then we can, oh yeah, do a follow
up and see how we will. Yes, yeah, the last
that we're going to uh connect.

Speaker 1 (04:31:56):
Now, We've got you and I have some work to
do together, I know it. And and and pull in
more more survivors. That's what I feel, very strongly, pull
in more survivors to really get this out there, spread
spread this awareness even further, because more people. I mean,
we already have a nice, a nice little TikTok audience,
which is amazing, but I feel like we need more people,

(04:32:18):
more eyes on this truth, on this story. And again,
just encourage more survivors to come forward if they want to.
If they're not comfortable, if they don't want to, absolutely
respect that. But if they're ready, come forward. You know,
if you need help, contact me, contact Juliette. We can
help in whatever way, even just offering support, guidance. Yeah,

(04:32:41):
in whatever way they need. We're going to do this.
We're doing it right now.

Speaker 2 (04:32:46):
It's it's pretty amazing. I'm I'm really grateful, thank you
for and keep in just being here every step of
the way. And yeah, I feel like the reason why
this experience was so different. It was because I had
you with me, and I wasn't like fighting demons alone.
You know. It's it is level, it's a huge safety net,

(04:33:09):
and it's validating, you know. Yeah, but it's validating talking
to another person, Like I'm not talking to myself. I'm oh,
she can talk to Oh she could talk to another person,
you know. But no, I'm just very grateful and I
think we're doing a lot of good work. And I
can definitely feel the change of energy and the way
that things are shifting and how.

Speaker 1 (04:33:29):
It's remarkable what's happening to you right now.

Speaker 2 (04:33:32):
It's it's exciting and the soul coming in.

Speaker 1 (04:33:37):
I know. I'm like, take everything that feels right, take
it all.

Speaker 2 (04:33:41):
Yeah, and and just make sure that it just feels right,
like the platforms that are reaching out to me and
things are things are it's all. It's it's all good intentions,
you know. So I think that tables turn at some
point and you got to balance the scale.

Speaker 1 (04:33:58):
So that's what's happening right now, balancing of the scale.
It's been quite quite quite dark and demonic and just
evil for a long time. Now it's time to balance
that scale and bring back the light and the love.

Speaker 2 (04:34:10):
This is too much. There's too much shit out there, it's.

Speaker 1 (04:34:13):
Too much of an extreme polarity. That's what this place
is turned into. And it was never intended to be
like this, Like Earth, this planet was never intended for this.
That was not the initial intention. So we're bringing back
the love to this planet and to humanity again that's
been taken from us. Yeah, for a long time, a
long long time.

Speaker 2 (04:34:32):
Something has a change. But I do see it happening
and I can feel it. And it's even the support
from people I don't even know, like we're all kind
of on the same page, you know.

Speaker 1 (04:34:40):
So oh yeah, yeah, it's really quite beautiful and magical
and exciting.

Speaker 2 (04:34:44):
It's an exciting time, it really is.

Speaker 1 (04:34:46):
Despite you know, it's a dark topic to talk about,
but you can find the beauty in it too, you know,
by the healing and the recovery, you truly can. Like
the title from Darkness to Light is what I labeled
the first episode. Yeah, I thought that was so fitting
and I'll probably I guess I'll do I'll do that again.
Oh yeah, the picture was oh my god, Okay, the lighting,

(04:35:06):
like you cannot make that up. That was the most
And the lighting on you right now, can you see that?
Just the beautiful sunlight streaks?

Speaker 2 (04:35:13):
Oh my goodness, at the same time I can. I'll
send you a new photo. Maybe I'll send one of
me in La on a set.

Speaker 1 (04:35:21):
Yeah, yeah, whichever, I'll let you choose whichever one you
want to utilize.

Speaker 2 (04:35:24):
Yeah. Sorry to everyone who wanted me to talk about
n CIS and I didn't talk about it. Literally, I
don't remember anything. I had so many people be like, really, Gibbs,
to solve your case. I'm like, this is real life,
you guys, like life. I had someone commented the people
of n CIS noticed what was going on. I'm my guys,

(04:35:45):
calm down.

Speaker 1 (04:35:46):
What's with the n CIS obsession?

Speaker 2 (04:35:48):
My girl love that show.

Speaker 1 (04:35:50):
I've never seen it. The Crime Investigation, Oh my goodness.
I watched I like SVU, but I've never seen n
c I S.

Speaker 2 (04:35:59):
Yeah, you and Cribinal Buyds were like my favorite shows
growing up, which is okay, there's awesome red Flag, but
red Flag for child But yeah, that was I mean, sorry, guys,
there's no there's no real drama with NCIS that I remember.
I don't really remember much. I know I was super
skinny and stuff, but like, what else is new? But yeah,

(04:36:22):
I think that was awesome and I covered pretty much
everything I want to cover And thank you so much
for having me back on

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