Replying to: ‘my guy keeps looking at other women on social media’

The question: ‘How do you feel about my guy looking at other females pages, not interacting, but constantly goes to lurk’?
Tune in to host Dee Shields reply and share the episode!

Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/what-dee-says--5735632/support.

Episode Transcript

(00:01):
Hey, guys, thank you somuch for stopping by. I am your
host, D Shields, and weare not going to take too long of
an intro because we wanna get directlyinto this topic. I know you guys
are playing this on your lunch houror on your rush hour commute, so
I wanna make sure that we getright into the topic. But I do
need to do a little bit ofyou know how to find me type things,

(00:24):
and I want you to know youcan find me on x or Instagram.
I am D Shields. You canalso find me on TikTok. I
am D Shields COO. So makesure that you follow, connect, like,
comment, engage so that I canhear you, see you and engage
back. And if you're on TikTokand you follow and then I follow and
you unfollow, I can see thatbecause I am a creator, so we

(00:48):
have access to see things that otherpeople can I see, perhaps, so
I can see if you unfollowed.So if I if you click just to
give me to follow you, andthen I follow you and then you unfollow,
hey, I can see that,and I'm gonna unfollow, and then
we're not networking and you're probably justnot my people right listen. Cherry Sherman
asked, how do you feel we'rejust gonna get right into it. How

(01:08):
do you feel about your guy lookingat other female pages, not interacting,
but constantly on their lurking m brother, I really want to know what you're
really up to on social media.If you're on social media, you are

(01:29):
you have a purpose on social media, right, you should have something that
you're trying to do, Like I'mgonna be revealing real soon on my life
TikTok what exactly I've been doing thiswhole time of social media. So if
you have a purpose and you knowwhat you've been doing, and it takes
a village, like it takes agroup of people to kind of make this
thing happen, so to speak.And who's in your corner really matters,

(01:52):
and the behavior that they have whileon that platform, on any of the
platforms, it's gonna matter. Andit certain things that people do that are
in your circle, it's gonna matter, and it can show up at another
time. So the way that youinteract, you need to decide if you're
like with a female and you're justplaying with someone, you're not really deep

(02:13):
into that relationship, you're just playinggames and allowing her to engage back and
forth or your social media the thingsthat you do in that relationship when you
go to where you really want tobe, is going to show up again.
I guarantee you. I'm talking thisthing from people that I have seen
this happen. It's going to showup again. So you need to decide
how is it that I am goingto carry myself on social media? And

(02:37):
what is it that men are actuallydoing and women are actually doing. What
are you doing on your page?But getting back to the topic of looking
at other women's pages and not interactingbut constantly lurking. I'm assuming somebody court
you, and if that's the case, somebody caught you. So if that's

(03:05):
the case, then you know,I'm sure that caused a disagreement. If
the person is not understanding, whatis the purpose of doing that? What
are you even filtering around? Iwant to tell the secrets, but I
know a lot of women prefer thatI don't, and I think I want
it. Man, if you thinkthat you're on that social app doing whatever
it is that you're doing and thewoman that you're with can't see, you

(03:27):
are so misinformed. You are somisinformed. They can see everything that you're
doing on social media, especially ifyou have her connected. So if you
don't want her to know what you'reup to, you're gonna have to go
about blocking every access that she hasto you, because if you're going to
be on there, you're connected withher, she's able to see what it
is that you're doing. If you'reon there and you have a female friend,

(03:51):
is a family, is it acoworker? Does it have anything to
do with your community activities and socialactivities that or networking or digital creating or
anything like that. If it's notany of those things, what is that
person connected to you for? Andif that person is someone that you're just

(04:12):
looking at, you know, inappropriatephotos of the person, what is your
purpose? What is it that you'redoing? I like to say this,
Tony Gaskin says something and I'm paraphrasing. If you do not, if you
did not have that woman as afriend and introduced her in the beginning,
there should not be any interaction withoutyour actual partner, your woman, your

(04:35):
wife, your fiance, your girlfriendinvolved. Why are you interacting with this
individual? Why is it that you'reinteracting with this individual? If that person
doesn't even know your person. Soif it's not again the things that I
just listened before, then what isit that you're really up to? So

(04:57):
do I feel that men should beengaging in another woman's page depending on what
you're doing. But if you're justup to no good and you're a person
that has got caught acting up inthe relationship before, and you're doing activity
that triggers your woman as soon asthat woman says I feel this, when
you do this, you need tobe listening and you need to be you

(05:20):
should try to change the way thatyou're interacting with that person because you could
lose the person over something that simple. Right, So what is it that
you're doing? What's your purpose onthe page? That's what I want to
know. And a woman has everyright to be upset. A woman has
every right to say, I amnot okay with you looking at that person's

(05:45):
page. I know you, Iknow what you've done before, I know
the things that you could get caughtup in, and if you continue to
give yourself access to that person's page, then you could create problems in our
relationship. That that's something that youneed to be listening to. You need
to hear the things that she's sayingto you. You should not just be

(06:06):
ignoring and not listening because in doingso, you are causing a gap and
a division to happen, and thereis an opportunity to fix it, but
there is a chance that you couldbe ruining forever the connection that you have.
So is it really worth that oneclick? Right? I know a

(06:28):
lot of people do a lot onsocial media and nobody can work out without
their yoga pants up the crack rightor booty shores on just to show you
how to squad. So there's alot to look at. I am not
saying that there is not a lotto look at, but you need to
say what is it that I'm onthat person's page for? And check your
integrity within yourself. You don't evenhave to have that conversation out loud with

(06:51):
her. Check your integrity within yourself. What are you really connecting yourself with
that person for? Are you reallyup to all good? Or have you
had temptation? Thoughts? Did youget tempted? Did you feel a certain
type of way when you saw certainphotos and you know, videos and reels

(07:12):
and images of that person And ifyou knew that you were somewhere that that
is supposed to be exclusive to theperson that you with, that you're with,
and you know that you had thosefeelings, you know you need to
get off that page. Do youreally need to come all the way over
here to hear what D says aboutit? No, you don't. You
know you need to get off ofthat page because the first thing that you're

(07:36):
doing wrong by continuing to stay onthe page, or being adamant or fussing
and arguing and insisting that this issomething that you should do, you're going
to create a division because you're notlistening right, You're not doing the things
that you're supposed to be doing.You're in couples therapy, and you're not
taking doing the homework right. SoI feel like this when you do this,

(07:58):
those are not statements that you areallowed to ignore. If you do
decide to ignore your its manipulative,gaslighting, narcissistic behavior, to ignore the
partner, the person that you're withwhen they say I feel like XYZ.
When you do x y Z,you need to listen. It's not okay

(08:22):
to sit and ignore that or totry to create toxic, loud, explosive
responses, Why are you being toxicand loud and arguing and going back and
forth because you know that she calledyou out on your issu Right, So
don't be getting all adamant and readyto fuss and argue. You know you're
wrong your behavior, your demeanor,check yourself within yourself. You don't have

(08:45):
to have that conversation out loud withher to know that you are out of
line. And the louder person is, the more guilty they are. I
always say this, and we've beensaying this on the podcast. I've been
saying this to you you all sincetwenty ten. Right, anger is always
in the same boat as guilt orfear. You've heard me say it.

(09:09):
If you're a long time a oneday one day, you've heard me say
that before. Anger is always inthe same boat as guilt or fear.
You're over there trying to have yourcake and eat the cheesecake too. You
know That's how I'm gonna say it. I don't care what the TikTokers have
revealed of their original Stavid. You'reover there trying to have your cake and
eat your cheesecake too, and that'sonly gonna get you in the end.

(09:31):
You're gonna be the one that losefrom that, right, and side chicks
and availables that just like to havesomebody come and entertain the inner parts while
they lay low and spread wide.They only want the fun from you,
right. You know, you're hydratedand thirsty, so they only want that

(09:54):
from you. As soon as yourtongue run dry and feels like you know,
sandpaper across the middle of her legs, she's no longer interested in you.
So you went and did all thisjust to put your face in between
somebody's butt crack. That's it.She didn't want nothing else from you.
She put it out there so thatyou could be interested. You went up

(10:16):
in the DMS and got caught upand met her at Motel six. She
laid down with you in the backof your jeep seven o'clock on the dot,
and she was a hole hole.You know, I could just go
on it all right, So allthis happened, and it's just for a
moment, because when she finds herhymn, she's out. And then if
she falls for you and you havea woman and you refuse to leave that

(10:39):
woman, she's about to bring troublethat you've never seen before. You are
not going to be able to easilypull yourself out of what a dry moment
of sandpaper licking her ass. Getgetch you. I have to be so
careful on this platform, right,So you need to think about what you're

(11:03):
really there for. I'm not havinga conversation with you and your woman.
So if y'all decided to listen tothis together, you may as well turn
it off and go in another roombecause I am talking. She could continue
to listen, but I'm talking toyou. You need to check yourself,
check your integrity. A man shouldcare about his integrity. A man should
care about how he presents himself intothe atmosphere. He's the leader in our

(11:26):
culture. He's the leader, sohe needs to carry himself in such a
way that it does not show weakness. And if he is having a moment
of weakness, he needs to bein the arms of his woman. When
he does, in the arms ofsomeone who is really there for him,
and not someone there to play withhim and to entice him and to tempt
them and all the other hundreds ofother persons that she's enticed and tempting with

(11:52):
that one photo that you were lurkingon. Carry yourself accordingly, hold yourself
accountable, use integrity as that firstthing when you decide to do anything that
you're doing. I just went throughthis with my guy. His whole old
his old Facebook had got deleted,right, and who knows? You know,

(12:16):
men always say, I bet youknow what happened the Facebook people they
deleted my page? Nine Yeah,yeah, probably did. That's not what
happened, you know, like Iam, so I'm a different kind of
person in a relationship, right since, like you know, that's not what
happened. You know that you gotcaught up and you had to delete that
page because to be about to tellyou a woman and you can have it.

(12:39):
So the first thing you could thinkof just delete it before she tell
I would delete it. And sohe had to create another page. But
then he got his self called backup into similar behaviors by people finding him
and then the connecting back with him, and then he had to clean sleep
because I'm not going to babysit yourpage. Every once in a while,
if it calls me on there,we're interacting with each other and I end

(13:01):
up on there, I'll be like, is this that's Shanika Quaqua. Who
is Shaniko quaquako Quacka? Scenes knowyou did it when I met you.
You never had anyone in your lifenamed Shaniko Quaqua, So who is this?
You know? And then you comeinto this explanation and all this other
stuff, and then you go toShanika quaqua page and she laid low spread

(13:24):
wide on every photo and you're like, I know, check your integrity within
yourself. Be quiet. You knowwhy you're here, You know why you
got caught up with this person.You know why your friend requested that may
cause you to get caught up inthe temptations that before. Clean your Facebook.
That's it, not clean your Facebook. Stop playing with me. Boundaries

(13:46):
like he has to hear constantly sincethe probably the middle of last the middle
of the fall last year. Boundaries, that's it. I used to say,
tone right now, got tired ofme, stay in tone right,
So now I say boundaries with myfamily right and my honey, Boundaries do

(14:07):
not take me through stressful situations becauseyou want to stand in the state of
denial, acting like you don't knowhow Shaniko Quaquah got caught up in your
page. You already no I don'teven think anyone could be possibly named Shanniko
quaquad. But these days, youknow, you never know, right,
somebody named Shannika quaquah real mad atme right now, I'm not a healthy
But listen, you know why youwere connected with the Shaniko Quackwise, So

(14:31):
he went from ninety four people tothe amount of people he has right now
on Facebook, right because he gotcaught up and he had to check.
I didn't even tell him who todelete. You know, I'm like,
you are already know the person wehad a conversation with. He immediately deleted
that person because he knew he wascaught up, right, And then I
said, clean your Facebook boundaries.We're not going to go back and forth

(14:54):
with this clean Facebook. That's allI have to say on that. Clean
you Facebook. Right. So whenyou guys come to me and you s
say the same thing, I'm tellingyou, don't get gray hair, don't
stress out, don't do all that. Let him know. Just say what
D says. Check your integrity withinyourself. I'm gonna ask you a question.
This is why I do it withmy honey all the time. I'm

(15:15):
gonna ask you a question, andI do not want you to give me
the answer out loud. I wantyou to have a conversation in your head
about the answer, and I wantyou to then go beyond that and do
the actions that are required of youbecause we all have free will in this
world, and the universe expects usto carry ourselves a certain way and make
sure that you are holding yourself withinthe integrity of doing so. So I'm

(15:39):
gonna ask you are called should thatperson be connected to you? Do you
have any reason why you're connected withthat person that is tempting you, that
is causing you to feel things thatyou should not be feeling with the person
outside of your relationship. This isn'tan open relationship and I have never once
condoned it. So if you feelthat you're you're going to step out,

(16:00):
you are disrespecting my boundaries. Areyou disrespecting my boundaries with something now you're
doing and answer that within yourself.Tell him, don't have that conversation with
him, walk away? Have youask him walk away? He knows how
to check that within himself. Hefeels that conviction, he knows what's up.
Go clean your Facebook. So,fellas, if you've had this conversation

(16:23):
recently in your relationship. Go cleanyour social media, clean who you're following.
If you clean up your timeline,you're not gonna see yoga pants up
the cracks of booties. Clean yourtimeline. If you want to do fitness,
mister London has fitness. He's gotwonderful exercises on there. He is

(16:45):
not gay. He has a womanand he has ways that he shows us
how to work out us as forwomen, and he has ways to work
out for men. So if youare on the fitness pages, find the
men that are doing fitness. Okay, especially if you're someone that has gotten
caught up before. I'm not tryingto disrespect you. I'm trying to teach

(17:06):
you. You know the things thatcaused you to get caught up, So
don't walk. Temptation is stronger thananything that you could ever And if you
don't believe me, Tyler Perry spelledit out for you in a movie.
Temptation is always gonna win. Youhave to make the choices and the decisions
not to get caught up with temptationbecause temptation's job is to win. Temptation

(17:29):
doesn't know how to lose. Thatshould be a T shirt. Right.
Temptation does not know how to lose, So it is up to you to
make the decision. I'm not gonnacarry myself this way because I'm a high
value man. Go look in themirror right now, the things that I

(17:49):
did yesterday, the things that Idid before before listening to this podcast.
I may have been caught up,but I am a high value man.
I'm My future matters. My futurewith my woman matters, Our love matters.
How I carry myself within that lovematters those boundaries that she set it

(18:11):
matters. And I value my highvalue woman. I value my queen,
and I'm a king. So Ican't act like a peasant. I can't
carry myself like a low value man. I have to look at the things
that what are the qualifications of highvalue men? I gave you a whole
list on that before. How dohigh value men behave? HM? I

(18:38):
think it's over there on the IMDShields podcast. You know we retired that
for this one, but you cango back and listen to that. You
are a high value man, carryyourself accordingly. It's not like there.
It's not out there with them fools. Right. You saw Usher performing let's
go to the Super Bowl. Yousaw Usher performing with Alicia Keys and he

(18:59):
hugs and everything. And then thewhole internet of fools just acted up about
that and said how disrespectful it wasand how old Swiss Beads is feeling.
This is not and messy. Andthen a high value man got on his
social media and said, y'all canstop y'all some clowns. Swiss Bee said,
I'm not bothered about what did y'allsee the epic parts of my wife's

(19:22):
performance, because he's unbothered. Highvalue men aren't bothered. High value men
aren't insecure. They don't have timeto lurk on pages. They don't have
time to click and engage in infriend and requests and accept temptation and put
themselves in the atmosphere of temptation becausehigh value men are busy building their kingdom.

(19:42):
Harry, that's a high value man. Megan Marco God has herself a
high value man. I'm changing thethings that are not okay. I'm standing
on business. Harry was standing onbusiness before twenty twenty four. This is
my marriage, These are my children, this is my wife, this is
my family, This is my legacy. I want it to look a certain

(20:03):
way when your mind is consumed withthose things. Who has time for Shaniko
Quaco's yoga booty? You understand,and don't go over there looking at Becky's
booty and replacement of You need toclean your social media platform. Unfollow tiktoks,
platforms pages, unfollow Instagram pages.As soon as you unfollow those pages,

(20:29):
and turn off the notifications of YouTube, do the same thing you're not
gonna get. Put yourself into areasof interest, owning property, owning a
business, building a legacy for yourfamily after you're gone. Put yourself into
places where you need to be right. High value men move differently, and

(20:55):
low value men are the only manthat get caught up lurking on pages,
clicking and liking and being tempted anddming and you know, sneaking and meeting
other women behind their woman's back andgetting caught up and having a side piece
call your woman. That's low valuemen behavior. You didn't need Kevin Samuels

(21:18):
to teach you that you have thatwithin you. You just needed someone to
pull it out. I'm a highvalue man. That's what you need to
tell yourself. I'm high value I'ma high value woman, so I talk
and carry myself like a high valuewoman. Yeah, I have jokes,
I have comedy. I do.I like to keep it light because a

(21:40):
lot of people can't handle the pressureof being in my environment, being in
my space, because I'm pressure.High value women are pressure all the time.
She doesn't need to argue back andforth with you. You know what
you need to do. What areyou a pedophile? Chest at a molested

(22:06):
Are you disgusting? Low value menare disgusting? Are you disgusting? Carry
yourself better. You made a mistaketoday, fine tomorrow, you're someone different.
Live in this moment. What canyou correct in this moment? They're
gonna judge you about the things thatyou did yesterday and today, But what
can you do going forward? Theycan't say anything to you when you rise

(22:27):
up and climb that ladder into thehigh value position that you've been positioned for.
You have a wife, you havea woman. God called you,
You've been called to Kingdom business.You don't have time for low value activity.
You've been called for greater than that. You're not a child. High

(22:52):
schoolers, Yeah, they're probably scrollingand clicking, even a freshman in college
might scroll and click, but grownbachelor's degree or just already owning a business,
working a whole family, wife,kids, You might even be a
grandfather. I don't want to hearabout somebody's grandfather behave in that way.

(23:18):
Low value grandfather is a destruction ofour people. A low value grandfather,
a low value grandmother is a destructionof our culture. And we don't have
room for that. For four hundredyears, they fought to make sure that
we didn't have to be that.You don't have time for that. Entertain

(23:41):
yourself with the intelligence that is rightthere at your fingertips. You have access
to intelligence, just like anyone elsedoes. But when you behave like a
fool and act like a fool,people will only see you as a fool.
Carry yourself better, do better,be better, check yourself, and

(24:06):
go apologize to that woman that youdisrespected by lurking on a page and clicking
on should what did I call thisgirl? Shannico Quaco's photos got it.
I'm your host, D Shields,and I hope that you will share this
podcast because I know this is aconversation in millions of households. Culture to
culture may not be able to relateto everything I talk about today, but

(24:29):
I know that most of you canrelate to the topic at hand. Thank
you for stopping by. Any morequestions, make sure that you send them
to me on social media. I'mon ex IMD Shields. If you have
another topic that you want me tocover, you can also find me on
Facebook. I am D Shields.You can find me on Instagram I am
D Shields, and you can findme on TikTok I am D Shields.

(24:52):
COO. All right, thanks forstopping by What D Says the podcast and
I will see you guys next time.