Surviving Child Sexual Abuse: Yolanda Henson’s Fight for Justice

Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome to Worrier of Truth. I am your host, Kelly Dillon.
Child abuse is one of the darkest crimes, and too
often it's met with silence. Today we're giving a voice
to a survivor. My guest, Yolanda Henson, is here to
share her story, her truth, detailing the alleged sexual abuse

(00:24):
she suffered at the hands of her uncles and the
verbal and physical abuse inflicted by her grandmother while growing
up in Mexico. She also reveals that she was not alone.
Nine other children, including her brothers and cousins, allegedly endured

(00:45):
similar horrors under the same roof. Now those she did
eventually escape through adoption by an American family, The abuse
unfortunately did not end. She faced continued an emotional and
mental mistreatment by her adopted family. Years later, when she

(01:06):
and some of her cousins went to the police in
Mexico to seek justice, they were met with delays, dismissals,
and silence. In this episode, Yolanda speaks about her healing
journey and the urgent need for educating children about abuse.

(01:27):
Just as schools teach drug prevention, they must also teach
abuse prevention. She also stresses the power of survivors coming forward,
breaking the taboo and exposing these crimes, because exposure is
the true key to ending child abuse. Now, please welcome

(01:51):
Yolanda Henson. Good morning, Yolanda. How are you doing.

Speaker 2 (01:56):
I'm doing well? Are you?

Speaker 1 (01:58):
I am so well? Honor to chat with you today
and have you on Warrior of Truth to share your truth,
to share your full story. We met on TikTok? Was
it TikTok? How we met? I meet the most incredible
souls on TikTok? Let me tell you. And you've been
sharing your story very publicly on TikTok for the past

(02:22):
four years.

Speaker 2 (02:23):
Correct, yes, yes, yes, yeah.

Speaker 3 (02:27):
It kind of just went from like one video of
me like exposing like the family secret because I was
just like set up with like the lack of I
guess the police department, the.

Speaker 2 (02:42):
State's attorney's office weren't really like helping me out.

Speaker 3 (02:45):
So I was like, Okay, this is what I could
do to expose it and let people know what's going on,
and it kind of just blew up from there.

Speaker 1 (02:53):
That's the beautiful thing about social media is anyone can
go on there and speak their truth. No one can
stop you from speaking your truth. I find so many
truth tellers on TikTok. It's an incredible platform for that.
So again, what really inspired you to kind of go
out there and tell your story on TikTok.

Speaker 2 (03:14):
So I've actually had this like family secret. I'm going
on forty this year, and I just never really like
spoke up about it. One day, one of my cousins
and I were just talking about our childhood and everything
like that, and she kind of told me that she

(03:35):
had like a favorite uncle of hers and she was like,
he's just so different from everybody. He was like my
favorite growing up. And I was like, well, I told
her that he actually when I lived with them, he
was sexually abusing me. And it just went from there,
and then the floodgates open. I connected with my other

(03:58):
cousins and it pretty much got down to nine victims
that all of my uncles had, all cousins, all of
my brothers, and I went from.

Speaker 1 (04:13):
Yeah, wow, So prior to you having this conversation with
your cousin and opening up, no one spoke about this.

Speaker 2 (04:23):
No. There was years ago that my brother found me
on Facebook and he was like, Hey, do you want
to talk about our childhood? And I knew where it
was going, and I said no, like I just was
not ready at that time mentally to like open all
that up. And from there nobody else spoke about it,

(04:47):
like I witnessed some of it when it would happen
to my brothers, but we never really spoke about it
since then. And because I guess I would have to
go back from the beginning. I lived in an orphanage.
My brothers and I and one of my cousins, we

(05:10):
lived in an orphanage, and I was there till from
infancy till about age four or five, and I don't know.
I guess after we were brought to my grandmother's house
is when all of that started. And then I was
able to get I guess saved in a way from

(05:34):
one of my aunts who figured out what was going on.

Speaker 1 (05:40):
So you were born and raised in Mexico. Do you
want to say the exact town, the exact area of
Mexico where you were born and raised.

Speaker 2 (05:49):
Yeah, it was Nuevo Leon, which is in like Monterey, Mexico.
That's where I believe that's where the orphanage was. It
was called like Laclassuna I pronounce it. I'm not I
completely forgot my Spanish because I haven't like been around
it or like exposed to it. So we lived there
and then our how or my grandmother's house is in

(06:13):
Level Leon and they're still there right now.

Speaker 1 (06:16):
Okay, So your mother had you, had your brothers, and
then she put you into an orphanage. Correct.

Speaker 2 (06:25):
Yeah, she was sixteen or fifteen when she had me
and then my two older brothers, so she was really young,
couldn't take care of us, so she brought us all
or sent us off to the orphanage. But obviously, because
a lot of orphanages like to adopt like pairs, like
siblings together, we stayed there forever for like years and

(06:48):
actually have like fond memories because I mean it's all
we knew. So we just had an endless you know,
list of friends that we had there, and we were
raised by guns, so it was nice. And then everything
kind of changed after that.

Speaker 1 (07:08):
So after that, your grandmother this would be your mom's
mother in Okay, So she took all of you guys
in into her room. Okay, it was your mom. Was
your mom there living with you as well.

Speaker 2 (07:22):
She would visit often, but she did not stay there.
She was like in and out. We were actually told
that that was our sister. Wow. And my grandmother was
my mom. But we had my uncle living. One of
my uncles lived there, and then another uncle he would

(07:45):
visit often. And then we had my grandmother, my aunt
and two of her daughters, so and then my two
older brothers. It was like a full packed house.

Speaker 1 (08:00):
Wow. And what is your earliest memory of the abuse?
How old were you?

Speaker 2 (08:09):
It was shortly after I moved in, and it was
so I was like four or five years old when
it first started, and then after that it just became
daily every day. It was just so I just remember
two of my uncles, one that was always intoxicated, and

(08:33):
that abuse was like that whenever he was drinking, I
knew that one something bad was going to happen, and
two it was gonna hurt. And I remember, aside from that,
my grandmother and my aunt would physically abuse me and

(08:54):
my brother all the time. It was like daily, So
you kind of I remember just being like, Okay, if
I could just stay out of the way, pretend I
don't exist, they won't find me, or they won't hurt me,
or and I would just like sit in a corner
and then remember like Okay, the sun is this way,

(09:17):
so that means I only have to a little bit
longer and then I could just go to sleep. But
then after that that sleep wasn't an escape anymore, because
that's when my uncle would go in.

Speaker 1 (09:33):
So it was primarily one of your uncles who was
sexually abusing you. Or was it more than one uncle
doing this?

Speaker 2 (09:41):
It was two of them two, okay, so the one
that lived there, and then whenever my uncle my other
uncle would visit, and it would be during the day,
and it was well known that that's what they were doing.
Told my grandmother like, hey, this is what's happening, and

(10:04):
she kind of like snapped at me, and I was
terrified of her, but I also knew, like this isn't normally,
you know, and she basically just said, just wear extra
underwear at night and lift there.

Speaker 1 (10:21):
Oh my god, Now we're these uncles also sexually abusing
your brothers and your cousins at the same time who
were living in the house with you.

Speaker 2 (10:33):
Yeah. I remember one day I kind of like walked
in on it, on my uncle doing this to my brother.
Me and my brother were so so close, and I mean,
there's nothing that I could do about it. As a
five six year old, we just kind of just banded together.

(10:56):
We it's hard to like go back there. But we
were also very like weak and malnourished because along with
all the physical abuse from my aunt and grandmother, we
had that going along with my uncles. But they wouldn't

(11:18):
feed us. Like we didn't have breakfast, we didn't have lunch.
But every now and then when they would give us dinner,
it would be very small amount, and we kind of
had to make that choice. Like my brother and I, okay,
if we sit down and eat, we're kind of opening

(11:40):
ourselves up to get like a beating. And so my
brother could never take it. But I was also hungry.
I'm like, okay, let me just take the chance of eating.
And then he would give me his scraps and just hide,
whereas I would just like scar for it down because
I was like hungry, but I would always get caught

(12:04):
every time. I would always get caught trying to like
sneak food for me and my brother, whereas he was
very like good at it. It's sad, but like he
was always looking out for me, and we would look
out for each other. I remember and elementary school in Mexico,

(12:26):
you have lunch and reesis at the same time. So
there were days where I'd be like, Okay, I'm really
really hungry and I didn't have energy to play. So
while all the kids were playing, I would just like
look through the trash and try to get something for
myself and then hopefully find something for my brother to
sneak back home too. He would do the same thing.

(12:49):
It was hard.

Speaker 1 (12:51):
Did any of the teachers at the school notice these
red flags say anything to you?

Speaker 2 (12:59):
No. I never played, so it's kind of you would
think that teachers would be like, Okay, something's wrong because
I had that very distinct like belly. That's what my
adopted mom said that I had like this when I came.
When I got adopted, I had like a very big belly,

(13:21):
and I clearly looked sick and I had to have
had like bruises on me. And we were never sent
to school with bunches like everybody else was. But I
would have nose bleeds all the time. I don't know
if that was like a something to deal with all that,
but and then I would just like sit and just

(13:43):
watch everybody. So I'm I feel like it was very
It was it was. There's no way they didn't know
that something was going on.

Speaker 1 (13:57):
It was quite apparent you were being, yeah, severely abused.
Was there anyone else maybe in the community who could
have seen something spoken up? Okay, so people will say,
we're probably aware that you, your siblings, your cousins were
being severely abused by your family.

Speaker 2 (14:18):
Oh yeah, that the neighbors had to have known something
that's going on, because I mean, we are kids, Like
if a kid gets hurt, they're gonna cry, they're gonna scream,
something is being heard. And the houses were so close
together that they had heard all of that. And I
remember it being late at night and I would be

(14:40):
running to the backyard and like hiding, or the cops
would be called because my uncle, who would drink literally
every day, he would just be like a menace and
just be loud and he would kind of push my
grandmother around and shou scream. So I feel like they

(15:02):
had to put two and two together and been like, Okay,
something's going on. We have to do something, but nobody
ever did.

Speaker 1 (15:08):
So the cops were called to the house at times,
but yet nothing was clearly done. Wow, how many years
did this abuse go on? For you.

Speaker 2 (15:22):
I would say about like three, three or four years.
And then one day my aunt, who lives in Maryland.
Here in Maryland, she came to visit, and she knew
something was wrong. She had kids of her own that
she would come and but they're like, she's weird. Why
is she acting weird? Because I was always hiding so

(15:42):
I didn't want to be found with people. And so
my aunt asked me. She was like, what's going on?
And I wouldn't tell her, like I was a mute.
I didn't want to talk to anybody because I'm like
it anytime I say anything, I'm going to get hurt,
like somehow. So I actually I never really told her

(16:05):
like this is what's going on. She just knew. I
remember her taking me in a room and then like
checking me to make sure, like looking at everything. And
then shortly after myself and my two older brothers she
took us back to Maryland. But then they had to

(16:26):
make that hard choice like okay. I remember my aunt
and my mom being like, okay, which one has the
best chance at a better future, And they're like, oh,
she's smarter than the sons, her son. So my brothers
and I got separated because I was the only one

(16:47):
that got adopted. I stayed with my aunt for a
few months and then I was adopted.

Speaker 1 (16:53):
Wow. So this aunt, she would be your mom's sister,
So she was directly related to this side of the
family who was abusing you.

Speaker 2 (17:00):
Yeah, she knew. She knew what her brothers were doing
because they had three brothers, okay, and all three of
them ended up being sexual abusers, one of them I
know for sure. When he moved to Maryland. He had
two daughters, and she, one of my cousins, ran out

(17:26):
in the middle of the night. She escaped, escaped, and
she told that aunt like, this is what's happening. My
my dad did this, this and this, And she was like,
you're a liar. Why would you say that, Like this
is disgusting, you have disgusting like thoughts and stuff like that.
But her husband was like, no, we're going to the place,

(17:49):
We're going to the cops. And that's how he was.
He was charged here in Maryland and then he was deported. Wow. Wow.

Speaker 1 (17:59):
So it's interesting how your aunt, you know, obviously believed you,
she saw that you were being abused, but she did
not believe your cousin when your cousin Kate Howard, that's
so interesting. Do you have maybe any suspicions why that is?
Was she in denial about her family and the level
of abuse.

Speaker 2 (18:18):
I think that any anybody would be like, there's no
way that all of them, you know, she was probably
just like shock, like all three of them ended up
being sexual abusers. So I don't know, or maybe it's
just because she was closer to that brother, because they
were a lot closer than the ones that lived in Mexico.

(18:40):
So I don't know, but she was threatened by my
aunt and my grandmother because she would go back and
forth to Mexico often they were little, So her and
her sister both were being sexually abused. And then he
was charged, stayed in jail for a while, and then

(19:00):
sent back where he lives now.

Speaker 1 (19:03):
Okay, and so he so justice we'll say, was served
at least for one of the uncles. Yeah, which is
unfortunately all too rare in situations like this is what
I'm learning so hard. Yeah, it's yeah, it breaks my heart,
like so many victims are not receiving justice, and there's
perpetrators on the streets continuing to commit these crimes against

(19:26):
children all over. Yeah.

Speaker 2 (19:28):
We went to one of my cousins that I spoke
with that we met, like Facebook was saying that years ago.
She went to the police and said, this is what's happening.
And it takes so much like it took me till
I was like, you know, forty to be able to
speak up. But she went to the police department, chat

(19:51):
and nebo leon and tried to go that way, but
nothing happened. So I was like, okay, like we're all
in this together, let's let's try to bring charges in everything.
But and this was back in twenty twenty one. When
I found out there was nine of us, I messaged

(20:12):
everybody individually and I said, hey, this cousin in Novo
Leone is ready. She's going to go there physically, because
I couldn't from all the way over here have having
to go back and forth all except well, actually only
three of us were able to be like, okay, let's
bring charges, and everybody else wanted nothing to do with it.

(20:34):
They're like, no, that's the past. And so she went
there and they said, no, we need more than just
three or four of you guys. We need everybody to
come before we press. Having charges, and I was like,
that's not going to happen, like they're not ready, especially
with boys like my brothers. They were like, no, we
I don't want to talk about it. I don't want

(20:56):
to bring it up. One of my brothers was like,
do you know what this is going to do to
her mom? Like she's like this is going to be
so bad, Like I don't want to even bring it up.
Like she went through a lot growing up too, because
I mean she was just a kid. But I was like,
look at the end of the day, that was a mom,
Like she knew that this was happening, Like way after

(21:17):
I got and adopted. I was like, she knew this
was happening because she would in turn be we were
trying to go after her too because she was like complicit.
She knew everything was going on. She hit it for years,
she allowed it to happen, and I was like, how
are you able to protect her after everything that's happened,

(21:37):
And he just couldn't bring himself to do it. So
then all of that got, you know, pushed to the side,
and I was like, but I want something to happen
to them, even if it's one day in jail. So
I went through different happenings. I finally got a case
open with the state's attorney and Nuevo Leon, but it

(22:01):
just keeps getting pushed to other attorneys and pushed back.
Meetings get pushed back, and so I'm just still in limbo,
just me, because everybody, all my other cousins and brothers
are like, we don't want anything to do with it
anymore because it's hard. Yeah, and I think crimes like
that in Mexico are so you know, it happens all

(22:27):
the time where it's kind of like not important to people.

Speaker 1 (22:32):
So do you think it's easier to get away with
these types of crimes in a country like Mexico as
opposed to the US.

Speaker 2 (22:42):
I mean, I feel like it's hard in the US too, okay,
but yeah, so much harder in Mexico because it's just
it's i mean, especially there, the crime rate is so
high and then there's like murders and yeah, so all
of that gets pushed aside, child abuse, everything that's a side.

Speaker 1 (23:03):
Yeah, that's what I kind of figured, and that makes
just logical sense to me. They just don't have we'll say,
the man power.

Speaker 2 (23:09):
Too, and it's so corrupt investigated and that too.

Speaker 1 (23:12):
I was going to say, do you feel there's you know,
corruption within that that police force, within you know, the
legal system that you're trying to go through.

Speaker 2 (23:22):
Yeah, yeah, I mean I still I'm kind of like
a fly in their ears because every now and then
I'll just keep emailing like hey, I'm going to take status,
and they're like, if they email me back, they are
kind of like, oh, it got pushed to this new attorney,
so it's been years since twenty twenty one that.

Speaker 1 (23:45):
Oh this has been going on for quite a few
years now.

Speaker 2 (23:47):
Wow, yeah with nothing the furthest I got. Before you
even press charges, you have to take a psychological evaluation,
and even that took forever because they're like, oh, well,
you translate her before you could travel over here so
that we could do it face to face. I'm just like,
that makes no sense.

Speaker 1 (24:06):
No, you can do it online very easily. That's just
an excuse.

Speaker 2 (24:10):
Yeah, and or it's just crazy, like I know I'm
not going to get anywhere. But they're not very open either.
I feel like here in the States, if you're like, hey,
we needed to check on the status, they'll give you something.
I got nothing, but I did hear my cousin who

(24:30):
lives here in the States, in Texas. She was like, so,
what's going on like with your thing? Because I heard
from Grandma all that they came and rounded everybody up
and then they're I guess they got like the pictures
taken or something. I don't know. I just know that
that's what she said. But so I messaged the state's

(24:52):
attorney and I was like, Hey, what's going on? Like,
is there a movement going on? And nothing? Nothing? Wow?

Speaker 1 (24:58):
So the current STAF is unknown. You have no idea
what's presently happening.

Speaker 2 (25:03):
Mm hmm. I know that there's because I kind of
have like a fake Facebook, so I go into their
Facebook and then just check up on them. They keep
deleting it because of TikTok. People find them because I
put their picture and their face and their Facebook profile,
and people are like messaging them. My aunt got really

(25:26):
upset with me, and she messaged me and she's like,
you need to stop putting their their faces out there,
and it's this isn't right. You need to go through
it a different way. This is breaking your mom's heart
and people are saying that she's a bad mom, like
a dulla that was like, that's everybody needs to know

(25:47):
one what they look like my uncles, so that people
love Lyon I had I've had comments being like oh
my gosh, like I live here, like I live in Lovelyon,
thank you for bringing this up. And yeah, but I
messaged everybody on their Facebook fronts and just like said, like,

(26:10):
this is what they've done. Make sure that your your
kids are safe.

Speaker 1 (26:15):
And so see you're being very proactive here looking out
for other children who could potentially be victims to your knowledge.
I mean, how long did the abuse last for your
other cousins? What is it going you know on present day?
Do you feel potentially Yeah.

Speaker 2 (26:36):
I messaged one of my cousins because she goes back
and forth. She'll live here for a bit and she'll
go back to Mexico for ABT and then come back.
And she has three kids, young kids, and I saw
a picture with one of her kids and one of
my uncles, and I said, oh, hey, like you need
to be careful, this is what happened. Make sure that

(26:57):
your kids are never ever alone with them. And she's like, oh, okay,
so I'm just ending okay, it happened to her. So
I'm just like by her dad. So I'm just like, well,
why wouldn't you like protect them or like completely just
I just don't get it. I don't understand, But.

Speaker 1 (27:22):
So so are some of your cousins and siblings. There's
they're still kind of suppressing the abuse. It sounds like
they're not ready to kind of unpack that, unravel that
and heal from it. That's what it sounds like to me.

Speaker 2 (27:36):
Yeah, I feel like they've internal like I did. I
didn't want to talk about it at all. And I
feel like for my other brothers, it's been really hard
for them to speak up because they are male. So
I had one brother, he wasn't four un till after
I left. It happened to him for years. It's the

(27:59):
same one that was like I need to protect her
or we need to protect our mom. Why would you
do this? And I understand his viewpoint and everything. He
was with her a lot longer, but he was also
in that abuse for a lot longer, And I've always
carried that guilt with me. Like after I found out
that there was like a long list of us, I

(28:21):
was kind of like, I mean, I feel like I
could have stopped it in a way. I was able
to escape from it, whereas they had to go back
after they weren't adopted, they had to go back to
Mexico and then continue all that. And I feel god
awful for my brother because we at least had the

(28:41):
two of us looking out for each other. After I left,
it was just him because my other brother would get
treated completely different my older one. He I'm almost certain
that he had a different father because my other brothers
and I looked so much alike. He had a different dad,
And I honestly think that my mom was probably twelve

(29:08):
or thirteen when she had him, And I strongly feel
like he is my cousin, so I feel like my
uncle was abusing my mom. That's why he looks just
like my uncle. And nobody's ever said who his dad is,

(29:29):
and he has like learning disabilities, so I feel like
it's gone on for so long, it's well known. The
secret up until this point was.

Speaker 1 (29:45):
Yeah, yeah, that was actually my next question were your
mom and your aunt were they abused by your uncles?
And you just answered answered that do you feel that
all of those siblings, your uncles, your mom, your aunt,
that they were also abused by their parents when they

(30:07):
were children? Do you feel this is multi generational.

Speaker 2 (30:11):
I'm not sure if they. I mean, I know that
they had to have been physically abused, because a grandmother
doesn't just start like beating her grandchild up and for
over nothing over just like existing. But I don't know
about like the sexual abuse. But I feel like something,

(30:32):
something had to have happened there for just be for
my aunts to just be like desensitized to all of
that that was going on and joining in on the
physical abuse, and for all of my uncles to be abusers.
Something had to happened.

Speaker 1 (30:54):
Yeah, more than likely they were all abused themselves when
they were younger. I mean, all three uncles. It's almost unimaginable.
But again, I've interviewed and I'm in communication with so
many survivors of this type of abuse. It is ancestual
abuse as well, and it's very common, way too common.

(31:16):
Usually child sexual abuse is happening in the home by
family members, and your story is just further validating that.

Speaker 2 (31:27):
Yeah, and I feel like I strongly feel like had
if the school because we just kind of like grew
into it, we were born into it in a way,
and this was such a secret. We were threatened to
keep that secret. I feel like had the school one

(31:49):
notice or two, had I known, like, hey, you're allowed
to tell a teacher or a principal or an adult
that this is happening. I feel like had I had that,
I would have spoken up and then like, okay, like
this is what's happening. We need to I strongly feel
like had I stayed there, I don't know how much

(32:12):
longer I would have been able to continue.

Speaker 1 (32:15):
So obviously, you were threatened by your grandmother, I'm assuming
by the uncles as well by the adults. We'll say
who were in charge and who were the abusers. You
were threatened by them to keep your mouth shut and
never speak about this to anyone outside the family.

Speaker 2 (32:33):
Yeah. I feel like it happened with my uncles so daily.
The abuse that my uncles happened so frequent that they
didn't They no longer had to threaten me. They would
like give me candy. And it happened so much that
my brother, my oldest brother, he saw it happen and

(32:56):
then he later asked me like, what kind of candy
did you get? And but I don't know. I just
feel like my grandmother was the one that was doing
more of like the threats and everything, more so than
my uncles because they were just like, oh, the piece

(33:17):
of candy, don't say anything. Or but my whenever I
would try to speak up, my grandmother would be like,
if you say anything, if my kids get in trouble,
then you're getting kicked out in the streets. You're gonna
be a beggar. Blah blah blatch. She would threaten me
that way, or she had this like big rolling pin

(33:42):
that she would like hit us with me and my
brother with I remember telling her and then she just
got so upset like me, just everybody knew it was happening,
but by me saying something, yeah, that's how. Just like
physical threats and then verbal.

Speaker 1 (34:00):
Us It's such a common theme I see with so
many survivors who I've spoken to. Either the abusers are
threatening them to you know, stay silent, instilling fear, or
they're kind of in a way sucking up and giving
them things like, for instance, you were a child, so
they're giving you candy. Even present day, some survivors that

(34:21):
I'm in contact with and they're out there in the open, uh, sharing,
sharing their stories, and the families are pissed. The families
are really upset that they're you know, airing airing the
quote unquote dirty laundry, and either the families are going
to two extremes, either filing lawsuits against them or they're
sending them money trying to quite literally buy their silence.

(34:44):
And it's very similar to what you experience as a child,
instilling fear to keep you quiet or you know, giving
you candy to be kind and that's like a typical abuser.

Speaker 2 (34:55):
Mo I find yeah, my even right at like the
other cousin, I feel bad for them because they're there,
like in that same city. And my cousin messaged me
and she was like, my grandmother keeps messaging me and
intimidating me. And she's like she's saying that the only
reason I'm helping you try to bring charges against all

(35:16):
of them is because she thinks that you're going to
buy me a house. Like she's trying to tell everybody that, oh,
she's only doing all this, we're only getting like all
of this is because she lives in the States and
she's getting money from her. Don't listen to anything she's saying.

Speaker 1 (35:35):
So she's still manipulating.

Speaker 2 (35:37):
Now.

Speaker 1 (35:37):
Wow, Yeah, even as adults. She's still manipulating her.

Speaker 2 (35:42):
Yeah, children, since this came out, my mom, who lives
in Mexico, and my aunt who lives here Maryland, they're
I know, they've kind of dismantled, so they don't talk
to my mom anymore. Because I spoke up and my

(36:05):
mom kind of like stepped in and she was like,
she has every right to be upset, which I was
taken aback from my cousin told me that, and my
aunt reached out to me. She was like, you need
to stop all of this. You need to stop putting
our pictures out. You need to stop blaming your mom.
Like she had reasons, and I was like, what were

(36:26):
the reasons? There's nothing is okay with everything that she did,
and so it's, yeah.

Speaker 1 (36:34):
Did you have a conversation with your mom after you
began remembering?

Speaker 2 (36:40):
No. I I feel like it took me along. I
idolized her after I found out that she was like
my mom. I was like, oh my gosh, like my
my sister, who like I absolutely loved her. Whenever she
would come to visit me, she paid no attention to me.
I was just like, but I thought she was like gorgeous,

(37:01):
and I just idolized her. And even after I was adopted,
I was a full blown like I was eighteen and
I was still like, oh, I really hope that she
messages me, like I want, like to have a connection
with her, relationship with her. It wasn't until I think
I was in my thirties when I was like, oh

(37:23):
my god, Like she knew this was happening. She allowed
it to happen, but I never spoke to her. I
tried to, but then she blocked me on Facebook. Like
after all of this happened, I tried to just like
talk to her everything's out, try to figure out where
she was kind of from or understand why, and she blocked.

Speaker 1 (37:43):
Meh And at what age did you find out that
she was really your mom?

Speaker 2 (37:50):
I was young. I never told her that I knew
until like later, okay, but I was. I think I
was like seven, Remember my aunt. She was so made
she hated me, but she actually said it not because
she wanted me to know, but because she was like
she doesn't your mom is here and she doesn't even

(38:13):
want you, like that's your mom, Like that's how it
came out. She was like, that's not even your sister
and that's your mom. You just are just so unwarted
that she doesn't even want you to know that's your mom. Thing.
But I kept that secret.

Speaker 1 (38:26):
Wow, what was that like? Holding that secrets and kind
of dealing with that information.

Speaker 2 (38:35):
I think at that point it was like the abuse
was so bad and I kind of was like so
broken that I was just like, I mean, it was
just another thing. It wasn't a big I think I
just kind of gave up at that point, so they
could have said anything to me or done anything to me.

(38:56):
I was just so broken, and I was just like, Okay.

Speaker 1 (39:00):
Yeah, and your mom is still obviously living in Mexico, correct,
And yeah, she's still in communication with the uncles with
your grandma, like she's still yeah, okay, they see.

Speaker 2 (39:12):
Each other all the time. She came to visit when
I think I was like twenty. I know she came
to visit when I was like in high school and
I had met her for the first time since when
I first moved, and I was just like an awkward encounter.

(39:32):
But then she came to visit maybe like two or
three years after that, and that was the last time
I spoke to her. Wow, we couldn't really talk because
she speaks Spanish and I speak English, so my adopted
mom kind of translated that nothing was really said about anything,
which is like okay.

Speaker 1 (39:54):
Wow, yeah, like there was this unspoken we'll say secret.

Speaker 2 (40:00):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (40:01):
I find that so many families with ancestual abuse, it
is it is kept so secret and so hush hush.
I mean, obviously there is a huge stigma about that,
you know, in the collective and you know just people
in general, you know, upon people. But it's God, it's
so common. That's the thing I am learning from talking

(40:21):
to so many survivors of this form of abuse. It
is so common. It blows me away how common it is.
It's happening all around us, and.

Speaker 2 (40:30):
It doesn't come out till later on, right, Yeah, because
even as I feel like once you start maturing or
understanding or going through puberty and you understand like that happened,
and then you you're kind of like shame, Like shame
and guilt cut kick in. So you hold that secret

(40:52):
for so long until like nearly boring. That's when I
was one mentally able to like understand and you know,
go through all those processes. And I feel like that's
why a lot of people who have never been a
victim of sexual use are just like, why did it

(41:13):
take you so long? Like if this is what happened,
why did it take you so long? Why didn't you
go to the cops soon? Or you know, you couldn't say,
Like I have some interneturals. Ninety five percent of the
people on TikTok are so supportive and mothers are like, well,
I don't believe it because why did it take you
so long? Or I had somebody and I had to

(41:35):
log off for a while because I had somebody say like, Okay,
this is weird. I think you're hiding the fact that
you had a relationship with your uncles and you're now
just bringing it up or something like that, Like he
was like, you just had aneu sexuous relationship with your
hole my god, and I'm just saying I was five

(41:56):
six seven years old, Like that's like, why are there people? Well,
I feel like it makes it so much harder for
survivors to speak up because you have one the hurdle
of processing it out, two everything you have to go
through to bring charges and free the lack of support

(42:19):
because something when I would bring it up to my
adopted mom when it happened. She was like, you just
need to get over it, Like there's people that are
going through worse things than you are. You need to
let go talk to Jesus. Because she was she's very
much a Catholic woman who doesn't believe in I guess

(42:46):
she believes in turning another cheek and praying and it's
just hard, but she just doesn't believe in all of that.
So when I brought it up to her, she was like,
you just me to get over it, Like it's it
happened such a long time ago, because I went through
it hard when I was in high school because I

(43:10):
was like under fully understanding to an extent what happened,
and I couldn't talk about it. I internalized everything and
I went through a really really bad depression that I
didn't have any support, Like I did not have any
family support on it because they didn't really understand it.

(43:34):
It's I just wish I had that like one therapy
because my mom knew this happened. My mom knew that's
why I was adopted, or my adopted mom knew that's
why I was adopted. And I really strongly feel like
I should have been like day one, I should have
been put into therapy, absolutely, and too had the support.

(43:59):
I feel like a lot more people it would open
up if they knew that they had that support system
around them.

Speaker 1 (44:06):
Absolutely, And that's why this vicious cycle of child abuse
continues to this day, is because people keep hiding it.
That's why it's so important to expose it. You and
so many other survivors are so brave and putting yourselves
out there. And I know it's not easy with all
of the negativity. I know most of the support is

(44:26):
indeed beautiful and genuine, and of course there's like the
you know, the tiny one percent of the victim blamers
and shamers and people who don't get it. And that's fine,
and I hate to say it, but chances are they're
probably victims on some level of abuse themselves and in
denial in some way. Not all of them, but some
of them. Absolutely that could be the case. And you're

(44:47):
triggering a lot, you know, out of them feelings, emotions, memories.
But to me, you can't repress. You can't repress trauma.
It just builds and builds and builds and grows and grows.
It needs to be released in the right proper way,
and it's so important. That's why it's vital that survivors
are speaking out and sharing these truths. That's how we're

(45:10):
going to put a stop to this level of abuse
and protect all of the future generations of children, so
this can be obsolete from this planet. Child abuse in
any way, shape or form needs to fully end, and
this is how we do it by people like you
speaking up and sharing your memories and what happened to
you as a child. And the proper education is so

(45:33):
important as well. Again, you had no one to go to.
You did speak to your adopted mother, but unfortunately, obviously
she wasn't equipped herself to handle it, so you nowhere
else to go. I know we spoke about this privately,
and I feel guided to bring it up. You were
mentioning how schools should have programs where we talk about

(45:57):
topics like this, obviously in a manner that young children
can understand, but educate children from a young age that
this form of abuse is obviously not okay. And if
it is happening to you, here's where you can go,
Here's who you can talk to to get help.

Speaker 2 (46:14):
Yeah. I really feel like even after I was adopted,
in going through some things in the house there. I
feel like, had I known that school was a safe place,
or even in Mexico, had I known that it's sexual abuse,
like is not okay and you can have help. I

(46:35):
feel like the school systems now, like my kids now
are like, oh yeah, we had the police officers come
in and talk about stranger danger, or my son's schools like,
oh yeah, we were talking about fire safety, stop, drop
and roll. They have those programs. I know that this
is a really really, really hard conversation to sit down

(46:58):
and talk to your kid about, but I feel like
it's so necessary to be able to save kids because
you like the Aaron Hernandez's you know that case, I
feel like he tried so hard to get help. Yeah,
but there was nobody there. And I feel like if

(47:20):
kids have this outlet, then they are information that one
no means know, if somebody is doing this to you,
you have help, you have a way out. And I
feel like if they're making everything else like important, like
fire safety and stranger danger, they should also have this
conversation at schools because if there's kids that don't are

(47:42):
just born into it, they don't know any different. They
think like, oh, I thought that was normal for so
and so to do this to me. My family member
doing this to me. They don't know any better. But
if somebody's telling them like, hey, this is a safe place,
or hey this is not okay, being treated like this
is not okay. Going home and being terrified of your

(48:05):
own grandmother or your aunt, it's not okay.

Speaker 1 (48:10):
No, you shouldn't be scared of your parents. No, you
should feel loved and safe with your family, with your parents,
and education, proper education is so important, and I think
that's a really important topic to bring up in this
conversation that we're having. And the way I see the
future is there's going to be beautiful groups who are

(48:32):
going to help in this way and who maybe you're
meant to help in that way yourself. I feel like
a survivor would be one of the more suited types
of people to educate future generations about this. So maybe
maybe that's a future role you're meant to play, creating
some sort of organization that can properly educate young children. Yeah.

Speaker 2 (48:58):
I feel so bad for the teachers because they want
we're not just there to like educate, but two they're
also like mandated reporters to look out. They have certain
things that they need to look at for. That's sexual
abuse isn't always like you're not always seeing those red flash.

Speaker 1 (49:18):
It's not always obvious. Yeah. Yeah, and especially again if
the parent or the abuser, whoever the abuser is, is
instilling a level of fear in that child's they keep quiet.
So many adults now are you know, now they're speaking out,
but when they were kids, they literally couldn't because of
that fear that was instilled in them. And usually when

(49:39):
you're when you're a child and an adult is telling
you to do something, generally speaking, you obey that adults.
You're trying to listen to that adult do whatever they say.
And that's why it takes so long for so many survivors.
That's one reason for them to open up. It's that
fear that's been instilled in them. And it breaks my heart,
it does. Yeah, let's transition a bit now into how

(50:03):
you got adopted, because you were able to obviously get
out of this. We'll say a house of hers in
a very simplistic way, that's what it sounds like to me.
At what age were you adopted and how did this happen?

Speaker 2 (50:17):
So I was about I think I was eight. But
after my aunt found out about this, she went back
to the States and she my mom, adopted mom and
her just knew each other through like the Hispanic community
and church, and so she told my mom what was

(50:40):
going on and my adopted mom, and so that's how
my mom. My adopted mom already had five kids of
her own, so one she couldn't take all three of us,
and two she she was like, yeah, I'll take her.
That's just how it went.

Speaker 1 (50:58):
Okay, So you were around to eight years old when
you were adopted and then you came to the US.
What was that like? Was that scary to be in
a brand new country where obviously I'm assuming you weren't
speaking English at all while you were in Mexico.

Speaker 2 (51:13):
Yeah. Wow, it was like a culture shock. I remember
like the food itself. One, I had to get used
to eating like a normal person, Like, oh my god,
because you.

Speaker 1 (51:26):
Were so malndourished. Oh my god. I didn't think of that. Wow.

Speaker 2 (51:30):
And I remember just like throwing up all the time.
Even after I was like enrolling in school, the school
would be like she threw up ahead, you need to
come get her, or that. That was like the food
difference is so because when I was a kid, I
remember walking around like the neighborhood and then just like

(51:50):
picking leaves to like eat out of. And now I'm
having like these like normal foods that it I would
I had like a what is it called? Like I
don't know there was a there's a term for it.
But I was just like, Okay, if there's food, I'm
just gonna eat it, like I would eat until I
would like get really sick. So my mom and I

(52:12):
would kind of like be like, Okay, this is the portion,
normal portion. But even then I was still like sneaking
food or like hiding it because I'm just like what
if it gets taken away? Because that's one of the
things another things my grandmother would do is just like
take food away or like I would just always assume

(52:33):
like it's gonna get taken away, so I'm just like it,
or like I would put sneak food into like a
dresser so I could, you know, it's my backup. So
it took me a while for adjusted to all of
that and learn the language. So and I'm pretty sure
people thought that I was weird being because like being

(52:55):
surrounded by like all these people like new language, new food,
And I would flinch all the time with like teachers,
like if they were behind me, I always assumed that
I was gonna get hit by somebody. All of that
took a long time to get used to and being
like Okay, I'm in a safe place. School's a safe
place that took a while to get used to. And

(53:18):
sleeping because I even now I'm a very very light sleeper,
Like if my husband turns around or if I hear
like any noise, I wake up, because I feel like
I always had to be on guard when I was
younger because that's when a huge amount of the abuse
would take place. So I was sleep with when eye opened.

(53:40):
So I had to get used to all of that slowly.

Speaker 1 (53:44):
So that's still impacting you to this day.

Speaker 2 (53:47):
Yeah, I sleep with earplugs and the fan has to
be on because that makes noise, so just to be
able to sleep heavy And yeah, I feel like a
longer I was very prone to nightmares, even as a

(54:07):
full blown adult. I've known my husband and I've been
together since twenty ten, and even then, back when we
first started dating, I had so many nightmares. But I
feel like the longer I've known him the last nightmares
I have, so, I mean, he's my safe person. He

(54:27):
made I feel like when he's not like there's been
a few times where he's had to go do something
for worker and he's not home, I find I'm not
able to sleep with that I'm being there. He's kind
of like a protector. He's always been super protective of
me since day one.

Speaker 1 (54:44):
That's beautiful that you have that level of support and protection.
That's amazing. How was that obviously you have kids of
your own now?

Speaker 2 (54:56):
Yeah?

Speaker 1 (54:57):
Is what was it you? Obviously? You know, becoming a
mom having kids? Did that? Do you feel prompted you
to revisit your childhood and begin the healing process?

Speaker 2 (55:08):
Yeah? I feel like it's so they are the reason why,
because I feel like in order to be able to
be a good mom or a good spouse, you have
to heal. And my son and daughter right now, my

(55:31):
son and daughter are the same age that I was
through that abuse. So I feel like it's opened up
so much more, and I feel like in order for
me to be able to heal and let go to
be a good mom for them, that I have to
open up those doors that I had closed for so
long because those my daughter, my son, and my husband

(55:54):
are so important to me. And I feel like they
saved me physically, Like I was ready to just like
believe this world even after I was adopted. I was
going through so much and I didn't have the support
and I was not treated fairly. They saved me. And
I feel like the life that I have right now

(56:17):
is a universal's way of being, Like this is for you,
Like all of that happened is in the past, and
now I have like this beautiful life with them.

Speaker 1 (56:26):
Yeah, and you deserve it.

Speaker 2 (56:29):
You do.

Speaker 1 (56:29):
Everyone deserves a beautiful, happy, abundant life. And in a way,
I'm sure it's it's helping heal you being able to
raise your kids with so much love and support and
you know, having the childhood, allowing them to have the
childhood that you never were able to have.

Speaker 2 (56:50):
Yeah. I feel like when people walk into my house,
there's toys everywhere, Like there's like so many, Like they
have an upstairs playroom downstairs, the whole downstairs is for them,
like a whole bunch of toys, and their rooms are
full of toys. But I feel like that's my way

(57:10):
of like healing, like being able to give them what
I didn't have, like obviously being in an orphanage, and
then I didn't have toys to hope way later in life.
So I feel like that's a way of me healing.
When they look very spoiled, but I promise you they're
not spoiled. It's like a coping thing for me and
to be able to give them something I didn't have

(57:31):
growing up, which is the love, support and protection that
I always wish that I had. Even after I was adopted,
I was going through things in that house that I
just want to make sure that I'm the best mom
that can be for them, and being able to heal
is going to be part of that.

Speaker 1 (57:52):
Do you want to talk more in depth about your
experience within your adopted family and what that was like
for you.

Speaker 2 (58:02):
Yeah, I to a certain extent. I still have relationships
with like my adopted brothers and sisters. But I was
I felt and I messaged my or wrote a letter
to my adopted mom and just asking her why she

(58:24):
treated me the way that she did when I was
growing up. I told her I felt like a trophy
that she could easily put away like I was just
it was just kind of a front and adoption was
a front because I couldn't understand. I was like, why
did you treat me so horribly if you didn't want me?
Because I feel like every other day she would be like,

(58:46):
I'm gonna kick you out. You're gonna have nowhere to go.
Me being seven, eight nine, ten, like well into my
adulthood or well until I was like eighteen, she'd be like,
you're gonna get kicked out, blah blah blah, Like over
minor things. I didn't have a bed, Like I slept

(59:07):
on the floor room for years, years or years, I
didn't have a bed. She treated and.

Speaker 1 (59:15):
Your other siblings obviously had beds, My.

Speaker 2 (59:18):
Had like rooms and stuff like that, but I wasn't.
I think I was like fourteen maybe when I had
like an actual like bed and then yeah, oh my god.
But she it was kind of like she wanted it

(59:38):
for me to know that I would never be an
equal to her biological children. She made that know, Oh
my god, all the time and still to this day.
And just like do I call you mom or do
I call you miss? You? Know, I don't want to
say her name. But she would always whenever I would

(01:00:01):
get in trouble over minor things. She'd be like, you
call me ma'am, you call me miss blank or this,
but it was never mom wow. But I know that
because we were very much tied into like the church,
I know that if I had said miss so and
so at church, I would get in trouble for you know,

(01:00:26):
I feel like it was more of like a front
for her, and I just felt unwanted. And that's till
I sent in the letter that I wrote to her
about two years ago. She never replied back to me,
but I felt I just always felt unwanted and I
always felt like I just that wasn't my home. I

(01:00:46):
was just occupying in space and I message her and
I was just like, I just want to know why,
Like why did you treat me so horribly? Knowing what
I had gone through? Why and you just like take
me back or not take me back? Because obviously it
was out of the two, I would have definitely picked

(01:01:09):
living here, but just like you could have just given
me back to my aunt or something if you didn't
want me, because I really didn't feel wanted. If anything,
I just felt like worthless. And it took me so long.
Was until my husband when I kind of felt like, okay,

(01:01:31):
I wanted around here and she I had gone through.
I think it was twenty twelve when I found out
that my roommate's boyfriend was video taking me like in

(01:01:53):
the shower.

Speaker 1 (01:01:54):
Oh my god.

Speaker 2 (01:01:55):
The first person that I didn't know what to do.
I had caught my husban. My Now it's been but
he lived about thirty minutes and from where I lived.
My parents were the closest. They were about five minutes.
I drove there and I was like, I don't know
what to do. I need to call the police. And
my mom was like, no, you can't call the police.

(01:02:16):
Don't do that. You're going to ruin his life here.
If you press charges, it's going to be on his
on his criminal record. We just need to pray. We
need to pray. We need to call him, and we
need to just pray over him and just talk to
him and ask him why he did this. My father

(01:02:39):
has since passed away, my doctor father, But his first
question to me was, why didn't you walk the door?

Speaker 1 (01:02:49):
Oh my god?

Speaker 2 (01:02:51):
The door was the door was locked, like the door
lock had always been broken. But I'm just like why,
Like this isn't what I wanted that support for you
to be like be behind me, stand behind me. And
I feel like since all that happened, our relationship, like
the very little relationship that we did have, just kind

(01:03:14):
of solidified, like what I need.

Speaker 3 (01:03:19):
I feel like I needed to hear that in order
to kind of let go because it was so so toxic.

Speaker 2 (01:03:28):
And since then, I haven't had a relationship with her.
I tried, Yeah, it's it just doesn't work.

Speaker 1 (01:03:36):
No, you know again, like you go to your parents
for help and they were victim blaming you. Yeah, that's
the last thing a parent should do. Oh my god.

Speaker 2 (01:03:47):
The only reason I pressed charges. I feel like if
my husband didn't show up and was like.

Speaker 1 (01:03:54):
Are you guys insane?

Speaker 2 (01:03:57):
He basically said that, and my was like, don't just
my mom liked that. After I'm literally sobbing. I think
I had like a robe on because you know, something happened,
like a physical altercation happened between me and the guy
when I found out, Oh wow, and I think I
just had like a robot something. But he was like,

(01:04:22):
what the hell is wrong with you guys. He's the
only reason that I pressed charges because I feel like
if I didn't have his support and the support of
my adopted brothers and sister in laws. I wouldn't have
gone and pressed charges against guy because again, my family,

(01:04:42):
who was supposed to be my support system, just didn't
have my back, and that just kind of deteriorated any
relationship that we did have.

Speaker 1 (01:04:52):
It's like you went from one abusive situation, living situation
to another abusive living situation, different levels of abuse. Obviously
there was physical and sexual abuse happening in Mexico, but
within your adopted family, it sounds to all like their
mental and emotional abuse. Yeah, simply put, and that's just

(01:05:14):
as as as bad in my humble opinion as physical
and sexual abuse. You know, it's there's you really can't
you know, compare compare the two levels, but they're equally
traumatizing two people when they experience abuse, no matter what
type of abuse it is. And uh, to not give

(01:05:36):
a child a bed when the other siblings all have
beds to sleep in. And again, it like you said,
it sounds like they weren't really looking to adopt a
child to love and to care for and to support.
You said you felt like a trophy growing.

Speaker 2 (01:05:54):
Up, correct, Yeah, very much.

Speaker 1 (01:05:57):
It was like, look at us, we did a good deed.
We adopted this young girl from Mexico, where great people were,
great church going folk. You know, look what you did.
But in reality it was the complete opposite.

Speaker 2 (01:06:11):
Yeah, I feel well. I feel like My dad was
very much so he worked night shifts, so in the
daytime he would he would have to sleep, so in
the day he would sleep, but whenever he would see
certain things going on, he'd beel like, that's not right,
Like she's not Cinderella. She would tell my my sister.

(01:06:31):
Sister didn't know any better. She was like there was
one day where she wanted to play something and I
was like, oh, I don't play. She'd be like, you
were you were brought here for me, for me to
have somebody sleep. And I remember I got in trouble
because I was like, no, I didn't know la. My
adopted mom brought me into the bathroom and I try

(01:06:55):
to go to therapy. This was one of my things
that I had to do in therapy. But then I went.
She had me look at myself in the mirror and
she would just shout like you're you're disgusting, You're you're
the devil's devil's child. You don't deserve to be here.
You're ungrateful, and she would have me stare. This happened

(01:07:20):
so many times where I would just have to stare
in the mirror and look at myself while she's shouting
these like hateful words. And I feel like that took
me a long time to get out of my head.
That I did go to the tribe therapy, I failed
at it, but she was like, Okay, next session, we're

(01:07:42):
gonna look at the mirror together and you're gonna tell
me positive things about yourself. And I was like, I can't.
I can't do that. So I never went back. But
I feel like that the mental abuse so much harder
at times.

Speaker 1 (01:08:00):
Absolutely, it sounded like it was quite severe for you.

Speaker 2 (01:08:04):
Yeah, I mean there were times where like I feel
like a child should never have a question do they
love me? Am I here because they loved me? Or
because they wanted to help me? But I feel like
my dad would definitely speak up me like she's not
your slave, you could go get your own lunch, or

(01:08:27):
or he would speak up when need to. But I
feel like he didn't see a lot of that my
other sisters did. But I feel like had he seen it,
had he known, he probably would have spoken up.

Speaker 1 (01:08:39):
Yeah, and obviously as a child growing up in this
adopted households, it sounds like you didn't have Again, there
was no outlet for you to go to to seek help.

Speaker 2 (01:08:49):
Yeah, I feel like tying it back to school, like
I would try to find love anywhere, So if there
was like a teacher. Luckily I did have that growing up.
If there was a teacher, that should be any ounce
of like attention or love and kind of like gravitate
towards them because I was just searching for it because

(01:09:11):
I didn't have it. I didn't feel loved when I
lived after I was adopted. I felt zero love before that,
so I would try to even into high school, I
had like a teacher in high school that I would
like talk to about certain things. In middle school, like
there was always at least one teacher that I felt

(01:09:33):
safe with that we could talk about things.

Speaker 1 (01:09:38):
Okay, so at least you had support in that sense. Yeah, yeah, yeah,
are you a teacher?

Speaker 2 (01:09:47):
Now?

Speaker 1 (01:09:47):
Did you ever become a teacher any ambition to be
a teacher?

Speaker 2 (01:09:51):
I am a dance teacher.

Speaker 1 (01:09:53):
They are a teacher, Okay, yeah, yeah, I was going
to say, I get that energy from you and I
feel like you're meant to help children's that's kind of
the role you're meant to to kind of play in
this life going forward, is to be that support for
so many children who don't who don't have it, because
there are so many children out there struggling and suffering

(01:10:16):
just as you did when you were younger, and they
have nowhere to go. I mean, things are a bit
different than they were. You know, we're the same age.
I'm forty one, so growing up in the eighties and
the nineties it was a lot different obviously, Yeah, I mean,
you know, really things haven't changed that drastically in my
humble opinion.

Speaker 2 (01:10:35):
No, no, and it's unfortunate. I feel like, I mean,
it's different with like being a dance teacher. I feel
like I would see it a lot more if I
were like a school teacher. But normally kids that are
being like a not normally, I shouldn't say that kids
that are being abused aren't being brought to like a
dance class and yeah being like all like the pretty

(01:10:56):
like two tunes and all the money going into them
for dance. But I feel like if I was like
our actual teacher, I would understand. I would kind of
look out for certain things, like kids that are overly
attached to somebody because they're looking for that because they're
not they're lacking it at home, or kids that are

(01:11:17):
flinching when I'm just walking by, or you know, just
not engaged with students or teachers or being a normal
kid at recess.

Speaker 1 (01:11:30):
The one thing I hear from so many survivors is
there's not enough proper education about red flags like this.

Speaker 2 (01:11:37):
No, and you.

Speaker 1 (01:11:39):
Don't see it out there, really you don't. And I
just I know them now from speaking to so many
survivors of childhood abuse. And I think that's another beautiful
reason why it's so important to get this truth out
there is proper education and how you're you know, out
on TikTok on social media talking about this topic. It's

(01:12:04):
important to get the proper education out about these red
flags and how people can be on the lookout. And
it's not just teachers who should be looking out, it
should be everybody.

Speaker 2 (01:12:14):
Everybody, neighbors. I feel like a lot of people are
now speaking up about it though, because you see videos
of like hey, don't treat you, don't don't put your
hand on your child like that, Like you see videos
like that, and I wish that. I feel like it's
it's getting better now where people are more willing to
confront somebody if they don't see something like it's right,

(01:12:37):
or they're not treating their kid right at the store.
I feel like back then, when we were growing up
in the eighties nineties, it was always like, I don't
want to get involved. It's it's not my business. But
we're kind of like morphing into like, no, if you're
around me this child, is it is our business to
speak up. Yes.

Speaker 1 (01:12:56):
Yes, we're all raising these children as a collective. That's
how I feel. It takes a village quite literally, and
we have to look out for one another and especially
look out for all these beautiful children, and especially be
aware and alert of the red flags. I'm the kind
of person I always get involved, and I probably get

(01:13:16):
too involved, and I've called the police numerous times when.

Speaker 2 (01:13:20):
These and that's the people that we need, we need.

Speaker 1 (01:13:24):
I'm constantly constantly getting self involved in situations, crazy situations.
But I when I think back, just different moments in
my life. Yes, I've seen potential child abuse, you know
going on obviously, you know, not physical evidence, tangible evidence,
but you know, I'm very open intuitively, so I trust

(01:13:45):
my gut intuition. If something feels off, generally speaking, it
is off. I've called the police, I've said things to authorities.
It can hurt just to leave a tip. It really
can't exactly, And we need more leaders more. Yeah, we
need more people just to kind of understand that if
something feels off, generally speaking, it is off, and it

(01:14:07):
just can't hurt to say something to the proper authorities.
Is there anything else that we can do as a
survivor of this type of abuse? Is there anything else
that we can do collectively?

Speaker 2 (01:14:19):
I feel like if we just want to be heard one,
we don't want to be seen as like a victim.
We want to be seen as like survivors. The one
thing I hated about therapy. I mean it might work
for other people, but I did not like the look
that like therapists would give me, like like like a

(01:14:41):
pitiful like you know, kind of like, yo, how did
that make you feel? Like if you're if somebody's talking
to you about like sexual abuse, they don't want somebody
to be too pushy or sometimes you're not ready to
go into full detail, like I'm still not ready to
it's a full detail about what I was made to

(01:15:03):
do or what was done, but they don't want to
get pushed about it. We just want to be heard
if we are ready, and the conversations shouldn't be like
questioning you, like why didn't you speak up or say something?
Why didn't you lock the door? Why didn't you tell somebody?

(01:15:25):
It's because we still haven't even processed exactly what's happened,
specially if you're a child, you still haven't. You don't
know like this, this isn't okay, Like this is good touch,
bad touch, Like they don't know all of that. I
just feel like if somebody's coming to you, just be
there as a listening ear, but not pride like too

(01:15:48):
much until they are ready, the survivors are ready to
speak about it and not questioning like just so many
ridiculous especially on TikTok, I got so many ridiculous questions
that I was just like, what does that have anything
to do with what happened?

Speaker 1 (01:16:09):
I know what you mean. I've experienced this myself in
a very in a different way, but kind of similar.
I was physically assaulted by a random person back in
August in New York City. So I went public with
my story, and I'm a news reporter in New York City.
It happened as I was leaving work, and it made,
you know, it made the New York Post, it made
some local headlines here, So my story was out there.

(01:16:30):
I went on TikTok just to alert women to be
careful on the streets, you know, to be on guard
because crime is wild in New York right now. It's
so bad. And I was shocked, shocked by some of
the comments I received, and just I liked, are people
thinking before they're writing these comments? A lot of them

(01:16:50):
blaming me, putting the blame on me, Well, was your
hair up or down? You should have basball cap on.
I said, no, nothing to someone randomly assaulting me if
my hair was up or down, or you should have
been you know, dressing, you know, dressing more casually, and like,
you don't know what I was wearing, You don't know
what I was looking like were you there with me

(01:17:11):
as I was getting assaulted And just just asked nine
questions honestly, and comments coming from people, and it's a
tremendous level of victim blaming and shaming.

Speaker 2 (01:17:21):
Always that's always gonna be victim blaming.

Speaker 1 (01:17:25):
It's wild. It's wild to me. There's nothing you could
you could have done wrong as a child being abused
by an adult. There's nothing that I could have done wrong.
I was randomly attacked, a sneak, attacked by a random person,
just walking down the street. There's nothing I could have done.
If it's gonna happen, it's gonna happen. And especially you know,
to say these things to a person who was abused

(01:17:46):
severely as a child. Child has no control over a
situation like that. A child is sort of helpless in
those types of situations like how dare how dare you?
Questions like that and put blame that kicks me off?
That gets my blood boiling, don't you? And I just
it's it's a common theme I see, and I think again,

(01:18:07):
the proper education is needed. I mean, people got to
think before they type a comment in my humble opinion,
like type it out first, but don't hit send, and
then look at it and put yourself into survivor's shoes.
Would you want to hear that if you were a survivor?
Chances are probably not, so don't say it. I could
go on for.

Speaker 2 (01:18:26):
Days I know it's it's I feel like I'm more
protective of the people that are coming out too, because
I understand, like, yeah, that abuse or how hard it
is to just speak up. But I also feel like
in order for us to move forward is to have

(01:18:49):
this conversation not be like a taboo in order for
for one, for schools to be more open about talking
about it. But oh so within like your friend group
or your family, it's just sad that it's still we're
in twenty twenty five and that conversation is still not

(01:19:10):
being brought up or like it's very hush hush or
family secret. Like in order for us to move forward,
we're in break that kind of trammon abuse. We have
to be able to be open to talking about it.

Speaker 1 (01:19:26):
This topic can no longer be a taboo topic. Yeah,
it needs to be out out, in the open and
coming from a journalist perspective, I've worked in different media
outlets in New York City throughout the past twenty years,
and I've pitched these type of stories to many many
of my colleagues, you know, different bosses at different publications

(01:19:47):
to do more in depth work and work. It's people
don't want to people don't want to go in Europe
with a ten foot pull, it feels like. But that
needs to change, that needs to shift. These stories need
to be out there more in the mainstream media, and
I won't stop until I'm able to accomplish that on
some level. That's kind of my my little mission now
is to get stories like yours out there more in

(01:20:10):
the public eye so people are educated and we can
exactly expose this on a much grander scale. That's the
only way we're going to truly put a stop to
this for good exactly.

Speaker 2 (01:20:22):
It's it's everywhere. I think nobody wants to even go there,
whether it's happening to an adult, but nobody wants to
go there if it's happening to a child, because it
just makes it that much harder, that much harder of
a conversation, and they kind of just like close the
door on that. But as soon as you say like

(01:20:42):
child sexual abuse or sexual abuse in general, they're like, okay, now,
let's let's have a different conversation, like hands off, Like
you don't want to go there, especially if somebody was
abused sexually. They they're just like, oh okay, Like you
don't even know you know what to say. Like, it
was a very hard conversation for me to have with

(01:21:05):
my husband because you know, how.

Speaker 1 (01:21:08):
Was that what Obviously you've been married for a while now,
did you talk to him about this when you guys
first started dating.

Speaker 2 (01:21:16):
Yes, I feel like that conversation was necessary. But too,
it was really hard because going from like sexual abuse
into having like adult relations I would have like really
bad anxiety attacks just randomly, and so in order to
have like that kind of like relationship, I had to

(01:21:38):
be open about it. So that even with the boyfriends
that I had before, I just wasn't ready. So I
would have like really bad anxiety attacks before anything happened.
There be like what has happened? Yea? But or like
certain smells like when I was going through you know,

(01:22:01):
like not high school, but like once I started drinking
and hanging around with like kids and stuff that we
were drinking obviously under age, but like certain smells would
just make me want to like throw up, Like the
smell of like beer, or certain sounds would just throw
me off. So I had to have that conversation with

(01:22:22):
my husband about like okay, like it's it's so he
had he was like kind of like in tears, like
I'm sorry that happened to you. And I feel like
it's been hard to tell other people about it because

(01:22:42):
if you love somebody, or if you have a friendship
with somebody, you don't ever want to think that something
like that could happen to them. And they're so taken
it back by the level of abuse that they just
don't even know what to say. But he, I feel
like he handled it up really well, and he's always
been super supportive. He's supportive of me coming out one

(01:23:04):
on TikTok. He was like, I just want you to
be mentally okay. So if this is what you need
to do, go for it. He's super supportive. But we
were also worried about, like what are their repercussions because
we still have family here. He was like, ore, are
we going to be our kids? Are you? Or I?
Are we going to be safe after you've come through

(01:23:26):
with all of this. But he was supportive and everything else,
And so I'm really lucky to have somebody that's support
because I don't think that I would have come out
with everything if I didn't have that. So I didn't
have it growing up until he came into the picture
and he was he's always been. He's a good guy.

Speaker 1 (01:23:46):
It sounds like he's your you're truly your protector. Yeah,
and so many ways, that's so beautiful. A lot of
survivors I've I've spoken with they talk about, you know,
some of them are single and they're out there dating,
and it's it's hard. It's really hard, and especially when
it's time to have that conversation with the partner you're

(01:24:07):
with and kind of explain, you know, the trauma and
and what happened, what happened to you. It's it's not
an easy situation. It's also difficult navigating a lot of
survivors I find have told me that they have dated
people who were abusive, you know, exhibiting the same patterns
as as their their abusers when they were children, and
it's it's a very difficult road to navigate that. We'll

(01:24:29):
say that the dating, the dating, the dating scenes difficult
as it is, you know, and on top of that,
you know, it's it's having you know that the trauma
attached to it. So I I I think it's so
so amazing and and so so beautiful that you found
an amazing partner who is supportive, and it sounds like

(01:24:50):
is really you know, rooting for you and asking you
through this and in aiding you in your healing journey,
which is so vital.

Speaker 2 (01:24:58):
I know he was even when I started therapy. We
had to do like at home therapy, and he was like,
I'll take the kids out, like we'll go somewhere I
have like a closed door and you don't feel like
you can't say certain things or just even here, And
he's like, I like, I won't listen in. I promise
that you do whatever you need to do, like say

(01:25:19):
what you need to say. But I feel like not
a lot of people have that, and with certain relationships.
I know that my brother he ended up. Everybody healed
from it or is processing it in different ways, but
my brother kind of went to like drinking just kind

(01:25:40):
of suppress everything that happened. And he in turn, I
know that he was like physically violent with one of
his exes. And I feel like it's so important to
go through that therapy so you don't repeat that cycle. Yeah,

(01:26:00):
and having important finding the person that's going to support
you the most in that kind of drug you down
or kind of being like, oh, let's not talk about it,
but that's not something we need to talk about.

Speaker 1 (01:26:12):
Yeah, that's the thing. Unless you know, if you were
were the victim of childhood abuse, unless you really heal
that and come to terms with it, you go one
way or the other. You become an abuser yourself, or
you're able to heal from it and stop the cycle.
And unfortunately so many people the healing process is not easy,

(01:26:35):
but now hard. It's really hard freaking work to heal
in any sort of trauma, and most people just they
don't have the willpower per se to do it at
you know, certain points in their lives and they go
down you will say, a darker path as a result.
And that breaks my heart because I know everyone has
the capability to heal. It just don't have to be

(01:26:57):
willing to do that hard work. But it can be done.
You're living proof of it. There's so many other survivors
who are living proof of it. You can heal, and
you've got a beautiful family. Now, you have a beautiful relationship,
and obviously I'm going to assume the healing journey is
still continuing for you as well. You're still in different

(01:27:18):
I find there's many layers to healing trauma like this,
and you know, people say we're never done healing, but
I think you know, you're able to extract some deeper,
deeper layers and you know, then it's just kind of
like surface level things pop up here and there. But
it sounds like you are in a beautiful place within

(01:27:38):
your healing journey right now and you've come a very
long way.

Speaker 2 (01:27:42):
Yeah, yeah, I definitely. It's I look back like five
years from before and looking at this very moment talking
with you or like like, oh yeah, in five years,
you're going to be able to talk to so many
and like make it super public or post about like

(01:28:02):
certain levels of abeuce that you had to go through
hard to be Like, no, that's on me, Like I
wanted to keep that secret so long because I feel
like as soon as I said it, people are going
to look at me completely different. They're gonna look at
me like, I don't know. I had like a level
of shame that I have on myself, for one, allowing
allowing it to happen, or too not speaking up or

(01:28:23):
to like leaving somebody on TikTok. It's like, well, why
did you leave your brother behind? And stuff like that.
But I feel I just didn't. I do not want
anybody to look at me in a different light because
I feel like the person in order to heal, I'm
completely separating at the two the person that I am

(01:28:45):
now and the person that I was then, or two
completely different people. And I just don't want to be
looked at as like a victim, but more of like
a survivor. That's like healing and going through all the
processes and trying to make myself a better person and
for my husband and my kids.

Speaker 1 (01:29:03):
And your abuse doesn't define you, right, Yeah, it's something
that happened to you, that you experienced it. Obviously it
wasn't ideal, but it's something that you went through and
you've overcome. You've overcome so many obstacles, I mean tremendous obstacles.
You've overcome different levels of abuse, and you've come out

(01:29:25):
in a really beautiful place and now you're ready to
give back and help help others, which is just so
amazing and so so beautiful. You have a beautiful heart
and a beautiful soul. I can feel it you truly,
truly do. Is there anything else that you wanted to
touch on that we haven't spoken on yet? During this interview.

Speaker 2 (01:29:48):
I don't think so. I think we've like touched they
covered everything everything.

Speaker 1 (01:29:55):
Yeah, yeah, it was an honor. It was truly an
honor to speak with you on this episode of Warrior
of Truth. And you are a true warrior. I hope
you know that. And you should be so incredibly proud
of yourself for all the hard work you're doing, uh spreading,
spreading your truth and educating, educating the world about this

(01:30:18):
unfortunate reality. And because of you and other survivors, this
is how we're going to put an end to child abuse.
So I thank you, on behalf of everyone watching, watching
this episode, listening to this episode, on behalf of the collective,
I'm gonna thank you, and you should be so incredibly
proud of yourself.

Speaker 2 (01:30:36):
Thank you.

Speaker 3 (01:30:37):
Thank you for having me and like giving everybody a
voice to speak up and tell their story.

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