Episode Transcript
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Line, welcome to your donut,you eat it. I'm your o'shawn.
Tonight, I wanted to talk abouthow your family influences your culture. And
I'm not talking about just your biologicalfamily. I'm talking about your non biological
family as well. There's your chosenfamily. So I added the pleasure of
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going out hunting with my brother.I would say my two brothers, one
of my two brothers, one ofmy two brothers that are actual family,
and one brother who I've known sinceis about five were six years old,
and my nephew. And what Iknow is that your family, no matter
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whether they're biological or non biological,you know, your chosen family the influence
what you do. You know,I hunted for years, and towards the
end of my dad's life, Ikind of got to the point where it
just kind of became a chore.I don't get the joy I used to
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out of hunting, and I becamemore apparent this year because as I've gotten
older, the cold really bothers me, specifically my hands and my knees.
I don't mind hiking, but it'salways felt like some sort of deployment to
go hunting, some sort of chore. This one was dramatically different. It
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wasn't a chore, and it remindsme of why I should have been looking
at hunting different differently for sure.Now my brother Ronnie and my chosen brother
Dexton both still get a giant thrillout of hunting, and I don't.
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When I say that they see ananimal, they get excited. They see
things that could be animals, sticks, rocks, they get excited. I
remember a time and place that thatwas me. I used to do that,
but I don't anymore, which tellsme that I've lost something or have
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changed enough dramatically that hunting isn't exactlywhat it used to be for me.
But I tell you what I didlearn and what I do remember about this
last hunt, I will never forget. It is how close my family is,
what family I have left. Soto give you some background, and
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if you've listened to your donut youeat it or New Mexico Black Rifle Operators
Union, thank you. First off, you know that I've lost my mother,
my father, and my sister.So about eight years ago I lost
my baby sister, who would besix years younger, so she would have
been just turned forty I lost mydad three years ago. I lost my
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mother the end of this year willbe two years ago. So I felt
quite a bit of all alone fora long time. Now, that's not
because my family, even my aunts, my uncles, and my own kids
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haven't and their mother, which herand I aren't together anymore, or I
haven't been for a long time.She's happily with some other guy who's a
decent guy too, and and Iare really good friends. But it made
me think of how lucky I ambecause my brothers, technically the ones I
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would consider my biological brothers, aren'tmy biological brothers. My dad mixed our
family together. When my mom anddad got together, there were yours,
mine and ours, but that changedwith my dad. My dad said that
once you stayed under the roof ofhis house more than a night, you
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were his. And he extended thatto my friends, my brother's friends,
my sister's friends, and we allbecame kind of this unofficial family and it
stayed to this day. You know, my non biological or non the one
that didn't live under my roof iswhat I should say. He's never failed
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me. He's always been there,even when I wanted to push everyone away.
He wouldn't let me. He's notalone. I have two other friends
that I've known since junior high ina grade school that are the same way.
And I have a recently acquired friend. I wouldn't say recently. I've
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known him for probably about fifteen totwenty years now, so not recently,
but I've known him a long timeand he's become my best friend too.
And it's hard for me to differentiatebetween best friends and just friends because I've
always attached more of a relationship tosomeone I would call a friend than I
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would call anyone else. And that'sbecause I always willing to do more for
them for some people than they wouldbe willing to do for me. But
at forty six, I finally realizedthat I do have best friends. And
there's four of them. Actually Iwould say five. There's one I don't
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get to hang out with nearly enoughbecause he's kind of antisocial. He's a
listener here, and I'm sorry I'dlet that slip for a minute. I'd
say there's five. And it alwaysseems that God introduces my friends back into
my life when I need them themost, when I feel the most alone
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and out of sorts, one ofmy friends somehow magically gets the spidy sense
and finds me, and it's independentof any of them. Some of them
are Johnny on the spot and doit instantly. Dexton, Nate, Stephen,
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and David have their own families,their own stuff, and we don't
interact as much as we use to. And my buddy Randy. Randy and
Dexton and Nate are the ones thatseem to know when they need to reach
out and touch base with me,and I should be a better friend and
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do the same for them, becausewhen the rubber meets the road, those
non biological family that you have areprobably going to step up in places where
your biological family or the people thatused to live under your roof won't.
And the only reason why they don'tis my brother ron and Rick. Both
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of them live in different parts ofthe country, so they don't get to
interact with me very much. Andmy brother Ronnie is very much like I
am. We hate the phone,okay, so it's hard to keep in
touch with someone far away when youdon't have those connections with the phone that
other people do. But if I'mout of sorts or I'm out of contact
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for long enough, and I don'teven pay attention that I'm doing it.
I just get in my own headand don't do it. These people reach
out, but what I'm getting atis how much they influence your life for
the positive. You know, I'vebeen going through a spiritual reawakening, is
the best way to put it.I've always been a Christian, I've stepped
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away from the faith for a longtime, and I started getting back reacquainting
to that place. Not because ofthe storm that happened, but because of
the storm that happened. What Imean is it sounds hypocritical, is that
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sometimes you got to be brought toyour knees to recognize how blessed you are.
You know, the fact that youate today, or that you have
friends or family that would step inand give you the world if they knew
you were hurting. But in malesociety, we don't do that, at
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least the older males don't. Wetend to try to figure it out on
our own or think we are,and that doesn't always work out. Because
you there's a reason why God hasblessed us with the people in our life.
If you stay isolated enough, youyou end up in a place that's
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not very good. You know,I remember a time and place where I
was suicidal. In fact, Itried twice. And with this new realignment
that's been happening, that took aconscious effort on my part. I've been
realigning my I call it my soul, my mind, and my body,
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because I'm rewriting my sore code,so to speak. And one of the
things I did was reconnect to spiritualityand to faith. Now that this is,
you know, subjective to each individualperson, because you have to freely
choose to do that. There's nothingthat says you have to do this.
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I can tell you it's made adifference in my life. I can tell
you I've seen it in my life. During this rewiring, I've reconnected with
my best friends and my brothers inways that I never thought possible. And
I've seen the influence of that moreand more that as we kind of suffer
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together, but we also celebrate together, you realize you're not alone. And
that matters a lot, especially forsomeone that was in a darker place as
I once was in my life life. You know, for about seven years,
I was on antidepressants because I wasanxious, I was depressed, self
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hating. That's not the case anymore. There's still some of those lingering feelings
that I can do this on myown. But the truth is that's not
how we were designed to function.We're designed to be part of the community.
We're designed to be part of theculture. What does that mean?
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Reconnecting with your friends and your familybecause they matter. They push you in
the right directions. You know.There's a saying, and it's biblical partially,
it's also comes from other philosophies.Show me your friends, and I'll
show you how much of an idiotyou are or how genius you are.
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I've always been accused of being extremelysmart, so it kind of lends credence
that my family and my friends thatI hang out with are pretty damn smart.
Not to toot my own horn,but that is one of the first
things anyone ever says about me,is that I am extremely smart. God
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only gives with one hand, soI'm probably not the best looking guy,
but I'm damn sure intelligent to knowthat. I don't know if I'm that
bad looking either, to be honest, and I say that because I have
spent a lot of time self hating, and if I would have spent that
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time talking to my friends and talkingto those around me, maybe I'd see
a little more good in myself.And that's what I was really getting at,
is that your friends, your friendgroup, and your family influence you
in a number of ways. Thetypes of food you eat based on your
family, might be based on someof your friends. Type of music you
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like probably based on your friends,the type of movies you watch, you
know, the type of stuff youconsume. And when I say consume,
I mean the media you consume.Has a lot to do with your friend
groups and a lot to do withhow they interact with you and how you
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interact with them. What does thatmean. It means that that is very
much part of the culture that we'retrying to talk about here. On your
donut, you eat it. Youknow, the culture in the United States
is weird. I think we're inthat little place where we're going through a
cultural change and a lot of peoplewould say that's progressive, and a lot
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of people would say it's regressive.And here's why I would be one of
the guys that would say it's regressive. There is a certain sect of people
that believe race is everything, oryour sexual orientation is everything, and the
truth of the matter is up untilabout, you know, twelve or fifteen
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years ago, those little pieces weredying until it was started pushed forward again
to the forefront. You know,while when I was a kid, your
race was kind of supposed to besomething we didn't care about. We were
supposed to see the person for whothey are. Now your race determines a
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lot according to one particular group ofpeople right now. Who you sleep with
was supposed to be none of yourdamn business. Nowadays, entire identities are
built around that. Truth of thematter is neither one of those or anybody
else's concern. That's supposed to bebetween them and God. That's another thing
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I admit openly that I'm a Christian. I'm not trying to push my faith
or my religion, and if youwant to call it a religion, on
you. Nor am I judging you. If I give you any direction or
I tell you something, it's becauseI care about you enough that, hey,
I'm trying to make sure you're goingto the same place I am because
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I want you to go there,and if you're not going there, that's
on you. Again. But I'mgoing to try to make sure that you're
right next to me, because youare something that matters. In today's society,
we've dehumanized people enough that they spendlife in a little digital bubble.
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They're looking at a screen that's threeby four or three by five, and
they don't ever get out of that. They go to work doing whatever job
they do, love it or hateit, they kind of get off.
They get into the little bubble,or they play video games, and they
don't interact with normal people. Andthat is why I think society is failing,
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is because we have lost that connection, that human connection, that friend
connection, that family connection that bringsus back to the community and the culture
that we are. We're Americans.Americans should be proud of what we've done.
We've done a lot of great things. We've done a lot of bad
things, but this world would bescrewed without us. The same can be
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said about every other race to somedegree, or culture to some degree.
Each culture makes this tapestry that isthe world. You know, we're supposed
to all get along. That's notreality. The reality is some people hate
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each other and there's no way aroundit. They're going to fight we can
only do what we can do.But maybe, just maybe those feelings of
depression you've had, those anxious feelings, those feelings of isolation, would end
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if you just talk to your friend, talk to the person next to you
that you don't even know, andsee if there could be a potential friend,
you know. Starting this new chapterin my life, this new season
in my life, I've been blessedwith. In Mandalorian terms, it's called
sin vettin fresh snow. I hada chance to start a new career in
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a similar line of where I oncewas, without being a surly, grumpy
old man that had been doing thatline of work so long that he lost
sight of why he did it,why he loved it. And I'm returning
back to that place where I doenjoy it, and that I am enjoying
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my co workers more than I shouldhave. Are what more now as I
should have when I had an excellentgroup of co workers then too. You
know, I've always been blessed withreally good co workers and a few bad
ones here and there, really smartpeople who were strategic thinking and really dumb
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people that were strategic thinking. AndI'm a tactical person. What does that
mean, I will take your strategyand I will turn it into operation goals,
and I will operationalize it. Andif it was bad, you're going
to notice it right away. Ifit was good, you're going to notice
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it right away. Good leaders willalways give you a free hand, but
they'll also give you guidance in thedirections you need to go. And if
they give you stupid orders and youcall them in place and say, hey,
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this is a stupid order, maybethey should listen, because for all
they know, they could be causinga problem that they have not foreseen yet.
That isn't always the case, butin your friend groups, that same
bit of knowledge applies you're doing somethingstupid and destructive. You've got really good
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friends. They'll points you in theright direction. If you're being a surly
ass, they'll point poke you andsay quit being that guy. You're better
than that. Your family does thattoo, but they've gotten so used to
you that they just assume that's sortof how you are. Your friends do
to some degree, but they're alwaysgoing to poke you gently at first,
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sometimes sternly, And the reason whythey do it is because they care and
love about love you, and thathas been a hard lesson to reacquaint myself
with over time. Just some mindlessrattling of what I learned over the weekend,
again that our culture is dependent onother people, whether we like it
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or not. It's better to pickthose people, your friends, your family,
than to associate with those idiots thathave nothing to do with you.
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