June 9, 2025 • 52 mins
Season Finale! In this powerful and personal season finale of From Weeping to Warrior: Igniting FREEDOM, Roshawn Nicole, opens up about the darkest chapters of her life and how she turned pain into purpose.
Roshawn Nicole shares her raw and honest story of battling depression, anxiety, addiction, and PTSD, and the healing journey that followed. Through deep therapeutic work and the life-changing tools of functional medicine, sharing her story through song and speaking, she found a path to emotional and physical freedom. Now, standing in the light, and nearly certified as a Functional Diagnostic Nutrition Practitioner (FDNP) — proof that transformation is possible.
This episode is my love letter to:
The guests who bravely told their stories
️ The listeners who showed up week after week
The warriors who are still fighting
Thank you for being a part of Season 1. 15 episodes of truth, healing, and igniting FREEDOM
Roshawn Nicole shares her raw and honest story of battling depression, anxiety, addiction, and PTSD, and the healing journey that followed. Through deep therapeutic work and the life-changing tools of functional medicine, sharing her story through song and speaking, she found a path to emotional and physical freedom. Now, standing in the light, and nearly certified as a Functional Diagnostic Nutrition Practitioner (FDNP) — proof that transformation is possible.
This episode is my love letter to:
The guests who bravely told their stories
️ The listeners who showed up week after week
The warriors who are still fighting
Thank you for being a part of Season 1. 15 episodes of truth, healing, and igniting FREEDOM
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Bra No Shane, shane'st finding Me, Jane Hands and Kang
Nobody than Nobody stoping me.
Speaker 2 (00:24):
Hello, and welcome to the show From Weeping to Warrior
Igniting Freedom with Roshan Nicole. I am your host, Roshan Nicole,
where we interview amazing guests from all over the world
sharing their incredible stories of how they overcame obstacles and trials.
If you have been following my journey from episode one
(00:44):
to fifteen, thank you so much for following me. You
are here. This is the season finale and where I'm
gonna just give some shout out and also share my
story on this episode. If you are new here, welcome.
I'm so glad you made it to this episode number sixteen,
this season finale. As you see, I got my salvatory
(01:06):
outfit on, I got my hat on. We're gonna take
this hat off in a minute, but you know it
keeps falling off. But I just wanted to say, well,
we made it to episode sixteen and this is the
season finale. I am so excited to just talk about
this season to give thanks to my amazing guests who
came on and shared their story, and we're gonna do that.
(01:28):
So on this episode, I'm going to give my shout outs,
I'm gonna say my thank yous, and then we're gonna
do a little something different. This is the last episode,
and this is called this is My Story. So I'm
gonna share my story in details of how I overcame
depression anxiety addiction m PTSD and just share my story
a little bit in some ways of how I overcame
(01:48):
that and to practical tips that maybe you can apply
to your life. So before we get into my story,
I want to give my shout out and my thanks
to everyone who has made this season possible, who has
made this podcast, Slash Radio possible. I've had such a
great time this. I was a little nervous at first,
(02:11):
you know, you know, doing this podcast, this radio, but
I have enjoyed it. I have enjoyed interviewing and hearing
amazing stories. And if you have missed those stories, you
can go back on my YouTube and check out episode
one through fifteen. So let's get started with my thank you. First,
(02:38):
I want to give a shout out to the producer
of the show, because I could not have done it
without doctor Teresa Jordan out of Atlanta and She is
the CEO of PG of Praise Fescalfo Network. So this
airs on Monday nights on her show out of Atlanta.
And not only that, but just making me look beautiful
(03:00):
every week her production and her editing. I'm just I
cannot the words. I just don't have the words to
just thank you enough, because you have truly made this
possible and I just want to say thank you so
much for every week just having the episodes and just
making me look beautiful. So thank you so much. My
next shout out is to Ontario Rashard and he came
(03:23):
to me last year and he was like, Rashan, I'm
gonna start a radio station out of Oklahoma. And so
he had asked if I was interested in having a
segment talking about mental health because those who know me
know that that is my passion of singing about it,
speaking about it and sharing and so I thought about it.
I was like, you know, this is something that I've
kind of been thinking about. So that just confirmed it,
(03:46):
and so I was so excited for him to, you know,
ask to be a part of his radio station. And
so thank you to Ontario Rashard, thank you so much
for coming to me. And playing the segments each Friday.
And if you have not checked out out his radio station,
it is Oklahoma Victorious Worship Radio out of Oklahoma. Go
(04:06):
check him out and his music and also he's he
has other segments on his radio show as well. So
thank you to you as well, Ontario. I appreciate you all.
Right now, I'm going to give a special thank you
to my amazing guest who have made every episode just
bringing their stories, sharing their testimonies, being authentic and transparent
(04:29):
and real. And I just want to say it takes
a lot of courage to do this. You know, it's
not easy sharing your story. I know, like when I
shared my story, it's it's scary, and we are fearful
of judgment of what people think of us, and and
so I just want to give a special thank you
to each one. And so we're gonna start with episode
(04:50):
number one, So if you have it, if you miss them,
and I'm gonna I'm gonna take this off. If you've
missed them, then you can go and check them out
on my YouTube channel. The episode. So the first one
that I want to give a shout out to is
episode one, and that is Estella John's and she's actually
near and dear to me. That's my aunt, my real aunt,
(05:12):
and so she was number one. She was like, I
want to come on. I'm going to support you. I said,
thank you, Aunty, So thank you to Estella John's. And
the first episode we talked about was overcoming grief, and
she talked about the loss of her mother, which was
my grandmother, and how she overcame that and how music
has helped her overcoming that. So thank you to you, Auntie,
(05:33):
Estella Johns. That was episode number one. Episode two we
had Charlotte Williams and she came on and she just
talked about, you know, overcoming her past traumas, and thank
you Charlotte for coming on to the show and being
vulnerable and sharing your past traumas and how music and
all the things that you're doing has helped you to
overcome your your trials as well. So thank you to you, missus,
(05:55):
Charlotte Williams. Episode number three we have marvel Marissa from
atl And this episode was entitled from speech Class to
Beauty Queen and Author and I do have her book here,
So Marvelous Marissa came on and shared her story her
(06:17):
Oh this was this was a great episode. All episodes
were great, but this was very I was emotional on
this episode because her book spoke to me and how
she overcame just so many obstacles and trials in her life.
And now this girl, she is a beauty queen and
she speaking to young women and I just saw the
other day she has a children's book out and I'm
(06:37):
just like, oh, girl, keep doing your things. So thank you,
marvelous Marissa for your incredible story, your incredible journey, and
your book. So go check her out as well. So
that was episode number three. Right, episode number four, we
have our nieche Lowe out of atl And this episode
was entitled From Heartbreak to Strength. She about the loss
(07:00):
of her son, and she also talked about her overcoming
grief and loss and depression. And she has a book
entitled Why Not Me. I was built for this. So
I want to thank our niche for coming on the
show and for sharing your story, for sharing your testimony.
And her book is amazing because she has some journal
(07:23):
journaling sections and she just talks about her story of
how you know, she's going through the darkest time of
her life of losing her son unexpectedly and how she
overcame that so beautiful singer as well, so go check
her out. Her music is available everywhere as well. Thank
you so much, beautiful queen for coming on the show.
That was our nieche Low episode four, Episode number five.
(07:48):
I want to give a shout out to Tom Taylor
and he is a singer songwriter out of here in Seattle,
and that episode was entitled Victory through Music, and he
just talked about his journey of being an independent artist
and how, you know, sometimes we go through ups and
downs and the highs and lows, and just how music
has helped him to overcome all the struggles and the
(08:10):
challenges of being an independent artist. So that was episode
number five. Tom Taylor, thank you so much for coming
on the show. I appreciate you for sharing your story.
Keep doing your amazing music, and we will for sure
stay connected. So thank you so much. All Right, episode
number six, we have mister Jamel Williams and this episode
(08:34):
was entitled Triumph over Addiction to award winning singer. And
so when I did Jamal's episode, I had ordered his
merch and I didn't get a chance to wear it
because I want to support, you know, rather if I'm
buying a book to support the artist or the guest
or their merch, and so his didn't coming out of time,
but I do have it and his merch. He has
(08:57):
no greater love. Love that no greater love. And I
don't just have his shirt. But I also had to
get the beanie as well, So your girl got to
rock the beanie as well, So I got that too.
So I wanted to send some support and some love.
And Jamal Williams talked about overcoming addiction and depression and
so go check his episode out. And he also has
(09:18):
amazing music out as well. So thank you Jamal for
coming on and keep doing your music and keep igniting freedom.
All right, we have episode number seven, that's My Girl
here from Seattle. We have Lisa Renee Hutchins, and this
episode was entitled from Single Mother to Author and Poet,
(09:42):
and she talked about her struggles of being a single mother,
but she talked about how she overcame some obstacles of
you know, trying to provide for her children and how
now she is a author and also she is a poet,
and I have her book here, and this book talks
(10:04):
about thoughts of healing families. The reflections of their grief,
and so we talked a little bit about that on
our episode, and that is episode number seven. Thank you, Lisa,
thank you so much for coming on, for sharing your story.
Thank you for all the incredible work that you're doing.
Keep on keeping on, keep igniting freedom, love your girl.
(10:26):
All right, we are on episode where we're at number
that was seven, number eight, and episode number eight we
have mel Wardaff and she is here out of Seattle,
and she's the one who introduced me to functional medicine
and her episode is entitled Overcoming Addiction and Depression through
Functional Medicine. That is a she shares her story of
(10:48):
how functional medicine has helped her overcome anxiety and depression.
And that's the same certification program that I'm in and
will be certified in holly two weeks. So go ahead
and check that out. If you're looking for an alternative
route of overcoming anxiety and depression, that is one to watch.
So I want to encourage you to go and watch
episode eight. Thank you Mail for all the work that
(11:10):
you're doing. Congratulations on all your work and your new
brick and mortar, and keep on keeping on. And I
can't wait to see you continue to ignite freedom and
helping other people on their journey. All right. Episode nine,
we have e from Kings and he's from New Jersey
and his episode was entitled From Prison to Purpose. An
(11:32):
award winning rapper and he has amazing music out sharing
his story and he talks about his journey from being
in prison and now he is also a counselor and
he's counseling others and uplifting them and letting them know
that there is hope and freedom. So he from Kings,
thank you so much for coming on my show, for
sharing your journey. Keep on keeping on and I appreciate you,
(11:59):
all right. So number ten, we have Jess Vince Won
out of North Carolina and his episode was entitled From
rock Bottom to R and B Star And that episode
he was just real and raw sharing his testimony of
how he overcame addiction and how you know, I love
(12:20):
how we talked about on this episode that he said
he had to go to treatment six or seven times,
and I wanted him to highlight that, you know, during
the episode of sometimes it takes multiple times and that's okay.
And so he is a living testament of that, and
so I just want to say, just Vince, keep on
doing you king. You know, he's putting out music, he's
doing his thing on social media, he's staying consistent, and
(12:42):
so thank you for coming on the show, for being vulnerable,
for being transparent. I appreciate you, all right. Episode number eleven,
we had Gabby g all the way from Colorado and
this episode was entitled from Bullied to Motivational School Speaker.
And I met her in Atlanta last year on the
(13:03):
stage talking about how she was bullied as a child
and she struggled with depression and anxiety, and she talked
about how she overcame that and now she is speaking
to middle school and high school students and what an
inspiration she is. I just want to encourage you, you know,
if your children or your high school middle school children
are suffering from you know, bully, that this is a
(13:25):
great episode to go and check that out. And that
is episode eleven. Gabby g I just want to say
thank you for coming on my show, for igniting freedom,
for shedding light, for sharing your testimony, and for speaking
to middle school and high school students that there is
hope and healing on the other side. So thank you
so much. All Right. Episode number twelve, we have Miss
(13:49):
Delicia James from Texas and her episode was entitled From
Pain to Purpose an award winning singer, and so I
want to give miss Delicia a shout out as well,
and we talked about her book, Don't Believe the Lies,
a Journey of overcoming suicide. We also talked about her
(14:12):
amazing music as well. Thank you Delisia for coming on
the show, for sharing your gift of music and song,
for sharing your story and your book which is incredible,
and so I just want to encourage those who are
also listening or watching to go ahead and check her out.
Delicia James, her music as well as her book, Don't
Believe the Lies. Thank you Warrior Queen for coming on
(14:33):
the show. And keep on keeping on, keep on igniting freedom.
All Right. Episode thirteen, we have my girl, Arkida dimps
here out of Seattle, and we had her to come
on to talk about what does trauma healing actually look like?
And this one was it was an interview style, but
she was sharing more at some practical tips that people
(14:57):
can apply to their lives, and so we talked about
LI therapy. We talked about what does trauma look like?
And so if that is something of your interest, I
want to encourage you to go and check out episode thirteen.
And I want to give a thank you to you.
Larkita or my girl. I call her Kita. She knows it,
so when I say Larkita, it just sounds you know,
I grew up with her. So Kita, thank you for
(15:18):
coming on the show, for shedding light, for giving us
some wisdom and enlightening, enlightening us and giving us information
about trauma and trauma therapy. So go check that out everyone.
That is episode thirteen. Thank you girl. All right? In
episode fourteen, we have my girl, Bira Renolds, and I
(15:38):
been knowing her for quite a while. I've met her
when I twenty years ago as an educator and her
episode was entitled from Culture Shock to the Classroom and Stage,
and she talked about coming from Kirkistan where she was
born and raised and coming to a whole new world
here in America and learning the culture, the language, and
(16:01):
wanting more opportunities. And so now she is a educator,
that's how I met her, a photographer, a mother and
a wife and doing amazing things. A singer songwriter as well,
And so I just want to say thank you Vera
for coming on the show. And she has merch as
well available and it's called this one I wrote I
wore and it's called draw Close and the back says,
(16:27):
take me back to our first love and she's talking
about God. So you can get this available on her
hit her up at Vera Reynolds. I know you can
find her on all social media platforms as well as
her music. So Vera, I just want to say thank
you so much for coming on the show. Keep igniting freedom,
keep sharing your music, and thank you girl. I appreciate you,
(16:52):
all right. And the last friend that I want to
thank is episode number fifteen, and that is VP or
Brandon Parker. We call him VP, and his episode will
be entitled from Prison to Motivational Speaker and Hip Hop Artist,
and I want to thank him for coming on the show.
I've been knowing him since middle school, high school, so
(17:14):
we go back a while. Thank you BP for coming
on the show, for sharing your story and for being
vulnerable and transparent and letting others know that there is
hope and healing on the other side. And I want
to share his merch and his shirt that he has here.
Let's see if you can see it is called love
(17:35):
is Dope. And I was trying to get the pink,
so I wore the yellow on his episode. But VP,
I still want the pink shirts to match, you know,
my set here, so we got to get a pink one.
So but thank you for coming on the show. I
appreciate you. So, with all that being said, thank you
everyone for coming on the show for season one and
(17:57):
next season. You know, I have some ideas what I
you know, what I want to do, But of course
we're still going to talk about mental health because we
still need to raise awareness and talk about this topic.
And so all my friends that came on keep doing
what you're doing, and those who are listening watching to
keep on shedding lights and igniting freedom and talk about this.
This is we need to continue to keep talking about
(18:19):
mental health and letting people know if there is hope,
no change, no chain, stop finding me chan hands and or.
Speaker 1 (18:34):
Ain't nobody, ain't nobody stopping me, get done to me?
Speaker 2 (18:50):
But you. But I still feel so. So with that
being said, we're going to go into my story. And
I actually was contemplating, I'm not I'm gonna just be real.
I'm gonna be real with y'all today. So I was contemplating.
I was like, I don't know if I want to
share it. I mean, I've shared my story many times
(19:13):
to the public, to organizations, to churches, to schools, you know.
And when I say to schools, you know, I'm talking
to children in a different way. I'm not really sharing
my my testimony like as wrong and real, but different ways.
And then also to teachers as well, educators, because that's
the space that I am still working in right now.
But I was contemplating, I was like, do I want
(19:35):
to share this? So I went to record this, and
so I really had to think about this, and I
was like, Okay, I'm going to share it because I
don't have it recorded anywhere. And I think that's what
I was a little nervous about. I was like, I
haven't actually like shared this publicly and recorded it. So
you are going to be kind of like the first
one to like listen to this as I'm sharing my story.
So here we go. We're gonna we're gonna take it all,
(19:57):
take it all the way back, but not too far back.
We're going to start how it all started, back in
twenty twelve, is where a lot of it kind of started,
and so we're going to go back there. So my
story back in twenty twelve, twenty twelve is that was
the time that I actually was not working in the classroom.
(20:19):
If you know, I'm I was an educator, and still
I am an educator. My position has changed where i'm
mentor now you're one in year two teachers, and so
a lot of my work currently now is helping teachers
to lesson plan, a lot of social emotional work. A
lot of teachers are burnt out, and so of course
that's my passion, so I'm doing a lot of that.
(20:39):
So I do work for the school district currently as
of now, but in a different role. But back in
twenty twelve, I left the classroom because I literally had enough.
I was like, I'm done, I'm burnt out. I was
dealing with some depression and anxiety. I was going through
a divorce at the time back in twenty twelve, and
so going through a lot. So round September of twenty twelve,
(21:01):
I was experiencing some abdominal pain. When I think back,
I actually was experiencing this pain for maybe about two
or three years and kind of ignored it. And so
I want to encourage you. If you were having pain
in your body, your body is talking to you, so
go and get it checked out. But I was ignoring
this pain for quite a while, so I finally decided
to go to the er in September. When I went
(21:24):
to the er, it come to find out they did
an ultrasound, and so they're like, oh, they kind of
pushed me aside. And I'm gonna be honest. They kind
of pushed me aside because, like I said, I wasn't
working as an educator. So I'm gonna be real, y'all.
I had no insurance at that time. I was trying
to figure out my life, you know, figure out what
I wanted to do. I was going through divorce, like
I said, So they did they pushed me aside. So
(21:46):
my sister, who is a nurse, she you know, she
knew I have been in pain for a while. She's like, no,
they need to do a CT scam. They need to
do all these things to figure out what's going on.
And thank god I did tell them. I said, maybe
you guys need to do a CT scam because when
they did the ultrasound, they kind of figured that they
saw something unusual when they were checking my abdomen, my
abdomen cavity. So they did the ultrasound, they did the
(22:10):
CT scan. Come to find out that my appendix was
the size they said of like a hand. Your appendix
is supposed to be the size of your pinky. And
they also saw that some of my colon was inflamed,
and they couldn't tell how much of it was inflamed.
So they said, you know, we're gonna have to go
(22:32):
in and trigger warning for those who you know my
story part of me. I mean meant to go back
and say trigger warning because we're going to talk about
you know, mental health and addiction and surgery and all that.
So I just kind of wanted to, you know, put
that out there, but they said they had to go
in and they had to actually go and do surgery.
They couldn't do it laparoscopically. They had to cut me
(22:54):
because they didn't know how much of my colon that
was inflamed. So I'm in the hospital for a couple
of days. They did the first surgery. And so when
they did the first surgery, they took out my appendix
and so they said that that was enlarged and they
also took out about twelve inches or so of my colon.
(23:15):
So they did the surgery, and then about a couple
of days later, I started to not feel so well
and I started to notice that my stomach was getting big,
getting enlarged. It was like growling, you know. And so
they were like, we got to go back in and
figure out what's going on. So they did the cat
skin and everything. They're like, yeah, we got to go
(23:37):
back in and figure out what's going on. So what
happened with my second surgery a couple of days later
after my first they saw where they took the bad
colon out and where they reconnected me. I had leaks
leaks in my colon, and so that's not good. So
my stool is going it's not staying in my colon.
There's leaks, so it's going into my bloodstream. So it
(23:57):
was causing that was causing my abdomen to be enlarged,
and also caused me to be really sick. And so
you can you can die from that, you know. That's
that's called septic and so I was really really sick,
and so they were like, we have to go back in,
and we have to you know, clean you out. So
they did the second surgery well, and like I said,
(24:20):
this was a couple of days after. So after the
second surgery, I just remember waking up after the second
surgery and so much pain. I remember I was screaming.
I remember I didn't feel well. I remember so many
signs of just I mean, honestly, like they said that
they gave me so much medication. They were like, we
(24:41):
gave you so much medication for sean to like they said,
this is their words, to kill a horse. This is
what that's what. That was their words. And I remember
them saying this to me. But I was in so
much pain and I felt so sick. And so my sister,
who is a nurse and her specialty at the time
is a GI nurse, and that is the GI system,
the the stomach, the colon, all of that. So she
(25:03):
was in the room at the time, and this was
back in twenty twelve, and she saw all the classic
signs of me going into shop. She saw me just
really sick. I was turning, I was pale, just a
lot of signs, you know. And so she called the
nurse back in and she was like, nurse, something is
not right with my sister, something isn't right. And so,
you know, I just remember the doctor's coming in, you know,
(25:27):
a few outs a few hours after my second surgery.
And I remember the doctor, like I said, I was
heavily like medicated. I was heavily medicated, but I do
remember some some you know, things going on. And so
I remember him coming in and he pressed my stomach,
Like I said, my stomach was like it got even bigger,
was out to hear and he pressed my stomach like this,
and when he did, he said that I was like
(25:49):
about to flip out of the bed. Like his little
touch made me. I was in so much pain where
it made. It affected me so much, and I was
just he was like they were trying to hold down,
like no, don't move, you know, because he went to
see what was going on. And so when he touched me,
I was just remembering I was in a lot of pain.
And then he said, Rashan, we're gonna have to do
(26:10):
surgery number three. He's like, but this surgery is going
to be a little bit different. And I remember I was,
like I said, I was heavily you know, sedated and
medicai or medicated, you know, And I and I was like, huh,
and he was like, we're gonna have to go back in.
We're gonna have to clean you out, but this time
we're gonna have to give you an iliostomy bag. And
I was like, I was like, what the heck is that?
(26:32):
I mean, I did, I was like, what is that?
And so he was explaining to me that, well, he
explained to me. I don't know if I even remember
what he was talking about. You know, so what an
ilioso me bag is is giving your colon time to
heal and time to rest. And so a little piece
of my colon will be outside of my stomach and
then there will be a bag. Now this is you know,
(26:56):
this procedure is you know, it saves people's lives. You
know someone and you know how to wound, or you know,
diagnosed with cancer or you know other different types of illnesses.
This procedure saves people's lives. However, some people may have
to live with it the rest of their lives and
some may have it temporarily. And so when you explain
(27:19):
that to me, I just remember, I was just like,
what is this? And so I was thinking that I
would have to have this the rest of my life,
and he was saying, we don't know if you're going
to have to have this temporarily or we don't know
for the rest of your life, but we want to
give your colla some time to heal and to rest.
Because what happened was, you know, when they reconnected me,
like I said, I had leaks, and so when they
did the second surgery, it didn't hold. And so basically
(27:42):
my intestine was just kind of it just kind of
but opened up. And that was why I was. I mean,
I was very sick, and they were preparing my family
the second and the third time, they were like, we're
hoping that Shawn makes it. We don't know, so so
they did the third surge. I was in the intensive
care unit. I see you for thirty days. I just remember.
(28:06):
I mean, you guys, it was I remember, and when
I talk about it, I do. I still do get
a little emotional about it. But I'm truly grateful that
God has spared my life. And to this day, I
always say I'm so grateful that my sister was there
because she spoke up. And I want to tell people,
(28:28):
you know, to make sure that you advocate for your
your health, make sure you have people to advocate for you,
because not only my sister, but my mom and my dad.
I mean, when I was in ice, you they were
advocating for me. My sister was saying something isn't right.
She knew in her spirit she had to fight. They
had to fight, and so you know, so I just
(28:48):
want to share that with you to make sure that
you are advocating, make sure you have a family or
friends who is there by your side when you're going
through when you're in the hospital. So I thank God
for her, she is my angel. I thank God for
my parents who are there as well. And so I
was there for thirty days. But when you think about it,
that was a lot. That was a lot for someone
(29:09):
to handle, to go through, very traumatic and go through
and not knowing, you know, if they have to have
this illiosity, this back for the rest of their lives,
you know, going into the hospital thinking that they're gonna
just take my appendix out and maybe my cold and
I'll be thaughing right, going through a divorce at the time,
you know, So going through all these things, it is
very traumatic for one person to go through. And then
(29:31):
leading out of ICEE you going home and not knowing
what your life is going to look like, not knowing.
Am I going to have this back forever? Can I
eat the same foods? Which was no, I couldn't. Can
I enjoy life? I mean no, I was so depressed.
I was going through medical trauma. In hindsight, the best
(29:52):
thing should have been, which was never talked about in
the hospital, was to go and seek treatment in therapy
and counseling. And that was not to tou. I didn't
go through counseling. I didn't And so I remember when
I left out of the hospital, I talked to my
doctor and I was telling my doctor. I was like,
I can't sleep. I keep having these flashbacks of me
(30:14):
like dying. I remember when I was in so much pain,
and I remember like I couldn't speak when I was
laying on that hospital bet. I remember I was so sick.
I was literally screaming inside saying please help me, Please
help me. I feel so sick. And so I was
having those flashbacks. So I was telling my doctor. I
(30:35):
was like, I can't sleep, and so they're like, well,
we're going to give you some medication to help you sleep,
and I was like okay. So they gave me, you know,
a sleepy medication that you know, I have to take
every night, and I remember taking that, but I was
still having so much anxiety and panic at night after night.
I was just like, this is not working. Yes, it's
(30:57):
helped me to sleep, but I'm still like anxious, I'm
still having panic attacks, I'm still having dreams, I'm still
waking up. And so, you know, I thought the best
thing would do, which we know, you know, was to
help with my anxiety and to help with those flashbacks
and that trauma, was to drink. And so this became,
(31:17):
you know, a vicious cycle for nine years where I
would take my city medication and I would have you know,
one glass would turn into two, would turn into three,
would turn into four, and sometimes more, just so I
didn't have to relive that experience, and just so I
could sleep at night, and just to have that, you know,
to take that anxiety away. And so this became a
(31:39):
vicious cycle night after night. Now, mind you, I want
to explain to you that I was, you know, I
did eventually, you know, go back to work. And when
I share the story, I always say that, you know,
I was one of those you know functional, I was,
you know, functional, but still depressed, functional, but still you know,
addicted to alcohol and the sleeping medication. So I was
(32:01):
still able to work. And my body was so used
to drinking at night. If I didn't drink, I couldn't sleep.
I would be up all night. And so I was
so dependent on the alcohol and the sleepy medication, and
so I was able to work. I wasn't drinking at work.
I was the closet you know, drinker and the functional
you know, alcoholic. And I was able to do that.
(32:24):
But with that being said, you know I did eventually,
you know, end up going back to work. And so
back in twenty twenty, twenty twenty, Yeah, when there was
a shutdown, I was teaching online and during that time
was like it was kind of triggering because everybody was
of course, we know, was an isolation. We were teaching
(32:46):
online as educators, which was the worst. Let's just say
how it is. I mean, we did the best we
could in the situation, but it was the worst. But
we made the best, like I said, And so during
that time, I started having a lot of health issues
as well, a lot of fatigue my body. I think
sitting at the computer a lot, you know, just a
(33:07):
lot and so the end of twenty twenty, I told
you know, I was working as an educator and I
told my doctor, I was like, I need to take
some time off for my mental health, for my physical health.
I was like, I'm not doing well. I'm not feeling well.
I need to figure out what's going on. And so
I was able to take some time off. But this
(33:28):
was like a blessing in disguise because when I did,
that's when I realized that I actually need to go
and get some help. Because I wasn't taking the time
off to go get help. I was taking the time
off because I want to figure out what was going
on with my body and my mental health. But the
couple weeks into me taking that time off, I realized,
I was like, I need to go and seek some
professional help. And that was the end of twenty twenty.
(33:50):
And I remember one night I was in my room
and I remember I had I think I had one
being pilled left and I had like fifteen days of
the month. So that told you that I was taking
more than what I needed to of the sleeping medication.
And so I just remember I looked at that one
(34:13):
pill and I said, what am I going to do
for the rest of this month. I you know, drinking
is just not enough for me. I need something more,
Like how am I going to go to sleep for
the rest of for the rest of the two weeks?
And so when I took that pill, I just remember
I said, I can't keep doing this to myself. I
was like, I cannot keep doing this. I'm like, I've
been trying to do this on my own, you know,
(34:33):
year after year, trying to get off the sleeping medication,
trying to get off alcohol. I was like, but this
has not been successful. And when I tried, I would
have shakes my body, Like I said, my body was
so dependent. I was, you know, I couldn't sleep and
I just cried that night and I was just like, God,
help me, what do I need to do? And I
just remember that in my spirit, I knew that I
(34:56):
need to go and get some help. I knew that
I couldn't do on my own. I knew that it
was time to go and seek professional help. So I
had to admit it to myself first before I could
do that. So once I did that, I shared with
my amazing sister who's my angel. A couple of days
(35:16):
later and I told her, I said, I need I
need to go get your help. I've been drinking, you know.
And my family knew the extent of my depression, of
my anxiety. I don't think they knew that it was
this bath though they knew, they were aware, they knew
I suffered with anxiety and the PTSD. But once I
shared with my sister, I was like, I need to
go get help, you know. She was like, girl, I
(35:38):
got you. I mean she you know, she went and
she found a facility for me to go in, and
like the next day she had she had a couple
of places. She's like, look, girl, I got you. You
know these are these are a couple of places for
us to check out, for us to call so you
can go in. This is a good time. And so
I was so scared, you know, And we found a
place Edmonds, Washington, which is this amazing, amazing treatment facility
(36:04):
that people come from all over the world for, you know,
different reasons. You know, people all walks of life, you know, depression, anxiety,
eating disorders. There's even married couples there that need couples counseling.
So many different you know, people of all walks of
life and so this facility basically just teaches you tools
(36:26):
you know on how to you know, overcome you know, anxiety.
There's nutrition, nutritionists there to help you with your eating plans.
There's you know, you're you're like going to school, You're
learning about you know, mental health and how to you know,
cope in some tools and strategies that you can use.
And so you're in a small setting or and also
in a one on one setting as well. And so
(36:47):
the program that I went to was a four week program.
But when I was there, I was like, I was like,
I am taking you know, I'm gonna take my time
and I'm gonna benefit from this. And I was like,
how can we be in this program? They're like, oh,
about two months. I was like I need two months.
So I was like I was kind of telling them.
I was like, I told them, I was like, heal me, Please,
(37:08):
heal me, you know. But I wanted to take advantage
of that time to get all the tools that I needed.
And so during that time, you know, like I said,
there was a counselor that the counselors are there, nutritionists
are there, medication, you know, therapy. I also did some
trauma therapy. While I was in there, and I talked
about I've talked about l I therapy on episode with Larkita,
(37:34):
who talked about it. So I did l I therapy there,
and so it was just it was the best decision
of my life. It was the hardest because I was scared,
but it was the best decision and I'm truly grateful
that I was able to go through that journey to
go to treatment. And so when I was there, I
was just I was journaling. I was writing my emotions
because that's what helps me. Not knowing that what I
(37:56):
was journaling and writing would become you know, my songs,
my music, I was not even I was just sharing
how I felt. And so looking back at Wounded Scars,
I was in they have this room it's called the
Zin Room, and it's a quiet place with you know,
dim lights and some music. And so I would go
in there, you know, a couple times a day and
(38:18):
I would just write. And so I just remember writing.
I think it was like day three or four for me,
and I just started writing. You know, the silence is loud.
You know, I don't know what to do with myself.
Depression is real, like a cloud hanging over me. You know,
been medicating myself to numb the feelings, but it's not
working anymore. Drink the bottle to the very last drop,
(38:41):
even though I wanted more. I went and rent to you,
and I was talking about I went and rent to God,
and so I just remember writing that, And then as
I was there, other lyrics came up with free. I
was talking about how free, or how depression and anxiety.
If there were people, I just wanted to tell them
to pack their bags and lead go to the left.
You know you've done all these things. You stolen my identity.
(39:01):
You're a thief in the night. You took away my
soul and silenced my thoughts. You masked my smile cause
dark and dreary days, no rainbows in the sky, no butterflies.
And then I said, but it's a brand new day, sunshine,
no rain move out my way, no negativity. I know
I got the victory. I'm free. So when I was there,
(39:22):
you know, it dropped my spirit that these were songs,
and I was scared. I was scared, y'all. I was
so scared, and you know, I knew I had to release,
release the songs. And I was truly truly scared. But
when I left out of treatment, it was the day
after my birthday in March, and we celebrated. My family
(39:46):
came up and we celebrated my birthday, we celebrated my
journey of I'm graduating from treatment. And I don't think
I've ever shared the story publicly, but I just want
to tell you this quick story of what happened to
my music journal. Well, my sister, my mom, and my dad,
(40:07):
they came up to come and get me, and my
sister drove and my mom and my dad drove, and
so there was two cars, and so I had packed
all my stuff up in both of the cars. I
bought a bike and bought some different things while I
was there, And so we decided to go to a
restaurant in Seattle, and mind you, like I said, my
(40:28):
stuff was in both cars, and we were celebrating, like
I said, my birthday, celebrating my treatment. And we were
there for maybe a couple of hours, just eating and
joining I'm telling them my journey. And then when we
walk outside, we noticed that not just my sister's car,
but my parents' car was both broken into. I mean,
(40:52):
I had bought my nieces and nephew's gifts. While when
I was there, I mean I bought everybody. I bought
everybody gifts. I went shopping on there. I like I said,
I bought a bike. When I was there, my backpack
was in the my sister's car, and in my backpack
was my journal that I journaled all my music. And
(41:14):
I remember when I walked out of that restaurant restaurant
you guys, I was like, I mean, I screamed and
I was on the floor and the only thing that
I could think about was that music journal. I mean, yes,
the other stuff that I bought for my family, I
you know, yes, it's material things. I was like, I
don't even care, but that music journal. I was so
distraught and I was just like, oh my gosh. And
(41:35):
so my sister, my mom, my dad had to console me.
They're like, girl, you've been through all this treatment. Use
your skills, use your skills. And I didn't want to
hear that at the time because I was so mad.
I was just like, what haven't you know? And so
we went home and my dad was like, come on,
we're gonna pray. We're gonna pray, and so the four
of us prayed and so I was just crying. I'm
(41:56):
just like that was my music. That was my music,
you know. I just want my music back. And so
let me tell you what happened. So the night, we
slept through the night and I get this text on
Facebook from this random lady and she was like, Hi,
I found this backpack in the line here and it
(42:19):
has a notebook in it. And she's like, and your
name's in it. And so that's how I reached out
to find you on Facebook. And I was like, oh
my gosh. I was like, it's the journal in there,
and she was like yep. I was like, where are
you at? Where are you located? And she gave us
her information and she wasn't too far away from the
restaurant where we were at, and so everything, like I
think all my gifts was gone, but the only thing
(42:42):
that was left in that backpack, you guys, in that backpack,
oh my gosh, was the journal and the backpack. And
the backpack was wet because it rained throughout the night,
but the journal was in there, dry my lyrics was
in there. I mean that, you guys, that is a
testimony because all I cared about. I was like, I
don't need even remember the lyrics that I was writing,
because whatever I was writing in the moment was what
(43:03):
I was feeling. And so that's how I knew. I
was like, oh, these are songs. So I called my
producer literally the next day and we got in the
studio a week after I had left out of treatment.
And so that's the story kind of behind my music.
But friends, I just want to say, like it has
been a journey, and I talk about how you know,
(43:24):
going through ups and downs and going through healing, it is.
It is a process. It is a process. It is
it's not easy. And I just want to go over
a couple of things that helped me to overcome you know,
my depression, my anxiety, my addiction at PTSD and so
things that has helped me. A disclaimer, it may not
or may help you, and so you know, go seek
(43:46):
your your doctor and your licensed therapist. But I just
want to go over just a couple of things. I'm
want to leave you with the things that has helped
me through these past few years. And so the first
thing I want to say is that number one is
I had tomit it to myself. I had to say
when I was in my darkest in that bedroom that
night when I took that last you know, sleeping pill,
(44:07):
and I said, how am I going to get through
the rest of the month. That was like my lowest
because I was like, I can't keep doing this, and
that is when I knew. I said I can't, and
so I admitted to myself was the first thing that
I did. And then I went and talked to my
sister who I can trust, and she helped me and
helped provide a safe space for me for sure, but
also helped to look for the facility. And so that
(44:30):
was that's step number one, is admitting to yourself, going
to someone who you can trust. The third or third
thing or the second thing would be, you know, I
going to treatment or you know, before I did go
into the treatment facility for two months, I did have
to go to a detox facility of course, because you know,
we know that getting off of alcohol could cause you know, seizures,
(44:54):
and so they had to I was there for about
I think three or four days detox with was a
culture shock for me. It was such a culture shock,
but I had to, you know, do that before I
went into the treatment facility. And so whatever that treatment
is for you, if that's detox, if that's going to counseling,
going to therapy, whatever that is, to go and seek
(45:16):
that help, that professional help, because like I said, I
couldn't do it on my own, and it wasn't safe
to do it on my own, so I wouldn't encourage
you to go and do that. And so that also
helped to remove the environment that I was in. I
was able to get the support and gain the skills
and the knowledge and the tools, and also that was
(45:37):
helping for accountability as well while I was going through treatment,
So that was that was great. So admitting to yourself
talking to someone going to treatment, the next thing was
seeking not just you know, going to the treatment facility,
but also I knew that I needed more than just
going and so that's when we sought trauma therapy. And
(46:00):
so when I was in the facility, we did LI
therapy and like I said, we talked about that on
episode with Larkita thirteen. And then when I left out
of treatment, I did em d R. I went to
advise you to go and do your research on both
of them. Very I don't even know how to even
(46:22):
explain like how this was so beneficial in my healing journey,
so beneficial with LI therapy and EMDR, So go and
do some research on that. The next thing was I
would say, is to find an outlet. And so for me,
my outlet was writing about how I felt, and so
not knowing it was going to be my music, but
(46:44):
finding what that is. If that is journaling for you,
if that's music, some type of art form, swimming, kickboxing,
some way to just release your anxiety and your stress,
you know, something that you're passionate about, and so I
just want to encourage you to find the outlet that
can help you to be able to process, you know,
(47:05):
what you're going through, and to release it as well.
The next thing is, I say nature. I going through
my treatment, I didn't realize how much nature has been impactful.
Just going out and walking outside, you know, taking breaks
throughout the day and just being out in nature has
truly helped me. We also talk about that with Larkito
(47:26):
on episode thirteen, Grounding ourselves and going outside barefoot. There's
some scientific evidence on just how that can be very
impactful and also to stabilize your mood and also your sleep.
So I just want you to encourage you and you know,
going out in nature. The next thing that I would
say is I want to I want to talk a
(47:46):
little bit about this because at the time I needed that,
and that was affirmations and vision board that was very
helpful and very therapeutic for me, you know, speaking life
into me and and you know and say, you know,
I am beautifully and wonderfully made. I made a God's image,
you know, and just speaking life over myself. And so
(48:07):
I just want to encourage you, you know, for you know,
affirmations if that helps you, and vision boards. I'm so visual.
I needed to see myself in a better light, you know,
in a better circumstance, you know, me sitting and visualizing,
that's great, but I needed to see myself. So you know,
if you if that is something that helps you through
your healing journey with affirmations and vision boards, I encourage
(48:29):
you to look to do to do that as well.
And the last thing that I want to talk about,
which has been the missing piece of the puzzle with healing.
We talk about the spiritual, we talk about you know,
the physical, we talk about all those things, but the
last thing that was missing for me was learning about
(48:50):
functional medicine. And I looked into that. I became my
own health detective. When after I, you know, I had
my surgeries. I dealt with a lot of digestive issues,
a lot of issues. So I was literally like researching
and I was trying to figure out what foods were
causing this. I mean you guys, I was living in
(49:10):
the bathroom like it was a lot for me. So
I really did become my own health detective. And so
I found functional medicine and we talk about that on
episode eight with Mel who is an FD who is
a certified functional diagnostic Nutrition practitioner. She introduced me to
that a year after I left out of treatment. I
was so intrigued. I joined, and hopefully I will be certified.
(49:32):
Actually it's coming up. I have my last oral exam
in the next couple of weeks, so when this comes out,
I might be certified. I'll let you know. But functional
medicine just helps you to identify hidden healing opportunities that's
going on in your body and get into the root
cause and using functional labs, and so I'm trained. I'll
be trained and certified to be able to help people
(49:54):
to identify what's going on. We become our first clients,
we take ourselves through that journey, that healing journey, and
I needed that because food and diet and rest and
exercise we're kind of missing in my healing journey, well
the correct way until I learned about it, and then
I was able to educate myself on it, and now
I'll be able to educate others on functional medicine as well.
(50:16):
So those were that's what helped me on my healing journey.
And of course, you know, praying and you know, believing
in God who helped me through that journey as well.
And you know, God helped me through that journey of course,
giving him all the honor and all the glory. So,
oh my gosh, I think I talked a lot. I
shared my story and I think I've been talking, but
(50:37):
I really just wanted to share this and I truly
hope that this, you know, my story and all the
fifteen other stories have truly helped you. You know. That's
why I wanted this podcast to shed some light, to
inspire and encourage others. And I pray and I hope
it has. I just want to say again, and I'm
getting all emotional, you know, thank you for this journey
continue to follow me on this journey as next season
(51:01):
I'll bring on more guests, we'll have you know, I
kind of have some ideas of how I want to
do that, but I want to encourage you to stay
tuned and thank you for all of your prayers, Thank
you for all of your words of encouragement, thank you
for your support, and I love all of you on
this journey and continue to pray for me. And I
just want to encourage you, like I say in every episode,
(51:24):
to stay lit. And when I say stay lit, I'm
talking about staying lit, meaning don't burn out. But if
you do, burn out, because that's life, life, be life
in you know, use your tools or get educated on
your tools. So I say, stay lit, keep shining, and
ignite freedom and I will see you next season. Love
you all, see you next time.
Speaker 3 (51:43):
Thank you, Thank you for tuning in too. From Weeping
to Warrior Igniting Freedom with Roshawan Nicole. To be a
guest on the show, please contact us at info at
Roshannicole Wellness dot com. We would love to connect with you,
(52:05):
so please take a moment too like, subscribe and follow
us on all social media platforms. We look forward to
having you join us next time for Weeping to Warrior,
Igniting Freedom with Roshan Nicole.
Speaker 2 (52:19):
Shame, shame,
Bra No Shane, shane'st finding Me, Jane Hands and Kang
Nobody than Nobody stoping me.
Speaker 2 (00:24):
Hello, and welcome to the show From Weeping to Warrior
Igniting Freedom with Roshan Nicole. I am your host, Roshan Nicole,
where we interview amazing guests from all over the world
sharing their incredible stories of how they overcame obstacles and trials.
If you have been following my journey from episode one
(00:44):
to fifteen, thank you so much for following me. You
are here. This is the season finale and where I'm
gonna just give some shout out and also share my
story on this episode. If you are new here, welcome.
I'm so glad you made it to this episode number sixteen,
this season finale. As you see, I got my salvatory
(01:06):
outfit on, I got my hat on. We're gonna take
this hat off in a minute, but you know it
keeps falling off. But I just wanted to say, well,
we made it to episode sixteen and this is the
season finale. I am so excited to just talk about
this season to give thanks to my amazing guests who
came on and shared their story, and we're gonna do that.
(01:28):
So on this episode, I'm going to give my shout outs,
I'm gonna say my thank yous, and then we're gonna
do a little something different. This is the last episode,
and this is called this is My Story. So I'm
gonna share my story in details of how I overcame
depression anxiety addiction m PTSD and just share my story
a little bit in some ways of how I overcame
(01:48):
that and to practical tips that maybe you can apply
to your life. So before we get into my story,
I want to give my shout out and my thanks
to everyone who has made this season possible, who has
made this podcast, Slash Radio possible. I've had such a
great time this. I was a little nervous at first,
(02:11):
you know, you know, doing this podcast, this radio, but
I have enjoyed it. I have enjoyed interviewing and hearing
amazing stories. And if you have missed those stories, you
can go back on my YouTube and check out episode
one through fifteen. So let's get started with my thank you. First,
(02:38):
I want to give a shout out to the producer
of the show, because I could not have done it
without doctor Teresa Jordan out of Atlanta and She is
the CEO of PG of Praise Fescalfo Network. So this
airs on Monday nights on her show out of Atlanta.
And not only that, but just making me look beautiful
(03:00):
every week her production and her editing. I'm just I
cannot the words. I just don't have the words to
just thank you enough, because you have truly made this
possible and I just want to say thank you so
much for every week just having the episodes and just
making me look beautiful. So thank you so much. My
next shout out is to Ontario Rashard and he came
(03:23):
to me last year and he was like, Rashan, I'm
gonna start a radio station out of Oklahoma. And so
he had asked if I was interested in having a
segment talking about mental health because those who know me
know that that is my passion of singing about it,
speaking about it and sharing and so I thought about it.
I was like, you know, this is something that I've
kind of been thinking about. So that just confirmed it,
(03:46):
and so I was so excited for him to, you know,
ask to be a part of his radio station. And
so thank you to Ontario Rashard, thank you so much
for coming to me. And playing the segments each Friday.
And if you have not checked out out his radio station,
it is Oklahoma Victorious Worship Radio out of Oklahoma. Go
(04:06):
check him out and his music and also he's he
has other segments on his radio show as well. So
thank you to you as well, Ontario. I appreciate you all.
Right now, I'm going to give a special thank you
to my amazing guest who have made every episode just
bringing their stories, sharing their testimonies, being authentic and transparent
(04:29):
and real. And I just want to say it takes
a lot of courage to do this. You know, it's
not easy sharing your story. I know, like when I
shared my story, it's it's scary, and we are fearful
of judgment of what people think of us, and and
so I just want to give a special thank you
to each one. And so we're gonna start with episode
(04:50):
number one, So if you have it, if you miss them,
and I'm gonna I'm gonna take this off. If you've
missed them, then you can go and check them out
on my YouTube channel. The episode. So the first one
that I want to give a shout out to is
episode one, and that is Estella John's and she's actually
near and dear to me. That's my aunt, my real aunt,
(05:12):
and so she was number one. She was like, I
want to come on. I'm going to support you. I said,
thank you, Aunty, So thank you to Estella John's. And
the first episode we talked about was overcoming grief, and
she talked about the loss of her mother, which was
my grandmother, and how she overcame that and how music
has helped her overcoming that. So thank you to you, Auntie,
(05:33):
Estella Johns. That was episode number one. Episode two we
had Charlotte Williams and she came on and she just
talked about, you know, overcoming her past traumas, and thank
you Charlotte for coming on to the show and being
vulnerable and sharing your past traumas and how music and
all the things that you're doing has helped you to
overcome your your trials as well. So thank you to you, missus,
(05:55):
Charlotte Williams. Episode number three we have marvel Marissa from
atl And this episode was entitled from speech Class to
Beauty Queen and Author and I do have her book here,
So Marvelous Marissa came on and shared her story her
(06:17):
Oh this was this was a great episode. All episodes
were great, but this was very I was emotional on
this episode because her book spoke to me and how
she overcame just so many obstacles and trials in her life.
And now this girl, she is a beauty queen and
she speaking to young women and I just saw the
other day she has a children's book out and I'm
(06:37):
just like, oh, girl, keep doing your things. So thank you,
marvelous Marissa for your incredible story, your incredible journey, and
your book. So go check her out as well. So
that was episode number three. Right, episode number four, we
have our nieche Lowe out of atl And this episode
was entitled From Heartbreak to Strength. She about the loss
(07:00):
of her son, and she also talked about her overcoming
grief and loss and depression. And she has a book
entitled Why Not Me. I was built for this. So
I want to thank our niche for coming on the
show and for sharing your story, for sharing your testimony.
And her book is amazing because she has some journal
(07:23):
journaling sections and she just talks about her story of
how you know, she's going through the darkest time of
her life of losing her son unexpectedly and how she
overcame that so beautiful singer as well, so go check
her out. Her music is available everywhere as well. Thank
you so much, beautiful queen for coming on the show.
That was our nieche Low episode four, Episode number five.
(07:48):
I want to give a shout out to Tom Taylor
and he is a singer songwriter out of here in Seattle,
and that episode was entitled Victory through Music, and he
just talked about his journey of being an independent artist
and how, you know, sometimes we go through ups and
downs and the highs and lows, and just how music
has helped him to overcome all the struggles and the
(08:10):
challenges of being an independent artist. So that was episode
number five. Tom Taylor, thank you so much for coming
on the show. I appreciate you for sharing your story.
Keep doing your amazing music, and we will for sure
stay connected. So thank you so much. All Right, episode
number six, we have mister Jamel Williams and this episode
(08:34):
was entitled Triumph over Addiction to award winning singer. And
so when I did Jamal's episode, I had ordered his
merch and I didn't get a chance to wear it
because I want to support, you know, rather if I'm
buying a book to support the artist or the guest
or their merch, and so his didn't coming out of time,
but I do have it and his merch. He has
(08:57):
no greater love. Love that no greater love. And I
don't just have his shirt. But I also had to
get the beanie as well, So your girl got to
rock the beanie as well, So I got that too.
So I wanted to send some support and some love.
And Jamal Williams talked about overcoming addiction and depression and
so go check his episode out. And he also has
(09:18):
amazing music out as well. So thank you Jamal for
coming on and keep doing your music and keep igniting freedom.
All right, we have episode number seven, that's My Girl
here from Seattle. We have Lisa Renee Hutchins, and this
episode was entitled from Single Mother to Author and Poet,
(09:42):
and she talked about her struggles of being a single mother,
but she talked about how she overcame some obstacles of
you know, trying to provide for her children and how
now she is a author and also she is a poet,
and I have her book here, and this book talks
(10:04):
about thoughts of healing families. The reflections of their grief,
and so we talked a little bit about that on
our episode, and that is episode number seven. Thank you, Lisa,
thank you so much for coming on, for sharing your story.
Thank you for all the incredible work that you're doing.
Keep on keeping on, keep igniting freedom, love your girl.
(10:26):
All right, we are on episode where we're at number
that was seven, number eight, and episode number eight we
have mel Wardaff and she is here out of Seattle,
and she's the one who introduced me to functional medicine
and her episode is entitled Overcoming Addiction and Depression through
Functional Medicine. That is a she shares her story of
(10:48):
how functional medicine has helped her overcome anxiety and depression.
And that's the same certification program that I'm in and
will be certified in holly two weeks. So go ahead
and check that out. If you're looking for an alternative
route of overcoming anxiety and depression, that is one to watch.
So I want to encourage you to go and watch
episode eight. Thank you Mail for all the work that
(11:10):
you're doing. Congratulations on all your work and your new
brick and mortar, and keep on keeping on. And I
can't wait to see you continue to ignite freedom and
helping other people on their journey. All right. Episode nine,
we have e from Kings and he's from New Jersey
and his episode was entitled From Prison to Purpose. An
(11:32):
award winning rapper and he has amazing music out sharing
his story and he talks about his journey from being
in prison and now he is also a counselor and
he's counseling others and uplifting them and letting them know
that there is hope and freedom. So he from Kings,
thank you so much for coming on my show, for
sharing your journey. Keep on keeping on and I appreciate you,
(11:59):
all right. So number ten, we have Jess Vince Won
out of North Carolina and his episode was entitled From
rock Bottom to R and B Star And that episode
he was just real and raw sharing his testimony of
how he overcame addiction and how you know, I love
(12:20):
how we talked about on this episode that he said
he had to go to treatment six or seven times,
and I wanted him to highlight that, you know, during
the episode of sometimes it takes multiple times and that's okay.
And so he is a living testament of that, and
so I just want to say, just Vince, keep on
doing you king. You know, he's putting out music, he's
doing his thing on social media, he's staying consistent, and
(12:42):
so thank you for coming on the show, for being vulnerable,
for being transparent. I appreciate you, all right. Episode number eleven,
we had Gabby g all the way from Colorado and
this episode was entitled from Bullied to Motivational School Speaker.
And I met her in Atlanta last year on the
(13:03):
stage talking about how she was bullied as a child
and she struggled with depression and anxiety, and she talked
about how she overcame that and now she is speaking
to middle school and high school students and what an
inspiration she is. I just want to encourage you, you know,
if your children or your high school middle school children
are suffering from you know, bully, that this is a
(13:25):
great episode to go and check that out. And that
is episode eleven. Gabby g I just want to say
thank you for coming on my show, for igniting freedom,
for shedding light, for sharing your testimony, and for speaking
to middle school and high school students that there is
hope and healing on the other side. So thank you
so much. All Right. Episode number twelve, we have Miss
(13:49):
Delicia James from Texas and her episode was entitled From
Pain to Purpose an award winning singer, and so I
want to give miss Delicia a shout out as well,
and we talked about her book, Don't Believe the Lies,
a Journey of overcoming suicide. We also talked about her
(14:12):
amazing music as well. Thank you Delisia for coming on
the show, for sharing your gift of music and song,
for sharing your story and your book which is incredible,
and so I just want to encourage those who are
also listening or watching to go ahead and check her out.
Delicia James, her music as well as her book, Don't
Believe the Lies. Thank you Warrior Queen for coming on
(14:33):
the show. And keep on keeping on, keep on igniting freedom.
All Right. Episode thirteen, we have my girl, Arkida dimps
here out of Seattle, and we had her to come
on to talk about what does trauma healing actually look like?
And this one was it was an interview style, but
she was sharing more at some practical tips that people
(14:57):
can apply to their lives, and so we talked about
LI therapy. We talked about what does trauma look like?
And so if that is something of your interest, I
want to encourage you to go and check out episode thirteen.
And I want to give a thank you to you.
Larkita or my girl. I call her Kita. She knows it,
so when I say Larkita, it just sounds you know,
I grew up with her. So Kita, thank you for
(15:18):
coming on the show, for shedding light, for giving us
some wisdom and enlightening, enlightening us and giving us information
about trauma and trauma therapy. So go check that out everyone.
That is episode thirteen. Thank you girl. All right? In
episode fourteen, we have my girl, Bira Renolds, and I
(15:38):
been knowing her for quite a while. I've met her
when I twenty years ago as an educator and her
episode was entitled from Culture Shock to the Classroom and Stage,
and she talked about coming from Kirkistan where she was
born and raised and coming to a whole new world
here in America and learning the culture, the language, and
(16:01):
wanting more opportunities. And so now she is a educator,
that's how I met her, a photographer, a mother and
a wife and doing amazing things. A singer songwriter as well,
And so I just want to say thank you Vera
for coming on the show. And she has merch as
well available and it's called this one I wrote I
wore and it's called draw Close and the back says,
(16:27):
take me back to our first love and she's talking
about God. So you can get this available on her
hit her up at Vera Reynolds. I know you can
find her on all social media platforms as well as
her music. So Vera, I just want to say thank
you so much for coming on the show. Keep igniting freedom,
keep sharing your music, and thank you girl. I appreciate you,
(16:52):
all right. And the last friend that I want to
thank is episode number fifteen, and that is VP or
Brandon Parker. We call him VP, and his episode will
be entitled from Prison to Motivational Speaker and Hip Hop Artist,
and I want to thank him for coming on the show.
I've been knowing him since middle school, high school, so
(17:14):
we go back a while. Thank you BP for coming
on the show, for sharing your story and for being
vulnerable and transparent and letting others know that there is
hope and healing on the other side. And I want
to share his merch and his shirt that he has here.
Let's see if you can see it is called love
(17:35):
is Dope. And I was trying to get the pink,
so I wore the yellow on his episode. But VP,
I still want the pink shirts to match, you know,
my set here, so we got to get a pink one.
So but thank you for coming on the show. I
appreciate you. So, with all that being said, thank you
everyone for coming on the show for season one and
(17:57):
next season. You know, I have some ideas what I
you know, what I want to do, But of course
we're still going to talk about mental health because we
still need to raise awareness and talk about this topic.
And so all my friends that came on keep doing
what you're doing, and those who are listening watching to
keep on shedding lights and igniting freedom and talk about this.
This is we need to continue to keep talking about
(18:19):
mental health and letting people know if there is hope,
no change, no chain, stop finding me chan hands and or.
Speaker 1 (18:34):
Ain't nobody, ain't nobody stopping me, get done to me?
Speaker 2 (18:50):
But you. But I still feel so. So with that
being said, we're going to go into my story. And
I actually was contemplating, I'm not I'm gonna just be real.
I'm gonna be real with y'all today. So I was contemplating.
I was like, I don't know if I want to
share it. I mean, I've shared my story many times
(19:13):
to the public, to organizations, to churches, to schools, you know.
And when I say to schools, you know, I'm talking
to children in a different way. I'm not really sharing
my my testimony like as wrong and real, but different ways.
And then also to teachers as well, educators, because that's
the space that I am still working in right now.
But I was contemplating, I was like, do I want
(19:35):
to share this? So I went to record this, and
so I really had to think about this, and I
was like, Okay, I'm going to share it because I
don't have it recorded anywhere. And I think that's what
I was a little nervous about. I was like, I
haven't actually like shared this publicly and recorded it. So
you are going to be kind of like the first
one to like listen to this as I'm sharing my story.
So here we go. We're gonna we're gonna take it all,
(19:57):
take it all the way back, but not too far back.
We're going to start how it all started, back in
twenty twelve, is where a lot of it kind of started,
and so we're going to go back there. So my
story back in twenty twelve, twenty twelve is that was
the time that I actually was not working in the classroom.
(20:19):
If you know, I'm I was an educator, and still
I am an educator. My position has changed where i'm
mentor now you're one in year two teachers, and so
a lot of my work currently now is helping teachers
to lesson plan, a lot of social emotional work. A
lot of teachers are burnt out, and so of course
that's my passion, so I'm doing a lot of that.
(20:39):
So I do work for the school district currently as
of now, but in a different role. But back in
twenty twelve, I left the classroom because I literally had enough.
I was like, I'm done, I'm burnt out. I was
dealing with some depression and anxiety. I was going through
a divorce at the time back in twenty twelve, and
so going through a lot. So round September of twenty twelve,
(21:01):
I was experiencing some abdominal pain. When I think back,
I actually was experiencing this pain for maybe about two
or three years and kind of ignored it. And so
I want to encourage you. If you were having pain
in your body, your body is talking to you, so
go and get it checked out. But I was ignoring
this pain for quite a while, so I finally decided
to go to the er in September. When I went
(21:24):
to the er, it come to find out they did
an ultrasound, and so they're like, oh, they kind of
pushed me aside. And I'm gonna be honest. They kind
of pushed me aside because, like I said, I wasn't
working as an educator. So I'm gonna be real, y'all.
I had no insurance at that time. I was trying
to figure out my life, you know, figure out what
I wanted to do. I was going through divorce, like
I said, So they did they pushed me aside. So
(21:46):
my sister, who is a nurse, she you know, she
knew I have been in pain for a while. She's like, no,
they need to do a CT scam. They need to
do all these things to figure out what's going on.
And thank god I did tell them. I said, maybe
you guys need to do a CT scam because when
they did the ultrasound, they kind of figured that they
saw something unusual when they were checking my abdomen, my
abdomen cavity. So they did the ultrasound, they did the
(22:10):
CT scan. Come to find out that my appendix was
the size they said of like a hand. Your appendix
is supposed to be the size of your pinky. And
they also saw that some of my colon was inflamed,
and they couldn't tell how much of it was inflamed.
So they said, you know, we're gonna have to go
(22:32):
in and trigger warning for those who you know my
story part of me. I mean meant to go back
and say trigger warning because we're going to talk about
you know, mental health and addiction and surgery and all that.
So I just kind of wanted to, you know, put
that out there, but they said they had to go
in and they had to actually go and do surgery.
They couldn't do it laparoscopically. They had to cut me
(22:54):
because they didn't know how much of my colon that
was inflamed. So I'm in the hospital for a couple
of days. They did the first surgery. And so when
they did the first surgery, they took out my appendix
and so they said that that was enlarged and they
also took out about twelve inches or so of my colon.
(23:15):
So they did the surgery, and then about a couple
of days later, I started to not feel so well
and I started to notice that my stomach was getting big,
getting enlarged. It was like growling, you know. And so
they were like, we got to go back in and
figure out what's going on. So they did the cat
skin and everything. They're like, yeah, we got to go
(23:37):
back in and figure out what's going on. So what
happened with my second surgery a couple of days later
after my first they saw where they took the bad
colon out and where they reconnected me. I had leaks
leaks in my colon, and so that's not good. So
my stool is going it's not staying in my colon.
There's leaks, so it's going into my bloodstream. So it
(23:57):
was causing that was causing my abdomen to be enlarged,
and also caused me to be really sick. And so
you can you can die from that, you know. That's
that's called septic and so I was really really sick,
and so they were like, we have to go back in,
and we have to you know, clean you out. So
they did the second surgery well, and like I said,
(24:20):
this was a couple of days after. So after the
second surgery, I just remember waking up after the second
surgery and so much pain. I remember I was screaming.
I remember I didn't feel well. I remember so many
signs of just I mean, honestly, like they said that
they gave me so much medication. They were like, we
(24:41):
gave you so much medication for sean to like they said,
this is their words, to kill a horse. This is
what that's what. That was their words. And I remember
them saying this to me. But I was in so
much pain and I felt so sick. And so my sister,
who is a nurse and her specialty at the time
is a GI nurse, and that is the GI system,
the the stomach, the colon, all of that. So she
(25:03):
was in the room at the time, and this was
back in twenty twelve, and she saw all the classic
signs of me going into shop. She saw me just
really sick. I was turning, I was pale, just a
lot of signs, you know. And so she called the
nurse back in and she was like, nurse, something is
not right with my sister, something isn't right. And so,
you know, I just remember the doctor's coming in, you know,
(25:27):
a few outs a few hours after my second surgery.
And I remember the doctor, like I said, I was
heavily like medicated. I was heavily medicated, but I do
remember some some you know, things going on. And so
I remember him coming in and he pressed my stomach,
Like I said, my stomach was like it got even bigger,
was out to hear and he pressed my stomach like this,
and when he did, he said that I was like
(25:49):
about to flip out of the bed. Like his little
touch made me. I was in so much pain where
it made. It affected me so much, and I was
just he was like they were trying to hold down,
like no, don't move, you know, because he went to
see what was going on. And so when he touched me,
I was just remembering I was in a lot of pain.
And then he said, Rashan, we're gonna have to do
(26:10):
surgery number three. He's like, but this surgery is going
to be a little bit different. And I remember I was,
like I said, I was heavily you know, sedated and
medicai or medicated, you know, And I and I was like, huh,
and he was like, we're gonna have to go back in.
We're gonna have to clean you out, but this time
we're gonna have to give you an iliostomy bag. And
I was like, I was like, what the heck is that?
(26:32):
I mean, I did, I was like, what is that?
And so he was explaining to me that, well, he
explained to me. I don't know if I even remember
what he was talking about. You know, so what an
ilioso me bag is is giving your colon time to
heal and time to rest. And so a little piece
of my colon will be outside of my stomach and
then there will be a bag. Now this is you know,
(26:56):
this procedure is you know, it saves people's lives. You
know someone and you know how to wound, or you know,
diagnosed with cancer or you know other different types of illnesses.
This procedure saves people's lives. However, some people may have
to live with it the rest of their lives and
some may have it temporarily. And so when you explain
(27:19):
that to me, I just remember, I was just like,
what is this? And so I was thinking that I
would have to have this the rest of my life,
and he was saying, we don't know if you're going
to have to have this temporarily or we don't know
for the rest of your life, but we want to
give your colla some time to heal and to rest.
Because what happened was, you know, when they reconnected me,
like I said, I had leaks, and so when they
did the second surgery, it didn't hold. And so basically
(27:42):
my intestine was just kind of it just kind of
but opened up. And that was why I was. I mean,
I was very sick, and they were preparing my family
the second and the third time, they were like, we're
hoping that Shawn makes it. We don't know, so so
they did the third surge. I was in the intensive
care unit. I see you for thirty days. I just remember.
(28:06):
I mean, you guys, it was I remember, and when
I talk about it, I do. I still do get
a little emotional about it. But I'm truly grateful that
God has spared my life. And to this day, I
always say I'm so grateful that my sister was there
because she spoke up. And I want to tell people,
(28:28):
you know, to make sure that you advocate for your
your health, make sure you have people to advocate for you,
because not only my sister, but my mom and my dad.
I mean, when I was in ice, you they were
advocating for me. My sister was saying something isn't right.
She knew in her spirit she had to fight. They
had to fight, and so you know, so I just
(28:48):
want to share that with you to make sure that
you are advocating, make sure you have a family or
friends who is there by your side when you're going
through when you're in the hospital. So I thank God
for her, she is my angel. I thank God for
my parents who are there as well. And so I
was there for thirty days. But when you think about it,
that was a lot. That was a lot for someone
(29:09):
to handle, to go through, very traumatic and go through
and not knowing, you know, if they have to have
this illiosity, this back for the rest of their lives,
you know, going into the hospital thinking that they're gonna
just take my appendix out and maybe my cold and
I'll be thaughing right, going through a divorce at the time,
you know, So going through all these things, it is
very traumatic for one person to go through. And then
(29:31):
leading out of ICEE you going home and not knowing
what your life is going to look like, not knowing.
Am I going to have this back forever? Can I
eat the same foods? Which was no, I couldn't. Can
I enjoy life? I mean no, I was so depressed.
I was going through medical trauma. In hindsight, the best
(29:52):
thing should have been, which was never talked about in
the hospital, was to go and seek treatment in therapy
and counseling. And that was not to tou. I didn't
go through counseling. I didn't And so I remember when
I left out of the hospital, I talked to my
doctor and I was telling my doctor. I was like,
I can't sleep. I keep having these flashbacks of me
(30:14):
like dying. I remember when I was in so much pain,
and I remember like I couldn't speak when I was
laying on that hospital bet. I remember I was so sick.
I was literally screaming inside saying please help me, Please
help me. I feel so sick. And so I was
having those flashbacks. So I was telling my doctor. I
(30:35):
was like, I can't sleep, and so they're like, well,
we're going to give you some medication to help you sleep,
and I was like okay. So they gave me, you know,
a sleepy medication that you know, I have to take
every night, and I remember taking that, but I was
still having so much anxiety and panic at night after night.
I was just like, this is not working. Yes, it's
(30:57):
helped me to sleep, but I'm still like anxious, I'm
still having panic attacks, I'm still having dreams, I'm still
waking up. And so, you know, I thought the best
thing would do, which we know, you know, was to
help with my anxiety and to help with those flashbacks
and that trauma, was to drink. And so this became,
(31:17):
you know, a vicious cycle for nine years where I
would take my city medication and I would have you know,
one glass would turn into two, would turn into three,
would turn into four, and sometimes more, just so I
didn't have to relive that experience, and just so I
could sleep at night, and just to have that, you know,
to take that anxiety away. And so this became a
(31:39):
vicious cycle night after night. Now, mind you, I want
to explain to you that I was, you know, I
did eventually, you know, go back to work. And when
I share the story, I always say that, you know,
I was one of those you know functional, I was,
you know, functional, but still depressed, functional, but still you know,
addicted to alcohol and the sleeping medication. So I was
(32:01):
still able to work. And my body was so used
to drinking at night. If I didn't drink, I couldn't sleep.
I would be up all night. And so I was
so dependent on the alcohol and the sleepy medication, and
so I was able to work. I wasn't drinking at work.
I was the closet you know, drinker and the functional
you know, alcoholic. And I was able to do that.
(32:24):
But with that being said, you know I did eventually,
you know, end up going back to work. And so
back in twenty twenty, twenty twenty, Yeah, when there was
a shutdown, I was teaching online and during that time
was like it was kind of triggering because everybody was
of course, we know, was an isolation. We were teaching
(32:46):
online as educators, which was the worst. Let's just say
how it is. I mean, we did the best we
could in the situation, but it was the worst. But
we made the best, like I said, And so during
that time, I started having a lot of health issues
as well, a lot of fatigue my body. I think
sitting at the computer a lot, you know, just a
(33:07):
lot and so the end of twenty twenty, I told
you know, I was working as an educator and I
told my doctor, I was like, I need to take
some time off for my mental health, for my physical health.
I was like, I'm not doing well. I'm not feeling well.
I need to figure out what's going on. And so
I was able to take some time off. But this
(33:28):
was like a blessing in disguise because when I did,
that's when I realized that I actually need to go
and get some help. Because I wasn't taking the time
off to go get help. I was taking the time
off because I want to figure out what was going
on with my body and my mental health. But the
couple weeks into me taking that time off, I realized,
I was like, I need to go and seek some
professional help. And that was the end of twenty twenty.
(33:50):
And I remember one night I was in my room
and I remember I had I think I had one
being pilled left and I had like fifteen days of
the month. So that told you that I was taking
more than what I needed to of the sleeping medication.
And so I just remember I looked at that one
(34:13):
pill and I said, what am I going to do
for the rest of this month. I you know, drinking
is just not enough for me. I need something more,
Like how am I going to go to sleep for
the rest of for the rest of the two weeks?
And so when I took that pill, I just remember
I said, I can't keep doing this to myself. I
was like, I cannot keep doing this. I'm like, I've
been trying to do this on my own, you know,
(34:33):
year after year, trying to get off the sleeping medication,
trying to get off alcohol. I was like, but this
has not been successful. And when I tried, I would
have shakes my body, Like I said, my body was
so dependent. I was, you know, I couldn't sleep and
I just cried that night and I was just like, God,
help me, what do I need to do? And I
just remember that in my spirit, I knew that I
(34:56):
need to go and get some help. I knew that
I couldn't do on my own. I knew that it
was time to go and seek professional help. So I
had to admit it to myself first before I could
do that. So once I did that, I shared with
my amazing sister who's my angel. A couple of days
(35:16):
later and I told her, I said, I need I
need to go get your help. I've been drinking, you know.
And my family knew the extent of my depression, of
my anxiety. I don't think they knew that it was
this bath though they knew, they were aware, they knew
I suffered with anxiety and the PTSD. But once I
shared with my sister, I was like, I need to
go get help, you know. She was like, girl, I
(35:38):
got you. I mean she you know, she went and
she found a facility for me to go in, and
like the next day she had she had a couple
of places. She's like, look, girl, I got you. You
know these are these are a couple of places for
us to check out, for us to call so you
can go in. This is a good time. And so
I was so scared, you know, And we found a
place Edmonds, Washington, which is this amazing, amazing treatment facility
(36:04):
that people come from all over the world for, you know,
different reasons. You know, people all walks of life, you know, depression, anxiety,
eating disorders. There's even married couples there that need couples counseling.
So many different you know, people of all walks of
life and so this facility basically just teaches you tools
(36:26):
you know on how to you know, overcome you know, anxiety.
There's nutrition, nutritionists there to help you with your eating plans.
There's you know, you're you're like going to school, You're
learning about you know, mental health and how to you know,
cope in some tools and strategies that you can use.
And so you're in a small setting or and also
in a one on one setting as well. And so
(36:47):
the program that I went to was a four week program.
But when I was there, I was like, I was like,
I am taking you know, I'm gonna take my time
and I'm gonna benefit from this. And I was like,
how can we be in this program? They're like, oh,
about two months. I was like I need two months.
So I was like I was kind of telling them.
I was like, I told them, I was like, heal me, Please,
(37:08):
heal me, you know. But I wanted to take advantage
of that time to get all the tools that I needed.
And so during that time, you know, like I said,
there was a counselor that the counselors are there, nutritionists
are there, medication, you know, therapy. I also did some
trauma therapy. While I was in there, and I talked
about I've talked about l I therapy on episode with Larkita,
(37:34):
who talked about it. So I did l I therapy there,
and so it was just it was the best decision
of my life. It was the hardest because I was scared,
but it was the best decision and I'm truly grateful
that I was able to go through that journey to
go to treatment. And so when I was there, I
was just I was journaling. I was writing my emotions
because that's what helps me. Not knowing that what I
(37:56):
was journaling and writing would become you know, my songs,
my music, I was not even I was just sharing
how I felt. And so looking back at Wounded Scars,
I was in they have this room it's called the
Zin Room, and it's a quiet place with you know,
dim lights and some music. And so I would go
in there, you know, a couple times a day and
(38:18):
I would just write. And so I just remember writing.
I think it was like day three or four for me,
and I just started writing. You know, the silence is loud.
You know, I don't know what to do with myself.
Depression is real, like a cloud hanging over me. You know,
been medicating myself to numb the feelings, but it's not
working anymore. Drink the bottle to the very last drop,
(38:41):
even though I wanted more. I went and rent to you,
and I was talking about I went and rent to God,
and so I just remember writing that, And then as
I was there, other lyrics came up with free. I
was talking about how free, or how depression and anxiety.
If there were people, I just wanted to tell them
to pack their bags and lead go to the left.
You know you've done all these things. You stolen my identity.
(39:01):
You're a thief in the night. You took away my
soul and silenced my thoughts. You masked my smile cause
dark and dreary days, no rainbows in the sky, no butterflies.
And then I said, but it's a brand new day, sunshine,
no rain move out my way, no negativity. I know
I got the victory. I'm free. So when I was there,
(39:22):
you know, it dropped my spirit that these were songs,
and I was scared. I was scared, y'all. I was
so scared, and you know, I knew I had to release,
release the songs. And I was truly truly scared. But
when I left out of treatment, it was the day
after my birthday in March, and we celebrated. My family
(39:46):
came up and we celebrated my birthday, we celebrated my
journey of I'm graduating from treatment. And I don't think
I've ever shared the story publicly, but I just want
to tell you this quick story of what happened to
my music journal. Well, my sister, my mom, and my dad,
(40:07):
they came up to come and get me, and my
sister drove and my mom and my dad drove, and
so there was two cars, and so I had packed
all my stuff up in both of the cars. I
bought a bike and bought some different things while I
was there, And so we decided to go to a
restaurant in Seattle, and mind you, like I said, my
(40:28):
stuff was in both cars, and we were celebrating, like
I said, my birthday, celebrating my treatment. And we were
there for maybe a couple of hours, just eating and
joining I'm telling them my journey. And then when we
walk outside, we noticed that not just my sister's car,
but my parents' car was both broken into. I mean,
(40:52):
I had bought my nieces and nephew's gifts. While when
I was there, I mean I bought everybody. I bought
everybody gifts. I went shopping on there. I like I said,
I bought a bike. When I was there, my backpack
was in the my sister's car, and in my backpack
was my journal that I journaled all my music. And
(41:14):
I remember when I walked out of that restaurant restaurant
you guys, I was like, I mean, I screamed and
I was on the floor and the only thing that
I could think about was that music journal. I mean, yes,
the other stuff that I bought for my family, I
you know, yes, it's material things. I was like, I
don't even care, but that music journal. I was so
distraught and I was just like, oh my gosh. And
(41:35):
so my sister, my mom, my dad had to console me.
They're like, girl, you've been through all this treatment. Use
your skills, use your skills. And I didn't want to
hear that at the time because I was so mad.
I was just like, what haven't you know? And so
we went home and my dad was like, come on,
we're gonna pray. We're gonna pray, and so the four
of us prayed and so I was just crying. I'm
(41:56):
just like that was my music. That was my music,
you know. I just want my music back. And so
let me tell you what happened. So the night, we
slept through the night and I get this text on
Facebook from this random lady and she was like, Hi,
I found this backpack in the line here and it
(42:19):
has a notebook in it. And she's like, and your
name's in it. And so that's how I reached out
to find you on Facebook. And I was like, oh
my gosh. I was like, it's the journal in there,
and she was like yep. I was like, where are
you at? Where are you located? And she gave us
her information and she wasn't too far away from the
restaurant where we were at, and so everything, like I
think all my gifts was gone, but the only thing
(42:42):
that was left in that backpack, you guys, in that backpack,
oh my gosh, was the journal and the backpack. And
the backpack was wet because it rained throughout the night,
but the journal was in there, dry my lyrics was
in there. I mean that, you guys, that is a
testimony because all I cared about. I was like, I
don't need even remember the lyrics that I was writing,
because whatever I was writing in the moment was what
(43:03):
I was feeling. And so that's how I knew. I
was like, oh, these are songs. So I called my
producer literally the next day and we got in the
studio a week after I had left out of treatment.
And so that's the story kind of behind my music.
But friends, I just want to say, like it has
been a journey, and I talk about how you know,
(43:24):
going through ups and downs and going through healing, it is.
It is a process. It is a process. It is
it's not easy. And I just want to go over
a couple of things that helped me to overcome you know,
my depression, my anxiety, my addiction at PTSD and so
things that has helped me. A disclaimer, it may not
or may help you, and so you know, go seek
(43:46):
your your doctor and your licensed therapist. But I just
want to go over just a couple of things. I'm
want to leave you with the things that has helped
me through these past few years. And so the first
thing I want to say is that number one is
I had tomit it to myself. I had to say
when I was in my darkest in that bedroom that
night when I took that last you know, sleeping pill,
(44:07):
and I said, how am I going to get through
the rest of the month. That was like my lowest
because I was like, I can't keep doing this, and
that is when I knew. I said I can't, and
so I admitted to myself was the first thing that
I did. And then I went and talked to my
sister who I can trust, and she helped me and
helped provide a safe space for me for sure, but
also helped to look for the facility. And so that
(44:30):
was that's step number one, is admitting to yourself, going
to someone who you can trust. The third or third
thing or the second thing would be, you know, I
going to treatment or you know, before I did go
into the treatment facility for two months, I did have
to go to a detox facility of course, because you know,
we know that getting off of alcohol could cause you know, seizures,
(44:54):
and so they had to I was there for about
I think three or four days detox with was a
culture shock for me. It was such a culture shock,
but I had to, you know, do that before I
went into the treatment facility. And so whatever that treatment
is for you, if that's detox, if that's going to counseling,
going to therapy, whatever that is, to go and seek
(45:16):
that help, that professional help, because like I said, I
couldn't do it on my own, and it wasn't safe
to do it on my own, so I wouldn't encourage
you to go and do that. And so that also
helped to remove the environment that I was in. I
was able to get the support and gain the skills
and the knowledge and the tools, and also that was
(45:37):
helping for accountability as well while I was going through treatment,
So that was that was great. So admitting to yourself
talking to someone going to treatment, the next thing was
seeking not just you know, going to the treatment facility,
but also I knew that I needed more than just
going and so that's when we sought trauma therapy. And
(46:00):
so when I was in the facility, we did LI
therapy and like I said, we talked about that on
episode with Larkita thirteen. And then when I left out
of treatment, I did em d R. I went to
advise you to go and do your research on both
of them. Very I don't even know how to even
(46:22):
explain like how this was so beneficial in my healing journey,
so beneficial with LI therapy and EMDR, So go and
do some research on that. The next thing was I
would say, is to find an outlet. And so for me,
my outlet was writing about how I felt, and so
not knowing it was going to be my music, but
(46:44):
finding what that is. If that is journaling for you,
if that's music, some type of art form, swimming, kickboxing,
some way to just release your anxiety and your stress,
you know, something that you're passionate about, and so I
just want to encourage you to find the outlet that
can help you to be able to process, you know,
(47:05):
what you're going through, and to release it as well.
The next thing is, I say nature. I going through
my treatment, I didn't realize how much nature has been impactful.
Just going out and walking outside, you know, taking breaks
throughout the day and just being out in nature has
truly helped me. We also talk about that with Larkito
(47:26):
on episode thirteen, Grounding ourselves and going outside barefoot. There's
some scientific evidence on just how that can be very
impactful and also to stabilize your mood and also your sleep.
So I just want you to encourage you and you know,
going out in nature. The next thing that I would
say is I want to I want to talk a
(47:46):
little bit about this because at the time I needed that,
and that was affirmations and vision board that was very
helpful and very therapeutic for me, you know, speaking life
into me and and you know and say, you know,
I am beautifully and wonderfully made. I made a God's image,
you know, and just speaking life over myself. And so
(48:07):
I just want to encourage you, you know, for you know,
affirmations if that helps you, and vision boards. I'm so visual.
I needed to see myself in a better light, you know,
in a better circumstance, you know, me sitting and visualizing,
that's great, but I needed to see myself. So you know,
if you if that is something that helps you through
your healing journey with affirmations and vision boards, I encourage
(48:29):
you to look to do to do that as well.
And the last thing that I want to talk about,
which has been the missing piece of the puzzle with healing.
We talk about the spiritual, we talk about you know,
the physical, we talk about all those things, but the
last thing that was missing for me was learning about
(48:50):
functional medicine. And I looked into that. I became my
own health detective. When after I, you know, I had
my surgeries. I dealt with a lot of digestive issues,
a lot of issues. So I was literally like researching
and I was trying to figure out what foods were
causing this. I mean you guys, I was living in
(49:10):
the bathroom like it was a lot for me. So
I really did become my own health detective. And so
I found functional medicine and we talk about that on
episode eight with Mel who is an FD who is
a certified functional diagnostic Nutrition practitioner. She introduced me to
that a year after I left out of treatment. I
was so intrigued. I joined, and hopefully I will be certified.
(49:32):
Actually it's coming up. I have my last oral exam
in the next couple of weeks, so when this comes out,
I might be certified. I'll let you know. But functional
medicine just helps you to identify hidden healing opportunities that's
going on in your body and get into the root
cause and using functional labs, and so I'm trained. I'll
be trained and certified to be able to help people
(49:54):
to identify what's going on. We become our first clients,
we take ourselves through that journey, that healing journey, and
I needed that because food and diet and rest and
exercise we're kind of missing in my healing journey, well
the correct way until I learned about it, and then
I was able to educate myself on it, and now
I'll be able to educate others on functional medicine as well.
(50:16):
So those were that's what helped me on my healing journey.
And of course, you know, praying and you know, believing
in God who helped me through that journey as well.
And you know, God helped me through that journey of course,
giving him all the honor and all the glory. So,
oh my gosh, I think I talked a lot. I
shared my story and I think I've been talking, but
(50:37):
I really just wanted to share this and I truly
hope that this, you know, my story and all the
fifteen other stories have truly helped you. You know. That's
why I wanted this podcast to shed some light, to
inspire and encourage others. And I pray and I hope
it has. I just want to say again, and I'm
getting all emotional, you know, thank you for this journey
continue to follow me on this journey as next season
(51:01):
I'll bring on more guests, we'll have you know, I
kind of have some ideas of how I want to
do that, but I want to encourage you to stay
tuned and thank you for all of your prayers, Thank
you for all of your words of encouragement, thank you
for your support, and I love all of you on
this journey and continue to pray for me. And I
just want to encourage you, like I say in every episode,
(51:24):
to stay lit. And when I say stay lit, I'm
talking about staying lit, meaning don't burn out. But if
you do, burn out, because that's life, life, be life
in you know, use your tools or get educated on
your tools. So I say, stay lit, keep shining, and
ignite freedom and I will see you next season. Love
you all, see you next time.
Speaker 3 (51:43):
Thank you, Thank you for tuning in too. From Weeping
to Warrior Igniting Freedom with Roshawan Nicole. To be a
guest on the show, please contact us at info at
Roshannicole Wellness dot com. We would love to connect with you,
(52:05):
so please take a moment too like, subscribe and follow
us on all social media platforms. We look forward to
having you join us next time for Weeping to Warrior,
Igniting Freedom with Roshan Nicole.
Speaker 2 (52:19):
Shame, shame,
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