January 7, 2025 • 16 mins
Navigating the topic of waiting until marriage while dating can feel overwhelming, but it doesn’t have to be! In this video, we share practical tips and strategies to help you approach this sensitive conversation with confidence and intentionality. Whether you’re dating someone new or deepening an existing relationship, learn how to communicate your values and set the foundation for a healthy, open dialogue.
💬 In This Video, You’ll Discover:
• How to confidently introduce the topic of waiting until marriage.
• Tips for creating a safe and respectful environment for discussion.
• Ways to align your values with your relationship goals. This conversation is about more than just setting boundaries—it’s about building trust, understanding, and mutual respect. Watch now to feel empowered to navigate love and abstinence with grace!
💬 Join the Relationship Restored Online Community or learn more HERE!
🎙️ Got a topic you’d love for us to cover? Request it HERE!
📲 Connect with us:
Dre on IG: @itsdresmith
Bre on IG: @breannaaponte
Relationship Restored IG: @relationshiprestored
If you enjoyed this episode, don’t forget to like, comment, and leave a review! Your support helps us keep the conversation going!
💬 In This Video, You’ll Discover:
• How to confidently introduce the topic of waiting until marriage.
• Tips for creating a safe and respectful environment for discussion.
• Ways to align your values with your relationship goals. This conversation is about more than just setting boundaries—it’s about building trust, understanding, and mutual respect. Watch now to feel empowered to navigate love and abstinence with grace!
💬 Join the Relationship Restored Online Community or learn more HERE!
🎙️ Got a topic you’d love for us to cover? Request it HERE!
📲 Connect with us:
Dre on IG: @itsdresmith
Bre on IG: @breannaaponte
Relationship Restored IG: @relationshiprestored
If you enjoyed this episode, don’t forget to like, comment, and leave a review! Your support helps us keep the conversation going!
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
What's up if you're new here. We are dre and
Brief Smith. We've been together for seven years.
Speaker 2 (00:05):
Waited for marriage for four, and have been married for
three now happily married.
Speaker 1 (00:09):
We started a relationship for store to share what we've
learned to help others build happy, healthy relationships.
Speaker 3 (00:14):
Today, we're answering another question that somebody wrote in basically
asking us how to tell somebody you're waiting while dating,
And we're gonna dive into it and remember that you
can write into us by visioning Relationship restore dot com
backslash the Smiths, and we'll listen to your question and
answer that the best we can based off of our experience.
So we're gonna share some tips with you. We have
(00:35):
four tips that we can share with you guys that
we feel like will help you in this process.
Speaker 4 (00:39):
So let's go with number one. Tip. Number one is
making sure you are serious.
Speaker 3 (00:44):
So this is a big thing, right because we have
a lot of people that try to call us out
when we was waiting, But we know people who said
they was waiting but they ain't really wait. So the
thing is is that there's.
Speaker 4 (00:53):
No judgment here at all.
Speaker 3 (00:55):
But before you ask out of somebody, make sure you
truly are serious and something that you truly are ready
to do. I talked about it in our previous video.
You can go check it out where we talk about
the signs that God gave us that we knew we
were for each other. Is that I made a decision
that I wanted to be with somebody and find my wife,
and that I wanted to kind of wait for marriage,
(01:17):
probably like a year eight months to a year before
I actually truly made the decision to do that, and
with Bree. Is when I met Bree. That was the
first time that I actually told somebody that's what I
was doing, because I felt in my heart that I
was truly committed at that moment. Sometimes we may be
doing it because you're saying like, oh, the Bible saysn't
(01:38):
do it, or oh, somebody told me to do it,
but you truly don't believe it yourself, or you don't
truly have the convictions that will help you to stay
disciplined in it yourself. So you just have to make
sure that if you're saying you're gonna do it, that
you actually mean it and that you actually want to
do it, and you're not just doing it because somebody
else told you to do it, because we could tell you.
I was very disciplined in our walk when it came to.
Speaker 4 (02:01):
That, right.
Speaker 1 (02:02):
Yeah, And that's why I want to talk about the
person on the other end that's receiving the news that
you're waiting, because for me, I was waiting, but I
wasn't waiting for marriage. I was just waiting in a
sense where I was like, I'm not going to do
what I normally do, which is like if I like
you and if you're my boyfriend, then you get the goodies.
It's like, no, I need a ring on this finger.
I need like a full on commitment. But it would
(02:24):
have been selfish of me to commit to his idea
of waiting for marriage if I wasn't going to be
willing to actually commit, And so I had asked serious questions.
I was like, okay, rewind, okay, how many years or
how much time do you feel it takes before you
know if we're going to get engaged, and then once
(02:46):
we're engaged, how long until we get married? Because his
idea of waiting for marriage could have been quick or
it could have been a six seven year period, and
I didn't want to assume that what I had envisioned
as waiting for marriage being different from what he had
in his plans, and so I had to make sure
that I got very clear responses on what that looked like,
(03:09):
and then I had to be willing to agree to
that moving forward. Now, I will say, I'm sure this
will happen, especially if the woman is the one making
the decision. There were a few times where I had
tried to get Dre to break the rules and he
was very adamant about like, no, I'm not doing that.
And because we had boundaries set in place to protect that,
(03:32):
that was the only reason why we were able to obstain.
And we have never once, not even like, touched private parts,
oral sex, nothing. We have never slipped up. We had
sex for the first time the day after we got
married because we were too tired all the day before.
So yeah, we never slipped up. And it's because we
had boundaries and we communicated and I was respecting his wishes.
(03:54):
But yeah, you gotta be serious on both ends, Like
it takes two people to take of.
Speaker 3 (04:00):
All, right, Tip number two, focus on the why not
the what? So I feel like this is so important
and this is probably One of the reasons that the
person asked us this in the first place is because
you're scared of what somebody may think about what you're doing,
and you have to kind of have a different perspective
(04:20):
on it when you're looking at it yourself, so you
can better communicate it to other people. What you're doing
is waiting for marriage. But what's more important is why
you're doing it. The reason why you're doing it is
that you're just being intentional about finding the person you
want to spend the rest of your life with, the
person that's going to be the biggest influence in your life,
the person that's going to be the mother or father
of your kids, and you just want to do that
(04:43):
in a sober way, to not be intoxicated by something physical,
because that physical thing can come. If you keep focusing
on what you're doing, then it's going to bring so
much attention to it, and it's gonna be like, oh,
we're not having sex.
Speaker 4 (04:54):
We're not having sex.
Speaker 3 (04:55):
But to me, I look at it as we all
have different things that we're trying to accomplish. We just
all have different ways that we try to accomplish it.
Like take away sex from the conversation. Let's just talk
about relaxing. Some people like to relax by going to
the spa. Some people like to relax by taking walks.
Some people like to relax by I don't know, playing
a piano or playing a guitar. Like, we all have
(05:17):
the same goal. What we do to try to achieve
that goal may be different, but the why is the same.
Speaker 4 (05:24):
It's we're just trying to relax.
Speaker 3 (05:25):
And I feel like so many people get in their
head when they're making this decision, like what are people
gonna think?
Speaker 4 (05:30):
What are people gonna think? What are people wanna think?
Speaker 3 (05:32):
I think sometimes we trick ourselves or we make the
situation worse by bringing attention more attention to something than
we need to, by trying to like circumvent any hard
conversations where we could just act normal and make it
seem like it's not that big of a deal, and
then we'll it'll come across in a relationship like it
isn't that big of a deal.
Speaker 4 (05:53):
We see it with a few things.
Speaker 3 (05:54):
So one example, remember that real with the baby there's
a baby to where the dad hit the hand on
the wall and he started like crying, and then the
baby started crying, he need to hit the baby's head.
He just hit his hand behind the baby's head on
the wall, and then when the baby saw.
Speaker 4 (06:09):
Him crying, the baby started crying.
Speaker 3 (06:11):
But then in another video, the baby fell and they
looked to the dad to like, see, what are you
gonna do? The dad start laughing and then the baby
just start laughing. And that's just a perfect example. Sometimes
people look to us and our reactions to even judge
how they should react in a moment. So if you're
making this huge deal about not having sex before marriage,
then the eyes of them making a huge deal about
(06:33):
it too is gonna be the same thing. And then
also another example is when it comes to like pimples
or things that are physically wrong with you. Typically most
people don't even see them, but if you're just coming
in a conversation, hey guys, I'm sorry, this pimple on
my face is just so huge. Like if you're bringing
that up immediately, guess where all the intention is gonna
go straight to that pimple the whole conversation. They're gonna
(06:54):
be thinking about it because you just led with it
as if it's just this huge issue that everybody's concerned
now relationships. I know sex is a little bit different.
But the point is is that if you come into
the conversation acting like it's just the worst thing in
the world, they're gonna treat it and it's going to
be talked about like it's the worst thing in the world.
But if you go about it like this, I'm just
(07:15):
doing this because I want to find my person, and
I'm just being intentional about it.
Speaker 4 (07:19):
And that's the reason why.
Speaker 3 (07:21):
That's something that anybody who's really looking for somebody can
relate to. Maybe their method of finding that person is different,
but they can all relate to why they are doing
the things they do to try to find somebody. They
can relate to being intentional about finding somebody want to
spend the rest of their life with. So it's like
focus on the why when you're thinking about it yourself,
(07:43):
but also when you're bringing it up to people versus
focusing on what, And it's like, have that conversation, I'm
looking for somebody that I could possibly find the rest
of my life with, And then as you go into conversation,
you could talk about the way that you're doing that.
Oh yeah, I'm waiting to have sex into a marriage
but the folks shouldn't be necessarily on that as much
as why you're doing it.
Speaker 1 (08:03):
You agree, Yeah, I'm sure, I'm distracted. You have a
very nice side program.
Speaker 4 (08:08):
Thank you, thank you.
Speaker 1 (08:11):
I agree.
Speaker 4 (08:11):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (08:12):
Can we go to the next tip because what I
have to say is about that?
Speaker 4 (08:16):
Yes?
Speaker 1 (08:16):
Okay. So Tip three is making sure that the other
person is committed. And I want to talk about this
because I do think that there is such a thing
as telling someone too soon. And the reason why is
if I'm meeting you for the very first time, and
the first piece of information within that setting, within that
(08:37):
meeting is that you're waiting for marriage. If I'm someone
who is not really opens waiting for marriage, or that's
not what I want, it's not what I envisioned myself doing.
And you share this information with me very early on,
before I really get to know you, before I really
get to even picture if that's something that I would
do with you. It's just too soon, and I feel
like it could uh what's the word compromise or like
(09:02):
steer someone away? Yeah, like push someone away in a sense,
because it's just it's one of those things where you
can't assume that everyone else is doing it, and as
I'll know, everyone else is not doing it, So it's
not gonna be likely that the first person you share
that with is gonna be like, oh, yeah, that's exactly
what I want to write. So it's kind of like
when Dre and I were finally at the point of
(09:24):
disclosing that information, we already both were in a space
where we were like, I could see myself with this
person long term. Like the average Joe that you're going
on a first date with, you don't need to share
that with them, like get to know the person enough
before you disclose it, because you want them to be
able to picture a life with you first, and they
can't do that they don't know you. And so a
(09:45):
lot of my friends who have tried the waiting thing,
it's like the first thing they say and they say
it like as it's like, oh, look at me, and
I'm waiting for marriage, so like, are you willing to
wait for me? And it's like, girl, I don't know,
I don't even know you, you know, So it's like
you shouldn't lead with that. It should be something that
I would say is at least a two to three
date topic. Definitely not first date I just feel like,
(10:07):
why why have someone.
Speaker 4 (10:11):
The list?
Speaker 1 (10:12):
Yeah, why is that a thing already? So like wait,
how long would you say to wait?
Speaker 3 (10:17):
I think it just naturally for it to come up
in conversation. But it goes into the bigger point that
I said in the beginning is not making it such
a big issue, right Yeah, is that it's like I'm
just being intentional about the person I'm being with, And
that's the thing. One thing that Briad said is so
true is that typically both people aren't always on the
same page. Even we weren't on the same page when
(10:39):
it came for the length of what we were going
to do.
Speaker 4 (10:41):
Some people might.
Speaker 3 (10:42):
Have different thought process on what that actually means, whether
that does include oral masturbate, Like everybody has their own
viewpoint of what it is. So before you even have
that conversation, like Bri said, I got to figure out
if I like you, because you'll be surprised. Some people
will make that decision with you. But they will only
do it if they feel like the person that they're
(11:04):
doing it is worth waiting for, right. So it's like
that's part of our whole brand from the beginning was
worth the wait, Like this person was worth waiting for,
Like everybody ain't worth waiting for right and putting up
with all the things that would require that to happen.
So part of that too, with the second part of
(11:24):
making sure that the other person is committed or making
sure that they're committed, is that sometimes when we do
like somebody, we start to fall in love with the
vision of what life could be and we know what
we want.
Speaker 4 (11:36):
But that person could really be telling you like they
not for that.
Speaker 3 (11:40):
But if you know that that's something that you actually
want and that's something that you're committed to, please make
sure they're on board and don't run away from having
that conversation because you're scared it might mess up what
you guys already have. Because I guarantee you if you
can't come to a consensus on that, then you're already
starting your relationship not aligned, and it doesn't bode well
(12:02):
for your future, and it's not a good indication for
like a long healthy relationship if something that serious you
guys are aligned on, or you're scared to bring up
conversations or hard conversations around something because you're fearful that
it might.
Speaker 4 (12:16):
Disrupt your relationship.
Speaker 3 (12:17):
So Tip number four is communicate boundaries early, but don't
stress about it. This is something that we could definitely
talk about as far as the boundaries, and this is
something that Bri had communicated early you're in. Another tip
is just making sure that you define what that means.
And that's something that I have adopted as one of
my pillars of advice when it comes to relationships is
(12:39):
that we have to define things because we all have
different definitions of what dating means, what relationships mean, what
does love mean, what does being committed mean? Like all
these different things through our experiences, we define in many
different ways. So it's important to first define, like, all right,
if we are waiting, what does that even mean? And
then that comes with talking about the boundaries that you
(13:02):
want to put in place in order to make that happen.
Because one thing that I realized in relationships is that
there are two problems that you can typically have that
can really disrupt things and lead to problems. One is
a difference in goals, but the second is a difference in.
Speaker 4 (13:19):
How to achieve the goals. So a lot of.
Speaker 3 (13:21):
Times, even in our relationship, we had the same goal,
but we had different methods on how we needed to
go about getting to the goal. And I feel like
that's the same thing here that just because you align
on what waiting or the concept of waiting for marriage,
how you plan on getting there, what you plan on doing,
how you plan on going about it, you guys may
(13:42):
have two different visions on what that means, so it's
important that you guys talk about it.
Speaker 1 (13:47):
Yeah, And for me, with the boundaries that I want
to stress on is that everyone's boundary for what it
would mean for you and your person to actually wait
is going to look different for sure. So our boundaries
were set up for us to succeed. So for me,
it was like I didn't want a French kiss if
(14:07):
we were in the house or anywhere where, like you know,
things could happen, because for me, it's like, don't take
me to the pregame. If we're not going to the party,
I just you know, I won't be able to successfully
do what we're supposed to be doing if we're just
like making out all the time. So that for me
was like, we need to find other forms of intimacy
because French kissing can't be one of those things for
(14:30):
me because it'll constantly tempt me to want to do
the thing that follows that.
Speaker 3 (14:34):
And so the other point of the tip where we're
talking about don't stress about it is trust me. Even
without sex and the absence of sex in your relationship,
there are a lot of other things that you're going
to have to figure out and work out in your relationship.
Like if you think that's going to be the biggest
issue is like waiting for marriage or not having sex
in your relationship, that's not going to be the biggest thing.
(14:55):
You have so much opportunity where you're gonna have to
learn one another, how to communicate with one another, figure
out how to agree on certain things. Like there will
be moments in your relationship where it will be that
reminder like, oh, we're not having sex. But I would
say that we still had our fair share of issues.
It's not like we like, you know, without taking sex
(15:17):
out that everything else was smooth. It's like, no, we
had a fair share of things that we still had
to figure out and work out and make sure we
understood about one another even outside of sex. And then
also at the same time as we had some amazing
times together without sex too, So it's like you will
have your fair share of amazing times and things that
(15:37):
you're gonna need to work on without that even being present.
So just make sure don't stress about it, don't try
to make it a focal point of your relationship to
be a reminder every single day that that's not what
you're doing. Just try to enjoy the time with one another,
learn each other, because I can guarantee you that you
want to find somebody who loves you, who's down for you,
who would do anything for you without that even being present,
(16:01):
peace anything else that.
Speaker 1 (16:05):
No, I think that's everything.
Speaker 2 (16:08):
Okay, So if you found this video helpful and make
sure to like subscribe, share it with a friend, and
don't forget that you can now join the relationship restore
community for singles and couples at relationship restore dot com backslash.
Speaker 3 (16:20):
Community yep, and make sure you check out all the
videos on the channel. Are Worth the Way, old stuff,
Jordan Breed Things, Individual, Real Love Scenario and you can
check out all of our podcasts and new content on
the YouTube channel anytime you subscribe.
Speaker 4 (16:34):
So make sure you subscribe so
Speaker 3 (16:35):
You get those noted fucations and make sure you follow
us on Instagram at is j Smith at Brianna Ponte
at relationship restored, and Smith's on demand
What's up if you're new here. We are dre and
Brief Smith. We've been together for seven years.
Speaker 2 (00:05):
Waited for marriage for four, and have been married for
three now happily married.
Speaker 1 (00:09):
We started a relationship for store to share what we've
learned to help others build happy, healthy relationships.
Speaker 3 (00:14):
Today, we're answering another question that somebody wrote in basically
asking us how to tell somebody you're waiting while dating,
And we're gonna dive into it and remember that you
can write into us by visioning Relationship restore dot com
backslash the Smiths, and we'll listen to your question and
answer that the best we can based off of our experience.
So we're gonna share some tips with you. We have
(00:35):
four tips that we can share with you guys that
we feel like will help you in this process.
Speaker 4 (00:39):
So let's go with number one. Tip. Number one is
making sure you are serious.
Speaker 3 (00:44):
So this is a big thing, right because we have
a lot of people that try to call us out
when we was waiting, But we know people who said
they was waiting but they ain't really wait. So the
thing is is that there's.
Speaker 4 (00:53):
No judgment here at all.
Speaker 3 (00:55):
But before you ask out of somebody, make sure you
truly are serious and something that you truly are ready
to do. I talked about it in our previous video.
You can go check it out where we talk about
the signs that God gave us that we knew we
were for each other. Is that I made a decision
that I wanted to be with somebody and find my wife,
and that I wanted to kind of wait for marriage,
(01:17):
probably like a year eight months to a year before
I actually truly made the decision to do that, and
with Bree. Is when I met Bree. That was the
first time that I actually told somebody that's what I
was doing, because I felt in my heart that I
was truly committed at that moment. Sometimes we may be
doing it because you're saying like, oh, the Bible saysn't
(01:38):
do it, or oh, somebody told me to do it,
but you truly don't believe it yourself, or you don't
truly have the convictions that will help you to stay
disciplined in it yourself. So you just have to make
sure that if you're saying you're gonna do it, that
you actually mean it and that you actually want to
do it, and you're not just doing it because somebody
else told you to do it, because we could tell you.
I was very disciplined in our walk when it came to.
Speaker 4 (02:01):
That, right.
Speaker 1 (02:02):
Yeah, And that's why I want to talk about the
person on the other end that's receiving the news that
you're waiting, because for me, I was waiting, but I
wasn't waiting for marriage. I was just waiting in a
sense where I was like, I'm not going to do
what I normally do, which is like if I like
you and if you're my boyfriend, then you get the goodies.
It's like, no, I need a ring on this finger.
I need like a full on commitment. But it would
(02:24):
have been selfish of me to commit to his idea
of waiting for marriage if I wasn't going to be
willing to actually commit, And so I had asked serious questions.
I was like, okay, rewind, okay, how many years or
how much time do you feel it takes before you
know if we're going to get engaged, and then once
(02:46):
we're engaged, how long until we get married? Because his
idea of waiting for marriage could have been quick or
it could have been a six seven year period, and
I didn't want to assume that what I had envisioned
as waiting for marriage being different from what he had
in his plans, and so I had to make sure
that I got very clear responses on what that looked like,
(03:09):
and then I had to be willing to agree to
that moving forward. Now, I will say, I'm sure this
will happen, especially if the woman is the one making
the decision. There were a few times where I had
tried to get Dre to break the rules and he
was very adamant about like, no, I'm not doing that.
And because we had boundaries set in place to protect that,
(03:32):
that was the only reason why we were able to obstain.
And we have never once, not even like, touched private parts,
oral sex, nothing. We have never slipped up. We had
sex for the first time the day after we got
married because we were too tired all the day before.
So yeah, we never slipped up. And it's because we
had boundaries and we communicated and I was respecting his wishes.
(03:54):
But yeah, you gotta be serious on both ends, Like
it takes two people to take of.
Speaker 3 (04:00):
All, right, Tip number two, focus on the why not
the what? So I feel like this is so important
and this is probably One of the reasons that the
person asked us this in the first place is because
you're scared of what somebody may think about what you're doing,
and you have to kind of have a different perspective
(04:20):
on it when you're looking at it yourself, so you
can better communicate it to other people. What you're doing
is waiting for marriage. But what's more important is why
you're doing it. The reason why you're doing it is
that you're just being intentional about finding the person you
want to spend the rest of your life with, the
person that's going to be the biggest influence in your life,
the person that's going to be the mother or father
of your kids, and you just want to do that
(04:43):
in a sober way, to not be intoxicated by something physical,
because that physical thing can come. If you keep focusing
on what you're doing, then it's going to bring so
much attention to it, and it's gonna be like, oh,
we're not having sex.
Speaker 4 (04:54):
We're not having sex.
Speaker 3 (04:55):
But to me, I look at it as we all
have different things that we're trying to accomplish. We just
all have different ways that we try to accomplish it.
Like take away sex from the conversation. Let's just talk
about relaxing. Some people like to relax by going to
the spa. Some people like to relax by taking walks.
Some people like to relax by I don't know, playing
a piano or playing a guitar. Like, we all have
(05:17):
the same goal. What we do to try to achieve
that goal may be different, but the why is the same.
Speaker 4 (05:24):
It's we're just trying to relax.
Speaker 3 (05:25):
And I feel like so many people get in their
head when they're making this decision, like what are people
gonna think?
Speaker 4 (05:30):
What are people gonna think? What are people wanna think?
Speaker 3 (05:32):
I think sometimes we trick ourselves or we make the
situation worse by bringing attention more attention to something than
we need to, by trying to like circumvent any hard
conversations where we could just act normal and make it
seem like it's not that big of a deal, and
then we'll it'll come across in a relationship like it
isn't that big of a deal.
Speaker 4 (05:53):
We see it with a few things.
Speaker 3 (05:54):
So one example, remember that real with the baby there's
a baby to where the dad hit the hand on
the wall and he started like crying, and then the
baby started crying, he need to hit the baby's head.
He just hit his hand behind the baby's head on
the wall, and then when the baby saw.
Speaker 4 (06:09):
Him crying, the baby started crying.
Speaker 3 (06:11):
But then in another video, the baby fell and they
looked to the dad to like, see, what are you
gonna do? The dad start laughing and then the baby
just start laughing. And that's just a perfect example. Sometimes
people look to us and our reactions to even judge
how they should react in a moment. So if you're
making this huge deal about not having sex before marriage,
then the eyes of them making a huge deal about
(06:33):
it too is gonna be the same thing. And then
also another example is when it comes to like pimples
or things that are physically wrong with you. Typically most
people don't even see them, but if you're just coming
in a conversation, hey guys, I'm sorry, this pimple on
my face is just so huge. Like if you're bringing
that up immediately, guess where all the intention is gonna
go straight to that pimple the whole conversation. They're gonna
(06:54):
be thinking about it because you just led with it
as if it's just this huge issue that everybody's concerned
now relationships. I know sex is a little bit different.
But the point is is that if you come into
the conversation acting like it's just the worst thing in
the world, they're gonna treat it and it's going to
be talked about like it's the worst thing in the world.
But if you go about it like this, I'm just
(07:15):
doing this because I want to find my person, and
I'm just being intentional about it.
Speaker 4 (07:19):
And that's the reason why.
Speaker 3 (07:21):
That's something that anybody who's really looking for somebody can
relate to. Maybe their method of finding that person is different,
but they can all relate to why they are doing
the things they do to try to find somebody. They
can relate to being intentional about finding somebody want to
spend the rest of their life with. So it's like
focus on the why when you're thinking about it yourself,
(07:43):
but also when you're bringing it up to people versus
focusing on what, And it's like, have that conversation, I'm
looking for somebody that I could possibly find the rest
of my life with, And then as you go into conversation,
you could talk about the way that you're doing that.
Oh yeah, I'm waiting to have sex into a marriage
but the folks shouldn't be necessarily on that as much
as why you're doing it.
Speaker 1 (08:03):
You agree, Yeah, I'm sure, I'm distracted. You have a
very nice side program.
Speaker 4 (08:08):
Thank you, thank you.
Speaker 1 (08:11):
I agree.
Speaker 4 (08:11):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (08:12):
Can we go to the next tip because what I
have to say is about that?
Speaker 4 (08:16):
Yes?
Speaker 1 (08:16):
Okay. So Tip three is making sure that the other
person is committed. And I want to talk about this
because I do think that there is such a thing
as telling someone too soon. And the reason why is
if I'm meeting you for the very first time, and
the first piece of information within that setting, within that
(08:37):
meeting is that you're waiting for marriage. If I'm someone
who is not really opens waiting for marriage, or that's
not what I want, it's not what I envisioned myself doing.
And you share this information with me very early on,
before I really get to know you, before I really
get to even picture if that's something that I would
do with you. It's just too soon, and I feel
like it could uh what's the word compromise or like
(09:02):
steer someone away? Yeah, like push someone away in a sense,
because it's just it's one of those things where you
can't assume that everyone else is doing it, and as
I'll know, everyone else is not doing it, So it's
not gonna be likely that the first person you share
that with is gonna be like, oh, yeah, that's exactly
what I want to write. So it's kind of like
when Dre and I were finally at the point of
(09:24):
disclosing that information, we already both were in a space
where we were like, I could see myself with this
person long term. Like the average Joe that you're going
on a first date with, you don't need to share
that with them, like get to know the person enough
before you disclose it, because you want them to be
able to picture a life with you first, and they
can't do that they don't know you. And so a
(09:45):
lot of my friends who have tried the waiting thing,
it's like the first thing they say and they say
it like as it's like, oh, look at me, and
I'm waiting for marriage, so like, are you willing to
wait for me? And it's like, girl, I don't know,
I don't even know you, you know, So it's like
you shouldn't lead with that. It should be something that
I would say is at least a two to three
date topic. Definitely not first date I just feel like,
(10:07):
why why have someone.
Speaker 4 (10:11):
The list?
Speaker 1 (10:12):
Yeah, why is that a thing already? So like wait,
how long would you say to wait?
Speaker 3 (10:17):
I think it just naturally for it to come up
in conversation. But it goes into the bigger point that
I said in the beginning is not making it such
a big issue, right Yeah, is that it's like I'm
just being intentional about the person I'm being with, And
that's the thing. One thing that Briad said is so
true is that typically both people aren't always on the
same page. Even we weren't on the same page when
(10:39):
it came for the length of what we were going
to do.
Speaker 4 (10:41):
Some people might.
Speaker 3 (10:42):
Have different thought process on what that actually means, whether
that does include oral masturbate, Like everybody has their own
viewpoint of what it is. So before you even have
that conversation, like Bri said, I got to figure out
if I like you, because you'll be surprised. Some people
will make that decision with you. But they will only
do it if they feel like the person that they're
(11:04):
doing it is worth waiting for, right. So it's like
that's part of our whole brand from the beginning was
worth the wait, Like this person was worth waiting for,
Like everybody ain't worth waiting for right and putting up
with all the things that would require that to happen.
So part of that too, with the second part of
(11:24):
making sure that the other person is committed or making
sure that they're committed, is that sometimes when we do
like somebody, we start to fall in love with the
vision of what life could be and we know what
we want.
Speaker 4 (11:36):
But that person could really be telling you like they
not for that.
Speaker 3 (11:40):
But if you know that that's something that you actually
want and that's something that you're committed to, please make
sure they're on board and don't run away from having
that conversation because you're scared it might mess up what
you guys already have. Because I guarantee you if you
can't come to a consensus on that, then you're already
starting your relationship not aligned, and it doesn't bode well
(12:02):
for your future, and it's not a good indication for
like a long healthy relationship if something that serious you
guys are aligned on, or you're scared to bring up
conversations or hard conversations around something because you're fearful that
it might.
Speaker 4 (12:16):
Disrupt your relationship.
Speaker 3 (12:17):
So Tip number four is communicate boundaries early, but don't
stress about it. This is something that we could definitely
talk about as far as the boundaries, and this is
something that Bri had communicated early you're in. Another tip
is just making sure that you define what that means.
And that's something that I have adopted as one of
my pillars of advice when it comes to relationships is
(12:39):
that we have to define things because we all have
different definitions of what dating means, what relationships mean, what
does love mean, what does being committed mean? Like all
these different things through our experiences, we define in many
different ways. So it's important to first define, like, all right,
if we are waiting, what does that even mean? And
then that comes with talking about the boundaries that you
(13:02):
want to put in place in order to make that happen.
Because one thing that I realized in relationships is that
there are two problems that you can typically have that
can really disrupt things and lead to problems. One is
a difference in goals, but the second is a difference in.
Speaker 4 (13:19):
How to achieve the goals. So a lot of.
Speaker 3 (13:21):
Times, even in our relationship, we had the same goal,
but we had different methods on how we needed to
go about getting to the goal. And I feel like
that's the same thing here that just because you align
on what waiting or the concept of waiting for marriage,
how you plan on getting there, what you plan on doing,
how you plan on going about it, you guys may
(13:42):
have two different visions on what that means, so it's
important that you guys talk about it.
Speaker 1 (13:47):
Yeah, And for me, with the boundaries that I want
to stress on is that everyone's boundary for what it
would mean for you and your person to actually wait
is going to look different for sure. So our boundaries
were set up for us to succeed. So for me,
it was like I didn't want a French kiss if
(14:07):
we were in the house or anywhere where, like you know,
things could happen, because for me, it's like, don't take
me to the pregame. If we're not going to the party,
I just you know, I won't be able to successfully
do what we're supposed to be doing if we're just
like making out all the time. So that for me
was like, we need to find other forms of intimacy
because French kissing can't be one of those things for
(14:30):
me because it'll constantly tempt me to want to do
the thing that follows that.
Speaker 3 (14:34):
And so the other point of the tip where we're
talking about don't stress about it is trust me. Even
without sex and the absence of sex in your relationship,
there are a lot of other things that you're going
to have to figure out and work out in your relationship.
Like if you think that's going to be the biggest
issue is like waiting for marriage or not having sex
in your relationship, that's not going to be the biggest thing.
(14:55):
You have so much opportunity where you're gonna have to
learn one another, how to communicate with one another, figure
out how to agree on certain things. Like there will
be moments in your relationship where it will be that
reminder like, oh, we're not having sex. But I would
say that we still had our fair share of issues.
It's not like we like, you know, without taking sex
(15:17):
out that everything else was smooth. It's like, no, we
had a fair share of things that we still had
to figure out and work out and make sure we
understood about one another even outside of sex. And then
also at the same time as we had some amazing
times together without sex too, So it's like you will
have your fair share of amazing times and things that
(15:37):
you're gonna need to work on without that even being present.
So just make sure don't stress about it, don't try
to make it a focal point of your relationship to
be a reminder every single day that that's not what
you're doing. Just try to enjoy the time with one another,
learn each other, because I can guarantee you that you
want to find somebody who loves you, who's down for you,
who would do anything for you without that even being present,
(16:01):
peace anything else that.
Speaker 1 (16:05):
No, I think that's everything.
Speaker 2 (16:08):
Okay, So if you found this video helpful and make
sure to like subscribe, share it with a friend, and
don't forget that you can now join the relationship restore
community for singles and couples at relationship restore dot com backslash.
Speaker 3 (16:20):
Community yep, and make sure you check out all the
videos on the channel. Are Worth the Way, old stuff,
Jordan Breed Things, Individual, Real Love Scenario and you can
check out all of our podcasts and new content on
the YouTube channel anytime you subscribe.
Speaker 4 (16:34):
So make sure you subscribe so
Speaker 3 (16:35):
You get those noted fucations and make sure you follow
us on Instagram at is j Smith at Brianna Ponte
at relationship restored, and Smith's on demand
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