The MAGIC Blue Dot

Does this literal blue dot thing from the National Enquirer really work to bring you money?

What part of your body would you give up to win the lottery? And what’s the minimum amount?

What’s the most unbelievable thing you’ve ever witnessed? Man, does Erik have an insane story. All of this plus lots of laughs, teasing, and shocking admissions.

Let us be your “escape from reality” show. We are here to make you laugh and forget about the tough stuff.

We love you for watching and listening and

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Episode Transcript

(00:01):
Hello, everybody, Welcome to LauraKane after Dark. I'm Laura Kane.
You are This's Eric. Remember what'sups? Oh my god, our hair,
our hair tone is exactly the samecolor. And this is like a
rooty wig that I have. Iwas gonna say, this is my magic,

(00:22):
this is my actual hair. Yeahright, you just totally grew it
out. Eric was me like,okay, you saw the last episode.
You know it was a complete disaster. It was great, awesome, did
a great job. I did agood job. Brian was a little office
game. I think, Wait,me me being you, I don't know

(00:44):
anyways, all I'll say is whenwe were starting this show, I had
to go through and correct a numberof things that she screwed up. I
was like why, I don't know. I got I got nervous. But
our opening bumper did not play,and I was like, why is it
not playing? And I was like, anybody, we're going straight to it.
And I was like, oh,because she turned it off. Our
sponsors played, and that's all thatreally matters, right Okay, right now,

(01:06):
great, Now I'm gonna have toget my hair done because if my
hair looks like that, do youwant to take that off or you're like
gonna be you still have blue righthere? I do from your eye shadow
like I wear a blue eye shadow. He punched in the face and Rob
Zombie. You guys, I havesomething very important we have to do,
and I and after we talk aboutour sponsors. But I want to talk

(01:30):
about something first. So first ofall, our last episode, it was
I was screaming inside because you guysare so incredibly mean. What do you
mean me and my private parts?That wasn't very nice. That was Eric.

(01:52):
I just want to point out Idid you did say I forgot it
was funny though you don't remember whatyou said, said all sorts of horrible
thing. Oh that you had todrive Vagina, drive Vagina, A drive
Vagina, and then my auditions onmy milk corn whatever. Listen. That
was very off the cuff. That'swhat they call spontaneous improv. Yeah,

(02:15):
if you're gonna play with your wigthe entire time, you're gonna need it.
I had to move it to oneside because I was getting very You're
playing with your wig the whole timeduring our last time, the last part,
because I'm not used to being agirl. Okay, so so now
get used Eric slash Laura last episodekind of let it out of the bag.
This hasn't been confirmed yet by thebye, but we are having supposedly

(02:40):
wanting to planning on having a partyin May for Brian's second anniversary slash my
birthday. Wait to let it outof the bag, Laura, you did
you did it? No? Uh, And we'd really love to have it.
It's a kwan, So we're gonnawe're trying to like make that happen
because I'd be so fun. It'scalled manifesting. You're not me anymore.

(03:05):
I'm me, You're you. Itake the way off because it's making it's
throwing you off. I'm me,not you. It's throwing you off.
Oh, by the way, Igot a comment. What was on TikTok
yes about my hands? Somebody wroteenough with the hands already because I always

(03:25):
do this, you know, I'malways I gesticulate a lot. No,
it's not a good thing. Isee I talk with my hands. Did
you want to talk about the othercompliment that you got? What compliment?
The one that you sent Brian andI would you like me to read that

(03:47):
book? No? No, no, no, don't read it. That's
just that would get us in ahuge trouble. Could I bleep out certain
words? Can I read it?Let me read it? Yeah, Brian,
please be a producer. Well youare, but produce this this segment
that's about to happen. I would, I don't think so here, I'll

(04:09):
do it. I don't trust youeither. Oh, I swear to God
I'll do it, and I'll doit great. Watch you're just like These
are just some of the dms Iget. I'm ready to mute him if
we need to. Okay, please, okay, I'll have a dump button
or you have a dum dum.Well whatever mute button we do. Yeah,
and so, I mean, itwas so sweet. And that's the

(04:30):
thing that I thought was really niceabout it. It was, Yeah,
some dms I get are really sweet. They were. Some dms I get
are like the guy who wanted meto step on his temple with the highest
stiletto I could find so his braincould come out of his ears. This
was a little worse. I mean, this one is that one was just
plain disturbing. This one is justplain gross and like naughty and really naughty

(04:56):
from some stranger like ew. SoI said to the boys and I'm like,
Okay, here's one of our fans. Here's some you're some fan feedback.
Yeah, well, I don't wantyou to read it. I don't
I don't try. I don't knowwhat you mean. You don't trust I
don't try it. Okay, Brian, you do it. I'll read it,
think about think about your mom,well, think about your mom watching

(05:17):
it. No, look at I'llread it. I have it right here.
It really says, get your fingerready, to get your finger ready,
okay, okay, I would liketo slip your bank blank panties down
your legs ever so lightly, thengently touch your now dripping blank, slide
my fingers into blank for more baby. Oh, if you have nudes,

(05:45):
I'd love it if you sent mesome of your sexy self so I can
blank thinking of your blank. Okay, that was better. That was better.
There you go anyway, So that'sjust kind of that insane. No,
it's it's not actually Brian, Andthat's that's what's insane about it.
For the rat that was fathom sayingI can't even fath them say that someone
I am in the relationship, right, Yeah, it's shockingly just also corny

(06:09):
too, totally. Please take thewig off. You're you're throwing me off.
Okay, is it like looking ina mirror if you have like a
horrmone problem. I do have ahormone problem. It's like looking one of
those funhouse mirrors, Like looking ata funhouse Mirrorhuh. Okay. We have
to do something very important, butwe needs well, we're going to do

(06:30):
that. But there's something that weas a show need to do together,
and I'm willing to do it everytwice a week or once a week,
I don't know, but we needto figure it out. So we're gonna
do that after we talk about ourfine sponsors, Lamoya Cosmetic Surgery Center and
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(08:28):
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Growth Inc. And the Joya CosmeticSurgery Center for being our responsor. Thank
you guys, guys. Okay,see love you. Now. I know
somebody one either the Mega Millions orthe powerball. It was like a one

(08:52):
point five billion or some damn thing. It's somebody New New Jersey or something.
One I don't know won the bigone that just happened. Do you
guys follow this at all? Doyou follow the Mega Millions lottery? I
never even bought it, Okay,I never have either. Right about scratchers,
that's it. I've avery bought ascratcher. Alright. Here we are
kind of fun. First of all, I have this is what we have

(09:15):
to do first as a show.We're gonna pick You're gonna pick two numbers.
You're gonna pick two numbers. I'mgonna pick two numbers, and I'm
gonna play those numbers every week.Those are my two numbers? You're going
to be like that? What's wrongwith one and two? I guess I
mean it could happen. What Imean the gods of Actually it could happen.

(09:35):
Okay, six thousand, No,you can't. Doesn't go up that
far. Then it goes to upto like fifty or something. Fifty one.
Okay, so sixty one. No, I don't think it was at
sixty one. Go do one andtwo? One and two? I actually
I don't like that. What areyour favorite numbers? Seventy seven and then
seven? So we get some angelnumbers? They don't it doesn't go up

(09:56):
to seventy seven. Oh that's right. Sorry, there's other angel numbers.
There's I don't like the other ones. How about seven? Okay, seven
is one of them? Then whathow about twenty three for your age?
All right, okay, twenty threeand seven? Those are your numbers?

(10:16):
Take my numbers? No, no, I'll remember. Oh is this an
astrology bullshit thing? No, I'mgoing to take these numbers. I'm playing
it. I'm going to play themevery week. Are you going to charge
it with crystals or something? I'lltell you what's in my wallet. There's
something there's wait, you will believewhat's in my wallet for woo woo stuff.

(10:41):
My mom even sent me something.This is unbelievable. But first of
all, Eric, what are yournumbers? Because I'm going to play him
every week and we're gonna win theone of these to our age, Let's
just do our age. Fifty sevenand seven, yes, he is,
you're fifty seven? No your fiftysix? Yes, but I'll be fifty
seven next year, so no,to you'll be fifty seven next I don't

(11:05):
want to do my age. Ihave my own favorite numbers. We know
you're like fifty nine or something.Wow, Okay, I'll do fifty six.
Okay and wait two wait, it'sfifty six too high though, I
okay, let's not do our agethen, I don't think I think you.

(11:26):
Let's be safe and just pick numberswe know we're safe. Okay,
twenty two and seventeen that was mynumber. Okay, but I'll pick a
different number, oka, okay,seventeen, twenty two, I'm going forty
four and eleven. Okay, alsotwenty three and seven right? Seven okay,
seven, twenty three, twenty two, forty four, seventeen and fifty

(11:54):
No no fifties. What was theother one? Eleven four forty four forty
four? Better all write about them. I'll do it after the show.
But I'm gonna play it every weeknow we hit it. Yeah, we'll
all split it, even though I'mthe one that's probably going to pay for
the tickets every single time. Youcan have tickets plus the less than one

(12:16):
hundred dollars it will take. Okay, then I bet I put out.
Okay, I'll take all. Wewill repay your money plus a healthy seven
percent interest, which amount to aboutthree dollars or something. How long it
takes, I'm okay with that.So we all split. Let's say it's
up to six hundred million. Let'ssay go TAXI plus then minus taxes.

(12:39):
Well whatever, Okay. I havea couple of questions for you. If
we win the lottery and we allsplit it three ways, who is the
first person you're gonna tell to goto hell? Nobody? What? Like?
I just want them. I justwant the lottery, you know what,
I believe it? Bleep, nopeace out. Would you quit your

(13:03):
job? You know what I wouldnot? I would I would put in
minimal effort. That's not okay.I just wouldn't feel back. So I'm
like, if I don't get likewe are, they gonna fire me?
Like it's fine, Like no,I would totally still work. But I
know I would too because I actuallyreally like what I do. Me too,
so I would take a lot more. I would, Well, here's

(13:26):
what I would do. You wouldinvest it with Jay? Of course,
God, I wouldn't be believe meif this next half of my life,
I'm gonna be a lot smarter aboutmy real quick Let's oh, you're over
halfway. Just to put that outthere, Let's just say we each get
okay, let's say we get sixhundred million. Let's say after taxes we
each get sixty million. Break itdown from what are you doing? Well,

(13:50):
I'm gonna give Okay, I'm gonnabuy my car out because it's the
least, so I don't have acar payment anymore. I pay all my
debt and to play all okay,that's all to the casino. Oh no,
I'm going to pay off all mykids student loans and all of that.
So I wiped clean, clean clean. Then I'm going to go on

(14:13):
a trip and you know where Ireally want to go with Evan because her
boyfriend is from Vietnam. I wantto go to Vietnam. I want to
go to Hochiman City. Want togo too? Do you do you want
to go in December because Hot Lee'sgoing to meet me there. He is.
Yeah, we're well, I'll talkto you about it. I'm manifesting

(14:33):
it. I'm manifesting it. Vieto Vietnam. Well, this is what
we want to do in December.But this is not somecember. You are
just this year. I don't run. Well, if it is, you
know how much it is to flyright now? And it's the layover is
I think it's like a thirty hourtrip with a layover that's twelve hours somewhere.

(14:58):
It's thirteen dollars a ticket. Iknow that's the cheapest. And that's
like this far ahead of time.Yeah, So anyway, I think I'll
just watch Good Morning Vietnam. Soanyway I would I would say to my
job, hey, I'm going totake a little time off, but I
don't. I mean, I reallylike this job and I'm grateful. I
hope you let me do that becauselife's too short and you should see the

(15:24):
world, right, So I woulddo that. I would take a little
money out obviously and go on atrip. But I wouldn't move, I
like where I live. I wouldn't. I wouldn't change anything drastically. And
I wouldn't tell anybody no way.I mean, I would tell my mom,
of course, because I'd help mymom out. But you know what,
she'd probably spend the money in thecasino. Wait, i'd have to

(15:46):
show you something that my mom sentme. You'd you'd have to give her
an allowance while she's doing that.Eric, what would you do with your
sixty million invest it? Oh boy, that was almost a all of this,
Like would you keep anything to splurgefor yourself or yeah, I'd keep
smon an account and I'd like,would you splurre? John like im media
travel just travel, just travel.Yeah, okay, I would I go

(16:08):
on a big Amazon fun filled funfilled Amazon offers the big Giant team.
I would buy TIMU. Okay.So my mom, she's one of the
last people I think on the planetthat has a subscription to the National Inquirer.

(16:29):
No way, dead serious. Now, she sent me this thing that
is from the National Inquiry and supposedlythis has been in the National Inquirer for
years and years and years and years, and it supposedly gives you good luck.
It's the dumbest thing you've ever everseen in your life. This is

(16:52):
from the National you know what,you know what, but you know what
is in the National Inquirer. It'severy everybody's bad luck. Well, the
fact that they're advertising something that bringsyou good like I don't know. And
you know what I did with it. It was getting so crumpled in my
wallet that I glued it to apiece of harder, harder paper so it

(17:12):
wouldn't it's the blue dot. Nowyou're supposed I know, seriously, this
is it is so dumb. Butmy mom mailed this to me and she
said, Laura, you're supposed tostare at this blue dot. It's there
were instructions on it, and thenyou rub your hand around it clockwise,

(17:33):
or you put it next to yourmoney, which I have it next to
my money, and it's supposed tomultiply your money. I want to be
the idiot that gets paid six figuresto make up ritual glible white woman,
I know. And then I alsohave a photo of a rupie because you're
supposed to keep a rupee in yourwallet. It's an Indian dollar. Well,

(17:59):
why would you keep a rupia?It's not even hard because I looked
up what's good luck and what bringsmoney? And supposedly you're supposed to put
some shells. I didn't. Icould order them on Amazon, but I
haven't ordered them yet. And thena picture of this goddess but I can't.
Which it's a lot to cram in. Your wallet has no money,
so it's got plenty of space.I don't even want to tell you guys
what I did. Oh no,you went to the casino. Oh my

(18:23):
god, are you kidding me?I'm concerned about to start getting upset.
Listen, wait, this wasn't waitwe're talking about the lottery here. I'm
not addicted. I could stop atany time. What did you do?
Just tell me now so I can. She'll be like, she's like,
I've been gambling for twenty years.If I was addicted, I think I

(18:45):
would know. First of all,I do not have a gambling fund.
If you know what I mean,there's funds somebody else have no money anymore.
I I'm not going to do.Not ask me any questions about this,
Okay, but I had a reallybad day on Friday, night Friday

(19:06):
night, I can't. Okay,now you have to tell her, no,
no, no, it's really inside. I'm not inside, but I
can't. Was the dress with theer in the front that you wore to
the cane? Oh? Oh yeah, she told us about that. Yeah,
you already told us about that.Are you recovering okay from that?
So on Saturday, I was reallykind of bummed out about something and I

(19:29):
was I was just really bummed,and a friend of mine was with another
friend and she's like, she randomlytexted me and she's like, hey,
where at Sekwan? We'd love itif you came. And I'm like,
I just got out of the shower. I just blowed down my hair,
I had no makeup on, andI go but and then I kind of
told her what had happened, andshe's like, oh my gosh, you
need some girl energy. Come withus, she goes, she goes,

(19:52):
I'll lend you one hundred dollars.You can play it and you know,
and we'll just have fun and we'lljust talk and don't. I'm like,
okay. So I literally drove outthere, no makeup on, no money,
I wore sunglasses inside the casino atnight like I was at some celebrity
or something because I didn't have anymakeup on. I was embarrassed with the

(20:12):
one missing lens. There they werea different fake bear and then lost it.
No big surprise there. And thenmy roommate called, and then I
was on the way home, soI was there for just a little while.
We had a piece of pizza,we talked. It was fun,

(20:33):
We had our time. So thenmy roommate calls it this, Hey,
where are you right now? Igo, oh, well, I'm at
Sakwan, but I'm leaving. I'mcoming home. And he goes, well,
I'm at this other casino. Justmeet me there, and I'm like
no, I go, well,it is kind of close. I went

(20:55):
to two freaking casinos. Was no, we don't talk about it any other
casinos except for Saquon. Oh okay, so I went there was another one.
I went to, Oh boy,and you get a card when you
go to when you go to acasino, you get like a player's card.
If you're insane, yeah no,if she it gives you points.

(21:17):
I used to gamble. I nevergot a card because that's how they get
you. You never sign up fortheir card. It's also how they track
you. If you're counting cards,you never get a card. You know
what. My friend said that shegoes the minute I win, because she
won one thousand dollars on the slotsand she took out her card right away.
She's like, I don't want themtracking how much you want. So

(21:37):
she didn't win anything else that night. But anyway, I don't know.
But but with the card, Igot like thirty dollars worth of free food.
Oh yeah, the comps can benice. Yeah, the comps were
pretty fun. I don't know.So that's what I did there. My
name So when I was counting cards, they couldn't stop me. You could.
You can count cards, not verywell, I used to a little

(21:59):
bit. Not what does that meancards? Yeah, it's when you so
every card that gets laid out inthat they use casinos when you're playing blackjack,
use six decks in their shuffle.There is a way to kind of
mentally ballpark or calculate the ballpark probabilityof the next what the next card is

(22:19):
going to be, not either aface card or anything else either, trying
to figure out it's going to be, whether what's the chance of it being
a face card or not being aface card, because generally, if there's
more face cards going out, you'remore likely to win. So you basically
you're you are keeping track of everycard that's coming out, you are assigning
it a number, and then you'readding it all up. It's called the
running counts, and so the higherthe running count, the lower the chances

(22:44):
are you have of winning that reviceversa. So basically, if you know
the count's low, and that meansthat there should be a lot more face
cards coming up, you want toup your bet, whereas if there's not
many, you want to lower yourbet. So when you play the tables,
do you give them your card?Is that? How how do they
track you out? I didn't havea card, Oh just saw because you
just stick it in the machine whenyou play the lot. Normally you would

(23:06):
just hand them. You would justyou would sit down on the table,
you'd throw them your card. They'lloh, I see, We'll like swipe
you in, and they swipe youin and then they yeah, okay,
I got it. But yeah,so I'm like, okay, that's was
pretty sad. But I didn't Ididn't do anything, that's right. I
just went you need to play realgames. Your money will last longer.
I know, you know what whatgame I played where my money lasted a

(23:27):
long time was Keynote. It's justsuch a dumb, boring game. Keino
is just you just pick up likeeight numbers and then you push start in
it, like numbers pop up andif they match, like if you get
three, you get a dollar,if you get four, you get like
ten dollars. Blackjack, Blackjack's fun. I was scared. I'm just scared
to play the card games. Meand Eric will go with you sometime and

(23:49):
Eric will never well he'll go tosaquand. But that's about it. We'll
play it. We'll play the fivedollars minimums. They still exist. And
black check's fun. Even if you'relike an ovie, it can. The
rules of blackjack are really you canyou can learn the rules of blackjack in
like ten minutes. Okay, youcan learn to actually the master of the
rules of blackjack in ten minutes.Master the rules. Because blackjacket is all

(24:12):
comes down the probability. So thereis a the like the have you played
Roulette rule? It sucks. Don'tplay roulette. That's the worst odds.
Blackjack. You you already know theset probability of your win rate, so
you might win, you might not, You probably won't. It's always favored
against you, but you can atleast already know that out like I already

(24:33):
know the odds. Don't talk tome. Don't talk me into playing anything
else. You have at least twohundred bucks you could go spend it.
No dot, if it exists,it's ready for to be gambled. Let
me tell you one funny story.Okay, a long time ago, the
CEO of fed X, I thinkit's fed X, the company was about
to go under. You have thirtythree thousand Yes, I've heard this.

(24:55):
Wait wait allegedly, whild say allegedlybecause what if it isn't? Pretty sure
it's true? Okay, anyways,it doesn't matter if it's like, I'm
not accusing him of crime, Sookay, anyways, takes the last thirty
three thousand dollars in companies money they'reabout to go under the next week or
two, takes it to a casino, turns into like four hundred thousand dollars,
pushes them through, and they endup becoming are today. Yeah,

(25:17):
no, you're you're I saw thaton some documentary. I don't know if
it's true now, but I don'tknow if it's true. But I did
see that on a documentary. WhatYeah, what a legend? Yeah,
legend. I was like, allright, you sold me. I got
right, you were right. Ido have at least two hundred bucks.
Oh wait, what time is itright now? Okay? Oh no,
dear god, oh my god.Open twenty four to seven okay. And

(25:41):
then I have one final question aboutthe lottery, because we're going to play
it every I remember the numbers,or I'll get the numbers and I'll play
it every week, and I'll letyou know. If you were guaranteed to
win the lottery, but you hadto give up some part of your body,
how much would you require and whatwould you give that? A single
strand of hair that's all give up. No, it'll never grow back.

(26:03):
The I'm talking about, like thatsingle strand of hair is gone forever.
That's that's a cop out. Yeah, it is fine. Arm hair,
Eric. What let's be realistic ifbecause I'm talking, I'll tell you what.
I'd give up your legs, youknow, half your body? No,

(26:25):
an arm for sure. Four let'ssay twenty million, uh, huh
minimum, I'd give a kidney forfive hundred billion dollars. I give up
some of my hair, just acouple of strands for for twenty million,
you said i'd give a kidney.Is that the but? Is that the

(26:47):
price? Or can we go higher? I want more? Yeah? I
want five hundred billion for ten hairs. That's my that's my minimum. I
mean you can give me more ifyou want to, but I'm like,
that's the least all. So someonesaid that I would get one hundred million
dollars. Would you give up akidney? No, I'd give up like
my little toe. No, don't, don't give up a toe toes.
Your little toe is actually very importantto your balance. What about your pinky?

(27:11):
No, that's like your hand strengthor something. What about this one?
No, I use that a lot. That's the most important. I
use that finger more than any otherfingers. I didn't want to give up
anything. Yeah, no amount ofmoney. You're life changing life. Oh
you know what? Okay? Herefor for five hundred million, I would

(27:34):
get a a sectomy. That's nottaking anything not Yeah, it is,
nothing gets removed exactly. I couldn'tget anybody pregnant. That nothing gets removed.
Though. Okay, here's what Iyeah, it's my it's my the
kids with a like one hundred billion. I give my left arm from the
elbow down if I could get one, it was like a super cool terminator

(27:56):
arm for real, one hundred billion. If I could get like the most
advance it's prosthetic. Ever, thatwas like a term in their arm.
Yeah, I do it for ahundred and it have to be one hundred
billion. That's like ridiculous, guys. That is come on, I know,
like I was trying to be realistic. I am being realistic. Why
would you just give up a kidneyyou don't need both of them? Yeah,

(28:18):
but there's health issues when you loseyour kidneys. I wouldn't. I
wouldn't do anything one. Yeah,okay, I can use my gall bladder.
I don't think you want to,though it's pretty important. People get
it out all the time. Yeahthey can't or you're appendix. But mean,
do you need your clean I canget I get here five hundred million

(28:41):
tonsils oh million. The only thingI'll say is I've heard that is incredibly
painful. For that is like oneof the most painful recoveries. I don't
know why tons getting your tonsils out, I'd be willing to risk it.
Do kids do that all the time? Isn't that like a yeah, I
have to be able to be ableto eat ice cream all day done.

(29:03):
They can take my wisdom teeth excep. They're already gone. Oh my god,
I'll give them one molar. Theycan have one molar, okay,
for one hundred billion, maybe asubmolar really cool, let's be real.
Okay for one molar. How abouthow about one million for one molar?
Five million? Okay? Million?And then because I'll just buy a replacement,
then one million, I'll buy aVeneer. Good idea. They don't

(29:29):
get to dictate that. I cannever get any replacement for it. If
I take give them my arm,I'm sure as hell getting on prosthetic.
No, I'm not saying that.I'm saying like, you wouldn't do it
for just one million? You guysare I want five million? Those are
crazy willing? You were willing tomassage your dad for seventy five dollars.
I didn't say I know, Idid. I said you did I know?

(29:52):
I did? I know? Idid? All right? Cue the
Rando news music because I have somestories we need to discuss. Oh boy,
okay, there's a new trend.I have two new trends, gift
registries, four divorces. That's kindof dope. You agree with this?

(30:12):
No, I would never give someonea gift further so pretentious. But listen,
here's the reason. When you split, obviously you split your things as
well, so you are left withoutsometimes things. I know, but that's
what this trend is. Here's whatit is. Hey, we're getting married,
can you give us stuff? Heywe're getting divorced, can you still

(30:34):
give us some more stuff? That'strue, but there's like this is like
one of the new things, thenew trends. Okay, let me ask
you this. Oh what I've noticed. I've seen this happen a couple times
in the last month. I justhad someone I know do this. When

(30:55):
someone has a birthday, Do youthink it's appropriate to send someone a gift
registry? No? I don't either. For their birthday, they send out
a gift registry. Yeah, likethey'll say, here, you can buy
me something on Amazon. And someof the stuff is so it was so
expensive I could wait, like afour thousand dollars camera, Like I was
like, if you're an adult,I don't think you should be asking for

(31:18):
gifts aying no, I don't needeven if someone now if they if someone's
gonna bring you a gift, that'sfine regardless. But if like, if
someone's like what should I get you? You should you must say nothing.
I don't need any. Yeah,I don't need any to say that.
It should be a long you asan adult can like ask for gifts.
No is this was this a goodfriend of yours or just like a point

(31:38):
were you? Were you? Justlike well when it when it came through,
I was like, oh, thishas got to be a joke because
it was right before April Fool's Day, And so I clicked on the link
and it sent you directly to Amazon, and I could not believe the stuff
that was on it. I thinkthat was a joke. It was not
a joke. No, that takesa lot of time to prepare registry.

(31:59):
And there was the cheapest thing onthere. Uh, probably are going through
the whole thing. Yeah, probablya little over one hundred bucks. Did
you buy anything? Hell no,he barely spends money on themselves. Yeah.
I was like, no way,there's another new trend. You know
how people are doing that, likethat intermittent fasting thing where they don't eat

(32:23):
after a certain or they don't eatfor twelve hours or whatever. It is
called managed anarexia. Yeah, Idon't eat for twelve days. There's something
now called speech fasting where people tryto avoid talking until noon. Would you
like me to do that? What'sthe benefit or point of that. It's

(32:43):
going viral because a singer is doingit to protect her voice. But there's
science that says it can lower yourblood pressure if you are in I guess
it's because you're kind of in ameditative state because you're not oh my thinking
and talking. This is so great. When she calls me at like six
in the morning, I'll be like, I'm voice fasting. No, you
wouldn't answer. I think Brian alreadydoes that. Don't you speech fast until

(33:07):
Yeah, I can tell you.I could just text you and say I'm
speech fasting for the next week.I don't. I actually don't talk a
lot in the mornings. I'm gettingready for Monday's podcast. Please don't call
me. Okay, now we're goingback to the lottery. Now, I
just have I forgot to ask youthis hypothetical, Eric, Yes, I

(33:29):
need to borrow ten dollars because I'mgonna go buy some lottery tickets. Oh,
I know this is going I hitit. What do you expect the
ten dollars back? Half the winnings, some of the winnings, nothing.
It depends on the conversation that wehad before. I agree, it's just

(33:52):
simply it's after the show. I'mlike, oh, by the way,
Eric, can I borrow ten dollarsreal quick? I'm gonna run up to
seven and eleven and buy some lotterytickets. And we don't have a discussion
that we just that would never happen. Why not? If then I'd ask
for the then I'd just be like, can I have the ten dollars back?
Okay? Let me come on.I wouldn't. I wouldn't expect to

(34:15):
get it if you weren't. Thatwould be like I want if I hit
it big with the ten dollars youloaned me, you'd only want the ten
dollars back. Yeah, yeah,you would not expect me. Okay,
by the way, because I didn'tsay I didn't say no, you didn't,
you know, get me some lotterytickets too, So no, I

(34:37):
just want to here's what, here'swhat, here's how I at least I
would see it anyone. Anytime anyonesays, can I borrow money? I'm
going to play lottery, It's liketen bucks to say, fine, but
how much do I am I gettingif you win? And then we negotiate
what I'm going to get if theywin with my money? So that's my
interest rate, and you know typicallyit's a lot higher than individual investment.
But you know, is this anagreement? Is this? Is this legal

(35:00):
because you had this talk? Ofcourse, not I would make if we
had that discussion, I'd make yousign your name in blood before you walked
out of that Roman. I askedto crick your finger and be like sign
it. I'd asked for like tenpercent, Like I want ten percent of
what you get. By the way, you guys know me, I'd give
like I'd give you guys tons ofmoney. I'd give you money too.
I know you would. I knowyou I wouldn't, but I know you

(35:21):
wouldn't. I'd give I would askfor ten percent if you borrow money from
me and won the lottery. Imean, she's already in the will.
If we didn't have the conversation.Then I would just ask for my ten
dollars back. Okay, now hereare things that are overpriced, but are
they totally worth it? I'll bethe judge of that. Divorce is number
ten. Let me tell you something. Is it overpriced but worth it?

(35:45):
Okay? I when I I didit the wrong way so hard, because
when I got divorced, it wasvery contentious and it was we you know,
obviously we wanted to hurt each otherbecause we were hurt, you know.
And so I hired this shark ofa lawyer, and I the bills

(36:06):
added up like an all of asudden. I was thousands and thousands and
thousands of dollars like not in debt, but that's what I owed. Like
I was paying like two grand amonth, oh my god, to pay
off just in just as a payment. No, they didn't even cover it,
Oh my god. At one point, and I'm like, this is

(36:27):
not this is mediation divorce. Idon't agree with that. Divorce is overpriced?
Do it? Don't get just domediation if you If you're doing that,
well, divorce expense anyways, becauseyou're giving up assets. It sucks.
Okay, A solid warm winter coatis that worth. Is that worth
like two hundred bucks in San Diego? No? But generally speaking, yeah,

(36:50):
yeah, I know. Do weever? You know I have like
coats in the garage that I've nevergiven a jacket all spend money on there
you go, same thing. Ijust spent money on it. Jacket from
where my Carlerfeld one? Is ita is it a like a laser or
I didn't show it to you yet. Does it have sparkles on the back?
No? No, that's the AlexanderMcQueen. Okay, I like that

(37:15):
one. That one's cool. Whatis this like a dinner jacket? Or
is this a leather jacket? No, bomber jacket. I'll show it to
you all right. How about premiumwireless noise canceling headphones worth the money?
Experiences? Yes, totally. Yeah. Dental care yes, boy, I

(37:37):
need a couple things done, andit's like thousands. Make sure, listen,
I want you to make sure thatif we're if we're going to be
living together and feeding each other andeverything, you have a full set of
teeth. I don't care what youneed to do. A hole in one
am I tell me that, Andthey told me that I might need a

(37:58):
tooth replacement. I know, Idon't want them to pull the tooth,
but I start eating a stop drinkinga red Bull, Well that's sugar free.
It wasn't the red bull. Itwas my gummy bear phase. That's
what screwed me. Air Conditioning,Yes, hiring movers worth the money,

(38:19):
Yep, it's insane. A qualitymattress, a quality pillow, a quality
sofa, Yes, But I wouldif you're gonna, if you're gonna like
skimp on one of those things,I would say that the sofa mean too.
Well. No, not necessarily,because I had a sofa from CB
two, that high end furniture company. It's like a high end that I

(38:45):
don't even know what it is.Remember it was at my old place,
the blue one. It was souncomfortable I couldn't wait to get rid of
it. This couch amazon most comfortable. I sleep on it all the time.
Okay, this couch is not thatcomfortable. It truly is. I
sleep all right, But it's forthe money. Which was it for two?

(39:07):
Okay? So this is this,This is the love seat. But
I have a bigger one that matchesfor both. Eight hundred for both of
these eight hundred, Yes, didyou have to build me yourself? It
was the easiest thing. It waslike you slide thing one, and you
slide to this other thing. Youslide the other things and then eight hundred
I don't know seriously, I meanit's like fake leather, but that doesn't
matter. And then finally good comfortableshoes and socks. Oh yeah, i'd

(39:30):
scamp scamp, yeah, depending onwhat their purpose. The purpose, Yes,
because you have no idea you startwalking somewhere near and uncomfortable shoes.
Oh, because you do a lotof walking. So yeah, that that
I don't know. That I thatI wouldn't know because I don't walk very
much except for when I walked thedog. Okay, so now, first

(39:51):
dates over video now more popular thanfirst dates in person. No, no,
so apparently. A poll of peopleunder thirty years old found first dates
over video now more popular in person. Sixty five percent of people under the
age of thirty would rather do theirfirst date via zoom and get to know
a person or via like FaceTime.Okay, if it's a FaceTime call before

(40:15):
your first date, that I actuallywould recommend. But zoom, that's weird.
It's more efficient, it's cheaper thana real date, and a lot
of young people feel in intimidated faceto face. Now, is that true?
Yes, because everybody does everything online. So I have been on a
first date in a long time.But I think probably if you haven't met
the person in if you haven't metthem in person yet, maybe FaceTime first

(40:37):
is the idea. Yeah, pleasemake sure you're not getting caffished, true,
because that's a thing now. Obviously, we have a new sleep hack
if you have trouble sleeping. Apparently, what you do is you wrap your
hoodie around your entire head and thenwrap the arms of the hoodie under your
chin to keep it on. Andthat is better than a sleep mask.

(41:00):
So you could just strangle yourself apparentlyin the front. What's wrong with just
putting a pillow over somebody's face.Also, I think sleep masks are underrated.
They're great. I've never I haveone. I've never once used it.
I've only used them a couple oftimes, but there is something comforting

(41:21):
about them. Do you use one? I have one, but I've never
used it, Like, I've nevertried it. I tried it once and
it kept it kept. I haveto tell you what I just bought because
I think I realized something. Ohmy god, Oh my god. And
I bought it for my son too, because he suffers from this. What
Okay, I saw this on Instagramand I'm like, oh boy, Well,

(41:45):
first of all, I woke up. I've been waking up recently.
This is really embarrassing. This isreally really embarrassing. I can't believe I'm
telling you this. No, I'mtelling you I'm never ever ever going to
get a date after this waking upthe period period. Oh so I think

(42:05):
I'm a mouth breather at night.Oh no, the mouth tape. There's
stuff. There's a mouth tape calledhostage tape. Hostage tape. Yes,
and so you can get this wholesleep pack where you get this thing that
you breathe in your nose. It'slike it's like menthol and then you put
I got Charlie because Charlie's a mouthbreather too. Sorry, Charlotte is out

(42:29):
of him. I got him thenose strips, and then I got us
both the mouth tape. I wakeup every time. The tape is like
stuck to my forehead. But likeI got at least it's pink. It's
not like black. I got CharlieBlack hostage mouth tape. I have mouth
tape at night because I sleep I'ma mouth and I was. I went

(42:52):
and got that nose tape and no, it was terrible. The first morning
I woke up, I was like, where is it? And it was
wrapped around my big toe, thatalbum. And then that like, the
second night I tried it, itwas on my it stuck to my back,
and then the third night it wason the headboard. I just threw

(43:14):
it away. I am a nosedeither, and it's better, I know,
but like, oh my god.So anyway, my nose is stuff
though, you know, sometimes yougotta be a mouth for either. Yeah,
and then you wake up and yourtongues all dry and yeah, horrible
one. Oh my god. Okay, and finally we're gonna end with just
a couple of questions. We're gonnaplay the question game. Alrighty, play
a couple of little a little bitof music. Interesting questions. I don't

(43:37):
know, just play something. No, not like that one, not that
one. What are all these buttons? That's fine? The question game?
Okay, what is the single mostunbelievable thing you've ever witnessed, ever witnessed

(44:00):
I'm sure I'll go first. Inow this is gonna seem like a cop
out, but it's truly was incredibleand it's not unbelievable. But to me,
it was unbelievable when they handed whenthey well they didn't actually hand me

(44:22):
my son because he was he hadto go to surgery right away. But
when he showed me, when theyshowed me my son, when he came
out of my stomach the first time, I was like, there is a
god, that is this is agift from God? Where did this being
come from? Like it was themost incredible I know, but just experiencing

(44:46):
that, I can't it just likewas mind blowing to me. That was
the most incredible thing, wholesome answer. I'm sorry, it just was the
first answer. I know, Iknow, I'm but that's the answer.
Well, do you guys have ananswer? Some think unbelievable. I have
no clue. I also have aterrible memory, though I know you never

(45:07):
have any That's why sometimes I giveyou guys these questions ahead of time and
you still don't have an answer.Do you have anything unbelievable that you've witnessed?
You've witnessed like what, well,I don't even know if I've ever
told you this story, because Idon't think it's ever come up. But
when I was modeling, I hadcome back to San Diego from I think

(45:30):
I had been in New York orI don't even remember where I was,
and I was going to another Iwas back in San Diego and I was
on the Eight. And this wasback in the late eighties early nineties,
and there was a lot of freewayshootings going on. I don't know if
you remember that. There was peoplegetting shot at on the freeway. And

(45:53):
I was in my car and Iheard this pop and then shattering, and
there was It happened so fast,and there was a car to my right,
and there was a there was aguy in the driver's seat, a

(46:14):
guy in the passenger seat, anda guy in the back seat, and
he was leaning out and he hada gun and he had shot through my
back window. It missed me,it went through, dude. Yeah,
And I duck down and just Icouldn't believe I didn't hit somebody or get

(46:37):
hit. And I just slammed mybrakes on and just started to like go
over to the side of the road. I was on the eight going East
and they sped off and it wasbefore cell phones, so I drove to
my parents' house and called the police. And I was the third person in
like four days that was shot atin one person and had died. And

(47:02):
never forget that. Yeah, andit was killed by like a serial killer.
That was crazy. I don't knowif they ever caught the person that
did it. That is so scaryare the people that did it. But
I'm so lucky. I will neverforget that. Uh what instantly turned your
rage meter up to a thousand?How long have we got this question?

(47:28):
I know, okay, I'm sorryif you're one of these people, I
really am. But when you areriding your bicycle in those little bike shirts
and the little tight shirt that havelittle pockets with like the little like logo
because you're sponsored, and the littlethin wheels on the bike, and you're

(47:50):
in the road in front of me, I get so mad. I do
not like bicyclists. I don't mind, except when they're is a bike cleane
or there is room for them tobe on the side of the road and
they still insist on being blocking traffic. If there's no room, what can
you do? But there are sometimesthere is room, and they're like,
I'd rather you just go on thesidewalk, like they can't. Actually,

(48:13):
I think that's against the lot.Well, so anyway, okay, don't
get me started. What oh,here we go. What's what's what gets
your rage meter up to one?Thing? Yeah? Got his fingers out.
I know. I was ready tostart the countdown mountn entitlement. Oh,
entitlement drives me insane. Same,I can't stand it. Same.

(48:39):
Best fast food item period? Gooh god, come on, guys,
audience. Some type of sauce eitherfrom raising canes in and out or chick
fl a one of those three.It's it's one of their sauce. It's
a sauce. It's the best thingfrom a fast food restaurant. What was
the question again? Best fast fooditem? They're ever Peter McDonald's French fries.

(49:02):
Thank you fries. Boom. Here'sthe thing. They don't pass the
sniff test because if you let aMcDonald's fries sit for longer than five minutes,
they suck. They're disgusting. That'swhy I eat them if I have
to. But if the fry beinggood is conditional on your ability to eat
it fast enough, it's disqualified.Any French fry is bad if it gets

(49:25):
lukewarm. Yes, yes, exhibitto Chick fil a fries used to work
there. We have some left fries. I eat them. They're not great
when they're cold, but they arestill pretty edible and they're not even that
bad. Those are my second favorite. Those fries are not good. Okay,
Oh they're so good. I likewhat you guys are. That's why
we're soulmates. Yes, that's roastchick fries are the best. And right

(49:52):
now, you know what, thatsounds really good. Maybe we'll do that
soon in a minute. It's reallygood. A minute. Okay, what
is the nicest thing somebody's ever saidto you? I had a teacher in
high school tell me that I hadthe most beautiful blue eyes she'd ever seen.

(50:12):
Really, and you remember that Ido. And that's the most she
was the French teacher. Yeah,oh my god. And that's stuck with
you. That really must have beenimportant to you. It was very nice.
I was very shy school. Youwere, oh, very and not
popular. Wait when and then Marlacame into play and then you guys were
like, all, well, wewe knew each other before that. But
when I went to from junior highto high school, I was I wasn't

(50:36):
popular in high school till my senioryear. Oh okay, yeah, I
was super quiet. And then yougot and then you got hot because then
you became a model. You wentthrough your your ugly dog. I definitely
did, for sure, Brian.What is the nicest thing somebody's ever said
to you? And you're short yearsof compliments? Oh my one, Yes,

(51:00):
that's hard one to pick out.I'm not sure. Actually, I
think the nicest thing that somebody's eversaid to me is you thank you for
saving my life? That's okay,Laura always going for the dramatic, wholesome
one. Yeah, nobody. Well, I'm not gonna I mean like humble
brag, not humble brag. Maybeit was the time that I saved someone's

(51:21):
life, not like like our savedsomeone from choking, but like you know,
sobriety thing. Yeah, sobriety thing, like I walked them through.
That's the best one, that's forsure for sure. And uh, I
don't know, Okay, this willbe different. What song takes you back
to your childhood? Immediately? Loveto Love You Baby by Donna Summer I've

(51:43):
got two. Okay, this willbe good because this will be like us
in like when we're like in ourthirties forties. Really because my answer is
living on a Prayer by bon Jovie. Oh my god, it's childhood.
It was my senior year in highschool or something, I think, or
the Newsboys, which are like aChristian but they were actually surprisingly good.

(52:07):
But mine is and it reminds meof being I would think. I was
like eight or nine or ten inthe backseat of Stacy's mom's Volvo and she
had this scratchy yes I remember,on the way to the beach and it
was Bonnie what is her name?Totally clips Tyler, Yes, totally you.

(52:30):
She's still recording, she's still recordingalbums. Yeah. And it was
the longest music video ever made.Yeah. I don't even think you know
the words. How do you know? You know this? I know the
song? Wow. It will onlybe making things right because we'll never be

(52:52):
wrong. We're going on to night. I was gonna stop. Did you
say we're going to murder tonight?No? No, said, I don't
know what I said? Oh mygod? All right? Do you want
one more? Sure? One more? All right? What do you always

(53:14):
buy online everything? At this point, I know vitamins. Vitamins actually my
viamins like the one thing I buyin person because I never purposely buy my
just go I should get that.Oh yeah, I know, like when
you're Walgreens or something. I don'tknow. Me. It's pretty much everything,
except for when I go to myfavorite Ross and go on that little

(53:35):
treasure hunt. Oh my god,let's go to Ross and then I'm Chick
fil a right now? Oh mygod, do that We're going to Chick
fil av Ross run. Okay,that sounds like so much fun. Yes,
actually I'm going home. I haveto tell you guys know I got
that vibe to Yeah. He waslike, yeah, of course, vibe.
I would love to. Hell,no, I'm doing it, totally

(54:00):
do it. I don't. It'sno, I'm not going to go home
after this, so I'll go withyour work tomorrow or anything. There was
a total positive eye. He's like, yeah, should I wear this hair?
Yeah, let's go. Okay,good, let's do that. I

(54:20):
want to tell everybody how we preparedfor Tuesday show. So I was I
had to run some errands and Icalled Laura, of course, and if
she doesn't answer. I just keepcalling her until she picks up, and
she said, where are you,I said, Cournie Mason. She goes,
oh, I'm just getting off work, so i'll meet you there.

(54:40):
I said, great. So shegoes meet me at Ross Dress for Less.
So I walk in and we weare kind of walking around doing our
own thing, and then I comeover to her and she's got an armful
of outfits and I said, andshe's looking. She goes, oh,
she was holding one. And I'mall, that is absolutely hideous, Like

(55:04):
you're not wearing that. She goes, no, but you are, so
we you know. She's like,I gotta we gotta get you a little
something for the show. We goto the dressing room and she's of course
it's a guy, and she saysto the guy, he needs to try
on these dresses. And I'm all, it's for a bit at work,
like it's you know, I'm totallylike trying to batpedal, and and the

(55:28):
guy was so nice. He goes, you can go ahead and go on
in with him. Yeah, soI was in the men's dressing. He's
like, it's fine shirt, ma'am. Yeah, I don't know what.
Yeah, what's what's your pronoun?First problem was I was in sweats,
I had no underwear on, andI'm trying on dresses. Oh my god,
that's silvery one with the feathers.No, the slit went so far

(55:50):
up to the to the crotch thatLaura's like, can you stand up straight?
And I'm all, hell no,I cannot. Right on the one
that looked like it was so bad, and the flowery one that looked like
you were. I was told thatI looked like Missus Roper. Yes,
that's perfect, that's a perfect description. Yeah. I was like, you
know, you look like Missus Roper. And I thought it was one of
the funniest things I've ever heard.And I realized that Britney Spears had been

(56:17):
doing a video, so I justposted who wore it better? And she
wore like just about the same exactly. I was told that I wore it
much better than she did. Youactually looked better in it than she did,
And now I'm not I'm not pullingyour chain. And it was the
same dress, it was just adifferent color. Truly. Yeah, it
was hilarious. So let's do itagain. You want to do it again?
Oh my god? I can't wait. It was really funny. But

(56:42):
oh, this was the worst part. Where we finished this and we both
select this you know that blue number. Yeah, we're walking through and Laura
Laura was had like some stuff inher hands. She's like, oh,
I just want to dump this andgo. And she's like, oh,
but we need to buy you yourdress. There's an older man walking by

(57:04):
us with a shopping cart who looksat me like I was the scum of
the earth. And then she's lookingat hoodies and I'm all, Nope,
you're not getting it. Nope,you're not getting it. So I've determined
that I should probably come shopping withyou all the time. Oh yes,
yes, because I'd be like,no, you're not getting it. I
know. I'd like I need anotherhoodie, like I need a hole in

(57:25):
the head. Yeah. And heliterally makes a point to push his car
his cart by me and just stareat me. That was so fun.
We can do it again. Butby the way, like, don't get
too close you might catch it,I know, right, Like what's I
was like, what makes you thinkthat I enjoy wearing dresses? Like I
was like, this is a nightmarefor me, Like this is the worst

(57:49):
thing, Like, I think youprobably had to bleep out half the words
I said, you are. Youprobably are a little more comfortable than most
men would be. Oh my god, no, it's it's the worst thing.
Like, yeah, he was notto point out that when you had
all those clothes in your kitchen,he was happily trying them all. Oh,
yeah, I was. I thoughtit was great. You are correct,
yes, yes, And I wasshocked that I could fit into the

(58:12):
same size that I know you are. She's a big woman. Marla texted
me and she goes, what sizeare you? I can't believe you fit
into that dress. I said adouble zero. She said, yeah,
keep telling yourself that it was ajunior size. It was, so there
we go. Good boy, youlook at you. I know. All
right, Okay, let's go.We gotta go. We gotta cut this

(58:35):
out. Yeah, we gotta geta Chick fil a again. Thank you
for watching this week. We apologizedeeply for Monday slash Tuesdays the last episode.
What are you talking about? Thatwas great because you can't unsee what
you saw. You cannot un it'sout there forever now for you've you've seen

(58:55):
me in my underwear. I know. I know, dude, you stood
up. That's all I'm saying.We might have to pixelate that. I
might have to go pixelate that afterthe fact. Oh no, no,
Now we're gonna have to market likeexplicit. Well I was sitting down.
No, I made you stand up. Remember, Oh all right, the

(59:19):
things I do for this show,I know. I love you. I
love you all right. Thank youso much for listening and watching, and
we love you and love your podcast. I love you. Oh god,
that was funny Brian, because healways does that and it's very very annoying
your podcast. Oh there we go, my sweet babies. Bye bye,